Toxic Love > Harmful Patterns > 10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth About Your Relationship

10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth About Your Relationship

Accepting the truth about someone you love is painful, even if you know he isn’t good for you. These ten reasons you can’t face the truth about your relationship will help you see him — and yourself — in a different light.

Sometimes we know the truth deep down, but we don’t want to admit it to ourselves. Why? Because facing the truth is painful. It’s like learning how to stop negative thinking about a breakup – it requires honesty and insight. This takes courage, and will probably ask you to change how you think and act. And change is hard.

In the short run it’s easier to avoid facing the truth about your relationship. But in the long run, the longer you avoid the truth, the more destruction you’re causing both yourself and your boyfriend or husband. So, take a deep breath. Square your shoulders and get ready to face the truth about the guy you’re involved with.

Facing the truth about your relationship doesn’t mean you have to break up with your boyfriend or leave your husband. On the contrary, being truthful can lead you to a healthier, happier relationship. 

It depends on what you’re willing to do after you accept the truth.

10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth

These are the most common reasons women stay with men who aren’t good for them — despite the warning signs of a bad relationship. You’ll probably find more than one reason that suits you in this list, because there are often many reasons we don’t want to face the truth.

Scroll through these reasons most women stay in unhealthy relationships. At the end, tell me which number best describes you. I’d also love to hear what you plan to do now that you’re starting to face the truth!

1. You share friends

You and your boyfriend or husband are part of a larger community of people — even a church — who are important to you. You don’t want to disappoint them, or you feel embarrassed or ashamed of the truth about your relationship. You worry how your friends and community will react, and you’re scared you’ll lose them. Or, they’ll judge and criticize you or your partner. It’s easier to stay quiet about your relationship than face the truth.

2. You participate in the same activities, habits, home, lifestyle

Even if you’re not living together — or not married — you may have hobbies, habits, work, volunteer activities, religious beliefs, life goals, or a common culture. You share a lifestyle with your boyfriend or husband, and it’s easier to avoid the truth than think about breaking away from your shared lifestyle.

3. You’re stubborn

“You may be tempted to stay in your relationship simply to prove other people wrong,” writes Carol Doss in Should I Leave Him: How to Decide Whether to Move Forward Together…or Move On Without Him. “An act of defiance sometimes lies at the center of relationship choices.” If you’ve been told things like, “You’ll never be able to get a guy” or “He’s too good for you” or “You can’t keep a husband because you’re not smart/pretty/fertile enough”, then you may be unwilling to face the truth because you don’t want to prove them right. You’re trying to prove something to yourself or other people. Maybe you want to save your marriage no matter what, or your family doesn’t believe in divorce so you could never leave your husband.

4. You have children

A family complicates things. Children take time, energy, and resources — which are all things you need to face the truth about your relationship. The dependent you are on your husband or boyfriend, the harder it is to be honest about your marriage. Or maybe you can face the truth no problem…but you can’t leave your husband because you have no money. Maybe you would’ve left him long ago if it weren’t for the kids, but you stay because it’s better for them to be raised with two parents.

5. Your boyfriend or husband is safe

The world is scary and being alone is hard. Coping with feelings of rejection and abandonment is one of the most difficult things a person can face. Staying in a relationship — even an unhealthy or abusive one — is easier than facing the truth about your boyfriend or husband. A “safe relationship” doesn’t mean it’s a good one. Safe means it’s a hiding place that allows you to avoid the challenge of leaving, healing your broken heart, and rebuilding your life.

6. Your boyfriend or husband is a catch

“If you dated the most popular high school jock or married the Brad Pitt of your office, you might be sticking it out because you don’t want to surrender that victory,” writes Carol Doss in Should I Leave Him? “This relationship might be more about your needing to prove something to yourself than about being with him.” If you’re getting your sense of self-worth or attractiveness from your boyfriend or husband, then you’re setting yourself up for disaster. And, you’re avoiding the truth about your relationship — a truth that could set you free.

7. You have no motivation to leave

Maybe you’ve already faced the truth: you’re bored and unhappy in your relationship. But, you have no reason to leave. Your boyfriend or husband isn’t horrible, mean, or unhealthy. You and he have just fallen into a relationship slump, and neither of you have the energy or desire to recommit and rebuild your love. You’re just not motivated to do anything, so you avoid the truth about your relationship: it’s dull, dead, and draining.

8. Your boyfriend or husband is a habit

Reasons You Aren’t Facing the Truth About Your Relationship

10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth About Your Relationship

Sometimes we stick with relationships out of habit. Like driving the same route to work everyday, eating at the same restaurants, going to the same vacation destinations. We like things we know and can count on. It’s easier to stick with habits — even bad or boring ones — than actually make a change in life. So, you avoid facing the truth about your relationship simply because it’s easier to stay where you are.

9. You’re scared to leave

How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone is one of my most popular articles. It really is scary to face the truth about your relationship — and because then you might have to leave it! And then you’ll be alone. Then what? Lots of change, uncertainty, insecurity. Fear, anxiety. So you stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you — or your boyfriend or husband.

10. You don’t want to date

If you know you’re staying in this relationship because you don’t want to be single and dating, then you’ve already faced the truth. You just don’t want to take the next step. You don’t like dating, you feel to old…or maybe your boyfriend or husband (or someone else) said you’re unlovable. So you fear dating, and you stay in an unhealthy relationship.

What do you think, how do you feel?

Questions for you: 

Is your current relationship helping you be a better person? Are you growing, being challenged, and being supported?

If you could do anything about your relationship, you would ________.

Your comments and stories are welcome below.

May you find strength, courage, and energy as you move forward in your life. May you face the truth about your relationship — and may you and your boyfriend or husband find was to grow closer together as a couple. May you find joy, peace, and blessings…and may your love find new life.


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5 thoughts on “10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth About Your Relationship”

  1. Thank you, Divinity brought me to these articles and email today..Thank you Laurie..for being here for many that find comfort and courage with your messages. I’m going it alone..

  2. I have been married to my husband for 4 and a half years. It is so dysfunctional and toxic. All we do is argue and fight and it seems to be getting worse. We do not even want to be around one another because there is no peace in the home. When I tell him we need to separate, he brings up my covenant with God when I married him. I feel bad when I think of leaving him because 3 other wives walked out on him. I am his 5th marriage. He is my 4th. We are both so angry! I don’t like what I have become. Angry and resentful. As a Christian woman, I know this should not be. He drinks almost every night which I hate and I do not even like him anymore! It would be a real struggle financially for me plus the thought of hurting him by leaving bothers me. But I know our relationship does not honor God the way we treat each other. I just need to know it is ok with God if I end it. I want His will, not mine. Pray for me! Thanks for your insight and wisdom.

    1. Hi Particia,
      When they start saying u cant leave b/c of God then u can also add spiritual abuse to the list. I would go as far as to say an addicted spouse is an abusive spouse. I found the freedom to leave when i read the book Your sexually addicted spouse, and read it was abusive and when i read all the ill health effects that staying had on spouses that they interviewed. Because i was and have coninued to see the huge imact it all had on my physical health.

      There are option to try of course, you can use a mediator and set up financial support for you while you try counseling and living separately. Try speaking to a few lawyers 1st.

      For counseling i would recommend trying to find experts in addiction. 1 for u, 1 for him, and 1 for u both. 3 separate people. I did not have that and it can be disastrous.

      The 1st order of business may be to recareer your self now/1st and work to get all debt paid off and a new career established and a coubselor for u. Then ask him to go to AA and see a counselor. Dont mention or talk about divorce. Buy yourself some time and start stashing a little $to the side in a separate acct in your name only. 1 of my friends gathered 6k.

      So there is some advice, but maybe not in chronological order. 1more! Try to see if fmaily members will give u $ for your fund. Try to get a career you can do until you are 75, like counseling or whatever you are gifted in.


  3. I love your Blossom Tips. I was in a dating relationship with someone for three years after being divorced. I settled for so much less than I deserved but I couldn’t let go. Even though it was a toxic relationship, how can I still say I was comfortable. He was not dependable really . . . would split up with me every three or four months and want to try to meet other women. I wanted to remember the good times. I lost the confidence I had. That’s all so I kept pursuing. I was totally in denial that it wasn’t going to change. I walked on egg shells to try to please him. I was like his medication to make him feel better. After I finally got the gumption to let go, he started pursuing me. I know only because he lost his medication and it made him feel insecure. Now, I’m reminded of the bad things. The timing had to right and the simple answer is why am I remembering the bad things and that I deserve more is God. He was not going to give up on me with someone that believed in the universe. I thank God everyday that he didn’t let this sheep keep straying.

    1. Thank you so much for your input. Since I posted this I fasted and prayed to get rid of the bitterness and resentment I felt toward him. I went for prayer and got set free from the bitterness I felt. But still want what is best for me and my husband. I know it is not good for me spiritually, emotionally and physically to stay in this relationship.. The house is in my name and he refuses to leave when I ask him to. I do not want to be mean and force him out. I know I have to make a decision soon. We went to counseling once and have more sessions soon but I am not sure it will even work. He is so stubborn and rebellious! I appreciate all the prayers I can get. I pray God will give me the courage to end it or heal both of us! Thanks again.