Accepting the truth about someone you love is hard, even if you know he isn’t good for you. These 10 reasons you can’t face the truth about your relationship will help you see him — and yourself — in a different light.
Sometimes we know the truth deep down, but we don’t want to admit it to ourselves. Why? Because facing the truth is painful. It involves a level of honesty and insight that might demand change. And change is difficult!
In the short run it’s easier to avoid facing the truth about your relationship. But in the long run, the longer you avoid the truth, the more destruction you’re causing both yourself and your boyfriend or husband. So, take a deep breath. Square your shoulders and get ready to face the truth about the guy you’re involved with.
Facing the truth about your relationship doesn’t mean you have to break up with your boyfriend or leave your husband. On the contrary, being truthful can lead you to a healthier, happier relationship.
It depends on what you’re willing to do after you accept the truth.
10 Reasons You Can’t Face the Truth
These are the most common reasons women stay with men who aren’t good for them — despite the warning signs of a bad relationship. You’ll probably find more than one reason that suits you in this list, because there are often many reasons we don’t want to face the truth.
Scroll through these reasons most women stay in unhealthy relationships. At the end, tell me which number best describes you. I’d also love to hear what you plan to do now that you’re starting to face the truth!
1. You share friends
You and your boyfriend or husband are part of a larger community of people — even a church — who are important to you. You don’t want to disappoint them, or you feel embarrassed or ashamed of the truth about your relationship. You worry how your friends and community will react, and you’re scared you’ll lose them. Or, they’ll judge and criticize you or your partner. It’s easier to stay quiet about your relationship than face the truth.
2. You participate in the same activities, habits, home, lifestyle
Even if you’re not living together — or not married — you may have hobbies, habits, work, volunteer activities, religious beliefs, life goals, or a common culture. You share a lifestyle with your boyfriend or husband, and it’s easier to avoid the truth than think about breaking away from your shared lifestyle.
3. You’re stubborn
“You may be tempted to stay in your relationship simply to prove other people wrong,” writes Carol Doss in Should I Leave Him: How to Decide Whether to Move Forward Together…or Move On Without Him. “An act of defiance sometimes lies at the center of relationship choices.” If you’ve been told things like, “You’ll never be able to get a guy” or “He’s too good for you” or “You can’t keep a husband because you’re not smart/pretty/fertile enough”, then you may be unwilling to face the truth because you don’t want to prove them right. You’re trying to prove something to yourself or other people. Maybe you want to save your marriage no matter what, or your family doesn’t believe in divorce so you could never leave your husband.
4. You have children
A family complicates things. Children take time, energy, and resources — which are all things you need to face the truth about your relationship. The dependent you are on your husband or boyfriend, the harder it is to be honest about your marriage. Or maybe you can face the truth no problem…but you can’t leave your husband because you have no money. Maybe you would’ve left him long ago if it weren’t for the kids, but you stay because it’s better for them to be raised with two parents.
5. Your boyfriend or husband is safe
The world is scary and being alone is hard. Coping with feelings of rejection and abandonment is one of the most difficult things a person can face. Staying in a relationship — even an unhealthy or abusive one — is easier than facing the truth about your boyfriend or husband. A “safe relationship” doesn’t mean it’s a good one. Safe means it’s a hiding place that allows you to avoid the challenge of leaving, healing your broken heart, and rebuilding your life.
6. Your boyfriend or husband is a catch
“If you dated the most popular high school jock or married the Brad Pitt of your office, you might be sticking it out because you don’t want to surrender that victory,” writes Carol Doss in Should I Leave Him? “This relationship might be more about your needing to prove something to yourself than about being with him.” If you’re getting your sense of self-worth or attractiveness from your boyfriend or husband, then you’re setting yourself up for disaster. And, you’re avoiding the truth about your relationship — a truth that could set you free.
7. You have no motivation to leave
Maybe you’ve already faced the truth: you’re bored and unhappy in your relationship. But, you have no reason to leave. Your boyfriend or husband isn’t horrible, mean, or unhealthy. You and he have just fallen into a relationship slump, and neither of you have the energy or desire to recommit and rebuild your love. You’re just not motivated to do anything, so you avoid the truth about your relationship: it’s dull, dead, and draining.
8. Your boyfriend or husband is a habit
Sometimes we stick with relationships out of habit. Like driving the same route to work everyday, eating at the same restaurants, going to the same vacation destinations. We like things we know and can count on. It’s easier to stick with habits — even bad or boring ones — than actually make a change in life. So, you avoid facing the truth about your relationship simply because it’s easier to stay where you are.
9. You’re scared to leave
How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone is one of my most popular articles. It really is scary to face the truth about your relationship — and because then you might have to leave it! And then you’ll be alone. Then what? Lots of change, uncertainty, insecurity. Fear, anxiety. So you stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you — or your boyfriend or husband.
10. You don’t want to date
If you know you’re staying in this relationship because you don’t want to be single and dating, then you’ve already faced the truth. You just don’t want to take the next step. You don’t like dating, you feel to old…or maybe your boyfriend or husband (or someone else) said you’re unlovable. So you fear dating, and you stay in an unhealthy relationship.
What do you think, how do you feel? Got time to answer a couple questions?
Questions for you:
Is your current relationship helping you be a better person? Are you growing, being challenged, and being supported?
If you could do anything about your relationship, you would ________.
Your comments and stories are welcome below.
May you find strength, courage, and energy as you move forward in your life. May you face the truth about your relationship — and may you and your boyfriend or husband find was to grow closer together as a couple. May you find joy, peace, and blessings…and may your love find new life.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.