Here’s why you can’t stop loving your boyfriend or husband even though he’s not good for you. I also share tips on how you can let him go, find yourself, and live in joy and freedom.

I’ve written thousands of relationship articles on my She Blossoms blog, and I get hundreds of comments and questions about love, breakups, and being in a relationship. I’m learning the truth about why women can’t stop loving men who aren’t good for them.

This article about the reasons women can’t stop loving men was inspired by a reader. “I knew my relationship was bad from the start but I kept hoping he’d change,” says Amy on How to Love an Emotionally Unavailable Man “He was nice a lot of the time, but mostly just indifferent. I could tell he didn’t really care about me. I loved him anyway, and I hoped my love would make a difference. But, it didn’t, and I’m better off out of this relationship. He broke up with me to be with another woman. I know I’m better off….so why can’t I stop loving him?”

Even if you don’t see yourself or your relationship in Amy’s comment, you will benefit from my advice for her.

3 Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Loving Him

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread,” said Mother Teresa.

You’re normal if you’re struggling to let go of a relationship because your boyfriend or husband isn’t good for you. You’re fighting against the natural laws of nature and humankind. And it’s not easy to go against your own nature. But, you can learn how to stop loving him if you stay focused on one thing (which is the third reason below).

1. You keep telling yourself you can’t stop loving him

Don’t believe everything you think!

Reasons Why Can’t I Stop Loving Him

3 Reasons You Can’t Stop Loving Him

I have so many readers who are struggling with love and relationships. They share their stories in the comments section of my blog posts — which is great, because writing can help you heal. But what’s not so great is the many women focus on exactly the wrong thing. Instead of looking where they want to go and be and do, they focus on the past. They focus on their pain, the breakup, the problems, and the obstacles.

If you keep saying, writing and searching the internet for “why can’t I stop loving him?”, then you reinforce the belief that you can’t stop thinking about your ex boyfriend or ex husband and get on with your life. The more you think about why you can’t stop loving him, the stronger your love will get. You’re feeding the hungry beast.

So, the first reason why you can’t stop loving him is your own thoughts.

2. You have nothing else to focus on – no life purpose

Your relationship was important and meaningful, and it meant everything to you. Maybe it was even your life, your sole purpose for living, your reason for getting up in the morning. Maybe your boyfriend was your first love, or your husband the father of your children. He was the center of your world…and you believe you can’t stop loving him because you have nothing to fill the emptiness in your life.

You may have a job, friends, family, and even children to care for — and you love them deeply. But the pain you feel because your relationship or marriage ended is a deep wound. And, the truth is you may never stop loving him, even if you get involved in a new relationship. Some loves never die; they live on in our hearts, minds, and souls long after the relationship is over.

So maybe that’s why you can’t stop loving him, even though you know he’s no good for you: you don’t have a life purpose, passion, or mission that fires you up and makes you come alive! You don’t have access to the engine that drives the universe, the only source of power, and an infinite depth of life, love, freedom, and hope.

3. You aren’t looking upwards

Where are you getting love from? The least reliable source of love is from a man or any human being because they change. They get sick, or go away, or die, or fall in love with someone else. People aren’t reliable because they’re human — even if they promise to love you forever. Even if your husband vowed to love you in sickness and health, tip death do you part….life gets in the way. Unexpected things happen. Mistakes, temptations, problems that aren’t easy to overcome. Or he cheats on you, lies to you, even steals from you. And here you are, asking, “Why can’t I stop loving him even though he’s not good for me?”

If you can’t rely on a boyfriend or husband to provide the unchanging, completely reliable love you need, who can you rely on? The One who created you, of course! God knew you before you were even conceived — before you were a twinkle in your father’s eye. He knows your name, every cell of your body, every hair on your head. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God loves you deeply.

You know it’s true. Sometimes you feel His pull, His love and energy, His call on your life. You feel Him whispering to you, calling your name, waiting for you to spend time with Him. You know He loves you, but you keep getting distracted by this world. You’re distracted by your ex boyfriend or ex husband, you’re confused about why you can’t stop loving him, and you just want to love and be loved in return.

You’re normal! And if you want to get emotionally and spiritually healthy so you can be free,  happy, and filled with the joy and peace only Jesus can give, all you need to do is reach up. God is waiting, watching you with eyes of love, peace, compassion, and hope.

Help Letting Go of a Love That’s Over

why can't I stop loving himIn How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart, I share a wide range of ways to stop loving a man and let go of a relationship that isn’t good for you. I wrote this ebook after a heartbreaking breakup in my own life. I interviewed several life coaches, relationship experts, and counselors on healing after a relationship ends — and I share all the best tips in this ebook!

This isn’t a religious ebook, though there are several tips for getting stronger spiritually. Most of the tips are practical ways to untangle your emotions and break free from destructive patterns that keep you trapped in an old, unhealthy relationship.

How do you feel, after reading my reasons why you can’t stop loving a man who isn’t good for you? Feel free to share your big and little thoughts below! What do you think about God…about getting your life and purpose and love from Him?

If you feel lonely, read When You Miss Him Like Crazy.


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6 thoughts on “3 Reasons You Can’t Stop Loving Him”

  1. You are wrong. I did all of those things (newly married, career I love and so many beautiful friends) years later after I thought all of feelings were in the past and gone they all came rushing back after a few outings with mutual friends. Some people might say “you shouldn’t see them and stay away. ” I feel if you have successfully moved past this it shouldn’t matter if you see them. If you cant see them in order to have “successfully moved on” then you haven’t really moved on. You’re just not faced w the reminder or the temptation. If everything else is whats needed why wasnt it good enough? I dont think I’ve ever loved him as much as I do now. So I am so sorry, this is how you get rid of a a person you’re obsessed with not one who you truly love and will likely until the day you die regardless of whether or not they’re in your life.

  2. I loved him but he continues to ignore me completely. I need God, I need the grace if Jesus Christ, I need help, I look for his car as I’m driving, all black Chevrolet. I need help, I need Jesus to create a clean heart on me

  3. WOW!! this hit home instantly. My connection with God has been very weak at best and I’ve been feeling so guilty cuz if it. When God was mentioned I became super calm and felt like I opened this article up for a reason. I was deep down hoping for an answer that would encourage me to try and go forward with getting back with my ex, and instead I read EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR And I never realized that I was keeping my own self trapped.
    This was very helpful and I feel was written for me! THANK YOU- YOURE RIGHT!!!!!

  4. I feel so attached to a person who never cared, he told me that he loved me every morning and night yet he cant except the mistakes that i had made in the past.

  5. Yes, Kim, you can and will survive without your partner! Don’t allow yourself to believe the lies that you need to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unworthy and alone.

    Have you signed up for my Blossom emails? I hope you do, because I send encouragement and inspiration to get closer to God and Blossom into the woman He created you to be. It’s free, and it’ll help you reconnect with yourself and God.

    You know what the problems in your life are…now, the question is how you will take one small step towards resolving them. Find supportive people, inspirational books, and a good church. Get involved — because if you start putting yourself out there, you WILL feel better about yourself!

    How are you today?
    – Laurie

  6. Thank you for your post. I really needed the reminder. My partner has not left me but I often feel alone and unworthy in my relationship. I find it hard and I often find myself living on an emotional roll a coaster, with my self worth linked to how my partner feels on any given day. I lack purpose and a meaningful relationship with my higher power. I also doubt if I will be able to survive without my partner. I now have 3 great things I want to do to bring peace and stability back into my life. Thank you.