Can you handle the truth? I know why you can’t stop loving him even though he’s not good for you – and I even know how you can let him go, find yourself, and live in joy and freedom! The best part is that I’m not selling my secrets – I’m giving them away 🙂
Actually, there’s an even better “best part.” It’s good news, it’s free, and it’s life-changing. I’ve written hundreds (maybe even thousands) of relationship articles, and I get thousands of comments and questions about love, breakups, and being in a relationship. I’m learning to see the truth about why women can’t stop loving men who aren’t good for them. And I know where to find freedom, healing, and joy.
I was inspired to write this article by a reader, who said:
“I knew my relationship was bad from the start but I kept hoping he’d change,” says Amy on Why Can’t You Leave an Unhealthy Relationship? “He was nice a lot of the time, but mostly just indifferent. I could tell he didn’t really care about me. I loved him anyway, and I hoped my love would make a difference. But, it didn’t, and I’m better off out of this relationship. He broke up with me to be with another woman. I know I’m better off….so why can’t I stop loving him?”
Even if you don’t see yourself or your relationship in Amy’s comment, you will benefit from my advice for her.
3 Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Loving Him
“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread,” said Mother Teresa.
You’re normal if you’re struggling to let go of a relationship because your boyfriend or husband isn’t good for you. You’re fighting against the natural laws of nature and humankind. And it’s not easy to go against your own nature. But, you can learn how to stop loving him if you stay focused on one thing (which is the third reason below).
1. You keep telling yourself you can’t stop loving him
Don’t believe everything you think!
I have so many readers who are struggling with love and relationships. They share their stories in the comments section of my blog posts — which is great, because writing can help you heal. But what’s not so great is the many women focus on exactly the wrong thing. Instead of looking where they want to go and be and do, they focus on the past. They focus on their pain, the breakup, the problems, and the obstacles.
If you keep saying, writing and searching the internet for “why can’t I stop loving him?”, then you reinforce the belief that you can’t stop thinking about your ex boyfriend or ex husband and get on with your life. The more you think about why you can’t stop loving him, the stronger your love will get. You’re feeding the hungry beast.
So, the first reason why you can’t stop loving him is your own thoughts.
2. You have nothing else to focus on – no life purpose
Your relationship was important and meaningful, and it meant everything to you. Maybe it was even your life, your sole purpose for living, your reason for getting up in the morning. Maybe your boyfriend was your first love, or your husband the father of your children. He was the center of your world…and you believe you can’t stop loving him because you have nothing to fill the emptiness in your life.
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You may have a job, friends, family, and even children to care for — and you love them deeply. But the pain you feel because your relationship or marriage ended is a deep wound. And, the truth is you may never stop loving him, even if you get involved in a new relationship. Some loves never die; they live on in our hearts, minds, and souls long after the relationship is over.
So maybe that’s why you can’t stop loving him, even though you know he’s no good for you: you don’t have a life purpose, passion, or mission that fires you up and makes you come alive! You don’t have access to the engine that drives the universe, the only source of power, and an infinite depth of life, love, freedom, and hope.
3. You aren’t looking upwards
Where are you getting love from? The least reliable source of love is from a man or any human being because they change. They get sick, or go away, or die, or fall in love with someone else. People aren’t reliable because they’re human — even if they promise to love you forever. Even if your husband vowed to love you in sickness and health, tip death do you part….life gets in the way. Unexpected things happen. Mistakes, temptations, problems that aren’t easy to overcome. Or he cheats on you, lies to you, even steals from you. And here you are, asking, “Why can’t I stop loving him even though he’s not good for me?”
If you can’t rely on a boyfriend or husband to provide the unchanging, completely reliable love you need, who can you rely on? The One who created you, of course! God knew you before you were even conceived — before you were a twinkle in your father’s eye. God knows your name, every cell of your body, every hair on your head. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God loves you deeply.
You know it’s true. Sometimes you feel God’s pull, His love and energy, His call on your life. You feel Him whispering to you, calling your name, waiting for you to spend time with Him. You know He loves you, but you keep getting distracted by this world. You’re distracted by your ex boyfriend or ex husband, you’re confused about why you can’t stop loving him, and you just want to love and be loved in return.
You’re normal! And if you want to get emotionally and spiritually healthy so you can be free, happy, and filled with the joy and peace only Jesus can give, all you need to do is reach up. God is waiting, watching you with eyes of love, peace, compassion, and hope.
Help Letting Go of a Love That’s Over
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart, I share a wide range of ways to stop loving a man and let go of a relationship that isn’t good for you. I wrote this ebook after a heartbreaking breakup in my own life. I interviewed several life coaches, relationship experts, and counselors on healing after a relationship ends — and I share all the best tips in this ebook!
This isn’t a religious ebook, though there are several tips for getting stronger spiritually. Most of the tips are practical ways to untangle your emotions and break free from destructive patterns that keep you trapped in an old, unhealthy relationship.
How do you feel, after reading my reasons why you can’t stop loving a man who isn’t good for you? Feel free to share your big and little thoughts below! What do you think about God…about getting your life and purpose and love from Him?
If you’re worried about your future, read Think You’ll Be Single Forever? 7 Ways to Be Happy Anyway.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.