Whether you’re coping with a breakup or a long distance relationship, sometimes all you can think is “I miss him like crazy.” You’re overwhelmed with loneliness, perhaps missing him so much you can barely get off the floor.
Here’s how She Blossoms reader is dealing with her boyfriend’s absence:
“My boyfriend and I started living together recently,” says Rozie on 7 Things to Remember When You Miss Your Boyfriend. “He went away for a week now on a business trip. I’ve kept myself busy. I’m actually glad that I’ve been so productive because when he’s around I tend to focus and do things with him. It also reached a point where his calls are distracting! Calls are not a part of our daily routine, we’re used to talking at the end of the day face to face. In the past when we lived away from each other, calls were essential to our communication. I’m glad I’ve been able to have a lot of me time and refocus on myself. These moments are golden for self-growth.”
That is the best and most productive thing to do when you miss him like crazy: focus on your own productivity, growth, and health!
But it’s hard when you’re lonely, isn’t it? Especially after a breakup.
And some people, you never get over. They live in your heart forever.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy
Your feelings of heartache and loneliness are strong, perhaps overwhelming, because love literally changes how you think and feel. Love is a drug! It’s normal to go through feelings of withdrawal after you lose love—whether it’s a breakup or a short-term separation.
Understand how love is a drug
“When you fall in love, it sets your limbic system ablaze,” writes Dr Lisa Marie Bobby in Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex. “You go through a process of addiction to another person on a primal level, in parts of your brain that are much deeper and older than your neocortex.”
You’re deeply and primally attached to your boyfriend or husband. You and he were bonded emotionally, spiritually, physically and socially. He became a deep part of your life and heart; learning to live without him is a huge life change. Not just in your daily routine, but your body and brain.
That’s why you miss him like crazy when he’s not around.
You may feel powerless to control your feelings because you were created for love and companionship. God built us to live in couples and families, to be united in love and relationship. A breakup—or even a separation—is unnatural and incredibly painful. It leads to feelings of rejection and abandonment, which are hard to deal with.
After a breakup, you crave what you had together. You yearn to have the feelings, touches, hugs, connection and friendship back in your life. It’s a physical longing, and you can’t just “get through” a breakup when you’re still in love.
Pinpoint the type of loneliness you feel
Loneliness is a huge part of missing him like crazy, isn’t it? Loneliness is odd because you can feel alone when you’re surrounded by people, or not alone when you’re completely by yourself. You can even feel lonely when you’re in a relationship, especially if you’re mismatched.
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An article in a recent issue of Psychology Today (March/April 2018) described seven different types of loneliness.
If you identify which type of loneliness you’re struggling with, you’re in a better position to overcome it. This is important when you miss someone you love! Knowing what you’re dealing with brings you one step closer to fixing it.
7 Types of Loneliness
- New-Situation Loneliness. You’re facing a loss such as a death, divorce, or breakup. This type of loneliness also applies when you’re moving to new city, job, school or even a church. You’re surrounded by unfamiliar faces and new surroundings.
- “I’m Different” Loneliness. You feel fundamentally different from others—like the black sheep of the family. Maybe your faith is different than others, or you’re the only Asian woman in your group. Maybe you love outdoor activities or knitting but you have nobody to share your interests with. This makes you feel isolated and alone.
- No-Sweetheart Loneliness. You not only miss your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, you feel surrounded by couples and families. Or maybe you’ve never felt the intimate emotional connection of a partner, even when you were in a relationship. Maybe you were missing him like crazy even when you were together.
- No-Animal Loneliness. Pets bring a strong sense of love and acceptance into our lives! Many people have a deep need to connect with animals. Our furry friends fill a need that people can’t—especially after a loss in life.
- No-Time-for-You Loneliness. You’re surrounded by people at school, work or home but they don’t don’t have time to talk. You don’t have deep or even medium-level conversations. Maybe they’re too busy with their lives, or they already have lots of friends.
- Casual-Friends Loneliness. You’re friends with lots of people, but you can’t talk to them. You don’t quite trust them, or you don’t feel understood. You see your friends at book clubs, the gym, at church…but you don’t actually connect with them. This makes it more painful when you miss a loved one because you feel isolated.
- Quiet-Presence Loneliness. You miss having someone around. You’re alone at home, and you miss the feeling of his presence in the other room or outside. You don’t have anyone to nudge when you’re watching tv, cook with, or share a little story with.
Writing this list actually made me feel lonely! See how powerful our thoughts are? I felt the sadness and heaviness of loneliness simply by writing and thinking about being alone. It amazes me how much control we have over our emotions. What we think has a direct and lasting effect on how we feel.
When you pinpoint the type of loneliness you feel, you start moving from those vague “I miss him like crazy” feelings to a more concrete description. This will help you deal with missing your boyfriend or husband (or ex!) in productive, healthy ways.
When you miss him like crazy
In When You Miss Him Like Crazy, I describe how to cope with the different types of loneliness. I wrote this ebook to help women cope with those “I miss him so much” feelings, and feel less alone.
I share 25 Blossom Tips to help women deal with a breakup or separation. The tips are practical and inspiring; they will heal your heart and change your life. This ebook will help you move from broken to blossoming after a breakup.
Each Blossom Tip highlights a different aspect of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach will help you stop missing him. Even better, you’ll start moving forward in different ways, according to your personality, interests, mood, energy level, and lifestyle!
The best part is that each Blossom Tip is paired with a practical “how to.” If you want to dig into your faith, for example, you’ll gravitate toward the Spirit Blossoms. If you need emotional healing you’ll find comfort in the Heart Blossoms. If you want to explore the creative side of your personality, you’ll love the Soul Blossoms! They’re designed to help you express who God created you to be. You’ll be physically strengthened by the Body Blossoms, and intellectually challenged by the Brain Blossoms.
Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! Writing is one of the best ways to cope with loneliness, especially when you’re missing someone you love.
I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.