A broken relationship is one of life’s most painful experiences. Whether it’s a breakup, divorce or death – losing someone you love breaks your heart. Your first and most natural reaction might be to ask God to restore your relationship, especially if the breakup or separation was unexpected.

Sometimes God reunites couples and families, but He doesn’t always restore relationships that are broken. My inspiration to write this article came from a She Blossoms reader whose boyfriend broke up with her. She can’t get over him or let him go even though more than a year has passed. She asked for help knowing what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.

“My boyfriend mentioned he was having cold feet about our upcoming marriage,” said L. on How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About. “I thought it was normal and he’d get over it soon. I prayed for him and asked the Lord to help him. But then my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he lost interest in our relationship. I cried my heart out. I thought my heart would stop beating. I begged my boyfriend to stay with me. It’s been almost 1.5 years since the breakup but I can’t get over him. I still think about him a lot and keep praying that the Lord will restore our broken relationship. God is silent about this. The last time I begged my ex-boyfriend to come back, he said he was already in another relationship. I feel completely rejected. How do I forget him completely?”

Whether or not God restores your relationship, the first thing you have to do is stop begging your ex-boyfriend come back to you! Your pain and desperation to have him back in your life is understandable. You’re hurt and your heart is shattered, but don’t let your emotions rule your life. But you have to rise above your feelings. Don’t let your emotions overwhelm and rule you, or you’ll find yourself doing and saying things you’ll regret one day. Even more importantly, don’t let disappointment destroy your self-identity or hurt your relationship with God. A broken relationship has the potential to destroy your life…but only if you let it.

Instead of falling into the trap of begging your ex to come back to you, take your power back. This is especially important when you’re scared you’ll never be loved.

How to Cope With a Broken Relationship

We’ll cover three things in this article: why focusing on broken relationships is a problem, how it’s affecting your self-identity, and what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.

First, though, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Losing someone you love – even if you initiated the breakup or left an unhealthy relationship – is painful and sad. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to start over. It’s hard to feel the pain of a broken heart and to know the world is marching right along without you. Let yourself grieve. Be good to yourself while you’re grieving. Part of accepting a breakup – especially when you’re hoping and praying God restores your broken relationship – is giving yourself time and space to heal gently.

Why focusing on the breakup is a problem

When God Doesn’t Restore a Broken Relationship HLB

If you are thinking about this broken relationship a lot, then your energy and emotions are not being used in healthy ways. You’re wasting your time wishing your life was different and reliving the moment your boyfriend broke up with you. You long to be married to him today. You’re fixating on the past and missing the beauty and potential of the present and future.

Clinging to your disappointment the God hasn’t restored this relationship gives you a permanent negative mindset. Instead of seeing the possibilities in front of you today, you’re reliving the pain of the past. Instead of rebuilding and growing forward in your life, you’re regressing and burying yourself in yesterday. Focusing on the breakup and your ex-boyfriend is a problem because it’s destroying your life. You can’t grow forward if all you see are obstacles to overcoming your broken heart.

How this broken relationship is affecting your self-identity

Who are you without this man in your life? It sounds like you’re single, sad, lonely, depressed, and desperate. You sound insecure and scared. You’re not enjoying your own company or freedom. You don’t think you’re lovable or worthy. It doesn’t sound like you believe another man will love you for who you are. These are lies that the deceiver wants you to believe.

When God doesn’t restore a broken relationship in your life, He is trying to teach you something. There is a reason why you and your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband are not meant to be together. What do you need to learn from this experience? One of the most important lessons for all women – especially Christian women – is that a man cannot be the main source of identity. Only Jesus can be the source of your self-worth and self-esteem. If you’re shattered and heartbroken because of this breakup, your identity is set on the wrong thing. Your self-worth is set on a man, not God.

What to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship

It’s time to rebuild your self identity by restoring your relationship with God. This is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. When you’re self-worth and self-esteem is set by your relationship with Jesus, nothing can destroy it! Not a breakup, not a divorce, and not even at death. When your sense of self identity is set on God nothing can take it away from you.

Accept that this breakup had to happen. Know that it is God’s best for you in this season of your life. If you call yourself a Christian woman who believes in God, then you must accept all the good and bad things God allows into your life. This includes broken relationships. It also includes accepting that God doesn’t always restore relationships.

Be firm with yourself

If you’ve been struggling to accept this breakup for more than a few months, you are allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity you are being. You’re being weak. You’re listening to the lies that the deceiver is telling you – lies that you’re not good enough to be loved, that that last relationship was the only one for you, and that will never be happy again. You’re falling into the trap of self-pity.

You must decide to start fresh. A huge part of starting fresh is re-creating your life by reconnecting with God in deeper and healthier ways. He is calling you – that’s why you’re here, reading this article! You found She Blossoms for a reason: God wants you flourish and bloom into who He created you to be. You’re here because Jesus is calling you. You’re here because it’s time to let go of the past stop asking why God hasn’t restored your broken relationship, and start moving forward into the new season He has planned.

Find a fresh source of life, peace, hope and joy in God. This will give you strength, motivation, and a purpose to heal and grow forward in your life. Read How to Find God and Heal Your Broken Heart.

Your thoughts on restoring broken relationships are welcome below. Writing is one of the best ways to discover what to do when God doesn’t restore a relationship you want. I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.


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51 thoughts on “When God Doesn’t Restore a Broken Relationship”

  1. “Only Jesus can be the source of your self-worth and self-esteem.”

    I hear this a lot. But what does it even mean really? To me, it means nothing. (Sorry-not-sorry). I think it’s understandable that one’s self-esteem tends to be based on opinions of friends, romantic partners, co-workers, and parents. Human beings look for “social cues” for how to act and what to think. God made us this way. When a person you are close to whom who you respect, whose opinions you respect, decides you aren’t a good person and doesn’t want to be in contact with you anymore, it’s life-altering. It’s destructive. I’m 43. This happened to me years ago, and I am still shattered. I’ve been to different counselors. I am a born again Christian. Counselors can’t help me. Jesus WON’T help me. As a middle-aged woman, I should have been “over this” a long time ago. I’m definitely not. I still have dreams about her and her family. In fact, I had one last night. Because of her, I see myself as an obnoxious, irritating social boor. I mean, that is how she seems to see me. Who is to say she is wrong? She knew me better than anyone. Maybe she is 100 percent right in her assessment of me. I doubt I will ever see myself differently now. Maybe if Jesus appeared to me and told me she isn’t correct and I’m NOT that, then I could get on with my life. I think that would do it.

    1. Dear Simone,

      I don’t know who the “she” is that you’re talking about, but your experience reminds me SO MUCH of me and my sister! When she told me she didn’t want to talk to me ever again – when she cut me out of her life without telling me why or what I did wrong – I was devastated. For a decade. I probably wrote about this above, in my description of God not restoring broken relationships. Maybe that’s why you’re writing about your own experience with someone who ended a relationship with you.

      I can relate because I saw myself the way I thought my sister saw me. It sounds like you see yourself the way your own person saw you — or the way you THINK she sees you. In other words, you’re defining yourself by what you think other people think about you.

      You’ve given this woman a lot of power over you. I gave my sister a lot of power over me. It wasn’t power she wanted, asked for, or even fought for! She isn’t the reason you see yourself the way you do. My sister wasn’t the reason I saw myself the way I did. I was my own problem; I was giving my power to someone who couldn’t even care less. I was the reason I defined myself the way I did. It had nothing to do with her.

      Regardless of whether God restores a broken relationship, I needed to learn who my true self was. It’s not enough to believe in God (even the devils believe!). It’s not enough to be a born again Christian. To truly heal and know the source of my true self, I had to renew my view of Jesus Christ and develop a whole new, deep relationship with the Holy Spirit. I did this – and am doing this constantly – through Christian centering prayer.

      It took a long time, and it’s still ongoing. I am constantly learning how to be aware of God’s presence in me, and to release my thoughts about what people think about me. It really is an ongoing journey, but it gets deeper and higher and healthier and more joyful every day. If you have questions, please feel free to ask. I’d be happy to share what comes to me.

      Take good care of yourself, Simone.

      With His love,

      1. Hi Laurie,

        Thank you for your thoughtful response. It does sound like you have “been there.” I appreciate that. I hope you are holding up in these difficult times.

        I appreciate what you’re saying. But yes, yes this woman IS almost the entire reason I see myself as I do. I suppose if you really wanted to “go all Freud” on this, you could go all the way back to my struggles as a fat, geeky, unpopular kid, and even some unpopularity I suffered in my little Theatre Dept. in college. Undoubtedly, there is some residue on my spirit from those times (and others) in my life, and probably always will be. But my self-esteem was pretty good before my entanglement with this woman (who is also a Christian, BTW).

        My cousin Doug thinks I need to “grow up” and move past this. He’s not wrong. Life doesn’t care about my “feelings.” Life goes on. Somehow I have to find a way to go on, despite my shattered self-esteem and obsessive thoughts about the past.

        Sometimes we don’t understand why God’s answer is “No.” This is one of those times. I’m not asking God for anything that would hurt me or anyone else. I’m not even asking for a restoration of our friendship anymore. All I am asking for is a restoration of my self-esteem according to an objective standard (if that is even possible), and not some vague notion of “Jesus loves you and thinks you’re great, so you should think you’re great too.” (Though yes, even that is biblical, I know).

        I do take some comfort in knowing I’m not the only reject out there. I’m not the only person to ever suffer feelings of inadequacy at the hands of a very specific Other. I probably AM the only person ever to take it THIS personally and this hard. 🤷

        I could go on about this for days, so I’ll spare you the rest. 🙂


  2. I started dating a friend of 15 years back in May. He was married for 9 years and divorced for 7 months before we started dating. We went to church together (we grew up in the same church),spent time together, I met his friends and he met mine, he even took me home to his mother and I took him to family occasions. He spoke of marriage for our end game and treated me and my son so well then within 2 weeks after dating for 5 months he started to change and become distant. He broke up with me in early November and broke my heart. He said he wanted to experience being free and didn’t know if he ever wants to marry again, he needs to discover himself. I wish he realized that before bringing me into the picture.

  3. I feel sometime people always assume that God can’t work things out between two people they never lean towards the side of asking God to restore a broken relationship if God can do anything why not he restores kinds of relationships pray an ask God to do this an maybe it may take time but I believe all things are possible through Christ why do people always want you to move. On maybe you just need to grow closer to God during the break up I don’t personally like to keep meeting new people or men

  4. My relationship ended in April. My ex already has replaced me. I assume he is on a dating app and found this woman. I listen to preachers on tv that God will send you that person that is right for you in time when God thinks it’s time for me. Is this what happened in my ex life? He is not a church going person. Help me understand how he can be happy and I am lonely and sad.

  5. I’m shattered because my boyfriend left for the reason that he is not ready for the bigger picture. More like he is not ready to commit. I feel empty and my life feels meaningless. I think the devil is at a prowl to steal, kill and destroy. The devil doesn’t like seeing people happy, he will do anything to bring sadness and heartache. I don’t think my breakup was ordinary, there are forces that the devil is using to separate me from my boyfriend. I can’t just accept that the relationship is over and move on as if it’s normal. The devil attacked our relationship

  6. I am going through a breakup after 7 years. The man whom I thought loved me and wanted to marry me just picked up and left without so much as a simple text after a argument that wasn’t even about us. I thought he loved me and I guess I was so wrong. I gave all of me and loved this man unconditionally. I accepted him for who he was along with the good, the bad and the ugly. None of it was good enough and 7 years later I feel broken. I thought as time passed I will heal. It’s been 9 months and I still hurt as if it was the first day. I will never trust another man again. He broke me and left me with a bleeding heart. I have prayed and prayed but yet I feel as if God had forgotten me. I am not perfect and neither is no one else but I feel like I have been punished. My life has changed and not for the good. I feel broken, lonely, hurt and confused

    1. One thing I’ve learnt after my bf and I broke up 3 years ago is that God has a plan for us. Its the perfect plan and all this heart break is a part of his plan. Doesn’t make sense now but it will later. When my ex and I broke up we were planning a wedding and one day it just ended. 3 years later and it felt like it happened yesterday. But I gave my life to God two months ago and today, I asked myself who am I in Christ. I am the daughter of a King, heavenly father, ruler over everything. I am the daughter of the Creator. The one who knows best and have the best plan for me. Who are you in Jesus.

  7. As incomprehensible as it sounds.
    You will get through this . I’m testimony to it.
    It will hurt it will burn . You have to go through it .

    But ask God to continuously support and comfort you
    You also need to completely detach from this guy which is the hardest.

    He cannot be your God to the point you need him to make you feel whole sound good.
    If you are meant to be together let him chase you . He didn’t seem like a bad guy except he lacked communication but work on being the best you .

  8. So, I was dating a boy for three years.. He was my firs boyfriend. We started getting sexual and the relationship wasn’t healthy at first. He never wanted to talk to me. I had to beg him to talk to me. Later, I found out that he was with another girl (online) before we started dating. After a few months, I started losing interest in him. I wanted the single life. I wanted to be free. I noticed other boys (this went on a lot in the three years). I finally talked to him after a month of holding it in and told him that I was going to break up with him if things did not change. He begged me not to. So, I stayed. Things still stayed the same for a while. He didn’t want to talk to me that much unless we were sexting or something. Later, I started to get into these moods where I would be verbally abusive and angry. I threatened to break up with him numerous times. However, things began to get better for both of us.. He started talking to me more and showing interest. We started hanging out more and becoming attached. We still were very physical with each other even though I knew it was wrong in God’s eyes. I fell in love with him. He was my everything to me. However, I was still mean. We took a trip to Texas in 2017 and I still felt a little distant from him. Although, we still talked and stuff. We still did things we weren’t supposed to do. We fought a lot because of me. It was nothing for me to make him cry. I had begun to get physically abusive too.. I was just so terrible to him. All for a moment. I can’t explain it, but, I just got into these moods where all I wanted to do was hurt someone.. After Texas, we were inseparable. He had a car and he came over all of the time. All we did was hang out, be physical, and repeat. In 2018, I decided to go back to Church. I found this amazing Church full of God loving people and I fell in love. However, I soon got a job and slipped away from Church because of how much I worked. If I wasn’t aat work, I was with him. I was still mean as ever and I couldn’t stop it. I loved him, but, I was just.. I don’t know how to explain it. I quit my job around October and started going back to Church and focusing on college because I was a senior. In December, I joined the Church choir and was so happy. Everything was finally coming together. Although, I was still angry, my boyfriend was still my world to me. In January, I was baptized with my mom and my two sisters. It was amazing. I felt like I was finally getting back that relationship with Jesus that I had stopped paying attention to. However, I began to have panic attacks every night as well. I started to feel like I was dying. Everything hurt. I was terrified. I began to analyze my life and pin point the things that could send me to Hell in God’s eyes. One of them was my relationship. I physically heaved when I figured this out. I was shaking and crying because I loved him so much, but, I wasted to be right with God too.. I was so confused. However, I didn’t feel any peace so I broke up with him. I didn’t have anything to do with him. I know he hurt so much and I was worried about losing the Holy Spirit if I talked to him. I was so afraid to lose my relationship with Jesus. However, I still loved him. He tried to keep in contact when it first happened, but, after a while he stopped. His feelings had run dry. In April, I began to think about him again. Ever since then, I think about him. We’ve talked about this a lot. He doesn’t feel the same. He believes that maybe one day our paths will cross and maybe we’ll get back together. However, I’m having a hard time believing that. I just see no hope. I’m afraid to move on because I miss him. Also, I was so mean to him. I’m afraid to reap what I sow. Right now, I’m going through this tremendous heart break all by myself and that’s one thing I am reaping. I’m terrified that the next guy I meet is going to treat me the same way that I treated my old boyfriend.. I just feel lost and confused. I realized during the breakup that I wanted to be with someone who was dedicated to God like I wanted to be. However, I could have had that with my ex. The last time he went to church with me, he was at the altar. I feel like I went too fast and pushed him away. It just really hurts..

    1. As incomprehensible as it sounds.
      You will get through this . I’m testimony to it.
      It will hurt it will burn . You have to go through it .

      But ask God to continuously support and comfort you
      You also need to completely detach from this guy which is the hardest.

      He cannot be your God to the point you need him to make you feel whole sound good.
      If you are meant to be together let him chase you . He didn’t seem like a bad guy except he lacked communication but work on being the best you .

  9. What if you caused hurt and the other person refuses to forgive? How do you move on?

    God can restore, so how do you allow that?

    I do not want to let go of the relationship even though it has ended and hurts. How to move on?

  10. I have had my heart broken – we were together 6 years.

    What I would like to know is what to do if you are the one who also caused hurt in the relationship and the person does not forgive you? How do you move past that?

    Also, sometimes God does restore relationships; not necessarily as it was, but in other forms.

    How can you allow yourself for restoration?

  11. My name is Viviana. I need advice but the thing its that i was engage a like a year and half but my ex fiancé decides to quit because he got burden because i have a interesting character meaning bad temper that leads to anger because background family and being with a single mom and during this year has always been fighting with my ex and he got tired. Im working on it by psychologist, also in the beginning i was to do the relationship its slow but im guessing without noticing we got rushed by other people and got engage quickly. Stuff happen a lot in this year because its havent been a good luck and now its happening this. I know this is a season for me to learn of myself but was talking to everybody its makes feel hopeless, faithless and saying that’s he’s moving on, but he continues asking people of how im doing without no contact to me and i get that, and im doing as well. But i still love him and i wanted to start over like a next page but he told me with his impulsive emotions that we are never get back together, that i look at him without realizing disgust when he was vulnerable and that i deserve somebody better, we are opposites and that different we are different roads because God’s guiding me to learn something and im praying hard and giving his space to him but im know that he’s done and that’s what breaks my heart because i know it hurt him without realizing and this is my first real relationship and i was trying to be slow in the beginning but he propose to me quickly. We talk about about before and we want a long term relationship. But it wasnt smoother because of the lack communication. I felt that most the people choose his side because he’s a minister they treat him like perfect and respect his decision and because im not a minister but soon to be they treat me like a black sheep. Its there anyway or advice what to do apart working on myself that im trying to do so hard and im praying to, even so that i have stop listening other people opinions and trusting more God and trusting myself….

  12. I was with my ex for 7 years. We had many plans for the future including marriage. My sister gets engaged before me and this guy created a ridiculous argument which led to him walking out on me. He didn’t even have the courage to break with me he just walked out and disappeared after 7 years. No calls, no text not even an email. I am still very hurt after 8 months. How do I move on? How can I trust anyone? We had a stupid argument that was really about nothing. I was good to him. I loved him with all of me. I shared my life and my family with him. I still feel broken and very sad. I miss him but at the same time I hate him and I want revenge for how he treated me. I believe he hurt me intentionally and he never loved me. He may have found joy in my pain. How do I move on?

    1. Hey I’m in the same situation! Being with my ex fiancé after 11 years almost 12 and he did the same thing. Not even an argument just a disagreement and he disappeared. Only difference is he popped up after a few months and wanted to work things out but because I needed clarity I said. Long story short we ended up talking and trying to work things out, and set a time to sit and talk face to face and not over the phone. We had another disagreement and once again its ignoring calls and messages! I can’t say it’s easy because it’s not. I can’t say what to do because I don’t even know I’m still figuring this out myself, but I totally understand how you feel and where you’re coming from. I never realized I love him to this capacity! I knew I love him but to this extreme I had no clue! He was my everything and honestly still is. I know my heart is different because despite how I feel right now if he wanted to talk I’d talk and without anger! I’ve grown into the woman I’m suppose to be and still growing! And I guess you’d have to allow yourself to do the same. Like I said it’s easy because it’s not easy for me still! But we never know what God has planned. I started to look at it as though we both needed this time to focus on ourselves and to grow individually, I don’t know if God has him in my plans anymore and honestly that scares me because my heart is still with him no matter who I meet and attempt to get to know, I still carry this torch for him. My love deepened! And I wish he knew it but even amongst all of that, I focus on me just as much as he may cross my mind! I put me first. Now I’m learning how to please God and as much as it may hurt I’m allowing him to align my life and I’m trying to accept the fact that he may or may not be in my plans God has for me. All I know is I’ve done my best and still doing my best. One day I hope it’s appreciated and seen, either by him or whoever God has for me. Blessings to you my love and I pray you get through this difficult time! I pray healing and peace of mind for you!

  13. I’ve been wallowing in self pity and drinking my sorrows away for 11 years now. I pray to a god I have absolutely no faith in anymore that he will help me move on but every night I see her in my dreams and every day the memory of what she did haunts me.

    1. Although it can be hard, try to give God a chance. He can do the impossible. As for you, drinking isn’t the solution.. I’m sorry that you’re going through so much pain especially for so long, but, drinking doesn’t make anything better for you. It makes it worse.. That’s what the enemy wants. He wants us to be so wallowed down and out of hope so he can use that against us. He wants to wear us out. Shake that enemy off and tell him not today. Pick yourself up and trust in God. Even though it hurts, today is a new day.. Full of hope because of Jesus who loved us so much that He dies for us. Have a blessed day, I pray that God sees you through this pain 💕

    2. My goodness! I’m not even at that place mentally anymore and I wasn’t there to this extent but faith without works is dead honey and works without faith is dead. Nothing will change but if you change your input you’ll definitely get a different output. I now it’s easier said than done but focus on you and just start talking to God. Start asking him for healing and guidance! And slowly but surely it’ll start to ease out! I pray healing and guidance for you! 🙏

  14. My sons dad and I separated because he was neglecting me during end of pregnancy and found out he was on Tinder the day after my baby shower. He begged for another chance and after baby he would travel for work and he would party with his friends on weekends when I was at home with our newborn. Few months later the arguments continued and I asked for him to move out. He didn’t fight for us. He didn’t come to our sons first birthday party. 10 months after we didn’t see him, and I had accepted we were over and moved on, he decides to meet up with us and said he has changed and wants to talk to me. For about a month leading to our meet we started talking more and telling each other we love each other and I felt God was going to restore our family. But then when we met up he admits to me he married a woman for papers so that he can get a better job and have a better life to provide for us. This wasn’t the news I was expecting. He tells me he married her only for papers and loves me and this is all that matters. And that if I love him I’ll see this is for our future. I am American, the mother of his son. If he had fought for us we could’ve gotten married and he would have gotten his papers in future for free instead of paying another woman. I’m torn and heartbroken and not sure why God allowed him to come back after I had moved on just to let me be hurt again and feel all this pain.

  15. Nizeyimana Benedicto

    It’s true. A Christian relationship is not easy when there is disappointment between two friends. But I want to know this! Is it okay to keep chatting for comfort if she accepts chats?

  16. A breakup – especially if you’re waiting for God to restore your relationship – is one of the most significant stressors life can throw at you. Feelings of guilt, distraction, and disorientation are normal for most women, but can be overwhelming. Know that these emotions are common. Remind yourself that you’re feeling temporarily terrible and down, but your feelings will pass. God may or may not restore your broken relationship — but not matter what happens, you won’t always feel this bad!

    You might find it helpful to focus on who you are in God, who you want to be, and your goals for your future. Who or what is God calling you to be? You are more than your relationship, and definitely more than the breakup! What are some tangible steps you can take toward emotional and spiritual health and healing?

    Find small ways to help yourself feel better. You might try walking, hiking, swimming, dressing in bright clothes, treating yourself to a massage or a special meal. Spend more time with the most supportive people in your life. Make sure you’re around spiritually healthy friends and family, and that youre activities are uplifting and God-honoring.

    It’s important not to go through this alone. You have God and you’re hoping He restores your broken relationship, but that’s not enough for the long haul! Share your thoughts, feelings, and time with supportive family and friends, or even with a counselor, spiritual director or pastor.

    Your heart will heal, and you will start to feel better again. You’ll even start to blossom into who God created you to be! It just takes time, and healthy steps toward healing.

    With His love,

  17. Hi, am jennifer by name
    since i broke up with my boyfriend it hasn’t been easy for me i cant stay a day without the thought of him. we started dating on August 2018 then our relationship was like a match for each other, it was so perfect, although my boyfriend is someone who always blames me on any fault that occurs in our relationship he insult me with my weakness he will yell,abuse,insult my family too once i do a mistake, he never acknowledge his own fault or wrong so for these facts i don’t like telling him my secrets or anything because he will insult me for it one day, once he we have problem he will keep on bringing up all my past so i ceased to tell him anything.
    his aim was to have a child with me but due to the surgery i had then i could not get pregnant after 4months of it, so he now sees me as someone who cant produce seed his actions makes me to feel like a barren lady he kept on telling me he would pregnant another woman if i can’t give him a child, so i was afraid to loose him because i loved him so much i had to form a fake pregnancy test just to make him feel happy, yes he was happy then but when he was a expecting me to emphasize symptoms of pregnancy i couldn’t so he went and confirmed the truth from a fortune teller that i wasn’t pregnant. he was furious and angry, i wanted to explain my reasons to him, but he would not give ear to my explanation so he ended the relationship that i was a liar

  18. It’s also important to note that will God may not restore relationship there is a danger with someone who has such a degree of faith and who persists with God and God must honor the request that is outside of his will because of the scripture of anything that you ask in his name. So I learned ti always ask Jesus His will be done. Learned this the hard way. I have the kind of prayers that makes things happen and have actually regretted it at times when I didn’t ask for God’s will.

    1. i think it’s important for to share some background about my relationship just so there’s a better understanding of everything. but everything i’m going to write out are things that i realized after he broke up with me. i’m really disappointed in myself that it took this for me to figure everything out, but at least i did.

      we started dating in december 2016, and things were magic. i thought he was the one, my perfect match, my everything regardless of our age difference – he is four years younger. we were unstoppable and thought we were each other’s soulmates; this lasted until around august 2018.

      i had always known he was a selfish person. but it didn’t bother me because i loved him unconditionally and if it meant being with him, i’d accept it and i took the time to understand him. but once august 2017 rolled around, i started to get really comfortable with him. i’m not the happiest person in the world all the time. i suffer from depression and i have almost my entire life, so i have days where i’m really really low. i’m sad, angry, lost and just need to cry and feel my emotions. he NEVER took the time to understand this, no matter how many times i tried to explain it. if i was having an off day, it would only upset him. it would frustrate him and he would accuse me of being passive aggressive and taking it out on him. when i assured him as much as i could that that was not the case, but he’d never actually hear that. he’d just continue to think i was intentionally being this way towards him for my own enjoyment. so i was afraid to talk to him when he asked what was wrong or if i was okay. who wouldn’t be? who would want to be open an vulnerable with someone who doesn’t allow them to feel their emotions?

      so as this went on, he started to tell me i was pushing him away and was causing all of the conflict + issues in the relationship. and it freaked me out because i was so in love with him, so i believed him. i believed that because of the way i was, i was the problem. so we decided to go to couples therapy around the end of summer of last year. and every session was just an attack on me. even outside of therapy every conflict felt like a finger was being pointed at me. because in his eyes he could do no wrong – he didn’t make me feel attacked or belittled, i chose to feel that way. but when things were turned around, i was making him feel the way he was. it was my fault.

      he continued to drill into my head that i was pushing him away. and i kept trying to tell him that it wasn’t intentional and i still tried my best to love him. by now he’s decided to go back to college for music. he made it known that he was doing it for HIMSELF. that was it. didn’t consider what 2 extra years of school would do to our relationship. didn’t care that i wanted to move in with him and have a life together. even towards the end he accused me of trying to ruin his life by wanting to move in together because to him that meant dropping out of school, giving up music and working the rest of his life. i’m 25 years old, i’m ready to start thinking about settling down. all i wanted was to see him every day. for the last two years we were only seeing each other once, maybe twice a week and would get lucky with more than that every few months. it felt like a high school relationship. i just wanted to be with him, see him more. because not seeing him meant i would get lost in my own head and start questioning things.

      it got to a point where he was too busy to continue couples therapy, so i kept going on my own. still seeing the same therapist. and as i continued to see her i GREW. i did what he asked of me and learned how to communicate my thoughts and feelings, which was so cool to me because i had never been able to do that before! so i was stoked, i was so excited to start avoiding conflict and just focus on loving each other. but it wasn’t good enough. because like i mentioned before, once i was able to fully express myself, it didn’t fly because it was about him, or something he said making me feel a certain way. no matter how i worded it to make sure it didn’t seem like i was blaming him or attacking him, because that’s what he asked for. so i was doing everything i could, but it meant nothing.

      i was always trying. i changed through therapy, i changed for the relationship, he didn’t. he stayed put and just waited to get what he wanted because he’s perfect. he never took the time to understand how to love me, just expected for me to take the time to learn how to take care of him and love him the way he wanted me to. he didn’t love me at my worst – my worst side frustrated him. there were times where he did try, but gave up if his effort didn’t work immediately.

      while i was doing all of this and growing for myself, i did start questioning the relationship. i had noticed that i hadn’t wanted to be intimate with him since january 2018, i noticed that he annoyed me more, and i noticed that my attraction to him was fading. everything was going away, but i loved him too much to see that.

      and that’s where the big revelation came in: i didn’t push him away, he pushed me away first. when my full self started to come out, and i would get ‘in trouble’ for that, it pushed me away. every conflict where i was being attacked was pushing me away. but again, i loved him too much to see that. but seriously, who would want to be intimate, vulnerable, open, loving, etc. to anyone who makes them feel ashamed for their own emotions? and once i grew out of my old habits, i was constantly frustrated because it still wasn’t good enough.

      i never stopped trying, but i started questioning. and when he actually started to try last month, it was too late, and i was already gone.

      knowing all of these things now, why do i still want him back? why do i want to go to him and beg for him to take me back and show him that i can give him the love he’s always asked for from me? why am i so broken? why can’t i shake the sadness? why do i still want him, and believe we’re supposed to be together? why do i feel drawn to him? why do i crave him? IT SUCKS. and i’m lost.

      1. You sound like me. It’s not easy having depression and being in a relationship . Being so vulnerable and letting someone know to use have this condition . At least you tried with the therapy . Sometimes people can see what you can’t . I think you’re better off without him .trust the process.

  19. My husband left me, when and how do you reconcile fighting for your marriage on your knees and when it’s not God’s will to restore the marriage?

  20. I am a senior and struggling with my marriage. I want my marriage to thrive but it seems pride can get in the way. As we age we can get so set in our ways and we both want our own way all the time. Arguing is becoming a daily occurrence.

  21. I’ve been with my mother to my children for 10 plus years, we have 3 beautiful kids. 1 year in a half ago we broke up cause of the things that builded up. Not huge things, but things that we got tired of. It’s been a year and a half, I want to make it work, I love her, she might not know God like I do, but I want to show her and lead by example. If God doesn’t give up on me, why should I give up on us? That’s what I think everyday

  22. Losing a relationship is so hard! And there are no “quick tips” or easy solutions — especially when you believe in God and are trying to be faithful. Trusting Him isn’t easy, especially when your heart is broken and you don’t feel His presence. Following Jesus through the valleys and dry seasons of life can be painful and lonely…but it’ll be SO worth it when you come out on the other side! You will get through this, your heart will heal, and you will find love, joy and peace.

    You will be happy again. Even if God never restores the broken relationships in your life, He will find ways to pour joy, love, abundance and blessings into your days. Take a deep breath, and listen. Invite the Holy Spirit into your mind and soul, and be patient. He will speak to you; you will sense the presence of Jesus…and you will know that He is taking care of you in ways nobody else can.

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of. You are loved more than you know! And you matter more than you think.

    With His love,

    1. Thank you, I am trying my best. I’m glad God knew all this was going to happen before I was created so he knows how I’m going to react. Thank god he loves me anyway❤️

    2. Thank you so much. I know that God loves me and He thinks I am worth it but on a subconscious level I feel like I’m not. I have been fighting with these feelings and instead of getting better I only get worse. This has been a very difficult month for me and I am so tired of crying. Your words are so encouraging and a huge blessing. You are doing just what God wants you to do. Thank you for helping so many that feel they have nowhere to turn.

      1. At what point do you determine God’s will is for relationship to be over when you thought it was His will to bring you together? I have been with my husband for 10 years. The man I know now is not who I was drawn to by the hand of the Lord in the beginning. Over time he has revealed himself to be abusive, hypercritical, destructive, narcissistic, and an overall nightmare of a person behind closed doors. I am always the one at fault, always to blame, never doing it right, stupid, fat, lazy, moron, and a slew of countless other heartbreaking words. I have truly felt that despite all this God has brought us together and have tried to put on a brave face. Now as though he must perform his final act of emotional abuse, he says he is leaving. At what point do I let go and stop trying? Does God want me to try? Does he want this person to leave?

        I feel so desperately alone.

  23. I have been struggling with this EXACT same thing. It’s like you KNOW me. You described me so well. I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. He has an anger problem and he was starting to take it out on me almost daily (not physically). When he was upset or worried about things the only way he knew how to deal with it was by snapping at me or saying hurtful things. He could never just talk it out. My way of dealing with his outbursts was with tears and that upset him even more. Last July he dropped me off at my Aunt’s house to take care of her for the night and never came back. I have been devastated ever since. I pray for reconciliation and healing but nothing comes. This article hit so close to home for me. I feel unlovable. I feel unwanted. I feel useless. I am so unhappy in my life. He was my first true love (even though I am 48) and no man will ever hold the place in my heart/life that he does. You words and advice resonate so powerfully. I have been asking God to heal my relationship with my boyfriend when I should have been asking Him to heal my relationship with HIM. Thank you so much for this article. And to think that I found it while trying to find the perfect words of encouragement for a friend that is going through major problems with her husband and feelings of self-worth!

  24. I am a fixer and I have been in a 7 month relationship with a very fun guy. He and I made plans for the future and I was so excited as I haven’t made plans for the future in a very long time. We saw each other a couple times back in Aug then he disappeared until Nov. While I was OK with that because I can close doors pretty quick, I deleted his number from my cell phone. I was in a bar and grille we go to and he had been in asking about me. So I asked someone for his number and gave him a call. Well he showed up and it’s like we were meant for each other. No red flags, we communicated wonderfully, we were stuck like glue for months. He even took care of me when I had foot surgery. Well, lets just say I let my guard down and some of my boundaries and we recently split up. It’s been about 2 weeks now. He has a serious drinking issue and he’s made many comments he wants to change but can’t. He’s been seeing a bartender for a week now. I feel very betrayed and used. I had a relationship in the past with a crack addict and he kept coming back until 1 day I said NO MORE.. With this relationship I have such a heavy heart because I said something “in a very drunken stupor” that I would never say to anyone. I have apologized to him and asked for his forgiveness, because, you see I am human and I make bad choices too. I haven’t slept well since this falling out and I am beside myself that he could just walk away because of some unkind words. I pray, if it is God’s will, that we reconcile. If it isn’t, I pray that God helps me get thru this sorrow and guilt. I also pray that God watches over Dwight while he is in this spiral. Because I know this bartender and she won’t be there for him when his kidneys give out or he gets another DUI.

  25. Hello everyone…. i am in a similar situation as Sean….ever since i started dating my boyfriend i have always had constant worries and fears that he might leave me for someone else… i have been very insecure to a point that i was always accusing him of things that were not even there…i have always over analyzed situations and everything that he did… it reached a point where we were having fights almost every three days because of my worries and overthinking and fears… we have dated for a year and two months now…all this while he has always assured me that there’s nothing going on and that he did not get with me just to hurt me.. i could sense sincerity in his words but i would still find myself worrying and having fears… its when i started praying to God for help as the fights were not only draining him but me too. I deep down knew he loved me so much but with the fights and constant words of me ending the relationship made people start thinking that he is in the wrong… Until February this year , it is when i started feeling that he is slowly withdrawing from the relationship and its when i have been praying a lot for healing and for things to be okay,, but every time i do things get worse …we tend to fight a lot and he gets to be pushed away even further to a point where now he has tried to end the relationship about three times every time we fight…just this weekend he called it quits again after another argument but we made out again but still i can sense him withdrawing ..on saturday after i questioned him about other things he explained how he now talks alot with a certain girl as he feels like he gets peace from her than when he is talking with me…i just feel like God has been silent on me for a while… i have prayed for the fruits of the holy spirit in my relationship and for things to work….i don’t want to lose him as he is slowly slipping off my hands…please help

  26. Thanks you this have been really helpful I am going through some difficult times right now. I know that am to keep everything in God hand but sometimes it is overwhelmed .

  27. I thank God for this article. I’m currently going through a break up and I’m hurting big time. I know the process as I’ve been here before, but it doesn’t stop the pain going away. I fell in love with a man who wasn’t right for me, because he accuse me of things I didn’t do, which was more of a reflection of him than me, there were more negative qualities and traits, but you can’t help who you fall in love with. It’s only been a few days so the feeling is still quite raw. The mornings are particularly hard, we were only together for 5 months, but we were bonding. There is an empty space and I think that’s why it’s difficult. I used to pray to God was in a relationship and he would show me signs. I’m not angry with God now but he appears to be very quiet. I continue to pray and thank him and praise him. I know this is gods plan I just need to go through with it.
    I needed words of encouragement and this was it.
    I’m so disappointed the relationship has ended like this. Him thinking I’m something I’m not, when I invested quite a bit in a short time you were together. God knows.

    God continue to bless you and your writing.

  28. Hello everyone, I on the other hand am a male that’s crying and praying for his partner back. Me and my girlfriend broke up today. We have been breaking up just for a few days and the make up but today she decided to call it quits. Last year when we started dating, I didn’t appreciate her enough cause I was going through depression and I kept pushing her away and she still stayed, within that period of depression I verbally cheated on her and regret it with all my heart. On December I realized that I was about to lose her cause she was fed up with me and my actions for 6 months. So from December till today March 19 I have been a changed man, I have been praying every single day for God to help us to become okay. Jan & Feb have been the most toughest for us cause she was hurt, emotionally numb for the relationship and having lack of interest towards the relationship but she kept on pushing and trying to fight the negative emotions until she gave up now. So she decided to break things off today 🙁 I have been praying to God for his help to restore our love for the relationship but now am I scared to pray again because I feel as if I am annoying God. I really pray that he helps us restore this broken relationship. 🙁
    Any advice?

    1. You will never annoy God. The Bible says ‘pray without ceasing ‘ express to her what you have expressed here . And ask God to let his will be done – ultimately .

  29. I’m writing this as I sit with a broken heart. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. Because he was accusing me of things that were totally unfounded. He has a marijuana problem and I feel he has psychosis. the accusations just made me think how much he’s been affected by the marijuana. the problem is I love him and feel as though I’ve abandoned him yes I’m not with someone who is sound of mind. I can’t get over the pain I lack motivation. I need a word of encouragement or advice. My relationship seems we’ve failed and I know I’m the common denominator. What am I doing so wrong. I’m prayerful over all my relationships.

    1. I’m beyond broken!
      My husband cheated on me about 2 yrs ago and we tried couples counseling and went twice, but then started going separately. He works out of town and it’s really hard to hold a solid relationship when you aren’t face to face. Communication always seems to be an issues. He was working a job a few states away for the past 11 months and I never went to see him. It was like I was on auotopilot.. living every day without really being aware of how bad I was hurting him. I was just focused on me. We have a small child together, but despite my husband begging me to come see him I let my emotions take over. I still hadn’t forgiven him for what he had done. I got baptized March 25th 2018 and my husband isn’t a believer. He feels people are too quick to judge. Long story short… the weekend of Valentine’s Day he came home an I left with our child to go on a ski trip with church. He made me feel guilty about going. It was paid for an I begged him to change his mind, but he wouldn’t. When we got back home he left the next day for another job 3 hrs away. I figured we could work it out, but he called me that night picked a fight with me an said oh an by the way I’m not coming back home. Completely devastated I’ve been begging him to work things out and he says he doesn’t want to try anymore. I’m now faced with loosing everything I had. It’s affecting me mentally and emotionally an I can’t seem to hold myself together. He’s filing for a separation and I can’t understand why he’s just giving up. We have both hurt each other, but haven’t been able to communicate. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to work on us, but he says he’s not interested. Any advice out there?

    2. I came home on March 22,2019 and walked into my home and discovered that my husband had left. This is the 4th time this has happened over our 13 years of marriage. He has cheated, mentally and emotionally abused me and talked to family and friends badly about me. I am a cancer survivor a little over a year. I know now that I have never been a main priority to him nor will I ever be. This hurts so much. I don’t want a divorce but maybe it’s for the best

  30. Thank you so much for this writeup….My hubby has neither called nor text me for close to 2months now…We had just a little arguement and since then He has refused to reply my messages, he blocked me from his whatsapp…My marriage completed a year in january…it was during our wedding anniversary we had the arguement…My hubby is very hot tempered, he gets angry at the slight little things…Could you believe that the arguement we had was concerning my going to church…he doesnt go to church and he doesnt want me to go either…He said so many lies about me to his family in order for them to hate me…His mum and sisters are all supporting him, i never did any thing wrong to them yet they supported him…All his sisters blocked me from their whatsapp after he lied to them…Am really going through alot here…Have prayed to God to restore my marriage yet am nt seeing result, My mum told me that if it is the will of God let God’s will be done..She advised me to try and forget about everything because she saw that i wasnt always happy…Am really going through alot here…Am 27 yrs old and my hubby is 41yrs old…He doesnt even care about his future, he was always threatening me with divorce whenever we had a little quarrel…I live in Nigeria and he is living in europe..Am sure he must have moved on with another Lady…Am always praying to God to heal my heart.

    1. Abby I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you hear from God soon. To not accept your wife going to church is an issues . Do you live apart ?

      1. yes we live apart…i live in Nigeria and he is schooling in europe…i called his brother’s wife 2weeks ago and she was advicing me to move on and that my hubby told her he is no longer interested in me anymore…it is well

    1. Reading all the comments I realized that most of them are all married and have been in a long relationship. I am dating this guy for only 2 months and we broke up few days ago. I am really sad about this because I was the one that need to end it. In the beginning of our relationship I started to get closer and build up my relationship with God. Sunday is my only free time and I told him let’s go to church every Sunday since that’s the only day we see each other due to our work schedules. Then weeks past I noticed something odd about him that he always makes excuses of not going to church or we will do something else. Then I also realized that his pride is so high that makes me questioned my self is he really the one for me? It makes me sad because I still love him and I have to end it. I keep praying that I hope I made the right decision and not to stay being in a sad phase for a long time.