When God Doesn’t Restore a Broken Relationship

A broken relationship is one of life’s most painful experiences. Whether it’s a breakup, divorce, or even death – losing someone you love breaks your heart. A natural reaction is to ask God to restore your relationship, especially if the breakup or separation was unexpected.

Sometimes God reunites couples and families, but He doesn’t always restore relationships that are broken. My inspiration to write this article came from a reader whose boyfriend broke up with her. She can’t get over him or let him go, even though more than a year has passed. She asked for help knowing what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.

“My boyfriend mentioned he was having cold feet about our upcoming marriage,” said L. on How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About. “I thought it was normal and he’d get over it soon. I prayed for him and asked the Lord to help him. But then my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he lost interest in our relationship. I cried my heart out. I thought my heart would stop beating. I begged my boyfriend to stay with me. It’s been almost 1.5 years since the breakup but I can’t get over him. I still think about him a lot and keep praying that the Lord will restore our broken relationship. God is silent about this. The last time I begged my ex-boyfriend to come back, he said he was already in another relationship. I feel completely rejected. How do I forget him completely?”

The first thing you have to do is stop begging your ex-boyfriend come back to you. You’re hurt and your heart is shattered, but don’t let your emotions rule your life. Don’t let disappointment destroy your self-identity or hurt your relationship with God. A broken relationship has the potential to destroy your life…but only if you let it.

Instead of falling into the trap of begging your ex to come back to you, take your power back. This is especially important when you’re scared you’ll never be loved.

How to Cope With a Broken Relationship

We’ll cover three things in this article: why focusing on broken relationships is a problem, how it’s affecting your self-identity, and what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.

Why focusing on the breakup is a problem

If you are thinking about this broken relationship a lot, then your energy and emotions are not being used in healthy ways. You’re wasting your time wishing your life was different and reliving the moment your boyfriend broke up with you. You long to be married to him today. You’re fixating on the past and missing the beauty and potential of the present and future.

Clinging to your disappointment the God hasn’t restored this relationship gives you a permanent negative mindset. Instead of seeing the possibilities in front of you today, you’re reliving the pain of the past. Instead of rebuilding and growing forward in your life, you’re regressing and burying yourself in yesterday. Focusing on the breakup and your ex-boyfriend is a problem because it’s destroying your life. You can’t grow forward if all you see are obstacles to overcoming your broken heart.

How this broken relationship is affecting your self-identity

When God Doesn’t Restore a Broken Relationship HLBWho are you without this man in your life? It sounds like you’re single, sad, lonely, depressed, and desperate. You sound insecure and scared. You’re not enjoying your own company or freedom. You don’t think you’re lovable or worthy. It doesn’t sound like you believe another man will love you for who you are. These are lies that the deceiver wants you to believe.

When God doesn’t restore a broken relationship in your life, He is trying to teach you something. There is a reason why you and your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband are not meant to be together. What do you need to learn from this experience? One of the most important lessons for all women – especially Christian women – is that a man cannot be the main source of identity. Only Jesus can be the source of your self-worth and self-esteem. If you’re shattered and heartbroken because of this breakup, your identity is set on the wrong thing. Your self-worth is set on a man, not God.

What to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship

It’s time to rebuild your self identity by restoring your relationship with God. This is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. When you’re self-worth and self-esteem is set by your relationship with Jesus, nothing can destroy it! Not a breakup, not a divorce, and not even at death. When your sense of self identity is set on God nothing can take it away from you.

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Accept that this breakup had to happen. Know that it is God’s best for you in this season of your life. If you call yourself a Christian woman who believes in God, then you must accept all the good and bad things God allows into your life. This includes broken relationships. It also includes accepting that God doesn’t always restore relationships.

Be firm with yourself

If you’ve been struggling to accept this breakup for more than a few months, you are allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity you are being. You’re being weak. You’re listening to the lies that the deceiver is telling you – lies that you’re not good enough to be loved, that that last relationship was the only one for you, and that will never be happy again. You’re falling into the trap of self-pity.

You must decide to start fresh. A huge part of starting fresh is re-creating your life by reconnecting with God in deeper and healthier ways. He is calling you – that’s why you’re here, reading this article! You found She Blossoms for a reason: God wants you flourish and bloom into who He created you to be. You’re here because Jesus is calling you. You’re here because it’s time to let go of the past stop asking why God hasn’t restored your broken relationship, and start moving forward into the new season He has planned.

Find a fresh source of life, peace, hope and joy in God. This will give you strength, motivation, and a purpose to heal and grow forward in your life. Read How to Find God and Heal Your Broken Heart.

Your thoughts on restoring broken relationships are welcome below. Writing is one of the best ways to discover what to do when God doesn’t restore a relationship you want. I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.


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19 thoughts on “When God Doesn’t Restore a Broken Relationship

  • Robert

    I’ve been with my mother to my children for 10 plus years, we have 3 beautiful kids. 1 year in a half ago we broke up cause of the things that builded up. Not huge things, but things that we got tired of. It’s been a year and a half, I want to make it work, I love her, she might not know God like I do, but I want to show her and lead by example. If God doesn’t give up on me, why should I give up on us? That’s what I think everyday

  • Laurie Post author

    Losing a relationship is so hard! And there are no “quick tips” or easy solutions — especially when you believe in God and are trying to be faithful. Trusting Him isn’t easy, especially when your heart is broken and you don’t feel His presence. Following Jesus through the valleys and dry seasons of life can be painful and lonely…but it’ll be SO worth it when you come out on the other side! You will get through this, your heart will heal, and you will find love, joy and peace.

    You will be happy again. Even if God never restores the broken relationships in your life, He will find ways to pour joy, love, abundance and blessings into your days. Take a deep breath, and listen. Invite the Holy Spirit into your mind and soul, and be patient. He will speak to you; you will sense the presence of Jesus…and you will know that He is taking care of you in ways nobody else can.

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of. You are loved more than you know! And you matter more than you think.

    With His love,

    • Tina

      Thank you, I am trying my best. I’m glad God knew all this was going to happen before I was created so he knows how I’m going to react. Thank god he loves me anyway❤️

    • Wanda

      Thank you so much. I know that God loves me and He thinks I am worth it but on a subconscious level I feel like I’m not. I have been fighting with these feelings and instead of getting better I only get worse. This has been a very difficult month for me and I am so tired of crying. Your words are so encouraging and a huge blessing. You are doing just what God wants you to do. Thank you for helping so many that feel they have nowhere to turn.

  • Wanda Barefoot

    I have been struggling with this EXACT same thing. It’s like you KNOW me. You described me so well. I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. He has an anger problem and he was starting to take it out on me almost daily (not physically). When he was upset or worried about things the only way he knew how to deal with it was by snapping at me or saying hurtful things. He could never just talk it out. My way of dealing with his outbursts was with tears and that upset him even more. Last July he dropped me off at my Aunt’s house to take care of her for the night and never came back. I have been devastated ever since. I pray for reconciliation and healing but nothing comes. This article hit so close to home for me. I feel unlovable. I feel unwanted. I feel useless. I am so unhappy in my life. He was my first true love (even though I am 48) and no man will ever hold the place in my heart/life that he does. You words and advice resonate so powerfully. I have been asking God to heal my relationship with my boyfriend when I should have been asking Him to heal my relationship with HIM. Thank you so much for this article. And to think that I found it while trying to find the perfect words of encouragement for a friend that is going through major problems with her husband and feelings of self-worth!

  • Tina

    I am a fixer and I have been in a 7 month relationship with a very fun guy. He and I made plans for the future and I was so excited as I haven’t made plans for the future in a very long time. We saw each other a couple times back in Aug then he disappeared until Nov. While I was OK with that because I can close doors pretty quick, I deleted his number from my cell phone. I was in a bar and grille we go to and he had been in asking about me. So I asked someone for his number and gave him a call. Well he showed up and it’s like we were meant for each other. No red flags, we communicated wonderfully, we were stuck like glue for months. He even took care of me when I had foot surgery. Well, lets just say I let my guard down and some of my boundaries and we recently split up. It’s been about 2 weeks now. He has a serious drinking issue and he’s made many comments he wants to change but can’t. He’s been seeing a bartender for a week now. I feel very betrayed and used. I had a relationship in the past with a crack addict and he kept coming back until 1 day I said NO MORE.. With this relationship I have such a heavy heart because I said something “in a very drunken stupor” that I would never say to anyone. I have apologized to him and asked for his forgiveness, because, you see I am human and I make bad choices too. I haven’t slept well since this falling out and I am beside myself that he could just walk away because of some unkind words. I pray, if it is God’s will, that we reconcile. If it isn’t, I pray that God helps me get thru this sorrow and guilt. I also pray that God watches over Dwight while he is in this spiral. Because I know this bartender and she won’t be there for him when his kidneys give out or he gets another DUI.

  • Kelly

    Hello everyone…. i am in a similar situation as Sean….ever since i started dating my boyfriend i have always had constant worries and fears that he might leave me for someone else… i have been very insecure to a point that i was always accusing him of things that were not even there…i have always over analyzed situations and everything that he did… it reached a point where we were having fights almost every three days because of my worries and overthinking and fears… we have dated for a year and two months now…all this while he has always assured me that there’s nothing going on and that he did not get with me just to hurt me.. i could sense sincerity in his words but i would still find myself worrying and having fears… its when i started praying to God for help as the fights were not only draining him but me too. I deep down knew he loved me so much but with the fights and constant words of me ending the relationship made people start thinking that he is in the wrong… Until February this year , it is when i started feeling that he is slowly withdrawing from the relationship and its when i have been praying a lot for healing and for things to be okay,, but every time i do things get worse …we tend to fight a lot and he gets to be pushed away even further to a point where now he has tried to end the relationship about three times every time we fight…just this weekend he called it quits again after another argument but we made out again but still i can sense him withdrawing ..on saturday after i questioned him about other things he explained how he now talks alot with a certain girl as he feels like he gets peace from her than when he is talking with me…i just feel like God has been silent on me for a while… i have prayed for the fruits of the holy spirit in my relationship and for things to work….i don’t want to lose him as he is slowly slipping off my hands…please help

  • tanya howard

    Thanks you this have been really helpful I am going through some difficult times right now. I know that am to keep everything in God hand but sometimes it is overwhelmed .

  • Joy hn

    I thank God for this article. I’m currently going through a break up and I’m hurting big time. I know the process as I’ve been here before, but it doesn’t stop the pain going away. I fell in love with a man who wasn’t right for me, because he accuse me of things I didn’t do, which was more of a reflection of him than me, there were more negative qualities and traits, but you can’t help who you fall in love with. It’s only been a few days so the feeling is still quite raw. The mornings are particularly hard, we were only together for 5 months, but we were bonding. There is an empty space and I think that’s why it’s difficult. I used to pray to God was in a relationship and he would show me signs. I’m not angry with God now but he appears to be very quiet. I continue to pray and thank him and praise him. I know this is gods plan I just need to go through with it.
    I needed words of encouragement and this was it.
    I’m so disappointed the relationship has ended like this. Him thinking I’m something I’m not, when I invested quite a bit in a short time you were together. God knows.

    God continue to bless you and your writing.

  • Sean

    Hello everyone, I on the other hand am a male that’s crying and praying for his partner back. Me and my girlfriend broke up today. We have been breaking up just for a few days and the make up but today she decided to call it quits. Last year when we started dating, I didn’t appreciate her enough cause I was going through depression and I kept pushing her away and she still stayed, within that period of depression I verbally cheated on her and regret it with all my heart. On December I realized that I was about to lose her cause she was fed up with me and my actions for 6 months. So from December till today March 19 I have been a changed man, I have been praying every single day for God to help us to become okay. Jan & Feb have been the most toughest for us cause she was hurt, emotionally numb for the relationship and having lack of interest towards the relationship but she kept on pushing and trying to fight the negative emotions until she gave up now. So she decided to break things off today 🙁 I have been praying to God for his help to restore our love for the relationship but now am I scared to pray again because I feel as if I am annoying God. I really pray that he helps us restore this broken relationship. 🙁
    Any advice?

    • Joy hn

      You will never annoy God. The Bible says ‘pray without ceasing ‘ express to her what you have expressed here . And ask God to let his will be done – ultimately .

  • Joy hn

    I’m writing this as I sit with a broken heart. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. Because he was accusing me of things that were totally unfounded. He has a marijuana problem and I feel he has psychosis. the accusations just made me think how much he’s been affected by the marijuana. the problem is I love him and feel as though I’ve abandoned him yes I’m not with someone who is sound of mind. I can’t get over the pain I lack motivation. I need a word of encouragement or advice. My relationship seems we’ve failed and I know I’m the common denominator. What am I doing so wrong. I’m prayerful over all my relationships.

    • Melissa

      I’m beyond broken!
      My husband cheated on me about 2 yrs ago and we tried couples counseling and went twice, but then started going separately. He works out of town and it’s really hard to hold a solid relationship when you aren’t face to face. Communication always seems to be an issues. He was working a job a few states away for the past 11 months and I never went to see him. It was like I was on auotopilot.. living every day without really being aware of how bad I was hurting him. I was just focused on me. We have a small child together, but despite my husband begging me to come see him I let my emotions take over. I still hadn’t forgiven him for what he had done. I got baptized March 25th 2018 and my husband isn’t a believer. He feels people are too quick to judge. Long story short… the weekend of Valentine’s Day he came home an I left with our child to go on a ski trip with church. He made me feel guilty about going. It was paid for an I begged him to change his mind, but he wouldn’t. When we got back home he left the next day for another job 3 hrs away. I figured we could work it out, but he called me that night picked a fight with me an said oh an by the way I’m not coming back home. Completely devastated I’ve been begging him to work things out and he says he doesn’t want to try anymore. I’m now faced with loosing everything I had. It’s affecting me mentally and emotionally an I can’t seem to hold myself together. He’s filing for a separation and I can’t understand why he’s just giving up. We have both hurt each other, but haven’t been able to communicate. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to work on us, but he says he’s not interested. Any advice out there?

    • Tammy Hearn

      I came home on March 22,2019 and walked into my home and discovered that my husband had left. This is the 4th time this has happened over our 13 years of marriage. He has cheated, mentally and emotionally abused me and talked to family and friends badly about me. I am a cancer survivor a little over a year. I know now that I have never been a main priority to him nor will I ever be. This hurts so much. I don’t want a divorce but maybe it’s for the best

  • Abby

    Thank you so much for this writeup….My hubby has neither called nor text me for close to 2months now…We had just a little arguement and since then He has refused to reply my messages, he blocked me from his whatsapp…My marriage completed a year in january…it was during our wedding anniversary we had the arguement…My hubby is very hot tempered, he gets angry at the slight little things…Could you believe that the arguement we had was concerning my going to church…he doesnt go to church and he doesnt want me to go either…He said so many lies about me to his family in order for them to hate me…His mum and sisters are all supporting him, i never did any thing wrong to them yet they supported him…All his sisters blocked me from their whatsapp after he lied to them…Am really going through alot here…Have prayed to God to restore my marriage yet am nt seeing result, My mum told me that if it is the will of God let God’s will be done..She advised me to try and forget about everything because she saw that i wasnt always happy…Am really going through alot here…Am 27 yrs old and my hubby is 41yrs old…He doesnt even care about his future, he was always threatening me with divorce whenever we had a little quarrel…I live in Nigeria and he is living in europe..Am sure he must have moved on with another Lady…Am always praying to God to heal my heart.

    • Joy hn

      Abby I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you hear from God soon. To not accept your wife going to church is an issues . Do you live apart ?

      • Abies Osagiede

        yes we live apart…i live in Nigeria and he is schooling in europe…i called his brother’s wife 2weeks ago and she was advicing me to move on and that my hubby told her he is no longer interested in me anymore…it is well