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A broken relationship is one of life’s most painful experiences. Whether it’s a breakup, divorce or death – losing someone you love breaks your heart. Your first and most natural reaction might be to ask God to restore your relationship, especially if the breakup or separation was unexpected.
Sometimes God reunites couples and families, but He doesn’t always restore relationships that are broken. My inspiration to write this article came from a She Blossoms reader whose boyfriend broke up with her. She can’t get over him or let him go even though more than a year has passed. She asked for help knowing what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.
“My boyfriend mentioned he was having cold feet about our upcoming marriage,” said L. on How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About. “I thought it was normal and he’d get over it soon. I prayed for him and asked the Lord to help him. But then my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he lost interest in our relationship. I cried my heart out. I thought my heart would stop beating. I begged my boyfriend to stay with me. It’s been almost 1.5 years since the breakup but I can’t get over him. I still think about him a lot and keep praying that the Lord will restore our broken relationship. God is silent about this. The last time I begged my ex-boyfriend to come back, he said he was already in another relationship. I feel completely rejected. How do I forget him completely?”
Whether or not God restores your relationship, the first thing you have to do is stop begging your ex-boyfriend come back to you! Your pain and desperation to have him back in your life is understandable. You’re hurt and your heart is shattered, but don’t let your emotions rule your life. But you have to rise above your feelings. Don’t let your emotions overwhelm and rule you, or you’ll find yourself doing and saying things you’ll regret one day. Even more importantly, don’t let disappointment destroy your self-identity or hurt your relationship with God. A broken relationship has the potential to destroy your life…but only if you let it.
Instead of falling into the trap of begging your ex to come back to you, take your power back. This is especially important when you’re scared you’ll never be loved.
How to Cope With a Broken Relationship
We’ll cover three things in this article: why focusing on broken relationships is a problem, how it’s affecting your self-identity, and what to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship.
First, though, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Losing someone you love – even if you initiated the breakup or left an unhealthy relationship – is painful and sad. It’s hard to let go. It’s hard to start over. It’s hard to feel the pain of a broken heart and to know the world is marching right along without you. Let yourself grieve. Be good to yourself while you’re grieving. Part of accepting a breakup – especially when you’re hoping and praying God restores your broken relationship – is giving yourself time and space to heal gently.
Why focusing on the breakup is a problem
If you are thinking about this broken relationship a lot, then your energy and emotions are not being used in healthy ways. You’re wasting your time wishing your life was different and reliving the moment your boyfriend broke up with you. You long to be married to him today. You’re fixating on the past and missing the beauty and potential of the present and future.
Clinging to your disappointment the God hasn’t restored this relationship gives you a permanent negative mindset. Instead of seeing the possibilities in front of you today, you’re reliving the pain of the past. Instead of rebuilding and growing forward in your life, you’re regressing and burying yourself in yesterday. Focusing on the breakup and your ex-boyfriend is a problem because it’s destroying your life. You can’t grow forward if all you see are obstacles to overcoming your broken heart.
How this broken relationship is affecting your self-identity
Who are you without this man in your life? It sounds like you’re single, sad, lonely, depressed, and desperate. You sound insecure and scared. You’re not enjoying your own company or freedom. You don’t think you’re lovable or worthy. It doesn’t sound like you believe another man will love you for who you are. These are lies that the deceiver wants you to believe.
When God doesn’t restore a broken relationship in your life, He is trying to teach you something. There is a reason why you and your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband are not meant to be together. What do you need to learn from this experience? One of the most important lessons for all women – especially Christian women – is that a man cannot be the main source of identity. Only Jesus can be the source of your self-worth and self-esteem. If you’re shattered and heartbroken because of this breakup, your identity is set on the wrong thing. Your self-worth is set on a man, not God.
What to do when God doesn’t restore a broken relationship
It’s time to rebuild your self identity by restoring your relationship with God. This is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. When you’re self-worth and self-esteem is set by your relationship with Jesus, nothing can destroy it! Not a breakup, not a divorce, and not even at death. When your sense of self identity is set on God nothing can take it away from you.
Accept that this breakup had to happen. Know that it is God’s best for you in this season of your life. If you call yourself a Christian woman who believes in God, then you must accept all the good and bad things God allows into your life. This includes broken relationships. It also includes accepting that God doesn’t always restore relationships.
Be firm with yourself
If you’ve been struggling to accept this breakup for more than a few months, you are allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity you are being. You’re being weak. You’re listening to the lies that the deceiver is telling you – lies that you’re not good enough to be loved, that that last relationship was the only one for you, and that will never be happy again. You’re falling into the trap of self-pity.
You must decide to start fresh. A huge part of starting fresh is re-creating your life by reconnecting with God in deeper and healthier ways. He is calling you – that’s why you’re here, reading this article! You found She Blossoms for a reason: God wants you flourish and bloom into who He created you to be. You’re here because Jesus is calling you. You’re here because it’s time to let go of the past stop asking why God hasn’t restored your broken relationship, and start moving forward into the new season He has planned.
Find a fresh source of life, peace, hope and joy in God. This will give you strength, motivation, and a purpose to heal and grow forward in your life. Read How to Find God and Heal Your Broken Heart.
Your thoughts on restoring broken relationships are welcome below. Writing is one of the best ways to discover what to do when God doesn’t restore a relationship you want. I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.