“My marriage fell apart and I’m scared my heart will never heal,” says a She Blossoms reader. She asked for help coping after her husband left her, and for ideas on how to trust God for healing her broken heart. She knows God has a plan for her…but what is it? How will she find it? When will His will start unfolding in her life?
And above all – how does a wounded heart heal when a marriage ends?
These five tips for healing after a marriage falls apart are inspired by her — and by you! You’re here for a reason. You haven’t found “She Blossoms” by accident. You’re searching for more than ways to find healing after losing a man you love. You’re searching for meaning, fulfillment, and love. You’re searching for something real and refreshing to fill the emptiness in your heart. Rejoice, for you’ve come to the right place! These tips on how to heal your heart after a marriage falls apart will get you started on the journey…
Here’s the rest of my reader’s comment:
“I am still struggling with the worst anxiety I’ve ever had in my life, because of marriage breakup. He left me after 32 years, about two years ago. I’m still a mess. I’m trying to leave all my sadness and sorrow, to let it go. I’m trying to trust that God wants me to be exactly where I am at this stage of my life. I’m practicing believing in Him – but it’s so hard. I am honestly, so very sad and hurt. Trying to get through each day with a severely broken heart. I’m scared that I am never really going to heal my heart. But surely God must have some plan for me? I hope so…”
This reader emailed me in response to my last newsletter, which you can read in What Are You Struggling With? Blossom Tip 32. Feel free to sign up for my weekly “She Blossoms” newsletter and email me your thoughts in response to my weekly emails. I don’t give advice, but I’ll walk beside you as you find your own way home.
5 Ways to Heal After Your Marriage Falls Apart
My “She Blossoms” articles — especially the ones about healing after the end of a relationship or marriage — are often broken up into five different categories. These “Blossom Tips” ensure I cover the whole spectrum of who you are: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips help you identify which works best for you.
We always start with a firm spiritual foundation, for how else does one Blossom?
1. Spirit – Stop trying to Blossom into a new life
One of my most memorable comments from a reader is, “I’m trying so hard to Blossom, but I just can’t get anywhere!” I love this because it’s so wrong. Flowers don’t try to bloom, trees don’t try to grow, and weeds don’t try to flourish. They bloom, grow and flourish because they’re simply doing what God created them to do. They are growing upwards and becoming more of themselves. When they get damaged and broken, they heal by receiving His light, water, sustenance and power.
If you’re trying hard to heal after your marriage has fallen apart, you’re starting from the wrong place. Instead of trying to heal your heart, learn how to accept and receive healing from the Great Healer. Instead of trying hard to recover and move on, you need to rest and receive His flow of light, love and life.
2. Heart – Learn how other hearts heal
I’ve experienced devastating losses and heartbreaking family estrangements. Most of us have. Nobody is protected from the pain of love and loss. My marriage hasn’t fallen apart, but other relationships have. I didn’t think I’d ever recover from the grief of losing certain relationships…but you know what? I did.
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love, I share practical tips for healing a heart after any type of loss or relationship breakup.
What helped me heal? A combination of Christian counseling and — more importantly — experiencing and allowing the Father’s love to change my heart. He is the true and only healer of broken hearts, from the beginning of time. Only He will revive your spirit and heal your heart after your marriage falls apart. The most powerful way to heal is change what your heart is set on. If it’s set on marriage, then you’ll find healing more difficult. If it’s set on acceptance and surrender to a new season – and a new purpose – then you’ll find it easier to flow into a new life.
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Learn how the love of Jesus can change your heart. Go deeper than believing in God and reading your Bible! Learn what it means to actually have a relationship with Jesus. Explore your faith. Instead of trying to heal your heart, try to learn who God is and how His presence changes people’s lives. Look for people who have relationships with God, whose hearts have been healed and relationships renewed, replenished, redeemed. Seek God, and you will find healing for your heart. Your marriage may have fallen apart, but your eternity rests in His loving, good hands.
3. Soul – See the “and” in your healing process
You are healing your heart AND you are grieving the end of your relationship. You are slowly growing AND you are learning how to be alone after years of marriage. You aren’t just broken, and you aren’t fully healed. You’re both broken and healing, wounded and growing, fallen and rising. You are many things, all at once. Learning how to heal your heart when your marriage falls apart involves accepting that you’re both broken and whole.
There is a season and a time for everything under the sun. Give yourself time to heal your heart, especially after a relationship falls apart. And, start thinking about how you’ll redirect your thoughts and focus. You need to be disciplined and strategic about how you’ll help your heart heal — which we’ll cover in the “Brain Blossoms” tip below.
4. Body – Take a deep breath
How do you feel? What does your body need? If you feel heavy and weighed down, you may need something as simple as a walk.
You’d be amazed at how heart-healing a walk is, even after something as devastating as a marriage falling apart.
Maybe you need a more serious exercise or fitness plan, an external motivation to recover your lost physical energy and health. Maybe you need a coach, nutritionist, or massage therapist.
Listen to your body. Maybe you’re depressed, angry or bitter because you haven’t learned how to forgive your ex-husband for breaking your heart. Maybe you’re exhausted because you’re fighting an uphill battle alone. Maybe learning how to heal your heart is less important than finding physical resources to get through this stage of your life.
What do you need? Figure it out. Then, talk to someone about how you can get what you need to heal and move on. Make it as simple as that.
5. Brain – Find a new purpose in life
It is finished. The marriage you had — even if you end up reconciling after a separation — is over. That season of your life has ended, and you need to decide you will move forward.
It’s time to stop focusing on how you feel and how hurt your heart is. It’s time to figure out what your next steps in life are. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you still hurt! Of course you’re hurt; your marriage ended. It’s a terrible loss, and it’s not fair. But it’s reality…and it’s time for you to accept your life for what it is, and choose to move forward into a new season.
What do you think about my tips for healing your heart after a marriage ends? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
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Share your thoughts below - you won't be judged or criticized! I read every comment, but can't always respond personally. If you need relationship help, get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage - and FREE advice, no strings attached.
If you need relationship help, get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage - and FREE advice, no strings attached.