10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship

You can’t ignore it anymore: your boyfriend makes you feel bad and you know he isn’t treating you with love or respect. You aren’t sure, so you’re searching for the warning signs of a bad relationship. You’ve come to the right place! It may be hard to even think that your relationship isn’t healthy, but the truth will set you free. The truth will give you courage and strength…if you let it.

In a good relationship, you feel sure of your boyfriend without constantly having to ask for reassurance or approval. You feel accepted, loved, and secure in your love for him and his for you. One of the biggest warning signs of a bad relationship is feeling unsure and insecure with your partner. Another warning sign of an unhappy or unhealthy relationship is searching for ways to cope when your boyfriend makes you feel bad! If you don’t have a good feeling about your relationship, something is wrong.

After I list 10 signs of bad relationships, I summarize new research that describes how to predict if a relationship will last. It’s an interesting study that tests instinctive word associations with regard to the health of a relationship. For example, if you automatically think negative or bad words when you’re asked different questions about your boyfriend, then your relationship is worse than you want to admit.

Here’s one of my favorite signs of a good relationship, from Winnie the Pooh:

Piglet walked up to Pooh.

“Pooh!” whispers Piglet.

“Yes, Piglet?”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.

“I just wanted to be sure of you.”

In a good relationship, you reach out and are sure of your boyfriend. If your boyfriend isn’t there when you reach out physically or emotionally — or, worse, if your boyfriend is treating you bad — then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. If you can’t say, “I just wanted to be sure of you” to your boyfriend, then you can’t be honest. And that is a warning sign of a bad relationship.

Blossom Tips Warning Signs Bad Relationships
Signs of a Good Relationship

10 Warning Signs of Bad Relationships

Perhaps the worst sign of all types of bad relationships is the first one: secrets. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend or husband – and if you can’t tell anyone what he says and does to you – then it’s a bad relationship. Another important sign of an unhealthy relationship is how you feel. Are you jealous of other people’s relationships? If you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved when you’re with your boyfriend or husband, then you may be stuck in unhealthy patterns and attitudes.

Are you keeping secrets from your boyfriend or husband? Are you keeping secrets from your family and friends about your boyfriend, by protecting him from his own behavior or choices? Have you lost yourself in your relationship? Secrets and lies are warning signs that something isn’t right.

1. You keep his actions and words a secret

If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does, then you may not be in a healthy loving relationship. If you lie to protect him, then it’s time to get out of that bad relationship. You’re not just with the wrong guy…you’re being the wrong type of woman.

Examples of keeping secrets include: lying or deceiving your loved ones about how your husband treats your children, hiding things your boyfriend broke or ruined because he was angry, and not talking about the names he calls you or the things he asks or makes you do. The more secrets you keep, the more you’re hiding. The more you hide, the worse your relationship is.

2. He isn’t happy with you, and he wants you to change

If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are, then you can’t feel truly secure or comfortable with him. This is one of the biggest warning signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re self-employed or unemployed, rich or poor, big or small, or tall or short. And, you should love and accept your boyfriend for who he i – self-employed or unemployed, rich or poor, big or small, or tall or short.

Are you happy with yourself? If you’re getting your sense of identity or self-esteem from your boyfriend or partner instead of a divine source of love, you’ll never feel truly happy with who you are. No matter how your boyfriend feels about you, you need to find ways to love and accept yourself.

If your boyfriend or husband isn’t a loving man, learn how to cope when he says he’s not in love with you.

3. Your boyfriend or husband is suspicious and jealous

Constant phone calls, demands on your time, and jealous fits are NOT signs of love. If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems.

Warning signs of abusive relationships include lack of trust, lack of respect, and an inability or unwillingness to allow freedom. Does your boyfriend or husband try to control you or your children? Talk to someone you trust in person. You can share your comments here, you can write about a more specific warning sign of a bad relationship, but please talk to someone in person. Bring it out, whatever you’re going through. Get it out of the dark, into the light.

Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship Blossom Tips
Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship

4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others

If he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel stupid or ugly, then he’s no good for you. Maybe he’s critical or negative, or he never has anything good to say about you, your home, your kids, or anything you do. You know it’s not right, yet you can’t leave. You know you deserve better, but you feel trapped and helpless. He’s set it up this way, and you’re allowing him to keep you down.

You do not have to stay in a bad relationship. Even if you only recognize one of these warning signs – and even if you have six children and a mortgage together – you do not have to stay with a man who is abusive.

5. You don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship

Does your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions – or do you? An unequal balance of power is a sign of a bad relationship, and a sign it’s time to get out. If you aren’t being treated equally, it might be time to consider leaving him.

Are you submissive and subservient to your husband, or afraid of telling your boyfriend what you really think and feel? Warning signs of bad relationships!! There’s a difference between healthy compromise and unhealthy servanthood. The healthiest relationships involve give and take, which means we take turns giving and taking. Your husband should not patronize you or treat you like a child, housekeeper, errand runner, or slave.

If you’re financially dependent on your husband, read How to Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money.

6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals

If you can’t agree on financial issues, family matters, or goals for your future, then you may want to think twice about your relationship. Nobody has the exact same plans for the future, but the happiest couples have the same focus for their lives and futures.

Not having the same goals isn’t necessarily a sign of a bad relationship, but it is an indication that you’re not headed in the same direction. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be together. It means you need to align yourselves toward the same goals, or accept that you’re going in two totally different directions.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what could be.

7. Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves you

Maybe he says, “You’re the best, love you a lot, you know I miss you, you know how I feel about you” — but he only sees you once a week. Maybe he doesn’t text or call you, and he spends more time with his friends or at work than with you.

Believe his nonverbal behavior (his actions) over his verbal behavior (talk is cheap!). Do not believe what he says. Believe what he DOES. Unless, of course, he says he doesn’t love you or he can’t commit to a relationship. Then you should believe him.

Read 4 Ways to Tell If Your Husband is Lying About Cheating for help identifying verbal versus nonverbal behavior.

Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship
10 Warning Signs of Bad Relationships

8. You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship

If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy. Feeling insecure and unsure are two warning signs of bad relationships that should never be ignored.

How do you feel about yourself – separate from your boyfriend or husband? Who are you? What is your source of identity and self-image? Don’t rely on your man to make you feel good about yourself. He is an addition to your life. A boyfriend or husband is not your whole life, and he should not be the source of your self-esteem. If your self-image is dependent on a man’s love (or lack of love), then you’re setting yourself up for a broken and unhealthy sense of self.

9. Your family and friends aren’t supportive of your relationship

I don’t think we should choose our boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but I do think we should take their opinions into consideration! If your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective.

If your boyfriend or husband makes you feel bad about yourself, read The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman’s Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Patricia Evans. If you’re in a bad relationship, learn how to empower yourself, improve your relationship, and change your life for the better.

10. You’re searching for warning signs of a bad relationship

The most important warning sign of love gone bad is your instincts and gut feelings. Why are you worrying about your relationship? Would you want your sister, best friend, or daughter to be in this relationship? To find the strength and courage to either fix or leave a bad relationship, you may need to talk to a marriage counselor.

If these signs of bad relationships are pointing you out the door, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote it for a reader who has identified all the signs his relationship is over, but he fears being alone.

Help for Bad Relationships

Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved by Lundy Bancroft will help you see if your “bad relationship” is really as bad as you think it is.

warning signs of a bad relationship

Leaving a bad relationship is difficult, and it’s important not to make an impulsive decision. It’s also important to listen to the still small voice of your inner self! You know what you need to do, even if you’re afraid to proceed.

Research About the Signs of Bad Relationships

What does your partner say or think about you? Here’s a way to tell if a relationship is going to fall apart: find out what people really think about their partners. The researchers in a new study used a so-called implicit relationship test, which shows how people automatically respond to words. The sign of a bad relationship in this case is whether people link words with pleasant or unpleasant meanings when they’re referring to their partner.

A sign of a toxic relationship isn’t just about feelings

Most research on good and bad relationships has focused on how the people in the relationship feel about each other. And this is usually done by the obvious route: asking them.

“But the difficulty with that is, that assumes that they know themselves how happy they are, and that’s not always the case,” says Ronald D. Rogge, of the University of Rochester. “To make things worse, a lot of people don’t want to tell you if they’re starting to feel less happy in their relationship.”

What words come to mind when you think of your relationship?

The words you choose when you think about your partner are signs of how healthy your relationship is.

The 222 volunteers in their study were all involved in a romantic relationship. Each volunteer supplied the partner’s first name and two other words that related to the partner, like a pet name or a distinctive characteristic. Then they watched a monitor as three types of words were presented one at a time – good words (like peace, vacation, or sharing), bad words (such as death, tragedy, and criticizing), and partner-related words (names or traits). There were two different kinds of tests: one where the volunteer was supposed to press the space bar whenever they saw either good words or partner-related words, and one where the combination was bad words and partner words.

The idea is to get at people’s automatic reactions to the words – if they have generally good associations with their partners, they should be able to do the first task more easily than the second.

Warning Signs of Bad Relationships
Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship

Bad relationships are linked to unpleasant word associations

The researchers found that volunteers who found it easy to associate their partner with bad things and difficult to associate the partner with good things were more likely to separate over the next year. The researchers also asked volunteers to report on the strength of their relationships at the start of the study – and found that the new test did a much better job of predicting breakup.

What do you think of these signs of bad relationships? I welcome your comments below. I can’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share what you’re going through. Writing often brings clarity and insight, especially if you’re confused or uncertain about your relationship.

Your soul is whispering something to you. Slow down so you can hear it.” If you’re still not sure, read Signs He Doesn’t Love You the Way You Need to Be Loved.


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244 thoughts on “10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship”

  1. I have read your warning signs of a bad relationship and i have definitely been thru some of the things you have mentioned. Your articles are really helpfull. I should really talk to him about our problems that we seems to have like everyday. I would like for you to give me some advice please. So here are my questions. If we fight everyday does that mean i should leave him or should i keep fightin back? How do you know if he really loves you? What should i do if he insults me and calls me names like bad names? Are these really bad warning signs of a bad relationship? Should i tell him what i really feel and think about his attitude? If you can atleast answer me some of these question that’ll be great. Thank you very much.

  2. He told me two days before Christmas that he was gonna move out because he couldn’t forget the girlfriend he had 20 years ago. we have been married for 19 years and all of a sudden he can’t for get her. I asked him if there was someone else he said no, he said that it was hard for him to be home thinking of his old girlfriend. A couple a weeks later I found out he has been talking and seeing a lady from work. After I found out I was devastated but also upset because for weeks now months he has me thinking when is he going to leave. I would tell him I love you and he would answer back but in the beginning of this month I told him I love you and he told me he couldn’t respond back to me. I was so upset and wanted to yell at him why he was still here with us (3 teenager girls, my toddler son and I). That Saturday he told me he would be leaving the following day. Guess what he didn’t and he acted like if we didn’t argue and cried the night before. A week ago we were outside playing some music on youtube ans I was looking for a song and a text came in from her and I decided to read the text that he had not deleted and he told her that he liked her alot and she replied that she to liked him. By the end of the night after he had his phone back he had deleted the text. We don’t talk during the week only on the weekends due to him being drinking and me joining him. I haven’t told him that I know about this other lady in his life (not his olf girlfriend), I just don’t know what to do? I am blessed that my parents didn’t raise a lazy woman and I can happy support my family with out him and he is well aware of that so I am not sure why he continues to be here if he doesn’t want to? Please give me some advice, I am going crazy holding all this in

  3. The first step — and perhaps the hardest! — is to recognize the warning signs of a bad relationship. Then, it takes time to think about what you’ll do and how you’ll respond. Sometimes it takes months or even years to make a move, or figure out what changes to consider. Give yourself time to accept that you’re in a bad place in your relationship or marriage. Let it sink in…and slowly your mind, heart and soul will kick into “survival mode.” Slowly you’ll start to consider your options…and slowly you’ll start planning who to confide in, what to say, what you need, and what steps you need to take next.

    For now, maybe just give yourself time to adjust to the idea that your relationship isn’t what you hoped or expected it’d be. And be gentle, kind, and compassionate with yourself.

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of.

  4. As I read this, tears are streaming down my face! After almost 14 years of marriage I’m realizing that my marriage is in a bad place. I’m ashamed, I don’t want to tell my parents as this would really upset them. I don’t want to be alone. I have become dependent on him and I don’t know if I have the strength to make it alone. I know in my heart I deserve more from a partner. My husband brings out my worst behavior. I know I should leave, but I don’t know how. We don’t have kids (he’s got an adult daughter, now married with a kid of her own) but we have none together. I read all 10 signs below and listed things that hurt me. I was able to identify with 7 of the 10 items. He calls me names, tells me my feelings are ridiculous and that I’m delusional. He tells me I don’t put others before me and I can’t remember the last time I was given a compliment. He called me a sh*t bag yesterday. I left the house and spent the night in the car in a parking lot. We make decent money so I could have stayed in a hotel, I just feel like it would be wasted (my self worth is very low). Words of affirmation and affection are my key love language. One he doesn’t know how to speak at all. His primary love languages are acts of service & physical touch. Most of the time I don’t want him touching me. I am empty inside and I need some guidance. I have my friends, but I don’t want to burden them with my issues. My two closest friends are dealing with aging parents and health/life issues of their own.

  5. Hello, thank you so much for writing this article. I believe that it does confirm that I am terribly unhappy in my relationship with my boyfriend. I am a very strong woman but feel that I am useless in this relationship. At times there are glimmers of hope and he does make me happy in the small ordinary ways a relationship again. But I have had constant talks with him In regards to just being physically intimate once in a while. I know that he is in the shower every night so there’s nothing left for me. We talked about it and he admits that he does do it. But sex is never something that he wants for me. I always have to initiate and when I do it’s more of a chore than an experience Of love and furthering our growing relationship together. Also he doesn’t have anywhere else to go so I feel as if I am stuck with this relationship whether I like it or not. He doesn’t have enough money to go out on his own and his relationships with his family have been cut. I don’t know what to do.

  6. me and husbands been married for year and lately he been giving money out that we need I try to talk to him about but he keeps on doing it iam just about at the end of my rope and dont know what else to do but I have people telling me he as to pay his debt I have been paying the rent and the electric bills but we never have money for personal care I get so stressed out about this

    1. Tiffany, what the heck is he spending money on? Is he gambling, doing something illegal or what? No fair that you have to pay the monthly bills because he’s broke. I don’t understand how this happens in a marriage.

  7. Hi I’ve been in my marriage 10 years with 2 young children! I really just don’t know why and what I feel anymore. I don’t know who I am at all. My husband criticises every idea I have, always finds excuses when I try to make plans for our family to have fun or to do something together. I try plan for the future and he just responds with hmmm, no enthusiasium, when I do go on and on he researched it and shows me all the bad reasons to why my idea is bad! he lives each day as it comes. We both work and I really get excited when Friday comes to spend time with my family (him & kids) but he sees it as chill. My excitement to enjoy life is always shut down by him. I feel so lonely and isolated as I have no friends anymore as all I ever wanted to do it enjoy and do things together who I thought was my soul mate so I always opted not to go anywhere with others, I have fallen out with family as he says he wouldn’t go anywhere with them as they don’t basically act like him or when we have offered them to come out with us they have said No but he knows they have gone with other people. He doesn’t speak to his family and hasn’t since before I met him 13 years ago. I just want to feel happy,safe and enjoy the little things in life whilst keeping my brain active and learning new things. I’ve asked him to start dance classes with me, take on another language? But he really obviously doesn’t love me enough to say yes just for a little bit of making me happy. And spending time together rather than being the working mum and dad, I have said all this to him and he reckons he will try to change but it doesn’t he is a constant moaner, never shows excitement and just a complete downer on everything really. However can’t take that he does work hard to provide for his family but extra duties or sees me doing something to help people he says you should look after your own. I feel suffocated and unable to ask him to leave as my kids hearts would be broken, however if I walk away what kind of a mum would I be?? I would actually be my own mum! And that is something I swore I would never be.
    All I want is to be happy and have my husband have the same interests with me, to grow old together. I am a very excitable person and grateful just to have a belly laugh and even a dance if we have a drink together at home, but No he moans and doesn’t even dad dance.

  8. I really enjoy when my boyfriend and I hold hands and kiss…..he turns me on. I have chemistry with this man but his brain is messed up. He has real mental issues that come and go. He gets really intense sorting out conversation sometimes and is stuck on the past a lot. He is up and down and all around…..I am scared of him 50% of the time because he blows up and goes insane if he cannot translate or understand simple conversation. He makes me crazy……so unhealthy for me…..I know!

    1. Thought the same thing. Why does this article not address women or show signs of self-centeredness, physical and emotional unavailability, and hypocrisy? More study should be done communication and key phrases or key responses.

  9. Ca ok, my name is Carl, I have been in the same relationship for a whopping 15 years, I have a son find a previous marriage in which the only father he knows is my husband now and missed previous children by 2 previous woman, one boy, one girl, we’ve, always had half and half custody with the boys and focus on the girl now that being said, i’ve been through a lot in the past 3 years, lots happened, and a lot has changed.I am have not required for financing my sorry or physically. I am last time mom, which was my best friend, my mentor in everything suddenly.all of this, she had the gall to call me and tell me I need to hurry up and get home, which I had 2 of my kids with me and my 2 littlest ones, because he can go with the others, I also lost my job of 10 years, he was making it impossible to maintain 2 I’m busy companys books payroles, bills up keep on fed state count and city laws, employees hires, fires, needs, and continuing expansion of both. then I was also for 5 years involved in a 2 week walk a Thon for awareness poor Cancer in this i and 8 others were’re the only food source plus donated 100% of food plus any money completely to the cause. Then I and my mom a week after that I’d personally cooked a meal for 75 homeless people and 10 poor family thanksgiving lunch and dinner plus desert hot coco and in December we cooked 10 times for 35 homeless people 6 days 3 meals giving away blankets coats clothing shoes even money not much 100 dollars to 4 people that’s a) I had. I did this because I loved it. Now I’m osolated and worthless.
    He tells how stupid it is to help people because It will never help and I couldn’t possible make a difference so i dumb for waisting time. I am? I don’t even see my future. I am stuck!!! in this relationship I don’t know whats wrong with me. I know ive left better relationships then this, a lot better and now I’m lost. I know I’m stubborn, I feel like this is the last thing that I had in my life,is my family and you never quit on family. He tells me to go kill myself he tells me how I age wrong. Every day he goes out of his way to put me down and trys to convince me that I’m doing something wrong or whatever he sees I’ve done he will tell) me how wrong I did it how bad it looks then hell finish it up with how dumb I am to even do it because it’s always the wrong time or day always all the time..what can or should I do please or can I even make it work. What do I do?

  10. Hi everyone,
    I need you opinion on something. I have been with a man for over 3 months, at first it started very well, but…..after 2 months we had our first fights. The last one was epic; he found out that I visited my guy best friend the week before. I mentioned to him I was at my mom’s. I had left an appointment with my therapist that night and I needed to talk to my best friend of 7 years (like my brother). My current partner could not help me and I naturally shared to a good friend my emotions.
    I did not mention the truth to avoid conflict because my current boyfriend feels insecure about my friendship. He learned this information by creeping at my deleted work emails. Yes it was a lie, nevertheless it was not to hurt him and it was my secret garden. We all have this little hidden garden were we sometimes need to vent, such as leaving work a little early and watch a movie before starting the evening routine at home ( I may be the only one).
    It caused a huge commotion, and he does not trust me anymore. I apologized, and promised to always tell him the trust no matter the consequences. I get that he was upset and hurt. However, after this situation he asked that I stop talking to my best friend and that he did not want to meet him or get to know him. I found this controlling, especially mentioning that all of this was my fault.
    All I did was talk to my best friend for advice, I know I lied about my visit, and I explained the reasons why I did. The same day he cancelled the plans we had for the weekend with his kids explaining that he was unsure of the relationship and that the only way was for me to stop all communications with my best friend. I mean I am 35 and him 42, I figured childish and immaturity diminished with time….He also pointed his finger in my face and said ‘F YOU” right in my face.
    I understand he was hurt and that I lied, but is this really all my fault?

    1. Holy smokes. I hope you are okay and that you are safe. I’ve been in an almost identical situation. Please get out. It will not get better. It will intensify. Please run. Just run.

  11. This is such a great place to be when sorting out problems, gaining strength and encouragement. Being in a bad relationship is like an addiction to cigarettes…..you’ve got to quit and it is so difficult at first. Each day gets easier and easier and before you know it…..the craving is gone. Willpower is gained when I know that there are other women out there who support me and listen to me and have similar issues. It is up to me to be strong and get my life back on track…..I need you all to listen and stay with me during this transition. I am still a little weak because all I think about is the good times…..isn’t that how it works? I need to focus on the BAD stuff because it is much more powerful and what I am running from.


      Ive been dating a diagnosed schizophrenia and had no idea what I was in for. He yells and slams doors and jumps to conclusions. He thinks everybody is looking at him, laughing at him or yelling at him. Well, I swore I was done with him and was never calling or talking with him again. Sounds easy but I have a weakness for him. I stupidly contacted him…he answered quickly and it was ok at first but got ugly once again. I found myself apologizing for his poor behavior, explaining what I had just said and defending myself with his paranoid responses to my every word. He can be so loving and then angry and then back to loving again. He has a disorder I can’t be a part of anymore. This must end right now; when I hung up the phone I had an anxiety attack. I am so much better than this and I know it but I let this happen…WHY?

  12. My BF says I am crap, I can’t do nothing, all I am good for is sex, he says he loves me because he bought this house for us all, but its an unequal partnership. I been at my job for years, and I clean the house, he says i am and ungrateful B because I nag to cuddle and spend time together. It has been 2 years, I know I must leave, I admit that i am scared, I want to be a family, I served 8 years in the service, I was in school, now things are hard. I truly hate him right now, the words that he calls me HURTS!! He WILL NEVER CHANGE AND I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH!!

  13. I have been in a relationship for a year and half now m. We are currently doing long distance but manage to stay a bit in the summer together. I have this bad feeling…I simply feel he lies to me. It’s my instinct. He’s always very controlling even while apart. I have to take a photo every time I leave the house so he knows what I’m wearing. I have to tell him once I’m leaving home and arriving and if I forget he gets mad. However if he forgets to say he’s home (I feel it’s fair to ask him to say when his home so I know he’s safe) and I say that he didn’t told me he gets hurt saying I make him feel bad. I never asked him about his clothes because it’s not my right but he does that to me. He once called me stupid and once while having a normal conversation he starts yelling at me for no reason and saying I’m always accusing him of everything…I can never tell him how I feel because he says I’m just hurting him…I don’t know what to do? Does it look that bad?

    1. Hi Ines. I am mad at your man for treating you this way. I have a similar frustration. I must listen to all of my boyfriends stupid issues….like batman toys and movies I’ve never seen and act like I’m interested. When I tell my stories, I get nothing. And, very quickly, we are back to his crap. It is bad when a woman is placed second in a relationship; we are so much better than that. These men are weak; We are strong! I haven’t spoken to my boyfriend in a couple of days; we don’t live together. I am actually relieved to not hear his voice and his stories….he is boring, cheap, dumb, angry, and pitiful. I’m hoping this one is over.

      1. That is very true…we should never be in second place! Love should be equal not one sided. I’ll definitely communicate how I feel with my bf..see how things go. If I don’t see change I don’t know how we can work…Stacy, you deserve someone better. A man who actually cares about you and loves you for you. The fact that you are feeling this way explains a lot and seriously girl go for whatever you heart tells you. Don’t ignore it, if this isn’t the relationship for you I’m sure there’s somewhere much more worthy out there!

  14. I met this man online. I know he is not the man I need in my life but I am attracted to him for some reason. He is sick, poor, uneducated, angry and has addictive tendencies. He smokes pot and I do not. He is in love with his car and is mentally ill. He is messed up and I allow him to have control over me and he makes me feel like I am the one with the problems. i am not perfect but I have no baggage and don’t need him for anything but love and affection. I want to be loved, admired, and romanced. It is not happening. I beg him to be more loving to me and he says he can’t because I pressure him. I am needing assistance. I am messed up because of him and I am having trouble letting him go.

    1. Good comment…..a great relationship is one where you never need to ask. I like being told “I love you” by a man. I was not told that ever when I was growing up so it is a beautiful thing to hear. Believing it is another thing. I am not a young woman and am mad at myself for falling into the same patterns.

  15. I don’t know what to do am a stay home mom of 2 a 10 year old and 1 year old. Out of the blue my husband stared to asking about random guys from my Facebook I have a old school mate from school he was asking about I though was very weird it’s not like I was talking to him or messaging him I haven’t even seen him in years or even talked to him in years since high school was like 15 years ago. I told him I had added a lot of school mates to help sell my products. Into the fair by coincidence we saw that guy that he was asking about. They he asked my why did you not say hi I told him i was scared he was going to get mad. The crazy thing is that guy didn’t even notice . My husband of course got up set which of course made me sad because we meet at the fair he like like such a jerk. I told him he should not act like that that was mental abusing me making me feel guilty no reason making me feel bad for something I did not do and I did not like that. What should I do. I been married for almost 11 years always by myself with the kids. Everything I do is with my kids if i go to church go to grocery, exersie

  16. I’ve been with my partner 2 years, since we moved in together a year ago I’ve forgotten who I am, I’m emotional.. I have a child from a previous relationship and my now partner makes it hard for me to arrange visits even with a court order.. I’ve been named called hit and isolated but I just can’t walk away because the house is in both our names he’s also caused me to be in debt and constantly hiding that he speaks to his ex every day I’m facing a battle that I really can’t win, I pack my bags but then I think I’m going to put my family in danger because I believe he will come looking for me and has threatened to put my parents windows in before.. I need someone to turn to but I just don’t know where

  17. I been with my bf for almost 8 months he tells me he loves me n trust me but I’m not allowed to have guy friends if I do I’m only allowed to talk on messenger I can’t call or hangout he doesn’t like my friends if I make new ones he says I have friends I don’t need new ones which I don’t have many the ones I do don’t have the time to chill or whatever so I’m usually by myself in if I do go out I have to be back at a certain time or be back before he comes home n which times he blows my phone up asking if I really love him n what not he has never hit me or called me names I just don’t know what to do anymore

  18. All relationships have their issues right. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and is angery and emotionally detached. well that’s the way he comes across. but i am a very insecure person on my own which is putting more stress on the relationship and it makes me accuse him of cheating and i am very paranoid . how can i deal with my insecurities? it is distroying my trust in my relationship.

  19. I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years, and if I had to be truly honest with myself, the happy moments in our marriage could be shoved into 2 years of the 15 years, the rest is an absolute nightmare. We were married for 3 months when my boss at the time made inappropriate advances on me. Coming from a life of sexual abuse as a child, which I survived… my natural instinct was to resign, there and then. When I got home and told him what had happened, and that I resigned he flipped, packed his bags and went back to his parent’s. The only way I could get him back was to go ask for my resignation to be reversed… and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered from that. Just as I managed to shove the child abuse to the deepest recesses of my mind, I managed to shove that incident down along with all the other garbage I collect emotionally. The thing is, over the past say 4 or 5 years I feel like a pressure cooker about to explode, because I’ve just been ignoring my own gut and my emotions. Slowly but surely I’ve started to stick up and also stonewall him like he so often does to me.Talking to him always ends up in an argument and is a classic case of “but you did this and you did this” we simply blame each other to a point where we both give in, say sorry although we don’t mean it, and move on. I’m on a constant guilt trip, a few days ago, I had to go pick up kids, I had to travel from one end of town to the other, stop to get dinner, drop the other kid off at a friend and get home to cook. When I got home he raged at me for taking so long. The roads were wet, I had used his car, which I wasn’t all to comfortable with because it’s an SUV and with the rain I drove slower than normal… which I explained to him. He, in turn, got into his car to go see how “bad” these roads were. And there I sat questioning my own abilities… maybe I should have taken another route, or maybe I should have gone a bit faster? We often have arguments about sex, he doesnt’ get it enough, but in the same breath, when I get into bed to cuddle him he hardly responds. Then I feel bad for not trying hard enough… We end up arguing over Google Hangouts most of the time and that’s when the true colors come out. I suppose it’s because there’s that barrier between us, he can’t see me cry and I can’t see those flashes of anger in his eyes. I feel much bolder telling him off over a text message than straight to his face…

  20. I have been married for 5 and been together for 8 years. I never felt loved from the beginning of the relationship. I have been insecure in the relationship because of the things he has done. Finding used condom in the house, seeing messages he sends ladies. He smoked marajuana and he lies and blamee for everything. I have been a bread winner. His not transparent. His violent at times, shouts in a loud voice infront of our kids. When he gets money he hides it. He only brings out 5% and hide the rest. He worship his friends. He thinks Im the problem here and his the perfect one.

    1. I am in a relationship with my baby daddy for just over 10 years. We have a 7 year old son. He has an older daughter from his previous relationship. About 5 months ago i found out that he is married to his daughter’s mom for a few years now.
      He says he regrets getting married to her and i am constantly sad and in tears since i found out.
      I feel so stupid for not knowing what he was up to. What should i do cause they still living together

  21. I really need some advice, I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and we are engaged and have a home together, I have recently changed jobs and have go into full time work as I wanted to better myself and bring more money in for us and the home everytime we had an argument usually money would come up and he would say it would be better to have a few extra £££ coming in. I now work 8-5:30 but usually don’t get home till 6:30 Mon-fri and work in a male environment which he doesn’t like, I really enjoy working here but now it’s flagged up so many relationship issues I really don’t know if it was worth it or not I feel so down 😞 he doesn’t like me working in a male environment and he doesn’t like that he doesn’t get to see me as much and that I’ve changed as a person, I really don’t know what to do? Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you

  22. Miserable kangaroo

    Well where do I start

    I didn’t want a relationship and was enjoying my life being single, I had a couple girls as friends.
    Then the girl I had nothing at all in common with says she’s pregnant (already has a 3yo daughter) was 3months along(said she was on the pill).
    We had a little girl she just turned 1.
    Living together and are trying to have a normal relationship but everyday is a constant battle, we don’t really talk and she is constantly winging about everything I do
    I want to end this but don’t know how to do it(her other relationship ended up in court and they do hand overs at police station) found this out later on).
    I love both girls and feels like I am letting them down
    Any advice would be appreciated

  23. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. While he has never raised a hand at me, he is very coercive about what he wants, and shows passive aggressive disapproval of my friends and how I spend my free time. I have been distancing myself for months after our frequent fights and he’s been latching on like crazy to me ever since. I no longer want sex, touching, or time together, due to my constant guilt about being with him. I’m going insane! He’s never done anything bad enough for me to leave him, but I can’t shake this constant loneliness and dissatisfaction. I want to leave him but I can’t! I feel like he doesn’t deserve it. He loves me so much, (he really does!) but I just don’t feel anything for him anymore. I’m numb. Am I just bored, or this really toxic? He still wants to kiss me and hold me and etc. it’s just he’s trying to control everything I do. He has compared me to his friends’ nasty ex girlfriends when I spend too much time sitting at home. Have tried to break up multiple times but he wouldn’t let it happen.

    1. I feel the same way about my boyfriend, have tried to break up before but always ended up being persuaded to stay. Are you still together ? What did you do?

    2. I feel like I am being the husband you explained. I do these nasty things to my woman because she puts her friends above me. Did you ever make him feel less important than your friends?

      It will be hard to repair.

  24. survivethenthrive

    I am currently in a relationship which I believe is toxic. I was married for 10 years to a man who was physically and emotionally abusive for most of the duration of our marriage and developed complex ptsd. I jumped into another relationship, forced to by my new partner even though I wasn’t ready. Started living together shortly after that, again too soon. We argue on a daily basis, he’s called me names and broken my things in a fit of rage. This of course, triggers my PTSD and it becomes a downward spiral sometimes for days. I do not understand why I don’t leave. We do not have any kids together or anything else that would force us to stay together but I feel its because of my PTSD and past relationship that I feel stuck. I have spoken to him many times explaining that this relationship is becoming damaging and he says he will change and then we end up in the same place. I feel like I need to break away, but for some reason I can’t. Of course, I love him dearly but don’t want to be abused. What can I do to gain my respect again and leave if this continues?


    hi im DEBBIE, I just wonder whymy boyfriend before he used to call me many times and even in emails and skype. beforewe met each other,he always in contact with me. but after we meet two times, he is not texting me or call me. his phone sometimes is off.because he said that he is working with the team and no internet sometimes. can i ask an advice from you what should i do? i was thinking last night that i must let him go set him free.I JUST DONT WANT TO FORCE MYSELF THAT HE MUST LOVE ME.I THINK I AM FOOLISH IF I CONTINUE THIS KIND OF REALTIONSHIP. I AM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE.

  26. I am separated last 2010 and had a partner for almost 7years but our relationship both gone to worse when we had 2 children. When we are in 1-year living in together, I got pregnant that time and we are both busy in our jobs. Just always finding out he had an affair with other girls every time he has out of town work contract, while pregnant it’s really hurtful to know. i confronted him but he always deny it. Financial issue has never occurred since we are both employed. Our arguments just came from his cheating, lying and going out for days. Until we had our second baby, I thought it would be better but it isn’t. I became worse and got even worst when we had our 7th year together. My family at first liked him, but when we fought and they found out about his issues, they already hate him but still, they respect me because i love him so much unconditionally and they are considering our 2 girls. Now, he is unemployed, I only work for our living and helping him to have a side line job to sustain our every day needs. It all started of his verbal, emotional abuse and negative comments about me. Though I always try to be a good house wife and a mother, he always throw bad things about me. I feel so down and demoralized and especially now that I am pregnant, I feel so unhealthy hearing the words that I don’t deserve to hear. I don’t want to waste our relationship andI dont want to give up trying to change him. Please help

  27. I have been with my boyfriend for 4yrs at the beginning he treated me good but after about 4months into our relationship i found out that he was with another woman at the same time.I got into his fb n saw messages from them both she knew he was with me too n she would ask him about stuff that i posted on fb about me n him pictures n stuff n he would string her along telling her he aint with me or we r just friends. so 1 day she inboxed me n i told her the truth about me n him he had just moved in with me n my kids so she said he is a liar n uses woman n ill see for my self and etc…So I told him about mine n her convo so he said he aint with her n that she just cant leave him alone n he don’t want her n etc…So i let it be,He started to treat me good i didn’t see no signs of cheating or nothing so a couple months later his true colors started showing he was jealous although i never gave him a reason to be.
    we r together I had his 1st child but I let an ex girlfriends daughter that he basically raised in our life,being the kind hearted person i am but he didn’t appreciate it.I am dealing with him belittling me calling me a bad mother to my other kids he complains about them n what they don’t do in our house.(taken that he does nothing in our house)but he works n helps out but he says that i do not have his back n all i do is be on social media even though he is on it aswell i have caught him on numerous dating sights have seen textes from other women.I treat him like a king n can’t see what i am doing wrong to deserve such hatred from him.U have told him to leave n he won’t.I love him very much(stupid i know.please don’t judge!)I honestly don’t know what to do its gotten to the point that i hate my life he makes me feel unhappy and insecure and I always think about leaving him but then i feel like it would hurt soo much I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!😥 I know i must leave him but i guess a part of me thinks he will change but the way he talks to me makes me feel like he hates me..smh I don’t know if convenience is what keeping him from leaving me. How can I even still love him after the way he treats me.what’s wrong with me?😯

  28. Good day. I don’t have peace of mind. Am 35 yes now not having a baby. People laugh at me. Gossip about me. Especially my in-laws to be and my family. Its stressful. My fiance told me that his friends are saying he must leave me.

  29. Extremely sexist article, titled “warning signs of a bad relationship” and then only mentions if your husband or boyfriend does this and that! Women can make bad partners too. They lie, cheat, be unreasonable and abuse their husbands or boyfriends!

    1. My thoughts exactly! I’ve noted some things that pertain to my girlfriend. I don’t think authors understand that consciously or unconsciously, women utilize these ‘omissions’ as leverage that they don’t have to consider themselves when discussing these topics. It’s society saying one more time, that women are the victims and they should watch out for the bad men who make them feels unsafe. Not one word about the negative self talk that most women readily admit to! Perhaps, if one changes their thinking, it would help?

      1. you guys are right: this is sexist. i came across this article on a google search of “I was mean to my husband” and this is what came up. we both had our faults. we both didn’t want to change. now we are both miserable apart in different states while time marches on with our ever-growing children. the whole situation is just sad because love died and no one won. the greatest mistake i made was expecting HIM to change and not recognizing my own faults and making internal changes first. easy to say when you step out of a situation.
        changing thinking can help anyone.
        i wish i had done that then… i might still have a husband

  30. I have been with my boyfriend for six years now. He has been amazing at times and we have enjoyed many trips, and time together. Those times don’t last long as he constantly complains about most everything I do from the way I clean my home to the way I allow my young adult son to keep his room and his bathroom a mess. It is everyday he says something negative about my children, family, friends and myself. I continue to try to talk it out and finally just stopped sharing my personal self with him. He does do wonderful things sometimes but then turns very quickly for with no warning about something I said the wrong way etc. I have found that he has been emailing other woman and flirting online. Even when we were having some difficulty and I was out trying to find a counselor to see for us and staying in contact with him for those two weeks, he contacted an old girlfriend from 40 years ago and texted, spoke on the phone and Facebooked. Apparently the conversions were hours long and he says he cut it off because she said she loved him and wanted to leave her husband. He couldn’t deny that he told her he loved her too. He told me he gave up something very special for me and I should be happy about that. That was three months ago. We had since worked things out, but only me seeking help as he says I am jealous for no reason. This kind of thing has been going on for some time but not to that degree. He watches other women when we are out and looks at women that are young enough to be his grandchildren. Since then I have found that he has contacted two other women via emailing.
    This is a man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. ( I am 53 years old and came out of a 28 year marriage when I met him.) I spent 6 years of my life trying to run circles around pleasing him and taking good care of him.) He spends most of his time with me except one day a week when he sees his family. He is retired and has time while I am working during the day. I am torn and I know he loves me but I know he has an addiction to this. He wants the attention from young women and other women. I know he also met a woman a year into our relationship and called her and met her. He told me he only called her but then this year I saw that she said happy birthday to him and he sent her a private message saying Wow I haven’t heard from you since last time I saw you. She lives near his family that he visits weekly. (He has an elderly mother and is very close to them.) When I confronted him he replied that this is my problem. He doesn’t feel he has done anything wrong and I am making a big deal out of nothing and throwing away our relationship over nothing. He is with me and that is all that should matter, none of the other women I am worried about is interesting to him otherwise he would be with them and not me. I am so very sad.He told me if I don’t make it right soon it will be too late and I will be sorry. I will never have another man as good as him. ??? Very torn. I told him its either them or me. Female friend are okay but they can be both our friends and no hiding anything. I can’t trust him.

    1. The one thing you cant get back is time. Time doesn’t stand still for anyone. Do what makes YOU happy! Live each day like its your last. DONT BE SAD ANYMORE.

  31. I am separated with my husband for 5 years and I met a man .I told him everything about my status and he accepted until we became girlfriend and boyfriend.We loved each other as far as I know.He showed me in words and in action..I let him enrolled in college for our better future. And now for our 46 monthsary I felt something is wrong ..He kept lying I feel his hiding something someone to me. I checked his classmates and I saw alot of sweet pictures in their outing with his peers on the beach and in school and in inside the classrom. I keep on asking him whos that girl that always with him at the picture so close as always.. He said shes nothing just a classmate. Until he promise to avoid her .Until we celebrated our 46 monthsary ..Were happy but still I feel something is wrong. And then i visited him on their school and he was just mad ..And then I saw this girl I talked to her. And she told me that yes their in relationshp and may bf told that he dont have any gf rather that her. I am not shock but felt so small .. Were 4 years together living and spending time during off to school .. And he decided to end up our relationship but her chosed the new one… And now we still have communication but he told me he would love and want me as his sex partner? Is that a good thing?

      1. that guy is not good for you. he is very disrespectful and did not live. A man who loves you wouldnt do such a thing. Move on sweetheart, you will get one who deserves you and appreciates your worth

  32. I have been involved with a man I am still in love with for about 7 months. About a month ago he became distant when I was angry with him for hitting up other women online. He is busy his friend says. I text this man I love and he says he has priorities. I do recognize the signs of bad relationships. He seemed to care for a while and was telling me he loved me and I was his queen.

    Than he started treating me like a stranger after I told him not to hit up everyone but me with sexy comments. He ignores me unless he want money or something else. I know I will see him from time to time at the place I go to. I do not want to leave this place. It is for my well being. This man has always has time to tell one specific female friend how great and beautiful she looks. I never got one beautiful comment online from him. This woman looks no better than me but she is what he denies he always goes for a Latina with long hair and a nice smile. She is younger looking too.

    Today he told me stay off Facebook because I peeked at his Facebook and told him this friend he likes so much and him should date. I do not feel I encouraged it out of anger. I care about this man and want him to be happy. If he is moving on let this woman see his true colors if she dates him. I was told I must be on Facebook too and called dummy because I said there are more important things than Facebook. I go on it mostly for the messenger. I want this man back at moments. I do miss the good times we shared. If he is not returning someone else can deal with him.

  33. Well I’ve known my bf for 6 years now. Mothers day this year I found out that him and my best friend we’re sleeping together.. I was so hurt but people convinced me to give him another chance. His mother knew what was going on in fact she still conversates with the female and they think I don’t know. We have to kids together and we’re trying to work things out but every time I turn around his mom is calling with new stuff. Now she’s telling him the pastor said troubles knocking at his door. When I know she doesn’t want him with me. I’m miserable and I’m tired. All we do is argue now. I love him but I’m tired of all the be he’s putting me thru.I don’t know what to do

    1. Get away from him and stop harboring a liar and a cheater!! His mother risk toxic, cut her off completely. How dare her perpetuate such dishonor. You deserve respect, love, honesty, and a supportive husband. Your children will benefit from seeing their string mother walk away from a man who can’t take care of them emotionally. I am so sorry you are going through this. It hurts like hell. Put some lipstick on, pack your stuff, and hit the path of self love and freedom. Just GO GIRL!!! Don’t look back!! I’ve done it and I am so glad. Blessings on your journey.

  34. Yes, it is sad that he treated you that way. He says he loves you, but talk is cheap! You are brave and courageous for recognizing the signs of a bad relationship, and for walking away.

    A new life is beginning for you! It won’t be easy – especially at first – but you will heal and be happy again.

    Now the healing begins. Here’s an article that may help:

    Help Getting Over a Breakup – How to Change Your Story

    Take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and prepare to carry on with dignity and self-respect.

  35. I am seeing a man who claims to love me and treats me very badly so today i am walking away. He has no time for me unless i am a appointment and on his terms. He rings three times a week for two minutes and cant wait to get off the phone. His texting feels like i am a buisness transaction and is curt and abrupt and abrasive. He is a taxi driver and never offers to take my daughter and i to school so i have to pay 7.00 a day . when i say im hurting i get ignored . i am walking away as of now . ps when i have no money or bread or milk he never offers to assist . something is very very off balance here. He also said i am not important enough to be a priority in his life. How sad.

  36. One more thing, if you are in a bad relationship it is up to you to get out of it. Don’t wait around for the other persons faults, they will probably never change. If you are in a bad relationship, it is because you have allowed it to carry on. Be strong and leave.

  37. Cadey as a woman and someone that has suffered in a bad relationship for 18 yes I am sorry you feel that way. Not all women are bad. I sometimes feel that all men are bad but then I see my sisters that have good marriages And I feel hope.my husband makes me feel stupid and turns things around to make me wonder if somethings wrong with me… All I can say is if anyone male or female see any of these signs run its not worth it even after years it never changes.

  38. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Always, always trust your inner voice – or the still, small voice of God – when you’re wondering what to do about a bad relationship. If you recognize these warning signs and you know your boyfriend isn’t interested in working on your relationship and changing, then you need to face the truth.

    What is your inner voice telling you to do?

  39. If you ask me this article is BS, I love how it singles out men and makes us seem like the loveless, cold hearted monsters, well ladies, this goes either way, I needed genuine advice and I read something that is totally disrespectful towards males. This just goes to show! Women are just as evil and manipulative. All you single house wife’s dwell on your petty bookclubs and cheap wine because that’s all your going to amount too. More then likely raising a few other baby daddy kids.

  40. well, ive been in a relationship with a guy for almost 6 months now and i dont even know whats going on anymore.. Ive lost friends and barley hangout with anyone anymore. we can only hangout when hes free, or he wont come to my house because i have smokers in my house. I always say sorry and half of the arguments are my fault. i mean i really do like him, maybe even love him. I just dont know what to do hes controlling. He doesnt even trust me and that really upsets me.. What do I do?

  41. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how you’re experiencing the different signs of relationship problems. Sometimes we know exactly what we should do, but we don’t want to do it because it hurts. The pain of staying in a bad relationship is better than the pain of leaving.

    I can’t offer advice, but I wrote a new blog post about creating healthy relationships:

    Also…how are you benefiting from staying in this relationship? You are getting something out of it…figuring out what the benefits are will help you decide what you need to do, and take action in that direction.


  42. Oh man, these are all of the things going on my life right now. I know what I need to do and I know how it will work out, and I know I’m not doing anyone any favors by continuing these futile efforts to make things better. We’ve been together about two years “worked through” a ton of things, but mostly that involves me having to grow up very fast and agreeing not to do stuff anymore (i.e. see or keep in touch with people he doesn’t approve of, go out with friends, promise that I won’t make any new male friends or hang out with the ones I’ve already got etc). We never got a chance to just be happy as a couple when we first started going out – it was all interrogations and making me regret my past and being disappointed that I didn’t know exactly where I wanted to be in 5 years, and trying to suss out if I was wife material so that he didn’t feel like he was wasting his time. And recently I’ve felt so out of touch with who I am that I can’t really remember what parts of myself are ME and what parts I’ve created to keep him happy. I’ve been wondering why, at the age of 24, I feel so guilty if I say I want to go meet a friend and he says something like “would you still act like this if you were married?”. He subtly makes it known that he thinks I will never find anyone better than him. He’s never excited or actually happy about anything, and is cynical about EVERYBODY and thinks that everyone has an ulterior motive. He calls people on the street racist names or “dirty” just because HE’S never met someone from that country that’s not bad and therefore everybody from that country is manipulative and horrible (he says that it’ll be different if he meets someone who can change his mind, but with his predisposed ideas, that’s surely an uphill battle). It’s draining. And in spite of everything, I keep going around in circles wondering why I can’t bring myself to leave because I’m so scared of not having him in my life anymore.

    It’s not healthy. But I just don’t know how to leave even though I know I should.

    1. Oh Hunny, i feel your pain! Im pretty well going through the same thing,Just put yourself first and learn to love yourself coz then you attract people worthy of your love x

  43. More warning signs of a bad relationship:

    – If you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend or husband says and does
    – Does your husband or boyfriend make all the decisions
    – Your boyfriend says he loves you, but doesn’t act like he loves you
    – If your boyfriend or husband makes you feel bad about yourself

    It’s good to be aware of the warning signs.

  44. Hey everyone, I honestly need some help. Im a 28 year old man in a relationship with a 30 year old woman, we have been together 2 1/2 years. We are engaged and have two daughters together. We met originally on a dating website, had a ton in common, and had a phenomenal first date. She was 4 months pregnant from a previous relationship when we met, and has two other kids from a previous marriage of 10 years.

    Signs of a bad relationship? Gone with her family for long periods and leaves me with the kids. Im glad shes happier here. Man, am i an idiot. She showers more, obviously because of the gym, barely touches me, wears clothes to bed now and never did before. I wish i had known these signs. Here we go the truth finally comes out, as im now interested in someone that is giving me attention that i am not getting from Laurie anymore, im contemplating breaking it off, and the truth comes out…
    My best friend? She slept with him.
    Her boss at her job? Slept with him.
    My landlord that came to pick up rent when we got together? Slept with him.
    That Mike guy she was texting? Slept with him. Several times.
    My electrician? Slept with him.
    That gym she was going to? Actually dude next door. Slept with them.
    An old classmate she added on Facebook a while back that was OK to add? Slept with him.
    “I CHEATED ON YOU EVERY CHANCE I GOT.” Stated Laurie. “You talked with other women. You said ‘Miss you old friend’ to one of them! Oh, and even though i said what you and i do in the bedroom is mindblowing, it really wasnt. At all.”

    Ok. So i want to state that i have never had a complaint before. And any time she suggested something in the bedroom, i did it. And those girls were just friends, i never had romantic or sexual conversation. What the heck am I dealing with here? Im not perfect, but you have got to be kidding me. And why push all of these people away from me when you dont want me either? I hate dating.

  45. Love in vain sucks. It just does. There is a old blues song about it. The stones covered it.” Followed her to the train ststation with a suitcase in my hand. ” In a toxic relationship either you are the foul holding a the suitcase or you are the one getting on the train. I have been both. I found my self with man that sent up so many red flags but I believed his lies. He has been separated from his wife for 9 years. We live together. The divorce is never going to happen. The last time he said he was going through with it, I was told he is worried his wife won’t have health insurance. I lost my benefits 3 years ago. He makes well over 400 000 a year. So he would love to help me out but can not afford it. But last week he said he will pay for his wife after the divorce. He couldn’t see her going with out coverage. I was god smacked. He said for me to get Omaha care when my coverage stopped. I could not afford the 750 a month payment. I assume this is man trying to tell me get lost. He does and says things like this offten. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. He told me once he was going to buy her a nice Christmas present because she was depressed . Jewelry it was. He gave me a necklace that turned my skin green. He wouldn’t tell her about me….even though she had a live in boyfriend, that we were dating. It would hurt her feelings. Then we he did . He told me that he had to tell her he still loved her! To spare her pain. Because she cried at the news. I am in a relationship with a man who has money and tells me he lover me, will take care,of me
    …blah blah, some guys/gals will treat their partner like sh*t so they will leave them . Send you little messages in actions or words. Putting up with it is up to you. I am working on leaving him
    Saving up so I have some where to go.

    1. Why did go start a relationship with someone that didn’t eve finish the previous….
      Don’t find reason to finish a bad relationship… Don’t cheat otherwise you can’t complain if someone do to you…
      My relationship is horrible, he is horrible person in general,but I am still trying because I am 100% sure we don’t cheat …

  46. Hello, was wondering.. some thoughts anyone on why a woman would play mind games, constantly lie and have relationships with men and hide them BUT still act like she cares and has sex and stays? The mind games come from me asking her questions and her blatent lying and even going so far as to insist i am wrong when i know i am correct (with proof) Also i have to ask for love and kisses and affection. We are married with kids.. but she works a better job then me.. and im not making anything to brag about myself. Any thoughts from a woman would be greatly appreciated. Last i think i could add.. I did cheat on her twice before moving in with her but it was long distance relationship then and we were not as serious. Five years passed and we moved in and now 9years living together (15years total) ive been loyal and best i can be. Home, attentive, kind and loving her &my kids. So i guess im asking… Does this mean she still loves me? If its revenge. If its money Do I need to make more? It seems she wants Me to go perhaps to look good to her family maybe? The way its blatent and cold without any remorse. What kind of woman would you say im dealing with? She snaps quickly, little patience, loves public displays and hates anyone who cares about me it seems. Always trying to say i do the same thing knowing i dont. Acts like she doesnt understand what i say. Even tried therapy for 4 days before she saying she hated it and the doctor telling me she is definitely a liar. I think of money cuz i found two bank accounts opened recently and dare not ask or even care but knowing she sees some big salaries at her job doesnt ease my mind with that said. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I just dont know if she still loves me and if its even worth it. Im not sure how or if i can even fix it? Its like she wants me to accept it or leave. She has a part in movie and trying to do more i suppose.. so it almost seems like she forcing me into an “open marriage”?

    1. As a women, I think you better get a good divorce attorney. I am in the same situation. When a man or women loves you they show it. Lovers can’t do enough for each other. When you got to ask for which once was given freely and often it is time let go. Believe buddy breaking up is hard. It may take you months to get use to the idea your better off with out them. I am still with a guy that doesn’t care about me. I am gathering up my strength and funds to leave. Getting resumes sent out, looking for apartments he hasn’t noticed. And I am doesn’t care.

    2. I feel you here Roadrunner. I am treated the same. My husband expects me to be there for him no matter what. But when we are together in public he treats me like a child. He tells people who he thinks he is and then behind close doors is horrible to me.

      He cares more about his abusive father than his own marriage. When I stand up and don’t do what he expects the world might as well come and beat the sh*t out of me. I pay the price no matter what I do or don’t do.

      I gave up my world for him thinking he was honest at his word. It has gotten to a point of misery in my house where my husband ignores everyone even the dog and then gets pissed off and explodes at me and the animals. I am sick of hearing how magically the world owes him. His father is a horrible piece of sh*t that needs to f**king die for my husband to get the point.

      I have started putting money away to get out of this marriage. I am over hoping things will change. He keeps making sure I take the hit for him. He has gone as far as blaming me for his sh*tty day at work. I have learned to stop asking. He does not care. He just wants a slave.

      If I were in your shoes I would do what I am. Get out. She does not want anything but her own needs met and could care less.

      1. Omg are we with the same man?! Haha…..I’m going through this exact same situation right now…..he’s horrible! And I’m miserable, just tough letting go and realizing he’s incapable of being a decent person to me!

  47. Who is to say someone is in a good/bad relationship, is there a set of rules we are to follow? Everyone’s relationships are different in so many ways. We always try to look for the perfect partner but no one is perfect. Stop looking for the faults and start looking at the points that bought you together in the first place. Communication is the only way.

    1. Agree that communication is key however, there is such thing as a toxic relationship. There is a difference between a rocky relationship and an abusive situation. Those behaviors are not always apparent in the beginning of a relationship. Do pay close attention and see it for what it is. Yes, I agree that we all need to examine our relationships and remember what we loved about the other person at the start. Saying that, I also believe that love can be blind and that the way we allow someone to treat us is just how they will treat us. If you discuss those things that make you feel bad with your partner and you get no results or changes then it is time to reevaluate your situation. Can you live with the pain and disappointment for the rest of your life? Is this what you want for your life time? Just because someone is a great person or not does not mean that both can live together or be together. It is a personal decision only you can make. Have no regrets in life. Either try or get out. If you have tried everything, gotten outside help, and it still is not working, then you need to think about what is right for your life. Will it hurt to leave, yes. Will you live through it and meet someone else eventually. Yes. Will there be some time where you will be alone and have to learn how to be alone. Probably. Although it may not seem like it is a good thing, it is. It is healthy to learn how to stand on your own two feet, emotionally and financially.

      1. I just wanted to let u know how much I appreciate your advice. I’m going thru a very painful break-up & I needed to read this!! I need to get back to my total independence again, emotionally, financially, & spiritually. Thank u again!!!!

        1. I agree too, I feel I need to get back on my feet, im on a fix income since my father died, SSI, and have been suffering with a broen heart n feeling unloved since my father died. N now my husband trying to control the financial support he gives me n we have sex one a month. We have no kids thank God, but we did want one together. He an detoxing alcoholic, n can b quite rude n loud at times. He try to do better for days n make me feel our marriage has a chance, but then explodes again. I feel I deal because I lost my father, who truly adored me. I want to leave and am planning to divorce him, which he dont believe cause he helps me with my 3 kids. But im applying for jobs n I wont need his support or his non good feeling love. I do not want to be alone, I want a life partner, but I want a good one, whos a gentleman like my daddy was to my mom. So for my own relief, I know I have to leave him, if I ever want a better life n maybe even a new happy n affectionate relationship. I just cant stay, he doent understand how he controls or hurt me. Im staying n pray n I will make it, n get employed n b happy with my kds without him. Thats my mission,. Im hurting. Im glad to know this blg is supportive, I need it.:(

  48. Except point 2, rest all points apply in relationship I have with my husband. I know for sure that I am in a bad relationship. But I need advice on how to end this relationship, because whenever I try to leave him, he nags and begs and make me stay. I wish to have something which I eat tonight, go sleep and never wake up to struggle in my real life again. I am sad,depressed and feeling so alone.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear this. I was once in a bad relationship as well, and when I tried to end it he did everything he could to keep me with him. My best friend is in this situation as well. Life can look hopeless when you are trapped, I know. What I did (after trying to end it in person failed) was find a place to be where he couldn’t get to me and told him it was over. My friends kept him away. You must have someone to help you, a family member, friend, or trusted professional. A counselor can help as well. I was amazed how much better life looked when I was free. Things will be so much better, I wish you all the best.

  49. Hi,
    I can’t believe that all this signals apply to my relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 15 years and it has been a real roller coaster but lately the ride has been going down and i don’t see a change. I met him when I was 19 and now I’m 32 with two daughters. He is soo controlling, I cant go to the store, doctors appointments or even look out of the window without he accusing me of cheating. He always say that I deserve it because one time I let a mainance guy in the house while he was not home. But that’s just part of it he also always recording me; he has camaras all over the house with the excuse that he want to make sure that I’m not cheating on him. He always call me names and worst is that he would talk to my daughters bad about me. The guy doesn’t have a job and is always demanding that pay his bills because he says that the reason that he doesn’t work is because I will cheat on him while he is at work. He follow me to work everyday and wants me to call him in every break and if I’m a few minutes late he will say that I’m cheating on him. He steals from me and has pawn all my good jewelry. He also puts recorders in my purse and spend all day listening to those recorders and videos. When he talks to me all he talks about is the recorders and how he always hear people talking about him. (let me make this clear at my job no one knows him). He always say that he does all of this because he loves me. But than he talks to his friends and family about me like I’m the worst woman alive. Even though he doesn’t pay one bill in our home he would ask me to leave everyday saying that we are in his neighborhood where he grew up and i have to leave. But than he tells me that if I leave the kids will stay with him because I’m not a good woman and I’m destroying the family. I know I have to leave but i don’t really have much family close to help and maybe I’m too attached to him. He watches the kids while I’m at work. He is also very dedicated to the kids but sometimes when I see him talking to them bad about me I don’t know what to think. Some of his positive quality are that he cleans here and there he’s the one that does the lawndry, he helps with the kids and he’s always looking for ways to spend good family time together. I don’t have much patient myself where he likes to communicate and ask a lot of questions I get very annoyed. The reason I get annoyed is because half of the time he would not believe me when I answer him. There’s time that he is very super nice but that don’t last. I know he loves me and he doesn’t cheat but what good is that. This is soo frustrating!!!

    1. Wow! All I can say is why would you want the rest of your life this way. I understand the roles are reversed with you working outside the home and him being the home maker and taking care of the children. Many families are taking on that shape these days and there is nothing wrong with that as long as both of you are happy with that. I don’t get the cameras and the recordings. I would not be able to deal with that. As far as the home and the kids, that is something that the courts can work out and not the husband. I understand if you feel trapped because your kids may be very young and you don’t want them to be taken from you. Perhaps the best advice would be to get some family counseling if you want to try to hold the family together. I held on to my family until my children were almost grown. It was not as complicated a situation as your seems to be but I can tell you that there are times where I wish I would have left much sooner so that I could have had a chance to start a new life with someone else and my kids could have seen a strong man role model in their lives. I do regret that I stayed for the kids. It wasn’t good for them to see us argue and show no affection to one another over a 28 period time frame. It ended after 28 years and the house is empty with no more young children and I ended up very lonely and had to learn to live alone. I found that I am okay alone and I enjoy my home, my safe place, , my grown children, family, and my friends. I don’t have any family near me either other than my oldest child. I don’t see him much as he is grown with his own life but I feel free of the kind of stress I felt and the worry I felt from work because I was on my way home and didn’t know what to expect when I got there. Was it going to be a no stress evening or full of stress depending on the husband. How do you feel when it’s time to go home every evening or on the weekends. Think about that when you imagine your children grown and no longer living at home. Will you want to still be there? Also how will your children feel about you and what will they believe when the father, the person they love so much, is telling them things about you that they don’t know is not true? They need to see the best you, are you the best you in this situation? I hope your family gets the help they need. Even if it is just for you, you need to be strong for your children and your own happiness. Is your husband concerned for your happiness or does he just not care? Is that love? or obsession and controlling behavior? No one can tell you how to deal with this. I know you just want to be heard and have someone validate you. I understand, I have been there. I am still trying to figure things out and don’t know if I can ever trust another man in my life completely. Red flags go flying every time I meet someone. I just know that I was always afraid to be alone and now understand that it is necessary to be alone to figure out who you are and amaze yourself at the person you have become and how independent you feel. We are woman, strong, supportive, emotional, loving, caring, and intelligent. Only you have the power to make your life the way you envision it. Make it happen or change it. You obviously have the resources to do so. You make the money. Money is the one thing you do need to make changes. It realistic. He is afraid that you will leave him because he has no way to support himself. If he is disabled I can see that he may not be able to work however, if he is an able body then maybe he needs to get up and get a job. Using the excuse to stay home so you don’t cheat is bull. If he doesn’t work and you accept that and are okay with him taking care of the kids then great but be mindful, if that is the case, you may have to pay alimony or more if you decide to separate. I hope that you make a decision, whatever it may be, to take control of your own life. Get help for you, the kids, your husband, talk to a lawyer, start to save your money in a private savings without his knowledge, do something. But do it for you and your children and not for him. Do what you want. You may need some time to figure out what it is that you want. Things are not ever going to change for him without him getting help. There is some reason he feels so insecure and that is about him. Without help the situation will not change for the better, it will only get worse as time goes on. Really look at your husband, and ask if you saw the signs before you married. Did he get jealous a lot, feel insecure, question you all the time about where you were? The signs were probably there, you just didn’t look hard enough. If they were not, then what happened to change him. Did he have an affair and is not able to cope? Is he accusing you because he did something he shouldn’t have done? Did he always stay home and you work? When did he decide not to work any longer? These are questions that therapy would address. Why is the question. Why does he do these things? There has to be a reason. ?????

    2. Omg ……thats just crazy. He has a serious problem. If you are the bread winner, then leave. Take your kids and leave. Leave him the bills as well as everything else. Every one deserves a little privacy. He shouldnt be recording your every move. I dont know if you have any money but save a little, ask for a transfer at work if possible. Or, you must have friend somewhere you could go to for support and help finding you another place. That guy has issues. Its not you. He will be that way with anyone that will put up with that.I once had one like that.

  50. Here is my story, My bf and me have been together for 7 years, two weeks ago, we just ended the relationship. Now i am still in pain that i couldnt control thinking about him. I am 30 years old, since i was 23 we were together, we were so in love. And after we lived together for few years together, after he bought house in HK, and he starts to stay in hk, and i stay in Shenzhen which is like one hour away for each other. I indicated that i want marriage. but he said he doesnt want to get married, not because of me, he is jewish, and i dont have any religion. He always told me so many things about negative marriage. His parents ending their marriage when he was 5 years old. But he is a loving man with kids for his brothers babies.
    last year, i proposed that we should have baby together, And he said ok, and pushed me each time when he was travalling that, he said we should make baby fast.
    But i think it is better to visit my parents first, so two weeks ago, we decided to visit parents,(need 5 hours drive to see my parents). after he packed everything from hk to SZ my place, i told him please tell my parents no wedding party, he said , we dont get married, of course no wedding party, i said, but you cannt tell them like this, you will hurt them. then he said no, i cannt lie. then we started to argue and we didnt go to visit parents.
    after the weekend he left my place to HK, i sent him message to test, then he said i was not sure i didnt want to hurt you, you want family and together so much, i am afraid you take my freedom. what we want is different.
    how come he just quitted our plan like this. 7 years together, no fight, just like this, he said we are different also because one month ago i was mad at him and i said things like that, now he use this against me. I tried to get him back by sending a lot of messages to tell how much i loved him. he seems so determined that we are different, and i should find someone who can marry and give me family.
    i was willling to not to get married and have baby with him now he got scared.
    Normally we were in love, he always thought of me when he was traval for business, bought me gifts sent me messages. i cannt image my life without him. but i fought for him already.
    We met same problem 3 years ago, after 3 months he got back to me.
    Now i felt so helpless. everynight nightsmaret that what if he has new gf.
    we made business together, now we are still working together, but i stay in my China side, he stays in his HK side. not too much communication on line. these few days he sent me pictures that he took with his friends told me where he went, what he did, i didnt reply. because before he said we should turn the page to be friends.
    I dont think i can make friends like that.
    I feel i am dying without him. i dont know what to do

  51. I met my online girlfriend within 2 weeks that we decided to be together , I lived in another state . I have 2yr old Daughter. I moved all the way across the world to be with this person . It seems like we only work out when our sex drives are very high . We have been trying to make things work more than half our relationship . My partner makes me feel like a fool , treats me like a child. She is very verbally abusive , and has been physical . Because she has been so abusive I have seemed to have lost my voice. Our relationship is very damaged , I don’t know how to open up anymore , where I am very open , now closed . And she can’t soften herself . I am ready to leave but I honestly don’t know how to speak up anymore……

  52. I am involved with a married soldier guy who is always out of the city I wait for him and he is so loving when he is not around the problem starts when he comes back he doesn’t make time to come see me he always have excuses of fixing his home and apologises for that he’d say he will see me tomorrow but he never comes when I end it he disapproves and start to act up and start all over the same excuse after a month and he he doesn’t want me to be involved with anyone besides him.does this mean the guy loves me or he is also confused he doesn’t know what he really wants?

  53. Hi everyone I want to express my opinion about a bad relationship coz I was in it many time , i have love and broke up like 4 times i mean the deep love but I loved someone so deeply I can say nearly to be crazy ,I felt that I couldn’t live without him ,he was controlled fick he wanted to change me from whom I am everything from clothes until behavior even religion. What I discover it wasn’t love he wanted my money he was drinking a lot wanted me to buy many things for him and I was accepting coz I wasn’t addicted not love and the bad thing he new .I felt unhappy all da time and I felt I wasn’t enough for him what ever I do.I can’t say we didn’t have a good moment but I realize the relationship wasn’t hearlthy I tried to change for him but at the end I realize what ever I was doing wasn’t enough I give more I was getting little and we ended up breathing .I wasn’t feeling like getting him go but with time everything heals we had good moment but a lot of suffering and pains I can say it was my first time to go that deep.but for know am back with my first love(I mean my first sex lover we weren’t that close at first) open up my heart again I didn’t even know that he was the one my heart was waiting for am happy and at first time in my life I experience love and good sex we do have our misunderstanding sometimes but at list we know huw to solve our problems.what I can say to all of us who went or are still in bad relationships .when u are in a bad relationship you will just feel it don’t always follow your heart listen to both your heart and brain.out there in that relationship someone good not to all perfect but Atlist is waiting for you .we love wrong people just let your heart start a fresh a new life for u to be yourself that’s how you can be happy .just be yourself

  54. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    I stayed with guys who weren’t right for me because I wanted to be loved more than anything else. I ignored all the warning signs of bad relationships because I was lonely and desperate.

    If you know you’re staying with the wrong man because you’re desperate to be loved, then it’s time to change your life. Reconnect with God, find your source of power, and learn how to give yourself what you need. Only then will you find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

  55. What I think most women who are not married but feeling insecure about their relationships are missing is a key fact of logic: they are expecting to have the rights and benefits of being married. If you are not married to your boyfriend, and he isn’t treating you like his wife, but you feel like he did once and now has stopped – just realize that during infatuation faze, guys are on their best behavior to win you. Once they have a sure thing, they will not forget they are single still, not ready for commitment of marriage still (or you would be engaged and a date set). And if you overstep the lines of your actual status, imposing rules that exceed that status, you have an unhappy stifled and conflicted boyfriend with Mixed Feelings. The longer this goes on, the more emasculated he feels for his inaction. And you end up here reading this article. Marriage is a different story. But the notion that a “partner” outside an actual commitment is choosing to operate by committed rules is a total delusion. When you agree to that arrangement, you are agreeing to allow him to keep his options open. Think about that, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do what is right for YOU.

  56. I have read through comments and suggestions but am still not sure of myself. .I have been with my partner for 2 and half years. .we briefly lived together but it soon got controlling and he went back home. .we never had any contact for a month or so and I was starting to feel better as it had left me in a mess. .I really love him and fell for his charm but sadly it didn’t last. .he got back in touch with me and begged me to start again and after a month or so of talking on the phone and email he moved back in. .that was 6 monthsago and everything was ok for about 8 weeks. .he was affectionate and talked to me and sex was good which all had been lacking before. .then things changed again. .he gambles alot and drinks heavily and part of the condition of getting back together was he stopped this. ..he has slowly started gambling online again and was binge drinking but has been diagnosed with early liver disease so has to cut the drink out. .he hardly ever comes near me and if i try to initiate sex he tells me to leave him alone but i have to comply when he wants to. .he never hugs or cuddles me and if i try to cuddle him he tells me im needy and that there’s something wrong with me. .any time i try to talk to him he shouts and balls at me and tells me ive got 10 seconds to shut up or he’s leaving me. ..he tells me im mental and a nutter because i want some interaction as we can go for days without speaking a word. .im sat watching whatever he wants on tv as I don’t get to choose what’s on. .he demands drinks and food and even makes me roll his cigarettes. .he does nothing to help in the house and if i ask for any help he tells me to shut up and sit down and be quiet. .I can’t speak or havean oopinion on anything as he tells me im an idiot and he doesn’t want to hear my voice. ..I have tried to tell him how i feel but he just screams at me often swearing to shut up and be quiet. .I have no affection or conversion and tread round carefully and scared to speak incase he tells me im moaning and to shut up. ..he threatens to leave constantly and I’ve just given up and feel so alone and hate myself. .he never says anything nice to me just sits betting and watching sport all day every day and if i speak and his bet loses he says i made it lose and calls me names and makes me sit in silence. .if i even attempt to speak he starts counting to 10 and I have to stop or he walks out. ..I feel so much like just giving up and feel totally worthless and unloved. ..can anyone help as he says it’s my fault and im starting to think I’m not normal. .

    1. All I’m going to say is he’s a POS and doesn’t deserve YOU! The reason he’s so emotionally andmentally abusive which you SHOULDNT put up with is because he hates who he is! It has NOTHING to do with YOU… that is a very toxic relationship and YOU should want more for yourself! Kick his ass out.. you’ll be surprised at how happy you will be without that negativity and abuse in your life… and you should probably go to counseling to learn how to be independent, have boundaries and love yourself! Good luck…

    2. Why would you want him to stay. It would be easier and better for you if he left. Why be in a relationship (well you really are not in a relationship but are his maid, and servant it seems) with someone who doesn’t enjoy your company. I am sure someone else would love to have your company. I would say get yourself financially stable and find a new place to live or let him leave. He will be doing you a huge favor. If you stay in this relationship it will always be this way. You cannot fix him; he has to want to do that. You have to fix you. Seek some counseling or call the abuse hotline. I do believe there is someplace that you can call just to speak with someone. Ask yourself if you had a daughter, would you want someone to treat her this way? We know what the answer to that is. Just think about the quality of life you are missing. It’s okay to be alone. It is lonely but you will adjust. You have to do what is right for you. Good luck to you.

  57. i am reading this article with hope because I have finally made up my mind to leave my bad relationship. I have tried to leave and let go of this toxic relationship about four times now, and even tho its been a fairly short relationship 1 yr and a half, i kept coming back because i was conflicted. Maybe with prayer and time things (he) will change. We moved in together way too soon because he fell on hard times and became homeless, i felt sorry for him, and i fell on hard times, became unemployed for over a year, and so i thought this was what God wanted for me because of my circumstances. The first time he slapped me i was shocked and cried, but i forgave him and gave him a second chance, but the verbal, emotional, and mental abuse never stopped. He would be sarcastic, falsely accuse me, make me feel guilty about saying or feeling a certain way about his kids. Mind you I have no kids but I treated and supported him and his kids like they were my own. Watch them, teach them, cook for them, give guidance and prayer. And I almost felt like staying because of them. I felt guilt, shame, and embarrasment for even staying in this relationship this long. I felt fear to go back home and “struggle” trying to find a job and live with family. But I finally had a wakeup call, after one morning he woke up in a bad mood, falsely accused me, intimidated me and almost hit me with the crutch i bought for him because he injured his knee. I called my pastor after getting the guts to not “suffer in silence” anymore. We had gotten a marriage license and even made plans to have a quick, small ceremony. This is nothing like what I wanted or dreamed of, or even asked God for, it finally dawned on me that I am settling and I deserve better. I havent left yet, but ive got my exit plans in place. In a few days now I will be going back home and my family has been nothing but supportive. Thank God i have a loving family to go home to. But i do feel sorry for his kids, i will miss them the most, because they have developed an attachment and admiration for me. Yet, I cannot stay for them because I am unhappy with him and how he treats me. IT’s not all bad and yes he has made improvements, but for the pain i go thru, I could get with someone who has no kids and struggle to find a way on my own rather then struggle with him. There’s no guarantee he will ever change and how long would I have to wait to actually get the man i have prayed for. I am going on to bigger and better things by developing my relationship with God more and believe God for all the promises he has in store for me, instead of settle for what is now and what is comfortable/uncomfortable. I want ladies to take courage, be strong, and start saying you deserve better and believe it! For a minute I told myself God wanted me to suffer to do good for others. I used to ask myself is this the best God could do? I now know if I have to ask myself that, then obviously the answer must be no. It is time for me to go. Freedom is where I am going! In Jesus name!

    1. Totally awesome!!! I am so happy for U! I broke up with my bf over a week ago & I’ve been full of anger, resentment & that is not me!! He had two kids too & yes like u I miss them terribly. Idk what seems to be wrong with these “boys” cuz they certainly have no business claiming to be men. I also asked God why do I keep finding these losers & I’ve come to the same conclusion as u, I’ve been settling & like u I’m taking backy life & freedom, all my focus will be where it should have been all along, me. Thank you for your powerful message.

  58. I think I am the toxic one in this relationship. I am manipulative and if things do not go my way I lose my temper and throw tantrums. I’ve been wanting to end it and he just doesn’t understand that I am the problem. I don’t’ even know how we lasted so long with my kind of attitude. It’s mostly him working on it not me.

  59. Look, a therapist isn’t always the answer! Besides, he wouldn’t go anyway, he is hateful, Minipulative, Controling and has other problems.
    He is very Verbal Abusive, he calls me a stupid B, Braindead, a moron, Useless, the list goes on & on! He sure pulled the wool over my eyes, yes, I was really stupid for marrying him.

  60. I am heartbroken over a man I recently broke up with after 4 years. He was charming, loving, attentive, took me wonderful places, held my hand and was so wonderful to me in the beginning stages. The first two years were mostly good but every now and again he would loose his temper over things that I felt were very small things. He wanted me to grow my hair, and took me shopping because he wanted me to dress a certain way. Some of the things he wanted me to wear I thought inappropriate for my age (over 50). I did change my hair, and did compromise on some of the clothing. He also wanted me to change things about my home and complained it was cluttered. I recently bought the home from my ex and was redoing some things in the house and was purging a bit at a time in and out of the house. I have made many changes but still it is not to his satisfaction. It is clean and I do have some mail on the table now and then. I do have an older son that is messy but that is his room and bathroom. Can’t fight that everyday but I have tried to get him to clean. He has told me that he is sometime not attracted to me when I don’t fix my self up (which I do every single day for work and when we go out) and that’s why he doesn’t feel like getting intimate. He has told me that no other man would want me the way I am, that I am the worst girlfriend he has ever had. He talks about other woman all the time, old girlfriends and how he loved one of them more than any one. He tells me that he meets other woman that he could go out with and they have no issues, no kids, never been married before. He tells me that I am mean when I fight back, or I don’t appreciate what he does for me. He feels that he does more for me than I do for him although I cook for him all the time, do errands for him, and anything he wants to do we do during the week and on weekends. When he yells at me for who know any reason at any given time and I cry, he calls me names like “cry baby” and never comforts me. He has never said he is sorry for the things he says to me, only he sorry when I am sad. When I want to be away from him after he thrashes me for something and I don’t see him the next few days, even cancelling plans, cause I just can’t take another thrashing, he says I am causing problems in the relationship. He says he says things in anger and yells but when I say anything to him or email him my feelings and he doesn’t like what I say, he tells me I am mean. I feel jealous and very insecure all the time. I found him emailing an old girlfriend and she begged him to call her sweetheart a few years ago and he did then she invited him to a party months later. He was going to go until I told him I knew where he was headed and told him if he couldn’t bring me with him than he wouldn’t be with me when he returned. He didn’t go but if I didn’t know about it I really believe he was going to to. She told him she wished he was a needle in a haystack and she would like him to prick her in one of the emails. He also spoke with another woman who he knew from high school and saw her at a reunion. Didn’t even remember her name but Facebook-ed her and said to her that he wanted to look at amateur photos she took because he too took photos and wished he could spend more time with her. She said she would be sure to extend her time next time she came to town to spend more time with him. He tells me that I am jealous when we go out together. He has woman coming up to him and leaning on him to speak in his ear often. On the dance floor when he is with me, in bars that we frequent to talk with him. They are old acquaintances. I try not to say anything in public, but do have an issue with woman’s breasts leaning up against my boyfriend and he doesn’t use any body language to defuse it. I do believe I have such a problem with my insecurity because of all the things he has said to me. He has had many many girlfriends in his years and never been married. They only last about 3 to 5 years then something happens to the relationship for him. He recently got mad at me for cancelling our plans (because I was so very sad, I cancelled). He was intimate with me by the end of that week but just that had told me that if I continued to behave the way I did then I would push him to another woman earlier in the day. The next night I asked if I would see him and he told me he had plans and because of me cancelling the one day of the weekend before he was going out to this night club alone. We spend every weekend night together always. This is a place he promised to take me for years but it was “too far” and he thought I would get jealous because of all the young beautiful girls there so he was reluctant to take me. I have never ever made a scene or even said anything in public when we are out. I have never done anything to anyone while we were out. He is one who looks a lot at other woman when I am with him. Well he went somewhere during the afternoon and the club wasn’t too far (30 min. or so) near this club, so he told me I wouldn’t see him that night. I was so upset but didn’t tell him that on the phone. He called back 20 min. later but I wasn’t able to answer. I called him back 20 min. later and he didn’t answer. I told him I thought he had no use for me any longer and that this was very hurtful to me, that he didn’t know how this was affecting me. No phone call back. I called again about 3 hours later and he still didn’t answer. I felt this was a punishment for me cancelling the one day last week. I left a message for him to please not contact me again. He did the next day expecting me to pick him up to go out as we had planned. I didn’t and left it at that. I later emailed him and told him everything I felt. He blamed everything on me and had no compassion at all for me. I feel that he is shopping because of all the things he has said to me, the yelling all the time, and him always telling me that I need to change, and he is not happy but if he went somewhere else it would just be other problems with someone else. He says he loves me. It sure doesn’t feel like love and I cry a lot. I want to fix things, I want him to get help but he says its my problem and not his. I am so heartbroken. I thought this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He will not say sorry for anything ever. Always blames me for all the wrongs of the relationship and makes excuses for his behavior. I want to help him and feel really bad for him that he has gone through this pattern his whole life with relationships. I was married almost 30 years. I have only been separated/divorced a bit over 4 years now. I don’t want a relationship like this where my lover has to go out alone to be (alone) he says. I feel there are other places to go if he wants some alone time. (restaurants, to see a band where he knows people, etc..) He doesn’t have any close friends that he hangs out with or is in regular contact with. He just had me. I am so very sad for the both of us. I know that if he could get help for his anger, it would be a beautiful relationship but I can’t do that for him. I also need to feel secure before I can trust again. He hasn’t slept with anyone that I know of, I do trust when he tells me that but I feel so disrespected and would never talk to me the way he talks to woman, and never would I go out to a night club alone. I used to go with my girls when the relationship was new but now choose to go to the movies, dinner, or my girls house when we want a girls night. Or I invite him to meet us at the club. I feel so lost and my heart is aching.

    1. this is a really bad relationship with you making too many concessions out of fear of losing someone who does not treat you with respect. Have a break and work on recovering your self-esteem and discovering activities and goals that will boost your sense of self. As a woman, it is upsetting to see any other women being over to keep angry and controlling partners who feel entitled to denamd that you pander to their needs and preferences instead of allowing you to make your own decisions. Let this man go and don’t look back. Better to be single than allow yourself to be reduced by someone who does not value you anyway. Sorry to be blunt. But you know that this is not good for you, but only you can make the choice to leave. Why in the heck your heart is aching for such an unworthy choice of partner is somewhat confusing. Find something other than a bad relationship to anchor yourself and offer fulfillment and meaning in your life. Set goals that help you to rediscover who you are instead of settling for crumbs and dreams of changing this hopeless situation. I feel really sorry for you, but only you can find the strength and wisdom to discover what you really deserve and what might make you happy.

    2. Reading this, your B.F has all the traits of a narcissist.
      Unfortunately, he will never change and please end this toxic relationship. You deserve better. I know, I have been there and got the T shirt. Narcissists get their narcissistic supply from people and when they no longer need those people, they are discarded. Narcissists are misogynists also and dislike women, but need them for supply.
      Watch Sam Vaknin on You Tube, please educate yourself about this man. Good luck.xxx

  61. I believe my niece is bad relationship, she saying it’s better each day. She said they used to fight all the time and now it’s getting better. She starting to lie to all her family members including her sister who they are really close. She argues with her mother who does not like her boyfriend at all, due she has seen his jealously come out him a few times with she has family functions. My niece is 19 years old and her boyfriend is 21 and Marine. My niece believes her boyfriend is only dislike by the family because he is ugly, not attractive. We her family has told repeatedly we see how jealous he gets when someone around you whether family or friends. She currently alienated all her very close friends of 5 years or more stating they do not like her boyfriend because he is “ugly” using this excuse not to talk to them anymore. She is planning to move in with him after knowing him for 6 months which they only get together every other weekend. She was going into Navy as career but decided not to, and does not want to go to school at all period ever since she met this man. In essence, she given up her dreams instead has decided move away from home with no work experience, no transportation, (no automobile) and decided of her life is to focus making him happy. She states with great emphasis and has not budge off her position quoted “He is her happiness and that’s all she needs period” and “this family can not change my mind”.
    Unbelievable! I need opinion what to do about my niece or allow to bump her head badly!

  62. For women facing abusive or negligent boyfriends or husbands – its time to leave. If u dont work apply for benefits n try n move in w a friend or family member. You need to break away,build your work skills or join something u can do part time like avon, You will slowly figure things out! Be strong. Leaving is the first step to safety.

  63. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for sharing your experience of these signs of a bad relationship. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: you don’t want to stay in a bad relationship, but it’s so difficult to break up, start over, and take a giant leap of faith in your life! For that’s what it is, when you recognize the warning signs of a bad relationship and decide to let it go: a huge leap of faith.

    My prayer for you is for strength and courage. May you be wise as you decide if you should leave this relationship. May you know deep in your heart that you deserve better than to be in a bad relationship! May you work towards emotional and spiritual strength, so you can make decisions that are good and healthy. And, may you be filled with confidence and faith that letting go of this bad relationship will open you up to start a good one with someone new.


  64. I just don’t know what to do? Last night I kicked my fiancee out for like the 5th time in 4 months. We have been together seven years and have two boys together. We have always had ups and downs and always had money problems and struggle with finances that’s why I’ve always stayed with him. And cause of the kids. I know there is nothing between us anymore the love and feelings have been gone for a long time and we both have known this we just ignore it act like everything is fine and stay because it seems like the easiest thing to do at the moment. Well I need help to not get back with just because I don’t work and I stay home with my baby. And I am afraid I will take him back cause he supports me financially and I don’t even know where to start being on my own

  65. I’ve been in this marriage for for 4 years.my husband he’s forever moody,too serious,no sense of humour,he doesn’t take me out neither he doesn’t want me to go out with friends,in my b-day he just wished me a happy b-day no lunch at a restaurant or a gift he ddnt at least try to make me feel special on that day,we dnt hv the same dreams or goals.evertym I ask him bwt his future,dreams hell be very negative.im realy not happy.i do everything for my self financial starting by paying the house.hes not my friend,not easily approachable.il go through difficulties in my life maybe work related issue or family issues and he won’t even notice that I’m not ok.im so lonely in this marriage even wen I knock off at work I get bored to come knowing I’m going to find him being too serious,moody.ive tried couple of times to talk to him but nothing seems to change

  66. Recognizing the warning signs of a bad relationship is painful and confusing. My prayer for everyone who is struggling with hopeless, pain, insecurity, and injustice is for peace and clarity. May you see your relationship clearly, and may you recognize the difference between lack of effort and a serious problem with your partner. I pray for strength and wisdom, peace and power as you discern whether these warning signs of a bad relationship pertain to you and your partner.


    1. I really want to thank u for the words u expressed and your prayers for anyone who maybe struggling!I am at point in my relationship I font know what to do!Ive been in this relationship thinking hoping it will change and it never comes where does the insanity stop????

  67. What an utter load of shallow rubbish. Relationships are much more complex and telling anyone to leave a relationship just because they see some trait is a cowardly and uneducated thing to advise anyone to do. Go see a therapist.

  68. Well, I am a male that was once married to a woman that:

    2. My ex wife wanted me to change.

    This was evident after dealing with an emotionally abusive woman that shared nothing with me. I mean nothing. My ex wife ended up being the worst relationship that I had ever been in. Wanting me to change or behave a certain way in front of her parents. The marriage was an all time joke. I lost respect for this person during our marriage.

    4. Your partner puts you down, in private or in front of others

    Oh yeah. My now ex wife put me down in front of her family especially her parents. Not to mention my own children.

    6. You and your partner don’t have the same long or short-term goals.

    Never did we have the same long or short term goals.

    8. You feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship.

    I ended up in the mental health hospital as a result of a garbage marriage. Seeking some type of affection during a 10 year marriage was hopeless. Three little girls later and divorced. I was very depressed. Slowly…very slowly I am starting to lift out of depression after 3 years. I wondered sometimes if my ex wife was depressed and that I in a sense caught the depression from her? Unhappy, guilty, depressed and sad. All were present in my marriage especially after our 3 little girls were born. I bet she felt the same as well. It was a difficult experience.

    If your boyfriend or husband makes you feel bad about yourself.

    Yes. This was one of the worst parts of my marriage. In a sense, she didn’t make me feel bad about myself. She said things that just didn’t seem right. When I lost a job…I was minimized to a loser. Just a sh*t experience and now with 3 little girls that love and miss their Father…it is tough. As much as my ex wife wants to be some type of friend as she mentioned during the end of our marriage…I am certain that there will never be any type of friendship involved. Not after such an experience…an experience that took the manhood from me and it has taken quite a bit of time to get some of it back.

    Never in my 10 years of marriage did I ever call my ex wife a name, never abused her verbally or physically, never relied on drugs or alcohol, never ever demeaned my ex wife in front of anyone. During the last 2 years, I lost respect for her. I sensed that after she had her three children that she was heading back to her affluent father. That is exactly what happened. The Family Court System booted me from my home. Gave me 4 days/month visitation rights to my kids and left me living below the poverty line. I pay my child support and what I am left with pays my bills and gets me some peace and comfort knowing that I no longer have to deal with the manipulative ways my ex wife and her Family.

  69. Dear Cindy,

    I wish you luck as you end this bad relationship, and start moving forward into a new stage of your life!

    In peace and passion,

  70. This is my story. I have been involved with a younger man for almost 5 years. We met online, and I had recently gone through a separation so I was lonely and not thinking clearly. He did not have a job and also no where to live (was living with a relative in another town at the time we met), so he moved in with me. For all this time he has worked an online business that I helped him set up, and been pretty successful at it–when he feels like working. For weeks and sometimes months at a time he will not work, and is only interested in video games. I work a full-time job and come home to pick up after him, feed our animals and cook. He doesn’t help around the house at all unless I nag, and then it is rare.

    The worse thing is his moods. He will wake up in a nasty mood and start in on me, or start on me when I walk in the door from work. He has called me every name you could imagine, put holes in my walls, thrown things and scared me and my animals half to death. Our arguments are scary and unpredictable. I feel hopeless and sad. I have given him everything within my means–financial support, emotional support, not to mention cleaning, cooking, taking care of the house etc. I am so tired of doing it all alone. I am full of resentment, anger and sadness.

    I am finally going to take steps to end it. He will not leave the house willingly and has no where to go, so of course he wants to continue to sit under my roof and play games on his (my) PS4. If I had it like that with him catering to my every need, he would have to call the police to get me out too lol. Not really, but I have enabled his behavior and I’m going to stop.

    Tomorrow I will file papers to have him evicted. Please wish me luck!!!

  71. These warning signs of bad relationships have helped but the comments and stories helped more. I feel I’m not so alone now, thank you.

  72. When 90% is bad and the rare 10% is good
    When, after a nasty outburst, you are crying, not from the hurt (you’ve been doing that for years), but from sheer despair , hopelessness and frustration
    When your tears are replaced by anger and he doesn’t seem to care
    When, after years of efforts trying to connect (not nagging – just practicing random acts of kindness, validating his feelings, giving him love even when he should be getting a kick in the pants, pointing out the positives in him and never missing an occasion to show gratitude for his rare nice gestures), the brick wall just won’t budge
    When your man can’t think of a single thing that’s good about you, and all you ever hear is how flawed you are and how all the ills in the relationship are your fault
    When the insults and contempt thrown at you are an almost daily occurrence (no matter what you do)

    1. You took the words right out of my mouth. It helps to know I’m not alone. I’m finally going to court to get a notice served on him to leave my house after 4.5 years of hell. I hope you work things out too. Good luck to us both.

  73. Dear Rebecca,

    I think you should go for counseling on your own, and figure out why you are staying in this relationship. You know he’s not good for you – and I know you love him so much – but there is no healthy, happy future with him. If he’s ready to go to counseling, that’s great! Good for him. But whether or not he is ready isn’t your business.

    Your business is getting emotionally and spiritually healthy, so you can decide what to do with your life. Your business is to take care of you, and get out of this cycle of abuse you’re in. You’ve already recognized several signs of bad relationships with your boyfriend…now you need to take care of your future. Get counseling. Move forward without him – and find ways to keep yourself safe. Talk to your counseling about how to leave your boyfriend with as little damage as possible.

  74. I think Im also in an abusive relationship.We met 7 years ago ut never shared a smile together all what we share was his mood swings,sulky face,cheating,controlling behaviour and his jealousy.My boyfriend is just a night mare is such a way Im so deeply depressed and I was on anti- depressants for 6 years.He never allowsme to see my friends or go out and he has never took me out for luch or dinner and all what he does is to go out with his friends for drinks the whole night and he dont even remember my birthday.I really wish if I never met this guy and when he is drunk he starts accusing me cheating him with his friends and at times he will call me in the middle of the night telling me how his friends saw me with a guy somewhere and he will even accuse me of cheating with my friends husbands.The next day he behaves as if nothing happened and when I asked him he will be so apologetic.At times when I slept over his place he will leave me alone and go for drinks and coming back he will start his nasty fights over nothing and will either push me or grab me by force or threatens to kill me and I am very scared of him if he is drunk .Most of his friends left him cause of his moody and hatred behavior.He onced accused his best friend of sleeping with me .When I visit his home he will not allow me to even go out of the gate and controls even which pot to use if I cook for him.I cannot deal with this any more we argue over petty isssues.He is so jelaous in such way he sulks when my neighbours come and visit me.I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man but I think it wont work.He dont want us to break up and even to change his attitude and threatens to kill me if I leave him.We had so make break up for the past 7 years and nothing has changed and I love him so much .Should I go for help with him ?

  75. I have been dating this guy for the past two years we are still young so marriage is not my main focus right now I just want to have decent fun and enjoy my twenties with him but he is so horrible he used to be so perfect all friends were so jealous when I would tell them about him. He does not have a nice paying job which doesn’t bother me, he is very hard working and excellent with household chores. He doesn’t let me go out with friends and family he doesn’t take me out he continuously insults everything I do he threatens me he makes me cry every week without fail.. I was sexually abused as a child and he uses that against me, he threatens my male colleagues he screams at me in front of people, everything wrong he does he blames me he doesn’t care about me and my needs. I have tried to leave him many times but he gets very violent. I do not want to be with him but I see no way out, I am tired of trying and trying and feeling so hopeless I feel sometimes like suicide is my only option I’m just so tired of all the pain and heartache. Please help me get out of this relationship!!!!

    1. So sorry you have been going through this! I hope you have left him already. Believe me, you are so young; do not waste any more of your time on him. He is verbally abusive. If you live with him, go stay with family or friends and then have them come back with you to get your things. You will be so grateful later that you did. If he abuses you from afar or stalks you, get a restraining order and videotape your interactions.

  76. Hi im gerod and im 28yrs old an i was with a woman who is 45yrs n things went ok for three months until she said things like i must”gave her needs and wants” and like “she met guys better than me” and all those stuffs and i don’t like that and i did walk out of her because she do not respect me all she cared bout is herself . any comments to it feel free thanks 😉

  77. These signs of a bad relationship are very important for women to know. Thank you for sharing them, and opening up the conversation for women to talk about bad unhealthy relationships.

  78. Donna,

    How have things been since your husband erupted? I think the only way to find out if counseling will help is to actually go to a counselor. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to go into couples therapy – it’ll help you to just talk through your relationship with a counselor on your own. Sometimes it only takes one half of the couple to get healthy, and the other half of the couple might come alongside.

    Thank you for sharing your story – I think you offered a very helpful warning sign of a relationship that could be bad, or it could be saved!


  79. My husband and I were married almost two years ago. He comes from an abusive background and while difficult for him to talk about, I know his father was verbally and emotionally abusive, physically so toward his younger brother (maybe also to him, though I don’t know), and his mother is emotionally controlling and manipulative. For most of his life, he accepted it — coping by shutting down his feelings, keeping some distance, yet still trying to do things for their approval. Now for the first time in his life, at 40, he’s starting to talk about what happened — and more, how it has affected him. And he is trying to adjust, his behavior and thinking — to influence the relationship he has with his parents and to stop bring the pattern he learned into our relationship.

    It’s been a long road to get here — much of the 2 years of our marriage, and even months prior. I’m encouraged by his attempts and things seemed better, I mean truly & remarkably better. We were able to talk more about things and also start dealing with his parents on a united front. He shares his feelings — not freely, but more. He’s more sensitive to my feelings. He stands up for me, which he never did. He makes quality time for me and our relationship has become the priority in his life.

    Until a few nights ago, when things erupted. During the day, he faced frustrations with work where he is extraordinarily talented, yet undervalued. This particular day hit him hard. Meanwhile, a recent communication with his mother was further hurting him. Through the day, he became more silent and withdrawn — the evening winded down with several snarky comments — and eventually erupted in a screaming tirade that scared me to the point, for the first time, that I thought he might hurt me. I stayed silent and curled in a ball, and he did leave slamming things through the house for the next half hour. Only when I left the bedroom the next morning did I realize he had punched a massive hole in our wall, destroyed the doorframe, broke a door handle, and punched a screw driver into the garage wall.

    I have avoided him since. I feel weak for not kicking him out or leaving myself. I feel ridiculous. The truth of why I don’t — I love the guy he is when he isn’t the monster. And I wish it was different. And I hate to close the door forever. I understand (I think) that his outburst had less to do with me, and more with the feelings of hurt, anger and frustration firstly from home and multiplied by some mirror experiences with work. But it was beyond any level of normal or acceptability.

    Now I’m trying to determine what to do. e.g., Does counseling ever really work — and is staying, while requiring him to get counseling, even worth considering? Or was the experience of the other night the one that crossed the final line? Before I could try to work through the emotional abuse (and I do, I stand up for things — and it’s hard but we tend to get there). But this was the first time I was honestly scared and I don’t know if trying any more is even a real option.

  80. Dear Charlotte,

    Your boyfriend may say he loves you, but he is treating you like a prisoner. Real love from a guy means support, respect, and trust. Your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, and is acting abusive. What you’re experiencing is emotional and mental abuse.

    Has he physically abused you — shoved, hit, slapped, or hurt you in other ways?

    You’re a smart 15 year old. You know you’re in a bad relationship – otherwise you wouldn’t have searched for the warning signs of bad relationships. You know your boyfriend isn’t good for you, and that you should leave him.

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength to leave. May you be infused with strength, clear thinking, wisdom, guidance, peace, determination, and the knowledge that YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER. You are too smart, beautiful, and good to be treated like this. I pray you realize how valuable and lovable you are, and that you know deep in your heart that you are worthy of a good man to love you and treat you right. Amen.

    Be well. Treat yourself well. Don’t be held down by your boyfriend.


  81. My names charlotte and I am only 15, I have a boyfriend who I love very much! We are with each over every day. We met 9 months ago and I fell for him straight away but he messed me about, but I still was in love with him, about 3 months with been in love with him I slept with him that’s when he fell for me, but he made me change loads I’m now a different person, I don’t drink anymore, off drugs but there’s one thing that kills me, I’m not aloud to do anything! I have to stay in all the time he deleted all boys I had on Facebook, snapchat, my contacts and everything even though I wouldn’t cheat. If I don’t do what he says he will shout at me. I have no friends now I’m
    Stressing out as this is my last year at school I’ve had a hard up bringing but my mind is confused I need help –
    Is this love? Yes, no?
    Should I leave? Or should I go? Please help!

  82. Dear Carol,

    Even if you had read these warning signs of a bad relationship to your daughter, I suspect she wouldn’t have listened or broken up with her boyfriend. She might have just cut you out of her life earlier! Women don’t like to hear how “bad” our boyfriends or relationships are, even if we know they’re bad.

    Stay strong, and don’t lose faith in your daughter. She’ll find her way home to you. My prayer is that you find peace, and don’t let worry, fear, or concern overtake your life. I pray you are able to enjoy your life and live in the present, and have faith that your daughter will come back to you when she’s ready. In the meantime, try not to lose sleep or worry yourself sick over her. Your getting sick about her relationship won’t help her, it’ll only make things worse. Stay healthy, emotionally and physically. Be well.


  83. Oh I wish I had found this to read to my daughter before she cut us out of her life. She is drowning in a bad and all consuming relationship with a man who is playing mind games with her. He has introduced her to drugs and isolated her from every friend and family member who has voiced a concern for her. She even admitted to several of us that she knows he will destroy her. My heart is broken snd there is nothing I can do.

    1. Tell her you love her no matter what. Nothing you say will change her path because she isn’t hearing you and isn’t able to hear you. I am this daughter, and have now after 10 years reached my crossroad. If you constantly tell her you love her she will remember this and come back after her bad choices. I wish you and your daughter well. The way was not easy. She is unable to listen or hear you. It is not you, it is her partner. One day something will happen to her and she will hear. Just tell her you love her and you are there no matter what. She will come home. xx

  84. Dear Sara,

    You can’t control what happens to your boyfriend’s health or anxiety after you break up with him – or even when you’re in a relationship with him! You need to decide what’s best for you — as selfish as that may sound. If you’re unhappy with him, you can’t stay in a relationship out of guilt or fear of what could happen in the future. If you believe you and he would be better off not in a relationship, then you need to break up with him and learn how to deal with your feelings of guilt.

    Here’s an article on dealing with guilt after a breakup:


    The bottom line is that you need to listen to your heart. If you’re not meant to be with your boyfriend, then you need to trust yourself, and let him go. Be kind, loving and gentle. But, don’t carry the burden of feeling responsible for what he does or how he feels. He has to be an adult, just like you do.


  85. Dear Toni,

    Thank you for being here; you deserve to be loved, respected, and cared for! It sounds like you see your relationship clearly…it’s just a question of whether you’re able to take steps to change your life. It’s scary, but you might be happier in the long run.


  86. Hi this is my first time having a biyfriend,i met him in university now its 5 months that we have been friends and i love him,he says he loves me so much,i do really care abt him but sth that bothers me is that he has panic attack disorder,it makes me upset and i feel pity for him,i want to break up with him because of that disease,but i cant i dont want to leave him alone on the other hand i dont have future with him,i dont know what to do,every day i wake up i think abt him and think abt that i will not love another guy because i love him so much,and again i think abt what if i break up with him and his disease get worst because of me? Plz help me i dont know what to do :((
    Thank so much
    My english is not so good sry abt that

  87. I have been married for 13 yrs very abusive, my husband was an alcoholic , stayed out all night a lot, changed jobs a lot then went thru the pot times, never really sat an had a good conversation with me or ever took me on vacation nothing,. I call him and he ignores the phone, he will go out with friends an won’t answer the phone when I call. I don’t ask for diamonds an pearls I just want attention. I work very hard 60 hrs a week plus take care of the kids an house. Most recently he got a truck driving job so now I hardly see him . I don’t want to lose him but I also want to be treated like I mean something to someone.

  88. Dear Mander,

    It sounds like you and your partner have hit several of the warning signs of a bad relationship: addiction, different life goals, infidelity, and unhappy feelings about your relationship. But, it also sounds like you’re not ready to let him go, even though he doesn’t want another child and he doesn’t want to quit his addiction.

    So, it seems like you have two options: 1) keep going the way you are; or 2) ask him to leave, and figure out how to pay the bills and rent on your own.

    In a year from now, which option do you think you’d wish you had chosen?

    1. You’re right, I’m just having a hard time facing the truth, I love him with all my heart, but he’s I guess obviously not that in love with me anymore to want to respect me, and my beliefs. I am currently looking for FT work so I will be in a position to provide for my child and I when the time comes for him to go. In a year from now I’d like to see my life being put back together, and I want to also be mentally the best mom I can be, you don’t realize how your relationship effects your kids until it goes wrong and you see them suffering too, which breaks my heart.

      1. Facing the truth of an unhealthy relationship is one of the most difficult things we have to do! It’s painful and so disappointing. I know. But in the long run, facing the truth – and paying close attention to the warning signs of a bad relationship as early as possible – is so much better in the long run. The sooner we face up to the pain and discomfort of leaving, the closer we are to happiness.

        But I also know it’s easier to say all this than actually do it, especially when kids are part of the picture.

  89. I feel like I’m in such a bad place… I just don’t know what to do, I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years, not married( he’s afraid of commitment) and we have a 3year old. I met him at 17 he was 27 at work. After about a year he started talking to his ex-fiancé and broke up with me for about a week, to “try to get his head straight” he’s always been a drinker at times a very heavy drinker. In the beginning of our relationship we’ve gotten in physical fights, not anymore, because I just walk away instead of arguing with him. And just recently in January, I found out he’s been doing cocaine for the past 6 months and blew all our money, so we talked and I said if he ever did it again he would have to go, well he’s done it again and I’m just stuck in such a hard place. I’ve been a stay at home mom, he’s my income, we have so much debt, I do own this home we live in but if I said for him to leave I wouldn’t be able to afford it myself. I don’t want my son to grow up thinking it’s ok to do drugs or treat women with disrespect, I want him to have a good life. I also feel bad for my SO I feel like he needs me. He’s not a very affectionate person and I’m the opposite. I’m just so tired of his crap I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, and I feel he’s choosing drugs over his family, I’m also tired of not being able to talk to my friends or family because I’m so embarrassed about the situation. And I don’t know how I would live without seeing my son everyday all day, I’m so heartbroken. We’ve also been trying for another because I want more kids but he doesn’t, it’s taken me all these years to convince him to have another, but that’s now out of the question, I would never forgive myself if something happens to my baby because of his drug alcohol addiction. And now I can’t stop thinking about another guy that we’ve known for years,(he pursued me when my SO broke up with me for a week but I said no) what life would be like with him, and I feel bad that I can’t stop thinking about him. Any advice, I just am not thinking clearly anymore 🙁

  90. I have been in a relationship with my oldest children’s father for 2 1/2 years but we have dealt with each other for the past 13 years on and off. He says I don’t communicate but every time I say something to him about how I’m feeling I get shot down. He tells me it’s either stupid or he doesn’t care about so he doesn’t want to hear it so I shut down and won’t talk anymore. Yesterday we got into an argument and it has been ongoing today. Anytime I say something he doesn’t like he gets really angry and says some things that are really mean. He’s called me stupid, dumb, and everything but the child of God.
    Of course I love him a lot but I don’t like he feels the same about me. I’m at my end and I don’t know what to do.

  91. Hello Farah,

    It sounds like you are excessively dependent on your boyfriend, and not in control of your relationship or life. I think it’s important to let go of control in many situations, but I also believe we shouldn’t be so out of control that we feel like someone or something is oxygen to us.

    It also sounds like your boyfriend isn’t as committed to this relationship as you are. What could you do to ease off on it a little, and become more of your own person? How could you become a strong, independent, confident woman?

  92. I have been in a relation with a guy for almost a year and 4 months at first he seemed like the perfect guy i can possibly dream of we stayed for 6 months absolutely happy it seemd like the perfect relation i was never happy like this and i started to think that he might be the one than i had to travel for university for 6 months and he was so supportive and he told we will make it i will come visit u and u’ll visit me we can do it in the early two months while i was abroad things were good than we had a fight and things started to change i found out that he is open to knew relations and since than things started going the bad way he changed he was mean he was distant busy all the time until later on i found out that got back with his ex girlfriend nit only he got back to her but he was planing on marrying her all of that happened in less than a month i got crazy it was one of the hardest thing i ever went through in my life i was simply dying alone in a different country and he tried to contact me many times to apologize to tell me that he still loves and that he had to go back to his ex for her own sack and that he was trying to protect her from another guy and that he made a mistake by telling her that he will marry her and he regrets it right now, and he still loves me i did not believe him if course i hared him so much i just wanted to get him out of my system and he kept contacting my family to check on me and he said that he destroyed his own life he does not want to destroy mine after he found out that i am seeing another guy he tried so much to get in contact with me to tell me that he still loves me he eventually broke up with his ex and started talking to me back to get back together the thing is at the time i was still in love with him and still very much in pain over what he did and the things he said when i returned back to my country he asked to see me so he would clarify everything and the reasons why he made that move and i wanted to know as well so i met him and we started talking again he apologized and said he would never hurt me ever again and he blamed the fact that we were a part and that we started fighting and that he never wanted his girlfriend he was just looking for care i gave him another chance not because he deserve it but because i still had feelings for him i needed to know to get to the bottom of everything because he is the man that i ever truly loved we started dating again he tried to win my trust again which to me seemed Impossible because my trust is very hard to earn and now i feel very insecure about him every small mistake he does reminds me of the pain i suffered because of him and personally i feel that is doing a very good job he still acts like a total idiot sometimes, sometimes i feel that i am wasting my time but than i remember his love and my love and i say no we belong together i feel like our relation is unstable i think he broke something huge inside me i don’t know if he is capable of doing things but, i want him to reassure me his love again to feel that if we worked on this we can get there but instead he is criticizing me and acting like a jerk And telling me that i have hard character and it makes me feel more insecure like i m not good enough for him , and some other time he tells me that i am the perfect girl that he has been dreaming of and that he wants us to be together and that we will get married yet he never introduced me to his parents yet i think he is still insecure about our relation too and is afraid of his parents judgement since we come from different cultures i feel deep in my heart like something is not right and i don’t know if i am doing the right thing by staying together with him he is super supportive super loving caring but he has these moments that i don’t understand like his parents thing that he told me he is working on but i am doubting it these moments when i feel like i m not what he is exactly looking for in a girl and that he might be thinking some stuff over even though i really try my best to make it work he never holds my hand in public as if we are a couple he talks about “my” life not “our” life and these things just make me so worried and insecure and uncomfortable and i am afraid that he might leave me at some point when he is no longer emotionally attached and i would be again sitting there picking up the peaces of my heart it s really painful for me to leave him right i m still very much emotionally attached to him sometimes i feel like he is my oxygen and i don’t want to be so vulnerable and so dependent on him it scares me so much plz any opinions would help

  93. Hi Kayla,

    How old are you and your boyfriend? Sometimes when guys are young, they don’t know how to act around their friends when their girlfriend is around. Sometimes they feel they have to play it cool.

    What does your boyfriend say when you tell him how you feel?

  94. Dear Sarah,

    I don’t have any answers for you, but I do have lots of questions! Have you talked to a counselor about how you are coping with your boyfriend? It sounds like he is manipulating and controlling you, as well as abusing you physically.

    Who says love will forgive anything? Would you forgive him if he abused your daughter?

    Are the good times you have together worth the pain and suffering he causes you and your daughter?

    1. My boyfriend needs help. He has issues that come from his childhood and I can see that he wants to change. What in asking is if it is the right thing to abandon him or help him? Him hurting any of my children would make me leave in a heartbeat. But they have never witnessed any fights or arguments. He has been a great father to them.

      1. Dear Sarah,

        It’s a very difficult decision, and whichever choice you make will involve pain. If you stay with your boyfriend, will he do the work he needs to do to heal? Will he get healthy and deal with his childhood issues? I don’t know. I don’t think you or even he knows the answer to that. But, I do know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

        If you leave him, I’m not sure I agree that you’re “abandoning” him. He is not a child or a puppy. When you kick kids or dogs out on the street, you’re abandoning them. When you decide that a relationship is no longer working for you – or if you can no longer tolerate the unhealthiness of it – then you’re making a decision that is good and healthy for you. A breakup is not an abandonment — and people who are unhealthy will try to manipulate you into believing it is.

        Good, healthy decisions for you and your child aren’t easy. Sometimes the most difficult decision is the right one.

        The reason I encourage you to talk to a counselor is so that you can figure out what boundaries (eg, what you’re responsible for, and what your boyfriend is responsible for). You are not responsible for your boyfriend, his health, his emotional stability, or his healing. You are responsible for YOUR health, future, child, and choices. It sounds like you’re confused about how to love him, and I believe talking this sort of stuff through with a counselor is the best way to find the answer that is already in you.

        I can’t tell you what the right thing to do is. But whatever you decide to do, make sure you have support. If you decide not to talk to a counselor, then talk to a wise trustworthy person. Surround yourself with people you respect, who can help you find the decision that is inside you.

        Does this make sense? I encourage you to keep writing, here or somewhere else. I won’t tell you what to do – nobody should tell you what to do! – but I’m happy to listen. I also encourage you to read books about healthy love relationships — and a book called Boundaries. It’s important to know where you end and where your boyfriend begins.


    2. My bf says he likes me but he don’t hold my hand or put his arm around me he just b hugging me n wen we around ppl he acts like I’m not really there n I do like him n we just started going out last week but he spends to much time wit his friends than wit me n wen we’re alone he wants to b all buddy buddy wit me n he pays attention to me wen I’m mad idk wat to do but ik that I wanna b wit him

  95. I have been with my boyfriend with 3 years and we have a one yr old together. We have been through many problems. Well it’s more like I have dealt with many problems created by him. He has thrown me out of our home over a misunderstanding. He has put his hands on me on more than one occasion. He has cheated. And every single time I have tried leaving him he would cry and begg me to forgive him. I love him so much and I am so hurt with him. But I believe him every time he swears he loves me and will never hurt me again. The last time I tried leaving he said he was going to kill himself because he was dead without me. He is currently going to counseling…and we can have so much fun together and we even like a lot of the same things. When is it time to give up? They say love will forgive anything.

  96. Thanks for your feedback, Not Important! I’m glad to hear from you. These warning signs of a bad relationship are geared towards women, because the majority of my readers are women.

    I don’t think it’s always the man’s fault, and believe any of these signs of bad relationships can be applied to both men and women. It works both ways.

  97. Dear Beverley,

    It sounds like you’re in such a bad relationship, but you have no way to leave. You’re financially dependent on him. Have you talked to anyone about leaving him? Friends, family, social services, etc?

  98. Came across your site looking for information on bad relationships and Imediately doubted the validity of any information after reading the second paragraph wherein you accuse the “boyfriend “or “husband” of wrong doing in the relationship. I guess it’s always the mans fault hah what a joke

  99. Tiffany,

    It sounds like you’ve been dealing with alot of grief, stress, loss, and difficulties. It’s piling up, and it may feel like you’re all alone. It sounds like you do feel like you’re all alone, and that can be a sad, lonely place to be.

    I don’t think you mentioned friends – do you have any friends you can call, who can help you figure out what to do next? You said you can’t tell your family about how bad your relationship is…but sometimes friends can be even more helpful than family.

    I don’t know where you live, or what resources you’re able to tap into. Some cities and communities have services for women, and can even offer shelter and help finding a permanent housing option.

    Another option is to call the local churches. Many offer brief help and support to families in distress.

    I wish I could be more helpful, but all I can do is encourage you to reach out and call as many organizations as possible. Help IS out there…it just needs you to dig it up.

    I’m here to listen, if you want to share how you’re doing.


  100. Ill try to make this short as possible but descriptive as possible. I need help. I am lost. You see I’ve with this same man for 8 yrs and he’s an alcoholic. Over years his verbal/mental abuse started to increase as much as his drinking. Yet I kept on chugging through as I loved him to pieces. Then he became physical. Once when I was preggo with my last child. I blew it off. Finally got a job, started saving money, had goals for myself and my oldest who is 13 was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. This broke things even more and he laid his hands on me two more times, has control of me, is up my butt wondering who/what/when/where,, etc I’m at nearly all times. Blames me for my sons cancer. Tells me I’m an awful parent as I choose to be 1.5 hours away with him over my other 3 children. etc., etc. I know I need to leave even though I know he loves me and the children (but not enough to stop drinking) but he has such control of me, and with my son current health issue it seems like nobody is willing it help me. I have no money, no job, his mom has control of our savings, my van (which is needed for transportation for my son to hospitals) loan is cosigned by his mom. My family doesn’t know as they will make my problems 10x worse. I tried calling DV to help..but they too told me they can help but I’m going to have to leave my kid alone while i stay home to help with court, etc. My head is in pieces and I dont know what to do.

    1. God I feel for you. I to am in a verbal/ physical relationship with a young child. I feel so alone. I wouldn’t be able to financially survive without him and he knows this. There are days when I don’t think I can take another hour of this life I’m living. Sending my love to you and your kids.

  101. Dear Broken,

    I’m sorry it didn’t help you to write here. It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation – you aren’t in a good relationship, and your husband won’t let you leave without your children.

    Have you talked to the embassy, or sought help from a counselor there? Is it true that you can’t leave without your children? I don’t know the laws there, or anything about your situation. But, I do believe that even in the worst situations, we have more options than we think.

    Is it possible to call your embassy, or get help from someone who knows about the law?

  102. Mr Stuck Wishing for Happiness,

    These warning signs of a bad relationship are for both women and men, but I write for women primarily. I’m sorry you feel like I’m demonizing men.

    I’m very sorry that you’re in an unhealthy relationship. I wish you all the best, and hope you’re able to find happiness somehow.


  103. Have been in a “toxic” relationship for months now…she was married 3 times..4 kids and is never wrong. She also refuses to discuss and comprise on issues. Says she will never change. Leave or stay?

  104. I’ve been married for over 15 years to someone who never really loved me. Most of that time, I’ve spent trying to be who he thought I should be, instead of being myself. But now Im just tired. I have come to the conclusion that he will NEVER love me for who I am. The problem is that I can’t leave him because of my children. I made a huge mistake of moving to saudi arabia with him 10 years ago and now if I leave (which he has made clear that he doesn’t care if I do) it would have to be without my children. I thought that by writing this I would somehow feel a little better, but I don’t. I just wish that my life could be different but its not. and there’s nothing i can do but keep breathing for the sake of my children.

    1. At a certain point you must weigh the long and short term effect on you and the children. Will you and they be emotionally harmed more by staying or leaving? Tough choices and even tougher times ahead but lots of US survive it and flourish. God bless

  105. The most important sign of a bad relationship is how you feel when you’re with your partner, and when you’re not with him. Do you feel insecure, lost, sad, unhappy, and alone? Those are warning signs, given by your own body!

  106. Dear Jennifer,

    I’m not sure what the signs are of sex addiction — but if your boyfriend’s interests make you feel uncomfortable, then you need to set boundaries. If he wants it too much, or in ways that don’t feel good to you, then you need to be honest with him.

    If your boyfriend doesn’t listen to you, then it’s definitely a sign of a bad relationship! He has to listen and compromise, especially when it’s about something so personal and intimate.

    Whether or not he’s addicted doesn’t matter. It’s how you feel in your relationship that matters. Do you feel respected, loved, and honored?

  107. Thankyou Laurie for your advice from yesterday. I will take in concern what you’ve told me. I’m living with him now , its been 4 weeks now. If we continue to ague and have physical fights i will leave him alone. We have spoke alot , he knows if it continues i will leave him alone. Also what are the signs that a man is addictive to having sex with me ? If he is addictive to having sex with me should i be concern?

  108. Thanks for your comments, Patricia!

    I agree, it’s not ideal that my articles don’t address specific circumstances. They’re more general, magazine-type articles that cover a broad range of people and situations.

    Every family and relationship is unique. It sounds like your partner and his family doesn’t accept you for who you are, even though you’ve tried really hard to get them to accept you.

    Maybe there’s nothing you can do to get them to accept you. Maybe no matter who you are or what you do, you’ll always be someone in their minds that they just can’t welcome into the family. That’s sad, but unfortunately there’s not much you can do to change who people are.

    Are you happy in this relationship?

  109. It worries me that these articles do not address different circumstances and make blank statements. I am with a man that does not accept me. If he had to go by your advice, he should leave me. However, the truth, is that they are very conservative and they can’t accept he divorced his previous wife, even though I met him years after their divorce. They treat me like I don’t exist. I’ve done EVERYTHING to be accepted by them to no avail. I also know people that will sabotage their friends’ partnerships because they are jealous. So, friends’ and family’s opinion of someone’s partner is not something that should guide you in your decision or even feelings about your relationship.

  110. Dear Natalie,

    Thank you for sharing your insights and wisdom here! It sounds like you’ve done alot of work in counseling, getting to know yourself and your patterns better. I admire and respect how far you’ve come, and I believe you’ll meet a man who treats you the way you deserve.

    I didn’t want your comments to get buried under the new ones, so I posted them here:


    Thank you again – I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  111. I am currently leaving my second terrible long term relationship. I was previously with a man for 2 years who was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. I was very addicted to the cycle with him and at times I can say I truly loved him and his ‘good side’.

    I spent a year and a half seeking counseling, medication, and self-help/personal development books to get back to normal after the end of that nightmare. I am STILL not over that man. He was also my first love and real boyfriend, at age 19-21 so that played a factor.

    By the time I met my recent ex, I was 22 and had revitalized my self esteem and life. So what happened? I was instantly attracted to this man. I ignored every warning sign, my friend and family’s advice. I absolutely lost myself in the relationship. I was completely distracted from school, work, everything. This man was also verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive. He recently showed up at my house out of nowhere and threatened to kill himself on my front lawn. I had to call the cops, he ended up in a psych ward. Now he’s saying it’s all MY fault he is there and that he was ‘never serious’ about hurting himself. He also said that I am the cause of all the problems in his life even though he has been like this his entire life.

    I often wonder how young, motivated, SMART woman get involved with these guys. There are a lot of reasons and factors – many of which are from our childhood. Also, following patterns and not breaking cycles or being aware of them.

    To other women reading this – I finally realized after seeing this person blame ME for his suicide attempt, even though I had barely spoken to him in weeks – that their behaviors are their own and you can’t be held responsible. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are lovely. Do not reduce yourself to a low self esteem, unhappy, shade of a woman. You are worth so much more than that. Sending love and prayers. If you’re a man and reading this, if someone is abusing you, it’s the same deal – you are worth it, you are loved, and you don’t deserve it.

  112. Hello Valenina,

    It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your boyfriend! And I suspect you’re recognizing that your relationship has some of the warning signs in my article.

    How are you coping with your feelings? I hope it helped to express them here…but how do you cope with the stress, frustration, and pain you feel?


  113. Well, I have this problem. I met my boyfriend in 2007 and been together every since. When I first met him, I was attracted to him because he loved his mother so much. So every place that we have gone to, I paid for it. He is a disable veteran age 47 and I was 21 or 22 at that time. BUT like I was saying I was paying for the hotel, dinner, our outings, because he said his mother was taking his check…um, I notice change in him when I got pregnant with our first child. During my first pregnancy, when he was actually getting his check, he’ll give me money then he would disappear at time maybe 2 or 3 days. Then when he come back, he’ll be broke.

    Ok, when I delivered my baby, you are required to spend 2 or 3 day in the hospital. Well, i had my baby at 4 in the morning, and he found out I receive a check from my school, he put my clothing on me and took me out the hospital to cash my check. I really don’t remember all what occurred that day because I was on meds. However, he brought me back before anyone can notice, and he was gone. I didn’t see him like 5 days later. He cause me to lose 2 jobs. One job, I let him borrow my car and he took me to work across town. When I got off at 11 pm, he never showed back up, so I was stranded. I had to pay $40 for a taxi. He told a bunch of lies to his folks saying my mom call the police on him. So he came back about a week later and I think it was a month later when I contracted and STD. I really think he is a drug user, and know he recovers years ago from the same issue. The next time I contracted a STD I was pregnant with my second child. He lies to my face all the time……..he doesn’t listen, he always thinking someone putting things in my head. Let me remind you, we have 2 small kids…..He always leave to go help his friends, and when I ask him to let do thing together as a family….HE WILL SAY, WE DON”T HAVE MONEY NOR GAS. And now all he do is wait on a phone call….when his boys call he is gone…….maybe for 8 hours or to the next morning. I am really getting tired, and I am considering to leave him and move out of town with my kids. …He haves the nerves to say I wont cook or clean….but he’s not running behind 2 kids, I AM…..and he can’t work….

  114. Sarah,

    Did you see the comment someone left for you on the article I wrote for you? I couldn’t have said it better!


  115. Dear Sarah,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing your story. I really appreciate your honesty and courage.

    No, I don’t think it’s normal for a boyfriend to go into a sulk if you eat a chocolate bar…but I suspect there are other things going on! It’s not just the chocolate bar, is it?

    The trick is to figure out what the underlying issue is. Is he being unreasonable about your weight gain? I believe your fears and concerns are valid, and you need to pay attention to them! Don’t ignore your feelings, because they’re giving you important clues to the future of your marriage.

    I wrote this article for you:


    Let me know what you think.


  116. Most of the time we get on great.. but I find it difficult to deal with the mood swings, he can totally go in a sulk if I am eating a bar or chocolate… is this normal? He us sensitive helpful kind generous thoughtful loving, and I do love him SO SO much.. BUT WILL THIS WEIGHT ISSUE KILL OUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE? What if I gain while pregnant.. so worried.. I’m freaked out… I thought maybe he has a touch if depression as his mum suffers from it badly… I am not in a good place my self esteem is rock bottom and I can’t stop crying.. work is also crazy stressful right now

  117. I am engaged to my fiance and we are to get married next year.. I am having doubts whether he loves me it not..:(
    He has changed he is moody and withdrawn and often silent..
    We have had many many talks arguments and discussions about my weight, I gained 3 stone when I quit cigarettes and then I lost it.. he says he seen how fabuous I looked when I lost weight, unfortunately I gained maybe 1 stone,

  118. I will be married to my husband two years in Aug. We have a beautiful baby girl. A new home. everything we have strived for. My husband has totally changed since. We have not been romantic in months. He puts me down on a regular basis, makes me feel unworthy of his presence especially when other people are around. I try every day extremely hard just to get his attention and to make him happy in any way that I can. Im truly broken. I now see, no matter how much you love someone you cant make that person love you back. My heart just bleeds for my child. I dont want to tear her family apart but I dont feel like i deserve a life of constant hurt! Totally lost and confused. I love him with all of my heart and its just not enough.

    1. So sorry to read of your sadness and stress that should not be present in a place (home) such as your comfort zone. Could you please give an update on whats transpired since last years post. Would be greatly appreciated, more than you’ll ever know… Thx

  119. Dear Alessandro,

    I’m glad you’re leaving your relationship, because a woman who says things like that to you doesn’t deserve you! Those aren’t loving words, and the sooner you get out of that relationship, the better.

    I wish you all the best, and hope you know that you deserve a woman who loves and cares for you.


  120. The last 4 or 5 comments have been from men – I didn’t write this article specifically for women. Since I’m a woman, I tend to gear my articles towards women. But I believe the tips apply to human beings in general. Can’t men and women benefit from the same article on bad relationships — and the same comments section?

    Maybe it would be helpful for men and women to see each other’s perspectives by talking.

    But to answer your question, Jarrod, I don’t know of any websites specifically for men and their relationships. I’m sure they exist; I’m just not aware of them.

  121. Hi everyone, Ive just decided to leave an unhealthy relationship with a woman who made me feel bad about my past experiences,
    she was not telling me the whole truth about the problems she had, and at one stage she even told me that I’d have no chance in getting another girlfriend, because I didn’t have what it takes..

  122. When the author says “accept you as you are” does that mean “as you are” or “what you’ve let” yourself become?

    I’ll go to the most extreme example. She goes from a size 2 to a size 10. Who’s being unreasonable? Her allowing herself to become obese? Or him losing attraction to someone who became obese?

    Sorry – but “love me no matter how bad I let myself go” is WAY too far of a stretch.

    Also, women who shut off the sex machine and expect the husband to be both HAPPY and FAITHFUL are just deluded idiots too…

  123. Well I typed in Google “signs of a good or bad relationship and came to your site……seems like great advice but I’m a man and it appears the advise is predetermined as only for women. I need help as a man where can I find it?

    1. Mr. Stuck wishing for happiness

      Yeah I found this article through a Google search also and thought it was unfair to say the least that you demonized men and then riddiculed a man by say he is “afraid” to be alone.
      I’m in a bad relationship and engaged and I stay because I worry about her and will become of her without me being here to care for her.
      Funny how women like to point fingers and say “bad, bad, bad” but never look in the mirror and think “I’m doing bad, bad, bad and making wrong and bad decisions”.
      Today I started looking for love online because I feel so unloved. I feel I deserve better than all of this. I’m probably won’t and bad, bad, bad though huh.

      1. You’re not letting your fiance live a happy life, nor are you showing any signs of caring for her are deciding to stay because you’re co-dependent. Neither of you will have A chance at happiness if you are focusing on caring for the other more than yourself. Plus you’re being selfish going online, get real and find a therapist who will help you learn how u forgot to love yourself. You wont find that on the internet.

  124. Bad Relationship

    Great tips. It seems like common sense to look for these signs yet people repeat these behaviors time and again. Perhaps the key is to do something different (and positive) and stick to it until it becomes the new way of doing things.

  125. hi all.. im a man with my whole life in a mess.. i did this to myself.. i have 3 kids… 9yrs now workin on rebuilting trust but seems way to far

  126. I love the advice about being self-sufficient! It’s so important to retain some independence in your marriage, even if you are totally secure and certain it’ll last forever.

    Another really important tip is to get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as possible. If you’re grounded and stable, you can cope with a bad relationship…and possibly even turn these warning signs around, and make them the basis of a better, stronger marriage or partnership!

  127. Silk and sandpaper

    Hi, been married 21 years, 4 kids, all boys, been a stay at home mom, two youngest are still in elementary school. I’ve felt trapped for a long time, emotionally abused, disrespected, unloved and taken advantage of. It’s been really bad living with someone who blatantly shows no love or caring. I don’t want to bore you will all the events but the last straw was a month ago sitting alone crying in my car after I had my uterus biopsied, in pain, when he promised he would be there with me. These times have been too many. I beg to be touched, when I talk to him he turns and walks away, he’s turned the tv up too. We’ve been to 2 marriage therapists but he won’t do the work. I know I want out, he knows I’m stuck, staying home all these years I have no job and no skills.no where to go. So I stay, living a silent life, my own hell. And it continues , it really hit me when i read, if I had a daughter would I want her to have my marriage, there’s no way! Unfortunately,I have no family. To my fellow sisters , pls pls pls, make yourselves self-sufficient, don’t allow someone to take care of you.

  128. Hello. I have been in my relationship for the past 11 years. During all that time my boyfriend (and father of 3 children) has been using (all sorts of things). Early on in our relationship, he cheated on me. We broke up for a while but I ended up getting pregnant and we started to have kids and because of my background, I didn’t want my kids growing up without their father because all mine did was send money to support me. I have used over a time to, but have grown tired of it and I now have health issues so I have decided to stop completely over a year and a half ago because I got a government job and was tired of spending money on something that only lasted a short time and my kids are WAY MORE IMPORTANT (not due to my using- due to problems I have had that never got checked while growing up) Anyways, to make a very long story short, my boyfriend has no parental rights to his first child because he could not stop using and because my family (my side) is crap and has done everything to get my kids taken from me, I no longer talk to them. But my story is I am told daily how I NEED TO CHANGE, HOW MY ATTITUDE IS BAD (I have thyroid problems right now as well) and how I took him away from his best friend (which is a girl) he had made. He constantly says we are not a couple and he doesn’t trust me. But then in the same instance, with his mom knowing what was going on and still continuing to enable him, says that she will make sure that my kids are taken from me. This is not right so I have started to formulate my plan to get out WITH MY CHILDREN. They have seen too much that they don’t need to see and I have worked too hard to lose them, especially to someone I have supported staying home for the last 8 years because he could not hold down a job. I, on the other hand, have always been able to work but continued to enable him as well because during our relationship, I waited a while to get back and when he was treating me badly, I decieded that was the time (before our 3rd child was born, he cheated more then once before we had children while I lived with him and his parents). I had been working so much and he would play his video games for up to 12 hours a day. He’s not as bad now but he just recently quit using because we had to move back home due to my family going back on their word and being crap to me. So I basically have no other support. But since we have been home, I have been constantly told that I have already lost him, he’s not exclusive to me, that he wants to go out and screw some hot girl, but would involve taking MY VEHICLE I PAID FOR AND IS IN MY NAME. He does not have a license right now. But then when his mother threatened to take MY CHILDREN, that’s when I decided I have had enough. Since we had our falling out almost 5 years ago, it has been a constant battle and its not fair for my kids to have to be witness to it. I guess I am looking for advice on what else to do or how to formulate my plan without anyones knowledge. I am so tired of hurting and feeling bad and feeling like I do nothing right. He gets annoyed easily at me over small things and goes off to make calls to this girl at times or exchanges emails and texts constantly. I have been denying it for a while but I think he’s in love with her because he calls her his best friend. Am I wrong to think that I should be??? I am prepared to fight for my children because I have held a job, had a roof over their head, taken them to doctors appointments, dental, surgeries that have been needed and so on. Her son has no rights to his first born, she is ALL MINE!

  129. Carolyn,

    Thank you so much for encouraging us to get out of bad relationships and into healthy ones! I really appreciate your taking the time to comment, and I know readers will be inspired and motivated by you.

    I am so glad you are in a healthy, happy relationship now 🙂


  130. This is so heartbreaking to read about all you lovely women who love their men so. I hope it works out for you. I’ve had some horrible, horrible, horrible men that I loved too much, but I’m in such a wonderful relationship now, it restores your belief that yes, it is heartbreaking to leave the present and launch into the unknown and be more selective in finding a calmer guy with a good reputation, but it’s worth it. Move on, move on. Occasional love is no good, my guy treats me right ALL the time now, he is attentive to my every word or he stays at home if I need him that bad. He used to drink and get mean and I said it’s the drink or me. Choose. Then I left for a long while and I guess he missed me.

  131. Dear Melanie,

    I’m glad you’re not alone. I’m sorry your relationship isn’t great, but hope you gain strength and courage by knowing that other women are struggling with the same relationship issues!

    A relationship is only “bad” when neither partner is willing to work on it, and make changes. If both partners can see their mistakes and patterns of communicating and relating, and if they’re open to making their relationship better, then their love can be revived. It can even be better!

    The problem is that working on a relationship is hard, and takes time and energy.

  132. I don’t know if anyone who comments ever comes back to see what others post afterwards but if “KIM” comes back…your comment hit so close that i could have written it, at one point, I thought “why don’t I remember writting this?” ….I didn’t think anyone would be going through the EXACT same thing as me !!!! wow !

  133. Dear Kim,

    Toyota is funny 🙂 Don’t you wish you could pry open his brain and see what’s going on inside? It’s hard to communicate with a guy who doesn’t say what he’s feeling or thinking. And, it’s hard to live in uncertainty.

    Have you tried asking him about how he feels? Maybe tell him how it makes you feel when he pushes you away, without blaming or accusing him.

  134. I have no clue anymore, I have some of these problems sometimes, it’s like a Toyota in my house. I just wish it wasn’t so hard. Sometimes I think I have the best of the best, he works hard, is an amazing dad, and is pretty dang sexy…lol but other time I feel like things are so hard. I am a very affectionate person by nature, the first thing I want to do each morning is love and kiss my husband, but he is either up and out of bed playing on his iPad already or he moves away from me or gets annoyed at my touches or kisses. It’s like everyday he’s a good guy, but everyday I don’t feel good enough for him to share an intamit bond with, we have sex every couple weeks and its good sex but emotionally I feel like its just happening because I ask so much. I have tried going periods where I just laid off and didn’t ask for any emotional or physical attention but it turns out if I don’t ask nothing happens. I love this man with all my heart I just feel so, empty and unsure of what’s next. I would give anything to have his love and affection again. It was great when I had it.

  135. Dear elizabeth,

    I don’t know if there is any way a relationship “should” be. Different couples live with different types of communication styles, habits, norms, etc.

    The question is: “Are you happy in your relationship and life the way it is right now?”

  136. my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 year we been through a lot ! Now its just us with 4 kids .we harley go any where when we do I notice we don’t talk , he don’t go out with friend when we go to any of my families house hes quit doesn’t say hi and if I tell him something he say he didn’t hear them , his body language tell a lot but he says just cuz I’m not smiling or saying anything I’m mad then some time he get mad cuz I ask that . He act like that with me at home too . He don’t trust me and I can’t trust him . I want to go back to school cause I’m tired of living week by week and no support there I don’t go out I have no friends . I barley see my family when I do I get home and he has that awkward face again , I need a break and he always say why. Is this how it should be ?

  137. Dear SMTG,

    If you let money keep you in a bad relationship, then you’ll never leave.

    It’ll be difficult to support yourself if you leave your husband…and life is difficult with him!

    Which difficulty would you rather live with for the rest of your life?

  138. I am with my husband for 6 years and married for 4. We have just had another row – a constant in our relationship. I constantly feel sad, low and unloved. Sex happens about three times a year, since we stopped trying for a baby (which I now realize is good for any potential child we would have had!) and I am constantly watching what I say. When I let my guard down I say something and he attacks. I am constantly anxious and angry with him. Most of the time I think I hate him, but if he is nice to me at all, the love I initially felt returns. I should have seen the signs – he has no friends at all (and thinks that is normal), only one previous girlfriend before me (and he was in his mid 30s when I met him), weird relationship with his family, secretive. When we were about 6 months together we went on our first holiday and he attacked me (verbally) for interupting him when we were talking to someone and this has been a constant. He says he cannot trust me, that he cannot talk to me as I argue with him, that I have issues (who hasn’t?) but will not accept that he might be part of the problem – it is all down to me. About 6 months ago he told me he never wanted to marry me although he got down on one knee to ask me! It is since then that I realised that I had made a huge mistake. I waited until my 40s to marry and now here I am.
    However, we are in a predicament – we owe a fortune and own three properties in negative equity. I am working part-time for myself and we really struggle. I think I want to seperate but I can’t survive without his income – I don’t know what to do, and would appreciate some advice. The only positive is that there are no children involved.

  139. this is for anyone that is in a bad relationship or doesnt feel right about it well heres how my relationship is going k well today he didnt talk to me like he thinks its fine because i never told him how i felt and i just dont know how to solve this like he just wont make a move and if you agree that all men sholud make the maove and not the women please post your thoughts and that isint all we have been dating for 17 monts and he hasaent told me ge loves me or anthing i feel lke we are just friends and not even a couple anymore

  140. for all the under age on this site,under age twenty 21,7 days is not a relationship,children haveing an raising children is to young to even know about life or love,children raising children an trying to have an adult relationship with another child,these relationships rarley work out because you are to young.life experience helps you to mature,this means before you have children learn to care for your self first,pay your own rent,buy your own car,pay your electric,water,insurance,find a job that has medical insurance for your self an pay your medical bills,once you know how to care for your self then you can begin to care for another,this is difficult an i know people in their 50’s who haven’t learned how to do this on there their own an because they don’t know how to care for them selves they had children an those children are unable to do for them selves. create live that isn’t a drain on society.

  141. I tick at least half of those boxes. My problem is not that I am scared of being alone… I am scared of being without someone I love very deeply. I love him so much but I don’t believe this is a healthy, happy relationship. What should I do?

  142. Good relationships are difficult to achieve and require some skill and effort. Times have changed, and people often tend to test run sexual and personal compatibility before offering commitment. The emphasis on sexual intimacy tends to blur the picture and create confusion. once sex enters then logic tends to depart and it can take a while to realise whether the two of you are suited. Likewise, the rules of dating and relationships have changed to the point where young men hit on older women as a source of income and sexual release. By middle age many people are reluctant to risk being hurt again after a failed marriage and the chances of finding a suitable partner without collateral damage diminishes. Be clear about who you are and what you want and try to find someone who matches your wish list instead of trying to change someone into someone they are not. Work on yourself first… and this may increase your chance of having a healthy adult relationship.

  143. I have been in a relationship w my boyfriend for 9 months he has been a great father to my 8 year old son and the best man I have ever had really. I am 27 and he is 23 says he wants a family all the same values but always felt he was too young to feel that way! He wants to spend every second w me does not go out or go anywhere fot that matter by hiself other than to wotk! I recently found the dating site we met on log n to my phone it popped up a couple times and decided to put a password I knew he wuld use sure thing got in. the whole 9 months was conversations how he moved to fl w me from al lookin to meet friends he lives w his girl but u know how relationships r blah blah. I was so hurt and baffled cus this whole relationship he has accused me and ive put 1000 % and whole time it was him. He denys it says it was his brother using his page but its a lie u sign in from my internet so no way that would be locked in the username? Im no dummy every other man has done the same I was w my sons father for 8 yrs he did the same and had a child w another woman. Im so hurt cus I thought this was the one I truly found. How u could b so caring loveable nothing ive never had and be devious just like the rest. Im a great woman cook clean rub his feet back have a great sex take care of any need he wouldnt have to look for in the street. I just dont understand where things went wrong w now or past! Is it me? Or all men jus cheat get bored? I asked him to just be real make me feel better was it pire entertainment? I jus dont really feel in my heart he acted out on this but I do believe it was him on the messages talkin

  144. If your husband goes behind your back and takes a woman 400 to her work without asking the wife her letting her know. years later says it is because she got a divorce, yes, she had a job. Also he stuck hundreds of dollars down the jeans pocket of female worker. ask for same waitress gave her 100 at one time, just he and a kid was eatting, vey little, he gave her large tips after that too. He says it was helping them out. one he gave 40o, one about 1200, other no telling but think several hundred. What do you think, was he just helping. Forgot to mention the 400 woman he went to church with and called her couple of times after church, to talk bout a grandchild of his and the woman doesn’t even know the parents.he doesn’t give her the money at church, he goes by her work to give it. please give me your opinion as to whys,

  145. Wow! Let’s get this straight. First off if you’re 16 and you cheated on your boyfriend numerous times then you really should just slit your wrists. Remember up and down not side to side. If you weren’t so busy giving mouth parties to Johnny, Joe, and Jimmy maybe you would of had more time to concentrate on your spelling.
    Conversely to those of you who say, “My husband / boyfriend is always bothering me for sex and he is always in a foul mood, well duh!. You make it out to be such an ordeal. How about just giving him head or handjob for 5 minutes. If it takes longer than that then you’re doing it wrong. Don’t acted suprised if he disinterested in you. If your beloved dog died and won’t play fetch or stinks of death, then you’re not going to keep feeding or petting it.
    If you’re with a man that is married or has a drug problem, well you are a loser as well. So quit trying to find sympathy for the issue when the underlying factor is you’re selfish reasons to get involved with an obviously emotionally crippled person just so that you can control them.

  146. Dear Bea,

    I don’t think couples counseling will help you help your depressed boyfriend! Couples counseling is helpful in bad relationships, but if your boyfriend has emotional health issues, then couples counseling isn’t what he needs.

    Your boyfriend needs professional help right away, especially if he’s talking about ending his life! You need to call a depression or suicide hotline, and find out what you can do.

    Here are two articles that may help:

    How to Help a Boyfriend Who Cuts and Self-Harms

    Is Your Boyfriend Depressed? How to Act and What to Say

    The second article has several comments from girlfriends in your situation, which may help you.

    In your case, the issue isn’t a bad relationship…your boyfriend has emotional health issues that are affecting your relationship and his life. He needs to find the strength to deal with his health.

    I wish you all the best.


  147. Im in a relationship with a guy who is extremely depressed. I didnt know this until a few days ago when we were arguing and he said he constantly thinks about ending his life. I thought it was a bad relationship since he sometimes abuses substances and he knows I am absolutely against it. Ive thought about leaving him, mostly when he smokes, but I recently found out about all the things that worry him, that are weighing on him and I cant just leave. I know he needs help, and I know there’s only so much I can do, but I love him and care about him, and would love to encourage him on going to see someone. Maybe couples therapy? I dont know.

  148. My man & I have been together for 18mths (we’re both mid 50’s). We live together in my house, he pays rent to me, mows the lawns & contributes to the food when home, I pay all the other costs. He is FIFO mine worker and I’m self employed. After 18mths, I would expect a bit more committment from him but he is still technically married, has made no moves to divorce her apart from one email request in March. A lawyer client advised me to give him a rent receipt to protect my property. My partner has several properties of his own, jointly owned with ex-wife, shared Super fund with her, bank accounts etc. Whilst he says he doesn’t want to go back to her, why doesn’t he divorce her. I advised him that whilst he has now set up a new Super fund in his name only, through the eyes of the law, that is still partly hers too. He denies this. Should I give him a time frame to start the divorce proceedings so we can then start making our plans for growing our relationship? He says he loves me but there’s not a lot of action!

  149. I’m in a relationship that was not bad at first until we moved in together. Once we moved in he began not trusting me, monitoring my where abouts, and wanted me to leave all my friends alone… My family loves him but they aren’t aware of his actions. I can leave I have before but because I’m stuck on how he once was I come back. He does everything for me. He helps me financially and with my car troubles. But makes me feel crappy afterwards.

  150. My bf has never said he loves me. He outright denies that there is anything to be concerned about but I have read his messages to other girls and he claims we split up even though he denies everything.

    Now that I am questioning his intentions he tries to pull me closer but I am just about ready to say farewell.

    He noticed my feelings before I was ready to admit to them, I would smile and kiss him. Thinking to myself I know you are right just go with it.

    I want to believe he is only withdrawing as a man thing. I will wait for some alone time with him let him know what I expect out of our relationship and see what he is willing to do to save it or call it over.

  151. i wonder that if i am on this website definitely,its coz i smell smthng bad in my relationship..every men,when they strive to find success in their affair,do anything for their girl..but once the girl starts lovig him back,things start turning upside down..i am an 18 year old..n he lved me for 5 years seriously..i acccepted him this january..n i feel i had the best of time..but nw,thngs are not the same..nw i am begging to him..to lv me back..girls are sensitive creatures,once they get love,they do anything for their loved ones..please dear sisters,never fall in flowery promises…

  152. This is for venessa the girl who is 18 with a 2 year old Hi venessa I am in your shoes I had my kids at 16 and 18 years old I’m no 26 and still with their dad If I can say one thing to you it’s get out I wish I could my partner and I fight all the time he has hit me to ment times treated me like sh*t and still I’m with him I can’t do anything or go anywhere I’m sorry I stayed with him this long I’m still trying to get out don’t be a fool like I am and get out why u still can I gave up everything for him friends my life everything I don’t fell 26 I feel 56 life is to short I have just left him a few days ago and I don’t even think he cares well hun good luck in what ever u dicide to do I hope iv helped you with my story

  153. I dont know what to do I’m wth this boy called Ryan and I don’t feel like where close we met at cadets coz ma dad is making go and we neva really talk at cadets and we’ve been together for like 1week and all we have done is kiss once and hug once and I think I really like him Crnt stop thinking of him and its wierd the last 3 night I’ve
    hade 4 dreams about him 1 on monday night about us kissing Tuesday night about him splitting up wth me then 2 on Wednesday night what does it meen and what should I do should I tell him I wanna b closer or just wait a thew weekday and if we still Arnt close dump him I really dnt know coz we haven’t even like cuddled or out

  154. I dont no if i am in a bad relationship my partner always say ur a bad mom and when i dont want to have sex he goes in a mood with me then calls me all names under the sun i been with my partner for 10 year since i was 15 i am 25 now and i just dont want him to leave i love him in a way but not luv him luv him i dont no what to do i dont want to finish with him because he has no where to live and feel sorry for him but my heart hurts so much when he says all the thing he wants to say exspecially about sex. He says he loves me all the time but i dont feel like he does he just want me to make his drink and food and give him sex when he wants and that like everyday and i think like i have to give him or gonna be in a mood with me i tellin all this but i no its a bad relationship but dont know how to say leave me we are over thanks for reading this and any advice will be great 🙂

  155. I understand how majority of these women feel. I’m 16, me and my boyfriend have been together since i was 13. I’ve cheated on him a lot! He has took me back a lot! I feel like i can’t live without him, i’m not sure what to do. Any more he has been a jack a** (donkey) and we’ve fought over one little thing i said last night that was no big deal, i’m sure every woman has done this for there man.. I’m talking about pleasing them when we don’t really feel up to it. He made that such a huge deal. Everyone has told me he will be a lowlife, and he has long hair and has to cut it to stay with me. Our hair stylist said that he will never cut his hair because he is a mommies boy, and she loves his curls. He got soo pissed off at me and started cursing at me. I told him if he cant be a donkey then dont bother texting me, goodbye. that was at 6 pm today, it is 8:30 no text, i talked to my ex’s sister and she told me to let him text me first, and that i deserve better than him.. if anyone has any advice i’d love to hear it!

  156. hey I’m 18 year old and I have a 2 year old I being with my partner for 4 year now he like couple year older then me ….but thing is we always aruging and I’m just so tried of it we really don’t under stand each other no more …..there some time that I feel ever I do is just my fault and that making me feel really depressing I have to much in me that just don’t know if should just live him or stay with him ……but I that come come in my mind I feel scared idk why….please can some one help me plz……

  157. I am having a hard time telling if I’m in a bad relationship. Yes, we argue but we don’t break up. We just stick it out.

    But when we are happy, it’s the best thing. It’s just that when it’s bad, it’s horrible. I don’t know what to do! We have a daughter who is eight months and I don’t feel like starting over. But man, sometimes I feel like leaving and just leaving all my stuff there & taking my daughter just because I can’t stand it sometimes.

  158. This article focuses too much on the majority. I find this way too easy to read, too simplistic and is objective rather than subjective. It does not give the individual enough information to allow them to devlop or work on issues within a relationship. Sometimes some of these alleged top 10 in my opinion nonsenses are due to deeper issues within one or both parties in the relationship. I believe love exists within those willing to work and develop a relationship and formulate strategies to work on both partie’s mentalities. Alternatively, you could leave your relationship under the above advise and it could be the right decision or it could just be that you have given up on a rlationship that needed time, effort, understanding and most of all the devlopment of a communication system that both parties understand. Most humans are reasonable and can learn to live and love another if they have the enthusiasm and drive to be with that other person. If a person expects to get to know there partner and develop a relationship sheerly by existing next to them, then you literally get what you paid for, currency=energy.

    I am currently writing an advice book. It is open minded and gives you the individual a chance to work out WITH your partner what it is you both want and how to communicate that without either one of you getting frustrated or misunderstanding. We are all individuals, for every individual there is an individual communication system. To overcome this we must develop a communal and new system between two individuals, sucess of this massive energy consuming task will I believe result in harmonious existence, at least by comparison to prior experiences.


  159. Dear Jess, if you and your boyfriend don’t do things in person together, then yes you should be worried about your relationship! Why have a boyfriend if you never see each other?

    Dear Meeka, I wrote this article for you:

    Are You Doing All the Work in Your Relationship? How to Stop

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts on it. Do you think your boyfriend will change? Remember that YOU can’t make him change…you can only change yourself.


  160. hi, i’ve been dating this boy for about a month and we bearly speak to each other in person, only on the phone,should i be worried?

  161. This article helped me a little. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, he is a freshman in college, and I just graduated high school, but recently he has told me that he doesn’t feel close or comfortable around me like he use to. He makes me feel like everything is my fault. However, I work hard in our relationship every day to prove to him that I am committed and there for him but he doesn’t do anything to show me that he cares. He is busy because he works and is a student but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Someone please help.

  162. Dear Dee,

    I wrote this article for you:

    You’re Pregnant and Unhappy With Your Husband – Should You Leave?

    I can’t tell you if your relationship is “bad” or not, but I wanted to give you – and other women in similar situations – a few things to think about.

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.


  163. I think if these are the signs then you do need to close up shop. If wht you’ve given him he is not thankful for, even if it is the best money has to offer then he needs to go.

    If he is too stupid for his own good then he will not change for you.

  164. I think women can easily see the warning signs of bad relationship but they just ignore them because they’re scared of leaving.

  165. Dear KIM,
    I’m really sorry to hear about your husband mistreating you but to me this sounds like he may be an addict. My best friend was dating somebody very similar. It’s the cycle of addiction. It doesn’t mean he is bad person, he just has a problem. Lying and stealing are very common symptoms. Chances are he won’t even listen if you try to talk to him about it. My advice would be for you to do some research and look up local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or Narcotics Anonymous. (Alanon.com) Until he is ready to talk about it or admit it you should just educate yourself in the field of addiction studies. If nothing changes or gets better, however, then you MUST tell a friend or family member and get out. Think about your children and what’s best for them. It may hurt a lot but you deserve better.

  166. I’m not sure what to do. I can agree with most things on this list most days, but other days it’s wonderful. I love my common-law husband, we’ve been together 5 years, have a two year old son and another baby due at the end of July, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he loves me, he says he does, he seems like he does most days, but there are times that I’m unsure. He’s a huge part of my life, I always felt like something was missing, until I found him. Now I feel that feeling again, and it scares me. He doesn’t trust me, he won’t forgive me for some of the things I’ve done, but he stayed through it all. He makes me happy, not all of the time, but when he’s gone I feel like I’ll never be happy like that again. I can’t forget all of the terrible things he has said, and continues to say… I just don’t know. I feel helpless and useless, he doesn’t listen, and when he does he just flips everything around and I end up feeling like it’s all my fault anyways…

  167. Dear Kim,

    I don’t know how you can think you’re a horrible person! You and your husband are going through a really rough patch, and of course you feel sad and depressed.

    I wrote this article for you:

    What to Do When Your Husband is an Alcoholic or Drug Addict

    I hope it helps…and I encourage you to talk to your friends and family about your husband. I know it’s hard and embarrassing to share what’s going on, but it’s so important to get support from people who love you. What they think of your husband is less important than taking care of yourself – and part of taking care of yourself is leaning on people who love you.


  168. As I write this I’m so confused, I don’t know if I’m crazy or I’m a nightmare, horrible person. I love my husband very much but I’m so depressed and sad I can barely stand it. I don’t know if I’m out of my mind or not. We fight a lot, about many things. From my point of view, here is what I see, he drinks for hours, several days a week. When he is sober he is a wonderful, sweet, funny, loving guy. Our fights are basically when he has been drinking and I am sober. I really only have a drink or two a week, maybe. Anyway, when we fight, he walks away, yells, rolls his eyes, tells me to get a job, (i’m a stay at home mom), he’s gonna sell the houe, we can rent, then we will be on “level playing field”. I’ve hurt my back a couple times in the last year and been given pain killers, he’s taken at least half of my perscription each time. Tonight I was looking to take 1/2 a tablet I had left on my nightstand. I asked him about taking my medication, he said yes he took it and I tried to explain that when I take them, I actually need it because my back is hurting, he said, “dont” when I tried to discuss. I walked away, because I didn’t want to fight in front of our son. I don’t tell my friends any of these stories, I don’t tell anyone, I don’t want there opinion of him to change…I could go on…I think I need help…do you have any comments or suggestions? Thank you.

  169. My boyfriend is in another crew and then my cousin is in another i live in the other side and my boyfriend is from the other side. So on my boyfriends birthday i found out my cousin got jumped by the crew of my boyfriend. I was really mad and i endend up breaking up with my boyfriend, but i still feel unhappy i think i ruinend my happiness for my cousin what should i do ? Please Message Me And Tell Me What Should i do .! melanierocks01@yahoo.com

  170. I am in a failed relationship but he just cannot see how bad it really is. We have 2 children. I do love him but I think it’s only memories from when we met. I was sure at the time he was my soul mate but this is now not true.

    Distrust – reads my texts, emails, watches everything I do.
    Name calling, shouting, fighting, etc….over noting, but he says he Loves me. How can this be Love.

    I am finding it difficult to leave as I do Love him and think I will miss him just like a real Loss but on the other hand he is making me miserable…I can finally see it!

    Friends, Family never took to him so no support there.

    When children are involved you want to make it work but my Gut is telling me if I don’t do this now I will be in the same place in 5 years time.

    any help out there?

  171. I been with my boyfriend 8 yrs we just had a child together last year. I have been a stay at home mom since having our son. I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids from previous marrages. The last 6 months have horrible we fight mainly about his 14 yr old son that is very direspectful he lies steals and has hit me, to the point I just can’t handle dealing with him. Eric (boyfriend)says its my job to deal with it and he calls me horrible names, says he hates me its gotten physical but mostly verbal abuse. I have decided to sleep on the couch for 2 months and have told him I want to leave that i’m not happy. That’s when he makes it clear that when I leave he will take my car phone and not let me take my belongings. Im miserable and scared to start all over but this is getting bad

  172. I am in a bad relationship with a guy who ive been with for 7 yrs and have a son with,but he is controlling,holds me back from doing what i want in life,is lazy and who disrespects me,but i find that im having trouble kicking him out!

  173. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Sarah,

    I know how you feel! My sister isn’t mentally challenged, but she’s picked some major losers in her life.

    I wrote this article for you:

    5 Ways to Help Your Sister or Friend Who is With the Wrong Guy

    I hope it helps, and that your sister comes to her senses soon.


  174. This article kind of helped me but not totally. You see my sister started dating this guy and he constantly txts her and if she doesn’t answer back within about 5 seconds he calls her. They were going out for not even a week and were already saying i love you and having sex and he always buys her a lot of things. She is mild-mentally retarded and she wont listen to me or our other sister that he is only using her from our point of view. She broke up w a guy she had been goin out with for about 8 yrs because he didnt want to have kids and her current boyfriend said he liked her. She has been going out with her current boyfriend for almost 3 weeks now and she is talking about moving in with him and his parents and getting married and having kids. He is also incompedent but is on a much higher level than her and Im really conserned and so is our other sis but she wont listen to us. I also just got out of a bad relationship that lasted two years and i have a kid who is one already. Ive been in her shoes and I am trying to get her to see what I see and I know its not just me being parinoid because it happened to me. My oldest sister sees what happened to me happening to her also. Can someone please give me so advise to help her?

  175. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    I agree, Natly…to get out of a bad relationship, we need to first learn how to avoid getting into it in the first place! And that involves increasing our self-confidence and esteem. If we feel good about ourselves, we don’t have to worry about getting out of a bad relationship…we won’t get into it to begin with.

  176. The big question is: how do we get involved in these relationships in the first place and how to avoid falling in the same trap the next time somoene comes along?

    Has a lot to do with the self estime we have for ourselves and the way we feel inside, we are not always aware of that unfortunately.

    Great article!

  177. your article is male dominated and sexist.in my relationship I’M the boyfriend (theoretically) even though i’m the female.so MY actions matter NOT his.

  178. Well, I should have posted my story here! How true. I just think so many women by and large don’t think this could ever happen to them. I know I didn’t because I live by treat others as you want to be treated and hang around like minded people who don’t like throwing wool over others’ eyes. Well, I live, I learn, I win some and lose some but how do I respond is the real question. Thanks for giving concise and simple thoughts and suggestions to the readers by making the brain think outside the oooh and aaaah bliss that can come from relationships.

    1. Good day, It is really helpful. But my situation is different and I don’t know what to do. I have a boyfriend for almost 3 months and we are in long distance relationship, I don’t know if we can work our relationship, im really confused because he’s words and action is different. I’m being committed and love him even we are far but it seems that i am the one who makes an effort in our relationship.