Deep down you know your heart will eventually heal, but right now you feel like you’ll die without him. Here’s what to do when all you want is to believe he loves you so much that he can’t live without you — whether he was your boyfriend for a year, your husband for a decade, or a fling for a month.
First, know that you are not alone. Here, you’ll hear from women who feel the way you do — and who found their way through the pain of a broken heart. They’re healing and moving on with their lives, and so will you.
“I’m embarrassed to admit it,” says one of my readers on How to Break Your Addiction to a Toxic Relationship, “but I want him to realize he’s made a big mistake. I want him to tell me he can’t live without me. I feel very pathetic for writing that, but it’s what I want right now. I’m hoping that goes away in time.”
Time alone doesn’t heal all wounds. It takes more than weeks or even years to heal the pain of a broken heart. What, then, heals the pain of a breakup or divorce? Deliberately choosing how to spend your time, what to focus on, and how you want to spend your life.
You have a choice to make. It won’t be easy to Blossom into who God created you to be, but it’ll be worth it.
When You Want to Believe He Can’t Live Without You
Your boyfriend was never created to bear the weight of being or meaning everything to you. He can’t be your whole life. Your boyfriend or husband can’t be the most important thing in your life, or the reason you exist. He can’t “complete you” because he’s not God.
These tips are from readers who believed their relationships were the most important things in their lives…until the breakup. Then, they learned how to live without their boyfriends. The advice is both valuable and practical.
Try different ways to heal from the pain
“Good on you for taking care of yourself. It helps to read breakup advice and tips, and try new things to divert your mind from the pain.
The best breakup advice I can give you is be easy on yourself. It will hurt, the first few months after a breakup are the absolute worst! I wasn’t sure if I would make it but I did. If you feel like crying, cry… let the tears come out. A breakup is such a big loss, and it’s hard to believe he can’t live without you. Tell yourself it’s OK to be sad, to cry. It’s been four months for me but I broke down yesterday, in the bathroom at work. One thing I can tell you is that the pain will ease up. It’s so hard to focus but I can tell you it gets better slowly with time.”
Read 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You – and How to Blossom Anyway for more tips on living without your boyfriend.
Reach out to friends
“I was so engulfed in my relationship that I neglected my friends. My relationship was my world. I believed he couldn’t live without me, and I knew I couldn’t live without him. I had nothing else going on in my life, nobody to talk to. After the breakup, I started reaching out to my old friends. I met my girlfriends last week and we had so much fun! Here I was miserable that my ex-boyfriend hardly ever took me out, and I didn’t realize that there were other people in my life who could do those things with me. Why did I fuss over a relationship that was completely out of my control? I don’t know. I’m glad it’s over, but it was a breakup I didn’t think I’d heal from.”
Many of my heartbroken readers write about how lost they are, how they’ve lost their soulmate and they’ll never be the same. They want to believe their boyfriends can’t live without them, that they boyfriends’ lives have stopped.
Read How to Live After You Lose Your Soulmate if you think you can’t live without him.
Hold on to your hope and faith
“I was super excited today. A friend asked if she could give my number to a single guy who works with her. I am not a blind date kind of girl, but she had already showed him a photo of me and he liked it. He called today and we talked for hours. I know whenever you meet someone in the beginning you talk a lot until you get to know one another a little better. I don’t even if this turns into a relationship! What I realized today is that I am SINGLE and I should be dating! I should not be so tied up with the past, struggling to believe my ex can’t live without me. I’m ready and excited to move on with my life!”
A new relationship is exciting and good, but it won’t fill the ache in your heart. God created a hole in your heart that only He can fill — and I think deep down you know it’s true! It’s just that your heart is broken, and you haven’t tapped into God’s healing power yet. But you will. Just stay open to the possibilities, especially when you want to believe your ex can’t live without you.
Learn how to live without him
Learn how to love in healthy ways, and let go of men who can’t be who you want them to be. Learn how to let go after a breakup, how to rebuild your life, and how to accept that your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband CAN live without you…whether you want him to or not.
The truth is that your boyfriend CAN live without you. His life is moving right along. Your boyfriend — or even your husband — is picking up the pieces of his life and growing forward. He didn’t make you or your relationship the most important thing in his life.
If you can’t live without him, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. It’s time to heal and move forward, to let go of the past and start looking ahead to your future!
If your boyfriend is your “one and only”, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. One person can’t be your everything. He can’t be the recipient of all your love and expectations. It’s too much weight for one man to bear!
If your heart, mind and soul are all tied up in one specific person, then you’ll lose your heart, mind and soul. Even if your soulmate lives beyond you, he’ll get sick. He’ll leave. He’ll disappoint you. He’ll hurt you by accident, or even on purpose. Because humans are simply that: human.
Your relationship isn’t your most valuable asset or your identity. It’s just part of your life, not your whole life. When you make your relationship — or a man — your whole life, you’re robbing yourself of a deep, rich, full, meaningful experience.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.