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How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You

You don’t need a marriage quiz or relationship test to find out if your husband still loves you! What you need is objective, external signs that a marriage is over. Combine these signs with your own intuition and situation, and you will know if your husband still loves you.

“In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom,” says marriage coach Mort Fertel. “It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.”  And, remember that asking ‘does my husband still love me?’ is one of the most common questions wives have during a rough patch in their marriage. So – are you going through the normal ups and downs of a relationship, or is your marriage over? Here are several signs a marriage is over, plus help seeing if your husband still loves you. This will help you see your relationship more clearly.

If you’re wondering if your husband still loves you, take heart! Your marriage is normal if you’re questioning your relationship, because all married couples experience highs and lows. And, sometimes a marriage needs to hit rock bottom before it can be revived and rebuilt.

Feeling like you’ve hit bottom in your relationship isn’t necessarily the worst thing to happen. Sometimes rock bottom is where you need to be, so you can save your marriage. Read through these signs your marriage is over, and be open to ways to rebuild your relationship.

At the end of this article I share several books that will help you heal if you already know the answer to the “does my husband still love me?” question. But first, read through these signs your marriage is over with an honest and open mind. But, don’t give up hope! You might be able to save your relationship – you just might be at rock bottom right now.

Is Your Marriage Over? 7 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

Remember marriage coach Mort Fertel’s words: just because you’re struggling with problems in your relationship doesn’t mean your marriage is headed for divorce court! The following issues may represent the end of one stage of your marriage….and may herald the beginning of a new, healthier chapter of your life. Yes, even if your husband had an emotional or physical affair! Why? Because cheating husbands who want to recommit to their marriages are often more likely to build stronger relationships with their wives.

If you’re wondering if your husband loves you because he had an affair, read How to Know if You Can Trust Him After He Cheated on You.

1. He isn’t aware – or doesn’t understand – how his actions affect you

If your husband doesn’t understand how his behavior is affecting you – and even worse, refuses to listen to your perspective – then your marriage will be difficult to rebuild. To rise from rock bottom, both partners have to see how their actions or inactions are affecting the relationship – and both partners have to be willing to work on their own issues. If your husband refuses to accept responsibility for his part, then you need to decide if you want to stay in your marriage the way it is…or end it.

It’s sad and scary when your husband refuses to see what’s happening in your relationship. It’s heartbreaking to think he doesn’t love you anymore. But, his refusal alone may be the only sign you need that your marriage is over. Your husband’s denial and avoidance is telling you how he feels about you and your life together.

2. Your husband knows how you feel, but doesn’t care – or blames you

Does He Love Me How to Know if Your Marriage is Over

Signs Your Marriage is Over

Does your husband want to change? Does he care about working on your marriage? Most importantly: what does your husband say when you ask him if he still loves you?

Communication is important in a marriage, but it depends on what is being said. It’s also important what is NOT being said. A loving, committed husband says, “I love you. You are important to me. Our marriage is important to me. I want us to be happy, and I will do what it takes to save our relationship. Yes, I am still your husband and yes, I still love you!”

However, if your husband blames you for things that are wrong in your marriage or your lives as a couple, then he doesn’t love you. Maybe he’s looking for a way out of the relationship, and he’s using you as a scapegoat. You can stay up all night trying to figure your husband out. You might even stay up all night trying to communicate with him…but if he doesn’t care how you feel or whether your relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign your marriage is over.

Marriage coach Mort Fertel says, “Ironically, communication techniques sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels. They ‘got it,’ but it doesn’t matter to them anymore.” Communication in a relationship doesn’t matter if your husband doesn’t care how you feel or what you think.

3. Your husband changed – you have a feeling he doesn’t love you anymore

You are the expert on your marriage. You are the expert on your husband and yourself. You know things deep in your heart and soul that nobody else can possibly know.

If you have a feeling your husband doesn’t love you, then you are quite possibly right. I think you’re searching for answers on the internet because you already know the truth in your heart. You have heard that still small voice, your subconscious is picking up on hints and clues, and you have already asked ‘does my husband still love me?’ a million times in your mind, heart and soul.

But take heart! Yes, it is devastating to believe that your husband no longer loves you. It is rock bottom! You may be at the lowest point in your marriage. However, this isn’t necessarily a sign your marriage is over. All married couples go through ups and downs, and all relationships need care and attention. Not connecting with your husband right now doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to think about divorce. His lack of love may simply be a feeling that will pass. You and your husband may find a way to graduate beyond your feelings, and live in the true action of love.

When you first got married, you may have felt understood, heard, and connected with your husband. Time passes, and the stress of daily life and kids and jobs and money and house all take a toll…and you find that you’re not connecting anymore. This isn’t necessarily a sign your marriage is over – it just means you need to make the time and effort to reconnect.

4. You have different visions of your future life together

Your husband wants a four million dollar home on oceanfront property; you want to live in a cottage in the country. Your husband wants six children; you’d rather be childfree. Your husband wants his elderly mom and dad to live with him in his four million dollar home; you can barely tolerate a family dinner with them. To keep your marriage together, you need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and put each other first. Your financial goals, parents, or careers must be prioritized lower than your marriage.

Sometimes you don’t need to read signs your marriage is over because you already know divorce is the best option. If you aren’t financially independent or able to leave, read How to Get Money to Leave Your Husband.

5. You’re not physically intimate (but this isn’t necessarily a sign he doesn’t love you)

This may not be a sure way to tell if your marriage is over because it depends on your and your husband’s physical and mental health. But if you have no love life to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level. The less you connect, the less healthy your relationship is…and the more likely your husband isn’t feeling love for you.

Again, take heart! It is possible that you’re simply in the dry desert valley of your marriage. Can you regain intimacy? Yes, you sure can – if both you and your husband want to revive your love. Start working on the emotional aspects of your marriage, and the physical part will happen naturally.

6. You fight the “wrong” way in your marriage

How are your marriage conflicts discussed and resolved? If you have no conflicts, then you’re not being honest. If you can’t stay focussed on the issue at hand – opting instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds – then your marriage may be leaning towards “over.” The more you bring past conflicts into current arguments, the less healthy your relationship is. This isn’t necessarily an answer to your question about whether or not your husband still loves you, but it is a communication pattern that reflects the health of your marriage.

Learning how to resolve conflict in your relationship may involve going to a counselor, or simply reading books about communication. But this goes back to the previous sign your marriage is over: are you and your husband willing to do the work it takes to reconnect as a couple?

7. Your husband says, “I don’t love you anymore”

The biggest warning sign that your marriage is over is when your husband actually tells you he’s not in love with you anymore. If you’ve heard those words, my heart goes out to you. These are painful words to hear. We were made for love and companionship; hearing the man you love say he no longer loves you is heartbreaking.

You may be wondering about your husband’s faithfulness to you, but it’s important for you to know that an affair isn’t necessarily a sign your husband doesn’t love you. Many couples survive marital infidelity, and even have a stronger bond because of the cheating. Other couples split up right away, while other marriage limp along for years or decades…and the cheating partner remains unfaithful. Cheating in and of itself isn’t necessarily a way to tell if your marriage is over…it’s how the partners act after the infidelity that determines if they’ll stay together.

If you and your husband have temporarily separated, read How to Decide if You Should Reconcile With Your Husband.

Find your sources of strength, power, and healing

Facing the idea that your husband doesn’t love you anymore is painful. It hurts.

Is Your Marriage Over Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You

It’s rejection of the deepest kind, and it cuts into your heart and soul. Your husband’s lack of love affects your self-image and self-esteem, and it changes how you feel about yourself.

Allow yourself to grieve the end of your marriage as you knew it to be. It’s possible that your marriage isn’t actually over. You and your husband might save your relationship, or agree to stay married but not as the loving couple you once were. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you find several sources of love, strength, power, and healing.

Don’t hide your problems from your friends and family. Above all, don’t hide from God. You were created for a purpose, and you are incredibly important. You are worthy and valuable. Your presence matters. You found Blossom for a reason – even if love isn’t blossoming in your heart or marriage.

Take care of yourself. Read Words of Comfort for When Your Heart is Broken.

You will heal, and you will be happy again! Find your source of joy and peace, healing and faith. Reach upwards. Open your heart to God, and allow His healing and power to guide you in the right direction.

How to Save Your Marriage Before It’s Over

signs your marriage is overIn How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, Patricia Love and Steven Stosny say that talking about your relationship makes women move closer but it makes men move away. They studied this dynamic between men and women, reached a truly shocking conclusion: talking about marriage pushes husbands away. So, asking if your husband still loves you may put up a barrier between you and him.

Even if you have the best of intentions, talking about your marriage doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.

What are the natural phases of a long-term, committed love relationship? Read Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love by Linda Carroll. You’ll recognize where you are in the cycle of your marriage, and start understanding different strategies for staying happy and committed, even in difficult times.

is my marriage overIn The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, John Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Whether you see all seven signs your marriage is over – or just one – this book can help you save your relationship. It’s packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, and will help you lift your relationship to its highest potential.

If you’re still confused and unsure, read 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You.

What have I missed? I welcome your comments on these signs your marriage is over. If you don’t journal or haven’t written about your experience, please feel free to share your story below! Writing can be a healthy way to gain insight and start moving forward in your life. No matter what happens in your marriage you will always have yourself as company. Start making friends with yourself, and you will always be in good company.


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154 thoughts on “How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You”

  1. Hi I need opinions or even advice. I have been with my husband for almost 17 years. I am his 3rd Wife his 1st wife they had a son he is now 28 the reason why that marriage didn’t work out one day when there son was 3 years old they went to the zoo had a nice family day when they came home she wanted to take a nap and he said he would make dinner when he went to wake her she Over dosed on pills and died he carried her and there son to the hospital to have her stomach pumped she came to and blamed him because she didn’t want to be alive I think she had family issues as in her mom and dad and I am sure family issues too well they divorced but she was punishing their child for stupid stuff when the boy was visiting his dad house like drinking soda or staying up late on a weekend so my husband couldn’t take it and walked away from his son gave up all rights cause he didn’t want to see his son get punished for stupid little stuff. He had told me that he is a failure as a husband and father. His 2nd Marriage didnt work cause she was getting in the middle of fights with the 1st wife. His son has kinda came around a little told his dad because of him he has abonment issues and was mad at his dad I don’t think the son has forgiven him yet. I come along year and years later we have 2 teenagers now they are great kids but when we have fights he throws it in my face see I am not a great husband and father even though I have shown him and reassured him he is a great father and husband in so many different ways. Well we had a fight and he always is on our daughters side who is are oldest when all I am doing is correcting her and getting her to be more mindful, responsible, respectful and for her to put some of her priorities straight but he was mad at me for being mad at her. I felt like he looks at me like I am his Moster ex wife I feel like he doesn’t love love me and doesn’t see me for me. So what I am asking is this! does he love me? I have been by his side for 17 years now I Love him so so so much but I don’t know if he feels the same with me I feel like he can not forgive himself for his past and here I am in the present and future.

  2. i am the one to blame for the upset in our marriage ive been married for 6 years now and i said something that my husband got really upset about and is listening to everyone elses lies about what all if said and i told him what i said he said he wants to work on it and that he doesnt want a divorce to me but he tell this other woman something different he tells her hes just staying with me cause of our son sake and that he wants to go out and have fun but he doesnt want to feel like a piece of crap because hes still married to me, he found out years ago that his mom spend 18 years of her marriage to his dad cheating on his dad with his uncle and that his uncle may be his biological dad, so he doesnt believe in cheating but nobody cheated to cause this issue weve had issues about sex for a few years i have alot of issue with it its on my end but i am confused he says he wants to stay and that he still loves me and gives me hugs but i found out hes telling someone else the opposite i dont know what to do i dont want him to stay if he is not truly happy just for our kid thats not fair to any of us, i need some advice i cant think straight i cant sleep right i just dont know whether to give up on my 8 year relationship ive had with this man that feel in love with me the first time he saw me or just let him go so he cant live and be happy, another issue is he wants another kid i dont i am not a big on kid person one is plenty in my book i love my son to pieces but hes enough for me

  3. i am having alot of issues with my marriage right now i am to blame for this upset in our marriage i said something that he got really upset about and took it way out of context but to make matters worse hes taking what ever one else says and going with it instead of listening to me when i say i didnt say all that and alot of it had been lies they atdded to it now why these people that have know me and my husband for years would do that i dont know their all women of course, now the problems is he said he wanted to work things out with me he said he was willing to give me another chance and try and work throught this but he said i cant tolerate being told you said this or that anymore, like i said hes believeing what these other women are saying not what i am saying i am not saying some of it isnt true but most of it isnt and i told him that, ive been doing as he asked of me for the past two weeks and hes still acting like i am some horrible person not saying anything hateful just the way he looks at me, and i discovered this morning hes been texting one of the women that told some of the lies about me telling her hes only staying with me cause of our son and they he wants to go out and have fun and enjoy hisself but he wouldnt feel right doing that while still married to me and he wouldnt feel right hanging out with his lady friends either cause hes still married to me he said he thinks our marriage is like the titanic and he doesnt know what to do he wants to go out and have fun but he doesnt want to feel like a piece of crap because of it i am confused on what he wants, if he wants out why doesnt he just say so, its gonna hurt our son more by being around us and knowing something isnt right between us anymore than just being with one of us all the time, i dont want to constantly ask is thinking improving cause men dont like talk about marriage when your fighting its pushes them away but i dont understand whether i should try and be my old self again or try and be a better person just for him or just let it go and say i am done i can tell your not happy ive been unhappy with alot of the drama thats been brought into our marriage by other sources so i am confused on which way to go, he says he loves me when i tell him i do he does come and gives me hugs when i say good bye but i think he just does it cause of our son and i respect that but we dont need to put him throught this if were both not going to amend the problem like i said it all started because ive been saying what i feel about his family and he doesnt like it but i have a right to vent and say i dont agree with something too i understand hes hurt and upset he lost his dad and uncle last year hes only got his mom left but he upsets me when he doesnt listen when i say i am not ok with something he acts like his mom and him are rasing our son and it hurts me

  4. I’am so sad, been married for 35 year. I haven’t loved him for at least 30. Can’t think of one reason to stay beside financial, and I don’t think that’s important anymore. So scared, but want out. Have no family left, have asked numerous people for help, with no success. They don’t know what to do. Right now I have no life what so ever, haven’t for a while. Have suffered with depression for at least 30 years. I’m so mad at him for all I’ve been thru for years. So what next?

  5. My husband and I have different of opinions when it comes to fighting off woman and men in our marriage. There is so many times that I’m having to fight for him when it comes to females trying to get hes attention everytime we are out and they keep flirting with him and he says nothing to them or give them any looks that he is with me. He’ ll kiss me but then I should be ok with that after they keep flirting with him and he doesnt do anything about it at all. What am I supposed to do ? How am I suppose to be when these females dont respect our marriage or us being together please help.