Toxic Love > Harmful Patterns > 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Are you picking up on signs he doesn’t love you anymore? Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t listen to you, or your husband hasn’t “dated” you for years. These eight signs he doesn’t love you will help you see your relationship more clearly. If his feelings for you have changed, it’s time to think about how your relationship may have to change, too.

“I don’t think my husband loves me the way he used to,” says Miriam on How to Decide What to Do About a Troubled Relationship. “He hasn’t said he doesn’t love me, but I can see the signs he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He never seems to want to spend time with me, he’d rather be at work than home with me and the kids, and he doesn’t listen when I talk. I know about the love languages but this is beyond that. This isn’t just my husband and I loving in different ways, it’s clear he doesn’t love me. I know you don’t give relationship advice but can you tell me some objective signs a man doesn’t love a woman? Thank you for your help.”

The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can start coping with whatever your future brings. This is your time to get emotionally and spiritually strong, prepare yourself for an exciting and fulfilling new relationship, and know that you will fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.

You deserve to be in a healthy, happy love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve better? Are you allowing yourself to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you because you think you’re not good or interesting enough? Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect, and we let our boyfriends or husbands treat us badly.

Your first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. It hurts, but the truth will set you free. Your second step is to learn how to cope with change in your life – how to Blossom! Even if you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or husband, something will change if you accept that he isn’t in love with you anymore.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

“Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”

Before you read through these signs he doesn’t love you, remember that there is no one right way to show love in a relationship. Some men show love easily and obviously, while others are more guarded and quiet. Some couples are expressive; others value distance, time, and space in their relationship.

If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level. Emotional and/or physical distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy.

That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.

You may also be scared you’ll have to learn how to live without him…which is hard. It hurts.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Your first step is to bravely consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…

Fix Your Marriage

Don’t be afraid of admitting that your boyfriend or husband  isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself. Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom. Men come and go, but your relationship with God is the more important than anything.

What’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life for yourself.

1. You’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you

You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your boyfriend or husband, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you know if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want and need to be loved.

What brought you here – why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you anymore? If you’re scared or anxious about facing the truth about your relationship, you are not alone. It’s painful and heartbreaking to even consider the idea that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore. I know that pain, and it is shattering.

Take heart. You may know deep down that his love has died, or you may be listening to other voices that aren’t helpful. It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, but he doesn’t know how to show his love. Or, he can’t express love the way you receive love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband simply loves you differently than you want to be loved.

2. You don’t trust your boyfriend or husband

If your boyfriend or husband betrayed you – by lying or cheating on you – then you may wonder if he actually loves you.

signs he doesnt love you
signs of love

If you can’t forgive him, your intuition may be picking up on very real signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before you suffer more heartache.

How do you Blossom if you’re in a rocky relationship? By trusting God to heal your spirit and heart. Jesus is the only source of true, deep, trustworthy love and peace. Trusting a man to fill your soul – or to “complete you” is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s also setting your boyfriend or husband up to fail. A man will always disappoint you, because men are human. Like women, they succumb to weaknesses, temptations, selfishness, ego-driven decisions. Jesus is the only path to security, peace, grace, and joy.

If you don’t need to read the rest of my signs he doesn’t love you because you know the truth, read How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone.

3. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough

How do you feel when you’re around your boyfriend or husband? Do you feel heard, secure, cherished, and valued? How you feel when you’re with him is a huge sign he does or doesn’t love you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.

This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure in my identity in God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.

The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the better all your relationships will be. Your peace, strength, and energy will not only help you Blossom – it affects everyone around you. If you end up with the painful truth that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you will be able to cope because you will be grounded. Whatever you are looking for won’t be found in your boyfriend, or a blog post listing signs he doesn’t love you, or even your own strength. Whatever you are looking for can only be found the the life and love of Jesus.

When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you (how your boyfriend or husband “makes” you feel), remain open to the possibility that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.

4. Your boyfriend or husband isolates you from your friends and family

This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous routine of an abusive man. He says he loves you so much he can’t stand to share you with other people. He says your relationship is enough, that you and he don’t need anyone else.

Separation and isolation are not signs of love. They are signs of unhealthy relationships. If your boyfriend or husband wants to keep you away from people who love you, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you.

Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s not just a sign he’s not in love with you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship. It’s a sign you need to reach out to people you love and talk about your relationship.

5. He dismisses your feelings, steals from you, degrades your body

Why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you? Tell me below. What is he doing? Maybe your boyfriend borrows money from you without repaying (stealing). Maybe your husband tells you lies about where he’s spending his time, money, energy. Maybe your boyfriend or husband uses your physical body, intellectual property, or material possessions without giving anything in return.

Listen to that still small voice. God is always here, talking to you. He is waiting for you, loving you, and hoping you will turn back to Him. Don’t walk away from His love – for it will never change and He will never give up on you. Be honest with yourself about how your boyfriend or husband is treating you – and how he feels about you. Hold on to the fact that you were created for a purpose. God loves you deeply and would never send you signs He doesn’t love you! His outpouring of love is always present, available, strong, steady, eternal. All you have to do is accept it, enjoy it, roll around in His love for you.

Pay attention to the signs your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about your relationship. It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with the most love.

6. Your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about your dreams

If he doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If your boyfriend or husband  doesn’t want you to succeed or move forward in your life, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.

Are you and he supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? A crucial sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible life and relationship goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together – a purpose, a common life mission – then you increase your chances of joy and happiness as a couple.

7. He lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you

Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.

I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I think YOU know. Sometimes we know things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt, face rejection, deal with a breakup. It’s hard. You might be afraid to face the truth (even though you know deep down the truth will set you free).

I know that even though you’re scared, you’re brave. I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you!

If your boyfriend or husband a bold-faced makes promises he never keeps, read When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.

8. Your boyfriend doesn’t listen to or respect you

Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your boyfriend or husband listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe this should be the first sign he loves you: your boyfriend or husband respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.

If you suspect that he doesn’t love you, “Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”

How are you feeling? Maybe you’re heartbroken and sad because you know your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Or, maybe you feel hopeful because you know he does love you! Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below. I won’t tell what you to do about a boyfriend or husband who doesn’t love you (because I don’t give advice), but you may feel happier if you share your story.

How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

signs he doesn't love you

If you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after I was forced to let go of someone I loved with all my heart and soul. I couldn’t do it alone, so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I gathered their best tips and advice, put it into practice, and learned how to be happy even without the person I thought I needed more than anyone.

Pay attention to the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, look upwards, and remember that you are a child of God. You may have lost touch with your relationship with Jesus, but He is always here waiting for you. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.

Do you feel unworthy and unlovable? Read When You Don’t Feel Good Enough to Be Loved.


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151 thoughts on “8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

  1. I have been with my husband now for eighteen years. We lived together long before we were married. We had went to a Christian counselor which stated that for us to be blessed, we were to be married. So, we did. Let me just say that there has been problems from day one. I have two sons from a prior marriage. When we would argue or fight, he would always say “Jesse’s boys”(which is my ex)both of my son’s are high functioning autistic, and he treated them both horribly. I for some reason went along with it. I thought they needed the structure, because their dad never had anything to do with them once we divorced. My ex husband is a drug addict and possibly molested our oldest son, which is another story all together. My current husband kicked out my oldest son after he graduated, and then did the same to the second. They have not been allowed to come back, only occasionally usually at holidays to spend the night. He and I have two sons which are 17 and 10. We fight so much now. I have been going to a Christian counselor for over a year now, and she suggests that I should separate from my husband as she does not suggest divorce. My husband has always been controlling and now that I am finding my voice, it makes him angry. HE takes my words and twists them to suite him. He goes through my phone logs, and questions me where I am at lunch and who I am with etc. So, I just had to get this out there. I feel like I should leave, but now he is saying that he is sorry and will try to be the way a husband should be. I don’t know if he is truthful or not, as he is working a job that gives him no pride, and we are so far behind on our mortgage now. I don’t know what to do. I seek God and and seek him…I am just so afraid.

  2. Hi Kat, I’ve been through the same thing. Did you know that there are safe homes that you can go to where he will not know where you are and the State will give you money up to $1,500 to relocate. They safe home will also help you with your finances, help you get a job, clothes and furniture. Call 211 for help with anything you need. Be strong, your not alone. It’s hard sometimes to make a stand but you have to be strong for your kids. They will take or give abuse when they are older because of what you allow….. Did you know? A lot of women have died up to 24 hours after being choked. Children need their mom in their life. Its different from having a dad. Mom’s nuture. It’s like water to a flower. Gift them the best gift of love you can, make a stand!!!

  3. Thank you so much for your site.
    After 20 years of being alone, mostly content I fell for a man, (who doesn’t speak English although he can & understands allot,) who “fell in love with me” and was at my doorstep every day after his work.
    He is married in Mexico, but has been separated for 13 years.
    I do believe in God, and His Word. In telling this man who started being over friendly this, he agreed to go to Church with me.
    Stupidly I succumbed to his advances, and we wound up in bed.
    The guilt was and is horrible.
    He said his wife signed a divorce paper, a lie.
    He is insecure & jealous… Does not respond to my feelings, spends less and less tie with me.
    I feel so foolish.
    At 60, I do not want to be old alone, (he is 45,) it is a love hate relationship for sure.
    I used to blame it on the language barrier – but actions speak louder than words.
    I find myself going over board to do nice things for him, (again, always kicking myself for the “it’s.)
    The bigger b**ch I become in trying to rid myself of him, the more “the Ami’s” he gives.
    But that’s all it is… B.S.
    Thank you again for the vent space.

  4. Kay.. This is serious. I’m scared for you. I’m begging you. Please please leave. Tell your family and the police and social services. Please do this for your kids and for you. You’re not safe. Your kids are not safe. Speak to the school too. They need to know and they can help. Do not keep this a secret. Get help now. God I don’t think I can sleep well tonight having read this! I’m so sorry this has happened to you after what you’ve been through already.. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and sending you love… I hope to god you leave.. Xx

  5. I am 27. After my kids father lost his battle with drugs in June 2018 I decided to go ahead and date someone I had been talking to for some time. I never really spent time with this guy until after my ex passed. I was excited and after some time he convinced me that with his company doing well I should quit my job, my career and move with him and be able to be with my kids and be home while they are young and that sounded great since I’ve worked nonstop 10 plus hour days since my 9 year old was in my belly. So I quit, we moved over an hour away to live with him, to live what I thought was going to be my dream life. Not long after being in my new life I started to feel worthlessness from not working and trying to actually find myself in my new life and I started to not monitor the things I would say and I was a bit rude. I had asked my boyfriend to stop watching porn for about a year and focus on me and he agreed. Come to find that never happened. I agreed in the beginning of the relationship to cut ties with people I had relations with in the past and that seemed reasonable, I did and had no problem. But than I couldn’t have almost any friends and I haven’t been out to see anyone. He doesn’t really hit me but the 80 pounds and all the strength he has on me can not stop him when he chokes me out and it happens so fast I can’t stop it. When he said he was going to kill me, he had my phone and I was upset and riddled with anxiety and wanted to call my sister but he thought I was being inappropriate and wanted to look through it first. He was holding me down by my legs and I could feel my panic setting in and I smacked the back of his head thinking if he just let up on my legs I’d jump up and run out but he was so fast I couldn’t get up fast enough and he just squeezed my neck so hard I could feel snapping and I was trying to say please reaching for the wall and that’s when he said I am going to kill you do you understand me, I am going to kill you than he let up and tapped my cheek and laughed a little and turned the light off and said go to bed now. Since that has happened I have been looking up things about abusive men, and all of the signs add up. He proposed to me before a year, paid 8k cash for the ring. Buying me things and giving me money before I moved in.. now I am trapped here and have to save slow. He put me on his phone plan and now I feel even more trapped afraid to forget to delete something in my phone and he will know and kill me. He said he won’t call when I am out he will wait until I get home and deal with me so now when I leave to go somewhere I am terrified that he will think I was gone too long or not where I said and that will be the day. I don’t know where my kids will go and he ignores them for the most part. They start school this week and I feel like I’ve got them here and now I must play along to save myself for now. I am dying inside I just want the best for my children they deserve a father.

    1. This exact thing happened to a friend and the guy shot and killed her last month. Don’t even think of staying, leave now! He is not a father. Tell your family, tell the police. No one cares how much the ring costs. You are worth more than anything he can buy. Your kids are worth more than anything he can buy. They will adjust at a new school with a living mother. 💕

  6. I’ve been with this guy for a year and a half now and I’ve been noticing things here and there that just seem to bother me but I’m unsure if they’re worth worrying about. As an example, I’ve been on a hormonal birth control for 2 years now, and the added hormones have been giving me worsened anxiety and severe cramps, so I naturally told my boyfriend that I had been thinking about getting off of it as we are sexually active. His exact words were, “Well, if you feel it’s best for you then go for it, but good luck getting any sex from me.” And I got a little upset as if he was acting like condoms didn’t exist (which we still used on top of my birth control) so I told him this and I told him that, that is a really crappy thing to say. Then he comes back with, “I just told you that it’s fine and I don’t care, but whatever.” And then didn’t text me for the rest of the night. He will do or tell me something, and then when I get upset or bring it up, he switches it ever so slightly to make it seem like I’m just being crazy. He also makes me feels incompetent by not trusting me to get something that he forgot in a previous isle at the grocery store and tell me, “Well you haven’t been able to get things I’ve asked you to get before because you’ll come back and say, “I couldn’t find it.'” I tend to overthink things when I go and get something and when I actually find it he seems genuinely surprised… I’ve brought this up to him before but he tells me, “You know I think you’re intelligent.” But he doesn’t act that way. He also used to come see me every once in a while after work, and now he completely refuses to. I see him once a week as he works crazy hours with his farming job and Sunday is his only day off. I left a facial cleanser at his house last Sunday, and I really need it, but he’s making me wait until Sunday again and whenever I bring up these worries, he makes me feel like I’m completely physco, or he changes the subject or completely ignores me. He’s a good man… but… I don’t know what’s happening..

  7. I have started a relationship a month ago with a guy who has been after me for a very long time and finally I agreed. A day came and I asked him to take me at his home but he refused for reasons I don’t know and all along I have been for the same thing but he still refuses not telling the reason and I started feeling that he is hiding something but when I told him how I feel,he made me that he is too annoyed and that why am my not trusting him and this is a guy who works in another district and allowing me to go where he works too. He doesn’t allow me to go to his place of work. Am confused whether his love is real or not, please advise me