Are you picking up on signs he doesn’t love you anymore? Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t listen to you, or your husband hasn’t “dated” you for years. These eight signs he doesn’t love you will help you see your relationship more clearly. If his feelings for you have changed, it’s time to think about how your relationship may have to change, too.

“I don’t think my husband loves me the way he used to,” says Miriam on How to Decide What to Do About a Troubled Relationship. “He hasn’t said he doesn’t love me, but I can see the signs he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He never seems to want to spend time with me, he’d rather be at work than home with me and the kids, and he doesn’t listen when I talk. I know about the love languages but this is beyond that. This isn’t just my husband and I loving in different ways, it’s clear he doesn’t love me. I know you don’t give relationship advice but can you tell me some objective signs a man doesn’t love a woman? Thank you for your help.”

The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can start coping with whatever your future brings. This is your time to get emotionally and spiritually strong, prepare yourself for an exciting and fulfilling new relationship, and know that you will fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.

You deserve to be in a healthy, happy love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve better? Are you allowing yourself to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you because you think you’re not good or interesting enough? Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect, and we let our boyfriends or husbands treat us badly.

Your first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. It hurts, but the truth will set you free. Your second step is to learn how to cope with change in your life – how to Blossom! Even if you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or husband, something will change if you accept that he isn’t in love with you anymore.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

“Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”

Before you read through these signs he doesn’t love you, remember that there is no one right way to show love in a relationship. Some men show love easily and obviously, while others are more guarded and quiet. Some couples are expressive; others value distance, time, and space in their relationship.

If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level. Emotional and/or physical distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy.

That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.

You may also be scared you’ll have to learn how to live without him…which is hard. It hurts.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Your first step is to bravely consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…

Don’t be afraid of admitting that your boyfriend or husband  isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself. Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom. Men come and go, but your relationship with God is the more important than anything.

What’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life for yourself.

1. You’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you

You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your boyfriend or husband, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you know if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want and need to be loved.

What brought you here – why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you anymore? If you’re scared or anxious about facing the truth about your relationship, you are not alone. It’s painful and heartbreaking to even consider the idea that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore. I know that pain, and it is shattering.

Take heart. You may know deep down that his love has died, or you may be listening to other voices that aren’t helpful. It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, but he doesn’t know how to show his love. Or, he can’t express love the way you receive love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband simply loves you differently than you want to be loved.

2. You don’t trust your boyfriend or husband

If your boyfriend or husband betrayed you – by lying or cheating on you – then you may wonder if he actually loves you.

signs he doesnt love you
signs of love

If you can’t forgive him, your intuition may be picking up on very real signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before you suffer more heartache.

How do you Blossom if you’re in a rocky relationship? By trusting God to heal your spirit and heart. Jesus is the only source of true, deep, trustworthy love and peace. Trusting a man to fill your soul – or to “complete you” is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s also setting your boyfriend or husband up to fail. A man will always disappoint you, because men are human. Like women, they succumb to weaknesses, temptations, selfishness, ego-driven decisions. Jesus is the only path to security, peace, grace, and joy.

If you don’t need to read the rest of my signs he doesn’t love you because you know the truth, read How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone.

3. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough

How do you feel when you’re around your boyfriend or husband? Do you feel heard, secure, cherished, and valued? How you feel when you’re with him is a huge sign he does or doesn’t love you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.

This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure in my identity in God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.

The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the better all your relationships will be. Your peace, strength, and energy will not only help you Blossom – it affects everyone around you. If you end up with the painful truth that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you will be able to cope because you will be grounded. Whatever you are looking for won’t be found in your boyfriend, or a blog post listing signs he doesn’t love you, or even your own strength. Whatever you are looking for can only be found the the life and love of Jesus.

When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you (how your boyfriend or husband “makes” you feel), remain open to the possibility that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.

4. Your boyfriend or husband isolates you from your friends and family

This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous routine of an abusive man. He says he loves you so much he can’t stand to share you with other people. He says your relationship is enough, that you and he don’t need anyone else.

Separation and isolation are not signs of love. They are signs of unhealthy relationships. If your boyfriend or husband wants to keep you away from people who love you, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you.

Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s not just a sign he’s not in love with you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship. It’s a sign you need to reach out to people you love and talk about your relationship.

5. He dismisses your feelings, steals from you, degrades your body

Why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you? Tell me below. What is he doing? Maybe your boyfriend borrows money from you without repaying (stealing). Maybe your husband tells you lies about where he’s spending his time, money, energy. Maybe your boyfriend or husband uses your physical body, intellectual property, or material possessions without giving anything in return.

Listen to that still small voice. God is always here, talking to you. He is waiting for you, loving you, and hoping you will turn back to Him. Don’t walk away from His love – for it will never change and He will never give up on you. Be honest with yourself about how your boyfriend or husband is treating you – and how he feels about you. Hold on to the fact that you were created for a purpose. God loves you deeply and would never send you signs He doesn’t love you! His outpouring of love is always present, available, strong, steady, eternal. All you have to do is accept it, enjoy it, roll around in His love for you.

Pay attention to the signs your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about your relationship. It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with the most love.

6. Your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about your dreams

If he doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If your boyfriend or husband  doesn’t want you to succeed or move forward in your life, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.

Are you and he supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? A crucial sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible life and relationship goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together – a purpose, a common life mission – then you increase your chances of joy and happiness as a couple.

7. He lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you

Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.

I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I think YOU know. Sometimes we know things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt, face rejection, deal with a breakup. It’s hard. You might be afraid to face the truth (even though you know deep down the truth will set you free).

I know that even though you’re scared, you’re brave. I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you!

If your boyfriend or husband a bold-faced makes promises he never keeps, read When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.

8. Your boyfriend doesn’t listen to or respect you

Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your boyfriend or husband listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe this should be the first sign he loves you: your boyfriend or husband respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.

If you suspect that he doesn’t love you, “Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”

How are you feeling? Maybe you’re heartbroken and sad because you know your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Or, maybe you feel hopeful because you know he does love you! Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below. I won’t tell what you to do about a boyfriend or husband who doesn’t love you (because I don’t give advice), but you may feel happier if you share your story.

How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

signs he doesn't love you

If you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after I was forced to let go of someone I loved with all my heart and soul. I couldn’t do it alone, so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I gathered their best tips and advice, put it into practice, and learned how to be happy even without the person I thought I needed more than anyone.

Pay attention to the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, look upwards, and remember that you are a child of God. You may have lost touch with your relationship with Jesus, but He is always here waiting for you. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.

Do you feel unworthy and unlovable? Read When You Don’t Feel Good Enough to Be Loved.


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151 thoughts on “8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore”

  1. I have been with this man going on 8 years. He has proposed but I feel like he did it only because its what I needed him to do. We have never sat down and had one conversation about a “wedding” which is something I have always wanted and value very much. I have never been married but he has and got divorced. At 1st, I knew he was scared but after 8 years and 3 kids, its a little alarming to me. The new baby is 8 months old and for the past 6 months or more, not really sure when or how it started. I am not even sure of when I realized things weren’t right. But for the past weeks I have paid more attention because some where I felt it. I felt the distance in his voice as he said I love you. He also quit making love to me. Hasn’t initiated in months until I started to get upset about it. He didn’t take me out even though my cousin said stay out as long as you want when I just was planning on the boyfriend and I going to walmart. I was so excited to be alone with him. He seemed to rush me through walmart. No sweet PDA at all. No hand holding, nothing. We went to eat and I ended up crying in the bathroom and J told him very clearly it was him making me feel like he didn’t want to be seen with me. Even after that, he still DID NOT take me do anything. We were gone maybe over an hour and then back home. We used to always talk about buying a house and goals, what we needed to do or want in our lives as a whole. We got a fixer upper rent to own, 2 yrs later everything is falling apart. I have tried so hard to have him sit down and set dates and goals. What we can or cannot do financially. What color paint or beds we want for the girls. He literally will not do anything I ask of him anymore. A few things have gotten a little better since I have expressed myself. I do not hide my feelings. I want him to know because I am praying he will strive to fix it. But he is not invested in fixing our house and really not investing in our relationship either. I am so lost and stressed out that I can’t even make myself clean this house. He refuses to help. Refuses to listen to my needs. But today, I noticed the worst part of any of it. He said Love you too. But it sounded so forced coming out of his mouth. He does not hold me, love me, joke with me, make me laugh, or even try to do anything to make me feel happy. I am so depressed and I give him examples of how he could better. Basically, I have laid out anything he could possibly do to make me and our kids happy and I get nothing from him. He just makes me feel like I am crazy and I am feeling these things for no reason and its not fair. I would do anything to prove my love if I thought I was going to loose them. But not him. When he let me sit there in a restaurant bathroom, knock on the door, knew I was crying, and still let me feel as if I wasn’t worthy of taking ice skating(what I suggested) or even out of the town we live in. It crushed me. I have been trying so hard to find what he is hiding from me. I know there is something. He will not ever admitt to doing wrong. Never has, even being caught red handed. He will still deny it. I don’t know what else I could do to make him realize that I feel invisible to him. Or if I should even try teach him how I want to be loved. I have never had someone that made me feel so unimportant than he does. And then he just makes me feel like I am f-ing crazy and I have NO REASON to feel any of it. I just know I am gonna end up raising 4 girls alone and going to my parents after 10 years of living on my own. And I don’t want to do any of this anymore. None of this life is appealing enough for me to want to be happy anymore. I just wanna run away. Or him to make me happy and SHOW his love, and he used to. We used to be happy.

  2. I sometimes believe I married the son of Satan. Or a demon. We’ve been married 2 years and 4 days now. Every day that passes now, my resentment and inability to hold my sharp tongue lessens, as does his ability to hold back his obvious snickers and back handed compliments.

    He’s abusive mentally in every sense of the word. And I fear he’s so much more worse than that. I suspect he’s something I should greatly fear, and that no one even knows he is. He is a dangerous man, who does despicable acts against those he’s supposed to love and protect. And I think there’s something inside him that isn’t human. He frightens me inside my soul and I’ve never truly been afraid of anything in my life until him.

  3. Everyone and every situation is different.

    In order to love someone you have to be able to put another person before yourself. In order to do that you have to be content with yourself. In order for it to work the other person has to feel the same way.

    Love can be unrequited when one person loves, and the parter doesn’t. Sure you can make it work, as long as you are willing to make it. If you love the person you make it work. Unfortunately this is an unfulfilling relationship because you have 1 person giving, and 1 person receiving all the time. Once the one who “loves” conditionally (i.e the receiver) stops getting, the relationship is meaninigless.

    I fell in love with someone who says they love me, but deep down I knew they didn’t, because conditional love is not love at all. I found this out when my fiancee came up to me with a calculator and said “you need to be making x amount of dollars in order for me to stay with you”. I had a ft job, and worked/saved for many years. But to her, I needed to be making more.

    I knew she didn’t feel the same way I did, and I knew our relationship would be unfulfilling going forward…. but I loved her… so I stayed with her. It came to a point where I got fed up with the entitlement and exploitation… and the marriage deteriorated. Why? Because she had no use for it if she wasn’t always getting something out of it.

    1. So that’s what this is all it’s all me all my fault. When i was WI them days u were already with someone (j). But I guess you forgot that know when I walked me and you were no together. im sorry that you feel that you have to just ruin my life totally I’m so tired so I want you to do what ever u wish to do I love you love her but both of u would rather just fuck my life over so be it do not going to stop my love

  4. I have been with my husband now for eighteen years. We lived together long before we were married. We had went to a Christian counselor which stated that for us to be blessed, we were to be married. So, we did. Let me just say that there has been problems from day one. I have two sons from a prior marriage. When we would argue or fight, he would always say “Jesse’s boys”(which is my ex)both of my son’s are high functioning autistic, and he treated them both horribly. I for some reason went along with it. I thought they needed the structure, because their dad never had anything to do with them once we divorced. My ex husband is a drug addict and possibly molested our oldest son, which is another story all together. My current husband kicked out my oldest son after he graduated, and then did the same to the second. They have not been allowed to come back, only occasionally usually at holidays to spend the night. He and I have two sons which are 17 and 10. We fight so much now. I have been going to a Christian counselor for over a year now, and she suggests that I should separate from my husband as she does not suggest divorce. My husband has always been controlling and now that I am finding my voice, it makes him angry. HE takes my words and twists them to suite him. He goes through my phone logs, and questions me where I am at lunch and who I am with etc. So, I just had to get this out there. I feel like I should leave, but now he is saying that he is sorry and will try to be the way a husband should be. I don’t know if he is truthful or not, as he is working a job that gives him no pride, and we are so far behind on our mortgage now. I don’t know what to do. I seek God and and seek him…I am just so afraid.

  5. Hi Kat, I’ve been through the same thing. Did you know that there are safe homes that you can go to where he will not know where you are and the State will give you money up to $1,500 to relocate. They safe home will also help you with your finances, help you get a job, clothes and furniture. Call 211 for help with anything you need. Be strong, your not alone. It’s hard sometimes to make a stand but you have to be strong for your kids. They will take or give abuse when they are older because of what you allow….. Did you know? A lot of women have died up to 24 hours after being choked. Children need their mom in their life. Its different from having a dad. Mom’s nuture. It’s like water to a flower. Gift them the best gift of love you can, make a stand!!!

  6. Thank you so much for your site.
    After 20 years of being alone, mostly content I fell for a man, (who doesn’t speak English although he can & understands allot,) who “fell in love with me” and was at my doorstep every day after his work.
    He is married in Mexico, but has been separated for 13 years.
    I do believe in God, and His Word. In telling this man who started being over friendly this, he agreed to go to Church with me.
    Stupidly I succumbed to his advances, and we wound up in bed.
    The guilt was and is horrible.
    He said his wife signed a divorce paper, a lie.
    He is insecure & jealous… Does not respond to my feelings, spends less and less tie with me.
    I feel so foolish.
    At 60, I do not want to be old alone, (he is 45,) it is a love hate relationship for sure.
    I used to blame it on the language barrier – but actions speak louder than words.
    I find myself going over board to do nice things for him, (again, always kicking myself for the “it’s.)
    The bigger b**ch I become in trying to rid myself of him, the more “the Ami’s” he gives.
    But that’s all it is… B.S.
    Thank you again for the vent space.

  7. Kay.. This is serious. I’m scared for you. I’m begging you. Please please leave. Tell your family and the police and social services. Please do this for your kids and for you. You’re not safe. Your kids are not safe. Speak to the school too. They need to know and they can help. Do not keep this a secret. Get help now. God I don’t think I can sleep well tonight having read this! I’m so sorry this has happened to you after what you’ve been through already.. My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and sending you love… I hope to god you leave.. Xx

  8. I am 27. After my kids father lost his battle with drugs in June 2018 I decided to go ahead and date someone I had been talking to for some time. I never really spent time with this guy until after my ex passed. I was excited and after some time he convinced me that with his company doing well I should quit my job, my career and move with him and be able to be with my kids and be home while they are young and that sounded great since I’ve worked nonstop 10 plus hour days since my 9 year old was in my belly. So I quit, we moved over an hour away to live with him, to live what I thought was going to be my dream life. Not long after being in my new life I started to feel worthlessness from not working and trying to actually find myself in my new life and I started to not monitor the things I would say and I was a bit rude. I had asked my boyfriend to stop watching porn for about a year and focus on me and he agreed. Come to find that never happened. I agreed in the beginning of the relationship to cut ties with people I had relations with in the past and that seemed reasonable, I did and had no problem. But than I couldn’t have almost any friends and I haven’t been out to see anyone. He doesn’t really hit me but the 80 pounds and all the strength he has on me can not stop him when he chokes me out and it happens so fast I can’t stop it. When he said he was going to kill me, he had my phone and I was upset and riddled with anxiety and wanted to call my sister but he thought I was being inappropriate and wanted to look through it first. He was holding me down by my legs and I could feel my panic setting in and I smacked the back of his head thinking if he just let up on my legs I’d jump up and run out but he was so fast I couldn’t get up fast enough and he just squeezed my neck so hard I could feel snapping and I was trying to say please reaching for the wall and that’s when he said I am going to kill you do you understand me, I am going to kill you than he let up and tapped my cheek and laughed a little and turned the light off and said go to bed now. Since that has happened I have been looking up things about abusive men, and all of the signs add up. He proposed to me before a year, paid 8k cash for the ring. Buying me things and giving me money before I moved in.. now I am trapped here and have to save slow. He put me on his phone plan and now I feel even more trapped afraid to forget to delete something in my phone and he will know and kill me. He said he won’t call when I am out he will wait until I get home and deal with me so now when I leave to go somewhere I am terrified that he will think I was gone too long or not where I said and that will be the day. I don’t know where my kids will go and he ignores them for the most part. They start school this week and I feel like I’ve got them here and now I must play along to save myself for now. I am dying inside I just want the best for my children they deserve a father.

    1. This exact thing happened to a friend and the guy shot and killed her last month. Don’t even think of staying, leave now! He is not a father. Tell your family, tell the police. No one cares how much the ring costs. You are worth more than anything he can buy. Your kids are worth more than anything he can buy. They will adjust at a new school with a living mother. 💕

  9. I’ve been with this guy for a year and a half now and I’ve been noticing things here and there that just seem to bother me but I’m unsure if they’re worth worrying about. As an example, I’ve been on a hormonal birth control for 2 years now, and the added hormones have been giving me worsened anxiety and severe cramps, so I naturally told my boyfriend that I had been thinking about getting off of it as we are sexually active. His exact words were, “Well, if you feel it’s best for you then go for it, but good luck getting any sex from me.” And I got a little upset as if he was acting like condoms didn’t exist (which we still used on top of my birth control) so I told him this and I told him that, that is a really crappy thing to say. Then he comes back with, “I just told you that it’s fine and I don’t care, but whatever.” And then didn’t text me for the rest of the night. He will do or tell me something, and then when I get upset or bring it up, he switches it ever so slightly to make it seem like I’m just being crazy. He also makes me feels incompetent by not trusting me to get something that he forgot in a previous isle at the grocery store and tell me, “Well you haven’t been able to get things I’ve asked you to get before because you’ll come back and say, “I couldn’t find it.'” I tend to overthink things when I go and get something and when I actually find it he seems genuinely surprised… I’ve brought this up to him before but he tells me, “You know I think you’re intelligent.” But he doesn’t act that way. He also used to come see me every once in a while after work, and now he completely refuses to. I see him once a week as he works crazy hours with his farming job and Sunday is his only day off. I left a facial cleanser at his house last Sunday, and I really need it, but he’s making me wait until Sunday again and whenever I bring up these worries, he makes me feel like I’m completely physco, or he changes the subject or completely ignores me. He’s a good man… but… I don’t know what’s happening..

  10. I have started a relationship a month ago with a guy who has been after me for a very long time and finally I agreed. A day came and I asked him to take me at his home but he refused for reasons I don’t know and all along I have been for the same thing but he still refuses not telling the reason and I started feeling that he is hiding something but when I told him how I feel,he made me that he is too annoyed and that why am my not trusting him and this is a guy who works in another district and allowing me to go where he works too. He doesn’t allow me to go to his place of work. Am confused whether his love is real or not, please advise me

  11. To Lynne
    May 24, 2019 at 2:28 pm
    I have been with my boyfriend/fiance for 3 years. He helped…

    Hi. I so feel for you, how confusing his behavior is and it’s affects on you are apparent in your words. The reason I’m actually responding is because you mentioned 1. he does anything for his ex anytime. and 2. keeps half naked pictures of her for the kids?! Why in the world would anyone ever want to see half naked pics of their mom? He’s lying, clearly. Your not happy, clearly. It’s a no go. Clearly. Don’t marry someone who makes you feel bad in hopes he will change, like I did. My husband is sick, and may always be sick. The problem I have is the same as yours, regardless of what THEY are going through, WE feel BAD. When we find love, we’ll feel loved. Good luck!

  12. I have been with my boyfriend/fiance for 3 years. He helped me get major foot surgery that I desperately needed for years to continue to walk for the rest of my life, which I will be forever grateful for. I never asked for financial support and have never been given any although he moved into my home to help care for me. A year after we had been together we moved into his home, that was given to him by his father. I needed to have internet for work and was told that I would have to pay for it, which I have for the last 2 years. I still own my own home and still maintain it financially on my own. He still has his home that he owned with his ex wife and their daughter lives in it rent free with her family. His son has been in and out of jail/prison. His ex wife is still very much apart of his life and he is at her beckon call and goes out of his way to do whatever she needs. The same holds true for his children, he still takes care of them financially although they are adults. I have also been called upon to support him when gets into a financial bind or to help his children. He told me early on in our relationship that he never intended to marry me and if he did would require a prenuptial agreement to protect his childrens inheritance. Which I do understand but many of decisions leave me questions regarding my long term security especially after we get married. For instance will the home I build with him be going only to his children/will I be sent packing upon his death and my children not reap any inheritance. He tells me that isn’t going to happen but I have nothing yet to provide me that security. My biggest concerns though are that I have to beg to get kissed in/out of the bedroom. I enjoy sex but often get left feeling unsatisfied while he reaps the enjoyment. Often times I feel as though I am a none active participant being takin advantage of. He stone walls me when I try to express my feelings about anything leaving me to bottle my emotions until they explode into tears. He tells me all the time if I am not Happy to just leave. He refuses to do things I like to do and pretty much dictacts how we spend our time when I am with him. He almost never emails,texts or calls me. At least once or twice a week he and his Dad head to one of the many casino’s in the area and he does not come home until 3/4 am. He refuses to meet my friends and if he is with me he determines a timeline on which I may spend with my family. He dosent control me unless he is with me, nor does he sent me the ability to come and go as please. I do however feel like we live very seperate lives. Six months ago he asked me to marry him and wanted to go to Nevada to get married, I refuse to get married there because that is how and where he married his first wife. We bought a ring, plan to marry in Tennessee (where he used to vacation with his family) however our engagement is being kept a secret per his decision. I have come across half naked pictures of his ex which he has placed in his bank safe, saying that he his saving them for his children. I really care about him and he has many wonderful qualities but I often feel as though I am sacrificing and losing myself have become a third class citizen to his ex and children, which is always his highest priority. I feel exhausted, depleted and although I love him am scared that I am a just a replacement for the ex wife that he openly admits he will always love. I really need some guidance before making a lifetime commitment. Thank you.

  13. I need help! My husband doesnt talk to me. He says, he cant say or do anything right and it’s better not to talk to me. I noticed the wrong of my past and I am trying to change it. I have been for the past two months after his affairs. He says he loves me, but I don’t feel it. I feel like I am worthless, a mistake, and not worth time. He actually said my crying annoys him. Communication is the problem. I sit in silence with him. I am the one initiating conversations but get stonewalled and short clipped answers. He plays a golf game on his phone and ignores me. He is so loving when the kids come in the room. Especially to our daughter. He greets her warm and loving, and I get a blank stare and a hi. I begging God, to save my marriage. Yes, I am fearful of leaving. I love him to much to leave, and the other I am afraid I will be replaced and he will be happy and I will be alone like my mother. I dont want to be this way. I want to change and to show him that I love him. I dont want to talk about past mistakes but I want closure of it. I want to start fresh and show him. I have messed up, and caused so much pain. I want to do whatever I can to save this marriage. I am begging God to help us. I love Joey so much. He is a wonderful provider and father. He has a stressful job and I try to alleviate the stress. He is angry all the time. I feel he is angry with me. He has stopped talking to me. That is one of the signs that the marriage for him is over. I want to be his wife. I made a promise to God! I cant live without my husband. He means so much to me. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I cant picture anyone else. If anything is wrong, or I am in trouble he is the first person I see. When anything is super great, he is the first person I tell. I feel like I am chasing him. I just want him to hold me in his arms. No sex, just hold me, show me love. I messed up. I accused him of cheating all the time, until he just did it. I let my fear get the best of me. Now, I am left alone and heartbroken. Because of my actions! I should of shown grace. I should have just let it go. He stayed that is enough. But, I didn’t do that, I let fear take charge and ruined my marriage. Now, I am at the end, and I am hanging on by a thread with faith that God; will bring him back to me. So, ladies, anyone reading this. Dont do what I did. Trust God and know that he will see you through anything. My marriage might be over; but in my heart, it’s not. I will love him until God calls me home. Any advice how to save my marriage. Detailed steps! I cant afford counseling.

  14. i have met a guy at my work place last week helping him with business document then we exchanged contacts and started talking on whatsaap as freind and days 3days ago he then started showing love to me and came to fetch me at work taking me home then he told me he loves me and he was calling me everyday even if it was just one call a day and a little talk on whatsaap but is being two weeks now and he does not call me anymore nor chatting with me on whatsaap i asked him and he said everything is still ok but i sence he does not love me anymore can you please help me by giving advice on what to do i realy love the guy so much and it pains me of his ignorance

  15. Our relationship is almost 2 years and he started showing signs that he doesn’t love me anymore and i think that there is a lot of things that’s bothering him i can say that he changed a lot when it comes to all the aspect of our relationship. He doesn’t look at me the way he used to be. It’s hard to accept that he doesn’t love me anymore after all the sacrifices, love and time that I’ve invested in our relationship I guess i should accept the fact that i have to end out relationship and try to move on as earlier as ican i know that its gonna be hard but i’d rather leave than stay forever with someone who doesn’t know how to give back.

  16. My ex showed none of the bad signs and yet got over our breakup in just one month and got into a new relationship in just three months. We were together for only three months as well but we really clicked and loved spending time together. He showed all the good signs as well and treated me like a princess. Life had us separated abruptly and after the mutual breakup I asked him if he wanted to remain friends and he said yes, however he started ignoring my friendly messages very fast and showed signs of moving on early. I’m writing here because after about half a year I’m still thinking about him a lot and missing him badly. I just recently started expressing him that I still miss him and he hesitated telling me about his new girlfriend, but he did. He said he loves her to the moon and back. And now they’ve been together for 3 months as well. After that he started ignoring me again. What should I make of this? Did he ever really love me? Or was he just acting to get to know what it’s like to be in a relationship?

  17. It’s so weird. I don’t know if my ex loved me or not. She did some of these things, but I feel like she had traumatic experiences that made her act that way. I get a feeling she felt guilt for her jealousy and possessiveness and would feel shame when we got along for being a “bad girlfriend” other times (not giving me enough attention or really acknowledging what I say). I feel like she was simply in a spot in her life where it wasn’t time for a relationship, and the actions weren’t necessarily about me. I think there was love but her current environment was really toxic for it and not a place where it could thrive, and it ended up dying because we both would’ve had to grow for it to work. And only one of us ended up doing that.

  18. I’ve been with someone for 5 yrs within the first 3 months it came to my attention he was still seeing his ex 6mnths down the road I find out he impregnates us both he went back and forth between us for 2yrs I tried to look past everything that happened we’ve tried living together it always ends up in fighting and him leaving I find it difficult being around the child he had with the ex he’s always coming back begging to be with me saying how much he loves me well most recently it’s been 3 months since he’s had his apt and I notice he does things there tht he never did living with me and his reason is always bc of me and my bs he wasn’t able to live with me long enough to buy curtains or stock up in living essentials he’s been putting pictures in frames of himself his kids his father and I noticed not one of me I expressed how bad it made me feel and eventually he put one of the both of us together last week he sent me a text of more photos he framed but none of me again I expressed how rejected I feel and he threw in my face all he had done for me on Valentine’s Day and pretty much how I ruin any chance of us being together I never responded back to the text and haven’t heard from him unless it’s regarding our daughter

  19. i divorced my husband after 25 years of marriage because he didn’t love me anymore. if you purely love someone, his or her happiness is the most matter. if he is happier without me. let it be. love should not be pushed
    its should come naturally.

    you re still young..many more will come .dont worey enjoy your moments.

  20. We’ve been dating a year, feb 7th, the day he asked me to be his girlfriend and our first date, he knew he was going to marry me. I’ve loved him my whole life, it just all made sense. He continued to love me, whole heartedly and continuously, until several weeks ago. The love has diminished dramatically from him. He still continues to be my everything, but I’m no longer the most important thing to him. He says he still loves me but not as much as he did before. He doesn’t know if he wants to love me or wants to walk away. I am completely devastated. I thought this man was my end. And now he’s doubting everything and even saying he doesn’t love me fully. What can I do? How can we fix this? How can he know what he wants? How do I cope? I can’t live without him. I sacrificed so much of my life for him and if we break up I will feel as if I destroyed my life and can never get back all I gave him. We’re 20 and 21 but we’re not like most kids. We don’t party, drugs, drink. We had the purest love and I’m devastated.

  21. My boyfriend and Ididn’t fall in love the old fashioned (love marriage baby carriage) It was just lust baby carriage, love, stress, betrayal and no sign of marriage! I think years later we’ve developed a need for each other physically, domestically and financially which works. It’s just I need romance and love, to be heard and supported. I have done above and beyond for him and he will still flirt while we’re out in front of the children, say hurtful things and drag me down about my aspirations. We have different Faith’s too. I have a large amount of hope and every reason logical to stay but my soul is lonely. I know I deserve better love experience not a relationship where I feel trapped. I don’t know what to do. He says he will change and that I am wrong about his behaviors but they are clear as day

  22. I feel my boyfriend is just using me, he lies ,cheats,doesn’t show any remorse when he does something wrong yet he doesn’t want to break up with me. I am nt happy

  23. I dont Know what to do. My boyfriend says he loves me and we’ve talked about how his emotional unavailability affects me and he says he’ll change and put more effort but never does. Complains when there is so conversation but mkaes no effort to initiate. It’s really frustrating being the only one to be affectionate and be the only one putting effort in. I’m not sure what to do bc I dont Want to leave him yet I dont Feel as if I’m happy anymore like I used To be.

  24. I still dont know, or maybe I do but my patience is wearing thin. I need more, im naturallt A.D.D I cabt help it. Im struggling with myself because things are not moving as fast as I want them when I want them. He is there all the time, helps me al the time but never wants to talk about the past or a future, just wants to go day by day, i cant live this way, i try but im impatient. Im sorry , im remorseful for my actions, its be 1 yr and a half while we have come a long ways things are still moving slow for me. What if what i want never gets here and im waiting for nothing. I think things are great but my patience is a struggle of mine. Maybe im more scared of myself giving up before i even give it a real chance. Its clear im the problem, im scared of myself.

  25. This is wonderful advice and you write beautifully. I really wish you wouldn’t ruin it every time by evangelizing. Not every reader is a believer and not every reader wants to be. I have been manipulated so many times in my life by “christians” and the moment I start reading about God and Jesus my defenses immediately go up and I can’t get past them to the advice and support I genuinely need.

  26. For many years I was asking myself the same question “Does he love me back”. I searched articles, asked friends.
    We ended up getting divorced, he moved on very quickly, did no even insist on more contacts with our son. He just walked out of mariage like we never existed in his life.

    And yes, looking back, I can identify all those 8 signs. I had very hard time admitting the fact, he doesn’t care about me and even our child.

    It is devastating at the beginning, but really beneficial in a long run

  27. Shattered
    I have known this man for 30 years. We have gone our separate ways several time, we keep coming back to each other.. He was unfaithful three years ago. I confronted him he apologized over and over. I have not been able to move forward. I am angry, disgusted and most of all broken hearted. I decided to go back in my thoughts and memory and realized that he has been doing things to me that are clear signs that he does not love me. He refuses to leave. I have asked him in conversation, shouting match and have threated to go to court. I honestly have to say that I get this gut wrenching pain of the thought of him being with someone else but I keep on telling myself that is going to be ok. I was born without him and have made many accomplishments in my life. I just wonder and ask why I feel so sad about this ?

  28. He always ignores me and never wants to hang out. I let him control how I feel which is horrible. I’ve gotten used to the fact that he doesn’t love me so I like another guy, he likes me but knows I have a boyfriend and i don’t want the guy I like to move on but I don’t know what else he would do. I want to break up with my boyfriend but I still really love him. The problem is he doesn’t love me.

  29. I have been with my husband since I was 16 and have 2 kids together, now we have 11 years together. We basically grew up together and have been through so much together from deaths to being flat broke we managed to get are stuff together and are doing so much better new cars and house and money in the bank but we are not happy with each other at all. I always forgive him for how he hurts me he lies so much about talking to women and prostitutes and he never admits to anything he just screams at me so I can shut up. I’m lost , I told him to leave because I feel in my gut that he is lying again but called him to return baling my eyes out. When I called he said he did not care what I do and does not care if I trust him. He is back and wants to drop everything but I know he hates me, when I mention it to him he does not say anything. I don’t now how to let go we have had some good times but he just doesn’t see any value in me. I have always been faithful, keep the house clean, cater to our kids and give him tons of affection but I’m so drained that I feel like a shell of a person.

    1. Yvette he sounds like my husband, we’ve been together for 10 years and whenever I find out hes online , most recently 8 found texts to a woman on our 10 yr anniversary he just doesn’t answer or turns it around on me. I’m tired of loving someone who isn’t capable of being honest , I can’t trust him and if I left I really fear I’m too damaged to start over and be good to anyone else in a intimate relationship. I hope you find some answers and help !

  30. “If I have to hear you going on about how your feelings aren’t being validated one more time…” while rolling his eyes, if not visibly to my face it’s only because he insists on hanging up the phone.
    One night I was staring off into space with tears in my eyes, I didn’t mean to say it outloud, but when I breathed a sigh it slipped out, “I hate you…”

  31. Hi I have been with the same guy over 8 years n we r married 7 years now.he always cheating and lying,dnt wanna take me out,dnt spend his money on me,dnt respects me n he dnt consider my feeling but I really thinks he loves me but I’m guessing he have alot of demons he’s fighting.I don’t wanna give up on my marriage n I dnt want my kids to be with out they dad(2 girls ages 3 n 5).but I dnt trust him n I’m not happy anymore I’m always crying n I cnt eat or sleep I always have nightmares of him cheating or of snakes attacking him.plz plz help me.I feel lost n I cud really use some advice.I need it.sometimes I have thought about hurting myself just to ease the pain.

  32. Dear Author, I really love the way you connect your readers to God, being the center of every realtionships, of everything. I love God. But I get lost and here I am now, lost again. I dont want to be separated to God but my sins and my fleshly desires keep on separating me from God. My relationship with my boyfriend should have God at the center. It was great whenever we argue and turn to God and find out that everything is still in place because of God. But lately, we both get lost because of our own business and weaknesses. We need Jesus in our lives and in our relationship.

  33. I was with a guy almost two years he started doing drugs and acting messed up. I told him to either get help or we need to be done. He choose the easy route and I came home from work and he was gone. Anyways, one day he was on the phone with a friend and the friend contacted me to see how I was because he heard him being abusive to me. The friend and I spoke for months. After my boyfriend left me we decided to meet. I meet him nothing happened we just sat and talked. I met him again same thing we sat and talked. I know one night we had a three hour conversation. I would just hang out with him. He had to do his laundry one night so I went to the laundry mat just to spend time with him. He leans over and says I want you to fall in love with me and kisses me. The most romantic thing I have ever happened to me. We went out to dinner a couple of days later and we ended up being together. We then started texting all day long, calling seeing each other it was the best thing that seemed to have ever happened to me. I know he was having some financial issues. He’s ex gf cleaned him out basically of everything. He asked me if I would help him so I said I would for a short period of time. I cosigned on a car for him which is def huge to me I have NEVER done anything like that for anyone. I loaned him approx. 2k. It is what it is… Money is no object to me because I fell in love with him. His texts he wanted a life with me, he loved me, he thought about me all day, he missed me. We were looking at houses to buy to move in together we were going to be together… Then all of a sudden last Friday night he meets me and tells me that he doesn’t have time for a relationship. His schedule he gets up at 4 am and doesn’t get home until 9 pm most of the time… he sees his kids… he has class a couple times a week… and when we got together it wasn’t like that… I was in the hospital three weeks ago found out my medication I was on for four years was poisoning my system so lucky to be here.. it was so bad it was messing with my heart even. I lost my father in October. I lost my bf two months ago… and feel very much alone… What kills me is this guy went out of his way to make me feel like I am the only woman on the face of the earth…. and now he is acting like I don’t exist. Over the weekend he texted me he was going to church with his kids. He was going to a bday party. He hoped I was having a good day… and I didn’t answer him one time. Sunday night I went to sign on Facebook and it brought up that he was in a relationship with a girl. I was so upset I told him I was coming to get the car and we can part ways… I was furious.. He told me he texted me that he had something to tell me Sun morning that he was doing it for a friend yet… I saw it before he could tell me… He turned it like I was stalking him… I said it came up do you know… and that’s when I saw it.. He goes if you are going to hold this car over me then you can have it back… Im like you tell me we cant be together but you can post that your with someone on social media he goes its not real. I felt so upset and disrespected. Anyways… so I was sick the past couple of days. I went to the doc yesterday to find out I am pregnant. However, I have a tubal pregnancy… and I called him and asked if he could stop by so I could tell him in person. He goes you have me on the phone so just tell me… he hung up on me was rude to me.. and so finally I told him. He called me back and said he would call me later… He did call me at almost 9 pm and I didn’t answer my phone. I was so upset that someone would just be that rude and tell me that I am smothering him that I don’t listen to him and I just don’t get it. Yah I just don’t get the fact you blew up my phone everyday about how much you love me to basically I am smothering him and I am a piece of crap… I really LOVE this guy… I have never felt this way about anyone in my life…. I am a complete mess… bad enough everything I have been thru the past year alone and then this… I don’t know what to think what to do…. I am giving him space I will NOT answer my phone or text him at all…I truly loved him and I know he is stressed beyond belief but its like hes taking it out on me when I have been the only one that has been good to him. I just don’t understand let alone… Im so heart broken now I lost our baby on top of it… Is there anything else I can actually go thru??????? without losing my freaking mind or whats left of it… Worse part is even my job is a mess… my boss hates me.. I have been with a company for 26 yrs and this jerk is so mean to me that he threatens me. I have every avenue of my life a mess… and I truly thought this guy was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me… I just want him back and I don’t know what to do…. Please any advice?????????

    1. Hello Sandy,

      After reading your story, I just felt so much compassion for you that I had to reach out. You sound like a beautiful person with a kind heart and you are obviously longing to be loved. I am so sorry for everything you are going through but please understand that God is able to bring you out of all this stronger, wiser, kinder and better if you LET HIM. Don’t allow these situations to destroy you and turn you bitter.

      As humans we all make mistakes; it’s inevitable, but the important thing is that we learn from those mistakes so that we don’t repeat them again and again. Each season in life is a learning lesson, teaching us new things about ourselves, others, life and God. Men can be complete jerks because they are selfish creatures who lack the emotional sensitivity that we have as women. You trusted the wrong man and let him in too soon. You gave too much of yourself, your time, your money to a man who didn’t give you anything but false promises in return. Maybe the lesson here is that you can’t fully trust anyone but God. Man will always disappoint us. The only one who will never disappoint us is God. Maybe the lesson here is that the next time you get into a relationship, you won’t give so much until the relationship is solidified with commitment (a ring on your finger). Maybe God is calling your name so that you can develop an intimate relationship with Him FIRST and from that relationship all of the desires of your heart will follow and flow into your life effortlessly. Do you know that you were created for your Heavenly Father GOD and not for any man? If you put others before God, those relationships will never succeed and you will always remain empty and unhappy.

      I know it sounds weird but try talking to God as you open your heart to Him and see what happens. He is real and He is there and He is waiting for you to allow Him into your heart so that He can heal you. He will make you whole and help you see yourself through HIS eyes so that you never settle for less than what you deserve. Do you understand that you are royalty because you are a part of God’s family? He will start to make you carry yourself like a royal princess and no longer will the losers seek you out to take advantage of your insecurities and weaknesses. REAL MEN with integrity will be drawn to you because they will see that you have a confidence that is not of this world. They will see that you exude beauty with humility and grace.

      Do you know that love GIVES? Do you know that YOU are the prize? The Bible says that “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing”…. not the other way around. The woman is the prize. The woman is the gift to man. It is not good for man to be alone. Men are supposed to pursue women, give them gifts, take care of them, love and cherish them and show them that they are indeed the prize! You should never have to take care of a man financially! That’s not the way God designed relationships to be.

      Maybe you’re unhappy with your job and your life because your Father in Heaven who loves you so much has a better plan. Maybe that growing discontentment is a major sign that you are not living the life you were destined to live. How do you find the life you were born to live? By developing a relationship with God and giving Him full control. He will NEVER let you down and will give you 100 times more than what you lost. He will fill your life with purpose and meaning and joy and peace and LOVE. Reach out to Him. All you have to do is call His name.

  34. We have been together 5 years live desperate but he still manages to find something to pick on me about.Stealing tools from him, cheating ( it was he who cheated) who’s txting you, can’t talk anymore the list goes on. I’m sure he just wants to use me for sex then get me to go. He self sabotaged I’m sure blames me cause then he can call it off. Always excuses bout spending time with me yet he can find time to spend with adult stepdaughter from previous relationship get me to babysit while they do the couple things. Whenever I say anything there’s a war. I’m so sad and put so much effort into broken promises from him. Put up with his name calling to say the least but treats stepdaughter like she’s his partner. I can’t take anymore. Help me please

  35. I do put G of and Christ first and because of that, I can no longer continue a six – year relationship without marriage. I am 65 (once divorced)and he is 70 ( twice divorced). I have been divorced 13 years and he has been divorced 17 years. I moved out from discontent of feeling used. I had 5 relationships in a span of 7 years after my divorce before I met my current boyfriend … men who were not interested in marriage. I believe true love and commitment involves honoring a woman with marriage as it creates a sense of family, not a feeling of sin and conditional love. I am tired of living in sin. My boyfriend said he would go to a relationship counselor to see if there is a chance for us, based on his fear of marriage. He is also born Jewish and doesn’t accept Jesus as the son of God, just a wise prophet. I love this man whom has been kind, although not particularly romantic. He is funny and very smart and just want me to be happy short of marrying me. I am waiting to talk to him again after he gets some counseling insight.

  36. hello i have being married for 4 years with my husband he cheated with more than 6 woman consantly until i decided to keep quite as if i dn’t see what he was doing we have 2 boys .But the problem is i don’t believe in divorce then I’ve decided to move back home with my kids because we were staying with his family.Then i met this guy after a year of separation with no support from him then i started dating the guy but when i check on facebook this guy have a baby in which he never told me about and few ladies that he posted with on facebook now I’m thinking of going back to my husband because I can see men are the same and I’ve just blocked the new guy and left him without saying anything but I miss him like crazy and now I don’t know what to do

    1. I am so sorry Tina… sounds like my life… every man seems to be the same to be honest yet when they know what you have been thru they say oh.. I am not that way. Will your husband even take you back since he has so many girls already? I just can’t imagine living that way either. I just had a gf lay into me the other day about self respect that I should think enough of myself blah blah.. that’s super sweet… what about supporting your friends… I guess that’s not an option… I think like I am going to start doing being into myself… that’s where I need to be not with these losers…. I just posted after you so you can read my crappy bs.. I just wanted to say I am sorry that your going thru what your going thru… and I will pray for you that you make the right decision for you… Reach out to me anytime if you want…. Much love…..

  37. I feel better, I said “no” to each one of those questions, thank you! He’s a loving caring sweet man, it was wrong to be mad at him he didn’t do anything. Now the question is why am I so weepy lately? O_o;

  38. I’ve been in a relationship with what I don’t even know to call my boyfriend. For Well over eight weeks. I’ve tried seeing Where our relationship is going by asking him. And he says we’re having a good time, I don’t know about the future I don’t want a commitment now. He’s never once complemented me ….but says he’s worried about my weight because I’m to thin, yet my doctor says I have the perfect weight .Yeah he’s over weight.
    He is a nice guy and he treats me good. I don’t want to give up on him, I don’t know what to really do with him either. WHY DO MEN PLAY THE ‘ I don’t give a crap attitude with women ?

    1. They don’t give a crap because we accept it. If you want your man to start paying attention to you, start paying attention to yourself. Don’t mope around wondering why he doesn’t love you or why he doesn’t commit to you. Get together with your friends, like you used to. Go out for drinks. Dress up and have a good time. The fun loving person that he fell in love with may have turned into a nagging whiny crybaby. The person who he had to chase after needs to find her way back. Once the thrill of the chase is gone, usually so is the man. If I were you, I wouldn’t pretend to be the popular girl, I would BE the popular girl and enjoy my life again. You’ll probably find a guy who’s a lot nicer to you in the process of finding yourself again. And for God’s sake, don’t pretend. Do it for real. How would you treat a guy you liked but weren’t that into? Try it and watch the tables turn.

      1. They don’t give a crap because we accept it. If you want your man to start paying attention to you, start paying attention to yourself. Don’t mope around wondering why he doesn’t love you or why he doesn’t commit to you. Get together with your friends, like you used to. Go out for drinks. Dress up and have a good time. The fun loving person that he fell in love with may have turned into a nagging whiny crybaby. The person who he had to chase after needs to find her way back. Once the thrill of the chase is gone, usually so is the man. If I were you, I wouldn’t pretend to be the popular girl, I would BE the popular girl and enjoy my life again. You’ll probably find a guy who’s a lot nicer to you in the process of finding yourself again. And for God’s sake, don’t pretend. Do it for real. How would you treat a guy you liked but weren’t that into? Try it and watch the tables turn.

        And if that’s not possible because you have children and you just can’t get away, then don’t chase him around and keep asking what’s wrong, why won’t you talk to me, or anything else that suggests you’ll die without him. You won’t. Hate to say it but if someone doesn’t love you, they don’t love you. The hardest thing is just accepting what is, being as friendly as you can for the sake of the children and living your life without chasing someone who does not want to be chased. This is about self esteem and there’s no quicker way to lose yours then to beg someone for something that they don’t want to give. Good luck to all my sisters out there whow may have forgotten that they are Queens. Act accordingly.

  39. i met this guy we started hanging out not long after tet very short he introduced me to his family

    personal matters happened in my life and i then moved in and ever since his mom and sister are tryna change me there never good things they say according to them i am stubborn hard headed and ungrateful it is now to the point where it affects my kids which is not his kids. everytime i buy things there get mad i buy like clothes for my girls they make a fuss

    everything is downhill me his mom and sister dont talk his sister daughter age 16 goes to then and discuss everything i do and say to them even my 9 yr old daughter is now doing the same.

    john has no desire for me he blames me fir everything he doesnt show interest in me he doesnt text me any more yet he expect me to pack lunch for him every mornig at 05:00am his phone is always squeeky clean had had cheated and now he says but it is someone i knew and i set it up to see if he is loyal yet now he has a rash between his legs and this arose red lights. last night he said i should move out cos me and his mom and sis will never get along ever. if we hav a fight he always mentions his mom and sister he always involve them. i do laundry on saturdays his mom sometimes takes all his laundry from mine and wash his laundry. he always consults with her before he makes decisions. we have no communication. he comes hom at 19:00pm at night then i must go vath so ge can bath then he goes to his room laying on the bed on his phone and laptop expects me to warm up our supper and bring it to him in the room there he eats and leave his dirty plate and glass on the side bed cupboard. i hav stopped taking his pajamas to the bathroom and stopped taking his clothes out the cupboard. he wants me to ask what i can do with my income after i paid my rent. he refuse to move out his moms house cos he is so “brain washed” by his mom and sis that he said ge wont make it ons his own but his income is well enough to do it. i am his 7th GF and all his exes lived with him and then they move out

    who is the problem is my question

    he never helps me in the house with choires like dishes or assisr with my kids or help doing laundry

    i feel like a “nanny” or butler as he wants to be served.

    i love him but i cant go on like this i can feel i had changged i dont smile i am lately always grumpy id rather dtay at work then go home.


    1. He’s not the problem and neither is his family. Sounds like you already know this isn’t working out. Are you staying because you can’t afford to leave? Afraid of being alone and willing to play maid to keep him around? Whatever the reason, wise up, make a plan to get out and stop wasting your good years on an unworthy person. People don’t change unless they have no choice. This man has a choice. You’re the one who seems to be stuck there.

  40. I have a friend that I was close to and I was hoping for more from our friendship and I think he did too . All of a sudden he’s not replying to my texts blaming his phone and we used to talk and text everyday on the phone all this had stopped . He rings me once a week as if nothing is different . What’s that all about ?we are going on a cruise next year and he’s still fine with that I’m confused .

    1. You might be too available. There’s no thrill of the chase. Too much texting means you’re not out living your life. If you suddenly pull way back, the first thing he’ll think is that you’re out with another man. When they get too comfortable, they take advantage. Pull way back.

  41. Am really grateful for what I have read above,
    I have this boyfriend who doesn’t make a call to see how am doing, and I don’t call him too because I want him to call first. I don’t want to feel like am the one chasing him.
    But I love him so much, he told me he loves me but I didn’t believe him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I always pray to God to make him love me like he says. Sometimes I think he’s too busy, and another heart tells me that maybe he simply doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do.

    1. I’m curious as to what you love about someone who isn’t showing you love. Men are never too busy when they want someone. If he’s not paying you any attention it’s because he doesn’t think he has to. He knows you’re already on the hook so there’s no point in making any extra effort. I would say to treat a man who’s acting this way as though they’re going through an evaluation period. I wouldn’t let them know, but I would absolutely not give them extra attention if they’re not giving me any.

  42. Been married for 7 years together for 8 years have two children with him and one from previous relationships he told me many times he with me for the sake of children he calls me fat ugly I have lupus but I’m a lot better of than ppl who are worse than me he abused me so much I don’t go out he wants sex but like it when he wants he never told me he love me he scared me he earns but I didn’t get penny I never been fifty birthday or anniversary present never treated me just humiliated I been close to end it all but I realise he doesn’t love me at all as I was broken divorced with a child from previous marriage I been suffering anxiety s attack panic attack I can’t sleep we not share room for past 5 years but I’m just here to have sex I will disgusted at myself I can’t think for myself I take medication to sleep

  43. My boyfriend and I broke up for about 2 weeks. During those two weeks he was talking to another woman. I just found out when I found another phone in his car. I’m hurt that it didn’t take him long to start telling someone else that missed her. I don’t know what to do now that he has moved in with me.

  44. So here is my story. Married for 13 years together for 16 and I know my husband is in love with someone else. He has been having an off/on affair for the last two years with a former employee. Says he loves this woman like has has never loved anyone else. I knew we had big problems and I was doing my best to fix my part of them. He had however ‘checked out of the marriage at the end of 2013’. The affair was off for a few months after I discovered it and then I was diagnosed with cancer in July this year. It took 6 weeks for a full diagnosis during which time I was naturally preoccupied with my health. Around this time it sounds as though things started up again. I found out at the beginning of October that he was seeing her again when I was in another state having radiation treatment. How low can you go. Now I have to go interstate to have surgery on 15 December. I know he will probably see her during this time. I’m not an idiot and am sick of being treated with a total lack of respect. He said his number one priority is to get me through this cancer treatment. After all he has done to me, I still love him even though it’s the lowest point of my life. I pray every day for guidance and for my health. Such a tough time. My self esteem has never been so low.

  45. I fell in love with my boyfriend and we been together for 3 1/2 years but things he say and do make me feel like I wasted almost 4 years of my time. He can’t understand when I tell him something is wrong it’s only because I care but he take it as I want to be his mother rather than his girlfriend and then broke up with me and said he don’t want to talk to me, which hurts my feelings due to the fact I don’t ever think that would be serious enough to break up, but now I am getting more connected with God and myself. I realized that I am worth more than an On and off switch with a man who obviously don’t value me as the queen I am. I feel as though if you giving people good advice then you should cherish those individuals. I came to a conclusion that he is just a lost soul who can’t be told anything and brings me down when he’s mad and I don’t need that anymore.

  46. I am inlove with my boyfriend. its been two months not talking to each other.This guy were so inlove he was always telking me that I am the one who is going to leave him because he doesn’t have money and because his unlookable..I loved him for rhe way he was..he was so supporting loving and caring..everything he does he would tell me..his family wrote a lobola letter to my familt..we were about to get married..then I once had a phone call in his presence he didn’t ask me nothing we called that person who called me the person said it was a wrong husband to be decided to dump me for that the very same day…its been months but I can’t forget about him..he never trusted me he would sometimes come to me without in informing still he would find me around alone…I so love him I can’t do the moment I just want to die..I tried to call him.he blocked my calls..he doesn’t call me..he doesn’t reply my text..I just want to die.

  47. Interesting topic my situation is we’re Christians and now he wants us to be married before having sex fine but don’t have sex with me when you say that and afterwards degrade me and makes me think that you’re crazy or just say that you want pleasure as far as me giving you head and then I get no pleasure in return that’s not fair either so for a couple who has been sexual the entire relationship now all the sudden he wants that to stop because he wants to get married and I’m noticing some distance but the love is still there I’m confused if he still wants to be with me or not now he says he feels like he can’t trust me for whatever reason I don’t know and he’s making himself more distant from me so at this point I just I’m watching and taking it day-by-day to see what will happen in this relationship will we go our separate ways or will we pursue getting married

  48. He’s not my boyfriend yet because I’m a minor and he is an adult . Soon very soon enough I’ll be legal . He says to wait til I’m 18 to be official with him and I agreed . But wait don’t judge me on here about the age this isn’t what’s important here . Anyways He acts like my boyfriend, he gives me everything , he makes time and effort for me. But he’s constantly texting other girls , when he sees them in the streets he wants to hola at them . We had an issue about that and got over it and he seems to do it again . He doesn’t respect my feelings and he’s always talking about we’re going to get married and that I’m his future wife . How Could I be If he’s hurting me by doing this . He knows it hurts me and I can’t change him. He says a man is going to be a man . I’m with him most likely everyday . But what am I doing that’s wrong .. does he not love me. Don’t i give him what he wants ? Am I not enough for him . I love this man , I got so attached , he made me like this . And He tells these girls that he’s single . When I ask him why , even I know we’re not together but we’re talking he just says he can’t claim me til I’m 18 and that I know I’m his , why should I stress .. he’s always asking me to F other girls too . And that he will come back to me and I told him I’m not a backup plan. Our bond is so strong it’s like it can’t break .. we laugh all the time . He’s like my bestfreind and I don’t want to lose him . I want him to be my future husband . Why can’t he just change his ways . Or will he change his ways when we’re official ? We’ve been talking for months and ever since then we’ve been with each other everyday

  49. My boyfriend of eight years just got a job about two months ago. It’s out of town. I’ve only been seeing him one day a week. We have a two year old and a seven month old together. Anyway today something was different. I’ve been getting this terrible feeling he is talking to somebody. He has never cheated on me before. But we have had problems with him texting other women. Although it’s been almost a year since the last time I caught him. Well he came home last night. I live with my mother and he lives with his mother also. It took me a whole day to find a way to see him. He told me when I was halfway to his house that he did not want me to come. We were fighting. He thought I was cheating on him. I was almost there and the kids missed there daddy so I brushed him off. We got there and an hour had passed and he did not come out of the shop to go in the house to see me or the kids. It’s dark at this time. So I ran out there to him and he turned and had this terrible look In his eyes. Like he hated that I was there. I asked him why he was looking at me liked that and he said he was busy and didn’t have time to talk. So I went back in the house got the kids to sleep and ran back outside to him. He started screaming at me for no reason. He looked like he had lost a lot of weight within the last six days I have not seen him. Of course making me think maybe he is doing dope. Well he proceeded to tell me that he had told me not to come and did not have time for me. And now I’m in the house by myself crying wondering what happened to my loving man. I’m so heart broken. He has not treated me like this in a long time. I just wanted a kiss because I had missed him. Normally when he comes home for the one night he’s all over me and super happy. I just don’t understand what’s happening

  50. Hi my name is tabitha . i already knew that my ex really did,nt love me . because of the way my ex treats me. Yes i know that. So the only thing i can do now is to gone and move on now with my life now. And be strong now. Because its gonna be a day that i can fine me someone else thats gonna love me better then my ex did. So i dont have to ever worry any more now.

  51. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, for healing and growth. May you find a strong and healthy sense of self worth in the God who created you, instead of a man who can’t love you. May you find hope and joy, and may you Blossom into the woman God created you to be.


  52. I feel in love for the first time 20 yes ago and l never healed. After a bad relationship l asked Jesus to tell me were this hurt stemmed from…l ran into my first love again after 15 yrs.l realized l still loved him and l was holding on to that love. The lord let me go back to see l dnt do anything wrong. That if this man was for me he would have made it so. I know the truth is dosent love me and now as much as it hurts Jesus can begin to heal me! I m so heartbroken but so greatful the lord is with me.l m so hurt pls pray for me…that l move past this and truly heal.

  53. My husband and I have been married 8 years. There was a time that I knew even in the middle of fights that he wanted me and didnt want to lose me. Today I heard him say ” sometimes I cant stand you but I have no where else to go”. A part of me wants to scream and try to get him to realize how it hurts to hear that from him. However this isnt new information to me. That still voice you mentioned has been talking to me and I have not wanted to face it. Im praying for strength to do what God wants. If I am what he says I am and treat him so badley, I no longer want to be the one that brings him misery. I love him enough to let him go. It is scary to think that he could be happier with someone else. So my emotions are up and down. But I can no longer ignore the signs that my husband hates me. I miss God. Sometimes my spirit screams for Him. I wish I knew how to feel Gods comfort and accept His love. I need Him.
    Sincerely LK

    1. You can feel him, you can feel his comfort. God has never left you and never will. I know what you frel but Im here to tell you it gets better. Focus on your smile, focus on getting you back together. That was the hardest thing for me to do, was focus on myself, I wanted to focus on him so badly and tell him but for what. For it to be dismissed and for me to fight with myself. Go to God and begin to tell him everything and cry out, open your heart and be vulnerable to God like you were that man and watch how he takes off inside you. He will give you peace he will give you a smile, he will make your days back joyous. Let anything that hinders you go and focus on you. Stay encouraged

  54. We dated 19 yrs ago. Feb, 2016. We connected on Face Book. 2 mths into our relationship I found out he had secretly taken pics of me and sent them to his friend saying horrible things about my body.afterward he accused me daily of cheating on him. He would smoke meth and watch for days, completely ignoring me until I would go bathe, then he would sneak his phone under the door and video me bathing. When I found the phone and video I asked why? He said because I was on cam for my ex lol. The video shows a closed shower curtain, and me peeking out once when I heard a thug outside the door. He left me after I text an ex boyfriend asking about his knee surgery. To him that was proof I was cheating. It’s been 5 mths and I am finally seeing that he is possibly Narcissistic. He said he sent the photos and said those things because I MADE HIM MAD. I caused him to act this way. Therefore I was to blame. He will not speak to me or see me now for any reason. I am almost positive he videoed me as his proof the breakup was not his fault, I was to blame. Leaving me looking back seeing when he was tired of the relationship..he started pushing me away so I would leave and he could be the victim. It took a yr. I am hurt still but more confused than anything.

  55. i needed this so much , im not sure how to follow up with my relationship after reading this , but i will first start by taking some tyime to get to know myself better . Before this relationship i wasnt clingy , or needy , but my partner was emotionally abusive and controlling . Told me i never needed friends or family , so i isolatated myself from them to be the woman he needed, but everything i did , he never . He never let go of his friends , or family, nor isolated himself from anything . He likes things this way, and now i have turned into an emotionally , sensitive woman just constantly searching for his approval and love. Last time i broke up with him he threatened too kill himself , he locked himself in his home for days , and refused to continue his daily life if i would have left. I dont know why he’s so scared to loose me, but doesnt seem to respect me or cherish me majority of the time .

  56. I have been with my husband for 19 years married to him for 15 years everything was ok somewhat we had are ups an downs . We have 3 kids together. He use to do everything with us. He made time for his kids. About 2 years now his been acting differently. Watch’s porn a lot. Goes on dating sites . Lies to me about the websi deletes them. Lies to me about calling an texting another girl. When I ask him about it he tells me he’s tired of me telling him how to talk to his not a kid. He’s never done this . He works on the road hotel to hotel . Last couple months he wanted me to go with him . Now he wants us to move there. He blames me yells at me even gets made when i talk to him . Feels like I can’t do nothing right. I Do all the house work an outside work an try to keep a job an plus take care of the house with all I have to do if I don’t do what he ask he gets really mad . He runs off when he comes home on weekends talks to a 17 year old little girl that does all his habits. He only touches me when he wants . If he has to stay with me he’ll either sleep all day or play on the phone. He says he loves me an wants me with him but sure don’t seem like it. I don’t know what to do . Does he love me an want to be with me or is this just a mind game he’s playing

  57. I recently told my husband we need to work on communication because I was tired of not knowing how he felt. I always been alone with my son. He thought providing for the family was enough. I don’t trust him. He said he tried but he didn’t. He told me he was with me because of our son. That broke my heart. I ask him if he still love me . He said no. I wanted to cry but I was calm and accept the answer he give me. I have no job and I’m going to school to become MA. I feel scared because i can’t just leave without having a job.

    1. Dear sister
      You are lucky that your husband told you the truth . Ask him to support you till u get a job. Have faith and confidence in yourself and Almighty you will definitely find someone better .

  58. My husband is saying its him says loves me but he’s unhappy i need intervention.please
    Says loves me sometimes but doesnt text me anymore just to call or to just talk or conversate abrupt alot get me off phone with him. Says he doesnt care but i know he does and i am know he loves me and i told i will fight for my marriage. Been through traumatizing events over course of our marriage

  59. I’m 27 and was with my boyfriend for 7 months. We met at varsity, he was busy with his second degree and I my masters. Our relationship started off as casual but got exclusive, he’s even told me he loves me but at that time I never trusted him enough to say those words back. We would meet during weekends cos we were both busy in the week but we talked on between. We had a lot of fun then and enjoyed each others company although there were incidents that worried me but we soon ironed them out or I ignored them. Then his dad passed away beginning of this year and he moved back home which is an hour away. I tried yo be supportive, offered to attend the funeral but he said it would be uncomfortable for him so respected his wishes even though it stung. He was distant and did not initiate contact in that period. I always contacted him and chose to be understanding and supportive instead of always bringing up this lack of communication. I felt unloved in that time but I didn’t want to be selfish. Sometimes he wouldn’t answer or return my calls. He then called me on valentines day and made plans to go see me, he ended up not coming but he called to explain what happened and reschedule. He came to visit me about 3 weeks after his dad died but only cos he had school things to attend to as well. I had missed him terribly and he told me he’d missed me too and we spent a night together. A week late I went to visit him for a day at his dads house. In that time i could see he was stressed out by not finding a job and borrowed him money to help with applications, he usually borrowed money from me when he was in trouble but never repaid it.
    I never heard from him even when I sent him a text asking if I should still expect him cos he usually calls before heading down to me. He ignored it and I felt rejected especially after I had told him how I felt and he said he’d fix it. I called him 4 days later to find out what happened and he was at some party couldn’t hear what he’s saying so he promised to call me back that same night, he didn’t nor did he the following day. He never did. So I believe he loved and cared for me when it was convenient for him or was just using me when he had things to do by where I live. I was so frustrated with his lack of interest in fixing our problems and my lack of importance in his life that I broke up with him, and he also just let me go without an argument. Its been a month, its still hard and I sometimes have doubts about my actions but I believe I made the right call.

  60. I m ayesha. I got married 8 years ago and I have 2 husband doesn’t continue my study but that time I want to study.then I left my study. he forbid me don’t talk with your friends and I also leave my friend. I never takes me to go on travel . still 8 years m just met my parents for emergency. I have no support my parents. still i cried for freedom but unfortunately my husband don’t give me permission to go another places. but he also not give me time. m from bangladesh . and m not literate i have not complete my s.s.c exam but end of this year i will get admission on open university on my country there they give chance who have not complete study . and most of thing I think my husband don’t love me more. coz it’s hurt he always shouted on me without any reason. now I loved another person but I don’t know that person loves me or not but he told me if I single he will get marry with me. I loved him so much blindly. and I also want to marry with him. maximum times my husband and m got quarrel so badly.and most of thing my husband don’t want to physical relation with me. when I go him closer he get angry and stay away me. and I now don’t want to continue our now what should I do . plzz reply my message i m in depression so badly for my lover .😔

    1. Hi Ayesha. So sorry to hear your story. I can feel how depression you might have now. If i may give you suggestion. Please do first thing first. First is settle your relationship with your husband. If i am not mistaken, i noted that your husband is so possesive. So it could be either way, he loves you too much or he s loosing love on you. Try to speak and discuss with him first, find out what is the problem. 2nd, if you really have to divorce, are you financially ready to take care of your 2 kids. Are you working now? How would you take care of them? 3rd, please do not let your husband knows you are involved with other man, otherwise you will loose your custody for your kids. 4th, are your this new lover, you really love vice versa? Because in most cases, he could be your virtual lover, meaning you think you love him because currently you are lacking attention from your husband. Continue your relation with your lover is just creating a new problem. Don’t worry about new lover. When you settled your relation with your husband in a good way, there are many better men that are waiting to love you and you will find the best. Just be patient. I can say this, because i myself divorced after 24 years of marriage; and that after i tried to fix it many times but didnt work. Currently after 2 years of being single, i found a close friend which is many years younger than me, more handsome than my ex, an open mind Professor, and everyday he makes me feel better n safer. So don’t worry about your current lover. If he is your true love, he will advice you to settle your problem with your husband first and then he will wait for you. Remember, now you have to focus to your self and kids, and focus on what you really want and are you ready or not with the consequences. Best of luck, may God always guide you.

    2. The biggest sign he doesn’t love you is your own feelings and intuition. If you have a feeling your boyfriend isn’t in love with you, then he isn’t. Don’t waste your time continuing to look for more signs! Leave, start over, and be free.

  61. I recently lost the love of my life 8 years of fun, snuggling. A lot of touching. Pet name HoneyBun.But he wasn’t a saint,He loved God and God loved him more. I didn’t give myself enough time to grieve. I met another man,soon after.This man is a narcissistic fool. He’s always talking about himself. Put me down,uses my body .Important things are not important to him.I literally was looking for love in all the wrong places.

  62. He left for a holiday for the second time in a year without his 3 year old daughter andme,i two weeks at a time. He only calls if he needs me to do something like pick up tent for his tenants or collect tools from a friend who borrowed them. He has cheated on me on numerous occasions his ex girlfriend alwYs took pruority above me. She died last year was an alcoholic. She passed away in Capetown but her home was in Newcadtle. He flew to Capetown to get “closure” not weve been together for eight years already…..

  63. All my friends are saying that “he cheated on you, he flirted with a girl for the whole time you were gone” and i just know it is true! But he keeps denying it every time! He kept asking a lot of girls out, talked to his ex said he loved her, said to the girl that he flirted with “if i were single, would you date me?” and she said no and he also said that he doesn’t love me even though he won’t admit it! :'[ what do i do? ……….

    1. Update! I dumped that jerk and am happily engaged to a man I have known 14 years…I am so happy I was strong enough to get out of the toxic relationship that was weighing me down…I feel in love for real this time:)

  64. I’m straddling an electric, barbed-wire fence of all relationships. Hold on! That might be a bit dramatic! I definitely can say what the facts are.
    #1. Married for 28 years as of 6/17/17.We’ve been separated but still communicating for 3 years this May. He’s recently seemingly trying to do his “soul work” & indeed reminds me of the guy I started dating 30 years ago. So much history together & he plays to the reminisce.
    #2. He lives with he 85+ y.o. parents in failing health. His dàd was just admitted in to Hospice yesterday. His Mother is psychologically& physically needy. Husband says his mom’s neediness & dad’s recent physical demands for in home care have been the major reason for our separation . That is partly the reason.
    #3. I live 3 miles down the road in the home my husband & I purchased in 1994. My 85 y.o. Mother moved in w me after my separation & her never ending neediness for me to keep her company, entertain her, & make sure her minimal health needs are organized.( voluntarily driving less & less…which is a good thing), but all of that interferes w my normal day activities, working, planning.
    #4. Tonight I’m upset because I just discovered that she has been calling & texting my current friends. Nothing special really…just “hello” & ” thank you for Easter celebration”. Also found out today ( via her telling me voluntarily) that she called my mother in law (3 years of their elected enemy-stance) to give her words of support due to my father inlaw’s recent decline& terminal nature of his Alzheimer’s.
    I AM VERY DISTRESSED!!!! I don’t think it’s appropriate for my 85 y.o. mother to be calling my personal friends under the guise of “thank you for Easter at your home” & beginning a dissection of my marriage & any other pearls of gossip she wants to barge in upon. That’s 3 important people in my life that my mother is trying to “get in with” so she can do WHAT? Talk about me more, find fault with all I’m aware is already there, or as I mostly suspect truly feather her own cap with expressions of gratitude from these few friends & estranged mother in law. My mother always has had to gleam & shine. Any inferences to her or about her being less than has to be CORRECTED. The thing I lost my cool about tonight is that Im 55 y.o. & Mother is still pulling her own unpolished coping skills into play, but leaving my friends & family leary of her. Not one ounce of energy she’s put into these secret calls and texts were designed to help ME feel better. I’ m her daughter!!!!!!How does this seem to her like she’s looking out for me? One more, how does her making those calls help me feel loved & protected?
    My friends & mother in law do not really like my mother b/c of this cat n mouse manipulation she tries to play. She doesn’t even think she’s doing it. But…we all know….& it’s embarrassing & humiliating to me. I can’t stop her, but I need a prayer or stronger words of detachment to chant! I cannot imagine my father in law’s immenint death & my mother imposing herself to be at funeral so SHE can shine. If I tell her no ” not appropriate” or ” no no service” she will secretly ( to me) find a way to make a Show of her sympathy….biggest donation, flowers, home cooked goods, etc…..
    All of it makes me nauseous & anxious. I do have my own counselor I’ve seen weekly for 2 years. Just need perspective give me patience & maturity to handle.
    P.S. though there were other problems on our marriage, his parents & my mother rate a good 80% of troubles.
    Please tell me a quick fix….Me???? Tell me how to detach….or whatever. I’m struggling!!.

    1. Hi Nancy, i am not trying to be your advisor here..but more to give you some perspectives which might not suitable for you as i came from Asian culture.

      In Asian culture, taking care of parents in their oldies is normal as part of our pay back. As we know, old people are coming back to their kids behaviour especially if they have certain diseases. If i may suggest, you may advice your mother not to do things you dont like, but if they do so, dont think it too personally. Try to tolerate and forget it. Believe me, mom always love their kids more than anything. If they do thing you dont like, it doesnt mean she wants to hurt you, it just the way of they thinkimg is different with us, as they re got older.

      I am more concern now on your relationshop with your husband, as its not pretty much clearly stated whether you wanna comtinue with divorce or both of you quite happy with the status quo. If divorce is the decision. Please do so and move on with your life. If not, then try to fix it. Come back and live together again. I believe in western countries, it is normal to send parents to a nursing home. You can then visit your mother, and so is he, can visit his parents. I believe, nursing home would be much better as they will also have doctors n nurse taking care of them.

      Sorry if i sound to simplify your problems, wish you have peace and happiness.

  65. it’s been 4 month’s since I started staying with my boyfriend and the problem is that I don’t feel loved,he does pay the bills and everything. Every Saturday he goes to his church and comes back on Sunday I don’t mind that, however there’s that little voice telling me his cheating and we hardly get intimate ,cuddle and even kiss. this guy has hurt me before and I don’t want to go through that hurt anymore or maybe I am just going crazy.

  66. I swear I caught my boyfriend in lies, over and over. Even after I find out what I believe is true about something, my boyfriend will continue to deny everything to me. Everything. I confront him and he tells me it’s in my head and that I’m making up.
    He has convinced me that I am more crazy then I am convinced my boyfriend loves me.
    I’m not really sure if I’m just extremely insecure and crazy or if my gut is true. My boyfriend has not left me and I have gone crazy on him enough times I’d expect he has left me by now if he didn’t love me.
    I love my boyfriend so much. I think he is perfect man for me except either he is not or I’m extremely insecure. Anyways even after all we been through together…weather be for my Insecurities or maybe I’m right and he is just here because im a woman he has made home with. I can’t tell.
    My boyfriend shows me no sign of love except he is still here and we do have sex every day almost.
    Although I know several of his friends and they are not loyal to their wives. I can’t tell their wives. Maybe just like nobody will tell me?
    We have lived together over 3 years. If I snoop in his phone I always find something and each time he says either his friend borrowed his phone or he breaks it and denies what I have found. My boyfriend even accuses me of cheating on him.
    I love him so much I want it to be that I’m insecure and crazy.. soon I’ll leave. But I’m never happy because I always feel like I’m right, that my boyfriend doesn’t love me. I dont think I’m insane. I was never insecure in my past few relationships.
    Maybe it’s just because he has been married..although I think it’s his daughter that keeps us together (the idea another woman had him 7 years). I think maybe it’s just me so I should be extra loving to him for putting up with me instead of leaving me.
    But then again…he had lied to her for over 3 years about why she can’t visit him at home (because of me)
    What if his daughter finds out about me? It’s already been 3 years and she keeps asking to come to his house.
    She must be suspicious, like I am.
    This relationship is just killing me slowly. One day it’s going to catch me.

    1. Trust your gut , no one that doesn’t lie or is emotionally stable in anyway would speak to you how he is . He is abusing you emotionally to the point you dwell on what his saying and doubting your own internal heart . Your not crazy mad or all the other things his called you . I hope you can find the courage to get out of this relationship because you deserve better .

  67. I am only a 15 year old girl but I am wise and an old soul. Now my boyfriend is 17 going on 18 soon. We’ve been together for about 9 months and this is the longest most committed relationship I’ve ever been in.So what if you love him dearly and he loves you back but not the way you want him to? Like he’s logistical and creative but he’s not entirely romantic but I like romantic things? Another thing I have issues with is the way I love. I’d do anything for him ,like I walked on my injured hip just to spend time with him countless times but I feel like if his hip or legs hurt he would tell me that we should either hangout inside or just not at all. I read about the five love languages but I still don’t know the one I use. But I want to be loved by him the way I love him. If he died I would want to go with him, like with Romeo and Juliet. But he wouldn’t do the same for me. He loves me, he truly does and I love him. I don’t want this relationship to end. I won’t let it end. But what can I do when I sacrifice so much but he doesn’t? If your answer is to leave him I don’t need an answer but if you have advice that will help mine and his relationship I would love to hear it. Please and Thank you.

  68. My hubby and were married 54 yrs you can not imagine how i felt when I started finding things in our car back seat, hairs bits of cloth etc, other signs he’s not in love with me. Women calling the house asking for different names it was the same voice or else they would hang up. The real deal happen when we were at a small store in an empty parking lot, a woman shouting at my husband calling him a cheap sos because she had worked hard for him and he never gave him a tip. I asked him abut, it he said i didn’t know they got tips …I was horrified. The real deal happened one day when were together in the car, he said he would take me home because he had to be at the gas station. A women came running up to the car, when she saw me she backed off … Shortly after that he became ill had to go in to the hospital he had contacted Hep C, became liver cancer and he passed.
    I was and am still over whelmed with grief anger resentment, as this happened so fast. It seemed my husband got what he deserved for being a cheater and not thinking of himself or me to at least use protection. My husband was a real selfish person, even the doctors were shocked. Now I live with resentment, anger, and grief. I will never trust a man again, it’s horrible to live like this.

    1. Hi , I also was married for many years to a man who abused and lied to me . I am not sure if he every cheated but I can tell you this there is far worse things than that . What I am trying to tell you is my husband subjected me to years of abuse, he hid my own fathers address for 20 or so years until I went and found my father who unfortunately died a week later , I found out that my husband had lied regarding his address. My ex abused me countless times , used my deepest secrets against me , ensured his family abused me the list is endless. I am not trying to say your experience wasn’t hurtful , but I am trying to make you see your not alone . Despite everything my husband did , I have never ever felt hate for him , why because all that does is allow him to further abuse me, just like your ex does .
      Start looking at ways to do what you love , travel , pottery , whatever it is that you want to further do in your life . What brings you joy ?
      Say goodbye to your ex all the hate , all the hurt , write it down , pour your heart out and then either attach it to a ballon , send it down the stream , or burn it . Give all your
      Negative feeling back to him , tell him now you will live the life he was meant to have given you and do it . The best revenge is to take what has happened, learn from it and ensure you never go back down that road again , love doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t neglect your feelings, subject you to horrendous behaviour, blame you because of they own actions or does it hurt. Love set you free . I hope my love in sharing my story, sets you free . Please don’t feel that I meant to say my situation was far worse or anything such , because I know you probably have so much more to your story, just as I have . The one thing I hope that gets through is that you allowed your husband to take so much life and happiness, this was his fault . Don’t allow him anymore, now it’s your responsibility to allow the hate to go . Thank him everyday that he is no longer apart of your life , find peace . Once you find peace within yourself . Your find the happiness you all deserve. No real man would ever ever hurt his soul mate , or any woman for that fact . We are all worthy of so much more than loving someone who has never loved anyone more than themselves. Love is about something letting someone go because you love them enough to see your not the right person for them. X

  69. I met him in April of 2016. During the summer he would come over and stay when he had his kids on visits. I would cook and clean for them on top of having kids of my own. He never bought food. When it was time for his kids to go back to there mom’s, he would go back home to his parents basement. In September 2016 I found messages on his Facebook to several women. One he told he would always love her and another he asked to cuddle etc. He tried to lie his way out of it and even broke his phone on the pavement as if that would make it go away. I was shocked and hurt but somehow by October we were engaged and he completely moved in with me. At first it felt like bliss until I slowly started to realize that he doesn’t pay rent or bills and even though he works he only pays for his car payment and a few little things for our house hold needs. Whenever I mention bills he blames me and says I don’t show them to him, he also says I am the one who wanted him to move in. I started spying on him too, after the realization of what he had done when he messaged those females actually hit me. I have not found anything but it is draining my energy very badly. I feel like he is hiding something from me. Just yesterday we decided to give our relationship one more week. Not long after that I caught him in a lie. He insisted it did not matter because it was a little lie…But it mattered tho me, I cried. I don’t usually cry. Now my guts keep flip flopping and I am feeling the urge to kick him out even stronger now. I would really like some supportive feedback please.

    1. I was in a similar situation for 10 years. Everything was my fault. Money, him cheating. It was my fault. I stayed, and every day like you, I looked for a message, a number, any sign that he was still messing around. I made myself sick over it. I isolated myself from friends and family because my anxiety was so bad and my mind so concentrated on his behavior. Every day I’d pray he would come home and tell me he was leaving so I didn’t have to feel the guilt of kicking him out, or of ending the relationship. Yet, at the same time, any sign of a threat he was leaving made me jump towards him too. Finally, I realized it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t what I wanted and got the courage to walk away. It hurts for a little while, but I am so much happier and more importantly, healthier, away from the situation. Mentally and physically. My boyfriend too always played the victim. Changing phone numbers when he was caught. Blaming me for lack of funds. It’s an abuse tactic. It keeps you on lock down because the hope is you believe you are doing him wrong. That’s the game they play. You will get out. It’s clearly not what you want. Say goodbye and know in your heart you did right by him. He will be fine. You will be much better. Good luck.

      1. Thank you Melissa… I am happy to know I am not alone. I made him leave today. He tried to argue and stall but I stood my ground. Later I got an email telling me my Facebook was logged into. It was from his laptop. I had to change my password and deactivate my Facebook again. I feel mixed emotions right now and I feel alone. I do however know that deep down I made the right choice. I am not perfect… I should not have invaded his privacy and checked for messages and such because I was afraid he was doing something behind my back again, but that is one of the reasons why I dumped him because I know that is unhealthy. Thank you for responding

      2. Oh wow! Reading your comment, my own life flashed before me – I am exactly in the same situation but married 25 years and together 29. I was in high school when we met and have twins – I feel stuck…in 45 and don’t think I will ever feel the arms of a man holding me that actually genuinely loves me. At one point only 6 years ago did he stop treating me amazing…he treated me so good that other women commented on how lucky I was (which I agreed and didn’t take for granted) he turned 40 and everything because only about him – help!!! I’ve lost friends family and adult children are so disappointed and mad that I’ve neglected every other relationship in my life to try to hold on to the string of my marriage that was left…even though nothing I do would ever change how he now feels about me – how does someone just stop loving someone overnight???? I can’t wrap my head around it for 5-6 years, I’ve been mentally paralyzed by this

    2. Mine it about the same, Facebook same but he does the single sits. I found that when I was talking on his phone. Then his email, when I walk in the room and he is on the computer he flips screens very quick. Also has pic of naked woman. Just found a new pic of another on his phone. He texts and answers his phone in the middle of the night. Are those signs he’s not in love with me? What to do and what do I think….

  70. He always encouraged me, he loved me and my kids more than his own. He never hurt me he was always so excited to me he would come flying down the stairs with the biggest hugs and smiles. He respected every request I made. How could he not love me anymore? He ask me to marry him and I have spent my life loving him. He was my dream. My first boyfriend and I never let go. I spent weeks trying to find him before I married my only husband. I would think about him when I was sad and I had the dream that maybe someday somehow we would find each other and we did and it was so beautiful it was almost perfect but he has a troubled son and I was scared of the influence on my children and so was he. We didn’t trust him. So he decided to let his own son go but I stopped him bc I wanted to help him. But the kid was so evil and he set us up for terrible fight and 9 days before the wedding I told him I couldn’t live with his son and I couldn’t Marry him. I never thought he would let us go. I never said I don’t love you. I assumed we would just wait 4 years until his son was 18. But he left and he never spoke to me again. He doesn’t love me anymore. My daughter begged and begged to see him. I agreed after 3,months of begging but I couldn’t even speak when I saw him. And my mother wanted him gone and I don’t know what she did but it’s been almost two years and everyday gets harder. So I forgave him for leaving is like we never existed thinking I could get my self on track. It didn’t help. I cry out to god all the time and I beg him to help me but he doesn’t. I’m desperate. I have three beautiful children that are beyond amazing and I manage to pull off the show most days but not for the oldest he sees how sad I am and I have to stop this.

  71. Hi Laurie and Mare. I just happened to found this blog and happy to read Lauries article. As its helpful. As like Mare, I ve just formally divorced after 25 years. Am not proud of it as we still have 2 dependant kids. But i am happier now. I just realized my Ex doesnt love me, and surprisingly when i divorced him, my big brother openly said he s happy for my decision as he s been watching over the years that my Ex is just using me. Used my possessions and took me for granted. Fyi i work and became backbone of the family. My earning was much way beyond him.And still he said bad thing about me, that i wasnt a good wife, dont respect husband and am a bad mother and not happy living with me. And yet i still blind untill i found out he had a relationship with his colleagues at office. So i made final decision. He refused,but i insisted. Its been 2 years since we broke up and he still asking us to get back until now and even uses my 9 years daughter to persuade me. I am now have a lighter feeling, happier, skinnier and feel more beautiful. I love my self more and had a chance of focusing on my heart’s health. Kids live with me and i can proof that i am a good mother. Something that i always be! I even finished my master degree (i remember when i decided took this degree he said i am so selfish and donot worth to take master degree).

    So Mare, i am not a conselour nor adviser, but may be you can get something from my experiences.

    Best of Love.

  72. I really need to leave my abusive boyfriend it’s the 8th year now, we both know it’s over, just one of us needs to do it!
    I’ve found your writing very helpful

  73. Dear Mare,

    It sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot together! So many ups and downs, good parts and bad parts of marriage, mistakes and even some successes. I’m glad that you went to counseling – I hope it helped you learn more about yourself and your husband.

    About you not feeling like your husband really loves you, I don’t know if it’s you or if it’s him or if it’s a combination of you both. I suspect it’s probably you and him together. There’s some sort of interaction or dynamics going on that isn’t easy to pinpoint. Not for me, and not for you.

    I hope this is something you and your counselor can talk about together, perhaps even with your husband. You did inspire me to write an article for women who not only feel unloved by their husbands, but also feel like they’re not good enough.

    Here’s the article:

    When You Don’t Feel Good Enough for Your Husband

    I don’t know if it will be helpful for you, but it’s what came to me when I was thinking about everything you wrote in your comment. Your marriage is far too complicated for me to make any comments on, but this article is what came to me when I was thinking about you.

    May you be blessed with wisdom and insight in your marriage, and in your life. I pray for healing and growth, unity and connection. May you find joy and peace in your life – a peace that surpasses all understanding.


  74. I’m thankful for the stories I have just read through – makes me feel that my feelings are rational-which I have been told for years, they are not !
    I had been with my husband for 23 years, when we split up. We had a very toxic relationship ! There was no physical abuse but my husband made me feel like the ugliest, craziest, laziest, most unlovable woman on the planet. Despite years of intermittent therapy ( I was constantly seeking out help, counseling, praying, etc) nothing changed. My husband was a great provider, he wasn’t horrible as a friend, we seemed to “get along well living together as roommates) but he refused to hug me ( he would say he didn’t like hugging and I was being a jerk for demanding he hugged me), he was annoyed with my faith in God, ( said it pissed him off when I talked about God), annoyed or jealous of my time with street ministry or friends, and was always telling me I was nuts. His personality is kind of cold and aloof- he was always present but not really p, if that makes sense – like a robot in many ways. Even writing this all out now makes me shake my head that I let anyone make me feel so badly about who I am!!! So, we split up 3 years ago, he told me he didn’t care about our marriage and later told me he was dying inside. He dated a couple of women and soon came back, saying he really only wanted me. Even though I was a wreck emotionally, my heart had been broken many years before so the separation wasn’t that horrible so I looked like I had landed on my feet to him and I also lost a lot of weight and he loved that I was super skinny now too. I told him no for 2 years. We didn’t still see each other and had hours and hours of talking about what happened in our marriage and all the hurts. I was in counseling for about a year and to my surprise I felt that maybe I should give him another chance. He also had been doing some soul searching and had started going back to church. I honestly thought maybe God was going to restore our relationship.
    So, we have now been back together for 8 months. We “dated” for 5 months and then moved back in together. We have been doing pretty good for the most part and have been able to have discussions about how we feel and act silly work it out. BUT, I just don’t trust him. I don’t believe he really loves me. Our son, my friends don’t believe he has changed at all, and it doesn’t seem authentic – it’s like it is forced sort of. He says he is crazy about me but I don’t believe him-I’m currently hung up on the fact that he told me if we couldn’t have sex anymore he wouldn’t stay with me and I’m always afraid I’m going to gain weight so I asked him if he would leave me again if I got fat. He says all the right things but he left me before so I don’t believe him. I really believe he wants to be with me but I’m not sure why. He tries by sending me texts calling me beautiful but our first Christmas back together, he didn’t even try with my gift. He puts little to no effort in trying to make me feel loved or accepted. I have told him I feel like I can never measure up to what he wants but he is shocked why I feel like that. Please help me with this….is it me ??? I feel like I should just be alone and that I just cannot have relationships, although I did have a relationship while we were split up, that I felt very secure because the man was a bit obsessed with me lol

  75. I love the fact that this article, the author & readers are using solutions surrounded by scriptures and praying for the Lord for a resolution.

    As of yesterday I ended a 7 year relationship that I feel I wasted my time in. I loaned thousands of dollars and was blatantly lied to that I’d be repaid only to be told now that I wasn’t going to be paid back anything. His cowardly comeback is that I’m ending the relationship based on money however as this article points out; anyone who clearly borrows money from you with a clear upfront promise to pay you back and they fail to do so, then they’ve stolen from you. I can’t be with someone who steals from me so I ended it. I also felt unheard and quite frankly unimportant. I wanted marriage and children in THAT order but because I don’t have children and he does I’m constantly fed lies about him allegedly wanting to get married, yet in 7 years it hasn’t happened. Then it shifted from wanting to have a family to him claiming I can be a “stepmother” to his already half grown children. Now (before I ended it yesterday) its him using the excuse “at first you didn’t want marriage or children, now you do”. True at first when I met him in my 20’s I wasn’t looking for marriage or children. However, I’ve gotten older and want to settle down and have a family now. But not with a thief or a liar. I’ve given chance after chance for him to clean up his mistakes but I now realize all along I’ve been used and its clear he was in the “relationship” (if it could be called that) as a matter of convenience of what I could do for him. It’s a tough pill to swallow but it is what it is. I was used and I don’t believe he ever loved me. I loaned him a LOT of money and see that I was used. He claims he didn’t use me however I not only remain unpaid but he now refuses to acknowledge the debt. Amazing how people get amnesia after you’ve helped them but we’re so humbling when they come to you for help. Smh. I’m now battling bitterness and anger primarily because it feels like I don’t even know who I’ve been with all this time. I can handle the fact that the relationship ended but the part about stealing from me has me angry in that there is now absolutely no effort to repay me. I’m not sure if I should be feeling this way however at this point the only thing that brings me comfort is knowing the FACT that you reap what you sow and he’s struggling without me. That sounds really mean but that’s where I’m at now. I don’t wish any bad on him but I sure don’t feel sorry for someone who borrowed thousands of dollars from me, promised to repay me then changed their mind (i.e. stole from me). I’m also questioning if I even believe in love anymore. This may sound contradictory especially because I DO realize that God is love, but this relationship really took a lot out of me. This is my first relationship and I honestly thought it would last and be my only. I was taught to help others just as God helps us. However I’ve clearly been taken advantage of. It’d be different if the money was gifted, however it was not with clear stipulations and promises for me to be repaid. But more than the money overall I feel betrayed that, loaning money was my sole purpose for him like I was never loved or meant anything than what I provided. IDK. Guess I’ll pray more on it but I sincerely hope that no one male or female ever encounters someone who uses them the way I was used. It’s a terrible feeling realizing that what you thought was real, was a facade.

  76. Hi Samuel,

    I’m glad you’re looking out for your sister! It sounds like she’s not paying attention to the signs her boyfriend doesn’t love her – or maybe she doesn’t care.

    You can’t change her, but you might send her this article:

    10 Smart and Strong Ways to Stop Being a Needy Girlfriend

    My advice is to be there for her. Set limits on how much time and energy you’ll spend listening to her sad breakup stories, but be her brother. She may change how she acts in relationships, or she may not…but you can’t force her to become healthier or happier in her love life.

    All you can do is be the brother who loves her. And set a good example for her by having healthy relationships in your own life!


  77. My sister keeps dating jerks who don’t love her. No matter what I say or do, she just falls in love with guys who treat her like crap and even abuse her. She’s smart, but she ignores all the “signs he doesn’t love you” on this blog and every woman’s magazine. She doesn’t respect herself and I’m left to pick up the pieces when she finally gets dumped by her latest boyfriend.

    What can I do, how can I help her see the signs a guy doesn’t love her? She deserves better but I don’t know how to convince her to choose better men to date. Do you have any advice for me?

  78. My husband and I met online 10 years ago. We had a phone relationship for almost 5 months before meeting and when we finally did it was like pure magic. We spent every waking moment together and people used to say that they could see the love for me in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s been over 10 years now and our kids have gotten older and out of the baby phase and we have more time to love each other but the stress of an accident and money have made him a different man.

    When we had our first real and emotional fight was when I was pregnant with our son and I had found a random charge for $100 on our credit card so I looked up the charge to see it was for a man’s site. That night after I confronted him he tried to lie to me and say he wasn’t watching it he was just listening to it. I explained how much it hurt me for him to watch it because of a previous relationship that was abusive and how it involved his addiction. He promised to never do that to me again. 6 years later we had a terrible accident and I was hurt and bed ridden for 3 months. After I was healed and starting to feel more like myself and I could focus my attention on my marriage I noticed that he was distant with me and didn’t look at me the same anymore. Of course I blamed my body so I worked out like crazy and starved myself for months til I lost weight and felt I looked better than I have in a long time. I waited days and days for him to notice me and he just wouldn’t.

    On his phone I could see everything, even the searches on Google for women. I realized he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. When I confronted him he told me that he was only watching it because he would think of me but none of those girls turned him on. He told me that the reason he was watching women is because he was searching for a girl to give him the same feeling he used to have with me again. This kills me to hear that because I think of all the things I do and did. I remember being hurt in bed and feeling terrible because I couldn’t physically love him. I remember once I got better and how hard I tried to be sexy and tempting in the mornings and how none of that did the trick for him. Now I’m at a point of not knowing what to do and not knowing if he will ever look at me with love in his eyes ever again. I don’t want to fail my marriage and I don’t want our kids to be sad but I wake up every single day crying and go to bed every single night sad. I don’t want to hate the motherly body I have anymore. I won’t ever be as sexy as girls and if that is what he wants I don’t know what else to do. I think I might have actually gone insane. I want to leave my house without anxiety and feeling like he might see a girl he likes more than me and just leave. I’ve already isolated myself from all my family and friends because I don’t want to be honest about my marriage and embarrass myself and my family. I’m lost and heartbroken.

  79. After 33 years I fell in love for the first time in my life. He swept me from my feet the first couple of weeks but with time passing, efforts ceased. At the beginning I was determined to overlook his bad and sometimes rude behavior, because I was afraid, I wouldn’t find someone like him again. But his behavior helped me to decrease my respect for him, because I thought I deserved better treatment after everything I invested. I am a joyful giver and sometimes people use that. I want to stay a giver, because that is who I am and what makes me happy. Thatswhy I have to get rid of people who use it and treat me bad and invest even more in those who are worth it and love me back.

  80. How to know if I should stay? 16 years together. As long as I don’t expect intimacy, physical hugs, kisses, etc I don’ think too much about it. It seems like everyday he is tired after work. Then on the weekends he plays golf for 4 hours, watches tennis, golf, football, etc and then on Sunday plays tennis for 2 hours.They are find activities but I feel as if I am considered last.I feel sad and that I don’t matter. We occasionally have a few chores that need to be done by him (My health) but he feels like I ask too much.I’m independent and do things on my own, that is not a problem, but I feel like in many ways we are roommates with occasional benefits. How do I solve this problem?

  81. Wow interesting feedback. Myself I’m 47 been with a guy for almost fivr years. Always a convenience..we broke up non officially for like six months and he had a relationship with a girl. He never ever told me had suspicions but never confronted him since I didn’t care. Well everything hit the fan.. . She broke up with him he lied saying the reason he was upset was his two daughters. Well a total lie.. it was all about her. He even wrote a letter to her and made me read it about his love for her. Well barf !!! But the absolutely worst part is I took him back.. it months too but I did but nke I’m done !! I was a strict convenience and that was alll. Haven’t heard from him now and I usually would by now. He’s washed his hands of the situation and so have I. But the worst part he is a coward he would never confront it.. I was the convenience when no one was. I am so sad about myself that I allowed this manipulating man to control me. They say life goes on and it does. Learned my lesson and need to let him go..

  82. I just had a big fight with my bf. We fought over trivial problems. I tried to calm him down and explain but he just wouldn’t listen. The problem with us from the start is that we don’t communicate and we both have been hurt before. He is my first bf so I do not know how to maintain a health BGR but I have been mediating and try my best to be loving yet he just won’t change and had became an angry person. All I do is cry whenever I see him. I blame myself too for being an uncaring gf from the start. I don’t ever talk to him or rely on him and I guess it’s too late now.

    1. I met this guy some months back, one thing led to another and we started dating. He is kinda weird, doesn’t like taking calls, he isn’t very expressive and all. I didnt have a problem with that, until one day I asked him to define our relationship and then he said he couldn’t because defining it would complicate it. I got upset and left, he and begging and I let it go. Recent I travelled home to see my parents.all through the trip he didn’t call to find out if I was ok. When I got home it told him I felt hurt by his actions he apologised in a very off hand manner. And didn’t talk to me for two whole weeks. He later calls me up out of the blue to apologize I ignored him, he sent a text I didn’t respond. When I eventually was ready to talk. He told me ” there was no need to go back to the way things were cos he would continue to hurt me.its the way he is is and he can’t change that. And he can’t have me suffer for his short comings. I’m so broken right now. Should I just let go???

  83. I met this guy online, we talked for awhile we got married a year later. I spent one week with him in his country. We always text,call,Facebook everything you can think of. He told me how much he love me, everything was nice. Now he doesn’t show any affection, doesn’t satisfy me, or buy me things or give me money or take me out. I don’t think he loves me anyore, he told me I should go to gym and workout, this is not how you should love someone.

  84. If you’re seeing signs your boyfriend doesn’t love you, then you know he’s not the perfect guy for you. If you’re unhappy in your relationship and he makes you cry…then you know he’s not the one for you.

    Here’s an article that may help you see your relationship more clearly:

    8 Signs of the Perfect Boyfriend for You

    Be strong. Take heart. Know that you WILL be happy again!! You will – but first you need to heal from this relationship.

  85. I felt bored and felt alone ,I cried and cried and cried..I search on how to overcome my boredom and loneliness and I read on the related searches the tips to know if he doesn’t love you so I try to open and read it and I just wanted to say thank you for the tips given.Yes I need to be loved and to loved,but honestly the reason I am crying and felt sad is because one of the reason that my boyfriend is far from me,let’s say we are far from each other. I ask myself if he really loves me and he really the perfect guy for me or not..please help me to find out..I wanted to assure that I am not wasting my time on him to cry every night?please do some advice.

  86. My boyfriend for almost 13 years has told me he is not in love with me anymore. We moved in together almost 3 years ago, and things were fine in the beginning of me there. Although in the past, he has cheated and had children and affairs with other women but each and every time I have forgiven him. We have a small child together, and now I am feeling so lost. I am practically begging him to change his mind. What is wrong with me??

  87. I am an intelligent and educated women and wife. I thought that he loved this and all the other parts. He just stopped like turning a light switch and for three years it is just horrible. I an ready to start again and need all the assistance I can locate. This is so sad, I felt he was my best friend for at least 13 of the 17 years together. I will always cherish the good times but time to move on for me. I can only let go and take care of me and our son. Please pray for us and know better things will return.

  88. If you need help coping with the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, you need to get specific! What kind of help do you need? Then, you need to take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and find the help you need to get through this.

    When I realized that my boyfriend never loved me, I grieved. I was heartbroken for a couple of months – I felt like I was going to die. But then one day I got tired of feeling sorry for myself! I just got sick and tired of feeling like a dishrag.

    Grieve your pain. Accept that he doesn’t love you anymore. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start becoming the woman you were created to be.

    You are deeply loved, and you were created for a purpose. Your job is to figure out what that purpose is.

    Here’s what I wrote today:

    5 Ideas for Creating a Better Life – And So She Blossoms

  89. My husband and I have been married for 38 years now. He is a compulsive gambler. He racked up $80,000.00 of gambling debts. He filed for divorce 8 years ago but did not continue it. He wanted me to finish the divorce that he started because he does’nt have the money and too lazy to finish it. He has no knowledge and tolerance to go through the process. He wants people to do things for him and get money the easy way. I’m the breadwinner and more sense on the better things to do. He wanted $300,000.00 and use the money for gambling.I got mad and we continue to live together as married singles and I slowly separated our finances. He stopped working and applied for his own credit cards and used that for his gambling. I paid judgment lien on the house and transferred the deed to my name. Here’s the kicker. He was out of the country for 8 months and a few days before he came back I found out he was living with his mistress and he bought a small house in her name where they lived for 6 months. He was just fooled by this ugly woman and I gave him a choice to either stay and repair our marriage or go back and be out of our 3 kids and my life forever. He decided to stay and told that woman that it was a big mistake and he regretted what happened. He said sorry and that he loves us only to find out that he didn’t mean what he said. He’s a narcissist. I told him he can do whatever he wants if he would have an affair again because I do not have any control of what he would like to do and he can not hurt me and the kids any more financially. I told him to go but because he has no money so he sticks around for free food and lodging with me. This is my problem. I do not want him around but he has no place and money to go. His SS money he uses for gambling. I’m annoyed and irritated by his presence as he said he has no love for me and the kids because he lost love for himself when he had an affair. I need to learn how to cope with the situation I’m in now.Please help.

    1. Ive been in a similar circumstances. You need strength and prayers. Ask God in the name of Jesus to give you strength in your weaknesses, this is what he says in Bible. God commands the husband like Jesus loves the church. If he’s not doing what God orders a husband to do than you need to find a way to get him out permanent. Develop new friendships so you won’t be lonely, go to church. Begin a prayer life, pray for him. Seek therapy for you and children if they need. By all means you are doing you and your children a disservice keeping it around cause he shared some good times and some DNA. Sounds like you have nostalgia, remembering his good in the past. I’m sorry but it’s over. He is not the same person who you married he has changed cause he was bitten by that homewrecker and gambling. Don’t wait around f him to change, you change too. Join a fitness group. Put kids in afternoon sports. He is just wasting whatever time you have left. He wants you to drown with him but don’t. BE STRONG! Save yourself and forget about him and move forward,God bless. Hope this helped?

  90. I love my man, but he has been so busy he hardly texts me.once, maybe twice a week, one sentence.we live in different we don’t even see each other anymore.
    it’s not a relationship anymore.he has been’super busy’ for 3 MONTHS now.
    i know i have disappointed him, and i have been messing up in my own , professional life and he doesn’t like that.and he has been an angel for a long time.very patient.but still, if he wants to break up with me…why won’t he just do that?i asked him , confronted, i said i want him happy and if for now being without me will make him happy, let’s break up.
    but he wont.he just keeps me in this weird limbo, i am scared, i’m unhappy, he is waiting for me to make positive changes in my life and i am, i try hard, but it goes slow, day by day.i can’t fix depression, unemplyment, eating disorder in’s aprocess and i am working.i just want his support and he chose to throw himself into way too much work and pretend life and me dont exist.he’s acting like i will soon emerge the way i was when he met me – strong, sexy and full of hurts so much.he’s been helping me a lot, and i guess he finally snapped.he aslo lost his dear, oldest friend recently and has been awfully distant about it while i try to support him.but we were very it’s like…hes ghosting me.and he is not a man who would ghost a woman he is with. he’s kind, respectful, and everyone, not just me.
    i just want him back.i don’t know what to do.

    1. Leave him he’s dragging you down who does he think he is your sports coach! That you have to jump through hoops for him it sounds like your self esteem is pretty low anyway and I suspect it’s all the ridiculous tests he expects you to pass lol please stop trying to please him and start pleasing yourself you owe him nothing get out of this now take care

  91. Laurie,
    I am so glad I found your blog, it has been a guide, encourager and inspirational information. As I make transitions for a new beginning as my Father in heaven called it, Life’s RESET. I have a fresh start to take what I have learn and start over with better decision choices. I hope and pray that I have learned and apply these new decisions to create a more peaceful and happy life. I watch my marriage fall apart as scramble for glue or anything to keep it together but I realize I was the only one who wanted the marriage since my husband divorced me long time ago emotionally, spiritually and physically. As family and friends deserted me and plus being a full-time caregiver to elderly mother, I pressed more into the bosom of my DADDY GOD by praying and reading the Word of GOD which created a beautiful relationship withHim. I would not have made it without Him. Once I accepted my marriage was over, I had to make plans to change my life to live for me and Daddy GOD. I am learning not to look back what I had but looking forward to a more loving and productive life. Loving Daddy GOD with all my heart and loving myself. I liked what you said, “Men come and go, but your relationship with God and yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend or husband loves you; what’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life.”
    Hebrews 13:5-6 NKJV
    [5] “…For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ [6] So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

  92. I meet this man 7 years ago way back when I was still high school.I did everything to make her my boyfriend but we have this complicated turn in our relationships because I really felt that he doesn’t loved me and he just courted me because he knew that I like him since from the start. When I graduated in college our communication was backed and we continued our relationship because I loved him even I knew that for the past few years we didn’t meet he became a young father..but now I really decided to end our relationship even it hurts me. I know this is the better decision I would ever made for myself I hope he’ll just realize.

  93. My husband got angry with me yesterday bc he had gotten a friend request from a female (he gets lots of those), and I became friends with her even though I didn’t know her (but we had a few mutual friends). Anyway, that upset him. He said, “I don’t care about your social media, I don’t care who you friend request or not, and I don’t follow you!” Is that normal? Men really don’t care about who their significant other talks to? I really don’t know, he is my first and only boyfriend. I guess I’m stalking him, huh?

    1. Sounds like hubby is interested in a little more that’s why he doesn’t want you following. What’s the big deal if it’s nothing. He sounds sneaky, watch him. Being emotional over you friending a woman is clearly an indication that he wants privacy. He should not be friends with other women on Facebook that can’t friend you. Do you have lots of fun men friends. If not find some really cute model guys and ask them to friend you lots of them and see his emotions. Men tend to usually one sided until it’s done back to them. If you do this never tell your secret unless he clean his act up. He sounds like he lives like he still single. No you are not stalking him unless you want a threesome other women should know you’re watching your man or they will play and try and take him away. Y are they Facebooking your husband first of all. Are they his client s or coworkers????

      1. We a married for 5 years we v 2 sons but I feel this man doesn’t love me at first we would spend weeks without sex him denyg me…I got ajob and whenever he sees me with money he shows some love he doesn’t give me anytig he made my parents hate me thy no longer talk to me now he forces me sex everyday weza am interested or not tired or not for him he wants one day I told him I had stomachache he tried forcing me but I was dry …the man abused me and left we spent aweeek without talkg…what can I do ..I feel he doesn’t love me at all

  94. Oh wow, where do I begin. I have been married for almost 30 years now and I don’t know if I should finally leave my husband. Throughout the years I’ve caught my husband in little white lies but nothing that bothered me until I accidentally stumbled on an email he sent a young lady who wasn’t even 18 years old yet and he was 33 yrs old. In the email he was telling her that he was in high school and that they probably had mutual friends. He went on to tell her how beautiful her eyes were and how he would like to meet her. This email hurt me and surprised me because I would have never expected it! We weren’t having any problems, he showed me affection and I was showing my affections as well. Anyway, it hurt me because I didn’t even think our marriage was in trouble enough for him to go searching for someone else. That was in 2001 and I forgave and forgot. My trust in him was restored. Then in 2005 we got into an argument and he stormed out and went to a Gentlemen Club. I don’t know what he did there, but I forgave and forgot. Our relationship was pretty much tested in the following years because we lost our son to suicide the following year, he got out of the Army the year after that, and then the next following year my daughter left home (which was a huge lost for me as well). So then 10 months after my daughter left, my husband seeks out this 23 year old young lady (3 yrs younger than our daughter). I was oblivious to the relationship that was forming between my husband and this girl because he was taking me out everywhere. He was so nice to me, so I didn’t think anything was wrong …But boy was I wrong! Anyway, I found out about his affair accidentally when I called his job needing something and his boss said he was off that day. I even told his boss that he must have been mistaken because my husband was meeting with some inspectors. Well, I looked like the fool!!! My husband had been sending her love letter emails, buying her gifts and driving 60 miles to see her. Anyway, I was hurt again. This time this hurt was harder to repair, but I was doing my best to get over it until he lost my trust again the following year. This time he went on a website called IMVU and it was all virtual sex!!! He was on it for months and had gotten a bunch of ladies actual phone numbers and home addresses. He even bought a prepaid phone so I wouldn’t see any of their calls or texts to one another. I completely broke down! Again, he promised not to do this again and of course I forgave but this time I have a hard time forgetting. This brings me to today. I know it’s been 6 years since those incidence, but every now and then, I get terrified! I wish he would be more understanding when I tell him that I need some reassurance that we are ok …all he says is that was a long time ago and that he is trying. I know that he, but so I am I. Sometimes I wish he would just reassure me instead of getting mad and yelling. Maybe, it is me. Sometimes I don’t know why he just doesn’t leave. What do you think?

    1. oh my goodness why dont you leave him??????????????? he sounds like a complete tool and he’s making a fool of you. Sorry you sound so lovely, far too good for this loser!!!!. Leave him and find yourself someone else….or better yet…..DONT!!!! divorce and travel the world. Do you really want to spend the rest of years tangled up with somebody who doesn’t respect you and who you can’t trust. I think you have wasted enough years of your life on him….time to move on and explore new horizons!!!! he really doesn’t deserve your loyalty. Once a cheater always a cheater i’m afraid….they will ALWAYS have it in them and it will keep coming up in some way or another as the years tick along until he will one day finally drop you on your ass, and then where will you be? start preparing to leave him now. Start working on yourself please, you need to think more highly of yourself….how dare he treat you this way, you deserve better. And then from there hopefully you can gain the strength to face a world without him. Best of luck

  95. My case is complicated. Am 37 years old. I join him while he was studying in Malaysia. I have never been married in my life, I was arranged for him by both parents. We have 2 children and We have been together for 9 years and situation in our relationship have escalated since then. No flowers, no cards, no vacation,no jokes, no friends, no enery at home most especially when he have a bad day, hardly go out without the permission of the boss. My my life is boring, I feel worthless, he made me do all the house cores alone. He’s always outdoor but we lack communication. I have tried my best to let him know how I feel many times and in a day we hardly talk for 5 minute except when he needs sex at bedtime only. He doesn’t listen or respect my feelings at all and I have cried river but everytime he put blames on me that am a bad wife. Every day is a challenge. He have no affection or emotional connections for me. Now that am read this article made me feel, he have me for his personal convenience so that I can do laundry, clean the house, cook food and have sex at anytime he want. My gut tells me to leave but have no substantial finance. However I have been saving. May God help me because I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Very difficult!

  96. I have never been married. I am 58 years old. My parents divorced and 3 of my 5 married siblings divorced.
    I truly believe that the right man has not come along for me, otherwise I would be married. I think I know who I am and why I expect from a man in a relationship. Reading these stories makes me certain that I have made the right choice. It is immpossible to have a successful marriage without both parties appreciating one another to the fullest and each knowing and trusting that the other feels the same. That has this far eluded me. So I have not yet been married.
    That said, I gave my last relationship all I had because I wanted so much for it to work out. After 4 years it ended very badly. He was unkind and I kept racking my brains wondering whatI had done wrong. I wish I could have turned the page sooner. I spent 3 plus years grieving over this, getting nowhere.
    I see very clearly now this man does not care for me. He may have at one time but when he told me he never wanted to speak to me again (I never understood why) he meant it. And he never has. Why I wasted so many tears over that guy I will never know. Thank goodness I did not marry him. He would have been a terrible husband.

  97. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Rejection is the most painful experience a human being can face. Being rejected by someone you love is even worse, because it directly affects how we feel about ourselves. The key to healing after realizing that someone doesn’t love us anymore is changing our self-identity to reflect who we are now, who we are becoming, and who we want to be.

    If you see your husband or boyfriend in these signs he doesn’t love you, take heart! Know that his feelings for you aren’t a reflection of who you are.

    Know that you WILL be loved again, if you can let this man go.

  98. Yes people get bored in marriage. However, I can respect someone a lot more if they will come to me and say, “Hey, I want to see other people” – ugh perhaps you would like a divorce first????

  99. I was in a relationship with a guy for nearly a year. The red flags were there because he stole money from me on
    our first date. I forgave him because he was very apologetic and my Pastor told me everyone deserves a second chance. As time went on he began going to church with me, introduced me to his family, and professed his love for me. Despite all this, he constantly lied and used me for money and stole from me two more times. I bought him clothes, tvs, three cell phones, jewelry, gave him money and even bought him a car. All the while he cheated on me but I foolishly believed him when he told me he wasnt seeing other women. Nine months later and he is now living with his ex and their two children driving around in the car that I bought him. I am hurt, sad, depressed and yet he continues to try to convince me that he loves me. I want to move forward but am having a hard time doing so. After all the time, love, and effort I put into this relationship Im left feeling like a fool. I dont know how to move forward and let go of his betrayal and my hurt.

  100. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Jason, thank you for sharing your perspective of how your marriage ended! I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

    Sometimes we don’t know what we have until it’s gone…and then it’s too late. I hope you and your wife are able to save your marriage and rebuild your life together.

  101. As a husband who is losing his wife ( of 9 years) due to relationship neglect (mine), I painfully read these to see how my behavior may have been interpreted by my wife.

    The truth is, I have always loved my wife.. In fact, I love her more each year ( Think the song ‘then’ by Brad Paisley) . Our life isn’t perfect, and there are plenty of things to be sad/miserable about.. I didn’t realize the primary cause for her unhappiness was me. We would fight about “being ignored” or not being intimate enough, but it was just that. We have kids and bla bla bla, so our time together is limited. We would even joke that we are “working roommates”. *sometime* in the future we would finally reconnect and enjoy each other again (my hope/interpretation)

    It wasn’t until she came asking for a Divorce because her romantic feelings for me are gone did I realize what I had been doing wrong all of these years. It was different this time.. It wasn’t a fight, she wasn’t coming at me with Anger ( which puts me on defense) She was calmly, lovingly, and very matter of factly telling me that she no longer wants to be married. She gave me a handful of examples ~ including a Christmas Dinner she cooked and ate alone while I sat in the living room( she even took a picture from her plate, you can see my dumb head looking at a laptop through the kitchen).

    From that point on, my perspective changed.. I have been playing back the past several years since in my head, reeling in pain from each memory where she reached out, and I negligently, but unintentionally rejected her. In the blink of an eye, I went from “then” to “Red Light.”

    So here is my point, as I fight alone to save the relationship with the woman who is the center of my universe. I’m not even sure its relevant actually, but if she could see my heart, she would have never felt alone, or unloved one day in her life.

    I’m sure I have made her search for signs I don’t love her, and certainly did not make her feel cherished or ‘good enough’ <- that is probably my most egregious infraction. I've also certainly not listened and she perceived I do not respect her based on my behavior. Ive certainly never cheated, stole, or did anything to neglect her trust ~

    I don't have any good excuse why.. I compartmentalize everything in my life, then I attack the areas that "need work". She *understandably* perceives my lack of attention as apathy ~ grins and bears it, while being crushed inside, and cries when she is alone. My interpretation is everything is OK with marriage, moving on to things that need work. That obviously wasn't the case.

    If any of the above sounds like your man/situation, please sit him down (if you haven't already) and explain before its too late.

    I would give anything to go back in time and hold her when she needed it and it would actually matter.

    1. I’m currently in the same situation. I mean reading your story sounds like I’m my husband is writing this, except I haven’t given him divorce papers yet. I just wanted to know if she really never tried to tell you. I mean I talk, argue, fight, etc (basically have tried everything) to make him understand how unhappy I am. I just think most men take women for granted and think they are never going to lose them. Many just believe we are punching bags that have no other place to be. The sad thing is that women usually put up with way more than we should. We try and make our marriage work until our husbands literally beat the love out of us and then we get to a point of no return. Most women are black or white, there isn’t much Grey area. We usually can’t pretend we don’t care. It’s probably why most poker players are men. It’s just such a sad reality that we never realize what we have till we lose it. It’s really sad that your marriage could have probably been saved. By the way I have the same pictures of my husband on the computer or phone while I’m all alone.

      1. Hi Gianni,

        Yes, she did try and tell me, fight, etc – I’m 100% sure she tried every way she knew how to communicate with me. I would get angry/defensive because she was not accepting the way I love her and expecting her to…initiate? I guess for lack of a better word. Not even just sex, but affection etc if she is feeling down. Then when she did, I was always distracted with work or reading the internet or whatever.. I wasn’t happy, not with the marriage necessarily but in general. I could never figure out why I always felt alone + never got ‘recharged’ by spending time with my family. It was because when I was with my family, I was never there my brain was off doing other things.

        When she came at me, very matter of factly asking for divorce – she wasnt angry, she wasnt anything really. There were no emotions for me to ‘counter’, the gesture made me finally understand the gravity of the consequences of trying to put our relationship on ‘pause’. I was up most of the night thinking back in the past several years.. I could see how my actions in no way made sense to what was in my heart..

        I could also see I would talk to her the way I talk to myself (internal voice). I guess this is because she is so close to me, I didn’t even think about how I was communicating. For example, I would say things like “ambition really turns me on in a woman” when she was feeling bad about her appearance. My heart = she is the most beautiful and capable woman I know, what she heard = I must be talking about someone I work with ( She is a stay at home mom).

        I guess the blessing and curse in my case is that now that I understand the issue, it is so easy to fix.. In fact I am a much happier person doing it ( solved two problems). Curse is, as you mentioned Women are black or white, while our love is still intact ~ she has no interest in maintaining our marriage.

        In your case, maybe a talk with the seriousness but before the finality may help. I would move mountains if I could have a chance at our marriage again with this knowledge.

        Good luck

      2. This is so true. I saw that same picture in my head. I believe men marry, only for their wife to be like children. You really only have the rights of a child. Men teach their children how treat their spouses. He teaches the sons to take theirs wives for granted and theirs daughters to just live with it. It is a vicious cycle. Men marry for convenience not love.
        I asked my husband why did he marry me? He said, ” because I wanted a wife”. I thought to myself, is that all! There are other things I found out about him that I can no longer live with or have the strength to work on it or to fix it. Even the pain and hurt has really gone away. I just don’t feel anything now. I give myself one year to officially leave. I’ve been working toward my single life to be. I just need find myself again.

    2. In a loveless married

      Your story has hit home. I’m the wife who-grins and bears it- In the lasted year, we don’t go anyplace hardly unless he want’s to go. This is only when he on Vacation. If not I usually get a attitude. We have no hobbies, we don’t watch T.V together.
      We sit in too different rooms. Trust Me ! I gave it my all. I’m not saying he hasn’t did things here and there. But in the lasted years were nothing more them roommates. If we are in the same room, its no more then 15-30 mins. Just other night he had said to me, I just don’t know what to say anymore. It did hit home, I wasn’t mad. I just felt dead inside because I knew I tried. I can’t do anymore

  102. I was married for a little over 9 years, and all those years I never felt the love that I deserve from my ex-husband. The reason why I stayed that long because I was hopeful that it will work out. I was divorced by him last June 2015. He made me feel I’m the one who have problems, which leaves me doubts if I’m capable of loving someone. Him and his sister made me think that I am worthless. I am very stupid to think things will get better. Trying to prove myself I was a good wife. I hope no ladies will be like me.

  103. Ive been in a toxic relationship for going on five years. I’m only 21years old, I haven’t had any friends because he doesn’t “trust me”. He has friends. I’m only allowed to talk to my family on holidays because he thinks I’m plotting to leave him. We have two beautiful children together and one on the way. He never helps me, he always ignores me, he pushes me away, yet I know I’m way out of his league I’m afraid to leave because of our family.. He says he loves me, but actions are stronger than words

    1. @ miranda, after reading your comment, what popped out my mouth was “leave please”. he’s robbing you of your twenties. It happened to me too. now i’m 33 and trying to pick my life back. i have two kids for him and totally scared to have the third and 101% careful it doesn’t.
      I’m someone who loves life and i’ve decided i won’t give up my life for any man. it’s just not worth it. We all are in this world on different mission and for different purpose and have the right to our own lives. I need help especially financially to be able to cater for my kids and to get back on my feet and be that great woman. I know this help will come from God and he will send it fast.
      Best wishes.

  104. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Tiffany,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to cope when you know your boyfriend is cheating on you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and looking for signs he doesn’t love you. I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better.

    Giving advice isn’t my strength – I never feel comfortable telling people what to do. Plus, I believe you know better than anyone what your options are. That might be a good place to start, in fact. When you do make it through a day without falling apart, what sets it apart from the days that are bad?

    I can’t tell you what you should do, but I have recently written an article that might help:

    How to Survive a Loveless Marriage

    Another option is to reach out and talk to someone in person, so you can get the best possible help and support. Here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community
    Phone Number: 800-969-NMHA (6642)

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
    Phone Number: 800-826-3632

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.

    Please do come back anytime, and tell me how you’re doing.


  105. I’m living with my boyfriend of 22 years and we have a older son together and I know he’s cheated on me and still is. I’ve tried to catch him for a year now but he’s just too sneaky. I don’t plan on leaving him. How do I live day to day and not fall apart everyday.

  106. I’m curious why you think most men cheat? I used to think that, too, but I now believe I’m wrong.

    I agree that it’s difficult to be married to the same person for decades, but if we’re taught that marriage is a choice that needs to be re-made every day, we can do it. Especially if we pick the right person to marry in the first place.

    These signs he doesn’t love you aren’t reasons to cheat, or even indications a man will cheat.

  107. Most men cheat and as our society changes, most women will too. The reasons are more than what’s listed above. People get bored; they want someone new and exciting, or at least someone who has other interests than their spouse. Marriage is an antiquated institution and it’s not possible in most instances to want to be with the same person for 30, 40 or more years. It just isn’t sexy. Not at all.

    1. I think the spiritual and Christian element in all this is very important. I totally relate to this article. I am with a passive aggressive totally oblivious, racist man…. negative and ugly. He even uses racist expletives in public. I.m so tired of it. In a year I hope to be free. He cares not. It takes two and God I have tried. He.s been demeaning to my sister also and he never apologizes. Never.