How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

Saying – even just thinking, “My husband left me for another woman” – is heartbreaking, but help is here. These tips for coping when your husband leaves you for her will help you survive even when you’re completely shocked that he walked out.

“I can’t believe this happened to me, the pain is unbearable,” said Esmie on How to Get Over the Pain of Being Cheated On. “I spent nearly two decades of my life with my husband, just to watch him walk away. I didn’t know he was unhappy or that I’d be searching for tips on how to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman. Do men who leave their wives after all that time regret it? Do they feel guilty about what they have done? I know it doesn’t matter because when someone wants out, they want out. It’s just sad some people think marriages are so disposable. Before we got married my husband pursued me so hard and he wanted to rush to get married. So I said ‘yes’ and now…he files for divorce and that’s it. Wow. I pray for the day to come when I don’t wake up feeling this huge anchor on my chest, the day where he is a distant memory and I wonder what the heck I ever saw in him.”

I don’t know if men who leave their husbands regret it, or if the pain of betrayal ever really goes away. I don’t even know if time heals all wounds. But, I do believe that you CAN recover and rebuild your life. You might even find a way to be happier and more fulfilled than you ever were before.

You might even Blossom.

7 Ways to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

Here’s what one famous wife said when her husband walked out:

“I’m not sure what the future holds, but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Nicole Kidman. “As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”

It is what it is. These aren’t the most comforting words in the world, are they? But it’s the truth. And the sooner you can accept the truth, the quicker you will begin to heal. Part of accepting the truth might be learning Why He Had an Affair and How to Recover. Your husband’s leaving may be the worst betrayal in marriage and it may be the worst thing your husband could ever do to you…but it’s what happened. The sooner you can accept that it is what it is, the sooner you can move on and create a better, more meaningful, happier life.

Here are seven tips on how to cope when your husband walks out on your marriage. This isn’t legal or financial advice; it’s how to heal your heart and self-esteem.

1. Realize that his leaving isn’t a direct reflection on you

No matter how beautiful, successful, slim, or rich their wives are, some husbands will be unfaithful. Men cheat and leave their marriages for a wide variety of reasons – many of which have nothing to do with their wives. To learn more about cheating husbands, read Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair.

More importantly, remember that your husband left you for another woman because of his problems – which aren’t a reflection of you! It’s not that you’re not good enough, or she’s a better woman. To be able to say “my husband left me for another woman” and survive, keep reminding yourself that your husband left you because he has his own issues.

2. Learn how to forgive your husband for leaving

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” – Bernard Meltzer.

my husband left me for another woman

How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

This may be one of the most difficult thing to do after your husband leaves…and it’s the most necessary.

Don’t carry around the bitterness, misery, and pain of an angry woman. Don’t allow his choice to dictate how you live the rest of your life. Don’t let his mistakes drain the joy, love, and spirit out of your life!

Learn how to forgive. Actually, I should have put “grieve the end of your marriage” at the top of these ways to cope when your husband leaves for another woman. Right now, you’re grieving the loss of your dreams, the end of your marriage, and the pain of discovering that your husband won’t be spending the rest of his life with you. Allow yourself to grieve, and learn how to forgive.

3. Stop comparing yourself to the other woman

You have strengths and weaknesses that she doesn’t have, and she has strengths and weaknesses that you don’t have. It’s pointless and futile to compare yourself to her, to try to figure out why your husband left. It’s a waste of time and energy! Accept the fact that for some reason, your husband had to go. It’s not even about you; it’s about him.

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If it makes you feel better, make a list of your strengths and her weaknesses, and read them when you feel down on yourself. But I actually think it’s better not to compare yourself to the other woman at all. You need to focus on moving onwards and upwards after your husband leaves, not on what the other woman has that you don’t. This is your time to concentrate on healing and personal growth. It doesn’t matter who or what she is…what matters is that you have a life to rebuild, a self-image to recreate, and a new identity to focus on.

When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will give you hope and encouragement as you learn how to cope after your husband walks out. There are no easy answers – but you can reach out for companionship and the knowledge that you are not alone.

4. Spend time with women who survived when their husbands walked out

Who will walk alongside you, as you work through the pain and process your loss? If you don’t know who to talk to, consider asking your friends and family members if they know a woman whose husband left her. If she survived the end of her marriage in healthy ways – and if she’s stronger, happier, and healthier – spend time with her. Ask if you can buy her a coffee; learn how she overcame pain of his cheating on you and leaving. Soak up her courage, health, and wisdom.

One of the best ways to survive a traumatic event – and learning how to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman is definitely a type of trauma – is to connect with people who know what you’re going through. Gain strength and healing from women who have survived similar problems in life. Join a grief support group, or form your own little group of women who surviving such a major change in their lives.

5. Let go of your old hopes and dreams for your marriage

If you think your marriage isn’t over, read How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. But don’t fight reality. Don’t allow your wishes and pain to change how you see the truth. It’s better to face and accept the truth – to surrender to what is – instead of wishing your life could go back to the way things were.

And remember that you’re not just grieving the fact that your husband left you for another woman. You’re not simply mourning the loss of him as a man. You’re actually grieving the end of something that was so important to you. Your marriage may have been the focus of your life, and saying “my husband left me for another woman” may be the most painful words you ever utter. You lost something you believed in and thought would last forever. So, you’re grieving the end of the marriage you thought you had, that you hoped you had…you’ve been betrayed, and you aren’t as innocent and trusting as you were before.

This is a huge loss, and I am sorry you have to go through this. But to heal, you have to grieve not only the loss of a husband, but the loss of your marriage, the loss of the things you hoped for on your wedding day. You need to grieve the painful reality that your husband left you for her, and that you have to rebuild your life.

6. Get help coping with the end of your marriage

Counseling is about making sense of your life, and figuring out how to move on after betrayals, heartaches, and heartbreaks. Talking through your problems with an objective counselor, spiritual leader, or psychologist can help you let go. An objective professional can help you see your big life picture and your more detailed personality characteristics.

husband left me for herIn He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica Manfred Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.

If you feel lost and helpless because your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t spin your wheels alone. Invest in yourself emotionally and spiritually – a counselor or a support group for divorced women can help you make sense of what why your husband left. You need to focus on picking up the pieces of your life and starting a fresh new chapter of your life.

how to cope when your husband leaves you for another womanRunaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will help you start feeling better yourself, your life, and your future. It won’t be easy, but you WILL survive.

7. Start something new in your life

This is your chance to embark on a new chapter in your social, professional, personal, or spiritual life! Volunteer, take a solo or group vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, go back to school. Surviving a breakup can be about growing into the woman you were meant to be – and about exploring a different part of your life and personality. This may be the end of one stage of your life…but it can be the beginning of a whole new era! It’s up to you…

For more tips on coping when your husband leaves you for her, read How to Let Go of a Relationship.

If you need to talk about why your husband left you for another woman, please share below! Sometimes writing is the healthiest thing you can do. I can’t give advice, but I’m here to listen.


Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.

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518 thoughts on “How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

  • Lauren McCullough

    My husband separated from me suddenly without warning 4 months ago and started having a affair right away now he has moved her in and says he thinks he loves her… I am still in love with my husband and want to work on are marrige

  • Nadia

    I discovered in early December that my fiancé and partner of nearly 15 years has been having a relationship with a much younger woman (13 years) and plans to leave me for her. He has been telling her all the things he told me, in exactly the same terms, how perfect they are, how she completes him, how happy he will make her. He is narcissistic – I have realised over the years. He is all about power and appearance and how he is regarded. He wears the best suits, the best cufflinks, the best ties. He absolutely hates anyone to think badly of him. I became suspicious in September after hearing him on the phone. He got really angry and, with hindsight, he has been really angry with me for more than six months for no real reason. He has cheated before and he was angry then too. He is blaming me, saying it is all my fault because I never got over his previous affairs which were many years ago (those I know of). He says we should have split then, that it is all my fault, that he doesn’t love me anymore, that it is nothing to do with this woman but he just wants to be on his own and that he hasn’t been happy for eight years. This is such a shock. We just bought a new home and were so excited we danced around it. Their affair has been going on since we first moved in, it seems, and he has been planning to move her in and kick me out, all the while having be style and decorate it. I am utterly heartbroken. I can deal with the physical aspects but the emotional side is crippling me. He has told her he loves her, asked her to marry him, they are talking about having a child. He never wanted children with me. He has two grown up children and did not want anymore. He is now saying we never married as he had no intention of ever marrying me and “why did I think we had never gone through with it”. He says he wouldn’t have gone through with it. I feel I cannot function. He has been really nasty about our house saying he has paid more and he would rather see me in court and waste all the equity on legal fees than pay me my share. I have a lovely home, what I thought was a lovely fiancé who I adored and I thought we were happy – a bit boring maybe and stuck in a bit of a rut as we entered middle age but happy enough. I get on with his family, I have done so much for him and all the while he has been planning to kick me out and move in this young woman who is, herself, married and has not yet told her husband. Her husband doesn’t know. She just asked him to agree to a period of no contact so she can be sure of what she wants but he has bombarded her with loving messages telling her he will make her so happy, she is the one, they are perfect and that over the last 7 months they have, in fact, spent lots of time together, that they fell in love before anything physical happened and that it is real and perfect and he would wait for her till the end of time. I am at a loss as to what to do. I think he is having a mid-life crisis. I should have been different over his previous affairs. I should have either left or, in the end, got over them. I have, instead (and not realising) held them against him because he would not discuss them or really apologise or give me closure. And this has driven him away. I don’t know whether to email her to tell her he is a serial cheat and beg her to leave us alone, to warn her. If she tells him he will go mad and his rage is frightening me. If I don’t I suspect there is little chance she will choose her husband, given how infatuated she is with mine and given how much charm he is laying on. He is impossible to resist. I know I shouldn’t but I really want to give us a chance now we have actually gotten to the root of the issue and I can make some inroads into moving forwards. But he is acting like he hates my guts. He says he cannot bear when my name comes up on his phone as he knows I am going to go on at him. He has paid so little attention over the years, always putting his ambitions, work and himself first. It is devastating to feel that I do not know him at all and that he can have so little feeling for me after so long or, worse, to feel he actually hates me. He is so callous and cold I barely recognise him. I feel so isolated and lonely. I have spent so long waiting around for him to have a moment to spend with me that I see few other people. I have lost the opportunity to have children as he did not want them and he says he has been unhappy for years. Surely he should have told me if that was true, to give me chance to be happy with someone else. I am lost and alone and feel I will never cope without him, ever find happiness or meet someone else at this stage in my life. I am so desperate I just don’t know what to do.

    • Sasha

      Hey Nadia. These cheaters are in a realm of selfishness. You have done nothing wrong. Cheating is all about their own inadequatencies. Not yours! Please,as hard as it may seem, just concentrate on you. Let him go,and stop wondering about the why’s! I know it’s hard cause that’s exactly what I did. I made a conscious decision to cut him off immediately. No discussions, no begging, nothing! They talk about No contact on a lot of these sites. Done say 30 days others say 60….Well, I’ve been doing it for ten months,and it has been my saviour. I only communicate if it’s to do with our child. I learned to re love myself, get a job, pay the mortgage, bills, etc…’s very therapeutic.
      Nadia, your not alone….you really are strong….you put up with his BS over and over again. You deserve so much better. The egotistical narcissist gates being cut off. Because it’s always about them. Let me tell you, that dignity and self worth are valuable resources during these shitty times. Keep telling yourself you deserve better and get gawd his chance.
      My ex asked to speak to me just before Xmas,and told me he still loved me, missed me, our life, felt sad when he saw me, told me I was the best thing he ever had. I let him talk,and said nothing. Well nothing worth saying ….I told him to go home back to his OW. I felt liberated,and knew that although there was still some feelings there, there wasn’t enough for me to take him back…..hell im worth so much more. I may be 50, but my life deserves happiness…I will not be treated with such contempt…because he felt pissed that I never made him feel number one ( whatever!) karma has a funny way of turning up…..Nadia you deserve happiness, it may not arrive today, this month, this year….but that’s your time to work on you….hugs Hun

  • Donna Farmet

    After 20 years of marriage I was also cheated on. My husband was on dating sites while we were married and living our normal life together, sex and all. We had issues with our fiances at one time and he always complained about sex, either he wasnt getting enough or it wasnt satisfying enough. He says that it was always a chore for me. Keep in mind that we were having sex at least 3 times a week. He has always accused me of cheating, lying, etc.. We (I) was also raising 3 boys, worked a fulltime job, etc. Anyways we are now splitsville and he says it was all my fault. He says he chased me for 20 yrd and says something happened to him when he turned 50.. Any ideas on what is really going on here?

    • Rosa

      Hi Donna, I am so sorry to hear this. I tip on the famous mid life crisis. Same thing happened to me after 20 years of marriage. All I can say is that when a husband cheats on his wife he knows he is doing so wrong and in order to calm his guilt and bad conscioussness they blame their innocent spouse. I am going through the same as you. My husband blamed everything on me for his cheating. Please believe me. It is absolutely NOT your fault! I think that when a spouse commits adultery it is because they feel empty and have a great low self esteem and it shows how insecure and weak they are. I once heard that somehow they feel depressive and just cannt accept that they are growing old. When they don‘t have peace in their hearts this is what happens. Please don‘t ever put any blame on your self! It is them that have lost God in their heart. Pray and leave it in Gods hands. Never give up in praying!

      God bless you!!!!

  • Monika

    Hi Ladies,
    I’ve recently experienced my husband leaving me. We have a 5 year old daughter and 4 year old son. We were high school sweethearts and we’ve together for almost 18 years and married for 8 years. For the last few months he’s been so emotionally abusive towards me. I kept asking and asking what was wrong. Then he and the kids would start going on outings with his coworker and her kids. I didn’t think anything of it since she’s been to our house plenty of times. Then one day, I noticed the joy in his face when he said her name. I kept it in and finally one day I exploded and asked if he’s having an affair. He denied it. Well, on December 4th her husband went into her phone because also had his suspicions. He saw all the emails and texts. My husband finally told me that day. His plan was to tell me after Christmas so we could get through the holidays. He spent 2 weeks here and then I finally kicked him out. He was constantly on his phone. Not even paying attention to our children. I am so broken. I started seeing a therapist. I am ok one day and the next day I’m not. My focus is on the kids and my job (barely functioning). Ladies…this is so fresh- what kinds of things helped you cope. I am constantly thinking this woman is at his new apartment. Can’t grt it out of my mind.

    • Jord

      My husband left me a week before our anniversary. We had been together 8 years also… I’m 25 with our 5 year old.
      He is in the army and iv lived as a single girl and waited for him. In October he said he was leaving the army for me And his son and this where looking up.
      Beginning of Nov he met a 22 year old who is the female version of him apparently and began his 2nd life and affair.
      When he told me he was leaving me I begged him 2 admit it was for someone else. He swore on our son life there was no one else and lied and lied and lied. Eventually I had to hack into his snap chat… there she was there was the pictures.
      He had lied every time he said the army where making him work he was with her. He had even gone backward and forward on this Christmas leave to see her…. lying to everyone. He then told me boxing day he needed to be on his own so couldn’t see our son and was going back to camp… I believed him. Instead he went to a cabin in the woods in Cornwall…
      He hasn’t asked once how his son is. Hasn’t turned up when he should have to have him. He hiding with her. So I finally lost it with him and he now demanding when he sees our son. I have said he is 2 upset atm he need to make our son his priority and he can have him to his heart content. But atm he lied to much and put her over my son 2 much.
      8 years down the drain for a 22 year old has known 2 months.
      I am absolutely broken. And an absolute mess

  • Broken

    My alcoholic husband walked out on my children and I last night, yes on christmas day!! We have been together for 16 years, married only 4 years. We have two little girls that are 7 and 9.

    He originally walked out on December 8th to be with a 22 year old girl at his work, he was gone for almost two weeks. He came back on my birthday, December 21st, I think only because the guilt was hitting him hard and it was almost christmas. It was a really long hard few days while he was at home, he talked to the other girl constantly and of course that upset me. He couldn’t be here telling me that we are working on our marriage and still talk to her. He even left to take her to lunch on Christmas Eve. I tried to stay strong and encourage his interest in our marriage but obviously it wasn’t enough. I know a lot of the stories on here weren’t dealing with alcoholics so maybe my story is going to be different. As soon as we got back from having Christmas with his family last night be told me that he was sorry and that he couldn’t do it anymore. He was of course drunk, so he had to call the other woman to come pick him up. He didn’t take any of his stuff with him last night, which means he will be back for his stuff and his car. I am having a major problem standing up for myself, I want him to be here with us and don’t want to push him away, but he can not keep walking all over the girls and I. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 10 years, and recently started working part time at a preschool. Definitely do not make enough money to support myself and the girls. He hasn’t threatened taking money away from us or to stop paying the bills but i am still extremely scared for the future. How could he make a decision to walk away from everything we have built together the last 16 years? and for what? I know he doesn’t have responsibilities at her house, she probably doesn’t nag him about anything and he is obviously living in a fantasy world. I am so very broken and really just want this all to be over. Unfortunately i know it is going to take time, a very long time and that’s the last thing I have patience for right now.

  • Sad Jane

    I caught my Husband lying by chance on our first wedding anniversary and he tried to cover up with more lies. I tried hard to brainwash myself that everything he said was true that he did not have any affair, and continue living like with him for the next few weeks. I have also asked to check his phone, he did not allow saying that I would invade his privacy. He had been acting suspiciously. Few weeks of torment, I was unable to be myself. One day, I snoop his phone and caught him lying again. And that was the last chance I told myself. I suggested D and he agreed steadily, no sense of guilt or remorse. I was truly hurt, nine years of relationship ended and yet he could suggest me to go online dating. How did he become so heartless suddenly, am trying so hard everyday to move on but it’s so difficult. He was the one that I loved so deeply.

  • Trisha

    I’m reading all of your posts and it’s so heartbreaking.2 years ago my husband said he wanted to start seeing other people.We still live together.He’s been with several girls.One in particular is just like me in many ways and we look alike.Really strange.I still love my husband .He is bipolar and seems like he is never happy.I’ve tried to keep everything together.This last week I thought about ending my life and on top of that I have started to process what has really happened with everything.Divorce is too expensive and I can’t afford an attorney so I’m screwed.He has way more money than me.We have been married over 12 years.The pain hurts really really bad.Thank God we don’t have children.Just dogs.My life really feels like it’s over and I am only 39.I’m wondering if I can pull through Christmas coming up.

    • Emma

      Hello Trisha,
      I also read this post today and I just saw your comment. I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I know what it feels like to be so depressed that you want to kill yourself and I want to tell you please don’t do it. I know it’s what people always say and I am a stranger too you. But I know that there is always a glimpse of hope and I you can find a way out of this situation, even if you can’t see it right now. Are there any friends and family that you can stay with or get help from ? Perhaps you can find a way to make more money ? I’m sorry I live in the UK and things are different plus I’ve never been divorced but look into your options please try. Your life isn t over there always a way to move forward. Your husband also sounds like he may be classified as emotionally abusive so perhaps that could also be something that could be used to help you out of this situation in terms of receiving help from a organisation or something ? Maybe you could get a loan ? Sorry if none of my suggestions are helpful. I’m pretty young and I don’t have any experiance with divorce or marriage but I just had to say something because I felt horrible about the thought of you killing yourself. The world would be a darker place without you. You are meant to be in this world don’t let him take that away from you. Im sending love your way. I will be praying for you. I hope you can keep going and remain hopeful until you find a way out of this x. See if this article is helpful =

  • Sasha

    Hi ladies it’s been afew months since I last commented. Working through anger, trying to get on with my life,and working hard to create a secure,supportive and nurturing home for my child to come home to, in all the chaos. As some of you know I went NC almost immediately and only communicate if it concerns our child. My ex rubbed our noses in his perfect new ,all singing and dancing relationship,and we simply have been muddling through. So it’s been 10 months and I’m doing pretty good most of the time. This weekend saw a massive shift. I texted my ex asking if he would like to open Xmas presents with our child Xmas day in the morning,and I would be happy to walk the dog,and let them have time. A couple of hours later ,he dropped our daughter off and wanted to speak to me. Firstly asking how I thought our child was doing,then telling me he’d never stop loving me,he thinks about me all the time,has felt sad,was desperate when I didn’t wish him well on his birthday,and wants to be sat back on our sofa. I told him it was unfortunate he felt that way,especially as he is living with OW,and it showed he had no respect for her either. ( not that she deserves any,but I will stay true to my self belief and at the end of the day she’s a human too). I guess I surprised myself. He kept hugging me ,trying to hold my hand,saying he hated the man I was with. ( erm, what man is that then.) I do love him, although I don’t think enough to want to go back. I’m grateful he was honest, however what he put us through,was sheer hell, and yes I take part of the blame for the way things ended. Perhaps I need to try harder,as I’d all but given up a couple of years prior…but I will not gloss over the bespicable way he treated us after we split. All because he was angry I’d checked out,and never fought for him. I know he would be back in a heart beat…..but I’m not sure it’s right,or would be any better. For now I’d like to think we can communicate and show a United front for our child.

  • Maria

    My 61 year old husband of 32 years recently married the 25 year old girl he started dating when we were still married. She is now 6 months pregnant. I can’t seem to accept this and forgiveness is so far from my mind at the moment. I really hope Karma keeps count of all a person’s wrongdoings. I have so much bitterness in me and I feel so lonely being on my own after being married for so long.
    Please help me

  • eve

    Hello, my husband just left me for another woman. We have 2 kids a 2 and 3 year old together. He comes to tell me now that we are on a family get away 100,000 miles away from home. I don’t know what to do with my self knowing my kids will not have a mommy and daddy home.. that another woman will be around my kids it’s seriously killing me right now… i love this man so much and specially love my family and to know we won’t have that anymore is completely breaking me.

    • Sasha

      Eve,do nothing. Even though your world is falling apart…do nothing. Let him go, say nothing and concentrate on your children. At the moment he’s in the throws of the affair…she will be on a pedestal,and he will rationalise his decision by thinking she’s the one. She isn’t! Leave him to work it out. As for your kids, I suggest you ask him to let the kids get use to him going before he introduces anyone to them. Most child experts say a year to get use to mum and dad splitting. If he loves his kids he will agree. I split with my partner ten months ago, only discussed our child and worked hard at getting on with things. It took him this long to decide he still loved me,wanted me,missed me…….only one problem now…..I’m not sure I want to go back with him. I never responded or gave him any idea of my thought, just listened to what he had to say. I know eventually he will be desperate,so I will let him stew in this thoughts….it’s hard,and you need to fill your time,but you have to make him miss you, reinvent yourself, when you see him,make sure you look your best….you can do it! Remember he has history with you,something he doesn’t have with her.

  • Katie

    My husband and I have been together 23 years, married for 21. We have 2 daughters, ages 16 and 14. I was completely blindsided 2 months ago when he said he was “bored” and wanted out. I thought we had a very good marriage, shared interests, shared social life and independent social life and hobbies too. I recently found out that he’s been having an affair with our younger daughter’s elementary school teacher. She has left her husband of 10 years to be with mine. She lives in our neighborhood and her children and my children have mutual friends. It’s like my husband has morphed into a completely different person and I don’t understand how he can be so selfish when he was previously so loving. I love the person that he used to be but despise the new version of him. It’s so difficult dealing with all of the various emotions and I’m feeling and dealing with his constant demands to go to mediation and split accounts, property, figure out what to do with the house, custody schedule, etc. I know divorce is common but had no idea how extremely difficult everything would be.

  • Brittany

    Hello, the last time I commented was around october when I left my story. After almost 9 years together and almost 8 years of marriage my husband and father of my soon to be 3 children that I thought was my soulmate left me for a 21 year old. This happening as I’m carrying our third child and home taking care of our other two babies while he is away in Ohio (we live in Arkansas) was painful betraying and heartbreaking to say the least. Well to this day he is still with her. I found out that he took her to north Carolina with him to his next job. This hurt as well considering when he first left her wouldn’t let the kids and I come with him but he is taking her on the road with him. And when we welcome our son in a few weeks he will be bringing her with him. He tells me that she will be apart of our kids lives weather I like it or not, something that I refuse to allow to happen but know that I have no choice. I Wanted to think it was the drugs and drinking (he was hooked on meth before leaving and I found it while we were visiting him) I wanted to believe it was these things that did all of this but it was him not loving all..that did it. It hurts that he cares so much for her in their short time together and that I mean nothing at all to him. My heartbreak means nothing. I have tried so dang bad to move past it all but how is that even possible. Im struggling in more ways than one. I lost my apartment because he wouldn’t send me money, I’m going to raise 3 kids as a single mom making minimum wage (its $8.50 in At) I lost my husband, my kids lost their dad (he would rather stay on the road working then come home and uses the “I don’t know when its a good time to call” as his reasoning for never callimg them, and im going to have to deal with this woman being in my kids life. Im going through so much all the whilr he’s living happy and getting the life he always Wanted

  • Tina

    My husband and I have been together for almost 18 years and we have three sons. He asked for divorce back in March but never left the house. I kept trying to work on the marriage during this time and he kept telling me that he didn’t want to be married anymore, he didn’t want to be in a relationship, he just wanted to be by himself and wanted peace in his life because all we did was argue. He assured me over and over, promised me over and over that it wasn’t because of another woman. Well, I just recently found out that he had been talking and texting a woman for at least year-and-a-half, maybe even longer. When I found out I kicked him out of the house change the locks. He has been gone for 5 weeks now and I found out that he has been spending time with her, taking her out and sleeping over at her house. He says he doesn’t love her but he doesn’t say that he loves me either. I am devastated and heartbroken and so are my sons. He has shown No Remorse for what he has done and continue to see her. Oh and did I mention that the woman that he’s seen is the wife and now ex-wife of one of his best friends of almost 35 years. My two older son’s don’t want anything to do with him and he blames me for it. He blames me for the entire breakup of our family, he blames me for his cheating, he blames me for kicking him out the house and changing the locks, he blames me for everything! I want to hate him so bad but for some reason I love him and I want him back. I feel so stupid, I never thought I would be the woman that would accept a man to cheat on me until it happened. How do I cope and move on with my? How do I find peace and happiness, not just for myself but especially for my son?

    • Lala

      Men. I wanted mine back also, until a week ago when his new girlfriend contacted me to let me know how much he loves her and wants to be with her. I also found out he told her we separated 5 years ago, when it only happened 6 months ago. Also, he’s been seeing this woman for a while. Long before we ever split. My husband blames me for everything also. I don’t know why he just can’t “own it’. Own his part. Own what he’s done. Own the fact that he’s the reason this all happened. I don’t know why he won’t own it, but I’m not at all surprised either.

      I married this man twice. We separated 27 years ago. We remarried 26 years ago. Our first marriage lasted 10 years. The second, 25. I’m 59 years old. And now by biggest fear is that I’ll never love again.

      Here’s the thing, about going back. I did go back the first time around, but……there hadn’t been any cheating. No lies. No disrespect. We just had issues we couldn’t seem to resolve. I wouldn’t go back now, even though my heart feels as though it’s been ripped out of my chest, I cry all the time (and I have never ever been a crier), and I feel like my life is over. I miss him so much I can’t see. Well, let me rephrase: I miss the man I thought I knew. I miss a guy who no longer exist. I miss a guy that was always honest. I miss a guy that was caring. I miss a guy that would have done anything for me. I miss a guy who loved me and took care of me. This guy, the one I left 6 months ago, is not the guy I married, either time. This guy lies. This guy is sleeping with someone else.. This guy cares about someone else now. This guy is not a guy I want to be with.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter how much it hurts (and I know at times it’s so painful I question whether or not I even want to go on living) I wouldn’t want a man back that didn’t want me. I know, no matter what I’m feeling right now, no matter how horrible, that this pain will pass. It won’t pass as quick as I wan’t it to. I won’t ever even go away completely, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I stopped mattering to. Alone will be better. And at least alone I will, some day, want and have the opportunity to be with someone who I do matter to.

      • Tina

        Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time. My heart aches for you and I understand the pain.

        I’ve told my husband that his relationship with her will never last or have trust because it was built on lies, distrust and the problems & issues we had in our marriage and the problems & issues they had in their marriage. They both have insecurity issues and can’t tell the truth about anything. People are always telling me what comes around goes around and they will both get what’s coming to them. I wish it will happen sooner than later!

        I truly hope someday you can find happiness and love. I’ll be praying for you…..

  • Jackie

    My husband of 20 years left me. Moved to another country and now I’ve learned that he has another just after 2 weeks. He accidentally charged the his new life to my credit card and that is how I learned about it. We have no children because of other issues. Now it’s too late to start over for me. I really don’t know where to pick up myself. He says he wants to help me but it hurts so much. He says he loves her and that’s there is nothing I can do about it. It feels so unfair.

  • Hillary

    I have a heartbreaking story to tell. 15 yrs ago my husband cheated on my and impregnated this women. After months of back and forth I decided to work it out. She put him thru hell with his daughter those first years and I stood by his side. Fast forward 15 yrs. My life was good, just that morning we were talking of the future. That evening I was hit with the I dont love you, I feel nothing for you, I am no longer attracted to you. I grabbed his phone and read thru his messages and found he rekindled his relationship with her. He says that she has nothing to do with this, he has had these feelings for a long time and just started talking to her about 6 months ago. I asked him if there was any chance we can make this work and he looked at me with the most look of disgust on his face and said I can never touch you again. The heartache is unbearable. He is still living here in the house he said he is leaving after Christmas. I stopped working many years ago due to health problems and now the anxiety of trying to figure out how I am going to keep a roof over my kids heads is making me sick. i am not sure I will ever be the same after this. I put my whole heart and soul into this man and he has shattered me. He openly text and talks to her on the phone to, coming home from work he was on the phone with her. I feel foolish and my self esteem is gone.

  • Quanita Robert

    I have been married to my husband for 7 years. And he has pushed me out of our relationship to be with a younger women. We are both 29. I do have infertility problems I believe he left for that reason. We broke up a month again and now this woman comes around his family. When I tell you I am so hurt. I cry every single night. I didn’t know I had problems conceiving. I lost my best friend and my husband, he was everything to me. He just threw me away like a piece of trash. I don’t know how to stop crying, I don’t know what to do. I never thought this would happen to me. I’m so lonely and heartbroken. I miss him so much that it’s killing me inside. Sometimes I just feel like giving up on myself. What man is gonna want me with my infertility problems.

    • Cynthia

      Hi Quanita. I know this is hard to hear, but there are many men out there who do not desire to have children. I know, because my son is one of them. He looked for a woman who was professional and did not want children. He is very happy now with his wife. They travel and do so many things.
      My situation is devastating also. But I have been married 42 years, and who is going to want an old woman of 65 years old? I am so heartbroken. I am at a loss of what to do. I can’t stop crying. C.

    • Lynda

      The man who takes you As u are is a real man that deserves everything u offer. Your fertility is not the problem it’s your husband who has issues. My husband abandoned me and our 3 kids after 20 years together and watching your babies grieve their dad when they are innocent is devastating.i am 10 months post separation and still crying and shocked as to what happend and why. Just breath, look at all the stages of grief and don’t rush your recovery you get there when you get there. The heaviness in your heart will pass eventually. Stay strong you are and always will be the better person.

        • Lynda

          I think the pain and memory of it lingers and will for what feels like forever, but with time u get better at dealing with it. Until u find a new love it will never leave U. I hope u cry less each day, run a little further and fantasise how karma is going screw him over… that’s what makes me smile and friends who get angry for me.

    • Hanna

      I was 29 when my husband left me for another woman… I was 12 weeks pregnant with our second planned child he moved straight in with her then made me sell the family house so he could buy a bigger one with her. I understand your pain, the pain of betrayal and embarrassment and missing your best friend. But it gets easier and it wasn’t meant to be, start a fresh, be alone for a while and grieve the loss xoxo

        • Miya

          Everything in life happens for a reason and your ex husband did you a major favor by leaving you right now and not 10 years down the line. You are still young and as you said it is best that you enjoy YOUR OWN company which will lead you to become more independent. Years down the line you will mentally thank your ex for pushing you to be the person you are in the future. Life is full of obstacles but it really shapes you as a person. Best wishes!

  • Cynthia

    I am utterly devastated. Today my husband of 42 years told me he wants to leave our marrige and move in with another woman. This woman followed him in his band, and seduced him,
    . After only 2 months she wants my husband to live with her. She will take care of him she says. This is all after her husband left her a year ago. Supposedly she was depressed and now she is doing this to another woman. ME . She is a family wrecker. I cannot sleep and my chest aches. He is willing to throw away all we have been thru for a 2 month fling. How can that be? I do not understand. I want desperately to talk to someone but I have no one. I would never talk to family or out 2 grown children. I am embarrassed. I hurt so badly I want to end my life. What do I do?

    • Heather

      Oh my, this sounds like my story. My husband is living with her after only being with her 2 weeks, if that. I try to eat and it goes straight through me. I try to sleep and as soon as I close my eyes I picture what he’s doing with her, what he’s telling her, if he’s showing her things he showed me, letting her listen to music we listened to. I can’t do anything without thinking of him. I miss him, I miss us and I want him back so bad, even though I know I deserve better… I want him, my husband! I hate her for knowing that he’s married and it didn’t bother her. She’s 54 years old and he’s 30! I’m just so sick about all of this!

      • Cynthia

        Thank you all for replying and giving advice. I am totally amazed how many women are out there in my situation. Unfortuneately, it makes one feel not alone, but it doesn’t help the heavy heartache.I am still devastated and decided to go to the dr. yesterday when I had trouble breathing. My chest hurt so bad, and I hadn’t slept in 2 days. My ekg showed stress, my blood pressure was way up. I feel nauseous, the pain in my chest is so hurting. My head aches. I am not crying as much and I don’t know if that is good or bad. I just feel this heavy sadness that just won’t go away. I am thinking I am all cried out. My dr. ( a woman) thank God, was so incredibly understanding and caring. She gave me a list of therapists, but no one is interested or available. And what can she or anybody do but feel sorry for you?
        The HARDEST thing is I have is no one to talk to… a body sitting next to me to relate to. I try to get my husband to talk about it and he says adamantly he doesn’t want to talk about it. He/we decided to wait and “see what happens “ and reaccess in January. I don’t want to ruin our family’s holidays. How do I live? What to say? It is like things are normal, but there not. We are like just existing. I am walking on eggshells. He acts normal, but there is an absence of him….I don’t know how to say it. i have to cook Thanksgiving and part of our family is coming, and I don’t know how I will keep it together. I keep,asking myself, what is the right and what is the wrong thing to do? I want my husband to change his mind and stay, I love him so much, but this woman will continue to follow my husband’s band and “be there” unless he ends it. She is Satan tempting him the way I see it. I asked my husband how do I know if this will,happen again and he said you don’t . How am I supposed to,live with that? I said I would go to his band jobs, and he said no, he didn’t want to worry about a shit fight between me and her as he will be working. What does he expect me to do? At what point can I trust someone in the family and talk to someone about it. I thought about my brother in law. We are “ outlaws “ together and often groan and moan about family stuff, but I am afraid he will accidentally tell my husband’s sister. I am a talker and much need someone to listen and understand. I guess this is the best way for now. I have heard from so many caring people. But no one seems to know what to do or have an answer. Cause we are all devastated and don”t know what to do. My heart goes out to all of you in my situation. Cynthia

        • Dani

          Cynthia my heart aches for you. I think (as painful as it is) it is best if you move on from him. Let the family members know because if he is willing to leave you for her, they are bound to know one day anyways. Grief, cry, and feel the pain because once you endure all that emotions you will feel lighter in the future. Treat it as a death of your husband. If he was so easily persuaded by a women who he has known for a short time and is willing to throw away almost half a century of marriage then who is to say he won’t do that again in the future? Get on your two feet and move far away. Seek therapists that are willing to hear about your pain. Love is a beautiful thing but it can be so painful. Give yourself time to heal. Invest on your hobbies and YOURSELF. Surround yourself with your family and children. Life is short and you need to make the most of it. 2018 is approaching and you should mark that year as your new beginning. Make 2018 the year of Cynthia. Lots of love and please keep us updated.

      • Pained by divorce

        My husband of 17 years told me a month ago he wanted a divorce. The pain I feel is horrific. I cry every single day. He met a girl online in July. Once I found out, he stopped until mid October when he text her and started things up. A week later he asked for a divorce. I don’t know how anyone gets through this. We have 2 amazing children and they are devastated. All the paperwork is filed and we will be divorced in a few months. My world has been turned upside down.

    • Rosa

      Cynthia I am so sorry!!!!! Please don‘t doubt yourself! It‘s not you. Please keep in prayer. Believe me God is hurting for you. He feels your pain and despair. Please pray. God hears you and He will protect you. Your husband has been taken by sin and fell for temptation. Never forget, it is not you. Why are you embarressed? You have done no wrong!!! I feel your pain. I am going through this too and feelings of guilt and shame are wrong! You are faithful, have two wonderful children and you are a lovely mother!!! Please keep strong! Please don‘t give up. You are so prescious to God. Give your pain over to him. God is with you!! My prayers are for you. Gid bless and protect you!!!!

      • Julie

        I know your pain only too well and I am still living it every day. I am also undergoing cancer treatment at the same time. It is not you it is him. You have done nothing wrong. One breath, one second, one minute at a time. Whatever it takes. Some times I feel so angry and others so weak. Know this has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is his weakness not yours. It is hard I know but you are worth 20 of him.

        • Cynthia

          Hi Julie. Thank you for responding. I feel so sorry for you ! I can’t imagine being sick while going thru this devastation. I will pray for you. I went to the dr. yesterday. She called to check on me today. I just don’t want to live anymore. I am praying, but God is not answering me. I know I did nothing wrong. I keep telling myself that and that I am a good person. I feel so alone. C.

  • Heather

    My husband and I are from Louisiana, and in May we moved to Mississippi. September 30th was my husband and I one year wedding anniversary. October 25th I caught him talking dirty to his manager at work over the phone. When I questioned him about it, he blew up and yelled he wanted a divorce, out of the blue. He was adamant about me leaving. So on November 3rd, I came back to Louisiana alone. It is November 19th today and I’m just so lost. He calls me maybe once or twice a week from HER number but denies that he is with her! I don’t know if he thinks I’m stupid or what, but it’s obvious he left me for her. Keep in mind, he is 30 and she is 54. I know I deserve better, but I want him back. He tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants a divorce, but deep down I don’t believe that’s what he really wants. He said the reason he wanted out was because I complained too much. His parents said he is just looking for an excuse. He doesn’t take responsibility for anything, everything is my fault. Again, I know I deserve better, but I want him back so bad. I’m so lost without him and my heart really hearts because of this. I’m just waiting for him to call and say he’s sorry and wants to work on things. I don’t know what to do anymore. We both changed each other’s lives. I had depression and social anxiety. Being with him helped me with all of that and I was able to get off my medication. When I met him, he was an alcoholic who his family didn’t want him around because he was always in and out of jail. When we got together, I changed his life because his drinking slowed down tremendously and he didn’t go back to jail in 3 years. His family was wanting him around, and he would do things with his family. They thanked me daily for saving his life! I just want our marriage back before she got into the picture.

  • Cyndi

    My husband left me for his co-worker after 10 years of marriage. I was completely blindsided and devastated. We tried to work it out for 3 months after I found out but he eventually chose her. I think he only tried for those 3 months because he was waiting for her to make her move because she too was married with 3 kids. We have an 8 year old son who is so hurt and angry now. He has major separation anxiety issues. It’s been 19 months that we have been separated and 11 months divorced but I still love him. But I also hate him. I question all the time what I did wrong, what does she have that I don’t? I don’t know how they both could have been so willing to hurt so many people and be selfish. My husband NEVER gave me a clue that anything was wrong, ever. As far as I was concerned we were fine, happy. It wasn’t a perfect marriage, of course, but it certainly wasn’t bad enough to warrant an affair or divorce. I think it’s my weight. I gained 70 lbs being with my husband in those 10 years and I think he just got grossed out by me. His mistress/now girlfriend is thin. How do I move forward and stop being so damn angry and bitter? Will he ever get his karma? They say that men always come back, well mine hasn’t and he probably never will. I’m just so disillusioned by love and trust.

    • Lynda

      Living it and trying to make sense of it. Exercise is the best revenge and it’s the best treatment for depression. So the 70 pounds u put on with him in your life should be the first you loose without him in your life. Just walk and then run, set mini goals and do it with your son. Share the adventure, join a running club, just try to get outside cause being home just allows you time to think about what u lost. I too am waiting for the karma bus to arrive but it must have broken down cause he not only stole my happiness but gave away my ever after as well. Thanks to FB they get to spread their love for all to see. Stay strong and can’t wait to hear when karma slaps him n the face

  • Jo

    My husband of 7 years (together for 20) started going to a gym class a while back and got really in to it. He talked a lot about the woman in the class and even occasionally they’d all go for a drink after their workout. Foolishly I trusted him only to be told recently that a girl 18 years his junior (he’s in his 40’s) had asked him on a date and instantly he was gone. He tells me that they haven’t actually been on a date yet but are emailing and texting each other but he thinks she could be the one.
    I’m devastated that me, our family, our future and future plans were so easily discarded. I’m questioning why I wasn’t enough, what a 25 year old would want in someone his age and fearful of mine and my families future. I’m disgusted in him and feel so angry at his selfishness and how shallow he has become. I know I’ll get through this but it’s so hard right now.

  • DEE

    My husband cheated on me 13 years ago, I forgave him and stood by his side. He had a baby with this women. Just the other day he informed me that he no longer loves me and doesn’t find me attractive. I found his phone and it confirmed for me he started another affair with this same women. He just earlier that day was talking about the future and bam I hate you. I am absolutely broken, the heart ache is more than I can bare. I have no job, no savings, I have nothing. How do I move on from here.

    • Jo

      Hi Dee – I feel your pain and betrayal. I’m in a similar situation myself and don’t know the answer to get through this – which I guess is why we’ve ended up on this website – looking for answers. Everyone says to be kind to yourself and that’s true, but I’m not even sure how to do that. I think what I have learned so far though is that it’s ok to be numb for a while. Not everything must be sorted right away and to just keep breathing in and out one day at a time. God bless.

  • Elize

    But how do you just stop loving the man that means the world to you.
    How do you let go off someone you cant live without?
    Even if he wants to try again I am so hurt. I cant trust and that is why I dont stop fighting.

  • James

    Hello I’m looking for advice on wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I filed for divorce and the initial hearing is in about a week. I’m a male 40 years old and my wife is 41. We have a daughter together and she will be 5 in December.
    We have been married for 11 years and it has not been a Rosy marriage. There have been issues of infidelity, absence from each other for extended periods, no willingness to forgive and move on even years after things occurred. Overall it has been a tumultuous relationship filled with turmoil and a lack of stability. She has never wanted to be a part of my family and her family I hardly even know is there in another country. Essentially it has been just me and her and our daughter.
    Throughout our marriage I have always worked a job that required longer hours and also through the marriage I have never forced her to work and she has willingly worked for about 2 years out of our total time together.
    About a year-and-a-half ago my wife went to Mexico to begin the process of repairing her mother’s house. Understandably this is going to be several months and in fact she did come back after 3 months of being away. She was here in the United States for about 2 months months then left to go back for an additional amount of 6 months which was not necessarily planned. After this time she came back and was here for about another 2 months and then she left again to still take care of unfinished business that was back there. This whole time I was taking care of my daughter and working hard to make a living to provide for her and for us. The last time that she left I’d had enough and filed for divorce. I wouldn’t say that just her being absent was the contributing cause but more so the feelings of abandonment loneliness and the lack of support and making our family a priority.
    In the end I’m not so convinced that divorce is the answer it every minute that I spend thinking about it I don’t ever see myself being happy with her.
    I feel like I’ve been used for the financial support through the marriage and that in the end that’s what has become the main focal point. During this last trip for her to Mexico I had met someone and had an affair that lasted about a month.
    Upon her return I broke all ties with this person and ever since she has been back she’s pleaded with me on a daily basis that she loves me and that she doesn’t want to get a divorce. I still feel compelled to divorce her as even though the Affair was short-lived it opened my eyes to how another life could be.
    I think that my biggest beef is that now that she is back her whole world is about our daughter whereas for the time that she was back in Mexico it was her choice to be there and to be away I’m not just her daughter but her husband as well.
    Perhaps this is wrong and I would be open to any viewpoints.

    • Rosa

      Hi James,

      I know how it feels when you are let down from your own spouse. All I can say is love is a choice and a comittment. You may now think that the grass is greener on the other side but it isn‘t. In every relationship there will be trials to take.You have a marriage and a family to save. Show your strength and honor your self by fighting for your family. Please try to work this out with your wife. Fight for what you believed in! Divorce is not the answer. Hapiness lies within you! Do not try to complete yourself by trying to find someone else. Please give your self and your family at least one last chance! Owe it to your wife, your beautiful daughter, your self and most of all to God who has blessed you with a family! Please find God and someone that can help you. Divorce and destroying a family is not the answer to be happy, believe me. Find your happiness in your self and fight for what you have chosen in the beggining… your wife and daughter!

      May God give you wisdom and help you in this very difficult moment. God bless you and your family…. and PLEASE don‘t give up!!!!

  • Brittany

    Hello all,
    My husband left for work in Ohio while our two kids and I remained in Arkansas. Things were good between us and then he stops all communication. Then a few weeks ago in, a text message no doubt, that things arent what we wanted them to be and that our relationship has grown toxic and unhealthy (only because of his drug problems before he left and the fact he stopped talking to me) and that we should be civil for our children and then two days later informs me that he has found someone that makes him happier, healthier and an all around better man. Really!! How can a 21 year old (he’s turning 29 december) that you barely know make you happier than the woman you share children with, that you have Shared so much with for almost 9 years together. Let me add that I’m 7 months pregnant with our third child so it made everything so much harder. Needless to say I have been trying to get him to come home before with me and the kids and be a family because we haven’t been together as a family since he left in may. And of course he ignores every text I send about us making it work and giving our marriage another chance instead of running away. Its all very hard to handle because we were always very happy and in love and then he started a drug problem around august of last year that I never even noticed. Apparently the drugs aren’t an issue anymore because he passed multiple drugs tests so he’s just a willing jerk that leaves his pregnant wife for a much younger woman with no responsibilities. And what made it worse is he’s going to be taking her on the road with him for work when he refused to take the kids and I with him on the road. Im the foolish woman that wants to have hope that since we shared so much and that since this woman holds no value as the mother of his children or heck for anything except for the fact she has a slim body and can go to the bar with him and won’t complain about his drinking, I want to have hope that he will miss me and change his mind. But considering he is wanting a divorce badly and not talking to me what so ever, I know I need to just move on and let go of this man that I love so much. I just don’t know how to because I want more than anything to keep my family together.

    • Rosa

      Brittany I am so sorry. Please keep in mind that it has nothing to do with you. The problem is in himself. A spouse that cheats shows a great weakness in him self and it is absolutely not you! Please keep strong, you have your beautiful children and soon you will be blessed with another child. Never forget that God is with you and He is protecting you. Keep strong in your prayers. Believe me God hears all your prayers and He will be with you ALWAYS. I feel your pain! My husband left me after 20 years of marriage for a girl half my age!!!
      You will make it because you are very precious and a wonderful mother.

      God bless you. My prayers are with you!

  • Barb

    My husband, one week after our 25th wedding anniversary, met me at the door while I was returning from a bridal shower of a friend’s daughter. He said I am divorcing you. I thought he was joking, as he had said the day before how much he loved me, and given me a video of our life together, 25 diamond bracelet, and even painted his toe nails ILUVMYWIFE. He said he hadn’t loved me in years, and was moving out. He left me for his mistress I had no idea about, but met her through one of my best friends. Apparently, he had been bad mouthing me to family, friends, and his over 100 employees for years. I am an educated woman with two professional degrees, and nobody said anything to me. Apparently I was an abusive alcoholic. He came back after a year, stayed for two months, left for his mistress (her third husband divorced her for her adultery) then begged for a second chance. I found out he continued seeing her for another eight months, until the day before she married her fourth husband.

    Husband blames me. My children, away at college during this time, said Dad had to leave because I was a liar.

    He says his cheating was 100 percent my fault. I have been periodically stalked by this woman. He also admitted to previous non-sexual dating with a few other women.

    How can I ever get my Trust back? Oh, yeah, the mistress followed us on vacation, and left a solid underpants in my beach bag.

  • Kate

    Last Wednesday after 7 years my husband told me that he can’t lie snymore and wants to leave me for another woman. We just moved out from our flat to save money and get a better one. I stayed with my sister he stayed with his mum. He ignored my calls and messages. However i suppouse to meet him today to finalise the financial side. I don’t feel strong enough to face this man. He was so cold and heartlessness over the phone.
    I feel drained and tired. I don’t know what to do.

    • Lynda

      Hi Kate , if u are not ready to meet with him don’t the money issues are not going any where and he can bloody wait. Get your strength and be brave, don’t be forced to do anything u are not sure about. Emotions can get in the way and u are most likely going to play nice cause u love him. He won’t, so be cautious. Get advice from someone u trust and even take them with u, he has a plan already (stupid one) so don’t let him decide what is best for u. I hate saying it but it really is just one day at a time and u will get better at dealing with it. Crying is what we do best and it’s a great way to release your emotions, stress and frustration. Sending u a big hug and know that I understand your pain.

  • Lynda

    Hi all, my story is not that different to all that I have read. What I need today is some courage to keep going. I am 9 months into my separation and having to say “my husband left me and our kids for someone else”. Still crying every day, I would love to hear about how you survive or how karma got justice for u.

    • Sasha

      Hi Lynda….it has been around eight months since we split,finding out afew weeks later he was cheating…my only grace was it was mutual. However, I think it’s hit me harder knowing he cheated… unless it’s about our child I have absolutely nothing to do with him. I went no contact pretty much immediately…as hard as it has been I decided to eat right, not ruminate and to take each day as it came. I went back to work which was a godsend,and although that horrible feeling in my stomach still rears its ugly head from time to time,I’m coping pretty well. He on the other hand isn’t doing too well. He moved in with trollop ( my affectionate name for the OW) and was eager for our child to meet her. He incensed me, but I tried to take it in my stride. He’s played dirty,but he just isn’t too bright. He’s threatened to stop paying all the maintenance….hasn’t happened because I very shrewdly photocopied all bank statements, savings statements,and all his other business dealings prior to him catching on,in the early weeks.
      I love the fact he knows nothing about my life,and yes he constantly asks about me to mutual friends ( those friends who you feel you can’t trust, just cut them off, saves time and people going behind your back)… he isn’t the man he was, he looks terrible, tells our child he still loves mum, and asks her if mum still loves him…he went through a phase of telling me what I had to pay for,trying to hold on to some kind of control, but I just let him Whitter on…..he’s tried to hug me,waves at me when he sees me in the car, has had me followed..I could go on,but one thing I have that he can never take away is my respect, pride and dignity. Yes I still love him, but not enough to want him back. We spend half our lives together,I championed his career, and was his biggest fan. I hope in time I can converse without looking at him with utter disgust. It’s sad really because he’s stuck with a woman who by all accounts he’s not happy with ( too many people are telling me, he moans about her, talks to her disrespectfully and is never seen with her in our village) and the fact he cheated and she knew he had a family, I’m guessing the trust issue will be a major part in their bullshit relationship. Karma works its magic and he got exactly what he deserved. The grass is never greener, life still gets in the way,and the excitement of the affair soon fades…and they are left with a shittier life, and having to stand on the edge,looking in on the wonderful family they had. And yes I’m guilty of making mistakes in the relationship, but I own them, learn from it, ready to meet someone special who thoroughly deserves me… chin up babe, we will get through it,and in time thank our lucky

      • Lynda

        Thank u, I think what pulls me down a lot is the fact that he did wrong but refuses to have anything to do with me cause it’s too uncomfortable for him. He posts how happy he is on FB with the SLAG (OW) and only gives 4 hrs every second week to his kids, lives with hers as she has them every second week. Broke her marriage up so she could destroy my and steal my husband. There is no co-parenting as he refuses to communicate with me and then it’s only via text or email, which is always about money. Which he never has apparently but goes out every weekend drinking. I am glad u have your life in order, good luck finding a real man who deserves u

        • Sasha

          HEY Lynda…hope your ok. I wish my ex would stick to access times. I’ve been very fair ,he sees her mon,wed,fri,and every other weekend on the Friday overnight. Just wish he would stick to it. He’s at our house daily waiting outside to take her to school,or turns up beeping his horn for her to come out…every day is a nightmare. He texts her about twenty times a day, rings all the time. I don’t say anything,but my 13 year old says it’s too much. She would never say anything because she wouldn’t want to upset him,but I see her frustration. I feel for her,and him, because I know he misses his old life…but everything he has done over the last several months have shown me just what a pathetic piece of shit he really is. He thought his life would be better, well from where I’m standing it’s pretty sad. He lives with a trollop who looks about 60 yet is younger than me. ( have to say that made me feel great when I saw just how low his standards had got), a woman who cheated with her best friends partner whilst married, a woman who took her child on a date with another man,whilst she was married,I’d say he met his match…and I laugh to myself every time I think about it. He took away his right to co parent when he treated us so shoddily….after what he put our child through,I’m not sure I even want any kind of relationship with him ….yes it’s hard, but realise one thing, when the dust settles,and they realise just what they have lost, the only looser is them… every sense of the word….

  • Annie

    My husband of 24 years left last sept on my birthday – he said the usual I need to be alone figure out what I want I’m not in love with you anymore!! Nine weeks later I found out he had been having an affair with a 32 yr coworker (16 years younger) ! I was devastated , when I found out she decided he wasn’t what she wanted and had no more comtact! He on the other hand lived the single life to the full! He now says he’s moving in with a woman he’s known a few months!! Total opposite of me and totally the opposite of what he would have found attractive! He tells me he’s no money yet I know he’s taken her on two holidays abroad, weekends away etc!! So hurtful he has now distanced himself even more even from our three children! I was doing ok getting stronger but since finding out this latest bomb drop I feel just awful again ( diahorroea appetite loss insomnia ) I’m so disappointed I e let it affect me this way and really do want to move on! I would like an apology from him for all the hurt he’s caused and for him to show al least some remorse! Am I being unreasonable? Thanks Annie

  • Julie

    Hello. Well my story is a doozy as well. Second marriages for both my husband and I. We met in 2001 and married in 2003. Had our ups and downs over the years like everybody else. He runs his own business which involves night shifts. He has had this for 20 years. Over the years we have drifted further apart – sleeping in different rooms because of his shifts and I’m a light sleeper. Soon it became a permanent thing. In late 2013 he was so distant that I asked him what was wrong. He said he wasn’t happy and wanted to go. I begged him to stay to try and work things out but we fell into the same old routine. My resentment built of him putting everyone and everything before me. In late 2013 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer so the next 8 months all my time was taken up with her before her death in August 2014. My father then became ill and died 3 months after that in 2014. My grief was huge as I was the one who had to handle everything. Fast forward to March 2016 and I knew my marriage was in trouble. Spoke to husband who again said he was unhappy. Tried everything I could to get things back on track but he just wasn’t responding. In February and March this year both his parents died. A month later after that I discovered he had been cheating on me with an employee for the last 2 years. I never thought he would do it as ex-wife and ex-fiancée had done it to him. His mistress has broken up with him 5 or 6 times in that period because he wouldn’t leave me. Apparently she has Parkinson’s and wanted to concentrate on her health and family. He agreed to try and sort things out with me (no promises he said) and all was going reasonably well until I was diagnosed with cancer in August. There were many weeks of tests before my diagnosis and my mind was on my health naturally. I have to have out of state treatment and his reluctance to accompany me at times was confirmed last week that he is seeing her again. He ‘loves’ her with such intensity he says that he thinks about her all the time. He is completely obsessed. She is the female version of him so he says. From what I can gather she initiated contact again but who really knows. He says I wasn’t supposed to find out about it until after my treatment had finished. I am gutted. I love this man with all my heart but what sort of person could see another person when his wife is having cancer treatment in another state? He says he wants to continue supporting me through my treatment. He hasn’t told her that I know because he doesn’t want any pressure from her. My heart is broken beyond belief. I am sitting in the airport with him waiting for my flight wondering what the hell I’m doing. I feel so weak to not give him the boot and get on with my life. He is being so nice to me and hiring a car and saying we will go to the places I said I wanted to go. This whole situation is so screwed up. Why should I be the one to tell him to go. If he wants to go he should go but doesn’t want to look to be the bad guy. I have him physically but she has his heart. I am so tired by my treatment. Part of me wants him to stay as I somehow still love him and the other says just go. I know he will still be seeing her behind my back. So sad angry hurt. Stop the world so want to get off. 😢😢

    • Kim

      Oh Julie I am so sorry for your predicament, the last thing you need when you are battling cancer is the stress of having your husband behaving like this. Not sure what to advise, you sure as hell don’t want him to stay through pity when he wants to be elsewhere, but I know its not a good time to face the big trauma of other life changing event. Don’t know what it is with men and wanting to look good while doing bad things. I really hope things turn out ok for you and really hope you get the all clear very soon with the treatment. My husband texted me about his affair being made official two days after he knew my best friend had been diagnosed with stage four cancer. Amazingly she has been the one that propped me up. Got everything crossed for you be brave xx

  • Patrice Dalton

    After 18 years and 2 children and many affairs (On my husband’s part), finally one of the affairs stuck and he is now choosing her over our family. I am lost at this moment and can’t seem to get through the grieving process. I feel stuck and angry that he has the comfort of this woman to help him cope with the loss of our marriage while I just have myself. I know that it will all get easier with time but getting through it is harder than I imagined. As a mother I have to get up every morning, go to work, get kids ready for school and pretend that every thing is ok when I constantly have to fight back tears most of the day. I really just want to get away, start new but that’s not an option right now. Not sure what I’ll do to begin to heal but I know I have to do some something.

    • Colleen

      I am going through the same thing, my husband left me 3 weeks ago and told me and our 2 kids that he has a girlfriend that he met in August but did not start going out with her until he moved out. I have been with him for 21 years married for 7. i was a teenager and i am devastated. I do not know how to go on. The thought of him with another woman makes me sick to my stomach every minute of everyday. I like you have to get up every day and go to work and take care of my kids but most mornings I do not want to get out of bed 🙁

      • Patrice D Dalton

        I am sad that you are going through that because I know how hard it is. I just keep telling myself that I will get through this and am taking it one day at a time.

      • Rosa

        I so truely unterstand you! I am going through the same thing. After 20 years of marriage and being together for 23 years my husband left me for a very young girl that is only a few years older than our son of 17. It is a year now and I know all the pain and anger you are going through. It takes the light out of your soul and you just cannot believe what on earth happened to your husband. He seems to be a total stranger and sometimes I think an alien must habe replaced him with a very bad copy. You may not believe me now but please keep strong, the hurt and pain will be groe less with time. Don‘t do the huge mistake in trying to search the blame in you. Husbands who cheat have lost a true heart. They are lost in complete selfishness. It is a problem they have within. It is not you. May God aleays be with you and God bless you!

  • MLP

    My husband of 27 years has moved in with his mistress. Her name is Karma. I hate that word. He also has another girlfriend on the side. But Karma is his supposed soulmate because they do lots of threesones and group sex and controlled gang banging. I’m a Mormon. I am so very heartbroken. Five kids including an anorexic daughter desperate for him to come back. I can’t sleep or eat. It’s been 8 months since d-day. Does it ever ever ever get batter?

  • Aaisha


    I’m trying to come to terms with my husband walking out on me. My story is so complicated I just don’t understand himand his leaving at all, as we had everything in life and a man who has everything can still do this???

    I am 29 years old, I have a masters degree from london school of economics, I have a very successful online business. We got married in 2011, my husband who I have known my whole life, has a degree in psychology, which my parents paid for his education. So naturally we all believe him when he says he is a psychologist in Charing Cross hospital with a 30k a year job. At this time I had just finished my masters. We got married in 2011. My husband has OCD and never liked me to move his things or open his post or put his clothes away after washing and ironing. I didn’t think anything of it as it was from the very beginning of our marriage and of course I trusted him because I have known him my whole life. (So recently I find out that he was never a psychologist and for the past 9 years he has been a kitchen assistant barely making 15k a year. Remember I never looked through his post or his bank statements . Please carry on reading there is a whole lot worse )

    So we were living in a very small flat in 2011, my business was doing well. I made enough money in one year to a buy a 4 bed semi detached house in south london. So in April 2012, we purchased the house. The mortgage was under my name only, as my husband said to me that we just wanted a decent house not over the top and there was no need for us to get the maximum we could, so he didn’t apply for more than only what I could get. The house was also only put under my name because he told me, it was all my money so it just made sense and that he trusts me with everything. So I’m paying the mortgage and all the bills whilst he’s not paying anything. In June I get pregnant with our son, he was born in march 2013, unfortunately he was born deaf and therefore had a lot of hospital appointments with heating aid fittings and cochlear implant reviews. Now his appointments were in Birmingham because that’s where he was born as I was with my parents when he was born, so we decided to keep all his medical needs in Birmingham because the centre for his hearing impairment was one of the best in the country. This meant that I had to be in Birmingham a lot with our son whilst my husband was in london and his job ( as a kitchen assistant but told me a psychologist), then unfortunately another tragedy occurred in our family and in January 2015 my husbands brother was shot dead and we now had responsibility of his parents and his brothers wife and kids. I completely understood the situation and was fine with my husband supporting them financially as I was okay supporting us in london. He started going to his parents country every few months leaving me and my son for 3/4 months at a time. I started arguing that His parents can come to us but I can’t do this all my life, I’m exhausted doing everything and that they have no need to live there when they can simply move here, my son has medical needs so I can’t move. My husband always refused. I tried everything to get my son to talk, but wasn’t advised that he best thing for him to learn quicker would be to have a sibling, so we decided to try for another baby, baby was born in march 2017, she was healthy, hearing and I was so happy. I had the son and daughter I always wanted. She was 3 days old and I was in hospital with infections from the birth because of a complicated after delivery with the placenta. My husband left saying he couldn’t get paternity leave and he really needed the money to support his parents back home. I again was understanding even though I was not able to recover. I again decided to stay with my parents. Because I could not do it alone. My son at the same time was starting special needs school as he had also been diagnosed with autism as well as being deaf. I felt iverwhelmed and alone with 2 children despite being married. But still I was selfless and thought he needed the money. My husband then told me 3 weeks after the baby was born that he is going back home to his parents for 3 weeks. We argued, I said you couldn’t get time off for me and the kids but you managed to get 3 weeks to go back home. He went. He called everyday, we argued a lot. I was stressed and he was absent. So on his birthday 7th may, he was still with his parents and I got an email from a hotel, he had spent a night there. I was shocked as they have a house 10 Minuted from the hotel so what was the need. I sent him a text saying I know you were with someone else. He sent me a text saying he couldn’t believe I could gunk such a thing and send him such a text on his birthday. I felt so bad. He switched his phone off from me and told me there was no way I would be able to contact him, he will only call me when he felt like it. This angered me, made me so depressed as I had just had a bayby and made me sleep deprived which affected my kids as I wasn’t able to be there for them I was so tired. My husband returned to london on 22nd may, he did not come home, he didn’t even tell us he was back. He never answered my calls and one day he came to get his car stayed and left. and brother got so fed up of my husbands behaviour so he started trying to find him, he found him parked outside a house about 1 mile from our london house, he stayed in the car all night, my husband came out with a woman. My brother had a fist fight with my husband, police were called, there’s an ongoing court case. Later that night my brother said you bought him that Mercedes and he’s using it to impress other women let’s take it back, we took it back as I had the other set of keys. In it we found the other woman’s name, Mrs… she was also married. We googled her and yes she was married with 3 kids. So my husband was having an affair with s married woman with 3 kids who is 35 years old and has no education. So she is older than me, she had no business and no education. Also, I know I am not miss universe but she is uglier than me. Anyway, after finding this out, my brother decided to change the locks of our london house, so I did. After I changed the locks my husband decided to contact his cousin who also lives in london, as he had nowhere else to go. His cousins wife contacted me, after he fed them the wrong story to hear my side of the story, I told them and they believed me, he told them that the girl was his patient, and she was a suicide case he was helping her. (Remember he’s not a doctor, he’s just told that to everyone, he’s a kitchen assistant), so his cousin then called around mutual friends to see if anyone knew what my husband was up to and he found out that my husband also has another wife in his country with another child. Who was born in 2014, a year after my son was born. Now this is illegal, but because the other wife is in a different country it is not enforceable in the uk. I was even more depressed. My son was born with so many problems and my husband was sleeping around so he had gotten some air hostess pregnant and had to marry her. Who also is older than me. She is 40 and is very bad looking. So he has a wife and child in pakistan and a mistress in london who is also married with 3 kids and also has a Pizza Hut delivery guy as a boyfriend and has my husband too. My husband is currently unteachable. The phone number I have is always switched off. It’s been 4 months and he is with his london mistress. She has told my husband she won’t be divorcing her husband. My husband still hasn’t filed for divorce and my lawyers advise me to wait for him to do it. But it’s been 4 months and he hasn’t. I have also found out from his real place of work that he hasn’t worked there for 6 months, so when the baby was born he was unemployed but still never stayed to help me with the kids. What kind of person does this?

    My question is we had everything, why throw it all way for places where he knows is nothing, why have another wife without leaving me first, why did he come back after he married the other woman, why not leave then or leave after he had the child with her, why have another baby with me?? Why mess me up so badly, why not leave me first. Why have s mistress when I was pregnant with our second child. Why not be their for the kids while I was not well??? Also what kind of women marry a man who they know is married with a disabled child?? Knowing she is a second wife??? What kind of woman becomes a mistress knowing he is married and he knew she was married too with 3 kids. What kind of people ruin so many lives???

    So long I’m sorry. There so much more I could write but it’s so messed up I don’t understand any of what my husband has done to our little family!

    • Fallon

      Hi Aaisha, Your story is so moving. It’s terrible. He has absolutely no heart and soul and unfortunately in the case of the other women, if they knew about hour situation, like attracts like. He is not the man that you thought that you knew. Now that you know this, know in your heart that you didn’t do anything wrong or deserved this in any way. Because he probably feels like such a failure in life, he made so many poor self sabotaging choices and dug himself in deeper and deeper holes in the process. He ended up with a less attractive woman. Inside and out because again, he attracted someone who he felt was more on his level. You and the children are so above and beyond this man and his sociopathic behavior. I hope that your heart heals quickly and you are able to get pass this pain quickly for the sake of yourself and the children.

      • Aaisha Shafi

        Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I’m trying my hardest to the best for my kids but I have days I just can’t cope.

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to cope when your husband leaves you for someone else. It’s a betrayal and a heartbreak that isn’t easily overcome. But, you know what? You can and will overcome this.

    Allow yourself to experience feelings that you have. Your responses to your husband’s departure are normal and natural. You may wish that you could respond differently, and say and do things in different ways… But you have to allow yourself freedom and forgiveness. This is the first time you’ve experienced something this traumatic, so you are learning how to be, what to do, and what to say.

    Be gentle with yourself. Be kind, and take good care of yourself. Know that this is happening for a reason, and that everything will turn out fine in the end. In fact, things may turn out to be better you ever imagine.



  • Fallon Wilson

    Hi ladies,
    Wanted to add.. watch as many episodes odf snapped just as a reminder to how far a man can take you and where you absolutely do not want to end up doing. Read women who love too much and how to build a second skin for your soul. Time is without question the best solution, the events that you held and pined about and dissected will eventually subside. Time to whittle down your inner circle to only those people who are empathetic and team you. You are fragile enough now. If I think of anymore pointers, I’ll add. Keep strong and carry on. Xo

  • Fallon Wilson

    Hello ladies,
    I stumbled somehow on this site looking for reasons why men leave good women for other women. I looked within myself recently and felt some sort of relief by saying it was my karma for killing a butterfly in second grade and other nonsense. Just to have an answer!! Anything to justify why I had been dumped. This goes to show that until you release this pain and come to a closure within yourself, you will continue to confront these issues in the next relationships as well. The saying, everything is a lesson or a blessing.
    I met the absolute love of my life, got pregnant, had a beautiful baby boy born prematurely because of complications and I’m sure because of the stress I experienced throughout that entire time with my ex. He wanted me to have an abortion, dumped me, left me on the side of the road.. my heart bled. He left for this woman that I put in my head was better than me, why else would he desert me like that. I had zero self esteem. To not make this into a novel, our son died. He wasn’t there to comfort me at all. Spent the night of our son’s death with his new woman while my breast leaked milk. Devastating beyond belief. His family forced him to attend the funeral. Longer story shorter, forward two years later, my ex overdosed and died. It still left so many open wounds because I never was able to get closure within myself as to why he treated me that way and more importantly, why did I allow it. I wanted him and loved him more than anything. That feeling was so powerful and I don’t wish that upon anyone. My grief is ongoing but was able to meet a new man with similar behavior.. until it’s put to bed, it’ll re occur. What I can give you ladies in terms of hope is that YOU WILL live to see karma. It may come in the form of what you will see or hear happens to him and her, (even though you do not wish his upon them) or you will see good karma come into your own lives if you let it. Good karma for yourself by not seeking revenge but by being a lady with your head held high. They are beneath you and don’t deserve your tears. Release the pain through them for now but your good karma will come in the form of peace of mind. There is absolutely no better feeling. Bless you all!

    • Sasha

      THAnkyou for sharing….I’m six months down the road. My ex has literally rubbed mine and our child’s nose through his disgusting life. as hard as I might I’d say I managed to stay calm 90% of the time. 2 weeks after splitting he asked our daughter to meet her, seven weeks later he moved in with her ( love story of the century), happy to blame me for the apparent shit relationship we had of 22 years. He’s taken her to our holiday home, weekends away,I’m sure we all know the score…..I went no contact pretty soon after the split,difficult when you have to talk regarding your child. He’s stalked me, asked many friends about me, came to the house demanding that I not see any men or bring them in the house ( I told him not to judge me by his standards), tried to manipulate our child by putting pressure on her to meet the OW, manipulated a situation where the OW turned up whilst he took our daughter on holiday abroad….. Any respect or love I had for this man went a long time ago. I pity him and his life, but during the last six months I’ve returned to employment, brought a new car,connected with old and new friends and day by day life gets that bit better. Just recently he seems to have done a complete u turn. When I handed him the car back he brought for me before the split, the look on his face was worth the wait. The man who constantly told me I had to pay him for the use of it,decided I could keep driving it, …well he was too late, so now he’s lumbered with a car he has to pay for. When I discussed the mortgage and said I needed to let the mortgage company know, he begged me not to….I felt quite sorry for him actually. He even tried to hug me,which was uncomfortable to say the least….and I still see karma working. Only the other day he to,d our daughter he still loved me and always would as I was the mother of his child. When she asked if he loved the new woman he said she was alright…..when he picks our daughter up he always tries to converse or grab a peak. Is he happy, he’ll no….am I happy- day by day I laugh more, smile more….cheaters deserve every crappy thing they get coming to them…ladies, don’t waste time worrying , I see a shell of a man who has lost many friends along this journey, who is stuck in a relationship where both thought nothing of say the karma bus is riding over them daily……ladies and gents…never go back to the chest. They had you once,and didn’t realise just how good they had it.

      • Fallon Wilson

        Of course hindsight is 20/20. In the moment one becomes blinded by rage, pain, hurt, low self worth and endless questions. Woulda coulda shoulda. Obsessions to their so called new perfect romance. It’s all a facade that years down the line you do finally see clearly. That’s the hard part, it takes time. If only you tell yourself daily or remind yourself when you were betrayed in the past, how now you don’t even remember the details and that story and the persons involved are the least of your worries and the last person to partake in any of your thoughts hopes and dreams. That day will come!! These people will live to see and understand the grave mistakes that they have made and evidently the person that they lost will never return. Even if you do return by some fate, it’ll never be the same and you will find strength in knowing that he will never control your heart again. He will begin to make your skin crawl. You will loose all respect for that POS. You will see her little more than a piece of trash that “took” this man away from you but is he even a man? He isn’t. She is a POC and her self esteem believe or not is even lower than what you think yours is. You know why? Because she is a beggar and beggars can’t be choosers. If she could choose, wouldn’t she choose an upstanding single man or stay with her husband and have a moral caliber worth something? Think about it. These people are garbage. Your life will again have smiles and laughs and love. Not a facade. Hang in there. Xo

      • Colleen

        I am struggling right now. my husband left me 3 weeks ago and told me and our 2 kids that he has a girlfriend that he met in August but did not start going out with her until he moved out. The day he told my kids about her (ages 5 and 12) he said he wants them to meet her. My daughter (age 12) refuses and said if she is around she will not be and he has to make a choice. she has always been a daddies girl but i’m certain he is going to ruin that. I have been with him for 21 years married for 7. i was a teenager and i am devastated. I do not know how to go on. The thought of him with another woman makes me sick to my stomach every minute of everyday.

        • SAsha

          Hi Colleen,your story is identical to mine,and yes I went through so many emotions but the one thing I knew was I would NEVER forgive him for the way he treated our 12 year old. She was a daddy’s girl too. Two weeks after the split he wanted to introduce his trollop,five weeks later he took her to our holiday home, and several weeks later moved in with her. The pain of watching my daughter so upset,made me turn into warrior mom! I went NC almost immediately,wouldn’t engage in any kind of conversation with him unless it was about our daughter. And then something happened….I grew balls! I found a job, started connecting with other people, made more time for our daughter…quality time. I made sure that every time I left I the house I looked the best I possibly could. He on the other hand was asking everyone and anyone about me,asking about me, turning up at the house for silly things, following me in the car……I just totally ignored the behaviour. And god I can see the madness in him. He looks like sh**t, has put on more weight,and has started moaning about the OW….(people are only too happy to tell me). Now during the last seven months he has moaned about money, told me I had to pay for the car he got me… answer was to buy my own and hand him the other back…his face was a picture,and I’m not ashamed to say it gave me great satisfaction. So he’s having to pay half the mortgage,pay for two cars,give trollop money to live with her…..I see karma working every day. Only last week he told our daughter he still loved me cause I’m mom,and when she asked about if he loved the OW,he said she was alright! I think of him less and less,and after 20 something years together,I’d say I’m on the right track. We never argued but did get in a rut. What I’ve learned is I’m a strong woman who realises her worth,and I will never go back. I also know that I should have paid more attention, but hey,I can use that for the next relationship. I don’t wish him malice but then again I don’t care what happens to him. All I do know is I see the regret,this man who recently tried to hug me (uncomfortable or what),is desperate to have even a little part of me in his life…well that isn’t happening any time soon. Stick with filling your time Colleen…don’t ruminate,that sh**t just stops you from moving on…and enjoy your kids,because they are the ones that will keep you sane! Good luck Hun. X

  • Jane K

    My husband travels for work, he takes his Viagra with him. He tells me that his medicine is not my business. Sometimes he doesn’t answer my calls for hours and its always that his phone is shut down or the battery is low. He taunts me too, like when I peek at his phone, the phone history is up and waiting for me to see that he deleted my missed calls. He told me that I would never catch him because he is smarter than me. The last straw was when he came home and insisted on doing his own laundry, the first time in 12 years. His father ran around all the time and I know that history repeats itself but he always assured me that he felt sorry for his mother and would never do that. I realized that I know nothing about him other than what he tells me. He could be with underage girls or young boys for all I know. Its so hard on me right now because I feel so scared and alone. i also feel hollow and stupid for letting this go on for so long, and embarrassed to face people, to tell them that he is gone. I wish that I never married this POS and fell for the story that he gave me.

  • DASmith

    I understand how painful it is to live in a marriage with a partner who chests and lies. Over several years, my ex husband cheated many times with different women. There was always the underlying feeling that he was with me only until he could find someone better. I was never enough. We had two children together, and my daughter from my first marriage. We dated for 9 years, while I raised my daughter. After about 8 years together, I broke off from the relationship and moved away. I got grant money to go back to school, found work. I kept my own place and have always been strong independently. I think he liked me better that way, than when I had to depend on him in our marriage. He drove 5 hours almost every other weekend to be with me, and eventually proposed. At first I hesitated, and said we need to talk. He talked me into moving back home, and wanted to live together. After we talked, our understandings seemed mutual. We became pregnant with our now 27 year old daughter, and got married. We had our son 2 years later. I didn’t go back to school full time like I had planned. After a total of 25 years together, he finally met someone, and left me. There were a lot of lies & cheating over the 16 years we were married. I wasn’t sure if I could trust him anymore. I was angry a lot, and hurt. Raising 3 children, holding down a busy career and keeping everything going by myself at home felt like a three ring circus. His announcement that he “met someone he wanted to pursue a relationship with” came two weeks before Christmas. He moved out that weekend. I found out later how much pornogrophy he was watching. No wonder I was never enough, I was compared with and expected to live up to what he was watching.. I discovered a while box of videos!
    He used to tell he wanted me to earn more money. I was only bringing in about $40k a year because I chose to work part time so I could take care of our children. They were active in various Sports that kept me running! My husband at that time made $120k a year. But he still thought I should be making more… Maybe if I’d have finished my education!! As our marriage ended he told me that he did the “honorable” thing when he married me… My response was, Huh? You know, he married me because I was pregnant! He did his honorable thing, he wanted out now! I reminded him we were together more than 8 years, and were already engaged and living together when we conceived her. He got angry and yelled a lot arguing my point, and then walked out as usual. We met through common friends when I was about 17. We got together in Spring of 1982, and divorced in 2010… I grew in this relationship from my 20’s to my mid 50’s. I am now 61, and still single. I grieved whole heartedly, thought I forgave him and accepted her. Yet I still don’t know if I will be able to have trust in an intimate relationship again.

    • Meg

      Sometimes it’s best to remain single considering how selfish these men are. As for your ex his expectations are too high for a women and eventually he will get bored as the years go by. The honeymoon period will soon be over and the reality will kick in. Takes affair couple many years to reach to that point. The best revenge is to just move on and focus on yourself. Go to gym and engage in activities that you enjoy. Focus on your children’s lives and take this time to grow close to them. Being 61 is not that old. I have seen many of my professors from university who are hitting their 70’s (they just love teaching hence the reason why they never retired) and they don’t even look in their 60’s! Life moves on and remember your ex lost the moon while counting the stars. Best wishes!

  • Judy

    My husband of 32 years left me. He stated that he checked out of the marriage then happened to find the other woman. I have been with my husband since I was 15 yrs old….I am now 51 yrs old. We have 2 great kids and 3 beautiful grandkids. He just stopped calling and texting me and the kids during the day as he normally did….became distant….would pick fights with me so he could leave….alot of lies until I found a card from the mistress. My kids are hurt And told their dad that there was a way to end the marriage and it was not with a mistress….then to move in with her. My life is upside down…..So sad and mad…hard to function.

    • Rosanna

      Hello Judy,

      so sorry to hear this. I can feel with you! There is so much unbearable pain. I am going through the same! My husband left me after 21 years of marriage for another woman half my age. Please be strong. I know it is so hard and makes one so angry. It doesn’t matter how we are…we may be perfect, beautiful, loving or just a nagging wife, if they want to cheat it is because they have a problem inside! It is them NOT you! A man who leaves his family is actually betraying himself. He who cheats shows how week and insecure they really are with themselves.

      Please keep strong!

    • Kristin

      I am dying inside. I am in the same sinking boat as you. I ran away and eloped with my husband when I was 17. We are less than 2 months from our 33 anniversary. This past Thursday, 15 minutes before we headed to our youngest daughter’s Freshman dorm to kiss her goodbye, My husband told me he wanted a divorce. The first day I was in shock and didn’t say anything. The next two days I cried, begged, and pleaded with him to try counseling. That is when he told me there was zero chance of working it out, he had been having an affair with a married woman he met while doing business in the Philippines. She’s 12 years younger and he is “in love”. I am literally phychotic with hurt and betrayal, I can not eat, sleep or maintain a coherent thought. I don’t even know who I’m married to. I also found that he has funneled at least $600,000 of our money into a company he started in the Philippines, has a secret bank account and credit cards that he uses to buy her lavish gifts and take her to resorts. He has absolutely no interest in trying to make our marriage work and I feel completely pathetic because even after he confessed to his affair, I asked him if we could still try and work it out. We decided to wait until after the holidays to tell our 18 and 22 year old daughters. We have always been extremely close to our children and know it is going to be completely devastating to them. As much as I want to scream and tell them what a loser their Dad is, I know it would only hurt them more so every time they call, I wipe away my tears and pretend everything is fine. He keeps promising that he will be a “stand up guy” and leave me financially independent so I don’t have to go back to work. For awhile at least. He has proven he can not be trusted but I’m afraid if I bring lawyers into it, he will get very vindictive. At this point my future looks like its not worth living.

      • Tamara

        I’m so sorry to hear your story mine is much like yours. I have been married 27 years and with my husband for 28 years.This October marks one year since he came home and out of the blue told me that he loved me but not the way a husband should love his wife. Can I just say that I didn’t see that coming at all. One month later he admitted to calling his ex girlfriend from when he was 15 just to tell her he was sorry for breaking her heart and he wants to see her cause he still has feelings for her. He has been living with her since February of this year . I feel like a piece of toilet paper that he wiped his axx with. He went from calling me multiple times a day and confessing his undying love to me to treating me like a stranger. Did I mention we have five children ages 24 to 16 and how my heart breaks for them every time one of the states how he cares more about his current girlfriend and her family than them. I wish that I was rid of my heartbreak but the wound is just as fresh today as it was last year. Life keeps moving forward but I hide my pain and smile. I have always been a strong woman but I never thought that I would be this person that I am. I really loved and was loyal to this man and he ruined our family. But we are trying to rebuild and redefine.

      • Meri S Preece

        Hi Kirstin,

        I am so sorry to hear about your situation. We are in the same sinking boat. My old husband also have relationship with a woman in Philiphines. Its half of his age, 30 years old and they met in a bar in Singapore while she worked here as a nightclub girl.

        I am in the midst of divorce now and with on going compulsary couselling from Court.

        Please PM me and we could share our story.

      • Marian

        Hi Kristin, it’s 2 am in the morning and I just read your message. My heart aches for you. My husband informed me early in June that he no longer wants to be married so I know what you are going through. We have been married almost 14 years. Somehow I was able to keep myself from crying and begging him to stay. He would offer no explanation as to why he no longer wants to be married. He quickly said there was no other woman which I have a hard time believing. None of it makes sense to me. He promptly filed for a divorce and has sent me numerous text messages trying to get me to sign the decree just the way his attorney wrote it up. I refuse to be a pushover and hired an attorney just to write up the divorce for me but not to represent me.

        For the first couple of months I felt sad and in disbelief but for the past couple of weeks my heart has been heavy and I can cry at the drop of a hat. I’m fortunate in that my family has been very supportive.

        I’ve read tons of articles on divorce and listened to just as many YouTube videos on how to cope. I decided to get more involved with other people. I joined an exercise group, started back to church and got involved with a women’s meeting with several women from this church. It has helped a lot as otherwise I would be a basket case staying home by myself. I recently joined a Divorce Care Group. I’ve only been once so far but it has helped to boost my spirit. I would recommend it to you if it’s possible.

        Everyone tells me that I will get through this and even be better off for it. I know I will but it’s still so hard at times and so hard to believe he can just walk away from our marriage. I had no clue that he was planning this. He would not talk about it at all saying he didn’t want to argue with me. I wasn’t being argumentative with him. I’ve went over and over in my mind what I should have done to maybe have prevented this but I know it’s to late. I also know if there were things I should have done I’m not accepting all the blame. One other thing that has helped me is writing down all the reasons why I will be better off, all his bad qualities. When I reread them it helps me to not be so sad about this.

        I’m not sure when the divorce will be final but I think it’s close.

        I will be praying that God lifts you up. If I was there I would give you a big hug. You sound like such a nice person and you certainly don’t deserve this kind of treatment. Even though I am also going through this, I feel sure you will come out strong and better off for this. I’m willing to get you will eventually meet someone else and even be happy you went through this.

        I hope to hear that you are not only surviving but you are also doing much better. God bless you.

      • Lynda

        Sweetie I feel your pain, it will never go away but u will get better at dealing with it. It may feel that the only way to get rid of the pain is to stop living. I too have been devastated by the one person who promised to be by myside forever. I am 9 months in after D day and have had 2 tear free days but the tears are silent now. I pray to the karma gods to give him and her what they deserve at least a taste of what emotional pain feels like. My kids are what keeps me going, so stay strong, stay focused and know that he is going to lose his girls cause what he has done is unforgivable. I want my husband back every day but could I live with him no knowing what he is capable of. On day at a time is what I told myself and my kids. You will always be the better person and just know that you have a lot of sisters right here with you.

  • Sarah

    I’ve been with my partner for 17 yrs since I was 14. We have two children together.
    Over the years his cheated on me, his currently cheating on me but this time it’s different, it’s not just sex (not that just sex makes it ok), I found out she’s over 10 years younger than him, just out of uni. His been taking her to spa retreats, hotel breaks, meals or constantly.
    Always taking pictures together, selfies…
    He even messages her when his laying in our bed!

    When his with her he won’t message or text me. He ignores all my messages.
    She knows about me and the kids but doesn’t seem to care… his promising her his going to marry to her and have kids with her, the latest message was about how his going to propose and his going to be big.

    It’s literally killing me inside! I can’t function properly.
    I keep thinking how he doesn’t do them things with me, the spa hotel was the hotel meant for us, never took me!
    He leaves our home to run to her who lives an hour away.
    I cry constantly, I get angry quickly. I feel like I’m on my own and I’ll never meet someone.
    I love him so much.
    He blames me for him cheating. He won’t tell the truth fully, gets angry at me and lies. But I see the messages.

    I know it’s over in my heart and I need to move on but I don’t know how.
    He comes home and spends time with me and the kids, kissing me, saying he loves me but it feels false and his just doing it for now to keep the peace.
    The other night he even called out her name twice whilst sleeping! Like he forgot it was me in the bed with him and he wanted her to cuddle him.

    How can I stop this feeling of hurt? And pain? Get my life back, feel like I have a life?
    I’m hating my job and I’m jeopardising it right now cos I can’t think straight…

    • Sakina

      This sounds horrible Sarah, and you surely, in fact nobody deserves to be so blatantly cheated on. As hard as it is you need to leave him. Now. Else if you keep hanging around there’s a good chance he will force you to leave, once he officially replaces you with the other female.

      Try to find a way out. If you can stay with friends or family, then that’s great. If not, try to look for a place of your own. Whatever it is, start safeguarding yourself and your poor soul from this man. You have to make it a priority to quit this relationship. It’s only the right thing to do in this case.

  • Lisa

    I really enjoy reading your information it was very Helpful. My story will sound familiar to you I was married and still am but going Thur a divorce for 32.5 years I caught him 10 years ago cheating and forgave him now ten years later here I am catching again cheating on me but this time he wants a divorce here I going Thur this I just want it over with and him out of our life’s. I have adult children who hate and are very hurt by their father choice of ending the marriage I have know this man all but five years of my life that 50 years I would never dream it would happen to me But I just want it over and to begin a new chapter with my family and maybe one day Love again 😊 thank you

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing your stories. I wish I had the right words to say, to give you comfort and hope. I just want you to know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers, and I’m really sorry that you had to experience this with your husband. Sometimes life and relationships just blindside us, leaving us shattered, helpless, and alone.

    Take heart. Don’t give up hope that your life can change and become brighter! Things may seem dim and dark now, but I believe you’re on the cusp of fresh new season in your life. Your life has changed dramatically – in some ways for the worse. But, in some ways, there may be new little sprouts of hope, faith, peace, and joy.

    “Look, I am doing a new thing!” God says. “Do you not perceive it?”

    How are you doing today?

  • Linda

    My husband of 38 yrs. left me. He lost his job in 2010 so we went to visit his mom out of state an 8 hour drive from our kids and grandkids and my family. We never left his mom got sick with lung cancer and I took care of her.
    Before she passed away she asked my husband and I if we would take care of her husband who had COPD.. of course we said yes.
    My mother inlaw passed Aug. mother unexpectedly Jan. 2015. Father in-law Oct. 2015. Stepfather inlaw Feb. 2016. Stepbrother inlaw 2016.
    My husband was seeing another woman the whole time I was caring for his family.
    My heart is broken he left me in a house that I have been packing up for the last year because we were headed back to our kids and grandkids.
    Since I haven’t worked out of the home in over 20 yrs. I’m in way over my head. Now I have to figure out how to get my things moved back to Texas without any kind of monetary help from him.
    I’m 61 and having to depend on my kids. This is not how things were suppose to go.
    I just know this is a sadness so deep that I can hardly breathe.
    Thanks for listening.

    • rosanna

      Hello Linda,

      I pray that God will help you and that you will find peace in Him.I feel with you and I wish I could give you a big hug! I know what you are going through or at lesr how you feel. My husband left me after 20 years of marriage for another woman half my age! He left me with a huge debt and will not support me financially either. I will have to loose my house and try to start all over again. I have a beautiful son of 17 that is such a blessing. Please keep in mind that when our husbands leave us and feel the need to start their lives with another woman it is their internal problem. They are empty inside and have lost them selves. Running away will never resolve their problems. Please believe me it’s not you or me they are running away but from them selves. Please keep strong! Would love to keep in contact with you.

      God bless you!!

  • Paige

    My husband kicked me out of the house, jobless, 8 months pregnant and come to find out he’s been having an affair with a girl he met at his CrossFit class. It’s been only a little over a month and they’re already in a relationship! This is the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life, I’m due with our child next month. All I do is cry and pray.

  • Lucia

    It’s been four months since my husband of 8 years told me he doesn’t love me. He says he doesn’t see a future with me. My hear was torn into million pieces, but after I found out he was talking to another woan I felt worthless. I am grieven and it hurts. He left me. I never thought we were going to go through this. I am lost and I pray I can overcome this asap.

    • Charlotte

      Hi Lucia
      My situation sound similar to yours, we’ve been together 8years and I thought we were happy and had a future until one day he said he wants different things, he’s not happy, he’s got debt etc but something didn’t make sense. I thought we would live happily ever after until I then found a holiday booking he’d made a month earlier with another woman, I was devastated, my life was tipped upside down and I was scared.
      A few months have passed and I still am sad, I miss him but then recall what he’s done and get angry at myself.
      You will overcome this, look to the future, be with others who care for you and take time for yourself. Talk to people around you if it helps if you don’t feel like then sometimes company is enough. I find each day can get a tiny bit easier. I am a believer in things happening for a reason ( I’ve no idea what the reason is yet though)
      Keep positive and take each day at a time.

  • anonymous

    After 20ys my husband has left our son & I for another woman & her 3 kids. He hasn’t seen nor spoken to our son since he moved out. I hate feeling like a failure & seeing my sons face sad when he thinks of his dad.

  • Lisa Costa

    I’ve been married for 22 years…23 in July…and another 4 years not married…so like 27 years with this guy?! We have a 17 year old daughter….she is getting ready to graduate high school in a few days and go to prom and get ready for college. I’ve suspected his cheating with the owner of his company’s 29 year old married daughter who also works there…he is 52 and balding. When he started going to work early and taking a shower in the morning (he delivers propane, so he always showered at night) I knew something was up. I ignored it, hoping it would run it’s course, and that my daughter might not have to be affected by it. But, how much can you ignore? It came to a head last night when he pretty much announced that yes, he is having an affair and it’s been going on for a long time and he’s surprised I didn’t figure it out sooner. All this in front of my daughter. This is supposed to be happy time for her…graduating HS, prom, getting ready for college, and he ruined it all. We are both devastated. he still hasn’t left…I’m assuming he’s waiting for the girlfriend’s husband to vacate. she lives probably 90 minutes from where we are, so it should be interesting to see how how he handles stuff with my daughter. Right now, she said he is dead to her. I’m sure that will change. It scares me how angry I am at him. I really hate him. he’s blaming me for it all!!! How did I know he was unhappy??? I didn’t make him screw his boss’s daughter. Why didn’t he leave before all this happened? It would have been painful, but not like this. I am so hurt. I can’t eat or sleep or even drink too much water….I keep puking. I have a dr appt today to see if I can get some meds for the anxiety. I know I have to be strong for my daughter, and I know eventually, it will be OK. I’ll find happiness again, and hopefully, he will be miserable for the rest of his left. That felt good to vent.

    • Shauna

      Hi Lisa, I feel your pain, when kids are involved it’s a hundred times harder. My ex of 22 years changed over night.the only saving grace for me was I was relieved when he went. How they behave is all about them. Don’t let him blame you, because it’s his choice, be there for your daughter,and look after YOU. It’s hard but I chose to block all phones, I only talk if it’s with regards to our 12 year old. It’s been over 3 months since we split,and every day I think of him less and less. My ex has stalked my FB via his sister ( she was quickly removed then blocked) moaned about money, came round to the house and begged me not to see anyone,constantly asks my friends husbands who I’m seeing, where I go out, blah blah blah….he’s pathetic, just like most cheating rats. I will never,ever hold the respect I once had for him, I’ve got a new job, new man, re invented myself,and have a brilliant close relationship with my daughter. I occasionally wobble,but I cannot understand anyone who would want to take a cheat back…..oh and he looks like shit! Karma hunny! Hugs xxx

      • anonymous

        It’s strange how part of me feels relieved that he’s gone even though I have moments of missing him. Hell it was only 20ys of my life. I miss a memory. The old him. When I think about him living w/his new girlfriend & her kids I hurt for our kid who’s being ignored. The other funny thing is he gets arrested for his behavior she bails him out & has no idea he called me the same day. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear how he tries to justify why he’s being charged w/violating a RO. Not to mention if he cheated on me w/her what makes her think he won’t do it to her?

    • Amy Laskowski

      i am sorry for what you are going through. The heartbreak and pain are indescribable. My story is similar together 23 married 21 years one daughter. On her 18 birthday she caught him sending inappropriate pictures on tinder. I asked him to leave next day told him to come back we’ll work on us. He refused and said he deleted account but didn’t so for 2 and half months he lied and betrayed me. He claimed he was working on self then gonna work on us. Would come over for 5-10 minutes throughout week and Sundays to go out to lunch to see daughter and I would hug him tell him I missed him he would say I know I just can’t come back yet. Then end May because he posted pictures with her someone told me about it I confronted him he still denied and finally next day told me he’s in new relationship. It has been hell going through this and he said he felt this way for over year half that he cares for me and loves me just not in that way. It’s funny though because 2 nights before she caught him on tinder we got in a fight and he told me regardless of his flaws he never thought about divorce. Now he claims that she has nothing to do with his decision to want a divorce and he’s in love with her. He claims that his decision was not influenced by her even though he was with her the whole time he decided this. I cannot believe he would throw away a family for someone with 4 arrest 5 judgments. She has no career, 2 different children one as young as 6 with 2 different men never married and the last child she had to file paternity suit because she had to prove who the father was. My family has been destroyed and my daughter will not talk about it because she gets so angry. I’ve tried to get her to counseling it she refuses and I worry because one day it will hit her the damage he’s done. He acts like he’s done nothing and I shoujd just accept it and move on. He doesn’t feel he destroyed a family that’s it’s just different.

  • Jessi

    My husband of almost 19 years and together for 20 years has left me for another woman. We have three teenage daughters together. I should’ve known better when he had the first affair when I was pregnant with our second daughter but I chalked it up as we were young when we got married and having two kids so young can be overwhelming. We actually became better after that. At least I thought. Then five years ago he started saying that he could do whatever he wants with whoever he wants so he started going out with a group of coworkers along with the OW. So the affair started with her in October and went through to April. I knew something was wrong but we were still intimate and we were trying new things and going out with friends but he was still with her too. He finally confessed to me he’s been having an affair. I told him he’s got to choose her or me that he couldn’t have us both and that he needs to stop talking to her. But he kept talking to her and then tries getting me to feel sorry for her that her dad had cancer. He would keep telling me over and over for years that he just can’t get over her. A year after I was told about the affair I was diagnosed with MS which turned my life upside down. He was supportive at times but was more worried about the money. He’s always been worried about the money. My health due to the stress of everything got so bad I was begging him to come home cause I couldn’t do it by myself and needed help but he said he couldn’t. Then he had me stay at a motel for a week when he was home so he could see what it wa like without me. Then he went back to traveling. He told me about the affair at the beginning of April. He says he just can’t do it any more. He says he can’t breath. He says it’s not me but him. My girls and I have moved into a townhouse with our dogs. He is at the house which is being sold as we speak. We signed papers to start the divorce procedures. He’s off doing his life but has stayed in contact with the kids and supportive of them, I’m sitting here thinking why was I not enough or good enough. Am I that bad of a wife or person that he just throws me away like a piece of trash. Everybody keeps saying it’ll get better but how do you deal with the pain that is killing me inside.

  • Shauna

    After 22 years together ( I never wanted to marry) we both decided to split..I’d known for afew years that I didn’t love him the way I should. I also know perhaps had we both tried harder,we may have been able to save the relationship. Even the night we decided and told our 12 year old he asked me if I was sure and if we should try again. I said no. Two weeks later he asks our daughter if she wants to meet his new GF. ( I actually think he was in a short overlap relationship, texting etc but have no proof, and don’t care tbh ) Five weeks after that he moves in with her. Tomorrow he’s taking her to our holiday apartment….to say I’m mad is an understatement. He’s someone I don’t know, don’t like and wish I could just walk away from. Difficult with a child! He’s got his sister to snoop my social media page, would ring up for silly things, asked if there was anyone else, then came round the house two days on the trot pleading with me not to see this man he thinks I’m seeing ( male fB friend comments ) and says he won’t pay maintenance unless our daughter can stay at his gf house…he has totally lost the plot. I will never go back,ever, but the anger I have towards him is scary! And I’m not sure why I’m so angry other than the hurt he has caused our daughter by telling her every little detail….if someone out there can give me the answer ( please don’t say just move on) I’d be grateful….. He’s the laughing stock of our village, which is sad in itself. I’ve had to block all phones, iat the moment I don’t contact him at all,unless it’s to do with our daughter…help cause I’m not sure why I feel like I’m going mad!

  • Anne

    After 30 years my bipolar husband left me for a Women 20 years younger than me! He is showing no emotions. It’s like he can move on without any regret,shame or concern for me or his adult children who live in our home. How on earth do I get through this. I’m scared.

    • Rita

      I hate to say it but time, and find yourself someone who cares for you. It worked for me. Dated a lot until I found someone I liked that liked me the same. Now I can’t even re bet my x husband of 16 years. Say good bye to people that hurt you and find a nice guy, there still some out there…

  • Alana andrews

    I was with my 1st husband for 10 yrs & 15 with my husband now. I have 3 girls 28, 25 & 23, he has a son 19 that we raised since he was 4yrs old, 2 grand girls 4yrs & 1yrs old. We rasied all under the same roof & they all graduated & went to college. We had some really hard growing pain with all the kids that destroy our relationship in the beginning. My husband worked more than he was home & he carried the financial burden in paying all the bills. While I was a housewife with a home daycare & taking care of the kids school needs, & all household necessities. I took care of the good care of my family to the point where I lost pieces of myself in the process of making them happy. I didn’t know who I was or what I like to do. I know my husband felt like he was carrying the world on his shoulders doing everything for the family. It was hard for both of us. Then my husband started cheating throughout this marriage & being very disrespectful.
    I’ve been thru DUI’S, sickness, dealth, forecloser thru thick & thin. I loved him unconditionally. I forgave him because I genuinely loved him & thought it would get better & it did. We went to marriage counseling because of his issues & he did change after 10yrs. He WAS FINALLY FAITHFUL & started putting this family 1st after he did all his dirt. I had some health issues & he catered to my every need cook, cleaned, washed clothes, took care of the kids & worked. Then our home went into foreclosure & we had too move. Two of the girls moved back home with their kids & our son was just graduating now he’s caring all the weight. We haven’t sept in the same bed in 5yrs things we back to the way it was but he just didn’t cheat. He felt like he lost himself. After we moved he started going to the gym, buying him clothes, taking mancation trips & “doing him” now he was no longer emotional attached to this marriage or family.
    This past yr has been the worst for both of us. I was excited about my new job but couldn’t show it. I thought now I can work out of the home & find myself. The kids was older & they drifted away, & it made me feel like I had no purpose so this was good for me. We were arguing more & yelling at each every day. He found out about my X in September now he wants a divorce, I’ve been call bit@#!, I’m contagious all mind of stuff. I didn’t know what to do any more it hurts me to see the fact that I hurt him. He will not forgive me he said He don’t have a forgiving heart like me & that was what I choose to do. After all the crap I put up with now I can’t bring up his past & it didn’t count. Smh!! He avoided me every day for about 4 months living under the same roof not even seeing each other at for weeks. The house is empty & quiet he works over nights & I work days.
    I feel trap being here the feeling of being REJECTED, UNLOVED, & I’m hurting so bad that death sounds good compared to the hurt I’m going thru alone. Yes I gave him his space–however be clear that I’m not okay with him dating anyone else during this time. He will not even look at me & now the always taking her out wearing everything I bought him from Head to toe even his underwear. Now he’s buying her things & taking her down town all public. I was so embarrassed one of my friends saw them together & didn’t even know what we was going thru. All of our family don’t all know they just saw us Xmas & the ones who do know he turned them against me like he was the faithful husband. Im just glad it wasn’t one of the kids is so disrespectful. Now he feels I betrayed him in this marriage he did out of his mouth that he has been faithful for 5yrs & not even worth saving because I’m not but paperwork to him & he don’t love me anymore. Now I’m left along to take care of myself, while still trying to be friendly to him in his situation just to keep down drama for the kids. I told him last week that was done, I’m not cooking for him nor will I be available. He is really upset with me now because I won’t sign the paper, cook for him or stay & help him pay the bills til the lease is up. I just want my husband back the way it was when we met. I told him nothing can destroy our relationship from the outside it’s from the inside out & we can get thru this. He says there’s no way in the world that we could ever be together again.  I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it. I loved and still love him so much. I wonder does he really love her?? Can he?? How can someone just move on with someone else like that? He doesn’t even seem to be concerned that i’m barely functioning.😢😢

  • Annette

    Let’s see I had dated my husband in high school for about two years before I had broken up with him he took it really hard. So 27 years latter we reconnected it feel like we never broke up. So we ended up getting married and I thought we were enjoying our lives together. Well on April 4, 2017 he was dressed for work and laying on the couch playing on his tablet. As he was putting his shoes on I can tell something was on his mind so I had ask him what was wrong and said this without looking me in the eyes. He said that he was not in love with me anymore and he is in love with his ex wife that verbally abused him. Almost three years of marriage then he went to work like nothing happen. So when he came home from work that night he got a few things and left to go be with her in Florida. He told me that he has been texting her she paid off our truck which I didn’t know until he left also I found out he change his mail address in Jan this year. I try calling and texting to get answers and he won’t respond to anything it’s like I am dead to him. I treated this man good he was the love of my life. I am so hurt by him. He even posted on his Facebook page that he is in a relationship with her and were still married.

    • Shauna

      Annette, I’m so sorry you have had to go through this. Delete his FB from your friends list then block. Don’t contact him, start with working on you. It’s hard cause even though I don’t want my ex back, im still angry….

    • pat

      My husband left me after 28 years he went of with a younger rich one he has come back a couple of times and like a fool I believe don’t him only to get hurt and humiliated again and again I’m still in bits and it has been 2 years I do still love him and will never move on what a sad woman I am

  • Juhi

    Thanks for the post. I ve been really depressed this past few months.. My husband of almost 3 years left me for another woman. We were engaged until he moved to Japan at August last year and than things started to get weird. He is 48 I am 19 and the OW is almost 60! He break up in November, telling me that he loved me but liked her and wasnt able to keep it going.
    I took a month to stop trying to contact him (he blocked me in EVERY SINGLE THING). In December she read my messages and they humiliated me.. he sent me to hell and told me that i am nothing to him and that he wants me to disappear… I am so so hurted…
    I love him so much he is one of my best friends. I told the OW to take care of him because he was a very nice person but she treated me poorly and said something like ”you cant compete with me”.
    I cant understand why he left me for her! I always did EVERYTHING to him, i am so glad i am not pregnnat or something like that. But it stills hurt.. I need him in my life, he is like a father figure to me.. I am still scared and depressed. I ve gained 5kg, and was trying to lost weight but now its everything ruined. I am so done.. he was everything i had, i.. i tried so much to be kind to him but.. Sorry i am really hurted..

    • Kim

      Hi all my name is Kim, just come across this site and really moved by the things I have read. My husband left in November, it would be our 30th wedding anniversary this year and I thought we were the unbreakable couple, until about three months before he left he turned into someone I didn’t know, he was nasty, cruel staying out late, drink driving, to be honest by the time he left it was a relief. But as with most men they don’t leave for nothing especially my husband who had a great life golfing and living like a single man, we don’t have children so no money worries. He is now with one of his old friends who has been with just about all our town and has the IQ of a brussell sprout, they have both been vehemently denying any romance for months until he came clean last week by text! on the very weekend he knew my best friend had been diagnosed with cancer. I hate him with a vengeance although wouldn’t have him back under any circumstances. The thing that’s has upset me the most apart from him seeming to forget anything that’s happened in the last 30 year (has abandoned my 82 year old mother who adored him and has been ill over it all) is the change of personality he has had, its like he has turned into a sociopath devoid of feeling, being as nasty as he possibly can over everything. You would think walking away from all you know for 30 years would be enough damage done especially now its official with the brussell sprout ,without being nasty and cruel. Is this a guilt thing? How can someone change so much?? It makes you lose faith in people. Hope you all go on to live happy lives and hope as my old mum says “god doesn’t pay his debts with money”. Km, England.

  • Catherine

    Husband of 38 years left me, also a chronic alcoholic, retired from job. He went to HS reunion and hooked up with thrice married ex girlfriend from early sixties. Divorced me,married her, she divorced him after three years, and now he has married nice woman he knew from elementary school! She, it seems is financially secure and they have been married for about 18 months. So, he divorced me in 2010 and married #3 in 2016! I am still trying to wrap my brain around all of this! Think a good shrink would have a field day with him! Also, he tried to make my life a living hell after he left me.

    • Angela

      My story belongs on the Jerry Springer show. It’s very embarrassing and hard to talk about.
      I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. He left me this past November. Well, he got busted actually. For many years I’ve been told that he may have had affairs. I just could never prove it. So, for many years I’ve turned my head. I started a new job last year and was very drawn to a co-worker. But, never acted on it because I loved my husband very much.
      One day our 15 year old daughter called me at work because she had found dirty text messages on her dad’s phone that wasn’t from or to her mother. This was the beginning of the end right here. This incident pushed me over the edge. And I began an affair with my also married co-worker. I moved out to sort out my feelings, but I never fully left my husband. He’d call crying begging me to come home. And I did. My affair lasted about 4 months.
      Going back home was like walking into a war zone. Our 20 year old son had moved in his 20 year old girlfriend with her 2 babies into our home. So home life became hectic. Never a chance for me & my husband. We both began drinking. Something we had never done before. And one day I decided to check his messenger.
      And there it was. Him and our son’s girlfriend chatting back and forth. My son had tried breaking up with her and telling her to leave and I was so blinded that I didn’t even see this going on under my nose in our Home! She wouldn’t leave and now I know why.
      My husband also just turned 40. A couple of days before he left I noticed him wearing an earring. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings when I noticed it. So I said nothing.
      He left on November 3rd and has been with this 20 yr old girl ever since. But, because of my own guilt and affair I turned my head. And thought well he just needs some time like I did. But, I lived in my apartment alone. My husband and this girl have not left each other’s side since he left. They moved in with one of his co-workers in his basement.
      I told him my boundary was him finding them a place. And what has he done? Found them a house to rent. He came and took our daughter with no discussion. She’s free to do as she pleases. And nothing I can do because we are legally married. Another kicker is he don’t want a divorce. Says it’s a waste of time and money. Yet refuses to fix us, blames me for everything, won’t pay our bills. He says I’m on my own.
      Not to mention the betrayal to our son. My husband thinks because they were broken up he is doing nothing wrong! My son had tried to forgive, but they end up fighting.
      I feel like at first this was my punishment for what I had done. But he’s taken this to another level! I am seeing a counselor to talk to. She don’t know what to think. His behavior is so erratic that she don’t know if it’s mid-life crisis or if something in his own mind has snapped.
      And my husband really don’t want a divorce. That’s the kick in the gut for me. And not to mention their “relationship” is plastered all over FB. He even has support from my family members!
      Him and this girl are telling each other they love each other. Which my counselor says is hog wash! That he don’t love her he’s just using her for an ego boost.
      I have filed for divorce and temporary relief. He’s left me in a mess with bills and he knows it.
      I can’t help but wonder if he’ll snap out of it once it hits his paycheck. I’ve told him you can’t live two lives. You can’t have a wife and girlfriend. Life don’t work that way. I have my good days and bad days. I lived my life for this man and our family. I can’t fully let it all go. My husband isn’t himself. He looks horrible. Like life has been sucked right out of him. But he refuses to leave this little girl. But, I’m pressing forward. As hard as it is. I have no choice. But, I’m lost and live in my own regret and shame everyday. If I hadn’t looked at his messenger that day. I never would’ve known. I’m blaming myself for all of it. And it’s embarrassing to even tell..

  • used and abused

    hi its not the affair or the leaving that hurts but the vile behaviour that he has shown towards me bullying shouting being vile name calling lying even when outed. Yet i have been honest and never shouted argued all i want is for him to sort out the last bits and go. I know that I will never get an apology but what i want is the last of the stuff sorted out and him gone for my friends to perhaps understand that i dont want to know what he does or where he is or that they have seen pictures of them together. is that to much to ask or even expect from a man with no shame yes but my friends no

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Sara,

    I’m sorry for your loss, for your children’s loss, and for your husband’s choice. It’s painful and sad when a family breaks up – and when kids lose their fathers for no good reason. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    One of my family members is experiencing a painful divorce, and their children are suffering greatly. I have a lot of thoughts on telling your kids about the separation and divorce, so I wrote this article:

    How to Help Your Children Through a Painful Divorce

    Read it, let me know if anything seems helpful to you. And as I told Heartbroken: acceptance really is the best way to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman. Surrender and let him go. Grieve and heal, so you can get healthy and strong…and so your heart opens up to love again.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Heartbroken,

    The best way to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman is as simple – and as difficult – as acceptance.

    Surrender to your husband’s decision. Accept that he is focusing on this other woman, and he has chosen to leave you behind. Allow yourself to grieve your new reality, and start looking forward.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I wish it wasn’t happening to you. But the fact is that the more you struggle and fight and rail against your life as it is, the worse you will feel.

    What would it feel like to simply accept that your husband has left you, and let go of everything you wished your marriage could be?

  • Sara

    About 6 weeks ago my husband, whom I’ve been with for 23 years, told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. That he’s unhappy with me and his job. He’s leaving me and our children and leaving his job and considering moving from our home in Canada to look for work in the USA.

    A few days later it came out that he met another women online and he’s going to be with her in Ohio.

    I’m working hard to accept that our marriage was not in a good place. I’ve not been happy for years myself. What angered me is that we didn’t try and work things out, and now it’s too late.

    What’s bothering me most right now is that he’s leaving the children. He’s ok with only seeing them once a month and a couple of weeks a year. That I’m going to be a full time single parent. This angers me. I know people who are divorced but have 50/50 custody. I told him that is what I’d want when he asked me what I wanted. But he’s not interested in staying around here.
    The children only know that we are separating and we will be selling the house and staying in the same schools. I don’t know how they will react to him actually leaving the country. He’s such a optimist that he thinks it will be great! Yet he’s not even around now to help them get through the hurt of our separation.

    Have you got any advice on how to help the children through this once he’s actually gone?

    • Sal


      I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult and emotionally challenging part of your life. To be left like you describe is the utmost hurt when you still have feelings. leaving the kids to is so distasteful on his part.

      I am 61. Let me tell you this. My feeling is you are left to raise your kids on your own.. I know the fear and anger you are feeling. I went through this too. You didn’t mention your kids’ ages. This is how I would proceed. Spend as much time as you can with your children. Rear them the very best you can. Be sure they know you love them. Be positive. Encourage them. Do your best to hide your anguish and now focus on what how you can become a fantastic mom and show your children the courage you have. They will highly respect you. It is tough raising children on your own, but the reward is they will soon be adults and if you are able to create a close bond all together with them, you will have your children for the rest of your life! They will come to help you as you grow older and you will be so thankful you had them! I have girlfriends who had a heck of a time raising rebellious kids that I thought nothing would ever become of them. To my surprise, they grew up to be very successful and adore their mothers. For the men, that is their lose. Sure, the kids will suffer from the husband’s selfishness, but they will prosper. Feeling pain and hurt in one form or another is not something we can totally avoid in this life. Give it your best. You will feel very good about yourself later and promise you that you will care less about the scrondrel ex. His days of suffering lies ahead. You’ll have your kids – he’ll have nothing. Think about it and do your best.

  • Heartbroken

    I am having a very hard time dealing with my husband that left me. Everyone tells me it gets better but I really don’t see any way it can.

    My husband started his own business 4 years ago. I supported him and cut back on everything from our very comfortable lifestyle that we had always had. I took care of the kids and kept our home nice. He has always been a hard worker, or so I thought. He would always work late hours even though for the past 15 years, I begged for him to be home to have dinner with me and the kids. He was always too busy. I always felt that I was not a priority and told him on many occasions throughout our marriage. This past year has been the hardest year ever. He stopped paying on our house that we built and we lost it, had to move out of the area (away from all my friends) and moved back to my hometown where I grew up.

    He was always traveling for his job, but when we moved here, he traveled much more. He would leave on Sunday nights and would tell me that he is tired and would come home on a Saturday morning flight. I always tracked his phone and he was where he said he was so i wasn’t worried about him cheating. I always tracked bc he was depressed and didn’t sleep and I would be afraid of him falling asleep while driving.

    On Halloween, he told me that he wasn’t happy and I would be better off without him. We had just celebrated our 15 year anniversary which he wasn’t home for. That night, he told me that he loved his job more then his family. I asked him if he wanted to work on our relationship or just get a divorce. He cried and said he didn’t know. He had to leave on another trip and when he came back 4 days later, we talked about counseling and working to communicate better.

    He had to leave on a trip again the next day, and that’s when I got a facebook message from some woman with pictures of her and my husband. She forwarded me all the text messages and emails between them telling me he said he was divorced. She now knows that he is married but they are still together. My husband left me for her after she called me and told me everything.

    After doing a little investigating, I have since learned that she is actually a prostitute that my husband hired over 12 times and now he thinks he is in love with her. He had been taking her all over the country on his business trips. Meanwhile, I always asked if he would take me on trips so we could have mini vacations. He always told me he didn’t have time. He has also opened over 5 credit cards in my name and maxed them out paying for things for her – all the while, I have been living on a very small income and not doing things with my kids bc we “didn’t have the money”.

    He is still taking her all over the place and showering her with gifts. He doesn’t talk to me and once in a blue moon calls the kids, but blames me for not allowing him to talk to them. But the irony of it all is that the whore has 4 kids of her own and he talks and texts them everyday. He never had time for us in all the years we were together.

    It is so hurtful and I am so heartbroken. I loved him even though he wasn’t perfect. No one is. I did everything for him. He just told me the other day that he really believes that I never loved him. He tries to tell me I forced him to cheat because I was not a good wife. That is so far from the truth. He told this woman that I abused my kids and he was going to kidnap them and take them away from me. He also said that I was a mean and hateful ugly person. How does someone talk so bad about someone they have been with for almost 20 years? I cry all the time. I can’t really function because all I do is think about what they are doing together. I don’t really eat, I don’t sleep and I am just numb. I feel like there is a huge weight on my heart. I think I would be happier if he was miserable, but the fact that he keeps telling me this prostitute is the love of his life, it’s like a knife stabbing me over and over.

    I keep waiting everyday for him to call or text or email me telling me he made a terrible mistake and that he wants to come home, but I know that will never happen. How do you just walk away from your family that loved you so much? I don’t think I will ever understand. I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. My friends are supportive but all of them tell me to snap out of it. I can’t make my heart catch up to my brain. How do you deal?

    • Donna

      Oh Heartbroken, time is what it is going to take for all of us to heal. I am 5 months into this and I can tell you that I am much better today than I was than the first 2 weeks. It was all I could do to hold liquids down initially. Sometimes it is good to look in the rear view mirror, to see where we were and think about where we are going in our personal journey. Please take care of yourself first, and everything else will follow. If you have to set the alarm earlier for me time, do it, or have me time when your children are in bed.
      My husband tossed me aside like a grocery bag, not even worth a second chance or any effort. This speaks volumes about him, not me, which I tell myself again and again. Right now, if my husband did beg for my forgiveness, I hope that I could grant it so that it would help me move forward.
      I read blogs like this and others to help me cope. I also read about narcissists, which I believe my husband is, but had no signs prior to this.
      I started working out to boost my confidence, and to help me sleep. Also I hope that a strong body will give me a stronger mind. If you like tea, try sleepy time tea at night. The last thing I do every night is say “Let go, let God”
      Please believe that you are going to get through, around and over this, because we will.

    • Ariana

      My story is similar, but our departure started in feb and we were never married but together for 9 years. We have 2 sons and he helped raise my eldest from my first marriage. Definately, difficult. So now that a few month have passed by for you, how are you now?is he still blaming you? Is there any remorse from him?

    • Angie B

      That’s heartbreaking to read. It amazes me how they manage to just shut out every part of their life up until they leave. Similar story, 24 years, coming up for a year and I can’t really function. I have no place, don’t belong anywhere if that makes sense . I used to be driven, now I just exisit.
      Hope u are moving forward, at least by a little.
      The slapper will probably end up ditching him for something better, fingers crossed!

  • Donna

    We have been married just 3 months shy of 35 years. Moved across the country for his new Operations and Sales manager job. After 4 months, I started working there too and just loved my job! The twice married 33 year old receptionist really struggles doing the job and was ready to fire her, because she was not capable of doing all of the duties correctly. He moved her into a sales position, where they now openly flirt with one another. After 4 months of constant training I ask him if she is capable of this position. He assures me she is doing great and still needs help closing a sale. August 2nd he comes home from work and tells me I have never been happy in our marriage, just matter of fact. I disagree, he asks me where I have been happy, I start naming places we have visited and state that a bad day here and there does not equal a bad marriage. We do everything together and have the same common interests. He goes on saying that he sees how I light up when we visited our sons, it has been a year since we’ve seen them! Beginning of July we had a realtor showing us a home to purchase and spent weekends shopping for furniture! Sadly I did not take the bait, so now he tells me he feels nothing for me, nothing and to get a boyfriend, he does not care! I can honestly tell you I felt as though I had asthma, I could barely catch my next breath from crying/ sobbing so hard. I fall asleep and at 3 am I think of his cells phones, I demand he unlock them, he does and I find all of the texts and emails stating they love each other, are soul mates, the hotels they are going to and body parts!15 of the texts was on a Saturday where we had all been working together preparing for the end of the month. I kick him out, he moves in with her, I ask with her husband? He says he left the 2nd week in July. Fast forward to Dec. They moved into our apartment that we shared right after I left that I just found out about. He didn’t even help me move! Her 2nd divorce was finalized 3 weeks ago and he is more than ready to dissolve ours. I have moved back to the east coast and am currently living with our youngest son and his wife trying to pick the pieces of my life back together. I struggle with the deception from both of them as I feel they set me up. This is most horrifying situation of my life. My sons, family, dear friends and my faith have kept me going with a glimmer of hope that my life will get better than it is right now.

  • Alison Mann

    I have been with my partner for almost 7 years. After having two husbands who used to beat me, he was the kindest, sweetest man I’d ever met. The only problem we had was his adult daughters. Despite my doing everything possible to get along, they hated me and made my life hell with their jealousy and vindictiveness. We survived this though and were really happy.
    At the beginning of this year he started to pull away. Due to my severe abandonment issues from childhood, I became very clingy and needy and it made him even worse. He became very depressed as he has severe work stress and also his ex wife decided to take him to court for yet more money. He cut off intimacy in April and on holiday in Switzerland in June, he told me that he’s been controlled all his life and never done anything for himself and wanted to start going places on his own and making his own decisions. He said he loved me, but the passion had gone. I immediately accused him of having an affair.
    He kept telling me all through the summer that we would be okay and just needed to heal. In November he said that he didn’t want us anymore. I went to pieces. I wanted answers and eventually he said that he was in love with one of his employees; a 32 year old Polish woman, who is 21 years younger. He then left and after an hour at the village pub, came home and said that none of it was true and he had said it to give me the reason I was seeking.
    He rented himself a 3 bed house and left me homeless. I’ve been staying with my son and have had to give up my job as tomorrow I’m moving 60 miles away to live with my daughter. He said that he needed to sort him himself out and that he was leaving the door open to the possibility of us getting back together. He said he needed to miss me.
    His children stayed with him at Christmas and posted a photo on facebook of them and there was another woman. I bombarded him with texts and phone calls, which he ignored. He eventually met up with me yesterday for coffee. He still wouldn’t say who this woman was. I spent the time accusing him and he said that he wants us to remain friends, meet up for days out etc and who knows what the future holds?
    I just can’t deal with it all. I can’t eat, sleep or handle anything. If he wasn’t going through what appears to be a breakdown, it would be easier, but it’s just destroying me being out in the cold.

  • TC

    My husband of 27 years just told me a week after my 49th birthday (October 14) that he loved me but not the way a man should love his wife. Then in November he told me that he was in love with his girlfriend of 30 years ago when he was 15 to 16 , we met when he was 17 and we got married when he turn 18. We have had a great marriage over the years. We have been through so many things four years of him being a marine which included Dessert Storm and time in Turkey. Then I supported him while he earn his education in political Science and then law school . We have five beautiful children ages 23 to 15. If you ask anyone in the family they are as shocked as I am of this recent epiphany of his. He has been a husband who has adored me throughout our time together with the most beautiful words a man could say to a woman. Even two weeks before he dropped the bomb on me he was dedicating live songs to me and telling me how he would love me forever. Now he is in love with his first girlfriend and they are planning their lives together. He tells me it’s not a choice because if he had to choose he would choose me but he feels that she is the missing piece of his puzzle. He wants a divorce because he can not live with her if we are not divorced because it’s wrong. He has already gone to see her and has broken our commitment if vows. I. Am heartbroken and just overwhelmed with the position he has left me in. It Sucks because I love him and I have to let go of all the things we where planning three months ago for our future our family our retirement and have to educate myself and get a job in my 50’s what a terrible thing to do to somebody who stood by you in good times and bad and all the other ups and downs and journeys that build a great marriage

  • Judith Anderson

    we have only been married a little over a year but have been together 14. shortly after we were married in August he met her in March, it continued all thru the spring, summer and fall and he left yesterday. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and wants to be with her. His behavior makes no sense and I have been by his side while he went thru his cancer treatments and he may need more. He acts like he hates me. I cannot even talk to him right now.

  • Lily Smith

    My story is rather different. My husband which i never lived with, lives in Germany. Our relationship of 4 years seems a lie now. We have always traveled to see eachother for all our relatiinship. He has meet my family and i met his. We were 1 legal step before me relocating me and my son from a previous marriage to germany where he is deployed. 1 week ago i found out he is seeing another women there. He has no plans on leaving her and he is done with me. I felt betrayed because we have waited 4 years to be together. All along he lied and cheated on me. He blocked me form all point of contact and went on with his life. Like im some disposible person. The sad part is that he made my son believe that he would be his new dad. I realize God has sheild me from this man. If i would of left my life, job, family and went after him and then i find this out in Germany, i would of been stuck for real. I know this is Gods will but it hurts. It hurts being blocked from a person u had contact every single day for 4 years. Its barely my 9th day and all my dreams of living with him and our future of germany have been shattered

    • Tai

      I just came across your story and hopefully you are doing better. Yes , you are correct. God allowed you to see the REAL him before you made a major move to uproot you and your son. Yes, it’s painful what you’re going through but he is a coward. Straight up! The very least he could’ve done was talk to you like a man to give you closure, not throw a rock and hide his hand like a five-year-old. You really dodged a bullwt. He sounds unstable. It will take time but you will get over this. My advise to you is to seek God and wait on His guidance when selecting a mate next time. Ask God if this man is the one He has for you and He will show you but you have to be patient during the wait. Another thing, don’t sleep with them unless you’re married to them. This is how women end up bonded to them. Not to say they won’t leave a marriage but like I always say. If he will commit fornication with you, he’ll commit adultery on you because he doesn’t boundaries. If he respects you, he will respect your body and mind as well. If he doesn’t have a REAL relationship with God…..Run!!! There is a reason Gods laws are in place and it’s to protect us. Hopefully you have a relationship with God so you can be led by His Spirit. Acts 2:38 is His plan of salvation if you don’t know. Take care and God bless!

    • wilson jennifer

      I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been married for almost 19 years. My husband walked out on me 10 months ago and it has been the hardest time of my life. I had discovered his affair with a woman that is 15 years younger than him. When I questioned him he moved out saying he has not been happy for 3 years, which happened to be the same time we were going to have another baby. He was unexpected but a true blessing. We have a 17 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. We thought we were never going to be able to have another baby as I had 4 miscarriages. I feel he is going through a mid life crisis. He still denies the affair but she has been traveling with him and she is always with him. Even so much that she is now hanging out with my brother and sister n law. I feel betrayed by everyone. I continue to pray and hope my husband wakes up and realizes what he is giving up.

  • Laura

    My partner of close to ten years started an emotional affair about 6 months ago with a woman he works with who is 11 years younger than him. I found out and confronted him – he told me it was a terrible mistake and that I was the only one for him and he would do everything in his power to prove it to me. I decided to give our relationship another chance. We started seeing a couple’s councellor together and he had me, her and all of our mutual friends convinced that everything was fine. We even spoke about trying for a baby, chose the names, everything! Then i discovered recently that he is continuing his affair with this other woman and that it’s now at the stage where the 2 of them are discussing him leaving me, behind my back. I discovered this only 1 day after our most recent councelling session in which we discussed re-building trust in the relationship. So, I confronted him again and he admits he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore and he’s leaving to be with her. It’s just so incredibly confusing to be treated in this way. Did he keep me around while he moved on emotionally from our relationship to make it easier? Did he keep me around while he was making his mind up about what was best for him, or until he knew she was committed enough that he could jump into his next relationship? The betrayal is enormous. He knew how much I wanted to have a baby and now I am 33 and single and he willingly took an extra 6 months of my life with no intention of staying. He says he didn’t know how to tell me and didn’t want to hurt me but that’s just so cowardly and such an immature way to handle your feelings. I think in the long run it will be the best thing that’s happened to me as who wants to be with someone who can lie and cheat for so long in that way, all while we consciously discussed and tried to repair the damage from the original affair! I am devastated. I have moved out so have no home and I had to leave our dog with him too. All the while he moves onto the next girl to live happily ever after. It seems to unfair. I loved him so very much for such a very long time and to think he didn’t even have the respect to honour our very loving relationship with some respect is sickening. It makes me wonder if I have spent 10 years with someone who never loved me at all. He has shattered my self-esteem; he’s been watching me torture myself trying to hold the relationship together. What type of person can play with someone’s feelings so carelessly? I’ve wondered if he is a narcissist. I guess I don’t really know. I’m trying so hard to be positive and focus on myself, of course it’s near impossible. He dominates my thoughts every waking moment and then at night he’s in my dreams. Seems to cruel.

    • Maddie

      Your story seems very similar to mine. My husband left me for the chance of being with another woman who was also in a relationship and has a baby. She hasn’t left her partner yet but has said she wants to be with my husband. I’m working on accepting what has happened and moving on. How are you going now?

      • Laura

        Hi Maddie,

        I am trying to work on the same. I have good days and very very bad days but I suppose that’s normal and to be expected. It’s difficult to come to terms with the loss of your whole life as you knew it. Sometimes I battle to stop the obsessive thoughts and remain positive; I’m doing my best. Everyone says it will get easier and I’m sure they’re right. How are you?

    • rachel

      Your husband sounds like a classic covert toxic narcissistic personality disorder. They lack empathy. It doesn’t exist only their fictitious foreself exist. It is insatiable, lustful, cheating and never ending desire for narcissitic supply. I too have suffered at the evil hands of these sort of folk. He never had any intention of reconciling with you. They love to hurt empaths. They actually ate us. Look up narcissistic personality disorder on youtube

    • Brit

      You story is the same exact as mines as well. We managed to have a doctors appointment with the fertility doctor the same week I found out about her. She also thinks it is extremely funny and ok for her to be with my husband. I dont understand why anyone has to go through this at all. The range of emotions is daunting.

    • Olivia

      I am in the exact situation. Their emotional affair has been going on for months if not years. She’s 12 years younger than he is. He started a fight and told me he had depression so I moved out. I came home to find her things in our house 4 days after I left. I’m crushed and completely blind sided. He brought her to our bed. To make matters worse she has had sex with at least 2 of his friends. I don’t understand.

    • kate

      Your situation is very similar to mine, in the fact that my husband of 11 years left me back in July, for an older woman of 40, Czech lady, with lots of money. They are currently travelling the world together… He issued me with the divorce papers a few months later. We were 13 when we met, started a serious relationship. This is my first ever break-up at 35. So hard et painful, still 5months on… I to am consumed day et night with thoughts about him et her having fun. Only Christmas day, they posted their engagement on fb, so another slap in the face their. I hope in time these continuous thoughts will diminish et I will be able to forget him, move on be happy with someone else again in the future. Kate

      • Angela

        That is truly awful and I feel for you. He is a piece of work! It would be good if you could keep yourself surrounded by your friends. Mine have been a great support.
        He is very aggressive towards me and even his new woman has been messaging from his phone, as if he hadnt hurt me enough he gets the boot in. 6 days down the line and trying to stay sane, house has to be sold also. Worst thing is him acting like we never happened at all! Also his family have backed off including my stepson whom I was close to.
        Time for you to let a good man into your life, they aren’t all bad!
        Thanks for your kind words. Hope you get distance eventually x

    • Lorraine

      Laura I’m sorry that you’re going through this awful time in your life. I am also in the same position. A few things of what you have wrote are the same as my husbands actions. Cowardly actions! They don’t seem to have a back bone when it comes to leaving their wives, they find another woman to go to first before they can move on. My husband is 54 and he left me for a 25 year old who looks like she belongs on the Jeremy Kyle show! It’s just unbelievable. Not only do we have to deal with the fact that they have lied, cheated and seemed to have walked away without a care in the world but he has ended up living on a hell hole of a street which he wouldn’t have wanted to even walk down at one time. It causes us to be totally embarrassed and disgusted. But you know what? What goes around comes around and I believe in Karma do let them get on with it! We will become stronger with time and will have our lives back I track just as theirs are about to fall to pieces again. Upwards and onwards girl! X

  • Cheryl

    My husband announced after 15 years together he is leaving me for a 20 year old girl from work (he’s 37). It cam as such a bolt out of the blue, he never said he was unhappy, even after I first found out about it he told me he loved me and it was a mistake so I took him back only for 2 weeks later him to announce he was leaving for her….again!
    We have 2 boys together and i have 2 from my 1st marriage (also cheated on me!), and our oldest together is 14 selective mute and autistic, he can not cope with what is happening and it’s breaking my heart to see him suffer. His Dad doesn’t seem to care the hurt he has caused us all, he just cannot wait to run off with his ridiculously young mistress (our son is only 6 years younger!).
    I am so hurt and grieving for what I thought our marriage was, the future I thought we had together and the loneliness I am feeling at the moment is all consuming.
    I know I will get through this eventually and come out the other side stronger, I do not even recognise the man who has walked out on us. He is a mean spirited, bad tempered selfish person who does not deserve us.

    • M

      He is a piece of crap human. Garbage. I’m sorry for your son. My son is similar. And my ex too.
      Karma will be awful to them. And the girl will tire of him, trust me. And he looks like a LOSER to everyone lol

    • Gwen

      Cheryl. you are literally me(39), except I am nearing 5 months now since my ex husband (37)chose to leave the marriage for a very young girl (19), and QUICKLY RUSHED me out of our home we shared for 10 of our 15 years together while I’m left here in the middle of a road I never wanted to be on again, stranded, left to pick up the pieces -all while he moves on like the past 15 years, and I , never even existed.

      Sadly, My 16 year old son (ALSO from a previous marriage in which my ex husband cheated) was the one who notified me of the betrayal. This was after my husband couldn’t get me out of our home fast enough in the beginning of August-when he made the choice to throw us out so callously, completely blindsiding me with this whole thing-all whilst I wondered why he was repeatedly lying, starting ridiculous arguments, nitpicking everything from how I “let myself go” in the past few months (as in gaining as little as 5 lbs), to the way I chewed my food , when he was around at home for almost the entire month of July (I have since learned from him, he met her on July he knew her for a whopping MONTH when he kicked me out.). At the time, I was not only working a physically demanding full time job which included a two hour commute both ways, but was also running HIS home based business full-time, which enabled him to even MEET and have $$ to wave at this little home wrecking wench in the first place.

      ~Since the day he threw us out , I had began to, and over the last 5 months, (aug-dec) have lost 35 lbs, and I’m now back to the size I was 16 years ago, when we decided to become a couple when he moved home from college after graduating, and after about 4 months passed of my shocking finding of my FIRST husband cheating on me. WITH A 20 YEAR OLD. (However my 1st husband and I weren’t that old back then. But STILL.)

      ~ as of yesterday, they as in my ex and new girl, are gone to Europe for new years. My son told me that lovely info too. More sickening news that a 19 year old replacement is getting to enjoy my ex all to herself now over her holiday break from college. In a foreign country. Talk about moving fast. They just have barely known each other 6 months, and she’s been living with him since her holiday break started in early DEC.

      Sorry for the rant, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone Cheryl, and anyone else going thru the heartbreak of losing your husband to betrayal and cheating . I would have sadly probably reconciled a few short months ago, in fact I was about to, until that night when my ex dropped the bomb on me of the fact that he was going full on with this young immature girl who is nothing like me. And even threw in the fact that it was too late for me to have healthy children with him now, as I am 39. Thanks for throwing the last jab in there and reminding me I’m probably no good or useful to any other man at this point either. Not that I would even CONSIDER another man at this point in time. I’m still struggling daily that my husband is gone forever to make babies with…a baby. Ugh. 5 months has gone by and I’m really still getting cut deeply every time I start to feel a teensy bit human, I hear from my son or mutual friends we had about their escapades and lavish life they’re living as its plastered all over fb. And to think my divorce isn’t final, nor are my things back in my possession yet, as I don’t even have permission to enter what was once MY home to get my belongings, and then I hear from someone now his new gf is posting all over fb how she is ” going through JUNK and taking things to the dump” that are probably MINE. PUKE. All while he is full speed ahead with his foot on the relationship accelerator with her…I’m sure as soon as the divorce is final, they’ll be married within a month at this rate. I’ll never understand how. Just wanted you ladies to know if you want to chat, I’m here to listen anytime! Sometimes we all need a shoulder, especially someone going through the same type of personally unwanted divorce. we never asked for being left for someone else.

      • Ren

        Sounds like my life… husband of 10 years refuses to provide spousal support but runs around every week with his chick from the bar( soon to be ex is a alcoholic)

  • Karen

    My ex left me about 2 months ago and started dating my sons therapist. I was so heart broken but after many confrontations I realized he is just not worthy of what I have to offer. we have two autistic children and he has left our family to go play house with her and her autistic son. No matter what anyone else says I know it’s hard and it hurts but any man, especially the father of your children that disrespects you in this way is clearly lost and childish. No matter what i know I will pull through and be the role model my boys need me to be.

  • Sandra

    My husband has been cheating on me for 6 years with another woman and they have a child together. When I found out I forgave him but he never stopped seeing her and just a few days ago he filed for divorce. He is willing to leave his 7 year old autistic son and me with nothing. I feel like I am dying inside.

    • BrokenAgain

      I feel you. My husband has been cheating and lying and gaslighting me for 5 years. Finally left me for his most recent “friend”. She has been smug and sending messages. I have been blocking her. Why would another woman condone this? How can my husband do this to me? I’m so broken, I can’t imagine ever healing. :,(

      • SweetRed

        Everyone heal in a different way. My husband is a cold piece of work. He thinks he’s some type of pimp. Getting over on ladys that get on dating websites. Beware of Jason porter. He’s a Lier told me he had 3 kids the baby momma that he left me for said he has 6 kids. Lied to her n said that the tattoo on his arm is his dead grandma come to find out it’s the other baby momma name. Come to find out he told me he was never married he was married to the second to last baby momma for 12 years. Told me the oldest child momma was dead nope she’s not. He don’t claim three kids. The last baby momma the one he left me for beats him. So for him marrying me she will beat him for that. That’s the reason he left the 1st time.

    • Arran

      My partner has done the same to me we have a 3 year old autistic daughter and she just left after 7 years , If you’re like me and you honestly loved you’re partner and you wanted, thought and were told you were going to be forever happy then there is nothing wrong with you AT ALL!!!!! I understand all the thoughts that are going through you’re head
      I’m feeling them to I really am the pain is unbearable , I believe these websites are the best place for me right now speaking to people in my situation you are not alone the same broken heart as you in a different place , x

    • Angela

      Hope u are managing to move forward. My husband left me on Christmas eve for a younger woman after 23 years. I am completely numb and grief stricken

  • Beka

    My fiancé left me a week ago for another woman. We have an almost 2 year old son together, and I just hit 24 weeks of pregnancy with our second son. I can not stand the betrayal and the hurt that he is causing me and our baby growing inside of me. I am coming to terms with the fact that this is what it is and this will not define me as a person. I read countless messages between him and his new mistress meeting up together and then coming home and lying to my face about where he’s been. All while I am waiting at home missing my fiancé and crying myself to sleep wondering what the hell is happening to my relationship. I was too blind to see it coming. I hope I can come out of this a stronger person, and I hope I can find the courage to love again. I don’t have many people to talk to because no one I know has been through a situation like this. I thought maybe it would be helpful to get some of this out with other women who are experiencing the same disrespect and heartbreak. Stay strong, ladies! Easier said than done, though.

    • Li

      I’m going through something similar. My husband of 6 years left me for his co-worker two months before our anniversary. He said he wants a divorce and is leaving at 3’oclock today. What?! I was 8 months pregnant. I knew he liked this woman, but he denied it for 2 years. Now, I find out that they have been sexually involved while he and I also have been (if you know how pregnancy sex is, you know how it is). I was so emotional, especially when my 4 yr old daughter was the one who told me about them two sleeping together. I am now with family and my two children trying to make sense of it all. His family still wants us to be together, but I’m convinced that it’s over. To think, the other woman is less attractive with 4 kids! All I can do now is stay positive, hide my tears, and hope one day that my daughter eventually stops asking for her daddy to come get her and take her to our “house”! God is real, and I believe that he will comfort me during this time and present to me the blessings that he couldn’t give me while I was giving so much to my husband. I admit, that I made mistakes as a wife, but that is no reason at all for him to leave me without trying to fix us first. Divorce is common, but it’s not right. I know that I will meet a man that will value marriage as I do. God says to “trust me, and follow me”. As long as I do that, I’ll be fine. It’s been 3 months, and I’m not in jail or dead. I must be doing something right. Prayer, talking to women who have been through it, staying busy, and attending fellowship as often as possible is the best thing to do for me. It sucks that we have children who will want to see their father, but guess what…. All things are possible through Christ. You never know what tomorrow brings…. That’s all I’m saying.

      • Patsy

        My husband is an alcoholic and I asked him to leave 4 months ago. He recently told me he has met someone and has fallen in love with her. He drinks everyday. He has been telling me he still loves me and needs me in his life. We have been together 15 years and I have been struggling with his alcohol addiction for that long. We have four children and we are all hurting. We deserve better. I go to 3 AlAnon meetings a week for support. I go to AA as well. I have a counselor working with me on codependency. I go to church because I need God in my life. He is the only one who can change me. I know one day my husband will wake up and regret what he has done and we will not be around. I am not a reflection of his disease. I will recover. I am hurting because of the lack of trust in our marriage. I valued the sanctity of marriage and he didn’t. He will answer to God someday. Thank you God for helping me take the positive from my memories and leaving the rest.

    • Diana j Gonzalez

      I feel your pain of learning how to cope when your husband leaves you, I hope you get past this and have a healthy baby who will always love you.

  • Angela

    My husband became involved with a woman he went to high school with at least 6 months ago. I believe closer to a year, and also that there were others before her. He left me and our 9 year old son and will not call our son on his own cell to speaks to him or text despite my emails asking him to. It has been 3 weeks and nothing. I filed for divorce and he is hiding. He works still but is not accessible there. I have been getting his mail still and received a credit card statement showing he put a deposit on an apt 2 weeks before he left. When he left he took 2,000 out of our joint account and bought a $30,000 Harley for him and this person to ride on. He left is each a note and said he is a liar and cheater and I don’t deserve that. No kidding. He’s a coward and she is trash who left her husband and daughter. I cannot get past my anger and immense hatred for them both. I don’t know how to get past my stupidity for trusting and loving such a terrible person who drank and was nasty when he did. Yet I’m not good enough and this person is? I feel broken sometimes and others I feel strong. It’s a roller coaster everyday. My son doesn’t even want to see him and said he doesn’t really miss his dad. Further more, if he wants her so badly then why is he hiding from being served divorce papers when I told him they were coming and asked for us to be civil.

  • Laurie

    Yes, it’s not “just” about losing your marriage after your husband leaves you for another woman. It’s about the death of your dreams and your old life…and it’s about your kids having to face a whole new reality.

    There are no magic breakup survival tips or secrets for rebuilding, I’m afraid. It’s really hard to start over after a betrayal like this.

    But there is hope! Have faith that you will survive this, you will rebuild, and you will be happy again! You can do this. Trust God, trust that He didn’t create you to be unhappy or bitter. He created you for a specific purpose. He created you to live fully and deeply…and this is your chance.

    Hold on to what is good and true and right. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and soon you will be running!

  • patricia

    I am going through that hell right now, how do I cope when he left me for another woman? I married my husband in 1992. We had 2 kids together. He drank alot that he cannot drink a couple and stop he has to drink till he passes out near enough every night. That put a strain on our marriage but he refused to see it and I thought one day he would realise he has a problem and seek help plus I loved him.
    I am facing bankruptcy and have to start from the very bottom again on my own while still trying to access help for my son’s condition. And yet I was still begging my husband to reconsider and to give us another go. I feel so lost without him. He hurt me like I never thought possible. I feel betrayed and cheated and yet I still want him. And today he tells me in message that he just wants to move on. I have been a mess for weeks or months but the last few days have been the worst. I just cry for nothing. Out of nowhere tears pour out. I honestly don’t know how I will overcome this one. I have overcome alot over the years but I feel this is just too hard for me to do. I feel like I am worthless cause if the man I gave my all to for 23 years, the father of my children can just throw me aside like a piece of old junk. What chance have I got in life? I am 47 years old with nothing to my name, facing a life of debt and most probably poverty and the man I thought was my best friend just wants to move on. How can people be so cruel and uncaring? And how the hell do I even start to rebuild my life? I didn’t just lose my husband, or my marriage. I lost everything and I am expected to move on.

    • Michelle

      I completely understand how you feel. I just found out that my husband has someone else (and has been talking to her for months) last Friday. When I found out he went directly to her house and has been there since. I can not stand the fact of knowing where he is right now. Me and the kids are completely devastated and heartbroken. I honesty thought that we were better than we have ever been. We (even until the day I found out) were that “sickeningly loving” couple. We never fought and actually held hands and cuddled all the time. It wasn’t about sex bc that is a problem that we have had for years, his testosterone has been messed up. So he had a wife at home that would give it to him any time he wanted it. And like you I just want him to come home. I don’t care what he has done I just want our marriage back. I’m starting to wonder if it’s possible to die of a broken heart. It’s the worst pain ever. I’ve been living on Xanax for the past few days, it’s the only way that I’m able to function. In 6 months we would have been married for 10 years, about a week ago we were even talking about going some place tropical to renew our vows. So I honestly have no clue how someone who claimed to love meso much can just drop me like yesterday’s trash.

      • Bonnie

        I sure understand what you are going through! My husband is with the married whore next door. She began pursuing my husband a year ago. I only found out because his nephew caught them kissing and he told my son. My son checked his phone and took photos of the text messages, photos and videos. I was devastated!!!! I confronted him and I punched her in her slutty face when she touched me and began pushing me out of a store I didn’t realize she worked in. I have copied their filth pics and have left them at her house for her husband to find. He knows about the affair now, but she has moved out, and I am sure with my husband. He has lied to me for years, yet I also thought things were getting better. I didn’t know he was lying until my son gave me the evidence. He is after money. I told him NO more debt with my name on it! She has property, a new house, etc…and plans on selling it. He was intrigued with that. I am beyond livid. I left my home, my friends and family, and my 2 businesses when I married him 13 yrs ago. It has been hard since day 1 because of his jealous sister and mother but I thought things would get better over the years. They have passed an STD on to me and I sure hope I am awarded damages for that!!! The crazy thing is, I love him and if he would go to counseling and get this crap figured out and dedicate his life to me and our marriage, I would take him back. I also was waiting here at home for him. He was never turned down for sex. Never! We would hold hands when we did go somewhere and we would enjoy talking to each other…so what the hell????? I am totally sick over it!!!

      • Hurt

        I totally know what you are feeling, I’m going thru the same thing and my chest is always heavy! I don’t know how this will work out but I’m believing God for the best. My boys are my hope….. I gave my all to this guy but he is apparently a Gold digger. He is on all social sites, I even spoke to the lady and she apologized only for her to turn around and tell my husband to move in with her!!!! The law of Karma is just around the corner…. I’m broken totally, have got no help whatsoever…… Beware of Phantombruce, Dave Yemo or David. Those are the names he uses……

    • Ashara Dayne

      I totally sympathise. I felt exactly the same after I discovered my husband had been cheating for years. I became severely depressed and my life fell apart. That was six years ago. The only thing that helped was meeting someone new. You need a certain amount of time to go through the grieving process and experience the seven stages (disbelief, anger, bargaining etc), but after that I think it’s possible to get stuck on anger and make yourself ill.
      You need the support of family or friends to get you through. Keep busy and distract yourself if you find yourself ruminating endlessly.
      I was plotting all sorts of revenge, in fact I posted her details on, but it didn’t really help.
      What we all did wrong was trusting our husbands to keep their marriage vows. We should all be taught never to totally trust a man not to stray, then it won’t be so devastating when it happens. Especially these days. If you join a dating site there are literally hundreds of young attractive men looking for sex with older women. If that’s what you want go for it. I didn’t want it but ended up meeting someone who is young, super fit, lean strong and great looking. Sex is fantastic. After years with my fat ugly selfish arrogant ex it is refreshing experience. It is the only way IMHO.

  • C

    I just find it crazy…my husband bought me flowers v day that Sunday held me so tight then went to work never returned. No call, text nothing I had found his car n that’s all it took he was caught. He came to my job I work at my daughters school n he would stare at me but no words or text. So I finally told him through text not to visit her there. We are still married 12 years July he now lives with his co worker mistress and still hasn’t told me a thing she is married also. He says he’s not coming back but he’s not sure about divorce. They were recently both fired from there job for having sex at work. He comes to get my daughter sometimes and acts as if he’s doing nothing wrong. I have fasted 35 days n pray daily for restoration its been 4 months. I feel he is confused. He’s never been away from his daughter one day until this. We also had a great marriage n were like glue never done anything without the other. But at work he had her. He will not have contact with his family either idk what to do, this is literally like a death. One month after he left me my mom passed away. This has been the hardest thing ever!!!

  • D. Whitney

    Very quickly, in just a matter of a few months, my husband withdrew emotionally from our marriage. He was my best friend and had been for 13 years. I asked him what was going on, but he would just give his standard response, “nothing.”

    Two days after Valentine’s Day…which he did not acknowledge…he asked for a separation. He said WE were just not happy anymore. I tried to explain to him that I loved him very much and that I was willing to do whatever it took to make our marriage work (I would have gone to hell and back for him)… But, it didn’t matter. I moved home to my parents while he moved out. Two days later he was researching divorce.

    After four, of the absolute worst weeks of my life, I found out that he was already living with her. He had come home many times during throughout this month to visit me and our cat. He even made love to me twice…but he was in love with another woman.

    I can honestly say, that this experience has changed me. I’ve lost my trust in others and my innocence. It has not even been one year since our divorce, and he’s already celebrated his one year anniversary with her. My pain still overcomes me some days. When will I recover?

    If my closest friend, my family, my lover, my everything was capable of such betrayal, then anyone is.

    • Paula

      This happened to me after 23 yrs of what I thought was a stable loving marriage. I won’t bore you with details such as he left for another woman who had divorced her husband after 25 yrs… We all we friends and attended church together for years. Long story short I did a heck of a lot of research and found “Chaos Kid Midlife crisis.” You can google it and get free info and videos to listen to that will likely explain your husband actions to a tee. I’d love to hear from you after you look at that. It’s epidemic but life goes on. I’ve since remarried a Wonderful man

  • Mary

    So, my story is a bit different. After 25 years of marriage, my husband told me he cared about me but he wasn’t in love with me. I was stunned, to say the least. We had done marriage counseling a few years earlier, when he had confessed to an online affair and after several months of that, he had pronounced us “cured.” Ha ha!

    So, about 5 years after that, he announces that he needs to leave. I said, okay, I will help you tell the kids.
    He refused to even consider talking with our kids together about it. It took him another 6 months to actually leave, in the meantime, we still slept in the same bed, but I would try very hard not to accidentally touch him. So that meant no real sleep. Ugh. Anyway, one day the kids and I came home to find his golf clubs, his suits and his toiletries gone. That was all he took. Oh, and the Beatles’ CDs. He told our daughter that night, after a baseball game, that he was going to stay in the city. He never really ever talked to our son about it. But right after he left, I found out about all of the emails, coffee dates, dinner dates, gifts and such to several other women over the years. He’s an idiot.

    It’s now 13 years later, and we are just now finalizing the divorce. We tried 3 other times to do it, but he always backed off, scared of how much it would cost him. And, foolish woman that I am, I thought I was comfortable with the status quo.

    He has not been miserly. Our finances are joined. He and I have put the kids through college, and paid the mortgage on the house and his apartment. But now he has decided he wants to finalize everything, because it will be ‘cleaner’ that way. I read that for ‘girlfriend is pressuring him to commit to her.’

    My worry now is that I will not be business-like enough during the divorce process, and will have to accept a reduced living circumstance. I’m not very good at being angry at him. I want the kids to feel like they can have both parents at the same events, etc, but I feel that if I press for a more favorable settlement, I will alienate everyone. So, after 13 years, I need that sense of injustice, of anger, to motivate me to take care of myself.

    • Bonnie

      I have filed for divorce and I will do everything possible to get all I deserve out of this mess. You need to take care of YOU!!!! He obviously is taking care of his whore, so you need to get all you can to take care of your life. You are NOT the one who left the marriage. You did NOT cheat on him, and you have taken care of your children. Find a good attorney and write down every single thing you can think of that has happened that can help your case. It will save you money when the attorney can read that and not have to call or talk to you in person when ever there is a question about something. YOU will NOT alienate everyone!!!! YOU have every right to expect to live the life you have lived with him as far as your living arrangements. He did this. He made the mess, now let him clean up the mess he has made when he chose to cheat on you and leave you. You don’t have to be rude or hateful, but you do need to take up for yourself. He has been selfish in considering only what he wants, and he didn’t give a flip about honoring his vows to you, so take care of you!!!! If people want to blame you, they need to be told to back off. This is your marriage and your spouse. They have NO right to judge you! I apologize if I come off harsh, I just know how badly this hurts and how evil it is to do to someone and you don’t deserve it!!!!

      • Req

        You gave him tranquility to earn all that money. It’s yours as well and not any other women. If you don’t use it any other women will

  • Karen

    I am so grateful for all of you sharing. The ending of my marriage ended like many of yours. My husband of 10 years left me for another after cheating on me behind my back with the OW for going on a year this June. I have never been as devastated as I was when I found out. I thought I was losing my soul. It felt like someone ripped me apart and left me to bleed out and die. I don’t believe I have felt pain and betrayal like I did that day. And it’s funny because til this day he will still not admit that he’s with her. I found out about her because for months I kept having a feeling like something was going on. I would ask him many times over and over and he would just deny it. He started coming home late and a couple of times not at all. When I would confront him he would tell me that he was drinking with his friends and that he would pass out drunk on the couch. I though something was up but never that he had someone else. He was a great husband and father to our 2 kids. We didnt have a perfect marriage but I thought we had it all. We were working towards getting a house together and upgrading our cars and going on a family vacation one day and the next i read through his phone and find out there was someone else. Its been about 5 months now since I found out and about a week since we stop living together. He doesnt check up on the kids, doesn’t call or nothing. Its like he never had a family. I often find myself wondering what kind of man leaves behind his kids? His wife without a second thought? What kind of woman goes after a married man perfectly knowing that we have been together and have kids? People tell me that karma will set things alright and some days I want to sit back and watch them suffer and other days I wish I didnt have to see his face ever again. Tere are days when all I do is cry and want to call him and talk to him, just to hear his voice tell me that we’re going to be ok. And there are other days when I dont care what he does. What hurts the most is that I feel like he divorced the kids as well as myself.

    • jj

      The worst kind of mind boggling pain.

      Ironically in their selfishness they actually lose the very best of themselves: their children.

      He will get the relationship with them that he earns.

      It’s cliché and sounds trite but stay strong. Don’t even go after him for anything it will only result in chaos. just work harder focus on you& focus on those beautiful kids.

      After years of broken agreements and lies I filed for divorce from my husband of 20 years … I knew there was
      other women.

      11 days later he was moved in with a woman and her child… she has no contact with our children or myself. Ignores us all. Erased us from his lifeand is absent at all significant ceremonies and holidays including birthdays. .. so busy with his ” new family.”

      A man that leaves his own children with a turd to begin with and we were dumb to be with hi.m.

      Google NPD A man that abuses and then replaces his family is a selfish jerk. I can’t wait for karma to catch up because she will have to be with him 21 years to be dumber than me!!
      IT HURTS!! that’s all I can say I feel your pain and it’s a mind-boggling heart-wrenching anguish.

      An abuser’s rejection is God’s protection. Xo hug

    • Marcie

      I’m going through the same thing, my husband of just 2 years, together over 20 years just left me. We have a 16 year old son who he hasn’t spoken to or text since he left. My husband was most definitely having an affair, he had a jeep he was devoting all his time to last fall. He started being gone all the time, weeknights, weekends. He would deny anything was going in, just 4 wheeling, which I was not invited to enjoy. I just work stay home and take care of the bills our home and our son while he frolicks in the woods. He has multiple females on his facebook which I am not a part of, secretive with his phone, to the point I thought he was going to start something with it in his anal cavity to keep private. The last time we had sex, he went limp. Never did that before, the time before that he did the same thing. When that happened and accused him, he said it was stress. I lived this man so much, so much so that looking back he really dumped on me quite a bit. I put up with way too much! I’m lost and heartbroken.

    • Josie

      karen, know you are not alone you basicaly descride my situation right now.My husband off almost 11 yrs left my 3 young kids & I behind for another woman who also has 3 kids but by different man. I was left with everything the house the cars the kids. All but him, he has no time for our children. All he has time for is his new family as many of us have said on here. I know the feeling its an emotional roller coaster one day you are the strongest woman you have ever been & then the next day you are broken, your heart is hurting & you are at a lost for words.At times i almost feel bipolar so many feelings so many thoughts of how i failed as a wife a woman a friend. At the end of the day when my kids are in bed i walk around my home I look at pictures i walk to our family room & wonder how am I ever going to move on passed this stage in my life. for a few weeks i didnt have an answer. Then one day I looked up to a picture of my 3 kids at a pumkin patch that only the kids & i attended. then at another picture of a school carnival that he also didnt attend & so on. i started to notice that so many things that the kids I did were without him so then I realized i have always been fine without him. know I have been separated 1 12 months i would say exact days lol…but am not going to. & of course it still hurts the betrayal is unbearable still I try to stay positive & i keep praying that god keeps my children & I safe. As for my husband I still ask for the same & a little more. Lets stay optimistic we are strong moms woman & we will find the outlet to this stage in life!!!

  • Marie

    Why is it that after almost five years, I still can’t get over what my ex-husband did? Even after finding a wonderful man last year who cares about me and loves me for who I am. Why is it that it still hurts? I find myself thinking back to that time almost six years ago when my world came crashing down. When I found the text messages to his co-worker, now his wife. The months that followed were of confusion and pain like I never knew. How could the man I trusted the most with my feelings do this to me after 15 years together, 12 years of marriage and a beautiful daughter? He told me he hadn’t been happy for years and that we just weren’t meant to be together. When I confronted him about his co-worker, who he had been texting, calling and spending time outside of work with during his marriage to me, I was told that she wasn’t the reason he was leaving. And she was also married at the time. When she divorced her husband, the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with told me he was leaving me and never coming back. Then he just walked away as I lay a crumpled, crying mess on the floor, and he never looked back. I felt like a piece of used garbage. This wasn’t supposed to happen! My dreams for the future were gone. My hopes for my daughter to have a normal family life and not come from a broken home were gone. And then, to top it all off, after the nightmare of a divorce, only three months later, he married her. And had our devastated daughter attend their wedding and stand up at the altar with them. I lost over 40 pounds, couldn’t eat and was severely depressed for months. I went on anti-depressants and could barely get out of bed. To this day, I still have flasbacks to that time in my life. Not as much as I used to, but it does cross my mind from time to time. Certain things will trigger me to think about it. It totally changed who I am. I watched my daughter have to grow up so much faster than she was supposed to. After he left, and still to this day, she is not the same girl she was. Sure he sees her during visitations and every other weekend, but she is exhausted from going back and forth between two homes. The twinkle in her eye is gone and I swear I have not seen her smile a genuine smile since it happened. And it is still so hard on me when she spends time with him and the woman who helped end my marriage. I still can’t believe this happened to me. I know I am better off without someone who had so little disregard for my feelings, but it is still something that haunts me to this very day.

    • Ashara Dayne

      Oh I do so feel for you! My husband said and did almost identical things and it’s so difficult. He did it 9 years ago, although I only found out the truth 6 years ago. I really can’t offer much in the way of advice, only my heartfelt sympathies, hugs and support though all of this. Take comfort from the fact that your daughter knows it wasn’t your choice or decision. Unfortunately many men are simply too selfish to consider anyone but themselves.
      I’ve only recently started feeling anything like recovered.
      I think what has helped me a little is the realisation that I was a total fool for not realising that the commitment of marriage and the vows taken simply don’t mean a thing to these men. There are books galore that might help. Look on Amazon. Get a kindle if necessary. But you’ll probably just kick yourself for not looking before he cheated and left. It’s the ultimate betrayal, you and him against the world turned into him and his gf against you. You need to work through the seven stages of grief. I finally realised I was nearly there when I felt nothing on my 29th wedding anniversary on Monday. He will probably cheat on her too. Once done it’s a line easier to cross again.

    • D

      Not much to say except your story is almost identical to mine except that my daughter, now 15, has no interest in seeing her father. He spent much of the first 12 years of her life sitting in a basement drinking… My son, 12 also feels likewise. The “Other Woman” is just now getting a divorce from her ex – 2 kids… her daughter skated with my daughter for years, so yes, we knew one another. She swore she would never leave her husband because he/she would never be able to afford to live. My ex’s family is incredibly wealthy. Do the math. Fortunately, I don’t have to live with how hard it is for my kids to spend time with him or him/her. They are not interested. She probably won’t move in with him right away… she wants her spousal support! Like you, I know I am better off… He would mock me for being upset about anything… like hurt. Sad really. But yes, his behaviour, his lack of caring because he wanted to be with someone else will continue to haunt me for a long time. My heart goes out to you… it truly does.

    • Ti

      Hey! It’s been more than an year since your post and I am not sure if you are checking on this website or not but how are you coping now? I have never been in a relationship and reading all these post has instilled a fear in me that I will never be enough for someone to spend their lifetime with me. They will eventually find someone better, funnier, prettier, better personality, etc etc. I don’t understand how people can walk away from a long term marriage? Don’t you grow an attachment to your spouse after building an entire life with them? How can you “fall in love” again when your spouse / partner has been by your side through every obstacles? It’s even harder when there are kids involved. I am 23 and I don’t know what my future holds but one thing is for certain. I think I will remain single and end up adopting (which I have always dreamt of because I want to give a child the life they deserve). I hope you are doing well now and remember that your ex lost someone who loved him more than anything in the world and you lost someone who didn’t love you enough (read this somewhere else but it definitely brings a peace in mind). He is at a greater loss because he lost someone like you and will end up having a daughter who will resent him in the future. Majority of affair marriages never last forever due to it being built on betrayals and tears. Everything in life happens for a reason. It takes time to move on but eventually everything falls in place. Couple years down the road you won’t even think of your ex anymore. The scar will always remain but you will become stronger. Best wishes and please update on your life 🙂

  • Maruska

    When I woke from our divorce, I found my husband had been in a relationship with another woman. I found all the pictures on facebook. His daughter even told friends I caused the divorce and so I deserved all that came my way. I lost my job, had to relocate. We were one year from retiring. I am so disappointed in what a man can do to a woman and vice versa, that I simply will leave the relationship thing to those strong enough to go thru a divorce. For me it is just so horrible that I will never recover completely and again my waste of time to find another is just something I can not bring myself to do. Divorce is a disgrace!!!

  • Tanja50

    My husband,ex husband now , walked out on me after almost 20 years of marriage. His reason was “I am not in love with you anymore “. Translation “I am having an affair with a young co worker “. He changed all bank accounts , stopped paying the mortgage , stopped paying his sons college tuition. He was plain evil. I was devastated for about 3 months. With the help of my faith I gathered all my strength and hired an aggressive attorney and filed for divorce. He wanted the young minion , well I wanted financial security. So I went no contact and fought him in court for every penny he had. I was awarded spousal support and I came out the winner. A person who cheats and betrays , lies and deceives is not worth fighting for. I let him go. I was done. I had it. Now 3 years later my life is happy, peaceful , calm and sane. I was tired of playing detective , I was tired of questioning my own self worth. Divorcing him was the best decision. Was it easy ? Absolutely not. But standing up for myself and my son made me a stronger more resilient woman. My son and I survived. My mom was able to help for great legal counsel. My ex stood no chance. God was in control , he fought my enemies and in the end gave me the victory. My advise is “if he leaves , let him go,don’t beg, don’t cry for him. ” he is not worth it. My only regret is not divorcing him sooner and “trying to make it work ” for 20 years.

  • CJS

    It just sucks doesn’t it, this stuff!!!??? Well the pain for me is still pretty fresh. My partner just moved out 3 days ago officially even though we were talking about separating throughout the last 2 months after I found out about his emotional affair with his coworker. Well it was an emotional affair that had been going on for 8 months and they kissed once. We were together for 9 years. He is Italian and I am American, I moved to Italy because I love it here but I also moved here for him. I feel so bad, so stupid and dependent on him! This past year has been rough, he was gone for 3 months for a research project and then within a week of him returning I broke my ankle real bad, was in the hospital for 2 weeks and was laid up at home on disability out of work for 4 months. In the beginning I could not even take a shower or do basically anything myself. Then I just felt his constant distance and his increasing attention with his cell and texting people. So one night I checked his cell, which I never do, and found things I was not happy about. Now two months later we are broken up, I am in a foreign country, at least I have a “good” job, and at least now I can walk and take care of myself. I feel horrible, I cry, I get angry, I feel like life is over sometimes. For me 9 years feel like forever, even though people tell me I am young – I am 31, I do not know what to do. I do not know who I am or what my life is anymore!!! I never would of imagined this happening. My ex boyfriend before him cheated on me too so I chosed this guy because I thought he was loyal, dependable, honest and trustworthy. This is the last thing I would of ever thought he could do to me. I feel like I do not even know him, did he ever lvoe me, how can this be? My family back in the US is not the most stable, besides my brother, so his family became my family and I love them, I adore them. They still call me and come to see me etc. as they said I am like their daughter. They support me and feel bad for me, at least his family are on my side! It helps, but sucks, to know others are in the same position. But it still hurts so bad!! I just don’t see myself ever moving on, ever being able to trust again or love again, because it seems as though love sucks. We had a hard year and I thought I handled it quite well considering, it sucks that he didn’t and just closed the book and moved on without even trying! Now I have created a life abroad that is slightly falling apart, I feel lost, confused, hurt, sad, depressed, angry, disappointed, shocked etc. aaahhhhhhh

    • Rabina

      I understand your pain I was married for 8 years and out the blue my husband said he felt like a hamster on a wheel. Well he was cheating on me with a co worker and he stayed out all night and was staying out her house now they are leaving together. It hurts and I also feel like how can I trust and love again after I gave a man 8 years of my life? I just have to take it a day at a time but this is one of the worst years of my life and I pray for all of us to find healing and one day find a man that will forever be loyal

    • Jules

      For over two years I searched phrases like: husband leaves his wife and husband leaves but never calls. I thought my husband might be schizophrenic so I searched that too. No matter what I read, nothing sounded like what I was experiencing. Most of the information I came across suggested ways to get him back by implementing no-contact.

      If I had known that he was a psychopath I would not want to know how to get him back. I would want to know how to get rid of him for good. It was not until I searched: pathological liar, did I find information that explained what my husband was. Before I learned he was a psychopath, I would tell him that he lacked empathy, and ask him over and over how he could treat me – his wife as badly as he did. Nothing ever really rattled him, I since learned that they call that flat affect. Anytime things got heated between us he would just leave.
      Gaslighting is Common with Psychopaths

      In the beginning of our marriage he would regularly accuse me of seeing and sleeping with other men. It was infuriating because I am a loyal person and honored my marriage vows. Here I had my husband who I loved, accusing me of being unfaithful. As a result I would wonder if he was saying that because he was being unfaithful. Today I am certain that was the case, but at the time it just made me second guess myself. On and on it went. The lies were never ending, and I never understood what was really going on until I learned what a psychopath is.

    • Angela

      Wow, i have read many stories about coping when your husband leaves for another woman…yours struck home and to my core. I feel like you could be a younger version of me 24 years ago. it hurts so bad, and to have the same guy who broke your heart do it again 24 years later? I feel you.
      You got me with your last sentence; I came back to the states, started my own new chapter…he followed willingly. I knew back then, he wasn’t the man who really wanted to commit to me, but he did and I still do not know why. I would have never believed that he would abandon his family; I didn’t, I caught myself and did the family first thing. WTH?
      This hurts on so many different levels and from so many different directions.n Just when I think i’ve got this? Bam! Something spins me into a valley that I do not want to be in. God has been the key for me and I profess his love for me and mine for him. Pray and pray and pray some more.

  • Rue

    Hi Ladies

    After reading all your stories, I feel much better. I have been married for 4 years with a man I truly loved.We have a beautiful 2 year old together. Things became worse when he started seeing another girl called Chanel. Last year I tried to organize a trip for the holidays and he told me he couldn’t go because he had business plans yet he had organised a trip with Chanel to go to Swaziland for the holidays… This year he started going for days, then weeks until I moved out on my own on 07 May 2015. Soon after I had moved out, Chanel moved in. Well she is completely my opposite, she has tattoos all over her body, drinks a lot and is a heavy smoker. I don’t neither drink nor smoke. He never made progress to get us back together, or to let us talk. Now their lifestyle is hilarious…every weekend they will be out partying and they blow money in different directions. Its hilarious, because whilst I was there I would make sure we save money and buy things for the house, I would take care of his younger sister, I was that ‘wife’ who is always home if not at work. His relatives are all supporting me and they are failing to accept this new girl. He doesn’t seem to care.Its like he was given a love portion or something. Last week I asked if we could talk and he told me to come over saying his girlfriend wont be there, then next thing when I got there, the girlfriend is there laughing at us and they left me and our daughter outside(by the balcony) and went to drink only to come at 2 am and started harassing us. It was horrifying. I grew up without a father and I don’t want my daughter to go through the same thing. I am broken. I badly want to take away that crazy love spell which she put on my husband. I have fasted and prayed. Nothing seems to happen. Maybe its time I face reality..he is just never coming back. Maybe he is happy clubbing and living like a teenager. Only God knows.

  • Jen

    Hi ladies- it simply sucks that we all have been dealt this hand. I have a question – beyond the grief/devastation/feelings of abandonment, etc. – how have you dealt with wishing he would “snap out of it” and come crawling back? It has been a bit over a year since my husband bailed on me and my 2 toddlers (one with special needs) for a work colleague who was 15 yrs. younger (same story!) Same with your stories…he swore it had “nothing to do with her” and everything to do with me/us (my fault???) I didn’t even know we had issues…he certainly made it seem like he adored me and lived for his family (he would tell me/anyone who would listen, exactly that, until the day I caught him cheating). Anyway – a bit over a year and yet I HATE MYSELF for saying this, but I still am wishing he would “snap out of it” and want to come back. The girl moved from LA to be with him in CT, and as far as I know, they’re living together. He chases after her and worships/adores HER now (just like he did me). It is killing me. Many articles say after 3-36 months the guys snap out of the chemical “rush” that comes from this kind of affair, and then they realize they messed up. This said, it doesn’t seem to be happening. They seem more serious then ever…I’ve even seen them photographed out with his WORK colleagues (like others here, it makes me FURIOUS that people seem to accept this relationship as if he has done nothing wrong – what is wrong with our society????) I know he cheated, he lied, he bailed…he left me holding the bag on everything and on his way out, he was angry/mean, non-communicative…just AWFUL to me. So of course I shouldn’t want him back. But….how can I turn off this need to have him snap out of it? Have your ex’s come back at this point, groveling? I know a lot do….but other research suggests they are just Narcissists and will never feel real remorse for their actions, and we are best off leaving them out of our hearts, forever. UGH.

    • Ashara Dayne

      Hi Jen,
      I am so sorry that this happened to you when your children are so young. My husband cheated and left me years ago and I still harbour hopes of reconciliation. It’s not gonna happen.
      Well it certainly won’t if you do what I did. I tried writing a heartfelt email about our life together and my hopes for the future etc. and he showed it to his gf and they laughed about it.

      Just build yourself a new life. When he has the kids go out and meet people. Heck, do it when you have the kids. Find someone new if you can. I haven’t but I feel like all the men I do know are taken. I think the only way he’ll miss you is if he sees how happy you are with someone else. He probably senses that you want him back so just feels like he can walk back in when he feels like it. Once that option seems less solid he may realise what he is losing.

    • Annie

      Hi Jen,
      Omg I feel like you are telling my story. I’ve been separated for my husband for about 2 years and I just can’t seem to get over it. I took me a long time to accept that he wasn’t coming back. I didn’t want to hear it or accept it, I wanted him back for a long time regardless of all the awful, cruel and humiliating things he did to me. I finally started going out and meeting other men but I’m having a hard time because I’m completely traumatized by what my husband has done to me I don’t ever want it to happen again that it makes me very mistrustful. My husband is still seeing the women he left our family for but cheats on her too. She is aware of it but is holding on to him for dear life. My husband is successful and she is 16 yrs younger she loves the new lifestyle my husbands money has afforded her so she is determined to hold on to him. I have also accepted the fact that I can’t stop him from dating all these other women but I can’t stand the fact of him still keeping the woman he left us for around. I don’t understand if he’s still being with other women why he feels the need to hold onto her. I feel as long as that particular woman is in the picture I won’t be able to get over what they did to me and my children. In my heart I want it to be anyone else but that woman. It’s a bad day to day. ?

      • Ashara Dayne

        That’s exactly how I feel, too. He cheated on his new gf after they’d only been together a short while, then texted a ‘friend’/customer about a message he’d received from a previous lover (one he’d cheated on me with years earlier that I was oblivious to-she finally dumped him because he wouldn’t leave me for her). The message was ‘the best f*$k I’ve ever had wants to meet up-what should I do? Once they’ve dipped their toe in (his name) lake there’s no turning back’ or somesuch similarly humiliating garbage. Despite this, and despite multiple emails I received from her telling me how she’d had enough and was finished with him, and how unhappy she was, she’s still clinging onto him for dear life. They aren’t living together but I’m assuming they go on expensive trips abroad together (I know they’ve done so in the past-to 5-star spa resorts alone which we’ve never done). He has never acknowledged that only ever spending time with her on expensive dates and holidays is going to see her looking and behaving her best. Sometimes I wish they would live together so that she’d know the mundanity of living with him, but he says he doesn’t want to. It’s easy to get along when you don’t have a house and three kids draining you constantly.

        She is a pure golddigger and everyone working for him knows it. They all hate her yet he treats her like a queen. His business partner can’t say anything. If I mention her he gets angry. He knows she’s a Golddigger but doesn’t care. She’s not even particularly attractive or young, although she is slim and glamorous. She looks younger than she is despite eating junk and smoking, so I guess he’s paid for her to have cosmetic surgery. He pays her a salary despite her no longer working. I just wish she’d go away. I know she’d be off like a shot if she could get someone better, but she never will. I wonder why she’s so keen to keep hold of him when they’ve no children together, but of course it’s the lifestyle.
        He lives in our marital home, which is 7000 square foot, I live in a tatty house in need of renovation of 1500 sq ft. He refuses to sell, despite asking hundreds of times. He won’t divorce me probably because he’s afraid he’ll lose everything but he cheats the system to avoid taxes and buys everything on expenses. When I threaten to divorce him to force him to sell he tells me I’m ‘unbelievably selfish’ because the kids don’t want to move. Every day I think about suicide. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that in 5 years he’ll get his pension, which will be enough to buy me a decent home without selling. He’s said he will, but how can I believe/trust him after all the lies?

        • Kerry

          Ashara, he won’t buy a house for you once he gets his pension. You asked how can you believe him? You can’t! If you have a daughter, would you want her to just roll over and accept what you’re accepting from this man?
          Collect as much evidence that he is evading his taxes as you can, contact the best divorce attorney you can, do not warn him and file for divorce.
          You have allowed these incredibly selfish people to decide how your life should unfold for too long. It will be difficult but take control of your life. You will gain so much self respect and lifelong respect from your children because their mother fought for them. He called you selfish? From what I’ve read in your post, you’re the only unselfish one in this group.

      • Rebecca

        My story is that of all of you on here. Like you I am devastated My husband left me for his drug meth 1 year n half ago. And is living with his cousins wife. She put her husband in a home because he hasMS and didn’t want to care or him. She lives in a large home on property .in the beginning which was 5-6 years ago it was all about his sick cousin and how he had to be there to help with the ranch. I had suspected this. But he alwAys denied it. We had everything,the homes the cars, three grown daughters All paid cash for their college. All very successful.Had everything I was the happiest,sex was Great, Always had money Went on vacation every year. After 36 years of marriage Married to my high school sweetheart he decides he doesn’t think he Loves me anymore. I was crushed M y heart was ripped out of my chest. It’s almost been two years.he tells me he Loves me, to have faith n hope. But him living there And still deny he’s having affair or on drugs. Which I ‘m now is still happening. I keep thinking that he’s going to walk in the d ask for me back. I have nev err r been so sick in m life. I’ve lost 35 pounds and in counseling Been in the hospital for anxiety. Lost my mother a month after he left. I pray for him daily. Thank you posting all your stories It helps to read My story but from you. God Bless

    • Kerry

      Jen, every woman who has been cheated on and reads your story, can relate to every emotion you’re feeling. I too have gone through the same thing. It’s been 11 years. My husband and I owned a very successful company, were married for 12 years, she was a low level employee, we had two young children and I found out he was cheating. I was devastated. I won’t go into all the details but I will promise you that if you start focusing on your children and yourself, it will become easier. I know it’s hard to see them at company functions and even harder to accept the fact that people seem ok with this affair but it will work out. Btw the wives and girlfriends of his friends do NOT trust her.
      The first thing I did when I confirmed the affair was to file for divorce…take your power back…he will definitely pay attention! Secondly, as much as you love him, realize he’s not in that frame of mind.
      Put you and your children first in every aspect.
      Don’t worry about whether or not he thinks you’re nice or a good wife…his mistress isn’t “nice” and she has his attention.
      Cry everyday if you must because it hurts but also do something really nice for yourself every single day.
      There’s very little chance he’ll marry this woman. When the excitement settles and he realizes he’s lost the respect of his friends, colleagues, family and especially his children, he will have to blame someone.
      He won’t blame you…you did nothing.
      He won’t blame himself…if he’s already shown you what he’s made of.
      He’ll blame HER!
      He probably won’t marry her because she’s the type of woman who cheats with a married man and has no problem taking a father away from his children.
      This can go on for months or years but if you genuinely take care of yourself and your children, he’ll be back. Whether you take him back or not will be your choice and yours alone.
      One more thing, one day you will become the forbidden fruit and his mistress, if she’s still around will be in the position you’re in now.
      This all sounds like an evil fantasy of a scorned wife but this is how it unfolded for me and a few women I’m aware of.
      And no, when he came back, I had long moved on with a man so much more worthy of my love. I really hope this works out for you.

    • Lyssa

      I just found last Monday my husband had been cheating for three weeks with our children’s preschool teacher. After five days he had even asked her to marry him. In a way I feel sorry for her. She had been foolish enough to believe every lie he told her. He is very charming after all.
      This past week, week four of their unending “true love” I have found out that all of his family knew, and they all have been lying to me as well.
      I keep trying to find the logic in it all. She is 39, has twin 1 year olds. Lives with her mom, lost her job over him. Has no car. She was just engaged to another man April 10, yes two weeks later she became engaged to my husband.
      Their plans were to get married July 4, yet we are still married and wouldn’t have gotten divorced by that point.
      He is currently in jail for domestic violence, he wasn’t happy about the divorce papers. She doesn’t have the cash to bail him out. Once he is out, he will be homeless, jobless, car less. Family less. We have two children together and one on the way.
      I hate him, and still love him.
      I know that their true love is really a desperate attempt for her to find someone to take care of her and her kids aka he works and she plays stay at home. Sadly he is an illegal, and can’t find a real, stable income. I wish I could just sit back and watch this mess unfold and then scream I TOLD YOU SO.
      But if I was being honest with myself I would also admit that I miss him, it’s been a week since he went to jail, he has had no contact with either of us. I wish he would get his head cleared and magical figure out what he is doing is stupid. That he has been this huge mistake. To come crawling back, to beg me to stay with him. I would be stupid enough to let him.
      Maybe it’s a good thing I know that he would never do it anyway. He is too absorbed with saving face. He has to go through with this Jr high “true love” crap

  • Effee

    Thank you for this web site. I am feeling particularly depressed today….reading the thoughts and feelings of others helps me understand that I’m not as isolated as I feel.

    I am disabled due to an accident. The medications to control pain and other effects from traumatic surgery left me, after 42 years in the workforce and as the major earner in our household, unemployable. 32 years of supporting this “husband” and when my income stopped so did his affection for me.

    Three years ago this “husband” came home from work and said “see ya” and left me alone for 3 days. When he came back he was cruel beyond belief, breaking my things and yelling at me that he never did think much of how I treated the family. Excuse me? Is this the same man who told me I shouldn’t be such a pushover. The same man who repeatedly said I needed to learn to say “no”? Is this the fellow who said I shouldn’t be such a “friend” to my kids? This “guy”, the one who always criticized my tolerance now said I’m mean, I’m a liar, I’m petty, I’m so hard on the kids that they all hate me. Something was definitely up. Yep, it was another woman. To make matters worse, someone I was close to. I told him the best thing for him, and her, would be to leave…..leave the state because if someone asks why we separated I would tell them the truth.

    Now this “husband” is saying “oops, my bad. Sorry” and expects me to “build a new relationship” with him. I cannot. I’ve tried. My life has been destroyed. There is no trust. I can’t stand for him to touch me. I feel erased, betrayed. He rubbed out my life and everything I thought I was working for. It’s been replaced by cruelty, mockery, tantrums and tyrannical outbursts that I’ve not seen matched, even by a 3 year old. I’ve had to protect my assets to ensure the children’s inheritance because he’s tried to gain control of them. When I suggest we need to end this game the ensuing chaos leaves me bewildered and feeling abused. He insists the relationship be fixed while, at the same time, does everything he can to rip it to shreds. It’s been 3 years…..I cry every day.

    Dear Web Site, thank you for listening

  • Angel

    My husband left me when I was delivering my baby.
    Things changed when he found out I was pregnant, He stayed at work and slept in his van and when at home never touched or slept with me. He must have planned every thing, because when I went to the hospital he donated all our belongings, even cars, he quit his job, cancelled all our insurance, credit cards, cleaned out savings. The only thing I had was the clothes on my back and maybe 45 dollars. He did leave me in a small box all his ID shredded . Last I knew he disappeared, last seen on a bus out of town. I was living on the street and I had social service take the baby and now she is with a temporary family, she’s warm and feed.. I’m trying to get back on my feet but it has been tough. I will never involve my life again with another man.

    • mary

      this exactly what my husband did to me, his in new jersey and im here at the Philippines, he got mad at me all of a sudden, he told me things that are not true, he abused me, ignored he didn’t respect me, etc, after that i knew something fishy is going on , yes he was chating with his ex gf in his high school days, now he said he doesn’t love me, the hardest part was i got sick bec of this trauma. i gave him everything, and he had ro leave me. what hurt me most is he brainwash our children and my family, that its my fault . since is very polite the way he talks with my children and family yhey believed him. now he left me for his girl . i have to stand up and support my children . i just hope my children would be on my side and see what was really going on. i have big plans for them, but if they continue in believing there father , it would hurt me.more i.hope they would help me as a single parent and stop believing there father and hating me. im a good mother , and i love my children unconditionally. the pain right now is hurting me. since it was only yesterday that there father told me that he doesn’t love me already .

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing what you’re going through. I know your experience will help other women who are experiencing the pain of being left by their husbands. Even if the husband was a jerk, it’s still a devastating betrayal to be left for another woman.

    May you experience the healing, peace, and freedom that only God can bring. May you see yourself as a beautiful child of God: loved, precious, and valuable. May you connect with Him, and let His peace and wisdom rule your heart and your life. May you find light, love, and joy as you move forward in your life. May you see with eyes of hope, compassion, and strength…and may you live in light and freedom.

  • Tracy

    I have a 4 month old baby boy. I found out about my husband’s affair when our son was four weeks old. Since then, he left me for this other woman. She is leaving her husband, whom she has three children with, for him. He blames me for our split. Says he never loved me, and stopped being attracted to me during the pregnancy. Says my pregnancy was all about me, and he was lonely. I’m still in the shocked phase. I’m focusing on my baby and taking it a day at a time.

    • Emily

      Thank you for your post, reading these posts from other women help me realize I am not alone. I just recently found out my husband was speaking/seeing another woman while our son and I are currently in a different state due to a job opportunity. We have had our issues off and on and I have been dealing with identity issues of being a mother and stay at home mom and just being lost and not knowing who I am. I guess my unhappiness affected the love and affection I showed him because he questioned whether I still loved him or not, and of course I did! Long story short he found someone else and said our marriage was over a long time ago which is just a stab to the heart… I am just trying to pick up the pieces and just praying every night that I heal and stay strong for my son…

  • Jen

    My husband left two years ago this month. Despite making huge strides in my life I am still struggling with the loss.
    We were together for 18 years of which we were married for 8.
    Our marriage was plagued with many problems the biggest of which were my inability to have children and his depression.
    Long story short, in the end he left me to be with another woman, someone he had a long term relationship with through a band he played in. We knew I one another and she had been to our home on numerous occasions.
    His leaving was very sudden and I learned of some financial deception and lies after he left. He told me we would make decisions about our relationship together and I even attended a counseling session with his therapist at his request. Shortly after that he stopped going to counseling and requested we divide our assets.
    The lies and cowardly nature of the break up, including the false promises have hurt me badly.
    I work so hard through my own counseling , to move past him and his role in my life. I am,doing so much better than I was last summer but am frustrated by my residual feelings of love and loss.
    I would like to date again, which I am finding challenging at this stage in life.
    I often find myself experiencing a profound feeling of loneliness. I have no family and no children. I have a wonderful circle of many friends but they a have their own families.
    Sometimes it helps to hear from other women who have experienced this as most of my friends have not. Thank you for this forum.

    • Ashara Dayne

      My heart goes out to you. My husband cheated, but the lies and deception are so much harder to deal with than the infidelity. I blame myself for never even suspecting it as a possibility, if I had I’d have probably realised far sooner. The truth only came out after our separation and even then only in dribs and drabs. And only because he cheated on her and she said she’d tell me if he didn’t. That was five years ago and he still lies/refuses to talk about her. He doesn’t live with her and claims he doesn’t want to but I know he spends a lot of money on her. Even now I hope he treats her the way he treated me as it would make her miserable and leave, but she clearly is just a gold-digger will put up with him until someone better comes along (unfortunately my cynical self now believes most people are like this). I feel completely destroyed by it because I felt like I was manipulated and deceived and had no chance, they were playing games where they both knew the rules and I wasn’t even aware I was involved. It’s the first time I felt any sympathy for Princess Diana. I just want her to disappear.

      • Annie

        I feel completely the same as you do. Why does it seem that these people just get away with all pain and betrayal that they caused? I’m angry, bitter and resentful. This woman stole my husband but seems to rewarded for bad behavior. Life Sucks!

        • Ashara Dayne

          I think it is a sad by-product of the ‘permissive society’ started in the 1960s. Of course it was wrong that young single women were forced to give up babies for adoption due to the shame of being an unwed mother, that and the shame of divorce was all due to the leftover repression of Victorian society. But we’ve swung too far the other way. While I feel sleeping around is fine if you’re single, and having babies outside of marriage shouldn’t be shamed, it’s now got to the point where too many people (seems like men to me, but I’m sure there are women who are the same-just not in my circle of friends- all his friends are philanderers or divorced) think the same rules apply even when you’re in a committed relationship. Men seem to think it’s easier to find someone new than to work on problems.
          My husband never tried to discuss or work on problems. In fact, he outright told me that he thought that it shouldn’t be necessary. Mainly because he wasn’t prepared to change and didn’t expect me to, either.

  • Nicole

    My husband of 17 years left me for a woman he had me while on a plane. I thought we were happy. He is military and was gone for 3 months. When he was gone he got drunk on night and slept with someone. Instead of telling me he kept it a secret. But he shared his guilt with this woman on the plane. He picked up the kids and I (yes we have to teens) and moved us 4000 to AK. Once here he said he needed some space. But that he would not leave me, he loved me, we would figure it out. I pushed him to take the space he needed, I didn’t know that he had been talking to the woman from the plane. Once I pushed he decided to pursue her and they formed a relationship. I found out about her the day after Christmas when she skyped him in the shower. He had left his computer on my counter. I confronted him and he said yes he loved her. He never really loved me . That he wanted a divorce. I love him with all my heart and know that that is not true. We were happy until he met her. We were strong. We were best friends. She knew he was married and talked to him anyway. Laura Smith. a teacher in Pine Grove took the love of my life. She is not in the same state as us. But she holds him. He says he didn’t leave our kids he just left me. But he really left us all. I miss him so much. I miss talking to him, dreaming with him, touching him. I am starting my life from scratch. I have always moved with him and put our family first instead of building a career. And now I feel like I am adrift without my anchor. In a new place, new job, trapped. My hope and dreams were all intertwined with him. I dreamt of sitting on our porch together enjoying each others company etc. The physical side of our relationship was strong as well and now that is gone. I just don’t know how it happened, how I didn’t notice, how I could have messed up the most important thing in my life. I still want to hope that he will see and come home. But what if he does not? I am loosing hope. I miss him and my life and my dreams.

    • rhonda

      I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t know what to say but I’m going through something very similar. Married 4 years, he gets a better job and he met another woman.He met her in April , left me in may and moved into her place in june.U have to pray and ask God to give you the strength beyond what is normal.I know it’s hard.Its been 3 months of separation.I miss his body, money.I see he doesn’t care at all about me.i finally stopped calling him and texting him.

  • nuraan

    It’s so sad to read all these stories, I always believed in the power of love but now I don’t know anymore. It’s been a year since I found out my husband of 9 years was living a double life. He cheated with a patient of his, he worked as an addictions counsellor in a rehab. He is a recovering her ion addict. I supported him and stood by hum all those years he was using and was so proud of him. We have two sons. He didn’t tell her we were married but lived together cos of financial reasons. When I found out she was 3 months pregnant. And they only met a few months before that. When I confronted her she told me they in love having a baby they soul mates, but she was on drugs at the time. I was devasted my world ended. Every night he would say his working or at AA meetings but actually was with her. My insanity begged him to stay. He didn’t he left to be with her. Months later I was trying to get my life together when I found him on my doorstep crying he can’t live like this, he lost his job had no money they lived with her mom and she was still battling with drugs. I felt sorry and took him in. He promised he broke things off. I found he lied. The baby was born. He again chose her and left. He has cheated before and left and I took him back. But this time was different there was a baby. She sends me emails and messages to leave him alone he is hers and will never leave him and even made him tattoo her name on him. Every time I try to move forward he keeps doing stuff that makes me go backwards. I pray everyday to forget I love him to be free of this pain. I blame myself for allowing him to take my power. And I blame myself for always having hope that he will come back when in reality he will never change. I leave it in God’s hands and live one day at a time and focus on my two little boys and most importantly ME. I deserve so much more!

    • rhonda

      I feel your pain. He lied , lied, lied.i asked him if he was seeing another woman.He said no. He said it’s me.He stayed out over night.He wouldn’t answer his phone . he says I was calling him too much. We always called each other. Many WOMAN HAVE THE Same problem….it’s sad.i never want to get yo get married again, nor can I trust a man.This is how I feel . He’s making good money now.He can give me and show how much he cares.Now it’s going to the other woman. Lies and deception.look at the way Jesus was treated. What do I expect. ..the man I married is a pig

  • Ashara Dayne

    This is so common. Why do they lie about there being someone else? When I found out my husband had been seeing someone else 5 years ago I was fine about it at first, as he’d already left.
    I spent years trying to figure out why he ignored me and the kids, coming up with excuse after excuse. It never occurred to me that he was seeing someone else.

    Even after he told me (which he only did because he’d cheated on her and she was so angry she threatened to tell me if he didn’t) he still lied about the timing and the nature of their relationship (I quizzed him about it-had they been away together etc).

    He lied and lied to the point where I thought she meant nothing, so I wasn’t bothered.

    But then she emailed me and the truth started trickling out. She lied too, but not as much.
    I finally discovered the truth when I found receipts for flights, hotel bookings, etc.
    When I realised it had been going on for a long time before he left I was devastated. He confessed to cheating ten years previously, too. Assuming they are the only times, it was when I had a small child.

    He hated how I struggled to cope with housework when I had a small child. The first was ok but the second and third I struggled. He never made allowances for when I was unwell.
    He still won’t discuss her but I know he spends a lot of money on her, she is a gold digger and he doesn’t even care.
    I still haven’t got over it and am unable to cope with life.
    He calls me unbelievably selfish when I demand he sell our 7000 sq ft home (which I hated as I couldn’t keep it clean & tidy) so that I can live in a nicer house (I live in a tatty dilapidated house which I hate as it’s too small – 1000 sq ft). What a joke! He has everything he wants while I have nothing.
    I wanted to move closer to my parents/brothers/aunt (we moved away for him in 87), but by the time he acknowledged the marriage was over (correction-I realised. He never said it was over and still hasn’t. He is incapable. His previous lover ended it when he refused to leave me for her), my children now refuse to move.

    It just seems to me that men just help themselves to what they want with no regard to who they hurt or what damage they do.

    I’m now too fat and old to get a new relationship but I hate men now anyway so I don’t really care. I’m just bitter that he just gets all he wants while I get nothing.

    He even pays for his gf to get cosmetic surgery/Botox etc. I think he’s one of these men who values men for their wealth and women for their looks. He just keeps his opinions to himself so I didn’t know. He does this because he just assumes everyone else believes exactly the same things he does, and if they don’t then they’re lying!!
    I know I’m better off without him but I’m angry that he waited until he’d found someone else. Some men just can’t be alone it seems.

  • Tunisian

    My name is Tunisian.; my husband of 11years has recently walked outta my life without saying anything. Juster moved in with another chick whom divorced her husband for mines. After all I’ve went through with him. His Drug addiction for many years I fought for him to beat. Rehab after prison then rehabilitate again I mean I believed. High hopes for us and with nothing said he dips on me and the kids. I’m so heartbroken and empty rite now and he don’t even care. Wont apologies to us. After I losted my home. He moved on with her. I’m so broken. I left my job. How long will this heartache last. Someone please hear me. Women with surely broken hearts now or past. I need some Mindanao advice. Before I do what I really want to do. SNAP.

    • rhonda

      Please don’t husband of 4 years who abused drugs and alcohol the whole time in our marriage has left me for another woman.He started a new job making good money.input up with his nonsense. He was only on the job 3 months when he met her.we were already having problems but he created them so we could argue.Atvthis time he’s drug free.He never went for counseling. He stopped for the job.this hurts me because he didn’t stop for him or our marriage. We are separated for 2 and a half months and he’s living with her.they only new each 4 months and they are in love.i caught him in a lie.i found out he was cheating and living together in one weekend.and he still tries to see me.i cutting all ties…it hurts very much

    • carleendaqueen

      Keep going it will be one day he will find out that shevwont do all the things u did for him just know he wasn’t the one for u its hurts but there is a reason for everything keep living the hard part will pass just love urself and ur children and stay strong

  • Sam

    You have to love yourself before you can move on. My husband of 15 years left me for a young girl amidst my battle with cancer. I cannot explain the feeling of abandonement. I had been there in his worst moments and carried him when he couldnt walk and now i felt short changed. He left the house and told me that he didnt know if he would end up with me again later in life but he just needed to find his peace.
    I begged him to stay with me even if we werent together as a couple until my therapy was over. He said he couldnt do that for me. That he was my friend and that i could count on him and i could call him.
    I was on my way home from an appointment and ended up stopping on the side of the road to vomit nut i didnt quite make it all the way out of the car. I called him and asked if he could pick up our daughter at camp so she wouldnt see me this way and he was brutal. He yelled at me, belittled me, saying i couldnt control his life and that my cancer was my problem.
    Well, i quickly learned that his 43 year old self had actually left me for a 26 year old who started spending time with my daughter just two weeks after he left me. At first i was in shock. My emotional health and anger didnt helped me focus on getting better and stronger to fight my cancer. I sometimes even tjought of dropping the treatment.
    Then one day i went to the doctor and she saw that my depression was out of control. She told me i needed to come to terms with my situation. She asked me if this is really the kind of man i wanted? A man who walks out when im at my worsrt? A man that treats me like i was a terrible wife and im diaposable? She said make a conscious decision to be happy and its ok to cry every now and then, but then wipe your face and go make happy happen.
    I am now only four months short of finishing my radiation. I have a strong support group and i remind myself how these people thatthat i barely know me are more reliable than him.
    I didnt need him to get better like I thought…i just needed to rely on me and give myself everything i had given him for 15 years…my self love.

    • haley

      I feel ur pain…same problem ..have cancer and he left..
      I pulled all the plugs even his job….don’t mess with a sick girl that got u in the family bussiness …so there goes his car n everything …lol 13 yrs n I feel better not allowing another women my things…I’m back to my job I want to vent n love me more than any man can…

  • Colleen

    It’s so helpful to read about other women going through the same thing. My husband of 14 years told me in January that he hasn’t been happy “for a while”. It was all so sudden. We have 3 beautiful children together and we were just getting ready to move into a brand new house we’d been waiting 3 years for. The whole time he was acting so happy to finally be getting our home!

    He came to pick me up from work and we sat in his car because he wanted to talk. He started by listing all the things I didn’t do for him that made him believe I didn’t love him anymore…I was blind sided. Where was this coming from? For a week we talked and cried and he wouldn’t change his story. Finally I asked again if there was someone else and he very reluctantly admitted that there was “someone he was starting to have feelings for”. After a week of blaming me I finally understood what the real reason was. And worst of all, this was not the first affair. When I was pregnant with our third child he started an affair that lasted almost 2 years before I found out. It was the worst time of my life (until now) but at the time I believed we could put our marriage back together. Now I feel like a complete fool.
    He was so convincing and made me believe that it was all a big mistake and he finally realized what he would be throwing away if he left me. So now here we are, 4 years later and it’s over. The minute I heard him say there was someone else, I knew…that’s the end. I couldn’t go through that again and I also knew that it’s who he is. So selfish, taking everything I had to give and not caring how much he hurts me.

    My mind tells me not to care, that it’s his issues and she’s not better than me…but I wish my heart would feel the same way. I’m humiliated, I feel worthless and ugly. I feel used up and like no one would ever want me now. I hate the thought of the two of them together and I think it’s so unfair that he made sure he found someone and secured a future for himself before he dumped me. I feel like garbage left on the side of the road.

    It’s been six months and I’ll admit, I cry a lot less now than in the beginning. Some days are better than others, It’s a bit like a roller coaster. I spend a lot of time with my supportive friends, keeping fit, and with my kids most of all. They are the true joy in my life! My self esteem is totally shot but I’m working on it. I’m trying to find myself again and not see myself in relation to my failed marriage, but see myself as a person. This isn’t the end, it’s a journey and hopefully a new beginning.

    • Evie

      Colleen, I can completely understand where you are coming from. I was married for eleven years and we have one child together. I found pictures on his phone and confronted him which he denied right up until we signed the divorce papers. The ink has not dried on the divorce and she is already spending the night with him at his apartmentm I just saw them together in the park today riding bicycles and she was riding my bike. I have since gone No Contact in order to heal myself from such a Narcissistic individual. I understand the roller coaster of emotions you are/were on. It takes time to move past such a devastating life altering experience. Best wishes on your Journey of recovery and remember to be kind to yourself. You are not alone!

  • Anna

    I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 12. We were together since I was 13. He asked for divorce citing his reasons as he wanted to do things like go to Vegas, try new beers at bars, and things of that sort. He also said I was controlling and mean, which I admit was partially true but due to his alcoholism and my questioning whether he had been drinking. Later I come to find out that was not it at all, but rather he had been cheating with his co worker who is 10 years younger. The co worker has met me and my children before and worse yet I work with her mother. We have two girls, 5 and 8, and it has been so hard. He treats me like he doesn’t know me and talks down to me in a condescending manner. I feel like I don’t know him. He is even asking for alimony and he works a decent job not to mention that he is the one who cheated! I have spent a lot of time reflecting and wondering if there was something I could have done differently. Maybe if I wasn’t so hard on him about the drinking, if I dressed nicer, if I was skinnier. What pushed him into this girls arms? Yes he may not have been the best match for me but I was comfortable and we had built a life together. I have no clue of what it is like to be on my own since I was with him since I was 13. It also really bother me to think of him with someone else. I wonder if he treats her better than he treats me. I am just at a point that I can’t understand why.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Ale,

    You should listen to your heart and your gut, and do what you think is right. Your therapist is wrong for telling you what to do. A therapist’s job is NOT to give you advice and tell you that you should wait while your husband has his affair!

    Counselors should never tell you what decisions to make in your life. Rather, they should teach you how to listen to your heart and make smart decisions so you decide if you should get a divorce on your own. You need to learn how to assess the various reasons for divorce, and decide what you need to do with your life.

    Your therapist’s job should be to give you tools that you can use for all life decisions – not just if you should get divorced or not – and teach you how to trust yourself.

    I wrote this article for you:

    I hope it helps, and wish you all the best as you move forward. I also encourage you to think about talking to a different therapist. I know it’s a pain to find someone new, re-establish a relationship, etc…but I really believe your therapist is out of line for telling you that you should wait for your husband’s “mid life crisis” to end.

    Follow your heart, trust your gut. You are the expert on you and your life! Take time to connect with God, and ask Him what His plan for your life is. Make decisions that bring you peace — even if they’re hard!


  • Michelle

    I am the same as all of you 42 days ago, my husband came home to tell me he hasn’t been happy for 2 years (very shocked over this because we were always having fun) when I asked why wasn’t he happy I never go a true answer. We talked for several hours and I still didn’t get any answers. When I asked if there was another women he said he had no time for that. It only took me 24 hours to find out there was indeed another women the new girl he works with. He cut me off like I never existed to him or mattered and wouldn’t communicate with me. I tried everything but all he cares about is this other women now. I feel like I have wasted 15 years of my life caring and loving someone that I don’t think ever cared about me or the two dogs we got together. I will never understand how a person can do this. I just know I want to shut my brain off and stop thinking why, how, when…..
    Why this happened?
    How do people hurt another person and not even care what they have done?
    When will the hurt stop and when will I stop crying?
    I am trying to stay strong around all my support, but I don’t know how much longer I can last I am about to crumble.

    • Vanessa

      The reaction of your man was the exact same as mine wrote me off as if i did not exist.. it is now up to six different lies about why he broke it off but everyone and myself know that if you break it off and move in with a new girl the day you move your stuff out.. obviously something was set up and going on more than ‘just friends hanging out.’ It is gut wretching, you feel that you cannot ever shut your mind off, it never leaves, i wake up with nightmares, night tremors, and night sweats. Anxiety in my stomach 24/7 and to think this nightmare is my reality every morning is completely miserable

      • Michelle

        I can tell you all that you’re going through it will go away. I still have sad days I’m human, but they don’t come like they use too. Get yourself a great support group and do things you never did before. I never did much for myself because he thought it was stupid or lame. I have done more for myself in the last 2.5 months than I did in the 15 years we were together. I made him my world (and end then end it still wasn’t enough) he walked away with a snap of a finger. But when people say you’re better off without him I’m starting to see they are 100% correct. I promise you it will get better and day by day he’ll just be a memory and your closing that chapter in your life. The best is yet to come.

  • Michelle

    Hi ladies,

    Your post made me want to tell my story. My husband of 16 years kicked me out of our home 3 months ago, everything he said to me that night was all lies. I believed him but thank goodness for women’s intuition it only took me 30 hours to figure out he was having an affair with a new girl at work. I’ve heard this is her 6 marriage she has broken up. We have no kids thank goodness. Im just trying to understand it all and process it. I question things everyday. I wonder how a man who was happy 4 months ago lets another women come in and he just doesn’t love me anymore? Everyone says move on he is a dirtbag, I wish I could snap my fingers and forget everything about him. I wish a lot of things. Him and the OW already tell each other they love each other. The night he kicked me out or as he put it “give me time” she came over and he had her in our bed. I’ve seen their messages and he begged her to leave her husband and she finally did. I feel like everyone is okay with what they have done. I don’t have support groups in our town, but talking to women going through the same thing will be good for me. I want to know how you cope, stop the constant thinking, letting go and getting rid of the hurt, hate and anger.

    • Leanna

      I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been married for almost 19 years. My husband walked out on me 10 months ago and it has been the hardest time of my life. I had discovered his affair with a woman that is 15 years younger than him. When I questioned him he moved out saying he has not been happy for 3 years, which happened to be the same time we were going to have another baby. He was unexpected but a true blessing. We have a 17 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. We thought we were never going to be able to have another baby as I had 4 miscarriages. I feel he is going through a mid life crisis. He still denies the affair but she has been traveling with him and she is always with him. Even so much that she is now hanging out with my brother and sister n law. I feel betrayed by everyone. I continue to pray and hope my husband wakes up and realizes what he is giving up.

      • Michelle

        It’s so hard. I don’t understand how a person can hurt another person so deeply and they don’t care. I feel like I never existed to him. People keep train me what I want to hear. Like what comes around goes around and just wait karma will get him. I feel like no one thinks he is doing anything wrong. I just hate it. I can’t bring myself to listen to music because it was one of our favorite things to do. I also can’t go to the store because I seen him with her shopping together. They go on dates and do everything together and they both are not even divorced yet.

        • Vanessa

          Everything you have posted is exactly what I feel and have experienced down to the whys and what the hells? To go from loving and happy to a place where I dont exist.. how can you do such a thing???? It is a hurt that is indescribable it is a train that hits you the blade thats cutting you and you pray and try to stay positive but every hour is a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions. The karma to come back around is what keeps me going but I do still get angry because well… if he’s “happy” with another woman ignoring me taking her out all over where our friends see and you leave who you loved to move with her then will karma come? When you’re laying with her or doing something do you ever consider me? The reality is no…. they don’t care and at times people say “men suppress and deal with it later women deal with the emotions now” well… what if they never deal or think about it? You find yourself still giving the situation energy and worry that will go no where. I hate the feeling when people act like it is just nothing when they see him too but in the end… we need to be sure WE are happy not them, they made their choice, they made their bed and can lay in it. I can’t even go to the store yet by myself or drive without thinking I will see him or his car.
          The killer of my situation is that he met his woman paying a cable bill and began to flirt, she tried to be friends with me, and one day I saw her eyes looking at him and I knew. Sure enough he said it wasnt cauz of her he has been unhappy for months (couldve fooled me) and lied to everyone that he moved in with his sister… nope STRAIGHT into her apartment and her bed!

        • Carol

          My husband also moved out of house shortly after I found out he cheated on me. And is still with her! I think they are living together. I found out about it April 26!2015. And here it July 4th. I moved out of the marital home a few weeks later. He keeps leading me on, during this time I see pics on her Facebook.. Her in the boat, his truck, their apartment. We have a son together and he hasn’t helped us out at all. This is so hard and stressful….make it all go away

          • Michelle

            Carol :
            It will go away I promise. Get yourself a good support group. Block them on Facebook. You’re just hurting yourself looking at their nonsense. I’ve had to tell friends that are still friends with my stbx on Facebook I don’t need to hear about his life. Keep yourself busy. Do things for you. But I promise you will heal. I still have days where I’m sad. I’m also human. The way I see it. This is a chapter in my life I have to go through its a sucky chapter, but I can’t change the past all I can do is live each day to the fullest and look forward to the next chapter in my life. Not to spoil the ending you’re going to be OK!

          • Lee

            I’m praying for all of you and myself… its funny when your in pain you always think your the only in the world that going through it. Guess what your not alone, and just think today somewhere in world someones life will change because of their husbands sad senseless choices of action. My husband of 6 years left me almost 2 yrs ago, we had a miscarriage, then we healed together, i though we as was happy he always been good to me,and out the blue things seemed off, come to find out he admitted he cheated with his coworker shortly after he moved in with her told me his happiness wasn’t with me. My heart dropped he became cold, then ruthless and started t. defend her like as if she was me. then later she got pregnant now the baby is 7 months we tried to have a family of our own just months prior. what monster does that to his wife. With God Im healing,and moving on. I now relocated to another state to start fresh it wasn’t easy I get my days however the blow has lessened. I don’t contact him or nothing i been silent, ill let God deal with him. I still cry but I trust God and my process. Please beautiful ladies… just know you are loved and you will get through it. Also forgiveness is key for yourself and to live again. overall just know your not alone…


    • Sharon

      Hi ladies
      I totally understand every comment and feeling, where to begin, my husband and I had been together 30 years until I caught him cheating via a text message and because I wanted to believe him when he said they were only “friends” the kiss they had was a drunken mistake, even to the point of desperation to save my marriage and wanted him to love me the way I loved him I even sat in their company (often), believed the lies until I caught them again, again both drunk and same excuse used, this caused so many arguments and he wouldn’t break contact so as hard as it was I told him it was over, he moved into the spare room hoping on my part that this was just a mid life crisis and he would see our marriage was worth fighting for…how wrong was I, for 7 month he remained in the home coming and going whenever he wanted, feeling like my nose was being rubbed in it everyday as he was still seeing this other person but coming home to all the comforts until for me enough was enough and I told him to leave, this affair ( he still to this day denies it) had gone on for nearly 2 years, for me 2 years of the most gut renching pain of my life. He moved into his own place 5 month ago just 5 min walk either side of both me and her and although for me broke my heart I now realise it was the best thing I could have done for me. It’s unbelievable how much he has changed and definitely not the man I’ve known all my life, the cheat and liar he never was. I got the ‘I will always love you’ line too much of a coward to admit he didn’t want to be with me anymore which I wanted to believe soooo much, I still have bad and painful days but they are getting less, slowly I am getting on with my life and certainly wouldn’t want to go back to where I was and this is what I tell myself every time I miss him, he is living a lie still sneaking about with a home wrecking tramp who clearly doesn’t want to commit to him but I’m also learning to respect me as he couldn’t and telling myself often that I won’t be second best to anyone, I’m taking 1 day at a time and getting stronger by the day as I know you all will, good luck to everyone going through the same nightmare xx

  • ale

    My husband left me for another woman or I kick him out three months ago. I have been feeling desperate, sad, depressed, everything. I’m on `professional therapy and it has helped me a lot to get through this nightmare. The thing is that my therapist says that I should no ask for the divorce yet, since she advises me that the affair is not going to last and that he is having a middle age crisis. That I should wait. But lately I been having thoughts that even though he was a good hearted person he has changed, treats me like dirt and I feel he doesn’t deserve me. I should not wait for him to realize how much I care about him and love him. I have read so many articles about the affairs and that they do not last but the wait time is at least two years!!! I cannot imagine myself waiting for him that long, he doesn’t deserve me or our kids. We have three kids that really miss him. It is not fair.
    Should I wait because at the end it might be worth it or should I file for divorce???


    • Em

      My husband has been w her for 2 years since I found out and left. We’re still married, have a preschooler. I told him the affair would be short lived and that he would miss his family. Truth. Now she’s moving out, (guess she got tired of being an option too because he’s been trying to make me the OW-professing love and I miss you’s the whole time they were together.) For the longest time, I felt obligated to uphold my commitment to the marriage and wait it out, but this is the 2nd affair, different woman I found out about.) Ultimately it takes two. One person can’t fight for the marriage. When I did, he told me to move on and I did. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! He waited for me to become an option before he left her, if at all. Of course he’s going to mourn the loss of their relationship and still have feelings for her and never ve happy with either choice.

      Guess what that makes me? A rebound from his affair. The man needs to be alone. And so do I. Don’t do it. Don’t wait it out. You still being there validates the behavior. I’m not that girl anymore. I know exactly what you are feeling-you still owe it to the marriage, but you dont. Don’t make someone a priority who makes you an option. Yes, he might realize his mistake once you are no longer an option but that doesn’t mean he’s willing to do the work to address the marrital issues that led to the affair in the first place.

      And are you really willing to be that snoopy insecure wife? Will you both be able to get passed the anger constructively or will you punish him for the affair the rest of the marriage? Can you really trust him again? That’s what happened-i never got passed the first affair so I punished him with my anger which led to the second affair. There was no hope for real recovery. Before we didn’t have a kid. Now we do, which both makes me irreplaceable and yet I wonder why a man would wait till he was married with child to hook up witha chick he’s apparently known for years.

      If your husband honestly finds fault with his actions and does everything imaginable to woo you, get help and gain your trust back after it’s all said and done- give yourselves more time and space to grieve the passed and perhaps you both might see how much you’ve grown apart and that you are no longer compatible with him even if you have a family. Personally, I’m an honest person and I’m not compatible with a man who continually lies to himself to justify his actions. It was never my move and it’s not yours either. Look at his actions more than words.

      I’m thankful for the blessing in disguise that was the affair. It showed me that we were a bad match and that his answer to marrital problems was an affair rather than seek help. Sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils-heartbreak or stay in a toxic relationship.

    • Em

      P.S. My husband is 41. I’m about to be 30. Yes, there was some midlife crises stuff on his end. But he has a pattern and a long track record of women. Our relationship is great now, we get along and my son’s bond with his dad is stronger now that he gets one on one time. I don’t see his affair partner girlfriend for the 2 years they’ve been living together, (smoke and mirrors on his part-trying to keep her out of my sight and out of my mind apparently,) although I did confront them both when it first happened and demanded they look me in the eye and give me a sincere apology.) Either way, I’m happier on my own and our son has transitiioned well although he still sometimes says he wants us to live together again. I have my own place, been starting to tackle the things for myself that housewife life didn’t leave any room for. My house is clean, I come and go as I please and I no longee have a criticizing husband who’s never happy with anything I do for him or for myself. Yeah, I’m done being “the cool non jealous wife.”

  • Camilla

    Dear Okianne
    Four months ago my live-in boyfriend left me for another woman. He and his two kids moved out shortly after.
    The OW was the one who contacted me telling me about their three month affair.
    A month prior he had told me that he didn’t think things between us were going so well. I was dumbfounded. I really thought we were happy. I asked him several times if he was seeing someone else, but he denyed it. We ended up crying in each other’s arms where he told me that it was us forever and that of course he loved me, more than anything.
    So the following month was very intense. We really reconnected and were intimate every single day.
    The night before ‘she’ wrote me, he told me he loved me and that he had made plans for our Summer vacation (6 months later).

    The Next day everything changed. The text came in and he broke down and admitted everything.
    I reached my hand, telling him I thought we were better than that and that I would find it my heart to forgive him, if he loved me.
    But he couldn’t. It was almost like he was broken. He cried as much as I did. But he still left.

    Now he doesn’t want me to see the kids, who I have known for 6 years, since they were 5 and 9 years old.
    He is still with her, and although everyone I know tells me he is misrable and that they will not last, he has made no attempt to reconsile.

    I am beyond grief.
    I have been seeing a psychologist and I have experienced an overwhelming support of love and affection from everyone I know.
    They are all shocked because they really thought, as did I, that we very a very loving and loyal couple.

    I don’t really think it’s going all that better, four months later. Sure I sleep better, but it’s still hard to get our of bed sometimes. The hårdest part is to focus. I can only do that a few minutes, than he enters my mind once again and dreaming of him and our life is all that I seem to do.

    After having dated two years he told me he didn’t want any more kids. I was sad, but I didn’t want to Loose him, so I gave up having kids for his sake, and now I feel betrayed and lonely, having perhaps missed the opportunity to have kids of my own. I am 43 and not to keen on being a single mom, even though some have suggested I go have a kids now.
    But that is just too much to take in right now.

    I feel betrayed because not only did he lie and cheat but he didn’t do anything to salvage our relationship, I feel he should have worked harder considering what I gave up to be with him, but also because we had a lot of Things going for us, even he will admit to that.
    Everyone tells me ha’s changed, that he doen’t laught much around her, but that they think he will go a very long distance in his new relationship to justify what he did, even though he’s not happy.
    I can’t say, maybe he is just really happy and this is the new him. The OW has always been his least favourite type of woman and everything he says and does is the exact opposite of everything he’s ever stood for before.

    He turned 48 years last year and got promoted a year ago, it was a difficult year because he became more stressed than ever before, but he only blames ME for not being happy in the relationship, not his new job.
    I didn’t even know we were unhappy. Maybe naively, but never the less, I thought our love was strong enough to endure anything. Well, at least mine was.

    I feel like the last month we were together he really wanted to stay with me, and the OW sensed that, Thus the text where she told me about the affair.
    However, he still chose to leave so maybe the love just wasn’t there.
    I don’t see him but I bumped into him in the street the other day and he still can’t look me in the eyes. Shame, I guess.

    It was a mixture of wanted to hug and kiss him, telling him how much I still love and miss him, and wanted to kick the crap out of him… I did neither.
    I just stood there thinking that I will have to learn to love him from afar. Him and his kids.
    The loneliness of that thought is overwhelming.
    I can’t imagine my life without him and watching him move on, miserable or not, is most of the time too much to bear.
    I wish he hadn’t told me that he loved me and that we were forever so shortly before it all happend, because that is what I remember and what still confuses me.

    Would I take him back – heck yeah. Would it be easy – hell no.
    But since I probably will never get the chance then I guess that it’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.
    Therapy is good, my friends are amazing and my family have moved heaven and earth to make me happy. But I’m not.
    Losing the love of your life, I guess will take time to overcome. Losing the two kids I loved is unbearable.

    What’s a girl to do?

    • Pathetic

      Try a 40 year marriage, A high school sweetheart 16 and 18, four grown amazing kids, putting him through college, post grad and medical school. An affair with a patient that made international news and dragged my family through the mud. Legal problems because of said affair. Lying about the affair right under my nose because I worked full time in his office. Another year of lying because he was meeting with an attorney regarding the case. Being in marriage therapy for a year, and waking up one day to a second cell phone in our marital bed, a pay as you go phone, and finding out there has been another woman the whole time you were in therapy. He packed a small bag and left the house. “I’m not happy, I haven’t been in a long time” He does not take my calls, does not respond to e-mails, says he still loves me but won’t give up other whore is by the way is 30 years his junior. He stopped almost all contact with 4 kids. Won’t be honest with anybody about anything. Heartbroken, destroyed, and can’t figure out why this happened to me at 60 years old. i was looking forward to the next part of our life together, now at 61 I am alone and lonely. We were fighting a long, but I never expected any of this. My kids have been unbelievably great. Most friends have run the other way. A few have been my lifesaver, literally. I understand exactly your pain. Would I take him back, yep, but that is really pathetic and just asking for more hurt. Haven’t stopped crying in six months. Don’t know when I will stop crying. I hope you find some kind of peace or at the very least a way you can put it in your mind that will make sense. I have read post after post about this, especially men in their 60’s. They all use the same line. Psychologist, Psychiatrists, meds, etc. nothing works. Anxiety through the rough. I wake up in the morning and start crying immediately. I will cry out of nowhere, just about everywhere I am, uncontrolled. I just want this pain in my chest to go away. Wishing you wel

      • Camilla

        I certainly wish you well also!
        I just found out that my ex has already dropped his new girlfriend like a hot potato because apparently she didn’t quite turn out to be this amazing, understanding woman afterall. Quite the opposite.
        Because when everything comes down to it, a mistress will not act that differently from a wife, when their relationship becomes everyday in their relationship.

        So she is out of the picture, and I know from mutual friends that he wrote to them, saying he had finally realized what an idiot he had been and that he was sorry for all the pain he had caused.
        He hasn’t contacted me, though. I take it out of shame.

        But I am still kind of waiting for the excuse, although I know from everything I have learned and read online, that it will probably not come, so I guess I will settle for the fact that he wrote to someone else and admitted his wrongdoings.

        I really hope he takes some time to reflect about what he threw out – and for what? A relationship that lasted less than 6 months.

        Worth it?
        I am still hurting and missing the man I believed him to be, but he probably does not exist any longer.

        For those of you out there, it’s been 5 months since he left me, and I am finally feeling just a little bit better- just a little bit, but still. The knot in my stomach is not as tight and I find myself laughing more.
        So hang on – there’s is hope!

        • ale

          Hi Camilla. I hope everything works out for you!! You gave me hope that everything is going to be ok, at the end. May be not right now but eventually.
          I’ll hang on.!

      • sadtoo

        Pathetic that is the saddest thing… I’m crying everyday everywhere too..married 18y replaced coldly children ignored I’m treated as if I never existed.. I’m 53.. feel like I’m.100.. please update us did it ever get better????

  • Gudrun

    I need some advice as well. My husband left his ex-wife 7yrs ago with 3 small children. I’ve met and married him about 4-5yrs ago. This past February he went on vacation to meet his kids for the 1st time in all these years. After coming back he told me that he wants to go back to his kids to give them a better life. Apparently his kids and his Ex made him feel bad about leaving years ago and no to make himself feel better he is leaving me to go back to them. I’m really confused, because he says he still loves me, but he also loves his kids and want to be there for them. Unfortunately his kids live in Australia.

  • Tan

    My husband is a RAT – after 14 years of marriage he decided to end it with me after having an affair with an Thai hooker on and off for 4 years.(I took him back and forgave so many time!) Its the way he did it that hurts the most, the lies and deceit were incredible!. Left me homeless after selling our house and running with the profits to be with her! I thought about suicide, i was told to my face that I wasnt enough of a women for him and that I never would be…:( He said he didn’t love me and was going
    anyhow Karma already working , he’s out of money and now struggling…. I have been a mess but slowly getting myself together, with a job and a place to call home. (i actually now make more money than he did) Take my advice… A leopard never changes it spots! get out with your dignity intact and don’t ever look back. its hard, but just remember they don’t care about you and have created their own path of destruction – let them destroy themselves. its quite fun to watch…..

  • Cristina

    Hi, I am not sure if I ever should comment, as I have no proof of my husband walking out on me and our 3 year old daughter for someone else. But I have always suspected that he was seeing someone as he was going out until really late, even taking once a mystery taxi that his friends thought was a taxi home but he never came home and said he ended sleeping in the couch of a friend of a friend (who I don’t know and obviously never asked him further about). He stopped having sex with me probably since the birth of our daughter, hardly ever picked up the phone when he was out drinking with friends and coming back all drunk at crazy hours so I always suspected he was with someone. We have been separated for over 7 months, and 2 months ago he told me he was seeing someone and that it was quite steady and serious. Funny enough, he said this to me and was not even 2 months since the time he said he met her. I asked him to tell me if he met someone else as I thought this would help me move on, but it had the opposite effect because I kept thinking that he left me for her. Call me paranoid, but 3 weeks after he first broke the news (by whatsapp, and in retaliation for asking him to be more responsible with visitation times and communication), he asked me for permission to introduce this woman to our daughter. It baffled me. Was this relationship so solid in less than 2 months that he needed to introduce this woman in my daughter’s life? As confusing as this can be for a toddler who hasn’t yet understand what’s happened and refuses to believe we are not together anymore? Sent him some information about what experts recommend to do in these situations, that is to wait until a relationship is super solid to introduce a new partner into a child’s life, but he was furious and wouldn’t even bother reading the links and extracts from a book I sent him by email. He told me that all this was a load of bullshit that “marital affairs happen all the time and saying something is too soon or not is just a load of bullshit”. Obviously this has been haunting me since then and the only explanation I have for his request to get them to know them so soon is because he left me for her. We separated in september and in june he was talking about having another child and we were considering moving city and even went to see some houses. He is being very responsible with child maintenance and I keep thinking that he does this driven by guilt. The only reason for leaving me is that I was grumpy and nagging, you know, the typical blown out of proportion excuse that men who don’t want to be responsible in a marriage and with helping in the house have. I think he will never tell me the truth, and the fact that he has moved on so quickly after 7 years and has this urgency to share the time he has at weekends with this woman makes me think he didn’t had the courage to tell me he was leaving for someone else. To be honest, the excuse for the separation was so so silly. We had been having a hard time for the last 3 years, but the actual incident that was the cause of the separation is nothing compared to bigger arguments in the past. So I am confused, heartbroken and deeply sad. I moved to his country and left everything and everyone for him and now I am in a country where everything reminds me of him, and I am unable to leave to go to mine as it’s so far away that would mean that my daugther would never be able to see her dad, if lucky once a year and that is not fair for her.

  • Jenie Lim

    to all the women whose husband left you for another woman, just remember its not the end of the world. we women should be living for ourselves and not for someone else. if you are not their priority, just don’t make them your priority. i was there before and i still feel pain now when i think of the cruel words my x said to me. but being a mother of 3 i know i have to be really strong. “sometimes the right path is not the easiest one”-from grandmother willow.

    i hope all woman will live for themselves like me. hope my blog above will help to inspire people with the same plight to move on positively. live your own life

    • Vanessa

      Oh goodness Jenie you hit it on the head! if youre not a priority then they shouldnt be. I decided that the next person I get serious with and allow into my life i WILL be a priority, i WILL be treated with dignity and respect, and i WILL be able to trust and love just like i know i can and deserve to show someone and them to me. It hurts and is so hard to imagine it happening but we all know someday sometime it will happen. Drudging through the mud and remembering the harsh words or hurtful comments, the tears, the hurt, the embarrassment, betrayal, abandonment…. it is an unreal nightmare that is a reality! keep you HEADS HIGH LADIES! you only live once so please remember you!

  • cinthya

    My husband leaft me 6 months pregnant for another women i dont know what to do i know i might sound very dumb because i want him bad please sone one tell me howbto get over this pain

    • Lisa

      This isn’t a person you really want, your better than that. A person that can walk out on you while pregnant with his child is not the right person for you. Its painful right now but one day soon enough the pain will be gone.
      You will be okay, much better things a head for you. This I know!

    • Sam

      Cynthia my heart goes out to you. My partner had two affairs when I was pregnant and I found out at 8 months. I had him back but it’s been hell. He’s repeatedly cheated and left me several times. I don’t have proof but I know he’s on dating sites snd has a phone he thinks I don’t know about. I just want to say that part of me wishes I’d never let him come back the first time as now he has no respect at all. I’m trying to get over it but I’m scared of being alone snd I am mourning the life I thought we would have as a family. I believe it will get better and it’s just a matter of time xx keep strong

    • Monica

      Cinthya i feel your pain. I’m 7 months pregnant and my husband left me for someone else last month. It’s been so difficult because i never imagined he would leave me especially while i was pregnant. I myself does not know what to do. It’s so hard because no one wants to go through a pregnancy alone without their husband. I to would have taken him back but the fact is he doesn’t want to come back. He’s out enjoying the trill with her while i’m left her to deal with this pregnancy and pick up the pieces. It’s so hard because i’m am so scared when it is time to have the baby what’s going to happen, will he be there, will he just come and visit and then leave, will i be alone without him at nights with the baby. It’s so stressful and i feel so bad and scared for putting this baby under stress too. How are you coping?

    • C

      Going through the same. 8 months pregnant, due next month. I have a 2 and 3 year old. My husband has left us for someone he has been seeing since January. He continued to lie but I found out accidentally, now he finds it hilarious. He became verbally, emotionally and physically abusive when I saw him – I am just lucky he worked in another country or the abuse could have been much worse. He was fine in December and one day he just changed. He has had an affair, the woman knew I was pregnant and that I had two young kids (she is in her twenties) and is completely fine with the situation and understands he is a ‘package deal’. I mean WHAT. My babies do not go with him AT ALL. If she thinks she is getting her claws into my babies then she has another thing coming.

      I still feel ill on a daily basis, some days are better than others. I have had to move back to my ‘hometown’, somewhere where I haven’t lived for ten years. I will likely be living on a council estate after living a nice and comfortable life. I am just in complete shock how he can do this to me and the children.

      Some days I struggle. He has his new care-free life where he can shut the door after work and has no responsibilities other than to enjoy time with his new companion. I have the kids to look after daily which is hard, I doubt I will meet anyone new for a long time as I really will be a ‘package deal’ that cannot offer time for my new partner like he can. Yet, he wants to come back and play happily families and wants full rights to his children.

      I just want to go back in time and not marry him. I can’t believe he is putting me and the kids through this.

      I don’t think I will ever understand. When I was suspicious he told me I was ‘sick in the head’ to think he could do something like that and had the whole world believe that I was delusional. I was right. When I confronted him when I found out and I asked how he could do that to us, he said ‘ I don’t know. Just know I just can’.

      He has obviously told his parents a different story. But he admitted to me he slept with her straight away on first meeting. It was someone from work.

      We will never know the whole truth. Just know that some men are just arseholes.

      • Annabel

        Actually men like these are narcissists . They are people who are empty inside, always looking for the next fix . They are addicted to excitement , newness and anything but peace. They have no ability to feel love nor empathy . Eventually the same will happen to her.
        It’s devastating to realise this but ultimately freeing . Don’t be tempted to have him back in this case as you would let yourself in for more of the same. They cannot change . It is a disorder .
        All you can do is heal yourself and be an agent of your own change or we will keep attracting the same type

        • Annabel

          The red flags that he is actually a narcissist are:
          Quickly into new relationship after a one night thing
          Ability to just do this without conscience ” because he can”.
          Trying to accuse you of being “sick in the head” ” delusional “. Trying to convince others you were . All examples of “gas lighting” .
          I’m guessing you also carried all the home load, walked eggshells around him, lived with anxiety you couldn’t put your finger on .
          These are all red flags of narcissism personality disorder

          • Vanessa

            You are so dead on! in addition I was the payer of all the bills and going out. He worked and paid half of a few bills but never came close to what I had to cover, then he goes and jumps into another divorcee’s life in her apartment with her dog, just jumps to another person’s life and RUNS from responsibility.. THEY ARE RUNNERS we are FIGHTERS.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    May you find peace, acceptance, and hope as you move into this new stage of your life. It’s shattering to accept that your husband left you for another woman – especially when you have kids to care for. I can only imagine how difficult it is to balance your heartbreak with your love and responsibility for your kids.

    My prayer is that you find ways to process your pain and grief, and protect your kids from the adult emotions that separation and divorce brings. May you find strength, hope, and faith as you make decisions that will affect you and your kids’ lives. I pray for guidance and wisdom, courage and support from surprising sources! May you find helpful resources, family counselors, divorce lawyers or mediators, divorced mom support groups, books, and even blogs that help you deal with the shock and pain of rebuilding your life after your marriage ends.

    May you find the silver lining in this dark cloud – and may you start to heal and be hopeful for your future. Good things are in store for you, after the storm ends.


  • Natalie

    My husband of 7yrs and partner for 12yrs left me 4 weeks ago for someone he only met a few weeks before. We have a 6yr old son together whom I have to care whilst having my heart shattered. We always had a loving relationship and he never complained about a thing, even when I asked him if he was sure that he was ok. When I approached him about this other woman that had wangled her way into his life, he said he was so confused because he is happily married and loves his family. But then he refused to go for marriage counselling and left our family home. He has cut off all family and friends, and is cold and cut off towards me. He is seeing a psychologist, but I am sure he is probably just using her to justify his actions. I believe in marriage and the commitment I made to him, but 4 weeks later and no response from him, I have been left with no choice but to request that he divorces me, as he is making it clear he does not share the same belief system as i do in marriage (even though when we did counseling before our wedding he seemed not to have a problem with commitment). Our son is totally confused and hurt, the 3 of us were inseparable and then 1 day his Dad just left and wont say if he is coming back. My son can only do counselling once my husband has committed to a decision, which seems to be divorce.
    I know that he is not the person I thought he was and that I deserve to be with someone who is better than this, but I still miss the man I loved for 12yrs, and the idea of having had a loving husband and Dad for my son. It is all just so utterly confusing having to go through this with a child who deserves better.

    • Desha

      I’m 7 years married, 12 years together as well. My husband left me 6 weeks ago and is already living with another woman. Unlike you, we struggled through the last year…he became very cut off from the marriage…but the pain of loosing the love of my life is hard to cope with. When I think I’ve hit rock bottom in the pain department…I find even a darker place. Everyone is telling me that time will heal…but the problem is getting to that time! We will get through this!

  • Annonymous

    You guys are the best! About a month ago, which was about a month after bring told by my same sex partner of 20 plus years the he wanted a divorce I found and posted a comment on this site. I was in a pretty bad place then. I am so grateful for Annabel replying to me and letting me know that she understood my pain. i am so grateful to have found so many beautiful voices express our common pain, hopes and trials on this site. It really helped me see that I am not alone and there is light at the end of divorce. It’s been about two months now since his announcement and I cannot belive already the progress I have made. I read everything I can on the topic which has helped tremendously. Today, I am able to and continue to be emotionally detached from him and started focusing on taking back my strength, dignity, and care and concern. I now do everything I can to prepare for my future, while at the same time accept and even look forward to the charthotic soul healing that frequent crying provides me with. We still live together as I await financial settlement and rarely if ever speak. At first, the silence felt very uncomfortable but now I accept it as a gift for me to listen to my own thoughts of what I plan for my future. You know guys 2 months ago, I felt so humiliated by his actions because I felt as if I had GIVEN him all of me and he discarded it. But since then I’ve realized that I never Gave him me. No! Instead what I did was LEND him my trust, my love, my joys, my passions, and hoped that he would know how to care for these gifts. Well….he didn’t! So now My focus has been on Reclaining what I lent him and using my gifts to forge into my future. I know I have a long road to recovery ahead of me, but I am grateful for days like these when I feel strong and positive and thought I would share my experiences with everyone here so that we continue to support each other with realizations that WE WILL AND CAN GET THROUGH THIS and that it does get better.

    With much love to all of you….

    • Annabel

      You write so eloquently and thoughtfully about the stage you are at right now and as you say , it is another stage of a long journey .
      This learning to be emotionally detached is just such a great step . I too am living in the same house but practising detachment . It is amazing our capacity to learn something we never thought possible.
      Anyone we have ever loved will remain a part of us in some way but our love was strong and true so that’s why.
      One day we may view it as part of our life’s journey and an opening up of our life especially if they were controlling .
      As you say so well, we only lent who we are . We are still ourselves with all our talents and capacity to love
      May you find joy again

    • rhonda

      L love your words.i previously wrote s out my husband and his infidelity. He came over the other day.I was happy to see him, he was happy to see me.he Said HE NEEDS To Talk To me.We hug and kiss each other, bcuz i still miss him.although he’s done terrible things to me.I get in his car his , we get somthing to eat.On the way back, in his car he shows me a bag and it papers . He’s filing for divorce. I was stunned.yet he tells me ho.lives me and misses me.i guess the OW has given him a choice. Bcuz at some point he was still trying to see me.Im hurt , but I know I’m better off.Bcuz he has a crack habit . He been doing crack for many years now.And has a good see I know all his ways.but I will never put myself in this predicament again.I will get my papers and we have nothing more go say to each other. I will be good to myself love myself , heal myself..Ll the best to all of you and keep your head up , be strong

  • Laurie

    May you find strength and acceptance, especially if you’re still broken because your husband left you for another woman. I pray for peace, strength, and wisdom – and for the courage to keep moving forward even though you’re heartbroken that your marriage fell apart.

    May you grieve the end of your marriage in healthy ways, and may you see what you need to do.

    May you balance action with acceptance, movement with periods of silence and prayer.

    • Monique

      I am a mother of 7 and have several grown kids and one 17 year old left at home preparing to graduate. My husband left me a year ago for another woman. I didn’t know until a few months ago that it was for another woman. I thought he was just in some sort of mid-life crisis and just was behaving like a total stranger. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it was for another woman. We have kids in college and kids getting married. I am traumatized because he was a good father and a faithful husband. It saddens me and brings so much pain to know that our large family is now broken. I never saw it coming. I would always as if he was happy and ok and if their was anything that he felt needed improving in the marriage. He would tell me that I was wonderful and he wouldn’t change anything about me. I don’t know what happened and I am doing everything that I can to stay busy and involve myself into new activities. He has distanced himself from everything.. The kids, family and friends. We were self employed and now I am running the business alone. He lives with his new girlfriend and recently told me that she is pregnant. The kids and I feel stumped on. He is just doing things and being reckless as if he has no concern about how any of this makes us feel. Please pray for me that I can stay strong and assist my kids with being strong as well. Two of them graduates from
      College this year and one from high school, they don’t really want him there. One of the older kids got married out of the country and he bought his girlfriend that we really knew nothing about at the time with him. It was a sad situation…… Pray for my family and I…..

      kind regards,

      • diane

        Im so sorry. I was married 17 yrs and he just left me and our kids for some skanky woman he worked with. My kids are so angry at him too. Came out of the blue for me too. But he’d been cheating for a few months. They’re apparently in love. Ugh. Hows your situation going?

  • Laurie

    Dear Dawn Govin,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience with your husband and his “other woman.” I think you need to allow yourself time to grieve the end of your marriage. Before you start moving on and surviving the breakup of your relationship, you need to grieve your loss and face the pain. I don’t know you and I don’t know how long it’s been since you realized your marriage is over, but I do know it’s important to process negative emotions and let ourselves heal from heartache.

    If I were you, I would take time to acknowledge the pain of hearing my husband with another woman. I’d also start making plans to move forward in my life. Where do I want to go, who do I want to be, what do I want to do? Now’s the time to start recreating myself! The future can be very exciting, if we allow ourselves to dream and let go of the past.

    My prayer for you is that you find a healthy balance of processing your grief and staying positive about the future. May you find strength, energy, peace, and hope as you think about what your future looks like — and what you want to do with your life! May you connect with God, who is the eternal never ending source of hope, faith, and love. Amen.


    • Aonymous

      I can’t do any of what you suggest. Over the last six years there has been many things happening in my marriage, not just this last affair or any affairs, but many many other hurts. I am in therapy, we’ve been to marriage therapy, I read everything on line I can get my hands on. He left this time 10 weeks ago.I can’t seem to pull myself together whatever I do. I am not a good reader so all these self help books do me no good. He says he still loves me, he does not want a divorce, and is not in love with this girl, but he just needed some peace in his life that he could not get from me because of everything in the past I could not let go of. I am trying to get help for myself and learn to try to stop holding on to things, but I start my day out crying, taking anxiety meds, and can’t stop crying until about 4:00 p.m. I’ve lost all interest in everything. I try to get on my treadmill but I can only go about five minutes and then fall apart and have to lay down. I have pushed all my friends away with the exception of a few that no matter what I do, won’t desert me. I love my husband of 40 years and want my marriage back. How can I stop crying, what can I do. Having trouble moving on, trying everything, but it has been one thing on top of another and I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, on meds, but nothing seems to be helping.

      • annonymous

        I am home alone right now as my Sam sex partner of 20 years, age 52 is out with his new obsession, a 23 year old. He told me at first he was confused and then he said inwNt a divorce just a month ago. I was shocked by the news and ever since he seems happy and free to pursue his new love affair. I feel so abandoned and pathetic here knowing what he is doing as I have to live in our house until he offers me a settlement or simply throws me out since he controls all finances and always has. I am trying to be strong but reality is right now, my heart is broken, and I can beraly muster the strength to go on wanting to live.

      • Annabel

        This is totally normal for anyone let alone someone married so long. I know as I’m in the same length marriage and situation. The grief is immense. it is like they have died and in a sense they have. Crying, while feeling wretched is cleansing and will stop your body getting really sick. You just need to be with those friends who are super close where you can be yourself.

      • Rabina

        First you need to pray and take it a day at a time you won’t be able to move on u less you fully let him go and it’s wrong for him to still hold on to you when he has moved you being angry is better then being sad. Once you understand and accept the marriage is over and you are to great of a women to be #2 you can start the healing process

  • Nancy

    Don’t give up hope when your husband leaves you for another woman. Don’t let bitterness or anger destroy you, or make you wish your life was over!! I was so unhappy when my husband left our marriage but I have healed and recovered, and now I help other women deal with the pain of divorce.

    Be strong and take heart.

  • Laurie

    Thank you for sharing your support and help for women whose husbands left. It’s really important for us to hear from other women who have survived, who can show us that there IS life after the pain of a divorce.

    • Dawn Govin

      Hi. Thanks you for being positive. It helps to hear it. Im trying. My husband moved to Texas in June for work. The unemployment rate is out of control here, and he wanted to get his foot in the door working in the oilfields. The plan was for me to leave NC and join him when he rented an apartment and furnished it. He is an alcoholic who has been in recovery for a few years. He fell off the wagon soon after arriving and ended up incarcerated for being drunk in public. After a week, he was released and went to stay at a local rehab center. He called me and I was supportive of him because I saw how well he did when in recovery. He was on a waiting list to get into a residential program, so he was able to leave the center campus every day until he goes into the wellness program. I have been sending him money to his account to help him and telling him how proud I am. He was 30 days sober. Anyway, his behavior changed a few weeks ago and he told me he needed me to send a nude picture because he needed sexual relief. I didnt want to and then he changed. He told me that if I loved him I would or pick up and move down right away so he can be with me. I cant afford to do that right now. He was talking to me less frequently and then only at night when he was in bed at lights out. A few days ago he called me up drunk and started an argument over something so trivial I cant remember it. Then he said; ” I want you to know im sorry. Since ive been down here I met a girl. She is 10 years younger than me.” That would make her 23. I didnt let him finish before I started yelling at him and telling him I knew something was wrong. The whole time he was trying to say ” I did not do anything”. I was so upset I hung up. Several hours later I saw that I had two new voice messages. When I listened to it, I heard him say something muffled, a girl said “Please do it” and then” No dont turn that on”. Then I heard them starting intercourse. The phone was right next to them. The message ended and the next one started. It was them still doing it. He must have redialed when the first one ran out. I got to hear the whole thing until after he finished and then I heard him pick up the phone and turn it off. I was in complete shock and my heart was beating fast. I called him after I could breathe. For once he picked up right away and sais what’s up? I told him I had heard the message and before I could say anything he hung up. Im so sick. I blocked his calls and havent talked to him since, but the sound of them together keeps playing in my head. Im trying to move on. How can I be positive ? He emailed me yesterday saying he loves and misses me. Like nothing happened. I wo

  • maria

    I really love Louis so much that I thought I cannot live without him. I was married for 7 years with 2 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every day… it got worse when he filed for divorce. I didn’t think I could cope when he left even though there wasn’t another woman involved. He wasn’t cheating on me. I tried my best to make him change his mind and stay with me because i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out. He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce.

    If your husband has left you I believe you can cope and overcome the pain. Trust God to help you through and support you. He can take away your pain and help you cope with your husband leaving and filing for divorce. Believe because otherwise what do you have?

  • Alexa J.

    To all the women whose husbands left them for another woman, I just want to say hang in there!!! My husband left me exactly five years ago and it was horrible to go through but I’m better, much much much better now. Life goes back to normal and you can even be happy again, but only if you try to put your life back together. If you don’t accept that he’s gone you won’t heal. The best tip in this list is to start something new that heals you.

    • Sarah

      My husband did not leave me, he had an affair, I took
      Him back, but he drinks a lot now on his own at night, I think he
      Misses his other woman, pls help

      • Sheila

        I have experience that same thing for the last two years. my partner of ten years had an affair with ah married woman. I found out about it, confronted them both and her husband. My partner drank for two years. This past Christmas he told me he was going to reach out to her and see if what they experienced was real. So, yes your husband is mourning her. Now I am in more pain than before. He tells me he loves me but she is the one that takes away all his pain.

  • Laurie

    Thank you for being here Michele and Yessenia, and sharing your stories of your husbands. It’s so painful when a husband leaves for another woman, and no breakup survival tips could ever be enough to heal the pain.

    I don’t know how some people can just walk away from their marriages and families, and hardly even look back. My friend’s husband did the same thing a couple years ago, and the whole family is still reeling from the shock and pain.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as you move into the next chapter of your life. May you be blessed with healing from the pain of the breakup. May you be blessed with courage and strength as you move on to the next chapter of your life. And may you find hope in the presence of others.


  • Yessenia

    I’m hurting soo bad right now. My Army husband decided to separate from me after 4 years of marriage & 5 years together. Not to mention that I just recently gave birth to a beautiful daughter 2 months ago. In NC, you have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. About mid-August, I noticed my husband would talk to his “female friend” who is also married and who supposedly lives in Spain in the Air Force. His “female friend” knew that I was his wife and that he had a 2 month old daughter with me. His “female friend” would contact my husband by facebook and telephone and confide in him about her issues with her husband and everything. I didn’t think anything of it because I trusted my husband and never thought he would betray me. He was a good man I thought until now. I thought the love was there. Everyone thought the love was there. We did have our issues with him complaining about certain things like nagging but I never thought it was issues that would cause our marriage to die. I figured we could always work on our issues to make our marriage better but I guess he didn’t think so. He told me that he would be with me forever for better or worse. I guess not. Towards the end of August, my husband’s “female friend” called my husband and told him that she was divorcing her husband. My husband told me what was going on with her and I told him that “his female friend” is vulnerable now and would rely more on him and catch feelings for him. I told him that if it gets to that point, he needs to cut all ties with his “female friend” because it will affect our marriage. My husband took what I said and put it in one ear and out the other. After my husband’s “female friend” told my husband the news of her divorce, everything in my marriage went downhill. My husband started emotionally detaching himself from me. I asked him what is going on with him and he told me the news. He told me he wanted a separation. I felt shocked. I felt like my heart was crushed. He told me that he was unhappy and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me that he thought about his life without me, and that he was ok with it. I couldn’t believe this man who I loved unconditionally with all my heart and who I just had a baby with could say this to me. I felt like he was ripping my heart out. He tried to make me feel like everything was my fault just to justify his reasoning for doing what he was doing. I cried, I begged, I pleaded to him to give the marriage one more chance. I told him that I didn’t realize how serious the situation was and that we could go to marriage counseling. I told him we have a daughter who needs her father. None of that worked. He had made his decision and was sticking to it. He decided to move out a couple days later. After my husband moved out, I found out that he was spending countless hours on the telephone with this “female friend”. She would call my husband at 1 in the morning and throughout the day and talk for hours with him. I calculated how much time he was talking to his “female friend” and found out that there were times they talked for over 6 hours in one day. I thought the emotional connection he was building with her could have been worked on with me. I kept trying to figure out how could a man leave his wife and baby for another woman. I kept trying to understand why his “female friend” who supposedly is a woman who prays and is religious, would help break up another person’s marriage. Sounds like she a hypocrite to me. Not to mention, she is also into “paranormal stuff”. I truly feel my husband is lost. Instead of him going to God for guidance with his issues, he turns to psychics. My husband has spent hundreds of dollars contacting psychics on a daily basis. During our marriage, he would call psychics periodically and when I confronted my husband about it, he would never tell me why he would call the psychics. Now I know. He finally told me that he would call the psychics to talk about his marriage with me. Instead of going to a licensed counselor for help, he went to a psychic to get his counseling. I think what really hurt me the most was when I found out my husband was calling 1800 flowers and 1800giftbaskets every week to buy his “female friend” stuff, it really hurt me. I feel hopeless and helpless. I can’t understand how he could move on with his life so quickly and leave his wife and baby to fend for ourselves.

    • Michele

      Your situation is sadly so similar to mine. I’ve been married for 16 years (known him for 17) and we have an 18 month old daughter. My husband habits started changing in May. When I asked, he would say I was “always on him”. I tried to ignore it thinking he was just being a jerk but in June he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be married anymore, I was crushed. I tried to be strong and act normal for my daughters sake. But he kept talking about needing to be on his own, in his core he needs to be on his own. In the meantime, he was getting a ride from his female coworker/employee. I offered to take him to work while his car was in the shop but he adamantly, refused my help. He could wait for her and go in late which he never used to do. Needless to say I was suspicious but wanted to believe him. Meanwhile, each day seemed to get worse and worse at home. He stopped kissing me goodbye and started sleeping on the couch. He kept telling me what I wouldn’t do ( I.e. I want to sit and drink, but YOU don’t want to. I would respond I would love to sit and relax with a drink, but it’s Father’s Day and we have the baby. Drink if you want but the baby and I will go shop. Needless to say he pouted and followed us around.). In July, he traveled with”work” and with her. He would even not come home when the conferences were in town. He also started telling me about the single people in his office inviting him out but wouldn’t show me emails. He even left me and the baby on July 4 to go drinking “alone”. He was out until 2:30am and slept in the room over our detached garage. Later I found out, from this woman’s husband of 19 years, that she didn’t get home until 3am that night. I couldn’t believe it, each day kept becoming worse than the next. In August he packed a bag and officially moved to the room over the garage. He thought he could stroll in and out of the house whenever he felt like it, watch tv and eat my food. I said that isn’t how living apart works. You have to let me know before you come over. So right before he wanted to see my daughter usually around 6:39-7, he would text me, he’d unlock the door, play with her until about 8 or 8:30, then promptly leave and his car would be gone until after 11pm. Not the actions of a once religious married man, huh? I went to visit family back home at the end of August. The day I left he went to an attorney had her send a letter to my mothers house saying he was divorcing me. He also withdraw a large sum of money from our savings account and began locking me out of credit cards and withdrew the money from our checking account. He even decided to take over the finances, something he had never done the entire marriage. I saw the money withdrawal before the divorce letter, so when I called him(family is out of state) to confront, his psycho self acted like, hey what’s up? I asked about the money, he said I will be getting a letter from his attorney about setting a visitation schedule. WTH? He is such a coward he has yet to this day say he is divorcing me. In FL, only one person has to want the divorce and no separation is required. So now to September. He signed and served the divorce petition and had it sent on the 10 year anniversary of my father’s death. He texted me before I returned that he got his own apartment. Had to get my attorney to make him give me the address, roommate status and if baby friendly because he wants my daughter to stay with him.
      So I’ve since contacted his mistresses husband and we have confirmed so much. She called my dirtbag at 1:30am and talked for more than an hour while her husband was in the next room. He has been out with my daughter in public with his mistress on several occasions (even in July before any moving out) letting her care for my child. He’s even been caught at her house at 4am while her teenage daughter was home. What’s sad is that this behavior in Florida is tolerated.
      That is only a piece of my story, there are so many more betrayals and hurt. I can’t believe I didn’t see this level of crazy throughout my marriage. It baffles me that from May to September he threw out 17 years together away with no remorse or attempt to fix. He refused to go to marriage counseling. Now I’m fighting for everything because somehow he thinks I’m the bad guy.

    • Mandy

      Me too..10 years together, 5 kids (newest 2 months old..) my sister just committed suicide on August 28 🙁 I just caught him red handed in bed with the dispatch trash on September 20..a total douche bag move..he is..a very weak worthless is new, so still hurts, but my kids are much happier, well behaved and has as odd as it sounds lifted a very big wieght off of all of our shoulders.. (well the baby didn’t know..but with my other 4 the sudden change or disappearance of him has only been positive, they were happy when I told them he was not coming home!?!) he is/was EXTREEMELY abusive mentally always and physically quite often..he is a truck driver so he was not home much anyway..but when he was it was generally hell for the kids and I :( was hell the day (day and a half) before he came home, when we knew..high anxiety all through the house..he had been telling me I was pathetic, useless, stupid b!*#ch, retard..phsyco, bi-polar, name it, he spit on me, bashed my head into walls, through me across floor, into walls, squeezed my face..etc..I thought I loved him..and I was so down on myself believing it was me that made him act how he did, I lied to the police when I called 911, said it was an accident or if they asked I always repeated ‘I’d rather not say’ I was scared if I did I would be in more trouble, no one would believe me anyway, and I was afraid he would turn everything on me and get my kids taken away..I was SUCH an idiot..I feel terrible for what I let my kids see 🙁 and go through..if only I had known. A friend of mine was over the other day, and told me something which made perfect sense..the only thing I am missing is what I dreamed about having with him, what I desperately wanted so bad to have with him..NOT anything I had..that was last Thursday, and it really made me realize that and feel is recent but I am truly already feeling better! I haven’t been hit, thrown or spit in for a few weeks and I haven’t been told how crappy of a person I am for the same..which makes a HUGE difference!!! I know now! This will take time, and I really can not believe that all of this is happening to me/us (my kids) right now..a LOT to deal with..but I can ONLY be positive! and I know our lives will be so much better than ever! I am getting back to being ME!! The happy, positive, independent, strong, amazing girl I was 8-10 years ago before I meg the jerk or before the abuse started..a weak man couldn’t handle a strong girl like me..he needs a needy weak woman what he was doing to me all along..I guess I just wasn’t weak enough with all he tried to make me..I know this is mean, but the trash he is with now can have him..and best worst wishes from me..both pcs of good woman would sleep with a married person with five children!!! Both horrible miserable ppl..& his immediate family! his sister, brother in law and mother and father who knew he was cheating!! Just disgusting :/ sorry for the rant..feels better letting it out, it is sad these things happen, but everything happens for a reason? I guess, so make the best you can of it for yourself and any sweet wee lives you are responsible for 🙂 (I think covered most of my dilemma, probably missing a few things, I am sure..but got the ‘jist’ out)

      • karen

        My husband of 22 years(been together for 25) just left me for his mistress that I didn’t know existed 4 days ago. We have 4 children, one who got married 6 days ago, and one who is pregnant. All are over 16. Trying to live day to day right now, but he is my best friend. Hard not to keep talking and reaching out. He is all I have ever known. I know life goes on but when does it feel like it?

      • bree

        Mandy Hi I just read your comments,from a while back, and it sounds alot like my life..I am having a hard time I have four kids. My kids father of eleven years is leaving. Hes a truck driver, lol hes been physically abusive ,mentally abusive, Im blamed for talking to a guy friend on the phone, but He can talk to girls and take pictures. Ive also been spit on I kid,you not in the kitchen. Unbelievable. Everything is always my fault. He always says he has never did anything wrong. Its so weird, but one week he really loves me then, the next week, he wants nothing to do with me Like I am garbage. I dont understand..It is very disturbing.And when I am going through something horriffic, thats when hes the happiest , to see my saddness…may God bless you!!

    • Phenomenal Woman

      We spend so much time loving a man until we forget to love ourselves. No man should be your everything. God should be your everything. When a man decides to leave let him go! Just know if he left he was never the one for you. The worst thing that could happen is you stay in an unhealthy marriage and you wake one morning stuck and your youth has faded. Women we need to learn that some men are placed in our lives for a reason, season, or a life -time. Its up to you to seek God to know which one. If God ordains your marriage he will maintain it through times of discomfort.

      As women we see things in our potential mates that are red flags from the very beginning; however, we choose to ignore the warning signs. If this issues are not addressed before marriage than what we are saying to this man is that his behavior is acceptable. TD Jakes said, “Why should a man change what we are willing to tolerate.” Now we want play the victim or want God to clean up our mess. Woman we can pay a great cost when we attach ourselves to mates that should have not been ours from the very beginning. So allow him to go to that other woman maybe she is the one. Be grateful that he moved out of the way; therefore, God can send your true Boaz. And when this man arrives it will be a love you have never experience before. In the mean time love yourself, know your self-worth and count your blessing. Food for thought ladies-Turn to the book of Ruth in your bible and read about Ruth and Boaz

  • Laurie

    Dear Leanna,

    You might not be able to stop loving him, but your heart and soul will eventually heal. It may not seem like it right now, especially since you’re starting a new stage of life with your toddler….but you will come through this. Have faith, and hold on to the hope that brighter days are coming! This may have been shocking and overwhelming, but you will get through it. You’ll look back one day, and marvel at how much you survived.

    Have you talked to a counselor about how to deal with the emotions and practical aspects of your husband’s departure? There are many things to consider, and it might help to have an objective, supportive perspective to help you sort through everything that needs to be done.

    My prayer for you is that you are able to find the courage, energy, and strength you need to work through this. May you find faith and peace, and may you trust God that somehow He will support and hold you together through this. May you have hope, and may you find the right resources to help you move forward in dignity and strength. Amen.


  • Leanna

    My husband of 18 years left me 6 weeks ago. We have been together for 23 years. I am a complete mess and begging him to come home. I hate that I feel so weak. My husband has always been a drinker but the last couple of years he has been hanging out with 20somethings (he is 43). I believe it’s a mid life crisis. We have 2 children (16 and 3). Our 3 year old was not planned and after I had him I got really sick and had to have a kidney removed. He blames me for getting sick. So instead of being there for me he went out partying. There was many nights he wouldn’t come home or of he did it would be around 3am. He use to be a good man and he loved me. But I know the people he hangs out with encourage his behavior. I wish I could stop loving him. He told me he is happy living away and right now he doesn’t know if there is a future for us. But at the same time he said he is not ready for a divorce either because he doesn’t know.

    • Ann

      My husband left me November ,2013. He is 43 years old said He no longer loved Me anymore, we were married for 23 years and have two grown children. He was seeing a younger woman in her thirties. We are now almost finished with the devoice process. I managed to focus on only me and My children and I have made it though all the crying, not able to sleep at night , lost 40 lbs and feel better about my self. Hang in there and realize You have the best part the Children and You will pull through this just fine. My husband started drinking more and more thats when I knew he wasn’t happy with me and my children. He doesn’t have anything to do with them.But thats fine they have accepted that and they have also moved on. You will get stronger each day.

  • Laurie

    Dear Keasha,

    If hoping that your husband comes back helps you heal, then maybe it’s worth hanging on. But I think true healing comes from accepting that your husband has left you for another woman, and moving forward into a life without him. There were problems before he left, and if he came back there will still be problems to deal with. It might not be good to live in a world of hope — and ideal world that’s not realistic.

    If I were you, I’d cut all ties and move on. I’d work through the grief that my marriage is over. I’d keep telling myself that I deserve a man who won’t just walk out and move in with a woman 20 years younger. I’d also keep telling myself that a real man wouldn’t hurt his children so deeply.

    My prayer for you is that you connect with God, and find strength and faith to sustain you. May you talk to a counselor or therapist more quickly than you anticipate, and may your kids grieve and move forward. I pray you find the right resources, people, and organizations to support you as you move into this new stage of life. And I pray that you are filled with the energy, peace, and joy that only God can give. May you heal from this experience, and move forward in love and faith. Amen.


  • Keasha Forbes

    My husband and I got into an argument almost 2 weeks ago. He left that night, and didn’t come back. He said he couldn’t do it anymore. Almost a week later I got a text from a girl saying that my husband had moved on. He is living with her. She is 24 he is 42. He says he still loves me, and that she understands that. He has sent me a couple of very sad song videos to watch about him missing me. I’m not naive. I thought maybe he will come back, but he would not still be with her if he was going to come back. I realize that. We were together for 9 years. There were never any other women. He gave this girl a ring, he told her everything about me. Horrible things. We have a 5 year old son that he says he misses really bad, but has only seen him once. He has 2 other children that are teenagers, and I have 2 other children, and a Grand baby. All children are very hurt by this. I have poured my heart out to him, and he says its still not enough, and if I would of asked him not to leave he wouldn’t of. I have blocked him and her on Facebook, and I had my number changed. We can only talk through email which I’ve thought about blocking him on that as well. I gave him all his things that he left here which hurt really bad. He moved me to this very small town about a year ago because of his work. Now he’s with her in this same town. I don’t know anyone hardly, and everyone seems to know her. She doesn’t have a good reputation. At first I felt like I was dying it hurt so bad. I’m a little better now. I’m trying to get into therapy, but its not easy in this town. I plan on moving to Florida in April where I agree up when my lease is up. Thanks for listening to my story. Please give me any advice you have that you think will make me feel better. Will he regret this and want to come back or should I cut all ties and move on? Its just so hard when I’m hurting like this. Thanks again.

  • Laurie

    Dear Zara,

    It sounds like the past few months – or couple of years – have been confusing and sad for you. Your husband has changed a great deal, and doesn’t seem to want you to be part of his life anymore. I’m sorry – I wish I had the right words to fix the pieces of your broken heart and heal your soul!

    All I have to offer is prayer. I pray that you are able to find peace as you move towards the next stage of your life. I pray that you connect with your God, and that you gain energy, peace, joy, courage, and strength from your spirituality. I pray you get emotionally and physically healthy, and become a stronger, happier, smarter woman because of this relationship and its breakdown. And, I pray you find the right friends and support system, so you can find your place in the world. May peace and and strength be with you.

    What are your next steps?


  • Zara

    Hi, I moved to Asia for my Husband’s job about 2 yrs ago. We have been married for 8 years but my marriage seemed to come to an end like lightning. I always thought I had a very good husband, someone who would never cheat, even though he travelled a lot with his job, would never betray me. I first saw an issue when I saw some inappropriate text messages in March. The woman was based in another country. But she moved to where we are at beginning of April and I started to see a change in his behavior – wearing cologne, going missing on a Sunday eve (later transpired she arrived on that day and he went to meet her on the pretext of going to work), lipstick on his collar. He denied he was involved with anyone else. Things seem to get worse as I saw the changes in him, we agreed to maybe him staying in a hotel for a week also due to his work pressure and he was saying hurtful things to me which I was totally dumbfounded with, such as he was not happy, not happy in the life he was in, which I could not make sense of. Plus I had no one to talk with her in Asia as all my family is in the UK and US.

    After he went to stay in the hotel at beginning of April which was for a week, he never called other than text. After the week, he did not want to come home, kept extending, saying he still had a lot of work to do and it was best he stayed there. The hotel was about 10 min drive from where we live and he did even come to see me at the w/e. I cried and beat myself for asking him to move out for a week. I felt so alone, no one to talk with. I effectively sent him into her arms. Anyway, when he did move back, he started to come home around 1 am and finally admitted early May that he had met someone else and it was her. I asked him to move out as the situation had become so untenable. His constant lies, coming home around 1am to 2 am on the pretext of working late when in actual fact he was visiting her.

    I then unfortunately discovered pics of a trip he made to US in early June and it transpired she was with him. Some of her poses are quite disgusting so it is easy to see how she is reeling him in. She is in her early 30s, he mid 40s so you can also see the appeal for him.

    He has basically abandoned me in a foreign country that I came to for his job and career. Up until I saw the pics, I was hopeful. He would send me text messages, saying he loves me, is missing me. But unfortunately actions speak louder than words. I am not able to get those images of them out of my mind. It was surreal, it was like I do not exist but that is my H with another woman. How can he look himself in the mirror?

    After the trip he came round and was apologetic but that was before I saw the pics. He seemed to be remorseful saying he did not like the person he became in April and May and had treated me really badly. But I could not get a straight answer from him if he was still seeing her. But then I saw the pics and it gave me the answer and the fact that he was a liar and cheat. I have since stopped all contact with him. It has been 3 weeks now since the pics episode. I still wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about how could he throw everything away so quickly, for someone he does not even know that well? How could he just walk away from me without even a backward glance? When he came to pick his things, I was crying but he still left me on my own. I could hear his phone going as she was texting him. He had so little respect for me and she was clearly more important to him! It is still unbelievable that someone who I had loved so much and shared so much with could just turn his back on me? Did our marriage mean so little to him?

  • Laurie

    Dear br0kendreamer,

    It sounds like you’ve been through so much the past couple of months. Your husband has abandoned you, and you’re left to pick up the pieces. It sounds like you’re all alone, as well, with nobody to lean on or get support from.

    But, it also sounds like you’re a strong woman who can survive your husband leaving you for another woman! You are smart, competent, and able to take care of yourself. You’re independent. You can rebuild your life – and even find a new man to love! I believe in you, that you can start over.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you all the best as you survive this breakup, and welcome you back anytime to tell me how you’re doing.


  • Laurie

    Dear Cindy,

    It sounds like you want to protect your granddaughter, above all else. She’s very lucky to have you in her life, and I believe you will surpass the challenges to continue to love and care for her.

    Have you called a free legal counselling office? Also, do you think your husband will want to have custody of your granddaughter?

  • Laurie

    I just got an email from a woman who is having so much trouble saying the words “my husband left me.”

    It’s devastating, but I hope you know you are not alone. Don’t isolate yourself. Find ways to rebuild your life and confidence. Hang on to God, or a Higher Power. Spend time with women who are strong, who are survivors.

    • cindy

      an hr ago we were planning vacation w/8 yr old grandaughter we have guardianship of. a 1/2 hr ago his grlfriend text checking to see what time they will meet today. not only is that devastating im also afraid i will lose custody of her since his income and a stable home helped get her. if i lose her i will lose my mind. i know its bleak. i want to protect her. no use asking why. it is what it is. but i dont know how to deal. God help us. my heart and very soul r broken. i have no idea what to do. im not rich or well to do. i work an live paycheck to paycheck. i cant bre:the

  • Laurie

    Dear Lea,

    I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you in this New Year, and praying that you’ll find peace and acceptance. Your husband left you for another woman, but that doesn’t change who you are – and it doesn’t make you less lovable, valuable, or amazing!

    May 2014 bring you peace, hope, and love. May you find the love you deserve, and a life you love.


  • Gina Martens

    I found out my husband was having an affair a little over 2 months ago. We have been together for 23 years, married for over 18. We have 3 sons, and lost 1 son at birth. Our oldest son (17) was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4. Our middle son (13) has a rare eye condition that affects his gross motor and cognitive skills. Our youngest son (11) has no special needs. Both the oldest and middle son may very well live with me forever. We’ve known this for some time and my soon to be ex used to say that he would never leave because of this fact. I am currently seeing a counselor and discovering all the red flags that were given to me from the very beginning. When we first met, he told me he wanted an Edith Bunker. I thought he was kidding. He is the most selfish man I know and he expects to be catered to. He has never done a load of laundry, dusted, cleaned a toilet, shower, sink, floor. He doesn’t do h-w, make lunches, or even go through the kids’ book bags for that matter. I am responsible for everything inside that house and much of the outside, too. I work full-time as a teacher. He is a truck driver but actually has nice hours. He does short runs throughout the day that allows him to be home around 4:30-5:00. Some days earlier and some later. Yet he will always throw in my face that I work less therefore should do more. That is fine. I accept that, but what I couldn’t accept was the fact he did NOTHING. We started having problems over a year ago. We went out to eat to discuss what we could do to save our marriage. He does not agree with counseling. We wrote a list of things he would like from me and vice versa. One of his items was to greet him at the door when he gets home from work each day. My biggest wish was for him to help me in any aspect for 20 minutes each day. The next day I obnoxiously greeted him at the door with a big hug and smile. I never got the 20 minutes. Ever.
    Two months ago on a Sunday while doing laundry I found my husband’s underwear tucked or “hidden” in his jeans. It seemed suspect to me and yep, sure enough…there was “stuff” on them. I went down into the basement where he was watching the football game and showed him. His face immediately turned bright red and he tried to say that perhaps he had a wet dream. Like that’s ever happened to him before. My parents were heading over so I didn’t have much opportunity to discuss further. I didn’t sleep well and on my way to work the next day I called. He supposedly went out with guy friends on Friday night. I asked him again who he was with and he repeated that he was with his friends. I then told him to please tell me the truth. There was a long pause. My heart sank right then and there. I knew. He said we would talk about it when he got home. I was completely devastated. And yet I had gone through this with him before.
    His reason? I bitch too much. I told you I’ve been through this before and that was when my oldest was just a year old. The reason then? We didn’t have anything in common. That coming from a guy that only likes to go out drinking. Kinda tough for me to do when I get pregnant on our honeymoon and then nurse for a year. And you all know that there were numerous other ones inbetween these two affairs.

    So as POS sits across from me, telling me again that all I do is bitch, I sit there numb. While I agree that it had gotten to that point, I know why it did. I try to explain that it is a cause and effect. A vicious ugly circle that we just couldn’t get out of. Yes, he can blame me, but he must also take responsibility himself. Finally, I look at him and calmly say, “I’m letting you go.” I get up, look at him once more and say it again and while doing so I feel an enormous amount of peace.
    How I wish that peace would always stay with me. Alas, it seems to be a fair weathered friend. Some days I feel good, great actually. I am optimistic and have high hopes for a much brighter future. For all of us. Then I have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Days were I wish I could crawl inside a box and never come out. And often there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to my emotions. Of course him going on vacation with her to Nashville just two months after finding out doesn’t help me any. Nor does having my friends and family see him out with her because he frequents our stomping grounds when they are together. Or finding a bottle of Cialis in his truck.

    • Emily

      Gina, I know what you mean about the peace being a fair weather friend. I also oscillate between days/hours when I feel like I can let my ex go and move on, and days/hours where I want nothing so much as to scream at him and the woman he left me for. The latter feels good in the moment, but always costs me down the road. It opens the door for him to hurt me in some way. Observing a no contact rule is hard to maintain, but I feel that a little more power accrues to me every day or week that I can get by without writing him or responding to his emails. Both routes are painful, but your description of the peace you felt when choosing the path of letting go sounds very persuasive and worth attending to.

      • Gina

        I took a vacation with my boys to Florida over Thanksgiving break. Drove 18 1/2 hours down there through rain the whole time. Drove in my nephew’s compact car. There were 5 of us all together and it was tight quarters indeed. My kids did not bicker or fight once on the way down or up. First vacation ever that they didn’t. I believe it is because they didn’t have to listen to their father and I bicker. Yes, it was peaceful and I didn’t miss him at all. I pray for you. I pray that you realize it is NOT your fault. There is nothing you could have done to avoid all of what you are going through. And I pray that you never feel so low again that you contemplate suicide. No one is worth that.

    • Andrea

      I can so empathize my husband left for the other woman when I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd. You get through it, the pain ends and you do eventually get peace. Faith helps, God will heal your heart. You are also allowed to pray for his return…if you choose that route you need to be really strong. A group you can google is Charlene Stienkamp. Believes there is,more hope than you think…God is on the side of reconciliation. We did sign up to stay committed through the “worse” …it is an option and maybe why you are grieving is because of the fact that you are being told there is no hope when the simple fact he took vows with you had children with you proves that there is!! God has been in the marriage with you
      ask His direction. May you hear loud and clear!

      • Andrea

        My step father used to say, in middleeast if they don’t have a big enough dowry, they’ll burn the wives to death. I see the humor in it now…i could not see it then, at least we were not set on fire, right?

  • Shannon

    Emily… I am going thru a divorce. He left me three times this year. I know how you feel. Email me if you want to talk sh28nnon @ There were a ton of days that I didn’t want to live anymore. It’s slowly getting better. he doesn’t seem to b grieving either

  • Laurie

    Dear Emily,

    My heart goes out to you, you have been through so much! I know what it’s like to feel like an orphan – I don’t know if that’s what you feel like exactly, but I don’t have any family other than my mother. She’s schizophrenic, and not really a “mom” the way many mothers are. So all I have is my husband – we don’t have kids.

    You asked for suggestions on how to survive, but I hope you realize you’re already surviving! You are grieving the loss of your marriage, and the idea that your husband could leave you for another woman. It’s painful to grieve, but it is so healthy. You need to process the painful emotions, in order to get strong and centered so you can move on.

    I don’t know where you are spiritually, but I encourage you to explore your faith. When I think of God and my relationship with Jesus, I feel peaceful, calm, joyous, secure, and loved. My faith and spirituality gives me a grounding that no man, woman, child, or any person could ever give me.

    That’s how I survived the losses I’ve experienced in my life. What do you think – how are you doing spiritually?


  • Emily

    I, too, relate with many of these experiences. Two months ago, my partner of 11 years told me he’d been having an affair for about a month, was falling in love, and was ending our relationship. Like many of the other women who write here, I was blindsided, although we had had our major ups and downs over the years. Still, I trusted him and the relationship completely, and now I feel and know I had taken it for granted and could have been tending to it and to him better. The same was true for him, but no matter, he had made his mind up and is “determined to sever all ties between us.” He has been aggressive and cold – he says he is being kind because he does not want to “give me false hopes” by being nice or communicating with me. I have been in and out of near-suicidal states. Maybe this is harder for me because I was adopted, and both my parents had died by the time I was in my mid twenties, and I have no siblings or children by a previous marriage. So I have lost my family again, and with a harsh abruptness. (On the other hand, I am sure abandonment hurst like a bitch for anyone.) I am still in shock. He appears happy and has shown no remorse. Apparently, I am mourning the relationship alone. He is in love and spends all his time with his new girl friend (something I have to know because we live in a duplex and I can hear his comings and goings. No I cannot afford to move and I do not want to lose my home on top of losing my relationship.) I have a great therapist but I still feel like this pain is unendurable. It gets better for a day or two, but then I descend back into pure hell. Thank you for reading this (anyone who has) and I welcome any suggestions on how to survive.

    • lea

      I am sooo sorry. I am going through the same thing. I was married for 16 years and we separated and I thought we were going to work it out and I found out he has had someone else for months. I am devastated. cannot eat sleep etc. I feel like I will never get over this. I have a 5 year old son so I have to! he does not seam to care..he too is all happy w his new girlfriend. it is so physically painful I dony know how to cope. how r u doing as of lately?

      • Emily

        Dear Lea, It is indeed physically painful – just painful in every way. I also have trouble eating and sleeping. I finally got a script for ambient and I am taking a low dose every night. Not ideal, but I am sleeping. The inability to eat is harder to overcome. How are you doing?

        • lea

          thank u for your post. not doing so well. the pain is just so bad I cannot understand. I thought I was stronger than this. I am a secure smart woman but all that consumes my thoughts is my husband and the girlfriend tog. he finally admitted it today. our divorce should be final in ab a month but I was in such denial that it has hit me like a mack truck don’t know how toget my life back on track. how did u cope? I know it takes time..but what can u do other than pray and function? I am not getting anywhere. I should be soo pissed and want to move on..the worse he is the worse I am. what is wrong w me?? will this last??? I am not myself and cant see myself anywhere close?? do u have children? advise?? again…thank u for your concern!

    • lea

      I feel the same..i am the only one that is upset after 20 years of being tog. this new girl thinks she found prince charming. we were seeing each other …I was talking ab how we could work things out and he was agreeable…then all of a sudden..same thing,,,cold says he does not want to lead me on, we had been sleeping tog for a month and he denied it bc his homewrecking skank heard ab it. we need to talk on email. going to try and sleep now. will pray for you. lets talk tom and I will give u my email..our sit is very similar. God bless u and hope u can get a good nights sleep. xoxo

    • rose

      Emily, I know exactly what you are going through. I just found this site and I know your post is old. I hope I am doing this right and you get this message. I was married 19 years when we separated. I have been separated for 5 years now and I am in the middle of divorce proceedings. I am going to lose everything and he his extremely happy with his much younger girlfriend who he showers with utter lover, gifts and attention. I found out my husband had a porn addiction. We did not have sex the last five years of our marriage before I decided to separate. I wanted to go to counseling. He told me he had problems but he would always have my back and be my best friend. Now since he found a real piece of trash that is into the same sexual deviation as him, he has totally abandoned me. I have no family. And no children either. Just a few close friends who have families of their own to deal with. I guess I sound like a broken record so I don’t talk about it as much. All I have is my home and I am going to lose that so he can support a whore which he is already doing. They gloat on facebook. I am devastated and I don’t no how I can make it through this divorce. I feel like25 years of my life have been wasted. Would love to talk to you.

  • susan

    i caught my husband on a sex site and he had payed to go on this he denied having a affair but i found her phone number and email in his phone he left me for her shes 65 hes 53 hes blaimed me saying i have a drink problem and ive changed this is all a lie he has had me arrested he gets the police on me all the time saying im harrasing him he doesnt give me any money , he has accused me of trying to stab him and hit him with a hammer another lie hes 6ft6″ im 5ft1″ he has turned him back on his children and his grandchildren ,the woman has no children just a dog ive seen her once she is so ugly and looks really old and rough totally what my husband said hed not touch with yours he is like a different person ,i loved my husband so much i would have done anything for him we had a good life a wonderful r v and went off regular with friends and family we had our own business that we set up together in property service he now says its just his i get nothing at all from him hes cancelled my car insurance without telling me cancelled the telephone ,and sky tv ,and put the house for sale and stopped putting money in the bank to pay the mortgage or any other bills i pay for everything out of a small wage ive had to take out a bank loan to pay a solicitor for divorce proceedings he wont admit to adultery and she wont either even though ive got witness and proof the kids are heart broken as he just ignores them the small grankids cry because grandad ignores them ive lost 4 stone in weight and ive tried to committ suicide i love my husband so much i want him but not the person he is he is her slave he wears a new wedding ring thats not mine im soso bitter that bitch has turned him in to a stranger weve been together 27 years always been best friends never kept aruments going we forgott straight away we had a amazing sex life although i did have to nagg him a bit cos he didnt want to do it as much as me he was everything to me and we always said we would be together forever and would never cheat on each other he loved me so much and i told him every day that i loved him ,if you believe in black magic i would say this is something she has done to get my man he was mine through n through my soul mate my lover my gorgeous husband my life feels like its over how can he want that ugly old barren woman when hes got gorgeous kids a sexy wife size 10 that adores him i do not no how to go on anymore i just want him back its not getting any better hes been gone 14months now im too old to start again not as old as her just a tad older than him how do i go on any help would be grately appreciated thankyou can someone give me any answers plzzz love susan xx

  • Laurie

    An unexpected breakup is more difficult to deal with than a divorce that you’ve been thinking about for months or even years. If your husband leaves you for another woman and you didn’t see it coming, the pain is more shocking and I think more difficult to survive.

  • Rhonda

    My husband went to the DC rally and never told us he wasn’t coming back instead he had the other women tell me on face book. I feel betrayed about it because he wont even talk to me. It was out of the blue for me. trying to sty positive and keep my mind off him and our dreams.

    • Alyssa

      Hi Rhonda

      Your story touched me, my husband moved our son and I to SC four years ago, away from family. In November he decided it would be a good idea to have his parents move here to help us, he had a plan though.. A few weeks before they arrived, he started staying out late, lost over 80 pds in the four months before they got here, texting women and just not coming home. He walked out of our home in May of this year, took our car, and refused and still refuses any contact with me, his parents don’t speak with me either. He claims I told him to leave, but that is not true. He left moved in with another woman within one month of leaving us.

  • Laurie

    My husband left me for another woman…it’s the hardest thing you’ll say out loud. Protect yourself by getting financial and legal advice — call a legal aid lawyer and get all the info you can about divorce in your state or province!

    • Janna

      I have known my husband for 17 years. We dated in high school and got married in college. He was my first boyfriend. We should be celebrating our 10th anniversary in December but instead I think we will be signing divorce papers. We have 3 beautiful children…the youngest has special needs. I have loved him through 3 affairs and a DUI but this time it’s different. I promised him and myself I wouldn’t put up with another affair or anymore drinking. He has been home from his most recent deployment since May and my gut was telling me I needed to check the phone bill. I ignored it for a while but last Thursday something made me look…he spoke to one specific person for over 2000 minutes last month! and when I confronted him, he said that I really just needed to leave him because he was a bad person and couldn’t quit cheating.

      I know I’m being an idiot for wanting him still. He won’t change. He even told me today that he doesn’t think he will change and doesn’t want to do counselling again. He says he loves me. And I believe him but that almost makes it harder. I know i will never be able to trust him again. In my brain I know that. But when I go to bed at night all I want is for him to hold me and to tell me he is sorry and it was all a big mistake or that I was having a nightmare and of course he would never cheat on me again because he loves me and always will.

      I know I need to divorce him but I hate to put my children through that. I don’t think they know anything…I could be wrong but I think they think everything is fine. So I think they will be blindsided. My parents divorced when I was 5 and, while my parents handled it as well as possible and I had a good step dad, I NEVER wanted my children to go through this. I am sad not only for the future I had dreamed of for myself but also for my children. They won’t be able to wake up on Christmas morning with both parents to watch them open presents…they will have to split weekends between parents. They have already lived through 2 deployments without there daddy around in their short lives. How do I do this to them? How could he do this to us??

      I have to keep stopping myself from begging him to stay…How do I get past this? Through this? How do I know my kids will be ok? And what about 6 months from now when he comes crawling back and begs me for another chance??

      Broken hearted…and feeling unloved.

  • Laurie

    Dear Rebecca,

    Thank you for being here! I’m glad you shared your story with me, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Your comments inspired me to write an article about getting back together after a separation. The most important things I can tell you are to 1) ensure your husband has pursued counseling for his abusive behavior; 2) take your time making this decision; 3) don’t make a decision out of guilt or intimidation; and 4) remember that people rarely change – and if they do, they have to be very very motivated and very very consistent.

    The most important thing is your husband getting counseling. People don’t just stop being abusive! It takes hard work and dedication to look at the reasons you’re mentally and emotionally abusing your wife, What therapy has your husband undergone, to help him see his reasons for abusing you? What work has he done to change?

    Believe your husband’s ACTIONS (eg, going to counseling, joining an anger management group, taking classes about marriage and relationships, etc). Don’t believe his talk. Talk is cheap, talk is useless unless it’s backed by action.

    Here’s the link to the article I wrote with you in mind:

    You deserve a happy, healthy man and a happy, healthy relationship. Never forget that you’re teaching your daughter how marriage works, what self-esteem and positive self-regard looks like, and what love looks like in real life. Love isn’t just mommy and daddy being together — it’s how they treat each other, how stable and consistent they are.

    I hope all this helps, and welcome you back anytime to keep talking things through. I’m not a counselor and I can’t tell you what to do, but I encourage you to keep writing things out. Writing will help you connect with yourself!

    Stay true to you,

  • Rebecca

    Dear Laurie:

    Mine is kind of a long story too. My ex-husband and I were engaged and married after only a year, and of course for that amount of time plus another year we were inseparable. Seemed to be the perfect couple and I was the happiest I’d ever been. After our 1 year anniversary in his last semester of college things took a fast and horrible turn, and while in my last trimester of pregnancy with our little girl, he started to pull away. When we found out she was a girl he went insane and ignored me the whole day, saying horrible things. Then, realized how wrong he was and came home with a huge apology and flowers. A few weeks later during his finals he started staying late at the library to study every night. Soon I got insecure and frustrated and started asking him to study at home in his office. He started to be extremely mean for no reason. He was emotionally abusive. I started to be afraid to look at my text messages back from him, knowing each one would be a knife in the heart. I found a letter in his office he had written telling me he had fallen out of love with me and was depressed and couldn’t be happy with me. Also, he was a “writer” and I found a notebook of a series of letters he was writing in someone else’s name that when confronted told me it was for a book he was working on. I was in misery, couldn’t eat, or sleep. It just felt like the air crushing me every day. I did everything I could to try and make him fall in love with me again, including taking all the verbal and mental abuse he was heaping on me, and all it did was make him say more mean and hurtful things. 2 weeks before my due date, the day I found out my mom had breast cancer, I found an email that she had written him on FB, that said how much she loved him too and couldn’t wait till they could be together. He had met her in French and she had known all about me and our baby girl. Even saw the ultrasounds. When confronted he left me that night and sent me into early labor two days later. Came to the hospital, pretended nothing happened. Stayed in my bed with me. Then sent me and our daughter home with my parents and went to his new GF’s. They dated for almost two years after and I finally moved on and dated someone else. But 6 months after he left he started apologizing and trying to get me back. Now its been about 2.5 years since and is desperately trying to rekindle things. I feel that he has changed some for the better, but I don’t know if men ever change from what he had done. I feel so guilty that our daughter is split and she does love her daddy. But I don’t know if I ever could again. Technically, if we got back together I could possibly have the life I always wanted, and be able to stay home with my daughter and have more children, but how would I ever know if he would do it all to me again? I wouldn’t want to put my daughter through that!! And would I survive it the second time? I just don’t know what to do!

    Any advise or insight you might have for me would be GREATLY appreciated!!

    Thank you,

  • Laurie

    Dear abandoned,

    It sounds like you’re healing from that shocking, painful letter from your husband! Thank you for sharing the actions you’re taking to heal and move on with your life.

    You will go through ups and downs as you recover from the shock of your husband leaving. But eventually – if you keep focusing on rebuilding your life in healthy ways – you WILL be happy again.


  • Laurie

    Dear Melissa,

    Thank you for sharing here; I hope it helps to know you’re not alone, and you WILL survive.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  • Laurie

    Dear Felicia,

    It’s heartbreaking that your husband could even think of leaving you after 25 years of marriage! You supported him in so many ways over the past two decades, and he turns around and moves in with another woman. The pain and betrayal is overwhelming.

    My heart breaks for you. I wish I could give you advice that can help you heal faster and move on, but I have nothing.

    I just told Marie in my last comment, that this is her opportunity to rebuild her life from scratch. This could be an exhausting and painful thought….or you could turn it around into something that actually improves your life in the long run.

    There’s a time to grieve the loss of your marriage, and the expectations you have of your future. And, there’s a time to remember that you are a role model for your children. Teach them to lean on God’s strength, have faith that things ARE unfolding the way they are supposed to, and know you are loved in a way that far surpasses anything a man could give you.

    If you could do it all over, what would you do differently? I wonder if there’s a way to start doing some of those things now…

  • Laurie

    Dear Marie,

    Your husband didn’t turn out to be the man you thought he was. Hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it? It sounds like he used you, then tossed you aside when he didn’t need you anymore. My heart goes out to you – you invested your time, energy, and life in your marriage, and you’re left with nothing.

    What makes you think he’ll prosper? You asked why the wicked prosper, and I don’t think we know if he’ll prosper! I know it seems like he’s living the high life…but I suspect he’ll end up alone, sad, and without meaningful relationships. Not to mention what’ll happen after his soul meets his Creator.

    What’s left for you? The chance to rebuild your life. This may seem overwhelming and crushing, but how you look at it will determine how happy you are.

    If you could do it all over, what would you do differently?

    Can you start making those choices now?

  • abandoned

    I feel the pain with all the women who were abandoned by their husbands. I am going through the same thing. One day i found a letter from him saying he doesn’t feel the same thing anymore.and wanted to talk to me about our options. OF course i fell down on my knees and my world just fell apart that very second. He asked for time to think so my 3 year old daughter and i left. before two weeks he told me he made his decision and said he wants divorce. now we have a separation agreement about our kid so for father’s day my daughter was with him. when my daughter came back, she told me she was with minnie( i guess that’s the woman he chose over me)… i didnt get to see these woman or i might have pulled her hair for destroying my family but whose to blame??? my ex husband for letting this happen to our family… I still cry and cry a lot but, now i try to pick myself up, i have the time for myself that i didnt have when i was with him…. i was overweight before and now i turned my misery to healthy eating and i’ve lost 25 lbs…. i go to the gym whenever i have time..
    it still hurts me from time to time… one day is better, one day is worst. like the other comment said. karma is a bitch… ill just wait for the time that will happen… hahaha..
    to all the women out there.. we can survive this..

    everyday i tell myself these words:::::
    this too shall pass, everything passes and changes and turns into something you would never have imagined, if you will only let it.

  • Melissa

    Yes I have been married for ten years a abusive man. we recently separated and I found out he is seeing someone else he told me our marriage breakup is all my fault and of course I believed him. Right now I am completely devastated can’t sleep or eat I feel very betrayed I have him all of me and he through me to the curb when someone else came along I realize I shouldn’t want top be with such a monster anyway I just keep thinking he will treat her better and I’ll see it all we have two children together Andi currently don’t have a job I’m about to lose my car I just feel so devastated I don’t know what to do. I am praying for God to give me strength

  • felicia

    Hi Laurie,

    i am struggling with this too. I have been married for 25 years this aug. but it is such a long story and i dont even know if i have the right to be upset but i am. let’s see shortest version –
    married young,alcoholic to christian, 4 kids, after the last child the drinking got heavier and i felt the drift i did fight, but the wrong way – 4 years ago we separated he said he needed time i did not like it but we still kept contact and talked but he wasnt ready to come home then around oct 2012 i noticed he talked to me diff and i asked if there was someone he said no. we know the same people ( together 27/ married 25 people love to talk) he took this woman to a new years eve party – he doesnt do parties in jan this man who needed more time moved in with this woman. he said he wanted to work things out with me and we tried it was great better than in years – no sex and he didnt come home then i started asking questions it seems like he was treating me like the other woman i got impatient and we were back at square one i cant believe it now this week has been like ten years because i discovered that he and this woman along with some couples we know in common have rented a beach house in ocean city for the week he’s showing her off! im physically ill it just cant be she is not the wife and he always told me we couldnt afford to vacation like that now he has money? i struggled for years to have his back when he couldnt afford to provide for his family now hes resposible? im sick! i dint eat for 2 days then i got hungry but so sad i cannot express the pain

  • marie

    My husband left me after 22 years of marraige. We have 3 children. He is a 52 year old retired master gunnery sergeant (USMC), and met a woman, 35 y/o, with a 10 year old, who is presently in the Navy at Camp Pendleton MCB, CA. I asked him why he was breaking up our family, because everything was going good. He said the sex with her was really good. I felt like I was hit by a frieght train. He did not come home one weekend, and texted me Monday, saying he was filing for divorce. He had secretly filed for seperation. What a coward of a Marine, who served 30 years in the military. I supported him all those years. He pursued me and wanted to marry me. I was a young nurse and on my own. He admired that. He’d brag to his friends he was married to an RN. My parents weren’t sure what I saw in him, and asked why would you want to marry someone who makes less money then you? I should have heeded to what they saw. Steven came from a broken family. His dad left his mom for another woman. His sisters are divorced. His whole family, in East Dubuque, Il. believe that they each have the right to be happy, and divorced is an option. If I knew then what I know now, I’d have never married into the Smith family and all their crazy thinking. After going through a nasty divorce, he wanted 1/2 of all our assests, and is now living an adulterous lifestyle. I told him he’s going to hell and he said smuggly, “Heavean is not an option for me. You don’t know all the things I’ve done.” He wines and dines women and takes them on weekend trips, and ignores his own children. Me and the kids are all hurting. He’s moved on to live his new life, acting like he’s 25 y/o. He left me holding the bag paying the mortage, bills, insurnces on the cars, everything. I was an at home mom for four years, and now I have to go back to work and start life over at 52. I have to go back to school and work and try to hold the family together. I barely make ends meet each month. I’ve let go of him, and hate him so much for destroying multiple lives. Everyone who knows me has been hurt by his adultery. I have so many of the same feelings you all have. Why do the wicked prosper?

    • Phenomenal Woman

      Dear Marie,

      I understand how detrimental this may have been for you; however, you have been holding on to this baggage far to long. You have not truly moved on because you stated that you hate him. Yes, he has hurt you and your family; nonetheless, you give him way to much power by allowing him to continue to steal your joy.

      You stated that he pursued you and the bible does say, “When a man finds a women he finds a good thing.” He found you but you chose him when everything inside of you probably said he is not the one. We as women can not change a man unless he desires change. Even God gives us free will.

      Your life is not over as a matter of fact its just beginning. You are wiser now and am I sure a very intelligent women. “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” By Steve Maraboli

      From my heart to yours,
      Phenomenal Woman

  • Laurie

    Thanks for your comments, Ellen.

    You’re right that your husband has taken the problems he had with you into his new relationship – he’s not moving forward into a new life. He’s just replacing one woman with another.

    I don’t understand how some men can move from relationship to relationship like that, with no care or commitment. It’s so hurtful, and causes so much pain to everyone involved.

    I wish you healing and hope as you recover from this breakup. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  • Laurie

    Dear Marie,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing about your marriage. It sounds like you miss your husband and relationship…things are different now, not by your choice!

    I wish I had some sort of insight or wisdom to share, but the only thing that comes to mind is “acceptance.” I encourage you to accept your life the way it is right now, instead of wishing things were the way they were before. Your marriage as you knew it is over. Your husband, as you knew him, is gone.

    This is your life now. The more you struggle against it, the more difficult it’ll be. I hope you are able to find a full time job that replaces the part-time jobs – I know how time and energy consuming it is to work at more than one place!

    I wrote an article about starting over in your 60s after your husband dies, for another reader:

    It might give you some ideas for creating a new life, and show you you’re not alone. I don’t think you can reclaim your marriage and life the way it was…I think it might be better to focus on starting a new life.

    What do you think?


  • Ellen

    I can feel for Anne, in the March comment. My husband of 11 years left me about 2 1/2 months ago and a week after leaving rented a house with the other girl. It’s been a constant emotional battle one day I’m good the other day not. He left me for a co-worker that is 27 years old, he is 37 and I’m 43.
    We have no biological children together, but I have 2 sons with a previous marriage that my husband raised as his own. we tried to have a child of our own and I had a miscarriage, when he left me he said the new girl can give him a child he always wanted.
    No matter what I never will understand why men don’t believe and live up to the marriage vows. It is very hard to understand the why’s but all I can say is try keep telling yourself do you really want to be with someone that will disrespect you so badly.
    I ask that of my self everyday when I start crying and missing him. and all he has done is taken all the problems we had into this relationship.

    • br0kendreamer

      This is what happened to me. He completely ignores us. He blamed me. I worked hard to help build a company invested all my money to help him get it off the ground. He used my contacts and with his hard work we finally were going to be able to take it to the business level. Then he gave 49% to his work partner. Told me not to worry he would take care of me and the kids. I was worrying g for nothing. Then he crashed the van went missing for days. We have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months to build the company in a better location. He left me 2 months ago. But it seems like yesterday. He blocked me on fb. Blocked the kids. I knew he was seeing someone the last few weeks but thought with the kids out of school I could drive out patch things up. But he has been horribly mean he is younger then me but he alwaysade me feel bueatiful and loved. We had just recommitted in march he swore the online stuff was done he wanted his family back.. One month later a week beforewe were putting our stuff in storage and staying the last few weeks of school with friends he informed me thathe couldn’t make it till at least the 15 or so. Not sure and that we couldnt move out there for4 or 5 months. I should have found a house I was being selfish and not giving him any say. Then he told me he was not coming back to me anyhow he would come get his stuff when he could. Or I could take it to his dads! I had to pack and me and my 15 yr old had to move everything we owned and lost a great deal. He tells me to leave him alone he owes me $8000 probably more. And I have all his stuff I have to pay storage and lug around d because I can’t actually go through it. My mother the only family I have as I’ve no sibs disowned me and won’t even talk to her grandkids. He tells me he hates me because I ruined his life. That I took all his dreams and I should be grateful for the 7 years and leave him alone he is having a child now with “the one” meanwhile the day before they got the news there’s pics of them chugging down beer and her saying she was so drunk she missed work. he is 29 she is 22 and I am 42. I did try to leave him.when I was stronger and had more support feeling he would do this . am I stupid for believing him so long. Did he just use me. Well I got him fired from the contracts he got using my name and has lost the company. He says but he lies about so much I don’t know what to believe. It hurts so bad to see in a relationship with Chelsey on his fb status when he would block me and and add a bunch of women all the time. Have online relationships this last year has been hell. I just thought he was getting it out of his system and now we were coming out and we talked about camping ect. And then this he says he will pay me when he has the money and be here eventually to get his stuff. Like what the hell I cry all the time each day is like a new knife.

  • Marie

    Thanks for this site. My husband left me 26 months ago to go to live with his first cousin. Their fathers were brothers. We had been together 26 years and married 23 years. He was 72 when he left. We had a good marriage, full of love, sex and compassion. We were on a Spiritual journey together. I am stunned and gutted. He had not seen this cousin in 50 years. His sister told him to look her up when he was in FL. Now there are divorce papers going back and forth and I cannot get my life together. He did not want me to work for years and now he offers no support and canceled my government health insurance. The cousin is behind this. She wants all of his limited funds. We have a cottage that we were about to move into for our retirement. His 44 year old son who has goofed off and lost his business, home and family is now living there. My husband is enabling him to continue his childish lifestyle. I love my husband and miss our life together. In December we went before a judge about a divorce. In the hearing my husband kept saying that the only thing wrong with our marriage was the interference from members of his family. The judge kept asking him if those people were out of his life and my husband said yes. The judge kept rephrasing the question and my husband kept answering that the only thing wrong in our marriage was these interfering family members…so the judge denied the divorce. Now there are new divorce papers. I think his son is also behind this because he wants our cottage. He is 74 now and I will be 70 soon. It is so hard to “start over” at this age. I am working 4 part time jobs, one of which is physically hard. I cannot find a good full time job. I wonder how long I can keep up this pace, especially with no health insurance. What an I do to reclaim my marriage and my life?

  • Laurie

    Dear Michelle,

    Thank you for sharing here. It sounds like you’re in shock about your husband – but you know you have the strength to get through this! You are resilient – you’re like the Bounce Back Babe 🙂

    In all seriousness, I wish you all the best as you cope with this major life change. Taking it one day at a time is the best thing you can do. I hope you have people you can lean on for support, both in person and here on the internet. Feel free to come back anytime and let me know how you are.


  • Michelle

    My husband left me and threatened to take my daughter and stated that I would never see her again. I felt like I was so blindsided and that
    all of his friends new about what he was doing and was about to do
    before I knew. I am still hurting right now but I know that I am a strong person and I will get through this. The hard part is that my husband has told so many lies and I have had to defend my self and my honor. I feel so hurt but I am taking things one day at a time.

  • Laurie

    Have you ever thought that maybe your husband’s leaving you is the best thing that could have happened to you?

    I wonder if it ever turns out that way…that a husband’s “abandonment” actually turns out to be a gift…

  • Mary Alex

    My Husband left me a year ago. No warning, no communication nothing. He just came home one day and said he didn’t want to be married anymore. He told me his heart wasn’t in it anymore and he wanted to leave me 5 years ago. I was heart broken and beyond hurt. I believed what he said because I always believed everything he said. It wasn’t until after we had signed the decree( he pushed as quick as possible. We were divorced in 2 weeks) that I found out he left me for his coworker. The lies began coming out and I soon realized he had been lying to me for our whole marriage. Instead of it destroying me I let is empower me. I became a stronger, more confident women than I had ever been. I met the love of my life a few months after the divorce at the top of a fire tower at 5am. What are the chances of that happening. I don’t know what the future has to hold and if I will ever get married again, but I know that whatever may happen I’m a stronger person for going through what I did. Its also very reassuring to know that karma is a B*TCH!

  • paul muller

    My name is Paul. I cheated on my wife and she left me. I feel terrible but I cant change what I did. I hope your article helps her, because I sent it to her.

  • Sandra

    My husband is an alcoholic and has formed a strong friendship with a lesbian at his work. She has recently split from her partner. She send shim texts saying she is so in love with him and tells him to start a fight with me so they can go to the pub. He lies about seeing her on week ends and they drink and smoke and party together. I confronted him about this relationship as I am waiting for him to get counselling on his drinking. Our marriage is on the rocks. He said he doesn’t want to give up drinking and she does thing he like such as going to the footy and drinking. I threw him out yesterday.

  • Laurie

    Dear Sharon,

    Life has really dealt you a difficult set of cards, huh? I’m sorry that your husband left. That’s such a difficult thing to bear – especially introducing your kids to her after such a short time! He really isn’t thinking clearly.

    I hope you’re able to find the in-person support you need. I hope you meet strong, enthusiastic, spirit-filled, happy, and smart women who can help you crawl out of this fog and into a happier, healthier life.

    There are some tips in this article that may help:

    Depression After Breaking Up – What to Expect and How to Survive

    I’m glad you already see that life will be better in the long run without him! It’s mourning the end of your marriage that is so painful in the short term.

    I welcome you back anytime – feel free to share how you’re coping.


  • Laurie

    Dear Kia,

    I am very sorry for what you and your daughter are going through, and your 7 month old as well! It’s heartbreaking. I don’t know why some men do this – it’s selfish and devastating.

    I think you and your daughter need to get family counselling, so you can learn ways to cope with your husband’s betrayal. She wants her daddy, and you need to find ways to help her heal. You need to learn how to teach her to be strong and resilient, and how to live without her father.

    Can you call a counsellor today, and start getting guidance on how to cope with this? Tell me how it goes.

  • Sharon

    My husband took all of his things and moved out last night. The reason.. the same woman he left me for 2.5 years ago that at that time just wuit talking to him or having anything to do with him. 17 years and this is the 8th affair that I am aware of. I look at myself and wonder why I was never good enough? He took our kids 16 and 9 to meet her yesterday after he has only been seeing her for a little over a week. I donlt want my kids to like her better than me. She gets to be “fun” while I have to be the heavy at home harping on bedtime, homework and all the other stuff that goes with being a full-time parent. I hate him, know I will be better off without him, but my heart hurts so bad. I can tell you a hundred positives why it is better that he be gone but none of them seem to melt the fog. I hate being a mess in front of my kids while they see him and her together laughing and having a grand time. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to as my paretns are gone and I’m not close to my sister. I was never given any chance to cultivate frienships outside my marriage so there isn’t anyone to go to. Not to mention I am sure people get tired of me going on and on. Thanks for listening. 🙂

  • Kia

    My husband admitted to having an affair. the day before Valentines day he told me and it hurt me to the core. We have two children together. The youngest one is only 7 months old. This new woman is pregnant and their are starting a family. How can a man leave his family to start a new? I cried and cried trying to make sense of this. Getting a divorce is not cheat and im trying to pay for college.

    My other daughter is 5 years old and she wants her dad to be there, but he doesnt want to. We live in the same town and Im afraid that Im going to run into them together. Can someone please help me in this.

  • Laurie

    Dear Kay,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. It can be so difficult to overcome the betrayal of a husband leaving you for another woman, and learn how to trust a man again. I do not think men realize how destructive their cheating actions are, and how much pain they cause when they betray their wives.

    Have you talked to a counselor about your feelings? It sounds like you are stuck…and I believe you CAN get unstuck and find love again!

    There are no guarantees that the next man will not cheat. I have no guarantee that my husband will not cheat on me. But, I have to trust that our marriage will unfold the way it is meant to…and that I have the strength and courage to face whatever comes my way. Cheating husband or not.

    What do you think about seeing a counselor?


  • Kay

    My hubby left me years and years ago for another woman, and I still feel pain and have suicidal thoughts. Not all day everyday, but everyday certainly. I’d feel better perhaps if I too had the distraction of love in my life, but find it quite hard to consider dating as the trust is gone, and having been on the dumped end of all my relationships (i sound like a catch don’t I!!) I’m too much of a coward to move on in that sense. Oh well, maybe he’ll take his new ‘for better or worse’ vows he took recently to heart this time. I wonder if these people really know the true destruction they cause. Probably best they don’t and they actually just have happy lives, no sense in us all going down with the ship! My advice to those going through the same thing is to love yourself. My thoughts go out to you all, you are not alone x

  • Laurie

    Dear Eileen,

    You say “I am unable to move on and get over him.” Is this true? Do you really believe you aren’t able to detach yourself from him, physically and emotionally?

    You also say, “He is ensuring that I remain emotionally attached to him.” Again, is this TRUE? Does he have this much power over you? Do you have so little control over your emotions, thoughts, decisions, choices, and behaviors?

    You are a smart, strong woman. You have bounced back from other problems in your life, and you have the power to survive this.

    Don’t give your husband all your power. You are freely and willingly giving him everything he needs to do whatever he wants – he does not have control unless you give it to him.

    I am sorry your husband left you for another woman. My heart goes out to you – it is a very hard betrayal to recover from, and you will never be the same. But you gave him so many years of your life…why do you want to give him your future, too?

  • Eileen K

    my husband moved out 14 months ago after I discovered he had resumed an affair with the same woman he’d had a 3 year affair with back in the 90’s, I forgave him and took him back last time but I was aware by his actions with his mobile phone etc. that he was still hiding something and I knew in my heart that he had never broken contact with this woman, it led to many arguments and accusations on my part when he would accuse me of being neurotic and storm out, even convincing my grown up sons that I was insane but you know when someone is lying and hiding something. In between these episodes he would tell me how much he loved me and at times I believed that maybe it was all in my imagination. Then in 2010 I noticed the signs again, suspicious phone calls, unexplained disappearances, he stopped taking me out, turned his back on me in bed. Eventually the tension between us was at breaking point. I knew he was having a full blown affair again and knew it was with the same woman…he still kept on denying everything but beyond that would not talk to me, he had totally blanked me out, After a year of terrible strain I eventually forced him to leave our home in aug 2011. It broke my heart, I still loved him deeply but could no longer live with the strain. After a about a month he moved into rented accommodation and it was my 50th birthday and he gave me beautiful gold ear rings and said it was always me he loved, I was so happy and was ready to forgive him and give him yet another chance (stupidly but he could always get around me) From there he began calling every morning and night, we would have breakfast together, he would call in the evening and we would sit and watch telly together, usually have sex too then at bedtime he would leave and go back to his own place, Whenever I would mention him moving back he would clam up and refuse to discuss, in fact he never wanted to discuss anything to do with our previous problems. At weekends he would not call because he would be out in the pub with his friends, but he would call next day for sex and of course to ask if I needed any groceries …!!14 months later I am still in the same boat, he continues to have the best of both worlds, goes out socialising with his friends and their wives and quite happy to lead the single life but on the nights when he has nowhere to go he comes and sits with me and our grown up sons and plays happy families ? Note in the 14 months that he has been calling to me his mobile phone has not rang once in my company in all that time, either he leaves it in his jeep or if it’s in his pocket he keeps it on silent !! It is clear from this that he has not changed and in fact instead of trying to bring him to his senses I have made his life a whole lot better. He is enjoying living the single life and he can play at being a part time husband and father when he has nothing else to do and is feeling lonely….I have told him several times that if I dont get a commitment from him I will not allow him to continue to come and go in my life as he pleases. If he had any intention of rebuilding our marriage he would at least start taking me out but he refuses to be seen in public with me, says we are not ready for that. I have gotten myself into an intolerable situation much worse than I’ve ever been in. I allowed him back into my life thinking it would lead to a reconciliation but this was never his intention. He has the perfect situation now, sex without commitment with his own wife, never taking me out, goes to the pub with the boys whenever he chooses and no one to answer to when he goes home ….meanwhile Iam unable to move on and get over him, he knows where I am all the time and I dont ever know where he goes after he leaves my home at 10.30 every night? He is ensuring that I remain emotionally attached to him while he is probably still seeing this other woman too… please can anyone give me advice as I am consumed with despair…!!!

  • Laurie

    I think the worst part is the first few weeks and months after you find you your husband is leaving. Although, my friend’s husband left her a year ago this month, and she’s still as devastated today as she was when she first found out. It’s awful for her and her kids.

    Give yourself time to get over the shock and pain of betrayal. After you’ve grieved the end of your marriage, you have to find ways to pick up the pieces of your life. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to force yourself to rebuild your life.

    What’s the alternative?

  • destroyed-desolate-disparing

    In March is 15 years together, 10 years of that married. I met him when I was 20. I thought I knew love before, but never like with him. 3 years ago, in my lonely and stupid state I started a bit of a text affair. Nothing physical, but I bonded with someone going through the same as me. We seperated for a year, and it was the worst year of both our lives. We came back stronger, and had a rededication ceramony. During all this emotional rollercoaster I confided in my best friend. She has always been my rock. The last few months I could tell something was different. He always kept ppl around us, never a moment alone. He works 2nds and I work 1st. I looked forward to the wknds. A few wks ago I stayed up on a friday night, looking forward to quality time with him. He came home late. I was already asleep. That week, my best friend asked me out for a drink. I told her I was afraid I was losing him. She gave me advice on how to bring him back around. Just 2 days ago he finally admitted the night I waited up, he slept with someone. Guess who!! MY best friend. Oh, they apparently are close now. Have so much in common. He has feelings for her. She will not communicate with me. I am the bad guy. It’s my fault things are the way they are. If I wasn’t so pushy about keeping him to myself, and for always being angry that we are never alone, then he wouldn’t have found what he needed in her. I could KILL right now. (that’s my feelings talking. I won’t do anything) I want to lash out and hurt something. I won’t of course, but it’s making me feel weak not to show how much they hurt me. I should be fighting for what’s mine, right? But they’ve put me in a spot that fighting will not resolve. The real sad part, is I considered overlooking this and working on us, as long as she falls off the earth. He says he doesn’t know. He isn’t ready to cut ties with her. He won’t say we’re done, but he’s set me up to be the one to call it. Her child calls me Aunt. How are they going to explain that Aunt is gone and mommy is #$%# Uncle???? Oh, I’m sure they’ll paint a lovely picture of how I made it this way. And what scares me most, is I leave and everyone else accepts the new girl. 15 years, and I am more alone now than ever. And I don’t even have a best friend to talk to about it. I am extremely hurt. Breathing is hard. Focusing is harder. I just want to feel him cuddle me, and tell me this was all a bad dream. It hurts to know I won’t feel that security again. I know, get out there. Find new activities, blah blah. I’m sure in time I will, but for now HELP! How can I possibly place one foot in front of the other at this point? I text him a pic of me and him laughing together after our ceramony. I left a nasty letter about how they can tell their friends later how they hooked up. They can say his X wife brought them together. I am stuck in this house for at least a month or 2 to gather the funds to leave. The first separation, I drained my 401k to do this. I even helped with his bills while I was gone. But I was the bad guy, I felt I needed to make up for what I did. Now, it’s on the other foot, and I haven’t a dime to up and leave. It’s his mother’s house, so I can’t make HIM leave. And I keep picturing them as living my life, but its her instead of me. I’m dying here! How do I live through staying here the next couple of months, knowing they are “together”?? Please God, help me. I have been through a pretty rough life. Nothing has hurt this much…

  • Jessica

    I am 19 and have never been married but I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years. He was 6 years older than me. I should have taken a man of his age being interested in me as a warning sign, but I didn’t know any better. I kept it a secret from my family until I turned 18. He made me feel so special by saying things that I thought were meaningful like “I’m so happy to see how happy I make you and to see you smile”. He made me feel so happy and so important. He would say “don’t ever think you aren’t worth the drive”. The relationship was long distance, but it was only a half an hour away. During the whole relationship he only came down to see me once and I came up to spend every single weekend with him because I had obligations to go to school the rest of the week. The fact that he really never came down to see me and got extremely upset with me when I told him I was sad he never came and saw me should have been an indication of how insensitive he was to my feelings. He told me that he didn’t even want to talk to me when I brought up him not coming down, because he said I was apathetic and immature. About 7 months into our relationship, he moved in with this woman who he had graduated with. She had a ten year old son. He told me she was in a relationship and I foolishly thought nothing of her. But one day when I had arrived into his small town to see him, I drove right passed him and in the passenger seat was his roommate. They both saw me and I didn’t didn’t even get so much as a wave hello from him. My heart sank but I thought I should give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him what’s up. I went to his house and it was locked, so I just went home and felt pretty worried and anxious. He didn’t answer his phone, or my texts and didn’t even contact me until 2 days after that. He sent me a long text message saying how me and him should be just friends and that things with him and I were getting too serious and he wasn’t really looking for anything. I was devastated. I had wasted so much time and energy on this person. When I went to tell him how hurt my feelings were, he talked the whole time giving me reasons on why he didn’t like me and that the way I made him feel bad about him not wanting to come down was the end of the line for him. He said he needed his freedom and he didn’t owe me anything because we weren’t married. I thought he owed me respect and I thought that if you tell someone you love them that means you want to see them. I started crying on the phone with him and he told me to shut up and that he had to go and that was the end of that for about 4 days. I couldn’t believe way he was treating me and the situation… Then 4 days later I went onto Facebook only to see pictures that his roomate had taken of him with his shirt off. I literally felt sick to my stomach. I had called up mine/my exs best friend for answers and he informed me that my ex had asked him not to tell me that he was sleeping with his roomate pretty soon after they had moved in together. I got played and cheated on for 2+ years… She was single the whole time, he lied about that. I can’t believe I didn’t realize the warning signs. She would get so mad when I would come over, and he would console HER and he would spend so much time with her son. I’m and idiot for not seeing it. I feel really bad about myself because he left me for a woman who had a baby at the age of 15, abused illegal substances while her son was at school, and went to jail for fraudulent checks. I thought something must be very wrong for me for him to leave me for such a bad womanx but I’m also realizing that maybe he wasn’t such a prize either. I sort of feel lucky to find this out, but horrible that it had to be 3 years after the fact. I just wanted to see the best in him, and now I just hate him. This all happened about a week ago and I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around all of this. I did not deserve this and the pain and constant thought of him cheating is driving me up a wall….writing this helped me calm down a bit..

  • Jules

    In January 2010 my husband seemed to be in a bad mood again when I asked hiked what was wrong and he said he wasn’t happy in our marriage and wanted some space. I was devasted and begged him to go to counselling. He agreed and for six weeks we went to weekly counselling which appeared to help and we began to communicate better again. We were on holiday in the February when I began to get suspicious of him phoning ‘work’. I checked his texts any there were several from someone which made it obvious he was having a affair. He wrote to her “I don’t know why but you make my heart swell”. It cut through me like a knife. I confronted him and he admitted that he had being having an affair for six months. After a very long and emotional day he swore to me that he didn’t want to lose him and wanted to make our 25 year marriage work. He said he had been depressed after his mother died and as I had been tied up nursing my dying mother he had turned to her at work for support.

    All was good for six months and I gave up my very busy job to take some time out and concentrate on my marriage. After sixx month he changed to become moody again and told me work was very stressful. I tried hard to make life easier at home and slowly became a bit of a doormat who he put down and made fun of. At other times he was loving and talked about our future together which was why when he got out of bed one Saturday in July 2011 saying “he couldn’t do this anymore” I was completely knocked sideways. He left the house and the next day sent me an email telling me what he wanted for his life and how he expected me to behave. I couldn’t believe after 32 years together he could treat me like that.

    A week later his best friend told me that my husband had admitted to him two weeks before that he had had an affair with this woman from work for over three years, he had taken he on business trips and had thought they could make a future together. That he loved her and missed her. When I met him the next week he carried on lying to me and told me that the failure of our marriage was all my fault because I never supported him, was materialistic and only thought of money. He sai that he didn’t respect me as a wife and mother and didn’t love me.

    I was completely shell shocked. This was the man I had loved unconditionally since I was 20. Who I had followed around the country and world when he was in the navy, put my own career on hold and run his home, looked after our children, endured months of painful separation for 22 years only to be ditched when I was no longer needed. All he could say was that it was my fault that we never communicated. I didn’t see him again for another 10 months. I heard he was back with her which didn’t come as any great surprise as I always thought he left for her but kept it a secret so people didn’t think the worst of him.

    A year on and I have filed for divorce as he is trying to get me out of our house.

    It is hard to realise that the person who was your life is no longer there. Another hard thing to accept is his brother and sister and their families have completely ignored me for all these months and have readily accepted the other woman in my place. I had looked upon them all as my family and I have lost them too.

    I am waiting for the day when I don’t wake up crying and when I can actually look forward to the day ahead. At present there is nothing good in my life. My children are busy with their own lives and appeared to have accepted what he has done and met this other woman.

    I am terrified of what the future holds both emotionally and financially. He earns 5 times the amount I do but that doesn’t seem to make any difference and I am having to fight for every penny.

    I have tried not to be bitter but cannot help myself knowing that he could walk away after all that time together saying such intentionally cruel things and appears to be very happy in his new life without any remorse whatsoever. Whatever happened to karma?

    • Duts

      It is sort of like mourning for the death of your beloved. How are your kids content with what their dad did? Join a support group and surround yourself with positive people. It’s been 5 years since your post and I hope things looked up for you since then. Remember that every heartbreak brings strength you never imagined before.

  • sophia gaines

    how can you be married for 20 years and have children and just wake up and leave your wife for a younger woman, who dont want you but ur money or live off you! the other women is a HOMEWECKER!marriage suppose to last foreve but we will always have the other women to ruin it for us…. so ladies dont stop living your life because of ur loser hubsand n the other woman… live ur life to the fullest, take care of your health, get some fashion, buy specials things for you n dont be afraid to start dating or having fun! if u had children live for your children… when he is his 80s he will come back to you because his younger wife left him so someone younger n he in debit! just walk away in some expensive shoes that he paided for and i mean dont look back…….. live your life!!!!!!!!!

    oxoxo Sophia Gaines

  • joce

    been married for 7 years,known my husband for 12 years.4 years ago he had an affair got the girl pregnant.we almost got divorced then but the last minute decided to work things was okay for a while and then this august he stopped calling me and just texts if he has somthing to ask.then i found out that his ex mistress is in the same state where we live and suspects they are seeing each other.he denied it and claimed that the woman is already married.then he packed up his stuff last month and told me he wants space and time.then now he said he wants divorce.although he denies it,i know that there is another so lost….

  • Jay

    In January of this year I fell down the stairs and broke my elbow in three places and had to have an operation, during this time while on the mend I slept on the sofa which lasted a few weeks, in the mean time I didn’t realise the my husband at the time was feeling rejected, I did on many occasions try to sleep in the bed but was afraid of disturbing him as he had work the following day, I would be able to sleep during the day.

    Over the few weeks whilst on the mend, my husband started to be distant but I put that due to our little butchers business not doing so well.

    I returned to work on a phase return and felt I started to achieve things whilst in work my husband starting to get more distant and started staying out late on weekends sometimes may not even come home till early hours, he said he was playing cards with his mates at Mark Chick house.

    When it came to our anniversary I had a card but nothing else and it wasn’t at all affectionate as any of the other anniversary cards I had previously. Then when it came nearer my husbands birthday he said he wanted to go away alone for the weekend and that would I mind looking after the shop, so I did, when he returned home I found women’s glasses in the car and asked who did he go away with but he said no one he went alone. I will never get to know the truth there at all.

    A few weeks later he told me that he feels our marriage is not working and best if he moves out, yes I was hurt but tried to ignore this and continued with being together, but by the weekend I could see he wasn’t really there and asked him to go.

    He left and told me he was staying up his mates Marks, later I found out he was staying with another women, so I send her a message to ask what’s going on she told me they were just friends and that she was giving him somewhere to stay so he could sort himself out.

    Kevin was calling to the house at times and checking to see if I was ok this was making things difficult for me and then I found that he was staying at this women’s house and told him never to see me again.

    Through the weeks to follow I had a break down with anxiety and stress and Kevin would call in to check on me, he then eventually came back, to try and make another go at our marriage he promised he wouldn’t go to the pub where the women was and would work on us being together.

    That lasted a few days before he said this is not working, all because he wanted to go to the pub. So I got dressed and went out myself and low and behold so did he, he went to the pub I had a row with him over the phone and told him good bye. He thought I was going to do something stupid and came looking for me.

    I found that he then was going towards this women’s house so I messaged him to say I’m on my way up and have this out with him and her right now.

    He told me he’s not up there and on his way to the shop to stay, so I told him I’m on my way to the shop.

    When I got there he told me never again its over between us and he will never let another women get this close to him again, eventually I went home, but before I did he asked for a cuddle then I went.

    The following day I said he could stay in the spare room until he finds somewhere to stay, for a while it was working fine, but then he took a birthday card to this women and also called in there a few days later.

    Because of this I told him to go get lost and never come back I chucked all his close at him and threw what ever else I could at him.

    He had the cheek to say look what I am leaving with its not much is it, I said well you’re the one who wanted to leave not me.

    I have had no contact at all with him and recently found his dads seriously ill in hospital and I was not told by him or the family which really hurt me badly, I want to see my father in law and mother in law as they are part of my family but I’m scared Kevin will be there with this women, I can deal with Kevin being there but not this women she has no right to be by my family’s side at this moment in time.

    I will go and see my father in law today in hospital just to see how he’s doing meeting my mother in law, and for my own sanity. at the end of the day my in laws have been in my life for a long time and i don;t want to let go of them too, why should i?

    ive tried to be friendly to me husband but he doesn;t seem interested at all this time round.

    so i will continue with the no contact let hm go his way and i go mine.

    but underneath i know i still love him as he was not whats hes become,but i know i have to let go of him forever now.


  • Sue

    My husband of 27 years left me today – I am desolate. He met a women only a couple of years younger last year – he wanted us to be friends because he was such good friends with her. She has two younger children. I knew something was wrong at the beginning of the year but it took me until June to actually find evidence and then he denied it and said they were just good friends, I gave him the benefit of the doubt – this was my husband with whom I have shared everything I wanted to trust him completely. I found out a few weeks later that he was having an affair with her and had been for more then six months. He was sorry – we went to counselling and he said he wouldn’t respond to her emails (she always initiated). I found out yesterday he did respond to her and had been seeing her again. He says he is head over heels in love with her but he still loves me. I arranged for him to stay at another house and clear his head but he just spending more time with her. My marriage is over. What now? My grown up children are spending time with me but they don’t know what happens next. I am not sure how to carry on – keep breathing and one step at a time. I know I am strong and I will get through this but it is so very, very hard. I need to leave him alone but we have spent every day together for the last 28 years.

    • betrayed

      Hi Sue, your case is so similar to mine. My husband is having an affair with his coworker he denies it but when confroted with proof he just stays quiet. Said he loves me but is confused. I guess is hard for him after 29 years of marriage but he is spending all his time with her and nothing with me. When he comes home on the weekend (lives away close to work durong the week) all he does is watches TV exercises and text her. I can’t tell him to leave because I need his financial support, I work but with all the debt we both got I can’t pay the house by myself. I want a divorce but can’t afford it right now. I just hope this nightmare ends soon. I lost 30 lbs in 3 months and can’t sleep. My 3 grown children help me out but is still difficult. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever go away.

  • Shattered

    Grieving Wife,

    oh do I know well how you feel, as I read your post I knew straight away that it was not a physical death your husband died.. for I too see the person I love infront of me but it is just the skin. The man I loved my soul mate, the man who would never leave me, protect me, give me a wonderful life had left that physical shell a long time ago..:((((((

  • Greaving wife

    The man I knew and loved for almost twenty years died today. He was my best friend and accepted me faults and all. I shared every detail of myself with him and felt comfortable venting my daily frustrations. I loved him with all my heart and soul. Together we created the most beautiful and amazing child I have ever seen. We were happy for many years and survived numerous life challenges together. Without this love, I would not be the person I am today. No, it was not all rosses, but we were together through good times and bad. I knew I could always count on him to be by side. I wish I had told him more how deeply I felt and showed my true feelings, but I naively thought we would have forever for that.
    Somehow that man faded away………
    Although his physical body is here, the man inside that loved and cared for me no longer exist. I am left staring at an empty shell that tore my heart away with a cruel and vicious act of inhumanity. I know longer know who this man that stands before me is. I thought for awhile he would come back to me, but I am only haunted by the memories and tortured by the face that once was my one and only love. I must greave because this man has repeatedly shown me that he is no longer there.

    Fortunately for our amazing child, his father is still there. That love will never die. For my boy, I will be strong and make it through this sorrow. I will be haunted by the face with a smile. I could never bear to deny my child the love he deserves or bear to see him hurt. His father survives, but my husband left me some time ago while I was not looking. I cannot awake from his dream of happiness that does not include me.

  • Fedya

    My husband left me after 25 years of marriage. He told me he had a project in Mexico because he could not find work here. On Christmas ee, he said he was coming home for the holidays. He then told me he has a girlfriend in Mexico,he was spending New Year’s Eve with her in New York, and left. He completely abandonned us. Bills, mortgage, I was not working at that time.
    In addition to having to deal with the loss of my husband to another woman, I had to deal with all the bills, out of work, and the children. I was completely destroyed,
    I am ex teacher and did know where to begin.
    I was strong enough to find a temporary job. A week ago I lost my job due to budget issues. Now i am losing my home, electricity, gas, unable to pay my bills no matter how hard I tried.
    I started crying because I felt helpless.
    Can’t even afford to go to visit my mother in Florida. I feel so alone and helpless.
    Is there any hope at all? I am lost.

  • Laurie

    Dear Julie,

    I answered you here:

    My Husband and My Best Friend Had an Affair – How Do I Cope?

    I hope it helps. Getting over your husband leaving you for another woman is never easy, but it’s somehow worse when he messes around with someone you knew and trusted. I’m sorry.


  • julie

    My husband left me with 4 children ages 4,8,14 and 20.
    6 weeks after he left I found out he was reguarly travelling to Romania to see his 24 year old girl friend. Our eldest daughter was 20 at the time he was 40. I have no idea how long this had been going on for but he says not when he was with me.
    His family refused to speak to me and 6 months after leaving he took our eldest son who was 14 at the time away to live with him and turned him against me. His parents started babysitting our son so my husband could go and visit his 24 year old girl friend in Romania and bought him a 4 bedroomed house as well.
    At some point this relationship must have ended he stopped going to Romania but instead started a relationship with my supposed best friend, I stumbled upon them when I went to his house to diccuss the son he had taken away from me, my old friend locked herself in his bedroom and refused to speak to me.
    This best friend I had known since our eldest daughter was 5 years old, so about 15 years, she had been to all our children’s birthday parties, seen all our babies when newborn, been to our wedding and babysat a couple of times over night so my husband and I could have a break from the children and slept in our bed, I knew her parents well and we shared friends,she also met our families numerous times over the years. I also confided in her the year before he left.

    I find it almost impossible to move on, I still cry dispite being given 70% of everything and getting myself a job, and generally coping well with the children. I have few friends as I was a stay at home mum and put all my energies into the children and have no family nearby to help apart from my 20 year old daughter, life is lonely now.
    I saw the old friend in town today, she looked through me as if she never knew me, I was with my children, who thankfully never saw her.
    I have never known such emotional termoil and pain, I still feel totally and utterly betrayed by 2 people I totally trusted and all this and more happened nearly 3 years ago.

  • Elizabeth

    My husband has worked in china for the past year. I did not go with him. I was to go with him this year. The plan was for him to come home for summer break; purchased my ticket and was ready to return with him. When he got home, I looked at his cell phone and found text messages where he told this woman how much he was going to miss her, how he wanted her body next to him and how beautiful she is. I confronted him and he said it was just a joke. Needless to say I did not believe what he said. I found out the person is a 26 year old chinese girl, he is 59, and I am 62. He said she was just a friend and he was helping her by paying her tuition to go to school. I could not believe what i read, or what i was hearing! We had a huge argument… He said he would not text her anymore and was sorry for hurting me. He would not make love to me and cringed whenever I tried to touch him. I asked what was wrong, but of course, I knew. The arguments got more and more heated, until one day, actually on our 15th anniversary, I asked him if he still loved me to which he answered “no”. I told him to get his things and get out. He seemed relieved and went to his daughter’s house. I thought we would calm down and he would come back home, but he refused. Two weeks passed, and 2 days before he was to return to china, he came back home. On his iPad, he had created a yahoo account where he was emailing her all during the day and night. He also called her repeatedly from his daughter’s home. I read where they were making plans to go on vacation when he returned.
    He told me that I would not return with him, and if I showed up at the airport he would change his flight.
    In one of the emails she said that when he returned they would make love over and over like before.
    He says he still loves me and does not want a divorce.
    Whenever I would call, he said I was just checking up on him… When i did call he was so cold and hostile….so I stopped calling I have not spoken with him in over a week.
    I am hurting so badly … But I know I will survive.
    I am seeing a divorce attorney on Wednesday.

  • kate

    Its been 3 years for me my husband left me for another women after 27 years together its been the most difficult 3 years of my life i had to go to rehab twice for alcoholism but i have been sober for the last year and i never thought i would survive through it. I have never felt such pain in my life — but i did survive and now i can actually laugh and enjoy my own company its taken years of counceling and group therapy- but its not easy as I still miss him as crazy as it sounds- I am learning to be on my own and feel strong -it feels good so for any women going through this be strong and be kind to your self you deserve it

  • keisha

    i got married last year in april,everything was fine until i fell pregnant with our first baby.he started comparing me with his ex gfs.telling me how much he stil want to marry his ex gf as his second wife,and telling me how the other one was cheating on him and he realy loved her bt she was cheating too much and he forgive her but still she didnt stop.and he thought he was going to marry her.after our baby was born i went at my parents house for maternity leave he stoped calling us just to check how the baby is doing.we had an argument about the baby and his mom get into it and took his side i was so down caz dey were shouting at me nd he was shaking my ears saying that i dnt listen.the argument was dat he wanted a baby to go to crech at 3mnyths and i think it was to early since is winter it wont be easy for her to wake up early in the morning.then suddenly he stoped buying the baby anything and neva came to see us,when i had to return to work he called me nd said i must come and fetch my staff and go caz he moved on with his life.i went and fetch my staff and he was even assisting me to pack i was so still hard for me to move on but i hope GOD will help me to heal and be we just pass each other in mall like strangers no greetings it hurts me a lot caz he is not supporting the baby even his parents are not corncern that he support.but he was the one forcing me to have a baby and i was a fool to allow that but there is nothing i can do caz a baby is a gift from god and im happy i got my little gal in my life.

  • Sally

    We had been together for 7 years. He broke it off with me. I hadn’t even had time to think of practical realities like moving out when I arrived home from work to find my clothes shoved aside and another woman’s clothes hanging next to mine in the en suite. 15 big, plastic crates of her clothes were shoved into the en suite. Her wardrobe had been shoved in as well. Her set of drawers was in the bedroom. Her books were in the office. Her stuff was everywhere around the house except in the small, spare bedroom at the top of the house. It’s to that bedroom I retreated.

    I refused to leave the house. For 5 months, I got up early, left for work early, sat in my car in the park on the way home and deliberately got home late so I wouldn’t have to see him. His new woman didn’t move into the house. Only her junk did, and she certainly had a lot of junk.

    A week after my clothes had been shoved aside so she could hang hers in the en suite, I arrived home to find literally a truck-load of her junk. Crates, boxes, bags, containers of every description, a large wooden cabinet, not much furniture but about 5 cubic metres of her clothes, make-up, ornaments, shoes, the works had been moved into the garage while I was at work.

    5 months went by and I stood my ground. However, there came the day when I was talking on the phone to a supportive girlfriend and he arrived “home” unexpectedly. He barged into “my” room, shouted at me that his blood pressure was up and that I would have to settle immediately. He also threatened and bullied me. That was it – I had taken enough.

    The next day, I went back to the house, collected a change of clothes and my dog, and I left with nowhere to go to. Over the next 6 weeks, I slept in my car or stayed with friends. I stayed at a motorcamp for 3 weeks until I was told to go. It was then that I hired the caravan.

    I had a caravan towed to a remote campsite. I was to live in that caravan for the next 7 months. About all I can say about that period in my life is that at least I survived it.

    The caravan park was in a beautiful location. Under different circumstances, I would have loved to stay there but for 7 months, during winter, having to walk 150 steps to get to the toilet, having no easy way to cook, having no telephone or cellphone or internet access, I lived alone in virtually total isolation, trapped in that tiny caravan in the caravan park while the new woman had moved into my house and was using my possessions.

    I can type one positive thing here. I’m a size 8. She’s size 22. At least, being as big is she is, she couldn’t fit into my clothes. At least my clothes were safe. Unfortunately, nothing else of mine was. She ate off my plates, cooked in my pots, sat on my chairs, slept in the bed I paid half for, lived in my house and with my man while I lived with only just enough clothes, nowhere near enough food, next to no shelter and next to no money as a lawyer had advised me to continue paying the bills at the house. I was, in effect, subsidising the two of them.

    By the end of 7 months, I was even thinner than usual and I was on the verge of something called detachment. Thankfully, I didn’t detach for good but I came awfully close to it. A loyal friend provided money to put a deposit on a place which is how I came to be living in the most scungy, smelly, damp, horrible house in the roughest of neighbourhoods (and all the while, the new woman, now known as Podge, was living in luxury in the beautiful house he and I had built).

    2 years have gone by during which time I have used my building skills to renovate this house. It’s no longer scungy or smelly. I’ve dug a massive drain so the house isn’t damp anymore. I’ve rebuilt walls, ripped out mouldy wallboard, taken the kitchen apart, plastered, sanded, painted, hammered, nailed, sawed, dug, hacked, mowed and at last, my do-er upper project is looking rather nice if I do say so myself.

    During the 3 years since he cheated on me, dumped me and shifted his fat tart into the house we used to own together, they’ve been out every single day of the week and away ever weekend. They’ve been on overseas trips and have generally lived the high life.

    By comparison, I’ve lived rough, very rough indeed. Not only have I lived without essentials like a stove, a fridge or a washing machine, I’ve also lived amongst the criminals a low-lifes that used to live in this area.

    But my story has some positives to it. I’ve stood up for myself against the thugs and bums around here and have generated a bit of respect for myself. I’ve joined forces with other “aunties” to stand up to the scumbags. There really aren’t any around here now. They’ve gone because I and other like minded people have made it very difficult indeed for them to live here. This area has become a rather nice place in which to live. I’ve made good friend here and am happy to be living here in my now renovated little house.

    I wish I could say that I met a handsome prince and rode off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, I can’t say that but I can say that I now have absolute confidence in my own ability to survive no matter what I come up against. If perchance you know what happens in the future, so??!!! I’ll survive it. I have no fear of being alone or of my own ability to do whatever is necessary to make it.

    Meanwhile, gossip spreads like wildfire. I’ve certainly heard some about the ex-person and his new woman. He’s not a well man anymore, either physically or mentally. She who wanted him (and our house and his money) so desperately is now stuck with a physically and mentally sick man while I’m freeeeeeee. Do I laugh about that? Well, yes, I have to be honest. I do laugh, hysterically, every time I think of it, which is often. It could well be that Karma has come to get both of them.

    I hope in writing my sad story that I will provide hope for those women trapped in relationships with husbands who are cheating on them. Leaving is very difficult indeed. Going through a settlement with associated laywers and legal costs is horrible and ghastly. Making it alone isn’t easy, BUT, years later, you’ll be a stronger person for it.

    And the very best bit is that he cheated on me to be with her, she cheated on her man to be with him, they married an indecently short time after they dumped their former partners and now they’re stuck with each other, a couple of cheats together. I can sit here typing and laughing to myself that they probably find it hard to trust each other – afterall, they’re both proven cheats and the old saying is that if you can do it with him / her, you can do it against him / her. I laugh to think of them thinking about each other and wondering how long it will be until they cheat on each other.

    To all those woman putting up with unhappy relationships for fear of leaving, I hope my story inspires you to do what you know is right. If leaving is what you decide to do, it won’t be easy, it will leave you vastly poorer, you will suffer for it but in the end, believe me, you’ll be a vastly better person for everything you’ve been through AND you’ll have your freedom.


  • Jennifer

    It’s been 8 months after a 15 yr marriage and this is the 3rd time my husband has left. The hardest part is letting go when he says I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him but because I was with another man the last time he left me (for some other woman) he can’t get over that I was with another man so he had to leave. I have fought for him for 15 yrs and after everything I’ve done and fought for I feel like an idiot for not letting go of someone that has hurt me over and over again!

  • Mayi

    Hi ladies,

    Sorry about my unfinished comments… I accidentally press the submit comment button…
    When your husband realized that your not clinging on his back anymore… It will give him something to think about you…
    Don’t beg him or sweet talk him or promised him that you will accept his dallying as long as he stay with you…. Those actions will make him move and drift farther and farther away from you….

  • Mayi

    Dear Ladies,

    Reading all your letters makes me realized that men’s behavior when it comes to cheating and lying has all the same pattern, whether he lives in europe, in the US or in Asia. Can’t you see that they are a real fakers, an actor in the sense of the word…as we long as we don’t caught them, they will play the role of a loving husband… Now, asked yourself this, do I like to live with someone who is a two faced asshole? Do you want to police him or snoop around evrytime he’s away from you, bec you did not trust him? No one in this whole world can change his mind when he’s in the euphoric stage of his dilly dallying, not his parent, not his children, not his friends and most especially not you, his wife…
    When he leave you, don’t go after him, it will make him wanting to move farther away from you…
    First, grieve, cry as if no tomorrow, cry and wail out to the Lord, talk to Him about the emptiness in your heart, the hole he left in you… Ask Jesus to fill it up and make you strong, after the good hard cry it will lessen your pain and you can think a better perspective in life ( when the feeling emptiness comes back again after a day or two, just repeat the process of crying and benting out to Him). The crying and the wailing will be lessen as the days goes and you begin to pick up the pieces.
    Then you realized your children loves you, your parent loves you, your friends love you… That it’s his loss and not yours….
    Second, leave the four corners of your bedroom and meet and talk to your friends….just don’t mind him. Don’t call him, not even mention his name…. When he, your husband realized that you gave him freedom, that your not clinging in his back….

    Second, remove all his things or sold it or burn it if you want

  • olga

    None of my stories are as heart felt and raw as the above posts, but they could one day be. I am afraid to admit that I have had some “sognd” of infedelity already, but i have. I am not an idiot, and i have researched and checkd and all that stuff. Fact is, I love the guy, and i am with him. There have been times, not alot, but recently where he was very unloving, no kissing, ec… and it stopped, but I am not his wofe, and we just live together. we have no kids and we are not spring chickens. I i dont know what to make of this yet, except the feeling that i will be one of hese women one day. I take strength from these stories, and it encourages me to go make something of myself for when the time comes, i will lose my beart but not my head.

  • Monyka

    Hello Ladies,

    I’ve read majority of the questions here and comments, and in all of them I see the same statements and questions. I myself was just left by my ex BF he’s been lying to me and seeing another woman the whole time. But I must share this with all the ladies here. I am RELIVED that I finally know the truth, cause I was listening to my heart and not my gut. You’re gut will never steer you wrong, my heart was listening to my exs lies and excuses for his actions. When in the end it was all on him, if you give 100% in anything you cannot go wrong, there are no regrets. Why? Cause you tried and in the end that’s all that matters. If God can ask for that and be satisfied. Who are these so called Men to demand more.
    And Ladies these are little boys not men, a real man is honest and stands his ground. He tells the truth cause it is the light. Rather the truth than a lie I figure. We all deserve better, and God removes these little boys out of our life. To receive real men. And real blessings. Keep ur heads up:))

  • Laurie

    I’m really sorry your husband left – what a betrayal. My friend’s husband just left her a few weeks ago, and she’s still in shock and so much pain. It’s like a bucket of cold water thrown in your face, and it takes months and even years to recover.

    I wish I could respond to your comments and questions, but I can’t offer personal advice! I don’t know your relationship or personality, and don’t want to offer the wrong advice.

    But, I did write this article to give everyone more general tips and suggestions for when your husband leaves you for another woman:

    When You Don’t Want to Break Up – But He Does


  • Tammy

    I was just dumped for another woman. My 8 year relationship in which we lived togatgher only about 1/2 the time, and 200 miles apart the other half has just ended because he fell for someone who is there while i am not. Back in February I found out about her. I quit my job March 1st, and went there to try to save my relationship, 3 1/2 months later i realized that no matter how hard I try he wanted to be with her. I lost the battle of the other woman.

    It has been 5 weeks now, and it hurts less, but i cant stop hopeing (wishing) that he’ll “realize he made a mistake” I cant stop believing that he loves me still, even though he is living with her. He told me today, “I love her”, he told me yesterday, I love you but Im not in love with you. Two days ago he told me he doesnt know how he feels or if he is in love with her.

    I have decided that I need to cut off contact with him for my own sanity, I just dont know how. I will just wait for him to call, and he will, I wish I could find someone else, but no one else can take his place. Help me it hurts soooo much.

  • Dbbie

    Hi my name is Debbie
    My husband left me after 28 1/2 years of marriage. For a so called friend of mine. He told me April 1st 2012. I lost 23 lbs which I am grateful for. I had a very bad April and May, but started pulling out of it some in June. What I am looking in site from everyone is, 2 things.
    1. He has called me 3 times to tell me she (Patty, other woman), that she has crushed him and that she is going back to her husband. Why does he tell me this? He’ll also say “I thought she was the one”
    2. Why does he treat me like I was the one that cheated, he wont answer my calls, and he avoids me. I have been the loyal wife to the cop for a life time and longer.
    Any one have any comments would help me to understand would be great.

  • Marie

    He wasn’t snuggling with me anymore or kissing me when we were intimate. My husband left me first thing one morning after I softly asked him what was wrong and if he wanted to go to couples therapy. You see, he claimed he was stressed at work, distant due due to work responsibilities and the craziness of his job… Oh, there were the tell tale signs prior to that. Changes in the bedroom, lack of kisses on New Year’s Eve, lack of kisses, cell phone going in the bathroom with him, heightened anger at my questions, etc. He just kept saying that it was work. Turns out it wasn’t. We have three children (all under 10). I can’t believe that this has happened. I want the life the I that I had…I want to believe the lies. I am afraid that no one will ever love me again. I don’t want to be alone. At the same time, I fully recognize that I don’t want to be with someone who cheats. The quality of life is far below anything that I could have pictured. The constant questioning of myself, of him, of everything. It is exhausting. It is not worth the energy that it pulls from me or my children. And yet I am still drawn in. I feel like I am such a mess. I wish that I could fast forward this moment. Please tell me that I will be happy one day. It feels like I can’t breath, I can’t eat. I have lost 20 pounds in 3 months. I feel like one of the walking dead except I can feel the pain. He still keeps denying that there is anyone else. It is all my fault the marriage became crappy. It is all my fault that he does not want to be together. What about him? When does he grow up? Please someone… help.

  • Anon

    I myself have been left for another woman! It’s been ten weeks now since my partner of 7 years left the family home, we have two sons aged five and ten months, he first left saying that he was no longer in love with me and that he thought we had grown apart and said he thinks that we’re just parents!! I knew there must have been someone else involved so I demanded to see his mobile phone bill before he left and he refused so I had no option but to let him go, he kept telling me he wanted his feelings to change for me and that he didn’t want anyone else or had anyone. He said this continuously for five weeks, I kept thinking he must be depressed ect, so 5 weeks ago I then find out he had actually been having a nine month affair behind my back and more devastating is that this started towards the end of my pregnancy, it kills me knowing that he watched me give birth and all the while he decided to become a couple with her, he took her away on holiday when he told me he was working away! How he could watch other kids play in a pool is beyond me, he still sees the kids and is a great father but the anger in me for him leaving us is tremendous, the sad thing is that I want him back, in all the ten weeks he has never once tried to explain all he keeps saying is I don’t know why this happend and says he doesn’t know if hes made the right choice, I to feel rejected, unloved and down right angry! The look on my sons face when he told him he was leaving the family home will haunt me for the rest of my life, I can’t seem to move on either.

  • Ana

    My husband and I are in a unit that trvels to central america. When we got tasked to this unit I was excited for both of us. We’d b traveling to decent countries instead of Afghanistan. His first trip was to Honduras from 22 Jan to 20 Feb 2012. Before he left I thought we were doing great. I thought we were happy. He kept hugging me and telling me that we had to remain strong in our marriage. I thought we were still in love. I trusted him. I was not even remotely worried that he would stray. The day he got back I knew right away something wasn’t right. From that moment on it became constant fighting. I became so insecure because I could sense that he was pulling away. He was being distant and disrespectful. On top of that he was getting easily agitated w me and our 2 kids as if we were the ones that were measing up. I asked him numerous times if he’d cheated and he’d say no. I even asked him for a divorce at one point and he would start crying and saying he felt terrible for behaving the he had. He would say he still loved me and we couldnt throw away 8 yrs of marriage. We even celebrated our 8 yr anniversary in April and he pulled out all the stops. Fancy restaurant, roses.. everything.I had to leave for training at the end of April through mid June. In May I had to check his email for something and decided to dig around. Sure enough I found an email from him to her of a half naked pic of himself. I did not cry for those first 24 hours. I must have been in shock. The next day when I was able to speak to him it hit me. I cried non stop for hours. He didnt even say he was sorry. He didnt try to repair the marriage. I told him I’d want a divorce and he just accepted it. He said he’d f*d up and that he didnt deserve me. Then he would say that he would always love me. Later, he told me he’d stopped loving me a long time ago. He still speaks to her. Turns out she is very possibly pregnant which is an even bigger jab to my heart because I’d been wanting another child for the last 2 yrs but he didnt want to and was so careful to make sure we didnt. I cant stop hurting. I cant help but wonder why. I’m sure I keep asking myself all the same questions every woman does. Why?! Why trail me along if you stopped loving me?! Why continue to tell me you loved me if you didn’t? Why do you cry as if you care but yet you choose to put her before me? How is it that the last 8 yrs that I gave to you mean absolutely nothing?! What is so terrible about me that I wasnt enough?!
    I miss the man I thought he was. I miss what we had, but I hate him for what he’s done to me and our kids.
    I dont know how I’m supposed to get past this. I have no self-esteem or self-worth because of this. Everyone keeps telling me that Im beautiful and I will find someone. But obviously beauty isnt everything or else he wouldnt be leaving me.

  • Laurie

    I can’t say anything to make the pain go away, but I wanted to say I’m sorry that your husband left you for another woman. It’s such a difficult thing to get over, and it must feel like you’ll never be happy again.

    But you will! You WILL grieve and heal and find a new man to love…and you may even be glad that your husband left.

  • Amy

    I have only been married going on 3 years but I thought I found my soul mate. My husband is younger than I and it took me a while to get over our age gap. But we fell in love and were married a year later. Six months later we had my son. My first child his 4th. Oct 2011 was devastating to me. My son turned one on the 4th we had his party on the 8th and my husband moved in with his “friend” from work on the 12th. A female friend that was supposed to be telling him to save his marriage. Someone I found out later shared over 300 text daily with him for about 4 months. I have no clue if they are actually a couple but her facebook page says they are while he claims it is only to upset her ex. I am hurt that he just walked out without any notice he was unhappy. He doesn’t ask or want to see his son who will be 2 in October. I feel like I am sinking in a black hole and cant figure out how to stop loving him and let go. I cry myself to sleep every night and have since last October. I still love my husband but I have no chance of our marriage ever being good again. I lost my husband, lover and my best friend. I am doing my best with my son but breaks my heart that he doesn’t wish to help raise him. Being alone hurts struggling to take care of my baby alone is overwhelming not sure I can pull out of this depression.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for sharing about your husband and your relationships here. I really wish I knew what to say, or how to help you heal when your husband leaves you for another woman. It’s such a heartbreaking betrayal, and the feelings of pain, shock, and confusion take a long time to go away.

    My heart goes out to you – I hope it helps to know you’re not alone.

  • Mary

    I am so hurt and distraught. My stomache turns every day and I cannot eat. My situation is a little different, but it feels the same. Together for six years. He had joint custody of his daugther, but one day three years ago things got too complicated for her with her mom and she wanted to live with her dad. I, we, took her in. That is where the problems began. I tried to make her feel so at home, as a friend. I even paid 10K to help my boyfriend at the time, get full custody. She has disrespected me in so many ways and so many times and daddy just sugar coats everything. He has been disrespecting me in turn by siding with her, cursing me, fighting with me. She is a manipulative child and knows that she has daddy wrapped, she is 17 now. Things got out of control here at home in December and asked for a separation in January. We began talking and agreed to counseling which had been helping so I thought. Mind you in the mean time, he is constantly upset that we are not together and I reassured him that we were working on it. We spoke and starting making plans to possibly move back soon. His wonderful innocent daughter has threathened him with she will run away and never see her again. He has always been AFRAID of his daughter. Another thing to keep in mind is that my husband of only two years and I get along great, until a conversation comes up about his daughter. He defends defends defends. and because he is so afraid of his daughter leaving, we cannot be together and have a happy home together. Two weeks ago, he comes to me and said he is feeling rotten for what he is thinking – My daughter or my wife???? Why the choice, why the thoughts? Need I say more. This HURTS SO SO BAD. I failed to include in this writing I have two girls of my own, 11 and 12, who adored their step dad. WE ARE ALL SO HURT.

  • Samantha

    My husband had cheated a few times before, but I kept stupidly forgiving him. Finally, last month I called him out on his latest affair when he stayed out overnight and came home wearing different clothes. I’ve been gone a month, and he already has a Facebook page up with the two of them, but denies they are in a relationship. While I’m still mourning what I thought I had, I’ve realized how much better off I am. He is a compulsive liar and cheat who is going nowhere in life, while at 27 I have plenty of time to get the life I deserve. In the end, I am so much better off without him! Men that cheat should not be grieved.

  • Holly

    I know what it’s like. I have been married for 6 years, actually living together for 12. My husband works out of town alot. We were young when we met. We have two kids. He has cheated on me over and over again. He only slept with two of them though (supposedly). Yesterday he told me he had fallen in love with one of the sluts sister. I have barely cried. I cried so much the last time. I feel so angry. He has been out of town for months. A little more than six to be exact. Things have never been great with us for very long. He wants a divorce, but what’s funny is what scares me the most is that he won’t go through with it, and I will be forced to be with someone that cheats on me and then comes back saying I love you. It’s happened so much. This is my typical conversation.. (my side only) I asked him over and over, “How can you do this? What’s wrong with you? Why when I asked you to come home you wouldn’t? Why are you there for her and her kids? I wanted to be with you. We fight all the time because you are gone. I know we are different, but we could make it work. Don’t you remember when we met? Don’t you remember how right it felt? When you are home you complain because you don’t have enough money for tools and welders. Beans and rice would have been fine to keep us together, but you have to have it all. You lie and say you are doing it for us! I would’ve homeschooled the kids and traveled the world if that’s what it took! Stop telling me you are trying?! How is this trying. Oh you didn’t sleep with her yet.. You told me first.. You made sure that this time I found out before you did anything. It doesn’t matter whether you screwed her or not. You were in her house you were with her kids.. You ruined my life. What’s wrong with you, why are you so stupid!!?? You are so stuipid!!” Just a note: as I was writing this message I broke out with hives on my legs mostly around my ankles.. The other day my hair was falling out, but that was before he dropped the bomb yesterday. I know that I would probably be better off without him, but this has been my life for 12 years. I would rather live in a shitty marriage than a single mom. Even the fighting gave me something to look forward to. It is late and I am tired. I need to put a washrag on my legs before the hives spread any further.. I pray for every woman who has been hurt in this way to find strength. I pray that we get smarter. I pray that we don’t give up on love, and still keep as much purity as possible. We will be stronger and happier in the end.

  • kassie john

    my husband left me for a woman that he dated before we got together through out my entire relationship with him his mother never liked me she talked crap about me to him all the time but she just loved that other girl matt loved me he still loves me but i believe the reason he left is because of his mother because the day that it happened his mom told him that he should really text debra (the x) and he kept telling her no i dont like her shes worhless and im happy with kassie but his mom wouldnt give in so he said ok but he never did so his mom gave matts number to debra and she started texting him saying i miss you i wish we were still together and for a little while he was laying next to me texting her and i read his messages he was being mean to her but she wouldnt give in either and he went outside for the longest time and i asked him what was wrong and he said i just want my mom i said ok thats fine go see your mom and he said i might stay there for a couple days and i said ok thats fine and then i asked him do you still have feelings for debra he got pissed off and said no so i said ok well later that day while we were in town cause my grandmother is in the hospital he was being very distant so i asked him again whats wrong and he wouldnt talk to me so of course i start crying and i prayed for the lord to help me through this so when i went back over there i said what is wrong and he said you know when you asked me at the house if i still had feelings for debra and i said yea and he said well i do i started crying my eyes out and he said please dont be sad im not telling you this to break your heart im telling you this to spare you anymore heartache with me because you deserve so much better than me you deserve someone who will treat you right talk to you right and give you the attention that you need then he hugged me for the last time and said i love you kassie always have and always will but my hearts not in it i was shocked couldnt say anything except well are you going to leave and he said yea i said when and he said right now im walking there so i said ok i still love you and he turned around and said i love you to and i have not heard one word from him since and this happened yesterday :’-(

  • Becky B.

    I have been.married 33+years to the same man we have 8children I have mostly been a mother wife friend yet my husband said he hasn’t LOVED me for years and is not in love sorghum me. He has been cheating for 6 years his last whore is retarded and he treats her as if she is the innocent one protecting her . He is back here with me yet he says he never stopped loving me he says now he NEVER LOVED HER OR ANY OF HIS WHORES he says they weren’t worth anything if that’s true then why did he treat them like they were his wife and treated me like his whore? I love/ hate him. I’d like to see her and him with their and noses chopped off for adultery. Yes Iam native Cherokee SO maybe that has something to do with what I told him if he cheats again he better make sure its the best sex of his life cause it will be the last sex he EVER has. I will chop his penis off and put it in a jar labeled mine. Satisfaction? Revenge? No just plain common sense if its mine IT’S ALWAYS GONNA BE MINE I LIVE FOR KEEPS. : )

  • Nemo

    My husband moved straight out into another women’s house in February. I have only just started to get over the shock that someone can do this to someone they supposedly love. Fortunately I have had the most supportive and caring family and friends and even work colleagues that have helped me sooo much!! I have taken just 1 day off sick and no holidays and find keeping busy the best way of coping. Have a holiday book in 4 weeks time with family so have that to look forward too now 🙂 keep going, try keep to normal routines and stay strong! X

  • Tana

    my husband just left me 3 days ago said he had been talking to another women and he said he did not have feelings for me no more. But the women he was talking to the first time she met him she told him if you werent married i would take you home.. Then now i find out they had been talking and carrying on a secret relationship for at least the last couple months but i think longer cause we have been fighting alot since he was never home and i was trying to fight for his attention and while i was doin that he was giving his attention to someone else. we have a 10 year old daughter together and when is the right time to tell her about the other women?
    Thank you

  • still standing

    my got married much against my parents wishes at 21 and after a year my husband left me..few weeks after that i realized i was pregnant n i went for an husband accused me of killing our first baby and is heartbroken..suddenly the entire blame came on me. anyways i didn’t listen to anything and I’ve started college for a better future.

  • Laurie

    Dear Gail and every wife who wrote in here,

    I’m sorry I can’t respond to you personally! I wish I could – I wish I had the answers and words of comfort – but I don’t.

    I did write this article, based on Gail’s comments. It’s for every woman who is trying to survive when her husband leaves her for another woman:

    Healing the Pain When Your Husband Has Been Unfaithful

    I hope it helps, and encourage you to keep sharing your experiences. The more you talk about it, the better you’ll feel (to a certain point! Then it’s time to stop talking about your husband leaving you, and move on to a new, healthy, happy stage of life).


  • Gail

    I can’t understand how this happened. My husband is working for a company that employs contractors to work in Iraq and other countries. Well, I have supported my husband leaving to make better money. Well, he came home for a visit on April 17th. I picked him up at the airport when we got home we had our special moment. He told me how much he missed me and how much he loved me, that’s how has been. But on Friday my world feel apart. I was just to go to work, but I had to make a phone call. I couldn’t locate my phone, so I grab his phone, but when I opened it there was a message telling this person “hope all is well, I love you will call soon” So, I confronted him asked him if he was in love with another women. He replied “I don’t know what you are talking about” I then showed him I had his phone. He got silent I pleaded with him asking him to be honest with me. So he did he stated he gave is heart to another and he is falling in love with her. My world came crashing down. He has been with her since January and yet he sent me letters telling how much he loved me, sent poetry sent me flowers. I had been waiting a long time for him to return home, just to have him tell me goodbye. I am hurting so badly I just can’t believe he would do this to me. He made love to me all week and yet he tells another he loves her. How am I to go on. Why did this happen? He keeps telling me he still loves me but not enough to stay. But he doesn’t want to me divorce him right away. I really don’t want the divorce, but I know it must be done. I need help I can’t stop crying, I started crying on Friday and still going. I hope and pray I can bring myself to go to work on Monday, well I have to be. Any advise on how to cope.

  • Regina

    I don’t even know where to begin. I have stayed with my husband through so very much, but I woke up yesterday thinking I was the gross one for turning my head to all the abuse and constant cheating. He is signed up for every sex site there is but will not give me and our child a dime to live on. I recently lost my job and he is out of town working rubbing my face in how he is living good while we are left to try to survive. I feel so betrayed and alone. He is my husband I supported him for years through all of his crap. How can he sleep laughing at me while im down?

  • kris

    This all makes me so sad. am going through the same crap. My husband of 14 years suddenly asked for a divorce and shortly after I discovered he was involved with someone else – another married woman of course. Everyone told me he would regret it and they would break up but it’s been a year and they are still together. To cope with the pain of his complete betrayal I have read every blog, forum and article related to infidelity that exists. And I can certainly say cheaters are nothing but SELFISH immature and screwed up assholes for what they put their FAITHFUL spouses through and I hate them all!!

  • Laura

    I eel really devasted..I had been married for 19 years, husband left me for a another old flame he thought he would reunite with, after several months, he asked me for a divorce, I acepted, we have been seperated for almost a year and divorced for 4 months…It has been a real struggle for me because I thought we were supposed to work it out, I had a vision of being married happily until we would get old and watch our grandchildren grow. Well his relationship did not work, he was dating for a while and now it seems that he has a girlfriend. I feel even worse..although I am trying to let go and forget him, it has been so hard especially now that he has someone else that seems to be serious about, so serious in fact that he stopped calling or seeing our daughters..they feel so betrayed and I am left asking how can GOD permit this? Why do I , why do my children have to suffer because of his actions? I fee so depressed and looking at the same time how to really give up, let go and know that he is never comming back, ever?

  • Kathy Barradell

    I kicked my husband out of the house two weeks ago, we’ve been together for 20 yrs and married for the past 11, with two sons, 18 and 16. He’s been having an affair with a younger woman at work for the past eight months, which he has constantly denied, despite all the signs pointing towards the obvious. In hindsight, I wish I’d given him the boot then. I believe he is a psychopathic narcissist, serial cheat, pathalogical liar, gambler and downright general b*****d. Told him NYE I wanted a divorce and he acted like it was a joke. I discover through phone records he has been in regular contact with a local ‘friend’ as well, who it seems, he has been fooling around with for 1.5 yrs. WTF? Work skank leaves at Easter, but where does hubby go when I show him the door? That’s right, straight into local ‘friends’ arms, after telling me he wasn’t moving in with anyone. Once a cheat, always a cheat. He can’t look after himself, so needs someone to be his regular piece of meat, but he won’t stay faithful to her either. If there are any women out there who have partners who think it is ok to constantly chat up other women, even when you’re standing right next to him, get rid of him now. Don’t leave it ’til it’s too late, like I did. Trust you’re instincts girls, they’re never wrong. I knew my husband was a sleaze before I got with him, why I hooked up with him is beyond me, I’m an idiot. My health is suffering, I’ve lost 17 kgs through illness and stress, but I will not let my husbands’ infidelities get the better of me. There are some men out there who will never be happy with just one woman, like my husband. I’m determined to prove to him that it’s his loss, (and it will be financially too)and even though things have been an emotional rollercoaster, I’ll found my place in life as a better, stronger person. To plagiarise a line, WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER. Good luck, chin up, and a happy future to all.

  • roxy

    Feel so upset this morning. My husband went for a night out with the boys. When I went to fetch him he was flirting with another woman. I just feel so cheated although he hasn’t cheated.

  • BitterSweet

    We were married for 13 years. His family came first AFTER we were married. He left, got his own place but, we stayed together just in different places. We got into an argument, got hot headed with one another and filed for divorce. Before the six months was over, we tried to stop the divorce but the judge let it go through. Anyway, we stayed together but still in separate places. Eventually, he started fooling around. He was sloppy about it. Our son saw a text from the girl he was seeing. She was our daughters age, like 28. Eventually, he stopped sexing me altogether but kept saying everything was alright, just let it happen, shit like that. Well, she wasn’t the only one. He was mentally and verbally abusive to me out of the blue. I figured he was trying to make me leave him. I’d ask him, what’s wrong, would you like an open relationship instead, or just gave him the opportunity to just talk to me, but he wouldn’t. He would just say everything is alright but steadily dropping awful verbal jabs, “oh, this is my lady friend”. I’d be like, what? Out of the blue he would just flip his whole attitude on me. One minute we’d be fine, the next, he’d be yelling at me for nothing. So, finally left, blaming everything on me when he knew he was seeing someone all along. Our children don’t speak with him. Now, he blames that on me too. He acts like he hates me, won’t speak to me and all that. Thought we could be friends, but he wants to control that too. So, finally, I accept the fact that he left, I know in my heart I did nothing wrong. I pray, pray, pray and know I wouldn’t be where I am mentally if it weren’t for that. Now, I feel, hell, let him go. Tigers don’t change their stripes. It’s always good in the beginning of any relationship, everyone’s on their best behavior. But the real you comes out eventually. God doesn’t want me unhappy. When the time is right, he’ll send someone for me. Bittersweet, because I’m happy the abuse is finally over and I’m really free of all the bull he put me through. I’m a little lonely, but I’ll deal with that instead of him.

  • Tracey

    My partner cheated on me. Anyway, the point I wanted to make is, that men love being fought over. And the miserable you are the happier they are.EGO. Because women are emotional and become emotionally attached faster than a man. When children are involved it becomes extremely harder. When they see you sad they know that they still have you.EMOTIONAL CONTROL. They believe that no-one else will ever make you that happy or ever again. Maybe this is a little true but happiness is found in new experiences if you let it.
    Don’t stay home behind closed doors. Dress to impress even if it’s for nothing. When you see him out and about, hold your head high and smile and laugh. Remember your children deserve a happy life, your unhappiness is affecting them too!! If he rings, answer but be short and DON’T moan, cry and talk about the children. Just say everything is fine but you have to go, HANG UP! Think of positive things that you have been wanting to do but weren’t or couldn’t do, DO THEM. Go out on the town with friends. Try your hardest not to talk about HIM. If you see him, do not linger or watch him. Laugh and dance your way to your friends and say that you need to go. He will stop you, they can’t help it, EGO, say hello and that you’ve had enough of this place and wish a him good night then GO. He will be left standing there THINKING! which he will HATE! These things will eat him up inside. He will either try his hardest to come back or publicly ridicule you. Whichever way he goes, prepare yourself. Your emotions will make you do or say things but Breathe and remain calm so you can allow Logic to step in. Your whole world has been traumatized by his selfishness so a little logic is required.
    If you choose to take him back, make sure you are mentally, emotionally and physically strong enough first, for those slip ups that could occur. Make it on your terms and be firm about this. Do not make him feel lesser of a man in the relationship but make sure he knows where you stand on the matter.
    If he does leave with her so as not to return, think about the fact that his relationship was built on a LIE. And if he can do it to you, what makes her so sure that he wont do it to her?(I’m guessing he is still visiting for a bit of nookie and that’s sort of a payback to her and a way to let her know that you still got him.) But WHO really is the lucky one out of this?
    Just a few things to do and think about. I hope that in whatever decision you make, you ACHIEVE the HAPPINESS that YOU so DESERVE!

  • Rebecca

    I have been married to my husband for 9 years. We are both 27 and he is my best friend. We married at 18, but have no children and have two dogs together- that we love dearly. He is a soldier and we have spent several years apart due to deployments, and he has brought war home. WIthin the last year our lives have changed drastically as moved to Texas, bought our first house and settled into him going to school and my new job. Things were going great, and then everything as taken away from him when his medical issues led him to be put on medical hold. Within weeks he had no purpose, pushed himself away from family and friends and started spending money like crazy. By Christmas 2011 he was extremely depressed, then out of nowhere he was going out with his friends camping. Well a week later, come to find out, his friend was actually a girlfriend. I found out on January 2nd, our 9 year anniversary and when he went to “sleep on a friend’s couch” he actually slept with her. Something I never thought we would be facing, is now my reoccuring nightmare. It has been almost three months and he continues to see his mistress. A few weeks into the affair she found out that he was still telling me he loved me and she told him to divorce me and return to her. Well instead, now I am the other woman. He comes to see me everything she is at work, calling me, telling he how much he loves me and how he also loves her, and all this stuff. My family and friends think I am crazy for not running in the other direction. For now we are just taking it one day at a time, we aren’t working on things- obviously, because we agree working on things doesn’t mean having a third person in your marriage. I am going to individual counseling and reading any book on affairs that I can. I feel ridiculed by my loved ones for following my heart and hoping for a reconciliation. I don’t know how this will turn out, but for now I am staying true to myself and trying to fight for my marriage– or atleast say that I am not ready to close the door on a chance of a future together, and neither of us are ready to file for divorce. I am glad I am not the only one going through this living hell, that sounds weird. I just feel unique because my husband is conituing his affair, not hiding it, but not stopping it either. I wish I were one of those women who found out after the affair or whose husband stopped the affair as soon as they found out.

  • michelle

    two years ago, i thought my husband and i were happy we have 2 children and 2 grandchildren, at the time we were going on 19 annivasrry, in october something bad happen to our granddaughter hailey, she ended up dying in my arms and the doctors brought back to life several times that night, she slip in accoma and i was helping my son coping with all this and my husband wasn’t, my grandson was taking away and im still fighting for my grandson, my husband said he needs a lawyer which i went out and got, he said he didn’t want to fight for our grandson, he was out drinking with his niece and a friend of mine which was close to my family. because my husband and i took her in at age 14 when her mother didn’t take care of her, never less she seen alot with my husband and i he had cheated and 10 years prior to this and i took him back. so while our granddaughter in the hostipal he was cheating, on the same year which all was 2009 on christmas day ten days after our annivasrry he took off to florida with her, left me to loose everything not just my car my appt, i had to sell my jewerly. now he lied threw the hole year saying she wasn’t there and i went to florida to visit him in different area and he said he would fix this and i would move to florida and we renew our wedding vowls over and he said he found house for us he needed money to put down on it and he didn’t,all of sudden i had a feeling that she got pregnant, i ask him he said no, and it was scare then he did a 280 on me and said i hate you im a cunt im not going to florida with him. well 3 months later she ended up pregnant yes this was actually the second time i try to hurt myself over him. i have been going to conclin for all this. when he said i was going to go to florida he said he would buy me another wedding band set with the diamonds. he bought her the diamond and we are still leagal married and not leagal seprated, i just don’t get it, he also has my face tatoo to his arm along with my name and our kids name and and granddaughter, now he has another daughter, barley talks to our daughter but talks to our son. he always say to me i don;t know what i do if you ever stop loving me. i never did even today, he won’t tell me why he did all this he won’t talk to me. but im here in ri still fighting for my grandson. which i thought i was going to florida i brought my brother in law into this case, and its between me and him. why does husband want to wreck me so bad like this, no answer i ask him why he left, he said to me i didn’t want to raise another child, i don’t want anyone to live with us the kids are grown it was just to be us now. and what he is doing in florida raising a baby living with my other brother in law and her i ask him you want the divorce he don’t say anything i ask him if he loves her he don’t say anything i ask him if he still loves me he don’t say anything grrr this has torn me apart, in so many ways. sign so broken

  • Carmen

    My husband cheated on me with a woman I thought friend.. Ironically, she coordinated our wedding and did a great job. She lost her place and me being the one who always want to help someone, let her and her kids come and stay with us..they slept together 12/29/2011 while I was off to practice. He finally broke down and told me new years eve…she had no remorse..neither did he. We separated and he is still sleeping with this woman spending money on her.. the whole 9 yards..she is extremely UGLY….dont understand why men cheat with women uglier than thier wives…I have been depressed,loosing weight,crying etc..Im soo hurt and it feels like he took my heart and trampled on it.then threw it in the trash..the thought of him with her makes me cringe..we have two beautiful girls..and he brings them around her..i hate that.but i have to find a way to get over him. Eventually, I will.

  • Mary

    Yes life is tough. My husband left me after 42 years of marriage, 12 kids and 19 grand kids. He openly told his kids he is having sex with the woman and is very happy. He shows no remorse and blames it all on me. He does not answer any SMS, phone calls nothing. But will talk to his kids. We just lost one of our sons a year ago in a car accident. I cry all the time and wish I could join him. Life now has no meaning. My husband is so indifferent he is happy. I Lots of hard stories. Does it make it easier

  • tina

    My husband had an affair with my sister 5yrs ago i found out on boxing day and threw him out, he got a flat and moved in with her but it only lasted a few weeks, the hurt and pain it caused my children who were 8 and 7 was unreal(to this day they still dont know he was with her)and being betrayed by the 2 people who should care about you was awful. i took him back after 6months because i did still love him and my children cried every night for him. In sept 11 he came in from work and told me he didnt love me and was moving out(2 days before my sons 13th birthday), he had been cold and distant towards me never wanting to go anywhere with me or kids spending his time playing computer games and guarding his phone like it was his life source i had already asked him several times was he having an affair with a woman from work but he said they were just friends, he had been txting her all the time, 6months later i have found out that he is now with this woman although he said they only got together recently i know hes lying,the hurt has all come flooding back and my children know the reason why he left in sept i dont know how to deal with this anymore i listen to my daughter cry most nights and its breaking my heart, he really cant see wat hes doing to them, i lost my family because i took him back the 1st time and really have know one to talk to, the worst bit is this woman hes with has destroyed alot of marriages she gets there numbers from work and flirts and sends pics of her boobs and other private parts to men hes just 1 of many,i cant believe he could do this to us again for someone like her i know i need to move on but i dont know how i want to cause them as much pain as they have caused us!!!

  • Destiny

    Hi I have been married going on three years on 29th January 2012 me and my husband got into and argument and I told him to move out. I didn’t really main it but he went out with friends and slept out. The following day around 10:00am I was driving and saw his truck parked at a store I went and caught him with a female whom he spent the night with and said he didn’t he said he just met her and she was from south carolina and an F.B.I agent who is also a Jamaican….. He continued saying I put him out I said I don’t want him when I confronted him and the thought of it HURT. I in anger went home packed his belonging and after 4 hours he called say he coming for his stuff. Anyways since that incident he moved to his mother’s house. We have done several conciling session and he said he loved me and wanted our marriage to work and he have no connecting with this other female but he needed some more time before we move back together. All fine and good and we were still intimate the whole time. On 3rd March I went to his mother house around 11:00pm and their was this same female at the house who travelled from south carolina to the bahamas to see my husband and actually staying at the house. I again got into a rage because I was now 6 weeks pregnant. At the end of the confrontation my husband came home with me leaving the female at my mother in law house cause she had no where to go. He promised me that he want no part of her he loves me. I agreed to forgive and move pass that and he asked me to move at his moms house while we work pass this. My family is angry and want no part of me for allowing a communication still. I moved there the following day and ever since then things got worst. My husband a week later told me that he don’t love me he don’t want to be with me he will never cut of all tyes with this girl I ga only be there til I get tired cause he ain stopping his foolishness he regrets getting me pregnant among other things. I have no where to go and still love him. I found and e-mail he sent to her telling her he love her and want to be with her and her daughter and unborn child so I went and had an abortion. We are still living together and he don’t no I no he got this female prego but he is treating me bad and I hope he realizes how much I love him before its to late. He is even planning on running away with this female who he never visited or no any thing about. And what makes it even worst my financial status is so poor. What advice can you give please help.

  • Counselling Guelph

    Like the article mentions, there are multiple losses when it comes to being left – loss of trust, self-esteem, and of course the relationship itself. Counselling can certainly be helpful to cope with these multiple losses and to begin rebuilding one’s life. It is very true that the less time you spend comparing yourself to the “other woman” the easier it is to bring closure and move on with one’s life. Easier said than done of course…

  • jitterbug

    After twenty-six years of a difficult relationship, four absolutely beautiful children, and a religious belief that is strong and very much against divorce, I finally divorced him. From the very beginning I felt that he purposely upset me although I didn’t know why. Then the emotional abuse got even worse, and I told him I was getting a divorce. Within months I received a death threat on my phone and realized it was his family. As their little tortures unraveled I realized they had been harassing me for years with his awareness. It had all been something for them to laugh about and to talk about right in front of me because I wouldn’t know. The marraige ended with restraining orders that didn’t work and lots of sleepless nights. The biggest loss has been my children. They were raised with those religious beleifs and hate me for all of this mess in their lives. They have watched their father be emotionally abusive to me and so they are also. I wish there was another woman to hate besides myself. My children and my own family stood by an did nothing to support or help me during that time. They had been tricked also by his outward behavior of a good guy. I don’t trust anyone and don’t think I will ever get over this like everybody tells me to’get over it’!! How do you get over your children pretending to spike your coffee so that you will worry?

  • Anne

    After reading the other stories my story seems not so important. my husband has just left me for a 22 year old. he says he wants babies and that she is beautiful. he is my second husband ,he saw all the horrible things my first husband did to me , he also left me for another woman only she was 10 years older. I look in the mirror and I see someone with falts but not unatractive for my age. My husband said he would never do those things to me which the other one did, because he saw how horrible it was for my then small daughter.
    14 years have past and now he has done the same thing…. he wants use to be friend and everything be ok …but I dont know how to do this, we never once had a fight I never said no to anything he wanted.
    were did I go wrong..I married my best friend , he never went out, he changed his job and now he has gone.I am 50 so cant have kids he says he wants, and have to start again.
    my story is not as sad as those girls with small children . I wish you all the streghth in the world . I raised from the ashes once , I am sure I can again.
    Life goes on, remember the 80.20 law he got 80 % of your love and she was the 20% that was missing, but he is the one with isuues not you.
    All of use who are dumped are strong women.It may not seen so now but it will with time.

  • nina

    Not trying to compete, but my husband left five months ago after thirty six years of marriage, two children and two young grandchildren. We had what I thought was a really great life and had plans for retiring in our dream home in the country which we spent many years working on. We moved into it two months before he left and were busy working on landscaping those two months before winter. One day he came home and seemed a little angry and he said he was unhappy with his life and needed some space. I was shocked and asked him what he wanted since it seemed like he pretty much had everything at this point in his life. I haven’t seen or heard from him and I don’t know where he’s living. He filed for divorce soon after and hasn’t made any attempts to reconcile and won’t go to counseling. I’m still trying to cope with this and he doesn’t talk to his kids or grandkids either. I heard he has a girlfriend and is ” moving on” . Really? Moving on from what? I have heard him say ” I just couldn’t please her anymore” which is bunk because we both have faults and I accepted his and loved him unconditionally. Unfortunately, I won’t get the opportunity to say this or get a second chance to make things right because he isn’t allowing it to happen. I always thought he was a wonderful man and father and tried my best. Granted, after looking back, I’m sure there were holes in the relationship that needed patched. But, without two willing people to fix the problems, then it’s not going to get fixed. He refuses to fix anything, says he’s done and is trying to set himself up with another woman or so I assume. I’ve pretty much given up and am leaving it in God’s hands. I’m depressed, cry all the time, and have had a very rough time with this to say the least. It’s worse than death or anything else that has happend to me. Divorce laws need changed so that people earn their way out of a marriage instead of taking a space in time where they were a little unhappy or bored and turning families lives upside down. Why get married anyway? State laws encourage divorce as do lawyers. We need to take a very hard look at the system and see what we need to do to change it. Divorce isn’t the answer and has caused so many hardships on men whose wives left and visa versa. Why should a spouse pay spousal support when he/she has left for someone else and they have made bad decisions? They should’t get anything for their bad behavior.

  • ineedhelp


    Your Open Question
    Show me another »
    Why did he cheat and said he still loves me?

    Me and my ex were married for 28 years, had three kids that were on their own with their own kids. We got along great, did everything together, without any fighting. Life was good. I thought it was anyways, but I was wrong. My world came crashing around me all in one day. All that I knew and loved was gone. I got home and my husband told me he was cheating on me. I actually, figured it out by myself several months before, but I told myself I was overreacting. I ignored all the signs because I didn’t want to fight. I threw him out and divorced and now he is living with her. Her and her kids from another man have ridiculed my kids right in front of him, he sat by didn’t say or do anything. I feel like I need some closure and answers in my life, that I obviously am not going to get from him. I have read a lot of things online, it seems like he is going through a mid-life crisis. When all of this first happened he would still find some way to communicate with me. He would tell me none of this was my fault, I was a good wife, and I was a good mother, but he was still living with her. I finally told him to stop talking to me because it was too hard on me. To this point, I have been trying to live my life, been dating, and I push them away every time. One day out of the blue, he calls me up, says it was an accident. My first question is why he would call me after all this time. My second question is why he would let her and her kids destroy his relationship with his kids and grandkids. I know they are having problems, he has told me himself. I was also wondering what kinds of problems they would be facing right now. I am not sure how I feel about him right now sometimes I hate him and others I miss him. From what I have read and heard he will get bored with her and try to come back, is this true? I want him to feel the pain and misery like I did. I am doing really good on my own; I am going back to school. I don’t want it to be disrupted again. What should I say if he tries to come back to me.

    1.why does he tell me that he still love me and lives with her?

    2.what kind of problems are they having ?He told me they are having problems.
    3.why did he call me out of the blue? I havent talked to him in months

  • TheWomanWhoEndured

    After 7 years, and 2 kids. My husband’s adulterous a– has decided that he would leave me to go off with some 40 year old woman. Keep in mind my husband is 23, I keep going through phases of abusing myself mentally of what I don’t have that this woman haves but then I realize. If my loyalty and dedication to this man of 7yrs along with a matrimonial promise, and 2 kids, and numerous occasions of forgiving for past adultery affairs, that he would still have the audacity to behave in this way and leave me here with the kids, unemployed, in college, with no transportation (because he has taken our vehicle) and the income; that this man doesn’t deserve me. I am a god fearing woman not say that I am perfect but far from it- I am pretty wise for a 20 year old woman. I am well enough an endurance type of woman but enough is enough, it is time that i stand firm in my word; If my husband ever woke up and got a taste of reality and his wrong doing I would accept him back but only under the standards that he: 1) turn his life over to god. It is quiet obvious that just me forgiving this man doesn’t change his actions-only for but a moment. I refuse to be in the same predicament next week that I am in this week, I am the leader to my own destiny and it is time to do better in life, those for whom are with me must prove themselves by walking with me.

  • rose

    i understand the hurt that women feel once they have been betrayed by the men they loved whole heartedly .My advice to all the girls out there who going through this pain is that it is not the end of the world.It is not what you did or could have done that would have made your man stay.Never blame yourself i no it hurts but we have to draw on our inner strength and stay strong .Look on the bright side of life and pick yourself up .You will not be the first woman who has gone through this neither will you be the last .There are many women who have gone through this pain ,survived and made something out of their lifes.

  • Alicia

    Hi Pat,
    When I read your story it was kind of like reading something I had written about myself. I am 26 and was with someone for over 6 years and we have 2 amazing and beautiful children-my son who is 5 and my daughter is 15 months. The last year of our relationship has been very difficult simply because he did not want to grow up and accept or take on the responsibilities a father should. He was/is a heavy drinker and admittingly has a drinking problem, there were also some other problems he had that led us to alot of arguing. At the end of the day all I ever wanted from him was to get his head on straight so that we could be a happy, loving family. Throughout the year and actually the past several years he had really put me thru alot. There was alot of betrayal, doing things behind my back, him spending all the money we had to support our family on other things and the list goes on. I have told him so many times that if I didn’t love you so much then I wouldn’t care enough to fight your to get your life together. I don’t argue with you because I am trying to just argue but because I want what is best for you and our family. Eventually as time went on the drinking and other things just got worse and more out of control and during my entire pregnancy with our daughter he was completely distant. He never once brought up the fact that we were having a baby, never showed any excitement and nevr asked me how I was doing or even went to one dr.’s appointment. No matter what he did tho I never left him-not to say I didn’t threaten him that I would if he didn’t change his ways but that in my head, was my way of trying to get him to change-but it was never enough. I quit my job about a year ago to stay home and raise our children because we could not afford to put them in daycare so he was the bread winner for our family and we all depended on him 100% financially. Although things were very difficult I still fought to stay by his side and make it work. I suggested couples counseling, I offered to go to meetings with him but he always just pushed me away. A few weeks after my son’s 5th birthday, my kids and I went to see my dad who had just gotten out of the hospital and who has been battling cancer the past year and when I got home around midnite he was not home. I knew something was going on because he did not have the car and yet he was gone. He came home around 2:30 a.m so intoxicated he couldn’t even stand up. He threatened that I was lucky I’m not a guy because if I he would beat me up- then he swung at my face and “pretended: like he was going to hit me laughing about it the whole time. He then attempted to get the car cars and fought me for them and when he couldn’t get them he just stumbled out and I locked the door in attempt to protect my children from seeing that kind of behavior. As soon as I locked the door he immediately went at it and kicked it until he busted the whole door in. I was scared at that point because I didn’t know what he would do while being so intoxicated so I called the police. Once he realized I called the police he took off and I did not hear from him for 3 days. Eventually he went to his moms and when I talked to him he refused to tell me where he had been. I was under the impression that he would be staing at his moms house for the time being and I had actually thought to myself this is what we really need- just some time apart to regroup and realize what we used to have. I was also hoping that that would be his chance to see and feel what it would be like not being with his family or being able to see or kiss his kids goodnite everyday. A week had went by and I found out he had not been staying at his moms the entire time I thoght he was. Come to find out all on my own, like everything else that he had done, he had moved in and was in a relationship with someone else. Not just anyone tho, it was an aquintance of ours that we had both know for about three years but really had nothing to do with her. She also has a 4 year old son. He literally walked out our door and right into hers and what gets me is she allowed him too. She knew we were in a relationship and that we have 2 kids, which have met her son, she knew we had been engaged for awhile etc. The bottom line is he called her after our fight and she welcomed him with open arms, right into her bedroom and her home not knowing Anything about him other than a few short conversations we had together in a public place. the entire time we have known he he has done nothing but say such bad things about her as a person and a mother. We both knew what type of people she ran around with, we knew of how many guys she tried to get with and had got with- he talked about how annoying and ugly she was and what a whore she was but yet she was the first person he called simply because he knew she was that type of girl. Either way he walked out on me and my 2 babies and since then has not had barely anything to do with them. It’s been about a month now and he has only seen them 2 times and that was because I had to fight him to come see them which i am no longer going to do even tho it’s so hard because my son misses his father so much and doesn’t understand why daddy left him and doesn’t want to live or be with him anymore. He asked his dad immediately to choose whose dad he wanted to be because he knew this girl and knows she has a son whom him dad is now living with and is apart of his life everyday. He has also completely cut us off financially. It started out that I had the bank card and was able to get money when needed but within two weeks he wiped out the bank account and stopped his checks from being direct deposit. Believe me when I say I completely understand the anger you all have towards him and the other woman. Especially when the other woman knew of your relationship. I am so disgusted with the both of them I cliterally couldn’t even describe it in words all I can say is that i have been literally so sick to my stomach I can barely eat or sleep. I did lash out when I first found out and went to his job-after I talked to her and she said she didn’t know where he was although he had been with her the whole time. This was only a few days after our fight and I was never told we weren’t together or that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. So not knowing they were actually together in a relationship i waited for him to show up to work because he had just disappeared and this was the only way I knew to see and talk to him but to my very disgust he pulled up in her car-she was driving him- they didn’t see me in my car I watched them sit there and laugh, talk and kiss 2 times before he got out to tell her goodbye. i had just lost it and yeah I went straight after him and I punched him several times in the face and then I went to her and I tell my self thank god she had her seatbelt on because I tried dragging her out of the car and when i couldn’t get her out I just hit her across the face. If i would have gotten her out of the car tho i know I would have last even more control and it would have been a bad situation. luckily, she did not press charges but I know it is only because she feels guilty for what she has done and she needs to live her life knowing she was a homewrecker and just as guilty as he is. The anger I felt was unreal and I was hurting for my kids too. I have been so distraught, upset sad and disgusted all at the same time that I have been vomited. I never thought he would something like this to me let along our kids and it is a really hard thing to accept and it almost feels impossible to accept. I am so torn and I get angry with myself because i go through feelings where I really miss him and sometimes just want to call him and say please come back home to your family. Then I start to feel angry and disgusted with him and it’s just so hard to control all these feelings. Right now I just have so much hatred towards the both of him and I feel like how could he walk out on his own children to be with someone elses child. I feel like alot of you too when you say I just want to hurt them both so bad-what could I do to break themn up-how can I make them both feel the pain I am feeling. I have so many questions and I never even got an answer to them. Of course I want to ask why did you do this? How could you do this? Why her? What about our kids? The hardest thing is the flash back of seeing how happy he appeared to be when he got out of her car and how perfect he makes their relationship appear to be. Although, I do know that that is not entirely true because she called ME one day because apparently he has done nothing but basically drink every night and pass out over there. She specifically asked me if that was a normal thing for him and if he did it all the time. By the end of our conversation she was telling me that I was right about everything, she jumped in it way to fast, he was everything I said he was, then she told me I could have his drunken low life ass back becasue he wasn’t worth it and that she had to go because she was getting rid of him right then and there. I knew tho in my heart that he would cry to her the way he had done to me for 5 years about how and was gonna change and would stop drinking etc and of course she accepted it. That following weekend my son was in his cousin’s wedding as the ring bearer and my son had done nothing but talk about how excited he was to be in that wedding for 2 months prior. The sad thing is that even tho everyone knew he walked out on me and the kids for another woman (this is only after they had apparently been together about a week or so) he decided not to go to his cousins wedding who is a marine and had to leave days after to return to base and he decided not to be there to see his son be apart of this wedding even tho he knew this was one of the most exciting things he has ever talked about doing-he did not come simply because he wanted to bring his new girlfriend of a week or so to the wedding and was told that that wouldn’t be a good idea. So instaed of leabving her for 2 days to go out of town to see his family and be there for his son he diecided not to go. It’s so pathetic and sad. My son is so hurt and torn up. He has lost his father and he just doesn’t know what to think other than daddy doesnt love me anymore. All I can say is I really hope and pray that things do get easier with time because right now I feel like the pain and anger will never go away!

  • Trapped

    I feel bad for you ladies. Men! They are all just little boys who don’t want to grow up. And when they realize that they MUST grow up, they go through a mid-life crisis. Its only a crisis for us! They are animals that feel they need to compete with the younger and stronger males of their species. Its easy to say that moving on will happen, but it will, and it will be liberating. I wish my husband would leave me for another woman! At least I wouldn’t feel so trapped.

  • mikeya

    Well I’m 19nd pregnant with my second child and about a year ago I meet this really nice boy I wasn’t interestead in dating him but he never gave up on me so I finaly gave in and once we got to know each..other he was telling me how he had a baby on the way and ect. But I didn’t mind simply cause I had a son and hewas soo good to me and my son . So me and him started talkin about having a baby together nd two months into are realationship I was pregnant I’m having a lil girl due in may. But I had cheated on me with his babymom and it kept happening even thoe he said it only happend once to this day I think he still did it more then that but it was so crazy because he was in love with two diffrent girls and he kept going back and fourth between us nd it still goes on till this day and I’m I’m ready to move on but don’t know how

  • Jess


    I can completely relate to your story. I was left by the father of my first child when 2 months pregnant. He broke my heart and I, unlike you, internalized my stress. We ended up reuniting 8 months later and evenually married. Our oldest daughter is now 24, we have 4 additional childre and my husband left me again, days before CHristmas, 2011. It is like turning the clock back on all the old emotions: I am experiencing the same saddness, anger, frustration, but mostly the question of “why” lingers. Men who leave their women will leave them regardless of circumstance. I never felt as though my husband truly connected with me, even after our marriage. He has left me fully financially responsible and has not ofered to help. Although it feels that we owe our chldren to remain with their father, the question has to be asked: is this really the best we can do? Do we owe more to our children and ourselves? As hard as it is, you may realize in retrospect that you are better off without someone who is clearly so unreliable. His actions were neither honest nor respectful to you and your baby. I wish you peace with whatever you decision you make.

  • Jeanmarie

    My husband left me for a slim, more attractive 22 year old. I was 35 at the time, overweight and had been threatening him with divorce 5 months prior to him leaving me and my two small babies. I didn’t really think he was going to leave, my little one wasn’t even 8 months old at the time! Distraught, I spoke to him afterwards and was only concerned about the young woman and her weight, I asked “is she skinny?” and he said yes. I didn’t express any concern about how the bills were going to get paid or how were my kids going to eat, just wanted to know if the woman my husband left me for was skinny. I have so much hate and resentment toward them to the point that my relatives and I made false allegations against my husband through the 61 precinct and made it look like his girlfriend did it in a botched attempt to break them up. I have my friends and aunt threaten her life via emails and twitter, because of this woman my children will be forced to grow up without their father.

  • Pat

    Hi Laura,

    You’re such a strong woman. You prayed for the girl of your ex not to get left if she got pregnant? wow.. you truly have a heart of gold. I recently got dumb by my husband. We have a nine years old daughter together. He left me for a prostitute. We live in Thailand so prostitute is everywhere. Right now, all I want to do in my head is to curse him and that prostitute. I wish both of them get the same pain and humiliation that I’ve been facing. That’s why you’re a super wonderful girl to me. But if I were you I would not get back with the father of your child. Simply because once a cheater always a cheater. It’s a habit that is not easily shook. It may disappear for a while. But it’ll come back. Men who cheat have personal issue which cause them to cheat. You will be better off without him. I made a mistake marrying my husband. He cheated on me before and he begged me to get back with him. I should have left back then. You’re strong enough to raise your child on your own. God will help you. Pray to Him. HE is willing to help you. One day you’ll find a nice man who is a far better father to your child and a far better husband to you too. I know a friend who had raised a beautiful daughter alone. Her daughter had never even met the father, not even once. She grew up just fine. She told me that it’s better for her to never live with her father. She has never felt lack. If you want to talk to someone please feel free to write me to my personal e-mail. God bless you. Pat..

  • Laura

    So after finding out I was pregnant, me and my boyfriend were extremely happy and were in a good place in our relationship. One day though he says to me that he needed to let go of his past and he needed to apologize to a girl he lead on before him and I started dating. I asked him “Should I be worried?” his reply was “No babe, you shouldn’t. I don’t love her anymore and with the baby on its way I just want to start fresh.”, so I understood because I too have lead someone on in my past and in his case I really understood because of the “I just want to start fresh”. So four days later I call him to see if he wanted to go walking but I noticed something was wrong and asked him if anything was wrong.. then he said that no nothing was wrong he was just getting used to the face he was going to be a single parent.. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. He came over and broke up with me, not having the balls to be honest and tell me he wanted the girl. Eventually later on that day we get into a big arguement and he litterly just broke my heart.. completely. I couldn’t.. I was angry hurt sad rejected, I was shattered.. then he still has the balls to say “don’t act weird now”. I couldn’t though.. I told him I needed my space and he got angry with me and for the rest of my pregnancy (6 months) we never talked. I know that we all have been left here in this wall of comments but why do I feel like there’s no help to getting over this. He came back and I let all my feelings out because during my pregnancy I did whatever it took to make myself happy so my baby didn’t feel the feelings I felt. I thought that when I would let them out we could work things out but I just can’t. I hate myself right now because I feel like I’m giving up on what could be a family because he left me.. is that right? I don’t know if I should give in and try to work it out with him, regardless of the feelings I’m feeling inside, to give my son a family or should I think about my feelings and let go of him. I can’t stand it though, I often find myself just hating both of them, I want to dig my fist in both of them, I pray to God that when this girl gets pregnant she doesn’t get left, I pray that no one in the world has to feel this feelings. I give my heart to those who do.. I know there is much worse pain out there in the world but it doesn’t change the fact that these are feelings. I want to yell and scream and hurt both of them. I want to yank all their dreams out of their hands and show them the hurt I felt. But what I mostly want is that they never have to go through this pain. I want them to realize what they’ve done. I want to let go.. but how and when?..

  • Sharon

    Sorry for the typos (corrected post)

    To Lorraine,

    “I often find myself thinking about what he’s doing there with her. If he’s doing the things with her, for her that he used to do for me. It’s bad enough that I wake up in the middle of the night and it’s the first thing that rushes into my head. Do any of you experience this and how do you make it stop”?

    I experience the exact same thing in the middle of the night, and upon waking up in the morning. It’s tormenting and extremely painful. I also hear love song lyrics and wonder if these are the songs that they associate THEIR relationship with. Needless to say, I hate every love song that has come out since our breakup. It’s not during OUR time but theirs. I hope someone has defeated what you and I are going through and can offer advice, or hope, that it will eventually end,..and soon.

    Good luck to you with moving on peacefully.

  • Sharon

    To Lorraine,

    “I often find myself thinking about what he’s doing there with her. If he’s doing the things with her, for her that he used to do for me. It’s bad enough that I wake up in the middle of the night and it’s the first thing that rushes into my head. Do any of you experience this and how do you make it stop”?

    I experience the exact same thing in the middle of the night and upon waking up in the morning. It’s tormenting and extremely painful. I also hear love song lyrics and wonder if these are the songs that they associate their relationship with. Needless to say, I hate every long song that has come out since our breakup. It’s not during our time but theirs. I hope someone has defeated what you and I are going though and can offer advice, or hope, that it will eventually end,..and soon.

    Good luck to you with moving on peacefully.

  • Sharon

    Hello Ladies,
    This is my second post since January 6th. I see there’s another Sharon:) PLEASE ladies… We have all been hurt deeply, and some have the added pain of watching their children and families go through the same pain. What we’ve all gone through is enough and sometimes people can’t understand what we’re feeling. However, I’ve found some comfort in reading your stories and realized that my pain, anger,etc., isn’t stupid or abnormal. I’m trying to say that this site should be a safe place to express your real feelings and experiences. Hopefully a site for encouragement and understanding. Please,..let’s not judge or criticize one another. When I told my story on January 6th I was in a very bad place. However, I saw that I wasn’t alone. I didn’t see any “back and forth” debates at that time. If I had, feeling the way that I did, I probably would have turned away from this site. There could be another person, as i was, on the edge and looking for a safe place. Let that person find what I did, and not feel ashamed to express themselves for fear of being criticized. Unfortunately, there are many stories here. Take what you need from any story that helps you. However, if you don’t agree with, or have other beliefs, try not to comment. I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do, just hoping that this site remains encouraging, and somehow helps women to get through, and over their devastation. I thank all of you for sharing your stories.


  • lorraine

    My boyfriend and I had been together for two years and planning a wedding when he first told me he wasn’t happy and he thought maybe he should move out for a little bit. It was completely out of the blue. I asked him if there was someone else and he said there wasn’t. He didn’t move out and continued to try and work on things for 3 more months and things weren’t getting better. I was doing everything he wanted and he just wasn’t any happier. At this point I didn’t know what else to do, so I finally just said, maybe you should move out. I should point out, that even over these months we didn’t have a bad relationship. We got along very well and were essentially each others best friends. We had our disagreements, but never had blow out fights, we were always able to talk about anything. I truly believed he just needed some space and with some time away he would realize he was just being crazy.

    What I didn’t know until several months later was about two weeks before I had asked him to move out he had started cheating with his ex-wife’s best friend. This was confirmed with phone records. The whole time I was thinking we were taking some time apart and working on getting back together he was working his relationship with her. A few months ago, he moved in with her. When I found out about this, I told him we needed to separate everything. Up until that time, we still had each others keys, shared bills, etc. per his previous insistence to not separate these things. When I did this he completely broke down and told me he hated the position he had put himself in. When he came over so we could go through everything, he broke down again telling me how sorry he was and that he didn’t know what he wanted and how unhappy he was with how everything had turned out. As I’m sure you can all imagine, this made letting go so much more difficult when he was refusing to let go, even though he was living with this woman.

    I knew that his cheating wasn’t my fault and had to do with him not being happy with himself. I had told myself that the only way I could consider reconciling was if he got help to deal with his issues. We recently had a very good talk, I asked him several questions clearing up things I was pretty sure he had lied to me about and getting more answers on why he cheated. During this conversation I realized that he doesn’t think he deserves to be happy and he’s not going to make any steps to fix it because he thinks he deserves to suffer. He had more or less said he’s not miserable with her and he’s essentially made his bed so now he’s going to lie in it and make the best of it and try not to hurt anyone else. This was what I needed to realize that I need to move on and let go.

    I just have one question for you ladies, I’m doing well with letting go, but there’s one thing I’m struggling with. I often find myself thinking about what he’s doing there with her. If he’s doing the things with her, for her that he used to do for me. It’s bad enough that I wake up in the middle of the night and it’s the first thing that rushes into my head. Do any of you experience this and how do you make it stop? Overall I really feel like I’ve made great strides, I’ve been spending more time with friends and getting out more. I started going to meditation and making sure I don’t have a lot of time to sit and wallow. I think this is my last road block.

  • Sharon

    Camy, I think that was very rude of you to say something like that. How is someone saying that they have found strength and comfort in the Lord to get through this horrible nightmare that our so called husbands have put our beautiful children and us through ranting and raving. Talking about God makes a website degenerate? Yes people have different beliefs and different things they lean on in times of trouble and grief but how is whatever you use to cope any better than or more worthy than the beautiful ladies who look to the Lord for strength? If leaning on God for the strength to pull us through this is a crutch, then why wouldn’t whatever it is that you believe in and use to get you through the troubling times in your life also be considered a crutch? If using God is a crutch then whatever you use is also a crutch. We were betrayed by the people we loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world. Why in Gods name would it matter to you what people are using to bring them strength and comfort during this horrible nightmare that our very selfish and cold and unloving husbands and wives have perpetuated upon us? This is truly that worst possible thing that could ever happen to a family and this really damages and destroys children’s lives and self esteem. Yes, it is your God given right to say anything you want here but people come here for comfort and understanding not to be told that their beliefs are wrong or that just because they rely upon God to give them strength that they are using a crutch. By the way, that word, crutch, is usually reserved for alcohol and drug addiction, such as he or she uses drugs or alcohol as a crutch to avoid reality, not when describing relying upon God for strength. Why don’t you tell us all what you use to get you through the troubling times in your life Camy since you do not rely upon God. Perhaps whatever it is that you use to help you could also help someone else who, like you, is not a believer. I am sure that the believers here who find comfort in God also find comfort in the replies of the people who tell them to have faith in the Lord. But as for me and my house we will worship the Lord. Thank you.

  • Camy Buttersfield

    I see that this site has degenerated into rantings and ravings about god…while I realize that some people need things like this to make sense of the world it is disappointing that people have to preach while telling their story…you can tell your story and mention that god gave you strength but trying to drill it into people’s heads while capitalizing lord and god over and over is just sad. Some of us find strength in other places and don’t need a crutch. There are some amazing stories on here about the strength and pain that women go through…let them find their own way instead of forcing your beliefs on them.

  • Dee

    Wow, phenominal woman, your post touched me so much. I posted on here about a month or so ago, after my husband left me & moved in with the woman that he had been having an affair with for 5 years. I know all of you are going to blast me & think I am a fool for what I’m about to say, but I’m going to share it anyway. Maybe it will help someone who wants to see their marriage work.

    As I mentioned, my husband has been having an affair since 2006. The end of November, he moved out & moved in with her. As painful as it was, I was somewhat relieved that I could finally try to heal & move on. I had accepted that he was never coming back. In fact, the other woman was a much better match for him than me. He is 52, and was tired of dealing with my child that is handicapped. I am overweight. I have a large home that he hated maintaining. This other lady has no children, so they could go & do what they pleased without restriction. She is thin. She has a small house & yard to free up his time by not having so much work to do around the house. I am a Christian, & have been praying for God’s perfect will in my life. I knew my future did not include my husband & I knew he’d never want to come back, and even if he did, I did not want him back.

    Fast forward to December 27. I had surgery and was pretty out of it when my husband called to check on me. (Shock #1.) He asked if I had been praying for us. I told him no. I prayed for me, and I prayed for him, but NOT for “us”. He told me that God had been dealing with him & he realized how wrong he has been, and asked if we could go through counseling to try to make our marriage work. Then I received a phone call from his girlfried, and she told me that they were planning on getting married when our divorce was final, and she wanted to let me know that he only wanted to return to me because he was afraid of God. Little did she know, that was the best thing she could have said to me. I can work with a man that has a fear of God! For as long as I can remember, I’ve resented him for what he did to me & our family, even long before he left. But God has truly worked a miracle in me & I no longer resent him. I stopped being resentful & angry before he ever called. I was hurt beyond measure, but I let go of my bitterness. THAT was ONLY God! So when he asked for counseling, I was open to it. I can’t say what the future holds, but he has turned his life to God & I see a different man. I believe as long as Christ is the center of his life, we will continue to repair our marriage. I only wish I had some guarantee that we’ll keep walking in this direction. So ladies, if BOTH parties will surrender to God, there is hope for your marriage. At this point I feel God is fully restoring mine.

  • Sharon

    Thank you for those words of comfort phenominal woman. I hope they comfort others as they did me. What you say is true. God has been by my side this whole time. My faith in the Lord is what has pulled me through these last 5 years. Even though he left only 2 years ago, the trouble started in 2007. That’s when like what you suffered, he became extremely mean and mentally & verbally abusive to me even in front of our children. I knew something was wrong but didn’t understand what. I later found out he had been living a double life with this female, I can’t call her a woman because no REAL woman would carry on with a married man, for years behind my and our children’s backs. I later read after much research, that when they are cheating they will most likely become mean & abusive to you. They do hate you when they are doing this and see you as a roadblock to their “true” happiness. When you finally start standing up to their abusiveness and meanness, they use that to say look, see how mean and abusive SHE is and what a bitch she is. They NEVER tell people what they have been doing on their own end to you behind closed doors that finally pushes you to freak out. My “husband” I recently found out, has bought the house that we lived in and was foreclosed upon and moved in his new girlfriend and her little rugrats. Like one poster here said, her kids are now sleeping in the bedrooms that used to be my children’s. How VERY painful.And in case you’re wondering, he was sober for 8 years and then fell off the wagon and started using cocaine very heavily. We were fine until then. I don’t think he’s coming back. By moving them into that house, the one we raised our children in, he was sending a VERY clear message that he’s done after 20 years. I held onto hope very, very strongly until I heard that bit of news upon running into a former neighbor. And truthfully I don’t believe I could EVER have the forgiveness in me that would be needed to accept him back even if he ever tried. How do these “men” do this to their own flesh & blood children and dear God why would a woman ever want a man like this to call her own? She has got to be just as troubled mentally & emotionally as he is to move into a house where children got tossed out of and move her and her kids in. Even though I have great faith in the Lord, I am really questioning at this point. I really don’t understand for the life of me how he could have done that. He threw us all away like used toilet paper.I think he is mentally unstable to be able to do something like that and just go on with his life. How can it not affect him mentally to live in the same house where we brought our children home from the hospital and raised them in and now be living there with her and her kids? has anyone else experienced anything like this? Midlife crisis schmisis. It’s an excuse pure and simple for selfishness. I ask God to forgive me daily for wishing harm upon him for the pain he has caused our children. I believe in forgiveness, but this goes WAAAAY beyond the magnitude and normal forgiveness limits. I will keep you and all of us suffering in my prayers phenominal woman.

  • phenominal woman

    Greetings to you all…. First I would like to say I have been and still am where most of you ladies are right now… hurt beyond belief….angry at him… angry at her……and angry at myself. However, I just want to let you all know…. God IS a healer. The Bible states, “Trust in the Lord, with all thine heart, and lean not to your own understanding. Acknowledge HIM in all thine ways, and HE shall direct your path.”

    Ladies although we do not understand the how they could do this to us and/or the children or why, God said lean not to your own understanding. That means we may never understand the how’s and the why’s. Ooooh but there is hope. God also said, if we would just “acknowledge HIM, HE WILL direct our paths.” And beleive it or not He is already doing JUST THAT.

    Although I still HOPE and have FAITH, that God will and is able to change my husband’s lying, cheating, mentally abusive heart,(not to mention I believe he is a psychopath/narcissist) HE WILL NOT DO THAT, unitl my husband makes a choice to submit to Him. That’s right… I KNOW God can heal him too!!!! But right now that ain’t happening. LOL

    For those of you who are Christians, we know that God is so very far from their hearts right now. So as wives, they are saved by our faith and we must have faith that our husbands will turn from their wicked ways and come home. But, just in case that doesn’s happen, or they don’t call, or they don’t come back, or they treat you like you never existed…. God is working it all out in our favor. Remember, “ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER, (even those that hurt really, really bad), FOR GOOD, FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD AND ARE CALLED ACCCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE.” I believe when we took our wedding vows, since God ordained marriage, we were called according to His purpose. He also PROMISED, , He would NEVER leave us, nor FORSAKE us. See the fact of the matter is we’re still here. As much as it hurts….ladies we are still standing. God is right there with you. He knows your pain, He sees your tears. HE IS RIGHT THERE!!!

    In closing, my sisters hold your heads up high, they are the ones with the problem. Yes we’ve made mistakes, and yes there are some things we could have done better, but so could they.

    Just to lighten the tone a bit, in case you haven’t heard the saying “the best revenge you can have on a woman that steals your husband…. is to let her keep him.” Hmmmmmm LOL I’m just saying!!!! LOL

    Be strong beautiful butterflies, hold fast to God’s unchanging hand, and please remember you are not alone. You are a PHENOMINAL WOMAN!!! I am praying for you all and especially your children!!!!

    P.S. Can you believe I married Him twice!!!!! Please pray for me too!!!! LOL See and you thought that u had problems!!!! LOL

  • Sharon

    To Elizabeth who commented on December 31, 2011.
    The real question is why would YOU want a man who could walk out the door so easily. If he could so easily leave his family, what do you think may be in store for you one day? One day, you may be the one left crying on the floor like his wife was when he leaves you when the thrill wears off. How you win them is usually how you lose them. Don’t you ever delve deeply into your heart & soul and think if he could do that so easily to his wife and especially his own children, why wouldn’t he be able to do that just as easily to you? Remember, he loved her at one time too but still cheated and you are different how? I hate to judge others but I could NEVER be with someone who is married or in a serious long term relationship. Men & women who cheat and the men and women who cheat with them have zero integrity. To the people who are cheating:have some respect for yourselves and for the person you once claimed to love and first end the relationship with that person before beginning another and to the person who cheats with the married man or woman, have more respect for yourself and stay away until the divorce is final or the relationship has TRULY ended. Perhaps without you in the picture, a family may be saved and children might not have to grow up in a broken home. Most men & women who cheat & leave their family do so for purely selfish reasons. They often think the grass will be greener, but as it turns out they still have to mow the lawn. This is a subject that sets me on fire and completely outrages me. I devoted 20 yrs. of my life to my husband and we have 4 children together the 2 youngest being only 8 & 9 yrs. old. Well my husband decided that he didn’t want our marriage anymore and abandoned his family, children & all his responsibilities. He just didn’t come home one day. Went to get the usual Sunday night groceries and never came home. It’s been 2 yrs. and me and my sons are still in DEEP pain. He has no contact with his kids. Doesn’t even care if they go to bed hungry at night. Our house was foreclosed upon and he left us destitute. We were homeless and I was going from church to church for food. I don’t understand how he can even sleep at night or even look in the mirror when he shaves. How another woman would want to be with a man who could do this to his own children is WAY beyond my comprehension. No concern WHATSOEVER for his children’s welfare. I can’t tell you the tears of pain my children have cried wondering why their dad, and I use that term loosely, could have just walked out on them. Turned his back on 2 beautiful, good, very loving, deserving boys who are now growing up in this cold world without a dad. They have suffered much trauma and their souls are destroyed and I will not bring a man into their lives so they will continue to be raised without a dad or a man to guide them. PEOPLE WHO CHEAT WITH MARRIED PEOPLE DESTROY CHILDREN’S LIVES AND TRASH FAMILIES. But, I truly believe he is the one suffering, not us. I have all 4 of our beautiful children in my life EVERYDAY! He hasn’t seen his children in 2 yrs. He will have MANY regrets on his deathbed and will most likely die alone due to the atrocity of what he has done to his own flesh and blood children. When you think you’ve won when he or she leaves their wife or husband & kids for you, you did win. You won the boobie prize of someone who is a cheater and a liar and dishonest. You should ALWAYS be looking over your shoulder because one day it could and probably will be, your turn for them to do that to you.

  • angel

    Ladies this is my story!Married for thirty five yrs. Husband left me ten yrs ago! I went through a living hell and I will never get over it!In ten yrs his grown daughter did not speak to her dad but five yrs ago she forgave him and now they are on speaking terms! Now ten yrs. later he has married the other women because thats the right thing to do words out of his month! But he has lost his business his house is over extended the new wife is 23 yrs. younger and now wants out of the marriage no more money and now he is old and she does not want to be a nurse!He told our son and daughter this past summer tht he was separated but living in same house because neither can afford to move out!!She has put him in debt with credit cards he saud that its been a lfe of hell for the last four yrs married to her!!Now over the xmas. break he said that they are trying to work things out yea right!! I know that i should not feel sorry for him but I do!! Just sit back and watch how GOD works i know in my heart that his marriage will be over very soon and he is a broken man! See ladies God will not bless Junk and his marriage was started out on lies cheating not on a marriage that was founded on a rock ther marriage was founded on sinking sand!!I do pray for him and hope he gets his life together before its to late!I on rhe other hand own my own home started a business that was brought to me by God I pay my bills and I am doing okay!Now mind you i never worked a day in thirty five yrs of our marriage!Well just hang tight gals and see how God works!I do still care for my ex and i always will keep the faith!!

  • Melissa

    My ex-boyfriend lefted his wife because she cheated on him. When we got together he said he loved me. We were together for 2 yrs. After a few months he startd accusing me of being with other men. He was doing me wrong trying to be with other women on facebook, myspace, dating sites. He is constantly disrespecting me, staying out a week, women calling my cell phone, he won’t answer my calls. God don’t like ugly, now he has Congestive Heart Failure, he’s been strip of everything he loves to do. He loved to eat everything (low sodium only) He loved to party (no more alcohol and drugs) He loved sex (erectile dysfuctional, heart meds.) can’t chase the woman like that. He deserves it, I was faithful and he was a liar and cheater. I can either get over the hurt which will past or live a stressful life with a no good man. I rather get over it. Stress will kill you.

  • Sharon

    Hi Ladies,

    My husband left me emotionally well before his physical exit. I heard that when a man stays physically, without his heart being into it, he becomes very mean. Well he did. I can’t tell you how empty I felt when he refused to make love or show me affection. Nevertheless, I kept hoping and praying that he would come around and that our “love”, history of 16yrs, family, etc. would bring him around. I knew in my gut that he was cheating but didn’t have any proof, so I held out, based on my love for him, and determination to keep our marriage. He finally left me on June 25, 2011. The night before, we made love,(which was rare), kissed at the door(by my initiation), but he never came back. He wouldn’t answer his phone for weeks. His family was never accepting of me and always influenced and condoned any infidelity among them. I had no one to turn to or to go to. Eventually, I “caught up” with him, however, he only communicated with me when he wanted or needed something from the home. He has helped me intermitantly with finances. Its been six months now and I’ve recently learned that he is smitten with a woman. She called me the other day and said “I’m sending your husband home”. She claimed that he left his cell phone behind and she wanted to know “what really happened”. To sum things up, she has a signifiant other and MY HUSBAND is determined to “win her”. She told me that he has started the paperwork to file for divorce. My husband has denied that papers are filed, but in his own way, has confirmed everything else she told me. I don’t know why but until now I held out hope for us. I still love my husband although I know it sounds stupid. Since hearing from the woman it seems as if everything has become a reality to me, especially since I was holding out for him to come back. I need help. I am hurting so bad because he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to save our marriage. Why can’t I let go? All my love, plans, dreams, everything is tied in with him. I have constant reminders, everyday of him. My wallet, my desk, my home, the name I’m called everyday,…is all tied to him. I removed the photos before Christmas, from my desk, wallet, etc. But how do I stop my heart? How do I erase the replay I keep hearing in my head of all the things the woman said to me. Most of all, how do I accept that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he will no longer be in my life. I fell into a deep depression around New Years Eve. I couldn’t get out of bed, or go to work after the holiday. I constantly think of him. I would never hurt myself. However, sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep. My only daughter is married with 1 yr old twins. She’s done so much and has been there for me. She spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with me to keep me from being sad and lonely. I’m so heartbroken and the pain is not letting up. I wish there was a support group that I could go to. Somehow, just talking about it isn’t doing anything. Can anyone help me. I feel pathetic, because I still want him. I’ve even asked him to come home. He has said he would consider our marriage, but deep inside I know it can’t and wont happen. I’m losing ground and I can’t see pass this pain.

  • Camy Buttersfield

    I read all these stories and as terrible as it sounds they give me strength. To know there are other women out there that are going through and have gone through very difficult times makes me know I am not alone. I left my first husband, who I had three children with because he was an alcoholic and drug user, cheated on me and payed us absolutely no attention. I made the mistake of rushing into another marriage with a younger man and he was good at first but it became evident quite soon that he had some issues with sex…he was abused as a child and this started to become a problem. After we were together for awhile he started choking me when we would have sex. I didn’t know if it was normal because I don’t associate making love with violence but he seemed to be able to perform and that was one of his issues. It got to the point where I couldn’t handle it and even though I loved him it seemed like he was just using me as an outlet for all his pain and confusion. I would pretend to be asleep to avoid sex. My children are my life and light and they always come first and I felt like this was a really bad situation. He put on such a good show of being the goofy, fun guy and everyone loved him. I felt like a failure because this was my second marriage and I didn’t want to go through another divorce and make my children suffer but I was in such a deep depression. I met someone and we became close, just talking at first about life and the problems that come along with it and I was the one who ended up cheating because I just wanted something normal. My husband found out and left me. Four months passed and I never heard a word from him and couldn’t find him. He called me out of the blue and said he wanted to make things work and missed me and the kids. I tried to take things slowly to make sure he wasn’t going to be abusive again and he seemed totally changed…we ended up being together several times and then I got a call from a girl laughing and saying that he was with her and he was just getting back at me for cheating on him. She told me I was stupid and because I still loved him regardless of his abuse it cut me to the core. He got on the phone to tell me that she was younger and absolutely gorgeous and that he never loved me. I am still healing from my own poor choices and for having someone hurt me in return. It might be a taste of my own medicine but for some reason I feel that his best revenge would have been to just leave and be happy with someone else instead of stooping to such a low level.

  • tami

    My husband left and moved out of state with another woman after 22years of being together 12 of those years married. Did not keep a steady job through those years. Three children later still not supporting them. His Cheating started 3 years ago and i put up with it for a while. He would be out till 3am in the morning. Sometimes didnt come home at all and would be gone for 2 days. Not home for his kids and doing whatever he wanted to do. He totally disrespected me and our children. He almost completely destroyed me. Through growth spiritually, and leaning on God im am slowly getting over him. Its not easy and the hurt and pain can be unbearable. I just continue to pray and seek the Lord. Im filing for divorce and I have already decided to move forward without him. I trust that the Lord will heal my broken heart and I also believe that part of my healing is forgiving him. My husband will have to deal with the consequences of his actions and its for God to judge not me. So even though these types of situations are very difficult and hard I just stay in prayer and in the bible and I can already see the changes happening!

  • Tobie

    My husband of 20 years left two months ago for another woman, someone he had known for one month. No notice nor did I suspect anything. he just walked in one day and announced he was in love with someone else and was leaving. He moved in with her that night. I was devastated. We have been together since we were 17, I know no other life but with him. About a month later ( two days before our 20th Anniversary) he called me crying saying he wanted his wife back and how sorry he was. Said he loved me and just wanted to fix our marriage. He moved back in. I was ecstatic. I think I fell more in love with him, crazy as that sounds. He was there for three days and left again. This time he stated he was confused and loved both of us. Said he needed to be on his own, without either of us to see what he wanted. I believed him and gave him that space. Again I was devastated and totally confused. I found out three days later, that the night he left me for the second time claiming he needed space, he actually called her and moved back in with her. Needless to say I was back to square 1 and the emotional disaster started all over. HE refused to help financially and I since have lost my home and had to move in with my son and his girlfriend. I would like to add that when he left the first time, I found a part time evening job to make some extra money. When he moved back in he claimed he didnt want me working at night because he wanted me home so we could spend time together, so I quit that part time job. People think I am crazy because I still love him and want him to come home. I cant function and have been in a deep depression. I don’t do any of the things I normally enjoy and just lay in my bed most of the time. I have attempted suicide once, and failed at that. Oh one more important part… THE WOMAN HE LEFT ME FOR IS ALSO MARRIED. She left her husband for mine. I dont know how to move on without him…….

  • weener

    I was married for 12 years from 1986 we had a son and until my son was seven i sarted to see the “signs” going to the gym more hiding his phone, and the one day i managed to get hold of his phone without himseeing ,this is where i saw the evedence, It was over accordingly to him and i forgave and forgot it!
    Three years later it was still going on and my and my 7 year boys life hit rock bottom! by this time he had gone to live with his younger woman
    he has moved on to his new life and fair enough but his new lady is pregnant and i worry about his own son. Helpxx

  • Elizabeth

    Hi all. I am reading the comments above and want to share my story. I met a man who was married ten years and had 2 small children. We fell in love and he separated from his wife after we had been seeing each other for a year. It was very difficult for him, as he cared for his wife (they had been together 15 years) and was afraid of his kids living in a broken home).
    He didn’t realize that he wasn’t happy in his marriage until we met. He said they didn’t have fun anymore and that they had moved in different directions for a while. It is hard to explain but we had such a deep love and connection for each other. It was hard for him to leave her, but he couldn’t pretend that his marriage was something that it wasn’t.
    Ladies, I am sorry for your pain. Try to remember that the “other women” don’t put a gun to the mans head to leave. They do so after much thought and consideration. A man leaves a relationship emotionally first-then physically. So when they leave it means they have been thinking about this a long time. Have respect for yourselves and let the men go.
    We have now been together 5 years and are very happy and in love. I do not consider myself a home wrecker, as it was already broken.(We are both professionals with masters in business and from good families-we have a solid head on our shoulders). We fell in love and we are happy.
    I guess what I am saying is…let the men go who leave you. Why would you want a man who could walk out the door so easily? You will find a man who will love and cherish you in time.

  • Louise

    I just found out that my partner and father of our 3 young children has fell in love with a prostitute he has been seeing. We’ve had problems but were trying to work through them then I found out about the prostitute through friends and by checking his cell phone. Words cannot describe my hurt right now. He also has a major drug problem which again I was convinced he was dealing with. At this point the children and I have had the most awful christmas imaginable. I want no contact from him and he is certainly happy to oblige. I’ve heard he has moved in with her and they are in love. I only hope he’s happy with the devastation he’s caused to the 3 children he’s left behind who he allegedly loved so much.

  • Annmarie

    My husband left me a few months ago, because he was going through sexual issues; he wants a younger woman who can fulfill his sexual desires. He became very nasty and mean towards me. He left me raising a daughter that’s in college. He treats her like a nobody and decided to give her nothing for Christmas and refuses to give no financial support. He has been very ,very, very, abusive in the past. I have endued great pain and suffering for 24 years of my marriage. I hope someday I can open up a shelter or home to help women that has suffered through great abuse and pain. My husband is under the influence of witchcraft and evil. Last, but least my mother-in-law pasted and he brought this woman to the funeral. This was heartbreaking and disrespect to me and my daughter. What a dirty and nasty act on his part. This not the only woman he’s sleeping with. He’s been with several women. He’s nasty, dirty, unclean individual that’s running from woman to woman trying to fulfill his sexual needs. I hope God put a stop to his actions before he hurts a innocent woman out there. He’s very deceiving and liar, which entangle women by seducing them with words he can whisper into their ears. He never pay his bills or consistently losing cars and personal possessions. God’s is against adultery and infidelity. It is a penalty to pay for committing adultery with another woman other than your wife. The bible states the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life. I have been a wonderful, caring wife for 24 years and now he has thrown me to hell. I’m feel sick everyday knowing what my husband is doing which is “Wrong” in the eyes of God. He will not admit he’s wrong or sorry for his infidelity and adultery. He enjoying his love affair. It is better to acknowledge true and honest love which is the (wife) than a quick fix or ever lasting disease that will take you to the grave. I have wasted 24 years of my good life with this fool. Women awake and know whom you are connected with before you say “I’m in love with this man”. Stay watchful and observe every action your mate takes. I hope no one will experience my pain and suffering. Safety 1st, peace, happiness to my black sisters out there….. “Lesson to learn and know” about marriage. Demon possessed individual.

  • Angela

    My husband left me yeserday. I found out two weeks ago, on our way to a 7 day vacation in Florida, that he had been having an affair for 6 months. We have been married for almost 30 years. We have three adult daughters, all of them worshipped their daddy. Our grandchild lives with us, we have full custody.

    I made it though vacation with lots of prayer and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. It was surreal, he was so attentive, made love to me twice, made it seem like all was going to be okay. We went to a counselor within an hour of returning to town. He kept a personal counseling appointment to follow up, and after lots of tears, he told me he had ruined our lives and her life and didn’t know what to do. He called her and he called it off. We went to another counseling appointment and made it though Christmas.

    I immediately got a call from her and found out the “one time” they slept together was 10 days long. I also found out that she “knew all about me, I didn’t deserve him, and it wouldn’t work.” Well, I don’t believe for an instant that she knows about me. They met online, she lives over a thousand miles away…but she was right, getting back together isn’t working. He met me yesterday and just got in the car and told me he was through. He just wan’t “feeling it”. He couldn’t live with me questioning his internet usage to see if he had been talking to her.

    I desperately want my marriage to work. I still love him, and God hasn’t told me I can’t forgive him. But, I have to accept the fact that he is having a mid-life crisis, has lost his mind, doesn’t care what he is doing to his family. He came home to tell our daughters that he was leaving and we had communication problems. Right. One of the girls called him to see if he was going to go to counseling with me, and he told her he’s moving in with his girlfriend one day this week. She’s moving across the country to be with him.

    I know it’s fantasy. They’ve built castles in the sky that have nothing to do with reality. When your only talk on the phone, and message, you sure don’t have to let the reality of who you are seep in. Does she know that he’ll go 3 days at a time without brushing his teeth? Gross, but he just told us that sometimes he does that when he’s on the road. Does she know he doesn’t do any housework, won’t share with the cooking anymore, is selfish, demanding, will talk over you so that you can’t have your say in a discussion? I don’t think she does. Does she know he can be mean spirited, looks for revenge and hurtful talk instead of being uplifting and forgiving?

    Why do I even want this man? Maybe because he is the love of my youth and I thought he would always be the love of my life, in spite of his faults. I just don’t think I’ll still be in a place to forgive AND forget by the time he sees what he has done.

    Why would a man throw away 30 years of commitment? This is a man who has been active in his church, and at one time very close to God. Now he’s bitter toward God and says God gave up on him a long time ago. I don’t get it. Two years ago, before we moved, he was running the music ministry in our church.

    However, he has always had a problem with the fact that I am overweight, and has even told me I drove him to porn because I wasn’t a good enough “package” any more. Never mind the countless accidents I’ve been in, the surgery, the 3 children I bore for him. He didn’t mind spending over $100,000 in settlement money from the accidents…it’s just me that’s not good enough.

    It seems the fact that I’ve been working on the weight loss, and have actually lost 65 pounds since early summer aren’t good enough. I’m not good enough. But, I am a child of God. I’m good enough for Him to love me, and I am sure I’m going to make it through this.

    So, how do I do that and take the high road? I want to empty our bank account, but I haven’t. He even told me he’s reasonably attractive, makes good money and get’s offers for companionship.

    I think he should have to pay support….I’ve supported him for years in his job on the road. I made more money than he did for years, but that money is gone now. Now he owns his own company and says we have what we built. I didn’t build a vehicle for a cheater. I’ve asked him to cut back on travel for a year. I’ve begged him to at least call the kids and talk while he’s on the road.

    Now I know he thinks he’s done good for the kids…and their all adults now, he says. What about the grandchild, who is in elementary school? Well, they’ll see him as much as they do already. Not hardly!!! He’s not cared enough for years, why would I think he’s going to care now?

    I, too, am left with a house that needs lots of repairs. We bought it together knowing it was stripped of most of what makes a home but with a commitment to each other that we were going to fix this for us. He says he’s still going to fix it for me and the kids, who’s to believe a lying cheat?

    In addition, my car isn’t working. I’m having to borrow one from our daughter. Yes we bought it, and pay the bills on it, but it’s still hers. He’s claimed he would fix mine for weeks, and now he’s claiming he’ll get it fixed. I don’t believe that either. He just had me sign a huge car loan so he could be out on the road, but he says that’s okay because our lawyers can work that out.

    This man has become so callous. He actually told me he knows what he is doing is wrong and that he will have to meet Jesus about it some day, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want anyone to tell him he’s being bad…he just wants to do what he wants to do.

    Our daughter called the spade a spade. She told him this isn’t her daddy and she doesn’t know how he can act this way. He hasn’t told his parents the truth, just that we’re separating. I want to call them so much so that they can know what he’s up to.

    I don’t want “our” money to go for his new apartment/home, furnishings, etc. That’s not fair. I get stuck picking up pieces and he gets all new stuff, all new life, all new what? Wickedness, adultery, a harlot, the words are only bad for what he’s chosen. I pray someone comes into her life to show her how much she is hurting people. I pray God touches his heart to make him realize that this is his permanent salvation he is playing around with.

    I have prayed for God to move mountains, but I just want to lean on God and let Him take me where he needs me to go. I certainly don’t know where that will be. It’s time for God to carry me through…thankfully I know he will.

  • Lily


    reading all these comments really made my day! i’m not the only one!!! my husband of 3 yrs (whom i dated for 2 yrs before we got married).. is going to spend the new yr with the girl he met in the club 2 weeks ago. we were having problems but we were trying to work things out. he went out to the club, came home drunk with no ring on(found his ring in his pocket). my friends saw him talking to this chick the whole night when he went out. the next day he told me he will be driving 5 hrs and spend the new yr week with “his friend”. i work in a phone company and i can see our bill. he has been talking to this girl like 24/7, even when am in the house. we are getting a divource cos i had enough!! no man is worth this pain am going through. but when i hear him talking on the phone, telling her he is crazy bout her, i feel like killing him!!but he aint worth it! i just saw him packing all is nice stuff and he will be driving over to her place tomorrow! i don’t want him anymore but it still hurts!!