Home > Let Go > Rebuilding Your Life > How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

Saying – even just thinking, “My husband left me for another woman” – is heartbreaking, but help is here. These tips for coping when your husband leaves you for her will help you survive even when you’re completely shocked that he walked out.

“I can’t believe this happened to me, the pain is unbearable,” said Esmie on How to Get Over the Pain of Being Cheated On. “I spent nearly two decades of my life with my husband, just to watch him walk away. I didn’t know he was unhappy or that I’d be searching for tips on how to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman. Do men who leave their wives after all that time regret it? Do they feel guilty about what they have done? I know it doesn’t matter because when someone wants out, they want out. It’s just sad some people think marriages are so disposable. Before we got married my husband pursued me so hard and he wanted to rush to get married. So I said ‘yes’ and now…he files for divorce and that’s it. Wow. I pray for the day to come when I don’t wake up feeling this huge anchor on my chest, the day where he is a distant memory and I wonder what the heck I ever saw in him.”

I don’t know if men who leave their wives regret it, or if the pain of betrayal ever really goes away. I don’t even know if time heals all wounds. But, I do believe that you CAN recover and rebuild your life. You might even find a way to be happier and more fulfilled than you ever were before.


You might even Blossom.

7 Ways to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

Here’s what one famous wife said when her husband walked out:

“I’m not sure what the future holds, but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Nicole Kidman. “As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”

It is what it is. These aren’t the most comforting words in the world, are they? But it’s the truth. And the sooner you can accept the truth, the quicker you will begin to heal. Part of accepting the truth might be learning Why He Had an Affair and How to Recover. Your husband’s leaving may be the worst betrayal in marriage and it may be the worst thing your husband could ever do to you…but it’s what happened. The sooner you can accept that it is what it is, the sooner you can move on and create a better, more meaningful, happier life.

Here are seven tips on how to cope when your husband walks out on your marriage. This isn’t legal or financial advice; it’s how to heal your heart and self-esteem.

1. Realize that his leaving isn’t a direct reflection on you

No matter how beautiful, successful, slim, or rich their wives are, some husbands will be unfaithful. Men cheat and leave their marriages for a wide variety of reasons – many of which have nothing to do with their wives. To learn more about cheating husbands, read Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair.

More importantly, remember that your husband left you for another woman because of his problems – which aren’t a reflection of you! It’s not that you’re not good enough, or she’s a better woman. To be able to say “my husband left me for another woman” and survive, keep reminding yourself that your husband left you because he has his own issues.

2. Learn how to forgive your husband for leaving

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” – Bernard Meltzer. This may be one of the most difficult thing to do after your husband leaves…and it’s the most necessary.

Don’t carry around the bitterness, misery, and pain of an angry woman. Don’t allow his choice to dictate how you live the rest of your life. Don’t let his mistakes drain the joy, love, and spirit out of your life!

Learn how to forgive. Actually, I should have put “grieve the end of your marriage” at the top of these ways to cope when your husband leaves for another woman. Right now, you’re grieving the loss of your dreams, the end of your marriage, and the pain of discovering that your husband won’t be spending the rest of his life with you. Allow yourself to grieve, and learn how to forgive.

3. Stop comparing yourself to the other woman

You have strengths and weaknesses that she doesn’t have, and she has strengths and weaknesses that you don’t have. It’s pointless and futile to compare yourself to her, to try to figure out why your husband left. It’s a waste of time and energy! Accept the fact that for some reason, your husband had to go. It’s not even about you; it’s about him.

If it makes you feel better, make a list of your strengths and her weaknesses, and read them when you feel down on yourself. But I actually think it’s better not to compare yourself to the other woman at all. You need to focus on moving onwards and upwards after your husband leaves, not on what the other woman has that you don’t. This is your time to concentrate on healing and personal growth. It doesn’t matter who or what she is…what matters is that you have a life to rebuild, a self-image to recreate, and a new identity to focus on.


When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will give you hope and encouragement as you learn how to cope after your husband walks out. There are no easy answers – but you can reach out for companionship and the knowledge that you are not alone.

4. Spend time with women who survived when their husbands walked out

Who will walk alongside you, as you work through the pain and process your loss? If you don’t know who to talk to, consider asking your friends and family members if they know a woman whose husband left her.

How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for HerIf she survived the end of her marriage in healthy ways – and if she’s stronger, happier, and healthier – spend time with her. Ask if you can buy her a coffee; learn how she overcame pain of his cheating on you and leaving. Soak up her courage, health, and wisdom.

One of the best ways to survive a traumatic event – and learning how to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman is definitely a type of trauma – is to connect with people who know what you’re going through. Gain strength and healing from women who have survived similar problems in life. Join a grief support group, or form your own little group of women who surviving such a major change in their lives.

5. Let go of your old hopes and dreams for your marriage

If you think your marriage isn’t over, read How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. But don’t fight reality. Don’t allow your wishes and pain to change how you see the truth. It’s better to face and accept the truth – to surrender to what is – instead of wishing your life could go back to the way things were.

And remember that you’re not just grieving the fact that your husband left you for another woman. You’re not simply mourning the loss of him as a man. You’re actually grieving the end of something that was so important to you. Your marriage may have been the focus of your life, and saying “my husband left me for another woman” may be the most painful words you ever utter. You lost something you believed in and thought would last forever. So, you’re grieving the end of the marriage you thought you had, that you hoped you had…you’ve been betrayed, and you aren’t as innocent and trusting as you were before.

This is a huge loss, and I am sorry you have to go through this. But to heal, you have to grieve not only the loss of a husband, but the loss of your marriage, the loss of the things you hoped for on your wedding day. You need to grieve the painful reality that your husband left you for her, and that you have to rebuild your life.

6. Get help coping with the end of your marriage

Counseling is about making sense of your life, and figuring out how to move on after betrayals, heartaches, and heartbreaks. Talking through your problems with an objective counselor, spiritual leader, or psychologist can help you let go. An objective professional can help you see your big life picture and your more detailed personality characteristics.

husband left me for herIn He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica Manfred Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.

If you feel lost and helpless because your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t spin your wheels alone. Invest in yourself emotionally and spiritually – a counselor or a support group for divorced women can help you make sense of what why your husband left. You need to focus on picking up the pieces of your life and starting a fresh new chapter of your life.

how to cope when your husband leaves you for another womanRunaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will help you start feeling better yourself, your life, and your future. It won’t be easy, but you WILL survive.

7. Start something new in your life

This is your chance to embark on a new chapter in your social, professional, personal, or spiritual life! Volunteer, take a solo or group vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, go back to school. Surviving a breakup can be about growing into the woman you were meant to be – and about exploring a different part of your life and personality. This may be the end of one stage of your life…but it can be the beginning of a whole new era! It’s up to you…

For more tips on coping when your husband leaves you for her, read How to Let Go of a Relationship.

If you need to talk about why your husband left you for another woman, please share below! Sometimes writing is the healthiest thing you can do. I can’t give advice, but I’m here to listen.


Want to Blossom?

Get my free "Echoes of Joy" email! Once a week, short & sweet.

* indicates required



xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

1,125 thoughts on “How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her”

  1. Hi everyone
    It’s an awful nightmare when a long marriage ends or any for that matter, I have been married for 23 years and very very happy, ( right) how could I not see it coming, I have been proud of “ my strong marriage” I often got up and said .. wow my life is literally perfect, well was I wrong, 3-4 weeks ago my future ex husband says he hasn’t been in love with me for the past year, meanwhile we have been on about 6 vacations as a family and 2 alone on top of that we used to take small trips to find each other over and over again, I have 2 boys 22 and 16, the youngest doesn’t know we are actually divorcing … I’m working in that and yes he is staying in the house for now until he “ saves some money to move out he can’t afford anything since I’m the one with a career but he does have an special friend which he spends the whole day texting calling and taking out. I can’t believe I didn’t see anything wrong but I guess I was busy trying to pay the bills, it’s very painful to see him already with a new life while we are still married, I trusted him completely I feel I’m dying little by little and I just wished he would leave already, my lawyer gave him about 6 months to move out as per my request but I regret this. I want to end this suffering already

  2. It’s our second marrriage,and my husband went out,but the problem here is he is hiv and aids diagnose using the drugs but has stop taking it,i think he left me because I am negative,and his mistress is positive ,I have try to sacrifice many a times taking him back Everytime he went out and coming back but this time i think it’s over.i think i will overcome.

  3. I suspected my husband “John” was having an affair at his faith-based organization when he was constantly slipping her name into conversations. Then he moved her into a position under his leadership and gave her a huge raise. No matter how suspicious I was, he denied it, grew angrier and called me psycho. Once John got deeply involved with this married woman he wanted me dead (he’s plead out on charges). I came to discover he was constantly at hotels with her, has spent our entire life savings and more on her and claims it is God’s will for him. “Sue” then began divorce proceedings to divorce her husband for him. They’ve secretly been living together, sneaking off to hotels, have gone on trips and I discovered they were having sex at lunch at the hotel around the corner from work. John and Sue have convinced everyone at work that they have “saved” each other from horrible marriages and that God has blessed them both. Sue is not a Christian and John now acts the part in public but behind the scenes is having fun doing all the “bad boy” stuff he’s wanted to do. We were married almost 15 years, together more than that. When I found the hotel bill- with a room for two adults, breakfast in bed and couples massages- I knew-and I threw up that night over and over and sobbed like never before because I knew he was with her and it was the proof that it was real. I filed for divorce the following day.He claimed they went there as lonely friends and slept in different beds. Really?! He’s blamed me since day one as we had separated (but lived together) when I insisted he pick me or her and he told me I was crazy and nothing was going on. He said that was the end for him and that I pushed him into it. This is not his first affair but he claimed the rest were “just emotional.” To top it off, he made me give up my job, family, friends, etc. and move overseas with him to the USA. Now, I can not leave to go home unless I am willing to leave my children behind (which I won’t) due to custody rules in the state we are in. I’m now desperately seeking a work visa while he plots to deport me. I’ve begged for him to allow me to go back to England with the kids but he has said no. His new woman Sue now laughs and mocks me as much as he does. He actually took her on every single “bucket list” trip we had planned while in our new home in the US. He purchases t-shirts and hats everywhere he goes will wear it around the children and I to flaunt where he has been. He laughs and says he won and that they are soulmates and that he will be married for her for life (turns out they have been engaged to each other while both of them were married!! He even took my teenage daughter Julie shopping for Sue’s engagement ring and told her not to tell me claiming it was a surprise for my birthday). There is a baby boy that also was born that might be his and he claims too he wants to have (more) children as I am now infertile after having my 2 and having complications. He said she’s a “real” woman. Everyone at his work believes his lies and are fully supportive of them as a couple. I’ve lost so many mutual friends. I cry myself to sleep, I read my bible, pray, write in my journal, see a Christian counselor and have sought out help from my church but nothing is taking this raw, awful pain away.I’ve lost 40 pounds and now am in perfect shape but he still does not care (Sue is very large). I’ve begged God to please show my husband what he has lost but my husband only sees gain. He’s got a “new” family now. I’ll be losing my house and he still wants to deport me and take our kids. He told me he will destroy me for ever calling the cops on him and furthermore he is out to prove I am the insane one and he’s the victim. I watch our kids so he can go on cheating and he plays Disney dad when he wants to or when it is his court ordered visitation but he spends the time bad mouthing me, getting the kids to play with the new woman and to tell her how great she is and he has convinced them while there that Sue will be a wonderful mother to them- even though her husband Greg has showed me text after text in which she says she hates my kids. They are now planning their honeymoon and wedding and are purchasing a large home together- and they are both still legally married! Our divorce has been a nightmare but is finally nearing completion. I begged, pleaded and tried to reason with him to go into marital counseling with me but he coldly shakes his head and says “I never loved you” and “I never want to be with you again” and has told me he never knew what real love was until he found this woman. They’re still constantly together- working and sleeping over together- and having a grand time. I’m left with half his cheating debt, potentially declaring bankruptcy from all the debt and my legal bills and I’m struggling how he could throw it all away and trap me in a foreign country with no remorse, guilt or shame. He says from a Christian standpoint, he’s on fire for God and that “everyone sins” and says “whomever has not sinned, throw the first stone.” He said he asked forgiveness but he’s like King David who gets to keep his affair partner. I can not reason with him and I continuously pray my pain goes away and that I somehow can forgive and move forward. Despite his rage, anger, depression and abuse, I loved him and I feel stupid I feel that way even still. Especially after how he has betrayed me to my core. I keep telling myself that God has something better for me and that God has brought me out of a terrible marriage and that maybe John and Sue are not as happy as they appear…but I am worried they will have that happy marriage and that it’ll validate his claims that I was the problem (despite me jumping through hoops to please him!). I have read all the “we cheated and found the love of our life” stories online and now I am scared I’ll have to watch them be in love forever. And because he is doing so well financially too …he just seems like the blessed one while I deal with little ones who are sick, wrecked finances and daily fear he’ll have me thrown out of the country. He recently went on a wonderful tropical vacation and posted the happy pics everywhere while I am at home & struggling to pay the bills on a house I will lose. And yes, there are days when I can only cry out to God with “why” and “please help this pain to go away.” I know I did not deserve this but I replay everything wondering if I could have done something different to keep him….It doesn’t matter now though. It’s so awful to be thrown away like trash and so easily replaced.

  4. Thank you for this post. I’m going through it myself. I have two small children, five and ten and my husband of twelve years has left me for a coworker fourteen years his junior (thirteen years mine). It is hard not to feel cliche. The old tired mom being left for the single thirty-something year old coworker. It hurts. But I am determined to survive this and not only survive, THRIVE!

    And look, the victim of an affair isn’t always the victim of the marriage. I thought we were happier than not but it isn’t like I didn’t contribute to our issues or have things that I need to work on before and during any future relationships. We all have issues. Don’t let anybody say, “It is all your fault.” Don’t let them pass that on to you. If they were as upstanding as they are pretending to be, as innocent – they wouldn’t have lied and cheated on you with another woman. Don’t carry that weight. But I believe I shouldn’t be a victim either. I don’t want to play the role of poor poor me, how could he do this to wonderful little me? Life happens. Affairs are as old as marriage itself. I am going to use this opportunity to look at what I contributed to our marriage, where I want to improve and take that with me into a future relationship. I know he is taking his same sad broken self into that relationship with his coworker and she has her own issues if she is willing to be with married men. Obviously commitment isn’t something either one of them respects. But whether they end up happily ever after or break up in two weeks is not my problem. Their relationship is not going to define my happiness. It is what it is. I remember seeing a quote from Nicole Kidman saying her dad said something to the effect, “It is what it is. It’s not what is should have been, not what it could have been but it is what it is.” I like that. I also like this from Eckhart Tolle, I think allowing yourself to grieve and move through it allows for true growth. Don’t give up on yourself ladies!! We will persist!
    “When there is no way out, there is still always a way through. So don’t turn away from the pain. Face it. Feel it fully. Feel it — don’t think about it! Express it if necessary, but don’t create a script in your mind around it. Give all your attention to the feeling, not to the person, event, or situation that seems to have caused it. Don’t let the mind use the pain to create a victim identity for yourself out of it. Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering. Since it is impossible to get away from the feeling, the only possibility of change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing will shift. So give your complete attention to what you feel, and refrain from mentally labeling it. As you go into the feeling, be intensely alert. At first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place, and when the urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don’t act on it. Keep putting your attention on the pain, keep feeling the grief, the fear, the dread, the loneliness, whatever it is. Stay alert, stay present — present with your whole Being, with every cell of your body. As you do so, you are bringing a light into this darkness. This is the flame of your consciousness.”

  5. I find myself writing this in disbelief, heartache and despair. My marriage of 28 years is over and he blames me for everything. He has been seeing a coworker for the past month even though he said he has fought the feelings for awhile. He hasn’t been happy with me for years he said. He said he drinks because of me. I am not attractive anymore. I am the cause of it all…. The logical side of my brain said are you kidding me? My emotional side is writing this to strangers at 3:34 am because I feel like I’m dying. I guess I should start by saying I have 2 adult children, married and 3 little grand babies. The loves of my life and I would do anything to not cause them pain. Today, I know that I am going to by saying that he is leaving for awhile and he had an affair. I worry that they will hate him and also silently hope that they are ticked off as hell. I have been a stay at home mom most of my life with side jobs here and there. I had finally found an area of work I loved and was going to try and make a business out of it. Now I need to find a way to survive. We were in the middle of planning a vacation, now I have no idea how to make it through the next day. My father is 96 and on hospice and lives with my 88 year old Mom. I am their care giver outside the hospice system. There is no way I can tell them without it destroying them. I realize I have been depressed. I am sure this all has contributed to it all for years. He drinks 12 beers on average on the days that he is off, blaming me saying I am the reason why. I have listened to what he has said and acknowledge that I have plenty of problems and mistakes but he won’t yake any ownership. None! He is the one that had the affair, NOT me. I don’t know what to do, or how to go on. Help needed

  6. To Cha your story sounds very similar to mine except we were together for 39 years with four children and 8 grandchildren its been 14 months now and i am still hurting but it is getting better he left me for a lady he met while doing his job as he owns his own business and meets a lot of people going into their homes doing quotes etc he started going healthy and doing bickram/hot yoga someone alerted me to the fact he could be having an affair when i confronted him he denied it and still hasnt admitted it fully to me or the children though he is now taking her to NZ to meet his mother and siblings i am so hurt as it just seems so soon to be doing this we have gone through settlement but not divorce as yet .He totally blamed me for his leaving me told me i changed but never explained how told me i pushed him away but i dont know how i know after 39 years our marriage was a bit stale but i thought we enjoyed each others company and we hardly ever had bad words to each other and i had no idea he was that unhappy we went away together in our motorhome just 3 weeks before he left me after i confronted him i came home after spending a night with my sister to find all his clothes and personal effects gone i have found out a lot in the last 14 months how he has known her for 10 years and has been going to her for massages (she is a masseuse among other things life coach etc ) i am now left on my own to try and work out how i will carry on with life without him around he told me he has moved on and expects to be able to talk to me amicably and like he has done nothing wrong i get very emotional when i see him but i am still very hurt and angry about the deceit and that he didnt talk to me about his feelings ..I am now trying to look forward and start a new life i will be financially ok and my children have been very supportive .Cha you said all is lost at the end of your post but no its not we have to pick up the pieces and move on like they have at this stage i feel i cant forgive him but i maybe one day i will but i know i am feeling better everyday and sometimes i think im glad hes gone now .. i hope things work out for you Cheers

  7. My husband of 18 years asked me for a separation/divorce the day before our 18th anniversary so he could be with another woman, in which he claims was always his first love. I already had twins, 1 years old, when we got married and now they’re in college. This was supposed to be our time together, to recreate our love and do fun things we never got to do, now that our kids were grown. But as I found out, he claimed he never felt like I was the center of his life. After three years living apart, for work purposes, but still seeing each other of course, he says we grew apart. Within the last few months he reconnected with this old flame and lied to her by saying he and I were separated for three years. During this time I had no idea what was going on, unaware he was unhappy or had reservations. I even made plans to quit my job and move to his location to be with him. Of course she’s going through a divorce and he was her savior. I found out about the old flame accidentally, and he eventually told me half truths about her, but we planned on working on our marriage. He came home for his birthday recently and we had 2 wonderful weeks of love, intimacy and looking at apartments that we could move into since his lease was almost up. Only to find out he went to go see her the day before he left to go back to his other locations/job (she was staying with her mom who lives about 2 hours from me during her divorce). She conveniently had just gotten a job ~30 min from where he lives and was back in that state for a few days before her big move. He lied and went out with her again and after calling him several times that evening, his phone picked up by accident and I could hear them together talking about me during their date. He lied and said I knew they were together and I didn’t really care. I was devastated!! I called and texted again until about 2 am. He finally picked up, said we should see other ppl and separate. After a lot of tears, yelling, anger and almost flying to his location to confront the lady who probably now lives with him, he’s bought her a huge engagement ring and I’m seeing a lawyer to file the paperwork for divorce. We never went to marriage counselor and he never really tried to work on our marriage. I feel like his 2 weeks with me was like a fling, because he had already purposed in his mind to be with her. I still love him, but I’m also filled with so much anger and heartbreak. I struggle against finding ways to hurt them as badly as they’ve hurt me. My two grown kids don’t know yet, but I’m extremely worried since they both struggle with anxiety. They’re worried that the ppl they love most will leave them due to certain recent events in their lives. He’s the only father they’ve ever known and now he’s leaving for another woman and wants to have his own child with her. I pray every day that I can forgive and start to feel better, but my pain is so deep that I feel like someone is constantly cutting my heart in little pieces. He’s living it up with his fiancée, while I’m in constant pain. Mind you after 18 years, he now has his dream job and makes a lot of money, lost some weight and finally felt good enough about himself to leave me. One of his excuses for staying with me all these years was bcuz everyone always told him I was a great catch, so he settled for good enough. Now that his confidence had built up, he left me. Funny thing is I never saw it that way. We both had issues, but we helped each other heal throughout the marriage which I thought brought us closer together. The years apart didn’t help, but according to him he always felt a certain kind of way, but never communicated with me, which he admits was his fault since He didn’t want to rock the boat. But if he had at least spoken up about his feelings, I believe we’d still be together today. At least he would’ve known that he was always the center of my life and there was no one else I’d rather be with. Now all is lost!

  8. Maureen
    I am 69 years old and it is seven months since my husband left me for someone else. We have been together for 19 years and because he has Aspergers syndrome he has been difficult to live with. I have to admit that we had not been intimate for a couple of years but to understand this you have to understand the condition. He is very intellectual and just after Christmas he told me he was leaving me to pursue a relationship with this younger woman who he has had dealings with for the last year and is also his intellectual equal. Although I wasn’t happy in our relationship he was my husband and I was willing to work it out. He wouldn’t even try. I find it still hurts me as I am trying to get him out of my system. I do believe I will be better off without him as being with someone like that is quite draining emotionally but it will take time. I do all the things recommended exercise, catching up with friends I even had counselling which I no longer do but there are times when I think I still need it. I live in a small town and he lives just around the corner from me and his girlfriend lives a bit further from him. I am not sure they will live together as she labels herself as “resolutely single”. Whatever that means. Perhaps it just means I am single because I can’t get anyone else. That is the bi**hy side of me coming out. It is hard not to think about them together but I am trying to change that. I appreciate all the comments from all these ladies and feel for them as well. I know that I will be okay and so will they. It doesn’t seem like that in the early stages but we will all come out of this much stronger and good things will be in our future. We mustn’t let these dirt bags ruin our lives because they really are ruining their own even though they don’t know that yet.

  9. My boyfriend of six yrs left me for a woman he just had met in a game and she’s living very far so he rarely have seen her. I though we were happy together with our five yr old daughter who he loves so much. But just like that he left me for her. He had lots of plans for the future and I though we were getting married this year. He barely knew her but he said she’s better than me and that he loves her now. I read all their Facebook messages and I was shocked that they’re going to build a family together, everything is happening so fast! All our family and friends still can’t believe this is happening because they thought we were okay (and I though so too), he’s still denying about having a serious relationship with this girl to everyone including his parents, in fact he can’t even tell his dad. He’s not even telling his friends and if I didn’t find out in Facebook he even would have fooled me.
    I don’t know what’s wrong with his mind, he even boast that the girl knew about his kids and me but she accepted everything. A decent woman wouldn’t even dare enter a relationship with a guy with a family. I’m so angry but I need to forgive and forget.

  10. My boyfriend of 7 years left me for another woman. We had just moved into a new house together, which I paid half for. 2 weeks later, he told me and my 5 year old daughter to leave. He moved a new woman in the house a week after that. I feel broken, alone and hurt. I didn’t know people could be so cruel in this life.

  11. Isabella look up steps to wellbeing you can refer yourself online, it does take time but they offer counselling I went to dr and they offered no help, but this provides a counsellor free, also relate they deal with us broken ones too it’s not just for couples although they do charge it’s not as expensive as private . I am so sorry for you and know it’s hard being strong you do need someone to talk to happy to text etc if that helps I am in the UK and although my issues are from a much shorter relationship I have and am there

  12. My husband left me after 23 years of marriage and a beautiful 21 year old daughter.
    I am devastated….. he has left me for a woman half my age and they seem blissfully happy building a new life together while I am left in pieces.
    I am trying to get some counselling but cannot afford it right now.
    My children have been hugely supportive but I find now I am keeping a brave face and not really letting them see how sad I really feel.
    I live in the UK …. can anyone give me an idea if there are any support groups I could attend?
    I just want to feel normal again if that is at all possible…
    Isabella

  13. My husband left me for a younger woman and I cannot let go. I’m so hurt and bitter and I still pray he will come home.

  14. I feel like I am dying! There is no true description of the feeling!!
    There is so much to the story, and I have lived in my mind over and over so much, that it isn’t even in me to type it all out, to explain it to you!
    I just know, that I miss him so bad! I see now the wrongs I did, in our relationship!
    Never an affair or even a thought of one, but the fact that I didn’t show him the appreciation he deserved!
    But then again….I filled his plate, I peeled his baked potatoes, salt, peppered and buttered it……carried him his drink, plate, napkin, and fork….to wherever he may have been sitting! He never had to get out of his recliner! The only thing I didn’t do, was go to the bathroom for him, and that was only because I couldn’t!
    Why why why was I not enough?
    I can not imagine another body in my bed…another body in the blasted recliner, another set of arms around me……. and he is actually on his second woman in the last 6 months!!!
    Why? Why? What? What? How? How?
    I do not know how to come out of this hole I am in!!!!!!
    I still long for him, and would seriously think about taking him back, if he asked to come home!!
    But the truth is…he seems to be having the time of his life!
    He has left me financially impaired! I had to scramble our dogs some eggs….because o dont have the money to buy food for them!
    I had to count the change in my car, to have enough money to get myself a half a pound of bologna!!!
    WHY….do I even allow the thought of this man…enter my mind? Let alone cause me to cry every other minute of EVERY DAY??
    Thanks for listening!!
    I sure wish you had the miracle cure!!!

  15. I was married for 13 years. My marriage has been deteriorating for some time so it was bound to unravel. I was his loyal, faithful supportive and trusting Wife. He had an additional wild side that went out of control. The last incident is when I found out that he was having an affair 2 weeks before our 14th wedding anniversary. Out of the blue my husband just sprung the divorce talk on me. I was so hurt and being an independent woman, I thought I could cope with being single. It was so hard to move on so i had to reach out for help. Our marriage therapist thought that “something” was not right about my husband.

  16. My husband recently left me for another woman. We have 3 beautiful children together. He has emotionally drug me around for the last two years promising me he would return home, but every night he never shows, every phone call to him goes unanswered when I want him next to me, how can I still love and want him after this long affair. Why won’t he leave her and come back to me. How do I let go. I don’t want to feel this anymore.

  17. Dear Melissa,

    Your story really resonates with me except that I do not have a child, and I am so sorry to read your story because going through this with a child as well must be just awful.

    My husband left me in February, we had been married less than a year and like you, I thought we had a great relationship with few issues. I had sensed a bit of a recent void between us and like you, I had always been the more affectionate one etc, but what we had really just needed to do was talk things through. Overall I’d say we had a pretty great time together.

    We were actually on our honeymoon – a 2-3 year cycling trip around Europe with our dog. We had ridden from England all the way to the top of Norway, then down through Finland and Eastern Europe to Slovakia, where we had found somewhere to live and work over winter in the middle of mountain wilderness. There was just us and a young family there. We started to spend a lot of tome with them, eating together most days, working together, we even had our Christmas with them etc.

    Then, just like with you, one morning – totally out of the blue – her husband showed me secret emails between them on some app or email platform I’d never seen before. I ended up travelling across Europe by train and bike with our dog, after a couple of weeks back with friends in the Czech Republic. He flew back to his parents in Scotland shortly after it happened.

    I just found out a week or so ago that he is returning to Slovakia to be with her. I am very fortunate that – very surprisingly to me – I actually met someone new just 11 days after we split up, but I have still been in absolute turmoil and the start of this new relationship has been dominated by my grief over my marriage ending. Fortunately my new partner is much older than me and worldly wise and very understanding and supportive.

    I really feel for you, your story is absolutely heartbreaking. I hope that in time, when you are ready and the right person comes along, you find someone who is deserving of you and who truly loves and respects you.

  18. Thank You for your words! They are indeed very true. He is completely detached from me and what he has done. All he used to give to me now goes to this other much younger woman. I am still so angry and feel so betrayed. Whilst he feels nothing.
    I am doing my best to move on. I have had my lawyer start writing up the divorce papers. I am trying to fix up the house ready to sell so I can get a place that is mine and not ours.
    I will be OK.
    I will give all my love and energy to my children.
    My house will be filled with love and laugh whilst he will miss out on the largest parts of his children’s childhood.
    I wish you all the best too on this journey we did not want to take but maybe it will take us places we never knew excised.

  19. My heart is breaking for you, I know that feeling only too well, it happened to me too. I was married (happily) I thought,for 27 years, then I found out my husband was having an affair,,,, totally devastating, it broke my heart because he didn’t confront me, didn’t tell me he was unhappy, just did the complete dirty on me and my children, didn’t have the guts, just had a sordid affair, that was bad enough, but to add to my devastation, I found out that he had drained our bank account, stolen personal stuff, lies, etc, you name it,,, 😪, lied to my children, awful!! Devestating!,,, time is the biggest healer, it truly is , take time to mend your broken heart, ,,, then get tough! Be strong, fight for your self, don’t let him beat you down, you are a great strong person, don’t let him beat you,,, he is the biggest loser, believe me xxxx

  20. Look up Alyx Renee Carpenter. And send her a friend request then she will add you to the private group

  21. Hi Heather. You need to send Alyx a friend request. It is a secret group and she is the only admin. She will then add you to the group 🙂

  22. Thank you Lisa, I cannot seem to find the group, there are several using the same group name… darn. Do you happen to know the URL?

  23. I love the girls on my Facebook private site. Alyx Carpenter is the administrator and one of us. She has to accept you in the Wonder Women facebook page. Yes, these women are Wonder Women. Love them all and you will too. Just friend request Alyx.

  24. Katherine, you’re words are so true and reading them just reinforces what I have to do. Thank you and I hope all goes well for you sweetheart xxx

  25. I can relate. It seems as though my husband flipped a switch and became someone else. He said how much he loves me, but still went with the younger other women. His whole family is in disbelief, it was totally out of character for him, and they all say I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I struggle, but somedays are better than others now. It has been three months since I found out, and one month since he verbally admitted that he did not want to work things out with me. I had also kicked him out immediately. This is what I have been doing to work towards healing. Mind you I don’t want to merely heal, I want to thrive! Every time I have an emotion I let myself feel it. I don’t stuff it, I don’t try to make the pain go away I just let it wash over me. I don’t want that energy to get stuck in my heart and come out later at a bad time. Now is the bad time, so I might as well deal with it now. I imagine that my heart is broken wide open (which it is) and I let it be broken. I am not trying to heal it. I found out that when my heart was broken open, a whole lot of love came out. It has to go somewhere. It used to go to him, but I have to redirect it now. It’s in there and we shouldn’t block it just because we aren’t giving it to who we thought we were going to. I give more to myself now. I just imagine it as a never ending river and it is all flowing out of my heart, some to me, some to my kids, and some just out to who knows where, just out, with no limit to how much there is. Keeping my heart open means I won’t close it off to myself, or close it up with yucky stuff trapped inside. Secondly, everytime my mind starts going over all the lies, all the possible what if’s and different outcomes, I literally say to myself, yes those were and are all possibilities, but they are not what is happening at this moment, so I don’t need to use my energy on them right now. All our energy should be for ourselves and for our kids and building our new life. The fact is, you have now outgrown him emotionally. Just the fact that he thinks he can be best friends with you right now shows how detached he is from his actions and their consequences, and his selfishness. He is an emotional 2 on a scale of 1-10. You have outgrown him, and you will continue to do so. Go for it! Take the opportunity, keep growing, the more you grow and keep your heart open, the more life will give you. I am right there with you! We are going to become emotional 10’s and live beautiful lives because of it. This is what life gave us, let’s take it and do more for us than we ever imagined we could. Everyday I am going to feel pain, and everyday I will let it flood me if it needs to, and everyday I will be thankful that I am high enough on the emotional scale to actually care about myself enough to feel the pain and not hide, stuff, or resist. The pain sucks, but it is way better than what the alternative. I also found the BEST website/blog ever. It is called Post Male Syndrome. Talk about putting things in perspective. Seriously, check it out. Everything from how to get over him, to self esteem to many fantastic bits to put in your toolbox to count. Ok, hopefully something I am doing will help you too. If there is anything you are doing that has been working please share!

  26. Kathleen you are so brave and strong well done you have got this and your family is so lucky to have you. Self love is a hard one though isn’t it especially when you know they could get you back in a second if they ever wanted to, but they don’t. I am struggling with learning to love myself when no one else seems to be able to, i know I have read everything that loving yourself is all you need and no one else to validate that but no not when you have gone 3 days without speaking to another person, but I will be back at work soon and that’s where I hope to find myself bury myself in work
    I hope you manage to keep as much of your money as possible not fair that he should get anything but it’s only money and who cares about money as long as your happy xxx

  27. Hi
    About 3 months ago I found out my husband of 8 years was sleeping with his 20 year younger secretary. I have been in shock since. When I found out I packed his bags and he has not been welcome on out house since. We have two young girls, 6 and 5 years old. The first week after I found out he was a total wreck begging me to forgive him saying he didn’t know why he did what he did. But now 3 months later he is living with the other woman. He sees his children as much as he can but they stay all together in HER house. According to our children he sleeps with them in their room or on the sofa whilst they are there. He supports me financially 100%. Except for one very weak moment of mine I have kept total No Contact with him. I only answer text messages about the children, never phone calls. I am heartbroken! I miss him so much. We had a whirlwind romance where he proposed after 3 days. Everyone all his friends and his family said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and everyone is in total disbelief of what he has done. During my moment of weakness he said he loves me and always will But is no longer in love with me. He fell in love with this younger woman. 3 days ago he told our daughters that he was wanted to be mums best friend. What kind of thing is that to tell your children when you have just left the house where he lives with his new girlfriend. I am trying to keep my children safe in this knowing that both mummy and daddy loves them. But they are so confused and don’t understand. I also struggle with not saying anything bad about the other woman who slept with my husband behind my back for months. I have lost 30 pounds and struggle to sleep. There are good days when I think I will be OK and then there are days when I cry over nothing. He has not filed for divorce and most of his things are still at our house but I know he is not coming back. How do I move on?

  28. Amanda, it’s really horrible the feelings we have to go through. I’m expecting it will be another year before I can feel a bit like the old me again. I feel for you too. I have been going through our property settlement. I owned everything and he was in debt when I met him. And yet I still have to pay him out of the house. He really doesn’t care about the position he has left me in and has happily moved on with his woman. I cry every day and night still. My family are the only ones keeping me together. Try to think of something to look forward to each day and look in the mirror every morning and night and tell yourself how much you love YOU 😍

  29. Kathleen I totally agree I felt I was healing it’s been 6 weeks the last two weeks I can hardly get off the carpet constantly crying and breakdown considering if o even want to carry on, where does this come from surely things should get easier not harder nothing helps and really don’t want to go on anti depressants I wish I could just rub myself away with a big eraser

  30. Thank you Melissa for your encouragement. It’s been 5 months for me and it’s worse than ever. I’m going to see a psychologist because I’m actually feeling so low I don’t think it’s right. I KNOW I will move on eventually. When he left me I was absolutely gutted because I knew there was going to be at least a year of grief. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s worse than a death.

  31. Christine,

    how I understand your pain. My now ex husband of 20 years served me too with divorce papers and has forgotten me and our beautiful son totally. Please keep in mind that it has nothing to do with you. It’s absolutely not because you were not good enough, fun enough or gor what ever reasons you may think. When a husband betrays his wife, he loses him self. All the goodness and light in him turns off…,,,it fades away….. Please be aware that once a person comits adultery, everything that he was is gone! The person that your ex husband now is, is NOT the same person he was before he comitted adultery. I felt so hurt and desperate because I could not believe what a person I had in front of me, hurting me and our son so much with such selfishness….. I really thought he was an allien! I searched my husband like crazy…… thought, my goodness this stranger is a copy of my husband , my real husband got kidnapped! I finally got my peace when I realised that evilness got completely hold of his heart. It had nothing to do with me. He may be happy for a MEANTIME but one day reality will really hit him hard. Do you think it is love between your ex husband and his now second wife? Not at all! Love is honest and it is kind, not hurtig and NEVER betrays. True love is never built on betrayal and lies! He is now married to a woman who helped him betray his family! Please Christine, understand this, their happiness“ is an illusion and based on lies, betrayal and selfishness!!!!! Love is not selfishness! I still feel angry and sad but I am not hurting anymore because I lean my self in Gods grace and pray always for his amazing grace. Christine, YES, the hurting will fade away. Then sadness comes in BUT a new and amazing strong woman is born! You are a beautiful strong and honest mother! You had the best part of your ex husband……… not her! The other woman helped to destroy a family! Do you envy her???? Do you envy a woman who lost completely her self esteem by marrying a betrayer and a liar?????? Your ex husband also lost all that is good in him by leaving a faithful wife for a woman that has no morality at all! The moment your ex husband betrayed his family is the moment he died. He killed the man with honesty, goodness and true love…..He destroyed him self. What now is left is another man, a stranger……..Leave this stranger. You have every right to grieve but don’t lose one more tear for such heartlessness! He is not worth it! This stranger is not good anymore……Look forward to a new life for you and your son. Take this as a chance to grow stronger, more beautiful and be proud of who you are! Not a cheater, not a liar, but a person with a true heart filled with warmth and love! My prayers go out to you!

  32. I am 64yo. My husband and I were together 12 years. He is 57. When we met it was like one of those hollywood moments. He was besotted with me and wanted to live with me and marry me within a short time. I felt So comfortable with him and believed I had met my life long partner.. He always swore he would never ever hurt me. He rang me one day from work and said he was leaving, then he wouldn’t talk to me about it again. I was in total shock for the first 6 weeks. I lost so much weight. That was 5 months ago. He has happily moved on with his new woman as if I never existed. To top it off I have to work full time again to pay him out of my house. I spend every night and parts of the day thinking about them and I am still in disbelief. I try to keep busy and plan things for myself but my mind keeps drifting back to ‘them’. I just want to spend a day, a week, when I don’t feel pain and grief and I can not think about them anymore. I know this may take years and that makes me feel so so sick. I don’t think I will ever get that trust back again at my age. If this can happen when I thought we had a perfect marriage, then that’s it for me.

  33. Hi Cassandra,
    Get a therapist, get on anti depressants to bear some of the brunt of the pain, meditation, breathing exercises, a support group of friends and family that are solely in your court, lots and lots of hugs, exercise, punching bags are awesome, positive mantra to say in your head to get THEM out of there, join a Private Facebook page with others going through the same thing, I love my group. I lost 40 lbs during my split. Everything I tried to put in my mouth I would gag. I would sleep but wake in the middle of the night thinking about THEM. The antidepressants helped with the sleeping. I just couldn’t function without them in the early stages. Uggggh, it’s horrible horrible. Try some or all of these. Do things you love. Avoid any triggers. Stay off social media to find out things you don’t need to know. It will only hurt you more. Tell friends and family that’s you don’t want to know anything if they hear something. Again, it will only hurt more. Go no contact with HIM. Begging and trying to get answers does NOT work in your favor because you won’t get any satisfying answers so don’t try. Again, it will only hurt more. I am sorry for the pain you feel. Been there and it’s horrific. It does get better, I promise but it’s a grueling process. Get your support group together as soon as possible. You can’t do it by yourself. Good luck😢

  34. I am here to tell you that 2 months ago I wrote that post on here about my broken heart. I am SO happy. Trust me when I say you will be so grateful for the second chance. For the first month I couldn’t even sleep in our old bed. I took sleeping pills which only allowed me to sleep for a total of 2-3 hours. I lost so much weight from not being able to sleep and stress. I was crying and anxious all the time. It gets better. So much better. Reach out to me anytime. I promise you in 2 months time you’ll be happier.

  35. How to make the pain stop after a break up? Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

  36. Well ladies I have been on both sides of this situation. I met my soon to be ex husband at work. We became close, he told me his marriage was over. We started seeing each other. He was still living with his wife, but nothing was going on between them. He finally divorced her, but they still lived in the same residence for a year after that. He had bought me a ring ask me to marry him. I love him so of course I said yes. I fought to have him with me we broke up several times. Ex wife finally moved and we had a start. Wrong. He was never completely invested with me. He became emotionally and physically abusive. Everything was my fault. And some things were my fault. I couldn’t understand why things were this way. Living together he would get upset pack up and leave for days sometimes weeks. Then it was he was wrong and sorry, he needed me. Then I found out he has been seeing the mother of his first child (never were married) for about 6 months. I still married him this past September. We have split up several times, each time he goes and stays with her. He insisted on divorce in April, we filed papers. Now he says he doesn’t want it he loves me. This has all been hard on me. I was the other woman, now I am the wife and there is another woman. Karma does come back. I thought his marriage was over when I got involved, and he has told the other woman now the same thing. It hurts, I’m upset, down on myself. But I am going to get a divorce. Because I have realized that he has an issue with commitment, not only with me but most women. I am his 5th wife. I pray daily for him and myself. God sometimes let’s us have trials to learn from them and to grow. It isn’t fun, but it happens. Life is precious be thankful for it. Live to the best of ur ability. And also I have apologized to the wife he was married to when I met him. She has forgiven me and I’m thankful for that. Know that u can’t control them and their actions, just your own. Prayers for everyone and their situation.

  37. Christine, I was touched by your story. My husband left 6 months ago for a woman he’d known 3 months! We have 3 children and were together 23 years.
    The first 2 months were unbearable but I’m getting much stronger. The hardest part has been trying to get my head around being treated like I don’t exist.
    You will get over this, you have to start looking at the situation from a different viewpoint. Yes it feels like this other woman stole your life but what in fact happened was, she gained a cheat in hers. It may appear that they have the perfect life, but with 2 young children, life will be tough for them. It won’t all be a bed of roses.
    He has set you free to live yours. These men who can move on so quick are really just filling one gap, immediately with another. Many men are useless on their own, which is why they normally have another woman lined up before they leave. Your son will be very lucky to have you instead of a disappointing role model and in time you may be able to finish your family with someone who truly loves you and wants to invest in you and not himself. It’s very hard not to sit and think about what they’re doing, but when you do, bring the focus right back to you and think about what you’re doing that day/week etc.
    It seems there’s no justice in this world for men who cheat, but I also believe in karma. One day, he will feel the guilt of what he’s done. Just be positive and be grateful that you don’t have a cheat in your life. After all, that’s something she now has to worry about! Good luck x

  38. My now ex husband of 16 years left me for another woman. One moment we are talking about a family vacation to Disney with our son and the next moment I am being served divorce papers. We never finished our family and I never got to have more children which I had always dreamed of . He however, divorced me, got married and had two children all in two years!! From that point forward me and our son no longer existed. It’s been 4 years and I am still not able to get over it. l can not get over all that has happened and all that I lost. And this other women stole my life. They even moved to the area when planned on moving. When I see their perfect family photos with mom, dad, one little boy and one little girl. (Our son NOT included) the pain is unbearable. Will I ever be ok?

  39. We were married for 8years now, he left me for her. I’m 32 years old with 2kids. I’m still struggling to accept the truth, I keep on calling and texting him, begging and hoping things will be ok. I’ll call him and ask him to forgive me that maybe I wasn’t woman enough that is why he cheated, you know most of the time he doesn’t answer my calls or even respond to my messages. The sad thing is that when he got that job out of town our plan was that he will work few months there then we move there and go start a new life that side as things were not going right for us here, but in just 2months he got that job he was already cheating on me, He started working there in September 2018 and I went to visit him on the 09 November 2018, 10 November that Saturday I found out that he has a girlfriend, my husband only apologized like someone who broke a glass like its not a big deal, then when I was about to forgive him for the sake of our marriage even though he apologised like he doesn’t care if I live him or not, he told me that he have 2kids out of our marriage that he made while I was still his wife with 2different woman, 2014 and 2015 when those ladies told me they are pregnant he denied being the father, that its not his. And I believed him coz he can be really convincing. I can say he has been cheating on me since we got married he just was respectful and he can apologize, so I’ll always forgive him and we move on with our lifes. But what now he turned into something I don’t know, he is totally different, he uses every bad word he can to hurt me. Is like he doesn’t really care what his words are doing to me. Since November he treat me like trash, he even blame me that he has been hiding his kids because of me, because he didn’t want to lose me. And then he told me that he loves the other woman and he won’t leave her, that she is DIFFERENT. Till today believe me when I say I’m still begging him, I don’t know how to let go, I’m really trying, and he treats me bad but I’m still after him, I love him, I know that I’m a fool or that’s how people see me but I can’t help it, I really love him. I need help as I’m struggling from high blood and short breath due to this things that are happening. I really don’t know what to do or how to deal with this. I’m sure he is so proud that I cry for him and making a fool of myself. Im just so broken. All I do is crying and praying for him to come back, at all times I wanna be alone in the house, closed doors and don’t even open the curtains, I just wanna sit in the dark just to cry and pray.

  40. Wendy, thank you for sharing your story. I wish that all this pain and heartbreak never happened to you. I am so encouraged by your words of wisdom and am taking them to heart. It is hard for me to “choose” to be happy. When I try to be happy, everything around me reminds me of what I lost. I feel that if I try to move on and forget the pain, I am doing a disservice to myself. But I really do want to be happy. I wish all of this never happened.

  41. Hi Heidi,
    I was reading your lost and while I wasn’t married anything near as long as you l, our stories are similar. My husband was having an affair with what would be his subordinate but she is on another “team” it is not necessarily against the rules but is very much frowned upon and does put him at risk. BUT they don’t care. And what you said about how it’s unfair because they get to be around each other when it’s stress free etc. is exactly how I feel! How could I have competed when she was there to have a beer or joke around, have that exciting passion of secrecy and risk. I was the one holding our lives together. Making sure groceries were bought, bills were paid, laundry done, and our child taken care of. Of course being at home with me wouldn’t be that fun I didn’t even have a chance. The thing is the women my husband left me for is still married and has three children. She knew who I was and that I had just had a child and that I had no clue what was happening but she still did it. Now they want to be together:..they are playing it safe (as I have found out from one of his confidants) and making it seem as though they are just friends as she tried to leave her husband without losing the child wrong etc. I have full confidence that they will be together at some point and I would like to think that reality will hit them…but as I have read from so many people there is a good chance they may be perfectly happy and never look back. I am just starting to deal with the fall out of all of this and I have my ok days that are followed closely with unbearable ones. But I do try to keep reminding myself that God never wanted this so it will never be the “right” path for him to be taking…and yes he may find happiness but it will never be the happiness that was intended for him. That being said it doesn’t stop the hurt and anger from over taking me. And also (sorry to be so scattered). Ya you also mentioned the coldness etc. that had been another extremely hard thing to deal with is the complete disregard for me or anything we had created. He has complete indifference for me and is the worst pain to know you mean nothing to someone you love. I’m sorry that I don’t have better advice as I’m just starting in my journey but I can say this site and realizing I am not completely alone is a wonderful step. So I’m here if you ever want to chat!

  42. Excellent advice, I totally agree. I was married 27 years, we promised each other we would never hurt one another by having an affair, we would be honest with each other, even if it meant heartbreak that one of us was falling out of love with one another,,, but,,, men are spineless, well my ex husband anyway!! He was a coward, he just had a sordid affair with a cheap tramp, who is known to have had several affairs with married men! 17 months later, he is miserable, but he is stuck with her, he is afraid to live on his own. They are constantly quarrelling, arguing and don’t trust one another, I just sit back and let them carry on being miserable, let them have each other, the grass definitely wasn’t greener. He broke my heart and destroyed my dreams, now it’s his turn to live with the anxiety, stress and turmoil. Ladies, keep strong, time does slowly heal, xxxx

  43. Ladies, ladies, ladies.

    I know how you feel when your husband says he wants out of the marriage (usually to marry another woman), you can’t believe it’s happening, you’re in shock, your stunned, miserable, incredulous and wondering “What am I supposed to do now?” It’s as though your life is over. But it’s not; you’re just going to start over with another life. And you will survive.

    Here was my situation: married 26 years, four children, three (at the time) grandchildren, was a stay-at-home mom for years, went back to college as soon as my youngest entered kindergarten, took years to get a degree because my husband’s job required that we move every 2-3 years. I also started working again after many years. I didn’t have a career; I had jobs, usually in food service. Graduated with a B.A. in History (totally useless, a big regret) and ended up living in a small, rural community in the middle of nowhere by 2006. All of my children had married by this point. That autumn my husband of 26 years (I’ll call him Chad) informs me that he wants to marry a woman (21 years younger than him) who had been a house-guest of ours that summer (I’ll call her Amy). We were having martial troubles but I never expected this–and I’d been good friends with Amy. Chad had a good job & was willing to walk away from everything–me, children, grandchildren, his profession–just to be with her. Classic mid-life crisis. I was in shock. We’d let our problems go unresolved for too long and now this. The next day he apologized, said he was crazy, that he really loved me & he was going to stay in the marriage & try to work things out. I was more than happy to start all over again. He called Amy & told her that he decided to stay with me. She cried & said she knew he would. I wish I could say that Chad & I worked hard to repair a damaged marriage & remained married. That didn’t happen.

    He stayed in the marriage legally & physically, but that’s it. From that point on he wouldn’t even kiss me, kept calling his out-of-state girlfriend, speaking to her practically all day while he was at work, for HOURS at a time. He was a manager & not even doing his job, running up long-distance phone bills. He was treating me horribly, yelling & losing his temper at the most trivial things, I was scared to even initiate a conversation w/him because I was afraid he’d find a reason to blow up at me–which I realize now was guilt on his part, taking things out on me. He knew what he was doing was wrong but it’s as though he couldn’t stop. There was an emotional connection to this girl that he never had with me. I suspected Chad was still communicating with Amy but never confronted him directly. He knew I thought he had stopped the phone calls, emails & text messages. He let me believe what I wanted to believe.

    To make a long story short, we filed for divorce right before X-mas. I never wanted out & never said, “I don’t love you anymore,” but I couldn’t compete. His heart was with someone else. I didn’t hire a lawyer although my parents offered because we had so few assets that I didn’t see the point. When we filed the paperwork I noticed it was quite lengthy & wondered how he had the time to fill it out so quickly. Answer: he had filled it out months ago. I got alimony for 5 years and 50% of his VA pension.

    Living in that small rural community (where my friends helped me get through the most horrendous period of my life) was not where I needed to be as a middle-aged, now-single woman, so nine months after the divorce I moved thousands of miles away back to my hometown where my folks still lived. My three youngest remained behind as they had already married & had families of their own. They understood why I was moving away & didn’t blame me.

    Life didn’t get any easier once I relocated even though I thought it would. You can’t escape problems by changing your zip code. I somehow managed, had to get out of food service due to physical problems, got a job on an office, my parents helped out, I’m making ends meet. Hard to believe that the last year I was married, we earned almost $100,000 together. A few years later I was on food stamps because my income had dropped so much.

    It’s been 13 years since my divorce & never thought I’d see the day when I wouldn’t be hurting any more. Well, I still hurt a little, that’s normal, but I’ve made a new life for myself. The whole experience was like being gutted; I survived but the scars are there. Chad & Amy married a month after the divorce and, believe it or not, is STILL married to her, still living in the same area (more or less), haven’t seen him since. Sadly, our family has paid a price. Our children still hold a grudge against him and can’t stand Amy, their stepmother (for a few of our children that’s putting it mildly). They live 20 miles away & hardly see him, he hasn’t hardly seen the grandchildren (now up to 8). They fly in to see me whenever time/finances permit. I’ve probably seen our children more times since the divorce than Chad has. Life hasn’t been easy for him; he eventually quit his job, then took another job & was fired, took another low-paying job, now he works out of his house. His wife has struggled with breast cancer. His father & sister passed away. Our oldest (who moved out of state in 2001) has seen her father only once since 2004. He never has made an attempt to try & visit her. He got what he wanted–Amy–but it came at the expense of his family. I doubt things will ever be the same.

    In any case, I learned a few lessons from this whole miserable ordeal. It was the only way I could learn them & I’m passing them down to anyone who cares to take the time and read them:

    1. If your spouse wants a divorce & you don’t there isn’t much you can do about it. If he refuses to change his mind, let him go.
    2. You’re going to be very emotional throughout all this and not thinking clearly. Please don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Think things through, otherwise you might do/say things that you’ll regret later.
    3. Every state has different laws when it comes to divorce. Go online and found out the laws in your state. Be prepared.
    4. I regret not hiring an attorney, didn’t see the need for one. Maybe you don’t want one or need one but check to find out if it would be in your best interest.
    5. I get half of Chad’s military pension, but I had to apply for it as part of the divorce settlement. If it’s not in the divorce agreement, I don’t think you can get it after the divorce is final. I’ve heard that some ex-wives have been turned down by the courts for asking, but I personally have never known that to happen.
    6. If I outlive Chad, I lose my half of his VA pension–and I desperately need that monthly check. That never occurred to me at the time. I really regret–and perhaps a lawyer might have suggested it had I hired one–not telling Chad to take out a term life insurance policy with me as the beneficiary, payable upon his death should he pass away before me as part of our divorce agreement. I’m told I can get some of his social security, though. Haven’t really check into it.
    7. Learn a marketable skill. I was in food service but couldn’t really support myself on it. I still don’t have a career; I have a job. If I could do it over I’d go to a technical school and become a CNA or something. The health field is wide open & the money is good.
    8. KNOW WHERE YOU STAND FINANCIALLY. This was one of my biggest mistakes, totally my own fault. We weren’t very good at budgeting money & by the last year of our marriage we were sitting pretty good. I had no interest in bills beyond putting pretty stamps on the return envelopes. I never even looked at the bills; Chad handled everything. He knew I never looked at the bills, so he wasn’t worried calling his girlfriend on his cell phone (not our landline). I often wonder what he would have done if he had known I scrutinized the bills every month (especially the phone bill). He couldn’t have gotten away with as much. Know how much you have in the bank, what you income is, who you owe & how much. This is going to be a big part of your divorce. Being in the dark about your financial situation can really hurt you.
    9. If you think counseling will help, do it. We went to a marriage counselor (100 miles away) but it was too late; Chad had already made up his mind & it was a waste of our time. I regret not going to a counselor years before. It just might have helped (couldn’t have hurt).
    10. Fortunately, I had a lot of good friends around who were in total sympathy with me. It was very therapeutic for me to talk with them about what was going on in my life, they knew I needed that as a sort of therapy. All I needed were listening ears. If you know someone going through the same thing, be a listening ear for them.
    11. Try not to badmouth your ex in front of your children no matter how you feel, it won’t do any good. It was hard for me not to do that but I learned. Our kids were in their 20s when we divorced, and to this day they still hurt. Kids always end up hurting the worst (I think) and ours were no exception, no matter the age.
    12. Be patient. You can’t rush things. You believe that all this emotional pain & turmoil you’re experiencing will last forever. It won’t. The pain gradually lessens but it takes time.
    13. Last, but not least, happiness is a choice. I learned this lesson very clearly right after Chad told me he wanted out, then pretended to reconcile with me. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I was crying all the time. I felt like a dark cloud was over my head that would never leave. Sometimes I felt like the walking dead, like a zombie–I was hurting that much. One day I said to myself, “When will I be happy again?” and the answer came right away: “When you want to be.” From that moment on I realized that even though I was going through an absolutely miserable situation that was out of my control, I could still put a smile on my face.

    Fast-forward to 2019. I am now 60 years old, I now have 8 grandkids, my children stay in regular touch with me, I struggle with poor health (osteoarthritis in my knees & back, already had a knee replaced a year ago), I swim most mornings & try to do yoga (can no longer walk very far), I have a receptionist job that doesn’t pay well but I love it & have good benefits. My 10-year-old car is paid for. I’ll never be able to afford another car but so what? I have good friends who I can count on. My poor mother has lung cancer and won’t survive the year, but I’m glad I can be near her. My oldest child is flying in this week to spend some time with me and to see her grandma (my kids adore my parents and have been scraping money to fly out & see her this year). Life is good and I’m happy.

    HANG IN THERE, LADIES. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!

  44. Dear Melissa, my heart goes out to you and I know exactly how you’re feeling. I was married for 27 years, I loved and completely trusted my husband, and I found out he was having an affair. I could not and would not ever take him back, I have recently divorced him. He moved straight in with her, I found out how devious and sly he really was, as it all unravelled!! He stole, lied , cheated, plotted against me and my children, turning into someone I barely recognise. It was awful, heartbreaking, ,,, . Now , 17 months later, I am divorced, I fought hard to keep our home, I kept my friends, family, dignity, and have become a new independent woman, I still have my moments of sadness and anger but it gets less and less day by day. Take one day at a time, hold your head up high, be strong. Let the two losers have each other, they will never be happy because they are both cheats, they will never trust each other, that is my karma, keep strong, thinking of you x

  45. I stumbled on this after having one of the worse days I’ve had since my separation. I truly felt like I couldn’t breath and feel like I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through all of this. I am 40 years old and I found out at the end of November 2018 that my Husband of just one year (5 years together total) had been having an affair with his married coworker for many months and to top it off we had just had a our first child two months prior. We started dating In 2013 and relocated to a new state in 2015 for his job. I uprooted my entire life for him to support him and moved away from all our family and friends. However, We had a wonderful happy relationship and I loved and trusted him so completely that the thought of him cheating was laughable to me. But he did. I found out the first time because her husband found their messages on a hidden application on her phone and contacted me letting me know. So I confronted my husband and he seemed genuinely terrified to lose me and our daughter. So we agreed to work on it and celebrated Christmas as a family traveling back to our home state for the holiday and everything seemed like we were really connecting as a family. He was even telling our families that he was ready to transfer his job back and get us home with our support system and we returned to our state and put our house up for sale. I truly thought he was serious but as time went on things started to fall apart. He started to distance himself and speak to me in a way I didn’t even recognize him. He honestly turned into another person all together but continued to say he was jot speaking to her, that she was working on her marriage as well and that this was just who he is now. We continued to go to counseling (he was lying the whole time so it was useless) and in February I found out that he has not stopped talking to her at al after we sold our home and moved into an apartment thinking we were going to move back to our home state soon. I continued to fight for my marriage and he said he had truly discontinued any interaction with her even with work stuff and for a few weeks he seemed to truly meet it. The at the end of March he finally told me that he has never stopped being with her, that they have planned on divorcing both me and her husband and that he does not feel anything for me anymore, and should have never married me. I found out that that had been seeing each other since 3 months after our marriage and 2 months into my pregnancy. He told me that he loves her, she is the only one that makes him feel alive, and she fulfills what he needs out of life. We filed for legal separation in April and he signed over everything to me including full custodial custody of our daughter giving me permission to return back to our home state as my job(I had been working remotely), all our family and friends where there and for me to stay in This other state would have been mentally exhausting for me to have no help or support. So we signed on May 2nd and he rubbed our daughters head and walked out of the apartment knowing I was leaving in a week and never returned. I have officially been moved a week and a half as I write this post. He has only contacted to tie up a few loose ends, he will be cordial and say he hopes things are going well, but will never actually ask about what’s happening with me or most importantly his child. I had fooled myself into thinking that once we were all gone (me, our daughter, dog and cat) and he was fully alone that he would feel some sort of sadness or remorse but I was very wrong. He is becoming friends with all of her friends has found a new place to live in the water and has told me that he still feels nothing about any of this and has no drive to ever correct this. I am just so at a loss as to how I could be so disposable to him, we did not have many issues, we loved a comfortable life. I always termed to have more passion and romance but it just seem to go to the wayside and now he is doing all that with her and is in love. But even more heartbreaking is the fact that he has said he has no plans to move back and will be staying there indefinitely. So now my beautiful baby girl is not only going to be a child of divorce (something that was very important to me to never do to a child) but will never fully have her father involved and I am now her only care giver. I am also a women of faith and that does bring me comfort but right now It’s just all so overwhelming and feels like I can’t wrap my head around any of it and the pain and fear of what this life is going to look like seems unclimbable right now. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  46. Hi ladies, I felt so alone when my husband of nearly 11 years left me but I know I’m not the only person this has happened to. We were together for 17 years and like I say married for nearly 11 years. We met when I was 16 and he was 19 and we have been each other’s everything ever since. We had some problems in our relationship because we wanted a baby but each time I fell pregnant we lost the baby, this happened 5 times but we pulled each other through and found out it was due to an illness I had. We worked together to get my health back on track and then he had a mental breakdown and I needed to help him. Again we dealt with it together and I helped him get back to work and feel positive again. In July last year we were then given the go ahead to try for a baby and we were born so excited and happy and couldn’t wait to try. In amongst this he had a young girl of 18 who worked for him and I felt she was over friendly with him even when she left to go uni she was still contacting him but he told me there was nothing to worry about as she was just a friend and way too young for him (being 17 years his junior). Our relationship was going from strength to strength and then in November he stopped taking his antidepressants and changed, he became snappy and was prioritising work but I knew he had a lot going on so I just continued to support him and come December our relationship was good. However in January he walked out on me but after 3 days he came back and we had a big discussion and sorted it all out and our relationship was the best it had been for a while. Then I found out I was pregnant I was so happy but he wasn’t as he had now decided he didn’t want kids. 2 weeks later (the night before Valentines) I couldn’t cope with the way he was acting and called him out and he told me he couldn’t be with me no more and had fallen out of love with me but he kept saying he didn’t want to break my heart and he was so sorry but needed some space to be on his own. I tried to get him back and suggested counselling and dating again but he said he couldn’t do it at the moment he just needed some time. In the meantime we had our 12 week scan and he was my husband again showing me affection, caring etc and I got excited then 4 days later I found out he was seeing someone else, but but just anyone else, the girl he had worked with who I was worried about. Not only were they seeing each other, 2 weeks after he walked out on me he had met her and slept with her and had already been up to her uni (a week before our 12 week scan). Fast forward 2 months and he is a completely different person. He doesn’t care about me or the baby and doesn’t check in to see how I’m doing with the pregnancy, he treats me like crap, blames me for things going on and acts like I’m nothing and a piece of on his shoe. This girl is now his GF and he is in love with her apparently. I’m heartbroken. We both wanted this baby for so long and now it’s finally on its way I feel he has abandoned me for a child. He has also filed for divorce not even 3 months after we broke up and has told me he isn’t buying anything for the baby. He has basically ruined the dream family I’ve had in my head for so many years. We were such a good couple and all my family and friends thought so and then now all of this. It’s like he is a different person and I’m not sure what happened. Up until he left we still had an active sex life and we still told each other we loved each other, how can you just lose all feelings and love for someone who has been your everything for so long. I can’t believe I’m going to be a single parent and he is treating me so badly. I’m trying to keep going for the sake of my baby but it’s hard when I hear about him and her and that his taken her to meet his family etc already. I know it’s not something I’ve done and I know this isn’t my fault but I can’t stop thinking what did I do wrong and why he has done this to me after all these years.

  47. We had a marriage that both of us described as magic. Out of nowhere in March he told me he had started an emotional affair in February. First he said it was a symptom of his low self esteem, and that in December he had a “breakdown”. We had made a huge move in July and our son was having a hard time adjusting, so was I, but things were feeling better. It was a temporary hard time that had nothing to do with our relationship. His work did not pick up as he expected, and I thought that was the cause of his esteem issues. I let myself believe that his feelings of failure were the cause of the affair. I was so painful, but I thought I could move forward. The problem is that he went back to the affair, I just found out that in April he referred to me as his ex-wife. He planned a month an d a half trip to @clear his head”. I backed away and just gave him space to figure things out. He swung from wanting to be with me, and wanting to be alone. The affair person is married and not leaving her husband. He said he was just riding out the affair until he went on his trip. I then found out he had been attracted to her since August, so the self esteem excuse doesn’t fit. He doesn’t want to be together when he gets back, and after finding out it all started a while ago and not because of any self esteem breakdown issues, I know I am done with him anyway. It just hurts to know he had a lot of time before anything actually happened to make other decisions, he could have communicated with me, or at least left me prior to betraying me. I would have been heartbroken, but not shattered. We could have gone to counseling and faced things respectfully. The hardest part to accept is that he did not even try.

  48. Hi Melissa…I am so sorry to hear about u pain. I was in your place a few months ago. My husband of 20 years left me for my friend who is 17yrars his junior. I was so devastated. I cried and cried and hope he would miss me and return home. Please take my advice and find support in a church. Learning to pray is the only thing that ease my pain. Please forgive his so God can take revenge and fight your battle. Every wicked thing he has done to u will fall back on him. If his new relationship don’t work he will come back to you if you don’t realize your value….He will use u and move on when he finds the other girl. You have to learn to be single again because that is the only way you true husband will find you. Start an exercise program and eat healthy. Take careof your self. And love the blessed child u gave birth to. That man is a narcissist…therefore he doesn’t feel your pain and everything is your fault. He will not see you as someone he caused pain. To him you deserve the punishment. Darling he has no plans for you. Get your heart ready for the next man who will love u for u and think your faults are cute. who will honor and respect u as the previous woman. Stop thinking about that man… forgive him and take control of your life..Your future will be bright. The good thing is…he left you at 29….and not at 40. U have a great future.
    Love and Peace.

  49. My ex and I were together since 16. Had a baby by 18. We are 29 now and our son is 11. We had a toxic relationship. I put my life on hold so he could get his career going meaning I did not get a proper education or even a drivers license. He cheated and left us multiple times for different girls. Each time I took him back. I had zero support system and zero self love or self worth. I would always take him back. Almost a month ago he told me he isn’t love with me anymore and he wants change and we are done. Over text message. Come to find out he’s talking to a 21 year old girl (we are 29) from work who apparently gave him the confidence to leave me. I begged and pleaded until I realized I just couldn’t anymore. I told him if he’s already seeing someone else while having sex with me and sleeping in my bed he needs to leave. So he left. About a year ago after years of neglect some other man ( a mutual friend) expressed interest in me.I was at a low point and I slept with him. I instantly regretted it and knew it was wrong and I wanted my family to work. Fast forward to our break up and our mutual friend has now told him what happened a year ago. So now my ex is acting like this is my fault and I’m disgusting. So I sit here with my life completely turned upside down and no support system taking all the blame. Wanting so badly for this man to miss me and want me back. How do I let go? How do I move on? I don’t even feel I deserve to.

  50. NOTHING about her can be better than you!!!! Believe that! She is a miserable selfish person to involve herself in the destruction and pain of your family ! Let your husband and the other woman sit in their misery of what they are doing to you and your family! Believe me one day it will all come to them and they won’t be able to handle it! God does not honor sin! You are a courageous, loving, powerful woman and you need to pull that love you have to your husband and shower it all back on YOURSELF. Watch what happens over time and your pain and obsessing will calm down it will i was that way! It’s your husbands LOSS and one day he will see it! Love yourself try hard fight, it is hard but fight for who YOU are…… with love angie

  51. Candy M Callahan

    I am obsessed with is she better than me. Is she better in bed. I want to know what she looks like. Is she prettier than me. And I keep flipping out on him. How could 20 years of marriage easy to walk away from

  52. Hello I recently learned my husband having another affair sad thing is it is with my who I thought was my friend 13 years. Not sure how long this has been going on but it probably doesn’t matter at this point. This is just one the affairs I’ve learned of. I love my family and husband and I’m just trying to get my life in order. I had to leave our home and stay with my daughter. Just taking it day by day right now.

  53. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your encouraging words! No one ever really understands how bad this kind of hurt and betrayal feels unless they’ve been there. As much as I am sorry to hear that you and so many other women in this world are going through such difficult times, I find comfort in the fact that none of us are alone in this and that we can encourage each other. I totally agree with your decision to not stand for him cheating and getting a divorce, especially because of the fact that you have 2 little girls. You would never ever want those precious girls to believe that when they marry, their husband is supposed to be allowed to cheat on them multiple times and walk in and out of their lives. That would break your heart all over again, to watch your babies grow up and repeat those same mistakes and know the pain that they are experiencing. Him bringing that female ( I said “female” because no REAL woman would ever stoop so low as to sleep with another woman’s husband) to your home is beyond disrespectful and I’m so glad that you recognize that. What makes it even more awful is that you just NEVER think in the beginning that your own husband would ever just completely disregard your feelings and dishonor you and himself like that. But ohhhh, how I have come to realize in my 33 years on this Earth that even the people that you love the most and have done the most for will change on you and push you to the side quicker than strangers. It definitely humbles you and can even make you question whether or not you’ll ever really give all of your love to another person again. But with much much prayer and support from great women like you, I’ve decided to file for divorce, continue to allow God to heal and strengthen my heart and look forward to the MAN that God is going bring into my life. And I want you to continue to do the same thing. Let’s make this pain work FOR us, not against us!!! Let’s get in the best shape of our lives, both physically and mentally, and show our children and women all over the world how to rise above even the most devastating of circumstances. My ex and I were heavily involved in church and have not filed for divorce yet but he has posted pics of him kissing her all over his FB page, even captioning one with ‘Grateful and Blessed’. When did God start blessing adultery??? Lol smh But all the hours that I spent looking at her picture and comparing her to me and wondering why her could have been spent forging my dreams ahead after such a long time wasted in sheer depression and pain. I’m not making a ton of money on my job, just barely getting by, especially since he doesn’t help me financially either. I need a Masters in my field to really make a significant income and I only have a Bachelors right now. But I’m determined to get ahead and leave the pain of all of this behind. And I’m certain that you can do the very same thing. We all can. With God, all things are possible!!!!! Here’s to the new us!!!

  54. Antionette Johnson

    Elizabeth Johnson

    I am sorry sorry for you pain. I went through pain and anguish….my husband of 20 years left me for his younger woman. She is 17 years his junior. While my mother was on her death bed..he was having a relationship with someone I knew very well. She came to my home and ate…sat beside me in church and spoke to me on the phone.
    My x divorce me quickly and moved out.
    I can attest to the fact that prayer and the word of God works….trust me u will be better off. Prepare your heart for your future husband.

  55. Hey Stephanie I’m Trice. My husband did me the EXACT SAME WAY. That’s why I can relate to your story. As I’m typing this we are going through a divorce as we speak. He told me about 3 weeks ago that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that I deserve someone to make happy because he cannot give me what I need. He had been staying out lying saying he going to the store. Going to go see a sick a Aunt. Going to hang with his male friend he work with, all stuff but was just lying to me. But then when I get ready to confront him about it. I’m getting in his nerves. I’m not his mama. Leave me alone. U don’t trust me. Just a bunch of BS. Now we just bought a big beautiful brand new house not even two years ago. Our forever home. We have two girls 12 & 15 we been together for 18 yrs. So just Imagine how devastating and sickening I’m feeling. Like a nightmare. I know that he’s seeing someone else. I just know it. This past Easter Sunday, this Bastard brought who ever she was to our F@ck!ng HOUSE while me and the kids was at church. I checked our cameras and seen it. Talk about low! No regard no respect. Pure reckless. And for that I know I’m definitely DONE. Not mention he has cheated before 2 years ago big time on me and I for gave him for that. Thinking after buying the house, we would make a fresh start from the past but nope. He eventually went left again. But I should of not took him back after that because he only brought back 7 more spirit demons with him that made the relationship even more worse because he still wasn’t fulfilled and still not. Probably will never be. He has no resting place just drifting from one person to another. And I’m glad that he is definitely out because I don’t need the heartache Manipulations lying anxiety and everything else. So now I’m looking for a apartment too like u. I never lived on my own. I been with him since I was 18! And I’m 36 now. But god has my back. And as for u, there’s only so much praying u can do. I know that your a Christian woman, I am too, but I prayed for him to the moon and back 100 times and no change. So u have to look at patterns instead of promises. Cause unfortunately some ppl just are not going to stop doing what they do. Like my ex. But one day they will see who was there for them and who really loved them. Let it go and give it to god. You deserve better.

  56. So my stupidity is probably to blame for why I am here, I met the ex when I was 14 he pursued I rejected, until I was 20 then I fell in love. It was on and off eventually found out he was living with someone and had kids when I was around 25 so I ran, but he was always around not proud of it but we did still see each other on and off for around another 10 years but no love, I had a serious relationship for 12 years and never saw him at all then after I bumped into him and realised I still loved him, he was in the same relationship but he never stayed there overnight he was living with his mum but he hadn’t ended it totally. So we started again he ended the relationship and virtually moved in with me it was hard at first I felt guilt etc and couldn’t go to family things so I didn’t hurt her etc but 2 years in it was just getting better and better then suddenly a text saying he has just come out of a 32 year relationship and wasn’t ready. I was in shock until a week later there he is on Facebook with his new love he had, according to her as she messaged me been with her for months he was only with me because I had money and a nice house and he was hoping I would pay for him to go on holiday. I tried to recover but don’t think I did really I had built my world around him was so lonely and confused. Then my precious dad became ill and I dedicated my life to trying to get him better then on 21st February my dad died I had nothing and was devastated, 2 days later ex came back said I love you I always have and want to be here for you, it was over with the ex and he wanted me, I didn’t let him back in easily I tested and made him jump through hoops but he did everything I wanted and was there for me and so so kind and loving I thought I was going to be happy, his ex was stalking him and sending me messages but we talked about it he said open them she is just upset but o chose not too. So two months in I felt him pull away And instead of leaning back I tried to make him happy. Then a silly comment of me saying he was boring because he had been so quiet blew up to him storming out when I looked round all his stuff has gone. So turns out he is back with her when I opened messages she was saying that it had never stopped each time she slept with him some were lies as he was here the whole time. But basically this man must have come back to me to repair something that was wrong in his relationship with her, ok I have done wrong in the bit how can anyone take advantage of my grief to get a second chance to just hurt me again, how can he hate me that much I have only wanted him to be happy. What hurt the most is he blamed the end on my silly comment I kept saying it can’t be that please help me because if it’s that there is someone else I can walk away without guilt or blame but he is still denying it even though his van is outside her house and he until I told him I knew trying to text to keep me interested what is wrong with him and more importantly what is wrong with me he is the love of my life but I don’t want him to be the story of my life I want to be happy and move on but don’t know where to start or even what makes me happy anymore any advice would be appreciated

  57. Really needing to pour out my heart and receive some advice and encouragement from women that have been left by their husbands for another woman. I’m 33 years old with a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son and after 13 years together, (married for 9) my husband told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and left me for another woman. My post is going to be really long but I feel like I just HAVE to get this out because I feel absolutely crushed inside. I met my husband in 2005, when I was just 19 years old and he was 20. I had just completed my freshman year of college and met him while I was working in a restaurant during my summer break from school. He wasn’t in college at the time or even working consistently. He was living with his grandmother at the time in a really bad neighborhood and we couldn’t be more different. I’m very introverted, reserved and smart. He’s very extroverted and likes to party and socialize all the time. I grew up middle class and my parents have been married for over 30 years while he was raised by a single mother who was forced to move he and his sisters to several homes all over town after his father had left the family in pursuit of other women. I was very shy and didn’t date at all in high school because of it, putting most of my time and energy into my grades. So I didn’t even know how to drive so I was very very naive when I met him. But for some reason, when I met him, I didn’t feel that awkward shyness when we met and he made me feel comfortable, he made me laugh. I just felt safe and accepted with him so we started dating. We dated all through college and married shortly after I received my degree. Things were going pretty well until one day when EVERYTHING changed. He came rushing home one day in January of 2009, fell onto the couch and stated that “his life was over.” I of course, being his wife, was immediately alarmed and asked him what was going on. In a frantic voice with tears running down his face, he stated that he had been over to a friends house the night before and his friend had invited a girl over. They were all drinking and laughing together but after they were done with this, his friend and the young lady went into the other room to have sex while he fell asleep on the couch. He says he woke up to screams and yelling, saying that the young lady was stumbling around drunk and yelling that she had been raped by them. He says he has no idea what happened between his friend and the girl but he knew he had nothing to do with it since he was sleeping. It wasn’t unusual for him to sleep over at a friends house every now and then. Looking back on it, there was no reason in the world that he should have been doing this but then again, by this time, I was just 24 years old and this was the first relationship I had ever been in. And now, this man was my husband so I thought oh, if he wants to spend a night a friends house every now and then, I guess that’s ok. I don’t want to smother him too much so maybe it’s healthy to do that. But he wound up being accused rape because of this so obviously it wasn’t healthy. I didn’t believe for a second that he actually did this and still don’t. He’s never shown any signs of ever doing anything like this and after the rape kit was performed on the young lady, none of his DNA was ever found but the friends was. This was a devastating time, truly devastating, but I stood by him and supported him through it. And even though no DNA was found tying him to this rape, he was still charged with it due to the testimony of her and the friend, who both stated that he was involved. He was facing over 10 years in prison if found guilty in court so he decided to plead guilty and take a plea of 7 years probation, out of sheer fear and anxiety about going to prison. Even though he avoided prison, he has to register as a sex offender for many years to come. This has ruined so many chances and opportunities for advancement in his own life but I stayed with him and supported him. He found jobs here and there over the next few years but the moment people found out that he was a registered sex offender, they immediately went to their bosses or HR demanding that he be fired. My heart would break for him when this happened because I didn’t and still don’t believe he ever raped anyone. And I saw how terrified he was to face trial even though his lawyer had built a strong case in his defense. He didn’t wanna go to prison for something he didn’t do so he just plead guilty to take the deal that would avoid that. He avoided prison but couldn’t keep a job to support himself or our family since we’d go on to have 2 kids within the next 2 years. Since I don’t have a criminal record or anything and also have a college degree, I took all the finances in my hands, put my plans for grad school on hold and worked to support the family while he watched the kids. I knew he wanted desperately to provide for his family but he couldn’t so I thought well, our roles will just have to be reversed and I will work to provide financially while he stays home with the kiddos. It worked for awhile and O thought he was okay with this arrangement but he eventually changed. He started leaving as soon as I came home from work and not returning for days, leaving me with no one to look after the children while I worked. I eventually lost my job because of this and couldn’t keep up the with the bills with no income so we were evicted from our home with a 1 year old and a 6 month old. This was absolutely devastating and it split our family. I moved into my parents house with the kids and he moved in with his mom. And there we stayed for the next 5 years, unable to find anyone that was willing to rent to us with an eviction on our record. We tried our best to spend as much time as possible together but when you’re living in separate homes, it’s very hard to cultivate a marriage. We didn’t have extra money for hotels or anything like that to even be intimate with each other so that part of our relationship died. He always told me that he loved me and that he was doing everything he could to find a home for us to be in together again but deep down, I knew that he was spending time with someone else. He wasn’t spending much time with me at all, just merely texting or calling every now and then. And finally just about a month ago, I found a landlord who was willing to rent to us. The kids are in school now so childcare isn’t as pressing of an issue so I’m able to work and support the family. He moved into the new apartment with us for 2 weeks and then left, stating that he loves me but just isn’t in love with me anymore. He’s met another woman with 3 kids of her own but is financially stable. She has a big house, gave him a truck to drive and is fine with him living off of her. She’s fully aware that he is married and doesn’t care, even going so far as to text me pictures and videos of her in bed with my husband. He’s even posted pictures of them kissing all over Facebook and just carries on as if I don’t exist, as if the kids don’t even exist. They are devastated and asking why Daddy doesn’t want us anymore and it breaks my heart. I put my goals and life on hold to help this man just for him to betray me for someone who has more things to give him. I would have those same things and be more financially secure too if I wouldn’t have stopped pursuing my goals to help him through his legal issues. And I did all of that just to have him betray me. I was faithful throughout the marriage, never cheated not even once. I kept my vows in every sense of the word and he didn’t appreciate that at all. Stood by him, prayed for him, everything a good wife would do. But all I got for all of my support of him was his behind to kiss. And I feel so humiliated, so embarrassed. So unbelievably hurt and devastated for not only myself but for my children. We’ve just been rejected and abandoned and it hurts. It hurts a lot. I know the obvious answer is to divorce him and move on with my life but I’m a Christian and even though I have more reasons than not to divorce him, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that God wants me to stay and fight for the marriage even though he is gone and clearly doesn’t want to. Is it normal to feel this way? Should I pray and just hope that he’ll change and come back home? Or should I just let it go?

  58. I have been married to my husband 32 years. He was truly the only man I have ever loved. He had a 13 month affair , never let me be completely out of his life. We somehow survived that , but in between there were little things, talking to someone etc. .
    Last July, he met someone. They just talked then progressed on until he managed to pick a fight and leave for the weekend. Monday morning he called me saying he had made a big mistake, he was done and wanted to come home, I let him. I don’t know if I am stupid, or what. We had a blissful 4 weeks until , he had breakfast with her. He would leave his phone and tell me how he wanted me to trust him, only after the fact to find out he had another phone to call her.. While thinking life was wonderful again, I came home from work and he told me he loves me , but he is not in love with me. He loves her wants to be with her. So I told him it’s me or her. He said in my own time I will end it, I proceeded to help him pack his clothes . He took everything and left. That night he called me 10 times. He has been gone for a week, and I blocked him from my phone. He still class and text. When I’m at work he calls me there. He emails me when I don’t respond, if he wants this then why doesn’t he leave me alone. He tells me I’m probably going to go to a bar and meet someone, I don’t normally go to bars but maybe I should. Why is he not allowing me to get off this emotional roller coaster. I am hurt enough and how am I supposed to even begin to heal, somebody please tell me… I’m lost

  59. I caught my husband cheating with a coworker, after everything blew up he moved out,he said he couldn’t handle the fighting that we needed time apart. Come to find out he was still seeing her. Now that the affair didn’t work out he wasn’t to come home. What do I do?!!

  60. My partner left me 6 months before we were due to get married on my birthday. That morning he told me how much he loved me and would never leave, then she turned up and he left with her, I am struggling to breathe and put one foot in front of the other, he won’t take my calls, answer my messages. I really feel my life has been a lie for the last 6 years, I go from being really angry to absolutely devastated by this. I miss the man I loved and the life I knew, the pain is all consuming.

  61. I am suffering too. I’ve been married 18 years and have 4 children 12 and over. All teens. My husband and I have been having problems a long time. He emotionally checked out 2-3 yrs ago. I tried like hell to reach him but he wouldn’t talk to me. Went to counseling few times he wouldn’t budge. We have been physically separated 3 months, supposed to be a trial, give space. I found out last week by catching him with this woman. He’s still blatantly lying but I have proof. He is having an affair with one of his employees that he’s been good friends with they have worked together 6 years. She is married too. I am completely devastated and feel he is in love with her just knowing how close they were at work. He has said “ he’s at point he wants divorce “ after I’ve been asking him for over a year and him telling me he doesn’t. He sent me so many mixed signals last 2 years. He has gaslighted me so many times making me feel crazy. She doesn’t have kids but is married she’s 46 he’s 44. It’s such an unfair playing field when they are only around each other during stress free uninterrupted times. He is showing anger and coldness, I don’t know this man, and especially when I said he’s risking his career. He said the only person risking his career his me if I go to the company “ with false allegations “. I see no empathy no concern for what he’s putting me through. It hurts more than I can bare. I have very little emotional support.I would appreciate any help or advice I can get from women that can understand what I’m going through. Thank you.

  62. Going through exact same minus I don’t drink. I am very familiar with gaslighting. My husband has perfected it. I too have lost all hope and will have to face this is the end. He’s having an affair with his employee. Still denying it even after I caught him kissing her goodbye when he got out of her car to drop him off at his truck. Their meeting place because she’s married too, to a lawyer by the way. We have 4 innocent kids caught in the cross fire. 12 and over. All teens. I am very lonely and very struck with grief.

  63. Hi. I know how you feel. I was married for 13 years and with my ex husband for almost 14 years. He had an affair for at least a year while working out of town. I didn’t suspect anything till he came home for good. He was only coming home once a month. I never thought he would ever do this! This home wrecker he is with us hideous and she is 32 and he’s 43. She looks more like she’s 52! She has never been married and has no kids. He left and acted like everything was my fault. I was a stay at home mom and took care of everything. He tells me to get over it after he blind sided me! My girls are young. They were 11 and 7 when he left. It will be a year in June. Our divorce has been final since January 1st and he got engaged in October and is getting married a week before our anniversary in October! His family is treating me like I’m the one that had an affair. I can’t stand any of them anymore or him! They don’t care what he did to me or my girls! They are just excepting this home wrecker like nothing has happened! My oldest is almost 13 now and won’t have anything to do with him because of what he’s done. He tries to blame me for that too! He’s the one that told them 3 weeks after he left that he had a girlfriend! I swear he’s a narcissist! Everything is always about him and what he needs and wants! You’re lucky your ex’s family isn’t treating you like crap. I am angry and hurt and can’t believe he is getting married already! I just don’t understand how he could’ve done this to us!

  64. You lied and were online with other women. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t meet them and never intended to. You should’ve talked to your wife and thought about her instead of just yourself. Was she supposed to put up with what you were doing? Just because you didn’t meet these women or have sex with them, it was still cheating. If you weren’t doing anything wrong you wouldn’t have been hiding it. I don’t understand how men or women can do this to their spouses and their kids. If you’re not happy you don’t cheat! You talk to your spouse because they’re not a mind reader!

  65. dear Julie
    You have nothing to do with what your husbands sinful decisions are it is his inadequacy and personal issue within himself. I had to learn that within my own marriage also. My husband has had so many affairs I cant keep track. One thing I do know now is that we try to love them and in hopes that the love would change them and that”s not so. The more we keep forgiving them and they continue to do it to us again, it breaks down our self worth and esteem. Please don’t feel unlovable, please don’t. Take all that special love you have inside yourself that you have to give, that your husband did not want to receive and turn it back on YOURSELF!!!!! Spoil yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself who you are and give yourself the LOVE! Its not easy I know, I have been abandoned since December and it is getting better. I have a good day then boy it hits you like it was the very day! The roller coaster I want off, but we have to go through this to get all the special blessings that is coming our way! I bet we can look back on this one day and say wow look how bad it hurt and the trauma I was in but dang, My life is beautiful now and better than before!!!!! I have read, studied, and sought counseling from my pastor that has dealt with me and husband for years and you know what, my husband has a sexual addiction. Very sad but if they don’t acknowledge it it will never change. When I read your comment my first thought was you are so brave, you filed for divorce and you took a stand for your life! Now if we could only snap our fingers and have the pain and thoughts go away, that would be a blessing. Please remember that NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU FOR HIM TO DISHONOR YOU THAT WAY, ITS HIS MESS LET HIM HAVE IT AND OWN IT HIMSELF. You are too special of a woman to be devalued, made to feel unloved! LOVE yourself Julie try hard and fight< I am trying right along with you trust me! In kindest regards Angie

  66. I cought my husband having his third affair last summer, since then I have filed for divorce and he has moved out. We had been married 18 years and have two beautiful children now in their teens. There are days where I’m ok and others where I don’t want to go on. I have loved ones that are really supportive but I sometimes find it hard to reach out. In the end, I was no longer happy with my ex, he didn’t talk much with me, we didn’t have anything in common, but I was willing to make it work. He decided to jump ship and I’m left picking up the pieces. Sometimes I feel unlovable, like there’s something wrong with me, after all why would he betray me over and over? Other times I say to myself “It’s not me, it’s him. What kind of man does this to his family?” I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.

  67. Gemma
    I really do not understand how you can take your husband back so easily after this betrayal? The same thing happened to me and he got the other woman pregnant. That was the nail in the coffin for me. Up until then there may have been a chance. He had lied and lied. How can you trust your husband ?? How do you know he won’t have another affair? Did you suspect?
    FYI we were together 25 years from the age of 21 so it was very hard. He was my soulmate and Best friend or so I thought. So Much longer than you. But I’d lost all respect for him.
    And I had to preserve my own self respect.

  68. So my situation has changed dramatically my husband has been trying to win me back after realising the woman he left me for was not all that and the grass wasn’t greener etc but what I can’t get over is they were together for 2 weeks and she fell pregnant straight away she is now 12wks pregnant and furious that he has chose to be back with me his wife of which he has been with for 15yrs she calls herself his girlfriend and me the ex she doesn’t understand she was an affair in our marriage and nothing more she acts like she’s the wife and I’m the other woman I don’t want him anywhere near her but now there’s a baby on the way and he wants to be apart of the baby’s life I find myself praying it’s not his as she was with her boyfriend whilst sleeping with my husband I know the outcome isn’t going to be what I want and I’m stressed as we have decided to go to marriage counselling to get back on track but I just think the baby is gunna change it everything when it’s born and we have a 2 year old girl who is so confused as to what is happening around her.. any advice would be appreciated ladies xx

  69. Very similar situation as mine. Still raw. Know you’re not alone. I am hearing from friends now who have had similar issues. I didn’t know. The blaming and coldness that the man dishes out. So we feel ashamed and isolated. We’re portrayed as crazy or controlling. But when you get the courage to tell friends…you’ll here a lot of me too. You’re not alone and you’re not to blame for his actions.

  70. My 50 year old husband had what I believe was an emotional affair for 6 months with a 26 year old. Actually, I am not sure…my heart wants me to believe that, but my head tells me it was more. He has been having an affair since July with our 37 year old neighbor. I didn’t know about either, except I had suspicions about #2, as he is never home…has NEVER been home and has always left my daughter and me at home for years. He works from home and has always told me he needed time out of the house afterwork. Not placing all blame on him, yes I drank a lot of wine because I was lonely and depressed. He also says he left because of my drinking, I was drinking because I was lonely. I have been dry since January and I am going to counseling by myself as he refused to go.

    He has gaslighted me for months, blaming everything on me…telling me I was an episode of intervention, he was nothing but a paycheck, etc….when in fact all I did was try to make life simpler for him by doing EVERYTHING possible in and around the house including all activities for our daughter.

    I am not so much upset about losing him as I am feeling humiliation, shame, betrayed. There is a huge anchor sitting on my chest and I can’t even make it through the day without crying. I read many books about saving a marriage, the 180, tried not showing my emotions in front of him, being nice to him, giving him choices rather than making decisions for him (yes, he also said I was controlling). I have retained an attorney because I know there is NO WAY I can EVER be with him again….but that doesn’t help what I am feeling right now.

  71. Roxanna Rene Abraham

    My husband left me almost 9mths ago after well April 13th woll be 34yrs. Its still very hard but I let it be that way he left for another woman and im brong honest shes not a good person. But he stiill comes to me for things like money and food. And i allow it. I need help to be strong to let him go to tell him no.

  72. Reason being is he told me if her husband passed away he was leaving me for her anyhow. And sure enough they are together. I hate them so much how do I get over it?

  73. MARG

    My husband and I were togeter for 37years . EarlyJanuary 2018 he told me he didnt love me anymore. I was in complete shock.. He slowly was withdrawing from me . Then My beautiful Grandson was born.. He want doing well Then in a week He was diagnosed with a rare cancer out of my daughters womb in January 2018. The whole family was in shock.. l was looking after my Granddaughter for 6 weeks so my daughter could go visit her baby .l spent 10 months supporting my daughter looking after my Granddaughter and when l wasnt with her l was at the hospital spending time with my grandson as we didnt know how much time we had with him . Going through 21 surgerys ,chemo , infections ICU..
    His such a fighter we brought him home later October..
    This is when l started seeing a big change him not wanting to have nothing to do with be pushing me away. Not respecting swearing at me wanting to be alone. All l wanted was to spend time with him . We finally got our family home. He moved out 2 weeks bfore Christmas. I went to stay at girlfriend for New Years. On the 6 January my sons girlfriend text me saying that her and my daughter had to let me know that he had another woman in his life… My children knew before l did.. How can he be so cruel. What was l to him in those 37urars??
    He still has come back home twice to collect a few thing’s. No explanation nothing. Just abounded his family. 3 beautiful grown children and 5 grandbubies..
    How do men do this? Stick there head in the sand. Wont come finish whats been his for 37years. I dont get it l probably never will… Not being responsible
    I havent even dealt with my grandson being unwell and in remission now let alone my stuiped husband aged 56 running off with someone from his work. What hurts the most about this is while my grandson was fighting for his life he was having an affair. What time of women is she ? SO HURT

  74. Omg this happened to me around the same time. I am still stunned about it. I am lost. We have a 11 yr old together so it makes it harder. Idk what to do and how to do things right now. Completely lost. I hate him. I know it’s a strong feeling but it’s how I feel. It hurts to the very core of my heart. I don’t know how to even begin not to care. I just want to scream kick n cry all day. Staying strong for my son is so hard. I know how you feel n can only imagine what you are thinking n what you want to do. We did so much for them for them to leave us for a younger 27 yr old. For what!!!!????

  75. Married for 15 years with 4 kids. He’s cheated before and I new something was up but hoped I was just being paranoid with trust issues. Find out he was having an affair for months! Looking back things make sense now. He had started a new job at a hotel and started working rediculous hours even spending the night there ( something we fought about often). He had become distant and not interested in sex. I chalked it up to him being tired from long hours at work. He didn’t get me a Christmas present. At my birthday he didn’t even want to sit next to me… I was so confused. He didn’t get me a present then either. Now I find out he was buying her gifts all along and they are “ in love”. I’m devastated. Never thought I’d be 36 with 4 kids and begging for my job back that I thought I’d never have to go back to since I was a stay at home mom now. Every time he talks he’s so nonchalant like he’s done nothing wrong. Crying does nothing. He’s just ready to be divorced so they can start their lives together. Meanwhile I’m stuck answering all the tears and questions our kids have. I have really good days where I see a rainbow up a head and believe others when they say his relationship won’t last and that one day he’ll be sorry and miserable. And then I have days like today where all I do is cry and feel like I can’t live through this. I scour the internet for similar stories just to know I’m not alone but the pain is still there. I go from blaming myself to realizing he’s just an awful person. I’m in mourning of everything I dreamed we would be and everything we would have. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with and all I can do is pray that they end up miserable.

  76. MaxieP
    Hello, my story is a little different I think. I say I think because I didn’t read everyone’s stories. My Ex left me for another man. I know this is another story line!

  77. Hi all
    As a man I read the posts also trying to understand and find closure:
    Was married 34yrs 11months. About 6 years ago me ex and I started having personality conflicts and in essence to have my way I started lying to her. I played online games that caused emotional cheating and I found a way to experience an outlet which otherwise would have made me go out of the marriage. I felt that it was under control
    Being mere online chatting as I had never cheated on her in all 35yrs. She is a very religious woman and had very little tolerance for anything ungodly. She caught my 3 times playing online and caused us to sleep in separate rooms but we reconciled. I never met any on the woman I interacted with online and it was not my intention to ever leave my ex. My two daughters aged 32 and 35 knew of the issues my ex and I had but I never stopped loving or caring for my ex till the end. 6 months before I walked out the house never to return my ex of 55yr spent a night kissing and cuddling a 28yr marine on a visit to my daughter in abu Dhabi. After her return from abu Dhabi and having her ego boosted by younger men’s attention she treated me like a dog for two months. I stopped the online gaming and joined tinder and had a few sexual encounters as felt payback was in order. I knew sooner or later I would be caught out which is what happened.
    My ex found out and asked me to leave and filed for divorce. I gave her everything, I left with my clothes and some tools and a bed. Her alimony per month is 80% of my income.
    I remarried quickly after considering my situation and realizing that going back to my ex wife would never work or be the same considering her hard Christian values. She begged me back a month after I left the house but I had already given my new wife my solemn promise not to hurt her or leave her. I never wanted to get divorced but she told me to leave and I did. Her filing for divorce immediately and turning my daughter’s on me and withholding my grandsons from me ever since has not been easy. I was so hurt by them all that I was prepared to break into my old house and comit suicide in it for them all to find me there but thank goodness I have been able to get past that idea. I remarried soon after the divorce was thru with a wonderful woman with 3 adopted children. She is financially stable and I can look forward to my old age stress free. Personally I’m overindebted with very little to show for 34yrs marriage as she got everything including my daughters grandkids and assets. There is alot that I miss and mourn but i need to focus now on me and my new family as my ex family want nothing to do with me except pay her alimony. I gave her a stay at home life to raise my girls only to lose everything and my daughters and now I must pay her for the rest of my life because of the life I gave her.

  78. Kate I am going through the very same thing you are I know the betrayal, shock and horror are just too much to bare. I am trying to learn from this. He never deserved me. I’m in agony too so I really feel for you. I know just what it’s like I’m living it

  79. Also identical to my story, after 15 years of marriage he left in Dec (for an acquaintance he had been secretly seeing since Aug 18) , when I was away with our daughter, (he booked this flight to get us out of the way) when I arrived home he came back to me after she threw him out but only because I exposed him of texting me while he was supposed to be with her. He came back only to pretend he wanted me, then asked me to go visit family in February 🤔 nearing valentines day, which I refused. He left 3 weeks later after a drunken night out and never returning home. For him to contact n say “where do u think I am”!!!!!!.
    Anyway she deserves him, after knowing already he’s a cheat and lier.
    I packed my stuff and moved countries with my daughter to start a new life.

  80. Hi Kate. Please look after yourself.
    Rest and feed your body well. You will feel better just give it time. I am sure you feel like you never knew him. My now ex husband & I were together 24 years. 22 married. He was my best friend and lover. I thought I knew him and we would grow old together. We chose not to have children by choice and enjoyed our life travelling and our families. I was v close up his parents.
    He started acting strangely. He started an affair but never would be honest even when I confronted him with evidence after 4 months of horrific limbo. I never got any answers or truth. Even when she had got pregnant while he was still living with me – he was still insisting it was a friendship
    I divorced him and got my own place. He moved out of the area. Within s year he moved back and bought a house 6 doors away with the other woman and child. We commute on the same timetable. He denied it but knew where I lived.
    I cannot afford to move again. Financially I now have to work full time up to retirement with a mortgage.
    I don’t know if he’s happy. He never wanted kids. There doesn’t seem much karma.
    However, believe me, you will become strong & independent and find a new life for yourself. Not the one you envisaged, true, but you will be happy again.
    In time you will come to accept there will not be answers. It’s hard. Men are cowards and they can’t face up to the guilt. Don’t be surprised if he lashes out at you or blames you
    You are not to blame. Stay Strong. Look to your friends and family for support. They will get you through this.
    I hope this helps iin some small way.
    Yes I do miss him still but I look at it this way – I had his best years of him, his youth. Like you did. They have the old man that is coming. You will find love and happiness again. Bless you. Please feel free to reply.

  81. I left my ex after 17 years together. I found out he was having an affair with my married best friend. I confronted him about her and he said if I didn’t like it that it was just too bad. So I went and got pre approved for a mortgage, shopped around for a house and bought one. After that was all said and done he comes down with cancer. So I nursed him through it, and then told him I was leaving after his chemo and cancer was gone. When I told him I was leaving as he treated me like crap he said it was my fault as I was fat. He could and has never owned up to being a total jerk. Now my ex married best friend’s husband passed away 5 months ago and they are now moving in together. I quit being friends with her when I left my ex 2 years ago, as I cannot stand either of them. I am still bitter and angry and am having problems moving on. I have seen and spoken to therapists and I know I should just let go and move on and be happy but I still feel a rage against the 2 of them. Her husband knew about them as he was physically incapacitated and encouraged them. Then they wondered why I didn’t want to be friends with them anymore. I just shake my head at some people. I need to stop being angry and get on with my life.

  82. I hate that us women have to go through all these terrible emotions due to our husband being disgusting lying cheaters my husband was a living caring person who has now changed towards me completely I had to find out for myself who the skank was he was cheating on me with and then I found out she’s now pregnant with his baby this is all within an 8 week time line he says they have been seeing each other for 6 weeks which I wouldn’t even think she could tell she is pregnant they’re trying to tell me she’s only 4 weeks but he admitted yesterday he’s been seeing her for months so she could be further along it has destroyed me as me and my husband were going to have ivf to have a child but we did fall pregnant naturally and he always said his family meant the world to him which in hindsight has been a lie as he has now moved on so quickly to start another family I feel he is now turning into one of those men who move from woman to woman and leave a trail of children behind, I feel for you situation so much and it does help coming in here and opening up to other people going through the same situation as ourselves xx

  83. Lucy
    You are not alone, it’s like they have flicked a switch and moved on.
    It’s the painful, cold hearted,callous, cruel things they say and do. They will say anything to justify what they have done.
    If you remember back when you both first met, it was exciting and sex was great. But life gets in the way, we age, we go through the menopause. I thought we would age gracefully together and enjoy retirement, how wrong was I !!
    He’s experiencing excitement , lust which doesn’t last for ever …..then what is he left with ?
    Surround yourself with close friends and family for support. Take one day at a time, and try to achieve one thing a day if it’s only getting up and showering ….you’ve done it!
    Look after yourself, try counselling, massage anything for yourself xxx

  84. Hi Kate – Your story is nearly identical to mine, I am heartbroken right now and do not know what to do. A week before Christmas, I found out about an affair my husband was having as well, and he also told me he had ended it. However, he has been secretly seeing her for the past three months and I think is on the verge of leaving. He hasn’t officially told me yet, but I am assuming that is the next step. We have been married for 14 years, and have three young children. We have so many memories and all I can think about is how much I want things to be back the way they used to be, and I have no idea how this could happen. How could someone throw away such a perfect life that we had, I am completely lost, confused, and shattered as well. I need to keep it together because of my children, and I assume we will all have to go to some type of counseling together. One thing I do know is, that there is nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening, it is not my fault, so you should know it is not yours either. Just wanted to let you know there is someone suffering the same pain that you are, maybe somehow this will make sense some day. I pray every day for peace, and that he will snap back to his old self. Praying helps tremendously if you haven’t tried that, and also make sure to surround yourself with supportive people. I could not have gotten through this ordeal so far without the support of my in-laws (yes, my husband’s family nonetheless). I will pray for you as well.

  85. Hi Gemma. Oh hun, it’s hard,and I get it, been there. Please,don’t stop the relationship with his daughter,she still deserves a daddy. Regardless of what’s happening with you two,don’t remove his chance of seeing her just to get back at him. Now, this is going to become hard, but leave him to it. That means no ringing,texting,trying to meet up with him. You are the most important person right now, and yes your husband has completely lost his head, but you need to hold it together for that little girl. Like you my ex went off with the local town bike. Did many unacceptable things, and I went no contact. Kept it up for over a year,only discussing our daughter. In that time it made me realise I deserved better. Six months into the relationship of the century he would turn up uninvited,trying to feel wether or not I missed him etc. I never gave him anything,shut the door on him. It was extremely painful, but you can get through this., if I did. He soon realised what a mistake he made, but for me it was too late. I could never take a man back who cheated. You may surprise yourself,but it really is early days. Sort your finances out. If you can photocopy everything, bank statement says etc. See a solicitor, because he has a duty to pay child and spousal support. Don’t,listen to any excuses he makes. He’s in the honeymoon phase a time the moment, usually lasts 6 months to two years. The chance of this relationship working are very slim. I mean not trying to give you false hope,but statistically they have a 10% chance of making it…not much is it? Anything you say will fall on deaf ears so say nothing. It’s time to grow balls,and take care of your business. Surround yourself with people who love you,and get out the house. Meet friends,and start building a new life,because he may not come back, or you may decide you don’t want him.
    It’s been two years for me,and if he were the last man I’d never take him back. We now coparent,and he’s said numerous times what a dick he’s been, how sorry he is, how much he loves me. Too little too late. I’m indifferent,and my ex is now moving into his own place,after shacking up with the OW for 16 months. Sad isn’t it. Hugs my darling, you can get through this, take it day By day,and take really good care of yourself and that’s little girl xxxx

  86. My husband left 2 weeks ago and I’m in complete agony. He says it’s not because of her but there is no other place he would be. I came home after work and all of his stuff was gone from our home. Said he wanted a divorce, left me a letter and walked out the door and haven’t seen him since. We have been together for 13 years. Married for 1 1/2 years. I caught him having an affair through text messages 1 week before Christmas. She is 8 years younger than me. He told me he started seeing her in aug. he broke it off with her after I found out. But she kept messaging him and vis versa. told me he loved her and they have a deep connection. He blocked me on his phone so I can’t even contact him. It’s like I never existed to him. All I see is the two of them together with a new life…a life that was supposed to be ours. Up to the day he left he said he loved me. It’s like he was living a double life but he choose her. I’m completely shattered. I’m left with so many questions and no answers. Feel so alone. How does someone throw away 13 years of a life together with someone like this…any comments back I would really appreciate. Thanks for listening.

  87. Nicole-
    This post sounds EXACTLY like my situation. I have been hanging on for 7-8 months and my husband told me that he is confused. Says he didn’t want to hurt me or the kids and that I look amazing (better than I have in years). He says he tried to work on us (completely untrue as he has had a girlfriend the whole time). How do you work on your marriage when you have an exciting thing going on the side? He can’t possibly think he has been trying. We live in same house and his GF is married and lives a town over. she and my husband spend all day together as neither has a day job. I am at work all day while they are off running around together. People see them out and about. They are rubbing my face in it and the faces of her kids, my kids and her husband. This is a mess. But it’s been about 8 months and I can’t get him to leave the house. He doens’t want the kids to think he’s a bad guy. But they know he has a GF, so… I told him that I loved him and I can see he isn’t the man I have known since we were 17. This new person he has become is cold and arrogant and MEAN. He says he is in love. This woman told him he was funny and appreciates him and I never did. WOW.
    I can’t stop thinking of the future without him. How do you all cope with that? It makes me sad to think that we won’t be together at our kids’ weddings and when they have babies and the holidays will never be the same…These thoughts are crippling. Advice? I am 48…so I feel kind of old. and like it’s too late to start over.

  88. Aww Stacey I really feel for your situation you are such a strong woman to have him still living with you and your children I can’t believe how men think they can treat us women who are decent wives if god is good the disgusting home wreckers that they have left us for will treat them like crap and it’s onky what they deserve. The hurtful things they do like getting these women pregnant is disgusting when I found out yesterday who my husband had been cheating on me with I had a little laugh as I seen her photos on Facebook and she’s so ugly and fat he always tortured me over my weight (I’m a uk size 12-14) so average size but this one he has got with is about a uk size 20-22 and her face is also really fat not that I have anything against bigger ladies but when he tortured me I honestly thought he would have got himself a model girlfriend very slim so I did laugh and I went to her work place and confronted her she was really bold as brass as though she had done nothing wrong and rubbing her stomach saying they’re happy they’re having a baby baring in mind the both swear they have only been seeing each other for 6 weeks and she’s 4 weeks pregnant if they are to be believed so in a space of 6 weeks they are supposed to be so in love he has flowers sent to her work in place and they have been to Leeds for Valentine’s Day/night and she has been openly posting all of this on her Facebook page and doesn’t care that she has took my husband and my daughters daddy but we will all get through this I get so much comfort from this page as we are all going through the same situations it’s like counselling I appreciate all your kind works we are now strong independent women xxx

  89. Klae-
    Your post is eerily close to my situation. My husband of 20 years is “in love” with a woman whose twins are on his soccer team. He is their coach! How gross. His new love and he do CrossFit every day together and then sit in his car for hours and hours talking. They’ve taken to going to a tanning salon together?! WHAT?
    We live in Southern California. I’m so heartbroken. I have lived under the same roof with him for 8 months since I found out he was in love with her. Many times he tried to convince me they weren’t together. He lies daily so he can come home and sleep in our bed and be around our teenage kids. I just turned 48. We went out for my birthday and the next day my husband told my son not to let anyone know that he was with me on my birthday. HE IS USING MY SON TO COVER FOR HIM!!! How sick? I’m trying to throw him out but he won’t leave. Just sleeps in our daughters room who is off in college. I keep thinking of a future all alone and it breaks me. And all the years we had together…we went to high school together. I have loved him for more than half my life. I feel like I can’t breathe bc there is someone he’d rather be with. Klae, sorry to have made this post about me. It’s just the similarity of the husbands coaching the kids of these women. Something about that makes it so gross. Children are not stupid. My husband and his love are destroying 2 families- 6 kids between us. I worry say to day that I won’t be able to come away happy EVER. Please tell me, someone, that I will be happy one day.

  90. Update on my Situation within a small space of time I’ve lost my home my husband and my daughter has lost her dad the woman he left me for is now pregnant he wasn’t going to tell me I had to find out who she was by myself and that I know her she’s lives in the same area as me and now he thinks it’s great that he’s going to be a daddy again now I know this girl and she is well known for running about with other men sleeping around she was infact seeing someone else the same time as my husband so if god is good it will turn out this baby is t my husbands and I can have a good laugh at the life he gave away for a little liar just like him I feel crushed by this news and his close family are thrilled there’s a baby on the way now a lot of his other family find it to be a disgrace and have said they will not be welcome in their homes which gives me some comfort in knowing that people understand the hurt he is causing by the actions of these two awful people I have told him my daughter will be having nothing to do with the baby and I sharent acknowledge it as her step brother or sister now I know I may sound petty in doing so but he used to cry to me because his father had other children and lived with them and not him and he was always treat different to them and I won’t allow my daughter to feel like she’s an outsider and not worthy of her fathers affections please If u have gone thru the same please tell me it gets easier because I have had to deal with all this in the small space of 8wks it’s too much to take in and it’s crushing me

  91. Hello everyone well this is my story i am 63 we had been 39 years together 34 married to whom i thought was my soulmate i had 2 little girls from my first marriage then we had two beautiful boys who are now men one married with 4 children the two girls each have 2 girls of their own now so 8 grandchildren all up i became aware 9 months ago that my husband could be having a relationship with another woman i immediatly blamed myself as our sexual relations had come to a halt after i went through menapause i told him i wasnt enjoying sex he took it very personally and basically turned his back on me we carried on for 10 years being intimate only occasionally up until 5 years ago it all stopped we still enjoyed holidays together he even bought a motorhome 12 months before leaving me and built the home of our dreams 7 years ago . But 9 months ago i was alerted to the fact he was seeing someone else when i confronted him he denied it but i kept questioning him he came home from work after 3 days of me having meltdowns and said i think we should split and coldly told me how things would be wanted to be amicable because we might “cross paths” in the street he would be fair with splitting assets i could get myself a “little place ” you wont be rich but you will be comfortable” then i stayed with my sister on the saturday night and came home sunday all his clothes had gone from the wardrobe passport and dog no note just devasation for me , we rarely argued and i let him make all the decisions he runs his own business which has been quite successful and ran all the finances he is still paying the household bills but basically told me i should have done better for myself i earn $600 a week he earns$160,000 per week i know this is long but i need to get it out
    SO 9 months of grief sorrow hurt anguish lonlieness frightened in limbo waiting for settlement as he is trying to give me as little as
    possible he has turned into someone i dont know his new woman is life coaching him he changed his diet smoothies healthy he talks to himself in the mirror so im told he grew a beard which he never ever remotely seemed interested in he started hot yoga 3 years ago he moved in with a woman a friend he told me i said why dont i know this friend you know who all my friends are its still so raw and i cant stop thinking about him the things he said to me etc i need to get past this i have loved and trusted this man for 39 years

  92. I posted on here at the beginning of the month after finding out that my husband who I had been with from being 14yrs old and married to for 6yr had been having an affair and left me for her well he wouldn’t tell me who she was but he swore that I didn’t know her that she didn’t live anywhere near me or work in the area well yesterday I found out who she is and was shocked to learn that I know her and she works in the local village Costa coffee where my husband has been going for the last 8 months and lives in the area also but if that wasn’t enough to take in she is now pregnant with his baby or so she says as she has also been seeing someone else at the same time I looked on her profile page and she is fat and nothing much to look at he has been buying and sending flowers to her whilst she’s at work and he sed he couldn’t have our daughter on Valentine’s Day/night and now I know why as she has been openly posting where they have been going they went for a romantic night away to Leeds in a hotel she has photos of flowers that he buys her nearly every week he’s treating her like she’s some princess and yet she is really ugly I was expecting her to be very slim and gorgeous looking so I did laugh when I seen her photos and when I went to her work to confront here she actually doesn’t care that she has took my husband away from me and a daddy away from his little girl, she lives in a scruffy flat always out drinking even during the day her family are a load of small time drug dealers basically the scum of the earth type and he’s absolutely besotted with her she is everything he used to call names about for being scruffy I can’t understand why he has left a good decent wife and his daughter for this person who has had more men than hot dinners and is some sort of party animal, his family are treating me like this even though I’m the one who is the victim in all this I spoke to his mam on the phone who kept shouting sarcasticly at me ‘youse weren’t together’ but we were together this girl has been so open on fb page she even changed her relationship status to in a relationship on the 11th January which when I found out about him cheating I asked him how long he had been seeing her and he sed two weeks it’s nothing serious but I am going to see how it goes with her now if he was telling the truth he should of started seeing her on the 14-15january yet this girl has change me her status on the 11th so they have obviously been seeing each other for weeks before that as I wouldn’t of thought anyone would change it the day they go on a first date?! And now she pregnant and he says it’s nothing to do with me and truthfully I don’t think he was ever going to tell me about any of it I think he was just going to wait till I seen them out and seen that they were together and that she’s pregnant I find myself struggling as to why he could be so cruel to me when we took 4 year to get our daughter as we really struggled and we lost our first baby yet he has an affair and she’s pregnant straight away if god is good it’s not his it’ll be the other mans and I can laugh at him for being a fool but I know I’m not that lucky for it to turn out like that he grew up without a father cos his dad did exactly the same to his mam and he always sed he wouldn’t do it to me or our daughter as he struggled growing up knowing his dad was playing happy families with his other kids and ignored him yet this is what he is going to now do to our daughter I have told him to never ever come to my home to collect our daughter agen I’ve told him he ain’t seeing her as I don’t want her to get hurt in all this he has turned into the most spiteful selfish and rotten person I honestly don’t recognise him anymore please if u have been in this situation tell me it’s gets a bit easier over time cos right now I am beyond crushed to pieces

  93. Please remember to keep your eyes on God. He has been my rock throughout my situation with my soon to be ex. You are not alone in this situation unfortunately. My go to verse has been Jeremiah 29:11. Stay strong in your faith. your family will not. be disappointed. They will be there for you.

  94. The similarities to our stories are crazy. I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 3. We have 5 kids. We are both 33 and have 5 children between us. He has a n affair with a 22 year old coworker and is convinced they are in love. He Told me a few days ago he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He has since seen our children but will not even look me in the face. Guys I am falling apart. He has been gone 5 days and o can’t function. I just want to wake up and not feel this anymore. I never thought it was possible to be thos sad or hurt. I miss him everyday. The worst thing is I lowers myself to talk to the other woman and she flat out told me that she would never stop looking for him as long as he looks for her. It kills me that he has given her everything that I have earned. I want to die. I don’t want to feel this anymore.

  95. Thank you so much for your kind words I have now moved into my new home with my daughter and feel much better I still have a little cry at night as my soon to be ex husband has turned into a whole new person and has no respect for me as his wife or mother of his child he continues to see this other woman and has said to me he is going to see how things go with her I have told him numerous times that I will never take him back so to be sure that he has made the right decision in picking this other woman over his family.. hopefully in time when my broken heart is healed I can find my true mr right who will treat me and my daughter well x

  96. Do you have any friends or a church that you could reach out to during this terrible situation? I’m so sorry and I’m devastated for you. I’ve been in a similar situation, and some women are complete sociopaths. This doesn’t have anything to do with you. This is your husbands defect with intimacy. He likely needs to join a addiction group in the area of sex and love addiction. Focus more on making yourself stronger. Can you reach out to a counsellor? If so I would get an appointment with one to help you sort out next steps. Your first inclination might be to keep this all private. But you’ve not done anything wrong, reach out to friends, and any family that you might have to set up a support network for yourself. You are in a critical place to be caring for your baby, and also caring for yourself at the same time. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but things will get better. This has nothing to do with you, or something you don’t have, or fulfill for your husband. This is your husbands issue, and he may have told you he stopped having an affair 10 years ago, maybe he did maybe he didn’t. but I guess is he’s been keeping in touch with her, and or other women too. The baby will have brought all of these issues for him to the surface. And this is likely why he’s filed for divorce. A marriage counsellor might be able to help, but more than likely he needs to go to a professional who is trained in addiction counseling. Im so sorry and I hope you ‘re able to get the support you need for yourself and baby. Take care.

  97. I’m going through the same thing, I was told by text from his mistress that she has been seeing my husband for a year. It has destroyed me.

  98. Dearest Gemma,
    It’s as though we have the same husband. You are so strong and can do this. My husband is 35, he is still living in my home with me and our two children. His 25 yr old girlfriend is due on the 28 th with “their” son. I am filing on Tuesday morning. He refuses to move out,but has stopped all responsibilities involving our family. Including ignoring bills to buy this “woman” an Iphone. I don’t know how we will get through this, but we will.

  99. So devastated. My father and mother just died and I had our baby.. hes now 10 months old, I’m a breastfeeding mother and am not working. I just found out my husband is having an affair with a women that he had an affair with 10 yrs ago… she knew what I had just been through and she contacted him off fb.. I don’t know what to do.. he also just filed 4 divorce and he has just restarted this affair 2 weeks ago.

  100. Hi Jane,
    I am so sorry for your great loss. I know exactly how you feel. It is so hard dealing with this. I’ve lost 40 lbs since September. It’s difficult to even pick myself up each day but I do. It helps to have others going through the same thing so if you need a chat, let me know. We are better than they are. We were faithful wives and did everything for our families to ensure their happiness and comfort. We will find our happiness again as long as we do for ourselves first. We have to make ourselves a top priority so we can move on to find that happiness. Let them flounder and have regrets for what they did to us. One woman on here has an ex that says he made a mistake and she feels nothing when he tells her. I love it. Someday we will able to feel nothing when they express their regrets and we can say we feel nothing for them. They will be pathetic shells of men. No contact has worked for me. Maybe it will for you as well. It has helped my healing. I have my son here with me to offset the loneliness and soon I will have all my extended family around me. I will not be alone.

  101. Dear Gemma,
    I really sympathised with your situation as lots of things you said were so true of my situation. I discovered my husband had been having an affair on Dec 22nd 2018. This was his 2nd affair. The first one was 13 years earlier and we worked through it. We have been together since we were 19 and barely spent more than 2 days apart in all that time. As far as I was concerned, he was my soulmate and I imagined us growing old together. He obviously had other ideas.
    I asked him to leave that day and I haven’t seen him since. We have had lots of contact through messages as we share 3 children and that has been our main focus for communicating.
    I informed the husband of his mistress about the affair soon after Christmas and their marriage ended too. My husband and his mistress are now making a go of things, living separately. This is the part that is tearing me apart. It feels like they are now sailing through life, leaving devastation behind them and only interested in satisfying each other. Friends say to me, oh it won’t last, but I believe it will. I think they will have to make it work as they’ve given up their families to be together.
    This has been the worst pain I have ever endured and I’ve not been able to go back to work since Christmas, yet he never had a day off.
    Some days I enjoy being able to do whatever I want but then other days I feel such grief and I can’t stop crying. This week, I just can’t seem to get the two of them off my mind. He’s even saying to my teenage boys that she’d like to meet them one day, the poor kids are still dealing with grief! They are having regular contact but they really don’t know how to move forward.
    I’m having counselling, starting next week, so I’m hoping this will help and just keeping myself busy with friends but it’s so hard when I’m in my own company.

  102. Hello ladies,

    I am coming to you because I believe that I need advice regarding my situation. I am not yet divorced but very probably soon to be, and while I’m trying my best to stay strong in those hard times, I can feel my strength disappear day by day. My husband and I have been married for 6 months but in a relationship for 8 years; we were in a long distance relationship for most of the relationship, but being both students it seemed the most logical solution. During those 8 years, we encountered hard times but we always pushed forward in hope of getting married. Finally in January 2018, we decided to marry, be able to finally live together (yay!) and create a family. I thought all was going well; he’s on business trips often for work so we were still apart from each other but the comforting thought that he’d come home to me was just so incredible. I have always been very devoted to him and I am fiercely loyal; I never strayed nor have I ever doubted this marriage. He is a very extroverted person, always surrounded by friends, while I am quite introverted and enjoy being on my own. I never ever doubted him regarding all his friendships.Sadly last weekend, while he was on a business trip to Italy, he told me he was going to meet one of those « friends » that he met online and that he’d be too busy having fun to call me or text me; I found that very suspicious, but decided not to be overly paranoid over a friendly meeting. It turned out that this girl he met was his « girlfriend » and that before coming home, he had sex with her, followed by the promise to break things off with me so they could officially be together. This came to me as a total shock; I was so hurt, so in pain and cried for hours and hours, being lost and not knowing what to do (I am from France and I left all my family and friends behind when I came to live with him in America). He told me that he didn’t love me like before, that he loved her so much, he couldn’t live without her (they had been talking for only 4 months mind you) and that while he was thankful to me for all the times I was by his side and helped him, he didn’t love me anymore. I decided to be strong and told him that I wanted to talk to her on the phone, that I wanted to hear her version of the facts; he agreed, and I proceeded to tell her all about how I didn’t know that my marriage was « ending » when she was having sex with my husband and how he lied, how he manipulated both of us and was trying to get the best of both worlds. I tried to be empathetic with her because I refused to hate the « other woman » and I just really thought of what would be the best for her, as a woman. She told me that she was sorry for hurting me, that I had been wonderful to call her and be so kind and that she’d cut all ties with him as soon as we would hang up the phone. Long story short, she did just that (blocking him on all social media platforms) and my husband went mad; he started breaking everything around him, screaming at me to « get the f*** out of his house », that I had « ruined his life », that he « never wanted to see my face again ». I was terrified of this man, this stranger inside this house where I had started to build upon my hopes and dreams… I ended up calling his mother because I had no idea how to control this epic tantrum and she managed to tear him a new one about his behavior and actions towards me. It was good to feel like someone was on my side; that I had not been crazy for doing what I did. Anyways, while discussing the imminent divorce today, he said to me « you and I could remain friends and see each other from time to time; after all, after almost 9 years, we’ve built a lot of great memories, right? It would be a waste to throw it all away». I was flabbergasted by this total display of empathy and felt even more insulted by those words than by the whole affair; he asked for some time to think about it and change his mind about the divorce but I’m already packing my bags and rebuilding my dignity because I know how this will end. He wants to go back to Italy to be able to get « closure » from this girl, but we all know that wouldn’t happen; he’s just trying to justify getting there to see her again. We had planned to have a baby this year, I had started repainting the walls for the nursery, we got two dogs….I’m just exhausted and so disappointed… I spent so many years building myself and my life up for this marriage, just to realize I wasn’t even loved… he wants to keep me as an emotional crutch but I deserve more than this, I deserve to be loved and cherished. I deserve a man, not a child; I know he will never change, but I resent myself for loving him so much even after this. Going back to France with no home, no job is going to be tough, the face of my parents when they will pick me up at the airport.. this is going to be so hard… I ‘m just heartbroken from what I know we could have been; if he had just decided to not give into sin and kept his eyes on God and me, we could have fixed that. He’s not even truly sad about me leaving, he’s more sad about her which, in turn, makes me even MORE sad. Anyways, thank you so much to anyone reading this monster of a comment and sorry for my English, I know it’s far from coherent and smooth. Any message would be appreciated as I feel so alone and broken, any comfort would be very welcome. Thank you so much everyone.

  103. Oh how awful. I am so sorry and feel your pain as I went through that terrible time myself. It’s been almost 5 months for me. My husband left me for someone 15 years older than he is. She is 63!!!
    I am going through the divorce process right now. I don’t cry nearly as much as in the first 3 months so it does get better. I chose no contact maybe that is what is helping me adjust. I am angry though but keeping it to myself with the use of a punching bag. I am seeing a counselor so you might try that if you can. I also chose to be placed on antidepressants for the anxiety. The anxiety was debilitating for me. I had to do something to help myself. Exercising helps. I would either walk or run. Journal journal journal. Get the feelings out don’t suppress them. If you don’t you may become depressed. After this is over and you have felt all you need to feel to heal, you will be better for it in your next relationship. Acknowledge what went wrong in this relationship to ensure you don’t take any problems into your next relationship. This time will be for you and your daughter. Find yourself. This is what I am trying to do. I have been a wife and mother for 22 years and just don’t know what to do with myself. I am forcing myself to do this as I really don’t want to do anything at this point. I am trying to get myself moved 5 hours away from them. I am going back to my home town where family is. I need them right now as well as my son. I am frightened for my future but if I work hard, I can make a life for myself. You will as well. Do your grieving for however long it takes but try to avoid do it around your daughter. Think positive thoughts. That is what my counselor says. Say positive things to yourself all day long. Eventually, you will believe you will be happy again and have this amazing new life with a new incredible guy. You are still young. You will have an amazing life eventually. This is the new norm. People are divorcing all the time and are having amazing lives. That is what I am trying to think. I am 57 so it will be harder for me. I am still not sure if I want one but if I do meet one, who knows how I’ll feel. You can do this and feel good and even great again you’ll see. Sending love your way. I know how you feel. We’ll make it!!!!

  104. My dear Gemma, Omg my heart is breaking for you so much I don’t have words for you! My husband left me before Christmas and just like you blames me for everything that he is doing wrong! He says mean things to me and more! It’s only been almost 2 months for me and I do want to tell you that since December 14 when he left my heart and stomach do not feel the same way or is a little better. I did not not eat for 28 days straight not could I sleep at all. I too dreamed of my husbands coworker and him together and sweetie please let me tell you to please fight to change your thoughts on something true and lovely and kind! I started tormenting myself with the thoughts and one day I said wait a minute I’m not gonna give this woman the satisfaction of controlling me from a far I WILL NOT. I am better than her she is empty and selfish and does not have a heart ! Same goes for your situation , this is their sin they created and trust me it’s not gonna last cause it’s sin, a LIE, God does not honor this. The consequences of their actions are gonna come trust me because you did not deserve this it’s cruel! That’s how I feel what my husband is doing. I pray that you experience some comfort and peace in your heart today! I pray that you will dig down in the strength and the courage that YOU HAVE and stand tall! Your are NOT worthless , ugly or unwanted! Your husband is loosing a loving beautiful and courageous woman that gave him the love she had and he is missing out! My pastor told me Angie your husband is NOT happy out there doing what he is he is miserable trust me and one day he is gonna coming crying to you when it hits him and at that point you will have the best response for him that God is going to give you and you are gonna have the most unbelievable peace about yourself that you will know you won’t have any regrets of your response !! Please please believe that all of us here on this site are going through all this heartache for a reason. We are ALL going to be OVERCOMERS and make a difference in someone else’s life watch. Because we have experienced it we can give back to someone else hurting and in pain. I wish I had a magic wond to heal your heart right now this moment, I don’t want anyone to feel the pain I do not at all! The love you have for your husband that he is rejecting turn it ALL around on yourself and fill yourself with it! I say to myself I’m going 1 day at a time with this broken heart and yes it doesn’t hurt like it did a month ago! Your name is going to be in my prayers tonight like all of us on here! You are special and strong even if you don’t feel it right now YOU ARE! With love Angie

  105. My husband left me on New Year’s Eve for another woman I was shocked as only 2 days before he was talking about having another baby and holidays in the new year we had been together since I was 14 and he was 16 he was my best friend through life it hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out 2 weeks later that he had been seeing this girl behind my back I am having to move out of the marital home and start again with our 2 yr old daughter I feel like I am being punished for something he decided to do to me he hasn’t apologised and won’t tell me who the girl is or when he met her he’s very protective of her and calls her his girlfriend to my face it’s very hurtful as I thought we were happy planning another wonderful year together but now I feel everything he had planned to do with me he’s now going to do it all with her we have now only been separated for 4 weeks and his ‘relationship ‘ with her is growing stronger as he stays with her at her home most evenings and doesn’t want to take our daughter out because he would rather be with her it’s as if he has pushed aside all his responsibilities for this younger woman he’s 32 and now acting like he’s in his early 20’s my friends and family say it’ll be a flash in the pan and he will regret it all but I’m not too sure he says he hates me but I’ve done nothing wrong to him it’s as if he has forgotten how happy we were for 15yrs because he’s in this love bubble with her now it’s crushed my life I haven’t eaten for 7 days I can’t sleep cos every time I close my eyes I imagine him with her and can’t cope with the emotions of feeling like I wasn’t good enough for him I hate him for what he’s done to me & our daughter but still love him and cry all the time because I know it’s over for good and I can’t come to terms with the decisions he’s made in ending our marriage for this new woman I feel worthless, ugly and unwanted by the one person who alway told me he loved me he even text and told me 2 days before he walked out on me which is why I’m finding it so hard to come to terms with I have no family support I was close to his family but they are agreeing with what he has done to me and will soon be welcoming this new woman into the family and I’m sure she will be sat in my marital home next week when I have moved out I have asked him to keep her away until the divorce is finalised but I do t think he will because he doesn’t care how much I’m hurting he’s just gunna do what he wants he dropped our daughter off tonight and rushed off to go to her house with all the new clothes on and trainers that I had just bought him for Christmas and now all I can think about is Valentine’s Day I used to have to remind him to get me a card and flowers but I’m pretty sure he will be rushing to the shops to buy this woman gifts and spoil her when he should be doing all that for me please someone on here who’s gone through this tell me the pain eases over time because right now it’s killing me inside

  106. Hi Judith, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are still in the early stage and it’s still absolutely horrible. I don’t know how I got through that time except that I would walk or run whenever possible. I am seeing a therapist and she is really helping. Definitely see one. I am also on antidepressants. I am willing to try anything. I’ve lost 40 pounds. It’s almost 5 months for me. We were together 22 years. He is now with the 63 year old neighbor and he is only 48. It’s a nightmare. I am moving in 2 weeks about 5 hours away. This town is not big enough for the 3 of us. All my friends here have abandoned me because they just don’t know what to say to me. I’ve lost all. I am going back to my home town. I am desperate to make a new life for myself. I just don’t have a choice. I can’t imagine a life without him but I have to make it work and try to be happy again. I don’t do well sad all the time. It’s just not me. I can’t even think of having another relationship to have this happen again. I am so scared of that. What an experience this has been. I don’t know what I am feeling now maybe just numb maybe depressed. I am waiting for the antidepressants to start working. At least I don’t feel completely broken like I did. I was a loving wife and mother and did everything for my family. I think about what I am going to do now. You are probably thinking the same thing. Well, don’t go that far out. Only think about moment to moment or you will drive yourself right over the edge. Too many changes all at once so don’t think about too far in the future. Think of only positive things to avoid depression.Think about things you are grateful for. I know it’s hard but do it. It will help you to avoid thoughts of them together. I think my husband is going through a midlife crisis. He is so confused and don’t know what he wants and it happens be a woman 15 years his senior. His birth mother is 1 year older that this woman. Well, if he changes his mind, there will never be going back after the pain He’s caused me,

  107. Dear Judith My heart breaks hearing your story it sounds just like mine! I truly don’t want anyone to feel the pain I am experiencing from my husband leaving also! You say you don’t beleive in God we’ll that is all I have to hold on to and He is truly giving me courage, his strength, his grace, and most of Love to see me walk through this trial and sadness! I have faith that God is going to work this out for His good and whatever it will be will be the answer that is going to perfect for my life. This woman that supposedly loves God is a lie! God will not honor her sin at all HE WILL NOT. God says cengangence is mine , believe that my dear, this woman is not a believer because God hates adulterey and divorce! Shame on her for even speaking on it shame on her! I pray that one day you will find peace coming into your soul and a sense of calm and when it happens that is God ! He will never leave us or forsake us. Wow I’m so mad with you at the fake , insecure, deceitful woman. My prayers are for healing for you and your family total restoration and I pray for deliverance! With love Angie

  108. Hey Judith…I’m so sorry your going through this. It is heart breaking. I’m two years down the road,and it does get better I promise. As your feeling so desperate,may I suggest you go no contact. Let him get on with it. I did this pretty much from the beginning, only engaging if it applied to the children. Whilst in no contact,I discovered through the pain, that he could own it lock,stock and barrel. Yes, your husband will paint you out to be a lot of things,this is to justify his own behaviour. My ex moved In with the OW Several weeks after we split. I simply let him live his disgusting life,got a job,made new friends,got rid of friends I couldn’t trust and started making new memories. I simply faked it till I made it.
    Let me tell you what I learned…after a while, I stopped thinking about him,he on the other hand pretty much realised after several months that his new wonderful life wasnt that great. Fast forward,he’s about to move into a new place on his own, has told me numerous times he messed up, he loves me…blah blah blah, how sorry he is, and much more. In the two years I’ve kept quiet, dignified and it’s only recently I can actually have a conversation with him. I feel nothing!
    I’ve come to realise I’m worth so much more, and even after being with him for over twenty years,The deceit is too much to be able to trust him. His life is completely ruined, he is miserable,and I made sure I got what I deserved. It’s the biggest most desperate thing I’ve been through, however, I’m stronger than I realised,I can do it alone…but more importantly I’m showing my teen daughter that mum won’t stand for his crap.
    Be kind to yourself, try and get out as much as you can, joinclubs in your area,and start pushing yourself. Sounds like your ex is having a hard time. Tough I say, let him! Hugs hunni xxxx

  109. I am 3 weeks into my husband leaving me after 30 years of marriage. I just turned 50. I know nothing but him. I went to bed January 7th married to the best man in the world and very in love, and woke up to him leaving me. He had a “friend” at work. He claims he was never unfaithful, but just days after he left, he said he is “starting a relationship” with this woman, his friend. We had 3 children; our daughter was killed in a car accident 7 years ago at the age of 18. I thought we lived through the worst life could bring. I was wrong. I am living through this apocolypse again, just grief over him instead of my dead child. This woman told him he was the second coming of some saint who was to sit at the right hand of Jesus upon his return. She is religious, we were not. I am not. But how do I compete with someone who strokes an ego like that? Then the same woman, who believes in God, breaks the 6th commandment without losing a beat. I saw him today and he just tries to make me feel guilty, he is losing weight, he is going to lose his job because he is living with her where he works, etc etc etc. I love this man, more than life itself. But right now, I despise him so much, I never want to see his face again. My sons are 28 and 23 and they are still in shock that the man they knew and loved could hurt our family so badly, hurt their mother so much. But all I can do is think of the two of them together, and it is so unfair that my days are consumed with those thoughts. I don’t pray to God, I don’t have alot of friends, I just have my family, they are the most important thing to me. But this man threw us all away like garbage. Our sons, our grandson, our pets, me. For a woman he knew for 6 months. Maybe she gives him sexually something “new”. Who knows, he lies about everything. But finding other women who have gone throught this, who are going through this…helps to know I am not alone. I know I need counselling. I have to find a therapist because I have to be vocal to someone. It is not fair to always talk to my boys about this. They have to deal with their loss too. But I just want to stop thinking about him and her and how betrayed I feel. Thanks for letting me rant <3

  110. My husband and I were high school sweethearts, got married at 18, have 3 grown children with 4 beautiful grandchildren and have been married for 40 years. We have had our share of problems but for the most part have had a good marriage until about the last 4 years. He has left me several times for 2 different women. He has become abusive in the last few years as well especially since he has been becoming attached, shall we say.. Each time he has left he has done it with a note secretly while I was gone or asleep. I in the past have truly tried to fight for him, for our marriage, this time I am finished. It’s killing me to have to tell my kids that he left again, to see there faces, hear them say Mom please don’t take him back… I loved him with everything I am, gave him some of the best years of my life… I have been hurt not only physically but emotionally by him and I just can’t keep doing this to me….

  111. I’m also dealing with the same situation how to I get past this pain. I still love him after catching him 3 times with the same woman!

  112. Hello, I never thought my husband would do this to me, but he did. We married on 12/09/2017. A few months after that, I noticed some changes in his pattern, coming home later, on the phone more, etc.. I started to pay closer attention. I started to have that “gut” feeling, that something wasn’t right! I confronted him with my concerns, and he sweet talked me out of it. Again that did not take the feeling away. On May 6th of 2018, he went to let the dog out in the middle of the night, I quickly grabbed his phone and found the messages from the other girl. I cried screamed, the works. A few days later we decided to do counseling. I forgot to mention that the other woman was also married. I thought counseling was going great. Her husband reached out to me two weeks into our counseling sessions of screenshots between the two of them talking again. I got upset yet again. We continued counseling. Our counselor was not happy! – But I stayed. Almost a year later I thought everything was going ok and it wasn’t he was still seeing this other woman. This time I had enough! I moved out of the house, and know I’m dealing with severe depression, and still wanting to fight for our marriage. – Because I’m so deeply in love with this man. He’s telling me we are separated and need time apart for now. Which I think is not true. – Because he’s still continuing to see this woman! I feel like such an idiot! How can I love someone that has hurt me so much!

  113. Dear Laura. My heart breaks to hear you are so much pain. I want you to know that the decision your husband made when you put him out and my husband has nothing to do with us doing that act! Our husbands left us already when they decided to start up the affair think about that! My husband said that to me and I told him he had left the minute he decided to have an affair! He actually said TRUE! The one thing that is getting me through this mess is I am drowning myself in Jesus and the word of God! God WILL and has already taken care of all this pain and heartache we all are experiencing and it has already been solved! I don’t know your spiritual beliefs but hang on to that promise. I ask God everyday to help me to forgive my husband and the woman because you know why? When we do forgive we are releasing them to the Father for him to take care of this mess for us! Today in this world there is such an attack on families and marriages that it is insanity to me! After my last post I saw my husband again and it was like I was feeling sorry for him because he looked so sad and unhappy! Our husbands are not happy they are masking the pain that we forced them into their lie and they want to turn it back on us so they don’t have to face reality that they ruined there family for a fantasy, a fantasy that God is not going to honor! They belong to us they are our husbands. I feel that forgiveness will set us free from feeling captive to these thoughts and these other woman! Don’t give her that power NO don’t please!!!!! Don’t get me wrong it is a daily fight and I’m gonna fight and want you too with me to let these men see they did not break us! I have this quote on my phone it goes; God will put you back together and make you stronger right in front of the people who broke you❤️❤️❤️❤️ Let’s beleive that together let’s do it , let’s not give the enemy the power to destroy us and our family let’s do it!! I am trying to force myself to do a little something daily even if it’s just getting out of room and going into another room! So please with a deep heart of compassion for you and all of us on here let’s do it! Let’s see what God has in store for us only HE knows and it is going to be PERFECT !!!! With love and concern. Angie “When the time is right I the Lord will make it happen”. Isiah 60:22. “The pain that you’re feeling can’t compare to the Joy that is coming”. Romans 8:18

  114. Hello Angie, I went through the same exact thing I was only married for 7 years with 2 kids a 5 year old and 1 year old. I found him cheating and kicked him out. I guess I was hoping he would try to make things right. That only made him get closer to her. He keeps telling me that she meant nothing before but with me kicking him out he was hurt and she was there. I beat myself up everyday asking myself what if I didn’t kick him out. It’s been 6 months and I am still walking around like a zombie. My ONLY reason for getting up in the mornings are my kids other than that I really think I would have gave up. I wish I could just take this pain away. I’m losing hope and feel like life is just not fair.

  115. Hello Maggie I am in the same exact situation it’s only been 6 months for me but I can’t take feeling like this anymore! It’s taken over my entire life. We were married for almost 7 years. We had two boys together who are 5 and 1 so I know I have to try for them. I honestly just wish I could sleep my whole life away so I don’t have to feel this pain anymore.

  116. Hello Natasha I’m going through the same exact thing we were married for seven years and have 2 boys together. It’s been 6 months for me and I’m still walking around like a zombie. I have no appetite and my stomach turns every time I think of them together. I just want to get on with my life soooo bad but I can’t! It’s taking over my entire life. The fact that there are kids involved makes it so much harder. Maybe we can email each other and get through it together

  117. So yesterday I saw my husband for first time in awhile. It was the hardest conversation I had. He asked me if I got what I wanted when I looked on his phone and saw he was cheating, of course I said NO! He said to me basicly this is what I get why hes not here in the home because I put his stuff in the car, I put him out. So naturally its my fault, he has no ownership in the fact he is with another woman hes just focused on me putting his stuff in his car. He also said in the past he told me if Im gonna look for something to be wrong he said why not just give it to me then, so he cheats WOW WOW WOW Im in such disbelief at his responses. So im the fault of him seeking woman for happiness, when every time my husband has never restored his family, its just bury it. I really had to pray so hard that I wasnt crazy hearing this because I would start believing Im to blame. HE IS SO ANGRY, BITTER, AND LOOKS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND UNFORGIVING. It is so so hard to keep the voices out your head THAT YOU DIDNT DO THIS ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! I wonder all the time is this woman fulfilling him or making him happy? Im not understanding the rage because I am not having the affair he is!

  118. My ex Husband definitely left me for another women. We tried making things better but no matter what I did it wasn’t enough. He was very emotionally abusive and I left the marriage lately I lost my appetite and can’t sleep he one minute wants me then he doesn’t I no it’s time to leave but dont no how to stop loving him nor sleeping with him please help.

  119. I first commented on here dec 31 and some days have gone by! I have ok days and then all of sudden something hits and it feels like it just happened all over again! I am really trying to be strong and get my worth in myself back but things keep happening that bring you right back to beginning. My husbands car is in driveway due to he took other one out the garage and of course what do I see in his car ! A box with the other woman’s name and address on it where she ordered him something and he left the box in there. I know it might sound small but dang my heart dropped again as if I just found out! I know he is with yes, but when it’s in your face it is really terrorizing to your soul! I started my day off in prayer and felt good and then I see this, I know it’s just the enemy trying to keep me thinking about them and wanting to make me feel unworthy, unloved , humiliated, angry and unforgiving but I’m trying really hard to strong and lean on God because at the end of the day HE is in control of ALL! I ask God how can my husband do such cruel things in my eyes because HE is the only one that knows my husbands heart and I sure can’t wait for an answer. This is just devastating because the love is still there for this man you just can’t erase 30 years of someone being connected to your soul! I read all these comments and pray always for all of us to get healing it’s just not right for us to be treated this way! I wonder what my husband would feel like if this happened to him! I wonder always, the biggest thing is he happy because evidently it wasn’t me that could fulfill it! When I do have to speak to him he sounds aggravated I don’t hear happiness in his voice so what’s the point of all this just to destroy an entire family and the woman that has stood beside him for all these years and this isn’t even the first infidelity ! So So So sad.

  120. Hi Maggie
    For me it’s only been 22 years but try to get out with friends. Get on an exercise program. But some clothes even if you have to buy them second hand. Get a hobby. Find things you really like to do. Get on antidepressants. You are in the depression stage. It is so easy to feel sorry for yourself but it does no good for you. You will become stuck. Don’t do it. I am only 4 months into my breakup to divorce. I am seeing a therapist which is helping. I do have trouble doing anything let alone trying to do any of the above. I will try. I just starting my antidepressants so waiting for them to kick in. Never taken them before. I am willing to try anything as I have a lot to do. I have to move half my stuff 5 hours away. I am so grateful I have the opportunity to move away from my ex and our neighbor together. The town is not big enough for the three of us. I hope you can get out from under the funk you are in and live a little. At least try a little. I know it’s hard to do anything when you feel this way but it will help you little by little. Surround yourself with family and friends. Talk. Get it all out. Get a punching bag and cut loose.

  121. Abandoned and Broken

    Wow I feel so bad for each of you. I just went through this too and can not manage to get myself together. Cried much of the afternoon and feel so sad.

  122. My dear,

    take courage. My now ex husband is living with who knows who since a year too and since a few months does not even pay maintenance for his own son. It is so painful but so easy to see what they are going through. The more time goes by the grass seems less green and the perfect soul mate does not seem so perfect anymore. Now they decide to deny this and put their anger on their faithful spouse as if they are responsabile for their unhapiness. It’s so easy ! They try to show through their anger against us that they did the best decision of life and scold us like naughty children. All I say is poor soul! Think this……. if they were happy would they be so mean to us????? Try to turn the situation…. what if you were the one who left? If you were soooo in love and happy with your new partner why should you be a monster to others????Do you see what I mean? A person who is happy and in peace with one self does not need to be angry….. I know a fine man, who is so kind and fills me with so much appreciation and attention. Wow…. what a difference I see in him! He wants nothing in return from me but shows so much patience and loves just to be with me. I feel so good and peaceful with my self that if that fool of my ex husband will come with repentance… you know what I would do? Give him such a great hug with love and wish him truely all the best for his own future because I have learnt what true love is. I do admit, I still have deep feelings for my ex but not angry with him anymore! I truly wish the best for him because I am happy and in peace with myself. Do you know what I am trying to tell you? If your husband is truely happy then why does he react like a monster??? Very simple! He is not happy!!!!! A happy person CANNOT treat anyone badly….. absolutely no one. Please pray that God will guide you. Your husband is angry because the sin inside of him gives no peace. Goodness, honesty, self esteem and love has nothing to do with lies, cheating and deceiving. He is lost in sin, he lost all that is good inside of him. Do you now still ask your self why he is so mean to you? My ex husband denied who he is and let darkness in the moment he committed adultery! By comitting adultery he gave up his spirit of light. Can a person living with darkness inside be kind and understanding to others? Never. He SEEMS to be happy with the other woman because she is just as dark inside herself just like he is! You are full with light! Darkness hates light because the darkness knows….. the light is always stronger. He sees you with anger because you remind his spirit the light that it had lost…… through lies, deceit and adultery! Keep truethfull and faithful to your light! May the light of God always be with you and protect you! I am steadily growing stronger and peace is flowing steadily more and more in me everyday because the light of God is holding me and is holding you too!!!!! Please put your self and your family in the hands of God and believe that one day you will be healed! I know there is a huge battle in your mind. You keep thinking where on earth is my husband? What happened to him? It’s not him anymore!!!! The truth is that he is gone! The person you married is not there anymore. He gave up him self! The person he is now IS a stranger. Selfishness and pride is now ruling him. If someone takes away the light from your eyes, what happens? You are blind. You see darkness. The beautiful colours cannot be seen without the shinning light. You are not seen from your husband anymore because he sees no shinning light ! Without this light he misses out on seeing your beautiful colours. He is stumbling continiously in the darkness trying not to fall by holding him self to another woman who is in the same trap as he is. One day they will stumble so hard into each other and painfully fall. When they wake up they start seeing the light and think… what on earth has happened? How did I ever get here…. reality sets in and believe me… the pain that you have gone through has nothing to do with the pain they WILL have to go through . Move forwards with your life! Please trust in Gods healing. What ever will happen never forget, your spirit is full of light!

    Gods blessings to you and your family!

  123. Rosa,

    I needed to read this today. It’s two years. I have moved forwarded but still don’t understand the cruelty and lies. He lives with her over a year now and doesn’t talk to me at all. After 26 years together, I never thought I see this from him.

    Thank you.

  124. A friend request icon is not available on your Facebook under Alta Renee Carpenter so I sent a Messenger message. I hope to help support myself and others going through this.

  125. Never regret making that choice to not take him back. I took my husband back over 10 times within a year. This past weekend he told me he was ready to commit but after his child support hearing for this child he had with this girl, he decided he was not ready to commit, yet again. It seems as though these men have so much conflict within them but what they are really struggling with is greener grass. If they only knew that it was turf… Reading what everyone is going through is really helping me. the other woman is definitely telling my husband everything he needs to hear. when it is time to move on, its time to move on. I am now living with no regret. my choices are what gets me through this mess. I am making the choice to be happy, I am making the choice to stay away, and I am making the choice to start new.

  126. I am right there with you. I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 12 years. we have two beautiful children and now he has a child with this woman who he had an affair with for 4 years. I say have been because we are still married and he refuses to divorce me. I didn’t want to be the one to file because I didn’t want him to seem like the victim but I think it is high time I just face the facts. we had tried to mend the relationship for the last year, during which he left me about 10 or 12 times because he just couldn’t be without her. we even moved states to work on our marriage but he left me in the other state to move back to her… then he moved back to my state to once again try to fix the marriage. I have been emotionally abused by this man for far too long and although I am scared that he will drag me back in the relationship, I am doing everything I can to let go and stay away. The other girl, because a real woman wouldn’t take a married man from another woman, worked with him for those three years and saw the lifestyle that we had together. we went on trips and had a beautiful 2 story house. She lived in an apartment and was married to a bum. But she left her husband for mine. After the reveal he left his job, we lost our home, and are now living with family in another state. He of course is living out of his car because he feels that that is better than living with me and his children. I know its hard to move forward but after all he put me through, I woke up and realized that he will never be able to leave this woman and I am the one that is going to have to file. It may feel like you will never get over it, but eventually (God-willing) you will look back and realize that it was his loss. He had a good thing and he gave it up for a child, a lost little selfish girl. It’s what keeps me going. He will realize that he made a mistake and it will be too late.

  127. Hi. I literally only jumped on Google to find some type of advice because I’m starting to get frustrated that my mind won’t or can’t think of anything else but my husband & his new gf. I’m so over having them rule my every thought. There is nothing I want more right now then to just get on with my life & try & forget what’s happened….I’m about 3 months into the break up & we were together 10yrs married for 3yrs. Between us we have 4 gorgeous boys. This girl I speak of was a work mate & she was also married, but hers only lasted 8 months because she left her husband for my husband. I put 110% into our relationship & only to be left like this. I’m scared I won’t ever get over this. I want to so bad I just don’t how to😔

  128. Hello,
    I am 4 months into the break up of a 22 year marriage. We are going to do the financials this weekend. It is happening so fast. He left me for the 63 year old neighbor and he is 48. It’s just wrong. I cried for the first 3 months. Big wrecking sobs. I had crippling anxiety. I’ve been seeing a therapist and she is really helping me. I don’t have anyone here for support. My whole neighborhood of friends don’t invite me anymore now that we are now t together. I don’t know if they invite the old fat ass w&@$e and the cheater. I feel so alone aand hurt. I work and come home to my beautiful house that I will not have for long. The wasband’s mother will be buying me out. I will be moving close to my family as I really need them right now as well as my son. My wasband was a functioning drug addict for 15 years of our marriage. I don’t know why I stayed but hoped every day that he would quit. He finally did it and I had 3 lovely years of a sober husband and now this. However, I am better but I don’t know what the future holds and trying to take one day at a time because anxiety was over the top thinking about the future. You just can’t think that way in the beginning. It was just send you in a tailspin. I am not crying nearly as much and the anxiety has lessened considerably and so totally grateful. I still think about them together a lot but I block it with positive thoughts like “I can get through this” “I’m going to have a happy life”. I just say them in my head like a mantra to distract myself. My therapist suggested it and it seems to work. If you say it over and over again, you will eventually believe it. I am will to try anything at this point. I am working on me. I am going to have to be selfish in my meeting with the wasband on the financials just like she told me when he left me for the neighbor. I have to support myself and support our son through college. We will be living with my mother until I can save enough to buy a house in that expensive area. I’ll need a job first. I can’t bear living in the same town with them. I think moving is the best thing for me. I am so happy I found all of you going through the same mess I am going through. My heart goes out to all of you.

  129. Hi Carol, I too am 57 and married for 22 years. I am now divorcing due to my husband is now with the neighbor (a mutual friend). She happens to be 63 and he is 48. This has been going on since Sept and it is now Jan. All I feel is extreme anxiety. I cried a lot in the beginning great huge soul wrenching sobs. For some reason I stopped crying but my head is full of them but I put a mantra in my head @i can do this”. I say it to myself over and over. It helps with all the crap in my head. I am seeing a therapist and it’s really helping me. I really don’t have anyone else here. I plan on moving back where my family is as I really need them. I will really try to make a life for myself. I was having depression and started antidepressants so hopefully they will kick in soon. I just feel numb right now. I don’t know if it is a good thing or not. We’ll see. I have so much trouble seeing a future at my age. I am so scared. I have to start over from scratch as we don’t have a lot. I will get half the house which is paid for but living near my family will cost a pretty penny. It’s very expensive there. I have found if I take one day at a time instead of thinking of how I will make it in the future , there is less anxiety for me. I hate my husband for leaving me for a woman 15 years older that he is. She is 1 year younger than his birth mother (he was adopted). It’s just sick and wrong. I know I am 9 1/2 years older than my husband. Love does work in mysterious ways. 15 of our years together was a night mare and I have no clue why I stayed. He was a functioning drug addict. He quit and after only 3 years sober he left me after all I’ve been though for him. I had the house of my dreams the life I finally wanted and he leaves. All I can say is just WOW, life is cruel. I wish you the best Carol. It is so hard at our age seeing a future but it happens and hopefully will be bright for the both of us. Try to keep busy. Don’t stay at home. Get out. Visit friends. Pamper yourself. Find something different to do every single day. Make a list and do it. Love to all here

  130. Hi Jacque. How are you doing. My situation is so similar to yours and I admire you for the strength you have and wish I could be the same. As you are I am trying to move on by going out and meet new people but still struggle on a daily basis. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you

  131. Hi Veronica.
    I feel your pain. My ex has a Harley Davidson motorcycle and I would see them in the summertime when they are on the bike. She would have her arms wrapped around him. I am loosing weight but I will never be as skinny as she is. I have very low confidence at this time because I picture them being together and it’s sometimes too much to handle. The holidays were really rough this year even though he has been with her for the past 2 years. I finally came to the conclusion that he is gone forever. Then he sent me 2 texts. The first one said – sorry for texting you, I know I shouldn’t. Know you hate me and I know I am the last person you want to hear from. The next text came on Christmas night when he said -I hope you had a nice Christmas. The pain of missing him started all over again. Why did he text me this when he is still with this new girl of his. I am hoping that this year will be my turn to find a new man in my life. Thank you for reading my post. Take care

  132. Dear Cvd,

    God is with us all the time. I am so happy to see how you already lean on Him. You are now the light of your family. Pray for your family and especially for your children. May Gods grace and blessings guide you through this terrible storm. From this terrible pain we all go through when a husband abbandones his family we need to see Gods beautiful love He has for us! I wish you all so much strength! Through Gods love and grace, I am standing strong and feel so blessed in His love! God has a plan for us as you have said, and Gods plan so so perfect! To all you beautiful women….. You WILL make it, because God is now with you…. Please believe this! Blessings to you all🙏🙏🙏

  133. Please post anonymously

    I’ve been married for 15 years together for 17. We have two children. 12 year old son who will be 13 soon and 11 year old daughter. Also have a step daughter who is 17 years old. We met online. He told me he wasn’t married nor had kids. Later on I found out he was married and he had a baby on the way. By then I was head over heels in love with him. I was only 21 years old. I tried to move past him lying to me and for a few years things got better. We got married when I was 23. He was very secretive after we got married. He wouldn’t let me have a key to our mailbox at our first apartment which we lived at for 2 and a half years. When I would walk past him when he would be on his laptop he would close it right away. He never let me touch his phone. I had endometriosis so I was in pain almost every day. We also lived 6 hours away from anyone I knew. Once we started trying to have kids I found out I wasn’t able to have any kids. I became very depressed. We moved closer to our family which helped. Then I became pregnant. Once my son was born a few months later my dad started getting sick. He had cancer. I became depressed again plus I was hurting all the time. My daughter was born the following year. I started hearing rumors that my husband was cheating on me with our neighbor. He was always over there. He said it wasn’t like that. He just talks to girls and there is nothing wrong with that. He wouldn’t be loving and affectionate he said you don’t give me time to be. My dad passed away right before my daughter turned 1. I went into a deep depression. I wanted to go to marriage counseling but he said we didn’t need it. He would try to work on our marriage for not even a week then he would become distant. I have migraines and also fibromyalgia. When I had confronted the neighbor she told me to talk to my husband. We moved shortly after that because our house had black mold and was making all of us sick. He didn’t talk to her anymore. We bought a house and things started to get better for awhile. I still didn’t do much. When I would try and cook it would be very painful. I would clean as much as I could. I stayed home with the kids. Every now and then I would miss a field trip and he would have to take them. I was on antidepressants and they made me hear voices which I didn’t realize the pills were making me hear the voices. In 2015 my friend was constantly flirting with my husband. It made me sick how they acted like a couple. Everyone saw it and when I would mention it to him he would become defensive and say I was crazy. I ended up being committed for two weeks for almost taking my life. He then almost left me. In 2016 he almost left me again but said he wanted to work things out instead. In 2017 she became pregnant and all our neighbors thought he was the father. He was mad that I was upset about this. The end of 2017 I was at my moms on the weekdays helping her take care of my grandparents and only coming home on the weekends. My grandpa passed away in November of last year. He had Alzheimer’s. I then still helped my mom with my grandma. I was able to look at his phone and read text messages he was sending to one of his friends. He was telling her how the party is over now that the wife can no longer help since her back is messed up. He also kept calling the girl that’s supposed to be just his friend my girl over and over again. Then he was talking about another girl how they hugged and he felt cared for that he hadn’t felt that in a long time. I confronted him and he said he was sorry he hurt me. This summer He wanted to work on us really work on us this time. We we’re being more loving towards one another sending sweet little texts. I thought we were doing better. December 7th he told me he wants to separate. That he has met someone else and is in love with her. They have been texting for months and hanging out. I even asked if I had anything to worry about and he said no we’re just friends. The person he has met is actually a friend one of ours who is married as well and also told her husband she wants to separate. He told me I can’t make him happy. He loves me but he isn’t in love with me. He hasn’t been in love with me for years. He said our marriage has been over for years. He stopped living in our home January 2nd. I’m heartbroken and confused.

  134. My husband of 12 years decided he wants to stay with the other woman who is older than me and left me alone with my 3 kids ages 11 below. he started having an affair in 2017 and got the woman pregnant. He has no work and relies on the other woman’s income to survive. The baby was born in february 2018 but sadly died december 2018. He always say to me that he chose to stay with them because of the baby but doesnt love the other woman and that as soon as this is figured out he’ll soon come back home. But now that their baby is gone, he is still there and cant find any excuse anymore. He wants me to wait for him until he finds the right time to leave her. In our country, there is no divorce. It breaks my heart that he is enjoying the best of both worlds. I honestly want to end things with him and move on but he doesnt. I have tried to talk to him about filing for annulment but he is begging me to give him time to think and sort his feelings. I dont want to wait and i want to be done being miserable. I am being positive that i can surpass this and i should not hold back anything anymore.

    To all the ladies here who are suffering like me, WE CAN DO THIS. let us not bitterness and anger take us over. It is not the end of era for us and i know God has a plan for us why this is happening. We just have to be strong for us and for our kids.

  135. Hi. My husband left me for in 2008 and he took everything that we had and gave it to her. He threw me out of our matrimonial home. We had two kids by then. Then I told my pastor. He prayed for and my husband said I should go back to my house but with no furniture. I went back in 2011.He used to visit me then I go t pregnant. Then the other lady was angry and he left him. He had another girlfriend with two kids. I am not staying with him. We visit each other. This festive season I have been calling and he was not answering my calls then I decided to go and check on him and I found him with the girlfriend that has two kids. I was going with my kids and he chased us away and now he is not talking to us. Am so hurting. Please hehelplp

  136. Hi. Did search for how to cope when my husband left me for another woman and found this. I’m 50 years old and spend the last 35 years of my life with him. Our marriage was not perfect of course but out of character he began distancing himself last April and 3 weeks later says he wants a divorce. Found out a week later he was in love with another married woman who had already left her 3 young children and husband a month before. They had planned all of this. We have 2 boys, ages 18 and 14. We are all devestated by this, tho my younger one seems to be dealing well…its hard to tell…I think he’s trying to be strong for me. Since my ex said he wanted me to be taken care of, I have a condo I bought from money from the separation so I have no mortgage and he provides some support. Never been on my own before and Im so scared. I am also incredibly angry at him for leaving me for her!!! It makes me sick if I hear that he’s spending the night with her and doing things with her he never did with me! I do not know how to move on at all. I want to. I am just SO lost and hurt that he seems like he is moving on and happy with her. None of this makes any sense to me and I suspect I will NEVER understand what happened! So now I am left to try to figure all of this out. I dont even know where to start. I have no false hope that we will get back together so Im glad I am not dealing with that. I am just SO ANGRY and SO HURT! I dont know where to begin to let go and move on.

  137. My husband left me in July 2018, we had been married for 42years. There was no one else involved at the time, but he has struck up a friendship, that he hopes will become more than that. He is a DJ in his spare time and I trusted him do I g his monthly gig I didnt know be was building this friendship. He has filed for divorce and it’s all happened so quickly. It is hard to come to terms with and feels very lonely in our home on my own. I havnt sat crying all the time, I have got out and made new friends and am gradually building a new life for myself. The house is on the market a d I shall find somewere that’s just mine. The thing that’s keep g me awake at night is imagining them making love, and it’s torcher. If I can get past that I will be doing well. I’ve been with him for a life time s d unfortunately I relied on him for everything. I am getting stronger though and I will probably always love him.

  138. Thanks Angie, appreciate the helpful comment. I’m busy moving out of our house, selling furniture etc. Sadly my ex won’t even respond to emails asking him for info, I feel as if he’s turned this into my fault and is busy playing the victim! I’ll definitely get through this and am loved my many friends and family.

    Take care, peace and love.

  139. My husband of 7 years left me for another women and got her pregnant during our separation we have 2 little girls together and he was messing around with her during our whole 2 years of marriage. I feel so confused lonely and have built up anger and I found myself comparing myself to the other women. I have tried to move on numerous times and once again I’m back to square one trying to move on in my life. Everyday for me have been ups and downs but mostly downs but more problems just continue to be added to the fact he decided to leave once again. He have known this women for some months and I been with him since I was in high school but he gladly fought to be with her instead for fighting for his wife and kids . It been very hard for me to move forward from this situation but I’m currently filling for divorce.
    I thank you all for any help I really just needed a outlet to express the huge changes that’s going on in my life.

  140. Hi Ladies,

    I’ve been reading through all of your posts and they have really been helpful. My story is certainly not the worst I’m quite young (19) and I am finding it really hard to cope with my split even with God’s help. I was with a guy my age for roughly 2 years. We were extremely close and had plans to get married once w finished school and start a family. I was very happy and I always thought he was too until a week before everything fell apart and he seemed distant. I suggested breaking up since he seemed so miserable however it was not what I wanted. He retaliated with saying that it is exactly what he wants and that he “can’t do it anymore.” I begged him to stay and have been doing so for 3 months straight until I found out he immediately started seeing a new girl after it all ended and has refused to call me or meet up with me since we broke up. He was not a god follower like me and I was struggling with several mental health challenges at the at the time which were difficult for him. But I just don’t understand why he didn’t want to fight for our relationship after so much of our lives was spent together and how someone can fall out of love and in love with someone else so quickly. I keep wondering whats wrong with me that after 2 years of showing someone who I am, I wasn’t good enough.

    Thank you so much for any help.

  141. Carol W, I’m so sorry you are hurting ! My pain is enough it makes me sad that so many of us are in this situation. I hear you when you say intellectually you made the right decision but emotionally it feels completely different. I put my husband out he got angry, said I didn’t even give him the chance to talk to me. But the fear comes over you expecting to hear what you don’t want to hear so we react. I just would wish in all this he would figure this out WITHOUT the other woman. It’s like they need that bandaid to make them feel they are not that bad of a person. We know the other woman is saying everything they need to keep them going! But truly what is reality? I pray you get some peace in your soul and the answers you need for whatever is the best for your life! I know I would love it, this pain is horrible and very overwhelming!

  142. I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened. My partner of 14 years has/is being unfaithful. I found out two days before Xmas and the bottom dropped out of my world. You see it wasn’t the first time, plus all the secret online Instagram communications. The day I found this last one out I told him it was over. The conversation lasted two minutes with no pleading this time. Last year I caught him out and he begged me to stay, I’ll do anything to make this work he said. That’s how this time I knew it must end, he didn’t keep his word. Intellectually I know I did the right thing, emotionally I am overwrought with grief, second guessing whether I did the right thing and hysterical that I’m now alone. My forever man gone, I know I’ve done the only thing I could but my heart is broken.

  143. My husband left me 11 months ago after 40 year of marriage and I am struggling just as much today as I did when he left. I feel such deep rejection, anger and lonliness . I feel like I’m in deep black hole and will never get out if it. He says there is no other women but he is very friendly with someone. I have lost all respect and the most important thing I’ve lost is trust. I have asked God to feel my pain, see the pain and take it anyway but it’s just not happening. Can you please please give me some guidance. I’m just so tired of all that has happened and I just can’t cope anymore

  144. I have been married for 30 years to husband and I found messages of him telling a co worker he loves and misses her. So I truly lost it due to I knew something was bothering my husband and I kept asking to be honest with me but he wouldn’t. My husband has been unfaithful a lot and I keep forgiving and praying that the darkness he has inside of him would be replaced with the man I know is in there but he just won’t let him out due to his enormous pride he has! So I put him out the house because I was terrified that he would say I was leaving and to hear from him “she make me happy” that just made my heart drop. He says he didn’t confide in me when I asked because of guilt! He also says he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore he doesn’t know why he keeps doing this? He must know why you can’t do this your entire marriage and not know why? He initially was angry at ME for putting him out like it was my fault and I took that on me like what did I do to and alaways do to make him want another woman! It is the most painful thing that controls your mind to wonder what I did , why wasn’t I enough for him? So now today since he’s been gone I’m so so deeply hurting because he says he needs to figure this out on his own, figure out why he keeps hurting me and I get that but he still is with this other woman that he works with everyday and it kills me. She gets the benefit of my husband but I’m alone with my 2 grandsons that live with us and just feeling so much pain. He says he loves me but that is not stopping him from pursuing the co worker. I feel so so sad, humiliated, angry, lonely, confused , and just wanting some answers from him! Is a man really that cruel or is my husband that sick with so much bondage! I pray for him so much it hurts and I pray God will take care of all this. But in the mean time sometimes I hold my breath to not feel the pain!

  145. Hi Sherry, I feel you, I cried when I read your story. I Have been married to my husband 29 years. He dumped me last october on halloween night. I didnt know at the time, that he had this other woman. I spent the next 3 months trying to be nice and patient, I lost alot of weight and fixed myself up, makeup and cute clothes, In hopes he would come back. Then I found it all, pictures, sexual conversations, plans . It was devestating, I had a nervous breakdown. My mother wanted to call the paramedics. He had been seeing her from before october. By January he was living with her and her two daughters. My childern wanted to pounce on their father. We have 5 , they are 28,25, 23, 19, and 17. I wanted to keep it a secret until we would be divorced, because I knew once the truth was out, he would flaunt it around in my face, and try and get the kids to meet her. Which is whats happening now. We kept it quite for 3 months, everyone boiling over with anger and frustration. And he kept lying and denieing, till one day, me and my two youngest ran into her at the market. When I saw her all the pain and anger came flooding out. I confronted her and called her lots of other things. She ran right out of the store to call my husband. Finally we all had it out with him, except the 17yr. Old. I have been seeing a therapist once a week for the past year. I feel it helps alot. My therapist says Im moving along pretty quickly. Faster than his other patients. I attribute that to my efforts to living spiritually. I pray every morning and evening, and talk to the lord thru out the day. I need him in my life constantly. The lord carries me alot of the times when I cant make it on my own. Like you, he left me for a younger, skinnier, seems like carefree whore. But thats because, they are in the honeymoon stage, and they dont share real problems, like we did. Our youngest has severe obsessive compulsive disorder, along with other anxiety issues that have been very hard to deal with and alot of work. Im the strong one and he is weaker. When it comes to dealing with issues and problems. Sorry this got long. Oh! And did I mention that he asked her to marry him 2 months after he dumped me. I’m doing better getting stronger, just waiting for the divirce to be final. Then I will be moving with our youngest out of state. Cant wait!!! He too lives up the street from from us. We see him driving around all the time

  146. all the seven steps gave me a better expect at looking at things I’m still really hurt I’m going to be hurt for a while because he also loves this woman and had a baby by her this past October 2018 and we tried to rekindle our marriage and it didn’t work and he left me again and went back to her again and I kept blaming myself but I know it’s not just me its hard because I have two young children and I’m striving and doing the best I can paying bills with a very high rent

  147. Hi Klae
    Could I please be added to the group on Facebook? I tried to add Alyx as a friend but the option wasn’t there. I didn’t send her a message but I’m unsure if she’ll receive it because it might go to her other folder instead of her inbox? I really need to talk to other women in my position, tell my story and get it off my chest. I’m struggling so much these days, since he left, nothing makes sense anymore and I can’t function properly. I need help.

  148. T my heart goes out to you.
    It’s so painful and raw for you right now.
    Lean on family and friends for support, go on line and read as much you can.
    It’s not just down to you to make a marriage work, who said it would be easy!,
    Join the FB group, it helps to know so many of us are in the same boat, and are really supportive to one another.
    Most of all be kind to yourself, seek counselling, see your Dr.
    Take care of yourself x

  149. Yes ladies we would love for you to join the group. Please send a friend request to Alyx Renee Carpenter and she can add you to the group. We are all here for each other through this painful time.

  150. Hi
    Please add me to your group.

    There are so quite a few Alyx Thompson in facebook…not sure which one to add…
    Ilona Hartzenberg

  151. T I am so sorry you are going through this. We all understand how you feel. Alyx creates a Facebook group and we are all on it supporting each other on a daily basis. She can add you too it if you would like. I was on the same situation as you 9 months ago… except I found out the hard way. My husband just ran and gave me no answers. He still supports us though. I never had to worry that way. Try and keep your head up. I know how hard this is and the pain you are feeling but it will get better with time. Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. They choose to not fight for your marriage and run into the arms of another. Right now you need to find yourself, love yourself and realize how amazing you truly are xx

  152. My husband of 5 years has told me yesterday boxing day he loves another and left me today. I’m totally numb and finiancally scared. We rent a place in his name all bills were paid by him, he says he will continue to pay for everything if not I’m homeless. I am a lot in debt paying for things we did together so I have no savings.
    He has left for a few days to clear his head but I don’t think he will return. We have a dog who I am having and my husband will take out for walkies etc every so often.
    I just need some advice on how to cope right now. I blame myself for letting us drift apart.

  153. Please can you add me. I’ve just found out my husband has been having an affair for 1 year behind my back. Just found out a few days ago. We have two beautiful girls aged 8 and 4 and I’m trying to be normal for Christmas. I’ve been so up and down and feel like I’ve lost someone. He even met her last on Xmas Eve which yet again has made me feel utterly worthless. This woman has a fiance and I don’t think she wants him to find out. I’ve asked her to stay away but I can tell my husband cares for her. I feel like I have lost someone but also a horrible feeling of rejection. Despite these feelings I totally agree with the lady above saying how he is the one with the problem. And just lost someone faithful , kind and caring. I know I deserve better but someday just want my old life back as I know my girls will be affected by all of this. I’ve already been asked questions by my 8 year old about why we are not doing stuff altogt anymore. Please add me to group. I am desperate for some support right now. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but that’s so selfish of me with my gorgeous girls.

  154. They’re depressed and went back to an earlier time in life because they didn’t transition properly. The chemicals in their head have them convinced it’s the spouse because we’re the common denominator. They look around at the life they have left and with zero grown up coping skills they run. Run hard. Put their love for us in a box on a shelf. Temporarily.
    Try reading about mid life crisis. It can happen anytime between 35 and the 60s. It’s very common. It’s what you are describing.
    They’re running from responsibility and blaming the marriage. It’s not us! You have to pull way back and let them fall. They will. Let God have them. He can talk to them better than us.
    Peace.
    Look for Heartsblessing Presents on Google. She’ll help you. For sure. Also The Heros Spouse

  155. Hello I would love to be added to this group. My husband left me about a month ago and I could really use support especially because I am pregnant. I already sent a friend request!

  156. My husband left me for another woman I’m devastated it’s been 8 months now I still miss him and would take him back

  157. I too feel your pain and a few weeks before Christmas just makes it worse. I have been working on myself and such thinking since I kicked him out he was alone only to get a message from his girlfriend. I had hopes of him coming home and working us out for the kids and our marriage. He came home 2 days and left again. I’m devastated. Thought I was past the pain ad it’s all back even worse since there is someone else. I feel dead inside. I want to get to the point where I hate him! It started because he said he didn’t love me. Weeks later said he was depressed and he did love me he was just depressed from his dad passing. We were good a few weeks and I was getting attention elsewhere because he said he didn’t love me so I moved forward. Maybe to soon. Told him to leave and here we are. He hid his gf from me a year and a half. Never took the kids to his house. Just carried on like he was single. We had periods of weekends together more often than not. Now I’m so broken. He actually said he’s filing for divorce this time. I can’t seem to accept it but know I have to. It just hurts. And my poor babies are so confused they think it’s a game anymore. To top it off the ow knew about me. And she’s 8 yrs younger. He just kept telling her he’s afraid to file cuz he’s afraid I’ll keep kids from him. No stupid. I don’t have a right to when they are yours too. I not have that power. Now his pockets are another story. I’ve said I wouldn’t but damn Skippy I will for my babies sake. 9 and 5 yo.

  158. My husband was a serial cheater through our 20 year marriage, and he eventually found one he was willing to leave me for. Both of them were married when they met. Now, less than a year after we filed foe divorce, they’re engaged. All over social media (which I should not look at, I know) she flaunts their many vacations, elaborate date nights, her huge engagement ring, and their new million dollar home. There is a reason she makes her social media public, and I’m sure it has to do with rubbing my and her ex-husband’s noses in their perfect relationship. My in laws accepted her immediately. People all around them are celebrating their happiness.

    I can’t help but think, what about me? I was a good wife. I was loyal. I gave him do-over after do-over. I put up with affairs, lies, and alcoholism. I listened to him cry over the pain that comes with being a first responder. Why am I being punished? Where’s this karma everyone swears will come along? Why has she received more love, attention, vacations, and gifts in the last year than I received in 20? Doesn’t help that she makes more money than I do and is 100 times more beautiful.

    With all that has happened, and given my age (48) it is virtually impossible to feel like there’s a happy life waiting for me.

  159. Sherry, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. It is truly heartbreaking to hear so many stories of wonderful women abused and abandoned in such despicable ways. I am 2 months from my dday. My husband of 16 years was having an affair and left me for her. I am so thankful to have found this blossom forum because it let me to the most amazing women going through the exact same thing. We are all at different points in our journey and we would love for you to join us on Facebook. There we have instant access to someone at any moment of need any time of day. Please join us and let the healing begin. We can be here for each other and truly grown to be the amazing women we are. I also recommend getting the book Leave a cheater gain a life. The chump lady survival guide. It is doing wonders for me. Please look up Alyx Renee Carpenter and friend her. She can add you to the group.

  160. Sherry,

    I understand your pain and believe me their happiness will not last long. I have learnt that a woman who takes a cheating husband must be really broken inside. Dear Sherry, your husband will never find true love because a man who abbandones his family has a very serious problem with himself. How can it be love when based on betrayal, lies, selfishness and dishonesty? After so many years together I know you feel very alone. BUT there are persons out there who still have honesty in their hearts. You asked why did he find love? Sherry he didn‘t!!!!!! He lost the greatest blessing God gave him. He is the one who is completely lost! Please believe me, it is lust that he is gone for. Not love! Love has nothing to do with what he is now doing….. NEVER! He is living in the greatest illusion of his life! When the dust settles down he will realize what he has done…. What a terrible pain he will go through believe me. A woman who helps him cheat on his own family is made of pure selfishness….. a woman who is desperately empty inside!!! Please be strong! It takes time to heal but believe me, with Gods grace you WILL reach to the point where I am to-day. I feel blessed so much through Gods grace. I am living alone with my son and I feel so blessed of having him in my life. Be strong for your self and your beautiful daughter! You are the one with honesty and true love in your heart. Think this, when you look into your daughters eyes, do you feel shame and see loss of respekt in her eyes? NO WAY!!!! You will see lots of love and gratefullness, because she knows what a strong and wonderfull mother she has! What do you think how she wiill look upon her father? She sees half a man… that lost everything that was good, just for pure selfishness! Remember this, you are NEVER too old to find true love, because true love has no age, no rules of how old or young or skinny we are…. NO WAY true love sees the light you have inside of you….. and your light is so strong and so beautiful……..God bless you!!!!

  161. I have been married to the same man for 33 years. He cheated on me around 10 years ago and I took him back. He cheated on me again around 3 years ago after I broke my ankle and I could not be the wife he was use to. And now he left me for good. He is with a younger woman which she is skinny and seems to be carefree and just recently found out that he worked with her. When my daughter needed to leave her apartment she asked her dad to help her move but he told my daughter he could not since he doesn’t see his new girlfriend to much so I guess he put his new girlfriend first and not his own child. I see them at least twice a month together because he lives only 5 minutes from where I live. When I see them then it starts the grieving process all over again. How do I ever move on. Now that i am older I feel no one will want me because these older men are going after the younger ones to boost their self esteem to make them feel alive. I am all alone and is always asking the man above – why does my ex get to have someone to love and I have no one after what he has done to me. Always picturing them in my mind together.

  162. I just sent you a friend request. I would love to be added to your group. Fiance of 17 years left me just this past week. He has been having an affair for over a year. I am devastated to say the least.

  163. Hey Laurie! Yes please do! The people wanting to join the group must add me first as a friend on Facebook. Only then at I able to add them to the group. I am the only person able to accept friend requests to ensure the privacy of the group. My Facebook name is alyx renee carpenter. The name of the group has been changed to wonder women! I look forward to meeting everyone! Please encourage these woman to join this group. There’s tons of healing and women in all different stages of this hard process! Xoxo

  164. Rose,
    Wow more profound words. I thank you so much for them and pray for your strength and faith. Me and my boys and parents went to church today. The sermon once again was for us. The Power of No. we say yes to so many things that don’t matter and we say No to the things that do. Our lives are but a vapor. I’m that time you want to look back on your decisions and realize the things you said no to. These men said no to family, love, vows, trust and what did they say yes to? Sin, evil, hurt, pain, selfish desires. My 12
    Year old said what he learned is that when he says yes to video games he might be saying no to spending time with his older brother. Oh, my hearts. I am going to say yes to God, my faith, my boys and the precious moments we have. I hope I will have to strength at some point to forgive and pray for him. He is a lost sheep and even tho we will never be, God wants to find and bring home ALL the lost sheep. He will leave the 99 to go after the lost every time. Me and my boys will be the 99 and I do pray God can help their Dad someday. My Dad was a lost sheep and he died before God could bring him home in the flesh. Hopefully he was able to take him with him and I will see him again. We would love for you to join us on FB in our secret group. We’ve been posting and sharing and can reach other quicker. I even shared what you sent me before about the evilness and diamonds. I’ve read it so many times and showed my
    Mom. Your words are just such a blessing.
    You can search Alyx Renee Carpenter and she can add you if you would like. Sasha, Carol, Anika are there and more.
    God Bless you,
    Klae

  165. Hi Alyx, It’s great idea with that facebook chat room (thank you for adding me). I saw your pictures and your little baby. The man who left you is a total loser, one day he will realise this.
    That scumbag of mine has came today to take kids out. I told him I want a divorce and leave that sh*t behind me. His question- ”Oh do you really want to divorce me?”.Outrageous! I told him I didn’t want to be wife of such a f***g cheater! His face…Sad sausage.
    He said despite what I think he doesn’t ”hate me”! I just laughed! Hate me? Honestly? For what? For being loyal partner /wife for nearly 14 years? For saving his life literally..? I stood by him no matter what, because I simply believed he was a good human and I loved him so much. There was a time when I had enough of him.He was drinking heavily and using drugs, he blew out money, never changed a single nappy. I was on my own, I just didn’t realise this that time. He begged me to stay, I paid for his detox, he hold my hand during AA meetings, I was determined to have ”my husband” back and the father for our children.And now this. This is my reward for all of things I did to him. He just found himself some trashy purple haired woman with a huge tattoo on her arse (yes I saw her naked pictures on his mobile..)Funny enough he used to tell me how much he hated tats and liked classy women.Oh well I’m glad he showed me his true face. I don’t want that pr*ck no matter what.
    Love to all of you girls

  166. Carol,

    Yes I told my DB that never in a million years did i think he could do this or have her show up 3 weeks after they found out about her on his weekend time with them. It the Rvil that has set in. I told my parents it was like a parasite has taken over his brain. It’s evil plain and simple. Join us on FB. We all need each other and we can read and communicate quicker. We will all heal in this together and provide support and love. I am so grateful for my family and friends but don’t always be the Debbie downer when my thoughts stray to the DB. And it’s often. We can all relate to the feelings and our emotional rollers coasters that are happening right now. You can friend Alyx or me and we will invite you. Alyx Renee Carpenter. Klaesha Van Sickle 7 or 8 of us are all there already.

  167. Dear Klae,

    so glad you are doing stronger. I see Gods strength and healing in you. When a person rips your soul out only God can heal and protect us from going insane. It is so true when God says a husband and a wife becomes one flesh and no man should separate! Because when that one flesh gets torn apart we lose half of our selves. This is why we feel incredible pain! At the beginning I couldn’t understand why such tremendous pain…. but that’s where God came in. God restores that missing part of you! In every marriage that goes through such hurting God always comes in otherwise we will not make it. When I think of my ex husband I feel so sad for him because he threw the best blessing that God ever gave him! Spouses who betray in such a way has nothing to do with us. It is the terrible weakness inside them that the evil saw and now they are gone. They are mean and angry with us because the evil inside them sees the light inside us! It’s like a terrible poison that overtakes them and the more time goes by the more poisen takes over their mind. My husband got angry at my pain and all my tears! At one exhausted point I told him….. dear husband I‘d rather suffer and cry and keep praying for you than being like you so proud and strong without showing no conscience and no pain. He looked so astonished at me and asked me . why???? My answer, was that I still have a heart with blood running through my veins and that it’s still beating. You have no heart any more… you have got cold water running through your veins and soon it will turn to ice… and when you reach this point you have lost your soul. He gave no reply…. A man who hurts his wife in such a way and makes her cry in pain is no man anymore…. he loses his humanity….. and hates himself! Pray for them because they have lost God in their hearts and this is so terrible…. It’s not them anymore… they have been raptured from sin. Keep strong and pray for healing. I pray so much that God will have mercy for them and that one day their eyes will lose the blindness that they are facing and that they gain back a heart with warmth……
    Big hugs to you!!!

  168. Klae I am so sorry. My auto correct miss spelled your name. Thank you again you made me have more strength that I needed To get through this hard time ❤️

  169. Alyx I know your pain, it’s a horrible place to be.
    I cannot believe the stranger he has become, or the pain he has caused to me and my children.
    He will have to live everyday for the rest of his life knowing what he caused.
    It has taken a lot of counselling, Life coaching & acupuncture which is ongoing,together with the love and support of my children, family & friends to keep going!
    Today has been a struggle, I feel anxious and nauseous which is a regular occurrence.
    Never in a million years did I expect to be in this position, I guess you never really know someone.
    It really helps to read everyone’s battle xxx

  170. Rosa,

    Oh my gosh what you said is so profound. I watched the Gospel of John with my boys and the moment Jesus told Judas do as you must I thought of my husband. Evil had set in, God knows he is not for me anymore. Do as you must, she will be better off without your evil influence. My happy moments I feel free, a weight has been lifted, the fog has cleared and I can see and breath again. God knows what we have been through and he knows us. I can’t let his lies and stories cloud what I know about myself. I can’t believe how they can turn people against us. I struggle with that because I have always cared about what people think about me. I try to be a good person. I know I made mistakes in our marriage and I’m not perfect nor a saint as he threw in my face, but I don’t deserve this.
    I love the diamonds reference too. I am going to keep all that you said and read it often. Thank you so much for you words of wisdom.

  171. And yes you are right they are fools. Because I stuck by him and took care of him for 13 years all so he could leave me for a women 13 years younger then him!! He is starting over and my life is just beginning !

  172. Thank you Kale. Your response means the world to me. I was so beyond devastated and scared how I was going to feel about him going to Thailand with someone else. Knowing that they are together . But… I am actually doing ok. I don’t think about them much and I am starting to realize I am so much better then him. I also deserve better. I think it sucks when you have a pretty perfect marriage and you don’t fight and are so loving to each other and then this. When he bought me a canvas for Christmas or last year saying he would choose me in every reality then 2 weeks later does this…… not even that lied to her so many times. And she still took him back…. I am assuming she wants her visa because none of any of this makes sense. I have now cut him off. Because I was talking to him almost everyday giving him updates of our children. But enough is enough. He has hurt me for the last time and I am sick of putting myself through this. For the first time in 7 months I feel stronger then I ever have since all of this has happened. So thank you for your response because it makes me realize that I am better and no matter what I will survive this. Much love to you ❤️

  173. A private Facebook group is a great idea, Alyx! There are a few women having a similar discussion on another article — https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-stop-feeling-sorry-for-yourself-after-he-leaves/ . Is it okay if I tell them about your invitation? Perhaps they can join your group. Please look at their comments, and let me know if it’s okay to invite them….or if you want to invite them yourself, feel free 🙂 A private group would be a much better place to have personal conversations like this.

    Thank you,
    Laurie

  174. Nicole! Feel free to add me on facebook! (Alyx renee carpenter) I’m creating a super private group where women can have instant access to support! The group is called “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” I’d be happy to add you to the group!

  175. Sasha, feel free to add me on Facebook (alyx renee carpenter) I’m creating a super private group where woman will have instant access to support. The group is called “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” feel free to add me, I can add you to the group!

  176. Carol, feel free to add me on Facebook! (Alyx renee carpenter) I’m creating a very private group so that women have instant support! This is a hard time for all of us and we need to stick together. I’d be happy to add you to the group! It’s called “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”

  177. Hey ladies!! Add me on Facebook if you’d like! I’m creating a safe place for woman going through this situation. It is a group called “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. It’s completely private so no need to worry about friends or family seeing what you post! You are not alone and help is here! Feel free to add me and I’ll invite you to the group! My Facebook profile is Alyx Renee Carpenter! Hope to see you all there! Big hugs!!!

  178. Alyx and Carol…..anger comes with the territory…I still get angry. Tonight my wonderful daughter got home from school and was so upset….with her dad! It’s nearly two years on,and he still manages to piss me off. He’s so thick,he just doesn’t get it that his only daughter doesn’t want anything to do with his trollop. I could cheerfully smack him one but it’s energy wasted.
    These men create the negative crap,that will effect their kids in later life and don’t take responsibility….why the hell would you want that back in your house,near the people you love so much. I told my daughter tonight to start saying exactly how she feels…..and to be honest with him. The only thing I’m interested in is her…he can go f&#k himself and the trollop who is already cheating on him…get angry, and channel it into becoming the person you know you really are…hugs xxx

  179. Dear Klae,

    what I learnt is when evilness takes over the mind of a cheater, the cheater loses all good sense! All the light inside them turns into darkness. They have to lie about us in such a shameful way in order to justify themselves! My ex lied so terribily about me that everyone believed him! I also got threatened from my inlaws!!!! They got so offended for me having treated their son so wrong because otherwise their perfect son would of never cheated! Can you believe this!!!!! This hurt me so much that I shivered with anger and pain. Adultery is emotional abuse! It is like you said, wait until the dust lies down…. the truth always wins! Reality will hit them one day. One thing you can bet on….. they threw a diamond away for a piece of glass. A pastor said, the wife is the reflection of how her husband treats her… she is a beautiful diamond but when she doesn‘t shine so much as she used to it’s because the husband is not treating her well! He is letting dust fall on the diamond and then when he sees it does not shine, he goes for something that he quickly can have…. a cheap piece of glass, that when he lets it fall it breaks into a thousand pieces…… and realises the huge illusion that glass has given him. Let a diamond fall, it may get sratched but polish it and it glows more precious than ever! Now I understand why God says, he who commits adultery is wicked. He who does it hates himself!Big hugs and God bless you!

  180. Alyx,

    Yes girl yes. I was thinking should I post my phone number on here because I’m constantly checking it. At night in the morning. I will look you up for sure. Coward is dead on point!! Do they even hear themselves and what is coming out of their mouth. I only found out because the husband showed up at my new house. How did he even know where I live. Because she told him. He said he is sleeping with my wife and I want to see him tell you. I busted in the bathroom to his surprise since I had spent the night at my parents house the night before to give him the “space he needed”. He said if there weren’t kids they wouldn’t have been just standing there. I wish he would have punched him in the face. I stood there standing in shock and the husband called him a piece of crap and I didn’t deserve what he did. He told him he used his son to get to his wife and I 100% think he was right. They both used the kids. Pathetic. Days later he told my 12 yr old he should go to school and talk to her son since they are going through the same thing. They played basketball together but weren’t friends. He could have cared less till several months ago when DB started banging is MoM. OMG they are such COWARDS. My mom called him that too. My mom thought of him as a son and now she doesn’t even want to breath the same air as him. When the weight of everything comes crashing down on them I hope they remember our faces. Their kids faces and feel EVERYTHING!! No person or woman especially these shallow husband stealers will be able to fill the emptiness that will follow when the dust settles.

  181. Carol!!
    I am so relating with you on how I felt at first. I too would have taken him back when it first happened but now I wouldn’t take him back even if he begged and pleaded. I hate him so much I want to scream. Earlier tonight he told me the reason he thinks things can’t be worked out is because “there’s just nothing there”!!! I was like are you kidding me I just bore your son 4 months ago you sicko. Where the hell did the man I marry go. What’s left of him is a cruel ugly shell of a man. My heart was smashed to a million little pieces when he said that. I almost slapped him but resisted and he flinched. I yelled that he was a “f***ing coward” and went back in the house. I’ve never been this hurt in my life!!!! You sound like such a smart and strong woman! Lend me some of your strength please!

  182. Klae,
    You and I feeling the EXACT same emotions!!! Please please please find me on facebook!!! I will always be a message away. I’d super appreciate the support too. Sometimes it takes so long for the comments to post on this. Facebook would just be so much quicker!! Same goes for any other ladies that would like a quicker support system 🙂 sometimes I can’t sleep and being able to help someone else makes my heart smile 🙂 you are so welcome to cry on my virtual shoulder! Haha Alyx Renee carpenter on Facebook! Or my email is alyx_thompson@yahoo.com

  183. Hello Nicole,

    That just plain sucks what he is doing to you. I haven’t made it very far from my dday, only a month and a half but to show up after 7 months and still play the confused card? It seems like he just wants you in limbo. How can you move on and let go if he is still playing with your head. Have you waiting there in case he decides the OW isn’t worth it. Well she’s not but too bad. He shouldn’t have done what he did in the first place. He sounds like a real winner. Laughing, telling you what you want to hear. You can’t move on but he can? What a jerk. What is wrong with these men? Diamond ring, trip to Thailand? 7 months is plenty of time to sort out what he wants. In my opinion you deserve better. I wouldn’t stand for that. 2 days after dday and No response to my texts of what are our next steps after we just closed on and moved into our brand new house I filed for divorce. I don’t play that. He was in shock that I did it that fast. I’m not waiting around for him. Loser get to stepping. 17 years I’m not waisting one more day. He can have the drama of that married woman with 3 kids, one being 2 or 3. I’m still hurt and I have my days of why doesn’t he even seem to care but this ship is sailing. Me and my boys are going to be ok. Karma, karma.
    Thailand sure is a scary place. Maybe he will come back with a missing tooth or a tattoo on his face like on the hangover.
    There is nothing they can say, no explanation that will make what they have done make sense. The fact that he’s not letting you move forward says he’s not sorry and he is still being selfish. Oh these men are fools.

  184. Anika,

    Thank you and to all of you ladies. Reading your stories and advice is helping so much. I feel strong one moment then I stare blankly at my monitor at work and think what if I did this or that. I love your words, “marriage breakout.” The more I think on it I feel that too. I think you also said the rose colored glasses came off and I feel that too. I think of his endless high school stories and I’m this and that. I told so and so off at work. I never saw that side of him. If something happened he would just sit there and expect me to say something. It was like damn, be a man. He’s not. This person has lived a double life all this time and then added cheating to his list. I didn’t want to see it or even think it was possible. Now here come the Holidays. I am going to make them the best I can for my kids. New traditions, volunteering. We are going to fill our souls with joy and giving. What will he have. Nada. A shallow woman, yes. One who knowingly slept with a woman she called a friend’s husband. Yeah real winner. Eventually everyone will know. Whispers behind their backs, ruined families but they have each other. Your DB is 44, mine is 45. Mid life crisis, I guess and mines gone country. Eww. Sitting on a tractor posing with the ugly plaid shirt I told him not to buy. Ridiculous. He husband is pretty attractive and looks good in a cowboy hat. If I see mine with one on someday I will probably laugh so hard I throw up.
    You have taken back your life and I want to do the same. New dreams, new goals and I will be Better For it. Free from the losers.
    You ladies all rock!

  185. Alyx,

    You have said everything I have thought and am still thinking. I was naive too. To think we were going to be married forever that he loved me for all my imperfections and all. He had the nerve to say I am no saint. I never said I was but I damn sure not an adulterer. They could have confided in us but they chose to confide in someone else. You know why because that was easy. Looking at us, (the women that bore their children and loved them) and telling us that they weren’t happy might have made us cry or something. Or we would have wanted to fix us and actually out effort into it. They just wanted some instant gratification with no work. Well women are women and eventually we want more than just a quick bang. I feel dirty too. Every time I think about our moments together they were all lies. He even texted me after we sold out house and said we should go have sex in every room. Why if he was planning to leave me. Again WTF. He fell out of love with me somewhere along the way he said. Well he was still having sex with me. The OW (my coworker said old whore, I lmfoa at that) told me and DB in March when we were out on a couple date after the team won the baskeball championship that her and her husband slept in different rooms. I thought it odd she would say that but I guess that was a hint hint for him. But they didn’t plan it. Well women are conniving and it feels she has been working him for sometime. OMG. I make myself crazy with these thoughts too. I don’t want him but damn I’m pissed that he’s doing like you said. Living it up. I saw his profile on Instagram that he just started a few months ago and I’m not in a damn picture. Like he’s been phasing me out and I didn’t even know it. I feel foolish. He had a dumb as pic when I went to see my best friend on her 50tj birthday sitting on a tractor. So because she likes country he’s all of a sudden a cowboy on a damn tractor. The title said my tractors sexy. GTFO. My step sister zoomed in and I’m like he’s not even wearing his ring. That was August. Asshat!!
    Halloween is one of my favorite holiday and this year it sucked. We got flu shots and came home. My heart breaks for you that he is missing these moments. You can’t get those precious firsts back. They are young so at least they won’t know what a douche he is. It’s you that has to deal. Our best friends, who if they weren’t there would have been the first call for these precious or exciting moments. Now I don’t even want to think about him.
    My boys were devastated. Now they act like everything is fine. I’m over analyzing everything because that’s what I do. All I can do is be here for them. My 12 year old decided he wanted to start sleeping in my bed with me. I’m going to have to end that soon. He’s worried about me but I am holding it together and keep telling him Mom is ok. He asks me how my day is and we have conversations before we go to bed. About God, about school we are growing even closer through this. At least they have me. They told him they didn’t want to go back and forth. I agree. This is their home but I won’t keep their Dad from them. They love him. He doesn’t deserve it.
    I’ve been praying too. Praying that there was a reason for this. God didn’t want this toxic person in my life. I’ve been a lost sheep. He’s been sucking the life out of me. It’s like a wake up call and the fog has been lifted. There is more to life than just going through the motions and maybe that’s what was happening.
    We deserve to be happy. Music is giving me life right now. Riley Clemmons has some great songs and she is saying in her lyrics everything we are feeling with a beat and I dance around and know I’m going to make it through. When the kids have been with DB I’ve gone out. Even danced. Just looking good has made me feel good. And when we have had drops off I look good meanwhile he’s looking washed up. Whatever we have to do to feel good about ourselves we need to do. I’ve been reading too. Play with those babies because you know that will put a smile on your face. He is missing out. They are losers and Karma is a b***h.
    Hugs to you. We got this.

  186. Alyx,
    I agree with you 100%, I am having all of those thoughts. Everyday is a roller coaster of emotions. Mad, sad, determined and repeat. The what if’s, can I just fast forward, can I throat punch her or run him over with my car. jk. I’ve had nightmares and she was in them telling me things that he has now said to me. For them to think it’s ok to have another woman around the kids is maddening. I filed an injunction that says he can’t bring her around or talk about her until proceedings are done. How did he even think it was appropriate!?

    And yeah we are supposed to just be over it. She even liked an Instagram post I posted with my kid in it 2 weeks after we found out. My DB defended her and said she adores those kids. She doesn’t even know them. She knew what she was doing and tried to act like oh she’s sorry it won’t happen again. My lawyer said these women are the worst. Pumping them up making them feel like they are just prefect. Ditto on the coldness. It’s like he turned off a switch. I noticed weeks before something felt off. 2 weeks before we closed on our house I asked him if we were ok. He said he was thinking he wanted to leave. No spark he felt like he wasn’t getting affection. I told him how busy we’ve been, I loved him and we could work on us. Is there someone else, he said NO. So there I went trying everyday to show him affection and love. I feel like a fool for trying to save my marriage only to discover after closing on a house that I can’t afford by myself he was cheating and decided to leave anyway. I married an idiot. We made so much money selling our house in AUGUST. We closed end of Sept and were living with my parents while house was being built. WTF 16 years and just flipped the switch and turned into this person I don’t even recognize and made the most IDIOTIC decision I have ever seen. I could have taken my part of the money and set me and the boys up somewhere I could afford. It just makes me so angry to think of this LOSER. I married a dumbass who peaked in high school. He is still a pretty attractive guy but just so ugly to me now. Ugly on the inside and it pours out. Some days it’s just the anger that gets me through. Giveing up on us is exactly right. It’s just too easy to start something new. We are sitting here replaying every moment and I think of something new everyday. Like a puzzle of LIES and pieces just keep falling into place. These women make it so easy for them, they aren’t asking anything of them for NOW. I’ve stopped texting or calling him. I sure when I was the first two weeks he was just calling her and she was probably like oh she is just being mean you are a great man and father. UGH. We will be strong!! We will get over them because we don’t need them and don’t deserve this treatment. We have support of our families and friends and now all you ladies. I’m listening to a Christian music and going to church and it is helping with some of the pain.
    Thank you all for listening and for the advice and encouragement.

  187. Klae, the more I read your story the more I see that we are feeling and thinking the same things. It’s so terrible to be feeling these things. My husband had been bringing the OW to our house. The kids and I just moved out two weeks ago. Our stuff is still all there. Toys are sprawled across the house and he has the nerve to bring her there to “hang out?” When I found out she had been there I confronted him and he replied with “why does that matter?” He’s gone from pretending everything was fine and dandy while he was having the affair to being found out and being so Coke towards me. He’s the one that broke mine and the kids hearts and he has the balls to be cold and mean to me? I just don’t get it. I’m so sorry you had to talk to your kids about all of this. It’s especially troubling when the OW has kids too. It makes you feel like wow you’d rather give up on all of us and go start and new family and raise her kids instead. My children are too young to feel the betrayal and rejection. I’m just torn up thinking about your children in the crosshairs. Not to mention we get a huge stab to the back too. They’ve been emotionally moved in for a long time and we’re left to catch up in a matter of weeks? We get broken hearts while they get to run around Willy nilly no longer needing to hide anything. I sooo hate that this is going on in all of our lives. I wish there was a magic button to delete the pain. I wish there was something easy to take your mind off of the betrayal. I wish there was something to stop the last few months playing everything over in my head, discovering every lie he told. It’s beyond painful and I know how you feel. I’m here for you and anyone that is reading this. Let’s all stick together and get this healing process going. However, grief is not linear. Some days are okay, sometimes there’s a good day, and then there are the days that are physically and mentally painful. Just because today is bad doesn’t mean that tomorrow or the next day will be. Grief is truly like a roller coaster you’re stuck on, all while having no idea when the ride will be over. We can do this! Step by step, day by day. Xoxo
    Alyx

  188. Klae,
    I completely agree with you. It’s all been just so hard to go from complete happiness thinking I had a wonderful husband to totally and utterly hating him. I’m starting to wonder if there is such a thing as a trusting marraige now. I was so naive to think nothing could affect my family so negatively. I was naive to think everything was all great. I was naive to believe him when he said he wasn’t having an affair a few months ago. He had so many opportunities to tell me how he was feeling or that he was screwing someone else. He had the nerve during his affair to sleep with me as well as this other woman. I feel dirty and betrayed. I also feel slightly insane for still wanting things to be like they were. I devoted everything to him and he just backs out of our family and we’re apparently not worth trying to make things work. I know we are worth it. But why can’t he see that. My 4 month old son Owen has been changing and growing so fast. DB missed his first Halloween, his first laugh from tickling, and his first bite of food. This all can to light the day before Halloween so it wasn’t too long ago. And what he’s just totally cool with missing out on his kids lives because he doesn’t love mommy anymore? My heart breaks as I write this. I’m wrought with anxiety and doubt. I really wish I could just snap out of it and totally hate him. I know what I really need is to forgive him for my own sanity and move on with my life. But I’m just not like him, it’s not easy for me to say goodbye to our marriage. It just comes so naturally to him because he’s the one benefiting from the situation. Part of me wants to just move away and start from scratch, I know that’s not possible or fair to the kids though. It just makes me so sick to even see him around the kids now. It makes me mad that he gets to go and live a single life while his daughter is confused about why daddy’s never around anymore. Thank god they’re too little to realize he gave up on them too. I’ve been praying for peace and clarity.. I really hope this pain lessens soon. I’m broken, hurt, anxious, depressed, and angry.

  189. Hey Carol, wow,wow,wow. Hunni, your doing great. I’m so proud of you,and how you e dealt with things. Day by day it does get better,and we find out just how strong we are. One of my friends got married April this year. Only to find out he was cheating before and after the wedding. She walked out on him started to rebuild her life ,and then went back to him.shes posting how fab life is,and how he is the love of her love…..she made it so easy for him, that I doubt their newfound love for each other will last. She comes across as the strongest person ever, but I don’t see that. I see a woman who simply doesn’t value herself.now I may be wrong,but they got together with both cheating,which I recently found out. I just thought that’s karma.
    Growing up my mother taught me to value myself and never ever give an inch where s man is concerned…Actions speak louder than words!
    What I’m trying to say is why would someone who professes to love you, hand out so much pain ,walk away and think it’s ok?
    It’s said statistically that 80%of men regret getting divorced,and wish they could go back. Relationships that start as affairs have far less chance of lasting. Out of 100
    It’s said between 1-5 last…..not great stats are they. And those kind of relationships are less committed…..I’d say they are the losers,
    Carol, I truly believe we have a path in life,and things happen for a reason.
    My ex has started with the same crap asking my daughter if she will ever meet his OW,and what is the reason….my daughter replied because she was happy to cheat with you..he lied and said that was rubbish. So my daughter has it confirmed her fathers a consummate liar. Sad isn’t it? I told her not to think of it like that,to think of it as me getting my life back. I’m altogether a different person,I don’t care what he does as long as he can just behave like a decent dad.
    I still get angry every now again, but more so with myself for letting his sh#t get to me.
    Women are amazing at coming together and supporting each other…long may it continue, and long may your attitude continue…Carol, you go girl xxx

  190. Hello Ladies
    It’s so comforting to read all your letters and know I’m not alone.
    My husband of 29 years walked away (after I found out and confronted him about his affair) and moved in with OW who is 12 years younger and works with him.
    He is cold, dismissive, deals with me in a business manner and apparently he’s been unhappy !
    Initially I would have accepted any terms to keep him, NOT now, I hate him and like you say Sasha I wouldn’t p*** on him if he was on fire.
    It’s like our marriage never existed.
    The last time I saw him to talk to was August, any communication is by text and even that’s limited now, and it helps.
    I have lost over a stone, but my appetite has improved, on anti depressants and sleeping pills but look at this as a means to an end and one day I will not need them.
    Sasha you are inspirational
    It really helps to read all the posts

  191. Wow Sasha just wow! I’m so pleased for you that you’re going to study counselling and psychology, I just think you’re perfect candidate to become one day a psychologist. You have the right attitude, positive mind and passion. You helped me through the worst part of my marriage breakout ,many times I remember I was asking myself the same question- ”what Sasha would do?” And I knew straight away the answer-” she would show them her middle finger! ” Keep posting here Sasha , you’re the woman on a mission!
    Carol so sorry to hear you’re still grieving that cruel piece of garbage. It looks like you can’t even enjoy simple walk without bumping into that silly man. He is an evil person and he finally has someone just like him. He is lucky he was for such a long time with someone as special as you are Carol. I stopped thinking about ”my” husband some time ago, I just stopped suddenly. I realised I’m better without him and that I don’t want to be with that man-child anymore. I’m just like Sasha happy that he’s with that stupid woman because that means he is her problem now no mine! I don’t even hate him,I just simply don’t care about him. However when I see him on Saturday when it’s the only time he’s seeing kids my anger is back, but then I just go for a run and that destructive feeling is over. His life isn’t rosy anyway. I know he has problems at work and more unpaid bills. He’s 44 and he dress like a teenager, he doesn’t realise he looks ridiculous, even my daughter noticed and said he looks ”weird”. I’m not his servant anymore. My sink is empty and toilet squeaky clean and I don’t deal with his BS.That something which is giving me a comfort. No more life with a dirty minded cheater! Eventually you will realise Carol that life without your husband is better. You lived under the same roof with a monster. He is gone now.. Get yourself a dog, a parrot whatever distracts you from him. Try yoga like Sasha suggested, do something Carol. Think that few days ago you saved someone’s life. You have a power. Run for your life, don’t let that piece of crap destroy rest of your life!
    Klae it’s new for you, so I admire your strength,you flied for a divorce so quickly! I just wonder how those scumbags are going enjoy Christmas? Away from own families, away from own children? Your husband left you and his boys and now is playing daddy to children he hardly knows. I think there will be a time for reflection.. At least you’re not alone, you have your kids. He has instead a shallow woman without integrity, cheap thrill which won’t last long. You’re 39, you’re young and you’re rock!
    Love and blessing to all of you ladies

  192. Hey all. I have not checked in lately and I am having a bit of a hard time. So my husband came home from working away. After 7 months of no answers he opened up a bit. Told me his brain is very messed up and he doesn’t know where he is going in life. That he never meant to hurt me that he has lost his best friend in all of this and there is a place missing in his heart. So I asked him if there was any hope he just kept ignoring me… finally I asked him so many times that I needed some type of closure because all he said was I was in love with you but didn’t feel the passionate in love feeling. So he said there is no hope. So when I thanked him for telling me the truth he looked at me and said I just told you what you wanted to hear. I asked him don’t you want me to be happy too? He said yes and told me how good I looked. I asked him does he want me to move on he said umm yeah and then laughed. That is his way of lying. Then I found a receipt. He bought his girlfriend a diamond ring and is now on his way to Thailand with her. He said he deserves to travel because he has worked hard his whole life. When I asked him about her he said he doesn’t know what he wants and where it is going. He is so messed up and he says he is sorry. So why do I keep holding on? Why can’t I just move on and be happy without him? He still pays for all the bills as I am now going to nursing school. He has lost everyone and now our kids barley want to be around him. I am so lost. Is he giving me false hope because he doesn’t want me to go to a lawyer? Or is it because he is having a mid life crisis and truly doesn’t know what is going on in his head? Thank you for listening ❤️

  193. Hey Carol….I’m so pleased everything was clear…yayyyyy!
    Anxiety is one of the things that goes hand in hand with such a life changing experience….I still experience it from time to time. Learn to try and relax, meditate…
    Let us know how court goes,thinking of you darling xxx

  194. Hey Alex. Nothing you did caused him to start an affair,so let him own it. Most exes will try and justify their actions by blaming you for whatever reason…eg- not enough sex,don’t feel loved,blah.blah,blah….ignore it! It’s a selfish act and it’s all about them. My ex said we were like ships that past in the night…..that my friend is life. Personally I had stopped and relations with him because I just stopped fancying him…told him he needed to take better care of himself, tried to help him loose weight..I lost 2 1/2 stone,he lost not one pound….he wasn’t invested in making the best of himself,and I resented that…,plus I cared for my mother whilst she went through heart ops,cancer and a stroke,with no help from him….I also helped my son ( from a previous relationship) get help with his mental health issues….I’m a care giver and my family mean the world….he wasn’t my number one priority…..but then he rarely saw his own parents. I would have to take our daughter to see them…they live two minutes from us yet couldnt be arsed to see their only grandchild….and even now don’t bother! So he hasn’t been given any kind of example growing up he was left to get on with it.
    Don’t take ANY blame for his actions. Only you know what your relationship looked like,and honesty is good at this point.
    I knew straight away there was no going back..firstly trust is everything…secondly even though it hurt like hell,I know I simply missed the family feel,and an adult to talk to ……haha
    We are worth more than they will ever realise. Never forget that! Even when your knee deep in tears and snot! Show your kids that mum can do it regardless of how old they are,hold it together till they are in bed…..and DONT beg, discuss or ask questions!
    No contact is brilliant used in the right way. Use it to get yourself sorted,not to berete him,he doesn’t matter at this stage. I’ve pretty much gone no contact throughout. And yes there were times I wanted to ring him but I knew it would hinder my road to life without him.
    Alyx, this is going to be the biggest test of your life, so surround yourself with supportive people,try not to go over things too much in your head, it will drive you mad.
    It’s harder with children, because there will always be contact. If it’s too hard, maybe ask your mum,or sister to do child hand over…..that’s a nightmare in the beginning. But it does get easier. Every chance my ex has he touches, hugs,…it’s intolerable, especially as he does it infront of our daughter knowing I don’t want to create a scene in front of her….
    My ex is still with the other woman and i could blow his life out of the water,but she is so welcome to him….lies, non trusting,story teller…..he’s weak. Whilst he’s still with her he’s giving me some peace from all the BS….
    Put your big girl pants on, cause your in for a bumpy ride. Show him you CAN do it all on your own…fake it till you make it, and start taking care of yourself. That means looking your best….hugs hun. You are not the reason he cheated, he cheated because he wanted to,without a thought for his family….why would any one want to take scum like that back?

  195. Alyx,

    I think his proposition is BS. You deserve so much more than that. He wants you to sit there and pine over him while he goes out and sows his wild oats. NO! If you did that you would only be hurting yourself. When he came back you would be driving yourself crazy wondering who, what where he was doing. IF he came back the trust would never be there. My Dad cheated on my Mom and she tried for 5 years to stay. When he wasn’t there she wondered what he was doing.
    What is wrong with them? No telling. My DB has childhood issues of abandonment. He never dealt with it I guess. Our busy lives he felt forgotten so that gave him the right to go screw someone else. A woman that had idolized him for coaching her son. His Ego got the best of him. Instead of telling me his feelings it was easier to go talk to someone else and then screw her. He couldn’t even face me for 2 weeks.

    You and your kiddos ARE worth it. In my opinion you should focus on them and yourself and the pain will start to lessen. I am a month and a half past dday and everyday it’s a little better. Another quote I like is from Maya Angelou, Shen someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” If he couldn’t talk to you then what will change now? He should know what he has and not have to go looking for anything else. You can live without him. I feel I have wasted 17 years on someone that I didn’t really know. He is ugly to me now.
    Your DB’s (douche bag) suggestion just makes me MAD. If mine tries to come back he can forget it. He didn’t respect me if he could do this. He had no problem forgetting his family when he was with her so he can just hand over the money and watch while I raise these boys to be Real men.

  196. Hello again, I forgot to ask one more question. I keep hearing and reading that the affair isn’t because of something wrong is with me. But what would be wrong with him to make such disgusting choices. What personal issues could he have that would lead him to screw a coworker and refuse to work in our marriage? We were together for so long and now I’m/we’re just not worth it?

  197. Hey girls, I’m feeling so confused today. It’s been a little over two weeks since this has all happened. My husband wants to take time away from eachother and see other people. He wants to find out what really makes him happy. So, I guess he wants to touch base in a few months? I can’t believe I actually agreed to this. It’s him essentially saying I’d like to screw whoever I want for a bit to see if the family life is really for me. For a while he kept saying he didn’t want to work things out nor did he even think they could be. My thought was isn’t it worth a shot??????? We have two little kiddos, aren’t they worth it? Aren’t I worth it? He never told me little things were making him unhappy. I deserved the chance to know that my marriage was about to explode. Now I’m left with the responsibility of raising these two kids by myself. He says he’ll still be helping l, but we all know when your kids having temper tantrums and acting crazy, an estranged ex husband miles away isn’t much help. Paying child support and taking the kids every other weekend is not being a good coparent. We get all of the responsibility thrust upon us while they get to opt out of full time parenting and screw whoever they want while we’re left sitting there with broken hearts. I had a few questions and I think I mentioned all of them. Mostly what do you think of his suggestion? Once again any support or advice is super helpful as I feel I’m in hell 🙁

  198. Hi Sasha love, hope you are ok. Im still having some anxiety from last Sunday. Just wanted to say that everyone’s love and prayers helped as all was ok at the breast clinic. There are some changes but not cancer thank God. Big hugs and love xx

  199. Hi Anita, how great to hear from you. Both you and Sasha often post at times when I need help the most. I had dreadful few days as I saw him driving past on Sunday with one of her teenage boys say in the car where I used to sit, he was even wearing a jumper I bought him. He looked so smug. I started shaking and crying in the street as I can’t believe how he could just abandon me and the family and just start with another without looking back. It hurts so much sweetheart and I don’t cope well with these triggers. I truly am scared I can lose feelings for this uncaring monster Anika. I hate her for playing her part and I imagine them loved up and laughing at me. I need the strength that you and Sasha have. Love and big hugs xxxx

  200. Thank you Rosa and God bless you too. I feel we were living a lie. DB told me he loved me for a long time and will always love me but is not in love with me. BS. He could be with her and come home to me and play the part of a devoted husband. LIES. 2 people have destroyed so many lives. So I wonder how long it will take their mistrust of each other to take hold. They had common ground that they felt unloved, now they have common ground because everyone hates them. When the dust settles they will have built everything on lies, deceit and pain. Good luck. I can’t wait til they crash and burn but I also know I can’t dwell on them. It does me no good. Another part that hurts is our friends and his family. What has he told them? I was some horrible wife, he didn’t get enough affection. I hope they eventually see through the BS. He wants people to think I deserved this. The fact that your DB let the OW post such horrible things. Do they not see the trash in front of them. We will continue to be class acts and with God’s Grace rise above. My saving grace is music. Love songs we’re bringing me down and then I heard some contemporary Christian music. Love songs for God and his never ending love for us IS real. No man can love me like him.

  201. Anika,

    Thank you for your story. I am only 1 month and 1 week from dday but I filed 2 days after finding out. I can’t wait to get to the end of this process when I am free and clear of him. You said it perfect, you saw his ugly face and so did I. Many have said he may try and come back and I won’t have it. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they really are believe them the first time.” I believe he is a
    Douche bag (DB, I call him) a jack wagon and if he could do this he never really loved me. I will not waist my energy on him. I have my moments of weakness and self pity so I can’t wait to be where you are. I found it helped the first few weeks to just stay mad but you have to grieve too. Grieve the loss of a friend of the person and relationship I thought we had. He is no longer that person and I am no longer the person I was. Stronger is right. Thanks again for your words.

  202. Hey Anika….you go girl! Love hearing such positivity. Like you I’m so over all the BS. Love the saying you can wrap a turd with a bow,but it’s still a turd….our exes! My ex just looks old,fat and washed up. He definitely isn’t a catch….and he spends most of his time driving round town. What a dick!
    I’m loving the attention I’m getting. I’ve dropped about half.a Stone, had more layers put in my hair,and I feel damn fine. I’ve connected with a guy I really like, both of us have mad exes…it’s early days but I like his friendship. My kids make me smile and I’m making my way. Just applied to do my degree in counselling and psychology with open university. Waiting for funding, but something I know I’d enjoy.
    Yes I wobble at times, but less and less these days. Anika kudos honey….you are a warrior,and you are showing your kids that mum can do it all. Bravo! Hugs hunni, and carol let us know how things are going xxx

  203. Hi dear,

    you are so right! We can defnitely live without liars and cheaters but not without God! Believe me God is so precious and true! He saved and protected my son and I. I so much understand what you are all going through and the terrible pain. Sometimes I really think we lived with a lie. A person who can destroy a family and hurt their own children are very broken inside and has NOTHING to do with the faithful spouse……My dearest now ex husband let his OW post a photo on facebook both naked in a hotel room….. and guess who saw this at first….. my son! Their wrong doings will catch up on them one day and the pain they will go through….. will be so much worse. God bless you all!

  204. Hi Ladies,
    I can see here that more and more women are coming through the same thing I did. The healing process can be really long, in my case it took more than 6 months. My husband left me and our 2 young daughters for another woman last February, just 3 days after Valentines day. There were lots of tears, sleepless nights and scary thoughts in my head. Like many of you I didn’t have a clue he was cheating on me. The closest person to my heart became my worst enemy. But you know what? I’m grateful that he finally showed me his true ugly face, I’m enjoying my monster free life. I wouldn’t take him back even if things changed and he begged me to do it. He is a man who is not worth my feelings, he is the man who took the best of me and destroyed without thinking.Why would I want him back? I’m laughing out loud because his mistress thinks she won a prince charming but she doesn’t realise he is the poisonous toad.
    The new me was born and I’m stronger than ever. I know I’m worth so much more than him, because I’m the woman who has moral standards,who can look in the mirror without feeling of shame. I’d been so focused on him all those years that I nearly forgot about myself..no more waste, no more! Today I’m thinking on my children and work. and yes, I have sometimes bad moments and I feel helpless and disorientated but these are just moments, like a bad dream. Whatever is going on I’m trying hard to think positively. I may lose a family home because of his massive debt towards IVA, the divorce is going to cost me few thousands of pounds too but I won’t give up to fight for my future and my beautiful children, no matter what. When I’m angry I go for a run and listen really furious music,when I’m sad I remind myself that the worst is behind me, that that overwhelming pain is gone and he’ s not going to hurt me more. I won’t let that traitor to do it!
    Sasha and Carol as usual so good to hear from you.Bless you all lovely ladies

  205. Alyx, I hadn’t been to church in sometime either. My husband didn’t really grow up in church and over the years I feel I have moved away from practicing my faith because of him. We as women always seem to set our needs aside for our family and look what we get in return. Excuses. We ARE enough. We can’t fix what issues they have. Nobody can except themselves. I started reading a book and my husband told me I needed a book to know how to love him. WHAT!? He was never much of a reader so I guess he will stay stuck. I will keep reading and use what I am learning to be a better human. I feel your pain, waking up in the morning and feeling like how could this be happening. Every hateful word is like a new stab in the heart and back. I’ve lost weight too. Can’t eat, stomach is in knots and can’t even sleep anymore. My mom sent me a quote. “I will not let my thoughts consume me. I consume my thoughts by giving them to God.” God loves us, every part of us. When we get over this pain we will see that toxic people have no place in our world. Tiny annoyances? Oh please. I don’t think they even hear themselves. Marriages take work and I was willing to give it my all to fix us. He chose to take the easy way out. No matter what they say They made this choice. And I do believe in God and I also believe in KARMA. What goes around comes around. The negative things they have put out will come back some way. Taking about it helps. Knowing there are women and even men out there that have had their world turned upside down by infidelity.

  206. Dear Alyx,

    You are definitely not alone. I myself has been through this for almost a year since the day I found out. I still have feeling for him but somehow I respond better. Day by day…..but its not over yet for me. Not yet to “moved on” stage. Look forward to it. Communication is now strictly kids and work related since we run the business together. He is still welcome to come home to visit the kids. During weekend he still stays home morning to evening.

    Since Im the one who manage the finance at work, he starts to ask more and more money which I try to block. He told me that he will prove that I am wrong about this OW is after his money. He told me to change the assets into my name for protection while he “enjoys” his new life (Me still so jealous). Now I have to use my logic more than my feeling. Not easy.

    Yes, I still cry over him. Sometime I pity myself. I should focus more on my hobby and start seeing friends again. I still could not hate him yet after all what he’s done to me and the kids.

    We are all here to share our thoughts and experience and hope we all can get through this sooner than we hope. Hugs.

  207. Kale, I’m so sorry to hear you are in the same situation. Its just so cruel that this is happening to us, when all we’ve done is pour ourselves into our family. I too and am trusting in god during this terrible time. I haven’t attended church in a while. My husband was never interested, so that was one of many things I gave up for him. I stopped cooking what I loved, bore his children, and kept everyone loved. But to him I guess it just wasn’t good enough. The spark is gone apparently and he said it was a lot of tiny annoyances that lead him to feeling this way. I can’t even begin to describe how painful his all is. I’ve lost 20 pounds since the day before Halloween!

  208. Thank you so much Sasha! This is a the first time I’ve spoken with somebody in my situation. I don’t feel so alone anymore. I’ll go and read your story! This is all so terrifying! Why do I have these feelings for him still? I wish I could just hate him!

  209. That was the best advice Sasha. I love the part about using class as your weapon. That is what I told my husband after finding out. I am a class act. I won’t stoop to their level and become someone I am not. As much as we want to trash talk the other woman it doesn’t help us. I don’t have the best advice but every article I find I bookmark. Following the steps one at a time. Alyx, don’t listen to any blame thrown your way. The guilty have been working on their story for months of why they did what they did. It’s not you, something is wrong with them. Focus on your kiddos.

  210. Thank you for this article I needed it today. My name is Klae and I am 39. My husband and I have been married for 16 years this year and have 2 boys 12 & 14. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, I guess noone’s is really but I thought we were happy. This year has been the busiest year of our lives. It seemed were going in different directions with the kids but I knew it would slow down. We went on our annual family vacation during our anniversary. We went to Vegas for the first time with my cousins and their spouses. We were selling our house, building a new one and I just knew our new chapter would be amazing. Through all this I felt that we weren’t connecting but thought once we get through all this hustle and bustle that we would be back on track.
    I started noticing how much he talked about or talked to a Mom on the basketball team he coached. I told myself it was because of basketball. My son was no longer on the team as he quit the year before and my husband just had to keep coaching. He’s coached these kids since 1st grade and wanted to finish out their last year in recreational. The season was over and they kept playing tournaments. He even had me drop him off at one that was near the airport after our family vacation.
    1 week after we closed on our house at the end of Sept. I find out he’s been having an affair with her. He couldn’t even tell me. I find out from her husband. They have 3 kids. These 2 people have ruined the lives of so many and it is disgusting to think about. How do they live with themselves? The other couple decided to tell their kids so my husband had to tell ours since they are same ages and go to school together. So wrong for these kids to have to know these horrid details. He has moved out and wants to be with her. He even brought her around my kids only 3 weeks after they found out about her. They knew her before but how could he think that would be ok. I don’t even know who he is anymore. They are disgusting. I am trying to move forward but thoughts creep in and everyday I remember something else.
    Someone said already that once a cheater always a cheater. So now they are building a relationship based on lies and deceit. I guess we will see how that goes. The sad thing is that my kids are going to have to go through this. I am reading, learning and doing everything I can to help myself through this for them.
    I don’t know how I can forgive. I know it’s not for them, it’s for me but I can’t even stand the thought of them. I don’t even want to look at my husband. He is not the man I thought he was or that anyone thought he was. Instead of putting effort into our marriage he took the easy way out. Starting something new is easy. Marriages take work. I will continue to work on myself and I know I am going to be more than fine eventually. Reading articles like this and stories like all of yours let’s me know I am not alone. It is sad that it has to be this way and that people can so easily throw away a marriage and the vows they took.
    One thing I am finding is that through this I am seeing that there is one who will always love me. God is there and will always be there and he has a better plan for us. I don’t want toxic people in my life. I want me and my boys to be closer to God and know that no matter what we go through he will be here. I heard this song Better For it by Riley Clemons and her words spoke to me. It said funny how being down can make you look up. I found you down low in the brokenness and I’m Better For it. I am a singer and I sing this everyday along with the same artists song Broken Prayers. I am going to find my passions, the ones I set aside. I am healing through music. I have to let go of the bitterness and embrace who I am supposed to be.

  211. Hello Alyx,

    First I wanted to say that you are not alone. I am where you are. I just turned 39 in September and got the shock of my life in October. My husband and I celebrated our 16 year anniversary back in June, we have 2 beautiful boys, 12 & 14. We sold our home in August and have been building a house all Summer. We finally moved in at the end of Sept and the week after I found out he has been having an affair and he left. It’s been going on for 4 months he says but she is a Mom on the basket ball team he coached and we have known her for 7 years. Apparently according to her he was broken and me and her husband drove them to each other. That’s right she is also married with 3 kids. All I can do is replay the moments of this year in my head. I knew something didn’t feel right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I am finally starting to realize that maybe God has a new plan for me and my boys. Through this we are growing closer to him. I didn’t even know I needed to be fighting for my marriage and then it was too late. He had been checked out and I didn’t even know it. I am glad I found this article. I’ve read so many but last night I laid in bed thinking again. Thinking about how manipulative they both have been. Using our kids, he had her show up on his weekend with them after they found out 3 weeks earlier that Dad was having an affair. Again a shock. The other couple told their 12 & 14 year old. So my husband had to tell ours so they wouldn’t hear about it at school. WHY did they think it was ok to tell kids. These are the type of people he has brought into our lives. Manipulators and users they both are. It’s not us, we didn’t do this, It’s them. We are going to blossom into the women we are meant to be. We can live without them but I can’t live without God. I tell myself that everyday and eventually it will be my truth.

  212. Hey Alyx…. breath hunni. Your story is sooooo similar to mine. Like you I was a stay at home mom,and like you my ex was cheating for afew months.
    So he’s in honeymoon period. Nothing you say or do will make a blind bit of difference, so you say nothing. This is your time to take care of you and the kids. Don’t ask him anything,don’t beg,start getting your life in order.
    You are all the kids have at the moment,so if you have to try find a little job. That was my life saver. Stopped me thinking about all the crap.
    Don’t give this man any of your time.
    When the dust settles,and the honeymoon period whines,he will return. May not be to reconcile,but to find out what your up to. Use class as your weapon. If you read through some of the posts,you’ll see many women are getting through it..hugs and here if you need us xx

  213. Don’t I know it … it just pisses me off he takes 27 years to decide that he’s not happy. I’m swallowing and moving on … I am getting satisfaction that he’s in for a ride. He’s told his kids that their inheritance will be used to raise this woman’s three kids. He hasn’t even met them yet. He thinks he’s saving a small piece of Mexico by having her move in. And again, the only set back is my psyche refuses to sleep through the night. A small price to pay to enjoy the rest of my life. And lesson learned, once a cheater always a cheater.

  214. Carol, I’m so sorry to hear what your kids had to deal with when they were younger. If that doesn’t put fire in your belly I don’t know what will. So he’s playing daddy to OW kid….just shows what a complete twat he is. Is he in contact with your kids?
    I realise you think your not getting anywhere, but you are. Hell its been over twenty months for me and I still get confused for a second. He turned up at the house after having to pick our daughter up from school and I’d literally just got home. So touchy feely I wanted to smack him one. Then the next day the flowers arrived,via my daughter. The coward used her again. Had she not been used I’d have slung the bouquet in the bin. He knows flowers are my thing, I’m pretty sure he was expected a text or phone call of thanks…he’s still waiting haha.
    Listen, the man you thought he was, he never was….if that makes sense. Weak, pathetic,and selfish. You have your family and I promise you, with more time those feelings will weaken.
    I tell myself daily, I’m worth so much more, I still panick about my future, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t come into my future. He’s my daughters father,and I’m stuck with that bond….but I don’t need to talk to him,only communicating regarding our child and that suites me fine. I know he’s sad at what he’s lost, I know he’d be back in a minute,I know when he sees me he realises…..well tough!
    Going forward we ALL deserve a partner we can trust 100%,we all deserve to be happy ,we all deserve better……
    Keep going, slowly,take a breath and thank your lucky stars he’s out of your life…hugs hun xxxx

  215. Hello,
    My name is Alyx, I’m 27, and a mother if two children. Nora is 2 and my son is 4 months. I’ve been with my husband since 2011 and married since 2015. The day before Halloween I found out my husband had been having an affair. He was pretty quick to jump in and say that he didn’t want to work things out. He made the cliche statement “there’s no spark.” The affair had bees going on for about 3 months. That’s right, you read that correctly. While I’ve been at home raising his daughter and new baby, he’s been screwing a coworker in my car at work. There were little signs this had been going on but I was totally clueless and thought we had a great marriage. I’m a stay at home mom and have been for almost 3 years. I’ve devoted my entire self to being a wonderful wife and mother and now I’m completely lost. I fee as if I’m only a mother now. My heart is so incredibly broken. I’ve been moved out of the house for two weeks and he’s already bringing her over to the house we raised our kids in. How could he be so heartless and cruel to his best friend and wife, not to mention his beautiful children. He’s been checked out of our marriage for a while now and I’m just supposed to catch up in two weeks. He says we need to see other people and move on. I don’t what to say other than I’m in total shock and misery. Where do I go from here. I feel as if I’m all alone in this dark hole. I can’t stop replaying over every aspect of what happened. It’s disgusting to think of them together and so incredibly painful. Help!
    Sincerely,
    Alyx

  216. Hi Patricia, I hate saying this but, once a cheater. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, and my guess is the younger woman in Mexico is getting the same lines you got. So now you have something in common with his ex…he sh*t on you too.
    I think like most of these cheating men, once the trust is gone,then it’s gone. Personally I couldn’t go back ,regardless!
    Thankfully you have your family round you,and im shocked at his age he’s still doing what he’s doing. Leave him to it, and enjoy your new life. And we’ve all heard the wanting to stay friends…those are the crumbs he’s leaving just incase this new woman and him don’t work out.
    It’s been 20 months for me, and after twenty two years together, I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Yep I’ve had the let’s be friends, yep he’s asked to come back, even got me flowers last week for my birthday….ughhh. He’s stalked, asked friends about my dating,been a complete twat tries to hug and touch me whenever he gets the chance….and he knows, he’s lost the best thing he ever had. He’s stuck with a woman who looks old beyond her years, who is cheating on him already,and I can’t help but think, you get what you deserve…..the man is a shell of himself….Good I say. No going back, no great get back together,just memories …and thankful I don’t have to put up with his lies,manipulation,cheating and just sheer lack of respect.
    Swallow up hun, cause your now going through exactly what his ex did…..sad isn’t it!

  217. My husband and I were both on our second marriage. His first marriage was a 20 year relationship with a woman he had four children with. I came along and he left her. I am twelve years his junior. I understood him and his marriage with his first wife had been over for at least three years. He showered me with attention, not money. He didn’t have any to speak of. He was so thoughtful and willing. We were in love.

    We had a wonderful marriage and we encouraged each other. Life wasn’t easy, but it was so managable. We accomplished so much together and between us we had six kids. They are all successful in their own right. We sold our business and retired in Mexico. Our retirement phase lasted six months. He distanced himself from me emotionally and then let me know that he no longer loved me. I was shocked and pissed off.

    I knew I had been replaced exactly like I replaced his first wife, but with a woman half his age. He doesn’t see it that way of course. He believes he is moving on to a higher ground. He is going to help a poor Mexican woman with three children, all under the age of ten and all with different fathers. He is a condesending, patronizing idiot. He needs to be worshipped and what better way to get that feeling of adoration than with a woman you can lord yourself over.

    I am relieved that I no longer have to be with a man who his everyone’s superior, but I have these bouts of crying that hit me when I think of our relationship together and the good times. I think I could get over the hurt if I could just sleep at night. I can fall asleep, but I can’t go back to sleep after I wake up in the middle of the night, which could be anywhere from one to four in the morning. I operate on about three to five hours of sleep a night and I am an emotional mess because of the lack of sleep. This is a new experience for me. Lack of sleep is so detrimental to both my physical and emotional health, (as I am sure it is for everyone.) I have done everything I can to move on.

    Our separation took place four months ago during a brief conversation where he said he feels “ambivalent” towards me, but he “respects” me. HA!!! Not feeling much respect from him these days. Not caring about respect from him either.

    Even though I am of retirement age, I have a part time job doing something that I love; I have bought a condo in an area that I love; I have moved my aging mother in with me and I am spending more time with “our” six kids and grandchildren and I am in counselling. My family and friends have been over the top supportive of me, and shocked by his behaviour. His feelings are hurt that he is not receiving the support and encouragement that he feels entitled to. And no one has any interest at all in his new girlfriend. I am feeling rather self-righteous, which I’m not sure is a good thing at this time. But most importantly, I am moving on. If I could only start sleeping my usual eight hours per night.

    I realize that I am blessed compared to others. I couldn’t imagine having the financial worries and stress around getting through all of life’s trials and tributions at such a tramatic time. I am not sure if I am interested in a love relationship again, but my mantra has been “never say never – just don’t make any relationship decisions.”

    Taking it all into consider, I am not sure I could ever forgive him. If I did, he would believe that what he did is okay. He wants to remain “friends”, which I have absolutely no interest in. I have to stay on good terms with him until the settlement is finalized, but he is honouring his financial responsibilities to me so far with no immediate threat of stopping.

    I guess I am asking, is it possible for me to move on without being bitter, but still not like him? If there was a family gathering where “our” family are together and both of us are invited, I would go and be polite. But it wouldn’t be for him.

    My only regret at this point is that she will may not experience his moving on in another twenty years. Because he will be 95 at that time, and I would hope greatful to anyone that would have anything to do with him.

  218. Hi dear Sasha, many thanks for your lovely words after my post about helping at the accident it means a lot. I do hope you are right about my ex s******g himself hopefully he will when he hears from the court. I’m having a really bad day as yesterday I went out to meet a friend, we were getting ready to cross the road when my ex drove past in our old car with one of the OW teenage sons sat where I used to sit. I didn’t cope well Sasha, my friend said you’re shaking then I cried in the street thinking about how he’s rejected me for her and another family like ours never existed for 27 years. How do I deal with the rejection feelings love, like I’m second best, no good anymore, thrown away like rubbish. No one has ever broken me before. No one seems able to help me and that frightens me love, how can I lose the emotional detachment I have to this monster. My head knows all he’s done yet my heart doesn’t, he knew he had someone to go too and I’d be alone it hurts so much. I’ve recently found out from two of my three adult children, his stephchildren that when I wasn’t around he’d often give them five whacks for just minor things, he offer them the choice of being grounded or five whacks, even if they opted to be grounded he’d whack them anyway!!! My little boy was only five then and apparantly he’d be so scared he’d often wet himself. I never knew any of this as I would have left with them then. What kind of a mother does that make me. He came across as this wonderful caring husband and stepdad Yet all this was going on. I feel so upset I just want them out of my head. I wish they’d move miles away. I’m so glad i have you and the other lovely ladies here to talk too as everyone thinks after 7 months I should be over it. I feel traumatised. Lots of love xxx

  219. Marie,
    I came across this chat group by chance. It is truly shocking to read so many sad stories of husbands treating their wives this way. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this twice Marie. To be betrayed by a friend you kindly helped and took under your wing, is even worse. You are a strong resilient woman.
    I was with my ex for 25 years – married 22 of those. He was my soul mate, best friend and we did everything together having not had children (by choice). We traveled all over the world. He seemed to change overnight into a person I didn’t recognise. I later said it was like “a spaceship had come down and taken my husband away and put an imposter in his place”.
    You think you would know someone through and through after all those years. It seems I didn’t….
    He had an affair with a woman working in a coffee shop at his work. It took me 5 months to uncover the truth (after my suspicions were aroused) after his denials and insistence that I was going mad / was paranoid. I had begged him to tell me the truth. I never got that from him, even to the day I walked out and took my ring off. He was still lying. You would think after so many years together I deserved some honesty but “no”. The truth is once a man decides to leave there is no empathy whatsoever. You don’t exist in their eyes.
    I was forced to live with him for 6 months during his betrayal because he refused to move out; during which time his affair was blatantly flaunted under my nose. Even skyping her in the house when I was there and driving her around in our car! I was in despair and in a bad emotional state.
    Just before Christmas he had left out the picture of the baby they were expecting for me to find in the spare bedroom. He had never wanted a child. Neither of us wanted a family. That was the “nail in the coffin” for me and I immediately said I wanted a divorce, heart-broken though I was. He hadn’t said he would leave me.
    I tried hard to move on and pick up my life. It was hard. I found a small house – not in such a nice area as our bigger one – and kept myself busy with work, my fantastic supportive friends and family. I continued to travel (which I love) though on a modest scale. I joined the gym and started weight training. it gave me back my sanity. I had a course of CBT therapy.
    I was doing so much better….
    A year after moving into my new place, and not long after the divorce finally went through, he moved back to the area and bought a house 6 doors away from me, with the Other Woman and their child – a baby boy.
    Unbelievable…. my life was a soap opera … its official.
    He said he didn’t know I lived there which was later proven to be a lie, since our former car (for which he made me pay half ) was on my drive. He knew I did before I completed, but still moved in there regardless.
    Fortunately I don’t seem them all that often but we commute from the same rail station. He has tried to talk on occasion. I have nothing to say.
    I have had to lose contact with his parents -whom I loved dearly – and I have lost lose friends – one of 40 years – who “ghosted” me, around the time my ex moved back to the area. All very hard to deal with and further insult to injury.
    As for the Other Woman – in her situation I wouldn’t be happy to be “living 6 doors from his ex of 25 years” but she has blatantly stared at me when I have seen her in the street. I have remained cool and calm throughout (no matter how hysterical and angry I was at times). I have always found “silence” says a thousand words and to react just shows them you care – I just showed a cool disdain.
    Unfortunately I haven’t been able to move due to my financial position (the divorce left me starting over on the property ladder ) but I hope to be able to at some point.
    I want to tell you that it will get easier. All of this makes you a stronger person. The grieving is a process which you have to get through, you cant go round it, only through it. It really is like the future you thought you had has been taken away.
    I guess you can never take your relationship for granted. I was happy and I thought he was too. Then one day he changed.
    Friends of mine think it will never happen to them.
    I have done things I would never have done when I was married, I have become more independent, taken on new hobbies and met new friends. I have traveled places the ex never would have wanted to go. Life goes on and its for living.

  220. Wow Carol, you were meant to be there to help. See, you have so much going for you,one of life’s helpers….do not let this man break you.
    Regarding your ex, the thing is he doesn’t have any where to go. He’s probably shi@@ing himself…he deserves all he gets. Continue to mov3 forward my love, your getting there xxx

  221. Bless your heart lovely Sasha, you are always coming to my rescue, if only I could give you a proper hug. I’m trying to get all my documents organised, of course he doesn’t know I have all this evidence. I even have two fuels cards he took outin the name of a business that doesn’t exist, I’m hoping that will prove to the judge that he’s capable of doing devious things. He also won’t know he will have to do another form E this time ordered by the court as the last one he lied all the way through and never provided bank statements, wage slips or pension details. My solicitor then asked for the answers and documents regarding all that back in September giving him two weeks to reply but haven’t had a response, yet up until then there were bullying letters from his solicitor regularly, its really odd Sasha.
    I went out with my family about ten days ago and a road accident happened right in front of us, although I haven’t worked in my ambulance job for 18 mths I triaged people, organised emergency services, got my children helping and making scene safe. The worst casualty was 84 man who bullseyed the windscreen from inside, sorted him out but knew he was seriously injured and lot of blood loss. My old colleagues turned up and I continue to help until he was airlifted to hospital. They said I’d done brilliant job. My children and daughter in law had never seen me in work mode before said they were so proud and I was amazing to watch. I was just doing what I’d been trained to do but it was great to hear them say that and to know part of the real me is still inside this shell that is crying all the time.
    You are probably right about them not being happy but I’m thinking why are they still together if they aren’t but the children say he can’t afford to go anywhere else and he will panic about court. Its my imagination that runs riot sweetheart I don’t want them in my head anymore.

    I want to be strong like you and the other wonderful ladies here. Take care dear friend, hugs and love xxx

  222. Morning Carol…..Thankyou for your B/wishes….
    I’m sorry to hear your still having health worries. I will pray for you,and a positive outcome. Right then, with court looming, you need to start thinking smarter,and getting it sorted. Regardless of representing yourself, make sure you have copies of everything to hand. This is your time to get your message across that you will NOT go down without a fight . Bank statements etc mortgage statements etc…life insurance ,anything you think relevant.
    Carol, if you really think they are having a great time, then I can gaurentee they are not. If you think your stressed, then they will be doubly stressed.
    Focus now on your own well-being,stop,stop,stop thinking about them. Your family need you well,because you are their main priority,so start being kind to yourself,and love yourself. We have conversed for months and you are a wonderful lady who deserves so much more…hugs darling xxxx

  223. Hi Sasha sweetheart, a very belated birthday hug to you. Flowers from him eh, he’s got it bad!! I never even got a text off of mine. It sounds like you had a lovely birthday. I’m so pleased that you had such a great time in London with your beautiful daughter. And finding someone new, that’s amazing, you deserve happiness.

    Well despite still being on this horrible emotional rollercoaster I did two days ago mail off the Form A to start court financial proceedings as still nothing from him and his solicitor since September. He will be very angry when he gets told he has to attend court and I’m scared as I’m representing myself. I’m still not angry enough and that concerns me as does the fact that although my emotional detachment to him is a bit weaker its not gone yet. I just so want them to break up so they feel the pain they’ve put me through. I’m also very scared as I’ve another health scare, I was examined by a Dr yesterday who arranged an immediate breast cancer clinic appointment for next Wednesday. I’m praying its just normal changes. Its just one thing after another love and I can’t take much more. I’ve cried everyday for 7 months when will it stop.

    Take care big hugs and love xx

  224. Hey ladies. Hope your getting through your days with more ease. Well I celebrated my 51st birthday ,went to the theatre,was very spoilt and came home to a bouquet of flowers off the ex. Couldn’t help laughing. The man is intolerable,funny,but intolerable. I wonder what his OW would say? Actually I’m not bothered. If he wants to waste his money on me then so be it. It doesn’t change a thing….
    Good news is I’ve actually Met a guy,who I think I really like haha. Early days,and he’s sooooo very different. There’s fire in my belly,I’m excited,but not taking anything too serious.
    Took the daughter to London last week,and we had a fabulous time..ofcourse the ex never stopped ringing then asked her what we had been doing…a blow by blow account……oh and he’s tsking her next year…ffs
    Ladies life is good, thank your lucky stars that you don’t have a lying cheating manipulating twat living with you anymore…enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

  225. Jess, this breaks my heart to hear because I am both a wife whose husband has left her for another woman, and a teacher.

    Whilst teachers are human, they should be expected to meet a higher standard than this. In Australia, teachers can only “tutor” students at school unpaid in after-school programs.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through and I am right now off work to recover from the shock of his leaving two days ago to be with her. It’s like they turn into another person.

    Look after yourself and focus on being the best mother you can be for your beautiful kids.

    Alexandra

  226. Ellen,

    you are not alone, God is with you. May his blessings and peace overflow you. We are living in such hard times where it seems that evil is trying to take over everything. Those who cheat are the ones who have decided to deny them selves. They give up all that is honourable and good for nothing but short pleasures . I have learnt that those who do this have lost a good heart and have cold water running through their veins. To all those beautiful woman out there who are going through this please remember this, your hearts are still beating with truth and honesty…. persons who cheat…. decide to lose it….they have long lost a good heart and the worst pain they are causing is not on you…. but on them selves. Hugs to you!

  227. Patricia
    It has only been a few days since I found out about my husband and his girlfriend. I am 68 years old today. He is 70. We have been together 17 years. And, today is my birthday. I planned a trip for his 70th birthday and I discovered the relationship on the second day of the trip.

    My first marriage lasted 24 years and ended with a two year affair (for him). I did survive through all of that. This time is different for me. We are older and we were going to be together until the end of our lives. Of course, I’m still in shock and I miss him and love him.

    During my first divorce, I decided that I didn’t want any facts or details about the other person. It was a wise decision. The less you know, the less you hurt. I feel the same way this time. I don’t want to know anything about the person or situation.

    I’m trying to NOT SIT in denial. I know that it is over, but of course, I don’t want it to be happening. I’m not sure that I will be able to support myself (really, it’s not a guess). It is difficult to see him move on in such a happy way. I do not care if he ever has any regrets — most men don’t. It will and does seem like he has all the choices. Eventually, you will find the will and strength to make your own choices.

    if you are younger (I was 43), you have a lifetime ahead of you. I know in my heart that I will always be alone. My best friend just called me. She is the first friend I have talked to. I’m not sure it helped to talk to her, but I did.

    I will pray for you, Patricia. Try not to dwell on the other person. You can get through this with your integrity in intact. Be kind to yourself.

  228. I had a similar thing. My husband of 13 years left very suddenly and admitted he was seeing a good friend of ours. I can not believe either of them could do this. I have known her for 20 years, I welcomed into our home, we went on holidays. We share so many mutual friends.
    It’s still a shock at the moment. I can’t believe he has left and that he is with her. He left a trail of destruction and debt behind him. I have tried to keep contact to an absolute minimum as I refuse to beg for his love. We have met once since he left and he was so cold towards me as if it was my fault. He has never apologised or explained or even asked how I am.

    The confusion on top of the pain is just destroying me.

  229. Hi Jodie,
    Your story and mine are similar. My husband of 37 years left me with a note one week ago. He left me for the other women she is 11 years younger. He cheated on me for the last 10 months. I found out a few weeks ago. I thought we were in a happy marriage. I was happy. Now I’m a wreck.

  230. I am so glad I found this. I am going through ha similar situation. I am so blindsided that I can’t even believe I’m taking this. My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. We have five grown adult children all girls. We had to businesses in a small town. And I believe our marriage was very happy. I had no idea that he was having an affair. One of my daughters made a suggestion that I should check his cell phone. And one night I decided to do that because of the way he was acting. He went to bed. And I grabbed the cell phone, and there it always. My has been is 56 and she’s 27! I took pictures from his cell phone and copied them onto mine up all of the texts, skype, phone numbers, FaceTime messages or logs, and I ended up waking up at 4 o’clock in the morning and confronting him. And he said he had fallen in love with her? I was completely devastated.. He said he was in love with her. They have been seen each other for several months.I asked him to leave, he thought it for about an hour. He packed a little bit of his stuff and left. It is now been 12 weeks. I am still having a real hard time with it. But I know that there is no going back They are still together?

  231. I have been married for a little over ten years. We have 3 kids. We built a house roughly three years ago which put our middle child having to switch elementary schools . He was having a hard time in school so his teacher offered to tutor him in our home. A year later I found my husband hiding texts between him and our son’s teacher/tutor. In the same week I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say the tutoring ended abruptly . Our youngest was born in March and within 3 months my husband filed for divorce . Since then he has been seen with the teacher in public which he states is only friendly outings but he has also been spending overnight stays at her house. He recently called to see if we could work on our problems and I was willing. A few months of us slowly working on our family and he asked for a postnuptial agreement . I declined and two days later he was caught at the teachers house again. I am so heart broken, cry daily, and cannot get over this . My husband whom I trusted with everything and a teacher that I held to higher standards both did me and my family wrong . Any suggestions on how to move on without the years daily?

  232. Hey carol. Whilst your still wishing the pair of them the worst, your still embroiled in it all. Something I’ve learned along the way. Listen, she is getting the very worst version of him. She sees and hears what he does and says. Can you imagine? Believe me, when I tell you, she will be wondering all the time!
    Stay strong carol,and keep going. Stop yourself! Make small plans for YOU!
    And what if he did come back? What would it look like? Not good is it? I don’t think about my ex ever coming back,because I don’t want,need or miss him. I see him for exactly who he is.
    I’m grateful he’s occupied….what him and her have put my daughter through, tells me they are both idiots,void of others feelings. I could never ever use my daughter to get what I want….both have,and it’s sad isn’t it. I’m giving my daughter the best version of me. The responsible, caring, nurturing, no messing mum who she can count on. Now Carol, start putting you first, start building your new life.
    When all the dust settles, I can say I’m worth so much more,and I don’t need to be with a man like my ex because I’m worth so much more….. and so are YOU!
    Hugs to you and all you women going through this….you are all beautiful, xxx

  233. Dearest Sasha, as always a big thankyou for being there, you are my inspiration. I’m so glad your therapist was helpful and that you and your Daughter will be spending Christmas together without his involvement, let the narc suffer. Yes its odd mines gone quiet unless its the lull before the storm hun, looking back the relationship was great for many years but horrible for the last two or three but he was all I’ve known for nearly three decades and I’m really struggling with them being together sweetheart, I feel worthless because he chose someone like her over me. I hope they both rot in hell. I can’t help it but I want bad things for them and that’s not like me. I so want my love for him to go away but I don’t know how to do that and it scares me. I’m sending you much love and big hugs xxx

  234. Dearest Rosa, thankyou so much for helping me. I don’t understand why I still miss him and I so want the love I have for him to fade. I’m having real difficulties imaging him with her, it hurts so much and I don’t know how to move past that, its like I never existed for 27 years and she just came and replaced me like I was trash. I wrote down last night all he’s done like you suggested Rosa, gosh it was awful, emotional and financial abuse, lying, cheating at least twice and stealing then abandoning me during major surgery. How can anyone love and miss a person who can do that to you? I worry there is something wrong with me. I’m so glad you are doing better I’m just sorry you and everyone here had to endure this nightmare. Love and hugs xxx

  235. Hi ladies Thankyou….saw my therapist today, and we discussed this very topic. She made me realise my ex was a classic narcissist….I don’t owe him anything. She too is adamant that everything my ex has done will eventually lead to my daughter eventually turning her back on him….the narcissist managed it all by himself…..twat!
    She also said that it’s ok to not want to forgive to move on, some people don’t deserve forgiveness, just the fact they are out of your life is enough. And that makes me happy!
    Carol, isn’t it funny your ex has gone quiet! I bet he’s crapping himself now…doesn’t answer cause he’s been found out! Come on Carol, your wasting valuable time on these two,when you could be working on yourself. I know Hun, it’s hard, and if I lived next door I’d kick your booty,grab a bottle of vino,and share a drink……start making plans now. Do one thing every week,get out of this rut your in….your stronger than you know, your still breathing and you deserve so much more! Let her deal with his crap now, and be honest with yourself….was the relationship that good? From what you’ve written, it really wasn’t! We all care for you,now you need to care for you!
    JulieN……Thankyou Hun….in my heart I know I don’t have to put up with his sh@t anymore,and you know what I’m so over all the crap he keeps doing.
    Ladies, stay strong, make new memories,cause life is far too short! Hugs all xxx

  236. Dear Carol,

    I know exactly how you feel. It is normal that you are grieving. What I need to say to you is that you are healing. Yes, it sounds crazy what I am saying but all your tears, hurt and pain is a process of healing! I went through all this too and never would I have thought that this is what you need to go through in order to wake up one day and realize that your heart is stronger and the love you felt for him starts fading. I see you still need to go through the angry phase. What helped me to go further is I wrote down all the terrible things he has done to me and believe me… anger starts setting in! Your eyes open slowly but surely to reality. Sometimes the anger is overwhelming! There were days I thought I would explode! Carol, please be strong. You need your time and I promise you this, one day you will realize that you are the one who is a thousand times better off than him. Just think this, if your husband is truly happy with her why is he so angry and mean to you? It doesn’t make sense!!!!! He is angry and acting as Mr. happy because he knows… he KNOWS that YOU are the better part! He KNOWS that the other woman he is now with would NEVER reach you… not in a lifetime! Does this make sense? Of course!!!!! Be proud of yourself as you maintained your honesty, integrity and respect! You have such great values that your husband will never ever have again… and this is why he is so angry………
    Believe me!
    Big hugs to you!!!!
    Rosa!

  237. Dearest Sasha, I think your dear Daughter is like her Mum, amazing, strong and knows what she wants. She wants a happy Christmas with her Mum, she doesn’t want her Dad causing extra anxiety over the Christmas period. You can both have a chat now about how special you can make it and what you are both going to do. She has chosen that she doesn’t want him to be a part of it, the same as he made his choice to leave and do what he did. I’m so glad she has you. You are both doing great considering he is doing his best to cause problems.

    I’m still struggling sadly, crying everyday, I struggle with the rejection as she’s a horrible person yet he obviously thinks she’s better it hurts. He’s also not responded to the order to pay my divorce petition costs, he will have been angry as its almost £2500, my solicitor gave him 7 days to respond but after 9 days nothing. He’s also not responded to the long letter she sent requesting answers to the lies he put on his financial disclosure. Its very odd and frustrating as normally I get a nasty bullying letter soon after from his solicitor yet I haven’t heard anything. I’m still so upset he’s living with her he knew he was leaving me alone but also knew he had someone to go to, it upsets me so much the constant thoughts of that, I so want them to go wrong.

    I’m thinking of you Sasha, lots of love and hugs xxx

  238. Hi Sasha. Absolutely you are doing the right thing. It’s your and your daughters house not his. He gave up that right. Keep those boundaries in place and thank you for being an inspiration to us 💕

  239. Hi ladies….well, what can I say. Daughter came home and said dad was talking about Xmas and seems to think he can do presents at our house? I held out the olive branch last year, but really don’t want him in my house,and so asked her if she wanted to do it again. She said no,it would be too much, too awkward….against my better judgement I said if she wanted to, I would leave for an hour,walk the dog etc. She’s adamant,and I hate saying this,but thank god!
    He will have to do presents somewhere else. Should I do more? Am I being selfish. I’m led by her,and don’t want it to seem like I’m pushing her in any way….any advice would be great..hugs warrior blossoms….keep going xxx

  240. Hey Carol, tomorrow is another day. You can do this cause your doing it! Ok, you’ve cried today,but you may not tomorrow. They say loosing a partner to someone else is like coming off drugs. Are you getting any better? The main thing is taking care of yourself. If you write down every little crappy thing he has done,and keep reading it. Keep going hun, I know it’s hard, but your in a far better place than when you first split.
    I’m under no illusion that my exes life is perfect…far from it! The man is a joke, he knows it,and everyone else knows it. He’s never seen in town with his OW….that tells you everything you need to know. I’d like to think when she has to sell her house, they will both F#@k off and move out of town, and there’s another headache…if he rents with OW then his daughter will turn her back on him completely….something I doubt he’s even thought of. Her thought is dad should have rented something as soon as we split, on his own…hell he can afford it!
    The headaches will always be theirs. Kids turning their back on the parent who has wrecked the family. They have alienated themselves,and will always ask themselves if it was all worth it. I know my ex is living a nightmare,and I hope he looks at Ow and asks himself if she was worth it. From what I’ve heard that would be a big fat NO! Haha.
    Carol, leave him to it, stay NC, and work on you hunni. You have got through another day….hugs xxxx

  241. Dearest Sasha, I’m so sorry your daughter is so distressed. How could he do it to her and leave you to deal with the consequences of his dreadful actions. Its a pity he doesn’t get the message and move miles away. I’m glad she has such a great Mum and it sounds like her friend is very supportive, can she not switch her phone off while there as you can always ring her friend if you need her.

    I’m having a dreadful day for some reason, feel so lonely, just sat sobbing, how could he just abandoned me for someone like her just because I was unwell, and leave me penniless, he doesn’t care if I’m alive or dead hun. Sometimes I don’t think I can do this, I’m surrounded by people who think after six mths I should be over it. I miss him and it hurts sweetheart. Thinking of you xxx

  242. Aww Carol, Thankyou for responding. It’s so tough. We had tears again tonight. She feels so totally betrayed by him. Says she can’t trust anything he says and then says why am I not angry? I was honest and told her I am angry,but with his behaviour. I also told her the reason I don’t communicate with him like her other friends whose parents are divorced. Simple, they don’t stalk,constantly ring,question,etc,etc! I so want them to have a great relationship,but he is hanging onto her for dear life,and it’s smothering her. I hate him for that. Saw one of his friends ( ex friends by all accounts) who said, they felt I’d nothing to feel bad about, that he deserved everything he got,and by the looks of things he’s very miserable. Both our daughters are best friends. He told me our daughter has nothing good to say about her dad,and that spoke volumes . Dad rings her continuously when she’s at their house,and She ends up turning her phone off….it’s shear madness,and would make anyone anxious! Even after I’d tol d him to calm the calls down,he doesn’t care about anyone but himself,!
    Carol, cry as long as it takes. They are your feelings. But remember that you will get through this. Any man who can behave which so much cruelty,doesn’t deserve your time. You can do this, I promise ! Give yourself 10 minutes each day to think about him, then stop and get on with your day. You have to really make the effort, but stick with it. As time goes on reduce the amount of time you think about him…if you can get out in the fresh air, exercise is so good for lifting your mood, walking! Carol, don’t give up on you, and find your strength. Your allowed to cave into your feelings every now and again, but, don’t give into them….ever! Hugs my darling xxxx

  243. Dearest Sasha, I’m truly sorry for what your ex is putting you and your Daughter through, he has no idea the hurt he’s causing. These bloody men are only interested in themselves and how they feel. I’m glad you and your dear daughter have a therapist, she obviously sees her father for what he is. Its doubly difficult with the fact of him being so friendly with your son, this is probably because he sees him as a mate, and thinks he can use him too but in that kind of way where he tries to be best buddies whilst manipulating him into giving him information. Its so frustrating for you. Maybe he needs proper boundaries now and whether he should even see your daughter at all, if she’s in agreement of course as you’d have professional backing and evidence to show its causing her psychological problems and its not fair on her or you darling. Big hugs you deserve better. You are one strong lady we all love you. I’m still plodding on tears everyday, waiting for his bullying solicitor to respond regarding his lies and the fact the district judge ordered him to pay the petition costs. I’m still frustrated and angry that I miss him and find it so hard to lose that attachment to him. Looking back the last two years he has been emotionally and financially abusing me. I miss being part of a couple I hate he knew he had someone to go too yet he knew I’d be alone and he didn’t even care I can’t wait for the day they aren’t in my head anymore when I don’t care what he’s doing . Im surrounded by people telling me to toughen up , let go and forget them,
    not easy after 27 years hun. These men are pure evil. I’m hugging you tight Sasha thinking of you and your Daughter, much love xx

  244. Hi ladies…well it’s been afew weeks,and the crap keeps on giving! Ughhh! So the ex tells our daughter he can’t have tea with her Monday cause he’s going out….Then on Monday rings her and says he’s cancelled his night out so he can spend time with her….really? My guess is the concert you were bragging about didn’t happen because something at home happened? So OW decides to take her daughter instead. My daughter on the other hand, saw straight through his BS, and told him. And then what transpired was a 14 year old whose anxiety and panic attacks increased! Her father ofcourse simply doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to deal with it, so minimises it!
    I’m so angry that I have to deal with this alone. Doctor has now put her on beta blockers., she’s in counselling and has a go to teacher too…it’s sad,that one man, the one man who should be there for her, has caused all this crap!
    And to top it all, he is at my sons beck and call ( my son from previous relationship). The same man who couldn’t be bothered with him previously, who would say, he’s not staying here…hell that was one of the reasons we disagreed….yet all of a sudden, he is his best mate. That puts me in a difficult position. I have no problem them having contact, but I do have a problem with my ex using my son to get information out of him. My ex knows everything going on in our house. So I keep tight lipped about my personal affairs. I went for lunch with an old male friend last week. My son automatically thought it was a date…..so ex then asks my daughter if mum is dating! See what I mean? It’s relentless.
    I feel at the moment that my ex will always be poking his nose in our business, there is no calm at the this time, and as strong as i am, it’s wearing me down.
    Both the doctor and counsellor have asked our daughter if they could get dad in to discuss, but she is adiment she doesn’t want him there. She says he’s the problem. But she doesn’t feel she can tell him that. How utterly sad ,that the one person who should know isn’t being told,so it’s a vicious circle. Now because my daughter trusts me and confides in me, means I can’t tell him either. I feel useless, but I will not go against the trust she has in me. So I feel like I’m failing her.
    The ripples of crap, continue on a daily basis, and this strong lady is feeling useless at the moment.
    Now if his life was so perfect, he wouldn’t be ringing my daughter excessively constantly asking her if she loves him, trying to FaceTime daily, even after taking her out for tea,questioning her, throwing money at her…why can’t he just get on with his life and leave us to it,and simply use his access time to have fun with her. He takes her to the same places for tea,cause my daughter won’t go to his house or have anything to do with the OW. What he doesn’t realise is,he’s smothering her ,and as my therapist said, eventually your daughter will turn her back on him…. never in my wildest dreams would I have thought he would be such a useless ,piece of crap.ahhhhhh!

  245. My husband and I just purchased a home together. I noticed he was acting strange… I found out he was talking to and cheating on me with his boss! He than keeps saying he wanted to work it out and that he loves me but as much as I would work through it, he still goes home to her. This has been going on for just shy of 4 months now. I emotionally cannot deal with it any more I’m exhausted… I wish I knew what the right choice here was!

  246. Jane,
    I cannot tell you how much your message meant to me. You are 100% right. Ironically, this is the second time I am dealing with this. My first marriage of 20 years ended after my husband had an affair. This marriage, only 2 yrs old is now over, with him cheating with a mutual friend. I feel like a cat with 9 lives. LOL Yes, I will pick up the pieces and start rebuilding my life asap. I need to stop picking insecure and weak men. I am not bitter, just stronger. (with the help of my four amazing daughters) Hugs Jane XOXO

  247. Thank you for the words of support, Sasha. You’re totally right, of course. This won’t work out well for him…he’s having trouble convincing her to leave her family for him. He’s now the ‘other woman’ and I’m sure his ego isn’t handling it very well, lol. What an asshat. On to better, even if that just means more self love.

  248. Hi Marie
    I’m sorry to hear your news. Your story is not dissimilar to mine. Where do these women come from?
    I’m 10 months in and it still cripples me daily but finally I’m beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
    My advice is not to be like me – move on now if you possibly can. Don’t waste time.
    Accept that he is obsessed (sorry – in love with) this woman and that as such you are not important any more.
    Accept that you deserve better and that the powers that be have a plan for you
    Accept that he will be a total dick in every possible way he can be because he is pandering to an insecure woman.
    He will not be happy long term – they rarely are – less than 4% of such relationships work out.
    His happiness is built on your misery – shaky foundations as you won’t be miserable for ever.
    Rebuild your dreams.
    You sound like a strong girl. Dig deep and move on.
    Xx

  249. Hey Lisa, has he told you they have an amazing connection, does he tell you how he woos her? My guess is, it ain’t what it seems. Like you I wouldn’t take my ex back if you paid me,and like you,the rose tinted glasses are off. My ex makes me feel repulsion. But I get it that these men simply go on with their lives leaving destruction behind…get this….my ex has asked to come back,cried to the kids,and stalked me for over a year….their lives aren’t as rosey as they want you to believe. Firstly, they are stuck with their mirror image…a cheat! Whilst the affair is secret it’s all so wonderful. But when the dust settles, and they only have each other, then the rot sets in. They are no longer part of the family unit, the sniggers,and whispers they have to put up with, then there’s the comparisons….sorry but I certainly wouldn’t want to start like that. No trust, constant paranoia that the other isn’t being truthful. Every time I think of it I laugh. She is so very welcome to my ex. He wasn’t all that anyway. A good provider, and decent dad at the time….but he was lazy. Overweight, lacked a lot of things. Hell I wake up each day and thank my lucky stars he’s gone. I’ve never had a conversation with him to get back together, I’ve gone NC pretty much since we split. And he hates it! He hates that I’m getting on with my life, going out, enjoying myself, meeting new people……
    The downside is the effect on my daughter..,he has done and said some really sad things to her, constantly asks her if she loves him, slags me off, tries to undermine me all the time. I ignore, Explain things calmly to my daughter,and make excuses for him. Why? Because I’m the better person, the responsible parent….
    Karma can after a year when he took our daughter away, and hadn’t been out the country 5 minutes,when one of my friends saw some guy leaving her house early in the morning…oh what a tangled web.
    So don’t be jealous of the picture they try to portray….it’s fake and tarnished like their shi**y relationship….laugh, enjoy life and leave the looser behind….hugs x

  250. Hi all i wonder if you can give me some advice my darling husband of 30 years is filing for divorce, i have told hime and his snotty solcitor that i will not sign any divorce papers until he makes it official about the agreement we decided on the equity on the house. A friend told me he cannot divorce me after two years unless i sign, only after five years of living apart.Is this true? I have asked his solicitor what grounds he is divorcing me on,
    I refuse to make anything easy for him after his dreadful behaviour with his floosy.
    Keep strong all of you, get mad not sad i have come a long way in two years you will too. Love to all Kim x

  251. I cannot believe that practically overnight I lost my life as I knew it, my husband, our homes, our family. Just 2 months ago I was helping a mutual girl friend deal with her husband leaving. I never thought in a million years she and my husband would have an affair. I welcomed this woman into my home, my family, even our family vacation! Little did I know the affair had started one month earlier.
    So here I am, hearing that he does not love me anymore. Loves the other woman and wants a divorce asap. I’m still in shock, my dreams of us together forever gone, my husband gone, the other side of my bed empty. Literally overnight. I know I’ll be fine, eventually, but I still have my moments of fury & despair. Thank God I have my family & friends to hold me up.

  252. Hi Everyone,

    I’m a couple months past official divorce date and about a year and 3 months past DDay. At this point I’m on my way to a new life. I don’t want to be with him anymore (the person he was doesn’t exist anymore anyway), I don’t love him anymore and since the rose colored glasses came off I’m not even attracted to him anymore. But the thing that still sticks in my craw is how much energy he put into wooing and romancing her and made dedicated effort to spend time with her – all things he never did for me. He’s completely infatuated with her, and I’m jealous not because it’s him but because I want that for myself. I want someone to have amazing sex with and the strong, intimate connection that I never had with him but always yearned for. Why does he get to have it? And with someone who’s married with two kids, on top of it! Why do they deserve that and not me? Why did she turn that light on in him and not me? He blew up our lives and is trying to destroy another family – who does that and gets rewarded for it?? All questions that are pointless to ask, I guess, but it all just seems so unfair. So unjust.

  253. Hi my dear Sasha, as usual you say the right things at the right tine like Rosa and JulieN have. I hate the roller coaster ride of emotions hun, I am having some angry periods but not enough. I just don’t know how to break the emotional attachment to him for good, does that just happen the longer we are apart? I’m not sure. I was thinking today that apart from the lying, cheating and stealing the man she’s stuck with is nearly 60, overweight, balding, can’t see a thing without glasses, has bad back and ears, is moody and can’t do a practical thing around the house so she’s not got the best. I do wonder if my children are right Sasha when they say he’s using her too just for a roof over his head since I refused to let him move back into the empty marital home. I just want him to be unhappy, its frustrating not knowing. As for your ex don’t give him money, he’s wicked too for what he’s out you all through, you are stringer than he thought, I so admire you. Definitely turds you are so right. Lots of love and hugs, thankyou xxx

  254. Hey Carol. Another mile stone to get through….sad, but those feelings will ease. Listen, going through these emotions your feelings are setting you up to heal, and love without any baggage in the future. All the women here know full well, that ache that stops you eating, keeps you thinking and fills your body with anxiety that at times feels unbearable.
    But what the OW is left with is that angry, disillusioned twat of a man who hasn’t Learned anything and will continue to make the same relationship mistakes.
    I still have days when I want to rip his heart out, but then I think to myself, why the hell am I bothering wasting my time on him.
    This man who tries to undermine me at every given opportunity. Keeping my son sweet, buying the wardrobe that me and my daughter were going to get….well, if he wants to do it, I’m not going to stand in his way. It just shows me how sad, desperate and pathetic he is.
    He did say mum can give me half the money…he will be waiting a long time. His decision,not mine….the biggest thing is, these men who seeem to be popping up everywhere still have their thoughts at the end of the day. I’m guessing at some point they wonder what the hell did they start. Oh and that woman who gladly cheated with them, will start to look tarnished very soon…..trust is a big thing, but between the two of them, their lives will be one long headache of accusions, distrust,and crappy lies….I’m glad I’m not part of that. And so should each and every one of you. I say you can’t wrap a piece of turd in a bow and call it a present….at the end of the day it’s still a 💩…..hahahugs xxx

  255. Dearest Rosa, you are so very kind to help me and I’m so grateful. Everything you say makes perfect sense. I just so wish the tearswould stop as he’s not worth it. Its difficult to cope with the betrayal and rejection especially for someone like her Rosa. I do get angry sometimes but nowhere near enough yet, if I could get angry I think I could cope a bit better. Like you I put my heart and soul into the marriage and we get put on this journey that we didn’t choose. How they can just throw us aside like trash I can’t come to terms with. I’m trying to do what you suggest when the thoughts of them come in, I do hope I can do it. Your Son sounds amazing and knows exactly how it will be for your ex. At times I think I will be ok then wham like you say I will get a trigger, it maybe a song, a TV program or a photo, or more commonly thoughts and images of them together and I sob like a child. Bless your heart for being there Rosa, everyone on here is amazing xx

  256. Dear Carol,
    it maybe a weak help but when you are imagining your husband together with the other woman, please think this way, she is with the bad side of him. Carol he is NOT the same person you loved. I have exactly the same feelings as you do my dear! I have pain when I go to the store where we once went together, I go still in panic when I go out with friends to drink a coffee at the bar. Too many pairs together and when I hear the music and songs of love I still want to scream, and cry out loud please turn off the music. Carol how I understand your pain . I used to have panic finding myself going shopping alone. I felt no sense in nothing. I used to hate the sun when it shone so bright and life was pulsing out side because I was dying inside. But give time to your grief, as I gave time to mine. Believe me dear Carol the healing is already working in you. One day you’ll realize the wrongs he has done to you and anger sets in. You realize that just one tear you shed for him was one too much! Strength will start rising in you and pride into your beautiful true heart. You realize it is the brokeness inside him. He did not want to face his own pain. A man who betrays his family is a man that is running away from himself. He cannot face the emotional pain he is going through, he is running away from who HE is and NOT from you. He cannot own his problems and stand to them. The women is a way of escape for him. But at the end his dark side will always come out again…. and guess what he will do???? Yes Carol he will do the same to her or she will do it to him! They are running away from themselves! My beautiful son of now 18 says, mum behind dads head, the truth is leaving him no peace…. he knows what he is doing is wrong but thinks he has got it right blaming it all on you. But blaming others will not help him because the pain he has done will turn on him…. Once dad realizes that it’s him not you he will fall so hard……WOW! that’s so true! . it will happen Carol to all those who uses us as their scapegoat …. it cannot work…… be strong and good to your self. One day you will be flying so high… higher than betrayals, lies and pain. You will be stronger and more beautiful than ever…. Be blessed!

  257. Dear Rosa, you are so very kind to help me and I’m so grateful for your words of comfort. I’m truly sorry that your husband did this to you, no one ever deserves it. I so hope there is such a thing as karma and that they all get what’s coming to them. We love them with all we have. I feel like I’m in shock as he totally blindsided me. I truly thought I knew him, I can’t believe after 27 years he’s turned into a liar, a cheat and a thief. I just wish I could detach and stop loving him and stop thinking of them together. I don’t want them to be happy after the pain and anguish he has put me, the children and grandchildren through. I get triggers too, seeing a car like his, memories, supermarkets as we shopped together, these all cause distress and tears. I pray everyday for the thoughts and images of them together to stop and for the day when I don’t care where they are or what they are doing. He kept telling me it was all my fault. I also think she’s laughing at me yet I’m in such emotional pain. Thankyou so much Rosa take care xx

  258. Hi Julie, thankyou sweetheart for your very kind words and for thinking of me. I just wish I could stop crying. Looking back he has treated me very badly for the last two years. Nothing I did was right and everything including the debts were my fault he said as if I hadn’t been I’ll none of this would have happened so I keep blaming myself. There was a time when he was so kind and caring but he’s a monster now, I find it so hard to come to terms with though love. I put my heart and soul into our 27 years and he just threw me away like trash. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this awful experience too. Thankyou so much again xx

  259. Carol, please be strong. I know exactly what you are going through. Believe me, after 20 years of marriage and now divorced after two years of separation the pain and anger is still there. I still feel so angry and sad when they keep telling me just go ahead and find yourself. They have no clue to the pain and anger we are going through. I can promise you this, you will be stronger and with time you realize that your husband was for such a long time not the man you used to know. He started falling into sin a long time ago. When this starts their moral, character and consciousness starts to decline! When everything comes out you see a cheater that started being selfish a long time ago. You cannot believe who is this person!!!It is like an alien has taken over his body and mind. Carol, please believe that it has nothing to do with you. It is sin that’s taken over him. When a husband abbandons his family all that was good in him is gone! Evil cannot live with good, lies cannot go together with truth and honesty. He is now blinded with selfishness and with infatuation! Yes Carol, it has nothing to do with love. Think this my dear, what has love to do with lies, selfishness, hurt and pain? Absolutely nothing!!!! Your husband like my ex are so lost in something that is fake, cheap and false. What helps me to heal is that the other woman has a lost soul, she is with a man that is destroying a family, lying to his wife and hurting his children. And you are jealous of her??? No Carol! Can two liars and cheaters make it right? Please be strong and believe in yourself for what you are! A beautiful honest woman that knows what true love is. You are honest and true to who you really are. Your husband unfortunately doesn’t see nor understand this. Please pray for him. The other woman brought out the worst in your husband. She has no moral nor self esteem. Can you be jealous of such a person? No! Carol, you’re a diamond like all these beautiful woman who are going through the same. I see it this way, our husbands forgot how to bring their diamonds to shine agap. They don’t want to work in taking time to bring something so precious in it’s full beauty again. These men prefered cheap glass that is shinning so strong at the moment but it will lose its light with time and no time, money or polish will ever bring that glass to shine like the diamond he once had……. Big hugs to you and to all on this blog. My blessings to all! Yours Rosa….

  260. Hi Carol. Such a hard day for you and I understand fully how you feel. Your feelings are not like a tap you can switch on and off. It comes in waves but slowly but surely you get breaks in the waves and as time goes on, the breaks become bigger. Six months is no time at all to work through your grief and loss. Do it at your speed and in your own time. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this horrendous pain. Try to take it a day at a time and not think too far ahead. As for what he/they are feeling, I truly believe somewhere along the line they will get what they deserve. Karma has a way of dealing with low life scum. You are worth a dozen of them because you have honesty and integrity. I won’t tell you to not think about them because that’s impossible but be kind to yourself. When my thoughts run away from me I try and ground myself by looking at objects, hearing sounds, smells and taste. It brings your brain back to the present. Thinking of you xx

  261. Sad day today. Hi my friends, well its been a sad day as my decree nisi, not the absolute was granted by the court this morning on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. It is the beginning of the end, its so distressing as its a journey I didn’t choose to make. My ex and his trollop did the choosing yet I’m the one in so much emotional pain over it. Sadly I didn’t get much family understanding today as to what this made me feel, just told to toughen up, move on, forget him and her and let go. All things I would so love to do, I try but I’m not good at it at all. I just want karma to hit them so much I hate not knowing if he’s happy or miserable or worried about the financial mess he’s in. I just know that six months on I’m still hurting so bad and despite my best efforts they are both in my head way too much. Thankyou for listening, love to you all xx

  262. Hi all

    I’m posting because I’m hoping that it will help me process my thoughts. I had my first court hearing this week for my divorce. It has been a tough week as a result. The hearing made it real for me I think and I realised that my husband who I’ve loved for 23 years really does not love me anymore. He has left me for an alcoholic, narcissistic, sex addict who is after his money. He’s gone and come back several times and I think that I was harbouring some hope that he would come to his senses and come back again but he is so utterly under her control now. He believes he’s found the love of his life and that the utter destruction of my life and his childrens’ is acceptable collateral damage. He doesn’t feel any remorse at all and show’s no sense of having been the bad guy or owing me anything. If anything, he is the opposite, I am a fly in the ointment standing between him and his new life. I am the one who is unreasonably wanting some of his money and I am the one who unreasonably will not let her children go whenever it suits him. He has successfully eradicated all feelings for me in a heartbeat. 9 months in since he told the children and left, I am still an utter mess; how do you accept it and move on? How do you suck up the financial loss, the loss of your married dreams, the loneliness, the reality of giving your kids up frequently etc etc etc etc. I don’t want any of that, I didn’t ask for it and I didn’t do anything to deserve it. Like all of you!

  263. Hi Jennifer. So sad to hear what your going through. Regardless of how long you e been together ,love is love. I think your doing the right things. I’m seeing a therapist and god,has it helped. Your going no contact, removing anything that concerns your ex, and going out and meeting new people. Bravo,Hun, your on the right path. And regardless if you decided it was the end ( pretty much the same as me) it still hurts to find out that the one person who you trusted has deceived you in the worst way. Listen Jennifer, this is all about him,so let him own the crappy title. Deceitful, liar. Lacks self esteem ,confidence…..now when I think of my ex with all those wonderful qualities (haha) I thank my lucky stars I don’t have to put up with his crap anymore. And you should thank your lucky stars. Your therapist will help you with those negative feelings,but look at it this way…..you definitely won’t go for a man like that again. You’ll see the signs before you dive in….I am far from ready to date again, I’m still finding out and working out things…but I’m excited that the man I fall in love with, will be well worth the wait,and I will be a very good place…emotionally!
    My role at the moment is to help my daughter who is suffering,something she can thank her daddy for….anyway Jennifer, we are a positive,supportive community here,so always here to chat. You will get through this,rise from the proverbial flames,and come through the other end stronger,wiser and thankful. It’s a journey….hugs x

  264. Wow, I am in the exact same boat.
    My ex-boyfriend and I have been together a little over 4 years (nothing compared to a 20 or 30-year marriage), but I honestly thought he was the person I could spend the rest of my life with. (Then again, I’m only 31 – I have a lot more people to meet). We were best friends, we never fought, we made eachother laugh daily. We couldn’t get enough of one another. We had just moved in together (thank goodness we signed a short lease), we were both excited to take our relationship to the next level.
    This was the first person that I gave 100% of my trust to. That’s right, 100%. I trusted him completely which was very refreshing because it’s hard for me to completely trust people sometimes. But I loved the fact that he had his own friends, co-workers, and plans. I thought it was healthy that we could sometimes go do our own things. And we would always come home happy to see eachother.
    Well about a month ago, I saw some texts from him and his co-worker (I have never been a snooper, so I got mad at myself that I felt the need to do so). I saw dirty texts from them and plans for a future get-together. She said that their last “meet-up” was so awesome and she can’t wait to kiss and touch him again…… and I LOST it!!!!
    This other woman is married by the way…..
    At first, we were going to try to work things out. We had plans to see a couple’s counselor, he was transferring job locations so he wouldn’t be working with her, he was cutting all ties with her (at least that’s what I thought). A couple weeks ago, I decided to end things with him. Not necessarily because of the affair but because it was kind of a wake-up call that maybe we both aren’t happy in this relationship anymore. I think we were simply growing apart and evolving into different people.
    Well, last night he told me he wanted to be completely honest with me…… he told me that this was not a one-time thing with this person. That it was a build-up of months and months of flirting, kissing, and getting close emotionally before anything physical took place. Not only that but he told me that he’s starting to get feelings for her but knows they can never be together because she is married. He says he still loves me but is starting to feel close to this other person
    What a load of crap!!!!!!!!
    How in the world can you fall in love with someone who’s unavailable?!?!?! What goes through your sick head to believe it’s okay to get emotionally involved with someone who’s married?!?!?! Especially when you have a dedicated girlfriend waiting at home for you?!?!?! That type of sh*t would NEVER cross my mind.
    I’ve always been a fairly confident person but this has crushed me to the core. My ego is broken, my confidence ruined. The first person I gave all my trust to completely smashed it into pieces. I keep asking myself, “what does she have that I don’t?” and “why can someone else make him happy when I can’t?” and “what’s wrong with me?”
    Thank goodness we don’t have children, a mortgage, or any other shared assets. Thank God my ex doesn’t have facebook or the fact that I’ve never seen or met this “other woman”. I have no idea what she looks like and I don’t think I want to know. I don’t think I could handle seeing them together or seeing pictures of her or anything. That will make getting over this slightly easier. But it doesn’t take the pain away of feeling like I’m completely replaceable. That’s a horrible feeling.
    I really do hope he finds happiness (whether it’s with his married mistress or someone else – I think he’s got a lot of serious self-esteem and confidence issues), but I’ve decided that instead of trying to salvage even just a friendship with this person, I need to cut any and all ties once he gets his stuff out of the apartment. I’m planning on seeing a therapist, moving to a new apartment, and joining some clubs to meet people. I know the steps to take to get my life back on track.
    The only thing I don’t know how to deal with is I’m worried that I’ll never be able to trust anyone again (at least not all my trust). I gave 100% of my trust to this person and look where that got me…. I don’t want the actions of my ex to ruin any potential for a future relationship I might have. I don’t think you can have a good relationship without trust. I’m worried that he’s ruined that for me. I need help.

  265. Hi Anika love, yes a small victory but still a victory I didn’t expect. He wanted us to go halves on the petition costs so he won’t be happy at all, he will fight but it will cost him to appeal I think. Hope you’re OK, hugs to you xx

  266. Hi Sasha, thankyiu sweetheart, yes it was a good feeling, it could cost him about a thousand pounds I think as its only the petition I think he’s been ordered to pay but he won’t be happy and its a victory. I know he will appeal it and fight to the death but even that will cost him. I’m hoping it gives hope for the court case in full regarding spouse maintenance and pension, it may worry him. You are a great Mum Sasha and indeed you are the only one you’re dear daughter can trust thanks to his actions. These men deserve to be alone, they chose this we didn’t. Ironically mine used to say to me I know I can cope better on my own than you can!! Yet he made sure he had someone to go too as he can’t cope alone yet I’m alone. Take care love, hugs to you and your daughter xx

  267. Hey Carol….I’m fist pumping the air for you. Karma is a b**ch isn’t it. I think your ex is stuck in the 70s if he thinks he can get away with his lies. Long gone are the days when men were believed over women in the courtroom, just because they were men!
    And he’s had to pay all the court costs so double fist pump!
    I think these men’s brains are in their pants, cause they certainly don’t think logically. I’ve come to the realisation that my ex will never change with his shi@@y parenting, so I just have to remain the calm in the storm. Throwing money at my daughter and excessive calling is merely pushing her further and further away. She has now been diagnosed with separation anxiety . I have to be careful that I’m not too far away, otherwise she gets scared. It’s so blooming sad. My therapist said this is because I’m the only parent she truly trusts,and unfortunately given time she will totally detatch from him, unless he starts being the parent she needs…..the man hasn’t a clue what he’s done,and I’m in the thinking that I will deal with this together with my daughter to get her through it. I know I can’t depend on him. He’s already filled her head with so much crap already.
    I fear he will have no one in his later years ,and that saddens me, because he’s done it himself.
    Anyway Carol, now you are getting confirmation that karma exists, and long may it continue ..hugs to you and all the people here, getting through the day.

  268. Hi Sasha, always love it when you post as you boost me up. Yes these men don’t know how to love the only people they love are themselves. I’m sorry he still has to be in your life, he is a crap father and I hope he realises what he has lost in you and your lovely daughter. I’m so going yo try on the attachment. I had a little bit of karma today, not a lot but a bit. I had a letter from my solicitor today saying that the district judge has granted my decree nisi on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour, in that unreasonable behaviour box my solicitor had written about the cheating and financial things he’d done. Well the karma bit is that the judge has made an order that my ex pays the divorce fee himself not half and half like he wanted, this even though I applied for the divorce!!! He will be very angry when he reads that plus the letter he will be getting requesting evidence for all the lies he’s told on his disclosure, which of course he doesn’t have. I’m a bit more hopeful that if this judge saw through him after just reading the basic information then when I self represent in court and his lies and deceit come out then I may stand a chance of getting some financial justice. Love and hugs Sasha and yo everyone here xx

  269. My husband left me last Friday without warning. He moved to Portland, OR to be with a female coworker who moved there, WITH HER BOYFRIEND, for school. She’s 23, my husband is 40. Not only did he destroy our marriage, he sabotaged her relationship as well. What’s worse is he left our 5 year old son here with me without money, food or transportation. I feel like a failure. I’m sad all of the time. I’m stuck in our marital home. He started projects around the house that he didn’t finish. I’m just not sure how to get through this.

  270. Carol, how do you measure love? What I do know is any love I had for him has long gone. The person he is now is the stranger who happens to be the father to our daughter. And what a crap job he’s doing so far. I mean what prick knowingly causes so much crap,and still doesn’t take responsibility!
    I’ve wanted to scream today. Yet again, he’s doing the taxi service,so he gets to see out daughter. But, I have to let it happen, I have to hope that he isn’t talking rubbish to her. I also want my daughter to have that relationship,because they were very close before . Unfortunately he managed to f@@k that up big time,and that breaks my heart. Not for him, but her. I make excuses for him,and try and rationalise his behaviour because I’m trying to shield her from his bull!
    Love is earned,and if someone behaves the way our exes have, they definitely don’t deserve any of our love, sympathy or time. As long as my ex is being a half decent dad, then I just keep moving. Carol, detach,detach,detach. Hugs xxx

  271. Dear Sasha, thank you so much sweetheart. I needed your post today as always as yesterday I was in bits, I had a letter from my solicitor saying again it would be far too expensive to take him to court but she also said it may not even be worth me doing it myself despite me being able to prove all his lies, I have the documented evidence. She also said the stress may be too much plus of course I still owe her money as it is!! She has though compiled a letter asking him to provide evidence and documents which he won’t be able to do. God I sobbed like a baby at the thought of him and her getting away with it, they have two salaries coming in yet he stole all my money and left me on disability plus I remember him smirking at me saying I’ll not get a penny out of him as he will say he has got nothing. It makes me so upset and frustrated, where’s the bloody justice. I’m trying to get strong Sasha, sometimes I’m angry but not enough. My Son came yesterday and just hugged me and held me, he says they will help with forms etc so I can fight for what I’m due. He said he understands 27 years is a long time and the rejection and betrayal is painful but he said I’ll get there. I didn’t tell my son how scared I am of still having feelings for that monster and missing him because he’d think I’m mad, even I don’t get it. Did you Sasha really love your ex for a long time and did any of you lovely ladies out there love yours a lot, how do you lose that if breaking up wasn’t our choice, how does that missing them and loving them feeling go away? I so want it too as I could move forward much quicker. I used to be truly strong and confident until this. And why the hell am I jealous if that trollop. My head knows he’s a evil wicked man now yet its like I still remember when he was really nice and kind, I find it hard accepting she’s not getting the best of him while I’m getting the evil side. I’m so glad you are getting stronger Sasha and you got your flooring, you are my inspiration love, lots of hugs xxx

  272. Morning Carol. I hope today is a better one for you. Carol, everything you are going through is a path,to where you need to be. If all of us were honest, the biggest thing that pisses us off, is that we feel sidetracked in the beginning. Blinded by the ultimate betrayal, by a man we thought we knew. Carol, if you had never met your husband but knew him in passing,and heard how he’d behaved,you wouldn’t go near him with a barge pole. You’d see him as a weak, pathetic lying cheat. Youve to feel sorry for these men, who selfishly think about only themselves. We may idealise our relationship with them, but when you get truthful with yourself, the cracks were there. Trying to work through things just doesn’t happen because either one or both can’t be bothered!
    When you take those rose tinted glasses off, then you get angry,work through that, then grieve ready to put it away in a box and start rebuilding your life. Now, if you think for one minute that he is having a dandy time, think again. Cause when the dust settles,and he sees you getting on with out him,he will wonder! He may not come back, you may not want him back, but I don’t believe god intended any of us to go though this, without an outcome that will better us as people.
    My therapist says to me after each session….. be kind to yourself, and do one positive thing a week. Some days it’s just getting through the day, others it’s going out with friends, last week was getting new flooring in the kitchen….the flooring I always wanted, the expensive flooring….that I worked for! Hell I felt accomplished, and proud!
    I’m forever changed. That woman who existed before we split, doesn’t exist. She’s long gone. Now, I’m stronger, and weaker, I’m happier,and sometimes sadder, I’m feeling my way through the nightmare and beating it hands down. Why? Because I know he got the raw end of the deal. He has no real family now, he’s a part time dad, he’s with the woman he cheated with, and will eventually look at her as the problem of all the chaos he created, he will mask his faults and sadness to his friends,he will hate you, he will miss you,he will blame you…..but ultimately he will realise he fu@@ed up and there is no going back. He will know people will be talking about him, he knows he will loose friends, he knows .
    All the pain your going through is partly you ruminating. Self inflicted! Stop doing it, and each morning think, today is about ME! Carol, concentrate on getting better, really try to make the effort,and stop and think how lucky you are to have your children, grandchildren,friends…..you are the most important person in all of this,and you CAN do it. Life is short,too short. Try not to waste it feeling miserable.hard I know, but at the end of the day only you can make that change. Always here to listen. Today you are the warrior who won’t take any more sh!t! Hugs xxxx

  273. Hi sweetheart,
    He has no concept of what he’s done does he, like the rest of them evil idiots. You were amazing Sasha, I can’t wait to get to where I feel nothing instead of all this pain bless your heart love, hugs to you xxx

  274. Well I’m so low today, sobbing my heart out. I had a letter from my solicitor saying that she’s not even sure if I should represent myself in court despite all the lues he’s told on his form e and the evidence I have to prove it all. He smirked at me in July and said you won’t get a penny from me as I’ll say I have nothing, now he has two incomes and I’m on disability. After 27 years I deserve maintenance and pension and the money back he stole. I still want to do ut myself as at least I will have tried. Why do they get away with everything, they are so cruel. I’m lost and broken yet hes still kicking me. I’m heartbroken, where is the justice its so unfair x

  275. Thankyou carol and Anika. Walked to the car this morning and the ex was waiting with my son. Asked lots of questions,and it took me all my strength to answer cordially. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my ex could be such a professional twat! He has torn his daughters heart out, destroyed her teen years, destroyed her trust in him, and generally been so selfish, it’s untrue. And still he thinks I want to talk to him. Sat in his car trying to converse about anything and nothing. Asking if I will let him know what the doctor says ….but do you know what? He had no effect on me. I saw a stranger. No flutter of the heart, no yearning, absolutely nothing! Amazing that like your ex Anika, buys her everything she wants, gives her a generous monthly allowance,and thinks that’s parenting, fu@@ the feelings part,or th3 wellbeing of your child….

  276. Since our break up my eldest daughter developed OCD. I know ocd is due to genetic factors but she’d never had that before.so I think it was triggered by her crappy father’s actions. She was happy child, full of joy. My girl was looking forward to going for the family holiday last summer till the day she found out that daddy wasn’t going with us. She loves him dearly and there was a time she felt guilty because of that. I explained that he is still her father, he loves her more than anything and nothing will ever change it. It was obviously big fat lie because he loves himself the most and his happiness is more important than happiness of his own children. He is showering them with presents, this is his method of parenting, he thinks he can buy anything with money, even love. Ohh I so hate him for that…!
    I’m trying to do everything to make her happy child again and I hope i will be successful. My kids are my priority, that’s the difference between me and him.
    Sasha hugs to you and your beautiful daughter. fingers crossed she will fully recover from that.

  277. Sasha darling, its so difficult, these men are total scumbags to not only abandon their families but to try to minimize the carnage they leave behind and the emotional damage to us and our dear children. I can never understand the mentality of people like that. I’m truly sorry that your darling daughter has been so affected by him, you are an amazing mum and I’m so glad as is she I’m sure that she has one decent stable parent in her life. The disappointment she feels in her father must be immense and he must take on board how his behaviour has affected her psychologically.

    They also can have us at each other, me and my eldest, she’s 38 had major words yesterday, she and her brothers are so angry at him but she shouted at me yesterday saying I’ve got to let it go, get angry and move on, she said if she was left she’d just get in with it and going online and talking to people about it will not help but stop healing. I told her all I wanted was a bit of comfort because for some reason I’d thought of my ex and his trollop as a couple, it may sound silly but I’d never thought in that context before as we were the couple, now they are, it distressed me and I was in floods, my daughter couldn’t understand, she said its nothing flipping new, you know there together so why’s this upsetting you. I couldn’t answer as I just don’t know why, I hate to think of him with someone else, I wish I knew how you all deal with that.

    Sasha, you’re daughter couldn’t ask for a better mum, she knows exactly what her dad has done and how he’s behaved and he’s a big disappointment to her which is hard to bear as like we do with our husband the children too out them on a pedestal. Thinking of you both, lots of love and hugs xxx

  278. Hi ladies. I want to talk about the effects cheating has on the kids. My beautiful daughter has been suffering with anxiety which has now manifested into panic attacks. I’ve been watching closely and have identified it’s due to daddy constantly ringing her, constantly asking if she still loves him, constantly wanting to know what’s going on at home. The poor girl can’t breath. While he was away, her anxiety eased. The man is devoid of emotional well being. It’s all about him. I cradled my teen Wednesday night and we really talked and were truthful with each other. She hates I don’t talk to dad, she hates that her dad has lied,manipulated and generally given her the view that he’s not the man she thought he was. He’s minimised her having counselling,told her not to tell his parents….I wonder why!
    I’m in contact with school, her counsellor and have texted her dad to say back off, support her and try to stop questioning her …I wanted to rip his head off, but you can’t . I want to let his parents know ,but I doubt they would listen. I mean they haven’t been to the house since we split. The only time they see their only grand child is if he takes her..so every six weeks or so. They live two minutes away!
    What I’m learning is I have to be the better parent. I have to nurture, love, discipline,champion,cradle,talk,and be the voice of reason. My god, it’s hard, but she is the one thing in my life I want to get right. If I could take it away I would. I hope in time he truly understands the crap he has caused. I also truly hope he doesn’t loose the father,daughter relationship…. I’m not sure!

  279. Dear Ladies, now its been 9 months and counting for me after I found out about my husband infidelity or should I say my ex as he didn’t treat me as his wife again. Divorce is still not in the agenda. He moved out 2 months ago. Living by himself but I knew the OW has his apartment keys and sleepover few times a week. Even though he still comes home almost everyday to see the our 3 daughters and still see me almost everyday too at work, he seems more distant from us. His mother is living with me. She is frustrated too. I try to be civil as he keeps saying that I can keep all the asset and he only receives monthly payroll from our company which Im doing the Finance. If I give him a hard time, I worry that he will finalise the divorce and he will take half of our asset. Sometimes I still feel devastated, sad and pity myself from not being able to let him go and why I still love him and want him back. Sometimes I feel so angry and thinking of not letting him come home freely. I have mix feeling towards this issue. Most of the time, I just try to calm my self, pray more, doing more golf by myself which usually I played with him.
    How should I outsmart his OW? I know she is after our assets. She made my ex blinded by her charms even tough he knew she cheated her husband few times before with him. It’s just crazy and it does not make any sense. I knew this from their texting and my husband confirmed this issue.
    If only we all live nearby, having able to meet you all virtually in this thread is already a blessing for me. Hugs

  280. Spechless.. What an egomaniac! How do those people can look into the mirror without disgust? How it’s possible his happiness is more important than his own children, his flesh and his blood? My husband did the same thing, just moved to his gf soon after my discovery. He didn’t care that that time our little girl had really nasty infection, that I was in extreme distress. He didn’t call to ask how was she, nothing. why would he care? For these narcissistic men they’re gods. They feel they can cheat because they’re so so special. I don’t think there is a cure for that…
    Take care

  281. Dear friends, why is everyday like flipping groundhog day? Everyone is helping me on this lovely blog, also by phone, in person or text but I’m letting everyone down as I still cry every single day over him. I can think I’m doing a bit better then wham a trigger. Yesterday it was because our old marital home has had an offer on it so that will be gone. Due to my health and him I’ve lost my career, my voluntary work, my marriage and my home it hurts so much. Today a friend text me to say don’t worry about that couple anymore, they aren’t worth it, well seeing the word couple triggered me as of course I know they are together I just hadn’t thought of it in that context before, they are a couple yet we used to be a couple, its overwhelmed me and hurts so much. How could he abandon me after 27 years and not look back for a second, he’s never said sorry, I know I could never have him back but it hurts that he never wanted too despite not being 100% sure he wants to be with her. My children are wonderful but say I must stop talking about him now but I’m living alone and flooded by thoughts of him and her. What am I doing wrong, why can’t I do this, I’m 57 years old yet have been crying out for my late parents today like a child xx

  282. Hi all

    So, my idiot husband has now sunk to new levels of disgustingness. It’s not enough that after 3 years of coming and going with my so called friend, he finally left leaving his 3 little girls distraught, set up home with her and her kids opposite my kids’ school and flounces around like daddy warbucks in love, he now claims his business is worth nothing. So, he thinks it’s fair that we should sell the house and he’ll take half, I will have to go get a full time job as I have the ability to earn as much as him and so my girls will lose their home and their mummy wont be around much either. How can he possibly think this is OK? Why would any man want to do this to his kids? Oh and by the way he’s living in a 5 bed beautiful house, takes around 150K a year from his business and is currently on his 8th holiday of the year. Nice! Solicitor says not to worry but how can you not?

  283. Dear Sasha, as usual you are the voice of reason I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I be strong like you and the other ladies here, my children want their Mum back and I’m letting them down. I feel like a weak failure as I want my head to see what a horrible man he’s turned into as its like I can’t accept it. Its the trauma of how he did it just abandoning me, sick and with no money and hasn’t bothered since, so cruel. I could never do that to anyone. I want to forger them so much and leave him behind but 27 years is so long. I don’t want to feel broken anymore I truly don’t. I’m so grateful to you and everyone here hugs to you xxx

  284. Hi carol. Your grieving for the relationship. It’s irelevant if it’s an exit affair. That’s something only time will tell. Stop demonising their relationship. It will do you no good. I totally u derstand how you hate her, but look at it another way. You have no idea what he’s told her about you. She has no moral compass,and she has to live with crap her and your husband have created. Now he may get mad when he finds out you have proof…tough!
    Now is the time to look after YOU only. Carol, your still here, I’m sure you’ve managed to laugh at certain times,throughout this….and your working through becoming that person who wants to be happy…and you will be.
    If you think they are loving the happy ever after,think again. He’s lost his family, his home, will soon be known as the man who thieved from his wife….I’d say, his life is far from perfect. Please stop ruminating,because you can’t change a thing.
    What you can do is CHOOSE your mood, it’s said, the pain from a break up lasts at most 20minutes…any longer then it’s self inflicted. You have to consciously stop. Keep doing it and in time it will become automatic.
    You are a wonderful woman who IS getting through this. I promise, that there will come a time when he doesn’t fill your thoughts…hugs hunni xxxx

  285. Sasha you made my day yesterday! I’m so glad you’re doing so well and your positive energy attracts other people. I do feel so much better too. He is showing more and more his true colours and that makes me think I’m better without that asshole. I don’t want to waste my life.! I don’t regret I met him because I have two beautiful children and what we had few years back was the pure love. What he has now is dirty and soiled relationship based on lies and suffering of his family but it is his mess. What I have is a clear conscience and the fact that I can look into the mirror and think that I’m a decent woman just like you Sasha. I agree it would be fantastic to meet up sometimes in the future, Carol get better love!!.
    Carol you get over that too. You” let it bleed, let it hurt, let it heal and then let it go”. I hope that there will be the time when you become so tired of thinking about him and his nasty partner that you’ll just simply give up and leave it behind you.Sooner or later he will drown in his muddy water.
    I’m visiting also regularly another website for ”chumps” like us and it helps me tremendously. There are more of us everywhere. Keep fighting, you’ll get back up again.xxx

  286. Dear Misti,
    Thankyou so much for your kind words and help, I’m truly sorry you’ve been put through all this too. It comforts me to know things will get better, I just need to believe that, Sasha and Annika on here have been wonderful and patient with me too and now knowing you were crying all day everyday like me but now don’t gives me hope. I just miss him so much and hate her with a vengeance yet he did it all and didn’t have too. I can’t understand why I can have loving feelings for a man like that, no one around me knows why either. I hope you carry on getting stronger love. Thank you so much xx

  287. I thank you for this information, 2 months ago I caught my husband of 13 years, having an affair. He travels considerably for work and has been working about 1100 miles from home on and off for 16 months, he apparently met a woman on n his hotel and began an affair, not his first although I forgave him, I’m so hurt he did this again, and he filed for divorce. I want to hate him, and parts of me do but I still miss him, and that makes me feel like a fool. He behaves very coldly torwards me when we speak, I don’t know this man at all. I can not wrap my brain around the fact my life has been turned upside down, I’m barley getting through the day, yet he is posting photos and raving about his “great life” with this new woman. I’m bursting into tears at the drop of a dime and I see no end in sight.

  288. Hi Carol, I truly believe the only way through it is to feel every emotion and cry if you have to. One day (hopefully soon) you will wake up and not cry anymore and it will get better day by day. I use to cry every day all day long and now I’m to the point where I go days without crying and I don’t think about him like I use to. I’m actually getting to where I really don’t care. I don’t want to hear about him or hear about what he’s up to. It just doesn’t matter. He’s not a part of my life anymore. Granted we still run the business together so I do talk to him maybe once or twice a week. Before that use to devastate me and I would try to keep him on the phone for as long as possible. Now I just talk about business and then say okay thanks so much. Give yourself time to heal. You will get there. Everyone is different but I do believe you have to mourn the loss of him like a death but you will get better. Hugs to you and everyone here

  289. Hi dear friends, someone asked me today if my ex had an exit affair as he detached from me a couple years ago and has turned so evil. She said he acted cowardly abandoning me after surgery, taking all the money, emotionally and financially abusing me then and now. She said maybe he doesn’t love this woman but wanted out as he said he couldn’t cope anymore and because in July he wanted to move back into our empty marital home for time and space to think, that he loved me, but that may not be enough, that he may come home he didn’t know. When I said he couldn’t move in there as it needed to be sold he got angry but went back to hers where he still is, I don’t even know if she knew of his plans. I’m going to have to take Jim to court to expose all his financial lies as I really need spouse maintenance and pension but I’m afraid he’s going to get angry when he gets the letter from my solicitor asking him to answers all my questions regarding the lies on his court document form E. He doesn’t know I can prove the lies but he says a judge will believe him when he says he has no money left each month. I’m just confused if it was an affair as he loves her or whether he’s using her too. Either way I want karma to hit them both do hard. Tonight I just sat here and sobbed like a baby at how he could rip my life apart for her, I hate her, why the hell do I miss this monster, my head knows what he’s done but my heart can’t catch up, everyone around me can see it, everyone here can see it. I want to stop loving him but don’t understand how that can happen. I get frustrated and angry with myself as I try everything, plus they are in my head so much still, my imagination of course runs riot, its all rosy and lovely in their relationship, I don’t know that, they could argue all the time but not in my mind. I’m so glad I can vent here. Thankyou so much xx

  290. Hey Anika. Thankyou for your kind words, and bravo for getting through the weekend. I totally agree that we shouldn’t be with a man just for happiness,and you have the same views as me. I’m certain,y not ready yet to rush into a relationship,and that in itself will stand me in good stead. I certainly dont want to carry all the BS into the next relationship.
    What a fab idea to get away with the kids. I cherish my time with my daughter. We do far more together, and make far more wonderful memories. Other than take her on the annual BS boring holiday to the holiday home,my ex does bugger all with her. All he’s good for is throwing money at her. Some memory hey?
    My home is our haven and the changes I’ve made have made the place fresh and new. Not one sign of him ever living here haha. That really has been therapeutic. He really is becoming the dickhead stranger and the thought of him makes me cringe.
    I was with a client today,and she told me I was a beautiful person inside and out…now that’s worth more to me…I left with a spring in my step and validation that I’m a decent human being.
    Your doing great Anika, onwards and upwards. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all meet up,chat and laugh! Hugs for this week xxx

  291. Sasha to the rescue, as usual ..! Sasha I really admire your strength, you’re such an inspirational woman. I woke up last night and couldn’t go back sleep and my head was full of worry then I thought about you how strong and positive person you are and my ”nightmare” was over. I thought if Sasha can do it, I do the same and I try to look on the bright sight of the whole mess. You are right we are better without these lying, selfish, narcissistic scumbags! I survived somehow last weekend, I saw him briefly, he didn’t even say ”Hi” for the first time, there was no small talk, nothing. He seemed to be angry with me, my daughter said that in the restaurant he was texting constantly to his tart and went outside to make a phone call. Wonder why? Anyway, I’m done with him and I’m not going to ”investigate” the reason of his unpleasant behaviour.
    I booked a holiday cottage with my friends for this half term in a lovely picturesque place, I want to show my children that they can have fun with mummy, show them that holiday without daddy can be exciting too.
    I’m certainly not ready for another man, truthly I don’t want to rely my happiness on another man. I try to be happy on my own and then we’ll see.. My priority is my family, my two lovable children and work. You’re telling the truth, we’re women with moral standards, we are worth more than they ever know and they will forever be known as dickheads. Big brava to you and lots of love to everybody here.Thanks for cheering me up Sasha!

  292. The length of time together was 18 years. And it’s horrible to feel so disposed of and discarded after nearly two decades of putting him and everything he wanted and needed before myself. This really is the climax of a mans selfishness and ego.

  293. Hey Anika, . I totally get your hate and anger, worry about the future because I’m still feeling all those things to a certain degree. We all feel it. I’m embarrassed,especially as I live in a small town where everyone thinks they know your business. This morning I painted my face, did my hair and went to do the weekly shop. One of my exes so called mates ( haha) was there and came up to me to talk. I still feel I need to project the happy image. He started to say something about my ex,and I stopped him mid sentence.I Said unfortunately I’m really not interest,and am in a rush. Lovely seeing you,then continued shopping. My wonderful friends who have stuck by me,know that I don’t need to hear every detail of what he’s doing. That is for my sanity,more than anything. BUT, I’m resolute in the fact that the man I spent so long with will never ever have the pleasure of my company in his lifetime again. I have never suffered fools,and other than having to discuss daughter issues I am really not interested. It’s been 18 months,and I have come to realise afew things….which you will too
    1- im worth more than he will ever know
    2- my life IS better without him in it
    3- I cannot control what he does / says
    4- I CAN control what I do / say
    5- he will forever be known as a liar, cheat,dickhead
    6- his child has no respect for him
    7-I am becoming the person I want to be
    8- the next man I fall in love with ,will be someone I can truly cherish,respect and love without fear
    9- I am doing things on my own
    10- the future is something to look forward to.

    As hard as it’s been I’ve continued to focus on my daughter and I. We are planning a long weekend in London half term. My friends are my rock, and even at 50, I’ve got my stuff going on! Haha. You, Carol and all the other wonderful ladies can and will get through this. I’ve still got some way to go, but do you know what? I will be damned if I let that twat dictate my moods. I will be damned if I give him my time, and him and his disfunctional family can go rot in hell where they belong. Our children need to see one parent showing them true morals, love,expectations and trust. Love to you and all the other wonderful ladies here. Kick ass! Xxx

  294. Annika, thank you so much sweetie for taking the trouble to help me it means a lot. It is such a heartbreaking journey to be on and we never chose it. I’m truly sorry you have been treated so badly too. No one deserves it. I know I definitely want things to go wrong with them but its not happening fast enough, he has loads of debt and she has three teenage children at home so that will drive him crazy after a while as he grumbled if our children and grandchildren were noisy or made a mess. I just need to find the strength to fight him in court. My head knows he’s a liar a cheat and a thief but my heart doesn’t seem able to accept it yet, it still seems to see the kind caring man he was. I can’t wait until I no longer miss him or have feelings for him. I hate her and want to hate him. I know what you mean about weekends, I used to love them as we went places together, now I detest them as memories flood in. My children and friends are great but they want nothing to do with him and can’t understand why I can’t be like them, and neither can I. I just wish I could fast forward time. Sasha here is an amazing lady as are you. I need to find the courage and strength you both have and other great people here have. Thankyou x

  295. My heart is with you Patricia as I am in the same boat. My husband and I moved to this town 7 years ago. We have both worked hard and have two beautiful teenagers.
    Husband has always been very outgoing and makes friends easily. I like to keep to myself and life for me is all about my children, my home, my pets and my work. My husband told us – on Fathers Day, a fortnight ago, that he’s been seeing and sleeping with a work associate for the past three months. I am at a loss, absolutely shocked and let down. The children are devastated. He’s gone already and got a flat with her. I’ve been left alone, no family close by, no real friends, just me. Lonely and trying to navigate thru this with the kids just as heartbroken as me. It’s hell on earth and as optimistic and supportive I’m trying to be im scared. And very worried about our future. Financially and emotionally.

  296. Carol I know what you feel and I can only imagine how hard it is for you after 27 years together( This year it was our 10th anniversary, together 14 years). I have two young kids to look after so I’m trying to be strong but I always feel down closer the weekend when I know he’ll come to visit children and he’ll behave like nothing ever happend. He looks offended when I’m cold and official towards him. He expect me “to behave” because he’s paying me quite good money ( recently he’s not doing this in regular spells so it will end soon I feel..) What I realised is that I do not love him anymore, in fact I detest him so much that I feel almost sick! Last weekend he didn’t come to see children, his phone was off and his mother had panicked that maybe something bad happened to him. I was dissapointed when he called back in the evening ( told me some bull***t excuse), it crossed my mind that I would prefer him to suffer or even be dead! Scary I know, but that make me think that I don’t care about him or love him. It is just the hurt I feel, the fact that he is enjoying his new life, being with 10 years younger woman..
    I envy Sasha that her ex is suffering with his trollop, that she has a satisfaction of knowing that. For me and you Carol is bad that “our” husbands so easily discarded us and they lead shamelessly happy lifestyle. I wish karma was real.
    I can’t say anything to comfort you darling but I wan’t you to know that I’m here thinking of you. Hugs to You, Sasha and other ladies here.xxx

  297. Hi Sasha, sweetheart you would make a great Counsellor no doubt about it. You help all of us here so much despite going through this yourself. I’d love to meet up sometime, I’m in Somerset love. I’m trying to get stronger and I’m definitely going to show how much he’s lied on his court financial disclosure form. He doesn’t know I have the evidence that I do. I still have trouble accepting he’s living with trollop, why am I now getting his evil side while she’s getting the nice caring side. I think I put him on a pedestal for some reason and I’m struggling knocking him off. I know I have too hun. I got very upset this morning as I don’t yet know how to cope with triggers. I went to the town we used to live to meet a friend for a coffee, as it was early I didn’t think for a minute I’d see him. Well I parked up then about 20 yards in front of me I realised it was his car. I sat in mine as I somehow froze, for some reason I even shook, then he came out the barbers, got in his car and drove off, he didn’t see me. He didn’t look happy but not sad either, I only saw him for two minutes yet I sobbed like a child, I hated he was just carrying on like he hadn’t abandoned me or his family. That he was going back to her, my head knows he’s a liar, a cheat and s thief so why doesn’t the anger and hate I hold for her come for him yet? Its like I still miss him but he’s a monster Sasha. I need these emotions to go away, I so want to see him and feel nothing but is that possible after 27 years of loving someone. I hope you and your gorgeous Daughter are doing well. How great too that you were chatted up, I’m glad it made you feel good, you deserve it, uour ex is an idiot, didn’t realise what a good lovely person he had. Thankyou as always, take care xx

  298. Hey Carol, that’s it, you make sure you show him out to be the liar he is. Hunny, I admire your determination,and I think you will be fine. My therapist said it can take several years to get through such deception and betrayal. Sod that haha. I’m 18 months along, still wake up panicking about my future, but the saving grace is I don’t have the ex . Trollop is oh so welcome to him,his lies,his laziness and he is welcome to a woman who has no class. I do sometimes wonder if he ever looks at her and thinks I gave up everything for you and it was the worst decision I’ve made. He knows he will never ever be in my life again, I made that perfectly clear,but I do miss the man I thought he was….unfortunately he doesn’t exist. All these men are pathetic,weak,manipulating excuses….Carol, my therapist said to me I should do counselling,something I’m looking in to. God, if I can get through this BS, I know I can get through anything. Got chatted up the other day,and damn it felt good. He asked if I fancied going for a drink, but I’m not ready yet.
    Hunni, wouldn’t it be great if we could catch up over coffee…I live in the West Midlands ….not sure where you are….anyway, stay strong and never give up on what you deserve. Hugs hun xxx

  299. Patricia, I’m so very sorry about what’s happened to you. Sasha here is amazing she’s helped me so many times. I was totally abandoned too after 27 years, he left me after major surgery and emptied all the bank accounts and took my own personal money. The children and grandchildren want nothing to do with him. He’s moved in with her which hurts so much. Like you I think of them together all the time. Please take Sashas advice on board she really knows, I just wish I had her strength but I’ve not got there yet. My heart goes out to you, hang on in there you don’t deserve this after so many years. Thinking of you xx

  300. Thanks Sasha I have already been printing financal things. I also found a hidden account that he has and has had for a few years, printed that information. I know he can change the way he is treating me anytime, so I am trying to protect myself as best I can.
    I am seeing family & friends as much as possible for company. I have decided to join a gym, hopefully it will give my mind a break.
    I hope it will get easier.
    So sorry you are also going through this.
    Take care of yourself, chin up.
    Hugs

  301. Hi Patricia. I’m so sorry your going through this. I think your still at the shocked stage and no doubt the time you were together was an absolute lifetime.
    I totally understand your scared of the future,like most of us here. What I would say is ,it’s early days for your husband. He may have been carrying on with the OW during office time, but it’s a whole other ballgame when they start to spend proper time together. That really is the testing time. My ex moved in with the OW almost immediately after splitting. Didnt take him long to realise she ain’t all that. The problem is he’s stuck with her now,cause he knows I don’t want his sorry ass back. Doesn’t mean I’m not struggling. My ex makes great money, pays half the mortgage and child maintenance ( we weren’t married although together over twenty years). However he moaned forever about the amount he pays . I was just too smart for him and photocopied everything. Bank accounts, work accounts….I had to safeguard my daughter some how.
    I hope your husband continues to treat you the right way, but if it were me I’d start snooping, and get to grips with all things financial. Take each day as it comes, cry, get angry, but I would leave him to it. I’m pretty sure at some point he will throw some crumbs to see where the land lies…they always do. Try and get out with friends, don’t sit in the house, cause that will drive you mad. Be kind to yourself hun we are all here with support. Hugs xx

  302. Hi It is so nice to see that I’m not alone, because I am feeling very alone. My husbad of 40 yrs. told me 3 months ago he has been having an affair with his assistant at work for 2 years and left me to move in with her. I can’t believe the pain I feel. I thought something was going on with him, but I couldn’ prove anything as thier affair was going on during work hours. He was always home his usual time every night, but something was different. I think of them together all the time. I know I have to move on but it is very hard. I can’t discuss how I feel with my children as they are also in alot of pain and I don’t want to add anymore for them. My friends are also my husbands & he still sees them (the men) but it is hard to talk to our friends as I don’t want to put them in the middle of this mess. I am a strong person but it is very hard when you feel so alone. So far he has been reasonable financially , but I have no idea how long that will last. I retired about the same time as he started having his affair. Now I have no job, my family & friends live hours away, I sit in my empty house out in the country just thinking about them together and how he could give up his children ( they don’t talk to him anymore) grandchildren, home and a future we had planned for retirement for many years. I hate that he says he’s happy, when all I have is pain. It’s easy to say I have to move on but I don’t know how. The future is very scary right now for me. Again it is comforting that I am not the only women going through this.

  303. Oh dear Sasha, you are wonderful, always here when I need some help and a boost to move forward. He’s been making life hell love, despite no contact he’s financially trying to lie his way out of everything. Family and friends have helped me financially but my solicitor said she is happy to write him a letter asking questions and showing him and his solicitor that I have evidence for it all. Obviously he doesnt realise I have this and won’t be able to back his lies up. Plus now I’ve got statements on the way from the mortgage and secured loan companies which will show he’s not even paid the reduce rate since May!!! Yet on his form he’s saying he’s paying £800 a month. Hes paying nothing our yet saying he’s not got a penny left. My solicitor is giving him 14 days to respond and on the letter stating that she’s going to say if he doesnt then its going to court. I will fight Sasha, 27 years I devoted to him and worked most of it, he stole my money. I have the forms to apply myself and my solicitor said she will help in the background which will be much cheaper. Court will frighten him as he’s never been a brave man, hates confrontation. I’m hoping the marital home will sell soon as its had lots of interest, of course I scuppered his plans to move back in there, I still don’t know why he was going to as he just said he needs time and space to think so he’s still at hers. My Daughter said he’s stuck therw even if he doesn’t want to be as he’s nowhere else to go, the trollop is herself going through a divorce and has two teenage sons and a teenage daughter at home so that should be fun especially as he always moaned about the mess and noise our children and grandchildren made. I’m trying hard not to think of them together. I’ve written down all the awful things hes done and remember him saying she was worth losing everything for despite him not knowing if he even loves her!!! These people are disgusting. Like you I didn’t pick up on how I was being treated. I hope you and your darling Daughter are doing well. I so admire you. Thankyou for everything love xx

  304. Hi Carol.im so sorry you are going through this. He’s playing a very dangerous game isn’t he.?
    I realise you have limited funds, but can’t family help you fight his lies,and what is your solicitor doing.?
    It’s never ending BS,but all he has is his trollop,and mark my words his life will be extremely stressful. Continue NC,and give your solicitor a kick up the ass.
    I’m so pleased your seeing a therapist. It’s really resonated with me because my last session, my therapist said my partner was controlling. I’d never thought of it, but he always needed to know where i was, she said it was a form of domestic abuse. Now I think back ,she’s so right. He did it in a way that was very clever…..
    Carol, stop thinking of them. He’s pissed because everyone knows he’s a deceitful twat,and everyone knows he’s treated you very badly. He has to justify what he’s done and make you out to the baddy. It’s often the case I’m afraid.
    Carol, please start seeing him for what he is. A weak arsehole of a man. Where’s your fight girl, why aren’t you fighting to regain your life,that can be oh so great without him. You knew you wouldn’t get anything from the house,so let that go. BUT fight for spousal maintenance what ever way you can.
    I know my ex hates sending the maintenance every month,he hates I don’t speak, he hates I’m working and getting on with things,and most of all he hates that I don’t want him. He’s stuck with the ugly old trollop who shags other men behind his back,and I could blow his sad life apart, but I’m so done and realise he deserves his living hell….. I don’t need to say anything,because I don’t want him. His daughter sees a man who is desperate to change things but knows he cant,and says she doesn’t want us to get back together anyway.
    Keep going hun, try and dig deep,and work on getting better..look after you! Hugs xxx

  305. Hi dear friends, well I thought I was doing a bit better, now I found out he hasn’t paid the mortgage or secured loan since pay even at the reduced rate they allowed. His solicitor kept saying I held up the sale and causing the arrears but its actually him doing it!!! He said on his financial disclosure he’s paying £800 mth but he’s paying nothing, no utilities either because he’s with her. He’s take home pay after all tax deductions is £550 a week, maybe more yet he says he can’t live. Its so upsetting that he lies all the time. A few days ago my therapist and gp pointed out to me that over the last three or four years I have been psychologically, emotionally and financially abused, my whole career was in medical and mental health yet I never realised, I feel so ashamed, I didn’t even know it was happening to me. I’m still crying everyday, the strength I want hasn’t arrived yet, can any if you lovely people tell me how to cope with them living together, I try to distract myself but I keep picturing them playing happy families in her home like he did for 27 years in ours. How can he just walk away and feel nothing, leave me alone and leave the children grandchildren and friends for someone he says he likes but doesn’t know if he loves, he said she’s worth losing everyone for but doesn’t know why no one will speak to him!! I feel rejected, broken and for some reason jealous of her even yet I know he’s now a monster and so cruel so why can’t I detach. Its five mths since he left eight weeks no contact yet I’m thinking of them all the time . Any help would be so welcome x

  306. Sasha darling you always come to my rescue at the right time and I’m so glad you do. I think he’s paying for a solicitor with the £7000 he took from me!!! Mine thinks I could get money from him as he’s bringing home over £2000 a month and thankfully I can prove many of the things he’s lied about but she’s worried about the costs for me if I have to pay her for it. She is going to do a letter asking all the questions I want answered, he won’t be able to answer them, well not honestly anyway, she’s giving him 14 days to reply and stating if he doesn’t a form A will be sent to the court. The letter will also make his solicitor realise he’s lied to her several times and she signed off the form E on his behalf so I don’t think she will be pleased. I need the strong Carol to come back, my eldest son said today please don’t cry anymore its time to be a badass now and fight for what’s yours. I will fight, if I have to represent myself I will but its tough with all these emotions. I just remember him laughing at me saying you won’t get a penny from me as I’ll lie and say I’ve got nothing. I don’t think liars and cheats should prosper. My solicitor did say she’d help me in the background and thst won’t cost too much. Your therapist sounds good, I hope your dear Daughter and Son are doing well. Sounds like you’re ex is getting karma I so want thst for him and his trollop. I also want to hate him like you do yours. I need to get them out of my head, my days will be so much better then. Loads of love Sasha, you’re amazing xxx

  307. Hi Jane, these men are all the same. My ex moved in with his Ow seven weeks after we decided to call it a day…..it hurts, but ….. can you imagine the sheer lack of trust between them…I would love to be a fly on the wall. He told our daughter he’d never cheated but we know he did. The OW is exactly what he deserves….I’d say he got exactly what he deserved. I laugh to myself sometimes,because I know she is everything he wouldn’t go for. Haggered, bleach blonde short hair, and a reputation that is only deserved by a woman who doesn’t have any morals. As for her, she’s won the booby prize. He’s even more overweight, lazy, drinks even more ,looks grey….what can I say. His life is one long headache. I see karma every working,and I hate the fact he has ruined his life,because he was my best friend,. I know it’s right not to go back,it scares me,but with the help of my therapist I’m getting there. I’m a year and half down the toad and even though I don’t think of him as much, I still feel the pain, I still harbour anger….but I know I’m going to be fine. So will you. The OW will never take your place,she can try, but your kids already have a fabulous mum. Never forget that. What can she offer?shes hardly moral material. Shine like the beautiful woman you are. Leave them to it. Apparently affairs on average last two years. Well I hope my ex is totally miserable with her and her with him. My ex really isn’t a catch,and it took me a while to realise it. Much love hun xxxx

  308. Hey Carol, how the hell is he affording a solicitor if he has no money? Or is the OW paying?
    What exactly is your solicitor doing? Has she given an indication of wether you could get maintenance out of him. I know your health isn’t good,so you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it.
    I totally get the pain you hold, but you need to start thinking of you. Carol why would you want that piece of s*** back? Would you ever trust him again ?
    How much do you value yourself?
    Listen, carol you will have good days,sh@@ days ,great days, bad days….only you can decide what attitude you will have for that day. Yes it’s hard and god it can be soul destroying,but come on girl change your mindset.!
    I completely hate my ex with every bone in my body, but do you know what, I told my therapist last Thursday,that I wanted to stop feeling like that….it doesn’t effect him, just me! She told me to start grieving for the relationship we had wether that was good or bad…..and that’s something I haven’t done. For me, it’s the end,to a better life. I love that he fathered my child, he was always a good provider, but hey, he has also cheated,lied,manipulated…..that is who he is,can’t change it. Like my therapist said, all his actions lead her to one conclusion,that even he knows he’s fu@&ed up, and wants to come back…unfortunately he also knows I’m not interested. I’m so over the BS,and I truly think all of us will be a million times better off I’m so positive the man who will truly cherish me,is winging his way into my life……for the time being, I’m working on me, So tomorrow I want you to do something nice for you….paint your nails,put your slap on, ring a friend……we all love you, and you are special….hugs xxx

  309. Well I’m devastated, as well as lying all through his form E I’m now stuck. I saw my solicitor today and gave her the evidence to prove he’s lied. She said she can see how much he’s lied but it would cost me thousands to take him to court to prove it as I may get little in return. I broke down as after 27 years I feel I deserve spouse maintenance and pension, he’s living with her and she works. He’s lied, cheated and stole all the money. She said she will put together a letter with all my questions and queries and send it to his solicitor giving him 14 days to respond or a form A will go off to the court. My only option she said is to take him to court myself but I’m scared too as I will be alone there while he will have his solicitor. My solicitor said she will help in the background so it doesn’t cost nowhere near as much. I still can’t believe he’s done all this to me and still is being so cruel. I even still have feelings for him, this scares me everyday as I so want to fall out of love with him, is that possible after nearly 30 years he’s all I’ve known. I even feel jealous of her, non of these awful emotions make sense. Any help would be so appreciated. Thankyou

  310. Hi Sarah, I think that has been the toughest part for me was cutting the cord. Not thinking about him anymore. I talk to him less and less. He works away so it is a bit easier for me. He has expressed a bit of remorse saying he is worried about me, the kids and himself and can’t believe this is his life now. Said he was never unhappy in our marriage. Which makes no sense. I have realized I am so much better off without him. His girlfriend can have him. They have both lied a d I have no more time for it. Just focusing on the kids and I and becoming happy again ❤️ thank you for your Kind words. Slowly but surely we will get through all of this heartbreak ❤️

  311. Hello Nathalie,
    I am so sorry to hear your story. It breaks my heart knowing so many of us have to go through such a tough time in life. I know it seems like life has got you down now but I can only promise is does get a bit better ever minute that passes, every day that goes by. I still struggle and cry somedays because my husband told me he was very happy in our marriage. So it all doesn’t make sense in my brain. What I started to do was not focus on the two of them together. I mean she didn’t even know he had a family, and when she found out she was devestated and still took him back. Then promised again that they were through she would never be with him and they are back together again. So at this point I just know they both lie. I blocked her on social media, I started reading up about blogs and was thinking of starting my own to help people like us get through those tough days, started reading and excersizeing. I am so much better off then the lies they tell me and I know I deserve better. You have to be strong. I know how hard that seems to be right now but you are!! You will get through this because noone absolutely noone deserves to be hurt in any way shape or form. Once you realize how much better off you are without him, you will become a better version of yourself ❤️ trust me when I say that. 5 months ago I didn’t think I would laugh or smile again and I am starting to. I still have horrible days but I just look at myself and tell myself I want to be someone’s first choice not there last. Stay strong I am always here of you ever need to talk ❤️💪

  312. My husband had an affair and I found out. At the time I knew my marriage was in trouble but we just kept doing everyday life kids, work, etc. My boys were 17 and 14 at the time very involved in baseball so I spent a lot of my time doing that. He started a new trucking job that would take him on the road, as I look back I see this was the beginning of an easy way to get away. One Sunday he went for a run and something inside said look in his truck. In the cab of his truck I saw a bag of tras with Xmas wrapping paper which I knew wasn’t mine. I looked through the the trash and found the tag that said To Bill Love Cheryl. Along with an empty box of KY jelly. My heart sank. He was leaving that night for his job and would be gone all week. I didn’t say anything when he got home from his run, Injust wanted to watch his actions. That week I did a lot of a lot of investigating. I found a Chery on his Facebook page found jewelry purchases on his bank acct. when he came home the end of the week I said we need to talk. We did I asked him Bill is there someone else 2x and he denied it and said when do I have the time really… At that point I took out the wrapping and said really who is Cheryl. He sat there stunned and said I’m sorry. I cried and said take me home. He said to me I’m sorry She is an old friend he dated I said really we have been together 28 yrs before me was my stepsons mom they were never married. She was before that so over 30 yrs ago and he was in his early 20’S then. Fast forward for almost a yr I thought we were working it out but t times I knew something was wrong I would asked and he say Intalked to her or she stopped at my work. He blames a lot of his issues on his childhood instead of taking accountability and I believe him everyone said these the excuse. I wouldn’t see it. I found the wrapping in Jan 2017 by Oct I thought we were moving forward. Backup… We tried counseling but he didn’t like the man so a friend suggested to me you can’t fix your marriage until your husband fixes himself, his sexual abuse a a child. You can sit back and be patient and in the end it may not work out which I did, but my husband would give me huge false hopes and I believed it would work. Then in Oct he was acting distant and I said what is wrong he said I don’t know I knew I said I didn’t think we would have this conversation again. I said you need to make a decision he said I can’t. I said well you just did you need to leave by fri. That was the hardest thing I ever did. I was still holding on thinking he will realize what he has done nd I’ll give him 90 days. Jan came and he spent the night after Superbowl party we made love and he even said to me the next day father he held me all night extremely tight and wouldn’t let go he didn’t want the night to end when the alarm went off. 2 weeks later he said he had divorce papers I cried and he gave then to me. My son would be graduating in June and my excuse was and advice from his sister tell him you need time don’t rush me I had a lot on my plate with graduation helping my son plan for college etc. He backed off and again I thought he needs this time to realize it is a mistake. Well after my sons Grad he got upset he wasn’t included in a party the felt he was excluded from my sons activities when this was not even a party for my son another grad. Maybe this is another plan to begin acting like jerk so I would get to the point of letting go. He said he had the papers revised I went over the 1st ones nd changed a few things he promised he would continue to pay his half of the mortgage not touch my 401k nd keep the boys in the home. Then the 3rd papers he blindsided me and severed me at a restaurant. He had the waitress serve me. The papers totally changed he wants half my 401k half equity in home nd so on. That day was the day I let go this man now disgusts me. Everyday it gets worse, I don’t cry over him it saddens me the family is no longer a unit and I worry about the future financially. I do have a good job that I could take over the mortgage but it is going to be a struggle. I’ve hired n attorney now initially his papers were written by him he wanted not us to lose money by hiring an attorney. I was advised at this point I need to hire attorney. He has changed into someone I don’t know. One day after his ugliness he was at the home with my son I was at work, left a card on my bureau saying “I don’t know the man I have become” “The tongue has no bones but it’s strong enough to break a heart. “For I know my transgressions and my Sin is ever before me.” ” I’m sorry I broke your heart” then a week later he did something and pressured me on the paper. He will find out this week I hired an attorney. I know I need to move forward I just can stop shaking my head how things have gone and this was a man who I married I know he has personal issues for so long I said to myself he is pushing me away intentionally because of the mess he has made and feels he can’t fix it now which is very cowardly. I also don’t know if he is with this women if they live together or what . In the beginning he slept in his big rig but you can’t live like that forever. How do I let go of trying to find out the real truth I just want to know what the real truth is. Yes we did lack in communication and that has a lot to do with our marriage gone bad and holding on to resentments and not talking about our feelings maybe because if I Tried he would always turn it around.
    Thanks this is long but I needed to write it down
    Colleen

  313. Hi,
    Im in the same situation, i got married with a man from Egypt 2 years ago in his country and im from Sweden, i know him from 5 year. I went to Egypt to live with him and after some months he was starting to go out with friends, seeing girls and leave me home all the days, taking drugs then he become very bad and started to hit me after he hit me i forgive him to give him a new chanche, then with the months i was so depressed and alone and also his mother was knowing that he is cheating on me and she was covering for him, he was wasting all the money on drugs and going out and i had to start to use my saved money, the only money i had beacuse i was not working there. In the end i wanted to move from that country and i was starting everyday to send emails to get him a work in Dubai so our life could change and i wanted to have a nice life with him snd get children and start on new i sended maybe 3000emails until one day they call him and he got a job while he was telling me you will never find one is wasting time. Then he got the job and his sister was sick in hospital even here he i find out he cheated on me in the hotel so he send me back to Sweden and told me to wait in Sweden until he go to Dubai and get his full salary it been 9 months and it was supposed that i will go to him in december and first he was telling me soon u will come u have your ticket booked we will start to look for a flat and then he started to reject me and i se him online on websites chats and apps and this days he have find a girl from his country online and they are texting 24 hours with me he was never sitting with me like this one day i told him to respect our marrige and dont give his number to all women in Dubai beacuse i know he was doing it so he scream on me that im dirty and a sick human and he will divorce me insted of comcentrate on us he had plan this to end it beacuse now he is a manger there and he want to sit alone and he have money and sweden didnt work out to take him here, he have keep our picture on a app and been gone 4 weeks witout saying a word and 4 days ago he find this girl from his country online and sit 24 hours online and chatting with her insted of communicate with me and about our marrige i feel so alone and all i wanted was the best for him always but im so hurted , i also have my ticket to december and i was prepearing myself but he have find this women and also she se that he have our pic, im really lost and depressed is there anyone who want to help me with any advice?

  314. Hi My husband of 6 years left me out of the blue 6 weeks ago he said he was unhappy and that things weren’t as they should be between us, leaving me wondering what I had done to let our marriage fail. He then revealed that he now has feelings for a woman he works with who he has been friendly with over the last 2 years. He still claims these feelings have only developed since he left me but I’m sure he has ended our marriage to be with her. I’m so broken and feel I will never get over him. I can’t stop thinking of the two of them together and wondering if they did have an affair. Will it help me to recover if I fight to know the truth or should I just accept it’s over and try and move on regardless!?

  315. My heart is breaking. My husband of 30 years is leaving today. In my anger I’ve said some pretty awful things to him that I’ve apologized for, but this gives him justification to leave angry.
    I have been dealing with my husband’s emotional affair with a woman he worked closely with and ran groups with. He said he wanted to work on our marriage but we never had a chance. Initially he cut off the groups with her and she left the office to rent another one. Come to realize that the last 4 months, he reinstated the groups with her This has been going on close to two years. How I found out is I saw them having lunch together. They usually did after Wed/Thur group. I confronted them and this is what she told me in a extremely condescending voice. “Your marriage is DEAD. Don’t worry you will be taken care of for the rest of your life”. My husband piped in saying we need to talk about this later and she said “Oh let her talk after all this will be the last time”. She kept saying in the condescending voice voice “Oh I feel your pain”. She then proceeded to tell me that the reason he lied to me is because he was afraid of my anger. I responded with please don’t condescend to me and we had no chance with you interfering in our relationship. You deliberately went after a married man. You claim you love your daughter, but are you the kind of role model you want your daughter to emulate. Later after much scrutiny from many sources my husband told her she was cruel, left the group as a therapist for the second time plus left his writing group that she was involved in as well. Still as I went to visit him in his office, I noticed she had shifted the group meetings that she has to run alone to a empty office in the suite of offices instead of going back to the former group room setting outside of the of the suite. My husband claims this is temporary until this month. I can never trust him and that’s when I lost it and said very cruel things. The first time I suspected something was he was acting unusually irritable and snapped at me. I asked him if he was having an affair and he said an emotional one.

  316. Hi Nicole,

    It has been so hard. I think hardest thing i have ever been through. I had a declick in my head recently. After weeks of him still giving me hope he all of of sudden changed his words saying to not wait for him. He has spent almost every day and night in last month with her. I just couldnt do it anymore. I needed to cut cord with him. No more texting, no calls. Yes i will have to see him becsuse of our child but interactions will be polite but minimal. With time we might become friends again but this is my way to move on. I also see a counsellor and read books. I also found the vicki stark (or something like that) website about husbands who leave their wives unexpectly. She has good resources that help and you can get a 7 day email with steps to help cope. Do i think he will come back? I thought yes it was just a phase, infatuation, something new and he would get over it. But he hasnt and honesytly… im at the point where if he did, i might not want him back. He has turned me off in last couple of weeks with his actions. Stay strong and try to keep pushing through. I have seen light a bit but you have to cut cord…. lots of love and know you are not alone 🙂

  317. Stacia hun, that’s the thing isn’t it? We sit and look at other couples and think he loves her, he didn’t leave her. What’s wrong with me? Why did my husband leave me? I’m going on 9 months since my world imploded. And we need to remember that there is something inanely wrong with these men at their core. Our husbands have no morals, or integrity, or honor and by their actions no souls. Hugs to you. Just know you are not alone. I’m going on 21 years of marriage and together for 28. I know nothing else but him but it’s time to Look for joy in other things. Don’t let him destroy one more day

  318. When my husband of 20 years left, I thought I would never recover. The pain was a feeling like I never thought was possible. I still am constantly torturing myself thinking what could I have done differently so he would have stayed and loved me. My head knows I have to move on and live the rest of my life but my heart doesn’t know how to live without him.

  319. I was married for 20 years and my husband left me out of the blue for another woman. I feel like i was slapped in the face. I had no idea he was unhappy. It has been a year and some days I will just sob and feel like my life is over. The pain is so unbearable. However I do have a 12 year old daughter so I need to be strong for her. I know I have to accept the fact that he has moved on and that I need to move on as well. I am hoping God will support me and get me through this.

  320. Dear Annika, you are really kind thankyou. It does hurt that he chose to abandon me at my most vulnerable, and to drain the bank accounts too, there should be a law stopping spouses doing this type of thing, just leaving their family and not looking back. Its wicked. You poor thing too, you did all that for him, supported him through getting off of the alcohol and he treats you like that, you don’t deserve it love, no one here does. Neither of them, our husbands or the trollop have any moral compass, he certainly didn’t upgrade from you Annika, he definitely downgraded. Let’s hope karma gets them all soon, I’d like a front row seat to watch that. Vtake care xx

  321. Hi ladies. Well the last few weeks have been hard going. My beautiful daughter and I decided to go visit relatives a few hours away, and we had only been in the car five minutes and my ex is ringing our daughter asking where she is,then throughout the day keeps ringing her. He’s relentless. I’ve also got issues with my son,who has relapsed and started drinking again…stress is not the word! I’m off to see my therapist tomorrow ,because I feel like I’m about to explode.
    As for what kind of women go for married men, and don’t think anything of tearing the kids hearts out…these women have no shame. I’d say their self respect simply doesn’t exist! Enough said.
    Anyway remember ladies that you are a wonderful,human being,who deserves to be with a real man….hugs all xxx

  322. Thank you Carol, you are such a sweet person. What a shame he’s not seeing this. He should be with you, helping you through your illness but instead” he’s having time of his life”..What a cruel, treacherous person he is, just like mine..
    My (”my” – doesn’t that sounds weird now?) husband has a history of alcohol abuse. You wouldn’t suspect that, he can be charming, he seems to be in control of his life, he looks good and healthy now.He is sober for more than 2 years now thanks to me. I was with him in his darkest moments, even when everybody was saying I should have left him but I loved him so much and I remembered how lovely and carrying he was before so I fought for him with all my heart.I so badly wanted our children to have their father back. He said he would pay me back, he will make me ”the happiest person alive” if I stay. So I did because I couldn’t imagine life without my soulmate and I thought no matter what I will stand by him and support him and celebrate his sobriety to the rest of our life. And now that…! This is my reward for my loyalty for my love.He said he wants to start a new life with a cart blanche. He’s a different person. It is that ow who has what should be mine. Someone in other website wonders about her ex and think-” how he could consider the kind of woman who would f**k with someone’s else’s husband and then ENCOURAGE him to tear his family apart an upgrade over someone who had been faithful and devoted to him for so many years”.It puzzles me too..It really does.
    Hugs to you Carol and all ladies here

  323. Dear Annika, thankyou so much for your kind words of help and comfort. Today sadly is a bad one, lots of tears wondering why he did this, seeing couples everywhere holding hands which caused images of them together doing the same. I so want to hate him, I hate her totally so why not him. It must have been so difficult for you with the holiday and when you have to see him. They have no moral compass do they hun? They cause such terrible emotional pain yet seem to feel nothing, in fact they try to blame us. Like you I never saw it coming either so was blindsided. Now he still wants to cripple me financially. Its like they turn into evil monsters, in fact if I met mine and he had been like this I would not even have wanted him as a friend let alone a husband. I can’t wait to go a whole day without crying or thinking about them together and the pain of rejection. Please take care Annika, love to you and your dear children xx

  324. Oh Carol I feel sorry for you, your stbxh is such a shameless, greedy prick. I feel pretty bad too recently. I’ve just come back home after holiday( I visited my family living in the country I came from) and it was so difficult after that break to open the door knowing that nobody is waiting inside for me and children. when I was waiting for taxi in the airport I thought that ”my” husband is with his mistress and that instead he should be here waiting eagerly for us with opened arms. But what is done is done and it’s not going to change, he demolished every piece of life we had together. He is not what I thought. My only crime was my loyalty and that I loved that person too much and I couldn’t imagine him with other woman than me so missed all these signs.It hurts because I still love him( I think) and every time he comes to visit kids I have to hold my tears. I’ve never felt that helpless. I can’t accept that he is so happy, so careless and that my feelings doesn’t bother him any more. I’m nobody, just the person he used to know in his eyes. But I will try and try to change and become that strong and independent woman I was before I promise to my children.. My happiness isn’t that important, I want them to have a happy childhood despite all the crap. I’m better than him. He chose his own happiness over children’s because he is not a man but selfish immature boy.
    SASHA thank you for your warm words, I agree that it ‘s pointless to argue with my mother in law, he will be always her darling son..
    Take care ladies

  325. Hi Sarah, I honestly don’t know if he will regret it. He has opened up a bit in the past 2 days. Saying he is worried about us, and himself. That he can’t believe this is his life now. Also he told me that he was never unhappy in our marriage which makes no sense. I just know I have to get him off my mind and try and find out how to not have my best friend there. Try to be me not with him. It has been the hardest thing in my life. I have blocked her from My facebook because i don’t want to see her, it hurts way to bad. He is only home a couple weeks every few months so hopefully it may get easier. How do you find coping? Do you understand? Do you think he will come back? Much love to you, I hope everything works out, ❤️

  326. Hi Gladys, I would hope they would regret it but I really don’t know. I mean his gf messages me screenshots of how in love he is with her, half naked photos of them together. She has told me three different times how it is over and she is so sorry she would never date with a married man… Yet they are still back together. So at this point I don’t believe anything ither of them says. I have blocked her off Facebook. I told him I forgive him and I want a divorce so I can move on. He fi ally told me the other day that he is worried about the kids and I… But is he really?! Obviously not that much because i have asked him over and over why and how he could do this. He will never answer me. He has no answers. At this point I am trying to move on and be happy in my life. It is so beyond hard. I wish you all the best. Stay strong ❤️

  327. Hi Sasha
    Thanks for your thoughts. I guess with the kids, they will make up their own minds but I’m scared that they are so terrified of losing him/upsetting him that they just do what he wants. His girlfriend is so awful and selfish but is now on a full on charm offensive with my girls – makes me sick! I do try to ignore it but it feels like I’m being replaced, he is essentially re-establishing an identikit life 1 mile up th road with a new woman, he gets frustrated because I am the fly in the ointment – it is so heartbreakingly painful. I don’t want him back, he’s been back 3 times at least!! I do however, think I deserve some respect.
    I’m 8 months in and some days it feels like it has just happened. Good advise though – thanks. X

  328. Hi Misty, how kind of you to reply thankyou so much. It came at the right time as I’ve been down today, its a bank holiday weekend and I went out alone whereby we would have gone out together. If I go in a supermarket or a clothes shop I find myself thinking oh I’ll get him this or even look around for him like I used too. Then I remember, it feels like I’ve lost a limb. I also keep seeing couples holding hands and then picture him and her doing that like he used to with me so I was walking along the street in floods of tears with people looking at me. I’m glad it gets easier I hope that happens soon love, my children and grandchildren have been amazing but feel sad as that can’t take my pain away. I so want to get angry as I think that will help me and I want to fall out of love with him but scared that won’t happen. Oddly enough I hate her but not him yet. Thankyou again love I’m just sorry you have endured this too xx

  329. Hi Sasha, thankyou sweetheart your voice of reason always makes me feel better. I am just worried my solicitor will look at his form e and say its not worth taking it further as it looks like he has no money left. He himself sneered at me when I last spoke to him in July that he would make it look that way and I wouldn’t get a penny!!! So sorry you feel a bit low its a horrid feeling your ex is trying his best to get you back onside it seems but you are amazingly strong. Yes mine is still with hers, the children say its because he’s got no choice as he can’t afford private rent, his credit is knackered and hus plans to move back to our old home were scuppered when I put it back on the market so even if he doesnt want to be there he needs her for a roof over his head, the children said if all was rosy why would he even want to move back to our old house by himself for time and space to think as he put it, but I don’t know as of course I think its heavenly for them. I so wish I had your strength love, I’m five months out yet still miss him and even have jealous feelings towards her and live with the daily fear I can’t lose that as surely I would have done by now. You are an inspiration, take care love xxx

  330. Hi Carol, I want you to know I am almost 9 months in and it does get better. I don’t look for my husband everywhere I go anymore. I don’t expect anything from him. He’s just not a part of our family anymore and I’m actually getting okay with that. He’s the one missing out. I’m the one that has everything. I have our beautiful children and their love and respect. Just give yourself more time to heal but you will get there. When I was only five months in I cried everyday, ten times a day. I lost twenty pounds from stress, my arms wouldn’t quit tingling from anxiety. I didn’t know what to do. Just keep your children close and you will get through. I can’t wait until it’s been a year. Just think how much better we will be. Hugs to you and all the ladies here

  331. Thankyou Jane for your help. I hope my solicitor helps me sort him out for good. I’m sick of his lies, I was truly hoping he’d somehow gain a conscience and be truthful on this form but no. I so wish I had more anger toward him as thst would help me yet for some stupid reason I still miss him, I’ve never lived alone before. I hate thinking he’s with her, he had someone to go too. I so appreciate your help xx

  332. Hey Carol. Is your ex stupid? So he has another bank account,which he will have to disclose. Your solicitor can ask where his wages get paid, proof etc. His lies will catch him up. Make sure you tell your solicitor everything. Where you stayed on holidays, hotels, dates etc.
    Carol, you are strong, cause your still here, even with your illness. Your amazing,and your ex will get yo look like the prick he is when it all goes to court….I take it he’s still with the OW?
    My ex told afew people he was decreasing child maintenance payments. Never said anything to me, and at one point asked if he could pay £100 less to put into an account for our daughter. I told him no emphatically. No discussion!
    You are going through so much so don’t be too hard on yourself. For some reason, I’ve felt low over the last few days. But I know my life is far better. My ex still tries to be the kids best friend. Even bringing my son a gift back off holiday. All of a sudden, since the split, he’s bending over backwards for him, yet couldn’t really be bothered prior. Ughhh, it’s tiresome, but I don’t think he will ever change. He even paid for my favourite perfume for our daughter to give me,extremely expensive. Nice jester I know but I had told my daughter not to get gifts,and just enjoy her holiday. And I don’t want to sound ungrateful,but I don’t want anything from him. Regardless if he paid for my daughter or not. It’s one step forward ,two back I’m afraid.
    Even now, although I know I don’t want him back, I hate what he has become…the lies to the kids, the throwing the money around,telling the kids everything he’s doing…my son more than our daughter,cause she’s told him,she’s not interested.
    And I could be a real bitch and tell him about her caller, but I can’t be arsed..cause he deserves everything he gets…come on girl, we are all here for you …hugs xxx

  333. Hi Carol
    Gems these guys aren’t they? Don’t worry about the Form E, he’s just making himself look ridiculous. Your solicitor will advise you that through him/her you can ask questions about your ex’s form E and he is legally bound to be honest. If he still lies you may need to pay for a forensic accountant to find his money but it will be worth it and you should be able to recover the cost from the ex. In the end, any judge will look on him very badly if he is seen to have lied and/or hidden assets. My ex has claimed on his Form E that his business is worth £200K – he was offered 1.3M for it recently! My solicitor says it’s standard MO and to ignore it. We will see! Emotionally of course it is very hard no? How can they lie to blatantly and care so little? I don’t know and maybe we will never get closure on that side – time is a great healer I hope. Take care. X

  334. Hi dear friends, well five months in and I’m not as ahead as I’d like to be. Some m moments when I think I can do this but then the rest of the time consumed with thoughts of them together, of course my imagination says their world is amazing and wonderful. Yesterday though I had a copy of his financial disclosure, the form E which is a legal court document, I just sobbed as yet again it is so full of lies, after 27 years on marriage he left me penniless yet still doesn’t want me to give me a penny. He hasn’t provided bank details of where his salary is paid in only statements from our old account I froze back in march when he left. Said I ran up debts he will have to pay, says he’s living at his parents when he’s been living with her, says my illness caused him problems as I gave up work, despite me needing more surgery and having a feed tube he says there is no reason why I can’t get a job, says he only took a pension out ladt year(he’s 60 next year) , I know he has a work one and two private ones, he said we haven’t been able to afford a holiday since 2008 yet we’ve been to France every year with the children and grandchildren and he and I had separate holiday yo up until September OK last year. He says he’s paying £800 mortgage when he’s been paying £125. It upsets me so much to tjink he lies so much, this form looks as though he hasn’t got any money left, can I do anything about it, when he left he sneered at me and said you won’t get money out of me I’ll say I’ve got nothing. There is no equity in the house, in fact money will be owed on it. Any help or advice would be so welcome. I meet with my solicitor on 4th September. Why on earth do I still miss him and have feelings after what he’s done and is still doing to me, it makes no sense, its like my head knows it but my heart doesn’t. I’ve gone no contact for a month now I hope it helps distance myself. How do you lovely people cope with feelings if rejection for someone else? It hurts so much and is it normal to even feel jealous of her as I do sometimes. God I used to be such a strong woman, where’s she gone xx

  335. Nicole your story is my story is so similar and painful you are not alone I’m not alone today is a hard day but I know many more will come I just wonder do you think they will ever regret this cowardly act?

  336. Hi Nicole- sounds a bit similar to my situation. Its hard very hard. I think he will realise in next 3 to 6 months what he has done and regret especially if he is full on relationship with her now versus a date here and there. A true relationship with every day realities is much different than going out a couple of times a week with somebody. I have no advice honestly as i am also dealing with all of this…. in last month i have realised i have no control over situation and need to let go. It is hard to do yes. I have stoped looking at their fb pages; stoped obsessiive thoughts of what they are doing and my contact witj him is regarding our son. He was also my best friend and i was his best friend so yes it is even harder. He has said that he loves both of us but he needs to focus on her now and see pitential, yet hes afraid i might not be willing to take him back if tjings go wrong. i do think we deserve better than beeing left for a younger new thing. It happens so often… we are not alone. But yeah… the grieving process is really hard. Try to keep busy; when you are having a bad moment, leave the place you are if you can to change scenery…. read books on this… exercise helps too

  337. Thank you so much, after reading this I have realized i am not alone. My husband and i have been together 13 years (married 9) we were extremely happy. Or so i thought we were. We have 2 beautiful children 9 and 7.He went to work in a different country and cried as he left because he felt like he was going to miss out on our life together.
    After his first shift over there (6 weeks) he come home and something changed. He was dressing better, dying his hair, getting Botox ect… I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes. But i knew there was something going on. We never fought, had a great sex life. He worked and I stayed at home with the children. He left Feb 12th and I felt like he was hiding something in his backpack but I just chalked it up to he was going through a midlife crisis as he is turning 40 next year. Finally on Valentine’s day I found out.. He denied It for 6 weeks told me I was crazy, said I need to go on medicine ect. I am adding extra stress to him. I knew he was showing someone else love because he would barley message me. Which he would do non stop saying how much he loved and missed me and didn’t know what he would do without me. I will never forget the day. March 22nd.i had sent him a message saying how sorry I was that I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Then his gf messaged me. She said she had no idea he was married. He lied at first, then told her he did have a family but we were separated and promised her divorce papers. At first she lied and said they were just friends. The next day she told me everything. He bought her a diamond necklace they spent everyday together and she was in love with him and she could not believe he did this to her.. Yes her… As he got off the plane in Amsterdam he calls me and says hi babe. I confronted him and he told me sorry I thought we were through… That was it… I had to go pick him up from the airport and pretend like nothing was going on because our children were so excited to see him. When he got home all he said was I am sorry. I loved you but I was never in love with you. The other women sent me messages, pictures of them half naked together. How much he loved her and couldn’t wait to travel the world with her and marry her. She told me it was over between them he was a great actor and lier. Then they got back together I reached out again because he lied to the kids and I and took her on a vacation. She proceeded to tell me she hates him and will never speak with him again. I felt horrible. He made me feel awful. Told me he was going to ruin my life. Needless to say he has lied, manipulated and hurt me more then I could have ever imagined. Now I am done. I have finally found out they are back together and he is only coming home every few months to spend 13 days with the kids and the rest of his time with her. I was angry when I found out the third time that they were back together. Then I took a real hard look at myself and said is it even worth it to care about what they are doing? No. She is 25 he is 39. If that is what he wants then go ahead. It is still a struggle trying to understand how he could be so in love with me. Then a month later could not even sit down with me and explain what went wrong. He just says life threw a curveball at me and it just happened. Tells me he didn’t have the magical movie passion with me but he has it with her. It shocks me that when the men you trusted the most can sit there and blame you for there every mistake in life after you take care of them for 13 years. The hardest part for me is that he was my best friend and I have lost him for good but,I have now realized i am so much better off, I am starting to love myself again. I realize that I have taken care of him and my children all these years and forgot how to be me and love me. So thank you to you all. Reading your stories really helped me because tonight was a struggle ❤️ I hope you can all heal and realize that it is not our faults and that we all deserve to be treated like the women we are.

  338. It makes me smile when I read about things we can achieve without a man. When my husband left I had the worst garden in the street he never went near it unless I nagged endlessly, you ought to see it now, its amazing I am so proud of myself, its one mass of colour. I have also been painting and decorating something else I had never done as husband was decorator. You learn a lot about yourself when you live by yourself, somehow now I am on my own it seems more important that the house and gardens look nice, I have even grown some runner beans my late father would be very impressed. Love to all keep strong. Kimx

  339. Thankyou Sasha,
    I so appreciate your kind words and encouragement as always. In between I feel I can do this but still cry every single day so the stronger feelings are only a small percentage of the day love, I wish it was the other way around. I still feel a sense of loss. I do still have feelings for him and the thoughts of them and that scares me everyday. I’m having to get used to living alone which I’ve never done before, he knew he had someone to go too. The fact he didn’t care and crippled me financially and has a solicitor who bullies me is so hurtful. He is a completely different person Sasha. I haven’t spoken to him for over a month now which does help, I just hate that he’s with her and living there, its like I never existed for 27 years. I could never do this to another human being. I’m still battling with feelings of rejection sweetheart, like I’m second best. I’m so blessed with my children and grandchildren who say things with him and her aren’t as rosy as I think they are, he’s always been a weak person and money obsessed, I just want karma to hit them both, the odd thing is I hate her but don’t hate him yet, the emotional roller coaster is awful. I pray every day to get strength like you and others here have. Sounds as your ex really now knows he may a huge mistake and lost a wonderful wife and daughter, serves him right. I don’t think mine would admit it as it would mean he’d done wrong. Take care as always, lots of love xxx

  340. Hi Jane, oh hunni, how awful. Hugs.
    Firstly if your From the U.K., take heart. Most judges do not count the week as access,due to school time, homework etc. Depending on how old your children are, will determine wether they are asked. Bullying tactics aren’t taken likely by the courts,but making it difficult for dads to see their kids isn’t taken likely either. Most access time is afew hours in the week and every other weekend.
    My ex sees our daughter three times a week,and every other weekend. However our daughter hasn’t spent a weekend with him since Xmas….she also declines to see him every now and then, and there’s nothing he can do. She is 14,and can verbalise herself. Ofcourse my ex hates it…tough!
    Your children will make their views known. My daughter will not have anything to do with his trollop…that’s her choice,and if it changes then so be it. As long as she is happy then great.
    Come on Jane,only you can start the ball rolling. It’s bloody hard, but tiny steps. Make the best of yourself each day. Makeup,hair,etc. Believe it or not ,taking care of you,is the start. Fill your day constructively,and try not to runminate. I know that two of the most important people in your life really took the pi@@, and however painful it is,start by really taking care of you.
    Leave them to it, stay quiet,and start building a new life with your kids. Routines are a must, especially in a busy household. I continue to parent responsibley ,it really keep my daughter grounded. While my ex was being a complete twat, I was and still am always there as the voice of reason. Whenever I leave the house, I make sure there isnt a hair out of place and over a year later, I like it. I’m so worth it.
    Jane, you will have good days and bad days, but the bad days will get less and less…I promise you.
    Get out there with friends, old and new,reinvent yourself. You need to start carving out a new life . Don’t think I’m being cold, but he may never come back, if that’s what your waiting for? If he does, would you want him anyway? Could you ever trust him?
    Your ex sounds abit like mine. Throwing his cash around. He took four holidays with the OW last year in five months….all to our holiday home. This year he cancelled the first, didnt go last month,so she ended up going with his sister..I couldn’t give a rats arse….he’s said it could have been me on all the holidays …only one problem, I’d have had to go with him…I think I will pass. She is so welcome to him. Both liars, cheats,manipulators……like I said to him many months ago, you made your bed, lie in it. I have no feelings for him at all,and he killed what little feeling I had,when he played with our daughters emotions. For that he will have to answer to someone bigger than me….himself! Hugs Jane, take things day by day and be kind to yourself xx,

  341. Hey Carol. Something in you has shifted…your words seem stronger….no mention of loving him, wanting him back. Your children are right. He will be crapping himself,but he’s done that all himself.
    Leave him to it and see how things change, Sounds like he has no where else to go ….serves him right. Let your solicitor get everything you deserve. He won’t be able to lie about money…..get everything you deserve,and don’t give an inch.
    My exes GF needs all the help she can get by all accounts, she’s stoney broke,so my ex fits the bill. She’s welcome to him. Her ex husband told me she’s in so much debt that when the sale of the house goes through, she will still owe money,and will never be able to get a mortgage. If she thinks my ex can,then she’s thicker than I thought…not my problem though. My daughter FaceTimed me tonight by the pool alone. She said dad was so quiet,not himself at all…kept asking her if she was enjoying herself……said to her things just aren’t the same,and one day hopefully mum can forgive all the things he’s done…. he still loves me, always will……shame he has no clue that I don’t care what he hopes. He should be more worried about who has been servicing his GF…..
    So what with the new garden furniture I bought afew weeks ago and the kitchen makeover….I think my nest is coming along nicely….amazing what you can do when your in charge of your life…feels good…..carol, keep going hun, you are amazing!

  342. Hello
    I’m so happy to have found this site.
    There are people out there going through the same horrible stuff that I’m dealing with and surviving. Well done to you all.
    I was with my husband for 23 years, 3 kids, successful business, lovely house etc etc. He started acting weird about 3 years ago and I thought he was having a breakdown. Turns out he was having an affair with my close friend who I’d confided all my concerns in. Anyway, 3 years later he’s been back and forth several times but she hung on in there and finally he left for good in December. After everything he’d put me through I thought he would be decent about the separation; but no…instead he is being utterly vile, spending money on cars and exotic holidays with his girlfriend, constantly being drunk and partying like a teenager, renting a 30K a year house for her, and worst of all now demanding that our children stay with him more. The details are boring and I suspect achingly familiar to you all. I’m posting because I don’t know how to pull myself out of the dark place. 8 months on and I still cannot believe what is happening, I am unable to accept that I can’t reach him anymore and I keep expecting him to be decent. Of course when he isn’t, I find it incredibly difficult. I have a good solicitor and the divorce is in progress. I think he will take me to court over the child access (he has more than average already) and I suppose I’m utterly terrified. Scared I will lose more of my children’s childhood, scared that financially I’ll be in trouble, scared I’ll be on my own forever. How long does it take to start feeling better?

  343. Hi Sasha, gosh you have been busy, well done you it sounds great and will add value to the house I’m sure and also knowing you did it yourself. Brilliant, your daughter will be surprised, its great she’s home soon.

    I’m still pretty much feeling everyday is groundhog day. I can’t wait to get like you, no thoughts of him, that must be so good. I truly want that day to come. I’ve stayed no contact and it is helping. I can’t get why I’m jealous of his trollop though. Course now he can’t go back to the marital home as I put it back on the market, he can’t and never will get a mortgage anywhere else due to his bad credit, he can’t afford private rent so his only option is to stay with her, he’s still living at hers yet told his solicitor he’s not cohabiting but with his parents, he has now finished his form e apparantly but will lie on it. He said he will say he’s got no spare money or pension so he doesn’t have to pay me anything!!! My solicitor is hoping to get it for me plus the £7000 he took from me, but I’m now running low on funds so he will try to drag it out. I can’t believe how these men can change totally, he’s a monster, not the man I married. I so hope no contact helps me lose these feelings for him and the attachment to him. The thoughts and images of them are still there far too often but I’m working on it just not that good at it yet. My Daughter and son are convinced its not rosy as he’d of course planned to go back into our marital home as he needed time and space!!! Now he can’t do that, he said he doesn’t even know if he loves her, he likes her as she listened but might not be with her in the future he said , who knows!!! I’m sure she’d be thrilled to gear that. He’s always been money obsessed yet is in huge debt already, no equity in the house, indeed a loan of about £16000 is on it so that needs to be paid. My children think he will he crapping himself worrying about whether he has to pay me or go court. God Sasha I’m so waiting for their karma as I’m sure she thought he had money, yet he’s got nothing but debt.

    I so hope you have great times with your Daughter on her arrival home. Also good luck with giving up smoking, big anyone can its you. Take care hun, lots of love, Carol xx

  344. Morning my blossom buddies…..I thought I’d let you know what I’ve been up to over the weekend. I’ve redecorated the kitchen. Kitchen units included. Now I could have forked out for a new kitchen, but why bother when I’m going to have to sell in afew years…so I got some great advice from a friend who also happens to dip in and out of interior designing. She told me about kitchen cupboard paint,how to apply etc….so I took the bull by the horns and spent Friday and Saturday giving the kitchen a fresher look. I’m so pleased with the outcome,just waiting now to have new flooring put in to complete the look. This blossom warrior, definitely can! Keeping busy and achieving small goals sure is rewarding. My daughter will be home tomorrow so off out to buy her favourite foods later…..life is good, and not a thought of the ex. Next thing on my list is to stop smoking which I took up after the dramas of the split! Slowly,slowly catchy monkey! Enjoy your accomplishments no matter how small,because then you know your heading in the right direction….hugs to you all xxxx

  345. Oh Anika, when it comes to inlaws, blood is thicker than water. Plus you do t know what he has told them. Forget it Hun, as much as it hurts. My inlaws haven’t been to see their ONLY grandchild since we split. They live two minutes away . So my daughter only sees them when her dad can be bothered….and that averages out as every six weeks…..
    Isnt it strange how morals go out the window ,but I guess it’s their son and they want to see him happy ,for now anyway ( forget the manipulating, coward of a liar he is,or the fact he couldn’t leave the relationship before entering another).
    Don’t waste time on thinking about it. Thank your lucky stars you hAvent got to put up with his crap anymore.
    I thank god I don’t have to put up with any of his disfunctional family anymore. The parents don’t have friends, the sister doesn’t have any friends other than my exes OW….it’s sad but you got to wonder why…..
    My life is far better without any of them in it. Just see it as another part to letting go,and closing the door to that chapter of your life.hugs xxx

  346. Today my heart is bleeding. My mother in law is going to see her son’s mistress! I can only imagine that the ow is pregnant. Two weeks ago he told me he ended up their relationship because ”she wanted something more”. Now that..
    I know I wouldn’t take him back, I wouldn’t be able to live with him like nothing ever happened but I’m shocked that he is so different now, so carefree and joyfull while my life is in such a mess thanks of him.
    Take care sweet ladies, that forum is so helpful, good luck to you all.

  347. Rosa…his words are his BS way to justify every sh@@@y thing he has put you all through. So his life is fabulous? Well let’s see how fabulous his life is, when his kids see him for who he is….that for me has been the hardest thing. My daughter had a fabulous relationship with her father. Now she sees him for who he is and is solely dissapointed. He use to ask me all the time if I loved him,now he’s doing the same with her…pathetic.
    I think they just think things through. They must believe that life will be far better,the kids will just slit into place and life will be peachy! Well I hate to break it to them, but they loose friends, respect, family, they don’t bank on having to pay more money out,and that wonderful life is suddenly extremely stressful. My daughter and I spoke today, and she had a disagreement with dad in front of her friend. She told him he was a waste of space,and an embarrassment. And that mum deserved far better,and thankfully would never have him back. He cried! I told her to apologise to him. Regardless of what he has done,I haven’t bought her up to talk to anyone like that,not even that twat! So you see, they are left with women they won’t be able to trust, their lives won’t include the happy ever after because blended families don’t tend to work well when cheating is involved.
    I bet your son probably shook his head and thought WTH! When I struggled, I would go out and do something with my daughter…worked every time. Creating happy memories,when your life feels crap, is therapeutic,believe me…hugs ,strength and love xxx

  348. Sasha sweetheart he definitely is, thankfully I have kept records if almost everything and I think he’s terrified of going to court because he knows myself and the children have lots of evidence and can provide it to squash every lie he’s told. I think him and her thought they were being clever, she’s also going through a divorce apparently. Its pissed him off that I’ve put the house back on the market after he took it off without telling me. He was planning to move back in for some reason but I think he’s stuck with her and her three teenage kids now as financially he can’t do anything else. I’m just hoping the pensions can be traced. He’s not got a good enough memory to be a good liar, he’s totally lost the plot as some of this is out of character for him so I think she’s telling him to do this stuff and he’s stupid enough to do it and it could cost him a lot. He certainly doesn’t want to pay spouse maintenance or pensions, his solicitor mentioned it three times in this last letter but I hope to get both, he lied, cheated and stole leaving me penniless why should I care if he’s nothing left to live on or to take her out. I am working hard on not ruminating, I’m not good at it yet but I will keep going. I still don’t get how these men can lose everything for someone they barely know, they think they are madly in love, nothing on this earth apart from death would make me leave my children and grandchildren. The problem is now I’m living alone for the first time I find my imagination goes crazy, I picture that he has someone still and everything is loved up and wonderful, of course I don’t know that for sure but that’s what it is in my head. I’m getting angrier than I was especially with these letters full of vitriol and lies, its like he’s now an evil monster, the lovely man I married is gone and I just don’t know what happened. Like all of us here I was blindsided, didn’t see it coming it is like a bereavement. Why do I now feel second best? Why do I feel worthless and unloveable and like shes laughing at me because she hot what she wanted, do you all feel like that too. Sasha your dear daughter sounds wonderful, she has morals and follows her mums great values and ethics, I’m sure she makes you so proud, she sounds such a lovely girl who knows the dreadful things he’s done to you both. I always look forward to your posts here as you help so many of us, you keep us going despite enduring this yourself. I admire everyone here, we can draw strength from each other and hopefully come out stronger than ever and not worry about what are ex is doing or even have them in our minds anymore. I can’t wait for karma to work its magic, he sneered at me when I said thst and said there’s no such thing but God I hope there is. Take care lovely lady, love to you and everyone here xxx

  349. Hi Sasha,

    thanks so much for your support and courage that you give to all of us! To all the beautiful ladies out there I pray that healing and strength sets in for each and every one. I hope that the scars that we need to carry will be sealed one day with a golden lining. The golden lining that reminds us what strong, faithful and loving persons we really are! We kept true to our vows, value and honesty! We can walk head up high and all those cheaters out there will never be able to reach us. I know one thing for sure…. when the betrayer plays the victim it is because he knows….. he has lost it all! My ex husband is still playing the victim and is trying to justify himself to his own son!!!‘ His very „wise“ words… life is not a battle, you should enjoy everything in life und do what your heart desires, Life is not to fight for especially you are not to fight for love….. Do you understand such WISE words????? Help me here because I just don’t get it???!!! On top of this he says….. son I would love to give you my experience so that you may take it with you……pls help Sasha, what does he mean? Is he going crazy or I have missed out on something….

    Big hugs to you!!!

  350. Hey Martha. Your seperated aren’t you? Your you! Your wonderful, and your getting through this day by day. That’s remarkable!
    It’s hard knowing you have been replaced, it’s hard knowing how badly this man you spent so long with,could treat you the way he has. This isnt your battle hunni. Your battle is getting back to the person you were,getting to a point in your life where you know you can live without him,and thank god,he’s not in your life. Ask yourself what kind of life you would have if you did take him back. Wondering where he was if he was two minutes late, checking his phone, pockets,trying to believe his explanations….is that what you want to go back to?
    I’m not anti men ,and some women can get past the cheating, lying etc…..but I often wonder what their lives look like after the affair…..something I just could t do….I know I deserve far better, and so do you….hugs my lovely.xxx

  351. Misti, both are hard, but I would never try and stop either of them having that relationship. I think it must be harder for my ex, than me ,because he knows she will be coming back home to me. She face times me daily, and tells me how much she misses me. I always say have fun,and enjoy…because I love her more than ever. Now if he starts playing his crappy tricks like he did on their last holiday,then it would be curtains for him. My daughter has told her father, that if his GF appears on the holiday again ,she will never go again. He knows he has to seperate the two…how sad is that to live like that knowing your only child can’t stand the trollop your with….haha. That again is karma working!
    As for your husband…he’s missing out daily, and that’s his loss, but worse, he will have a lot of questions to answer later. Your doing fabulously ,and your ex knows it! Keep doing what your doing,heading in the right direction,and let him deal with the fallout.
    My ex asked our daughter if she loved me more….that kind of tells you how insecure these men are! Unbelievable really.
    He buys her everything* she wants and she plays on it..whereas I have rules, my style of parenting hasn’t changed. And you know what it’s working for us. She tells me everything, trusts me 100%, and sees her father for the weak,pathetic ,lying,manipulating man he is and probably was all along! I’d say we had a lucky escape…hahaha ….enjoy your day my lovely 😊

  352. Hey Carol….I think your ex is playing a dangerous game, but let him play it ..the courts don’t take too kindly to liars. Let him dig his big enormous hole. He’s got a
    That loved up foggy head,that won’t last, will be his downfall. Carol, you need to start to think smarter, because your future is at stake. Do you seriously think he will play fair? Had I not photocopied everything,my ex would have been happy to pay a crappy maintenance for his child. I knew that money would be an issue, and the time I had to put up with his rubbish, I knew I had to play smarter.
    You will eventually come to the point that you stop thinking about them,I promise you. But you have to put the work in. Which means, stop ruminating, whenever you think you can’t cope anymore,tell yourself you most definitely can. Start thinking about your future without him.what it looks like,and how much better you will be. Don’t roll over and hope your life can get back to where it was,because honestly, it can never be like that.
    You can get through this Carol, so start finding things out, we are all in your corner,supporting you…hugs xxxx

  353. Hi Sasha darling. Thankyou for your kindness, I too can’t forgive and every time I get another horrible solicitors letter full of lies I think did I ever know him at all. He’s lied to everyone even his solicitor yet she doesn’t know it yet. He’s trying to say he has no pensions yet I know he has. My solicitor said yesterday that he’s shooting himself in the foot every time he misleads people. I’m like dear Martha though in as much as I’m finding letting go hard and I don’t know why as there can be no sugar coating what he’s done to me, the children, grandchildren and friends, I should literally hate him and really don’t grasp why I don’t, oddly enough I hate ger with a vengeance. I do a but better then back in it yet again, its like an emotional rollercoaster. Do we really ger to the stage where we don’t think about them, where they are, what they are doing? Plus being rejected for a marriage wrecker like her rips through my heart and sole and I need help and advice how to cope with that to move forward, its like I’m jealous of her, but she’s not won a great prize. I’m sure it feels empty without your darling daughter at the moment but she will be home soon. Lots of love to you and all you wonderful ladies out there xxx

  354. Dear Sasha,
    I wonder how you do manage letting you daughter on holiday with her Dad. I myself felt very hard when my eldest daughter stayed at his Dad’s apartment last weekend for one night. He’d been asking many times for her to stay with him and finally my daughter said ok. But her purpose is that she wants to investigate his apartment so she can report to me. The day after, I went to his apartment because he left the key in his pant’s pocket. That day he came home and went out with his motorcycle. I was terrified when I was there. I found 1 shirt that is not his, so it must be hers and found some long hair. I thought by seeing it myself it would give the feeling of letting him go. I felt disgusting towards him but not for long. It’s just weird how I can’t hate him enough to let him go.
    Cant wait to let Karma do its work but in the mean time all I can do is to move on and love myself more.
    I am too experiencing a married guy texting me even though he doesn’t know about my separation. The world is getting crazier.
    Since I and my ex haven’t legalised our separation, does it mean I should call myself single or married? Its so confusing since I still want him back sadly. I don’t have guts to tell anyone but only some close friends and immediate family. I am not ready going public being single.
    Glad I found this thread and get a lot of support from you ladies.

  355. Rosa, so he’s in a different country? Good, far better for you. I doubt the 24 year old bimbo will be madly in love with him…that’s his karma. Being with someone who is there just for the money. I’d say you had a lucky escape hun.
    God I love it when I don’t have to interact with the twat. I’ve always been the stronger of the two. Just know that these men come to a point when they know they have made the biggest mistake…tough I say! Have yourself a great week, do something great this week, tKe a walk in the sunshine, buy those shoes, get out with friends and smell the air around you. Life is great if you want it to be. You are in charge of your own destiny now. Like a book, with words unwritten…you are your own author! Hugs hun xxx

  356. Carol, you can’t quite believe it,and we all felt like that hunny. Well believe it. He wants it all. And sod your feelings. Come on girl, and start your road to getting what you deserve. I haven’t done anything other than realise my own worth as a human. I truly wish I could forgive,and be that person…I can’t! Not yet, but I’m sure in time. Because I know once I really forgive, I will be totally free….but , I’m my own person, have found the strength and stuck two fingers up. And, I’m happier…who would have thought…hugs and strength to you Hun xxxx

  357. Hi Sasha sweetheart. I bet you miss your beautiful Daughter but she will soon be back home with you where she belongs. I’m so glad Karma has visited your ex and her, I so want that day to come for mine. He too will never get another mortgage as his credit is knackered. I saw my solicitor today who said now his form e is ready we can go further, he also said he will be claiming for the £7000 of my money that he took, hopefully maintenance and pensions but all depends on what it says on his financial disclosure. I know he will lie, he just had letter sent to mine full of awful lies and said he’s not cohabiting but stays with a friend sometimes, well just so happens that his so called friend is the bitch he left me for!!! I don’t know how to prove it though its so frustrating. He doesn’t know if he loves her just that he likes her and she listened. At times I think I can do this, I used to be so strong but I seem to have lost myself at the moment. Then I get the image of them together and wham floods of tears again. How do you and the other wonderful ladies here cope with the feeling of being rejected and the worry of having feelings for your husband. Everyone around me can see hes a no good, lying, cheating, thieving scumbag yet although I know it too its like my mind can’t quite believe it. When I go a whole day without crying or thinking of them I will be so pleased and when I don’t care where he is or who hes with or what he’s doing I will be happy I can’t wait for that to come. He still had the nerve to say he loves me and that he may yet come home!!! Well I don’t think so, the arrogance of him but for my own wellbeing I have had to go no contact as hes messed with my head so many times as I think he knows I still have these residue feelings for him. I just so want karma to do its thing. Sasha you are amazing, if I can be half the person you are going through this then I’ll be glad. Take care love xxx

  358. Thank you Sasha! I don’t know what’s worse, to have your daughter go on holiday with her father or to have your kids father abandon your kids along with their mom? I’m heart broken with the abandonment of my children but if they left with him for holiday I think I would be devastated. I’m here for you. Hugs hun! Stay strong

  359. Dear Sasha,

    thanks for your support in all this! I love reading your posts! I wish I could see the same with my ex! He ran off to another country and I am so curious of how he is doing! He left me after 20 years of marriage for a filippina of 24! Plays the sugar daddy with all our money that we saved together and stole it all for her!Thank God I am healing and I realize that ALL cheaters are the weak ones! They have such low self esteem and no integrity! They think they are on the best side but are so foolish to realize that the woman they chose agreed to cheat with them!!!! Why don’t they realize that they are going to hit low bottom one day and realize that they are on the worst side???????? Blessings to you!

  360. Misti, you are a true lady. And the guy texting is a lowlife creep. Glad you blocked him. These guys don’t have a clue do they?
    I’m waiting till she has to sell her house. Her ex, has been bailing her out till their daughter hits 19,then she will have to sell. What my ex can’t know is she has CCJs ( county court judgements against not paying bills etc ) she will never get a mortgage,there’s no collateral in the house,and she will be on her arse. My ex won’t be able to get a mortgage,cause he’s tied into our house for another five years…..so I guess they have afew months of playing happy families,then the proverbial will hit the fan.
    It’s a shame that my daughter would only go on holiday with her dad if her friend could go isn’t it? Says it all…..
    And karma has worked her magic…because I’m guessing the romance of the century is a joke. My daughter said dad talks about you all the time…haha
    Keep going hun, and take it day by day…..life is for the living,and we are the only ones that can change our lives to what we deserve…hugs xxx

  361. Oh my word!!! That is awesome! I can’t wait for karma to come to my husband. So I’ve been having this married guy friend contact me for the last week. I told him about my situation cuz we use to be friends. Then he tells me his marriage is bad and so forth. Needless to say he’s been snapping and texting constantly. I haven’t been responding until today. I texted him and bluntly said to text his wife call his wife Snapchat his wife. I said my husband is gone and I’d do anything to get him back and guess how his affair started? Instagram messaging. Then I said I’m not doing any of this because that’s how things start and what destroys families. Then I promptly blocked his number. Ladies there are so many creepers out there and we deserve so much more. Don’t sell yourself short. I would rather be alone. Hugs Sasha you’re awesome

  362. Hi ladies. Well my daughter is now on holiday with her dad and god, do I miss her. They went early Thursday morning. So I get a call from a friend of mine,who was going to work early Friday morning. Seems my exes GF has been very busy. My friend saw some bloke leaving her house at 5 am in the morning…..not even 24 hours and she’s playing away…haha…..so you see ladies, even when you may think their lives are better, they most definitely are not!
    I hate to say it but I’ve been laughing ever since. To be able to know I know what he doesn’t ,gives me great satisfaction…..went out with the girls Saturday night,and boy did we laugh 😂 .
    Enjoy your week ladies xxxx

  363. Hi Sasha, you are an angel and the voice of reason admist the chaos. I have never felt such heartbreak since I lost my dear parents. I just don’t get why I can still feel for him after all he’s done yet everyone else can see it. The letters from his lawyers frighten me and are full of lies but have a bullying tone, he doesn’t want to pay me anything yet after 27 years I feel he should. The odd thing is Sasha is he’s living with her still but says he wants to go back to our old home by himself as he can afford to rent alone. He said he’s taking two weeks to do that so why if he’d finished with her would she give him two weeks to get out, I certainly didn’t. None of it makes sense, I’m not going to be his back up plan, he left me penniless and he’s no idea of how he hurt me and the family. I used to be so strong, I was everyone’s rock yet I feel broken by him and her and his lawyer. The change in him is unbelievable, like he’s now evil. He tries to make it all my fault, blaming my illness, saying he didn’t like my nasal feeding tube, him and his solicitor said I should be working not on disability yet I worked all my life until surgery went wrong. He accuses me if debts yet he did the finances for the 27 years we were married. I do need to toughen up. I’m scared of the future, of living alone as I’ve never done that. I so want the anger and hatred to come, oddly I hate her. I’m hoping that the longer I go no contact the more detached from him I’ll get but is it really possible to fall out of love with someone after so many years. I just hate feeling second best to someone like her but like you say Sasha she is a trollop, has no morals. I so want things to go wrong so they feel some pain too then I feel bad for wishing bad on people. I do get periods when I think I’m going to be ok then the thoughts and images of them come back, I haven’t yet gone a day without that happening since he left at the end of march. I hope our husbands and their trollops live with guilt every minute of every day. I do hope your new job is going well love and that your dear Daughter is doing ok. Loads of love and hugs xxx

  364. Hey Carol. He is as all our exes are….manipulating you, lying,simply thinking he can come and go as he likes. Many spouses who go through this experience suffer with PTSD….it’s mental abuse. So he can’t afford to rent with her? Tough. He made his bed ,let him lie in it. He tells you he loves you as a back up incase things don’t pan out with the trollop. Come on Carol, I know you love him ( or think you do) but ask yourself this. Would you let anyone else treat you like he is.? I’m guessing the answer is NO!
    Don’t give him an inch. You know the truth,let him get on with his crap….and stop worrying about her. She doesn’t come close to you and your moral standards. These men never go for better. FACT! Start telling yourself that you are worth so much more. Perhaps write everything down in a journal. Feelings, how he has made you feel, his actions etc. You will be surprised how negative it will read…..
    Hugs my darling ,you can get through this xxxxx

  365. I’m somewhat new to this thread. I posted earlier. For me, the point were I just let go was tonight when he said he will be taking holidays with the other women and presenting her to our son {he has been back with her in less than 2 weeks}. Just made me realize that if he’s able to move on and take big steps like that with the other women, than his feelings for me are not there ( even though he persists to say he stills does have feelings, he’s unsure, conflicting emotions, and needs to let her in to know if it would work with her}. I basically told myself wtf. Why am I waiting around for a man who rejects me. Yes I’m afraid of the unknown. Yes I’m afraid of being alone. I have anxiety, panic attacks, really dark moments but in the end, he doesn’t want to be with me. If he did, he would be. Idk what the answer is although it’s nice to see some of you have been able to move on. It’s reassuring, so thank you for posting!! And please keep posting…. reading this thread has helped me a lot.

  366. Dear Sasha, as always your wonderful posts came at the right time as do the comments from the other wonderful ladies here going through this dreadful experience. Its been two weeks since no contact, four months since he left. Once again back then when I last saw him he messed with my head, he said he still loves me but it may not be enough, then arrogantly said, I may come home, I don’t know. He’s been living at hers but now says hes going to move back into the family hone until its sold, I said why as your living with her, he said he can’t afford to rent and needs time and space to think. Someone told me he’s been financially, emotionally and mentally abusing me for quite a while. Then today I had a awfully distressing letter from his solicitor fullbof insults and lies, thankfully u can prove this but its very upsetting, how can he say he loves me then treat me so hurtfully. Its like I’ve not known him in 27 years. I’m not coping as well as I’d like. I feel totally broken, I still gave obsessive thoughts and images of them too. How do you all cope with the rejection, I feel she must be better than me as he’d still be with me. I’m thinking of you all xxxx

  367. Sasha, you are so right! I had a great conversation with my 22 year old son who is wise beyond his years. He said mom he’s an idiot and when he wakes up out of his love fog and his life is boring he will realize that he lost his whole family and will be miserable. That really hit home. So I’ve been no contact since last Friday and I’m just going to leave him to his pathetic little life and move on with mine. Much love to you! Love your words of wisdom

  368. Thank you Martha, it really does help to read this thread. I think they must be dead inside to be able to see the hurt they have caused their wife and children and still continue with their lifestyles without it phasing them. Running a business together is a double whammy but we have to stay strong. Hugs to you

  369. I feel you Misti, by running the business together it is making the separation even harder for me. Now, he wants us to go to office separately and he no longer sleeps in the house. He wants to set a clear line because he wants to be serious with this OW. I fight everyday to let him go but yeah….easier said than done even after 8 months. 3 days ago, my youngest broke in tears when her daddy put medicine on her sprained pinky finger. She want her Dad to stay home, but he just left anyway. Last weekend, he waited until the kids slept then he left, early in the morning before the kids wake up, he arrived home. He troubled himself a lot to show his OW that he is serious. I can’t lie that I still feel jealous. But looking at the fact that he is not at his best attitude (lying, manipulating, cheating etc) I know I should better take care of my self and the kids especially. How I also wish that every day my mind is not consumed by thinking of him. I feel I haven’t lost my sanity by reading this helpful thread because other people who are not experienced what happened to us, cant really feel what we feel. Hugs and stay strong for us all.

  370. Hi Misti. It really is one step forward ,two steps back. You can’t rush your emotions,and as frustrating as it is, you are heading in the right direction. What your ex is doing is handing you the crumbs. He isn’t bothered that you still love him, heck he probably believes he did you a favour fixing the pool,that he really went above what he should be doing. For your own well being,stop the texting,the communicating where necessary,and work on you. What your feeling is so normal,but every time he shows a little bit of kindness ,you go two paces back.
    My ex took our daughter on holiday early this morning,and totally ignored me,didn’t even look at me…..so I’m guessing now he’s either going NC, or has decided to try and punish me. I Couldn’t give a rats arse. I spent too much time putting up with his crap when we were together…let the trollop have the honour now.
    Misti, don’t think his life is suddenly so much better than yours cause it isn’t. He will be going through a range of emotions. It will hit him,later,when his honeymoon period crashes. Could you imagine being questioned every time you were at the exes, or every time your late, or if you look at another person? The trust between your ex and his trollop will always be an issue….because they both know what each is capable of. Oh to be a fly on the wall. And that will prettty much be what is would be like if you took his sorry ass back. You could never trust him, and far from getting your man back, you end up with the booby prize in the end.
    Don’t forget, along the way, they will loose friends, get sneered at, their world will be a nightmare…I find it funny. So……..concentrate on you, not them. I promise once you do that, it will become easier. Hugs and here’s to your fabulous first day in taking control. Xxx

  371. Sasha you sound so healthy! I’m only 8 months in so I’m still struggling. I haven’t heard from mine since last week. He called on Friday and came over and helped me fix the pool and took me to get tires on my car. I texted him after he left on Friday and said thank you so so much for helping me. I love you. Well he said “thank you” and I haven’t heard from him since. Keep in mind we run a business together and usually Monday thru Friday he calls for something for me to do for him. I do all the book work. Well it’s Wednesday and nothing. I’m trying so hard not to care and not think about him but I struggle every day. Why do I even still think about the lying cheating dirtbag? I can’t wait until I wake up and don’t give a crap about him. Hugs to you all and keep hanging in there!

  372. Hi girls. Hope things are getting better day by day. Started my new job last week,and settled in better than I thought. Today we are celebrating my daughters birthday. Presents opened,table awash with cards and laughter heard from her friends. This is what life is all about. Her dad came to give her presents,which was nice..( I made myself scarce,said I needed to get something from shop. Do you know what, I felt absolutely nothing,even though birthdays were a real family thing. The only thing now is he simply isn’t part of our family. He’s been very quiet lately which has been bliss,other than asking my best friend last week where she drinks now ( yep, strange thing to ask your exes best friend….transparent or what) . I feel so proud at where I am. I was talking to my counsellor the other day,and we were discussing my part in the relationship,and I came to the conclusion that I had bailed out years ago. I was literally treading water. I never gave my all during the last three years if I’m honest,and stopped any intimate goings on too. It was like a lightbulb going on…I was preparing myself for D Day. What I also realised is I’ve hindered my own recovery by worrying why he’s at the house, following me etc….yes he’s acted appallingly ,but I have no control over that. My guess is, he did all that cause he was hurting, only the kids were used in his silly antics. My kids aren’t stupid,they know who he really is…and he has to live with that.
    I think I’m ready to get back out there,and enjoy the company of a male. I’m not talking settling down but having a bit of fun.
    I also know I am free from a man who just wasn’t my fit, who always made a joke about everything, was held back by his own emotions. I’m passionate, fiery, empathetic,love to laugh,and Trustworthy…..everything he hasn’t got,and doesn’t deserve.
    Ladies, I really didn’t think I’d get to this point,but I’m here, living and breathing 16 months on,and even though I try not to worry about my future,know I can handle anything. Onwards and upwards girls xxx

  373. This forum has been amazing. Reading about other women who have gone through similar ecperience and how they coped and moved on really helped me tonight. My husban asked for separation about a year. Last few years werent the best but never thought it was to that point. Found out that he and a co-worker got close emotionally for months and once he announced separation to me, they really began to see each other in secret until i found out. Hes been going back and forrh between me and her for last year. And two weeks ago he went back to her again. Feels horrible… anxiety, fear, loneliness, obsessive thoughts about them… but reading this forum gave me hope and some strengh. Even thougj i know maybe in 2 minutes i will be a emotional wreck again, your posts have helped. Thank you and like some of you, i still love him so much that if he came back to me again, i would take him back. Tried the no contact but its hard considering we have a son and because in some ways he was my best friend… So trying a limited contact where i dont small talk with him. I hope and i know i should not obsess over them but that he will wake up from this fog……

  374. Dear Sasha thank you so much for your help. You’ve heard this lots of time but I say it again- you’re an amazing lady and true inspiration. I hope one day I become as strong as you are.
    I feel better today, you asked me if I would be able to rebuild ”a strong,loving,trusting relationship” and my answer is NO. The man I love(d) is not worth my feelings. If he loved me he wouldn’t unzip his trouser in the first place. I can’t change him, that is for sure. I invested into this marriage over 10 years and I’m done with that, I’m not going to lose another year. He’s life isn’t that rosy at the moment, the honeymoon is over and he is drawing in his s**t, but it is his pool and I’m not going to throw him a safety ring! I let her to do it..
    Yes,I have these moments of weakness when I’m seeing him because I’ve never stopped fancied him and because I remember how charming he was few years back. But it is not the same man I married, my sweetheart become a soulless zombie.
    His lover thinks she met a prince (the same one who burned his own castle) but all she has (had?) is a man who she won’t be able to trust. He loves himself the most and then one day she will realise she made me a favour and I hope I will feel an enormous relief even if it hurts right now. There was that idea in my head that by taking him back I would punish her, I would show her who’s the winner but then I’m asking myself what is the point if the winning price is a ton of rubbish..?I rather concentrate on myself and my lovely children and let him to continue his ”fantasy” life with his filthy princess.
    Sasha thank you for your support, I really do.

  375. Hey Anika…they really are a piece of work arent they….you are bang on as to why he’s returned. The mistress doesn’t look so good now they don’t have to sneak around. The excitement has gone and he’s either realised he got a bum deal OR she kicked him to the curb….the thing is, whilst they are in throws of their all time fabulous love affair, they disregard their families feelings,even thrusting our noses in their s**tty goings on.they have no moral compass,and don’t care about anyone but themselves. The lies,manipulation and crap come easy,and continue even after they leave the family home.
    Anika, does this man who ripped out your heart deserve another chance? Would you be able to rebuild a strong,loving,trusting relationship?
    I know that feeling, when my ex begged he wanted to be back home on his leather sofa…for an hour or two I was confused, even elated that I had won. How sick does that sound? But I knew I would never take him back.
    I was done very very early on,and perhaps the only thing that has pissed me off is the cheating…because it makes you feel worthless,you question the whole relationship. I’m grateful I turned the whole episode to my favour, and found the strength to show myself and him that I would not take his crap, would carve a life out for my family without him,and let him get on with things. That meant no contact for my sanity, finding a job, making the best of myself ( eating healthily,taking care of myself,having fun,removing everything from the house that reminded me of him, redocorating ,buying a new car)
    It hasn’t been easy, you can vouch for that Anika, you know those days when you can’t get him out your head. What we are all going through will probably be the most stressful thing happen in our lives. You know what, none of us are dead, we are all still breathing.
    So what about the cheaters….well they don’t get off Scott free. Over 50% will wish they could go back to their old life, they will have less money, will loose friends,will be less committed to the cheating partner,won’t trust for fear of being cheated on, and once the honeymoon is over will come back to Earth with a crash. Depression, drinking more, gambling,stress,anxiety.their kids neve4 look at them the same,their own parents will always be in their corner,but secretly hate the shame.
    Oh and the chances of the relationship lasting …well, time isn’t on their side.
    My ex has finally got it, that I will never take his sorry ass back, I don’t want to be friends, I have no respect for him,and he’s stuck with a trollop who he won’t be able to trust . She is soooo welcome to him,cause I know I deserve so much more…and by heck, I can’t wait for the next chapter in my life.
    Anika, stay strong,and really be truthful to yourself about what your relationship looked like before you guys split. Here as always, hugs hun xxx

  376. My husband left me for another woman and has moved into her house which is around the corner from ours, he has an illegal business right across the street from my house, his words were” I didn’t respect him I didn’t appreciate him”. What type of respect does he think this move is going to get him all the neighbors know our business, he’s right across the street from our house EVERDAY and barely sees his kids, he has stopped financially for anything unless it’s directly for the children. My son wants him to come home he’s 10 and he tells him “It’s up to mommy”, yet he’s the one that left trying to save face from our son, and our 7 year old daughter doesn’t want him to come back because she says “he doesn’t respect you mom”!(her words). As much as he has done to me(us) a big part of me still loves him deeply 30years,19yearsmarriage,4children,3grandchildren but I have to think about the message I want to send to my daughters, my granddaughter on how they should be treated, to my son on how he should treat a women and this is not it!!! I am making baby steps but I’m stepping!

  377. So ”my”husband few days ago informed me that he ended his relationship with his mistress. It was a huge shock for me and I’m still confused. He said she nagged him for the divorce and he realised he didn’t want to end up our marriage. he said he is still in love with me… Now do I believe him? NO! I just think the honeymoon is over and the reality hit him finally.
    Last few weeks I was successfully avoiding him and that had a healing effect. I’ve started to have even moments of happiness and felt stronger day by day. I really thought I was on a good way to leave it behind him. Now I’m so so confused. I’m so angry with myself that I let him to open that wound again, that I let him to penetrate my soul.. God I still love that idiot..and this is a problem.
    I know he will come back to her, I don’t think she will give up that easily (on her fb there is still their photo), I know he is emotionally unstable and I have to keep away from him and never ever take him back. I know..Everybody is telling me that. The truth is I can’t help and stop thinking about him and it annoys me that I think that my anger is gone and it’s replaced by sadness. I hear that voice in my head ”it was JUST a middle age crisis” and I feel am loosing that strength I builded so carefully up .
    He’s not going to change and it’s probably a matter of time and he’ll find someone new. Ladies please explain me what is going on with me? How am I going to switch off my emotions? Once again he made me feel so vulnerable and I hate myself for that.

  378. Hello Linda,

    God bless you for such beautiful words. I am truly speechless! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brings so much peace and help. I am so grateful that I have found this blog because it helps to understand that getting cheated on is not of how we are or what we do. It does not matter if we are beautiful or intelligent enough…… their cheating is simply not about us but it’s all about them. It is like you said, they have very low self esteem and no matter what we do, I am convinced that they will always go ahead and cheat and continue to do so. When a person is not whole inside there is no way anyone can make them happy. How I understand the pain we all go through! My now ex husband left his family after 20 years of marriage and his other woman posted a picture of both of them on facebook in a hotel room after doing their „thing“ ! She also wrote how great it is to do it with a married man! This just shows how low can a person get. All I want to say to all these beautiful women is that please don’t torture yourself for a person who has lost his own integrity!Please, take care of yourselves. ! Search God with all your heart and He WILL heal you!

    Big hugs to you!

  379. This is the nicest thing! Thank you so much for replying. I was in tears while reading your words. I too have to deal with him daily as we run a business together as well. It is usually over the phone or text and I maybe see him once a week if that. But today I kept it just business and didn’t ask or expect anything personal. My arms still tingle all the time which I’ve been told is anxiety which I’ve never had before. I am going to start making a list of things to do every day to take care of myself and not worry about him or what he is doing. It’s got to get better. That’s the only option. Thank you thank you for all of you wonderful ladies for helping us through the worst thing we have been through. Hugs to you

  380. Hi Misti, i’m so sorry to read what you’re going through. I went through the same thing, only thankfully I had no children. I lost a 16 year marriage in 15 minutes and had no clue that my husband was not happy. I had no clue that he was having an affair, because he met the woman at the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning, and instead of going to the gym they would go to a hotel room. He was home every day after work and write me love letters every single day . In fact the day that I found out that he was leaving, he lied and said that he was going to look at some shirts at a store, but he was really at a rental place renting an apartment with his new gal. He told me about five times a day he loved me on text. This was 2 1/2 years ago, and when I would read people tell me that it would get better I would never believe them. The one thing I kept on reminding myself of is that the two of the in fact the day that I found out that he was leaving, he lied and said that he was going to look at some shirts at a store, but he was really at a rental place renting an apartment with his new gal. He told me about five times a day he loved me on text. This was 2 1/2 years ago, and when I would read people tell me that it would get better I would never believe them. The one thing I kept on reminding myself of is that the two of them have no say in my life. I only have one life, and I’m not going to let anyone else decide whether I’m happy or sad. I was fine before I ever met him and I was my own person, and I’m my own person again. Everything that I read about dead people said would happen has happened. I’m almost glad that it happened now, because I can look back now and see all of the things I missed. All of his love letters were only to keep me from believing that he was cheating on me. Wasn’t because I was special. My new name for him is “Eddie Haskell.” He talks very loving even while he stabs a person in the back. I have a business with my husband and it’s one that I can’t get out of, so we have to contact and talk every single day. That was the hardest part of everything. Watching him drive away to another location and go on vacations together while I was in a town where I knew no one.

    I know it’s very hard for you to believe that things can get better, but if I can give you any advice it would be to keep your eyes on your life and not his. Relationships begin with an affair have less than a 1% chance of lasting, but even that shouldn’t be on your mind. Learn to love yourself, and your children we’ll see your strength. They will see that you did not let a man walk all over you. They will see your self-esteem. You only live one time on this earth do not let other people rain on your parade. There is a wonderful website that has helped many people. It’s got some bad language on it that’s for sure, but I think the part that I would tell you to pay attention to would be the stories of all of these people That abandon their loved ones have in common, and that is that they are narcissists. That’s how he can leave and not worry about any of you. He’s the main event! The name of the site is chumplady.com. Swear words don’t bother me, but they may bother you. This woman has been abandoned twice and it has cost her quite a bit of money. She’s an award-winning author and she’s funnier than Phyllis Diller. I can remember being in the middle of tears and reading some of her responses and I would start laughing so hard that I couldn’t stop laughing. Many on there say that she has literally saved their lives. She will help you to see what happened to you and what you were dealing with and weight of a p this woman has been abandoned twice and it has cost her quite a bit of money. She’s an award-winning author and she’s funnier than Phyllis Diller. I can remember being in the middle of tears and reading some of her responses and I would start laughing so hard that I couldn’t stop laughing. Many on there say that she has literally saved their lives. She will help you to see what happened to you and what you were dealing with as far as an ice cold person who seems to be able to just walk away and never think of the past even one bit.

    The girl that my husband left with had just broken up from her husband a month before and travel to our town because she caught him cheating on her. She divorced him, and took up with my husband immediately. She was well aware that I knew nothing, because he told her that he was going to text me to say goodbye even though he knew I had to see him in the business. She was nice enough to tell him that he should never do that that he should talk to me face-to-face. Well he didn’t talk to me face-to-face and I caught him staring at her photo one night. He admitted the affair and within 15 minutes I asked him to leave and he’s never been back. I’m so thankful that I stood my ground and didn’t let him stay like he wanted to. He thought he could stay and sleep in my house until their apartment came up for rent. I told him he needed to go live with her and her daughter. Then I sold his motorcycle that they were writing all over and that I had just paid off. LOL Well I had to do something right? So I know that it seems like you want to die and like you’ll never get over this but if you will just keep repeating to yourself like I did, “it will get better, it will get better, it will get better!” Just hold on tight and keep your eyes on yourself and doing for your kids because I have to tell you that one day he’s going to be very sorry for what he de so I know that it seems like you want to die and like you’ll never get over this but if you will just keep repeating to yourself like I did, “it will get better, it will get better, it will get better!“ Just hold on tight and keep your eyes on yourself and doing for your kids because I have to tell you that one day he’s going to be very sorry for what he did.

    When my mother left my father for another man many years ago, my dad never said one bad word about my mother to us kids. He kept us out of it. My mother, on the other hand, always called my father names because she wanted to make an enemy of him to us. Well it backfired on her, and we could see who the good parent was, and which parent was a very negative angry parent. Father was devastated, but he went on to live a very good life and he met another woman. My mother’s relationship broke up immediately following losing her marriage to my dad, and she would sit around playing the song “since I fell for you,“ about a person losing their whole family for someone. My mother was very angry that my father met a good woman and was happy. My father ended up forgiving my mom, and she called him one night they spoke on the phone for three hours. My father died two days later. My mother was devastated. Karma has a way of working things out. Even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who were supposed to be America’s sweethearts! And Elizabeth Taylor Who stole Debbie Reynolds husband Eddie, all of those relationships failed. I guess the tabloids were wrong! Relationships that begin with affairs do not fare well.

    But don’t even spend one second of your time gloating about that, because I started to do that and I realize that by doing that my eyes were still on them. I felt that the best revenge would be to live my best life and to be happy. When we die and we’re on our deathbed, we’re not going to wonder about their lives; we’re going to look back on our own lives. I also leaning very heavily on my faith because I’m a Christian. My husband read his Bible every day that we were married, and now the two of them go to church together even though we’re still married. Neither one of them see anything wrong with it. Not my problem! I started praying for both of them and I hope that they will be happy. Believe it or not, praying for them begin to heal my heart. Jesus met the woman at the well and asked her where her husband was. She told him she had no husband. He said to her, “you’re right you’ve had for husbands, and the one you have now is not your own, go and sin no more.“ I have always thought of this woman as the woman at the well. She has very low self-esteem and cannot get along without a man. In fact neither one of them can go a day without another person in their life. That is not someone to be jealous of or to think that their life is better than ours. It actually shows that they have very low self-esteem. Tell your heart not to break, but Force yourself to get up every day wash your face comb your hair and put your make up on and get dressed. Don’t try to think about it. Just do it! You will feel better every single time you do it. And think of yourself like the old TV show with Marlo Thomas, “that girl!“ Or “Mary Tyler Moore.“ You’re a strong woman, and you got this! Your kids will love and respect you And they may learn to be happy even in the face of sadness, just by watching how you handle yourself. God bless you. Linda in Mesa Arizona

  381. You are a true inspiration, I’m glad you are fighting back, I have been reading people s posts, all of us are at our lowest, yet we all come fighting back eventually, the adulterous are always the losers, in time, always comes karma , after 10 months of lies and deception, nine months later I am starting to heal , this forum is amazing help xx

  382. Even though it’s hard, try not to have contact, my husband is the same, almost ex husband, one minute we were happy on holidays , next I find out he is having an affair, that I can accept, but the cruelty, callousness, deception, stealing, i can’t, so hurtful, 28 years we were married. I am getting stronger each day, and you will too, learn to start loving your self again, have one happy good day a week, for just yourself, and gradually you will one day say f😄😄😄😄 him ! You are the better beautiful person xxxx

  383. Oh Sasha, thank you so much for your kind words! They really do help. I’m going to try everything you’ve said. You make so much sense. Today has been such a struggle. But I’m still breathing and I will be strong for my children. He doesn’t deserve us. I really hope karma is a real thing and one day he gets everything he deserves. Hugs to you. Thank you for taking time out of your day to talk to me. I get so lonely and sad

  384. Hey Misti, hugs my darling. They really are devoid of loyalty and don’t see the sheer devastation they leave behind whilst in the throws of the affair. At this point there is nothing you can do or say that will make a difference.
    Misti, it’s your time to be strong for your children. Surround yourself with good friends and family,and have a go to person to offload to.
    You have to make that switch consciously,and as hard as it is,and we’ve all felt that stomach churning,knotted feeling, can’t eat or sleep….I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy, but day by day it does get easier. Will yourself to stop any questioning, or communication unless it’s to do with the kids. Concentrate on you now. Don’t focus on him or his lying life. Let her deal with that. The worse thing you can do is keep on at him, or show him how low you are.
    Come on Misti, you’ve made it this far, your still breathing. How’s the time to grab the bastard by the balls and show him, your doing just fine without his cheating ass.
    I’ve been to see my counsellor today,and she asked how I was….I start a new job Monday, that I got because in my own time I took a year long course which I passed with flying colours. So I’m gabbing about it,and she congratulated me, and says….Wow, you’ve been through the worse thing a person can go through and you managed to study…well I laughed, thought a bit, and said I’d never have accomplished it had I still been with my ex…..see where I’m going Misti….
    yes there are still times where I feel the need to talk to him, see him….but I remind myself, that I’m better without him. Knowing that at a drop of a hat if I tried, he’d come home, actually I don’t want him ( hell hes made it obvious over the last 18 months he wants to come home)…why would I want a man who cheats, lies, manipulates, etc. Why do any of us think we deserve so little out of life.
    I get great satisfaction knowing he’s stuck with a woman who looks like an OAP on crack..and she’s younger than me hahs! And she’s stuck with a wreck of a man , even more overweight ( I’d say he’s put on 3 stone easy) who is in the pub more than he’s at home, gambles more, looks like crap…
    My life has changed so much…I really have to watch money, budget( something I’ve never had to do) but that’s it….and do you know what,my daughter doesn’t go without,I have. Far better social life, my close friends always say I look so much happier, I’ve got my spark back….and all I did was cut off any communication. Even now I don’t bother…why. Because I have nothing to say. He doesn’t deserve my time and he knows it. Misti, start thinking about the here and now. Get through things day by day, get out there, push yourself, change things round the house, take the kids out….it will get better, hugs my darling xx

  385. All of this makes me so sad. I asked my husband if he was happy today and he said yes. Then I asked him how he can be happy without his family? He doesn’t call us or come over. He’s just abandoned me and his kids and he sounds so happy about it. No remorse no guilt. Who is this person? I’m so so sad. How can these family men do this? I don’t understand how one person can be so happy by causing so much pain to their family. I wish I didn’t care and could let go but every time I hear his voice on the phone all my feelings bubble to the surface. I need help

  386. Dear Betty,
    Love I so feel for you, I’m going through this hell myself but have been helped so much by lovely ladies here. Mine left after 27 years after I had major surgery, he emptied the bank accounts. I’ve only seen him twice since but each time he says he loves me and always will and may not be with her in the future who knows. He messes with my head Betty, giving me hope then taking it away. The problem is even after all he’s done I haven’t got to the angry stage yet, I miss him and have obsessive distressing thoughts of them together. I still have feelings of love for him which I don’t understand after all he’s done and although everyone says if I go no contact and not see him that I will detach and those feelings will go, what if they don’t I’m scared about that everyday. Betty I do hope that you stay on here for support, you don’t deserve this, none of us too, it feels like bereavement yet they are still alive. I’m finding the betrayal and rejection so difficult to come to terms with I took my vows very seriously and thought we’d grow old together, I’m 57 now, he’s 60 next year, how could he think this is the way forward. Thinking of you xx

  387. My husband is leaving me. He says he isn’t happy, and he stopped loving me 13 years ago. This after 29 years, October 1 would have been 30 years. I am hurting so bad and I am so scared of the future. He left me two times before, but he came back with a promise to work on reconnecting. He was seeing another woman the entire time. Guess he came back to get his finances in order. I fell for it because I wanted to save my marriage. He would do just enough to make me think we had a chance, all the while still seeing her. I tried to make him happy, begged him to read books on love language and any other article I could find on how to restore your marriage. He knew the whole time that he was going to leave me. Well, good bye asshole.

  388. Hi.

    I don’t think there is another woman. But my husband has left me. We’ve not even been married for a year. His family was emotionally abusive towards me and mentally harassed me throughout the run of the marriage. He did not tell me that his mom is bipolar or that his sister is also a bit crazy. That his father has another child with another woman which his mom doesn’t know about but him and sister do. I found out this and much more AFTER getting married and felt ambushed. He promised me he would stand by me and protect me from this. He promised he would ensure that this would not happen to me but it did and I feel he let it in some part. We moved out of his mom’s house way too late and by then the fights had increased because I was not in a healthy mental state. The constant harassment I faced from his family affected me negatively. Last week, I was wondering whether this would work. I was in my hometown seeking medical treatment and we had not been talking for a while except for practical issues. Around 5 days ago when I asked him for a document, he said ‘he’s done’. I begged him to reconsider but he says now he doesn’t know anything. He’s uncertain and has been hurt as well. He does not know whether we can work out and whether he even wants to work out. He asked me for space and told me he wants to stay alone for a while. I came back to our house to find that he’d taken all his stuff and moved out. Why would he do that? Is he lying when he says he needs time to think? Is he only saying that because he doesn’t have the courage to tell me he’s leaving? I do not understand what is happening or how to cope with the end of my marriage. Please help.

  389. Hey Carol, your family see it, because they don’t feel your feelings. I can’t tell you if you will stop feeling the way you do, but I do know time does heal….he will have to pay spousal maintenance ( my only saving grace is i didn’t marry the man) start getting professional advice,someone who really gets you what you deserve. He’s scared, and he’s bullying you….my ex tried it with child maintenance. He earns a lot of m9neyand thought I’d agree to £350 a month. I told him to try,and I’d go straight to HMRC and let them decide,not before telling him I’d photocopied everything. He’s tried reducing payments ,but he should know me by now …hell after 22 years,you’d think so.
    Had some great news today,about my health, and it puts things into perspective….I’m ready to live my life by my rules,I start a new job closer to home next week, and have enrolled myself on a course at night school….the world is my oyster ladies.
    I saw a meme today and it’s true
    “ we chose our attitude,we chose our behaviour…..we chose to be happy” life is a choice, if you want misery, don’t do anything,but if you want a fulfilling life change your attitude….
    Carol, keep going girl, chose your attitude,and from this moment don’t put up with his BS any longer….hugs hun xxxx

  390. Dearest Sasha, gosh you’ve so helped me this week, I’ve cried so many tears over him. My children and grandchildren are my world, he said, he didn’t realise that they and our friends would stop talking to him!!! What the hell did he expect, he lied, cheated and stole. My children agree with you, that he’s keeping me sweet as he wants to avoid court, he said he won’t have to pay spouse maintenance, pension or the money back that he stole, I have the evidence to prove it all, he said he’ll say he hasn’t got money left over, he changed utilities over to me within days of leaving yet says I should be grateful he’d paid them for the last month he was there. Now he’s moving back in and its strange as it needs to be sold. He said he needs time to think by himself and he loves me but could only say he might come home, no promises. I think my dear daughter is right when she says I just want him to come back so the emotional pain will stop, not because I want him for him, plus I’ve never been alone and my health issues make me feel insecure and unsafe at times. I’m definitely taking your advice and going no contact in the hope that distance allows me to detach. He obviously detached a long time ago, these men don’t allow us the same privilege do they, they take our choice away. Its unfair, he never even gave our marriage a try, like 27 years was just expendable. He was a loving, caring man but that’s not him anymore, I need to do what you advise and write down all the bad things about him and the dreadful things he’s put me and the family through. It feels like a bereavement although he’s still alive. He compounded my feelings of rejection when he said she can do things I can’t like eat out, drink wine, has more energy, he also said he didn’t like my feeding tube in my nose. All this has made me feel worthless, that’s why I feel she must be better than me. He told me there’s no need to go to court, that he and his solicitor can make me sign a clean break thing. He totally confuses me, says he may not stay with her, loves me but that its not enough as he can never get over me losing my temper when I found out about the affair. How did you and the other lovely people on here cope with the crippling feelings of rejection, the feelings of being second best to her. I’m practicing trying to let the thoughts and images of them be there without reacting with distress but I’m not very good at it that’s for sure, my daughter and son say if I keep doing that then eventually my brain will get bored and it will stop, I so hope they are right. Someone scared me by saying if I carry on like this I’ll never get over him and will always be this way, not helpful. Its like everyone else can see him for what he really is but its not sinking in with me, makes no sense. I used to be strong and logical never took BS from anyone yet he’s dragged me down. Can I truly ever lose feelings and fall out of love as surely that should have happened by now, its three months since he left. I wish I could give you a real hug Sasha, I admire your strength and courage love xxx

  391. Hi Martha, I always think a woman’s intuition is never wrong. Why do you want to see for your own eyes? The fact he has his own place and sees the kids weekends tells me has the best of both worlds….you,as a go to if things go wrong. Having a business together and not dealing with the financial matters could be something your putting off because you want to reconcile, but something he’s putting off,cause it serves him better.
    Listen I can’t tell you what to do, but what I can tell you is your making his life very easy. I really get it that your hoping he will suddenly realise what he could loose…well seven months on and your still stuck. He may not live together with her, but I bet they see each other…often. So cut him off completely. When he comes to see the kids, go out, start showing him, your not waiting around. And show him the strong woman he fell in love with. At work, keep it business like, and yes it will be hard,but your not making headway doing what your doing right now. It’s hard to think they replace us with a woman who is never any better….hell, if you saw who my ex was with,you’d shake your head and laugh ….one of my exes friends said he’d left the premiere division for the fourth division…a good analogy, I thought. I know my ex is merely putting up with his life now,and I know he misses his family tremendously….now if I’m Honest,I know I’d never have got back with him, but I also know that had he been honest,and not a coward, we could have remained really good friends…my ex is desperate for some kind of validity from me…he doesn’t get it. If I have to talk to him, I’m very business like, I don’t do small talk,I don’t want to ….and I make it obvious he’s the last person I want to talk to….can’t help it I mean afraid. I’m never rude, but what he’s put my daughter through,and how he’s behaved, the lies, the broken promises…..he doesn’t deserve anything from me.
    I’m a great believer that things happen for a reason…..my ex told me just before Xmas, that he wakes up every day and can’t believe what he’s done, he’s miserable, do you know what, he follows many stupid men who thought life would be better the other side of the fence……I guess his other side isn’t what he thought it would be….
    Start respecting yourself, and take time to love you…hugs xxxx

  392. Hi I wondered what you ladies thought about my predicament. My husband left 18 months ago, I don’t have children he has a daughter and grand daughter I was very close to. His daughter was devastated when he left me and promised nothing would change between us and the little one who I looked after one day a week from being born to 7 years old. Upshot is I hardly hear from her now, and I walked in a pub recently and she and her husband were sat with my husband and his girlfriend it was like a dagger through my heart. I am struggling to get so see my granddaughter, I know my husband will always come first with my stepdaughter but I just feel like I have been totally replaced as a wife step mum and grandma. I hardly hear from them any more, don’t want to be like a puppy waiting for scraps. would you just walk away or keep pestering to see them. So disappointed the thing she said wouldn’t happen has. They have even been on holiday the four of them, I am not divorced yet what a mess. Don’t miss him but miss my granddaughter. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated. I have been really good to them all financially and other ways and really don’t deserve this. Thanks and love to all xx

  393. Hi ladies it seems all these men follow a pattern we all go through such similar emotions. Regarding the karma thing well it makes you wonder, my husband of 32 years is now living in a council flat round the corner from me near his floosy, since he left me and behaved so badly he has had two strokes and now has told me he has prostrate cancer. I wouldn’t wish bad health on anyone but apparently the treatment he has having makes you impotent, strange how things work out. He made it clear I didn’t make him happy so trying not to dwell on the illness’s he chose her she can look after him, don’t think she is the nursing kind, cant believe what’s happened in 18 months. I would have got through this much easier if I hadn’t to pass his and hers cars round the corner from me since he left.. Love to all,

  394. Carol ask yourself- would you be able to take him back and behave like nothing ever happen? I personally couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to sleep in the same bed. That ow would be always there no matter how sorry he was. I wouldn’t be able to kiss him, I would be sick, yuk!
    They all try to mess up our brains, I suppose they so emotionally unstable they don’t really know what they want from life. Now ”my” husband is telling me he made a mistake and he regrets it, and in the same time he’s dating that b**ch and showering her with presents(obviously she let anybody on social media to know about it) These men are very immature, mine is not teenager any more and he fall in love with some silly woman and gave up of a family and every thing he owned.., that beggars believe. And they suppose to separate sex from emotions. Pathetic men.
    What I’m going to do is to look after myself and kids. I’m trying to be a happy single and pamper myself for a change.I want to feel good in my own skin and I’m doing a progress. I hope one day you will feel it too.
    Think about this Carol, his honeymoon one day will be over and he will dream about you. He will feel sorry the trollop he chose will sleep next to him. he can have that garbage any time now but he can’t have YOU. You’re beautiful, sensitive and carrying person and he simply doesn’t deserve you. There must be a greater plan for you, for all of us..

  395. Dear Sasha, how I wish I can be as strong as you. 7-months is not enough for me to move on. I still have to meet my husband at the office everyday even though we now live separately. We agree in the weekend we spend time together as a family to make things easier for the children. Is it possible to move on when I still see him everyday? Somehow I still love him and wish to re-unite with him. But on the other hand, he is changed now and not the man I married anymore. If I process the divorce legally, it would be even more damaging in terms of financial situation because I sense that OW will be happy to take control our assets and it will jeopardise my children’s education fund. Now I feel stuck and can not do anything significant than accepting the facts and letting him go.
    Thanks for your wisdom words for all of us here.

  396. Carol, using no contact is for you to heal. How can you heal with him badgering you, and don’t be mistaken that those words he says are for his benefit only. You deserve so much more, so let the judge decide. Your children are right. The hardest thing to come to terms with, is ,if he loved you he’d be by your side. Once you get past that, then moving on is the next step.
    My ex is around daily,if not by the house, then on the phone to our daughter,or in the high street,or by my work….it’s 24/7. I’m a year and half ,down the road, and I never think what if, or I want him back….he disgusts me. I don’t get gooey when I see him, infact I tend to avert my eyes elsewhere…he doesn’t deserve a second of my time. He will beep his horn, or like last week ask our daughter to tell me he needs a word….my body language says it all. I’m never rude, but I certainly don’t encourage talk. He did say a couple of weeks ago, he was going to ring me but thought I’d tell him to fk off….I didn’t say a word…..ladies, cheats have shown exactly how low they are, regardless if your old relationship was in trouble, to cheat shows what a complete dick they are.
    By going no contact, which means no texting or replying, no talking on the phone,or small talk ( unless you have children ofcourse,)it means you can work things out in your head, learn to love yourself, see him for who he really is. I wrote a journal of all the crappy things he’s done,and when I’m feeling fragile I re read it…..
    Every little thing they do is for them, and no one else…my counsellor talked about forgiveness the other day…..apparently to forgive means your over it…..erm I’m well and truly over his BS, but he definitely doesn’t deserve my forgiveness….he can rot in hell for what he’s put my daughter through…..we have a fabulous relationship..share lots together,and he’s lost the relationship he once had with her.. and managed it all in his own…..

  397. Dear Sasha,

    Similar me and Misti, after 7 months I feel that Im not progressing. Still loving and caring for my cheating husband who is recently living separately in an apartment. As we both still seeing each other everyday due to running the same business together and he wants to be with the kids in the weekend, how can I easily let him go? He still hides this OW from the family and friends. And still deny that they already live together (I just assumed). Should I check his apartment? I dont even know which unit he is staying. I only know the name of the apartment. Would find out everything good for me? I still hope we can re-unite again.
    How I wish I have your courage.

  398. Sasha, you are inspiring! I’m 50 also. How long did it take you to get this healthy? I love your attitude! I feel like I’m starting to heal but I’m not there yet. It’s been almost 7 months since I found out about his affairs. Just wondering how long you’ve been apart since you seem so strong and healthy. Thank you for all you wisdom! It really helps

  399. Dearest Sasha, you are one amazingly lady, to be going through the same thing yet take the time and trouble to help us means such a lot. You are so right as every time I hear from him or see him he confuses and upsets me and even makes out he doesn’t love her too much and will always have feelings for me. My children say he is using me and trying to manipulate me for two reasons, one he doesn’t want to go to court, he said no judge would make him pay spouse maintenance as he’d tell them he’s got no money and lots of debt, he also said he wouldn’t be made to pay the money he took from the accounts despite him having no receipts as to what he did with the thousands in cash he took leaving me with nothing. Second the children say he’s trying to use me as a fallback in case it doesn’t work with her. I did get thrown yesterday when I still felt feelings for him Sasha, will the no contact help those feelings fade and go away, it quite scares me to think that I still have feelings of love for a person like this, I hate her too for helping destroy my family, people say karma will get them but what if it doesn’t, what if they live a wonderful life while I’m alone and broken. He’s lost his while family for her, yet doesn’t care but how would she feel if she knows he tells me he’s not madly in love with her and may not even be with her in the future!!! The thoughts and images of them together are still very obsessive and distressing despite distraction, my Daughter said to let them just be and eventually my brain will get bored with them, I so hope she is right. These men and women destroy families, how do they sleep at night, they even try and blame us don’t they, he said my illness got to much, that he found it hard to talk to me so I feel its my fault. You are an amazing person and Mother Sasha, I so want courage like you have, they’ve made me feel worthless and unlovable. Bless your heart and your beautiful Daughter xxx

  400. carol and Lauren……I hope today is a better day for you both. Carol I’m glad your near your family. So let him have the house,stop communicating with him, because while you do, you don’t move on. It’s hard,so hard not to communicate with the man you raised a family with, but for your own well being,start now. Cut him off,and leave him to it.
    I’m 50 and at times worry about my future, but it’s a future without a liar,a cheat,a manipulator in it. That’s the difference. There’s so much I’d like to say to him, but do you know what, it won’t make things easier, it won’t change anything. I surround myself with great friends, have got rid of afew who I don’t trust,and made some new ones.
    I still think of him from time to time, but know I’m a much better person without him. He doesn’t deserve my time, I don’t want to be friends with him, and I won’t forgive him. Wether right or wrong I can live with that. As long as he treats our daughter with more respect and stops his BS questioning, then all’s good as far as I’m concerned.
    Start thinking of yourself ,and how you deserve more. Only today I saw the landlady of a pub we use to frequent. She said I looked like a different person, younger and happy. When I thought about it, I thought yes I do. I’m not completely there,but I tell myself every day, the next man to enter my life will be extremely special. I’m in no rush, cause at the moment my daughter is my number one priority.
    Ladies when you cut these men off,when you stop listening to their bull, that’s when you realise just how strong you are. Hugs to you both, and never waver from the fact, that you are going to come through all of this stronger XX hugs

  401. Hi Sasha love, I was left in the family home alone after he walked out, it was a three storey four bed town house and my health was getting such that I wasn’t managing stairs well or able to afford utilities. I was also miles from the children and grandchildren and very lonely and scared. The local hosing authority managed to get me a small bungalow literally give minutes from my children so that’s why I moved out. The house was up for sale but we have mortgage arrears plus a big loan on the house and my solicitor has told his that now I’m on disability benefits I cannot pay my share of the loan so if he sells the house he will have to sort that. I’m not sure why he’s moving back as he’s still paying the reduced mortgage and loan, I asked him if it was because he knew the court would penalise him for cohabiting and also if he planned to move her in. He of course said definitely not to both. He kept saying he isn’t madly in love with her like I think and may not even be with her in the future who knows, that he’ll always love me but can’t forget me shouting at him. He then cried and hugged me leaving me distressed and confused. I was always so strong I hate that woman, why can’t I hate him too Sasha I’m so scared I can’t lose the feelings I have for him as it hurts so much. My family say I need to go total no contact, will that help me detach like he obviously has. I need strength like you have and the other amazing people here love, thankyou so much love xxx

  402. Carol, why have you moved out the family home? Your ex has a bloody nerve saying he loves you but can’t forgive what you said..is he for real. 27 years is a lifetime,I agree,and yes it’s difficult to stop loving him, but your still at the early stage. You’ve been ill, have had so much going on,and all he’s thinking about is himself….your children will give you strength. Carol, I still think of my ex, my car is my haven,and that’s where I do my talking to myself. I’m a social care worker,and work in the community,so am in my car a lot…..that’s where I give my head a wobble. Don’t give him an inch. I would have moved back in, and let him try get you out,
    I knew my ex would be difficult,so photocopied everything, went to a solicitor the day after the split and dug my heels in. I played the game. Didn’t tell him I was working for six months,the agreement was he’d pay the mortgage till I got a job….and saved like an idiot, in that time. I brought a new car, handed the bastard my car back cause he never stopped going on about how I’d have to pay for it…my thinking was …over my dead body will I pay for a car in his name. The look on his face when I gave him the keys was worth every minute….I informed our mortgage company, which he hated, the phone contracts in his name…well I removed the simm card and gave it him in envelope…I regained the power and it kind of set my train of thought. Trollop is welcome to him and his disfunctional family,she’s welcome to his BS, lies,dandruff,slobbish ways,….he’s stuck with the local bike who looks like An OAP on crack…..and wether he’s happy or not is none of my business…he’s asked to come back,done some very strange things,but knows he will never enter MY home ever again. I don’t want to be friends,and I will never forgive him for how he’s treated our daughter. If he was on fire I wouldn’t piss on him. He’s lost friends, and is a complete mess,so I guess I’m seeing karma on a regular basis.
    Carol, replace that feeling you have for him, grow some balls and show him you mean business. He deserves nothing from you, and is trying to keep you sweet, so his life is easier.
    One of our mutual friends said to me just last week,that it seemed I’d done far better out the split than him,that he was a shell of how he use to be…my reply was…..good! Haha

  403. Carol,

    there is just the point! You said it. How can a person forget you after so many years! The truth is when they do this they are not the same persons anymore. They have denied their own self! By falling so deep into sin, the mind gets completely corrupted.can goodness go together with evil? No it can’t so the good part leaves. Can a lie go together with the truth? No! So the two things seperate. Our „husbands“fell for something they knew from the very beginning that it was bad but they lost themselves! They chose to fall in temptation and by doing so, decided to take hands with lies, deception and betrayal. Keep this in mind, darkness hates the light! So the cheaters choosing darkness they automatically hate the light. By hating the light they reject us in such a terrible way. So please keep this in your heart, you are the light!!!! God bless you…..one last thing…. you will be stronger and no matter what happens at the end, guess what AWAYS wins ??? The light!!! And who is the light in this case…..???? YOU of course! My prayers to you!

  404. Dear Rosa, bless your heart, I can relate to all you say, I’m just terrible at letting go and I need to. He confuses me so much and I just want their relationship to go wrong so they feel some of the pain they put us through. I’m obsessively thinking about the two if them together and this causes me such distress, I’ve always tried to be a good person and help others so don’t understand people like them who deliberately hurt those who have done nothing to them. I’m so confused as to why I still have feelings for him as he’s destroyed me and the family, will those feelings go, is it possible to fall out of love with someone after 27 years. Everyone on here is so very brave and amazing I just wish I was too love. Thankyou so much for caring love xxx

  405. My dear Sasha, you talk such comment sense, my family are saying I can’t trust a word he says as he tells lie after lie. He today said he is moving back to our empty family home, its for one of two reasons we think, either its because we found out he was cohabiting with her and doesn’t want the court to know or even more upsetting he plans to move her in what was our family home which would be the ultimate insult and would cause me such distress. When I saw him he promised it was just him living there but he can’t afford to rent anywhere he said. He got tearful said he will never stop loving me, who knows what the future will be, he’s not madly in love with her and may not even be with her in the future. I am so emotional when I have contact with him Sasha and the frightening thing to me is that I feel like I still love him despite him doing such evil things, is it possible to lose feelings like that after 27 years hun. Surely I shouldn’t even be like that after how cruel he’s been. My dear children are so angry with him for what he’s done and at how he’s lied, stolen and destroyed me. I used to be so strong but I feel lost. My heart will break if he moves her into our old home, my name is still on the deeds as a joint owner although there is no equity in the property. I would just hate the thought of her in the home my children and grandchildren have been in. Again today he messed with my head saying he will always love me but its not enough as he can never forgive or forget me shouting at him when I found out what he’d done, he said I’d scared him as he’d never seen me like that before. My dear children think I just want him to come home, not because I really want him to but because I think the pain will stop if he does but I could never trust him. I just need your strength and the strength of others here, I feel like I’m not dealing with this well or right sweetheart. Take care thinking of you xxx

  406. Carol, he tells you he still loves you,to ease the guilt. Mine said he loves me and always will…well. In my book you don’t treat people you love the way he had, and I also think, if he says it enough perhaps when he can’t stand his life any more he may get the chance to come back. Over my dead body….I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.
    I’ve let him play happy families with trollop. The same trollop,who use to take her daughter on dates with men, when her daughter was younger…the same woman who stopped her daughters counselling, because perhaps the counsellor was getting to the crux of the problem, the same woman who slept with her best friends husband…see the theme runnin* through …my ex has really met his match…and I’ve sat back and watched,his life unfold.
    Carol, start focusing on the negatives,because only then will you thank the bitch for taking him off your hands. I believe God has a bigger plan. Minus these weak,pathetic exes.
    My daughter told her father this week that until he found a decent woman, she wanted nothing to do with that side of his life…..she’s 13 fgs!

  407. Carol,

    what you are going through is exactly the same what I have gone through too.It’s hard to explain. There’s a battle in his mind, he is not sure what he’s doing. What I personally learned from my side is that a man who does this is hurting every one around him. He is in complete chaos and is shifting all the guilt around himself so that he can feel better. For your own sanity try to keep away from him and protect your self. He is giving a lot of tumoil ! You must understand that it’s NOT about you. The problem is in him. Why keep obssessing that the ow is better? Never in her life will she ever be better. It is your great pain that is blinding you from the truth. The truth is you are just perfect the way you are! There is no other Carol in the world that has your heart, your personality and the way you smile and laugh. A husband that cheats is NOT because the way his wife is but it is because who he is! Carol please realize that a cheater has a terrible void in side himself. The ow has the same void inside herself too! True love never hurts! He is out of control and is putting his own family in such a disorder. Think about this, the ow is helping your husband by destroying his family…… can she EVER be better than you???????Carol I know you’re going through such pain and confusion but please its not you. Your husband is trapped in a world of lies and deceit He has lost reality. He will wake up one day but now he is gone. Keep strong please. You are worth it! Everything in you is just perfect the way you are! Hold on to God, please pray as God is protecting you ! Big hugs to you!

  408. My heart goes out to everyone here who has been going through this hell. Why is it that these men just abandon us, their children, grandchildren yet try to blame us for what they’ve done. Also mine has messed with my head again today, he said he will always love me, not sure he will be with her next year who knows what our future will be then the text finished saying have I moved out our old home yet. If he still loved me why did he leave, if he still loved me why is he with her. I never replied but just had loads of tears. I was gaining great help and comfort from the good people on this blog but he’s upset me yet again. Also I’m finding that a big hurdle for me is dealing with feelings of rejection, like what has she got that I don’t, does it mean I’m worthless, how could he just cast me aside for her, is she laughing at me. Any help on dealing with this would he much appreciated, love to you all xx

  409. It’s so hard. My husband just went on the ow family reunion with her and her kids and she is related to my daughters best friend so he broke my daughters freaking heart. She was so embarrassed and hurt that her dad went to her best friends reunion like he’s doing nothing wrong. He’s left his family and has a whole new family. He doesn’t spend anytime with us except business phone calls to me. I don’t know how to let him go. It’s so wrong that another woman has my husband. And my kids have lost their dad. That hurts so much that it doesn’t phase him that he doesn’t spend any time with his kids. I pray every day that I can quit caring and move on. Hugs to you and stay strong! We must lean on each other to get through this

  410. Hi Misti, I can truly understand your situation. Im also tired of getting hurt but at the same time I still wish things get back as it used to be. Many said I shouldn’t think that way and accept the fact that he is changed. He is no longer the loving and sweet man I married. Easier said than done. All I can do now is protecting what’s left ie the kids and the business. We still go to the office together. I meet him everyday and eat lunch together. We still share the same bed when he stays during weekend. But I don’t know how long it will be like this. I try to put my feelings aside. Sometimes I can and sometimes It is very hard. He still hides this other woman from everyone. I don’t want to bother asking about her anymore. What is bothering me is that if I legalised the divorce than she can take control of his assets which I feel not fair. I have put my time and energy to earn those assets too. I’ve cried for seven months too since the day I found out. He admitted the affairs started on Sep 2017. Yesterday he told me that he is still not sure what to do in his life. Getting back with me is impossible as both families already know what happened and he can’t bear the guilt and shame. In stead, he thinks that being responsible is by continuing his relationship with her which does not make any sense. He keep justifying his wrong doing by giving nonsense explanation. Of all these situation, why I still feel hard to let him go?? I don’t understand.

  411. Sasha dear you are so right!
    My ex husband has spent sooo much money for her and is acting so ridiculous! He acts like a teenager and thinks he got it all! My son is happy that he now lives far away because he feels so embarrassed with such a father! My goodness one day these cheaters will wake up in bed looking at their big „love“ and realize…… what on earth am I doing here with this person!!!! She helped me cheat on my family. I am so sure this will happen……and when reality hits them they will suffer ten times more as we did! ig hugs!!!!

  412. Dearest Carol,

    Please stay strong! What helped me so much when I thought of them together is as follows: they are two selfish cheaters comitting adultery. God is watching them!!!! She is having the „waste“ and he is betraying HIMSELF! When I think this way it really helps me….. They are both so selfish and lost….. I promise you, you will get stronger and one day you will realize that you are not hurting any more! When healing slowly sets in you find your self being grateful that you were the strong one and that you can walk with pride. You will feel free from so much hurting and pain! It will take time, but please pray and give your self to the Lord. I never thought I would say this but I am happy to be wthout my ex husband . A real man with heart would never treat his wife in such a shameful way! He was not good enough for me. He had to run off with someone just as low as himself! You are NOT the person to blame!!!! He is terribly broken inside! NEVER compare yourself to his mistress! She will never reach your beauty, your integrity and your honesty! I am sure the cheaters know how worthless they are and this is why they treat their faithful wife so cruelly . They desperately are trying to push their guilt on you but it will never work! Please be strong and never forget that you are NOT the one who lost, YOU are the winner!!!! Big hugs to you! Wish I could help…. I am in Germany….If you need someone to talk to gladly call me at any time…… please let me know…..God bless you!

  413. Dear Sasha, thankyou so kuch sweetheart, gosh I wish we could all hug each other. There is not much help here in the U. K for people in this situation, I am having some counselling with relate but its expensive and as he took all the money I have to fund it from my disability benefit. The anxiety feelings and panic he’s caused are unbearable at times. I just find it hard that I’m now in a small one bed place as he caused us to lose are for our bed family home, I’m alone for the first time ever, yet he has soneone. He messed with my head the last time we spoke on 1st June, said he wants to be with her now but there’s no guarantee he’ll be with her next year, that he’ll always have feelings for me. I got really confused so had to go no contact for my own sanity. I just hate thinking of him living with her, how do you all deal with that, its like we never existed in their lives isn’t it? The thoughts and pictures of them in my mind are the worst though causes me such distress and the fear of them not going away. Did you and others here still have love and feelings for him even after the dreadful things done to you, is it possible to fall out of love as it would be so much easier to move forward if the feelings went away. Take care Sasha, thinking if you and your darling daughter love xx

  414. Thankyou so much Anika love, what they put us through is unforgiveable yet the bizarre thing is despite that we still miss them and feel jealous of the other woman when in reality all she’s got is a liar and a cheat. They cut off their children and grandchildren, what kind of a person does that. I asked him if she was worth losing his family for and he said yes!! Unbelievable. I feel for you, Sasha and everyone here going through this. I just wish I can find the strength you have all found, some say after three months I should be over him but I’m not. The feelings of rejection and betrayal are the worst aren’t they. I didn’t know if others had the obsessive thoughts and images so its a comfort to know I’m not alone in that, I just hope it goes and the feelings I still have for him go too. Bless your heart, I’m thinking of you love and everyone here xx

  415. Hi Martha, I’m in the same situation, my husband of 20 years (together for 27) moved out last January. He has an apartment and I don’t know if they are living together. We have two businesses together and two houses. Our son works for us. Everything is so complicated. I don’t know how to proceed. I have to be nice so he doesn’t try to take the business away. He basically throws the affair in mine and my children’s faces. It is horrid. He never tries to see his 14 year old son. He thinks saying hi to him once a week if we are lucky is being a dad. He has went on at least five trips with her and her kids. She was married also and left her husband. She is 17 years younger than my husband. This is the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I’ve cried for seven months straight and am just wondering when I will quit caring

  416. Sorry for sending two almost the same comments but I thought that one of these was lost somwhere in the Universe!

  417. Yes Carol I think I was obsessed with that woman for sometime. I was comparing myself to her and wondered why in his eyes she’s better than me (still wonder). I was browsing her facebook page and crying.. That woman has no class, it looks like she is almost proud that she stole someone’s husband and father. What an achievement!
    I realised suddenly that they are both worth each other. I don’t want to think about them, what they’re doing, etc. I had to stop all these intrusive thoughts. I still have better and worst days but with help of my family, friends and this forum I’m better and stronger every day.
    I hope that one day something will change inside you and you won’t look back. I feel very sorry for you, you are in a such difficult situation but please try to think positively. Sooner or later he will realise he made a mistake, a huge mistake! and he will live with a guilt to the rest of his life.If not that’s mean you loved the man who’s not worth your tears.He is a garbage!
    Lots of love ladies

  418. Hi Everyone,
    Having read the comments I feel like I am going crazy and being so dump for still loving my husband who left me 2 weeks ago for separation since I found out that he cheated on me since Sep 2017. I feel devastated up until now. I still welcome him home and let him stay for the weekend so he can spend time with the kids. On weekdays, he stays at his apartment. We have 3 daughters. We run a business together so we still go to work together in the same car. Every morning he come over and visit the kids after work. It sound odd but somehow I still want him to be around me so I still welcome him home. I don’t know if they already live together now with the new woman who also abandoned her family with 4 kids. Many told me how I have became so stupid for letting him get what he wants all the time. I don’t know what to do. Still wishing him back. I’ve invested so much in our 18 years of marriage with memories and business together. He is not living as a single already even we are not legally divorced as it is financially very complicated to split. He suggested me to find another man. He said I deserve someone better. Please tell me what to do.

  419. I still think about them but less and less. First few months I was looking at her facebook profile every day,believe me , it was awful seeing her so shamelessly happy, it was a torture. That woman has no class, it looks like she is almost proud that she stole someone’s husband, that children lost their daddy. But I don’t want to waste my energy on them, I suddenly realise they are worth each other. I have better and worse days but again I realised that I was lonely in that marriage long before, that he was an useless husband and father, that I’m better on my own and nobody (I really hope) is going to betray me especially in such a cruel way he did! Take care Carol and love to all of you ladies.

  420. Carol, three months is no time..wish I could give you a hug. It’s such a desperate time. Every5ing you say your going through is exactly what most of us went through,and are still going through. Ido agree with annika,see what your doctor says. Counselling has been my saviour,just letting it out to a stranger has a cathartic effect. Twelve m9n5s ago I’d have had a heart attack knowing my ex had just got himself a brand new Range Rover ,but when he dropped our daughter off it went straight over my head. Mind you he needed a bigger car,just to be able to sit comfortably…haha.
    We are all here for you, and I promise you will get through this. Do your crying,get angry,and remember you are worth so much more..hugs hunxx

  421. Hi , I am in the same position as you, it’s awful and I really feel for you , I feel so sad, and feel like a knife is twisting in my stomach, I don’t know how these adulterous men can be so callous, insensitive and deceitful?

  422. Hi , I am in the same position as you, it’s awful and I really feel for you , I feel so sad, and feel like a knife is twisting in my stomach, I don’t know how these adulterous men can be so callous, insensitive and deceitful?

  423. Hi Anika, thankyou for your kindness, sadly I’m sensitive to many medications which makes things difficult. I never would thought it would completely overwhelm me like this and it does scare me especially when people tell me to forget him and move on otherwise I’ll always be like this as I then feel something is wrong with me as after three months I’m still so distressed and obsessed. Did you constantly think of them together love? and did you have images, if so did they go away. Thankyou so much xxx

  424. Carol did you ever think about taking antidepressants? They helped me so much, before I was thinking about “them” all the time. Right now I feel so much better and more often I think that trollop made me really a favour..

  425. Hey Annika, I’m further along. Almost a year and half.
    I don’t care if they are long lost lovers, when you have kids and use them,then the cheat deserves everything coming to them. It’s been tough,and yes i do miss the man he was,but I’ve seen the man he is now,and want no part of it. I’ve cried for my daughters sorrow,I’ve craddled her, I’ve listened to her,and consoled her. The man who moans that he’s paying too much maintenance to his own daughter…I mean how low. I don’t look back, but do bring him to hand every time he does something to my daughter.
    Rejoice in the fact that there is a bigger plan for you. It may not seem it now, but I truly believe, my next chapter of life will be better than ever.
    So for now , all you ladies…. love yourself, leave the ex to get on with it,and build a better future for you and yours…much love xxx

  426. Hi everyone, I hope you can help as this blog is so helpful. My husband of 27 years left after I had surgery saying GE couldn’t cope with my illness anymore and had met someone else. He emptied the bank accounts and changed utilities into my name. I’ve had dreadful bulling letters from his lawyer since. I’m struggling with anxiety and obsessive thoughts and images of them together causing me great distress. I’ve good family and friends but keep being told to forget him and move on but its so hard. Also how do you cope knowing they n ow live together, its like I never existed, I feel like a bit of trash thrown away and worthless. I also don’t understand why I still have feelings for someone who has done such awful things to me. Will all this go away, I’m so scared I’ll be like this forever as in my mind and they are happy and everything’s rosy whilst I’m totally broken and cry all the time, it feels like a bereavement yet h es still alive. Any help or advice would be much appreciated, thankyou, Carol x

  427. Spot on Sasha! I read somwhere that these men also are using lot of energy to convince themself that “it was worth it”.
    I don’t know how many months/years it takes but ladies one day we will be content in ours lifes and it will be a time when their honey moon period will be over and a “normal” life they hated so much will begin. Sooner or later…

  428. Hey Rosa, hows it going. The thing is morality and respect are missing from those who think they are doing nothing wrong, sneaking around…..cheats are the scum of the earth,and this is why…..they don’t have the integrity to end one relationship before entering another. What they don’t bank on is the fallout when the crap hits the fan. Many friends are lost, that honeymoon period doesn’t last long, then the insecurity of wondering if the respective partner is cheating on them, less money, stress when your own kids see what a looser you really are,finger pointing by people who think your a complete pair of twats,suddenly realising that she / he ain’t all that….same crap, putting the bins out, paying bills,cleaning the loo,putting up with him/her asking if you ever think o& your ex wife, arguments because you were gone too long,feeling guilty cause your missing out on your kids, ….the list is endless.
    And all because they had met their soulmate…haha. Statistically, relationships that are started from cheating have less chance to succeed, are less committed,and if they marry, divorce rate is higher….doesn’t look good does it.

  429. There is absolutely NEVER an excuse for a spouse to betray the other!!!! Cheating on a spouse is soul rape! If a spouse was supposedly sooooo unhappy all he had to do is talk, communicate and not be a huge coward thinking betrayal is the solution. If a spouse had enough of the marriage then PLEASE have the moral and integrity to leave with respect! So if you are trying to calm a bit of your guilt, look at your own integrity!!!!! I have the feeling YOU are cheating……

  430. Hey Michelle, I’ve read most posts here, and we could be reading from two different sites. Your absolutely right that many are hurting, feeling they have lost their best friend, then there’s the way some of the men behave….I will only talk about how my ex. So it’s ok for daddy to sneak the other woman on holiday then surprise our daughter,when he promised it would be just their holiday, is it ok to stalk, question my friends, park outside the house daily,turn up at my work,try to bully me with ridiculous child maintenance payments, when the man earns much more . I pay the mortgage, bills,the only thing he has to do is pay a reasonable amount for his child,which thankfully he does because I was wise enough to photocopy everything. Am I being unreasonable when I have to consistently ask my ex to stop questioning our child….the same child that is now in counselling,because he can’t keep his mouth shut. Your very right,that our 22 year relationship was in trouble. It was no surprise to me,and I was relieved when it ended. The thing is I naively thought we would be able to co parent ,showing respect ,teaching our child that even when things don’t work out,mum and dad can still work together. How wrong I was. He rode roughshod over our daughter to make a point. Who tries to introduce a child to the OW two weeks after she gets the news mum n dad are splitting? We have had to endure over a year of absolute crap ,from a man who has dissapointed his daughter over and over again. So forgive me if I’m not a tad angry with him. And we are still dealing with his crap…ughhh
    And I really hope in time, we can become friends…but like the saying goes with friends like that,who needs enemies….

  431. Lauren Keith in KC

    It seems as if you have an axe to grind or some guilt laying stuffed in you somewhere. I’ll take your bait and set you straight. Whatever problems someone has in their marriage they can ALWAYS either talk to their spouse about them or even more bluntly, just file for divorce. An affair is one of the most cowardly things to do to a wife, no matter HOW BAD she is, to children and to a family. Unless you are not the victim of your husband’s infidelity then the only other reason you’d be on a board like this would be because you yourself are involved in an affair with a married man and you’re snooping around on websites looking for ways to justify your shameless actions. You, my dear, are also a coward. Beat it off if this board and go find somewhere he’s you can justify and sling your BS to. We’re not buying it.

  432. I’m just wondering if any of the wives have any interest at all or truly CARE if the husband is unhappy? Have they considered that he may have been staying because of his obligation th the home and the children..that he may have been suffering in a loveless,heartless incompatable marriage but may have been doing the best he could at the time. Why is the wife the complete victim with no responsibility for addressing her husbands unhappiness? I believe honesty should have been in place for both parties…not just the husband…there is a reason a man might cheat,and maybe,just maybe the wives should take a long,hard look in the mirror to see that maybe they are NOT perfect and could have possibly been partially responsible for the breakdown. This man bashing on here is so one sided.

  433. Dear Sasha, a big thankyou as always. I’m so sorry your ex is usingvyour dear daughter in that way but so glad you are there to protect her from his actions. I’m so lucky with my children too, they have been amazing although they hate seeing me so distressed and want me to move on and forget but its so hard isn’t it. The high anxiety is making day to day life difficult and being physically weak but although I try not to obsess about them it keeps happening unbidden which frightens me. Someone scared me today by saying that if I don’t stop blaming my ex for what he’s done and move on then I’ll always be like this. Your ex must truly regret what he’s done and what he’s lost but mine doesn’t seem to care, I so want things to go wrong for him and her so they feel some of the pain they’ve put me and my family through. The Grandparents behaviour is shocking and yes its all about control. I feel worthless and unlovable and feel she must be better than me as she’s healthy and I’m not, they have destroyed me, I used to be a strong woman, I’ve lost myself. I’m scared of living alone as I’ve never done that but my biggest fear is never getting them out of my head. Please take care Sasha, you are an inspiration love xx

  434. Oh Carol, I’m so sorry to hear your not well. Please,please,please, start to think about your health. Obsessing is counter productive,and isn’t good for you or your health. Stress is a killer Hun, and even though I’m resolute in my mind, my blood pressure is shockingly high – something I’ve never worried about before.
    I choose my mindset,and ignore the sh**y life he’s leading. Every opportunity my ex gets, he manipulates, lies and wants both my children to feel sorry for him. As I’m not playing ball, he behaves like an irresponsible twat. My poor daughter has gone through hell,not only been lied to by her father but her aunt. She rarely sees her grandparents who live five minutes away….that tells me everything I want or need to know about his non functioning family. Because I’m so resolute not to put up with his BS, they stand firmly in his corner, no matter what he puts our daughter through.
    What they hadn’t banked on is me- warrior mother, who will not let them ride roughshod over my daughters feelings. She has seen for herself,and made her own mind up. And I’m absolutely gutted for her.
    So carol, find it deep inside you and fight for your new life. Fight to get better,because you matter.
    We all matter. I’ve come to realise that my ex was subtly controlling,and now he has no control, he hates it. If I had one wish, it would be for him to start putting our daughter and her feelings first…I won’t hold my breath, just try and be a parent who can continue to nurture, love and be the best mother I can be. She is my world. Carol, keep going hugs xxxx

  435. Hi Sasha, gosh you’re kind words help such a lot and come at the right time. I’m actually in hospital as I’ve had to resume feeding through a nasal tube due to I’ll health and rapid weight loss. Trouble is it gives more time to think. You are totally right as although I imagine everything in their life is wonderful but its probably not. He has money worries now but thinks the court won’t make him pay spouse maintenance or give me half of his pension, he also says no one can prove his cohabiting. All distressing stuff. Sasha is the obsessive thinking and images of them normal and does it ever stop. I just can’t get over being cast aside for someone like her and her smugness at getting what she wanted. He lost a wife and wonderful family for her, like your husband did, it beggars belief. This blog is a great support to us all. Thankyou for being there love I really appreciate it xx

  436. Oh carol, it’s heart breaking* reading your words. …come on girl, your still alive! Listen, she is nothing to worry about, she was happy to take another woman’s man, so let her have him. Do you honestly think their life will be filled with butterflies,hearts and flowers? Give it afew months,then the crap will hit the fan. It’s hard not to do anything, but that’s exactly what you need to do. Please ,even though it’s hard, stop thinking about her. He’s the one that made the decision, he cheated when you needed him most….so start to take care of yourself, get your health back,and realise you really deserve better. Are you on FB, if so I am always happy to message you….less long winded…haha.
    Always remember,you gave him loyalty,love and friendship….in return he did the worst thing ever….don’t let him continue to cause you pain. I really promise you, you WILL get through this, hugs xxxx

  437. Hi Sasha,
    Hope you’re doing ok, thankyou for thinking of me, sadly the week has been full of tears and constant anxiety including thoughts and images of them, it distresses me so much. I wish it would stop but they come unbidden. I think she just be better than me, and feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I so want it to go wrong for them but what if they live happy ever after while I’m alone. I’ve not got to the angry stage yet I still miss him and it seems I still have feelings for him which makes no sense after what he’s done. She must be smug as she’s got what she wanted. I hope you are doing a bit better and I’m glad your dear Daughter enjoyed her trip. I bet your ex so wishes he hadn’t left you sweetheart he’s paying the price. I hope mine eventually does as at the moment they probably think life is wonderful. Take care love xx

  438. Hey carol…..hope you’ve had a better week. And I hope your trying to fill your time without ruminating about the ex.
    My few weeks have been quiet,which has been a godsend. My daughter has just got back from a school trip to Paris,and I’m loving listening to her news. The ex, well he’s still the ex haha….seems his world is crumbling around him. The trollop has gone on holiday without him, and the word through the grapevine is he’s just lodging there now….too funny!
    His life is one big mess. I only correspond through texts,and that really suits me fine.
    I really see him through clear eyes now…..overweight,slobbish,and not a man I need in my life. And I feel sorry for him,cause he’s stuck …..

  439. Thank you for this powerful guidance: the man I wanted is not the one here with me now. I don’t matter to him anymore.

  440. Dear Rosie,
    Sweetheart you are so right we think we know them but then find we didn’t at all, evil and wicked both them and the other woman. They never have any comprehension of the pain and suffering they cause to their spouse, children, grandchildren and family either.

    My head, like yours is full of confusing thoughts, the abandonment and rejection pain is a constant feeling eh love?

    Seeing them together really hurt but the thing that scares me is that they both seem to be living rent free in my head both in thoughts and distressing images, I don’t know if this is normal and will it stop.

    I’m so very sorry that you and your dear family and everyone on here are having to go through this dreadful emotional pain. We all have morals and compassion and could never do this to another human being especially one we took vows with.
    How they sleep at night or carry the guilt I will never know, he says she listened to him and they are in love, I just don’t want it to work as its not fair, they leave us, have someone to go too yet we are broken.

    I’m thinking of you Rosa and I’m thinking of everyone here, take care love xx

  441. Dear Carol,

    everything that you are feeling is perfectly normal. I am still grieving for the loss of my husband and most of all going through a huge battle in my mind. I keep asking myself where on earth is that loving and caring person I used to know? Who is this stranger that is treating his family with such cruelty? How is it possible that a person can act in such a cold and guiltless way? I have come to the conclusion that there is NO human logic to this. A person that falls so deeply into sin is captured by total selfishness and evilness. They are now living in their twisted world, where no moral nor integrity exists. I say they have become soulless. Please keep in mind that they are the ones that have lost NOT you. A person who destroys his family, his own flesh and blood is lost! They may be happy now but I am quite sure that it is only a matter of time that they will realize what they have really done. It depends on the hardness of their hearts! They have been captured by selfishness and sin and do not realize that all that glitters is not gold! They are giving up a diamond for glass! All they had to do is polish their diamond when it lost its shine!Insted it was too much work for them and they FORGET that they have a diamond! They picked an artificial diamond……. A cheater can only get another cheater! Think about it! I always think, how can a man have respect for a woman that was ready to cheat with a married man? How on earth can you fall in love with a person who doesn’t care about destroying a family? Cheaters are caught in a trap of illusion and when they wake up its too late! You love the husband he USED to be and NOT the stranger that he has become. Me too, after two years of emotional abuse I am still searching for that person that is gone!! It hurts so much! I promise you that with time the pain will go less. Keep that man who was not captured from sin in your heart…. that man of the past that loved you and your family…… he is now lost. You had the best part of him. The OW is having the rest…. the worst part…… the one who made his honest, faithful and beautiful WIFE cry……. An honest man once said to me…. any man who makes a woman cry loses his humanity……in that moment he is NOT a man anymore……… Be strong! God bless you!!!! Ros

  442. Dearest Sasha,
    Bless your heart I’m so sorry that he’s treated you and your dear children that way, you don’t deserve it either love. When I saw her sat where I used to sit it hurt so bad, I feel like I was never a part of his life. The way he and his solicitor are bullying me despite me being vulnerable and on disability is causing me great distress and anxiety. The confusing emotions I’m feeling frighten me Sasha, hrres a person who has lied, cheated, taken all the money yet I miss him and think I have feelings, how can that make sense and is it possible to fall out of love with someone after 27 years? Even more bizarre is my jealous feelings of her, I feel she is smug and laughing at me as she got what she wanted. You are one amazingly strong lady and I admire you so much, I hope I can become as string as you. I’m 57 and not physically well so not sure if anyone would ever be interested in me. I have no ever felt so rejected and betrayed like us all here we don’t deserve it. I’m afraid of the constant thoughts and images I’m getting of them, I’m not sure if that’s normal and if they will go away. I’m thinking of you Sasha, stay strong sweetheart and thankyou for being there xx

  443. Hi Carol,it seems we have both been knocked for six. Listen, dig deep for that strength,and move forward. Your husband is a sneaky, lying cheat, and you don’t deserve that. He can try and justify his actions, blame you,whatever,but at the end of the day he is a flawed man. I get that you have memories together,but start looking at how badly he treated you. Let him run round with her, leave him to it. Let her put up with his crap. Then slowly ,the pair of them will realise there is no trust, they will question everything about each other. Not a good foundation for a loving relationship is it?
    The honeymoon period doesnt last long…..and by that time they realise what a mess their life is.
    I still miss my ex sometimes, but I definitely wouldn’t have him back. Why? Cause I’ve seen how low he can go,I’ve seen the other side of his behaviour,and he doesn’t deserve ME! I deserve so much more. This man has paraded his trollop,lied,not only to me but his child, he’s manipulated both my kids,constantly tries to engage in some sort of communication with me. I was done when he tried to introduce trollop two weeks after we split. His relationship with his daughter isn’t what it was,his daughter is now in counselling,he’s resorted to name calling to my children,about me….that’s the kind of man who doesn’t deserve any of my time.
    He’s asked to come back, hinted to kids and friends, stalked me,questioned friends and family….he’s a looser,and I haven’t had to do anything. I’ve sat by,tried to move on with my life,and I’m getting there!
    Carol,thank your lucky stars that when you come through this,a stronger person, you will meet someone who deserves you, who will cherish you, love you,and be your best friend!
    Do not give him an inch, or a minute of your time…gloves off now, get everything you deserve,and don’t let him try and manipulate you…your worth 1000 of him. Hugs and here.xxxx

  444. Hi everyone, well today I saw him with her together in the car for the first time since he left at the end of march, seeing her sitting where I used to sit was like a physical punch in the stomach. I was crying so much I had to pull my own car over. I know all she’s got is a liar cheat and a thief but after 27 years I find it so hard to let go. I’m scared that I still have feelings for someone who can do what he did. I feel like she’s smug and laughing at me as she got what she wanted. How can I cope seeing them together I didn’t expect it to hurt so much and now I keep picturing them in my mind. Thankyou all so much xx

  445. Hi my step daughter who i was very close to really didnt want anything to do with my husbands new girlfriend but i walked in a local pub last week and there she was with her husband together with her dad and her, all laughing and having a good time i have now heard they are all going on holiday together. We were together 32 years and i feel like i have been wiped out and replaced its horrid. Also have heard ex has got prostrate cancer, i would not wish that on anyone but its strange how things work out isnt it. My mum says god doesnt pay his debts with money makes you think. Love to all keep strong. Kimx

  446. Hi ladies…..I found out some distressing news this week which has knocked me for six. It seems my son from a previous relationship has been feeding my ex every detail of what is going on in my life. My ex didn’t really have the time of day for my adult son,and due to difficult circumstances would not let him stay in our home. This was part of the reason the relationship went downhill. Now it seems they are great pals. Now I don’t have a problem with that, but I feel utterly betrayed. It all came out,after my ex decided he wouldn’t return the garage key. Well my son sided with my ex and said some extremely hurtful things. Now I look back it all makes sense. Our daughter of 13 has been so upset with it all,and has now seen how dads manipulating behaviour has impacted our home life. Ive asked my son to leave, I’m literally heartbroken….but what I cannot and will never forgive is my exes devious behaviour.
    The reason my ex won’t give they key back is because he has bike ( riden once in four years). I told him to keep the key,told him he was pathetic and that I would get the lock changed. When our daughter went for tea with him, he cried to her and called me a b**ch. I just cannot believe he would say that. I’m broken this weekend, and it has just clarified that I will never take this man back, who by all accounts is playing a dangerous game with our daughter…..

  447. I’m ok from Monday to Friday. On Saturday /Sunday he visits children. Seeing him happy hurt me so badly.Now he is playing a perfect daddy, before he wasn’t that interested,he was avoiding them, he prefered being ”at work” . While he is having the time of his life, am thinking and worrying about my future, about children. I’m trying to convince myself that he’s not worth my tears, that I’m better without that cheater but there are moments like today that I just can’t think rationally. He lied to me, he disrespected me, he used me, he made me feel worthless last few months and I should be happy he’s gone but it annoys me that the man who I loved dearly left me in such a brutal manner and yet he expects me to be his ”friend for the sake of our children”.
    I want to believe there is karma and sooner or later he will experience this. I hope that that cruel woman is going to suffer one day too, I hope she will think about me and understands how painful it is to be robed from the family life..

  448. My husband kicked me and my boys out of the house only to start having sleep overs with his assistant softball coach 18 yrs younger than him, mind you he’s 41. I was in total shock when I found this out, because his excuse for kicking us out was that “WE” haven’t been happy for months. And that his kids didn’t like coming over because I made them feel uncomfortable. Not the case, because his kids didn’t even know what’s going on. I lived in a 2200 sq ft home and had to downsize to a 800 sq ft home, with no monetary help from him. I was unemployed at this time as well, if it weren’t for my parents we would have been homeless.
    I’ve prayed for the days to get better, and they are – one day at a time.

  449. Hi Sasha, everything you say is so true, I need to remember the many faults and annoying traits he had and there were plenty. I suppose after 27 years I miss being part of a relationship as I’ve never been alone before. I resent him for causing this stress which has increased my anxiety. I know he’s going to lie about his income and outgoing and say he’s not living with her and I know he says he can’t pay spouse maintenance as he won’t be able to live yet he emptied the accounts and left me penniless so I’ve had to go on disability benefits. I so won’t them both to feel pain like they’ve put me through, all husbands and these other women don’t deserve any happiness, my children said Karma will catch up with them but will it I hope so. Like you say one day they will realize what they lost, they deserve to be alone and penniless for ever. Take care love xx

  450. Dear Sashs, I so much hope I will see my ex the same as you now see yours. Karma has seemed to hit him quite quick enough! I admire your strength! My ex seems to be the happiest on earth even though he is still lying his pants off about me. Imagine….. after cheating, lying, stealing and cruel manipulation he writes to his son and says the following…….. Life is unique, never say never, take all the chances you get. Enjoy life…. life is not a battle and most of all you do NOT fight for love. Dear son, you must understand my point of view. I would so much like to give you my experience……. Please someone help me, what experience does my ex husband mean??????He showed his son how he lied, manipulated and mistreated his mother. He posted photos on facebook naked in bed in a hotel room after„ doing“it with his 23 year old Filipina…..and then he plays the victim to his son saying „let me explain to you my point of view so that you can understand me and see that your mother is the bad one😱😱😱😱I really begin to think…. help an alien has taken over his brain……To all you beautiful woman out there, I can tell you one thing for sure, if our husbands left and cheated on us it is because they knew deep down…… we were far too good for them….. so their low self esteem made them search for someone just as good as them…. another cheater and loser… ….Pleas keep being strong!!!! Big hugs!

  451. Dear carol, I have bad days,I really do. But my mentality is she can keep the lying **. She can keep his dandruff, his oversized body, his lying nature, his snoring, his cheating….cause he will! She did me a favour,lying on her back….he’s no catch believe me,I lived with the man for many years.
    The honeymoon period will end then he’s back to a mundane relationship, only he’s now not living with his family. And without less money hahaha
    My ex took trollop to our holiday home four times last year, but get this…he was meant to go last week, and said to our daughter he wasn’t going because he’d miss her…what utter bull! He would never forfeit a holiday. So my guess is he hasn’t gone cause his parents are out there. I was looking forward to a weeks break from his crap.
    We may never know what the true story is, but I see a stranger who I don’t particularly like very much ….and you will too. You may even be a better person than me and forgive all the crappy things he’s done. I can’t because he’s tried to drag our daughter into his mess…to me that’s unforgivable….
    Carol, you are a far better person than he will remember when you’ve long forgot about him. In the dead of night, the time will come when he questions what’s he’s done.
    Come on girl, you are a wonderful.beautiful soul who will get through this. Let her worry now, cause she’s already had a taste of how deceitful he can be, let her start questioning him when he’s late, or if his phone goes off….oh to be a fly on the wall….

  452. I’m kind of in the same situation. He left in January. He is 50 and the bimbo is 34. He just told me last week he doesn’t love me anymore again. He hasn’t said that since he first left. I have been trying with him for six months, calling him trying to go to lunch. He has taken 3 vacations with her while I raise our youngest son alone. He has done nothing as a father besides go to his baseball games. I’ve finally reached the point where I’m not calling him or texting him. He didn’t even try to see his kids on Father’s Day. I’m sure it’s because she didn’t have her kids either. She is married also so they both destroyed two families. I can’t forgive him for not still being a father. He is not a part of our family anymore and I need to quit pretending he is. Give yourself six months and you will probably turn the corner where you don’t want to talk to him anymore. Good luck and lots of hugs

  453. Yes Sasha it definitely takes two and our husbands had a choice, I said to mine was she worth losing his whole family for and he said YES so that cut through my heart like a knife. They deserve everything that they get, I just don’t want them happy, it feels so unjust and unfair. I need to get strong like you, I’m working on it. Thank you, take care x

  454. Hi all I read alot of your threads and it helped me a great deal. I have just broken up my partner and best freind of 15 years ,3 weeks ago. he is 60 and met a 31 year old, he was having an affair with her since Feb 2018 and I found out at the end of April not because he admitted to it but because I checked up on his travel history and discovered the betrayel.. I was suspicious in Feb/MARCH But he kept denying it and telling me I was being mad, I belived him thinking it was all my fault.
    Once I found out he kept changing his mind telling me he wanted to make the relationship work and then saying he was not interested in making our relationship work as he loved me but was not in love with me. He told me he was in love with this woman he was having an affair with. He moved out 3 weeks ago and I feel a sense of shock . He is now moving in with this new girl , but he calls me every time he needs validation around his Job. How long does this phase last ? Any input would be great.

    Many thanks .

  455. Lets not forget that IF they wanted to our exes wouldn’t have done what they did. It’s not just down to the trollop. Our husbands made their choice. I’m not so quick to just blame the trollop. My ex made a decision,and regardless of the outcome, he valued his family less. That speaks volumes to me. These men aren’t worth taking back. Imagine it, never being able to trust them? Once that trust and respect for you has gone, kick them to the curb,and let them carry on. Yes my ex has asked to come back, and his behaviour shows me and everyone else he’s unhappy, well he can stay unhappy. He deserves every single crappy thing he got. We deserve so much more,and by heck, I deserve a better man, and will never settle for a cheating,manipulating,selfish twat!

  456. Hi Carol I have been reading your messages and can so relate. its 18 months since my husband announced he wasn’t happy and left to live with my stepdaughter, within weeks he was with an old “friend” and within months its was official he swears he didn’t leave me for her but its quite matter less isn’t it. He went from my soul mate and a really decent guy since a month before leaving and up to this day he has turned into someone I don’t recognise, nasty uncaring and down right cruel. He has flaunted said woman in front of me its like he has wiped out our 32 years together. She is horrid, never liked her before, unintelligent not attractive and older than me. I actually went in a pub at the weekend where my step granddaughter was and he was there with her talking to my stepdaughter and laughing it was like a dagger through my heart. I don’t know what happens to these men, how the callous uncaring streak comes in I think it must be a guilt thing they know they have done a bad thing but too arrogant to admit it. My husband since he left has had two minor strokes and now I have heard he has been diagnosed with Prostrate cancer. I have just lost my best friend to it and he never even texted to say sorry. I have mixed feelings about this not sure how to think, sorry he has it as I would be anyone but I just cant worry about it its not my problem now its hers, So much for this wonderful life he has planned without me.
    Keep strong I was doing really well till this last lot of news hit me seems he is always lurking in my mind for different reasons now. Take care. Kimx

  457. God bless you Rosa and thank you. The heartbreak they cause to us all is incomprehensible that’s for sure and the constant obsessing about them is driving me crazy. I don’t even know why I think she’s better or that she’s won as I could never do what she did to another woman and she’s now got a liar, cheat and a thief. I suppose I just don’t want them to be happy and it feels so strange and sad to be alone and not part if a relationship anymore. Also I think its because we had no choice in this, they took our choice away and that’s not fair. Everyone says times a healer, I so want time to go by as right now its so hard to imagine getting over this. Thinking of you Rosa, thank you so much x

  458. Carol,

    it will take time to heal. Remember this, how EVER can this other woman be better than you. NOT in a life time. She is helping your husband to destroy his family!!!! I also asked myself a thousand times a day… what does she have that is better than me? The truth is absolutely NOTHING… She is so low that she attracted a married man that completely lost his sense of mind by cheating on his family. A woman that is so desperate, desperate enough to accept a loser and a cheater in her life! Is this the man you would like to have your future with? We all do mistakes and we are not perfect. Our „husbands „ think at the moment that they are so perfect that they have a right to treat us in such a cruel way. The anger they show us is the anger they have inside against themselves! The more goodness and patience you show the angrier they get. So please prepare yourself for this. It is the sin that is blinding his heart and mind…… all you can do is pray for him as he is losing his soul. You are fighting not against flesh and blood but against evil spirits….. Your constant prayers will protect you and your family…. God bless you!

  459. Thank you sweetheart, he has done some truly wicked things that’s why my emotions are confusing me as I don’t yet hate him like I should and I suppose I keep thinking she must be better than me as she wasn’t ill. He’s now got his attorney sending demanding letters saying I have to sign a clean break in 48 hours and refuse to go for spousal maintenance as he won’t be able to live yet he drained both bank accounts, changed all utilities to my name and left me penniless so I’m on disability. Thank goodness I have a good attorney who said she will not have me bullied. Thank you Sasha I’m just praying they leave my mind soon, he’s turned my world upside down like they do to all of us and the anxiety isn’t helping. Take care love xx

  460. Dear carol, you will get past this phase , I promise you. Just think of all the crappy things he’s done when you were at your weakest, and thank your lucky stars you don’t have to put up with his BS ….he’s shown you exactly what he’s capable of. You don’t need that in your life. Funny thing is I have never thought of them together. Perhaps it’s because I really don’t care. He showed his true colours and dragged or tried to drag our daughter into his sad pathetic life. Only that backfired!
    See it like this, he wanted that life, leave him to it, and he will eventually see what a bad life he’s entered. But just concentrate on you, getting better,and carving out a new life. You can do it. Hugs xxx

  461. Dear Sasha, thank you so much for helping me. It is hard when others think we can move on so quickly. I just need to get the intrusive thoughts and images of them out of my mind. I try distraction, I just imagine them all happy and cosy whilst I’m like this. I’m still in shock really to think he did this during my surgery, took all the money and never bothered one bit how I’d cope alone. You are one amazing lady and I admire you and everyone here for the way you are going through this yet helping others. Someone scared me today by saying if I don’t stop thinking about them now then I never will and that prospect is terrifying as its distressing. Take care Sasha and thank you xx

  462. Hi Carol, hugs hunni. Everything your feeling is pretty text book. I do hate it when people say move on. It’s like we are meant to squash over 20 years of memories,and forget the one person you trusted with your life. It’s very much one step forward an£ two steps back.
    Your getting there ,and will get there. Stop thinking of them, it serves no purpose,other than to distress you. When your mind wanders,mentally stop that thought and replace it with something else. My trick is to thank the bitch for taking him off my hands.( in my head ofcourse)..she can now have the misery of thinking will he cheat on her,cause between the pair of them,the trust thing will be a massive bone of contention. Concentrate on you, and your health. You have gone through probably the most distressing time of your life. BUT, your still here, able to tell your story,able to show compassion to others…
    My ex is adamant he never cheated. Do I care.? Not really. Asking numerous people including my kids,if I’m dating,and when I ask him to stop because it’s none of his business,he says it’s just conversation…can you believe the BS he comes out with. I was able to tell my ex, I would never take him back, I was a much nicer person without him in my life,and I deserved a real man with integrity. Something I never thought I’d say.
    I guess we are all mourning the people we thought they were. But you never know anyone 100%.
    So today, do something nice for yourself. Tell yourself, he doesn’t deserve you,and fake it till you make it. You are a beautiful,honest soul who CAN get through this. Hugs xx

  463. Bless your heart Rosa, I really appreciate your words of comfort. I’m so sorry that you and everyone here have had to be treated this way. It does rip out our heart and soul. People keep telling me to move on as all that woman has got is a liar, cheat and a thief, its true but first some reason I still miss him but know I could never take him back but I don’t think he would anyway as he’s infatuated. I don’t even know why I feel jealous of her, none of it makes sense. I can’t wait to go a whole day when I don’t cry, think of them or feel anxious, I so hope that eventually happens. Everything you say I can relate to Rosa. Thank you so much, big hugs xx

  464. Thank you Lauren, yes it is horrific, I never saw it coming and certainly didn’t expect all these awful feelings, fears and emotions. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through it but I’m glad you are getting stronger it gives me hope. Take care x

  465. It is a year tomorrow that my husband left for a younger wi
    Woman (15)years a coworker I have only seen him once we corresponded only to text about dividing our Ira I am coming along I guess but today is a really sad day

  466. Hi Carol,

    so sorry to ser you go through this! I wish I could help you. Believe me I am going through this just like you since two years. It is perfectly normal the way you are thinking and hurting. It feels like they are raping our soul every day. I also have the terrible and torturing images of my now ex husband together with his mistress. Please believe me that time will show you the truth and you WILL heal. Once a Person falls into such deep sin they lose everything that is good inside of them. It is the evilness in their heart that changes them so much. They are complete strangers and the Person they used to be is gone. I know the battle in your mind as you keep thinking there must be something good about your spouse. You just cannot accept and believe that he ever could take such abusive actions. I know you still love him….. BUT you love who you THOUGHT he was….. NOT the stranger that is so cruel. I am still in disbelief and shock. My ex husband did just the same things after 20 years of marriage. As time goes by and the healing comes…. even if with tiny baby steps, you realise that it is not you that made him go….. it is the weakness inside of them. It is how emotionally immature they are and that they were not MEN enough to have a family. Unfortunately time changes a person and the cheater shows who they really are! It is not you!!! It is their low self esteem that makes them who they are. The more they treat you cruel is because they know deep inside that the best is in YOU! They are angry at themselves… they cannot accept their flaws and loss of integrity. They cannot accept that YOU are BETTER……. Evil hates goodness, lies hates the truth…. Be strong and pray for his lost self. Don’t let hate and anger overtake you…. keep your heart beautiful and kind. May God bless and protect you. Leave your husband in Gods hands and pray for him as he is losing the greatest blessing in his life…. his family! My prayers go out for you and for all those whi are going through such a hard trial in life……

  467. Ok. The fact that you are still alive and able to make a post is tribute to you doing very well. This is one of the most brutal and traumatic things you will ever deal with in your entire life. It causes PTSD, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and horrible obsessions. I tell you that not to be depressing but to commend you for making it this far and for you to be gentle on yourself. It is a horrible thing to endure but I can say after one year I am much stronger.

  468. Hi everyone, I don’t seem to be making much progress and it scares me. After being married for 27 years he left after I had major surgery, said we drifted apart but there was someone else. My heart is totally broken. His solicitor is sending bullying letters demanding I sign for a clean break and not claim for spouse maintenance as he won’t be able to live. He emptied both bank accounts and changed all utility bills to Kyle name and I’m now on disability benefits just to survive. What is upsetting me more is that I can’t seem to stop thinking about him and her together, even images of them, its so distressing and my anxiety is through the roof. I still can’t believe he did this, I’ve never been on my own before and I’m scared. Is it normal to have these obsessive thoughts and images like this and will they ever go away as I’m so worried they won’t. How can these men be so cruel and put us through such emotional pain, it hurts so much, people tell me to forget him and move on but I’m trying too but not getting very far. Love to you all. X

  469. Hi Sasha,

    You are one hell of a woman!! And you should be very proud of who you are! You held it together during the entire ordeal and you kept your daughter as your top priority. And that is awesome! You are a great inspiration! And there’s nothing wrong with getting counseling, glad you’re getting help and support through this. It is very hard, and I have gotten the inspiration from you to keep moving forward! After 20 years of being with my husband, I married him for I fell in love with him, and looked forward to spending the rest of my life with him. His drinking and his leaving me, the kids and the dogs to be with another woman is devastating. I feel very sorry for him, for I truly believe that he has damaged his brain with his drinking, and it seems like he thinks he is 2 different people, I really dislike the person he has become. And I realize that the part that hurts the most is that he does not seem to care about the pain he has and is putting me through. How could the person I married have turned into this person?

    I understand your pain. The hole my husband has left in my heart is very noticeable, and I see yours is too. Is it so unfair that you give yourself to a person and they shove you aside just like that. Then they seem confused, and they think that everything is ok and that you want to be their friend? And continue having another woman on the side? After the way they have disrespected you and the family, how can that be? They are lost, and they can’t have it all. Specially not at your expense. You do not deserve that, you deserve so much more!

    You’re an awesome person! It is a HUGE obstacle to get past! But you will find somebody who will treat you with respect and love who you are! When you least expect it. Take pride in the person you are. Your daughter will get her strength from you, and you will both be ok!!

    You have come so far! And you are a great inspiration! Let your inner beauty shine!! It will guide you through this!

    Wishing you lots of happiness in the near future! You and your daughter deserve it!
    Thanks for inspiring me!
    Ilene

  470. Sasha you are a true inspiration to all of us. You are giving me hope that one day I become as strong as you are. God bless you

  471. Hey ladies. I feel so sad for the way all your husbands and partners are and have behaved. It’s almost text book,the way they all behave. I decided to get some counselling,because after over a year I still couldn’t get past the completely letting go. Yes I went no contact, yes I went back to work, yes I made sure he paid the right maintenance,and yes I made sure his relationship with our child was maintained. But in the dead of night I’d wake,feeling the loss,and even though I will never take him back ,I just wasn’t sure why I felt this way.
    Here’s what I’ve learned….
    It’s ok to feel sad sometimes at the loss. It’s ok to feel scared at your future. It’s even ok to want to wring his neck.
    Here’s why my life doesn’t need his cheating ass back….
    He’s a liar, a cheat, a manipulator, a very,very sad man who thought the grass was greener
    Here’s what I’ve endured over the last year….
    Stalking, constantly asking my friends and their husbands what I’m up to, who I’m dating, asking the kids if I’m dating , wanting to come back,turning up for silly things, trying to be my friend ( ughhh) putting on weight,looking completely lost, drinking more, gambling more.
    I’ve had him hug me, grab my hand and try and keep hold of it, had him tell me and the kids how beautiful I look.
    Now I’ve told him numerous times it’s over. I’ve tried to remain dignified,however our daughter is in therapy due to his pathetic behaviour,and Monday was the last straw,when yet again he fired off questions at my daughter. She’s been through enough!
    He lives with the OW, and he’s got exactly what he deserved. He tells everyone his life is fine, but friends see a broken man. I told him to stop asking, because it would never change things. I’m sad that this man who I spent over twenty years with, has ruined his life. I really try to empathise, but I guess I’m not there yet.
    Ladies you will get through it, you will be able to breath without that pain in your stomachs,you will be able to laugh again. I hope in time I can meet a man worthy of me, because I’m one hell of a woman,great mother and loyal……and he knows it!

  472. April 25, 2018 my husband said he wants a separation out of nowhere. He went on with with reasons why and then said he wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I tried really hard in the beginning to make it work but then I came to realize he is having an affair. We are still living in under the same roof and I try to give him hints that I know but i’m getting to think he just doesn’t care or gets it. Ive asked him 3x if was someown else. Og course he said no. The woman is my neighbour who I thought was my friend. The woman is married with two kids.
    Husband said he is going for counselling to figure out what is going on is head. I know he is still thinking about leaving.
    It’s so hard being under the same roof and seeing the other woman. My heart beats so fast i feel irs going to rip out of my chest.
    I’ve called psychologist to get help but no one has called back.
    I want to the woman’s husband because once school is out the two will be together all summer. Our kids play together, she’s a housewife and my husband is home alot during the day when I’m at work.
    Any advice to help me get through this?
    My husband put me through this before 11 years ago. At the time we had no kids, now we do.
    I don’t think it’s fair what he is doing to me, stringing me along.
    I need help!

  473. Hello everyone. I recently married my husband last august. We were together for 10 years before that. Im just in total shock. Im getting through it yes, but to hear your husband (who you just heard him say the most sweet and loving things during our wedding.) Say that he has no feelings for you, and that he hasnt in the past 3 years; it really kills you. It all started wheb he quit his job and started working with pur neighbor (whos a drunk) and they wpuld go everyday to the bar and there was this bartender. Ughh I never liked him going to the bar and he use to hate going to bars. During all this the homewrecker was getting him to do stuff around her house and protect her from her crazy ex. I told him it wasnt right, but he wasnt himself. I gave him 2 weeks to decided and he pulled me along with little hope. Sending pics of our wedding rings around his neck to coming home and giving me the slightest hope. It was pure torture. So in the end we broke it off. I had to give my dogs away and move into my parents house. Its like we didnt just get married or something. Now he wants an annulment, and i told him to shut up. Like dude im getting a divorce youre not annuling it. Im still angry but im getting through it. 🙂 this all started in march and its been one month since the split. What hurt the most before i moved was that he said hed never be with me again and he would only cry a tear if he regreted us. It stings. It really does, but i dont think i could take him back. Hes broken, and i didnt break him. No matter what my issues were i could fix all of mine. He chose to run. So let him have his cake and a lot more too. 😉

  474. Sweetheart I so feel for you. My husband if 27 years left at the end of march just as I was recovering from major surgery and emptied the bank account. He met someone else, said she listened, he is infatuated. It hurts so bad doesn’t it, total shock and like a bereavement. I’m finding daily life hard, I expect you are too love, I keep thinking of them together very obsessively and its distressing me as I’m worried that will never stop. Plus I don’t understand why I still miss him and have feelings for him when he totally abandoned me and his family for her. This site is amazing full of wonderful people and Lauries words and advice help so much. I’m thinking of you, love Carol x

  475. My husband left me for his employee 31 years his junior. I found about the affair April 10th. He told me today he is done. He thinks about me but he is NOT considering there will be any more “us.” She is not pretty, not “hot”, not smart, not accomplished. She lives in a rented room and he is living there with her. I have no words for the depth of my grief.

  476. I’m going through the same thing. My husband and I have tons in common and he was always really attracted to me. After kids, he started chasing a younger woman. Then cheated with her, then left me for her. We’re in our 40s, she’s 28. It’s gross and not because of the age difference really just because if the commonness of this story and how pathetic it is. We’re not pathetic, they are. I’m finding happiness again by focusing on being able to make choices without his approval and really going after goals I’d felt held back from before. Don’t get me wrong, she is visiting the area for the first time and I’ve been crying for 3 days but I’m gonna let myself and then brush myself off and keep going. They’re fools with tiny egos that need the validation.

  477. Thankyou so much Misti, its so terrible what these wicked men put us through and how they mess with our heads. Its like as soon as they meet someone else they become strangers and turn so nasty, leaving us penniless and making us feel like its our fault they cheated. What scares me is despite the lying, cheating and stealing I still miss him and have feelings for him, I don’t understand why, there are moments when I think I hate him. I so hope these feelings go away. Another really distressing thing is him and her are in my thoughts constantly, I imagine them laughing, happy and all loved up while I and the children and grandchildren are devastated. Will there ever come a day when I don’t think of them or don’t care what they are doing it scares me. I so feel for you and your dear family Misti, I’m thinking of you and every other person going through this nightmare x

  478. Hey carol, I am so sorry. This is absolutely the worst thing anyone can put you through. I’ve finally stopped crying everyday so I will say there is hope. You have better days coming. I quit calling and texting him and it has helped some. I don’t expect anything. I quit waiting for him to come over. Weekends are hard because we don’t hear from him. He’s a cliche now. A deadbeat dad that doesn’t even try to see his kids. He thinks because he’s still paying the bills that he didn’t abandon his family. Well he did. The one thing that is helping me is I’m redecorating everything that reminds me of him. My next step is to quit answering when he does call. If he calls it’s only for being so ness for me to do something for him. It’s never personal. He never asks how I am. He doesn’t care about me at all and the sooner I let go of him completely the better off I’ll be. I wish there was a fast forward button to get us through the worst of this and get to better days but just know we are here for you and take one day at a time. It will get better. Hugs xoxo

  479. Hi Sasha,
    So sorry to hear about your dog taking off! But glad he was found!

    It’s awful what addiction can do to a person. It is very sad! It seems your ex misses you guys, but yes, the lack of respect is extremely hard to get over.

    My husband’s lawyer received a letter from my lawyer stating that 50/50 custody may not be in the children’s best interest and asking my husband what his schedule plans would be to support that. And also that our marital house, which is where I am with the kids, may be the best base home for the kids. My husband got really upset and started texting me very angry messages. He actually scared me a little, but i don’t think he would hurt me. But that was a new side to him I’ve never seen before.

    My oldest was also daddy’s little girl. She is also pretty upset with him over his behavior in the past, embarrassing her in front of her friends when he was drunk, and for moving out. It’s hard on them too! Yes, I also find it extremely heartbreaking! I just don’t understand how he can think that what he’s doing is normal and justifiable. And all he wants now is for the kids to go to his place. How can a husband and a father be so proud that he has his own separate place to live?

    My husband still looks ok, he claims to be drinking a lot less, but I don’t know that for sure. He has been lying for over a year now, so how can he think his word is all I need, to believe that is true? He still is doing ok at work. But I truly believe he is still drinking. Today he told me he has 2 lives, and that when he is with the kids, he is a member of this family. How can he think that is acceptable? How can he think there is nothing wrong with what he is doing? I think his behavior and his thinking are totally irrational! I believe the alcohol has messed up his brain. I think he has an alcohol dependency issue, and that he is a functioning alcoholic.

    And yes! I feel like I have no control! I sure hope that the kids will not resent me for divorcing their dad. And that we continue having a strong relationship,and they can know they can count on me!

    I just don’t understand why my husband is doing this? And can’t understand how he can think that everything is ok!

    That is great you’re standing your ground! Sorry to hear you’re still dealing with this! And I hope I can be strong like you!

    Thanks!
    Ilene

  480. Hey Nadia, it’s hard isn’t it. Even with the resolve I have of never taking him back. I think we are all at different stages of letting go/ grieving etc…
    He’s pretty much in the worst nightmare , kid on the way ,50, and from what you say can’t really be sure of what he wants. For your own self preservation stop contact,and get counselling.i feel the pain your in, the words jump out at me,and I know that feeling. It’s gut wrenching! As hard as it will be ,cease any contact,because every time you answer his calls/texts,he knows your there.
    That one person who you trusted has made your world come crashing down around you, but you can get through this.
    I’m over 14 months down the road, and although I’ve never been so sure of NEVER taking him back, when I have doubts I remind myself exactly how he’s behaved.
    My ex is now working overtime telling the kids how beautiful mum looks, asking if mum has a boyfriend, offering to do jobs in the garden if needed….he can kiss my arse! He’s stuck with the trollop who looks like an OAP….and he deserves every miserable minute he gets. I’m not a vengeful person, but I’m a great believer you get back what you put out in the world….
    The best thing I did was cut off all contact and let him get on with it. And lots of support! Hugs hun, your just having a bad day. Be kind to yourself and let him worry about what he’s going to do…..he caused his own misery xxxx

  481. I’m still so distressed over NY husband if 27 years leaving. I’ve now started having panic attacks and hate being alone. Everyone tells me to pull myself together and move on. Yesterday I had to see him for the first time since march, I tried to be strong, he got tearful hugged me said he loves me then went back to her and last night he text all cold again and doesn’t want to try again. Why do this to me, I’ve already filed for divorce as he emptied the bank accounts. My problem is I’m constantly thinking about the two of them together its dreadful, how do I stop will there ever come a time when I will not think of him. Love to you all x

  482. Ilene, I love that you are putting the kids first, because like me you are the responsible parent. I see myself as the go to parent for our child. Our relationship has become even closer since the split,and I’m there for her 100%.
    It’s funny how at the beginning we feel out of control,but that doesn’t last long. I truly believe that the time we spend getting through the crap of separation,makes us stronger,and able to enter a better and more rewarding relationship later on. Where as the cheater doesn’t change,only dealing with keeping their head above water. My ex has had to deal with being ignored by mutual friends, having to pay for two households now ( cause the woman he’s with has CCJs,and will have to sell her house in January….then the crap will hit the fan, cause they will only be able to rent) having his relationship with his daughter change which is the saddest thing,cause she was always daddy’s girl. To hear my daughter say she hates what he’s done and who he is ,really breaks my heart.BUT, he managed to do that all by himself.
    He’s overweight verging on obese, is drinking more and gambling. He’s literally parked outside our home daily to conveniently pick our daughter up…we Are 15 months down the road and he’s still trying to find out what I’m up to. Saturday our dog went missing and he turned up to help look. Once we recieved news he’d been found he came bounding through the back garden grabbed me and hugged me. And I felt nothing but pity for him. Because I knew he would never be part of our family again….at the beginning I to,d him he’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it,and I’ve stuck with it. I can’t have a man back who shows so little respect for not only me but his only child. And he knows it…..here as always …hugs xxxx

  483. I have posted before but I am still finding things incredibly hard and would really appreciate some support and advice. After having an affair almost ever since we moved into our long dreamed of brand new home – which I discovered at the end of last year – my partner of fifteen years eventually moved out at the end of January and moved her into a one bedroom flat just up the road from our home. He has changed completely and is like an alien. He seems besotted. It is so childish. He has spent the last four months pressing her to get divorced (she is shooting her mouth off to someone indiscreet who keeps me informed) but insists, to me, that he has made a huge mistake and that he wants to come home, that he misses me, loves me, loves our life. To her he is saying he misses our house, that he will never have another house like it and saying nothing about me except that he has to handle me carefully and he knows he needs to just tell me to f off. She seems to be calling all the shots which is so unlike him. He is usually the one in charge and he likes it that way. She told him he had to come round and tell me to back off and leave him alone and what he did, instead, was visit and have dinner with me, telling me how nice it was to be home, kissing me, cuddling me and telling me he had made a huge mistake but it was “difficult” to come back. Difficult? He confessed that she is pregnant. He has three adult children and has NEVER wanted more. He will be fifty by the time it is born! He said he was hoping she would terminate it and then he still wanted to come home. But she didn’t get rid of it and he said he would have to stay. Now he says she might get rid of it. I am so distraught. I don’t have a family because he did not want one. She was having fertility issues in her marriage, obviously her husband, and supposedly her “pill” must not have been working. It is so obvious to anyone with a brain that she has got pregnant on purpose – she saw rich baby daddy, but he just cannot see that. He says she’s been in tears over it. But that’s because he’s said he doesn’t want it! Even if she gets rid of it, if he stays with her she is going to want a family and he has never wanted more children! He wanted to retire soon. He is introducing her to people as his girlfriend, introducing her to work colleagues, friends, has started putting their evenings out on social media and yet he hasn’t even officially told anyone in our lives that he has left me. And he tells me he wants to come home! He is talking to her about getting married before it’s born but, to me, is nearly in tears when he speaks of it. He absolutely doesn’t want it. I just don’t know what to make of any of this. I can barely breathe through the pain of it all. In the past, when he has abandoned his previous wives/partners (there are four of us now) he has always got away with leaving and then introducing a new person as if there was no cross-over. He is trying to do the same, I think, stopping me from exposing him by saying he intends to come back. But then I cannot imagine he wants this life, with her, when he has NEVER wanted a family. He scowls at kids that come near us in restaurants. He has so little patience for them. And working the hours he does he is never going to cope with a baby. So I am torn as to what to believe. I just don’t know what to do. He is under pressure from her to sell our home. She has already said to him that whatever funds they get are for their future and the future of any family they have! What a money-grabbing ho she is. They have only known each other five minutes! They both have somewhere to live. I will have nowhere! But he is not pressing me to sell the house. So, again, I think he is torn or maybe does want to come home. But all his words to her say the opposite. He rarely contacts me. But if I am out of touch he messages to say how much he misses me, that he cannot stop thinking about me. And he left post-its all over the house saying how much he missed me. It is just torture. Please help me.

  484. Hi Sasha,

    I am very sorry to hear you had to go through this too!

    Thanks so much for your advice and kind words! I hope I can fit into those big girl pants! I did tell my lawyer I want full custody, but he said we would have to allow him some weekends since he has no DUIs nor issues with the law. But he would try to help me get as much custody as possible.

    And you’re right! It is very hard for me to not argue with him! I am trying not to, but some of the things he says are very irrational to me, and just him thinking that he tells me he is not really drinking that much anymore, I can’t quite take his word for it. But he is going to go that route with his lawyer. He has a very high tolerance to alcohol and has never had a hangover so he claims he can’t possibly have a drinking problem.

    And actually, I did tell him if his daughters husband was like him, what would he have done? I told him I would have shown up at their house and taken her and her kids with me. You’re right! I never thought about it that way, for me, for my case. I was thinking more along the terms that he has an illness and he needs my help, one day he will realize it and then I will be able to help him. I thought I could do something about it, be strong enough to help him be the man he was once. But that man is long gone, and you’re right! Letting him go would be the better option in this case. It just makes me nervous if the kids end up sleeping over there, well mostly my 6 year old, as I worry if he wakes up, or daddy falls asleep before him, that he may wander off or something if my husband is not paying attention and does not hear him.

    But thank you so much for pointing that out! I’ll think of it from a different point of view.

    And yes, I don’t understand how they can have a relationship based on lies and be happy! But yes, you’re right, maybe once the honeymoon stage is over, and reality sets in, their dishonesty will be seen between them too. Or who cares, if they are happy, as long as they don’t hurt my kids feelings with empty promises.

    My kids are my biggest concern! I always wanted them to feel loved and grow up in a happy home. If my husband does not want to be part of that then that is his loss.

    Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! I will start thinking of it that way and do my best to move on without him and accept that it’s ok to let him go. And yes, I have to start thinking less of him, I just can’t understand why he is willing to throw it all away for this person. It just seems like such a big mistake to me! Maybe she has done me a favor and I will find out in time.

    It doesn’t make the pain any less, but I see there’s hope in the future to get past this.

    Thanks so much for listening to me and sharing your story and thoughts. It helps to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to keep moving forward.

    Thanks!!

  485. Hey Ilene…..massive hugs hunni, I feel your pain with what you have written, and know your going through so much pain at the moment.
    I know your hurt,and cannot believe what your husband is doing, however you now have to concentrate on you and your beautiful children. Whatever you say,will never be enough.
    I would not let my ex have my child if he was drinking constantly, especially if he was picking her up in the car. You say you think he uses alcohol regularly, well I certainly wouldn’t agree to 50-50 parental access…..start to think about your children s future and yours. Your husband has not only lied and cheated, but ruined your kids view on him. Let him live his life,playing house with the OW….they deserve each other. She may have saved you from many years of future hell….you deserve to be with a man who cherishes you an£ the kids…..how long do you think they will last anyway. Cause his drinking is a real issue,and he won’t be ble to hide it forever….seems the pair of them got what they deserved. Living with a liar,who deceives….hows that going to work when the dust has settled…a house ,where both don’t trust….that’s karma.
    Irene, it’s bloody hard not to want to scream at him, and he will expect it, cause his ego will be larger than ever. Don’t!
    What worked for me was to cut him out I’m edi. I only discuss anything pertaining to our child. Other than that, it’s no contact all the way. I’m never rude, but I decline getting into any kind of conversation. I’m not interested in what he thinks,and it’s eaten him up.
    Get your big girls pants on, and start making those changes,to better your life. Yes it’s hard, but each day will get better. If you have to give yourself ten minutes a day to think about him,then really stop yourself….use your friends as allies,and for support. Eat well, try and sleep ,and really take care of yourself. Your kids need you…
    a friend said something very profound to me early on after my split..,she said,if it were your daughter what advice would you give? I knew immediately….haven’t looked back,even though he’s asked to come home, stalked me, asked friends about me cried to our child, gambles, …..karma repayed him,and his life is far worse than mine could ever be….always here if you need a chat xxxx

  486. I’m saddened and I don’t know how to let go. Married for 21years with 3 children – 1day out of no where my husband said he wanted a divorce and that was it! 2 weeks later he moved into an apt- I then found out he immediately started seeing one of his asst. mgrs which is 20 years younger. I’m devastated and he’s happy and in love – it’s only been 3 1/2 months- during this Time I asked if we were doing the right thing and if he was happy – he said he wants a divorce and to move on- pretty sure he had an affair with her – he hasn’t denied it – why do I still live him – why can’t I stop crying – why can’t I let go – why does he get to be so happy???

  487. Hi,

    I am truly sorry for all you who have gone through this and are currently going through this. My hat goes off to all of you who have come out of this ok and as a stronger woman! I am not sure I have the strength to do so, but I’m trying my hardest. My heart is broken beyond repair, and have tried my hardest to try to understand what happened, why is this going on, why did he just bail, why after giving my husband 20 years of my life, he just constantly lies straight to my face and is so cold hearted towards me? Does he really have no remorse? How can he have chosen this other woman who has filed for divorce during their affair, leaving her husband in a state of shock. How can he just move out shortly after to be with her and tell me we need some space to try to work on our issues? But I don’t see him working on anything with me, just spending all his time with her when she does not have her kids? And when she is busy with her kids he comes to see me and the kids and is with us for no more than a couple hrs? How can he put this woman above his 4 kids, ages 13, 1