When your ex boyfriend unfollows or unfriends you on Facebook, you feel the pain of breaking up all over again. These tips on coping when your ex unfriends or unfollows you on social media will help rebuild your self-confidence and heal from the heartache of a breakup.
“Your feelings will pass and life after the breakup will get better!” says Cindy on Should You Be Friends With Your Ex on Facebook? “My fiancé broke up with me a month before our wedding. My advice is to never, ever be friends with your ex boyfriend on Facebook! Unfriend him before he unfollows you, or else you’ll have to deal with the pain of rejection on top of the pain of breaking up. But trust me, you will get over him! Just get off Facebook for awhile, take a break from following his life, and get your own life. I’ll never be glad my boyfriend broke up with me, but I figure it’s better now than after we got married. You’ll get over this. Just stay off Facebook!”
I like Cindy’s tips for coping after a breakup:
- Unfriend your ex boyfriend before he unfollows or unfriends you on Facebook, so you don’t have to deal with the pain of a fresh rejection
- Get off Facebook until you heal from the breakup. Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship and re-establish who you are and where you want your life to go.
- Believe that you will get over this. Trust your heart, for it will heal – and you will love again.
My tips on how to cope when an ex boyfriend or ex husband unfriends you are inspired by a book called Letting Go: How to Heal Your Hurt, Love Your Body and Transform Your Life by Emma Woolf. I hadn’t thought about how painful social media can be after breaking up with someone you love — and how sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and even Pinterest can stop us from healing after a breakup.
Tell me how you’re coping with the breakup, and if Facebook is helping or hindering your healing. Have you unfriended your ex boyfriend on social media sites, and does it help you cope with breaking up? If you’re still friends with your ex on Facebook, does it hurt to see his updates in your feed?
How to Cope When Your Ex Unfriends You on Facebook
Coping with a breakup if you’ve been on Facebook for awhile is worse now, because your three and four year-old Facebook memories are suddenly appearing in your feed! Have you logged on and suddenly encountered a happy photo of you and your ex boyfriend or ex husband on Facebook? Ouch, talk about ripping the bandaid off the wound and starting a fresh round of bleeding.
1. Check in with your feelings after being on Facebook
How does Facebook make you feel about your life?
Do you feel happy or sad, connected or alone, inspired or drained after a surf through your friends’ Facebook feeds? I used to avoid Facebook because it made me feel lonely and sad. Seeing all my friends’ updates and amazing lives made me feel left out and rejected — especially when they announced their pregnancies, engagements, and fantastic family festivals.
When it feels like nobody cares about you, the last thing you need to do is see the love, joy, and togetherness of others. It’s even more painful after a breakup. Even if your ex boyfriend isn’t on Facebook, you see photos of your friends’ happy marriages and upcoming weddings, exciting anniversaries and special trips to Europe or Hawaii…and it hurts.
2. Decide how you will cope with the pain after a breakup
This is where you need to find courage and strength. The best way to cope when your ex boyfriend or ex husband unfollows you on Facebook is to decide how to protect yourself from unnecessary pain and grieving. You need to grieve the end of your relationship so you can heal and move past the breakup, but you don’t need to expose yourself to additional pain and suffering. Only you can decide how to find the balance between not running away from the pain of the breakup and protecting yourself from unnecessary suffering.
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If being on Facebook makes your pain worse, you need to get off that social media site. It sounds simple and healthy, but it’s actually more difficult than it seems! We’re addicted to Facebook updates; some of us even check in with Facebook every 10 or 15 minutes. Even when the updates make us feel bad — even when an ex boyfriend or even an ex best friend has unfriended us and we’re devastated! It’s still SO hard to just walk away from Facebook, to stop logging on. I get it, I know how hard it is. I don’t even like Facebook and I find it hard to stay away.
3. Take time off Facebook
“A friend, who has periodic bouts of depression, told me that going on Facebook makes him feel intensely lonely,” writes Woolf in Letting Go: How to Heal Your Hurt, Love Your Body and Transform Your Life. “It’s not just the fact that everyone’s posting these oh-so-joyful pictures, but for me, the realization that most of my ‘friends’ aren’t real friends at all. There have been times when I’ve posted ‘I’m struggling’ or ‘I can’t go on like this’ — and it’s surprising how few people will pick up the phone and check that I’m OK. You get the sympathetic Emoji, of course, but hardly anyone actually bothers to ring, or visit.”
Even if you don’t feel lonely or depressed after being on Facebook, taking a break will help you heal. Getting off Facebook free up time and give you space to figure out who you are.
Questions for you:
- Who were you before this relationship started?
- Who do you want to be?
- Where do you want your life to go?
- How did this relationship change you?
- What would you do differently next time?
Take time to journal your answers to the questions above — or share your thoughts in the comments section below. The best way to cope when your ex boyfriend or ex husband unfriends you on Facebook is to walk away from the feed. Start doing the work of letting go, discovering who you are, and Blossoming into who God created you to be.
4. Find strength and courage in your faith
You can’t do this alone. Coping with a breakup and fighting the urge to check your Facebook feed is too powerful! You might be able to fight yourself until noon or even dinnertime…but eventually your willpower will weaken. The longer you fight, the harder it gets because your willpower weakens as the day progresses. You only have a certain amount of willpower, and you’ll use it up long before the day is over.
But just because you can’t do it alone doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Remember who created you: the majestic, almighty, powerful Lord God who flung the stars across the sky and decorated the fields with daisies and buttercups. Your source of strength and courage is the same God who causes the sun to rise every morning and the moon to glimmer on the sea every night. Your life is in the hands of Jesus, who is reason the trumpets sound and the angels sing and the Heavens release healing power, peace, and joy!
Help Healing After a Breakup
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love, offer lots of practical tips for moving on after breaking up. I interviewed relationship experts, grief therapists, and even a few psychologists to gather information for that ebook.
This ebook isn’t focused on social media or coping with a breakup in today’s digital world — though I should write an ebook solely on that! It really is more difficult to cope with a breakup when your ex boyfriend or ex husband unfriends you on Facebook or unfollows you on Twitter. Social media sites are constant reminders of the past, and of painful memories (or good times that are now painful memories!).
That’s why faith is so crucial to your life. Having a personal relationship with God fills your heart, mind, soul and spirit with a depth of love and peace that can’t compare to anything Facebook or even your ex boyfriend offers! Nothing fills the emptiness like God. Nobody will ever love you like Jesus does. And, nobody is wiser than the Holy Spirit.
May you find healing and peace, love and joy, light and laughter in your life! May you find God in all His glory, and may you experience the peace that surpasses all understanding.
If you’re still attached to your ex boyfriend or ex husband, read How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.