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9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

If you think your husband is cheating, you’re picking up on important subconscious clues. Here are 5 signs your husband is cheating, plus 4 ways to know if he’s lying to you about the affair.

signs Your Husband is Cheating These tips are from Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It. On the Dr Oz show, this marriage counselor shared why men cheat and how to know if your husband is cheating. It’s important to learn the reasons men cheat, because that knowledge will help you determine if you can save your marriage. Infidelity can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment. People who think it won’t happen to them are hit that much harder when they find out their husbands are lying about cheating. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they’re getting from their mistresses that they’re missing at home? Do a man’s friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience that day, 30% of women think they’ve been cheated on…but not everyone knows for sure. Below are Neuman’s signs that a husband is having an affair. Plus, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.


According to Gary Neuman, you can learn why men cheat, prevent your husband from cheating – and you can discern when he’s lying about cheating.

Husbands cheat for several reasons:

  • Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
  • Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
  • Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
  • Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
  • Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives or partners, so they cheat.

In Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration, Cindy Beall describes how her life changed forever after an ordinary Valentine’s Day. She listened with disbelief to her husband, Chris, a respected pastor, confess to pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the startling news that another woman was pregnant with his child. In her book, she describes how to protect a marriage from lies and cheating.

How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?

Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating because he wanted to empower women by showing them how men think – which includes why husbands cheat on their wives.

How to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy.

A whopping 48% of men who cheat say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives. The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.

Surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that your husband’s friends have a very real, direct effect on your marriage. If your husband’s best friend is cheating, then the chances are higher that your husband may cheat on you.

5 Signs of Cheating Husbands

  1. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
  2. He avoids physical and emotional contact
  3. He criticizes you more often
  4. He picks fights or starts arguments with you
  5. He stays away from home

According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s intuition is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.

If you’re getting mixed messages from your instincts, it’s because this is an extremely emotional subject! Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating.

To stop over-thinking and learn how to trust your gut, read How to Develop Intuition in Your Relationship.


Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.

4 Ways to Tell if He is Lying About His Affair

Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it. These tips are good, but not enough to know for sure if your husband is lying about cheating on you.

1. How your husband talks can be a sign of lying

Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something. You don’t need to hire a private investigator to learn if your husband is cheating.

2. What he says – specific statements – are indications of lying about his affair

When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying.

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

How to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).

3. Your husband’s nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating

Driver calls this the “belly button rule.”

When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them. When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating. If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement.

Driver said to never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.

4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying

If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.

husband lying about cheating

In Is He Lying to You? An Ex-CIA Polygraph Examiner Reveals What Men Don’t Want You to Know, Dan Crum reveals the two biggest signs of deception, the best way to trap a liar, and what to look and listen for when you suspect your husband is lying about having an affair.

A  complicating factor about affairs is the difference between physical and emotional cheating. If your husband is best friends with a woman and leaving you out of the relationship, it may be an emotional affair. Read Emotional Affairs Vs. Innocent Friendships to learn the difference between the two types of cheating.

Why do you suspect your husband is cheating – what are the signs he’s lying to you? I welcome your comments, but I can’t give advice. Sometimes writing your thoughts can help you work things out, because it can bring clarity and insight.

You might also be interested in learning the reasons why people cheat in relationships.

It might help to read through the comments about cheating below. The more you learn about other women’s experiences, the more insight you might have into your own relationship.

Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.


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685 thoughts on “9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating”

  1. Much of the reasons given in this article regarding the reasons why men cheat is ridiculous and it takes the responsibility away from the man.

  2. Its the second time I find a fake woman”s nail in my house. 2 times too many. The secomd time was near my bed. Then he gets amgry and violently denies it. Women are treacherous and spiteful. Dont put it past one to plant one there intentionally. And men as we already know are dogs.

  3. Im going through a similiar situation. Hes gone constantly, sleeps in a recliner because the bed hurts his back, never hardly has sex with me and if we do its not intimate at all, he uses toys he bought and only wants oral or by hand. He has to watch porn first and doesnt even look at me. Im getting a little older and use to be pretty hot though i still thought i looked good until this. His friends, female or male, he prefers to keep seperate from me and they know more about where he might be than i do. He wont even look at me and if i hug or kiss him bye its not returned. He gets all kinds of sexual email, some seems robotic, others more intimaye but i cant find where he is doing anything. Hes always going on solitaire or apps that dont make sense as far as his interests. Can you text or call from games? Once he texyed me from Wish.com and acted all weird about it and took my phone and deleted it. I feel like i sound paranoid but i know things are totally different. I catch him in lies all the time about where hes been cause he cant keep up. I think leaving is best option because this is who they are. Period.

  4. Jeez girl, how many times do you need to be mistreated? This guy is a Class A Sociopath Jerk! NO, he will Never be honest! Change the locks, send his things to his sisters, get a protection order. This guy must Love messing with your mind!

    What kind of example are you setting for kids? You’re letting them see that you accept disrespect and mental abuse. They need a strong mother who makes them feel safe. Your intuition told you not to marry him, but he’s a talker and you’re a pleaser. Again, get his stuff out, change the locks, keep him away. Move in with your mother if you have to but dump him!

  5. Hi Karen.
    Just a few weeks ago I found out my husband had cheated on me with two different women, only because my cousin finally decided to let the cat out of bag. We have only been married going on two years so to me I thought our relationship was still in the honeymoon phase. Since the start of our relationships my husband has always had other women he speaks to frequently that are just friends, he has 3000 fb friend which are mostly women and adds to the list all the time. But back to when we first got together I found many sexting messages back and forth from himself and a few of his friends. I wanted to end the relationship then since it was still new, but he begged amd pleaded for us to try. That he had moved from Lousiana to Tennessee just to be with me. He is my friends younger brother so I didnt want to complicate thing and I gave him another chance. Five months later I let myself open up and feel head over heels for him and we got married. But just a fee months later I seen he had been talking to the same females everyday through fb calling while he was away from home and texting them every night. So I looked in his phone and read the messages and he was telling one women she should never feel alone because she had a man her for here maybe 11 hrs away but always here. Then another female he was talking to about flying out to Arizon and staying with her, possibly working there. Never once was there mention if his wife going along or of my existence period. When I confronted him about this it was that I was taking it wrong. What he had written wasnt what it seemed. He had loved me since the first day he met me and had never loved anyone like he has me. And didnt want to lose me. Well, I forgave him again and the texting amoung women never stopped just slowed down for periods of time or he would message through other app where i couldn’t read the messages or they would delete. Nine months later he went out of town to work with my cousin and while he was away he had left his facebook account open in our home computer so i decided to look. I wanted more than anything to see nothing so that i could feel assured in him and in our relationship. But as soon as I opened it he was messaging a “friend” and asking her if she ever had any flights into Miami because he was going to be there working a few weeks. Just a few hours later she tells him there was a flight into Miami and she worked it out that she could work the flight and be able to see him. She even sent her room number and the time she should land. I deleted the message, blocked her from his account and went off on him. He once again confessed his undying love for me and wanted his wife. He was sorry and I took what I read wrong. That he never meant for the messages to sound the way they did and he had no idea she was going to fly in to see him. What really bothered me about this instance was he slacked on messaging me, or checking in and only calling once while he was away. When he got home we worked on our relationship again and I let it go, as far as arguing anyhow but the trust i have never been able to get back. Well move foward to June he no longer wants to spend time with me, he starts working seven days a week and when he doesnt work he stays in the garage or in his computer downstairs. He stops talking to me about personal day to day things that have happened and lies to me about everything. From where our money is going to if he paid a bill. Well the end of June he goes out of town to work again and it’s the same, very few messages, no calls, and no interest in how life back home is going. So I go into his old phone and access his apps. He has hidden naked pics of different friends than the ones before as well as pics of himself. I look at the dates and they are from December of this year as well as a pic of his junk a few days before I found the pics. With a few selfies of himself that he never sent to me. At first he lies and tells me the private pic of himself was from January and he was going to send it to me, finally weeks of arguing and me showing him the file dates multiple times he admits to it. But says he never sent them to anyone. And the selfies he just took for himself. I ask about the females in the pictures and he tells me he doesnt know them, which I find out a week later who one of them is and she confesses to sending them to him. The other three females I do know his friend sent one of them to him but the other three I havent found out who they are. And he swears it’s more pictures sent by his friends to him and he doesn’t know them. I go in to where he is working and spend the 4th and 5th with him and try to pretend everything is okay since the fourth is his birthday and because my children are there but I was so hurt the whole time and didn’t want to be there. It hurt that after so many times of forgiving and wanting to make our relationship work it was always the same story. Well when the job is finished he is supposed to come home but ends up staying two extra days and the last day didnt answer my calls or text after 7pm. Said he crashed after a long day on the lake. When he gets home we argue for a couple days then he confesses his love and tells me I’m always looking for something I cant just let us be happy. That i dont see everything else he does for us all i want to do is cause is problems. And that he is always the one fighting for our marriage and in always wanting to give up because I take things wrong and dont trust him. Two days later he let’s me know when I come in from work he bought an airline ticket and is going to Florida the following day to help my cousin again. I begged and pleaded for him not to go, I was in tears pleading him to stay home and work on us or I was going to pack and leave. The second day he is there I message him when I get off work and get no response until the next day. He says my cousin had a party bit he had hurt his foot and went to bed early. Later I find out they had been on a boat all day with two women, which was there partying at my cousins home. When he gets home I’m still upset he left and didnt care to work on us and all we do is argue. Then I decide to go through his phone again and see the two same florida numbers calling so I ask my mother to speak with my cousin about the trip. She calls me back to let me know she was told that my cousin thinks I should divorce my husband because all he did was party all night, flirt with women everywhere they went and sleep with a women while he was there. As well as a different women in December. I speak to the women from December and she let’s me know that she did sleep with him in December but didnt know he was married. And tells me about the other women that was with him this time. I confront him about this and he says they are lying that he never slept with anyone. My cousin didnt want my mother to give me detail just that I need to get out of the relationship. And the female that I did speak to had no reason to lie to me. I tried calling the other female from his phone and he got irrate and jumped on me and took him phone, deleted the phone number and said I was acting crazy. It was the truth and I should believe my husband not everyone else. I wish I could believe my husband I wish more than anything that was possible. But after everything that has happened I know with all my heart they are telling me the truth. Not to mention he broke his finger while he was there and said he had to take his ring off and now cant get it back on. It has been a week and he still denies he ever slept with anyone and swears his screaming and getting irrate is because he is tired of all the drama, doesnt want to lose the most important thing in his life, and sick of me not believing him. I dont understand any of this, I dont understand why he would cheat or need attention from other women bevause I’m here begging him to spend time with me, Our sex life is great , our home life was great. The way he treats me when he is home by showing affection was great. And now this. He was admit to what he has done so I have no idea why it happened. All I keep thinking is what did I do, why would he want someone else, what’s wrong with me, why havent I been enough. And why doesnt he even respect me enough to be honest. At this point I want a divorce but then I want what I thought I had or chose o believe I had. He is ad was my world besides my childern and I didnt want my marriage to end I wanted t grow old with this person and share our live together. As of now I havent left the home and he is begging for us to go to marriage counseling. But at this point I dont see how it could save our marriage but maybe help me to move past all the deceit and emotional and now physical infidelity. I do love him but I have such a hard time talking to him without throwing jabs, I cant look him in the eyes and I just feel so lost. When he got back we tried having sex a few times and he couldn’t stay hard which has never been an issue in the past so now I feel like I dont even attract him anymore. And if I ever did why did he need the attention from other women and why did he need to sleep with anyone. Will he ever be honest about the why or how or should I just try to let it go. Right now all I want to do is stay in bed crying and just be held by the man that I once thought he was. I don’t know how to even begin to pick myself up and start again with my life.

  6. I found out that my husband booked an escort service, while was away on a weekend with girlfriends.
    I found out because we share the same account on our phones, many years ago there was an issue with a friends wife, l was told by a friend 6 months later, while it was only a kiss l never really got the full story.
    Just recently he asked me if l was having an affair, he also purchased a second phone, which l found out about on the day he purchased it, he told me it was for gaming,
    Since l found out about the phone he had not touched it.
    History also on porn use & lied about that too.
    What to do?

  7. He has done a number of things over these last 3 years in particular but for about a year now I notice there are mornings, like the day before his last day of work, when his alarm does not ring yet he gets up early, very quietly in the dark and supposedly goes off to work an hour or two early. He has always been a sneaky man but there can only be one reason why he is sneaking out of our home early. I found sex toys and a box of condoms in his dresser drawer, he does not use them on me. He had a vasectomy after the birth of our last son so the only reason he would use condoms is to prevent STDs. We do not sleep together because he is a violent man in his sleep, we have our own rooms. He has supposedly been impotent for 15 years since we have been remarried because of his high blood pressure and heart condition. I ask him years ago if he would seek treatment for impotence but he ignored my request. I am a christian he is a professing one but????

  8. I knew he was cheating when I found a bottle of testosterone pills hidden in his dresser drawer; there were hairs from another woman on his shirt; pubic hairs in the backseat of his truck; code names in his phone which I looked up on Spokeo; he started tanning and he’s never done that before; started working out; he was starting fights with me. I finally caught him when his smartphone auto saved his messages in the word replacement text above the keyboard. I was able to piece together his messages to her.

  9. My husband made comments that now since after our 15 years together he has the finances to afford a lifestyle of younger women and insists that young girls are always attracted to older men only because they prefer experience and wisdom. He has also became horriblly verbally and emotionally abusive of me every chance he gets with an immediate 15 minutes later denying everything he had said or will insist he is telling the Truth and how I just can’t handle the TRUTH which is always some kind of negative or twisted version of a past event that he is guilty of but somehow I am part of the guilty or all of the guilty one and he was the victim. He has a absolute cruel way of humiliating me in front of our neighbors and his family who don’t like me and never would even try who lauigh and tell him they don’t hold it against him at all as I am crazy and no good they heard all about me, they enjoy hearing me cry or him cursing and screaming bad things to me in our yard. He told me for 15 years the old man behind us never spoke because I was hated by the neighborhood which I don’t doubt as he tells them all my mistakes and lies about other things but insists these neighbnors are better than me and more believed He will call me a liar while he lies about me. His sister and Mother have caused me to lose jobs slandering me to my boss and then he screams how I cant keep a job. The slander is the most cruel and his sister changing our home and property deeds to her name and sells our property that we are having to buy back again but he says I am the one who is at fault for his land still not sold. He has been a man of deceptive behavior since 2006 and the worst than anything he has done is the treatment he allows toward me from the drunkards and sick men in our neighborhood to make lewd sexual acts at me like grabbing their crotch and the other neighbor who tells everyone he can’t keep me away from him and how I am just ASKING FOR IT, scares me to death as my husband never said a word to them and gets mad if I act as though he should tell them not to do that to me. I am dealing with PTSD now being diagnosed with PNES seizures for long term abuse and the PTSD triggers the seizures? He said I am lying and won’t even talk to the dr and gets really mad if I say the obvious that I can’t go on with him like this and I am making plans to just leave and he can have everything and all he has in his head of his right to think as he wants but I have to go away from this. I absolutely am in shock as this happened the other day and it was even worse as the ones he has told this to now are also believing these things about me and the looks of hate and disgust really make me want to leave the state and just give in to his cruel gaslighted cheap divorce he must be wanting. I know he won’t ever get counseling, so all the hatred and the humiliation are his forever tools of his ending with out dividing anything in a divorce. He and his family are always the Blood is thicker than water type so he knows how it always worked to use women as he wants and abuse them as they all will. They all act as its time to get a new car lets get rid of the old one while I am just aghast at the non emotional concern for the suffering and injury they inflict.

  10. My partner takes off and starts fights with me and stays away for days. And he comes back when he’s broke.

    1. Cheating usually comes with a price tag of some kind. Look for the signs of cheating”.

      Resist the temptation to prematurely confront the suspected cheater. Firstly, you will NOT get an honest response and, secondly, he/she will now increase the precautions they are taking making it that much tougher to catch them.

      If you feel you have gone as far as you can on your own, hire a good, licensed private investigator to obtain the hard evidence you need and get the closure you deserve.
      contact: thomasgonzalez125 (@) gmail(.)com

  11. So lately my husband has done a complete 360! He doesn’t speak to me, he doesn’t kiss me, he doesn’t touch me. We went on a trip a few weeks ago and he literally slipped out on me because HE left his shoes at my parents house! We were at a hotel and he was screaming telling me he hates me and I’m disgusting and he just can’t stand even looking at me, I was so hurt and devastated! This person I have never known has just came out of nowhere. Any way so after we have to drive home 10 hours we don’t speak I sit in the passenger seat balling almost the whole way. At the end of our trip he starts rubbing my leg and hugs me. I said don’t f***ing touch me. He has been on his phone constantly. He deletes his history in which I never look at his phone he even sleeps with it. The only reason I looked was because of his odd behavior which he doesn’t look at mine either. We don’t have sex anymore, and I started sleeping in the guest room. He hasn’t attempted once to try and get me to come to our bed. I don’t think he’s kissed me or touched me in about 3 weeks. I say I love you to him when I leave for work he ignores me. I been with this man for 11 years and I feel like I don’t know him. He’s all dieting and working out. I mean it’s crazy. I think he’s been talking to someone. You don’t sleep with your phone I’m sorry. I asked if he wants a divorce he changes daily but always say I can have the kids like he hates them or something idk. It’s just crazy. I’m lost and don’t know what to think we were so madly in love he use to seriously worship me. Either way I think our marriage is over and he’s using me for money. Oh and he spends my money like crazy! Uses my cards with out my permission. I just don’t even know this person seriously.

  12. About seven months ago I noticed my husband’s behavior was “off”. He had taken a job in Virginia and our home is in Pennsylvania. This wasn’t abnormal for us as he has gone to Ohio to work for a year before. He began talking about his trainer, a female who was a manager at another we store. He began acting differently towards me. I checked his phone and questioned a few things that did turn out to be innocent but hadn’t checked the trash at that point. He would always come home on Saturdays and Wednesdays. One weekend he didn’t come home and didn’t bother to call me to tell me, nor did he answer my phone call. When he did come home I checked his messages he thought he erased and found numerous inappropriate messages between the two. When I confronted him he said it was innocent banter. I made him have her call me and she said the same. I found messages later from her saying “Oh I didn’t mean to send that message to you, delete, lol, beers????” In all caps. I posted to her face book account that I knew she was ******* my husbnd. I deleted the post but not before her friends started asking her about it as they had read it. I went to his store and made him call her store so I could confront her for messaging him again. She denied it and mentioned the post I put on fb, that her friends were calling asking if it was true and asked what I was going to do to her. Of course nothing. And she denied texting him anything. I told her I had already read it. I then posted on their company fb page with their names and store numbers and that I didn’t appreciate the company encouraging drinking during after hours on a job and that they contributed to these events. Needless to say my husband was offered two other stores in two different states and did not take those offers but is working five minutes from home. I have not got the entire truth yet but I will. I have not forgiven him yet and we will see. By the way I had also friend requested the skanks husband on fb and his profile dissapeared. The chick was fat and messy but he is to blame as well. And so am i. I had stopped having sex with him forever ago due to built up resentments in a long marriage. He is trying but I will still find out the truth because I deserve nothing less. The weekend he didn’t come home I think she may have been at his store for inventory. He took a lot of money out in a neighboring town. Yesterday was our 22nd anniversary and today is my birthday. I took Friday off for it but I will call each hotel in this town. Knowledge is power. Maybe forgive but don’t forget and if you find out he is lying? See ya. I don’t think this ***** really believed he’ll had no furry like a woman scorned. He doesn’t believe it either, just came home and wished me a happy birthday. Now, this was a very condensed version of events of you are wondering why I upset.

  13. My husband of 5 years has refused to admit to anything that I have caught him doing. Last summer, i found correspondence bt him and a prostitute. He denied doing anything. I called and somehow got the pimp who answered to check the records. He did show up and paid $200 for 30 mins. Never admitted but his behavior said it all.

    This Saturday, I get a pocket dial from him. It’s him and a guy and you can barely hear the girl say I’ll suck it fir $20. Then you can hear it on the recording!

    I saved the recording of the call i had with the pimp and this pocket dial. He barely contributes financially. We have a 4 year old and I’m expecting another in June. It’s the fact that he refuses to even talk about it. Gets angry and goes to bed. What do i di? Should i just let it all go?

  14. My husband and I had a falling-out back in October 2016 he just lost his job and for two weeks he left the house and didn’t tell me where he was going he said when he found out he would let me. He started acting weird and funny started losing weight didn’t want to have sex with me. Ended up telling me he wasn’t sexually attracted to me among other things that my body looked ugly to him. During the eight months he was a completely different person. He lost weight bought new clothes started going back to the gym. He started keeping his phone lock and still is to this day. Up until this point we were married for 10 years 9 days after our anniversary in January which we didn’t celebrate for the first time. I found a box of condoms in his car mind you we have never used condoms ever he was utterly against it when we met. I totally spazzed out threw the box at him as he was getting out of the shower demanded to see his phone and he refused said that he knew I would act this way when he bought them they were in the house and then he put them in the car. I didn’t see him for about 3 days and then for the next eight months he continued to stay away. We have two boys 13 and five at the time. He claimed he was sleeping in his car then go to work. I was an emotional wreck I started running lost about 20 pounds I push the divorce papers we filled them out I talked about splitting of the bills and got a job up until this point I was a stay-at-home mom. I tried everything to get him back and ask him to tell me the truth he would then say things like he was seeing the counselor he got an STD test. I question the STD test who all a sudden after 10 years does he need a STD test. He also told me on Thanksgiving that he wanted his hypothetical girlfriend to sit with us at our sons basketball game without me being mad. Refuse to tell the kids that we were getting a divorce that he wanted to see a counselor before he said anything else. Once I got a job in May 2017 is when he wanted to help with the kids more he wanted to go on dates we started doing things together and he was acting very supportive which he never did before. I told him unless he was completely honest with me and told me because in my gut I feel that he cheated on me up until this past Sunday he told me he’d have to two different people but I was only talking. He also went out of business in those eight months and told me he stayed in the hotel room with another woman and two other guys. At first when I questioned him where he slept he said he didn’t remember and then when I asked him again he said he slept on the floor because he didn’t have money for a hotel room. He never gave me the number to the hotel nor did he tell me what hotel he was staying at which one out of state. I never thought we had minor problems but they were fixable I never once questioned him being flirtatious with other women since the day we met because it was innocent. Now he wants to work on us and wants me to forget the past and not ever bring it up again. He said at the time he wanted to burn every bridge there was between us because he was just being a cruel asshole.That none of it was true he just wanted me to think that he was cheating. He also told me he didn’t love me you never loved me. He said that back in February of 2017 which threw me for a loop. I cried everyday trying to hide it from the boys wasn’t sleeping lost a lot of weight now I’m a different person I love him still but not the same way. I was never important to him before so my question to him was why would I be important to him now his reply was he was blind and didn’t realize how much he loved me and really wants to work on our marriage. Since we have so much of History even after he told me maybe we would work out in 20 years and get remarried. On things above that I said he told me I have come to terms that if we are going to stay married I have to accept the fact I will never be his first priority. He has been a wonderful husband since I started working and he is an awesome father. My question would be is it wrong to let him do whatever without stipulations. I mean I’m in a calm place right now where I’m working on me I have grown so much in the past couple years I suffered a huge loss and I didn’t think I would come out of. Because of all the cruel things he said to me it really doesn’t feel like our life before ever meant anything it was just an act. So this would really be in new relationship and I’m trying to be open-minded. Does this make me stupid for staying? I feel that we could make this work as long as I move forward and focus on myself on being a better mother and wife then it’s up to him how he sees himself I can’t control that part.

    1. Not really sure what to say, hes obviously been cheating on you and your pretty much ok with that, else you’d leave him. So all I can say is, well good luck

      1. He is using your desperation as a tool that tugs at the idea of keeping it together for the boys and sacrificing your integrity and self respect to being his 2nd love as he replaced you with her, so when you keep falling down his priority list you’re hoping to have the light switch emotion to turn off your hurt when not if because its coming that when he finds another he will keep wiping his nasty feet on the doormat that he calls you! What about your loves and where you’re willing to allow him in your priority list of those who matter or do you have a list for yourself yet? The priority list of who he should love in an order of deserving is never to place anyone no matter who over his wife, well except God of course , not one time is there a placement pecking order for his attention and love. Do what is in your heart and that’s all you will ever know is a life of loving someone who wouldn’t couldn’t and won’t love you back.

    2. You have to set boundaries to have any hope of a healthy relationship. You should see a counselor individually and together.

  15. my husband works with 40 plus women in a job he started about 6 weeks ago. He tells me he sit’s every day by himself in the break room. I told him that I do not believe him. I told him if i worked with 40 men, i’m sure either i or the man would sit at my table & we would chit chat. My husband tells me he doesn’t. I’ve told him, I don’t care if he does just please tell me the truth. I said if i find out later that you do & you lied to me, then there are going to be huge problems. He said i am honest with you but you fail to believe me. I don’t hide a damn thing from you. If you can’t or refuse to believe me after 6 years then we have nothing, is that what you want? He said he is fed up with my suspicious mind & enough is enough. The other day I texted him throughout the day & I never received a text from him until almost the end of his day. I asked him why he had not texted me back like he always does & he said “I don’t have to answer you right away”! I said you always have before, why can’t you now? Of course there wasn’t an answer. Ever since starting this new job he also has asked for some sexual things that he has never asked for before. He always has given me affection, but in the past month it’s A LOT more. He all of a sudden wants to me more affectionate & want’s to have sex more often than before. Why is this?

  16. I have been with my fiancée for almost 8 years we have a 3 yr old and I am currently pregnant. Last year his best friend passed away and the widow, who is a mutual friend, wanted to see no one. Starting in December she started wanting my fiancée to come over and hang out of course I would let him because she was always a sister to him. They would drink to the point he would jus stay there instead of driving drunk. So I have had a few doubts in my mind. Well this past weekend he went with her and another mutual friend to a bar, where she drunkenly told the other friend that they had been sleeping together for 4 months and that she felt terrible about it. Said friend asked girls mother who is leaving with her at the moment and she cooperated it to him. My fiancée told me friends were no longer speaking to him and finally told me the issue. I’m unsure what to do as there is no proof in his phone and only word of mouth by a drunk and her mom. Should I leave or confront her for proof. Help please

    1. This is awful and I am so sorry you are even having to question your husband. It does seem extremely odd that a husband would leave his pregnant wife at home to go drink and stay the night with any other woman, regardless of how close of friends anyone is. If I understand correctly, she was just the wife of his best friend and not his best friend on her own. If it was all just about being friends and needing support, I don’t know why she could t reach out to a girl friend, her mom or have the three of you get together as friends to talk. I understand that you cannot drink at the moment, but that wouldn’t have to stop them from casually drinking around you. Why couldn’t you have picked him up or him taken a cab/Uber service home rather than putting his marriage on the line and putting himself in a position to have his fidelity questioned? These are all pretty common sense questions and are huge red flags! There is a slight possibility she could be lying, but why would her mother play along? It doesn’t seem like there would be much proof in his phone if you are freely allowing him to go over there… so their interactions are mainly in person. Bottom line is he is jeopardizing his relationship by his repeated actions and not including you to ensure your trust and give you any type of reassurance. People’s inhibitions are lowered with alcohol consumption and once the infidelity has been committed, a repeated offense isn’t as difficult because they justify they have already done wrong. You may never get either to admit anything, but I’d be asking him for proof that it DIDN’T happen if you’re going to try that route. I had a woman say to my face that “I couldn’t prove anything!” when I confronted her and about the situation/messages I saw even when he wasn’t spending the night. You have to decide if you are okay with the situation either way and speak with a marriage counselor. If he’s unwilling, that’s another red flag. Good luck!

  17. My boyfriend of 3 years lied to me a couple weekends ago about going to a work event to celebrate their end of fiscal. He has two phones and accidentally left one at home. I woke up to the phone vibrating and when I went to turn it off it said “Alaynah’s Birthday.” I found her on Instagram and it was definitely not a relaxed wine tasting work event like he had said. Bottom line, I’ve been having trust issues with him ever since. Fast forward to this weekend, he went to his best friend’s wedding in Mexico, but didn’t invite me. I couldn’t get ahold of him for 15+ hours, hadn’t heard from him since before the wedding Friday night, and when I called his cell Saturday morning at 10am in Mexico, he didn’t pick up. So I called the hotel, and when they connected me to his room, another girl picked up the phone. My stomach dropped and I started shaking. I asked her to put him on the phone and when she gave it to him and said “it’s for you,” he couldn’t provide me with an honest answer of who she is, what her name was and said they were just drinking coffee and ordering bagels for breakfast. He called me “psycho, crazy, and next level” for calling the hotel when I was genuinely worried about him in another country. I don’t know what to think and have been having a really hard time believing that nothing happened with that girl. He says I’m manifesting something that didn’t happen.
    Today would have been my passed-away father’s birthday (he passed a little over a year ago from pancreatic cancer), so i called my boyfriend who is still in Mexico for some support or comfort, and he hung up on me when I asked him again who the girl was. It’s been a really difficult day for me and I want to be celebrating my dad but am worried sick thinking the only man still in my life that I love, is lying to me. Is there any advice you can please share? I would really appreciate it. Thank you!

    1. All I can really say is trust your gut, why would another woman be in his room? And why would he react in an ott way?. Am sorry to say it’s not looking good and I’d definitely have a face to face conversation with him. Best of luck to you x

  18. I found photos of girls who were not me in his phone and when i confronted him about it, he didnt get upset. I got into my car to drive away because i was furious and he ran after me and asked to talk about it. The images were deleted 30- 4 days ago and he said they were from his icloud and i dont know what to believe because he has only had this phone for a month. He also has stated multiple times that he puts it on his daughters life that he has not cheated on me. I thought he was cheating over the weekend but come to find out he was in the process of buying me a promise ring. He now has the idea to move in together so that i will be able to have access and know what he is doing all the time but i dont really want to have to do that because ive been in a relationship where i did that and it was awful. I need advice in what i should do.

    1. Sounds like you need a chat with him about things, I definitely wouldn’t move in with him, without doing so. Sounds a bit odd to me with all these pictures

    2. Hi Kimberly, first recommendation I would like to make is to call an Apple Store and ask if what he is saying about the iCloud transferring photos to a new phone possible. I highly think it is because I have two cell phones that are connected to the same iCloud. One has an active SIM card and the other does not. And yet there are the same photos on both phones. So best to confirm with an apple representative before thinking the worst. Also the fact that he didn’t get upset with you about going through his phone and finding these photos speaks volumes. If he continues the pattern of allowing you access to his stuff, the he might truly have nothing to hide. Which would mean he’s most likely not cheating. I myself was in a 12 year relationship/marriage with a cheater and I ignored the signs. The signs I saw are so far not what I hear in your story. Also if you are not comfortable in moving in together I suggest you express that with your guy and the reasons why. The biggest fails in relationships is because of lack of communication and expression of what one is feeling or going through. Express your concerns with you boyfriend with calm and respect, because you cannot go into defensive mode upon emotions. It would put his defense up and cause a rift it what may be a healthy relationship. Take your time, digest and hear his side of how he feels as well. Good luck!

  19. I believe my gut is telling me something is not right. I have been catching him watch more women. I I initiate sex but get rejected over and over. He picks on my body. I sent him pictures of me in lingeria and all he could do was point out all the flaws. When I confront him or tell him how I feel he disregards me. If I confront him about cheating he gets supper mad at me. I have no proof. Could not find anything. Except he had a porn hub app and then Lied saying he did not k ow it was there. What else is he lying g about. He lies about viagra pills. He says he hasn’t need them but I check and they are gone.

    1. Hi Sami, I would like to ask… is this your husband or a guy you are dating? Because that honestly will determine the best reply.

      So let me start off with this… you in no way deserve the treatment he is giving you. Not the rejection. Not the insults of your body. Not the emotional and mental abuse that goes along with that either.

      The fact that he is ignoring how you feel when you try to tell him your concerns and feelings are not loving and not what a true partner does. A real man will not try to tear you down. He will notice your efforts in the relationship and make an effort in return.

      Whether you are married or not, I suggest you take a major step. Go to one on one counseling to get your thoughts together, to focus on yourself, self healing. You don’t need to be in a relationship where you are knit picked and disrespected… but you do need to find your self love and respect. And that counselor might help you to see the kindness, beauty and love that you have and can offer to someone worthy of it in return.

      If you are married or dating, I suggest a time out. Separation. A mental, emotional and physical break. If he pleads for you to come back, awesome! However don’t fall into it and do so. He needs to woo you back. Show you that he loves you! Less words and more action, because he might only say what he thinks you want or need to hear. And then it goes back to normal. Take your time. Focus on you!

      Read this:


      The word “pursue” originally meant to chase someone with the intent to capture or harm her. The definition evolved to include “to chase, or hunt, to follow or be involved in.” When you apply these concepts to dating, getting a man to pursue you simply means he’ll do everything in his power to get your attention and become involved with you. It doesn’t mean he’s going to commit to anything beyond that.

      In other words, just because a man pursues you, it doesn’t mean he’s serious about marrying you. This is why a player can and will invest a lot of time, money and energy into chasing a woman and then walk away once he’s achieved his goal. The thrill was in the pursuit and once he’s accomplished it, he’s on to the next one.

      Just because a man pursues you, it doesn’t mean he’s serious about marrying you.

      Instead, you want a man to woo you. To woo means to seek someone’s favor…to win her heart with the intention of marriage. When a man woos you, he is trying to make you fall in love with him so that he can commit to you. You don’t have to question his intentions or wonder if he’s just going to leave after he’s done with you. He’s serious about commitment!”

      Quoted from (general search for wooing):

      https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/single-ladies-3-ways-to-bring-out-a-mans-desire-to-woo-you/

      Yes I’m almost done. I promise! I have been where you are so I say this with experience and love… love yourself and then you will see your value and worth! You deserve better! Let him see what he is missing out on by distancing yourself and focusing on you. It is his loss in the end and your world to gain.

      I don’t know if you are married and have children together, but if you are take your time. DO NOT date other men. Determine your marriage and if it can not be salvaged, properly end it first before moving on. However, if you are not married and you are truly ready to move on from him, go for it! I wish you the best of luck!

  20. Hi,
    Came across your blog.
    My husband has been acting weird since October.
    His job has him on pins and needles half the time.
    He even got on anxiety medication because of the stress.
    Anyways, he leaves out of town once a month for work but usually is really good at answering when I call.

    He has been playing A LOT of golf lately.
    He has been drinking a lot lately.

    The other night he said he was coming home for dinner and then two hours later I still didn’t hear from him. I called and called and called and nothing. I pulled up
    Find my friends app on my phone to track him. He was at the golf course and then it sent me a notification when he left the golf
    Course. It said he went to this address about three miles from the golf
    Course but yet he wouldn’t answer his phone. I was so mad that I drove to this address just to find it was a gated property. I didn’t want him to know I followed him there so I hid but by the time I hid, he had already left. (He was at this address for two hrs) I called him and confronted him after he finally answered and he started laughing and saying he was at the golf course but he is coming home. I said try again, he kept saying he was at the golf course and he is coming home.
    He then got quiet and wouldn’t say anything else.
    He came home, changed vehicles and drove away to this park. He sent a weird text to his brothers telling them how much he loved them.. they called me concerned. I followed him to the park. He was sitting there with the window down. It’s now about midnight. He started crying and said how horrible he was. I said why are you horrible? He said because all the way home, you told me how terrible I was. He said you accused me of being somewhere I wasn’t and cheating on you. I said “did you” then he got mad and said this is what I’m talking about, why are you even here? I said to help you just be honest with me. He said he was being honest. He swears up and down he didn’t or wasn’t cheating but then kept asking me why I was there. He then acted like he was going to shoot himself in which I had to grab his arm from getting the gun. He I then got out and he took off going super fast. We got the police involved and they couldn’t even find him. He came back home around 4 am and said he just wanted to be left alone. So his parents came in the next day and we all had a long talk. He said I was accusing him of something he didn’t do and it made him want to kill himself.. because he said I told him how horrible he was as a person.
    This just doesn’t seem like his normal behavior.
    Thoughts?

    1. Wow that seems like a real OTT reaction to you questioning his whereabouts, either way you look at it, he lied about where he was. Why would he do that unless ofc he had something to hide. Now am not saying hes cheating on you and tbh I truly hope he isn’t, but sadly hes hiding something x

      1. I know no one wants to tell someone they think their spouse is cheating.. and no one wants to believe it could be happening to them, but it seems to me that he was absolutely up to no good. Maybe not cheating but definitely not somewhere he should have been. My husband has done the same and I can’t catch him but my instinct says somethings definitely wrong here.. he also works away for extended periods of time and he also does the crying thing and then getting mad…

        1. I absolutely agree with you 100%, but some times some one NEEDS to point it out in order for the person to open there eyes. If anyone here at all wants someone to chat to my email is skittlefeets@gmail.com. I check it a few times a day and I will reply. Tbh I wish I had someone point it out to me at the time

        2. My husband has been cheating on me for at least two years I’ve got it on a video yet he still denies it and says I’m crazy, he waits for me to go to sleep and she comes over around 4th:in morning, I am devastated hurt, and don’t know what to do

      2. He is using dramatic tactic and he is manipulating the situation into your being a bad person who if he says has to believe him or he will make you sorry he will just end it all and that is working so far because you are worried and you believe he was reaching for the gun? Let me guess you didn’t have to fight him long to stop his attempted suicide because you hurt him he is a VICTIM who blah blah blah Just cut his little act in the middle and tell him to end it now, treat him as though he is the 3 year old tantrum throwing brat he is and tell him the what you will do to his world if he ever tries that crap again. The threats of being labeled a cheat will detour his little head from thinking to much next time he sees another woman and forgets he is a married man.

    2. that was guilt because you caught him …keep your eye on him my husband would say he was going to hang himself but never did he is looking to make you feel guilty for thinking …watch him get tracker and usb recorder device in his car …it helped me .

  21. I been having alot going thru my mind thinking my husband is cheating on me. We haven’t had sex in over three weeks . He has some kind of infection, it doesn’t want to go away. He doesn’t want to go to the doctor . When he when to the restroom i checked him, it was getting better, but now its bad again. I’ve asked him if he was cheating on me he got real angry and punched me in my face. I need help i don’t know what to think or do .

    1. I dont usually post comments at all but after I read “punched me in my face” (along with everything else) I felt this incredible need to reach out to you. I have very little room to talk being in an emotionally abusive & toxic relationship for 13yrs w/ 3 kids & no job feeling stuck a lot of the time. My bf has for the last year or so been acting very odd & my guts tells me he has or is cheating, I need ACTUAL proof in my own fd up head.. I will get there. I’m learning to heal myself & not give a flying F$!K about him or what he is doing because even without proof a lot of things have been completely unacceptable & we as woman NEED to have more respect for ourselves. That being said… From the outside looking in.. If my bf had some infection down there that wont go away & he doesnt want to go to a dr … Its because then you will have the “proof” but to have the NERVE to get angry at you & then PUNCH you in the face?!?!?! Are you kidding?! Girl. He is a lying sack of s*¿t & a COWARD. RUN! GET OUT! I dont know you from a hole in the wall but I know you deserve better than that! I wish you luck, truly!

  22. Been married 16 years. never thought my husband would cheat on me. this morning he left his phone at home and he called from a friends phone at work. I used his phone to text him back and found text messages from a woman. disgusting videos she sent to him etc. My world shattered I confronted him and he says that someone from work was using his phone. BUT there were specific things in the texts like ‘I now your married lets keep it simple’…. ‘ ‘its my birthday can I see you’… it was his birthday the day of that text little things that are true about him. why would his friend be texting about that? He now says he his friend at work want to talk to me to apologize. I feel this is such a HUGE lie and he found someone to lie for him. How can I find the 100% truth

    1. You can’t, unless he do a lie detector test. He’s more then likely got a friend to lie for him. Trust your gut hes obviously cheating with her, just look at the evidence

  23. my husband was hiding texts from a younger co worker like 19 years difference , when I found out from his bff at work I was in shock . she was more upset then me .then he started breaking things keeping me up all night ranting .this girl sent me nasty texts and emails telling me im a nasty whore slut and tramp etc I have over 11600 emails in past 3 years .I want to no why? I have never ever step out on my husband 28 years I am honest trust worthy person .now I want to beat this girls ass. shes nasty her name is nevena I call her nervadick .we got a lie detector test he didnt sleep with her no touching no kissing nothing .I just want him to stop protecting her and stop calling me nasty names. I got back with him I feel its not worth it .this girl was to far into my life im sick of him .but he wont leave .I no I can have him removed but he blames me for charges I just wanted him to get help .he tried to kill himself so I called police .this girl is a whack job .plan and simple .but I still want to beat her ass.the damage is unrepairable I feel …

  24. I checked my husbands phone history to see if he was cheating. I found Ashley Madison saying website. He said he went on the website to check if I was the one cheating. Is he using reverse psychology? Do you think he’s cheating?
    Also, he got out quickly of something on his phone one day while I came home early. I caught him jerking off while he was sitting on the toilette. He said it was just prom. I tried to look at his history again but he was on “private” mode.
    Should I believe him? Or do you think he was on a dating site?

  25. My husband lately he been getting paid well every he got no money and he starting to put his hands on me over it I’m afraid he going to really hurt me over this I feel he cheating on me while I go to work when it’s his days off

    1. I would say go to the spy shop and buy a usb stick it records everything , hide it in his car and a tracker .you can watch him on your phone or computer .

  26. My husband drives truck ( 18 wheeler) during our winter months and fly crop dusters during summer. About 3 years ago I looked at his phone and a message popped up on messager I never dreamed that he was doing this but he was talking to someone on messenger. He said it was to learn how to talk to me.. correctly. We halve been married for 23 years dated for 4 years Something happened last year too he promised that he would not do it again well he has promised and I believe I thought everything was fine and I went to make payment on his credit card with his phone and I found dating sites on his phone. So I’m just beside myself cause we have 2 children and 1 grandson. It’s like he has lost interest in me .

  27. My husband stayed out one night till 4 in the morning and then I find a receipt showing a pack of condoms was bought does that mean he cheated on me

    1. Well why does anyone buy condoms?. If he hasnt used them with you then, kinda left with the only answer. Unless ofc he uses them for balloons

    2. It’s not a positive, but it’s not a good sign. I would make a copy of the receipt then ask him about it. There really isn’t a good reason, but see what he says. I’m sorry but it does seem he is cheating. If he is, at least he is using something, my husband never bothered using one.. I really hope your husband has a good excuse and is trueful. Being cheated on is the worse pain I have even felt. Good luck…

  28. Ok my husband was caught on social media sight with another chick. He was laying in the bed with her and they were trying to get likes and comments is what I was told. He would tell her she is beautiful and tried to grab her hand and rubbed from her chest up to her chin. It looked intimate to me. He was also giving hints like he has something she wants. I told him that he pretty much cheated because the way they where interacting with each other. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?

    1. About 5 months ago my boyfriend of six years picked up a woman, went to her hotel room, he undressed. He claims they didn’t have sex because he couldn’t, but probably would have if he had. He just told me a few days ago about it which completely blind-sided me. He claims he didn’t cheat since they didn’t have sex. Did he cheat? I say yes. And of course its been very difficult to believe whether his story is completely accurate, or if its happened before. I do not want to be with someone I cannot trust. He says he loves me and it will never happen again.

      1. Who knows if he’s telling the whole truth, but he was naked and his INTENT was to cheat. Even if he physically couldn’t perform, a technicality doesn’t just get him off the hook. He obviously knew what he was doing and that shows that he’s not 100% trustworthy. It’s good that he admitted at least a partial truth, but my question would be why he put himself in that position in the first place? Unpredictability isn’t a great character trait in a mate!

  29. I am 39 years old, married for 23 years. about 4 or 5 months ago , I found out my husband has been calling and texting some girl for about 9 months or so, I asked him who she was and he said, “she’s a nobody, she’s a friend, business associate”. I do not understand why they communicate every day if she is only a business friend. Also I questioned her and she says they are just friends. I found messages from her to him which are very flirty, none from him to her. They are still friends and they talk a lot less now but I still feel as if something is there. Not sure what to do. Don’t understand why they are lying about it.

    1. It could be the start of an emotional affair if it hasn’t already reached that point. He claims it was one-sided, but messages can be deleted. She could just make him feel good about himself and that feel that he is desired by someone other than his wife. I don’t know the context of the messages, but his responsiveness alone is enough to make a woman believe there is something there. Nine months is a long time if they were communicating daily! You and your husband need to talk about setting healthy boundaries and express to him that that this type of communication is inappropriate and is only asking for trouble (someone to catch feelings). If he didn’t reply to her flirtatious messages she would get the hint and most likely lose interest. It sounds like you need to agree upon what you both feel is appropriate ao he knows what the expectations are and how to handle any other situation that may arise in the future.

  30. I have been with Ronnie for twenty four (24) years now. About three (3) years ago and ever since he has been accusing me of cheating, sending nude pictures over the web and altogether being a slut in my estimation.
    I have in “NO WAY” cheated, been unfaithful niether physically nor emotionally. “NEVER” in TWENTYFOUR (24) YEARS .
    Everyone ( if not right away, eventually ) says that he probably has a deep seeded guilt because he has been the one who has cheated on me at one time or another.
    It seems to me that there has to be a logical reason for these insecurities. Do you think that a guilty conscience could really be the reason he is accusing me of such behaviors ?

    1. Its hard to say, I often thought my ex was cheating but I never cheated on him. I have low self-esteem so couldn’t understand why he was with me. However if your husbands only been doing it recently then Id say he most likely is feeling guilty

    2. yes for sure men like to turn the tables!!!! my husband cheated on me 9 months after we were married with his ex girlfriend. He acted like i was the one. He blocked me from his phone, he had my new car taken from me, He had the landlord tell me me and my 2 kids had to find another place to live because he was selling the property.

  31. My husband had a fake email account with bogus name, was on many dating sites, secret texting apps on his phone, etc. Married for 15 yrs and 2 kids. oh, I want to leave him, no question. just worried about affect on my kids I want to move to a new town, but their friends are here and school. backed into a corner and not sure what to do. he lies to and wont admit to anything even when I have proof. all this has make me terribly insecure feel ugly due to him seeking out others, have severe anxiety now and cant focus at work.

    1. My husband lied to me from the start. I always knew He was disappointed in me, he pften spoke about other woman, as if they were better than me. He tried to make me feel worthless, never helped me or supported me. I didn’t realize everything he was doing. I was naive and thought My catholic husband would never cheat, I even told my daughters in law’s that they never had to worry, our guys aren’t like that. Then our Son committed suicide. 22 years in the marriage. Well, he wasnt there for me then either. He grew farther away. At 40 years of marriage and several years where he didnt even touch me, I caught him with porn. It took another 9 months for him to admit his secret life. He was a selfish, lazy husband and father, not lazy in his business, just for us. I had treated him like a King and he didnt appreciate it or our family. I made us look like we were perfect. But it was all a lie. I even stayed, for the kids. 2 other sons were married with 4 of our grandchildren and 1 adopted daughter. Months later, the boys had me attacked and tried to desyroy me. I didnt get any support again. They quickly kicked me out of their lives, so I havent seen my grandchildren for 4 years. Turns out they are just like their Dad, so they tried to destroy the only good and reliable thing they know. I should have never stayed, even from the beginning. I tegret ever marrying him. But I am still here, fighting with christian self for staying. Basically for convience, but even thst is painful. I do have my daughter, but she lives long distance. My advice to you is LEAVE if you can, or atleast when the kids get older. Once a cheating liar always. At 65 he still cant tell when he is lying, he is so use to it. He says he wont ever cheat again, but seriously how do I trust him. I pity him,bringing in satan to destroy our family. I hate him, he is a disgusting dirty old man. I am here for the money, bevause besides my daughter thats all I have left.

    2. Dear Worried and Scared, your story sounds interesting and similar to mine. We have one child together, a five year old. I caught my husband as he left his email open at home. Normally he is on top of closing down fully all of his electronics. Would he ever give me the password to his phone? Not in a million years. That should have been my first clue. He went out of town last weekend for work. When he got home I was washing his laundry to find TWO tickets to a local event. What’s sad is he doesn’t even understand why I am so hurt. I am crushed actually. On weekends if we begin to argue, he will just leave. He always has a bag packed and ready. He is gone so much our son doesn’t even ask anymore which bothers me so much. My husband doesn’t seem to mind it, who knows. The lying is too much. I can’t live and share my life with the #1 person who I’m suppose to feel safe with yet thats what he does.. Hide things and lie. He told me tonight in the last 10 years he hasn’t had fun and all he ever does is work. My mind rushes of all the things we used to do together before kids. We used to get along great.. but it seems after you have kids, they just don’t want to be around much. It’s too much of a responsibility and the focus is no longer them. I never thought for a minute I was going to be a single mother.. I thought I had a great ability to pick a good guy. I feel we are at our end where it’s nothing but mean words spouted back and fourth. Don’t go there.. don’t wait that long. Don’t become something you can’t apologize for. Words can be so cutting and last forever. I can so relate about feeling terribly insecure & ugly. I wish I was his girlfriend and not his wife. I need to move back home closer to my family. Is that what you want to do? Experiencing something to such a degree while having it continually happen…pieces of you slowly are being chipped away. I just want to be around people who love me for who I am. Have you made any plans? I want to pick your brain on this one if you don’t mind. Do your kids know about the upcoming split?I am so sad. So torn up. He doesn’t talk. He does this when he knows he is in trouble. The time I need him the most. He is staying in a hotel for now. Give me your update if you feel you can..

  32. Need advice. We have been married for 23 years and he is a wonderful guy and everyone loves him. He has always been my protector and biggest fan. A few years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that led to very painful sex. Our sex life has never been great but our relationship has always been. 10 years ago he lost his job and was home for almost a year and became addicted to porn. Porn led to chatting and chatting led to affairs. I travel a lot and our son is in college so his opportunities are endless. Every time I catch him he apologizes, cries and promises it will
    Never happen again. I know he doesn’t for awhile and time will pass and I start to suspect it again. I have caught him at least 4 times. I love him and his family and he tells me he loves me and my family. We get along great, have a great time together and have planned out our future and retirement. When I ask him why, he looks at me with a blank stare and says “I don’t know.” He treats me like a queen and is a great father to our son. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but can’t continue down this rabbit hole of distrust, deceit and lying. I am the majority financial supporter of the family so money isn’t the issue we stay together. Never been a factory. Help! I have not told anyone as I don’t want anyone to hate him. I have always been loyal and faithful to him – I believe in the vow of marriage through better and worse. Yoga helps my psych but do I want to live the rest of my life like this? He assures me it’s only sex with these women and breaks it off everyone and closes down all Internet sex chat sites. Then time will go and it does it again.

    1. Hi Jule. I am so sorry you are going through this. It really sucks to be with someone you love so much and hurt so bad. I’m afraid I dont have advice for you. I am in a similar situation with my husband. The love of my life who treats me like a queen. Dotes on me, always sweet. Always.
      I found out after 8 years of marriage that he likes to have sex with strange women, as in women he has never had sex with. Only discovered because I found condoms in his work van. I was literally blindsided. I never in a million years entertained the idea that my husband would cheat. Because I was special. He always made me feel so special. Deep down I was actually thinking there had to be an explanation. There was alright. I have yet to hear it though.
      When I confronted him the first thing I said was please be careful how you respond because it will effect the rest of our lives. Well of course he lied and denied. The cycle of mistrust began because now i dont believe him about anything because of all the lies.
      Its been 2 years since I found out that my husband likes to troll for women; prostitutes, crack whores, who ever he can find. When he finds one he takes them behind a building, down a dirt road, by the railroad tracks. Somewhere he can do his business quickly and then be gone. He claims he had sex with 4 different women only once each woman. And he claims blah blah lies. I want to believe that it was that random but I’m afraid he has a bigger problem and doesn’t want me to be aware how bad it is. I’ve asked, cried, begged, screamed for the truth and still nothing. His go to response when he doesnt want to answer is always I dont know.
      He doesnt know. I mean really? He doesnt know why, when, or how he cheated on me.
      It’s a terrible feeling to know the love of my life is searching for anyone-ANYONE! to have sex with. Left me at home working (we have a farm) to go find someone to screw on the side of the road. Only to come home and kiss me and tell me how he missed me while he was gone. Me none the wiser.
      I am still devastated and still wake up thinking I’ve had an awful dream. I chose to stay because I love him so much. But I can’t trust him to go to the convenience store because that’s where he finds girls. Any convenience store in a bad neighborhood. Or a good neighborhood. Anywhere he can find one.I get so angry though. Why did he have the right to ruin me, us, our farm, our business, everything??
      He says he has no desire to have sex with other women now. Why now? Because he got caught? He may not want to right now, but that desire is still there. Its sitting on the back burner just waiting patiently to resurface. If he hadn’t been caught would he still be doing it? What’s gonna keep him from doing it again?

      1. I would just like to say that I truly hope you find the strength leave him. You sound like a fantastic person and sadly foll like that always get hurt and used. It’s absolutely heartbreaking when your other half betrays you, it’s happened to me after been with him for 12 years and many others. Trust your gut, it works for you when your heart and mind arnt sure what to do. I truly wish you the best and hope indeed things improve xx

  33. I HAD SUSPICIONS MY HUSBAND MAY BE CHEATING SO I PUT A RECORDER HIDDEN IN HIS WORK UTE WHICH HE USES AND BRINGS HOME EVERY DAY TO FIND OUT IF HE IS; AND TO MY SURPRISE MY GUT FEELING WAS RIGHT.WHEN I WENT TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS HE WENT INTO DENIAL; SO WHEN ASKED AGAIN AND WHY A FEMALES VOICE WAS HEARD ON THE RECORDER WITH GROANING NOISES HE TRIED TO SAY THERE WAS NEVER A WOMEN IN HIS UTE I SAID TO HIM RECORDERS NEVER LIE AND HE BEGAN TO GO INTO A DEFENSIVE MODE ONLY THEN DID IT PROVE TO ME HE WAS CHEATING AND LYING AT THE SAME TIME.WAS I RIGHT TO PUT A RECORDER IN HIS UTE ONLY TO HAVE HIM STILL DENIE TO THIS VERY DAY THAT IT’S NOT TRUE AND HOW CAN I KNOW IF I MAY HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.

    1. It may not have been the right way, but seeing as he isn’t willing to admit anything, you did what you needed to to find out. If it is quite obviously him in the recorder, that’s pretty hard evidence to deny. Some men will lie and deny no matter what. Stories of men being caught on video and still denying that was them aren’t all that uncommon, sadly. You are wondering if you made a mistake — but you put the recorder in there because you obviously had a gut feeling. Would anyone else have access to his vehicle? Did he work with any other guys? I assume no if there was an opportunity for someone to be getting busy in there. You may have played your hand too soon, although that was good evidence, was there anything else to support that claim? You are most likely on point, but I understand wanting definitive proof. Best of luck!

  34. So I had decided to go through my husband’s phone because I had a gut feeling something is wrong. Well my suspicions were right, when I confronted him about it he said he intentionally did it to see if I was going through his phone and that he never sent any emails or text two other females. But why was it when I went Intuit Google activity and listen to The Voice recordings the things he was saying I knew he had to be sending them two other females. Well a couple months went by just last week on New Year’s Eve and something didn’t sit right and I went through his phone once again. Well of course I went to his Google activity first and went into the voice recordings and yet again the things that recorded him saying things you should not be saying to other women but me and when I confronted him about it he once again told me that he intentionally did it because you wanted to see if I was going through his phone. I told him that why should we be monogamous if all he’s going to do is go out and sleep with other women, while I sit there at home always alone lonely waiting for him to come home. I told him that it wasn’t fair to me and that if you felt like he has a right to go out and be with other people but still wanted to come home to me why can’t I do the same. He of course gets mad he says that he doesn’t want to be with other people but get every time I just happened to look at his phone he has 5 different emails and never saves phone numbers. I just don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi it’s Ash I am Goin thru the same problem there’s woman sent emails on dirty videos and there’s about 8 different woman an it came on he’s email. I went into Google my activity but I cannot go to the sites.. But I went into junk and recycle bin it was AL there. But he sed that it just came on the screen but never opened it.. Cos I told him wen these things come pls tel me. But he never. He thot he deleted all the email… An he denies opening this explicit videos.. Pls contact me. Ash

    2. I had heard that line before. “It was a test to see if you were looking at my phone” and I fell for the line. Turned out it wasn’t a test at all. If someone is guilty and hiding things, they have an issue with you looking at their phone. If they have nothing to hide, they shouldn’t really care. It is said that if someone is keeping tabs and doesn’t find anything, they will typically “get bored” and stop looking. Why would he go through this elaborate set up and say things that he knows would make you distrust him. That doesn’t make sense! Sounds totally counterproductive. I could see setting something funny up and saying “I know you are listening to my messages” or doing something innocent and silly to prove you are listening, but staging inappropriate conversations wouldn’t help either of you gain/build trust, so why bother! Also, having more than just one type of evidence to support your case would be helpful if tou didn’t already have it. Best of luck!

  35. Wheny boyfriend gets mad at me he is mean and texts a other girl he says he loves me and cares bit he always tea to start fights with me ever since this girl yes him and I confront him about it and he told to here to stop but she AA not stop and it is causing alot of issues between us now I am the thinking about confornting her but don’t want to love my man

  36. Common signs of cheating:
    He joins a gym and becomes a workout machine.
    He updates his wardrobe with new, trendy clothes.
    In general he starts caring more about his appearance and putting on cologne
    He starts using words, expressions and other language that is different and trendy from his normal vocabulary
    You do not have access to his phone and he carries his phone around the house everywhere
    He uses an app to check email instead of the native iOS email on his phone because he can log in and off
    His work hours change and he is either going in earlier and/or staying later
    He stays up late and you go to bed early
    He is emotionally distant and your gut tells you that he’s investing energy into someone else
    If he used to work from home he is now going into the office more
    You two stop having sex
    If you’re ready to face the truth you can hire a PI to follow him during the day. My aunt did and found out her husband was having a relationship with his admin.

  37. I have been married for 18 years. We have definitely had our ups and downs over the years. My husband used my car for about a week because his company car was needed elsewhere. The day I got my car back from him we had to go pick up his car. I noticed the seat was all messed up and my stuff was tossed around randomly. When I asked him what happened, he said he needed to adjust things to transport items for work. I did not notice at the time, but there was a black jacket on the floor of the front seat. I found it a few days later. The jacket had a hair clip in one of the pockets. So clearly belonged to another woman. My husband denied ever having anyone in the car. My gut tells me something is wrong, but he denied everything. What can I do?

    1. Hi, I see your post is recent. If he is back to using his company car and you have access to it I would attach a GPS device. I got one online (you can google it) They have a strong magnet so it can be put under the car. You can follow his whereabouts. I purchased a VAR (voice activated recorder) that is also a pen! You can’t tell it’s a VAR. you could place it under one of the front seats. You can also find it online. It’s around $100 but is so worth it. That way if there really is someone riding along with him you will have recorded conversations. I hope everything works out for you.

      1. I would also just like to say my thoughts are with you, infact there with anyone whos going through similar events in there life. Think we’ve all been there at some point and it’s the worst experience ever no doubt. Hope you learn to trust your gut, that’s what its there for. Also merry Christmas to eveyone, much love xxx

    2. Danielle I’d start by gaining access to his phone check emails and texts look under male names too or people you’ve not heard of, also check call logs chances are it will show you a phone number for texts that’s been deleted they always miss something. Check his Facebook apps if you can certain dating apps are linked check google maps for regular places visited and Google activity if that gut feeling is there trust it,I ignored my intuition and found out 2 years on.hope it’s something and nothing good luck.

  38. My husband has cheated on me twice cheat. He promised me he would never hurt me like that again. That was in 2012. In 2016 my dad died and I went to stay with my 81 year old mom for a couple of weeks to help her. She was ignoring her health to take care of my dad before he passed. I took her to her dermatologist and she was diagnosed with melanoma on her cheek. Well weeks turned into months since she ended up having almost 1/2 her face, from the corner of her eye to the top of her lip removed. She had multiple skin grafts. During this time I came home every few weeks for a couple of days. 2 months in I started receiving text from a stranger saying my husband was having an affair, the text even mentioned the girlfriends name. I asked my husband and he denied everything and said that person was lying. Those months turned into 18 months. My mom was failing and I couldn’t abandon her. I continued to receive texts and my husband continued to deny everything. Saying that they were just “friends”. Finally I gave him an ultimatum, either he stops being “friends” with her I am divorcing him. I felt that gut in my stomach that something wasn’t right. The first time he cheated he was always criticizing me, like I could do nothing right. And he would just say mean things to me out of the blue. So I knew something was going on. That’s when he told me that she was stalking him. I was fed up with this nonsense so I called her. What a shock when I found out that they had been having a relationship for the whole time I was gone. She thought we were separated. He spent nights at her house and so she believed him when he told her that we didn’t live together. My being at my moms gave home the perfect excuse. She was mortified. She wasn’t a stalker, she believed every word he told her. She fell in love with him. She was so sorry. We talked for over 3 hours. They had a full blown sexual relationship. He lied to both of us. I wanted to hate her, but I couldn’t. She was betrayed, used, and lied to also. He didn’t need to end it, she did it for him. He told me he still loved me and that he had an affair because he missed me! We have been married 26 years. He has cheated on me twice. And I still love this man. My head is saying leave him, but my heart won’t let me. I took him back. It’s been 3 months now, I told him trusting you and giving you my heart again is my decision, proving me right is your choice. Our children are 20 & 22, still at home because they are both still in college. They know that he has cheated again. They know that I have forgiven him again. Well 3 months later, the meanness, snippyness is back. I asked him why he was being so mean to me. His answer was “I am being nice, you just want to start an argument”. I feel that gut feeling again. I really think he is still seeing and communicating with her. I think he is trying to make it so hard for me that I divorce him. He doesn’t want to look bad in front of his kids. He says he loves me but his actions don’t make me feel it. He refuses to get a test for STD. I haven’t asked again. He won’t let me see his phone. He isn’t doing anything to help me get over the hurt he has caused me. I’m suppose to just deal with it. But the meanness and disrespect I won’t put up with. I really think he has planned it this way. I hate to feel this way. I hate to know that I have trusted him again just so he can play this sick game with my feelings. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried to talk to him and tell him that the way he talks to me hurts me. But he insists he treats me fine. Deep down inside I know what I need to do. I know I deserve someone who is going to love and respect me, but why can’t it be him? I feel so sad, so empty, so mad at myself for giving this man my heart again.

    1. You should try and contact the mistress again and see if he did go back to her. Relationships are based on a lot of things, and trust is one of the more important ones, if the trust is gone, the relationship will start to stumble. He needs to work on regaining your trust back. If you’re not ready to give up on him, try going to marriage counseling or something similar. He has to be 100% transparent with you and everything he does, you should have complete access to his phone (know his password, if he has one) and be able to access it whenever you want. If he doesn’t want to go to marriage counseling or be transparent, then I’m sorry to say that he doesn’t want to make things better with you and he is hiding something… If that’s the case, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? as hard as it is, you have to love yourself first, and have to be a good example to your children, letting them know how a strong woman is, who has integrity and self respect and won’t let anyone walk all over her… if you have boys as children, you have to show them what type of woman they should want to be with, and if you have girls as children then you should be their role model, otherwise you’re letting them think it’s ok for their partners to act like their father is acting.

  39. On Nov 6 2018 I found a credit card statement in my husband’s lunch bag, he had paid $10 400.oo to go through IVF with another woman.
    We were married in 2007. I went through IVF myself and the fertilized embryos did not stay with me.
    I got pregnant after that and had a miscarriage.
    I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, then lost my job of 27 yrs, due to my disability almost 2 yrs ago. I became severely depressed.
    Only now to find out my husband is having an affair and spent our matromonial money to have a child with someone else.
    I am so broken and will not be able to support myself mentally or financially.
    He laughed at me and called me a looser. He is gone now.

    1. I am so sorry. To have ones heart broken so cruelly by the one person who is suppose to love you and not hurt you. We have different stories but the pain we feel is the same. I hope you are doing ok, your post was so recent. Thinking of you.

    2. I can relate to so much of your story, particularly the scary prospect of being essentially abandoned. I am so sorry about all of your painful experiences. My husband began pulling away from me, emotionally around the time when my mother passed away. He was there – technically – during that time, but he was cold and distant. He would say the right words, but without any warmth. He became extremely critical of everything I did. I had gone through a difficult time, and wanted to go back to work, etc. That’s when he got cold and distant – and mean. He said that he loved me, but had no affection for me, only criticism and yelling. It got harder for me to function and find work. As time went on, he yelled more and he too called me a “loser.” I knew in my mind that it was a loser that would do that to his wife, but my heart still broke. He beat me down so much that I feel it has taken years from me. And cruelly, when he looks at me, I know he sees it, but only judges my looks, without acknowledging that it was his cruelty and daily hurtful tirades that have taken the sparkle from me. I believe that he just wanted to make it so miserable for me that I would leave, but with no income, I couldn’t. He put a lock on his phone, and would spend all his free time on Facebook. In the beginning I could hear the messages coming in all night, he said, about work. He took time off but would never make plans with me. Suddenly, during vacation, he had work-associated meetings he had to attend… He never used to be away like this. We always planned little trips and weekend outings. I have found a few numbers in his phone that I dont know, though he claims he doesn’t talk to anyone but family and a couple of coworkers about work. I know he has lied about that, so I believe that there is much more. One of the most humiliating incidents was when, during a routine gyno exam, my doctor found that I had an STD. This, obviously was undeniable PROOF of his cheating. Instead of being concerned that he had brought home a disease and given it to me, he continued to lie, saying that he wasn’t sick and he didn’t know how I got it!! Okay, Jackass, you are the only person I’ve been having sex with, and he knew it! After several days he went to the doctor and came home saying that only women get that particular virus (or bacteria). Ha!! I couldn’t believe he said that! So I just asked him, if it’s an STD, then where do all the women get it? His head nearly exploded. He wasn’t even man enough to apologize. He has been especially cruel lately, laughing at me when I broke down in front of him. He has kept any and all money that he earned in his own accounts. I was never included on any bank accounts, but I was obligated to spend whatever money I got to help with the bills. So I spent 100% of my money on the household, him, and any “extras” that I needed. I also did 100% of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and making our house a home. Out of what he earned, he was able to save at least 12% before taxes, and then a good $300 to 500 each paycheck (2× per month). Of course, he considers that to be his money only. In fact, I don’t really know what he spent his money on. At one point, he was making about $4000/mo. but his bills only amounted to $2000 at the most! So where did all the rest of it go? He expected me to spend every last penny that I had, while he had money to save! And while I did all the work in the house?! He may have been saving it somewhere else, or giving it to someone else to save out of sight. Or he could have been spending it on gifts and hotel rooms, for all I know! That actually seems pretty likely, but I have no proof. Just the gut feeling and every other sign and symptom in every article I’ve ever read on cheating husbands. Common sense told me that there’s a lot he’s not telling me, but he denies it all. And to add insult to injury, he tells me I’d better have proof, and what things are or aren’t admissable in court! What?! If that’s not an accidental admission…!
      Now with his savings and good credit that he earned off of my back, he has bought a house – in his name ONLY, ostensibly because my credit is not good and I have no earned income… and, as I said, he has made it so uncomfortable, so disrespectful, degrading and abusive, that I can’t bear to stay. I have found long hairs around the bathroom and in our bed, that are quite obviously not mine. He had the nerve to say that I had put them there! WTF?! Why?
      I have to leave, with no money, no job, totally heartbroken and depressed, no family anywhere near to help, and hopeless. But I have to put on a happy face and hold my head up so that I can get a job to support myself. While he goes on his merry way with whomever he has recaptured his “youth,” in our home, – in what used to be my life…

      1. I know your pain all too well. My once adoring respecfull generous husband started treati g me the same way you talk about in your post. This has been going on for at least 3 years that i can recall and trying to find the truth has consumed my life. I even thought he has brought her to our home and bed while i was here. It sounds crazy and thats what he tells me, ” your crazy, your imagining everything, ” you have nonreversable damage to your brain” He also called me looser and ” get away from me, one of the most hurtfull things was him telling me to” get the F out of his room” i have found long blonde very curly hair in our bed, his clothes and the laundry. I think about these men who have killed thier wives over the other women and starting to think he would do something like that. A couple nights ago i became very sick and projectile vomited after he came home from work, he never came to see if i was alright. His lack of empathy and disregard for my feelings is so unbelievable my family thinks im crazy and imagining everthing becouse he was always so doting and controlling, hatex not being with me even for a few hours. He denies everything Nd becomes furious if i confront him. I haven’t been able to pull myself together and do something about it becouse im always doubting myswlc but all the signs are there.

        1. One of the first signs I noticed was how disrespectful and mean he treated me. I would say something and he told me it was all in my head. Then he would accuse me of wanting to just fight with him when I told him how his words hurt me. Now I know it wasn’t me imagining it. He was cheating on me. He lied for two years straight to my face when I questioned him, making me think I was crazy to even think he was cheating. The lies hurt the most. I so feel your pain.

        2. I really dont understand why your with him, hes clearly cheating on you, your entire life has been ruined and consumed by the whole thing, your even saying you can see him attacking you. Am sorry but wtf are you doing??

  40. Hello, I am a 25 year old that got married at 18 when my husband was in the military. Yes, I know I was really young, I am well aware. Anyway, brace yourselves for a long story that I TRIED to shorten. After we got married I moved into the base he was located in and that’s when the nightmare started. My once Prince Charming had suddenly turned into a monster that I couldn’t recognize; he treated me like I was worthless and found out he had been having secret conversations with more than 20 women on social media, such as flirting or sex talk. He also told me that he had an app on his phone where all his porn was stored and that I wasn’t allowed to delete it; I was in disbelief! He had no shame, watched porn next to me when I fell asleep, when I was out, at work, and even in front of me several times when he tried to get me to try it or to rub it in my face when got into an argument. I felt like I had signed a contract without reading the small caption, I was in distraught. It didn’t stop there. When I tried to confront him about everything he started to mentally abuse me by calling me weak, insecure, not attractive or sexual enough (even though I did EVERYTHING he asked me to do sexually), and so on. He went on to tell me it was my fault he behaved that way because I wasn’t “spontaneous enough.” 3 years passed, we moved and I became pregnant with our first child. That’s when our relationship started to go downhill slowly without me noticing because I was in denial. He was super detached and barely helped me during or after the pregnancy. He was a jerk towards me instead of being loving or even happy about our first-born. He didn’t seem to sexually desire me anymore nor flirted with me. It was as if I was invisible. All he did was play video games and watch porn. He then started to pretend like we were ok and made me believe it as well. When my first born was a year and a half old my husband accidentally got me pregnant with my second child, which of course I will never see her as an accident because I love both my kids. NOW THIS is when the REAL nightmare began and my worst fears came true. When I was close to giving birth, about 38 weeks pregnant in February of 2016 I found an app on my husband’s phone where you “rate” people and saw that he was talking to a woman. He denied it and dismissed it as just a friendship app but I wasn’t born yesterday. He then stared acting strange and suddenly slapped me with “I don’t love you anymore, I want a divorce.” You can imagine how devastated and stupid I felt. I cried and begged him to stay, told him I would do everything he pleased. He was cold and rejected me, treated me like I was a disease. He went out and didn’t come home, spending our savings and taking the vehicle that was under my name to do God knows What (I of course found out he went to meet that woman in a hotel). I was depressed and went into labor early. The week before I went into labor I begged him to at least be present to take me to the hospital and hus response was “call an ambulance.” WOW. I was no longer looking at my “husband” but instead at some beast. I was all alone in the hospital for 3 days after I gave birth and when I got back home to my surprise, the woman he had met was sitting shamelessly on my couch. He then went on to tell he she was his “new woman” and that she would be staying there, for me to either suck it up or move out. So I resided with my parents and I was depressed and immediately lost 14lbs within 2 weeks. God and my babies were my only strength and light. I felt like my world was crumbling before me. My husband would text me mean things and even told me I was fat and ugly. 3 months passed after giving birth and I started working. I met a guy who made me feel nice and my husband found out about it and flipped. He went to look for me crying that he didn’t want to lose me and that he was sorry but I had suddenly turned into a different person and was cold as ever. I rejected him and he went on to leaving that woman for another one that he met at his job. He was 25 and that woman was 18. She was a nightmare and harassed me through text. He got her pregnant almost immediately and that’s when I decided to move, but He still hadn’t filled for our divorce and I sure wasn’t going to pay for something he did. Anyway, to make this short, he left thay woman, I took him back like a dummy, and he went back to her and officially filed on May of 2018. I hope this nightmare ends soon. Word of advice, don’t ever let yourself be manipulated into being someone or doing something you don’t want to be or do. Love yourself and put your kids first.

    1. I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you were being emotionally manipulated and abused by a man-child who knew he was in a position in which he could control you. You and your children are better off without him. That type of mistreatment is not the example you want to show your kids of marriage or how to treat/be treated as a spouse. He doesn’t sound like a family man and you and your children need a stable, loving and secure environment. It sounds like you’ve had a hard lesson learned. Hope things are getting better.

  41. My name is Joy I’ve been in a really bad place these past three months. I have been married to my husband for 23 years. I never believed that it would happen to me. My husband and I were so happy, until. Something happened. It all started in the month of September. I was hospitalized for kidney stones, found out I was pregnant with baby #5. My oldest being 22,19,2,1. I got sick had a nephrostomy tube inserted. Everyday after my husband started to change. He changed his job after working for 15 years, His new boss got him a iphon8 for company use, and gave him a lexus to drive (also for company use). At this point he started to change mire and more, he would be in his phone, that was all he cared about. He used to help me whenever he got home from work with our 2 babies. All of a sudden he didn’t care about us. He started treating me bad. I was sick, and needed him very much but he drifted and swayed away. I started to notice everything changing, he used to always want me sexually, all of a sudden he’s not interested. On the first week of October we got into a really bad argument, which he started. He then threw my stuff out and told me he didn’t want me anymore. Come to find out he’s been online looking at different porn videos. I was so heartbroken. I cried and cried, and prayed to god for strength, and answers. On October 20, 2018. I woke up having really bad cramping pains, and spotting of blood. I immediately call my ob/gyn to schedule an appointment. Nurse says just monitor your pain and bleeding if it’s gets worst proceed to urgent care. My husband stays home from work says he’s going to help me with our 2 babies. I thought to myself oh he’s actually trying to help me, nope to my surprise he saw me in so much pain he started another argument, so I wouldn’t disturb his sick Putnam addiction. He left me home with my 2 babies, I was in so much pain. He returns home 1 hour after, and says I don’t want you anymore. At 6:30 in the evening I went into the shower, okay I’m bleeding so heavy, with excruciating pain, I told him you have to drive me to the hospital. He did. We got to the hospital and he started to act like he cared. I told him I know I’m having a miscarriage, and it’s all his fault. My doctor arrives at the hospital examines me and says it’s inevitable you are having a miscarriage. My husband looks at me with guilt, and says I’m sorry. I immediately replied when I’m healed and over this miscarriage, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I even asked him to leave the room where I was in. He left to the waiting room. Doctor releases me, I’ve lost so much blood, I got home. I walked to the restroom sat down and then bam the placenta came out in the toilet. Wow! I screamed he ran in to check me at that very moment I stood up to shower, and I just collapsed. He carried me inside, cleaned me up, and then took care of the our 2 babies.! He made me rest. I
    Passed out I didn’t even remember how I got into the bedroom. He started to slowly try to communicate with me, but my heart was filled with bitterness . I hated him for everything that he had done to me. I told him that he has a sickness of ours addiction and that he needs help. We continued to live in the same house, but we were more like roommates. I watched him every single day on his phone ari Tsing himself, to his sick satisfaction. It’s now Nov. and I’m back at the hospital it occurs my kidney got infected all over again. I was admitted for 5 days. He had no choice but to stay home from work and take care of the babies. While at the hospital I received 2litres of blood transfusion, and my doctor finally removes the nephrostomy tube, and inserts a stent. I got released on November 15. I thanked the lord so much for healing me, guiding me, and for holding my hands when no one was there for me. Today I’m recovering, I have 1 more surgery to get, before I could say I’m completely healed. As fir my husband he keeps trying to get my attention but I choose to give all my attention to my kids, and most especially god. My husband is trying to change but I don’t feel nothing but bitterness, and resentment towards him. I have forgiven him for all that he’s done to me and my babies. But I could never forget all that he’s put me through. We tried to have sex, saddest story he couldn’t erect, he needed his porn. So sad to say but I don’t feel it, it’s just not the same. I am relocating with my babies on January. I am over him. Looking forward to a bright and new year. Many people think porn addiction isn’t real, but it is. It destroyed my marriage if 23 years. My soon to be ex-husband is still jacking himself off. I will continue to pray for him and everyone out there who suffers from this sickness. Most especially to all the good women like myself around the world who suffer the sane situation that I have endured.

    1. Would just like to say you have my deepest sympathies for what you have gone through. It’s never easy losing a long term relationship unde any circumstances especially yours. Keep strong and look after yourself and your children, for what it’s worth iam thinking of you and praying it all works out

  42. Usually women will cheat because their man is being neglectful in some type of way. Do you think you were treating her good? There is a reason why she cheated if it was just a fling she wanted to have or she thought you were cheating or neglecting her

  43. husband had affair 30 yrs ago I had just come down with breast cancer n doing chemotherapy he didnt wore protection was cold n distant with me for close to 2 years. gave me STDs n still denied affair after 30 yrs I found the proof n thats when he tried to minimize the affair. till this day he still won’t tell me when it started or why he really ended it. says he can’t remember but has the nerve to tell me about all the intimate sexual details. tries to tell me she was just a piece of ass. but even after he found out that she was a worn out infested druggy and drunk and irresponsible person he still met with her even though he claims the sex sucked. said he liked talking to her but claims she mostly bitched n complain while he only listen, while I dont believe it, he tries to tell me he like being with her.it just dont make sense to me I feel hes hiding a deep secret

  44. My old man is a truck driver i call me sevser of times n ask what he doin ill mute him so i can hear what going ill hear talking ill unmute it n he well say no there n he say im lossing it. U got to believe me bcs there is no one there. N i dont know what to he would video chat me n show me the truck wired would happen he say no there. N that no can be on the truck gotta have it okay. N he told me too call them they said the only rider that had a pass can he tell them not tell anyone. Specifically bcs he think i would caughtch on bcs now he quite driving i meet him at flying jays . there no one therw he could have drop her off. Is it possible? Im 28 n i have 2year thats austic been together for about 8 years found tons of dating site. Um his phone is always lock down. Where i cant into it. He says he loves me n that im the only he want in that.

    1. All I can really say Is trust your gut, your on a web site asking for help because you know something is wrong, not because your happy. Ofc hel say he loves you, it’s almost like those 3 little words cover up any ills they do. There words that are said to reassure you and most likely try to keep you there with him. Ultimately it’s up to you what you do with your life and whos in it, Id have left him if am honest, am tierd of living lies and been unhapppy when I KNOW in my gut somethings wrong. Hes making your life miserable and hes ment to do the opposite

  45. So, 2 weeks ago I found out my husband was cheating. I’ve been asking and accusing him of online cheating for a while and he always tried to make me feel crazy and blamed me… I opened his phone and his messenger was up and saw several girls he was talking to. I didn’t get to read the conversations bc he snatched the phone away and left. He then tells me he wants to be honest and doesn’t want to lose me, he said he made a fake Facebook account and had been on kik, lovevoodoo, 2 email accounts, mocospace and a lot of porno sites. He swears he never actually met up with anyone that it was all online…Weve been married for 14 years, have 2 children and hes been doing this for the last 3 years! Last night I find out he met someone off backpage for drugs he says(He relapsed 8 months ago I also found out at the same time) I don’t know what to believe, I’m so heartbroken and torn… He scheduled a counseling appointment for us the first week but nothing since. He says he doesn’t know why he did it, he doesn’t want to be this person, I’m just lost. Is it possible for him to stop? Can a marriage survive this? I feel like he’s still just not being 100% honest about everything

    1. All I can really say to you is trust your gut, it’s there for a reason. I don’t know about you, nut I have read every single post on this site, and they all end up with the suspected person cheating. I know it’s not easy but you deserve so much more, we all set the bar in life, don’t set yours too low

          1. Hi Vickie. It’s so much. My mom committed suicide in January 2017 and after that I checked out. When I awoke from my “fog” I started realizing my husband was on his phone all the time and was being demanding that I pay attention to him, it was like a seesaw with him being nice then didn’t care about anything. I noticed he was staying up late and then he became more and more argumentative. I ended up finding meth, a fake Facebook account and fake email account. He used the accounts for porn, dating sites and women. He swears he never met up with anyone but really it doesn’t effing matter…He had been doing meth off and on for 8 months he told me, he had the porn email for 3 years and started the dating sites and Facebook around a year before I found out. It’s just crazy to me that someone would literally go to these lengths to hide!

  46. I’ve noticed my husband has been acting different. Always on his phone, so I looked. I found several things. Porno, e-mails and Skype. I’ve prayed and asked him. He told me last night we was going to bed early, so I went to bed with him and he never went to sleep. He was up at 2, and at 4 with his phone. Any advice?

  47. i never knew some men can be so daft to still cheat after submitting yourself to them despite court binding which is legal and backed by law.BUT why? i am a full home mom with a baby.Mr Gibbs who happens to be my husband is a gentle and easy going.most times my friends wish they have such a man has a BOO.we have a policy in my home,we don`t pick each others cell phones.On so many occasions i see my husband smiling to his phones and i feel jealous ,and having cross guessed conscience on who he is smiling to,some times i ask him to let me see whats funny and he shows me skit.I GUESS i was FOOLED to believe what he showed me all this while.it happens that i came across a comment while surfing the internet,saying i can have access to my husband phones without his consent which at first i never had interest on,mind you[i saved the email contact which is Hackmania_9 at {out look} . com].i felt so much eagerness to know whatever goes in and out of his phones so i contacted the email giving analysis on what i needed them to do for me.To my surprise,he was into my Canadian neighbor who just relocated,i saw their chats,nude videos,pictures and also their last location which i invaded with a police friend.i refuse to trust again but love found me ,am married to a new man.Men can´t be trusted but few are loyal.

  48. My boyfriend is 42 and I introduced him to my cousin that 32. She not interested in him cause she has a husband. Mostly like everyday he mention her about me. Like last night my cousin wanted to talk to him I hand him the phone and he kept giggling and smiling and shaking his head. It seems like he was nervous to talk to her. He laughed when I tell him what she did in school that was funny. He brings up her more than any other girl. He ask me questions like when she coming to pick you up. Ask her for a cigarette. Where you guys go today. Your cousin and you are crazy bitches. I comfront him he tells me no in a angry voice. I told him if you angry when I ask you something then you lying. He tells me I no believe that cause I’m mad cause it stupid and you no believe me. Idk what to do about this.

  49. My husband cheated on me with several escorts for paSt few years but says only few months and he went to so many escorts at first wen he got caught he said he only went once and later he said 3 times so what do I belive??!! He wouldn’t even confess at first nd later did after so much!! He promised he wouldn’t do this again but evry time his late home I think he mite have gone with ano escort nd I do ask nd he swears he isn’t but evn if his changed how do I get over it wat his done in past? How do I know if his not gna do the same with me again? !! How do I know how many women he went with? He said he only went to women whilst he was drugged up and evry time he would take drugs he would only go then as he had no control it’s the drugs made him high nd he would crave whilst having drugs so he would end up with an escort! There was no physical contact from him no touching the women or the women touching him, he had no feelings 4 them he said but even so how do I know his not lying and how do I know If his slept with the women? Cos wen ur drugged up u don’t know wat ur doin as it is so maybe he did have sex with them,??? How do I know If he did or not, ? Cos he swears he never evn touched them!! I need to get over it pls help me???

    1. You know as I am reading this I am thinking I am a recovering addict! And let me tell you something you most certainly know what you are saying and doing. However it takes the guilt away and you are just high on life. When he is coming down I guarantee you there is remorse but it will happen again and many times over as long as you deal with it. Escorts are for sex honey. Escorts are not like you see on the movies just a date or someone to talk to it is for sex. And let’s say for arguments sake he is not having sex which I am almost certain he is exspecially where he is not really showing you intimatecy. But going to another person for emotional or physical intimacy is still cheating. Go with your gut and hopefully he doesn’t continue to be in your life. Good luck

  50. While on holiday last year in my partners hometown I found him behind a closed door with a woman who he got to know over a previous visit that worked at the hotel. I confronted him and he got angry we had an argument , when we got home I noticed he was sending emails to her .. he doesnt not know that I knew about these emails , some of the comment in these emails I did not like I did ask if he was having an affair with her to which his reply was are stupid , these emails continued , again we are on holiday in my home town and he has gone for a moth to see family and friends in his home town, before he went I found viagra in his bag also a prescription for viagra from home and not from our normal doctor, the morning he left I told him I had found the viagra he got a bit angry said it was for us and threw it away and added he had it for a while , I told him someone had seen him come out of a doctors in our home town his reply was I went to change our address as they had the old one …..when he left he rang me said he loved me forever , I phoned him last night upset , he gets irritated when I get upset , and I called him today to ask a question about booking him in on his return flight which we had agreed , he was angry with me for phoneing him

  51. I’ve been married to my husband for a year now. Every morning he wakes up early for work and uses the bathroom and takes his phone in with him, when he comes back from work he goes straight to the toilet and takes the phone in with him and stays in there for at least 40 minutes- an hour. When I ask him what’s taking so long he tells me he’s using the bathroom and to give him space. Whenever he comes home from somewhere he does the same thing. When he goes out with his friends his phone suddenly ‘dies’ and I know that he had battery but lies about it. When I confront him he gets emotionally and physically abusive and makes me feel like the crazy one. I have a gut feeling he’s cheating on me I just have no physical evidence of it.

    1. My mom gave me some really wise advice when I was only 16yr old. She said whoever you decide to falI in Love with, once it gets to the point where you suspect him of cheating, respect yourself not to waste time and resources trying to “prove” it. By that time, accept the fact that you are in fact right in your instincts. Don’t chase him. Call him out and leave.

  52. My husband left his Facebook account open by mistake on my phone. I couldn’t help but notice he was receiving notifications of mutual likes on a dating app. I noticed that he had looked at one of the notifications and the first notification was on his birthday. I waited a few days before I said anything. But when it finally came up, he swore on his children’s lives he wasn’t doing anything. He said it was an old app that he used when his ex left him which had been renamed. It’s not, the old app he’s referring to is still the same name it was when it was developed and this is a fairly new one. After our little discussion, I noticed his profile magically deactivated and no more notifications. But he had the nerve to tell me I overreacted. I told him, you’d have lost your marbles of you’d seen something like that on my Facebook. I don’t believe him for one second. I need to figure out what to do I still feel like I’m going a bit crazy.

  53. hi the other day my common law husband and i had an argument i asked him why is is that when he has money i never know about it and how he spends it too, he says its his money. i asked him so why is it that i cant hold onto his money until he needs it or he can take it and let me know whats going on with the money. he NEVER answered my question and i had asked him 3 times. could he really have someone else that he is spending his money on andd doesnt want me to know anything??
    we’ve been together now 9 yrs and we have had alot of ups and downs so i’m wondering if he has someone else?

  54. I don’t no what to think. Here is my story. My partner has been my only serious adult relationship. We have been together for 6 years, we have 3 kids under 5 together and he is 9 years older than me with previous relationship experience. Our relationship hasn’t always been easy given our life circumstances we argue sometimes but have managed to stay together. My partner seems to be the perfect hard working looking man so he isn’t suspected of being a cheat by any 1 but any one could potentially do that. I admit I am a paranoid person but I don’t usually have doubts but our relationship seem to constantly go through periods of being on the same page to all of a sudden weeks or months of him having no interest in me what so ever and I feel like a burdon. he recently proposed to me and a few days later I noticed he was messaging a girl. She started it and it was innocent but I caught it very early days. I feel like why would he reply how can he be happy to talk to some 1 else and not me. Ever since then my mind is going crazy, he works all the time litterally 7 days a week and says it’s for money for our family. When I confronted him about the message he said nothing and after I bugged him I got that he was insulted that I thought their was something wrong with it. But I just don’t see a reason to have a friendship with a girl for no reason if u have no time to spend with me. She’s not a old school friend theirs not reason for a friendship. So I’ve then noticed that he likes girls pictures and I just never thought he was that type of guy. Since then he has deleted the messages so I know he knows how to delete his tracks. He works in peoples houses for a living and I’ve herard stories of people in the same job getting with clients. When I confronted him of the idea of this the reaction was strange very over chatty for him telling me how he couldn’t sleep with clients what if they cried rape, it just wasn’t his usual laid back reaction. I have no definite proof. I don’t no what to do. I definitely don’t want to be lied to and made a full of behind my back when all I do is work my ass of for my family. I am only 21 and don’t want to waste my life on the wrong person I deserve to be somebody’s everything just like he is mine.

  55. Wow
    All this is true but one , he does come home but has a job he’s very much free to cheat he has time all day if he wanted to!
    I always new in my gut I’m husband cheated one me , I don’t have proof I didn’t see it
    I just know he did! These signs are true facts I even asked him if he cheated he says no I would never do that , lies when we were Separated 2 months he was on all these chatlines talking with other women , he lied that he has Herpes , and lied about the steroids! I can’t trust anything he says we haven’t even been married for 2 years ..
    all 4 signs are 100% true it’s amazing the same thing my gut told me!
    Trust the gut !!

    5 Signs of Cheating Husbands
    He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
    He avoids physical and emotional contact
    He criticizes you more often
    He picks fights or starts arguments with you
    (He stays away from home)

  56. Hi I have a feeling my husband talk to someone and he’s hiding something from me .. whenever I asked him he says I swear I’m not and how I can make u believe I’m not coz in past he did talk to few girls and one I knew about it and other one I didn’t… this time he leave his phone on table and he’s like check my phone if u want to … hes been so loving that’s maybe I’m pregnant but before he didn’t care if I leave him now he does cara but I do have a feeling he is hiding something its just so hard that I can’t find out and he gets mad and break things when he gets mad …

  57. Evening my husband cheated and i think now hes inlove. Every time we fight i endup feeling guilty i want to fix my marriage and want ny husband to be the man he was but hes sidechic has him wrapped around her finger. He loves sex so much that i eveb thougt he addicted now he asked for it after so many days he doesn’t like to communnicate with me. Things were sio good i dont knw how we ended up here and i dnt like his new friends because since he net them all thus began to happen

  58. Four weeks ago my husband just waked through the door , he came to sit down. I asked him how his day went, at that point his phone rang, his face said it all I asked him are you not answering that call, he replied its work. I said it maybe important, he picked the phone up and started heading for the kitchen. I told him to take it in the sitting room id be quite.
    He sort of hovered in the hallway unsure of what to do.
    I heard a female voice telling him she’d applied for 3 different job’s. I heard her say will you miss me ? My husband said let’s hope you get one . The call went on for a few minutes but I could tell my husband was very uneasy doing his best to end the call. He ended the call I asked him who it was? He told me Sarah green from work the nut job. Why is she phoning you? I Don’t know he snapped. That night I got a message via fb telling me my husband been having affair for two years. I was heartbroken, I asked him to show me his phone he’d deleted all emails and messages, I couldn’t see any female contacts. But I noticed one that said Health and safety but then underneath I saw her email address. I then noticed there were two numbers one work number one private. Lucky for me his contract his in my name, I asked the provider for copies of bills I started looking through. The numbers for textx,emails and phone. He told me it was just a working relationship but he never used her works number just private. But then I found dates when I knew he wasn’t working . He was on holiday with me and our son and he was still calling her for 20mins at a time at 8.20 am in the morning and texting her. The futher I looked back the more calls and texts. I asked him not to lie to me and be honest, he screamed and shouted at me bang his fists. Saying if anyone is having affair its you. I was hurt I knew enough to work.out something is going on. I asked him to leave he refused to go, I went upstairs and packed a suit cases he throw it on the floor. He seemed to be getting a kick out of hurting me. I told him I wanted to leave straight away I told him I’ll go with nothing apart from my medicine. I headed towards front door he told me he’d go I asked for the mobile phone thats in my name and my car keys. He refused I asked again, he said if yiu want them come and get them. He’d tucked them in his inside pocket and zipped his coat up.. I tried to upzip his coat and he started pushing me and grabbbing me I pushed back and caught his cheek with my nail. He went nuts screaming at me punching me and grabbing me round neck. I was heartbroken I got on my mobility scooter and he threatened to call police on me for making him bleed. I came home and I tried to ask him without blowing up what the hell was going on. He called me crazy and nuts and he hated me. I told him it was time to call it quits after 26 years of marriage. He had so much hate for me.. The following day I sent her a email saying you are behaving very unprofessional with my husband and if work found out you’d both get dismissed. Later that day my husband came home from work, He told me DON’T bother emailing her or phoning her she’s blocked you he was in pure delight with a nice smirk on his face. I said does she know the names you and the other health and safety called her, to say you admire her so much. They call her nut job and brain dead. They say she’s totally batty and crap at her job. In fact they’ve tried to get rid of her. I wrote to my husbands boss and told him what’s been going on. My husband said the only thing he’d done wrong was been gullible. Lol she’s 29 his 54 .They laid her off friday. But that doesn’t solve my problem I deeply feel my marriage is over. A few days after he punched me and grabbed me I’m covered in bruises. Even if the affairs over I can’t live with the man I ‘ve seen over the last few months. He obviously doesn’t love me his not touched me for over 2 years. He tried to touch me the over day before things got out of hand.I think it was his way of trying to convince he nothing was happening. While starting foreplay he hurt me very badly causing me to bleed for days he scratched all inside me. I was in a right mess can’t hardly walk. I begged him to stop but he just carried on.. I just cried and rolled on my side and asked why you did that, hus reply was its not my fault my nails are long. I said it wasn’t only that you was so rough. He got very nasty and stormed off.
    Last night I saw more back dated phone bills. I’d been a muppet trusting him and ever loving him. He’d turned into a monster I no longer wanted to be near. Unfortunately I have very poor mobility and take many meds because of my spinal injury. I have no idea how I’m going to leave but I have too. I deserve to be happy and so.does my son without him been involved with our hellish relationship.
    I have to get away I hate him and I’m also scared of him and what he is capable off. You can forgive the affair but not the abuse, mind games and terror I live under, I left him 5 years ago for domestic abuse, unfortunately not one person believed me. He faked having a breakdown and shutter so people felt sorry for him. Putting up with a disable wife who he cares for. Lol no he never cared or loved me I’ve just been here maid service. First time he hit me , I wasn’t well enough to go pickup his new ipad, I couldnt put my feet to floor with screaming. It was nerve pain. I asked if he could wait unntil tomorrow. He lost it and grabbed hold of me round the neck and just kept punching me with our son watching who was 5 at the time. Just a few years before I ended up breaking my back, that night I was rushed for surgery . The next morning at 6’20 my hospital phone it was my husband telling me to get home today otherwise he’d put our son in care. I ended up signing myself out of hospital so my husband could return to work. It was hard work pulling myself along with my hands I couldn’t stand. My husband wouldn’t take time off work to help.me. even.though we had insurance protecting our mortgage. Our relationship be been bad for a longtime.

    1. Hi Nina!

      I have never been in a physically abusive relationship but I was in an verbally/emotionally abusive relatioship and it really does have a way at destroying all selfworth and confidene you thought you had. I was able to get extensive amounts of therapy over the years and I continue to get therapy when I get overwhelmed. Therapy was what made me see my inner strength. Those toxic relationships takes a piece of your soul and the only way to get some of it back is to seek some help. Do some reflecting and journal. Sounds like you dont have a lot of support and you definitely need some support so hopefully you will gain some from this site. I am not sure if you are able to go to therapy or even utilize phone therapist (google that).
      My prayers are with you and your family because this is not an easy battle to fight.

  59. I got upset on valentines day and cut up the flowers. I turblant year last yr with my mum dying in the summer. Shook me up. he was lovely gave me space. I went through my depression cave, he had temper when i didnt do a few things in the house. Last few weeks he goes to a hit class ladies only man. He took his ring off at the gym a few times thinking its ok. Not much affection around me from his side, only interested in s×. He had a lot of stress at work. He wants to burn it off the stresses. He telling me hes not cheating. But i am unsure what was going on. My friends think he is. I just dont know? Or is it a Midlife crises. I felt like a maid cleaner and the childcarer for my baby and my 5 yr old in the house not much support. I did accuse him of cheating.

  60. Lady, I am a husband who is being accused of cheating right now. My wife reads this article and takes it as the gospel with little regard to context. Take for example.. You post “4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying” and although may be true in most cases but is not all inclusive. My example. I have been accused for year of cheating with her best friend. I don’t even talk to this woman let alone have an affair with her. I am overly frustrated with her accusations as anyone would be if you were falsely accused hundreds of times, approached with aggression, arguments, etc. from this false belief. But my wife doesn’t believe that I am overly frustrated. Instead she believes I am angry because I am lying PER YOUR ARTICLE. Per your article if I get upset that she continues to lie on my I am not to be angry, frustrated, etc. Total BS!!! Your writing is dangerous giving people false senses of what is true. People are reading this as doctrine and not understanding that this list is not all inclusive and not always representative of a situation. There are other factors at play that you FAIL to mention. Great way to play with women’s emotions.

    1. I can see how frustrated you would be if you are being accused for something you are NOT doing. In my case, this article is spot on, unfortunately. I have caught my husband cheating. The way he does it, is that he goes to “spas” and “massage parlors” and pays for table showers and other favors. When he was confronted because I happened to notice that the very day he was given a new smart phone for Father’s Day – he started sexting with one of the girls. Just one of many. He tells me he’s done with this but then a quick pull up of his internet browser history shows that he’s on craigslist and backpage looking for casual encounters as well as people to come to his work for “lunch car dates”.
      When asked about this – he gets angry. Stops talking because he can’t recall what he told me the last time I asked so he leaves the house no matter what time it is. So the female intuition and the signs – spot on. We have a great sex life – no reason for him to be wandering. So what do you make of that?

    2. I know this was posted a while ago. Some woman are just the paranoid jealous type. I have a Freind that is crazy always accusing her husband of stuff and he could glance at a woman and she will be all over him. But after reading all these comments this site isn’t about those kinds of woman most of these ladies have been cheated on more than once and need an outlet. You being on here is kinda like ooookkk why do u feel angered by this site? Why would you take the time to write us that is def going above and beyond. The real question is why do men cheat on there wife when my life revolves around my husband? Why don’t they just leave us instead of breaking our heart? If they are unhappy why are we here? And I really don’t understand why any woman would stay with a man that is physically or emotionally abusive. If I find out at all my husband is cheating on me it will be the hardest thing I will ever do but he is gone. And that should be every woman Las attitude a leopard doesn’t change its stripes. It will keep happening as long as you are ok with being second best. There are ways to get help if u are in an abusive relationship. I am on here because my alarm bells are going off and if I get enough clues I won’t need the hard prove he will be gone. No apology or action will sway me I will walk out that door and never come back like I said it will be the hardest thing I ever do. But ladies go with your gut!!! If he has an emotional connection with someone online this is still cheating! If he is going to anyone behind your back for anything that is cheating it’s never too late to leave. I don’t care if u are 20 or 60. Leave and don’t look back or make him leave and let that door hit him in the ass on the way out. Something tells me that your wife is spot on and I don’t know you

  61. 1. My husband cheated me more than three times.
    2. I snooped on his phone and saw that he enquired from his niece the number of one of the woman he cheated me with.
    3. I snooped further and saw he also have the number of another woman he cheated me with after I deleted it myself.
    4. He never tells me I look beautiful or is interested in what I do. If I do not tell him how my day was he will not ask.
    5. He is often away due to work obligations and he recently came back from a trip and all of a sudden ask me who ever told me that he likes chicken drumsticks? He also changed the way he makes his coffee. And so I can go on
    6. What confuses me is that when he is home he is never out. He always stays with me and the kids.
    7. He is mostly on his phone and tablet when I am in bed. I sometimes get up softly and enters the living room after I went to bed to find him on the phone or tablet.

  62. I have been in a relationship with my man for quite sometime now and I never knew he was
    Cheating at least I never saw anything till some few months before we ended when he was always a laughing on his phone . I got advice to get help from blackrazor@protonmailcom who helped hack his phone and I got proof to take actions. Try him out he is literally the best out there

  63. Suspicious in New Jersey

    Me again. Thank you for indulging, but I give updates. So I want to thank my sister, for confirming my worst fears. Bf doesn’t post photos on his facebook, however, my sister made it clear to me, that he was tagged in photos of him and this whore, on her page. Photos of him in Disney World, on planes, him dancing at a wedding and lip and tongue locking this whore! I have a visual impairment and so I can’t see these pictures. You can only imagine the heartbreak I felt, as my sister flips through photos. I cried my eyes out to her as I thanked her for validating my fears. So I printed them out, put them in an envelope, and I’m sending them to his parent’s home, and his home, and his brother’s home. These photos also are of this whore stating that “I couldn’t ask for a better man.” One caption says, “Tony and I are actively planning our wedding in August of 2018.” I’m sure he’s wondering why this morning, I’m not answering his phone calls. I’ve gone to a new cell phone plan, changed my number. So he keeps texting and phoning the old number I had on our joint plan. Cut up the credit card him and I shared, took my account off our credit card billing options. Yep, glad my sister validated how I felt. I hope Tony has a nice Christmas with Theresa, his whore. Because this girl is tired of being played. I’m 40, not 4. I deserve better! Like the saying goes, “I can be bad all by myself!”

    1. Just because you’re mad at him doesn’t make her a whore. You’re placing your anger in the wrong person. You should be mad with your boyfriend as it was his choice to cheat. This woman doesn’t owe you any favors and she probably doesn’t even know about you. I’m sorry to hear he played games, I’ve been there and it hurts, but get back at him by enjoying your life. Not wasting time cursing about some girl who probably doesn’t even know you exist.

      1. No! The wife is the one who owes no one anything. She doesn’t know his side chick understanding and compassion! She’s not the one who slept with a married man and she’s not the one who is complicit and all of the lies and manipulation! So stop throwing the wife under the bus as if she owes this s*** some kind of understanding and compassion. Give me a break

  64. So here is my story. I’ve been married for 18 years to guy I completely fell in love with and trusted. He knew everything about me before we were married, and I always thought I knew almost everything about him. Back in 2013 my dad was in and out of the hospital a lot. I was working but every time he was in the hospital I was there to comfort and be with him and my mom. Well, I’m 2014 he passed, which left me devastated. During this time I relied on my husband a lot to listen and comfort. We were sleeping in superstructure beds because of his snoring already, so we continued to sleep separately. As time went on we lost our cat, my cousin and 2 more cats which I adored them all. My husband and I became more like roommates, no sex at all, barely spoke, no affection, he would come home late or when he felt like it. When I would call.. if he answered he was rude or short or spoke to me like I was one of the guys. Disrespectful. I was going threw hell. I never thought the not having sex bothered him, he never asked or said anything, and I was devastated all around. I know a married couple should be having sex, it wasn’t normal but I was grieving (badly). So, In June, 2017 I discovered that he had been visiting sites for at least 4 years. He never deleted anything. He was such a lying jerk. There was even 4 sights where he looked up women. Yes, believe me.. a war erupted! I explode with fury. He lied about it all initially. Long story short, we have been trying to work things out. Im not in the position to leave. He swears, promises, confesses he will never go there again. He says he was selfish and always and still does feel very guilty. Says he never physically cheated on me and never would. I want to believe him, but I can’t get the images and thoughts out of my mind, I try not to mention it everyday, it is a mental battle!! I get and still am so pissed and betrayed by this man. I lost any self esteem I had which was never a lot and I question everything about myself physical attributes and so forth. I feel like he’d rather be with stars who are half my age and it disgusts me!! Although he Denys that as well. I don’t trust him complexity although he does let me go threw his phone and is more open with me. My deep inner thoughts tell me he has cheated and not to ever believe him completely. He tells me he would and has never crossed that line. Although I feel looking at p IS CHEATING!!! I really am struggling everyday with this I feel fake sometimes because I have to hold back my thoughts because he gets pissed. Anyone similar? I’d love to hear from anyone.

  65. I discovered i was being played for a fool and scammed. Who knows it possibly saved my life. I know it sounds like a hallmark movie but I discovered this person had manipulated me for over 9 years. I was amazed at how clearly you can hear, get instant text messages sent and received from the target’s cellphone. The best thing I ever did is get in touch with some tech guy called thunderbirdinc, he saved me so much trouble. I was even amazed because I learnt he could offer more hacking/spying services.You need to spy, get to know who your partner has been talking to, get confidential data out of any cellphone and you tell him you were referred to him by jaswiththasauce
    Contact him on thunderbirdhack AT gmail DOT com

    1. Suspicious in New Jersey

      Owwwwwwwwwwwwww thank you very muuuuuuuuuch! I’m gonna contact this thunderbirdinc, and see if I can get into my bf’s phone! Still suspicious, I finally did get the credit card statements and see some stuff I don’t like. Can’t wait to get into his phone!

  66. Hi my husband & me just got back together after some time apart.now he is bidding his phone from me.has a Facebook account &doesn’t a knowledge me on it.when I confront him about it he gets all defensive. He also watches port & try to hide it from me.he doesn’t won’t me to move in either.is he cheating

  67. I can not confront mine he will become abusive. He flipped out yesterday saying I’m not being a worthy wife I’m just tempary. He told my 20yr son that 2 girls were hot and just that morning he told me he don’t look or talk about other women like that. He private messages, hrs contact a lady that is his boss x wife and she’s the x because she cheated on him so now my husband has her number and on fb together. 1 x month he yells, throws things, calls me names, gonna leave me cause I’m not doing my wifely duties.

    1. leave his ass. he is abusing you and you are too stupid to know it. why would you want to be with someone that treats you like this. i know it is scary to leave and start over, but you’ll be much better off. if he hasn’t cheated on you yet ( which i think he has already, then he will. why put yourself through all this when you could have a happy life with out him. you first need to realize that you don’t need a man to be happy and go from there. i wish you all the best, but you’re the one that has to put the plan into motion.

      1. Why would you say that? Yes it is abuse but that was a really cruel thing to say. She’s hurting. She doesn’t need that right now.

        1. What she said was 100% correct! She was honest and def not cruel. She needs to run and never look back at that man again for her sanity and safety

  68. I’m Kelsey I am 23. I have been with my partner for 3 years. He use to be so in love with me and be so caring but now he manipulates me and calls me nasty names even when I’m not doing anything to deserve the emotional abuse. I know I shouldn’t stay with someone like this but we have been living together for 3 years and I wouldn’t have anywhere else to go because he works and I don’t. I don’t talk to my family. I feel alone. But anyway I ask him all the time where he’s been and what’s he been doing and who he’s been with but he always gets so angry. Or just doesn’t tell me for a long time, (maybe he’s trying to think of what to say) anyway I think I’ve changed him. My past relationships which were only two others never treated me like this. I can’t take up for myself I feel like I don’t have the place to because I don’t do anything but stay at home all of the time. Which he says in front of his friends to me constantly. He humiliates me all the time in front of people. I want to know what to do. I feel like I shouldn’t let someone get away with treating me like this because I have never taken up for myself every time I try I fail miserably… I don’t have any friends but my little brother. I know deep down that i just need to give up and maybe that will teach him he can’t treat women like this. I am a quiet person and always have been. But I want to tell him to F Off! And stick it where the sun doesn’t shine… He deserves it because he’s done horrible things to me. And all I want out of life is to love someone and for someone to love me unconditionally forever. I love LOVE. Maybe I’m just young. Idk but I feel a little better commenting. I know its something small but I feel better. I need to figure out what to do next. I cant live like this I’m still so young. Hopefully I will grow some balls and just leave and find happiness somewhere else. Maybe no more relationships for a while and focus on me. Get a job and get my own home. I have done it before…. Thank y’all for letting me comment.

    1. first, you need to find a job. that will help you in more ways than one. it will increase your self esteem and confidence, and it will give you the security you need to leave. be brave, this is not for the weak or faint of heart. he is the insecure one. it makes him feel more like a man to put another person down, and that person just happens to be you. let his comments roll off you like water on a rain coat and invest in yourself and be the person you want to be. just because you are a quiet person doesn’t mean you can’t speak up for yourself. you don’t have to yell to be heard! yelling doesn’t work anyway. most of the time when a person is calm and just speaks the truth, they are heard even better than yelling anyway. he will know you are serious when you do this. which will make him afraid…..very afraid. turn the shoe on the other foot and let him be afraid. maybe this and this alone will change his ways, but if not start over. you deserve it.

    2. Your very young dude! I’m 31 and I still pick a liar and cheater! And they are the very two things I hate! I’ve never cheated on my fiancé and he constantly accused me of it he is prison right now and I am five months pregnant and I think he has lied to me about cheating in fear I’ll leave!!! Anyways I was with the love of my life I thought before my fiancé, Jake him and I were in Love I was 18 and he was 21 we had two kids together and he was abusice mentally and emotionally and eventually became physically! I stayed like this TRAPPED for several years becaUse he isolated me and I allowed it from everyone I loved and cared for! Don’t wait till it’s too late reach out to your family even if your ashamed and ask for help they will hopefully welcome u with open arms!

  69. I feel my fiancee has cheated on me though he has tried to tell me he hasnt the odd behavior you discussed is how he acts, but i have accused him a whole lot

  70. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your relationship. It sounds like you can’t trust your partner, and that not only lying about cheating… He also steals money and can’t control his drinking. It also sounds like you did a very smart thing by asking him to move out.

    The thought of starting over – and going through the process of separating, breaking up, dividing up all your stuff – is painful and overwhelming. Is that why you’re confused? Or, are you confused because you are second-guessing your gut instincts? Not only is your intuition telling you that your partner is lying, cheating, and using you… Your friend is saying the same thing.

    What would you experience if you gave this relationship up?

  71. Hi I don’t really know how to start my question /comment. My partner and I are currently sleeping in separate rooms. I feel he lies to me and I have caught him a number of times. Ive never really questioned him about cheating before because I never thought he would.
    A couple of months ago I found out that he was talking to an old female friend he told me he accidentally ran into her when she called into his work. He is a chef people eat there, it could happen. I’m very trusting well I was. Soon after that they started messaging each other on Facebook, never added each other as friends but would send messages through messenger. He told me not to worry they were only friends. I was ok with that I have guy friends well I did, he didn’t like me talking to them even though I never excluded him from knowing them. So when I asked him what she was messaging him about which increased a little he became defensive and wouldn’t answer me. Then my suspension grew. I said to him that if he had nothing to hide he just needed to show me the messages. He then deleted his entire conversation with her and blocked her and hasn’t been on Facebook again. He went out one day told me he was seeing his dad I couldn’t get a hold of him so I called his dad to ask where they where and I would come meet up so we could go home together as we only have one car and I had it. His dad hadn’t seen or spoken to my partner. Another fight erupted over lies. About 2 weeks later I found a pair of women’s pants hidden in a bag in our wardrobe. He denies knowing anything about them. He is so convincing when he tells me things but last week I had a bit of a brain snap and all of these incidents plus others are making me question everything. Oh one more thing he is a recovering alcoholic so when money goes missing each week I question him about drinking. I’m not sure if he has slept with someone or is having an affair with alcohol. Please help. I have asked him to move out. My friends think he uses me as a meal ticket. Please please help I’m so confused.

    1. Hi Laurie . Well my partner has moved out. Well I forced the move it was the only way to get him to leave. I packed his things and dropped at his work after finding our bin full of empty cartons of alcohol. But he swears he doesn’t drink. He still denies cheating which is fine, the lying about money drinking and other things is more my reasoning.
      I said in my original comment that I was confused I suppose I was more scared than anything else. Scared of being alone, scared of what he might do, and scared of course of not being able to cope financially.
      I know I won’t be alone, my friends and family support me and are extremely relieved that he has gone. Financially I’ll get through. I was right to worry about what he would do. He has become very nasty, I’ve had to block his number and I call help lines at night to get me through the nights. He is extremely manipulative and knows exactly what to say to get to me. I’m very unsure if this is deliberate or just how he is. He has now resorted to going through my daughter who is in hospital. She just had a baby he was messaging her while she was in labour to pass messages onto me. He knew she was in labour. He only thinks of himself.
      I am so tired. Just want this to end.

  72. Suspicious in New Jersey

    So I found even more evidence to think my boyfriend’s cheating! This past July, he bagged out on our conference that we attend every year. Says he had to help his parents move to their new house! So he knew my fear of flying, but chose to leave me go all alone, be frightened on the plane, etc. He disappeared the whole time, couldn’t get hold of him! Then I get this random text, from his number saying, that he’s going to marry this whore. The same whore who a few months ago said, “I’m Tony’s fiancae.” Really?

    Then when I confront him once again, he says his rehearsed speech he tells me all the time. “I wouldn’t do that to you……… Relax sweetheart………” Sure……… He claimed after I confronted him, that his IPhone went wackie and the text was written at random. I heard some excuses, but this takes the cake! I guess his IPhone told him to disappear too for the entire week I was attending the conference? Then “Poof!” What do ya know, at the end of the conference. Magic! He appears once again acting like nobody should be angry with him. I swear, he’s a narsacist! He tells me, “I am the encredible alpha male.” Really?

    I mean, does he really think I’m that stupid? I’m just building my case, give him enough rope to hang himself!

    He hides in the bathroom all the time! I tell ya, he ain’t no damn encredible alpha male either! Being a liar and cheater, don’t make you anything but that. A liar cheatin’ fool!

    He thinks he’s big bad tough cookie with his credit cards and all. But you know what? I am an authorized user on 2 of them, so I ordered statements. I’ll find out for myself what the hell other stuff he’s hiding!

    He whines and acts like a lil kid when I go on business trips, wanting to go with me. But when I wanna come with him to his trips? “Aw sweetie, I wish you could. It’s only for the attorneys in the firm.” He’s an attorney, will and estate attorney!

    I’m a human resources supervisor, don’t he know I’m not stupid? Can’t wait to get those statements! I’ll show him how quick I can disappear too!

    1. Suspicious in New Jersey

      So another thing my lying cheating husband did. I just turned 40 last Wednesday. He never called to say “Happy Birthday.” Just gave me the “I was so busy I forgot” excuse. Then for my 40th birthday party, he arrived late, which made my folks annoyed! And he wonders why I didn’t talk to him when we had cake and ice cream? He says he got me tickets to see Billy Joel tomorrow. Let’s see if that’s a lie.

      He didn’t even spend my birthday with me. I told him, “Who’d you spend my birthday with? Your girlfriend that you claim is stalking you?” He tells me all the time, “I’m not the men who cheated on you in the past. I won’t hurt you.” Bull you ain’t……………… His job fits him, lawyer! They are devils in human form.

      I’m so broken hearted, because he ruined my birthday, and I will spend eternity making him regret it. I know he’s sticking his pen where it don’t belong. Then he shows up and wants to be all romantic? He got angry when I told him “No! If you don’t have any protection, then no!” Stupid idiot was begging like a kid. “Please? I didn’t do anything wrong! Why you being so mean?”

      He got angry because I took myself off our cell phone plan and went to a plan of my own. I’m so sick of him and his constant lies. Tired! So tired of him. So getting my own plan with a new number is the first step I’m taking to leave him. If his affair partner wants him, she can have him. I’m sick of him!

  73. I beleave my husband is cheating the fights are so frequent and from nowhere and 99% of the time make no sense.I have to beg for intimacy and after wish I hadn’t because it’s so selfish on his side.Verbal abuse daily along with complete detachment for me as a person. It started when I was 3 months pregnant with our son who is now 7 months old. He swares he’s never cheated and never will but his actions speak clearly. He’s threatened to cheat whe I was 9 months pregnant left came back drunk at 330am ..recently it got so bad between us he was offered a job paying the same wage but he would be gone a month at a time. I thought that would help because things between us were getting so bad but going on 2 moths with him working and it’s worse. He’s going out every night not wanting to ever talk to me drinking going to bars and strip clubs and then accuses me daily of cheating I’m a stay at home Mom with no money of my own and little to no friends nor family to care for my son so I stay home but still get accused for no reason. I’ll call him on the phone and he acts busy even when he’s not and always preoccupied short and rude and if I say hey could you go somewhere where we can talk he laughs (at something)or someone and soon after hangs up.. I drove 3 1/2 hrs with our son Togo see him for the 1st time in a month and he was in a drunken rage for no reason. Kept telling me to go back home he didn’t want to see us. But swares he loves us and yada yada. I gave up everything to settle down and have a family he made so many promises and goals and has broke everyone of them including all my boundaries. Guess I just don’t know what to do when you love someone you want to beleave them this isn’t my 1sr rodeo with someone like him ..I’m not sure what to think or do our 1 yr wedding anniversary just passed on the 22nd and it was horrible.again for no reason I try to laugh and smile crack Jokes and flirt and be cute and witty and and and nothing works 90% of the time not sure what to think

    1. Hello,
      Reading your story i almost see mine. Me and my boyfriend being in relationship little over than 2 years. Since we met he was the one who push us to relationship, he was the one who asking me to get pregnant and give him a child. I was very happy to meet such a man and i thought that would be it and this is my happily ever after.. Im honest and loyal and ny mistake was to think that everybody same like me. I trusted my boyfriend i have never been cheated before that what helps him fool me around. His phone was always on password, we never connected as friends on Facebook, instagram and other social media. I was stupidly naive to don’t worry about, he told me he don’t use none of his social account. After year abd a half of our relationship i got pregnant and he offer to move in in his house. I did and it was a biggest mistake i have ever made. Long story short he never loved me he just used me because im very supportive and always was there for him mentally, physically and financially. Everything end up with so much abuse and disrespect, during whole my pregnancy i feel so lonely and miserable while he went out every night, never answered his phone and came back home at morning. If i try to ask something he get abusive and super angry. Lately i found out he cheated on me with 18 years old neighbor across the street. It was devastating. I have a 2 month old baby and he betrayed me on such a disrespectful careless way. When i confront him first reaction was furious he denied everything but at the end he came clean and told me that he got a feelings to 18 years old but she can’t do nothing for him and im his best interest. He has no heart no morals no limits, he hurted me so bad, but i have 2 ways to do: feel miserable devastated and let this kill me from inside or after numerous days of crying just to help relief hurt and damage from my heart move on. Im still leaving in his house because i have no family or place to go. I cant work right now because im taking care of my 2 month old son. Im originally from different country and all my family back there. My now ex boyfriend keep seeing those girl every night came back home very late with her lipstick all over. I really loved him and it brakes my heart how careless he hurted me, but im strong enough to close my heart to someone who disrespect me like that. And you should do the same. We are all deserve to be happy, loved and respected and if someone even who you love till death doesn’t do that let them go. Dont waste your valuable time on someone who doesn’t deserve it. This relationship thought me a lesson. If your partner hide his phone, Facebook or any other social media he is definitely liar and cheater, so i dont let noone hurt me ever again. Good luck and be strong, just remember you deserve nothing but the best and dont let someone who dont love you hold you from somebody who will.

    2. Goodness, I hope you’ve moved on!! This is my story but 21 years later!! If you haven’t left do it now. The manipulation and control only get worse with sporadic episodes of happiness. It took me a very long time to really see the truth and try to figure out what to do. Your instincts are correct, don’t doubt them. If you stay long enough he will destroy your self-esteem and you won’t have the strength to stand up for yourself and leave. Look up narcissism and alcoholism…it will be like reading his biography! Best wishes for a Free and Happy life!!!

  74. Heartbroken and Pissed

    Over 20 years of marriage I have suspicion my Husband has cheated. He lied about a business trip he had to take and with a few drinks at his conference went to a XXX strip club had a few dances totally nude, and got to go on stage for a little contest with some ladies, so how far did it go > I will never know. He had no clue that I found out he went before he even made it home. I asked him if he went he lied. Then when he realized I knew he cried and told me bits and pieces. No touching the ladies he says but I know different as well. I know you can pay to play. its been a couple of years now and I still have this gut feeling. I confront him about it on occasion and he gets pissed and defensive. and saying here we go again. I feel there is more to it. I just want honesty. Weather you did or didn’t. either way he lied. Things have been different for me I don’t trust him but yet so much time has been vested. We have children involved. Just don’t know how to feel or what to do.

  75. I think my husband is cheating because he is constantly on his cell phone. I found a receipt for two dine in lunches. He started working late and he car is not there. He had an affair before on me and his ex wife. He doesn’t kiss, hug or have sex with me regulary. He accuses me of cheating constantly. He is very defensive and verbally abusive.

    1. Im so sorry to tell that, but yes hes definitely cheating. My boyfriend did the same and later i find out he was in other relationship for the last 10 months. Be strong and decide what you really want. Cheater always be cheater, that’s for sure…

  76. Heyy ladies!!

    So this is my story, my husband of 4 years cheated and got her pregnant and me at the same time !! I lost my baby 2 days before finding out! I’m 26 and this is my first serious relationship.. I can tell you this, I did not want to live when I found out, I realised why people turn to drugs at that moment! To hide the pain.. to be honest I though about killing myself!

    Ladies please for the love of god, if you think his cheating, it usually means he is!! Leaveeeeee! Run while you can… they are not worth it! And if you go against your gut feeling, then later down the track you will get stuck with a child and he would have moved on and leave you !!! It’s so hard for me to move on to be honest, he knew how much I loved him and how much I wanted a baby… I cry nearly every night !

    They are not worth it!! Ladies in the article above it mentioned the top 5 signs of cheating… I ticked every box.. us girls are so dumb, we have so much hope in them and they literally destroy us.. don’t be afraid to move on my girls!!

    The best advise I can leave on is let the men feel like his a men in the house (even tho we know we are the men and we run the show) make them feel like that are doing great.. men are like babies!! Give them everything they want them to hear, even though they are the dumbest people on this planet…or else they will find that comfort somewhere else.. girls love married men! Don’t push your husband/partner away

    I hope this helps at least someone..

    P.s the girl he cheated on me with, knew i was married to him! Shame shame shame!! TRUST ME GIRLS, MEN ARE FLOPS!!! THEY ARE ALL THE SAME, DONT TELL ME THEY ATE NOT xxxx

  77. Mine started FB…he made comments not horrible. However…after asking. Defensive. Accused me of cheating. “Reversed” the entire situation. Then blocked and locked. I eased up. Next saw it agsin. Msde a plea of how it hurtd. I got more sudpicious. Phone logs ” I never ever called those..not me. I believe he is text emsil VOIP???”. Anyways..accused me. Of being crazy. Called me liar. We are in deep trouble. Last nite i find a condom in lunch bag. I packed my stuff. He woke up in anger said. He threw stuff accused me of stalking. Invasing ect ect. I gelt so distraught remained calm. 3 hours of insults. He doesntvwant me. Hecsaid he used me.

  78. 7years ago at the start of our relationship, i had a suspicion my now husband had sex one night with another girl, he denied it at the time & i let it go, However he admitted it last week over drinks, My question is & i said it to him at the time, have you been with her since as he did have atleast one opportunity? he got offensive & denied, The next day i was kinda expecting him to say, I swear i have not been with her since, although he didn’t say it, he was very nice to me & done a few nice things. Should i bring it up again to satisfy my ‘paranoia’ or life is to short & let it Go? We are married 3years now.

  79. So I’ve had multiple people tell me my husband tried to “hook up” with two different women onwho in 2005 and one just 2 months ago. My husband swears he’s not done anything but I don’t know what to say or do he’s never smelled like other girls or anything but just this week we got into a fight and he left to his mom’s house surround buy other women and no men I’ve seen group pictures is there possibility that he is cheating?

  80. Gillian Hullock

    Found out my husband had been looking for mature fun, and lying about cheating. Both my daughter and son were aware of it. My husband threatened them, told them not to tell me and said he would stop. But he didn’t. It went on for 2.5 years at least. My daughter would say things to me like, you don’t know what dad’s really like. Every time we had a row about money usually. I foolishly never rose to the bait as he can be spiteful. But this one time I asked my husband what was going on. He told me nothing… my son told me eventually that my husband was lying about cheating.
    Confronted he said it was more like a game to him, chatting up women. My instinct told me differently. I checked his computer, he was also on Yahoo, an old account that he hadn’t deleted.
    All the details of an online affair. He told one woman who noticed the wedding ring in photo that it was an old photo. He also Skyped the one he had the relationship with but she did live in USA. I wondered if he was just a fantasist. Asked if he had contact numbers of women, he said no. What did I find? at least 4 numbers on phone and he has about 200 work contacts. So he confessed then, but of course he said he had never rang them!! Or met them. I could go on and on and know in my gut my husband has more to tell but that’s another story.

  81. Oh boy! I got something I’m so suspicious of!

    So for the past months or so, my boyfriend’s been getting messages from a particular number. These messages, always have love notes in them. When I confront him, I always get the, “I’ll handle it” excuse. He’s been handling the situation for months. Also, the person calls repeatedly.

    A few months ago, this person supposedly hacked into his phone, sending messages to a bunch of us. When I asked “Who is this?” The person said, “I’m Tony’s fiancae.” When I confronted my bf about this, he very quickly made sure, to say his shpeel. “I wouldn’t wait years for you, then do something stupid.” When I tell him, I’m going to handle the person calling, and texting his phone, he gets upset, telling me to “Calm down!”

    Another thing that makes me suspicious. He’ll turn his phone on vibrate everytime we’re together. I don’t hide stuff from anyone. I have no reason to. Part of me thought of hiring a private detective. So I can be either validated, or proven wrong. I told him, if he doesn’t make my niece’s first birthday party next week, I’m getting rid of him! I’ve had enough of the excuses, the “My Mom got sick” excuses. The “I’m throwing up” excuses.

    I invite him to family functions, however, when it comes to his family. I’m always told, “It was last minute.” Ok, so why can’t you let me know? Part of me also, wants to talk to him with my therapist present, because then, maybe I’ll get answers.

    I don’t know what to do. I feel it in my gutt, that he’s not on the up and up! If someone contacted my boyfriend, and told him “I’m Christy’s fiancae”, and I knew it wasn’t true. I’d handle the person contacting him. Something’s not right, and I know it!

  82. It’s great guidelines but I still don’t know when I brought up the situation I thought about him not being intimate like he used to be had then I felt like he was only doing it cause I mentioned it

  83. Im going through something with my husband, I think he is lying about cheating. He always has his phone glued to him while he leaves the room ,takes a shower,takes a no matter where he goes in the house its always with him.i ask he cant leave it layin and he tells me i need to stop concentrating on him and his phone.My husband goes to a treatment 3 days out of the week. he says im crazy and im to insecure .well i tell him he shouldnt be giving me reasons to be insecure .Then he just shakes his head and walks away n says he is getting tired and i got is head spinning.Now he wants to file for a divorce.I feel it in my gut that he is doing n I guess i have my ..answers.he really thinks im dumb.
    Sorry im way smarter then u think!!!!!!

  84. My husband and I have always been up and down from the beginning of our relationship, he suspected me of being unfaithful but I never have. He’s forced me to cut off my family and has treated me horribly in the past because of that and other reasons. I suspected him of having an affair with a co-worker 3 years ago and when I confronted him about it he denied it and teared up. I said ok and never asked him again but I always have this nagging feeling every time I think about it. Lately my husband has been distant. doesn’t make an effort to be physical with me unless he wants sex occasionally. Other than that there’s nothing. I tried to initiate and he looks like he’s going to have a panic attack. He can rarely have a conversation with me, and says that it’s too much for him to handle. All I am to him is a cook, maid, and occasional wife. We don’t go on dates or have good conversations or cuddle up in bed together. He doesn’t make any effort to have a relationship with me. We have 2 kids together and he rarely helps me out with them. I can count on one hand how many diapers he’s changed. He’s just so uninvolved with me and the kids. Something is going on with him and I don’t know if he’s depressed or having an affair or what.

    1. My story. Mine is cheating – tell me thing to do, keep me slaved, occupied. So he is free to do his things. Found him talking on phone with other woman and using lots of online data when we not together – video calls>

    2. Hello, my boyfriend acted just same as your husband: no dates, no conversations, no cuddling or kissing. Lately i found out he was cheating on me for the last 10 month. Be aware.

  85. I think my husband is cheating… found he purchased two movie tickets, then went out to a bar and stayed at a hotel weeks ago. However I know he was supposed to be meeting up with a friend to check out his finished basement and hangout out. I confronted him and he stuck with the story that he was still with his buddy and went to the movie with a group, yet the tickets were just for two instead of just one. Then yesterday he came home after work and the “gym”, and I found his workout clothes he came in with laying on the dresser. I thought that’s odd why aren’t they in the hamper, I’m sure they smell of b.o. and sweat. I picked them up and they weren’t sweating and nasty, so I smelled them and they smelled like cologne or body spray. I asked him if went to the gym and he said he had, and I pretended like I didn’t know they didn’t smell. So I said it was disgusting and that he should put them in the hamper and he says oh no I’ll wear them again. He works over an hour away from our home, but my gut says somethings not right. I can’t even check out his phone since he has a code “Work phone” his only cell. Anyone know a way to access iCloud to set up tracking on iPhone?

  86. My husband was so smooth at hiding his infidelity so I had no proof for months. But I could just feel that he was lying about cheating! I trusted my gut instincts, and I was right.

    1. I have been married for over 11 years now, and I think my husband is lying about cheating. We met in the church many years before we started dating, we had a loving relationship until he started acting strange by getting very angry over little issues, coming home very late, and not spending time with me…I just have a feeling he’s not being faithful.

      1. That’s exactly what happened to me!

        In 4 days it will be a month since I lefted him.. he got someone else pregnant!

        Babe don’t even investigate, his cheating! Leave and don’t relalitate, I did and it was the biggest mistake I did!

  87. If you have concerns about your husband’s honesty, talk to him directly and in a non-confrontational manner. Few men can lie to their wives’ faces! Especially about something as personal as cheating.

    1. I have been married for 21years and have 2 teenage children when they were toddler I found out my husband had been going to massage parlour,brothels and internet cafes to watch porn,we had been married for 7 years at the time and had massive blowouts because of it yet he claimed he never paid he only went in a room one on one with a girl ,talked about services and price then would say he forgot his wallet for a reason to leave..He did this for 5 years and claims it was just a cheap thrill.I then found out he went to a dating agency wanting to meet women who only wanted to hook up no strings attached but that went out the window because of the huge cost involved and I would notice. After a period of time we started to put our lives back together or so I thought.I have since found out that he done it for a further 11 years and is still claiming he has never paid for a happy ending and cut the porn down to once a month.Throughout our marriage I have had a high interest in sex and got a lot of sorry I’m too tired or got a headache.How can any man do something like that for 16 years and never end up paying.He claims he never got tempted that’s bull if it were true he would not have kept going back.I now refuse to sleep in the same bed and am seriously thinking of filing for divorce,we have been to councilling and he always seems to shift the focus on me then I wear the blame (don’t know how) maybe because I’m to angry to cry and he has the waterworks on.which makes me the bitch when i’ve done nothing wrong Would anyone else believe him???

      1. Wow, your story sounds similar to mine, except I haven’t been married to my husband that long. I’ve been so devoted to this man, catering to him etc. He works, but in off time plays video games. These video games have mod sites that add on features, or scenes, and adult mods that grown men dress up their virtual barbies (is what I call them).
        My husband always fails to remember what he says or promises, UNLESS it’s to a stranger, or anyone else but me, his wife. Will do for them, but not for me.Changes the rules of our marriage or he justifies his crap. Caught my husband lying so many times (after I found evidence to confront him with). He also turns everything around on me.
        My husband will NOT answer with the truth, UNLESS I ask him a certain way! So, I have to ask in 3-4 ways at times (causing fight), because if I don’t ask that certain way, I will NOT get the truth! He gave this advice to his two sons to do with their gf’s.
        My husband wants a divorce, and I’m realizing I should too!
        The 1st two years of our marriage was attacked by his ex-wife (he was divorced from over 5 years) her father sued my husband, but decided to wait until 2 weeks after we got married, and not within the 5 years he was divorced. So I did soooo much court case work for him, and was a strain on our marriage from the beginning.
        My husband claims that everything I do for him is my own decision. I said it’s God’s will that these things are my duty. Yet, if I’m not hardcore into his families religion (apostolic) as I’m suppose to go through my husband etc., But my husband twists the scriptures to whatever interpretations that justifies himself.
        I waited over 20 years to marry a 2nd time. I deprived myself of having things, just so my husband can have things. He won’t let me save money, unless it’s for something my husband wants. He wouldn’t work with me to make money while he was out of work for 2 years, and instead borrowed from his mom and made promises to pay back rent,. Debts that I did not agree to and tried to make money. It’s been hard as I have scoliosis (3steel rods in back, curved spine) and never take meds. I’m into natural stuff, learn how to do new things etc. It’s been real hard knowing my dedication to this marriage was all for nothing. 2nd marriages suck! And many men will not cleave to their wives over their mommies, which makes it hard on the wife as surely she will never please the MIL. That goes for 1st, 2nd, 3rd, marriages and so on. And my MIL constantly pushes church on him, and me. And when I’ve gone, it wasn’t one she picked out…It’s not good enough!
        When it comes down too it, HE IS the one with the problem!
        Because we only live once, and time is limited, and I cannot have my time in my life wasted on other’s whom don’t give a crap about me, except when they need something. I’ll continue to cater to my husband, but I’m preparing myself to live my life purpose which is much more worth. Thank You! This was good for me to write, vent, and set in my heart to heal.

    2. Not true my husband has lied to my face and I have proof. Apparently, in his opinion, I am too stupid to figure out what he’s done!

    3. I’m sorry but I disagree. My sister text me one morning and asked of my husband was still home, I told her he had just left for work (glowing after an amazing morning of love making). Well she screenshot a text he accidentally sent to her at 2:30 in the morning saying “laying here thinking about you”. He denied having sent it for MONTHS and MONTHS. Came up with all the stupid lies you couldn’t even think of before FINALLY admitting that he had been having a “situationship” with another woman…..

  88. I recently suspected my boyfriend of there being someone else. My gut tells me its either a friend and texting (emotional cheating) or maybe someone online. I have no other reason to suspect except that I noticed he doesn’t check his texts in front of me lately. I asked him about it he denied it. Not fighting or defensive. When I asked if I could see his phone to prove me wrong, he said no. He is very strong in all his beliefs in life and after an episode during his marriage, he now feels very strongly about not doing that. He respects privacy to the point that he won’t even go into my purse for something even if I say its OK. I told him that by not showing the phone to me it made me feel worse, hurt that he wouldn’t do it just to make me feel better and that I was probably right. He told me there is no one, he loves me and every thought and plan for the future is with me. That he wants to spend his life with me. It was a long and emotional conversation. A lot of good things came out of it. And let me add, he doesn’t talk secretly on the phone and we are always together. He goes to work and comes home same times every day, he’s literally by my side all night and we spend the weekends doing everything together. He has not changed his appearance, there is no change in our relationship, we have fun together. That confrontation was 2 days ago. Yesterday he texted with me all day. All about our feelings for each other (which is difficult for him to do). Last night we had a great night. Not only did he use his phone in front of me, when he received texts he told me who they were from. And he left the room multiple times leaving me alone in the other room with his phone. I feel like I’m in a position to say “leap of faith” although I’m hurt that he wouldn’t show me the phone the other day. I’m hoping that this communication we had maybe scared him to end whatever may be going on with another person because he’s afraid of losing me. Or maybe I was just wrong because I’m afraid of losing him. I’ve started signs of perimenopause so I keep that in the back of my mind that this is all in my head due to hormones. Any thoughts?

    1. Hello,
      If you ever catch him again and he will refuse to show you his phone right away – he’s cheating. My boyfriend did same thing and when i confront him he denied everything and few days was extremely nice to me, i got a lot of his attention and he left his phone around me and leave as well. He was playing in honest guy but reality he blocked her number for a while to keep fooling me about.

  89. Dear Niki,

    I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating. What do you think – is his text message enough evidence that he is having an affair?

    I probably be equally concerned about my husband breaking my nose. Regardless of whether or not cheating… What do you think about him assaulting you like that?

    1. Well that’s kinda normal to me!! I no that it not normal and it’s not okay but every since I was 16 that has been my normal and I’m 26 now !! I don’t want to live like this but I can’t get out with my kids and if I was lucky enough to get away with my kids I have not family or friends to go to for help.

      1. My heart goes out to you, I’m sorry you’re living this way. It sounds like you feel that there’s nothing you can do about your life, even though you know it’s not normal or healthy to live with a man who hits you.

        I don’t know what to say. What would you tell someone in your position? What would you tell your kid, or a best friend you had when you were young, or your sister? What advice would you give?

        1. You don’t have to say your sorry, it’s not ur fault. (Not that u are) but I feel when people hear my situation they pity me and that is not at all what I want in any way. Because I am a very strong willed woman and mother who has over come a lot of challenges and obstacles in my life and intended to keep trying until I can get through this one as well.
          For instance my mother was a single mom of five children so at 16 I was made to marry a 27 year old man so that she could get help financially to pay bills and take care of my other siblings..I was so young and unknowledgeable I didn’t even know I had any other choice in the matter so I did as I was told.. And after that, that’s was I realized that my mother basically had given me away for financial help (now that I’m older I feel as if she had pimped me out) and he stared beating on, exploited me,isolated me form family and friends, had to quit school, then Baird a child at 16 and I was in no way ready for a child let alone the responsibility of protecting her from this monster but I did and it took me 4 and a half years to stand up for myself and do what was right for me and my child but I did it and I did it on my own without anyones help BC Lord knows I couldnt go to my mother for help BC all she would tell me was well Niki what ever ur doing to make him mad u don’t need to do that anymore… (Mother of the year she was) …
          But now I put my self I’m my situation not my mother this time.
          When my hauband and I got together he knew all the things that I had went through and vowed never to do any harm to me and for a long time he never did but something changed in him and in our relationship I no longer have a voice, I can’t speak my mind, or even express how I feel about any situation I believe he is being untruthful in…
          I say I love this man.. But I think I love the man he used to be …
          (You asked me what I would say to someone in this situation) I would tell them what I tell myself every day You don’t deserve this no one does and you can/will get out of this situation…
          And for now I do stay bc he will try and keep the three children we have together from me and I couldn’t live with myself if I left them behind.. so I am applying for government help and by the grace of God when that come through I can take my kids and I when he is a work and leave…
          But my down fall is I’m so used to that life style that I feel I need proof from my self that he is being unfaithful bc that’s something I will never forgive. Unlike when I get abused I can go on and act like it never happened

      2. Niki I’m the exact same age!! But I don’t have kids and I went back home to my mums with no support!! I know of many of my girlfriends that know that their husbands cheated on them but they can’t get out !! They have no support and no place to go to.. they are literally stuck!

        Good luck babe ! Be strong, that’s the only thing you can be !

    2. I can relate to you on here my husband bought a new phone and left his old phone here. if you going to their Google account you can see everything that ever said voice and everything on the device.
      my husband has been lying to me from day one.
      we don’t get along with his daughter because she owes me money. I bailed her out of jail and she was supposed to pay me back but she didn’t. supposedly we’re not speaking to her and but he is speaking to her behind my back. he’s been taking time off of work and lying to me about his reasons. I have a three-year-old and told him I had postpartum depression.
      he swears he’s not cheating on me and that things will change. he is not intimate with me anymore. he’s not emotionally involved with me, he doesn’t really want to have a conversation with me. if I bring anything up it’s an anger control issue. when I want to talk about it he’ll make me wait 3 or 4 days.
      how do you tell somebody they had to wait 3 or 4 days to talk? I don’t know about anybody else but when I love somebody you talk about it right away. I don’t even know what’s going on it’s almost as if he’s talking behind my back cuz he wants out. please give me your opinion.

  90. Ive been married for 12 years. My husband is currently living away from us with work, he’s in the Navy. He had his birthday in November, and went out for dinner with a few work mates. He phoned me the next day and told me about the evening, but a few of the comments he made didn’t add up. Ive just had him home for Christmas and questioned him about the weekend in November, as I’ve been concerned that something happened. He was first telling me he had gone home on the train to the Navy accommodation block. Then caught the train back in the morning to meet up for breakfast. After telling him I had problems with his story, He informed me that he had spent the night at someone’s house, but when I asked him when, he said it was months ago. After questioning him some more, he admitted he had stayed there the weekend in November. He was still referring to her as someone till I again questioned him. I was then told her name was Judy. His story was still changing. He told me he asked her if he could stay, but quickly changed that to she asked him. It was 2 am and he admits that he didn’t want to get the train home on his own. He says nothing happened and he slept on the couch. The thing is, he had been drinking, he admits he was upset not being able to spend his birthday with the family, he stayed at her place on his own as the others that had gone there after dinner had all left, and she’s single, so currently lives on her own. I feel he had a one night stand, as he got all defensive when I questioned him, even asked me hed I had been having an affair, so put it back on me. Five minutes after we had had our “conversation ” he was on Facebook in the toilet. Hasn’t admitted anything happened, but with him living in Sydney, away from us, I don’t know what to think.

  91. I found out in October my husband was talking to another woman for 5 months. He said he was only talking to her notjing happened. I had to meet the other woman to get the truth in December and find out they had a realtionship.After that he started to tell me the “truth” but I don’t think he is telling me everything. He said he would’ve never told me the truth. Now I’m wondering if there is a reason to work it out. If he’s so willing to live with a lie, what else has he done I don’t know about.

  92. If there is something bothering you about your husband’s words or actions, then I think it’s worth following up on. Your intuition is picking up on something that isn’t quite right…and your intuition is rarely wrong.

    How can you talk to your husband about your feelings without getting into a fight? It’s probably good not to accuse him outright of lying about cheating…but is there some other way you can talk to him on an emotional level, without arguing about what happened?

  93. My husband received a text stating “do you like her?” With a pic of a woman from Badoo. He claimed he didn’t know who sent it, so I did a reverse lookup and got a name. But he still didn’t know who it was he said. I don’t think he cheated, BUT About a year later a man showed up at the house to visit him with u guessed it the name that sent the text that he said he didn’t know. Come to find out they work together. I really don’t think he cheated, but it bothers me that he lied about even knowing who sent the text. I don’t know if it’s even worth getting into a fight about but it does bother me! Any advice?

    1. He’s lying to cover up the REAL problem that he doesn’t want you to know. I’m sorry but I have way too much experience here 😔😔

  94. what i always advice ladies is to try and get into their social media accounts to find out if their husbands are lying about cheating. Listen to their husbands’ conversations with their friends, that is where the whole truth about them lies…it helped me find out the truth about my husband.

    1. What if I was told by a girl he cheated, then I found a message from him to that girls friend saying he wanted her. My gut and the message proves he did but he denies it. We stayed together but it bothers me so much, I don’t feel the same.

  95. Hi just a question so my husband doesn’t have a Facebook we have never had any problems with him cheating or even any kind of disrespect towards me but recently he took my phone to work my Facebook stayed logged in I signed in to my Facebook trough another phone and when I went trough my search history there was a girls name who had been searched dog course not by me so I asked him if he searched her up and he said no and got all mad told me he never even gets into my things and that he didn’t do that that’s he’s not going to get home from a long day of work to hear my crazy things and that if he searched her up he would admit it because he’s not scared to admit it but that that’s not the case because he really didn’t search her , now I know it’s just a search but the girl was someone from his past so to thinks it’s even crossing his mind makes me feel so bad

  96. somebody messaged me a week ago saying that my husband is having an affair with his workmate and the sender dropped a name (i know that name and i know that person, she attended my daughter’s birthday party). then the sender blocked me in fb so i cannot respond nor find out who the sender is. i confronted my husband about it and for a whole week, we have been fighting, shouting and screaming at each other. my eldest daughter is getting affected 🙁 he’s denying the truth about the message. again i received a new message from a different fb account (but i’m thinking it’s still the same person) saying that if i care about my marriage, save it. that the woman involved is a flirt at work. i asked my husband to read it and said that the sender just wanted to ruin our family. now i’m thinking, why would this person wants to ruin us. i don’t know anyone who feels bad about me. my husband said that his suspect is an office mate who 2 years ago fell in-love with him and when this girl admitted to him her feelings, he started ignoring her. my thoughts says, why would she retaliate on him 2 years after he started ignoring her, if she’s my private message sender. my husband and i are now in good speaking terms. i’m tired of the fights. i show him that i believe in his alibi. i started being nice to him again and prepares his meals. until today… i do not know what kicked into me and added the suspect message sender in fb… we started chatting this morning and i told her that i have a concerned citizen in their work place. that someone is messaging me about my husbands behavior at work.. all she said is that i have been in different department and don’t often see you husband since we also have different shifts.. then i said, i don’t believe the credibility of the message sender since this person doesn’t want to reveal him/herself. then she goes, it’s up to you whether to believe that or your husband.. i told my husband that i chatted with his suspect and started reacting negatively and said that this girl is very talkative… now he feels embarrassed at work.. what i wanted from him is the truth… i may be in good terms with him again, but that doesn’t connote that i’m waiving my right for the truth. i still need to know, perhaps that’s the reason why i messaged his suspect.. btw, i also message the woman involved on the day that i received the message… and she didn’t reply… my husband said, he’s doing something about finding out who the messenger is.. i just can’t wait for him… i also need to do something… and now, he’s furious because of what i did… do you think he’s having an affair?

    1. I feel like my husband is hiding something. I found out in Sept 2016 that my husband was having an affair for 2 or 3 months. He did all of the usual crappy stuff like lying and sneaking around and sleeping with his phone. He admitted to the affair. He said it was a girl he went to nursing school with a few years before and he saw her at a store where they began talking. An affair started. They hooked up in hotel rooms while I thought he was at work. He even had the gall to answer some of my texts while he was laying in the hotel bed with her. He told me so. She was 20 years younger than m3. : ( feel like he has come clean because he has answered my questions. However…. I find it incredibly odd that she just happened to move away right at the time I found out about the affair. I asked what her name was but he refused to tell me. After constant demanding from me via text while he was at work. …He save me a name. BUT He immediately said for me not to look for her online because I would never find her and that she doesn’t have a Facebook account. She is 24…and doesn’t have Facebook? I’ve searched for her and have had friends searching her name. We can’t find anything. He swears that’s her name and that he is telling the truth. But I just don’t believe it. I’m so afraid his affair partner is somewhere around. Maybe she is another nurse at the hospital and he doesn’t want his job jeopardized. Ugh I’m so frustrated. We are trying to work things out but my doubts about this are eating me up. What do yall think?

      1. First.. I am so sorry! My husband is also lying about cheating and I found him on the craiglist!! At least 3 years he’s been cheating now and I had no idea. Maybe it’s men!!

    2. I believe he is cheating. I’m not throwing random accusations out there. I have lived it. When a woman comes to you about your husband and he, when confronted, is emotional… He’s lying. My husband and I have been going through this for years with stupid messaging relationships and I always get tired of fighting and forgive him but it never stops it from happening again. He cheated on me when I was carrying our son but I married him anyway. I’m finally tired and done. Wish I had left after the first time….

  97. These are good ways to find out if your husband is lying about cheating. But since nowadays everyone has mobile phones, and you can just install a program for tracking his phone. Even if he deletes all of the correspondence you will see everything. This will be the most accurate evidence of your husband’s infidelity.

    1. Hi, my husband has been lying and i know it you spoke about a tracker what’s the name of it and how do I install it, i am at a point in life that I just don’t know what to do. My feelings for him has changed and I don’t see him the same and it kills me. He once told me if he was picking a wife now with what he knows and expects I wouldn’t be his choice and I can’t get over it please help. The only reason he is still with me is for our kids. I think that is also why I stay quiet and let it happen. I afraid I have lived with him since I was 18 years I am now 32. We have been married for 9 years and I don’t want to be one of those people who divorce because they are not happy. He has kind of pulled me from my family and my mom doesn’t get to see the kids and I only leave 30 mins away and that is partly my fault because i shouldn’t let it happen. He hates when I have to go help my mom and says really stupid things. My family loves him and they don’t know any of the problems we have and I don’t tell them because I don’t want them looking at him differently. I think I don’t tell them to protect him and also because I am not sure what I am going to do and mostly because everyone thinks my marriage is perfect and I don’t want them to know it is failing. Please help!!!

      1. You are worth so much more…. dovit for your children and set a great example as to how love should be treated with respect… your so young.. is this how you want to spend everyday of your life? And your childrens? I wish you all the strength in the world.. 😊

        1. Ellie thank you so much for your kind words. I don’t want my kids to grow up and be in relationships where they feel this way. I have spoke to him and told him the things that bother me and he has been better attentive. However I can’t help how I feel I can’t get back to the way I felt before. I know he is trying but I feel like the damage is done and I know that’s a terrible thing to say and feel but I can’t help it I don’t want to go but I also don’t think I want to stay.

    2. What tracking program would you recommend to find out if your husband is lying about cheating? I’ve been trying to find one but can’t seem to find the type of thing I’m looking for. Thanks

  98. If you think your husband is lying about cheating – but you don’t know for sure – then you’re bound to feel insecure. You may be afraid for your marriage, your future, your children’s future, and yourself.

    It’s normal to feel confused, afraid, and even like you’re going a little crazy when you suspect your husband is lying to you – when you’re seeing signs of cheating or emotional infidelity – but he insists everything is innocent.

    Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Talk to someone you trust. Get in-person advice and counseling. I don’t know you, so I can’t give advice on your marriage. Talk to someone who knows you, or who is objective (such as a counselor or therapist).

    Here is an article to help you deal with those feelings of insecurity:

    5 Steps to Overcoming Insecurity and Fear in Your Relationship
    http://howloveblossoms.com/overcoming-insecurity-in-relationships/

    Take heart. Know that you can handle this! Whether or not your husband is cheating, you have the resources and strength you need to deal with it. Connect with women who are strong and understanding, and find ways to get emotionally and spiritually strong. Find pockets of life and light, and stay there. Be wise, and trust that you are loved completely by Someone bigger and stronger than your husband.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  99. Great info here Laurie. I like the 5 points how to know if your spouse is cheating. Also I would like to include the way one communicate to his cheating husband/wife.

    You should have a base expression of your spouse when the two of you are chatting together casual.

    Then if you want to know if your spouse is lying you can use that base expression when asking questions. In this way you have a way to check if your spouse is lying or telling the truth.

  100. Hi I been married for over 6 years I’m 36 years old my husband is 25 he was 19 and I was 30 when we got married a year after our marriage my son who was 16 brought a friend over to play video games my husband spent time with them playing in my son’s room ..I would hear them laugh and giggle and then I see my husband go to the restroom he gets out and welll afternoon passes by my son’s friend leaves we go to bed but something was in the back of my head and wouldn’t let me sleep so after he falls asleep I get up I check his phone and go thru his emails so there i find a picture of a teenager girl in one of those emails he send her a picture of his private part. He took that picture on the restroom and sent it to her there was no other emails to her anymore just that picture ..I didn’t tell him anything that night but I kept on finding more emails to random girls where he would say where and where..?
    Finally one day I confronted him he first said it wasn’t him that it was my son’s friend but then he admits it was him he says he wasn’t planning on going anywhere that he was just kidding and playing with the girls ..well after that I didn’t trust my husband no more so I kept on checking his phone once in a while I have found messages on Facebook talking to girls there was this one time when I a text came in to his phone said “HI” witha happy emoji IT didn’t have a name so I replied who is this ? They replied sorry wrong number so I’m like ok ..
    I go over his friends on Facebook and because of her name and phone on Facebook I find out it was a high school friend who is married and has a little girl..I confronted him again he said they where just talking but he deleted all the messages ..after that he unfriend her from his Facebook why..?
    I had her too she hasn’t deleted me ..I have found more messages from different girls on his social media he said there is nothing wrong in talking to girls but he deletes Athens messages if there is nothing wrong why delete them right ..I have deleted several girls from his Facebook but thereshe this one that he always request back his Facebook account was deactivatedoing for some time first thing he does is request that girl again and he hids it from his timeline..Even doh he’s told me several times he hasn’t cheated on me he keeps on talking on private to girls from his social media…I have never had low self esteem in my life since I found all to see messages I feel insecure and unwanted there is no trust from me to my husband every time I confronted him he acuses me of like if I’m doing it too wich I’m not.. our relationship it’s been from bad to worst in the past years I have cried my self to sleep because of his emotional affairs I asked him to stop but he won’t I know I don’t want to live with this feeling anymore it’s hurting me so much Don’t know what to do…
    Help…

  101. Very good information, even though it’s hard to read through these ways to know if your husband is cheating. Lucky me I ran across your website by accident (stumbleupon). I have book marked it for later!

  102. I don’t know if your husband is cheating, or lying, or both, or neither. But I did find a really interesting book about men who cheat, and I wrote this article:

    Is He Cheating? How to Be Your Own Private Investigator
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/is-he-cheating-how-to-be-a-private-investigator/

    There are some really interesting tips and ideas for how to know if your husband is cheating in the book I cite. The best thing is to get evidence, so you have something solid to confront him with.

  103. Hi, my husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We had seperated in September 2015 until November 2015. Long story short he left me 3 hours away from home and went back home, after he realized he screwed up he called crying. Fast forward to April 2016, I had recieved a phone call from a private number at maybe 1-2am from a female stating she had been screwing my husband. Well I broke it to her that I had just screwed him and it upset her so she hung up. Well he falls asleep and I went through his phone and found somethings from a female he said was like a sister. It crushed me and sent me into a very bad depression not only was my husband cheating but I had also found out 2 weeks prior that a good friend had been murdered. My world was shattered. Well I broke it to him that if we are going to work he cannot hurt me anymore because if he does I will walk out and he can never get me back. Well fast forward to about 2 months ago. His job was hiring and I had a friend whom I had worked with previously looking for a job. She started work and it was all good except he started to care a lot more about his apperence. Wearing jeans, nice shirt, nice shoes and doing more to his hair. (He has a very chill job and usually wore sweats) well Up until 3 weeks ago. He started to change, being very mean, being out late, changing his phones password, blocking me. All different types of things. Well she started posting things on her social media about if she’s worth anything she’s worth anything now, how she wants a movie date and other things which had me feeling like those were directed towards him. They had been texting, talking on Facebook and God only knows what at work. Well I began to ask questions and my husband kept saying I was crazy and how I was always accusing him but I have always been right about him. Fast forward to 3 days ago, he says they don’t talk well I had somehow managed to get on his snapchat and saw that they had been talking. He messaged her saying “thanks for leaving punk” so she says “I’m starting to get hate for you” but was joking. So I blocked her and him and I fought. When I questioned it he flipped on me. Well I posted a Meme on my snapchat saying “it’s sad we live in a generation where a female will pass up on a single man just to pursue a married man bc she likes the way he treats his wife”. Well that triggered her to post something about if you have to block/unfriend a friend of the opposite sex of whomever you’re with you have insecurities. He told me he didn’t tell her anything but I know he did. He then sent her text messages that he deleted before I saw them. And he’s since then changed his phones password so I can’t login. Is my husband cheating? What should I do?

    1. yes he is cheating with your friend .Your instincts are dead on .You need to confront your friend and end the friendship with her as well .If you cant work it out with your husband divorce is a great option .Based on the information you have posted here ,your husband is a serial cheater .Men like to make u think that you are the crazyone but you are intuitive and intelligent enough to see what is going on .It is up to you to love your self ,not lower your standards and find youa good man that will treat you like a queen .

  104. hi! can anyone tell me if my husband is cheating or am i having the wrong feelings. My cousin lived with us for one year as house helper, after few months i suspected something between my husband and my cousin, like they sometimes look for each other without telling me the reason, one time we were on vacation and he went home because his reason was of that our business, and one time i saw him running after her when she was about to go home, and many more,. so i confronted him about it and he suddenly get angry. later we talked and he assured me that there was nothing between them. After a year the girl was not with us anymore. 5 years after, for this year to be exact, i happened to brows his facebook history, there i saw that hes been checking her facebook profile almost every month but when i confronted him, he didnt get angry but told me that there was nothing between them. he was just looking at her picture for fantasizing and thats all. But i am confused and i doubt hes lying. can anyone tell me whats the meaning of all these?

  105. My husband and I have been married two years now. Together for about seven years. Before we were officially together he treated me like no other had before. About a month into our relationship he became more interested in”friends and drinking” than me. We were on and off until I thought he understood that I didn’t want that in my life. I fully explained what I expected from our relationship and the balance of friends and romance time. He excepted. We moved onwards from there, but it always felt like something was wrong. Something was different. He wasn’t treating me like before. It was as if I was a chore or a roommate. It made me so confused and depressed. I did everything for him. I told myself that it would go back to the way it was. Things would be okay. Maybe it was the slowing down of drinking? One night he was on call at the local tow company he worked for and a text message came in that he slept through. I checked his phone and under the name”Jelly” was a ton of disturbing messages and pictures! I cried and cried and then cried some more. My amazing man who lifted up my spirits like nobody else could, had shattered my world with an affair. I checked his Facebook page while I was at it. At least seven more affairs. One emotional affair with a ” family friend who’s like a sister” and one very questionable message. “Sorry I left marks.” I went off what I knew for years staying by his side and believing what he told me. We went to couples counseling to try to heal the wounds within our relationship. It ended up being more like his therapy sessions. I was invisible there. There was and still has been no sympathy or compassion for my broken heart. Not from him or the therapist. Thinking that I had known everything now and maybe we could be stronger, I married him. Big mistake. I soon found out what ” sorry I left marks” meant. Yet another one. He refuses to talk about it or even accept his own guilt. He still makes me feel like it’s my fault and that I don’t need to know anything about it. I just have to deal with it and move on. I believe that he has tried to hook up with this girl again. He gets very defensive about her and didn’t remove her until I did for him. He truly thinks that with his past he should be trusted and that he needs to do nothing to fix this. I’ve been willing to work, but am growing impatient and feeling more and more like I should just leave. I wish I had known everything before we were married.

    1. I so sorry ur going through this. Like all women, we fell hook, line and sinker…They got us, but still wants to live the single life. If I was in ur shoes, I would sit down and have heart to heart talk with him. C what he wants and what u want. U don’t mention u have any children. Just thank god for that… PLEASE don’t have children until this is fix. You don’t need to bring children into this. Even if there are children, no children or adult should live like this….my guess he is cheating. You need to find out….looking forward to reading ur future posts…good luck…

    2. Samantha- I read your story. I must tell you, if want any chance at a happy life… DUMP THAT MAN! You will regret wasting your life with a man that clearly has no respect for you and most likely doesn’t even love you. You had faith, it was broken. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, that was thrown in your face. Are you waiting for a sex tape to arrive at your house? You seem like a kind trusting person. You would not do those things to him! You deserve a man who is like you, NORMAL. Trust me, there is a man for you. Some women think they’ll never find another guy… BS. You will! Move on and leave him behind. You won’t regret it!!!!!

    3. Hi Samantha,
      I’m really sorry to hear what you have gone through. I am in a VERY similar situation: married for 1.5yrs, been together for 5. He always treated me like a princess, and like I was the most incredible thing that’d happened too him. I thought we were so perfect together, he was my safe place and my best friend. About a month before our 1 year anniversary I caught him lying about something. I wandered how much more he’d lied to me about. My gut instinct took over and I went through his email and found disgusting emails from him to other women, lining up dates to ‘come ride his….’. I was so deviated. In that moment in felt like the man I had loved had just died..he no longer existed.
      Since then he was sworn black and blue he’s never ‘followed through’ and it was only ever fantasy to get himself off. I still feel like this is cheating either way. I also found he’d subscribed to a number of online cheating websites for married people..dating back to before he proposed to me.
      We’ve also had therapy, and he doesn’t seem to take ownership or show empathy for his actions, expecting me to get over it and understand how this being out in the open ‘looks on him’.
      I’ve tried to stay with him and not give up on us so soon. But my trust for him is gone, and so is the beautiful relationship I thought we had. Its devastating.
      Are you going to stay with your husband?

  106. My story is a little different. A married man took advantage of me 3 year ago. It started as normal as can be. We both live in the same building. I live for 39 he 23 years. I first saw him 20 plus years, never spoken to each other. Then about 4 years ago, I was telling a joke to my other neighbors and there he was laughing…I introduced myself to him. All innocence. There is and was nothing going on between us but a friendship…well I thought. We spent many hours talking and spare life stories. Little did I know, he was waiting for the right moment to assault me. I didn’t press charges, thinking of his wife and family..U see I kind of know his wife, and went to high school with his sis-in-law. I could walk away from this and just take it a misunderstanding..and I wanting a blood test. He wouldn’t…for the next 20 months I learn about a lot about him. He is chronic liar and a cheater. I always ask him to take a test..but the answer will be no. On Dec 18 he came to my home and threatened me, which I don’t take likely. I waiting and waiting until Feb 21, I told his wife. His wife called me a liar and everything on the book. Which I expected. 7 weeks later I received a call from the police wanted to (talk) to me…2 questions later I was arrested for hassasment which was later dismissed. 2 months ago I written a letter to him, which he had kept hoping to try to press charges on me with it instead it back fires. He was force to tell his wife and the polices his affairs, his one nightstands and what he did to me…After all this, do I regret telling his wife…NO. First, I wanted to put him and every man like him in his place. And second I wanted to hurt him and if it means going through his wife, then YES. Half of my neighbors have known he was cheating for years. I didn’t. I wish I have known, I spent 3 years with him…I feel stupid to trust him and every man…even though telling his wife makes me feel better but I’m not there 100%. I in therapy…As far as I know the wife still with him, knowing he cheats. But I don’t think she know about a woman name Cecilia a woman he been with for the past 9 years. He takes care of her by paying her rent and etc. There are women out there like his wife who are blind and stupid…I was stupid for 3 years,,,where his wife over 23 years…why she and other stay is the answer I would like to know….thanks for listening everyone…

    1. Hey lost! I was also taken advantage of when I was in a VERY vulnerable position, just experienced a lot of major trauma, huge losses (my entire family), he hurt my grown son, etc. He began coming over to “comfort me” letting me cry which I thought was out of a sincere “care” due to all the enormous grief I was suffering thru which I foolishly thought was outta kindness!!! Then little by little he began weaving his was into my life, we became very “emotionally close”! I wasn’t even thinking straight due to so much loss! I was devastated from losing my whole family! I’d always said, “I NEVER in a million years go with a married man!” It was WRONG! I wouldn’t want it done to me & I’d never do that to another woman!” After therapy, grief counseling, C-PTSD (still have it but slowly recovering) I began to slowly wake up & confronted him! He got VERY ugly, snapped, etc., I’m no fool tho & KNOW if he “really” cared as he’d claimed he’d have never spoken to me like that, I snapped back at him & went off on him! It was at a horrendous time too when Is just been dealt another loss! How cruel I thought! I was doubled over in severe emotional paun, crying out to God! I know now he runs around with other women too behind his wife’s back! I’m wanting to tell her, he KNOWS I’m NOT afraid of speaking up, taking full responsibility & spilling the beans! I was truly taken advantage of at a very vulnerable time, he added a LOT more severe emotional pain & acted like he could care less about hurting me worse! I’m livid now & want to tell his wife! But don’t know if I should tho? But I’m really pissed cause he hurt my only child, my grown son! What should I do? But don’t feel alone “lost” it happened to me too! I wanted to jump in here so you’d know you’re not alone!

      1. Sweet Pea,
        It gives me some comfort knowing I not alone. I HATE people especially MEN who takes advantage of woman. Now that 7 months had past, I recognized I was played, taken advantage of, plotting against me, setting me up and like the police said, “they deal with men like that all the time. He is not a nice man. He PREYS on vulnerable woman like myself. It was all his fault.” I don’t know whether u r going to tell this (Man) wife, but prepared. You don’t know how some woman reacted. Don’t get me wrong, I DON”T regret telling his wife at all. I come from a difference race. He thought I wouldn’t say anything. But I prove him wrong. And if hurting him means going through his wife I will….and I wanted to put him and every man like him in his place…I wish you much luck with your journey….

  107. My husband has been working for the past month from Sunday to Sunday. It’s been three weekend now he’s been going the Saturday and coming back the Sunday. For the first time he stayed out the whole night and lied where he were. Up to this day he hasn’t told me where he was. He gets so fustrated for everything and talks to me as he don’t care anymore. We have a three year old daughter together. What’s the best option for me?

    1. Girl, he’s cheating. I’ve have suspected my husband of cheating sooo many times, but never confirmed until three weeks ago. I prayed that God would reveal it to me so plainly that I couldn’t ignore or feel crazy. I prayed with someone else ( where two or more are together Jesus is in the midst). 12 hiurs later I found an “unfiltered message” on Facebook from his mistress. She was mad and threatening to tell me. I that affair started when I was pregnant and I found out when our son was 15 months old. TRUST YOUR GUT AND PRAY THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD REVEAL ANY DARKNESS TO YOU.

      1. Wow. Such a smart response. I love it. I have prayed that too and God has revealed it when it needed to be, every time! Wise words Heidi!

      2. You are absolutely right! I to prayed That The Lord would reveal to me what I needed to know! In a few days from that first prayer, something kept gently nudging me one night “check his phone”. I found the texts and my world collapsed! I’m so thankful that The Holy Spirit told me to check his phone. Out of all the nights to check and all of the times he deleted texts before coming home, this one night, he forgot.

  108. My man has a child from another woman actually she’s Russian…they both had that child before I came into his life. Everytime he goes to visit them. A day came when I was going through his messages with the woman…i saw where she asked him why did you sleep with me if you don’t love me. I confronted him n he denied saying she meant before I came into his life. Some months passed and one day she called saying she was pregnant again…he became moody. He didn’t tell me all this while until after the phone call. He took me outside on a stroll…we talked and he said he was sorry about wat he had to tell me. He told me that when he went there he drank with her and her friend…n became drunk. He can’t remember if they had sex but he feels they made out. He said when he woke up he asked her and she said they did but didn’t believe. This took him months to tell me. I feel he lied about everything. I feel he had sex with her and didn’t want me to know so he made the story up. He even told me that he thought she was actually pregnant unless I wouldn’t have known. I want to find out if he slept with her but don’t know how to go about it.

    1. does it really matter if you find out if he “really” cheated? to me its clear that he is still connected to his childs mother. Nothing against you more against them. He already disrespected the relationship by (1) going over there and drinking (it should only be about his child) that doesn’t require liquor. (2) That bs story about not knowing they had sex, but he remembers that they “made out.” I don’t know why you need the bread when you have all the crumbs. if you choose to stay i hope you understand that you will be allowing this.

    2. Are you serious!!!!! Yes he slept with her and I’m sure more than once. Yes he made the whole story up. Tell her the story he told you and it will piss her off and she will tell everything

  109. My husband was texting a female at work all night, I asked who the woman was and he said it was an older woman from another line (he works in a large assembly plant). I asked to see the text and he deleted them. So, I called the number and it was a female his age. Come to find out this lady had left her husband a few yrs ago for another man at the plant and he works the opposite shift as them. She was also pentecostal and stopped wearing skirts, started wearing make up and cut her hair. Well, I text her from my husband’s phone while he was asleep and acted like him and asked if she still had the text and she said she had deleted them. It has haunted me bc he won’t tell the truth.

    I called her and acted like he was sitting there, she tells me they are just really good friends and that she was telling him she was done meaning done being friends with him. She also said they met up at a parking lot where a lot of people go to hang out and drink after work at around 2 or 3 am when they get off work. She swore nothing sexual but all she cared about was her boyfriend who works the other shift and was very defensive. So he wakes up and I told him she called me and he denies being good friends and that he doesn’t know her like that, he also denies meeting up at the parking lot, he says he would only go to get gas and cig and leave, that was a lie bc that particular place isn’t open at 2am. He then says she must just want him and is trying to ruin him and that he’s going to lose his job when he goes back to work. I told him no and that if he talks to her without me around I was leaving, I said you have the entire weekend to call her with me sitting right here. He never did. I just felt like that if he was really that mad he would have called her. I just need as many opinions I can get on what’s going on….kind of makes me think it’s still going on because of how she said she was done and then changed her mind after “he” explained what happened and he couldn’t help it. PLEASE HELP!

  110. My husband went away on business the same weekend i took our daughters on a shopping trip, but my gut told me different. I was right but he said he needed to get away from “everything”. He has a history of lying to me but thought he had stopped. I found strange underware but we all joked it off. His “untruths” are more frequent. He geta defensive when I ask small questions. Coverststions are less, sex gas gone from 2 times a day to, once every 3 months. No hand holding no romance pretty much nothing!!! He owns his own business and ends his day at the same place before coming everyday (another womans business). I have confronted him several times, showed up there once (that was a bad idea) he got so upset. He gets very defensive when i bring anything up. He has his cell phone attached to his side constantly only to turn it off and LOCKED when he’s sleeping. It’s off limites to me! I have seen flirtations in emails to and from other women that he denies. He REFUSES to go to counciling with me and i told him it’s because he’s affraid a professional will expose him and his lies! He tikd me that he loves me and does not want a divorce but “if you think that your correct than you have to do what you need to do” is what I am told. I tell him I love him. I do little special things for him. I don’t know what else to do!!!! I just need to know 100% the truth before I walk away i need clousure. Not to walk away thinking what if i was wrong, did I just give up. There are a lot of financial issues as well that could be keeping him here I think thats the only glue. Please help by telling me what you think! Thanks

    1. He already walked out if he’s not there for you; how many more years do you want to waste, go running and you will be much happier, how much more are you willing to take a big part of your life is gone for years cause he hasn’t been there.
      I waited 30 years,same stuff,now go running. my only regret is that I didn’t smarten up sooner.

    2. Vickie-
      It’s a shame you have to endure this…but I think you are putting yourself through Hell. It’s super clear that you know your husband is up to NO GOOD. Why are you wasting what is left of your youth on a man who is interested in other women? Please don’t. You will find another man, someone who wants only you. Not you & who ever catches his eye! His phone is his personal property, but to consider it “off limits” to his wife is ABSURD! He’s hiding sh!t, he’s lying to you and girlfriend, he’s cheating on you. You know it and he knows you know it. Dump his ass. You are worth so much more than this!!! You can do it. Xox

    3. Vickie, you already know honey. You don’t need to find evidence to make it 100% certifiable. He is treating you
      disrespectably. At this point, anything you endure is your own fault. I know that sounds harsh, but you know better. Your belly is screaming at you. Don’t ignore it any longer. I know you don’t feel it, but start building self respect by treating yourself with respect. That means leaving him and not allowing it. If you have children, you do not want to show them this as an acceptable way to treat people, or allow yourself to be treated. You are worth more. Act like you are even if you don’t feel it yet.

      Listen honey, right now you can’t think your way into right living, but you can live your way into right thinking. That means act as if, fake it til you make it. Once you get through that you will feel good and be empowered.
      I sat it all the time, but remember this. It is so important.
      YOU’RE WELL BEING DOES NOT DEPEND ON ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.

      message me if you need help with perspective or support.

      tommyD

  111. We have been together for 7 years and been married for 2 years+. And we are blessed with 22months old son. If i say i understand whats happening in my marriage now am lying. I cant even say i understand my husband anymore. He lies so much that it piss me off all the time. six months ago, i bumped into his whatssap conversation where he was telling a lady that can he come and show her his big blah blah blah. when i confronted him, he said it was because of his work, that they were making an investigation on the lady in question, that he was doing that so that he can catch the lady. Well, to cut the long story short, i believed him and we moved on. Last 2 weeks again, i saw a picture on his whattsaap, when i asked him, he said it was his late sister’s daughter, when i made my investigation, i discovered it was another lie from my cheating husband. When i confronted him, He accepted and told me it was the daughter of a male colleague at work, when i investigated, it was another lie. The daughter actually belong to one whom he has actually been talking to over the phone. Am just tired and i dont know what else to do. Am contemplating ending the marriage. Please advice me

    1. Abiola- I feel bad for you, but the writing is crusty on the wall. The man is trying like Hell to cheat on you. It’s very clear. AND you caught him lying over and over… Why is he lying? Because he’s cheating.
      An ultimatum isn’t even in question. He’s got no respect for the marriage at all. Dont wait till he leaves for someone else! Get rid of him.

  112. Hello folks, reading many thoughts of. Cheaters just make me sick. Been there, had husband of 13yrs cheat on me. Tells me as a VOLUNTEER FIREMAN & EMT, needs to respond to calls. BS, she was calling him all hrs of night, evening…… wow how stupid I was. Sure some where calls i heard radio traffic, but after it was over several hours later not home. Then when he did get home it was jump in shower, well i read that you can tell if man had sex especially in hurry to leave gf, check underwear for late ejectuation. Yup, white crud in underwear, but i couldnt prove it. Than took job out of state and he insisted that i go. Fing my dream job calling for 8months gone, sure we’d see each other, talk every day and night. When furloughed , wow eye opener i got. Went to use my lap top and he was on earlier but due to a fire call, oopsie he forgot to log out! And what i found; all the naked pictures of her in his email, his IM on fb with more naked pictures of her in my house, pictures at her house saying if her family found out she is done. Well being pissed i took those pictures printed out , mailed to her husband, her neighbors all on fire department who helped lie for him. Few weeks into it her husband dyes of cancer, her son disowned her and my husband said he didnt do anything and is innocent. Hmmm , i find bs. Well i went to counseling, tried to turn other cheek, live what bible says about forgiveness ,we even MOVED out of state. Been two years and he is starting to lie to me and our son. Talks rude disrespectful and down grade. “Once cheater always cheater” comes to mind. My son begs me wait til he is in mid teens to leave his father, but am so misable. I can dance naked on the bed in front of him, dont do anyghing, bring out my toy he dont care, what do i need to do to let him know am here?

    1. nothing .. just dont pay him any attention.. thats the best way .. one day he will see what he lost if he really loves u.. act as if u dont care what he is doing , go out with friends and have a good time .. i promise the thoughts are still there and u wish he was there .. Do U!!

  113. The open and honest communication you and your husband are having now is awesome. He is learning about emotional affairs, and you are learning how to recognize and talk about the signs a husband is cheating. This is excellent growth — you and he and moving forward in your relationship. I hope you can see and appreciate this, because focusing on your growth and communication will help you and him get closer.

    If I were you, I’d suggest a session with a counselor. You may not need to embark on “couples therapy” — but maybe you and your husband need a little guidance on communication, trust, boundaries, and expectations.

    What do you think about talking to a therapist, just to sort through your issues?

    1. Hi. Thank you for your comments. He does not want to go to counseling. Thinks we can work on this together and tells me that I can go if I want to. It hurts me, but he doesn’t believe in it. I still don’t know if I’m getting the whole truth. He says he has told me everything after initially lieing. He is remorseful at hurting me and our marriage. I try to tell myself if he wanted to be with that other woman, he would just leave me. Right?

      1. The ow is smart enough not to want his cheating a**, so he doesn’t have the option to leave you for her. Looks like you are stuck with a cheater. It sucks but that’s what happens often. Wives are stuck with a man that will never respect her. If you want respect, you will need to leave him and never look back. Once a cheater, always a cheater is absolutely true, even the husbands that seem genuine and remorseful will cheat again in years to come. Don’t waste your youth on him.

  114. Hi. I have been with my man for 8 years and married for two. In October of 2015, I went on a five day vacation with my daughter. I returned and didn’t think anything until I saw a picture of a woman in my husband’s gallery that was in an autosave file. I asked him who this was. He swore up and down for one week saying he didn’t know. That it must of been attached to a junk email he got. A week later, because I found an unknown name in his address book of his email and asked him who it was, he confessed that it was the girl in that picture. I cried and cried. He told me that a few days before I left for vacation, this girl called him at work leaving a message that she was in town and that he could stop by to see her. He said he had worked with this girl many years ago and they were friends then. He admitted after dropping me off at the airport, he went to work on his day off, listened to her voicemail to retrieve her number. He admitted he called her the next day. They talked and he said he told her that he would stop by when he was working if he could. Two days after he returned to work and stopped at her relatives house where she was. He said this girl’s relatives were there and they spoke for 15 minutes or so. He told me that she asked if they could stay in touch. He admitted he told her he would not text or call because his wife wouldn’t like it if he was friends with a female. He gave her his email address. He admitted she emailed him for the next four weeks and he would answer her back. He said it was more frequent in the beginning then got less frequent as the week’s went on. He admitted he told her not to email on his days off or at night because he would be with me. That leads to the day he accidentally autosaved a picture she sent him and I found it. He tells me it was the only picture she ever sent. She was fully clothed, just a selfie of herself. He admitted he deleted the emails as they came in. He told me he knew it was wrong, but wasn’t thinking. We talked and came to the determination together that our marriage had some problems and that if he was happier in our marriage, maybe he would of not decided to allow this to happen. She sought him out. He swears they only had a friendship and is not nor ever was attracted to her sexually. He said he never got that feeling from her either. Saying it was old friends catching up and when I found the picture, he didn’t tell me saying he knew I would blow it out of proportion and think it was more than it was. He said during the week he lied to me about the picture, he was trying to figure out how to tell me. He said that during the time he and she were emailing, he felt guilty because he knew it was wrong and was going to let it phase out because it seem to be. So, he only ended it the day I found the picture. He told me this that day a week later when I found her name in his address book. He said he emailed her afterward telling her I found the picture and they would not be contacting or emailing anymore. The day he confessed, I asked him to email her in front of me so I could see how they interacted. He wrote just hi to her. She replied asking him how is he emailing her from that email. He replied by asking why. She relpied by saying she didn’t think he could have friends that were girls. That response made me feel like maybe they were just friends.

    I showed him an article about an Emotional Affair and he told me he didn’t realize that what he did was considered that, but accepts that now. He told me he secretly emailed an old friend for 4 weeks, but did not see her in person other than that one time. He said he never kissed all the way to sex with her. I told him I didn’t know if I believe him and told him I would be tested for STD’s. He told me there wasn’t a need to do that because he didn’t sleep with her. I went through with it anyway. All came up negative. He tells me he knows he lied when I first found the picture, but has since told me everything and is being honest. Since this has happened, there has not been a day that I don’t talk about it with him. He tells me he can’t keep doing these daily talks because he has told me everything and doing so will hurt our relationship further.

    He has sincerely told me he loves me, is still in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He seems to be telling the truth, but why do I still feel unsure? I am consumed in what happened. I want to stay with him, but am afraid he did sleep with this woman. Maybe he didn’t. I find peace in her response to him when he emailed her and she replied that she thought he couldn’t have friends that were girls. Help?

    1. Hi Kim,
      I recently had a very similar experience with my long term boyfriend (13 years). I am also having a hard time dropping the “daily talks.” I’d love to chat with you privately if you’re interested. I feel like I have gone insane. I was reading these articles and I ran into your comment. It hit me straight in my stomach. I’m so mixed up between how bad what he did actually is and how much I’m overreacting. But at the same time, how can I be overreacting? He swears he didn’t sleep with this woman (a co-worker) and I 99.9% believe him. But why can’t I shake this feeling? I feel tormented by this.
      Raquel

  115. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    There are no easy answers when you’re getting signs that your husband is cheating and lying about his affair – or his Facebook activities, or his relationships with coworkers. There is no one “right” piece of advice, no black and white answer that will solve your problem.

    Listen to your gut. Elisa said that she had a weird feeling, and she found her husband viewing the profile of another woman on Facebook. She trusted her gut – her intuition – and she was right.

    What is your gut telling you about what you should do next? Don’t just jump to “I don’t know what to do.” Instead, take 15 minutes and ask your body and soul what you should do. Write down the answers.

    What is your gut telling you?

    1. Well my situation continues to spiral downwards. There were favors involved (working her shifts). I recently learned that he kept track of the days he saw her by drawing smiley faces in his calendar. When I asked why there were none for me he said it was because we are married and I am home everyday. He admitted to me that four months ago when he learned she would be transferring to another site he bought her a small gift – a necklace. It was not expensive but he made sure he took money out of our bank account to purchase it behind my back. I think its progress that he admitted to this and did so as an attempt to save our marriage. We are in therapy – just started – but I am not sure that I can bear the pain of this deception and all. He was able in therapy to admit to an attraction but to say its mostly a mentor relationship. He maintains this woman is in no way, shape or form interested in him. I happened to find out recently that someone I know knows her and her history and said that my husband really wasn’t doing anything wrong and also that there is no way this woman is interested in him. I just don’t know what to do or think anymore.

    2. Spot on answer!!

      I’ve been in therapy a number of times for various “issues”. I used to think I was in therapy because of how my parents treated me, or because my wife was emotionally abusive, or because she had cheated
      on me, etc, etc. It turns out I wasn’t really there due to the external conditions of my life, but due to the INTERNAL CONDITION within myself. Those “issues” were merely symptoms. My last therapist said to me toward the end of one of the last sessions “Tom, you already have all the answers….you just need to look within”. I had ignored my gut for so long that it had gotten sick so to speak.

      She is right….follow that feeling 2 inches behind your belly button. It will get you to where you are supposed to be.

      tommyD

  116. I have been married for 18 years. I spent a week home with my husband and things seemed good. When he returned to working his night shift, I had a weird feeling and felt compelled to check his Facebook. When I checked the history, I saw he had been viewing the profile of a 28 year old woman he works with (he is 50). The pictures on her profile were all bikini pictures. I confronted him the next day about this and he admitted he had a crush on her but that nothing happened between them. I was devastated because he was checking out her photos one night while I was asleep. He also admitted that he had been regularly deleting his FB history but that he was careless this one time and forgot to do it. He has told me he cares about her because she gets into trouble (she is a real gem – married, has a coworker boyfriend and has been through six men at work already). It bothered me because up until this incident, I thought he only had eyes for me. He also admitted that this crush of his has been for about a year. I decided to forgive him and he decided to deactivate his Facebook. I checked his laptop and saw that he has reactivated his FB account several times. The history has probably been cleared again. I don’t get it. I know men are visual creatures. I didn’t ask him to deactivate his account – that was his decision. Do I confront him about the reactivation? I feel like I cant win here.

  117. I’ve been dating my bf in a long-distance relationship for 1 year. I’m a very young 43 and he’s 31, from another country and was honest about seeking a green card but I told him that’s not what I’m interested in helping him with. He told me he still wants to date me even if he married someone else for his citizenship which I also told him I wasn’t comfortable with and wouldn’t work for me which he understood. He does seem to genuinely like me just not sure how much.

    I see him usually 1 week a month, sometimes 2. Two months ago, I got a bad feeling in my gut, the kind I had in one past relationship where my ex cheated on me. So even though it’s wrong, I looked at his FB private messages. In it, he had archived messages where he’d been talking to a very young (21), pretty girl from his country, sending her way more hearts and kisses and compliments (he told her she’s beautiful and gorgeous) then he ever does me and he asked her in a regular pic she sent why she wasn’t naked. He seemed much more emotionally in tune with her then with me from what I could tell and he also knew her long before he met me. I confronted him and he said he just talks to her when he’s bored and she’s funny which made my heart drop. I told him I don’t send those kind of things to my guy friends. Well he must’ve said something to her, because she’s since blocked me and taken herself off of his fb page which made me feel a little better but he’d been talking to her the entire time we’ve been together. He’s only told me he loves me twice in the entire year and it was more at the 3 month mark, not so much anytime in the past few months. I’m planning on moving to the state where he lives, which I’d planned before I met him. 2 weeks ago when I was visiting him he said I should look for an apt. for the 2 of us but today when I spoke with him he told me to just look for a place for myself and we’d see what happens. I’m so confused, I feel like he’s giving me mixed messages and it’s leaving me feeling unsafe and not secure with him. I also think he’s still eyeing other candidates and other woman but hasn’t stepped over the line. Is it that he is bored with me and can’t connect? He doesn’t run away when I bring things up but I can tell he doesn’t really want to talk about it either yet he listens and doesn’t get crazed. I do love him but do not want to go further with someone who can’t make me feel safe. On the one hand anything I’ve brought up he’s addressed. On the other hand something still feels off. How do I truly find out what’s really going on with him and how he feels about me or is he already telling me?

    Should I wait until I move closer to him where I can see him day in and day out and then decide or is he already giving me signs that I’m confused on? Any advice would be appreciated.

    1. I also want to add that he does talk about a future with me. He talks about me going back to his country with him to visit and to meet his family. When I’m at his place I talk with his parents on Skype and have met his friends both from the US and his country. Also he texts me 4-5x a day and has ever since we met. We’ve never had 1 day go by where we haven’t texted or spoken. So you can see where I’m thrown off.

      1. Hi,
        He is a man who is a cheater aka; player. He is using you any way he can.
        If your relationship with him were in a safe situation you wouldnt even be questioning his behavior you would know right off the top of your head if he were crazy in love with you.
        This isn’t your fault he is either an addict or He has been doing it his entire life. Say good bye, change the locks go see a nice psychologist who can lift up your spirits while you are sad about this. So you can move on and steer clear of losers like this.

    2. Trust your inner feelings, you will find in the end you were right. You have to protect Yourself, as he seems to be giving you mixed feelings. You are the one that counts the most, never let anyone take advantage of you.

  118. About 3 months ago(2015) on a Thursday morning at 7:50am in the morning my husband’s cell phone rang while we were being intimate. He looks over to see who was calling and got up and redialed the number. I heard him say, “I called you yesterday but you were out of it”. He then walked off into another room. When he came back I asked who was he talking with and he said the sister of someone we know well. And he grinned and said she had knee surgery and he had called to see how she was doing. And I said what did she want and he said she was just returning the call. I thought it strange because I didn’t know he knew her that well.She works at the hospital where he works as a cashier in the cafeteria. He had introduced her to me about a year previous to this incident and gave me her name and said she was the brother of the person we both know. He said he found out her brother was in the same singing group as my brother back in the 80’s and they began to talk more when he came through the line. In 20113 is when he began to ask me if I knew her and I told him I did not. I only know the brother and a couple other sisters of his. Well one evening he came home after their father died and asked me if I was going to the wake. I told him no, because I did not know her father like that. He said well lets go, I know her and you know her brother. Lets go and support them. When we got to the wake she comes in and he goes up to her and ask me if I know her and I again I said “no”. Both times this lady never opened her mouth to me. She just looked at me and said nothing both times. My husband usually works on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday’s. I think she forgot he was not at work when she placed that Thursday Morning call. Had she not placed that call I never would Have questioned him about this woman. He told me he had known her for over thirty years and we have been married for 49 years. It bothered me that he did not mention this to me when we were introduced and I knew nothing of this woman the whole time we have been married. I told him he should have wished her good luck on her last day at work with her surgery and that should have been it.I asked him how many men who come through that line everyday called her to see how she was doing and they probably have been knowing her just as long or longer than he has. I think there is something sinister going on here. He said she is just a friend don’t you have friends. I checked his phone and he had deleted the calls to and from her from his phone but I found them on the internet bill. There were three calls and he said he only called her once. I think if this woman is such a good friend of his I should have known this years ago since she came into our lives after we were married. After I got married I had no male friends because he accused me of going with every man I came in contact with. what are your thoughts on this situation?

  119. Hi Mr. Tommy, me and my husband has been married for almost 2 years, we’re a young couple with a 10 month old and a baby boy on the way. I’ve recently caught him lying to my face multiple times, like yesterday he told me that his going to his friends house to pick something up and going to go get gas, I said okay. Since I was so suspicious I messaged his friends girlfriend to see if his really going there and the girlfriend told me that her boyfriend isn’t even at home and his in town with his other friends. Plus my husband told me that he was going to go get gas before he comes home from work the other day, and my husband hasn’t used his car since then. His been coming home a couple of hours late, and he works 15 minutes away from our house, his excuse is he needs to hang out with his co workers because he doesn’t want them to think like his only there to go to work??? I’ve went on his phone looking for names or whatever but he deletes everything. And he has his phone on him all the time, sometimes he leaves without telling me and his excuse is that his walking the dogs but when I call him while his walking the dogs it seems like his in the beach bathroom all the time (we live right next to the beach). His been acting different lately. Please help me. When I try to ask him about him cheating, he calls me crazy or a dumb ass. He Denies it and try to cover it up . I’m only 20, his supporting me, I don’t have a job because he doesn’t want me to have one, I’m a stay home pregnant mom. I want to leave him but I can’t until I prove that his cheating. He doesn’t want to get a divorce because of the kids. Please give me advice thank u.

    1. My husband did the same sort of things to me and he was definitely cheating. Don’t trust what he says. Believe me, he is feeding you a bunch of bunk. I am sorry this is happening, but you are very young and have your whole life ahead.
      I had two small children, too, and I moved on from me cheating husband.
      I will pray for God to give you strength. I hope you have family close who can help you make a new start. You are worth it!!
      Much prayers and good luck!!

    2. Krizen, you have a few problems here. I know what you’re experiencing. You just don’t have any solid proof, but you know something is going on. I was in the same situation with my wife many years ago. There were just too many loose ends that were unexplainable or the excuses just didn’t really make any sense. Your gut is telling you something is wrong, and unfortunately and I’m sad to say that indeed something is wrong. You deserve to be treated better, and with honesty and respect. The other problem you have is that you are dependent on this man. I would consider trying to make other arrangements. If you have family or friends that can help and be supportive in the meantime while you try and get things together so that you can stand on your own 2 feet, that is something you should really consider. You’re only 20 years old sweetheart….you have a long life ahead of you. Trust me, what this dumbasses doing is just one little page in the entire book of your life. Don’t give him your power. Your well-being is not dependent on this man, nor should it to be. He’s not trustworthy enough to be responsible for that obviously. I’m sure it 20 years old you are still attractive and can easily and will easily find somebody who is better. I hope you do. I know change can be scary but sometimes we have to walk through that fear to get something good on the other side.
      You need anything else or any other device or want to contact me just let me know.

  120. Hi Mr Tommy D. I am in a relationship with someone that I’ve been with for almost two years now and I do think it’s love. However, he has cheated on me five times now. None were sexual but, he has told other women that he loves them, he’s had women bring him lunch to work, he’s driven their cars, etc. but, there was never any sex involved (so he says). I can admit that I’ve cheated on him once in the past but he’s done it to me FIVE TIMES! I do want to believe him and stay with him the only thing is, I’m afraid of being cheated on again. He cheated and a month later he moved to another city. He says he isn’t interested in any of the women where he is and he tells me he has learned his lesson. I just don’t know if I should leave him or believe him.

    1. Theresa,
      Sweetie, you are wasting your time. At least if you want something exclusive with this man. He is not behaving in any way that should gain your confidence. YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY!! Trust your belly honey. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be the one to shatter your dream, but it’s best recognized sooner than later. Why are you wasting your time with him? You are worth more. Trust me, you are capable of more than you’ll ever know. It is easy. Show a man love, faith, warmth, hard work and he will follow you. You are a woman, you have control in the end.
      Be strong sweetie. Act like you are worth more than how he treats you. With time, you will feel it I promise.
      ?

  121. I found out that my husband was cheating on me when I hired a hacker to look into my husband’s Gmail account, Facebook, and LinkedIn for me, I saw his conversation with the other lady.

    1. Dear H, Yes, who did you hire?I walked into my husbands office unexpectedly and saw his phone under a file. I picked it up to Google some advice on vitamins when I saw “Where to find a prostitute ?’ in the search field. At first I thought nothing of it. Then someone told me things just don’t pop up like that in any search field. So if your friend can do it again please let me know.

  122. We have been married for 16 years. We both have had infidelity issues in the past but we have worked on them and moved on. I found out I had an std while I was pregnant, and the doctor gave him and I medication to get rid of the std. I got to follow up 2 weeks after and doctor said I was “clear”.
    I am pregnant again, and my husband insists we use condoms. If we have been cleared before, and I am pregnant, why use condoms? My instincts tell me that he may be cheating… but I cant figure out how he would have the time.

    1. He is at “work”? I know someone who’s affair partner works with him. They sneak off on breaks, and his wife is none the wiser. Sorry, but anyone can explain away a short amount of time.

  123. Hi, my husband has changed a lot. He always start agruments even in small things which always turn out to be a big issues between us. He’s no longer as sweet as before. He’s no longer that happy spending time with me. I feel like somethings is really wrong. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before. He always go to work even weekends. It seems that he spend more of his time away from home than to stay home. What can I do to discover if he’s really cheating on me?

    1. Mrs Pinkstuff,
      I’ve replied to a number of posts on here. Usually, the women posting describe behavior from their man that makes its even quite obvious that he is cheating. In your case, that’s not what I got from what you described. You are correct in saying that something is wrong. The things you explained demonstrate that the relationship may not be going too well and that communication between the two of you has broken down. Obviously, the connection between the two of you is suffering. But, none of this means that your husband is cheating. Of course it is possible that he is but his behavior also may just be him pulling away. Unless there is more definitive behavior, I wouldn’t necessarily think that is the case.
      Do you still love him and want him and want to work to keep it together? If you do, talk to him….try to ask him what he wants and needs. Find out what’s wrong…my guess is you already know what issues are between you two. If you have tried and can’t get through, see if you can get him to marriage counseling. If he won’t go, that is not a good sign (doesn’t mean he’s necessarily cheating, might just mean he doesn’t care), which could be a worse situation than just cheating.
      In the end, if you’ve put your heart in and really tried to make this person happy and he remains unhappy within the relationship and won’t participate or communicate, then you are being mistreated and deserve better.
      At that point, it’s up to you if you want to stay and put up with it and continue to try, or if you want to go along with his actions and create some distance from him yourself.
      Either way, I tell people this all the time, but it’s important to remember that your well-being is not dependent on this man. You can be OK with or without him.

      Good luck honey!

      tommyD

    2. Hi Mspinkstuff, I feel the same with you. Now I’m still trying to catch my husband i don’t want to accuse him without hard evidence because i know he won’t tell me the truth. It’s hard to pretend in front of our husband that we’re ok even we’re not but sometimes we need to be an actress in front of them. A piece of advice i know it’s hard to deal this kind of situation but you need to be more patient. If you have access to his cell phone try to download “spy my phone” free app to his phone but first try this app to your phone so that you know how it’s work. It’s hidden so he won’t see. In his car, buy hidden gps tracker in amazon so you will check his location everytime. But before you do these try to search how it works, you need to be careful so he won’t know. Even you track him in gps or on his cell phone don’t say nothing unless you see him in your eyes cheating, again they will lie if we don’t have hard evidence. And no matter what happen don’t tell him your source why you catch him so next time if ever it happen again you know what to do. If he ask you how did you know just tell him you hired a private investigator or what even but again don’t reveal your source even in your friend just keep this to your self. I hope it will help you. By the way i know already that my husband is lying because i track him in his phone but i can’t say nothing unless i see in my eyes, i learned my lesson. Good luck & be safe…

  124. Women cheat too, they do it because the need children from different partners to keep a tribe intact.
    It’s not only in the nature of man to have multiple partners.

    1. Hi Jan
      Of course women cheat! I’ve been the other man numerous times. The majority of women I’ve had sex with were married or in a LTR.
      They don’t typically do it to have a brood of offspring from different men…although that might be a part of the reason at a subconscious level. Usually they cheat because they don’t feel connected to the man they are with emotionally. They get bored and feel mistreated or unappreciated and unfulfilled. Sometimes this is not the case and they are just sexually unfulfilled, but usually it’s the emotional part.
      I will share my experience and suggest a motive for infidelity amongst men and women.
      I personally have been in several long-term relationships including one marriage of nine years. That marriage by the way ended because my wife was sleeping with another man. Despite the fact that I have been cheated on in a relationship, I myself have actually never cheat on the person I was involved with.
      But I believe that in reality monogamy is unnatural for humans. Honestly, it does not feel natural.
      I’ve done it…but it goes against my God given instincts.. Mother nature tells me that it’s a good idea to have sex with lots of women. God gave me my sex drive. If monogomy were natural, then why would so so many people cheat?
      Science has proven that genetic diversity is healthier within biological populations. This is fact!
      This again supports the idea that monogomy is unnatural…we are supposed to want other people.
      Jan, you are correct in a round about way. There is an instinct within us that drives us to procreate with different partners because that results in successful dispersion of our genes.
      Science has shown that genetic redundancy produces problems in offspring. We all know, that inbreeding animals or humans causes increase in defects. That results from breeding within small populations with people in the same gene pool….defects crop up.
      But when new genes are brought into the picture (different partners like a new man or woman from somewhere else). Healthier offspring are produced and thrive more.
      So bottom line, to me it looks like Mother Nature makes us that way. We are created with that desire to have sex with different partners because in the end…it makes stronger kids.
      It doesn’t hurt that it’s fun.
      It’s feels good to be bad and naughty…that’s in us!!!
      It’s why so many say YESSSS to doing the no no.

      I don’t mean to offend anyone, and I am not speaking from a place of moral judgement.
      This is not a religious debate, and if you are considering replying with such, don’t waste your time. I am very familiar with those opinions and philosophies too.

      I was merely trying to share from a place of rational thought based on personal experience and what I have observed in others.

      tommyD

      1. Your philosophy makes sense. But saying that Monogamy is unnatural for all humans can’t be factual. I believe most women genetically have a strong ability to remain with one lover for life with out question. Take into consideration that the era has taken more of a front seat to cheating lifestyles than ever before. Faithfulness and marriage will become something of the past and soon enough obsolete. Very unfortunate.

        1. Laurie, I do agree with you. When I suggested that monogomy was unnatural by no means was I trying to imply that what I was suggesting was factual or applied to everybody. It’s just something I’ve observed frequently in many people I’ve known. I also have to concur that monogomy certainly appears to come more easily and natural to the female human than to the male. Women tend to have a “nesting” type of instinct that lends itself more toward monogomy than a mans instinctual drives. Nonetheless, as we’ve stated above women still cheat, I just think that it’s probably a bit less frequently than men. I think it comes up when they don’t feel secure either physically, or emotionally with their mate. When a woman’s instinctual desires for these things are not being met, she is more likely to stray than a woman who feels secure with her mate. I also have to agree with a statement you made above….I too think that marriage will slowly become a thing of the past and eventually will be considered old fasioned or obsolete. Is it unfortunate?
          I don’t know the answer to that….I suppose that’s a matter of personal opinion. It does appear there is a Momentum to this place and indeed a Mother Nature or Deity directed current, but I have to humbly admit I don’t seem capable of really understanding it too much with my terrestrial based mind

          Thanks for the reply Laurie!!

          tommyD

          1. Thank you for the comments and your insight. Your point is very well taken. Reading posts that evaluate the male and female’s ability to be monogamous has always intrigued me, especially coming from a man’s point of view and what kind of man it is coming from and his experience in life with women in particular is very interesting. This is why I commented on your post (experience). A good open point of view helps to evaluate the thoughts and feelings of uncertainty in our own minds as women. I’d also like to add that therapy and books are wonderful way to get insight on this issue but a real discussion is much more effective with people who don’t know you personally and will not be bias or possibly because you are paying for their expertise. In addition I’d like to say that women’s love & essentially “commitment” to you as men is such a powerful expression that more often than not gets taken for granted (vise a versa). Usually pornography is a catalyst for other problems in a marriage that can be waiting to surface. That area in a marriage should always be up for discussion, never hid or kept secret like an affair because surprisingly some women may be opt to get more comfortable with your hobbies and of course others may not. So, unfortunately it brings us to men having a very strong “need” to roam, to see, to fantasize and woman have an even stronger instinct to feel. That instinct being so strong that it gets us into our own set of troubles just as much as your need to have multiple lovers. Unfortunately that “need” inside coupled with insecurity and weakness has created a flood of uncertainty in a good marriage or potential relationship. A lucky man will find a woman with possibly a good foundation, good direction, an abundance of commitment, and good values and then put that all at risk to have an affair or try something they consider natural? Very unclear! Companionship = Man. Love = Woman. Is it okay to say that generally men don’t require commitment the way a woman does? I’d have to say that motive for infidelity is “insecurity” and is most commonly as you stated an “emotional” factor for a woman. What about a man?
            In the end, there’s nothing natural about looking to plant 100 seeds inside 100 women. It is more natural to plant a seed into one woman and watch her give you what only she could produce. It is called STENGTH and unfortunately muscles don’t have anything to do with it. It’s a perfectly “natural” ability to obtain and foster. That strength lies in all of us. A lot of science goes into the nature of how we think as a gender but it’s not that complicated. Faithfulness is difficult for some but very do-able!

  125. My husband and i have been together for 6 or 7 years now and married for 3 years. He recently switched jobs and now he is a flagger i have been really worried lately that he has been maybe messing around with her. He has cheated on me multiple times in the past. And i think he is starting up again. With the company he works with he has to have a partner and it is a female so he is spending most of his time with her. They text and call each other on a daily basis. She texts me a lot but not as much as she does him. When i confronted him about it he got so angry. I talked to his mom about it to and she claims i am jelouse of her. And when i was talking to him today he told me that she was talking on the phone with her boyfriend and the she started talking about she was horny in front of my husband. He claims nothing is going on but i am worried something is going on. Please can any one give me advise on this..

  126. My boyfriend I’ve been and lived with for 15 years also have 3 kids with use to come home hurt me bad physically his favorite thing was strangulation and suffocation hes been to prison for it more then once his answers were always I was crazy I made everything up the emotional abusive way almost unmanageable he rejected me and are kids with out a care everyday I’ll never be the same after being in prison 2 years hes back and no more violence but rejection and emotionally detached since he got out a year ago still continues badly he truly shows no emotion that he cares with I could understand why someone would still be this way?

  127. I’ve been in a serious relationship for five years (the type where we’ve always talked about growing old together/marriage/kids/all of that stuff). He had an indiscretion with a woman three years ago and we have since recovered. We were young and stupid and I thought we had grown since, but I am worried he is cheating again. Due to financial problems, him and I were living with his parents the last few years and in early October of this year, I moved out. We talked about it and it was made clear that it was due to other factors of the current living situation that had nothing to do with each other. I didn’t want to be living with his parents anymore and he wouldn’t be financially ready to move for awhile. So we figured me moving in with my brother would be a good in between until we could get a place (alone) together.

    Now I am honestly wondering if it was an excuse for him to cheat on me. The first two weeks I moved, things were normal. We saw each other once or twice a week (I now live across the state of CT so we can’t see each other too much more). We texted frequently enough. He would say good morning and goodnight. Tell me he loved me. Be lovey. All the usual stuff.

    He’s sorry he lied. Blah blah blah. Promises he won’t lie again and he’ll tell me next time he goes out. This is the point where we start a steady decline. He doesn’t text anymore or call. He goes over a friend’s house one night at 7PM and I don’t hear anything until 3PM the next day. He doesn’t text me when he’s up or going to bed. In the fallout from the first lie, I removed him from my Facebook relationship status. When I try to add him back, it just says pending on my end and that he’s single. He claims that I’m wrong and it says we are in a relationship. When I ask him to fix it he gets mad. If I post on his page he either deletes it or ignores it (especially if it’s something like “I love you”). He’s never reachable by phone and his schedule is magically so mixed up I can never see him (or he won’t tell me his work hours until last minute so I can’t plan to see him). He has started shaving (which he never did), brushing his teeth more, and showering at night and in the morning. He’s lost a lot of weight. He never really says he loves me or goodnight or good morning and when I confront him about it he apologizes, says he’ll change it, but does nothing and still ignores me.

    When he’s with me, he’s distant. He doesn’t ask any questions about me and when I ask him stuff, he keeps it short and sweet. He only talks about work and seems particularly bitter about one girl in particular because she’s “sleeping around the place” (which is very evident on Facebook and makes me wonder if he’s bitter she’s used him and done with him). He doesn’t care to ask for my work schedule to see if we can hang out nor does he make any efforts to hang out. When I asked him point blank if he was cheating, he asked me why I thought he was cheating. When I told him why, he didn’t respond. So I asked him again and told him I wanted an direct answer. I asked “Are you cheating?”. His answer? “Nope. So go F yourself.”

    I was wondering if I should just leave him now or wait until I have concrete evidence? I will admit, I actually can be a little paranoid and jealous since that first time, so I don’t want to jump the gun. But his behavior has changed so drastically it kind of says to me that now that I’m gone, he wants the single life.

    Thoughts?

    1. Remy- sorry that you are going through this. But I have to be honest, why do you even want to continue this relationship? It sounds totally one sided and he sounds like he’s treating you like crap. There is definitely something or someone who is distracting him; distracting him enough to change his appearance and stop contacting you willfully. Do yourself a favor and move on – start dating someone else AND NEVER BOTHER WITH HIM AGAIN. Let him see that you’ve chosen to be “above” him and treatment of you. I have a gut feeling that you’re too good for this guy anyway!!! ?

    2. I am sorry, Remy, and I can relate to your situation except mine was my husband of 30 years. You need to understand that you deserve better and cut your losses before you are 30 years, 3 kids and 3 grandkids in. I wish I would have realized that he was an insecure, selfish, narcissist before I had invested all of this time and made the prospect of leaving so complicated. This is an opportunity to find who you are and what you like; in doing this you will find the one who really knows and appreciates you.

      1. Yes, this advise is dead on. Please don’t waste your youth on a man who will never be faithful from here on out. Once he begins cheating, he’ll always cheat. Even the seemingly good guys that never were cheaters but become one, won’t go back to being faithful.

    3. If you haven’t already…dump his ass immediately. There is no question he is cheating and possible on drugs. Remember, actions speak louder than words (assuming he is actually saying some nice things too) …no matter what he might say, he does not want to be with you. I know its not easy but he doesn’t live close anyway so cut the cord so you are free to find someone who really loves you!

    4. I just went through this, the only difference is that we have four kids together. He just three days ago tried to strange me because I wanted to be alone and all of a sudden, he has turned into this Angel who all of a sudden wants to kiss me, touch me etc.. I don’t believe this crap for a second and I prayed on it. I hate to tell you but he’s cheating. The thing is that they will lie, deny and push you away. My advice to you is leave him alone. Get a New job or hobby and he will see you are not thinking about him. Its on you if you wan to fix it. Be careful with your heart honey. God Bless

  128. Ok so I don’t know if I need advice or answers maybe both right now my boyfriend or fiance has been going through issues. We did fall on hard times. Now yes we are in love and I know he won’t leave me unless I left him but we fell so hard we moved into his mother’s home now honestly he is on parole so he decided to stay at his brothers back home until he was off when I first came out here we stayed in contact and 2 weeks went by his mom and sister decided to go out there because of a birthday party. We went and the night before the party we were all drinking and at a indoor pool having a get together. Then by nightfall, apparently he was tired and more than 2 weeks without sex is unfair and its more unfair to me that he fell asleep on me. We never did get to do it. Now it’s been over a month and from the time we came back to his mother’s house he was slowly treading away from staying in contact. A week ago he left a 2 min voicemail on my phone with him and a girl having a conversation. Yes I confronted him even let his mom listen to it and he said it was the old gay women that I talked to that stays with him in a room.

    I don’t want to have to keep changing schools for my son right now I rather he be in a stable place. It’s just messed my other guy friends give me more attention than he do. I don’t want to break down crying and I don’t want things to end this way I understand if he didn’t love me I would not be living with his mother. Just please help me and honestly I thought about not calling him anymore I used to call him in the morning and he would stay on the phone until my son got on the school bus but now he doesn’t do it anymore sometimes I literally have to keep calling him just so he can answer doesn’t work for me now would it be best if I didn’t call him at all or just continue to do what I have been doing everyday.

  129. I started cheating on my fiancé after he was holding back on intimacy. We were fighting a lot of the time but I still needed intimacy and he refused for months. Coincidentally an old high school hook up from 10 years ago added me on a professional social media website. We messaged each other and then started texting. It took me a couple of months to start sleeping with him. I do all the 5 signs of cheating listed above. I don’t enjoy sex as much as I used to with my partner. I stay with him because he’s good to me despite him refusing sex during our rough patch.

  130. Me and my husband been together 15 years, Recently I discovered my husband is using his smart phone sending heart shape , love , and kiss emoji to someone ! Question is
    I never ever receive any emoji sign from my husband , how can those love emoji are showing on his phone frequently used??
    It seems like he texting someone n messages deleted. But emoji still appear on frequently used.
    I asked him about that, he insist that not he send! He didn’t know about that!
    Kindly advice.

    1. A sign your husband is lying about cheating is the frequently used words on his phone. When I had an affair I used intimate words. Those words don’t appear on your phone for no apparent reason. Check to see if there’s sexual or loving words he doesn’t frequently use with you.

  131. I just recently went on my husbands app purchases and found multiple free text and calling apps that he has downloaded and a flirty emoji app that he had downloaded. None of which we use together. Should I be suspicious that he is chatting with someone else and doesn’t want it showing up on our bill?

    1. I have been with my husband for almost 3 years, we have had our ups and downs but we still find away to work it out. But there’s been a few times I have had a strong guy feeling he is cheating on me. Hes not very affectionate and he can go months without having sex with me. Every time he has a phone, he is so protective with it, he always has it with him wherever he goes, sometimes sleeps with it. I have asked him a few times is he cheating on me, I get your crazy, your insecure, or I love you I married you, but it sure doesn’t feel like marriage to me. I don’t know what to do, does it sound like he’s cheating on me?

  132. Ok 7 months ago I lost my job my husband said they are hiring at his job so I filled out an application a few times a month I would ask him if they were hiring yet he kept telling me that he didn’t see them hiring anyone that he thought that they were hiring but I guess they’re not so then I seen a temp service hiring for their job and I applied and I got the job now let me back up a little bit about 2 months ago my husband and I got in a fight he said that that was his space and that he didn’t really want me working there without got my eyebrows rising because I figured there was something actually going on so when I started this job come to find out they had been hiring there was a girl there that he didn’t tell me about that had been there for 3 months of course I was pissed all day long and I confronted him and told him I couldn’t trust him and that he had to know I was going to find out now he tells me there’s nothing going on with this girl and they didn’t act like it when I was there I don’t work there now and I don’t like the fact my husband works there but I can’t control him or the situation what my question is do you think he was cheating emotionally or physically because of all the lies he told me he tells me that there was nothing going on with her and why would he have to tell me everything I said that you deliberately lied to my face time and time again I kept asking you if they were hiring anybody new and you would tell me no please help me in this because I have looked on the internet over and over again and I can’t find an answer

    1. Renee, in my opinion, no, he wasn’t cheating on you. I’d have hated having my husband in my work space every single day. Everybody needs that time apart and you invaded that space. If he wasn’t having an affair before you could just be driving him to one. Back off…he didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t want you working with him without hurting you and causing you to massively over react.

  133. I need help! I have had suspicion of my husband cheating or trying to so I put a tracker on his phone. I found he is on hook up sites. He even has a profile set up I confronted him and he denies it’s him he says someone set him up. I don’t want to tell him about the tracker cause I want to keep track so I know he is lying to my face, this is killing me and I can’t function we have 2 girls 7 & 4 and I don’t want to break up our home but I’m so scared it’s killing me. Please I need help. Thank you

    1. Once infidelity and that type of dishonesty occur in a relationship, it is difficult to ever feel secure or fully trust that person again. I’m so sorry you are going through this! I hate to be negative, but most likely your husband has done more than you have evidence for. The bottom line is not whether or not he actually slept with someone, it is the betrayal and lack of respect demonstrated by the behavior. It’s unacceptable for him to disrespect you and your children with this. In my experience, once trust and respect are violated in a relationship it becomes a very painful and resentful situation unless you live in denial (which is not reality).
      Bottom line, you deserve better honey! We all do. You deserve to be loved and respected and raise your children in a healthy environment. Whatever happens, it’s ok. I’ve had to tell myself this many times because I’ve been in a couple very toxic relationships….YOUR WELL BEING IS NOT DEPENDENT ON THIS PERSON!!!
      Sometimes we get “sick” along with our sick partners and it’s hard to see the truth.
      My heart goes out to you.
      Lotsa Love
      tommyD

      1. Thanks for pointing these things out. I was trying to convey this to my H tonight when he tried making me wrong for having trust issues. In the end, I’m sure it will be my fault for the trust issues. They will try to blame you for not being able to trust.
        “you have never trusted me” is what I hear now. Garbage in, garbage out I suppose. His idea for repairing the trust–forget it ever happened, I am sorry (because I was caught, of course), suffered thru my guilty time, and we can now move forward. Trust me now or you are the jerk! I regret to inform you that you speak the truth. I doubt that I will fully trust him again. The history of deception is so great. Unless he was willing to help me repair it. This is part of a behavior pattern.

        1. I’ve been through it myself. My wife had a “roving eye” despite the fact that I’m hotter (both physically and emotionally) than anybody she ever cheated with. In the end, when it was over, she begged to come back…but for me, that is impossible and crazy. It took me a couple of years to get up the courage to do that though. For quite some time, I looked the other way and stuffed those feelings and it made me more and more sick. Trying to contain all that toxic waste is very unhealthy.
          I need to tell you something honey that is of utmost importance. YOUR WELL BEING DOES NOT DEPEND ON HIM NOR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!!
          You can be free, you can be healthy, you can learn to love again if you so choose. We get sick ourselves being with someone like this because we are codependent. If you get healthy and whole again you may actually be able to figure out what a healthy one (man) looks like. We allow things and behavior we know that we should not. It makes us feel ashamed and weak. You can recover honey. There is hope. It is on the other side of the fear of going through the imagined pain of splitting. What you don’t realize is the pain you are enduring is worse and unending until you make that change. If you need support or encouragement, let me know.
          we all deserve to live and be loved

          tommyD

      2. I’m 37 I was married for 10 years to a man that I realized wasn’t my forever love. We have 2 children together which are now teens. After my divorce I swore off men for a while. Finally I entered another relationship big surprise whammy !!! I have a 3 year old daughter from this relationship. 3 third times a charm right. WRONG second marriage I now have a 9 month old daughter with him. Four months in I discover he’s cheating I find emails to women whom he answered ads for on the personals of craigslist. Classy right. I confronted him of course he claims to be sorry and it will never happen again. Guess what three months later naked pics of his ex on his phone. Again I’m 8 months pregnant he claims to be sorry. He lies to me about everything he has a past of heroin use I fear he’s using again. I came from a broken home all my life I dreamed of a loving big family. I now have 4 children which I love more than anything. My own family turned their back on me even my own mother. Knowing this my husband hurt me after all the hell I’ve been through. We all are asking the same question why ???? I’m such a bright educated woman yet I’m so alone. My heart aches and all I have to show are tears. I’m exhausted disappointed. I feel like such a failure I miss being me and being happy : ( it should be a crime to cheat to rob your spouse and children of love and joy that you promised when you spoke vows.

    2. Tracey,my name is Linda my heart goes out to u but would like to know where to purchase the phone tracker from as I have been trying to find one to link to my husbands phone as I feel he is cheating on me too but hides everything and deletes everything on his phone. Where do I get the phone tracker?

      1. Linda, you don’t have to go anywhere to buy a tracker. You just have to have access to his phone while he’s sleeping or when you have a little time to play with it. If he has a smart phone (either an android or an iPhone) you will just download an application that keeps track of information that you can access whenever you want from your own smartphone or computer.
        I will include a couple links to give you ideas. Just do a little research and you’ll get the Idea. Try googling “how to put a tracker on my husbands phone” and plenty of info pops up. I found these sites and they’ll get you started.

        http://www.marketwatch.com/story/5-apps-for-spying-on-your-spouse-2014-03-10

        Once you read some of this you’ll have an idea of what to do. Some apps track location, some keep track of calls and texts, and so on. Some are free, some cost money.
        The bottom line is if you trust your gut, you know what’s going on…if things are right or not. That’s the scary part….I ignored what I felt in my belly for years, I tried to hope and pretend it wasn’t happening or that it would change. Trust me, in your heart, or in that spot 2 inches behind your belly button, you can feel it. Don’t ignore it! Its ok to stand up for yourself, it’s ok to want to be treated fairly and with love and respect. If he disrespects you, that is his bad and in him. If you disrespect yourself, and allow him to lie and cheat and continue to mistreat you, then that is on you and in the end it’s the hardest thing to live with. You are worth more! We forget that and get sick with our sick partners. If your best friend had the same circumstances going on in her life that you currently are facing, what would you advise her to do? Do what you would tell someone you love to do in the same situation. That is loving yourself and the solution starts there sweetie.
        Your strength will grow.

        Lotsa love
        tommyD

    3. Stacey how did you put tracker on his phone without him knowing my husbands is password protected and they have to except thanks for the help pam

    4. What tracker did you use for his phone? I can’t find one because I have an iPhone and he has an android. Don’t know if that makes a difference but I’ve searched high and low. I’d really appreciate it thank you.

  134. My husband went to a concert out of town last night. I tried calling him several times after the concert should have been over. On my end, the phone rang multiple times, then went to voicemail. I finally got ahold of him at 4:00 a.m. and he says that his phone died. In my experience when a phone is dead, it goes straight to voicemail. I don’t believe him. He was very defensive and didn’t apologize for worrying me until the end of our conversation. Should I believe him? He has cheated in the past, multiple times, before we were married.

    1. No…u def shouldn’t believe him…once a cheater, always a cheater in most cases. If he is lyen bout his phone something is up…and a phone goes to vm when it’s dead..he had the ringer down

  135. I just found out my ex husband has been dating someone he met at work while we are married. The problem is that we had moved and my husband had a new job when we got divorced. I think he had an affair with the women for these reasons:
    1. We had almost no sex life, and when we did have sex he couldn’t have an orgasm
    2. He was very critical of me
    3. We had almost no physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc)
    4. He never wanted to do anything with me.
    5. He stopped inviting me to his company picnics
    6. He once was mad at me and told my why don’t you just go and have an affair
    7. When I found out his girlfriend, the only girl he has dated since our divorce a year and a half ago, was someone he had met at his old job, I asked, “Were you having an affair.” He looked down at the floor and said, “No, No.” I hardly knew her when I worked there. He then got angry and said he was not like his father, who had left his mother for another woman.
    9. I thought at the time, there was a good chance of an affair.
    10. He was secretive with his emails and phone.

    What do you think. Please help.

    1. This is all too familiar. All 10 resonate with me, what I’m going thru. I was telling him something is going on and even though I don’t kknow what it is, I don’t like the feeling I get. We had one of the worst yelling matches ever! His response to my statement-something is terribly wrong–you think I’m having an affair! Has had several FB conversations that made my jaw drop, telling one of his old friends (female) I am crazy, he’s stuck, he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place because of our child, he would prefer a single life right now, I don’t love him the same. Heh loves me very much but I don’t love him….electronic communication is the best way to find things out. TThis IS also deceptive but where the trust, respect, is already broken, I figure it’s all fair game. I tend to strategically check texts and have found out a lot of painful truth just 2 days ago. You must determine what you will live with and at what cost. I’m personally doing some soul searching at the moment and making a contingency plan…even if that means getting a storage unit to keep some belongings at for my son and I and leaving after he falls asleep. Or goes to work. Have a safe place he doesn’t know about. Some CASH and even a prepaid debit card (he can’t trace), your important documents, somewhere you can go if you don’t feel safe, someone who won’t give your hideout away. Protect that location. Be very careful who you trust. They can be very convincing with people. I feel for you, stay safe. Don’t ever underestimate your partner.

  136. I have known my husband for 6 years and will be married for 2 on new years day. 3 months after my son was born i caught my husband in the shower watching porn which is not allowed under my roof and he agreed at the time but now hes constantly lying to me and feels like he is always going behind my back and when i see him in his work place it looks like he stares and flirts with everyone. How can i trust or get him to admit

  137. First of all, me and my husband have been together for almost six years. We first met through a mutual friend. I was single for about two years, when I first laid eyes on him. He was a tall good looking man with a great personalty. I had never met a man like him before and over a two year period we ended up falling madly in love with each other. After six moths of dating I had only eyes for him. Because he made me so happy and treated me and my son really good. One night out of bordom we decided to go out with some friends and a female friend was already to drunck and acting out. So I asked him to take her home to her boyfriend. He was gone for over two hours. I was starting to get suspicious so I then asked my friend Amy if she would take me to her place to see if she had gotten home okay and to convince me that I am just scared of getting hurt again by another man. When we arrived over there she was not there and her boyfriend looked very angry at us. I then asked if he knew where they may have gone? he said know. I went back to the bar where we were going to for karaoke. When we arrived he was drinking and laughing like it was no big deal he had been gone for so long. I then asked him where you? he said she didn’t want to go home and he was worried that she and her boyfriend were going to have problems if he didn’t take her home and she kept refusing to go home so he said that he dropped her off at another bar. I said we came here together why didn’t you come back for over 2 hours. He said I already told you I just didn’t want to cause my friend to loose his girl friend I was trying to help. This was the first excuse he has ever given me. Over the years even after we got married back in 2013, our relationship has become more and more difficult. Because lately all he seams interested in is video games, porn, and what ever he wants to do. I have tried talking to him to see why he has become uninterested in me. Although sex has never been a problem between us. On Friday I went to meet him at work, and on my way there he called me and asked if I would meet him by his car. I said that I was already in the parking lot near the doors around the corner from the office. The wired thing about the time he called he called me 23 minutes early before his lunch break. But I shrugged it off and when I asked him aren’t you worried about getting in trouble with work? he said no that is why we are going out this side door. While we were walking together there was this blond haired women that locked eyes with him, he then let go of my hand and stared back at her and walked ahead of me.

  138. Hello, how could I find out that my husband keeps cheating. We are married for 4 years, but we are together for 7 years. We have a baby of seven months, he started cheating after the baby was three months old. He told me the truth because his lover’s husband or partner was threatening him so she couldn’t continue with the affair. At first he said he asked for my forgiveness and since Iam very blessed, I said I can not just forgive out of the blue. Now he shows no remorse, he even confessed he loves her and that if the husband of hers didnt threaten hi, they would both continue together because they love each other. He even told me I am nothing compared to her, that I suck in bed. He wants me to leave because he doesn’t support me anymore and he doesn’t want to live with me anymore. I had say yes, I live, but I think I will leave until a judge or someone competent says so. The separation will help me see things better, but I don’t want to be with him anymore. In the meantime, I say he received a phone call from soneone and I just realized the person’s name coincides with her lover’s real last name. I could t hear the message cause his phone is blocked, but I honestly suspect he keeps lying to me. He keeps being aggressive verbally saying he hates me and that it is my fault that the was unappreciated at home and that is why he was with her. It seems he just cares about her and not about the mess he created in our family. We both are foreigners and it complicates things for our baby. He has been a real as….le , he brought her to our home, to our bed, and he even brought my baby to her several times and he was making love while my baby was sleeping in the car or so he says so. His lover still works at the same work place than he does. My gut says he is still after her. I don’t care anymore, I just want this nightmare to be over, I just want to know he is with her so I finish to convince myself to separate. But how could I catch him in the lying, if he blocks his phone all the time and it is with him all the time. I don’t know what to do, please help me, thanks.

    1. just leave him. date but dont get married. just spruce your self up. it aint your fault that ur were not sexy in those three months after ur baby. u deserve much better

    2. Why do you need to know that he’s with her before you separate? That is stupid and fruitless. Why bother? You know he doesn’t love you….he’s told you that. You know he’s cheating on you. You know he thinks you’re unattractive and worthless compared to his lover ….he’s told you that. So unless you’re prepared to accept all that and convince yourself that you’re okay with it then why bother? Why torture yourself when you already know that he wants her and is no doubt screwing her every opportunity that he gets. May sound harsh but it’s the brutal truth. You’ll have no one but yourself to blame if you wake up in 20 years after wasting your life trying to hold on to a man who has made it clear that he thinks you’re not even worth trying to lie to.

  139. I suspect my husband is cheating. In June 2015, he did not come home one night. He didn’t answer any of my calls nor did he return my calls as he usually does. I go in and check his email, I found an itinerary for a hotel room in our city. I never confronted him about that one. In July 2015, he didn’t come home at his regular time. By 9:00 pm he still wasn’t home, so I called him. He didn’t answer my calls. He didn’t return any of my calls. He still wasn’t home by early morning. I went in and checked his email. I found an itinerary for a king sized suite for two at a hotel in our city. I confronted him and lied and said that someone saw him at the hotel. He became defensive. He’s a car salesman and said that he was with the woman to reserve the room with his credit card because a credit card was required. He said the woman lives in another city and it was too far and too late for him to take her home. He said she bought a car from him and the car broke down. He had to fix it, so he just told her he would get a room for her. While he was reserving the room, the woman’s mom called and said she was going to come to our city and spend the night with her daughter because she didn’t trust my husband when he said that he was not going to spend the night with her daughter. Okay, well then, my next question was where he slept if he didn’t sleep with her? His answer was he went out of town to get her car fixed and that he spent the night at a rest stop. How does he expect me to believe this story? He’s cheated on me before in the past, so I’m very insecure with him. He says the new allegations are all in my head and that he does not know why I’m accusing him of cheating on me when he loves me so much. I asked him why he cheated on me in the past if he loved me. I found out he cheated in the past because he has two girls younger than our children.

  140. Hi. Well i have been married for 23 years and i thought we had a good run. For the past 4 years my husband has worked away from home only coming home on weekends. Last year july he told me that he was going on a fishing weekend with some guys from his work, i did not think it strange as he did that often. Anyway. I went through his phone bill and found 2 numbers that he texted so often it was not funny. I called both ladies and turns out he was having affairs with both women at the same time. Both ladies did not know about one another he had told them that i was a total mental case and extremely nasty he told them that i abandoned him and my kids when they were young as well as some really nasty other things, When i asked why he said those thing he said he did not mean any of it. I am wondering if he did mean what he said?
    Then a couple of months ago i once again found a number on his phone and i called it and a women answered and she said it was her sons phone bla bla bla , I also found numbers of escort services and he said that the guys at work told him that if you called them they send you pics of themselves. He tells me he has not done anything with them and so on. Since then he has a new phone number so i cant check his phone as it never leaves his side as well as a email at work, Do you think he is cheating again? On top of all this he says he loves me and the other women were just mistakes as he was feeling rejected by me,

    1. Charmaine- I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this so many times. But honestly, YES, he’s cheating again. It’s not rejection, it’s not guilt… The guy is a cheating liar. Period. He will continue to cheat as long as you are with him. Screw this guy. He obvious does not have intent to stop. Get what you can from what’s left of the relationship and move on. Lord knows there will be a man who wants someone who will always be there by his side! Your current husband doesn’t seem to care less who is by his side; as long as it’s someone- escort or you. That’s completely a smack in your face. Send him packing! Good luck and be strong!

    2. Hi Charmaine, I’m male,37and married.

      My opinion is he is cheating but the call girl thing suggests he’s looking for sex more than anything else. It sounds like your marriage is pretty much finished unless your very forgiving.

      One big thing though if you do end up with anyone else in the future, myself and my mates all have the same moan about our wives. We all say that sex and physical contact went off a cliff after we got married/ had kids on our wives part. I have tried speaking to my wife about it many times but her attitude is what we did before was the past and what we do now is how it is and deal with it. This is where men and women differ, her idea of dealing with it is not the same as a mans idea, hence escorts etc!

      Only you and him know what your sex life is like but basically it’s probably a lot bigger deal to him than it is to you.

      Good luck.

      1. Well nearly 2 years after trying to work things out with my husband and putting myself second to what he needs, i came home from work yesterday to find he has gone. So the lesson learned is does not help to try mend a broken marriage if i you meant so little for him to cheat what has made me think that it could of changed, Stupid Charmaine lesson learnt

  141. my boyfriend gave a girl the eating out gesture and didn’t know I saw so when he looked at me he pretended to be funny and stuck his tounge out at me.. what do I do? Is he cheating on me?
    Like this is not the first flirting scene he’s done.. A few months ago I looked at his phone and he was messaging a Colombian girl saying everything he has ever told me to her! Example: ”I’ll bring many smiles to your life. We can travel the world together. Your not only my girl, your my best friend, partner and my everything ” He denied that it was him and blamed his brother but this Colombian girl said his name in the texts.. So is he cheating?

    1. Well… If he hasn’t actually cheated yet, he is surely trying to! That man is doing you wrong. End of story. Woman, you need to pack his stuff up and send him “to the left”! Have strength, have pride in yourself and ditch his ass.

  142. Hi, I have been married for 7 years and this year I was away from my husband for 6 months.When I was away it was the first time in six years we didn’t talk for 3 days cause I told my husband to do something which he would forget everyday to do.Since it was long distance I would get frustrated.During this long distance I was almost paranoid most of the time thinking is he cheating on me but would never mention it to him cause I didn’t want a fight.But since subconsciously I thought like that we would eventually fight.When I came back home from abroad I found out that my husband was WhatsApp ing my friend and he didn’t tell me.Plus he was deleting their message even though it was nothing.When I asked him he said he would have told me but he didn’t know if I would react to that or not plus he didn’t want to think otherwise.After a week I found out they used to talk over Viber while I wasn’t in town almost every other day.Plus there were 3-4 days they talked for 1.5 hours.I asked me why he hid it from me again he said he would have told me but he didn’t get the right time.My husband is scared of losing me he says that every time.I am furious that I had to sneak and caught him.I didn’t like the fact he hid it from me.Is he really scared of me?I asked my friend and she said it was stupid of him to not share it with me.But why didn’t she share it with me?My husband claims they had nothing and they never met which is true.They only talked over the phone also they talked about how we met and how my husband needs to open up more to me and how much he loves me.I am confused as what to think?

  143. I have been married for 32yrs my husband cheated on me all that time .then he had sex agirl from there and he had cheated on with younger girl at gas station .he never stop ever he still doing it he said he love me but it hard to believe and trust him ever he go every morning to see the one of them her he wants to have baby with but her.

  144. Hi, I was cheated on about a year ago by my husband! I just found out through pics on his phone and he said it was just porn. You would look me directly in the face with loving eyes and tell me that it was nothing. I know this must sound crazy and to extravagant. I didn’t trust him he left that work place and I told him if he didn’t get me the girls number then I would call his ex boss and disclose everything to him. He gave me her number, even though I was so angry I knew I would be able to get much information out of her if I wasn’t calm and didn’t play the part of being calm in this matter. I got answers a little more then him, I confronted him and told him she told bla blah. The story just would match up. So it took me days to build his trust and get him to talk about it eventhough I was burning with anger and rage. He still kept denying it and then I used a triump card which was. Listen Husband if I don’t get the answers from you, I have a private investigator and I have been advised that nothing from your phone is deleted. Even if you delete it from the trash. Nothing is lost it is all stored on ghost memory. We are unfortunate for him living in today generation where things can easily be accessible. I told him the the guy is waiting on me to send him money and he has his number and the girls number and I will be able to get any information. But for my own self I don’t want to do it as I don’t really want to read all that trashy stuff. He knew I wasn’t lying as he researched himself and told me the truth. I know it was a long shoot but knowadays with our cell phones being our food which we can not live with out if a husband is cheating on you. There will be calls, text messages, emails other chats like what’s app and etc. He knew he was corned, I had suspected when when she actual hugged my husband infront of me our but I overlooked my gut feeling. My husband was the best coz he slept with this women on the day my daughter was really ill in hospital (it was the first u time she had become this ill) I was in another country and it was 2days after my daughters birthday. The best 1st birthday present she received.
    My husband would blame me for this. I never would be type to look through his phone or anyone’s but I would do it to annoy him as he would look at mine as he knew what he had done and was always projecting his shortcoming. Just a week before I said to him that if someone came up to me and said you cheated on me I would not believe them I trust you 150% and he looked at me with love eyes. But I should have known better coz I knew what his family like was. I come from affluent well to do family were things were more about vanity and luxury. His family dynamics were very different. He has taught me the biggest lesson of my life! I am still very angry and hurt. Never trust anyone 150% it’s all BS!

  145. My gut keeps saying my husband is unfaithful, but I’m just not sure. Sometimes, he looks me in the eyes, with tears in his, and tells me that I’m his entire life and he would never cheat on me. Yet, other times he gets angry, cussed at me, tells me I need mental help and that I’m crazy for accusing him. The reason I’ve accused him to begin with is because things just don’t make sense. Granted, I admit I’m insecure. I was injured at work last year and have had to back surgeries and am laid up for the most part. He spends less time fishing, going to the pool, skating and doing activities with our kids. I do recognize that he has been the one who has had to take over all chores like cooking (which he did before), cleaning, laundry, etc. One of our children is 14 and he is a huge help. So, although my husband has extra work, he does have extra help. He uses the extra chores as his excuse for always being tired. He’s taken me for two walks, which means pushing me in a wheelchair around the lake because I can’t walk that far with my walker, in a month. He doesn’t take as much time for me as he could. We used to have movie night with popcorn or game night with the kids. This is TMI, but he had an “idea” on a new way I could give him oral sex. He trimmed down there, because he said it was too hot out and he was also doing it for me. He gets mad and says he’s going for a drive and comes home an hour or two later. I confront him, he gets angry, gets the kids involved, they get upset, and he accuses me of ruining our family. We’ve been married 14 years, together 16. But he makes me coffee and has it ready every morning, leaves me notes on the bathroom mirror and makes sure all of my needs are met. I just can’t imagine him actually having an affair. Am I overreacting or am I searching for things? Oh, and when I accuse him and we’re coming back from physical therapy or somewhere and he gets mad, he just leaves me in the car knowing I can’t get out and has our son come get me. He says, if I’m going to treat him like crap then he’s not going to do anything for me. God, I wish He would tell me the truth! Any advice? Thoughts please.

    1. Teresa, I’ve read many posts on this site and believe most of the women posting have a pretty clear example of cheating, or lying, or some sort of evidence. But you Teresa have not described any circumstances or evidence that leads me to think your husband is cheating. It is possible that you have experienced those situations but did not put them here. Do you have any suspicious activity like phone calls, texts, emails, etc? You do say he takes long drives but he might just need to get away from you if you two are arguing or you are giving him a hard time. Let me share this with you Teresa…I had a wife like you with chronic back pain and surgeries and all that. She took lots of narcotic pain pills and it changed her personality. She didn’t want sex anymore and her medication became her real love.
      Let me ask you something Teresa…are you on a lot of narcotics? If you are, that might be the real problem. He may feel he has lost you and if you are on pain pills everyday, then he has lost you. He’s lost you to addiction.
      You must be honest. Look at your part. What do you love more, your husband or your pills? If you had to give one up completely and forever, which would it be?
      If any of this sounds familiar, your answer may lie within. If you need help, let me know. I’m a recovering addict myself, and have been through a marriage where my wife was cheating.
      Let me know.

      tommyD

  146. The best way to find out if your husband is cheating. I found out by placing a tape recorder in the house and in his vehicle. I was able to be my own detective. That’s how I caught u husband cheating on me. With the phone calls . I was able to hear how far the relationship had gone. Also look at the phone call list on the bills. You will find the repeated number with dates and time. I called her told her who I was and told her to leaves husband alone.
    She was shocked, it stopped for a while. My husband continued to make contact with her. Stated he couldn’t stop.

    Sorry for anyone having to go through this. I was married 27 years never thought my husband would had done this. I believed and trusted him.

    We are now on the process of getting a divorce. His excuses was he was not happy.

    I hope this can help anyone out there. This was the best way for me to have found I had the facts.

    1. I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been married 18 years and I have a suspicision but that’s it….hopefully it”s nothing.

    2. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I see you posted on 4/8/15. I too found out on that date that my husband of 26 years (33years together) had been cheating on me. I feel so humiliated and betrayed. I found out by looking at his phone logs, in hindsight I knew something was wrong but never this! He accused me of nagging him, disrespecting him, not trusting him! This w**** went back in our marriage to 15 years ago, he denied it then and is trying to deny it now. I have since uncovered lots of other information which proves him and her are guilty as charged! To all you loyal wives out there, if you have any suspicion, follow your instinct.

    3. I planted a recorder in my husband’s car but he found it. He said he heard a beeping noise and checked under the seat. He asked me if I put it there but I denied it. I doubt he believes me because he said it was still recording but he did not know how to turn it off. He straight up denies cheating on me. I want so much to believe me but that little voice tells me he’s not being faithful to me.

  147. I have been married for 5 years. We have been together 6. My husband admitted he never stopped 4 ongoing emotional affairs during our entire marriage. He states that he talks to some of them 4+ times a day, sometimes up to an hour. He also has a girl on Twitter that he talked to over 38 times in one day. She is married. He crosses the line between friends and sharing too much personal information. Talking about his sex life, his past relationships and this is all with strangers. He has made pictures by taking real life people and searching the internet and putting real people on nude bodies. He has every single sign of an affair. One is with a coworker. He has refused sex with me on multiple occasions. An empty condom wrapper fell out of his bag and now i have a yeast infection. I am 47 years old and this is only the 3rd infection in my life. All three have been in our marriage. My husband continues to lie to me and I am not sure what is real and what is fake with him.

    1. SexyMom- I’m very sorry that you are going thru this… However, your question of whether or not things are real or fake is sort of ridiculous. It very very clear that your husband is cheating. He does not value your marriage AT ALL. Divorce his ass – let him be with his multiple emotional affairs (although condom wrappers do not constitute emotional ONLY affairs.. If you’re using a condom on your penis, you are putting it somewhere!).
      You deserve better!!! You are worthy of better!! Stand up for yourself and have pride. The guys a jerk.

  148. So here is my story. I’m not married but I have a baby with my live in partner. When I moved in to his house i really had no idea that his ex girlfriend live there too. When i’d try to clean up the room i saw all the things of her ex. He disn’t even throw it. When i touched his phone he got mad and push me knowing that i am pregnant that time. When accidentally i saw his phone password i tried to open it and bouala there it hoes all the msg. And he even try to contact his ex.( my baby’s dad has no ball) andi saw another he dated this woman when we are already together. When I confronted him same act the mad mood. I think until now he is up into simething. I wanna break this relation but i am thinking about the kid. I Don’t really know what to do. He is 15 years older than me. Maybe that is why he tooked advantage of me. I hate this feeling. I don’t deserve to be treated this way.

  149. my husband and i have been separated for 2 months he slept with a co-worker twice in one night and still has her number and talks to her we have been sleeping together and talking the last three weeks the first week we started talking he slept with another girl and lyed and said he didn’t answer because he slept in late for work he admitted all this to me except the talking to the co-worker i found that out my self you say’s he only loves me but wont let me know what he has been saying to her and wont let me see his phone what do i do

  150. I’ve been with my husband for 23 years, married for 18 years. I’ve always have a gut feeling that my husband has cheated on me, but I’ve never been able to prove it. An incident happened this weekend and I wantnto get your opinion on this. Some background first. My husband had friended a young lady (who is single) on Facebook about 3 years ago. When I questioned my husband who this young lady was he said that it’s one of his co- workers sister and that the meet her through him. I expressed to him that I just didn’t get why he needed go be friends with her. He saw that it bothered me and did nothing about it. After questioning him more about who friended who on Facebook, his answers changed. He said that she had friend requested him and then he changed his story and said that he had requested her to get more coins for a game.. To me the Facebook friendship never made any sense. He finally deleted his Facebook account because it caused a lot of problems in our marriage. So over the weekend we went out with friends and this certain young lady was there. I pulled my husband aside and asked him to please just keep his distance. Things were going okay, until we started bowling and my husband got a strike and they ended up giving each other a high five. Of course I got upset & he said that I’m over reacting. Other than thst I didn’t witness any other interaction between them. Am I over reacting?

    Nancy

    1. Nancy, your Husband is cheating with the young lady. How did she end up being at the same bowling ally? He deleted the account because they have each other’s phone numbers. Is he away from home and you do not know where he is? Does he allow you to look at his texts or does he whisper when he is in the phone sometimes? These are some of the signs. How often do you two make love? Does he pick fights with you over the little things?

  151. So I am male at the age of 31 and I am 4 out of 5 of these things that are listed. I’m very moody so my mood changes a lot and I disagree with her when she says something illogical. When I explain she doesn’t listen then we argue. So am I a cheater? No I’m not. Sad that articles and prog and a all over the web, and feminist shows like the view bombard women with such advice instead of actually attempting to talk things out with their significant other. Currently I was told that my wife went up to the super market to go shopping. It’s a 5 minute walk from the house and it’s been nearly 3 hours. Yet however she probably thinks I’m cheating on her because she read rubbish like this.. so sad so sad… this world looks for too much advice and is too gullible when they receive and never question what is presented to them instead of theorizing and attempting to figure out things first hand. Sad that people say guys who cheat hang out with other guys who cheat when a matter of fact, my friend is getting g a divorce with his wife because she is the infidelic person. So maybe men who get cheated on hang put with each other as well. Stop believing everything you read from people you’ve never met who people you have no clue what experience they went through. I call bullsh**. And good men get cheated all around and you fail to see them when you meet them so maybe you should stop blaming nature and men and start figuring out what’s wrong with you

    1. I agree with you 100%. As a female I get sick and tired of other females male bashing. There are good men who get cheated on or just get stereotyped. There are also men that get continuously accused of cheating when they aren’t and that wife badgers him, controls him, goes through his phone and smothers him that “guess what Honey you pushed him into another woman’s arms” and now he looks like the bad guy. The wife got what she asked for…a cheater. If the woman is so paranoid that her spouse is cheating if he is or not then instead of torching both herself and him realize it’s time to move on. The marriage isn’t working and you’re not compatible. I’m just tired of all this ugliness and wished there was more love in the world.

    2. Chris if you are 4 out of 5 of these things then perhaps you need to work on yourself and be more compassionate and understanding of the confusing mixed signals you are sending your wife. You are creating insecurities if one day you loving and the next day your moody. Are you in love with your wife and want to connect with her more? Is she your best friend and the first person you want too share things with? Then why wouldn’t you want to make sure she not only hears it from you but feels it through your actions? Make loving jesters like leaving love notes and sweet text messages! If you give her mixed signals and no answers then you have left her playing a guessing game how authentic you are, women are used to lip service and can get it anywhere, we want to know your intentions and your love and for it to not waiver so we can feel safe and secure to completely open up all our doors. Just give it a try, what would it hurt? Romance her like you would in the beginning, most men act like once they have the woman the work or effort is over. ….remind her that she is always worth the effort and the romance for a month and I bet your whole relationship will change for the better! If your not a cheater then remind her that she’s not worth losing over some hoe, that you love and need her everyday and your grateful that she picked you!

  152. i wanted to know what someone else thinks of this situation because its driving me crazy. I have been with the same guy for 20 years we have been together since i was 16 and him 18. We got married back in 2006 and went on our honeymoon. Well we were on our honeymoon my husband said to me only as this girl was walking towards us at the pool o by the way that girl there i went to the bar last night and had some drinks with her and went for a walk on the beach well you were sleeping. He didn’t mention anything to me in the morning or the rest of the day he only said this to me because she was walking toward us and i thought because he was afraid that she might come up and say something to us but instead she walked right my us and just gave me a look which made me think even more that something happened because when your on vacation usually people are very friendly and i would think she would have come up to me and said something like hey i met your husband last night you must be chrissy or something but nothing she just looked at me and walked away. She was very pretty she was wearing a black string binkini and had a perfect body. I was very upset with my husband but he keeps telling me nothing happened whenever i bring it up but the story always changes. The story would always have something more added to it. one time when i asked him about it he said he was drunk. He would say nothing happened your stupid dont think that. i would never cheat on you i love you and only you. I will never do anything like that again. But would i know i was sleeping the whole time this happened and who knows what happened or for how long he was gone for. He even remembers her name and what she did for a living even after all these years. I know this sounds crazy after all these years but i keep thinking about it and really dont know if he is telling me the truth or not. I mean who goes on there honeymoon and leaves his new wife in bed well your down at the bar getting drunk with another woman and going for a walk on the beach.

    1. Chrissy, anytime someone breaks our trust especially in marriage, it’s like a two by four hitting us in the trust zone. We become somewhat cynical and lose the ability to completely trust always thinking in the back of our mind, their unfaithfulness could happen again. I’m very sorry you went through that on your honeymoon. It’s definitely disturbing. I feel for your heart but I’m guessing that at times….. it’s consuming you. My personal opinion is you need to come out of the place of mistrust. In some form or another, you need to NOT let this consume you. Either you leave him or you learn to forgive and move on.

      I think most women who feel cheated, just want to know if their husband had an affair, in order to make a good decision on whether to stay or leave. Oddly enough, even with the knowledge that a man has cheated, some women stay. What is it for you?

      I think in your mind, you knew he cheated. And, if he didn’t have a sexual relationship, you feel cheated that your best friend, your husband, your groom would even dare spend time with another woman while you slept in your hotel room especially on your honeymoon. That feels like someone cheated on you. I get it. Most women, I think, would feel that way, too. The problem today (ten years later) is in cornering him ten years ago and today, you focused on whether he had sex with her – not the fact that he spent the night with another woman while you slept. You stayed despite knowing he spent the night with another woman irrelevant of whether he had sex. But, here’s the amazing thing, Chrissy. You always have known that in some form or another, he cheated but you stayed. You have to ask yourself why you stayed. And, why even ten years later does it become so important to know if he had sex? Do you feel that fateful night on your honeymoon began a cycle of mistrust that has spiraled to where you doubt some things he says are truthful today? Has he been faithful to you for the past ten years? Has he been unfaithful? These are answers to questions you don’t know because from day one of marriage, you’ve been doubting his integrity.

      Wish I could give you a hug because that’s a looooong time to keep that in your gut. I can’t tell you whether you need to stay or go. I can say that you know the answer to the question on whether he was faithful or not on your honeymoon. He had an affair of the heart spending time with a woman that he knows everything about and maybe that worries you more than whether he had sex.

      Only you can answer those questions. After ten years, his answers will not change. Your ANSWER on whether you can forgive and move on is the only answer that matters now.

      Wishing you the absolute best, Chrissy.

      April

  153. I been in a relationship with a man who is separated from his wife. we are together for over 8 yrs with two kids now. since we met he is cheating with various women includes his wife. we have separated many times and he came back and say he sorry he love me and want to work it out. I care for him a lot hence reason I gave him a second chance and chance and chance and he never change all he did he change the young girls, co-worker or anyone he can find.. I personally don’t he think he would change. I concern is my two young kids who really need a father in their life. and their father don’t want to change.. please help. what should I do?

  154. Found out husband had 2nd affair with same girl
    He begged for me to stay
    This was 4 years ago told and he still has not come clean
    He has been really sweet lately
    Told him I can not get past it if he cannot be open & honest
    Recently and in past he told he does not care how I feel
    Where do I go from here if not out the door
    Recently he

  155. My husband cheated threw my trust right out the door
    It has been 4 years i told them both they could have each other.
    He begged I stayed but he still is lying about it
    He has been extra sweet
    I said if he would be honest I could get past it but just recently I asked him to be honest so I could trust him he jumped up & replied I DON’T CARE
    What option does that leave me

  156. Hi, I read your comments and stories and i just want to share mine.
    I am in a relationship with this guy for 7 years he recently start cheating on me. I would out when one night he came and took the keys to his parents’ house, because they were on vacation abroad. My instinct tell me something was wrong and I followed him, when I got to the door I could see the woman giving him oral sex. I was so devastated, I pause awhile then I tried open the door. He
    quickly shielded her away from me and they left short after that.
    We talk and i forgave him, thinking that this was going to stop. He bought a smart phone and has security lock on it which make me so curious. So I manage to unlock it and I found out that she was pregnant with his child and has abort it and he was paying for her to leave the country to a small island. I say where text a friend of his stating that he just put one of the realest girl her had ever met on a plane. they refer to each other as baby. I was furious and I try confronted him and he get so angry call me names and he does want to talk to.
    We have a child together and I done know what to do.

  157. I have a friend who I am interested in. He too is interested in me but I do not know why he wants to even take the risk or chance of having an affair with me when he also wants to work things out with his wife in the long run (both are in counselling separately at the moment) & he has told me so. I asked him the same as in why & the only thing he said is he has a thing for me which really does not tell me much. He has said he is not sexually satisfied. But his interactions with me don’t come across as just sexual interest (we haven’t had sex yet, not crossed that line thank goodness but are close. We have kissed occassionally). His wife had cheated on him almost 8/9 yrs ago & they have stayed together. He admits he had the chance to walk away back then but he didn’t. I do not know if he regrets that decision (although I personally think he does at some level). It did hurt him & it did break his trust on her. He says she hasn’t cheated on him since. He did have an affair about 6/7yrs ago which he’s ended since. His reasoning for it was he was heart broken ‘coz his wife cheated on him & was hurt which is what led to the affair. He just wanted to feel something. So today I do not understand why he wants to risk it while he’s also trying to work it out with his wife? He says he’s doing it for his kids which is great but the question for me is again why risk having anything to do with me. I really like the guy & I know exactly why I want to take a chance with him. But I want to understand why any guy in the right mind would want to risk having an affair while he wants to work it out with his wife. Please note I consider this guy as a very good friend & I’d rather keep the friendship & risk the friendship as well if that’s what it takes, than let him get involved with me for the wrong reasons from his perspective if truly wants to work it out with his wife. Any insight or suggestion you can give is appreciated. I’ve smacked him on his head but that hasn’t helped yet.

    1. I have a cheating husband, we are separated and getting a divorce. The best advice I have to give to u is go running from this guy because as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. I talked to several of the girls he had been with and he told them the same thing your guy did. That he wasn’t happy etc. but he was begging for me back the whole time telling me I was the love of his life. I caught him several times throughout the marriage and every time he begged me back and said it wouldn’t ever happen again. But it did. If this man cheated already on his wife and currently cheating with you why would u think he would remain faithful in your relationship with him. He won’t. And you can’t trust that he’s not lying about his wife cheating first. I finally decided to report him to cheating websites only for the fact that I truly pitty anyone that gets with him. As u said u and him are good friends. My husband is considered by everyone the nicest guy but little did they know. My sisters didn’t even believe. Good luck

    2. You have received a very generous and kind response and recommendation from a wife of a cheater which is to run from this married man. I, too, would recommend you run. But, I’m thoroughly confused as to why you are posting on this site. Writing to women who are victims of cheaters is like asking dog lovers if you can use one dog for a violent scene in a movie and try to justify why you are asking the question to dog lovers. What woman on here, who has suffered seeing her husband cheat by virtue of finding photos, text messages or any other way would tell you to have an affair with a married man? So why would you ask spouses of cheaters if you should get involved with a married man? Even…eeeeven if the man were in any way shape or form justified in your mind to have an affair, there is no justification for someone cheating. Everyone here who has been cheated on empathizes with the spouse of a cheater because we know the pain. Having an affair is just not adultery, it includes lying, deception and breaks a vow and trust between the couple. The risk is huge for a married couple not only emotionally and mentally but financially. But, I think you know that. I really do. I think you must know the pain the wife would suffer should you have an affair with her husband given you understand the pain the husband went through eight years ago at his wife’s alleged affair. So, it brings me, again, to ask why are you asking women who have and can lose everything they ever wanted in life: a husband who is faithful if you should have an affair with a married man? I don’t get it. BUT when I try to step in your shoes and assess your risk, your risk is and you state that you risk losing his friendship. Really? That’s what you are concerned about losing…….his friendship? And, you think someone who wants to cheat on his wife is a valued friend? And, even if you justified that and counted all the wonderful things about this guy and pointed out the amazing loss of a potentially wonderful friendship with him, you still identify the loss of his friendship as a “risk.” So is this the reason you are asking women who have suffered financial loss, emotional pain beyond words because you want to be sure to get a different perspective from women who have suffered so you can prevent yourself from making a mistake and taking an unnecessary risk? Whatever your reason for asking us, my dear, here is my personal answer. If you really want to ask someone who cares, who understands the risk and who can lose everything……….ask his wife. Don’t bother us with your egotistical, egocentric question of whether you should have an affair with a married man. Ask his wife because she is risking not only her best friend but a potential financial ruin and I don’t care what smooth talking husband has told you. She loses. Ask her and if you don’t have the balls to ask her yourself before you have an affair with a cheater (her husband,) then walk away and walk away from the alleged friendship. A friend doesn’t cheat on his wife. Because if he can lie to a woman with whom he has taken a vow, what’s he going to do to a person with whom he has never taken a vow and to whom he has absolutely no commitment? I’m just disappointed that you even entertained the idea of an affair and felt compelled to ask the question to women who have risked and lost so very much.

      1. April, your response to this woman was perfect! I wish this could be shown to all women considering having a relationship with a married man. I hope what you said to her made an impact!

    3. I am 100% and completely amazed by the fact that you posted this!!?? This just so happens to be the EXACT situation I am currently in with my husband! If you happen to be in the Muncie/Indiana area, and his name happens to be Donald then Hi!! You need to realize first of all there are children involved! The children are also the ones getting hurt in the situation! My 4 year old little girl has a VERY close relationship with her father! We have both been through hell and back trying to repair the damage that has been done! So for a person like you to come into a married mans life like this, you obviously know he loves his wife! Or he wouldn’t be working in counseling to work things out! You have to think of all the heartache involved with EVERYONE in the family! My advice to you would be to stop the friendship before you get into a mess you’re not prepared to deal with!!

    4. Ami, Im sorry in my experience men and women can’t be friends because you take away from his relationship with his wife. Most men will start out as friends and will end up cheating on their wife.. Your friend sounds like he was the cheater all the time..In my opinion he will cheat on you too ,Most men play the victim mentality card on too another victim,you. You answered your own question. You can’t trust him because he is out for sex.. You sound pretty smart,so for your own piece of mind you should stay away from him.

    5. Ami,
      You need to walk away and let him work it out with his wife. He most definitely would not be telling you the truth and could be telling you what you want to hear. Of course he is going to run to you as together you two do not have all the resposibilities of raising a family and day to day life. You are an escape but you are not reality!

  158. I just watched “The Other Woman” and somehow found it comforting? We’re 3 years after the big reveal, on my birthday, as my husband was reading to the boys upstairs. A text came in on his phone that read “Sorry about our fight today. Just think about how happy we’ll be in our happy little house.” She’d found a rental in the neighborhood for him to move out into, 3 bedrooms so the boys could go back and forth. ON MY BIRTHDAY. We were 44 at the time. She was 25. Younger than our niece. She was born the year we graduated from high school. And a big time “feminist”(b/c she’s Up With Woman). He swore it was just an emotional affair for 4 more months. He finally fessed up that they (of course) had slept together and it’d been going on for over a year. Then I realized that since he had a vasectomy, he probably didn’t wear a condom. Imagine me at my doctors asking for VD testing. I still suffer from PTSD. We are together today and he thanks me for saving him and our marriage (which he was wanting to scrap– get a mediator and divorce. I refused.). My boys never knew, which was my one objective. We’ve been in therapy now these 3 years and we have a “new normal” which is ‘better’ objectively than ever, after all our therapy, together and apart. But I still have flashback days when I crawl into the bathtub and cry, and I continue to monitor what she’s up to on Facebook, though I know it’s self-destructive. I’d gladly swap this jittery post-nightmare reality for what we had before (which was a happy marriage) to not have to have gone through that. Awful. Stay strong everyone. Believe in you. You’re stronger than you know! This is a painful but good talk to watch: https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

    1. My gut instinct was screaming!! I asked him numerous questions about his new secretary… His reply,” give me a break,she’s 28 yrs old. Our daughters age. I’m not attracted to her at all”. And I believed him. I completely trusted him. Completely.
      It was a friend, who also disliked the girl. I said, I know the relationship looks like more than it is but he has assured me that they are,”just friends”. And she said she thought so to until one day she asked to borrow his phone real quick, and he walked away for a quick second. She KNEW he was deleting text. So I had HUGE suspicions after that.
      I bought spyware, and while he was away from his phone, I installed it.
      All the text from her were gone, and she worked for him. So how odd is that. Then I went to his office and conveniently his American Express bills were not in the files. So while he was sleeping, I changed the password on his American Express account. And bingo!!! All the proof was on his credit card from work. Jewelry, eating out, flight details!! He had taken her on a vacation when I thought he was on a golf outing!! Stupidly, he had paid for her bag, and when you open up details, passenger name was right there!! I felt like the STUPIDEST woman alive!! Because I trusted him.
      I learned about the affair Christmas morning.
      It was a nightmare…..he cried, he bawled like a baby.. Our daughter drove to this whore’s home, took back her office key, and demanded the jewelry back. I confronted her by text. She said, they make a mistake. I told her, no, you made a nasty choice.
      He blames it almost all on his drinking and how after years it snuck up on him and he really didn’t think he had a problem. He now uses a bactrack breathalyzer everyday after work. I extended the spyware for 2 years.
      So to ALL my wife friends out there. IF my husband will cheat, then I don’t believe there is a man out there who won’t.
      He has admitted, he never thought he’d get caught.
      The last clue, but an easy one is to look back at phone records.
      He went from 400 or so text a month, to almost 2000 text during the affair. The affair girl was keeping a close eye on him. And if she knew he was doing things with me, then she would txt. I think it was a control thing. One small thing I can be grateful about. He always came home by 5:00 or so. He has told me she asked numerous times to eat dinner but he said he needed to be home with me and family. Not sure about his reply but other than their sickening vacation he was home every night, every weekend. Which made me so blind to it all.
      Good luck to all. I have only stayed because she was GONE the minute I found out. Alcohol GONE the minute I found out. Complete access to everything the minute I found out. He knows, it’s the only way I will stay.
      Take care.

  159. Need Ladies and men insight. So I have NEVER suspected my husband of cheating til recently. He started a new job a few months ago and a few weeks ago I went to his work and this girl have me the strangest look. She even went out of her way to pretend she was going upstairs to an office just so she can pass my husband. When I ask who is that girl he said “oh I’m I don’t know her, she’s a voulunteer” but he has to pass that girl every day to get to his office. Am I being super paranoid or have a good gut feeling? Since then he’s been super nice and sweet and my house is always clean. NOT his typical behavior so now it has me wondering.

  160. Hi Karen! Put God in the center and everything will come together! Make Him the 3rd cord in your relationship which cannot be easily broken! You two should marry quickly after you both pray for forgiveness! 3John2

  161. Been there too honey….we’ve been married 20 years and have 3 kids so I understand the place you’re coming from. It’s not that easy to cut and run when it’s not just you to consider. You need to make a conscious decision….accept him as a lying cheating bastard who probably won’t change or deal with it however you see fit…..I have a don’t tell policy…..I ain’t interested in what his up to when he’s not home….but embarrass me or humiliate me in public and there will be hell to pay. I’m prepared to carry the burden of this decision …..my kids are young and for the most part we actually get along very well. I just don’t trust him with my happiness…..that stopped years ago. Good luck xx

  162. I have been there.In December i found out..aBen out my husband i lost weigh,could not eat or sleep.,but as time goes by it gets a bit better.Please talk to someone i have flash backs but just make sure you take care of yourself first.

  163. So I have been suspecting my husband for a while of cheating on me (maybe more emotionally than physically). He is a marine and we are living overseas right now with our two kids. About a year into living here he starts staying late at work more and more often…usually getting home at midnight sometimes even 2am. He changed all his passwords to Facebook and email and he always deletes everything off his phone. Sometimes I will see messages from girls he works with and he talks about them more than he ever did before we moved here. I know he is going to the barracks rooms at night but I can’t prove anything. I feel like if I ask for his password to check his Facebook he will immediately know what I want to look for and delete any evidence if there even is any. We are physically and emotionally distant recently and really the only reason I stay here is because of the kids and because of the money it would take to bring us home. I want to ask him whats really going on but I have caught him lying to me in the past and I don’t think he would tell me the truth. I don’t know what to do and its driving me insane to always be wondering whats going on. I know if I ask any of his friends or their wives any questions they will tell him. Should I confront him and take my chances with getting an answer or just let it go until our time is up overseas? We’ve talked about divorce in the past because of other problems but he always says he wants to keep trying although he never takes any actions. Is my marriage over?

    1. Hi Stephanie- it seems to me that you really don’t have a question for your husband; you seem certain that he’s cheating. The only question now is if you want to remain married to the man who is doing this to you & the kids. I think you do… Because you seem to be willing to wait it out until you return to The States and it all blows over. Soooo, you can simply tell him that you love him and that you are aware of the affair… Ask him to please end it and hope that he does. If you’re afraid hel lie to you about it.. you can catch him in the act. That will require following him & having definitive evidence to give to him. Bottom line…. Do u want to stay???

  164. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience of trust in your marriage. Whether you’ve been married for a year or committed to each other for 20, it’s confusing and painful when trust starts to slip.

    Since I don’t know you, your partner, or your relationship, I can’t give advice on if your husband is lying about cheating. My prayer for you is for wisdom and clarity. I believe you know deep in your heart if you can trust your husband – as much as you know if you can trust anyone. We’re weak, we’re flawed, and we make bad choices! Both men and women are vulnerable to temptation and mistakes…and that’s where trust comes in.

    The best way to know if you can trust your husband is if he takes himself out of possibly “bad” situations. If he has female friendships, if he has strong online relationships with women, and if your gut is telling you that he’s not being honest….then you may have trust issues in your marriage. Your gut is telling you something, and you need to listen to it. I can’t predict if your husband will cheat on you, or lie to you. You also can’t guarantee that you can trust your husband forever.

    The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time, and listen to your gut instincts. If you think he’s lying to you, then he probably is. If you feel like he’d cheat on you, then he probably will. Your subconscious is picking up on hints and signs that you’re not consciously aware of — and that is a far better predictor of his lying and cheating than my advice will ever be.

    May you find wisdom, hope, and guidance. I pray for strength and courage as you make decisions about your marriage.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    1. Hello ladies, whatever you do, think, feel or say, give yourself a moment to realize what’s important in the grand scheme of things…., and that’s for you to stay emotionally strong and healthy. That’s for yourself and for your children, if any. That does include pets.

      I’ve been with the same man for almost thirty years, and really do hate to break it to other women, but men cheat. And some will continue to cheat unless caught. That is neither respect, love or caring that they are showing to you when they do this, it is a selfish, self pitying behaviour no matter how anyone sugar coats it. Without being vindicative, maybe he isn’t getting what he feels he needs or expects or is entitled to because he’s not holding up his end of the relationship? It has to start somewhere.

      Men love to look at younger, better bodied women. That’s a fact. With the addition of the unrealistic expectations of porn, who can measure up through time? Mine, for example, wants a 100% totally devoted wife who will support him 100% towards working for his goals, financially and physically, be there 100% of the time at his beck and call and look after house, yard, business (without the money to compensate for work done), have the body and shape of a 20 year old woman plus just listen, talk and laugh, cook and clean, and be always sexually available for his pleasure. You know the type, like a Stepford wife of the movies. And it hurts to be slapped in the face with this realism.

      This is every man’s fantasy, isn’t it? So, be real. You can love a man, he can be a good man, and he can say he loves you back, support you financially. But the worst thing that any woman of any age or relationship status can do is give up her own sense of worth, independence (financially and emotionally), and self respect. I did all of those things, and I have sincere regrets. A woman has no power in any relationship if she lets go of any or all of those three attributes.

      In my belief, at just shy of 50 and with the same guy almost 30 years, if you lose who you are and give up your own dreams and independence, you not only will eventually find your spouse and yourself at opposite ends continually but you will find yourself at 50 wondering why you became one of the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” clan.

      Love yourself, don’t cheat with guys who are already involved with other women. It shows weak character. And if you do, you honestly do deserve what you get afterwards. Someone else has already put in the time, effort and commitment.

      1. Sorry, I should have also have said that he started his straying days early on, always claiming he couldn’t get what he was needing at home, and emotionally supportive partner. I genuinely believe he feels this way most of the time. Though, as petty as it may appear, I have to defend myself by saying he worked away for weeks at a time and when he did come home, there was a lot of partying, etc. I had two small daughters to care for and wasn’t into him leaving partying for days on end. Duh.
        Mine has also recently been seeing hookers, so that is primarily for the sexual aspects I would assume. Different, young (mid 20s), easily disposable. He admitted to it. Now, I am also in a change of life situation.
        Can a cheating spouse, male or female, be so remorseful that they stop,some do. I cheated one weekend in retaliation of a hooker episode 15 years ago, and never did it again. Who needs it? It is crazy when we don’t do the thing that we know and feel is right. And no amount of talking and making excuses will cover up the fact that we chose to stay with a spouse that can’t be trusted. It’s them that has to do the work to earn back trust, its us that has to do the work to help them to do that if we choose to stay with said partner.

        And for those who do get into physical or emotional relationships with married men, you have no pity, no excuse. He had the ring on the finger, true, but you have no morales if you cheat with him. And it is true, what goes around comes around.

    2. My neighbor husband is cheating on his wife throughout their marriage. They been together over 23 years but married 17 years. Love is blind when all this time she cant figure it out..Half of my neighbors know he cheating because he brings women into the home when the wife is at work. I even caught him and his woman making out in the back of our building…Next day he ask me whether I was going to tell his wife…U c I know his family…He put me in his mess, since I went to high school with his sis-in-law…and I still stay in touch with her…O, did I tell u, he assault me 3 years ago….to make story short I told his wife…..they went to the police to filed charges of hassasment, which later dismissed….I do not regret telling his wife….2 months ago I sent him a letter, he try to use the letter but it backfire, which force him to tell his wife of his cheating throughout the marriage….in the end I have the last words….why the wife stay is a million question. They don’t have children…He is still cheating wht a woman named Cecilia for the past 9 years. My neighbors and I see her all the time…but not the wife…

  165. ok, my bf and i have been togetherf for almost 5yrs now. our first four years have been very challenging, we both drank alot and would argue alot, he never tried to get close to me emotionally, mentally,or physically. we have one child together i have two before him and now we have another on the way. i have aassumed he was messing around on me but anytime i would confrony him he would get very angry and upset tell me it was the way im thinking that i needed to trust him. while drinking and talking he would blame me for his drinking, he tolde he would leave if i didnt change me, when i felt he needed to change sum things as well. He would tell me i didn’t parent correctly considering he is a new parent. of course we r not perfect as parents but we do try to better ourselves. He never admits to much fault in our problems, he blames me for everything. He be littles me constantly which is very hurtful. Im very confused by this. recently 6 months ago he started new job an old co-worker we both worked for got him job. I feel he’s lying to me about any type of affair w her. He’s deleted texts to her but left hers. mayb not all this is while they r out of town on job. i confronted him he says she is like a little sister to him and he feels when they r out of town he has to protect her from weird guys. He has promised me he wouldn’t get drunk while out of town but he does anyways and is always w her getting drunk. ive told him it makes me uncomfortable but he says n acts as if he doesn’t care or tells me i don’t trust him. i trust him but not her.. reasons i thought she was my friend but she won’t respond back from calls or texts from me. My bf even tried calling her from my phone and she never answered or called back. only when he uses his phone she responds. should i trust his words?

  166. If your husband really is cheating on you and lying about it, it is better to leave him. But what if your suspicions that your husband is having an affair are unfounded? Some software programs let you know all about hidden actions that your husband does online. If your suspicions are not confirmed, breathe and live on together. Well, if your spouse is cheating on you really better to divorce him.

  167. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here – it takes alot of courage to share how things are going in your marriage. It’s a process – sometimes it takes time to build the strength to talk about the suspicion of an affair. It’s hard to know if you should confront your husband about lying about cheating, or just accept what he says.

    My prayer is for wisdom and guidance. May you know deep in your heart and soul the right thing to do, and may you feel confident in how you choose to bring the matter up. May you know the truth. May you accept the most painful reality – because the first step to healing after an affair is to know if your husband is lying about cheating. My prayer is that you know and accept the truth, and that you find ways to move forward in your life. I pray for you, your husband, and your family. I pray for your future – for you to have faith, courage, strength, and hope for your future, whatever it may hold. May you find the right people and resources to help you through this stage of your life, and may you be strong even when you feel like your world is falling apart.

    Be strong. Take courage. Lean on your friends. Be vulnerable. Be wise. Know that one day you will be done with all this, and you will be wiser, more compassionate, and healthier than you’ve ever been before.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  168. I’m not one to share my emotions so this is a big step for me.

    When I first met my husband, I knew I had found the one my soul loves. Everything was wonderful and I was more than greatful that God had placed such a humble man in my life. We had been dating for six months when my husband had to return home for family reasons. He was there for 2 weeks and in that time I had recieved a facebook message from a girl I’d never met before. It turned out to be one of his ex-girlfriends and she had something she wanted to share with me. What she shared were text messages from him to her asking if she would have sex with him. She said she wouldn’t just because she wasn’t looking for that, she wanted a relationship and she didn’t want one with him because she didn’t want to go down that road again. She then proceeded to ask him if him and I were still together and he bluntly told her no, that I was the one that left him and he had been single for a month. He then went on to tell her that he really enjoyed sex with her and that he missed it and wanted more. Again she said no because she knew we were still together. Reading the texts between them two shattered my whole world. I had no idea what to think. She told me that that was the way he was and she was upset that he would do something like that to me. She called me and we chatted on the phone about it, me crying my eyes out and her telling me it’d be okay and he wasn’t worth the tears.
    When my husband returned I had every intention to confront him about it, but I just couldn’t. I hinted toward it a few times and then he finally realized what I was getting at. He looked me in the eye and told me I shouldn’t believe anything she had told me and that she was crazy and loved to mess his relationships up. I looked at him and with a heavy heart I said “okay”. But little did he know I had the texts between the two of them proving that she wasn’t crazy and that he was a liar.
    I never asked him about it again but it was always on my mind. I was and still am constantly wondering why he would do such a thing. 3 more months went by and he popped the question and of course I said yes. I thought to myself this is it, this proves to me that I am his one and only, the only woman he wants. But again I was wrong. 5 months into our marriage I find that he has the app Tinder on his phone, at first I didn’t open it up. A month went by and I noticed he had notifications on his phone from it so I opened it up. To my amazement he had been telling women that the only reason he was on there was to have sex. And that once again shattered my heart in a million pieces. I pourposefully left the app open so he’d know I looked in it. A few hours later I look again and find he had deleted the app. I asked him if he would ever do anything to ruin our family and he looked at me and said “no of course not.” I left it at that knowing that if I were to continue trying to get something out of him it would only make things worse.
    My husband and I have been married for 9 months now and we have a 2 month old baby boy together. It pains me to know that he is in search of women to have sex with. I have asked him multiple times if I was what he really wanted and if I wasn’t I would be okay with it. His answer is always the same “you’re the only woman I want, the only one I need.”
    I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take and I really wish I could confront him about it all.

    1. This is me, except I’m accessible to his lies via email, phone bills, etc. It is hurtful. We’re barely past our first wedding anniversary. I dunno who to talk to or just confront him cos he might leave me. Too much at stake.

    2. Hi Allison- I was so sad to read your message. You seem to be a very loving person, with hopes for a wonderful family. You will have a wonderful family… Unfortunately, your new husband has a terrible problem. Having sex blindly with anyone who will agree is extremely dangerous, for you too! Your husband is being very deceitful, even when he knows you KNOW what he’s doing, he continues to manipulate you… He is not husband material. I know it’s embarrassing, but you need to take the proof you r come across and ask a friend or family member to help you tell your husband that he must leave. Any of these women could turn up at your home or God forbid pass an STD on to you. I really hope you’ve found strength since you wrote this… I’m praying for you!

    3. You sound like me I went and am going through this. I’m just as confused as you are about my life. I’m thinking about leaving. I can’t take it anymore. This has been going on since Spring of 2010′, the suspicions. Then, Fall of 2010′, I thought my hub. cheated while I’d be out and about. Meanwhile, I just had a baby. Then, by the Summer of 2011′, I was suspicious of him getting this woman pregnant. It was too many obvious signs. She would always be in his face. He would get overly mad when I bought her up. He acted as if he took up for her. When she was far along her pregnancy, she would call out his name to speak to him, and he would ignore her. She wouldn’t act like she envied me and have anger plus rage towards me. This bothered me for the facr she was our neighbor. He would want to leave all the time. He wouldn’t leave around the same time she would leave. When, she had the baby I saw it and it looked similar to my husband. I asked him about it many times. And, he always get upset and denies it. He’s made it out like I’m the one crazy. I know I’m not crazy. I don’t know what to do. I even overheard him talk to his friend about: “when the last time you’ve seen (them)?” And, my husband called out the age the child was. I know he cheated, I just can’t prove it. I’ve thought of different techniques. I’ve thought about going on ‘Maury’ for a lie detector test. I’ve thought about confronting her, and I’ve thought about hiring a private investigator… What should I do? Should I stay and investigate or Leave my relationship of 7 1/2-yrs. And, marriage of 5 1/2 yrs. S O S Please help me … 🙁

    4. OMG I know how you feel my Husband is a Pastor and I snooped and found out he meets women on a dating site and one lady he even gives her money. I have read some texts he does not tell women that he is married. We have been married for almost two years. We I confronted him once he was very defensive and said he would never cheat on me. He is a Godly man etc. the problem is I can’t tell him what I know because then he will know that I snooped, so I am praying that God will reveal all. I love my Husband so I too don’t know what to do.

    5. allison ‘ sorry hun . WOW it’s like the devil destroy marriages ‘ including mine of 28yrs . I know it feels like your world is ending .. back to the women who messaged you she wants your life she is jellouse . I am truly sorry and know your pain ‘ I am going through divorce it’s hard as hell ‘ going back to school further my education moving to FL after divorce .. please take care of yourself and know your not alone hugs ..

  169. I just found out my husband of 7 years cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. I found texts from a local number talking about hooking up. I also found he had been searching craigslist for girls that were down for sex in an area that he was going to be in for a business trip. He swears he never met up with any of the women. He was only looking for attention and compliments. We have a 8 month old daughter and I’m a stay at home mom. This is not the first time that I’ve caught him texting/ flirting with other women. I do not know what to do. He’s offering to go to therapy by himself as well as with me. I want to believe that he didn’t sleep with any of these women but deep down I dont trust him at all. Help!!

  170. Dear Cris, thank you so much for being here!

    You say you’ll be OK — and I believe you’ll be better than OK. You have connected with yourself, you are getting stronger and healthier every day. Even on the days you feel weak and scared – you’re still growing and flourishing. May you find renewed strength and energy, and may nurture the most important relationship in your life: the one you have with YOU. (Well, I actually think the most important relationship is with God, but that’s a whole different animal 🙂 ).

    Blessings on you,
    Laurie

  171. May you find healing and peace, especially if you know for sure that your husband is lying about cheating. I pray for strength to move forward in your life, to decide what you need to do with your future! There are so many possibilities for you – can you see them? Can you imagine who you could be without your cheating husband, what you can do, where you could go?

    If the possibilities for your future aren’t clear to you right now, take time to sit in silence. Open your heart and mind, and stay alert to what God whispers in your ear.

  172. Hi…I am pretty sure my husband of 11 yrs has or is cheating online. I have tried to talk to him about it, but what began as a question, became an “accusation” according to him. We do not have any children nor is there anyone else living with us that I would be able to ask as well therefore; how is it that I am ACCUSING him?? It has been quite sometime now and if I do see any suspicious activity on our computer, I have, for the most part, kept it to myself because I was tired of arguing because he denies it and gets rather defensive and I end up getting so upset over something that he obviously won’t admit to or even talk about, not to mention something I didn’t ask for! I am at the verge of leaving…I feel as if he is giving me no other choice. I would love to work it out, but I can’t do it alone. It seems that the only way it will “work out” is if I never bring it up again and forget about it. I “tried” to do that however; I found myself getting depressed, moody and becoming someone I refuse to be.

    It hurts me to read everyone’s stories…but I have to say, it did help knowing there are others, like myself, that are going through very similar situations. Like me, I’m certain, you too never imagined something like this would ever happen to you…Let’s try our best to be strong for ourselves, as well as one another.

    Thanks for reading my story

    1. I have the same story … Except we have 4 kids … But nothing is stopping him from cheating over computer or phone . He is so much addict of it that I am pretending that all is fine around me . I m so tired with taking this all in but I have no other choice except bearing it . Also the fact is that we had LOVE MARRIAGE . Lol

  173. Dear Naive,

    I don’t know if you can trust your fiance any more that you do! It’s interesting that you called yourself naive, though. Maybe your gut knows something that your heart doesn’t want to accept.

    One of the problems with cheating is that it’s a slippery slope. We don’t immediately jump into bed with people we’re attracted to, so your fiance’s claims that he would never cheat aren’t necessarily a lie right now. Cheating starts with friendly online flirtations, emails, texts. When that isn’t satisfying enough – when the spark of that excitement wears off – then it progresses to meeting in person, dinners, drinks, hotels, etc.

    So, your future husband may not be lying about cheating (unless of course you believe that visiting a cheating website is cheating, which I do). He may sincerely believe that he would never cheat.

    The problem is that he’s bored. That’s the root of his inclination to stray. It’s not that YOU’RE boring, it’s that he may not know how to sustain a long-term relationship. Why aren’t you guys married, after more than four years together?

    Maybe it’s not the cheating or the lying that’s the issue. Maybe your fiance doesn’t want to – or can’t – settle down.

    I don’t have any answers for you. My prayer is that you rally the courage to find the answers that are in your gut, and that you become strong and wise enough to face what you know to be true before it causes more damage in your life. I pray for wisdom, clarity, insight, and connection with people in person who can help you find and face the truth. I also pray for your fiance, that he is willing to dig into his feelings of boredom and needing a spark, and that he can find that spark in his relationship with you. I pray for you both as parents to your son, for unity and healing and connection. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    1. Laurie,

      Your response to “Naive” had a huge effect on how I have been feeling about my own situation and has helped me towards finding the best solution and/or direction for ME more so than for my husband and I. I always justified his online activities and never thought (or wanted to think) that they were any kind of threat or not enough to worry about because after all, it’s ONLY entertainment right??

      I would sincerely like to thank you for helping me realize that I need to start thinking of what I need in order to be ok, rather than what we need…I have also realized that I have been waiting for him to answer me and in actuality, by not answering me and reacting as he has been, he pretty much gave me his answer sometime ago. It hurts oh so much, don’t get me wrong, to admit and to face this, but I have to believe that when all the dust settles and the wounds are almost healed, I will be…OK! (anything more than that, will be icing on the cake…God willing!)

      Thanks again for helping me in making a difference in the life of someone I never really thought about and finally I have….ME <3

  174. Not sure what to do… Been with my fiancé for 4 years, we have an amazing little boy together. Found some odd emails in his phone tonight, so I clicked one and discovered that he had setup an account on a cheating website Ashley Madison. He stated he was bored and wanted a spark again. His login Id is his nickname tattooed on both arms. His age, birthdate, city of residence and height/build. I confronted him. Of course he denied cheating. While he may not have done through with it, the intent was there. He said he had set this site up for his friend who he went to visit a few weeks ago. His friend doesn’t even live close to us. He’s not even close to the same height/build. He’s adamant that he would never cheat. In fact he’s always been a huge anti-cheater. I’m extremely torn, maybe I just want to believe him for the sake of keeping my family together, or maybe he’s telling the truth… Am I being naive?

    1. I think you know the right answer. He did not set up the account for a friend- it is for him. And what is the statistic, 77% of guys who cheat are friends with other guys who cheat. And you are right the intent is there and whether he has gone through with physical contact or not, he will eventually cheat. Just like when my husband reconnected with a woman from his past on facebook and he claimed nothing was going on and I grew more and more suspicious and they ended up sleeping together multiple times and I can’t believe to this day that I took him back but of course I did if for our child. I am unhappy to this day and can’t get over what happened and will never trust him again.

  175. Thank you for sharing your experience here, with us. It takes courage and strength to be honest about your marriage, especially if you suspect your husband is cheating and lying to you about his affair. Your honesty will help other wives deal with their husbands’ lying and cheating.

    I will keep you in my prayers! I pray for wisdom, peace, hope, healing, and courage. May you find faith for the journey, and trust in God to guide you through. May this experience give your life a deeper meaning somehow, and revive your spirit and soul.

    Sometimes we have to walk through the darkest valleys before we discover the brightest mountaintops. Stay hopeful, stay connected to people who are supportive, and stay connected with God.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  176. Cautionary Wives Tale

    My husband was doing all 5 things – starting more fights,which I thought was job stress, and sexually more distant, which I assumed was his diabetes. He also stayed at work more. And he is dismissive lately of me, and impatient. I thought I knew him: this is my husband on work stress. I didn’t really suspect he was cheating until I noticed something strange: he had returned from a business trip and given me a cute skirt, but withheld other cute, sexy items and said, “these things are none of your business”. I assumed they were gifts for me for Valentine’s Day. But one day cleaning, I realized these items that were “none of my business” had never turned up as gifts to me. And it happened that very night, he was out working late, not even coming home for dinner. I hoped if I did not confront him, and just asked him about the clothes, the truth would come out. And it did.

    When he came home we were talking and I followed him to his dressing room to put away some clean clothes and mentioned the missing gift garments. He reacted instantly saying he’d forgotten and reached up to the closet, and produced these beautiful, sexy clothes he’d bought me, and a bottle of my new favorite perfume. He’d forgotten. He’s been very stressed at work. And yes, it turns out, all the other things were stress at work, including being out at a very tense meeting that ran late. Sometimes, what looks like it might be cheating, is not. It is a cautionary tale, don’t get upset, or insecure over these things. If you’ve caught him red-handed, with love notes and pictures, that’s one thing! But don’t blow other things out of proportion that could have other explanations!

  177. I do not agree with the emotional and defensive reaction when you accuse him of cheating. This may not be the case. If you accuse him habitually of cheating or have insecurity issues and take them out on him and he has been patient all along, he would begin to get upset once your accusations are amped up in intensity and start to happen everyday. This was the case with my man. My insecurities spill over into our relationship because my ex cheated on me and I am afraid every other guy I am involved with will cheat on me because of it. He has tried to reassure me time and again and has been patient…. but he got angry and emotional the last time…. I am sure because his patience is now wearing thin from all my accusations and worries. So I need to decide if I will allow myself to trust him or if I can handle all this paranoia and worry because if I can’t, that should be enough for me to leave the relationship. Easier said than done when you love someone. So hard because you wonder how much is made up in your head due to paranoia and if any of it has any truth in it? I just cannot seem to grasp that.

  178. Sorry if my ealier statement about husbands lying and cheat seemed perhaps aggresive. My depressive thinking is letting me down when I feel cornered. I will admit myself. Please understand. It limits me so much. What really can crash a feeble marriage is lack of communication. Just try to see the funny side. Get psychologial help. Nobody shold deal with anxiety issues alone. What really can devastate a relationship is stinky feet.

  179. hi ladies,

    my name is ashleigh i am married with two children after ready your advice to other woman i should ask as well. we have been married for two years. i need your help to figure out if he is cheating on me because i have no idea, for a couple months now he has beeen very distant from me with affection not reall wanting to be affectioniate with me. he use to want to have sex 4 to 5 times a week and now if we do it once a week he doesnt mind. when we go out i am normaly the one who holds his hand or tries to be cute with him, i notice when we are out he looks at other woman and then when i ask him about it he says i did not. the most concerning things to me are we have a picture on our fridge from his work a x mas card he looks at the picture a lot and just the other day he said sasha is in that picture i said ok you have been taking quite a bit about her recently he said no i have not shes ugly and tries to hard. which means he notices her. he hides his phone from me or he just keeps it really close to him and never lets me use it. he deleted everything off his ipad.

    i just need some help figuring this out please HELP!!! thank you

    1. Dear Ashley,

      I understand your pain and where I don’t have any answers for you, I do have my own story. My own story is sad like yours and in trying to discern if I should leave my husband, a dear person told me to break my story down to “stupid.” So I did, which lead me to leave my husband a last week.

      Here’s my break down:

      1) About three months ago, after I got out of the shower, my husband said I was ugly with a towel on my head and demanded I take the towel off immendiately.

      2) Around that time, I found that he was looking for women on facebook.

      3) About two months ago, in addition to him withdrawing affectionately from me, he started telling me frequently (when I asked for a hug) that I needed to say “please” if I wanted or needed a hug.

      4) He is very frequently secretive with his phone, for example, he may go into another room to go on his phone, especially in the bathroom, where he will be for approximately 20 minutes at a time. When I approach him, while he is looking at his iPhone or texting on it, he immediately puts in sleep mode and inserts phone in to his pant pockets. Everytime, we get in an argument about him being so private about his phone.

      5) For the past two months, he would sleep close to the edge, on his side, of our king bed. He would only hug if he wanted sex.

      6) Two weeks ago, I found numerous pictures of women in his “photos” on his iPhone to which he responded those women are not a threat. When I asked about the women he was searching for on Facebook, he said they are possibly a threat.

      7) The day after I found the photos, I told him I did not trust him. He was angry. He said he dreaded coming home and felt like he walked on egg shells. He wouldn’t talk to me for 10 days.

      I left him last week. We have only been married seven months. I do not know what your story is or how I could even help you. I know the pain is deep when we lose trust in our husbands. There are many hurtful circumstances which must have lead to the mistrust. So, I can only hope that my story is either consolation during your trying time or it’s food-for-thought during your careful consideration on staying married.

      Best to you.

      April

    2. Wow-so many women who seem torn about what to do when it comes to a cheat in their life. LEAVE HIM. It’s really THAT simple. Of course there are other hardships that come along with ending a relationship, but to stay where you aren’t respected or loved just seems outrageous to me. Hope each and every one of you with a cheater can cut him loose and find some happiness.

    3. Hi,
      I am at a loss for words. I just found out that my husband cheated on me last night which he told me he was working late. He booked a trip for us in London and now a night to the trip, he cheats. Just found the messages in his phone. I am even pregnant, I have unpacked my bags because I can’t stand going on a four days vacation with him knowing he just cheated on me. Am so heart broken, our marriage is not even up to a year. I can’t deal with this….please help me. what will I tell my unborn baby.

  180. Marriage success is build on trust. If you can’t trust your husband because you believe he is lying about cheating on you, then you need to reevaluate your marriage and your relationship with your husband. I write articles on marriage success and I believe you shouldn’t be with a man whom you suspect of having an affair and then lying about it.

  181. I think you pooring ur heart heart tells u that u know u should, NO TRUST is a serious thing and most times impossible to over come. i spent 22 years with my high school sweetheart stayed even after finding out he cheated on me with my younger sister more than one and this had happened before we were married denial seems easy and blissful but deep down it eats and eats till one day it completely destroyes u. if his cheating this early on what is it going to like in 2 years, while ur pregnant, after the baby comes these are hard times on strong faithful men, can’t imagine how it would be for a weak man. save yourself the years and decades of pain. i’m only 36 and i just finally came to my senses and have left the relationship it hard scary but there’s relief from lies manipulation and abuse it only got progressively worse never better. Good luck follow ur gut not all those other fluttery feelings u matter and u deserve to be truly loved!!

  182. If you suspect your husband is cheating on you and lying about it, why don’t you leave him? It’s better to start over than stay in a marriage that contains suspicion of affairs and mistrust. I left my husband 5 years ago because I found out he was cheating and lying, and I am so glad that part of my life is over.

    1. I’m in the same position, and I don’t know what to do. I ask myself if I leave him, will I find a better one? That’s the question, b’cause it seems like all men are cheaters! Better being alone, I think!

      1. Hear are 5 tips that you man is cheating.

        1)He is not interested in physical intimacy as he was before

        2)He avoids physical and emotional contact

        3)He criticizes you more often

        4)He picks fights or start arguments with you

        5)He stays away from home

  183. You poor thing 🙁 I’ve just had a baby and to be told “I know u get paranoid when ur pregnant ” just makes u paranoid it’s a bit insensitive if u ask me. Anyhow, any man that cheats while his partner is pregnant simply cannot be called a man. It sounds like he did do something dodgy that night or he would of told you where he went but I suggest you talk to him very calmly and just say that you won’t get mad you just need to know if he’s done it again because you’d like to work things out for the sake of your children if he admits or not you should get couples counselling. Work at it because there are children involved but don’t put up with him if he is blatantly sh**ting on u and u can’t work it out as that won’t help ur kids but make them as tense and upset as u instead, good luck xxx

  184. I don’t normally comment in internet sites but sweetie you dimply have to leave him right away, it’ll be hard at first because you evidently love him but I promise it’ll get easier. If you don’t leave this sh**tbag now he will worm his little way right back into you heart through his disgraceful lies he has already done this once before and you were kind enough to give him another chance 2 chances is more than enough! Trust me, from experience I know and you will soon find your true Prince Charming who will treat you like the princess you are, change your number and get away from this lying husband who is cheating on you! Good luck xxx

  185. Hi. So my story is..
    I met my husband three years ago. We started dating, finally we understood that we are a match and want to spend the eternaty togehter. We were together about a year when he left. He is a marine, so he had to go to work in another country. Of course long distance relationship is hard, yet not impossible. We stayed in long distance for 2 years. Yes, we had hard times, but we were strong enough to get to this point where we get married.
    One time, it ws just the beginning of us, I saw a log book in the marine house, where all the marines had to write down their guests. And I saw this girls name as my husband’s guest. A few times, late night. We talked about it and he said, that yes she did come over, but they are just frinds. That time, I mean we just started dating and he met both of at the same time, so I guess he was choosing. So I let go of it. Life goes on.
    After it, I never had a problem about not trusting him. We skyped as much as we could and talked on facebook every new day. Finally arrives the moment for us to meet again and this time we stay together. We get married and I feel happy. Like two weeks after we got married we went on a honeymoon. The same country he was last stationed, so he could get his stuff and orders. On one day, We visited the marine house and altough it is not permitted, we to his room. I needed to check something online and he gave me permission to use his PC. So, the first I notice as I log on: pictures of him and a girl on his destop. I decided not to open them pictures, because I have pictures with guys aswell. But the things that occured a bit later. I was done with the Internet and he went on his PC and I guess he saw them pictures to and before he deleted them he made sure I could not see. And yet I did see. It was all so awkard and odd.
    My mind started going crazy. I did not ask about this photos, cuz I felt I don’t have the right. But the more I hold it in the more it would make me loose my mind. One night we wanted to watch a movie. He asked if I have seen sextape movie with Cameron Diaz, and I was like not, do you. He went to theatre to watch it. Hmm..that is obviously girly movie..
    We get back home. As soon as he is back at work, I decide to sniff around. I go to his facebook messages. I saw chat between him and this girl (from the same last duty station country), they try to meet up several times. She send a messages with her picture and saying she misses him..Then there is another girl, same country. At first it is just a crap, basically how they both are and talk about their common friends. Then my husband asks her to send him a photo of her. I did not see any photos. So new conversation later and husband mentions her that she never sent him a photo. Why would he need a picture of this girl, if the already has million pictures of herlself everybody to see? Then from activity log I can see who he sent friend requests, who he deleted. So this first girl, I assume they met in the beginning of this year. He would search for her on facebook every month. Sometimes couple of times in a month. Why? Then he send friend request and they become friends. And this second girl, by their chat I would say they consider each other as a friends. And just before he gets friends with girl number on, hes unfriends this second girl. I’ll be honest, I did a lot of searching. After I saw everything on facebook, I went to see his skype. I use skype for videocalling mainly and with the people who really matter to me a whole world. Family, few close friends and of course my husband. On his skype I see a girl, who he met at the same time with me. When we first started off. Then I see them both girls who has been messaging with him on facebook. Why would you skype with them people?
    I asked him about them pictures just recently, the ones he had on his desktop, the ones he deleted. He said, that he knows me. So before we were getting ready to marry and start living together he was going through his pictures by deleting all them he had from past and now with girls. Yes, I may get jelous pretty easily about one picture. Maybe few. But why should you have that many pictures with one person? Why does a girl writes to you that she is missing you by sending a picture of her drinking and partying. Why should you ask a girl to send you a picture of herself when she has tons of them to everybody to see? Why do you have this girl on your skype who you met long ag, the same time with me? And why you would never mention me them.
    I mean he has telling me stories that they went out with marines, or did that or third, but nothing about meeting or becoming friends with a female. And then you are surprised why I loose myself over a picture. He even wiped his Ipad from everything you possibly can wipe.

    I just want him to be honest. I dot want to tell him that I have been on his messages and skype, I know I crossed the line. It just this whole picture I had about him, is not real. It seems like I don’T know this person. I love him with all my heart, but if there is no trust there is no life together.
    Yesterday I wrote him a letter. He can tell that something is off. But I can’t tell him that I have been sniffing on his things. So, I decided to write a letter, why I feel the way I do. I almost told him everything. Is there a way to confront him? Maybe certain questions ? I would especially like him to talk about skype. That why he would have all them girls on his skype. What should I do? Please help me.

  186. Is your husband lying about cheating? I don’t know. But I believe your gut instincts are telling you something loud and clear. Your subconscious is picking up on hints and clues, and that’s why you’re suspicious of him.

    Are you happy in your marriage? If not, what changes can you make that will make you happy? Those are questions only you can answer. Also, it’s important to remember that you can’t change your husband. You can change yourself, your expectations, and your life….but you can’t change him.

    My prayer for all women who think their husbands are lying about cheating is for clarity, wisdom, and guidance. I also pray for strength and energy to find ways to change your life and become happy again. I pray for faith and hope…and maybe even a miracle, that your marriage can be restored and your trust be renewed in your husband and your relationship. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  187. My boyfriend lied to me. I caught him.
    When a man lies… He is likely to cheat.
    Always trust your gut feeling. I knew my boyfriend was cheating on
    Me even though I couldn’t prove it.
    We still live together but I don’t have sex with him.
    No sex. No dinner… Nothing. I decided to do my own thing as far as dating.
    LADIES KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH! Why hold on to a bad relationship?
    Let the other person deal with that drama. If a man is dirty enough to cheat on you..
    He will eventually do it to the other person. There are TONS of good men. You get what
    You allow. Love yourself. Love yourself!

  188. Dear Confused,

    It sounds like your marriage has been filled with emotional upheavals, suspicions, disruptions, and lack of communication. It’s difficult to be in a relationship like this, especially when ex-wives and children are involved. I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating, but there certainly hasn’t been alot of honesty about what he’s doing.

    Have you talked to a counselor? I think talking to someone who is objective — in-person, not online — is the best way to work through feelings of suspicion, hurt, rejection, etc. You don’t need someone to tell you that you are right or acting appropriately. What you need is someone to help you see your marriage and your self objectively, so you can figure out the healthiest ways to respond.

    I encourage you to work through your feelings with a counselor. Don’t keep circling around your emotions and experiences alone, because you won’t get anywhere. And, don’t rely on the internet or online advice blogs! You need to talk through your situation in person with someone who can help you see things clearly.

    My prayer for you is that you find peace. May you find the right person or people to support you as you journey forward. May you accept your husband and marriage for what it is — whether it’s divorce or working through things as a reunited couple. I pray you find strength, wisdom and peace. There is so much emotional turmoil in your comments, so much confusion, pain, hurt. I pray you work through the negative emotions, and find yourself in a peaceful place on the other side of all that pain. May you be blessed with a peace beyond all understanding. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  189. My ex husband was cheating on me and lying about it. I knew it but didn’t want to believe my marriage was over. I think that if you suspect your husband is cheating and lying to you then he probably is.

    Don’t waste your time in a bad relationship. Leave. You will have to leave sooner or later, it might as well be now.

  190. Thank you for sharing how to know if your husband is cheating. I feel like I should trust my husband but he lies. I catch him lying too much, almost all the time. It helps to know other women are going through the same thing.

  191. Dear Jennifer,

    It sounds like you and your husband have been through so much together, and you haven’t been happy in your marriage for a long time. When you said “for better or for worse”, you didn’t expect your marriage to unfold this way, did you? We hope for the best, but don’t always get it.

    My prayer for you is that you find clarity and insight, and that you make a decision that feels right to you. May you find guidance and support from other people who have traveled a similar road, who can help you make the right choices about your future. May you find strength and courage — and may you realize that the healthiest choices are sometimes the hardest ones. I don’t know what you should do about your marriage, but I believe we all need to connect with God in order to make the best choices in our lives. Joy, freedom, and strength comes not from within, but from our Creator. May you find peace with whatever your future holds, and may you be strong enough to move forward with what you know in your heart is the right thing for you to do. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    1. Dear Laurie,

      I am so confused. My husband decided it was ok to drive in the car for 6 hours with his ex wife and son to and from and spend time at a concert for his other son. He never told me he was going to be in the car with her. There have been several other times he has spent time with her without me and my kids and says I need to deal with it or be with someone else. When I found out he had driven with her in the car the other day, I got angry and lashed out at him, he then said he doesn’t want this and wants a divorce!!! Really? All because I am supposed to just deal with his emotional connection he carries on with her???? Please help. Is this ok? Am I over-reacting? Is it ok that he texts and calls her on a regular basis. They say it is simply over the kids, but I feel there is something more going on. He is secretive with his phone and computer. I just don’t know how to feel about all of this. I feel crazy, insecure, confused, helpless, and cheated on and lied to. He has no concern about my feelings and says I am jealous and need to get help. It says it is all my own problem and I need to fix it. He also took his wedding ring off and when I asked him why he said he was working on switches at work and left it in his car. Really? Had nothing to do with the fact that he spent all day Sunday with his ex wife and kids? I feel like he is leading a dual life like having two families. Me and my kids and his kids and her and his kids.

    2. He is gas lighting you . Smells of a narcissist . Does he insinuate you are crazy? That you are nuts? Constantly twisting the truth? Rewriting history? Your history? It’s not going to change.

  192. Nov 21,2013 I found out my husband was cheating on me. We met young, but I believed we were in love. I’m 36 years old, him 38. We started dating 19 years ago and have been married 15 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters that are 14 and 12. On that day, Nov 21st, 2013, I found out he was sexting another woman. I knew our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I never would have believed this kind, gentle man would do this sort of thing. I had doubts, is it really true, maybe this just started because of the distance that had been between us. We spoke of how much we loved each other, sex was never an issue as we are/were both sexually attracted to each other, so I thought. We didn’t have much of an emotional connection, I just chalked it up to the fact that is didn’t talk much to many people anyway. He is very much of an internal man. He would buy me gifts occasionally but only when I was super upset (a couple times a year I would talk to him about not being “happy”), never just because he loved me or for birthdays or celebrations. I felt alone almost all the time. I’m somewhat independent and move with focus and intent. He isn’t. He is very much a go with the flow, take, take, take kind of person but polite in that manner to add to it. He is in some way, lazy in life, except for work. Work is work when he is there and he worked dang hard at his job. When he would come home, i would get the hug and I love you, then he would sleep, watch tv, or read a car magazine. The kind of relationship that once i learned he didn’t take “daily responsibilities” seriously, I began to do them as i felt it was my “job” in our marriage. That each one of us had “roles” so to speak and i took my “role” as an important job to make our marriage work. I stayed home with the kids when they were babies, planned dates, read marriage books, self help books, planned weekend getaways, romantic suppers and weekends for the just the 2 of us. All because i wanted to keep a spark in our marriage. I wanted to be the 80 year old couple that were madly in love, still holding hands in the nursing home in our wheel chairs. And then Nov 21st, 2013 hit. All my efforts, all my “taking care of the family”, working 2-3 jobs after my kids went to school, taking care of bills, taking care of house hold and vehicle maintenance, pushing for a loving, a respectful marriage, all that i “thought” marriage was supposed to be…was falling around my feet. I never had a feeling he was cheating. I just felt he was depressed. I’ve been through depression as i was beat severely by my father while going up. I know how it can rock your world. I “thought” or assumed that was his issue most his life. He didn’t battle in the sense of ups and downs, he was always fairly calm. He is some what awkward in things, but over all, people enjoy his company except they always ask me…..why is he so quiet? He is always helpful when people need it, no questions asked, just does because they need help. ETC ETC. He always has been a sweet man. This sweet man, one that said i love you everyday, one that hugged me everyday, one that we had no sexual issues with…..had a long distance girlfriend for the past 4years and “hooked up” with her twice. Sexting and video sex. Had one night stands with strangers at truck stops. Met woman on craigslist for sexting and video sex. Had sex with 2 of my friends before and after we got married. Received blow jobs from strangers at truck stops. Multiple sexual encounters with the same woman while i was pregnant with our daughters. One woman was even at our wedding. Finding out she was having sex with him, just before our wedding and again after we got back from our honeymoon. 7 different woman total BUT, multiple occasions with these woman over the course of the last 18 years. WE were only just “us” the first year we started dating. He says he wants nothing more than me now. He’s asked what can he do to “fix” this. I tell him what I’d like, get it for about 2 weeks and then nothing from him until I “nag” at him or question him on “why” he isn’t “present” in making this work. He says he was depressed in him being molested once by his older brother….i just found this out. He says he has never felt like a “full MAN” and the women made him temporarily feel like a “full MAN”. He says that he loves nothing more than me and they meant NOTHING to him then the pure satisfaction of “nailing” other woman like a macho man does. He says he will never do it again, that i will be his focus and that when he feels like he needs to be a “full MAN” again, he will focus that energy he spent on finding craigslist women, he will focus on finding things to spice up our marriage, OR plan weekend getaways. I wanted to believe, because i LOVE this man. I don’t know why I still love him but I do LOVE him. Deeply. Even after all this crap! BUT having said that, I hate him deeply as well. I cringe when he tries to hold me when i’m in tears or falling to the floor because my legs can’t hold me up. I dont’ believe the things he “says” he wants to improve on because its now Aug 2014, almost a year since i found out all the crap that came out over the months of Nov and Dec 2014, he doesn’t plan romantic wkends, he doesn’t talk to me much and when he does, it feels like excuses for why he doesn’t do anything… not enough money (which is BS) not enough time, what do i do with the kids, i’m tired, i work a lot, etc etc. Saying he loves me so much, how it kills him that he hurt me the way he did, says soooo incredibly much…..but DOES nothing to show it. Except his tell tale previous behavior of ….only when I’m vocally upset. When I “nag”, then he buys me things. He bought me a Water pitcher and 2 coffee mugs, wow….he bought me a 1961, run down camper as a “project” for me to keep my mind “busy”. We went to marriage counseling for 2 months, he started to believe in God, would pray together….but has since stopped. Everything he has “tried” that made some great steps in the beginning….changed jobs, changed cell phone numbers, now has a “dumb phone”, prayed as a family….all stopped over that last 4 months. I have pulled away significantly since, where right after all this came out, I tried my best to help him. Forgive him. WANT him. I now don’t know if i do. I can’t continue on in a married where I, me, myself, do ALL the work when he wont contribute anything but money to pay the bills. Is that a marriage??!! I don’t know what else to do. I told him that i was going to move out. That we needed space. He cried and threw up and then later said….. may i date you? I said…..why can’t you date me NOW! While I’m still here??!!! Still havn’t gone on a “date” that he’s “planned”. I don’t understand. Maybe me as a naive, virgin girl and living with abuse and learning how to deal with abusive men when i was a child, formed me into what I am doing now. I forgave my dad, I love my dad, I understand why my dad was the way he was. I don’t understand why my husband is the way he is. I’ve tried, but nothing is pointing toward someone who wants me for ME. Only that he wants someone to take care of him like a mother. I’m not his mother. I don’t know what to do. I’m expecting some money to come in from my previous employer, a nice severance package. When it comes in, I do believe i’ll be moving out then. It kills me, it pains me….but i can’t continue to wallow in this pain of “waiting” for the man i felll in love with 19 years ago to come back to me. I only knew him for a year of the 19 years we’ve been together, really KNEW the loving man he was. I can’t keep inflicting pain upon myself…..this is the only thing I know to do right now, and I don’t even know if thats right. For better or worse is what I said on our wedding day….i meant those words down to the core of my being but when is worse, actually the end?

    1. Dear Jennifer,
      I feel your pain hugely as I never said no to sex in all our 27 years of marriage. My husband is a recovering sex addict and a recovering alcoholic. I am still in shock as we never even had a fight. I caught him several times and so he recently went to a treatment facility. Your story sounds similar to mine. Could he have Aspergers Syndrome? Please look it up. You deserve to be loved! I am a strong woman who has endured child abuse, rape, death of a young child to cancer, etc. I loved my husband with my whole heart. I caught him looking at porn several times and then caught him viewing it 5 feet away from me. He then took it from 2d to 3d visiting many strip clubs and admitting to paying for more than 20 naked lap dances. I look great for my age and look much younger than most 55 year old women. Finally, after he entered a treatment faicility for alcoholism and sex addition, I have decided to leave the marriage. I can not think of another relationship at this time. Men are highly overrated. I wish you happiness and please don’t give in to him. I gave my husband sex for a while because I wanted to feel that I could satisfy him like the 20 year old lap dancers. No more! You and I are worth more than that! God bless!

    2. Dear Jennifer,

      Oh how I feel your pain. I can tell you every word you wrote resonated with me. The internal struggle , the tug of war between disgust-rage-pain-humiliation- rejection and fear- love- desire- want- need is enough to kill you. This October woukd have been my 20 year anniversary. We are not yet divorced, but we are apart . It began in 2009. He was in another state, working and came home on the weekends. We had many problems but there was always a level if trust that I really didn’t question. I never had a real true fear that he woukd actually cheat. My only fear was an ex girlfriend from many years before that I wondered about during our dating time up until we got married. I had this strange feeling or question in my head because they were still friendly and their last break up somehow , to me, seemed to be left open ended. He never really woukd talk about her. I never really heard him open up about her. It was almost like he was protecting her or their memory. But she lived far away and I just did not allow it to consume my thoughts. I do seem to remember at some point asking him if he still had feelings for her and he said no, it woukd never have worked or something like that.
      In March of 09 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I called my husband to tell him. It was a total shock . She was terminal and very sick. He came home but I had found out he had begun using while away. Battling addiction was part of the crisis with our marriage. I was always the one holding it all together. My children had such an unpredictable childhood and the guilt and shame I feel now only adds to the pain this man has caused me. About a year before he left to go out of state for work, we all got Facebook pages. Big regrets. Facebook opened the floodgates for ghosts of girlfriends past . Guess who was included?
      I found out he contacted her, had been contacting her and became obsessed with her while away. The thoughts that went through my mind drove me insane. I imagined him pleasuring himself while on the phone with her, uninterrupted in the comfort of his hotel room where he lived for that year. I found all kinda of correspondence between them. But before that , before Mom died, I saw something she posted on his Facebook page that I found simply disrespectful to me so I made a snarky comment. In the past she never referred to me by my name. Just, ” The Wife”. I found that so disrespectful. They had communicated a couple of times because she’s a drama queen and needed to make a production about telling him she was getting married and when she got pregnant. I really resented the idea that she seemed to be placing herself of great importance and was really his Number One Girl and I was some kind of consolation prize. I felt that she saw herself that way.
      One night after returning from taking care of my mother, we got home , and he asked me to do something. I had noticed earlier that he kept texting and checking his phone. He actually had the lack of respect for me to ask me to email her and basically tell her that I was fine with them communicating. She was upset by my snarky comment. I was in such a state about Mom, that clearly I wasn’t thinking but did email her and assumed by hearing from me and knowing my mother was dying , this woman woukd have the decency to respect boundaries. Nope!!!
      I realized later my husband asked me to sign off in his emotional affair.
      It only got worse, and to make a really long story short, it continued for over a year, he went out with her one night , treated me like garbage. Like trash, put her on a pedestal. He craved her like he was intoxicated . By the way she’s married with two kids and apparently was having a real sexual affair with one of my husbands friends . It was all a game to her. I tried to tell him she was just playing a game with him. Her being a huge narcissist. With her Facebook page full of selfies with her and other men. We fought and fought. He refused to stop communicating with her. He made an ass of himself. Telling her he woukd protect her always . From Me!!! I finally had enough after he got her to call my father in law to basically say I was crazy and they weren’t doing anything. I think my father in law shut her down and told her simething like , be a woman and to call me. I deserve an explanation. If course, she wouldn’t . I contacted her and her husband exposing every detail, email, pictures and texts. She tried to throw my husband under the bus. My husband went into treatment after being arrested for getting drunk and being abusive. It’s been Hell. He said he wanted to reconcile and I told him I didn’t know if that was possible . He had moved out at one point for a long time staying with ” Friends”. That is when his addiction became a monster.
      We saw counselors while he was in treatment and I expressed I felt he was truly in love with this woman. He had changed so much after the night he went out with her. Was never the same. The counselor suggested he write her a letter telling her she was a big mistake, that he woukd not protect her ever, and that she was never to contact him again. I was supposed to see it before it was mailed by the staff. I was promised that this woukd happen, by him and the staff. It never happened. So he came home , I couldn’t trust him and things just got worse. He’s been in and out of hospitals. He now says he never loved me. We became mortal enemies and have damaged our kids from all the fighting. I could not handle the rejection from my husband . I couldn’t handle being told he didn’t love me, had no desire for sex with me, it’s been almost a year and a half since we had sex. Living in the same house , sleeping in separate rooms . He just checked out of the marriage .
      He stayed at a friend ( another ex) who was going through a divorce. Her kids were there. I know her and never once had any thought or concern, especially since she is overweight and that is a problem for him where women are concerned. But I found something in his phone that made me question what happened up there . He denied , so did she. But I found something else that was undeniable. When confronted he totally flipped and I know now, something happened between them. She was my friend. I thought I could trust her. I cried on the phone to this woman all the while she was probably screwing my husband.
      I have no idea who he is. I now know he is a narcissist as well. The supply, putting people on pedestals, no empathy, no remorse, impulsive, full of shame, lack of responsibility , he is jealous of my accomplishments , envious, very envious and resentful. He cannot tell the truth because the truth will expose him as someone not regarded as honest or honorable. He lives to be complimented. Was never really a caring parent. Wanted our kids to do well so he looked good . He has no use for them now, or me. He has just destroyed himself in so many ways.
      To think it began with Facebook and he allowed our life together to be contaminated by someone who was using him, the way he uses others. When she had enough, she just kicked him to the curb. He told me that she liked the idea that she could just pull a string and he woukd come running. What she liked more was that it hurt me, bothered me, upset me.
      The sickness and lack of respect and boundaries, that this woman and my husband along with the other ex and God knows who else I don’t know about has changed my life forever . I’m now 49. Facing the world on my own. I will never have the answers to so many questions because my husband doesn’t respect or value me enough after 20+ years of love and devotion, to give me any answers so I can have some kind of closure. To feel respected and to once again feel powerful . He chooses to protect his cohorts and hide the truth, swallowing his lies. His lies are now eating him from the inside out. He knows I know. He knows my heart knows the truth. He woukd rather die in his addiction and never set the truth free. Because a narcissist, fears the truth. To them the truth is a hallucination of a monster waiting to turn them into a rubble of shame. He never put me first. He put other people first. He confused real friendship with time. Some of these people I have never met, not in 20 years. He thinks if you met someone 30 years ago, yet you haven’t really had a relationship in over 20, that still counts as something meaningful. Just disregard our time together, having children, deaths of friends and family, holidays, birthdays. Speaking of, he hadn’t remembered my birthday in 5 years. Should tell me something, huh? I never forgot his birthday. Ever, even when we were on the outs.
      That is the true loss in my story. I married someone that I didn’t really know or understand. I wanted to love him and have a life with him that I probably ignored a lot. Or I thought I could change him, or he would change. The biggest eye opener was when he used something I told him that Was very hard for me to tell him against me. I can’t be vulnerable with this man. That is a very dangerous place to be.
      I don’t know if my story helps you at all, it’s pretty grim. But our fear of the unknown holds us back more than anything. There is no excuse for infidelity of any kind. He tried to blame me , that I wasn’t loving enough, wasn’t complimentary enough . Such BS. He made his choices. He acted on his impulses. He chose not to communicate . He chose another woman over me and continued that choice despite the horrible affects it had on me. He ignored me to continue his game.
      Step up. Stand your ground and do not believe you do not deserve better. You do. Just imagine being with someone that doesn’t do all the crap he does and you never have to worry about any of that again. Think about it.

    3. And Jennifer ,

      Excuses are just that. It’s a form of manipulation. Love in its purest form does not require so much effort to show. It comes naturally. I know love can withstand the test if time. For better or for worse does exist. We do choose the familiar. As children we learn our value from those that we depend on the most . If they fail us, we go through life with an incorrect assessment of our own self worth . That assumption of ourselves has been years in the making and our hurt and pain, humiliation and disappointment has hindered our ability to thrive. As humans, especially as women, we have a need to love and be loved. It’s not a myth or a fairy tale. We are dynamic creatures being women. We have the ability to grow life inside our bodies. Our bodies produce nourishment for our child. We are God’s blessings to those in our lives that we love. It’s time you reassess yourself and really determine your self worth. You have not failed by giving love and trusting. If you step back and rise up above the pain for a moment, you will see your anger turn to pity. As much as we woukd like to give back what we got, some of us just can’t . And thank God for that because I don’t ever want to know what it is like to not know the real meaning of love and not be able to be grateful for the gifts God gave me and to never be happy or satisfied with a person that loves me so much. Personally , I think my husband can’t and should not be married . He cannot give of himself. He just can’t. I can’t help that . Sometimes it’s better to just let go. It’s very very hard. You have to take this journey and I pray along the way, you find the real Jennifer in all her glory, living life and loving life as it should be.

      Hugs

    4. After accidentally catching my husband cheating on me 4 years ago – he finally admitted all of the suspicions I had and it turns out he cheated on me twice. We went through counseling to salvage our marriage. He changed jobs since he cheated with a co-worker who is also married and a chronic cheater. Going through it was the worst experience, sleepness nights, fear, doubts- and four years later – life is better but Trust is just not there anymore. We are still together and sometimes I can see that he is a better man. Although lately I have this same gut feeling I had when I was suspecting him of cheating. I just want the truth and validation, then I will move on. Life is short, it is not worth to keep forgiving a repeat offender….there is no point to continue caring for and loving someone who just don’t value you……

  193. Dear vt335,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing your experience with your new boyfriend.

    If I were you, I would follow my gut instincts. I think you are 100% correct in wanting to end the relationship because you can’t trust him. He lied to you about his relationship with the other woman (it’s not just work!), and he is leading her on. He is deceiving her — even if he never actually has sex with her, he is making her believe that he’s interested. Why would he do this? There is no good reason.

    It doesn’t matter why he behaves like this (though I believe men lie and cheat because it’s exciting, because they can get away with it, and because women want to believe what the men say, not what men do. Of course your boyfriend wants you and her! His ego is having a party – he has two women who want him! If he can find a way to string three women along, so much the better!).

    But this is about you, not him. Why would you want to be with a man who does this to other women when he’s in a relationship with you?

    When women whose husbands lie about cheating are later asked if there were any red flags earlier in the relationship, 95% of them say YES. This is a huge red flag in your face, and if you ignore it, you’re setting yourself up for more pain and suffering. I can’t predict the future — but I know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

    It doesn’t matter what I would do if I were you….what matters is that you follow your intuition. Trust yourself, my friend. You know what you should do. My prayer for you is that you do not let this man deceive you the way he has deceived other women. I pray that you are strong and wise in this relationship, and that you follow your heart and gut instincts. I’m glad for you that your spirit and soul has already told you what you need to do! And my prayer is that you follow yourself, for you already have the answers.

    May you be true to you. May you not fall prey to manipulation or emotional control.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  194. Thanks so much for this advice and for responding to all these comments! Most of the questions seem to be coming from women who are in marriages or long term committed relationships–what do you think about handling cheating in new relationships?

    I have been dating someone for 7 months. He has said over and over that he is taking our relationship seriously but I just learned that he’s been texting another girl in what I consider an inappropriate manner for the past month or so (very flirtatious texts at all times of day, making plans to go to her house that he hasn’t told me about, or alternatively him making excuses for why he can’t go out that appear to be lies timed around when he was hanging out with me). He has told me about this girl but referred to her only as a “work contact” that he’s trying to do a project with, and based on their texts they have seen each other a number of times that he didn’t mention to me and their conversations are definitely not work related. I found this out because I read the texts on his phone after observing some weird behavior from him (I noticed him regularly moving his phone away from me or covering it up when he got new texts, and also that he would often make excuses about wanting to stay home so he could “clean his house,” only to find that it was never any cleaner the next time I would visit!)

    I confronted him about the texts and told him I wanted to end our relationship, but he is adamant that nothing “actually” happened (he admits to leading the girl on via text but maintains that nothing else ever happened between them). He apologized, said he doesn’t want to date her or anyone other than me and that he will stop talking to her and make it clear that nothing will happen. etc. etc.

    My first thought, and the reason why I wanted to end the relationship, is that someone who cheats this early on in a relationship is either a) going to have a ongoing problem with cheating or b) isn’t really that interested in me, so why should I bother. So I was really surprised that he wants to stay together, especially when he seems to have another option. I honestly don’t know what to think about this. When I talked to him about this I didn’t get the sense that he was lying. I think he has a lot of potential to be a great and stable partner. But I am also terrified of investing more time and energy into someone who has let me down this early on in our relationship and risking getting hurt even more later. How would you proceed if you were me?

  195. Dear Jenny,

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing what you’re going through with your husband. That’s great that he wants to work things out….but does he still see the other woman every day? It’s awfully hard to move on if he’s still in contact with her.

    Maybe that’s why you’re having such a hard time moving on, and why you cry a lot. Not only has your faith and trust in your husband been destroyed, but he also has one step in his “cheating” life.

    My prayer for you is that you find the resources you need to move past your husband’s past. May you talk to the right people, read the right books, and connect with the right sources of healing, courage, and strength. May you find love, regardless of what happens with your marriage. May you be wise and clear-headed, and may the curtain of desolation and despair be lifted from you.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  196. I have been with my husband for 20 years we have been married for 16. I found out two months ago he had been sexting a work colleague. I just felt he was having an affair because the way he acted towards me subtly changed. The night before I checked his phone I had cuddled up to him in bed and he more or less shrugged me off. The next morning I got up early and checked his phone and I was not expecting to find any messages because he usually deletes them, but there on his phone was two messages from her and two replies from him. It was like a bombshell had hit me. The messages were more or less saying what they wanted to do to each other and in his he had said if she wasn’t married he would leave me tomorrow cos he loved her. I was physically sick. I confronted him that morning, he was still in bed. He said it meant nothing, he hadn’t slept with her and it was just banter. She was just someone he got on with. I was devastated. He said he loved me and he didn’t want her, but I think it was because she was married with kids and I think if she hadn’t have been he would have been off like a shot. I have since found out who she is and it breaks my heart that they see each other every day. He swears that they have no contact anymore and he wants to make it work with me. He has been really attentive and we make love often (but we used to before anyway) but still the doubts creep in. I convince myself that he’s only here because she didn’t want to leave her husband and kids. I want to believe he still loves me but it is really hard. Everything I ever believed in has been smashed to pieces. Sometimes when he’s not at home I just sit and cry.

  197. Dear Patricia,

    It’s a terrible thing, to find out your husband has been cheating and lying. The confusion and shock is almost overwhelming at first! Especially since you were battling cancer, and needed all the love and support we could give you. I’m sorry he did this.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers. My prayer for you is that you are able to find strength and courage to do whatever it is you need to do — will you leave? Confront him? Try to save your marriage? May God give you peace, strength, and even joy as you walk forward into the next stage of your life.

    If cancer can’t bring you down, neither will this! You are a survivor, and you have the power to get through this — and become a stronger, smarter, healthier woman. Draw on the resources you have, and don’t let your husband steal away your spark.

    Many blessings of peace and joy on you,
    Laurie

  198. I think my husband had an emotional affair online with a coworker. He denies it, but it is eating away at my heart and self-esteem. I don’t trust him anymore. There were too many coincidental and odd things that happened in the short space of 4 months when I had cancer. I feel like crap, and cannot believe he would have don’t that, but it seems rather apparent.

  199. Dear Ashley,

    You can’t help your husband get over his sexual addiction. He has to want to get help, he has to decide it’s time to overcome his problem.

    Would he be willing to talk to a military psychologist or counselor about his issues? What about you – have you thought about talking to someone about how to cope with his cheating and lying?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  200. Dear Dani,

    Thank you for being here – it took alot of courage to open up and share the way you did. I have so much respect for you, and for what you’ve survived!

    Are you happy in this relationship? What do you need to change, in order to be happy? The only person you have any control over is you. You’re the only person you can change….what changes do you need to make, in order to be happy in this relationship?

    There is no magic formula or tip that will help you get over your fiance’s cheating. Forgiving and learning to trust again is a long process. And, you can’t do it alone. If you don’t feel supported or loved by your fiance, then you’ll have a much harder time getting over the cheating.

    Can you be yourself in this relationship? I believe the answer is no, because you said you can’t tell him you’re thinking of counseling.

    I encourage you to look into the free counseling resources in your area. Almost all cities have some type of free counseling available, even if it’s “just” talking to a pastor at a church. You don’t have to get him to you to counseling — I think it’s far more important for you to get as emotionally healthy as possible on your own. The healthier you are, the easier it’ll be to see your relationship clearly — and to see your fiance clearly.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I pray you find healing for the hurts that have been done to you, and I pray you find wisdom to leave people who don’t treat you with love and respect. I pray God gives you strength to make difficult decisions, and to show yourself the love you’ve always deserved but didn’t feel worthy of. I pray you turn to God for sustenance, energy, and healing.

    xo
    Laurie

  201. I believe my husband is cheating on me. The points or theorys you have about men are some what true. My problem is my husband is trained to keep secrets. He is a military man n hard to read at times. He has sex addict problem. I realized that after we got married. Not even two months after we were married i found out he was cheating with me with a girl he previously was with but she had an open marriage n it was just sex for both of them. I also found sexting on fb/snapchat/oovo. Its just sex for my husband. I confronted him n he denied it even with proof. I told him to quit his or we were done. Now a yr later, about the sametime, i have the same gut feeling. Only because his emails… He likes secretative sex. Its just sex. We have lots of it at home. Its not like he isnt getting anything, just not enough. His addiction and i dont know how to help him. Because i dont want to catch anything n i love him but i dont want to keep living like this…

  202. Hello,

    So I need a bit of help. Last year June my fiance asked for pictures of a girl he worked with and as for me I consider it cheating. He has “admitted” he cheated but he always says it like I “cheated” instead of just sounding flat out he cheated. He quotes it. Him and I got into a very heated argument a couple weeks ago. I went through my browsing history and saw the girl’s name he cheated on me with in my history because he was looking at pictures of her and her bf which is his friend. I completely snapped. I really did I was yelling screaming and hysterically crying. It hurt. SO much. It brought back so much pain that I was trying to recover from. He didn’t really show any type of compassion at all. Even when I finally spilled my feelings completely about how I felt when I found out he cheated. I found out this year in March the day before my birthday actually. I think about it almost daily. Her pictures flash through my mind and it still hurts so so much. (Back to the fight) He kept telling me there is no reason in the world that can make him understand why I snapped like that. Which I can see why because I did rage pretty bad. So much anger filled me right away. Not to mention I also saw his ex’s name in the history also. The thing is, this does not happen alot at all or at least maybe I just haven’t caught him. I’ve had more issues with him with other women also. Last year in June along with the cheating. He used to talk to his Ex and I tried to trust him and I did until I read in one of the conversations he told her he is having feelings for her again. It broke my heart because I trusted him. Also last year I found another conversation with another one of his co workers that he was trying to hangout with ( a girl) and was telling her that he really wants to hangout and he would lie to me and say he is at work or working out. Thankfully, She was saying no to him and saying that isn’t being very faithful. I’m in tears typing this out because I have so much pain and I have no true compassion from him. I want more than just an apology and saying baby I love you. It’s hurt my self esteem so so much because it’s so easy for him to call another woman beautiful but I can barely get him to call me pretty. This is a lot of things he has done but emotionally in other ways he can be a very good man. Like when we have financial issues he sits me down and always reassures me that we will make it through it. I do question time to time who he truly is because sometimes I see him as this amazing man and sometimes I see him as this evil person who destroyed a part of me. I also found a journal entry that he wrote after I confronted the cheating and he said in the journal entry he feels less of a man because he vowed to me that he would never do the things all of the other men have done to me ( ex’s ) and he just kept writing that he feels so much less of a man and I honestly hated reading that because I don’t want the man that I love feeling that way but then again I want him to feel the pain i’m in. He is also the first guy I’ve ever opened up to about my childhood. I was sexually abused for 5 years of my childhood. There is a lot more but I want to get to my question. How do I get over this? How do I get our love mended again? I miss it so much. I feel it at most times but I push myself away because my trust for him is very little. We don’t have the money for counseling and I’m afraid he will think it’s nuts that I want counseling. I really need help and guidance to get through this and how to make the pain go away without bringing it up again.

  203. Hi Michelle,

    I’m not sure how to answer your question — I don’t know if your husband is lying about cheating! I can’t tell you how you should or should not feel.

    It sounds like you’re already worried. What prompted you to search the internet for articles about husbands cheating? I think there must be something more going on, than just your husband having a nightmare. Whether it’s your husband cheating or you being overly sensitive or paranoid, I don’t know.

    Are there other signs of him cheating?

  204. In five year with my husband , he has never said another women name, in bed while he was sleeping I asked him he said it was a nightmare and he doesnt remember the nightmare SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

  205. Dear Assia,

    It sounds like your husband is trying to hide his activities from you, and that you suspect he is cheating. He won’t tell you whether or not he is having an affair…and you need to decide if you can continue on in your marriage this way.

    Can you live with him, knowing that he may have cheated on you? This is a decision only you can make. What would you advise your friend to do, if she was in this situation?

  206. Dear reader,
    Please help me am confused and i don’t know what to do or where to go, i bought my husband a ticket to go to Tunisia on 17juin 2014 when he arrived the next day he phoned me from that country and he i have not heard from him till 27 juin, i tried to phone him without success he bought a ticket on 18 juin next day and flew to morroco, i had that thing say to me that he is cheating because this is not the first time i confronted him but he denies all the times i found numerous time phone numbers that he was calling morocco and i tried that number and that was a women who replied to me and saying his name, when he came back home he hide his passport i asked him where he was he told me that he was in tunisia but he was not i search for hi passport and found it when i confronted him he just ripped the pages of the passport and he gave me the passport to check i can see there is missing pages in the passport he walked away he kept silent till now please help me i don’t know what to do

  207. Hello Mike,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with cheating in marriage. It’s interesting to hear your perspective, especially that you don’t lie about your affairs. I’m glad you spoke up!

    I wonder how your wife feels about your cheating on her, and telling her about it. Does not keeping it a secret – not lying about cheating – make it easier for her to understand?

  208. You’ve missed one particular sign that is true in my case. I have phrased it as if from the female partner’s point of view to keep it in keeping with the above.

    My wife would say:-

    He is more interested in physical intimacy and “makes love” again in the tender fashion that he used to when we first met, exploring and caressing my body anew, rather than in the enjoyable but routine and habitual way that we had become used to. He takes longer and gazes into my face and eyes as we connect and calls my name as we reach the crescendo, and then cuddles me afterwards.

    He brings me presents, buys me shoes and takes me out more.

    He opens the car door for me and asks me to wait in the car while he comes around to my side to open it.

    He offers his arm to me and escorts me, pointing out hazards (be careful) that could snag my heels.

    He tells me that he loves me and kisses me more often.

    When I do all of these things she knows that I have been ‘cheating’, – as she does now, because this is exactly what I have done on the three other occasions in our long marriage. I never lie and always tell her every time. The women are also either married or in long term relationships with men whom they love; just as I love my wife. They are always my work colleagues and are always independently minded, intelligent and highly educated women with a penchant for fashion, as is my wife, and two of them (who also knew each other) after admitting the affair to her became my wife’s friends too, – along with their husbands. In each case it was they who made the first approach, – after my habitual flirting and compliment paying didn’t seem to be going anywhere; I get pleasure from simply “being polite and engaging with the ladies” just as my father used to. Unfortunately my highly polished manners have no way of turning down a lady, and so it begins with the lady in the driving seat. BUT, I always go home to my wife at the end of the day, just as the ladies go home to their partners too.

  209. Dear CoriS,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your situation. I don’t know what to think about your husband’s behavior — it does seem odd, that’s for sure. But there is no way I could ever say whether or not he’s having an affair because I don’t know anything about him, you, or your marriage. And the truth is, it doesn’t matter what I think.

    What do YOU think? Do your trust your husband? What does your gut tell you about his behavior? Also, did you ask him about the texts? Maybe it would be effective to outright ask him if he’s having an affair.

    It’s so difficult when we suspect a guy of lying about cheating…the least he can do is be honest about it! It’s crazy-making. If he talked about it, then at least we could deal with it somehow.

  210. Laurie,

    I came across your articles on the web. I know you are busy and probably won’t respond, but maybe you will. My husband and I have been married almost a year now. Recently he had to go out of town for work in the oil field for 6 weeks. When he got there he told me not to be “blowing his phone up” because he couldn’t really talk while he was at work. Well while I was going through our cell phone records tonight I saw that from the weekend he got up there he has been messaging back and forth over 100 time in two weeks with one particular number. All day, every day. Then I noticed that he messages or calls his roommate early in the morning like around the time they should be leaving for work. Why would he need to message/call him if they are sharing a room together? And why would he be constantly messaging with someone after he told me he couldn’t have his phone on the rig. It doesn’t make sense. Do you think he met someone and has been having a fling, just based on that information?

  211. Thanks for your thoughts on private investigators helping wives find out if their husbands are lying about cheating, Angel!

    Research from the University of Guelph shows that people with sexual performance anxiety are more likely to cheat on their partners. That’s just one of the curious findings of a new study on the factors that predict infidelity. The study is the first to look at how demographics, interpersonal factors and sexual personality affect infidelity.

    Men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander; for women, relationship issues are stronger predictors of unfaithfulness. The study, published recently in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour, is the first to look at how demographics, interpersonal factors and sexual personality affect infidelity. For both men and women, personality characteristics and interpersonal factors are more relevant predictors than are religion, marital status, education or gender.

    “Few studies on infidelity have gone beyond exploring demographics,” said Robin Milhausen, a professor and sexuality researcher in Guelph’s Department of Family Relations and Applied Nutrition who conducted the study with Kristen Mark and Erick Janssen of Indiana University. “This research shows that demographic variables may not influence decision-making as much as previously thought — that personality matters more, especially for men.”

    The study involved 506 men and 412 women who reported being in monogamous sexual relationships lasting from three months to 43 years. Participants were asked to report on demographic variables such as religion, education and income. They also completed scales that measured sexual personality variables and answered questions about their relationships. The study found little difference in rates of infidelity reported by men and women (23 and 19 per cent, respectively). But different things predicted the behavior for men and women.

    For men, significant predictors of infidelity are personality variables, including propensity for sexual excitation (becoming easily aroused by many triggers and situations) and concern about sexual performance failure.

    The latter finding might seem counterintuitive, Milhausen said, but other studies have also found this connection. “People might seek out high-risk situations to help them become aroused, or they might choose to have sex with a partner outside of their regular relationship because they feel they have an ‘out’ if the encounter doesn’t go well — they don’t have to see them again.”

    For women, relationship happiness is paramount. Women who are dissatisfied with their relationship are more than twice as likely to cheat; those who feel they are sexually incompatible with their partners are nearly three times as likely.

    “All kinds of things predict infidelity,” Milhausen said. “What this study says is that when you put all of those things together, for men, personality characteristics are so strong they bounce everything else out of the model. For women, in the face of all other variables, it’s still the relationship that is the most important predictor.”

    Milhausen cautions against misinterpreting or overemphasizing the study’s findings. “Taken at face value, this research might seem to just support sexual stereotypes: Women are just concerned about the relationship, and, for men, once a cheater, always a cheater, regardless of their relationship. But the caveat is that there are a lot of variants and factors that are not explained here that might impact whether someone cheats.”

    Still, knowing that sexual personality characteristics — and, for women, relationship factors — are strong predictors suggests directions for therapeutic interventions, she said. To learn more, read Sexual Anxiety, Personality Predictors of Infidelity, Study Says on the U of G website http://www.uoguelph.ca/news/2011/07/sexual_anxiety.html

    How does this help you determine if your husband is lying about cheating? If he has performance anxiety in the bedroom, he may be more likely to be unfaithful in marriage.

  212. Thanks for sharing this article. In such cases I think a Private Investigator can help you find out if your husband is cheating. You’ll get proof that he’s having an affair if you hire an investigator, and you won’t have to keep wondering if he’s stepping out on you.

  213. Dear Lauren,

    I can’t give you marriage advice because I don’t know you or your husband! Even if I was your marriage counselor, counselors don’t give advice…they help people find the answer that is already inside them.

    What do you want your husband to know about how you feel about the texts he’s sending his ex? Maybe that’s the best place to start…

  214. Amy, thank you for being a voice of encouragement! It sounds like you’ve learned how to cope without living in a bad relationship, and you’re much happier.

    I’m glad you’re sharing your love around 🙂

    1. I just recently got married to my husband who is in the army and just returned from deployment. My husband has accused me of cheating when he was in Afghanistan and I would constantly have to reassure him that I wasn’t. Now that he’s back I assumed everything would be better. But recently I found out that he’s been texting one of his ex’s and he knows that I don’t like her due to some things in the past. He would text her saying “Is it wrong that I think of you instead of my wife” or he’d say “I need someone to cuddle with, you should cuddle with me” I also found some photos of other girls in his phone who were naked. I know its wrong to go through his phone but I had a gut feeling that this was going on… I don’t know what to do or how to confront him about this. Help?

  215. The most difficult thing to do when you know your husband is lying about cheating is to leave. It seems like it should be the easiest decision, but it’s not.

    Sometimes I think it comes down to self-respect. Do you respect yourself enough to leave him? Do you trust God – or a Higher Power – to take care of you, love you, and give you the life you deserve?

  216. My relationship with my husband was rocky from the very beginming which was early 2002. He was married, but not happy and left his wife. He was out of town and called me crying because she was filing for divorce but he wasn’t sure that was what he wanted. She was already in a relationship too so it ended. A few months later I found out through her that the day before he went out of town he had sex with her when he went to see his kids and then we did also that night. I was sickened that he was with us both in the same day. I wanted out then, but he convinced me to stay. We both work in a federal prison and that is how we met. We go out of town from time to time for training. Once while he was gone I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. I was upset that he didn’t care enough to check on me and suspect he was up to no good, but let it go when he assured me he was busy. Through the years I have heard many stories from co-workers about he and 2 of his close friends who chased women every weekend while in the bars, cheating over and over again. Some he admits to, most he denies but I’m sure he is lying. There is too much detail to go into on that. In June of 2010 a new Secretary was hired in his department. I had bad vibes about her from the beginning she was entirely too friendly in our male dominated workplace. In March of 2011 we attended a local event and she was also there and several other friends. We hung out that night and became friends. We began to go out more often with other friends and her, and we became close friends. There was another married couple, her, and another female who was single. This girl was married but when we went out he was always at work. We had bbqs at each other’s houses, bonfires, and they went out on our boat with us, 1 time she even brought her kids whom my husband payed a lot of attention too. They usually invited themselves, she would always ask when can we go out on the boat.
    Within a couple months I heard rumors of an affair between them so I laughed it off but began to pay closer attention after all my job is an investigator. I realized they were always together and ate lunch together which most of the time I did also. When we would go out he stood between us at the table, danced with us both, a stranger wouldn’t know if it was me or her that he was married to. One night at a bar we were all outside on the patio when I noticed them gone, went inside, they were dancing she had her backside to him and he was grinding all over her. The look on both their faces was priceless and he chased me down when I walked out. He turned it on me and said I dance with other men too “true” but not like that. I had warned him twice about their relationship and told him it made me uncomfortable and to back off, he didn’t. They were together 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, so he spent more awake hours with her. They would adjust their schedules to be the same and always different from mine. They left together and I am certain they met up at times while I was stuck at work. 1time I called him after giving him time to get there he claimed he’d been shopping but didn’t buy anything. I decided to check his cell phone records and when he walked up behind me and asked why was I on our wireless account. I told him to check his records he jerked the computer away from me. 1st clue that there was evidence! He went out of town a few days later and I studied his cell phone records. Their texts began in December, it was now August, they were more and more each month, he called her when out of town before he called me, they texted every day as soon as they left work, he called her on the weekends etc. Then I questioned 2 friends of mine in his department, they were mutual friends. 1 man, 1 woman, both had witnessed rubbing, hugging, her leaning on him, playing games on a computer together in a room alone and flirting all the time. She brought him baked goods, if one was working and one was not they called each other even while on vacation. They both apologized for not telling me. I confronted her she denied it, but never changed her demeanour. If my BFF accused me of having an affair with her husband I would be concerned about what I did to make her feel that way, she was not. My husband denied it, said I was crazy and he would never cheat on me. I gave rules to them both, no hanging out all day at work, no lunches, no touching, no texts or calls, both agreed, it only lasted a week and it was back to the same except calls and texts. I confronted her again, all she did was cry and say I’m sorry, but never answered what she was sorry for, I had to walk away before I punched her. For him I had to get divorce papers to stop it. He never admitted to anything other than hugging. He says she was fun to be with. My gut instinct is what got him caught and still tells me to this day that he is guilty and lied to me. I decided to try and stay with him, it has been 2 1/2 years but feels like it was yesterday. I see her at work daily. We don’t speak, she looks at the ground and leaves the room when I come in which I do some just to taunt her. I dream about her weekly, the fighting with my husband is more frequent than ever. Found out a few days ago he has had my Facebook info to spy on me. I’m not doing anything, but wonder if he is again. 2 years ago he was checking my cell messages in the middle of the night during his affair with her. I have always heard the accuser is usually the guilty one. My doctor and a psychologist has told me to divorce and move on that I will never let it go. The other day I told him I feel like I’m on a roller coaster, up and down all the time, I’m tired and want off, he began to tear up and said he can’t loose me. I think if it was a stranger, or a 1 time deal I could move on but my best friend, a co worker that I see every day, it was an intimate relationship and he cared for her. His problem is he is constantly suspicious of me and waiting for me to pay him back even though I have assured him I won’t. His infediality has ruined my trust as well as his for me. Don’t want to give up but I don’t think I have a choice. He gets mad if I bring her up, still denies it, and won’t discuss it period.

    1. IT MIGHT SOUND SO STRANGE TO YOU BUT IT FEELS LIKE ME WHEN I READ YOURS MY HUSBAND HAS BEING HAVING AFFAIR WITH HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANT FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS NOW AND IT WAS NOT HIM WHO SPILLED THE BEANS IT WAS HER AND WHEN I ASK HE GETS ANGRY AND DENIES IT ALL THE TIME BUT I KNOW IT HAS BEEN HAPPENING THE LYING , WORKING LATE THEY ALWAYS TOGETHER BUYS HIS CLOTHES GOES TO THE CHEMIST TAKES HIS CLOTHES TO THE TAILORS AND BELIEVE ME SHE IS NOTHING TO LOOK AT SHE IS HUGE AND SO OVER WEIGHT AND SHE IS ALWAYS AT OUR HOUSE IM A HAIRDRESSER SO I WORK WEEKENDS SO WHEN I GET HOME SHE WILL BE AT OUR HOUSE TILL LATE IT HAS GOT SO BAD THAT I HAVE BANNED HER FROM OUR HOUSE MY BOYS ALSO DONT LIKE HER IT FEELS LIKE SHE IS HIS SECOND WIFE

  217. Julie,

    Thank you for your thoughts on a lying, cheating husband! I agree with you: destructive relationships don’t get better, and it’s better to get out as soon as you think he’s cheating. You’re picking up on signals and signs, and your gut instincts aren’t wrong.

  218. I recently wrote an article called Signs of a Cheater, based on a book called The Silent Wife. It’s a fascinating look into a marriage and the mind of a cheating man! I highly recommend it, especially if you think your husband is lying about cheating. It may give you fresh insight into your relationship….and yourself.

  219. Dear Tiffany,

    It sounds like you and your husband are going through so much! There’s alot of stress at home, with the kids and parents. It sounds a bit crowded, which is difficult for any relationship. Not much room for talking or any kind of intimacy!

    I don’t know if your husband is cheating – but I tend to agree with you, that you may be overthinking things. I don’t know your husband at all, but I know men sometimes pull away when they feel stressed or unable to care for their families. He may not know how to express his feelings to you, and may be feeling pressure at both work and home.

    Could you call a support line, and talk this through with a counselor? If you’re a believer, perhaps you could talk to a pastor or someone at church. It’s important to work through your thoughts and feelings, so you can figure out the best way to approach your husband and get back on the right track.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Come back anytime, and let me know how you’re doing!

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  220. Hi I am not married but my bf and I have been together 2 yrs and have been friends for 14 yrs he was resently divorced right before we got together. We have a 3 mth old together. We live with my parents currently and I know hes not happy here (my parents are not the easiest people to live with not to mention we pay half the bills and are pretty much stuck in one room) and lately I have had this feeling that he has cheated on me. Im not sure if its emotionally or physically or if he has even cheated at all. He comes home after work majority of the time but lately he has been pulling away from me, we are not as intimate as we used to be and he seems to not be as open with me ( with his feelings and just things in general) we used to tell each other everything. Im not sure if I’m just over thinking things due to our lack of time we get alone since the baby was born and we have 3 other kids ( 2 from his marriage and 1 from my previous relationship) please give me some advice????

  221. My husband’s “best friend” from college who is was also intimate with at one point, found out her husband was cheating. She has used my husband as a sounding board, shoulder, and therapist for months. She lives in a different state and I don’t suspect physical cheating, but I do worry about emotional cheating. They text each other often she calls when him when he at work often. I know women can be fragile and look to attach to anyone showing attention when their spouse is not doing the job. My husband and I have an active physical relationship but he spends more and more time on his computer and texting now. How do I approach him about this without causing problems in my own marriage? He is a good hearted guy and it may really be friendship but I want it to stop. I have had enough. That’s what she has girlfriends for so text them and leave my husband out of your drama.

    1. Not all women have “girlfriends” to talk to. A lot of women prefer men as friends as they are less judgmental, often kinder, and more empathetic.

      Maybe, they’re just friends. I think, quite possibly just friends. 🙂

    2. I had the same issue with my bf of 4 yrs……he was still “best” friends with his first love, as well as his whole family. Needless to say, I felt pretty threatened when we first got together. She was married, but lived in another state, so I left it alone at first. But when she started having marital problems, she would call my bf, sometimes in the middle of the night…..crying and carrying on. So, I put my foot down and told him he couldn’t talk to her anymore. Then, we had a breakup, and he immediately started talking to her again. When we reconciled, I gave him an ultimatum…..her or me. I discovered, after several months, people don’t respond well to ultimatums, and all he did was talk to her behind my back. Lol. Then, we broke it off for about 9 mnths, for other reasons, and in the meantime, she moved to where we live because this is where she is originally from and she and her husband divorced. He and this girl stayed friends that whole time, and I was certain they would end up together……but they DIDN’T. During that 9 mnths I realized something……if they wanted to be together (he was single, she was single), they would’ve gotten together. So, that whole time I felt so insecure about her for no reason. Now he and I are back together, and they are still friends, and she talks about the other guys she dates, and I could care less. I learned a lot from that experience, and my advice to you would be that, it’s good to stand up for yourself, but if you try to control too much, he’ll resent you for it and do it behind your back anyway. I completely understand how you feel, but if I were you, I would just try to be chill about it, unless you see that they’re talking about something inappropriate. Chances are, the frequency that they talk will start to fizzle out as she gets herself together. I hope everything works out, Girl! 🙂

  222. I’ve been with my husband for 23 years and in the last few years 2 women have contacted him on facebook saying hes the father of their kids. How can this be? I trusted him over and over I believed him and trusted him, but now I dont buy it anymore. It was bad enough that one woman came forth but now a second one. And he denies it all. Everytime I ask him he puts the blame on me saying if I’m accusing him of cheating then I must be cheating. Ive been with him since I was 16, hes all I know and my heart is breaking. Somedays its more than I can take and I just want to end it all….

    1. Dear Crystal,

      Don’t let your husband take your power! I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish he didn’t cheat on you. But, he did. You need to get strong and find who you are outside of your marriage.

      You’ve been with him for more than half your life, but I believe you have the strength to live without him. You need time to grieve the fact that your husband cheated on you and lied to you…and then you have to think about what to do next.

      What is your source of strength?

      Blessings,
      Laurie

  223. Dear Jennifer,

    I don’t know how you find out if your husband is cheating on you, and lying about. It’s a sickening feeling to be wondering if your own husband is involved with another woman! I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    My gut instinct tells me that if you have been suspecting your husband of cheating for the past 13 years, then he may very well be cheating. Your gut instinct is telling you something – your subconscious is picking up on cues from him, his actions, his words, and the environment – and those cues are based on facts.

    I believe you have the answer – I think you know whether or not your husband is cheating on you. He won’t admit he’s cheating…so will you trust your gut, or his words?

    Stay true to you,
    Laurie

  224. I have my suspicions throughout the 13 years that I have been with my husband. I have confronted him several times in the past and he always says that I’m full of it and he would never cheat on me. We have 3 children and one on the way. The past month or two he has been hanging out with his friends more and longer. He used to be home by 420p when he gets off work at 3pm and now hes coming home closer to 7pm. The “guys” are playing poker more frequently and I have learned recently that it is not always just “guys” that play there is the wife of one of the guys and on e of her friends. the wife has told me in the past that her friend get crazy when she drinks a few drinks. she strips and is not afraid to pleasure any man married or not in any way. this set off many alarms. but any time I confront him now he gets very angry and very defensive. I don’t know what to do. The wife of one of his friends wont tell me the truth about anything that happens, and neither will any of the guys. I cant be a stalker in a sense because my van is very recognizable to all of them and my girls will tell him. Im just so very emotional and stressed, and pissed. And im also wondering if his lack of being able to get fully erect with me is also a sign of infidelity.

  225. Dear Rachael,

    Thank you for sharing your story here; my heart goes out to you and your husband. It’s one of the worst betrayals – cheating – and it is extremely difficult to move on afterward.

    Two of the most important things to remember are that it takes a long time to forgive your husband for cheating, and forgiveness is a daily effort. It took my friend 6 years to forgive her husband and learn to trust him again after he cheated. It was a constant, almost hourly effort of rebuilding trust and intimacy in their marriage.

    Here’s an article that may help:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-forgive-and-trust-him-after-he-cheated-on-you/

    I also encourage you to book a session or two with a marriage counselor, so both you and your husband can learn tools for rebuilding your marriage.

    What do you think?

    Stay true to you,
    Laurie

  226. Dear Beth,

    Congratulations on your baby – I hope all is well!

    I think you should get out of this relationship as soon as possible. He’s cheating and lying, and he won’t change. He’ll keep cheating and lying until he decides to leave you.

    Why do you think you deserve to be with men who cheat on you? Why do you choose men like this?

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-cope-with-failed-relationship/

    Let me know what you think!

    Stay true to you,
    Laurie

  227. Ok so me and my husband have been married for a year we have lived together for 10 years and have 7 beautiful children together. He cheated on me back in may. I have tried so hard to forgive him. He came out and told me. I never had any doubts about him trusted him whole heartdly to me he could do no wrong. He came out and told me he apologized said it was only one time and he felt so bad afterwards he didn’t know what to do. My question for anyone going through something similar is how did you handle it? How can I believe it was only one time? I try to move past it but its in my mind everyday. I work third shift and find myself wondering is he doing something behind my back? I really do love him I just don’t know how I could ever get pass this. Need advice! If I can’t get pass this would it be better to just file for divorce? I’m trying to think about my kids who are in the middle of this situation

  228. hi there. my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years and we just had a baby girl dec 2012. i recenlty found conversations of him talking to other girls on facebook, one being my so called best friend. these conversations are about how he wants to make them feel sexualy, where they are going ot meet, the one with my so called best friend says that he had gone there and that she was getting better at certin things. and when i bring it up with him, he just says he was kidding, and that he would never cheat on me. and he doesnt know why he does it. he just does according to him. funny thing is that he was cheating on his ex with me when we got together. so i dont trust him. nor any guy because of my past that every boyfriend that i hve ever been with has cheated on me. my new thing with him is that we are closing our personal facebooks, and i just made one for both of us. i have closed my old one, but he hasent even added the family and friends he wants to. he hasent even been on ours yet.

    i just keep finding conversations with him and other girls. and its always the same stuff. how they are hot, and how he wants to “play” with them. i dont get how guys can be so messed up. please give me some advice. i dont want to leave him in one way cause both my kids have different dads, and i always wanted to make sure that i was with the father of my kids. my oldest daughters father cheated on me 5 times. and as far as i know with this one, ony just talking on facebook and on texts.

  229. Dear Annabyrnes,

    It sounds like you caught your husband red-handed! The decision now is whether or not you should leave him…

  230. Dear Janette,

    It sounds like your gut instincts are telling you that something is up with your husband. I don’t know if he’s cheating or not, but am 100% sure that this isn’t a good way to live! Suspicion, paranoia, and distrust are unpleasant, unhappy places to be.

    Have you directly asked him if he’s cheating on you?

  231. Well I think my husband is cheating also he texts other girls I snooped in his phone he told one girl he. Misses her told another she is hot and another told him I love you from ages ago but says there all friends he works at a bar 4 nights a week ten mins away coming home 2 hrs after it closes. He is not affectionate anymore till he suspects in down. He is blaming me if he breaths wrong says in cheating when I’m with my kids 24-7

  232. I have a very strong feeling my husband is talking to someone(a woman engineer he works closely with?) at his work place. He used to come home between 3:00-3:30 pm always except for when there were leaks of gas, then occasionally, he’ll call he’ll be late. Lately, he’s late Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and do not call if he is. I noticed he is also starts to be critical of me, moody when he comes home and sometimes get angry easily. One time I was looking at his little notebook where he always write numbers and letters about what he did at work, but then I saw this name Vanessa written twice in that notebook. I asked him who was that name Vanessa written in his notebook, he said it’s his engineer. Also, it seems I found a brunette hair in his work truck which am truly sure is not mine. I feel so jittery right now at the pit of my stomach and my hands get cold thinking about it. As I write to you, he’s late to come home again.Yes, we usually have sex ones every week or every two weeks, that is only if I initiate it. He would always tells me he’s always tired. It seems he doesn’t want to be intimate to me emotionally and physically. I’m hurting. I feel his distance from me.

    1. Dear Janette,

      I saw your post. Did you ever get your answer? I am going thru the same issues. I hate these women working with our husbands and our husbands letting some other woman at work be the “friend”. They say nothing happens, but the actions and lack of sex and emotions says it all!

      1. I have experienced my partner being inappropriate with female colleagues. E mails, texts, and definite cheating.
        Get out from this destructive relationship… It will not get better….

  233. Dear Amber Rose,

    I don’t know if you’re being paranoid or if your husband is cheating on you — but I think you need to trust your gut instincts! What you observe and what your boyfriend says to you isn’t as important as what your “spidey senses” are telling you.

    It sounds like you’re confused and conflicted about your relationship. You don’t feel safe with your boyfriend, and you’re not sure you can trust him.

    Is this true – that you don’t feel safe with him, that you don’t trust him?

  234. Me and my fiancé have been together for 2 and half years, if you don’t count the three months we was split up. When we was together for the first part of our relationship there was this girl who I considered a good friend and all of us went to church together. I started to noticed how he acted around her and that they would always flirt and I constantly asked him if he was interested in her and every time he said no. Well we was together for a little over a year and during this time he kept it up with this girl and it had gotten so bad that I told him that he needed to either stop talking to her and flirting or just break up with me instead of leading me on. He slowly stopped talking to her so much and I thought things where getting better but then it seemed like out of the blue he broke up with me. I was heart broken. We didn’t talk for about 2 weeks then he started sending me messages on facebook asking how I was doing and stuff like that. Well to speed things along in my story, he eventually asked if we could get back together and I said no I was still to hurt over him leaving me. But after 3 months I gave him another chance and because of some other personal things his mom asked me to live with them because I had no where else to go. We where together for about 2 months when I was snooping on his facebook page cause I noticed he had been messaging the same girl from our church again reading through their messages all the way back to when we was first together I saw that he had indeed cheated on my with her before we had broke up. So we went through a bump but sorted it out, I forgave him because it was in the past and we stayed together. well now we are expecting a baby girl next month on the 20th of July and we are engaged, but I’m worried if he is cheating on me again because I ran across a condom in his wallet and well I hate condoms so we never used them after the first couple of months when we became sexually active in our relationship. I of course questioned him about it and he said he got it just in case, without any hesitation. when I asked just in case for what he just shrugged and said you and me and went back to what he was doing. Now he is talking to this girl he sees at work who babysits his bosses kids. I haven’t met her but I am scared it will be like last time. I am very paranoid with him around any female now but I don’t want to ruin what we have again. So I don’t know if he is cheating on me or not, I know my details suck and I probably left some important things out but can you at least tell if I am being overly paranoid or not?

  235. Dear Denise,

    It sounds like you can’t trust your husband — and you’re right to feel paranoid and suspicious! You’ve caught him cheating three times. He lied to your face about it, which is just as bad.

    It’s not easy to pick up and leave, is it? It’s like parenting: everything is easy in theory, but in real life it’s complicated and messy. There are so many shades of grey and complications that make decisions very difficult.

    And, your children will be devastated. They’ll survive and bounce back – kids are resilient – especially if you maintain a healthy, strong attitude.

    I encourage you to get help. Find someone you trust, and talk through your options. I’d talk to a counselor and divorce lawyer as soon as possible, just to start thinking about what lies ahead if you decide to leave.

    I think counseling is a good idea even if you decide to stay, because you need to learn how to live with a husband you don’t trust.

    What do you think?

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  236. Dear Alisha,

    Thank you for being here! I’m sorry you had to be, though – I wish you and your husband were having no problems to write about.

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/is-your-spouse-cheating-stds/

    The bottom line is that I think he’s lying about cheating, and I think it has to do with not having conflict in your marriage. That is, if you and he have never (or rarely) fought about anything, then you don’t know how to deal with something as big and scary as cheating.

    Not fighting doesn’t mean you have a healthy marriage. It means you’re avoiding problems.

    Also, I believe most wives are shocked to find out their husbands are cheating on them. Men who cheat don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m having an affair” — they are often good, upstanding, respectable men who are missing something in their marriages.

    Anyway, read the article I wrote for you. I welcome your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  237. Hello,
    I have been married for 11 years now. My husband and I have 3 kids, the youngest is 2 years old now. 6 years ago I caught my husband talking to another woman on the cell phone. It lasted about 2 or 3 months. He would only call her at night while he was at work or during the day when I wasn’t home. I discovered it because I was the one paying the cell phone bill and it had been a bit high during that time. Anyway, I confronted him because it made me feel uncomfortable. He said she was a long time friend and he was only talking to her because her father had recently passed away. but he did stop talking to her because he knew it made me feel uncomfortable. Then last year on Facebook, he met another longtime friend, which he sent Facebook messages to. I was able to read those because I knew his password. I noticed he was acting different so I logged on one day and confirmed my suspicion. He was flirting with her basically saying he wished he had met her a few years earlier because he thought she looked hot. When I confronted him about that he laughed saying I was over-reacting. Luckily the woman didn’t respond to my husbands messages. After that we had a long talk about our marriage, we listed the things we liked and didn’t like about our marriage, and agreed to change. Now, a few months ago, I noticed he was acting different again. I looked through the cell phone company and noticed a particular phone number repeating everyday. only during times when I was not at home, or while he was at work. I confronted him, and he said it was a longtime friend and they were only catching up. I even called this woman and politely asked if there was anything going on between my husband and her. I also told her how I felt and tried to explain my perspective. Still feeling uneasy, I investigated the cell phone bill further and noticed they were also texting and sending pictures to each other. Then my husband finally confessed that they were having virtual sex (he swears nothing physical happened). I was really upset because he made me feel as a crazy person at first for even accusing him of cheating. I also later learned she was his ex, and he had at one point during when they were dating wanted to marry her.
    I feel really betrayed, since this is the 3rd time. He apologized and swears he would never do it again. Our intimate life had always been great, and I know we were bunting heads for a little while before this last incident. The hardest part for me right now is letting it go. I love him, but I feel so betrayed. I want to leave because I feel so angry of what he has done to me. I always felt and believed in being faithful to your partner, and always told myself if anyone ever cheated on me I would waste my time with them…yet here I am with him because I love him, and feeling miserable and paranoid at times when he is not with me. I feel like he will cheat again.

    1. it seems as the women, we are the ones trying to be right, do right and we get stabbed in the back. ive been there with husband texting girls, emailing. I gave him a second chance after living in his car and finding his self alone he hasn’t done it since. but im learning to be happy with myself, my 2 boys and have good friends 🙂 if yall hear me! to all the women on here feeling confused, hurt, betrayed, alone, know I LOVE YOU and understand.

  238. Dear Ruby,

    You’re too good for that man! He is treating you like dirt, he’s taking you for granted, and he will make your life more and more miserable.

    I know you love him, but he is not treating you with love or respect. He is treating you like garbage.

    How long will you let him treat you like that? Will you teach your son that this is how to treat a woman?

    Yes, it will be hard to leave. Yes, you will struggle financially — and your heart will be broken because you have to let go of someone you love.

    But you will gain SO MUCH!!

    I wrote this article for you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/how-to-find-a-good-husband/

    And here’s an article I wrote for another reader, who is in the same boat as you:

    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/why-doesnt-he-love-me-the-way-i-love-him/

    What do you think of all this??

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  239. I have been with my husband for 13 years. We have four kids, our youngest 8months old. I recently went to the dr for an infection and I was possatice for chlamydia. I have never cheated and my husband swears he hasn’t either. Our relationship is amazing. Emotionally, sexually, every aspect. We are always together and never like being apart. We have a great family life and we both seem very happy. I don’t think I’m being nieve but he just isn’t the type of person to cheat on me. It doesn’t fit his personality at all. There aren’t any of the “signs” of cheating and nothing has changed between us. We never fight and we just never have any issues. I know chlamydia is and std and I even went to a specialist to see if there was any explanation other than cheating. All she could say that it’s highly unlikely that it could be anything else but there is always that >1% or freak chance that isn’t documented. I just don’t know what to do and what to believe its killing me. I am having panic attacks all the time. When we talk about it he seems completely open and honest no strange body language or voice changes or anything. I love him with all of my heart and I know he loves me and we have such an amazing family. I have told him that no matter what I want to work this out because I believe we and our kids are worth it and he sill says he innocent….please if you have time I could use some help. Thank you

  240. Hello, just letting you know that I have never done this before. But I am at a lose. Me and my boyfriend has been together for 4yrs now. The very first couple of weeks that we were together. His ex gf posted pics of my bf and her on facebook holding each other. I forgave him for that because we were not a sure thing just yet. We do have an 8 month old baby boy btw. Anyway, for the last 3yrs he kept talking and texting the girl that posted pics of them kissing and being together on facebook. Well I didn’t like that one bit mostly because I knew she was his ex and I just never felt comfortable with it, and no matter what I said or did he would still talk and text her, I told him that I felt like he was disrespecting me which he would shrug at. He would even try and hide it, but I loved him soo much I didn’t see what may never change with him. I don’t see us ever getting merried, because hes never there for me, or our son. I literaly have to beg him for a little extra money from him for our child, he works for the rail road, so I know he has the little bit of money that I ask for from him which normaly I don’t ever ask for no more than maybe 50 dollors, but I only ask because he uses the car when he gets home and when he goes to work he leaves me with no emergency money and leaves the car with no gas, and with a baby thats just not good for either of us. Mind you he is extremley greedy, and selfish which I’m just getting to know this about him. He doesn’t put his family first at all, I have even had to go into hocking my belongings to get my little man the diapers and clothes that he needs, I don’t make nearly as much money as my bf does and I love him soo much but I feel like there is no winning with him, I know that its got to be hard on him, but goodness I wasn’t the only one who had a child here. Well, just recently he decides to come up to me and say that he thinks we should have an open realationship. Ok I’m plum dumb founded at this point, so I couldn’t ansrew. As he walks away he tells me to think about it. What in the heck can I say to that? When hes home hes texting women all the time, I don’t know who they are, Nither me nor my son gets to see him very often because hes always gone to work for weeks at a time which i find strange sence his boss lets him choose his own work schedule, and lately hes been working even more, so really we never see him. Than when he comes home he leaves, he’ll go to his mothers or go where ever he can go to get away from me. And I swear I never nag him, I never tell him what he can and can’t do, I’m guessing by now he probably is cheating on me. Because all hes done sence we been together is lie to my face. I guess love really is blind, its just im on a fixed income i don’t make much money, I get government help, but if I leave him, How on earth will me and my baby make it? I am extremly heart broken and lost. I have done everything in the world that I can think of to make him happy, I’m a complete mess. I mean he has never had to do anything for himself when he comes home, i’ll have his house clean his son taken care of, I always have dinner on the table right when he walks through the door. Jeeze am I making things to easy for him? Oh I just don’t know anymore. Please give me your insight on this. Thank you so much for your time ma’am.

  241. The bad news is that I can’t respond personally to everyone’s comments, because I just don’t have the time. The good news is that you’re not alone — look how many women are struggling with the same issues!

    You are not alone.

    Here’s a question for you: if I waved a magic wand and changed your life, how would it be different? What is your perfect life?

    And another question:

    What is one thing you can do today to start creating that life?

  242. Im a 25 year old male and have been in a strange relationship for 4 years and 5 months. All is not well and reading the comments of the ladys, I feel angry of what`s happening in their relationships. Im not sure where to begin becuase there are so manny points. My fiance cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship and i forgave her, this relationship was never steady…always rocking back and forth. I loved going out with her, dancing and having fun. She had a problem with this becuase where ever we went, there were people that knew me, so i decided to take her out of town where this would hopefully not be a problem. after a few times she didnt whant to do this anymore. So now there`s none of that. She would critesise me on things like…If i see someone doing somthing wrong and I talk to her about it, she replies with something els I did wrong. That makes me feel like a target and that she cant stand by me. I dont want to talk about my feelings if i feel the need to tell her how it makes me feel because previos times it started a huge fight where she started beating me “AGAIN”. She cuts conversations short and shows no intrest in me what so ever. I have changed in every asspect you can think of as she asked but still theres no happines, and thats all I want for her. The one good thing that came out of this relationship is our beutifull and perfect duaghter which is the only reason why i`m stil in the relationship( I gues ), but I fear that whats going on between me and her mother has a negative impact on her. Im not always rite and I know that….BUT THIS I DO NOT DESERVE!!!.Last night we had another fight and I relised that this is never going to change. What do I do now……….?. Why keep on trying when nothing gets better.
    I`m now at breaking point because even Couples Therapy didnt work.
    I am now sleeping on the couch.
    INTRESR COMPLETELY LOST

  243. Dear Barbara,

    It sounds like you and your daughter are very close! That’s great that she can talk to you about her husband, but it must be hard for you to not know how to help her.

    I wrote this article for you:

    How to Support Your Daughter in a Difficult Marriage

    I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a few tips! I hope they help, and welcome your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  244. Hello Heather,

    Thank you for being here! It sounds like you’ve been struggling with your husband for a long time, and you’re confused about what to do.

    I can’t tell you if you should leave him, or if he’s cheating. But, I think you should listen to your family. I think they have a better handle on what’s going on than I ever could (because they know you!).

    I wrote this article for you:

    When to Take Your Family’s Advice About Your Relationship

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.

    Also — what is holding you back from leaving your husband? It’s often helpful to write down your fears and concerns — or talk them through with someone you trust and respect.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  245. Hi I’m 28yrs old and my husband is 27 . We been married for 10yrs . I meet my husband at age 15 our sex life was great, then I became pregnant at age 18 I gained 45 pounds . My husband changed so much he started lying about drug use . Our sex life change completly we get intimate if I’m lucky only once a month , and when it happends he’s done in about 30 seconds. Then after that his not interested in trying again. He’s been to the doctor , the doctor said that he has a problem with the blood flow and has been given viagra . I’m so tyred of watting for my husband to get intimate . We argue alot about this topic and now we lost respect and we hardly have any comunication we avoid each other.

  246. i have been married for four years now, my husband cheated on me once.. things change now we worked it out.. but i notice he’s always interested in online porn than me..he loves me n i love him very much i told him what is doing hurts me but he wont stop its like he’s addicted to it please help!!!

  247. I am 24. My boyfriend of 3 years has always been a very loving and sensitive partner. For the first two and a half years I have been very happy with him and he and I both have talked about marriage and children and are in the market to buy our first home together….However the past few months I have noticed several changes..Our main source of argument has often been how much time he has spent with his friends but for quite some time he had settled down and we were really living like a happily married couple. He would see his friends maybe once a week and this was enough…These past few months he has been spending a lot more time then usual with his “mates” (maybe four times a week now) and when I have told him off about it he basically tells me to accept it or find someone else – which is a totally different approach then what he would usually take….. A lot of new young girls have been hanging around his friends house as well because his little sister (who lives there also) just turned 18. I don’t know if this is a connection or if I am just being paranoid. In the first year or so he had lied a few times about drug use which caused me to loose trust… I noticed he has put a lock on his phone. He has also lost some interest in sex and I have noticed he doesn’t miss me or want to see me when I haven’t seen him in a couple days – which is totally different then usual…Are we just going through a stage or are my concerns legitimate?? I thought he may have cold feet seems as though we are getting more “serious” or he maybe just wanted some space but I am no longer certain.. Please help

  248. I have been married for 17 yrs and found out about a year and half ago that my husband had two different women emailing him pictures of themselves naked. When i confronted him on them he said i knew that you saw those and its not cheating. I do think it is a type of cheating and he hides his phone when he gets texts and stuff. A couple of months ago he decided that he wanted to go on a diet and shave his gotee. i asked why he said that somebody at his office said he looked better with it off. i don’t know if he has cheated on me or not but when i do ask he tells me no he hasn’t but turns around and accuses me of doing it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I had found years ago where he was emailing two different people talking to them. So he could have cheated then and i wouldn’t have known, He emotional abuses me and i have finally started to stand my ground on this. My family says i should get a divorce and i am now thinking the same thing. I am not in love with him anymore and i am not attracted to him anymore. we have 3 kids together, i just don’t know what i should do. He told me he wouldn’t get anymore emails from these girls but i found out he did. If you could give me any advice i would appreciate it. Thank you so very much.

  249. My daughter just gave us a beautiful grandchild, however her husband has not been interested in her physically since she got pregnant. Even now after three months he says he is physically not attracted to her anymore. I want to give her the best advise, however my instinct is to say just pack your bags and leave, I think he is having an affair. He does have a job that seems to have him out of the house a lot. I asked her if he would be willing to do counseling. She does not believe he feels there is a problem. Any suggestions on the type of advise and support I should be giving her.

  250. I’ve been married 3 years now. Sadly, my husband does have a history of lying, but that was because of drug issues in the past.
    He always says he loves me and would never dream of cheating, and is just the sweetest guy….. but lately, he finds excuses to get away from the house, I found lube in his car, then just today, I see that he left for work without his ring on. When I confront him about anything, he always has an excuse. (The lube was apparently so he could get some “alone time”)??
    I don’t know what to think, I don’t want to act accusing, but at the same time, there are only so many excuses I can tolerate.
    With local traffic, I can never be sure of when he’ll get home from work, so leaving early and getting home late could be valid, or a perfect cover.
    I have chewed my nails to bits over this issue, because I haven’t the tiniest clue how to approach this situation.

  251. Hi my name is April. And I have been married for 8 years and I have 2 chidren and one bein born in may.. i think that he is cheating on mw

  252. I have a boyfriend who i love dearly. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs space…doesnt need me around 24/7. His kids love me, i do everything for all of them. He gets upset with me if i go home at night. We have been shopping for cars, furniture, but then he turns the other way. Phone is always connected to him. I would love to look through it but i dont want to b that person. I respect privacy even at my expense. Please help!

  253. If your husband isn’t willing to work on your marriage, then it doesn’t matter if he’s cheating. The fact is that he’s given up on trying to make things work.

    So, you need to decide if you want to try to save your marriage by yourself.

  254. How about when he says “I know you don’t believe me?” Or gives me access to his facebook so I can check, gives me his phone so I can go through his texts ( I don’t)…He does face me (the bellybutton rule) when I confront him, his voice doesn’t change, he doesn’t get angry….But he refuses to go to counseling and says he wants to move on with his life…..

    1. T.T.,

      I know EXACTLY what you mean .. that nagging feeling .. it is the”gut” instinct I keep reading about here .. I hav never been cheated on before (that I know of) and my 20 yr marriage ended because o other reasons .. my ex is now someone I appreciate because my now fiance cheats constantly and I think with hookers. I think he uses emails to contact them via another online account and then uses another company truck to go to these “appointments”. Asking him about it without hard “evidence” has only made him sneakier, and harder to “catch”.
      Either that, or he has joined a “hook-up” site and has found a married woman in which to have these trounces with. Doesn’t matter. I know. After he has these sexual encounters there are signs. Always.
      The fact he treats me great, calls me “his love”, and provides well for my daughter when needed (shes in college) doesn’t make this easy for me. Who would have thought it would have taken getting divorced to wind up in such a situation? My divorce left me dead broke and this man has helped me tremendously in that manner.
      I thought about just living with it, since I am over 50 yrs old .. but its not worth it. If he doesn’t STOP, and soon, my plan is to leave after getting some financial arrangements made.
      My heart goes out to you, and to myself .. heck, to ALL of the women on this board .. there IS life after this type of devastation, and the only way out of this insanity is to cut off all contact, and Heal. To focus on ME, and whats left of my life .. and Heal from this, all while knowing I am doing the most loving thing for ME.
      If these men truly knew what they did to those they proclaim to “love” by these indiscretions, they would never start them in the first place.

      ~
      Anything else would mean I would stay and keep sending myself the message that I am not good enough ..not worth it. I
      And I am. I am worth the life I picture that has me Happy, Whole, and Complete.