Toxic Love > Harmful Patterns > 9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

If you think your husband is cheating, you’re picking up on important subconscious clues. Here are 5 signs your husband is cheating, plus 4 ways to know if he’s lying to you about the affair.

signs Your Husband is Cheating These tips are from Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It. On the Dr Oz show, this marriage counselor shared why men cheat and how to know if your husband is cheating. It’s important to learn the reasons men cheat, because that knowledge will help you determine if you can save your marriage. Infidelity can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment. People who think it won’t happen to them are hit that much harder when they find out their husbands are lying about cheating. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they’re getting from their mistresses that they’re missing at home? Do a man’s friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?

“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience that day, 30% of women think they’ve been cheated on…but not everyone knows for sure. Below are Neuman’s signs that a husband is having an affair. Plus, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.

According to Gary Neuman, you can learn why men cheat, prevent your husband from cheating – and you can discern when he’s lying about cheating.

Husbands cheat for several reasons:

  • Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
  • Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
  • Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
  • Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
  • Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives or partners, so they cheat.

In Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration, Cindy Beall describes how her life changed forever after an ordinary Valentine’s Day. She listened with disbelief to her husband, Chris, a respected pastor, confess to pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the startling news that another woman was pregnant with his child. In her book, she describes how to protect a marriage from lies and cheating.

How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?

Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating because he wanted to empower women by showing them how men think – which includes why husbands cheat on their wives.

How to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy.

A whopping 48% of men who cheat say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives. The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.

Surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that your husband’s friends have a very real, direct effect on your marriage. If your husband’s best friend is cheating, then the chances are higher that your husband may cheat on you.

5 Signs of Cheating Husbands

  1. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
  2. He avoids physical and emotional contact
  3. He criticizes you more often
  4. He picks fights or starts arguments with you
  5. He stays away from home

According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s intuition is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.

If you’re getting mixed messages from your instincts, it’s because this is an extremely emotional subject! Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating.

Fix Your Marriage

To stop over-thinking and learn how to trust your gut, read How to Develop Intuition in Your Relationship.

Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.

4 Ways to Tell if He is Lying About His Affair

Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it. These tips are good, but not enough to know for sure if your husband is lying about cheating on you.

1. How your husband talks can be a sign of lying

Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something. You don’t need to hire a private investigator to learn if your husband is cheating.

2. What he says – specific statements – are indications of lying about his affair

When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying.

9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

How to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating

When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).

3. Your husband’s nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating

Driver calls this the “belly button rule.”

When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them. When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating. If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement.

Driver said to never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.

4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying

If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.

husband lying about cheating

In Is He Lying to You? An Ex-CIA Polygraph Examiner Reveals What Men Don’t Want You to Know, Dan Crum reveals the two biggest signs of deception, the best way to trap a liar, and what to look and listen for when you suspect your husband is lying about having an affair.

A  complicating factor about affairs is the difference between physical and emotional cheating. If your husband is best friends with a woman and leaving you out of the relationship, it may be an emotional affair. Read Emotional Affairs Vs. Innocent Friendships to learn the difference between the two types of cheating.

Why do you suspect your husband is cheating – what are the signs he’s lying to you? I welcome your comments, but I can’t give advice. Sometimes writing your thoughts can help you work things out, because it can bring clarity and insight.

You might also be interested in learning the reasons why people cheat in relationships.

It might help to read through the comments about cheating below. The more you learn about other women’s experiences, the more insight you might have into your own relationship.


Need encouragement? Get my free weekly "Echoes of Joy"!

* indicates required

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

696 thoughts on “9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating”

  1. I’m a husband and I see what your saying and for sure buddies that cheat are a danger but I’m on the other end.I have been thinking of cheating because of a lot of google timelines I’ve looked at over the last two yrs since I got on disability . I’ve actually got on street view and followed the blue line noticing how certain cars or trucks respond when I’m closer to them and if they back up I try to get as close as I can before they jump back again and do a screen shot.Ive seen several blurred pics some impossible to tell and some have a very keen likeness to my wife of 34 years who looks ten years younger. But the first time I brought it up she got defensive as hell and well every time since also my nissan had hotels put in the search which she claims is other cars doing it over the Bluetooth.Well I’ve found it don’t work like that and sometime finally around nov of 2019 they stopped but I niw have become ibsessed with trying to track her and it’s exhausting . she just Denys it every time and has threatened to leave lije 15 times this past year since I first noticed it by accident in May . I got the same defensive reaction when I noticed how she moved money out then back into our account.. It didn’t make sense and she only again threatened to leave . I ended up trying in tears to tell her it’s no good this way and we became closer onpybto regress a few times when agsin I noticed she had her location turned off . I love her still but am confused as to if I’m wrong or she is? She retains that she has never cheated although I’ve seen Spanish lesson Apps and think she has a younger guy she met but no proof he would have to be Mexican which I’ve spotted a younger Mmex guy looking into a car that was on her email blueline since every email has its own location history you have to get their pass and start looking but expect a not guilty and hard time proving it any advice would be appreciated as no one seems to wdnvyonlistrn since she was always. A different type of girl thsn this ..

  2. I don’t need proof of infidelity. I suspect my husband is cheating on me and that’s all I need to know. My intuition is the proof I need.

  3. I found 2 videos of someone on my husband’s computer. This same girl had texted him a picture, that I found on his phone. I also found another picture of this same girl on his computer. The picture showed her with no pants or underwear, and he had taken the picture. I also found a love letter from this same women, which he claims is not from her, but I know it is because I confirmed the signature with a picture on her Facebook. I confronted my husband about all these things. He claims the girl has a crush on him. He said she sent him the two videos and said the videos are of her and another guy. He also claims the pictures are a form of art. No matter what, he will not admit anything happened. He tells me I’m crazy and making things up in my head. I don’t know what to think. Please help.

  4. I empathize with anyone who’s going through the hurt, doubt and fear associated with a cheating partner. Can anyone validate the importance of intuition in situations like these? My gut has been screaming at me but I’m yet to find something absolutely solid.

    I believe my partner has been unfaithful through the internet. Unfortunately he has two young sons that he can blame his search history on. Over time I’ve seen numerous dating or hookup sites rather in his browsing history. He flatly denies items in his search bar and always spins a ridiculous story that makes him an anomalous victim of the internet. He’s searched the name of one woman he works with numerous times and blamed it on our past searches which we did when her name first appeared. I know this isnt true. He keeps his friends hidden on most sites and searched a pornstar on snapchat “to see what happened” when he was very well aware of snapchat’s use. Soon thereafter he deleted his account so I assume he wouldnt have to face what i might see if i asked. He threatened when we were fighting once to contact a woman, formerly a friend of mine, on Instagram after she flirted recklessly and blatantly with him the first night she met him, with her husband present. My partner dealt with it very well at the time and I was so appreciative of his deceny until he needed to hurt me I guess and then threatened to be in touch with her due to her obvious interest. Not once but twice. I found out that he attempted to follow her on instagram but after a time seeing she hadn’t responded he deleted the follow. He’s received messages from women on social media accounts that he had sexual relations with before meeting me but failed to tell me about them or how he responded until many months later. He’s begun being more protective of his phone and is constantly changing the rules as to what is acceptable for us online, ie: I was in huge trouble for playing a music game on my android with randomly chosen opponents, it was inappropriate and not ok until he found a game that felt more fun to him with opponents and now the rule has changed. He often invites women he knows from work, crossfit, the community to friend him or follow him to make me jealous, he admits it. They’re always woken who are done up to the superficial maximum or showing cleavage.
    There have been so many little white lies and flat denials of things I’m seeing with my own eyes that I dont recognize this man anymore. One example of his total “innocence” was when he opened the Skype app on his phone after telling me he’d never used it, upon iowning the app the first thing that showed up was a women’s name that he said he went on one date with before me and wasnt interested. This was approximately two and a half years into our relationship, he claimed he had no idea how her name showed up as she was no longer in his contacts. He explains things away like history and top hits just magically create damning evidence on his phone, so often of course its totally unbelievable. He has social media accounts he doesnt tell me about and after two years of this garbage he still wont delete them to save our relationship. He watches porn and I see his searches which hurt me, always body types and hair colors that arent mine and he’s not apologetic about how it makes me feel, says it’s just porn and I’m being ridiculous. He’s asked me to watch porn with him repeatedly when I’ve always said no. Maybe if I felt loved or safe or cherished but I feel like after he disappears into the bathroom for an hour at a time with his phone and always wants to look at social media or sex sites out of “interest” with me that I dont want to be intimate wit him.
    Hearing myself here makes me know the answer I’m searching for but anyone with some words of support would be greatly appreciated. It’s all made me feel terrible about myself and I want to understand why all of this is prioritized over our relationship. Social media and his weird obsession with everything shallow and taboo behind my back has become a thrill I suppose and its destroyed our relationship. I know I’ll never trust him but he keeps minimizing everything and shaming me for being bothered. I want it to be over but I want him to know why and I’m struggling to find the words to tell him how pathetic and childish his behaviour is but also express my utter sadness that the man I thought I’d marry watches porn before getting in the shower in the morning while I’m in bed ten feet away, an unhappy surprise for me. He’s made me feel so unattractive and unimportant as a woman, it seems any female online dressed or not is his focus now. I thought he had depth.😔
    Thanks for “listening.”

    1. Hello Robyn. I don’t know if anyone replied and I’m a little late but I’m here to tell you I went through a very similar situation so maybe I can offer you some advice or at least comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. It hurts. It’s confusing. And worst of all it makes you doubt yourself. I found myself wondering why I was never good enough for him to be faithful, or at least good enough for him to be honest with me about the cheating when I confronted him. But like your partner, my boyfriend constantly lied and when I would catch him lying he would say “I love you” “I’m sorry” “it’ll never happen again, I promise” and then it would happen again. The most important thing for you to take away from this situation is that none of your partner’s actions are your fault. After typing everything out, you found the answer you were looking for as to whether he’s cheating or not. I hate to confirm your suspicions but my boyfriend was cheating, and lying, and he did almost everything your partner is doing. I’m also here to offer you hope. My boyfriend and I are still together going on 6+ years. He cheated through the first 3 and I couldn’t bring myself to walk away because I loved him but I also couldn’t let his actions slide so I did what no one should ever do. I got revenge. I cheated back and he was heartbroken because he finally knew what it felt like. After we broke up for a year we got back together and we work every day to be more respectful of each other and communicate but it’s a rough journey. The trust may never come back. My heart sinks whenever he gets a text or steps out of the room to answer a call. You can mend a crumbling bridge but it will never be the same, brand new bridge it once was. I can’t decide for you and I don’t have all the answers but my relationship happens to be one of the rare ones that might come out stronger, only time will tell. Perhaps he’ll cheat again or he’s doing it now and I haven’t caught him. I don’t think he is but that’s the hard part of loving and trying to be with someone who cheated. There’s so many unknowns. Is your partner a good person in his soul? That’s the first question you should ask if you’re going to try to fix things. When I decided to rekindle our relationship it was because I came to the answer “my boyfriend is a kind and wonderful person, but not a good boyfriend” and that’s where I started. A good person who’s made mistakes is always better than a bad person who’s making bad choices. We had to set boundaries. He agreed to give up Instagram and Snapchat because that’s how he was cheating. He agreed to stop watching porn. He agreed to block girls on Facebook that I knew were interested and block phone numbers. If we ask to see each other’s phones we cannot refuse the other person and our locations are ALWAYS on for each other. It helps with the trust issues. He sacrificed a lot and that’s how I know he wants to be better but it took 6 years to reach this point because it takes time for a person to truly change. It doesn’t happen overnight. If your partner refuses to try to change after telling him that you can’t stay if he doesn’t, it’s in your best interest to take your wonderful self and be on your way. Remember, his actions are NOT your fault and you should never fixate on “why” or the “maybe if I had just did this differently he wouldn’t have cheated”. My boyfriend could never explain to me why he cheated but I think I know after years of thinking it over. He needed more attention than I could give and no matter how many times I reassured him that I found him attractive he always thought he was ugly or that he wasn’t satisfying me in bed etc.. I think he was seeking approval from multiple women as a way to validate his worth because he had low self esteem. Keep your head up and know that even if things can’t be fixed there can’t be rainbows without rain so this will be a lesson if anything and you will be stronger having gone through it. Either way, I’m sorry this happened to you.
      Best wishes
      Sincerely, Ren

  5. I’ve been with my partner for 14 years we have 4 kids living and 1 deceased I used to trust him and put nothing passed him but now I see he a liar he lies about small/big things plus he cheated on me and I only found out because his private didn’t look the same then he ended up admitting come to find out he had an STI smh he blame me for his actions because I stopped having sex with him for 3 months before I found out he cheated because he so called got a new job and stayed out all night and barely had anything to show for it so I stopped trusting him and didn’t feel comfortable to have sex with him anymore he changed on me started acting and talking different caring about his appearance a lil too much I think he had sex with my sister before she died because when I was pregnant with our son that passed away he came back home at 3am close to 4am with my sister and was real drunk I was yelling at him and talking about my sister and she had nothing to say she never felt the need to explain why she was out wit my supposed to be man so late she was acting weird towards me and he was too so me and him argued until he fell asleep he made things worst because he said he have sex with her every chance he get sarcastically then he took back his words then said it again months later and now he talking about taking a lie detector test to prove he didn’t cheat with her but it dont matter no more because I’m fed up and I know I deserve better and I don’t want my kids to think it’s ok to be in a toxic relationship

  6. Much of the reasons given in this article regarding the reasons why men cheat is ridiculous and it takes the responsibility away from the man.