Maybe all you can think is “I miss my husband” – and sometimes you feel foolish and even childish because you miss him so much! Know that your feelings are normal. Your husband’s presence has been part of your life for years, perhaps even decades. Your husband is part of you. Your heart, your home, and your whole life.
If you’re sad and lonely because your husband died, read Getting Through the Day When You’re a Grieving Widow. These tips are for women who miss their husbands for reasons other than death: hospitalization, separation due to circumstances, or divorce. I hope these tips comfort and cheer you, and perhaps even help you blossom in ways you never thought possible. Whether your marriage is in a slump, your husband is too busy, or you’re coping with a breakup you’ll find encouragement here. And, you’ll see that you are not alone.
“I am constantly asking my husband if he misses me and loves me,” says Bridget on When You Don’t Feel Good Enough for Your Husband. “We’ve been married less than a year and I feel like we’re not together enough. I want to spend more time with him and I know I’m making my husband feel frustrated. He has his own interesting life and I can’t force him to miss me as much as I miss him on weekends when he does his stuff. I want to be happy in myself, whether or not my husband is here with me. I will take your advice and work on myself and do things that will be good for me, such as my career. It’s just hard because I miss my husband so much, the guy I married isn’t the same man I now live with.”
The most important thing to remember when you miss your husband is that he is not the source of your joy, hope, peace, or life. He is not your prince or knight in shining armor. Your husband is simply a man with faults and weaknesses – and strengths and talents, too! But he is just a guy, and your life is bigger than one marriage.
If you make your husband the source of your joy, love and purpose, then you’re missing out on Something Even Greater. What could be better than the love of a husband, you ask? You’ll see…
In this article, I share the most important things to remember when you feel sad and lonely because you miss your husband. This is what works for me when all I can think is “I miss him so much” (my husband is a geologist who goes away on long work trips every summer).
10 Things to Remember (and Do!) When You Miss Your Husband
If your husband is away for a trip, I know how you feel! My husband left today for a month-long work trip in the Yukon – he’s a geologist, and every summer he goes away for long work stints in the field. We’ve been married 14 years, and it does get easier…but I vividly remember those “I miss my husband” days before we got married.
Missing your husband is bittersweet. You love him, yet he’s not around. This makes his absence sort of sweetly painful, deliciously heartbreaking.
1. Know why you miss your husband
It may sound silly at first glance, but there are many different reasons you may be missing your husband! I don’t assume your marriage is healthy or happy — or even that you and your husband are together. However, I do know that the reasons you miss your husband affect how you cope with his absence.
Maybe you miss your husband because:
- You’re in a long distance marriage
- You and your husband got divorced or separated recently – or long ago
- Your husband is traveling for work or school
- Your husband depressed and emotionally unavailable
Or, maybe your husband is sitting right beside you and yet you miss how close your marriage used to be! Maybe you miss the conversations you had, or the activities you did as a couple.
It’s important to figure out why you miss your husband, because your “why” will help you figure out how to fill your life in more fulfilling ways. Learning how to deal with life when you miss your husband depends on your personality, lifestyle, and interests.
Even more importantly, filling that empty space in your heart and soul requires you to accept that your husband is not your purpose in life. There is only one way to fill your life with peace, joy, and freedom – and that is the gospel truth.
2. See your husband absence as an opportunity for you to blossom!
When my husband goes away I don’t focus on how much I miss him. Instead I try to learn something new about myself, my life, my passions. For example, one summer I learned that I could no longer live on a small island in British Columbia. My husband was away for nine weeks that time, and I was so lonely. All I could think was “I miss my husband.” I’m a full-time writer, so I spend alot of time alone. I’m an introvert so I’m happy with that – but even I couldn’t handle that much time alone! I learned that to be fulfilled – to blossom – I needed to move off that isolated island.
What about you – what can you learn from this time apart from your husband? Do a quick scan of your body: do you feel physically heavy, sore, sick, or tired? Take care of your health. Maybe you need a massage, a new exercise routine, or a different type of diet plan. Maybe you need to run, swim, bike, or dance! Listen to your body; she is telling you what you need.
3. Blossom into who you were created to be
I wrote When You Miss Him Like Crazy for readers who feel helpless, hopeless, and alone. “I miss him so much it hurts,” said a woman after her husband broke up with her after nine years. Another said reader can’t stop thinking about her ex and obsessing about the divorce. She just can’t move on.
You might still be in a marriage and missing your husband because he lives far away, or is too busy for you. Use this time to grow forward in your life, to get in touch with your hopes, dreams and faith. You were meant for more than this! Don’t sit around waiting. Start blossoming.
“My husband is a workaholic and I hardly ever see him,” says a reader on Do You Feel Trapped in Your Marriage Because of Money? “Our marriage is suffering. My previous boyfriend before I married my husband was the same way but he had a different job. I miss my husband but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. If your a man doesn’t have time for you then you need to think twice about being in a marriage with him. Stop thinking how much you miss your husband and get a life!”
4. Believe that your husband’s absence is happening for a reason
Whether you miss your husband because of a temporary trip or you’re struggling to decide if you should reconcile with your husband after a separation, remember that there is a reason for this time in your life. God is working behind the scenes, drawing you closer, waiting for you to pay attention to Him.
If you find yourself dealing with the same problems – emotionally distant husbands, separations, divorces, unstable marriage – you haven’t learned what you’re supposed to learn. God will keep giving you this experience until you learn what you need to know. The reason I struggle with the same problems over and over is because I don’t deal with them properly. So, I have to live through the same season over and over. It’s like Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. He had to relive the same day repeatedly until he learned what he needed to know.
There is a reason you’re going through this. There’s a reason you miss your husband, and a reason you’re going through this season of your life. What is it? Take time to figure it out, because that is how you will find joy and peace.
5. Remember that feelings of loneliness or emptiness don’t have to control you
Sadness, loneliness, depression, rejection – those heavy feelings don’t have to rule your heart and spirit. You feel sad, lonely, and depressed because the I miss my husband thoughts are crowding every positive or powerful thought you have…but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Allow yourself to admit your feelings. Maybe you feel unloved, broken hearted, stressed, sick, obsessed with your husband, used, or hopeless. Take a moment to figure out how you feel. Then, decide what feelings you want to rule your day.
Do you want to live in the toxic and unhealthy “I’m nothing without him, I miss my husband so much” world? No! You’d rather live in the healthy and joyful world of “I miss my husband, but I am growing spiritually and emotionally stronger. I am becoming more filled with peace, joy, acceptance, surrender, and God.”
6. Create a life that interests and amazes you
Are you consumed or obsessed by thoughts of your husband? Read 11 Ways to Stop Being the “Clingy Girlfriend” in a Relationship (the article is geared towards girlfriends, but the tips work well with wives too). Every time you find yourself sad and lonely because you miss your husband, pick something new to try on the list. This is a practical thing to do when you’re missing your husband.
If you’re lonely and sad because you and your husband separated or divorced, find healthy ways to cope when you miss him. Don’t allow your pain to swallow you, chew you up, and walk all over you. Grieve your loss, and seek joy in your life. Remember that your feelings of loneliness and sadness will pass. Whether you and your husband broke up for good or are only separated for a short time, you will feel better if you try to rise above the pain.
7. Refocus your thoughts
Instead of obsessing about how lonely you feel or why your husband doesn’t talk to you, pick one thing on this list of tips. What will you do when you miss your husband? Do it, don’t just shrug it off. Accept that you miss your husband, then refocus your thoughts on something else. Don’t let the loneliness and emptiness become who you are.
If your husband is away – or you’re in a long distance marriage – remember that he cares about you. This time apart can actually be good for your marriage, and might even make your love stronger and deeper. Or, maybe your husband’s absence will help you see him more clearly and objectively. Maybe you’ll see that you’re different when he isn’t around…and maybe you’ll like who you are without him. Maybe you’ll go from “I miss my husband” to “I can live happily even if I’m not with my husband.” Maybe you’ll blossom into who God created you to be in unexpected ways!
8. Learn how to miss your husband and be happy anyway
Look up and meet God’s gaze. Who did He create you to be? Why are you here on earth? What will you do with your one wild and precious life?
Don’t let your marriage with your husband define who you are. He may be a good, healthy part of your life but he isn’t who you are. Your husband isn’t — or shouldn’t be — your whole life. What dreams, plans, aspirations has He planted in your heart? Look beyond your marriage for your happiness. Your husband can’t be responsible for how happy and fulfilled you are in your life.
9. Learn “healthy detachment” in your marriage
Healthy detachment in any relationship is allowing your husband to be himself — and allowing you to be yourself — while still loving him. One way to do this is to write through your feelings when you’re feeling particularly lonely. First, write down how you feel and what you wish was happening in your life. Then, give yourself three pieces of advice. What healthy things should you do when you miss your husband? What change do you need to make in your life or marriage? What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?
If you lost yourself in your marriage, read Boundaries in Marriage by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. This book will help you set and maintain personal boundaries, and respect your husband’s space. You’ll learn how to protect your marriage from different kinds of “intruders” – and even live with a husband who doesn’t understand or value boundaries.
Your husband is one part of your life. He is not (or he shouldn’t be!) the reason you exist. He isn’t the foundation of your happiness or joy, and shouldn’t be the focus of all your time and attention.
10. Find healthy, fulfilling ways to spend your time – and your life
No matter how wonderful and lovable your husband is, he is not God. Your husband is lovable. Sweet. Kind. Sexy. But he is worthy of only one portion of your life, time and energy – no matter how much you miss him. Give your husband part of you…and give yourself the gift of freedom. Don’t make your husband the center of your life or the reason you exist. Don’t fall into the trap of only caring what your husband thinks, wants, and does.
If you miss your husband because you and he are separated or divorced, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart. It’s an ebook I wrote to help women let go after a breakup and start moving forward in joy, peace, and strength.
Learning how to miss your husband – especially after a separation or divorce – is about grieving. It takes time to heal your heart and move forward with your life, but it will happen. You won’t always feel this bad; you will come through this happier, healthier and stronger than you ever were before.
In peace and passion,