Maybe you’ve heard advice about “trusting your instincts” when you’re in love, but how do you trust your intuition after a failed relationship? After all, your instincts brought you into a past relationship that fell apart. How do you know if can trust yourself to start a new relationship?
More importantly, how do you know how to trust other people if you can’t even trust yourself? You can search for tips on rebuilding trust in a relationship after a secret love affair or even how to trust someone in a new relationship. But, how do you trust yourself if your Spidey senses, gut instincts, or intuition isn’t reliable or trustworthy?
The Blossom Tip: Rebuilding trust in yourself after a failed relationship takes small, strategic steps forward. In this article, you’ll find two tips on how to trust your intuition. You’ve already begun an exciting journey toward trusting yourself to make good decisions, and you’ll allow yourself to fail sometimes. Because failure is part of a whole, deep, good life.
Yesterday I was walking with my teenage neighbor, who is 17 years old. We’ve known each other for six years; she takes care of our dogs when we travel. Her favorite sport is rugby and the season has finally started. Yay! Mostly.
“Last week, the substitute rugby coach patted my bum,” she said. “I didn’t feel right about it. I hated it, actually, but I didn’t know what to do. I was totally caught off guard! And I didn’t know if it was okay for a coach to do that.”
“It’s not okay for anyone to do that,” I said. “You have to trust your intuition! If you think something feels weird, then it’s wrong.”
“But because of my past, I always feel scared and anxious when a man even touches my shoulder,” she said. “I can’t trust my reaction because I know it’s wrong a lot.”
Oh. It hadn’t occurred to me that a history of abuse — or even failed relationships — affects our ability to trust our intuition. My friend can’t trust herself to make good decisions with men in her life, because of the horrible actions of one boy.
We decided it doesn’t matter if a man’s physical contact with her body is socially acceptable. What matters is how she perceives that action. If she isn’t comfortable with a man touching her anywhere, she has the right and the responsibility to say something. Maybe this means yelling, or running away. It doesn’t matter how she gets away or responds; what matters is that she feels comfortable with how men treat her.
And that’s your first step when you’re learning how to trust your gut instincts after a relationship fails: simply becoming aware when you something isn’t sitting right with you.
2 Ways to Trust Your Intuition After a Failed Relationship
My “She Blossoms” articles are usually broken up into five different categories, or Blossom Tips: spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This time, however, I’m focusing on two specific Blossom Tips: Heart and Soul.
Heart Blossoms – Learn from your failures
It’s hard to look back and accept the mistakes you made in your past relationship. It’s even more difficult when you chose to ignore the warning signs of a bad relationship — and your own intuition.
Remember what you learned from your failed relationships. Don’t berate or criticize yourself; just think carefully about how you didn’t trust your intuition in the failures of your past. Why did you ignore your gut instincts? Who was involved in this season in your life? What would you do differently today?
And, give yourself credit for being aware of whatever little sparks of intuition you noticed! You don’t have to be right all the time (or even half the time). Start by becoming aware of how and when you ignored your intuition in the past, and what your intuition is telling you today.
Soul Blossoms — Trust the music
What’s your favorite song; who is your most beloved band? Dig out the music that means most to you. Maybe you love the old rock ’n roll artists, such as The Beatles or the Eagles. Maybe you’re into hymns such as “How Great Thou Art” or newer Christian music like “10,000 Reasons to Bless the Lord.” Maybe your spirits soar with musicals and movie soundtracks, such as “Mamma Mia” or “The Sound of Music.”
Pick up your “conductor’s baton” (a knitting needle, or chopstick) and stand quietly for a moment. Square your shoulders, plant your feet. Clear your throat and lift your chin. Raise your arms, holding loosely the baton. You’re the conductor! Hit “Play”, close your eyes, and lose yourself in the drums, guitars, saxophones, violins, tambourines, flutes and cymbals. Cue your musicians by waving your arms, marching your legs, swaying your body, bouncing up and down.
This Blossom Tip helps you trust your intuition by putting you in touch with your body. Can you adapt to this new experience, or are you second-guessing every move you make? How comfortable are you in new situations, trusting yourself to move forward? After a failed relationship, you may not be good at trusting your intuition. Start re-learning how to trust by taking small, creative, fun steps forward.
The more self-aware you are, the more you can trust yourself to make healthy, smart decisions in new relationships — even after many failures. Take time to listen to that still, small voice. Take one small step forward at a time. Learn how you think and respond to people.
The Blossom Tip: Rebuilding trust in your intuition after a failed relationship takes specific, deliberate acts of courage. You don’t need risk your life jumping off mountains, but you do need to do things that scare and challenge you. You’ll find that the more you venture forward in small yet scary ways, the more you’ll learn about your own intuition and gut instincts. And this will help you move past the disappointment of a failed past relationship, and into a fresh new season of life.
What do you think? What caused you to lose faith in your intuition, and how can you rebuild trust in yourself?
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.