How do you tell your ex you miss him more than you thought possible? These tips will help you know if getting back with your ex is a good idea, or if your loneliness is pushing you to make a bad decision. After a breakup it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing you belong together. You’re sad, lonely, heartbroken. You miss the comfort and companionship of having a boyfriend to call, a partner to lean on, a man to share your life with.
“I have been alone for almost five months now and hate every minute of it,” says Michelle How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance. “I have tried dating but that hasn’t worked out. I have involved myself in many hobbies, community activities and going to church. I spend time with my family traveled but just can’t find that happy spot or where I fit in. I miss being happy. I keep thinking I should contact my ex boyfriend and ask if he wants to get back together. Do you think I should?”
Nope. It sounds there’s one reason Michelle wants to tell her ex she misses him: she’s lonely and bored without a boyfriend. She doesn’t miss him, she misses having a relationship. If another guy came along she’d rise and come back to life! Missing your ex boyfriend doesn’t mean you should get back together. Your feelings are normal; you miss your boyfriend because you loved him – and you probably still do! Of course you love him. He was part of your life, he knew your friends, and he may even have shared your home for years.
Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship. If the breakup happened a few days or weeks ago, you’re still working through your feelings of loss and disappointment. You may even feel confused, frustrated, and worried about being alone for the rest of your life. This is not a good time to make a major decision – and saying “I miss you and want you back” to your ex IS a major life decision.
Before you contact your ex – or even think about the process of reconciliation after a separation – read through these signs you should tell your ex you miss him. They’ll help you figure if 1) you should get back together; and 2) how to tell your ex you want him back.
It’s also important to try to objectively determine the real reason you miss him so much. Believing that the breakup was a mistake is a healthy reason to get back together. Feeling scared you’ll never fall in love or be in a relationship again is an unhealthy reason to tell your ex you miss him.
7 Signs You Should Say “I Miss You and Want You Back”
Maybe you already know it’s pointless or even harmful to tell your ex how much you miss him. Are you just torturing yourself because you’re sad and lonely? If so, read What to Remember When You Miss Your Boyfriend.
On the other hand, maybe you believe you should get back together with your ex because you made a mistake. Maybe you even know he’d take you back in a heartbeat! If so, what’s holding you back from telling him how much you miss him? Sometimes pride and fear of rejection holds us back from telling people how much we love them. Don’t let your ego get in the way of true love and happiness.
1. You’re single – not married or dating a new guy
After a breakup, it can be tempting to quickly rebound into a new relationship – especially if you feel lonely, insecure and scared of being alone. Maybe you’ve always had a boyfriend or husband to lean on; you never learned how to live happily as a single woman. This is understandable…but a sure sign you should not tell your ex you miss him is if you’re currently involved with a new man.
If you’re dating someone else and think you should get back together with your ex, break it off with your current partner first. Otherwise, you’re using them both to help you feel secure and loved. This isn’t fair to either of them.
2. Your ex is single
There is no point in trying to figure out how to tell your ex you miss him if he’s in a new relationship – even if you think he rushed into dating someone new. Let him be. He is trying to move on. Let his relationship unfold naturally. Remember that you and he broke up for a reason. unless that reason has changed, then you’d just be causing more confusion and pain by telling your ex you miss him.
If you want to break up your ex’s current relationship, ask yourself why you would want to hurt them. What do you need from him? What do you need from yourself, your life? Even if you’re still in love with your ex and believe the breakup was a mistake, respect his choice to be in a new relationship with someone else. Instead of jumping into their lives, learn how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend.
3. You love your ex for who he is – and was
One of the best reasons to tell your ex you miss him is that you don’t want him to change. After a breakup it can be tempting to remember the relationship with rose-colored glasses. We remember all the happy moments, loving times, blissful experiences. We forget the irritations – or even the major faults that led to the breakup.
Remember why your ex is your ex. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that he has changed. People do change, but if you contact your ex and tell him you want to get back together, you can’t assume he will be different. Don’t assume you’ll be different, either. One of the best signs you should tell your ex you miss him is that you’re willing to have the same relationship as before.
4. Your ex is open to hearing from you
Leave him alone if he doesn’t want to text, call, talk or meet with you. Even if you broke up on good terms and are friendly in public, you know when your ex doesn’t want a relationship with you. You know if your ex just wants to close the chapter on the past and move on.
If you and your ex are dealing with issues such as co-parenting, child support payments, alimony negotiations and related breakup/divorce issues, stick to the facts. Stay focused on caring for your kids, future, home and responsibilities. You should never tell your ex you miss him and want him back if you know he just wants to get along and move on.
If you want to tell your ex you miss him and want him back, read 5 Things to Think About Before You Reconcile With Your Ex.
5. You broke up for the wrong reasons
If you broke up with your ex for the wrong reasons, perhaps it’s a good idea to talk to him. But, don’t lead with “I miss you so much!” Instead, ask if he’s willing to meet and talk about the breakup. Maybe you overreacted to something he did, or made an impulsive decision you now regret. Maybe you made a mistake and you regret the breakup.
If you know you were wrong and you hurt him, try to put yourself in his shoes. If you tell him you miss him, will he feel more pain than relief? What do you think he needs to hear? How might he feel if you contact him and say that you want him back? Try to understand how he might feel, what he might think, and how he might respond.
6. Something significant has changed
Maybe you broke up with your ex because you were struggling with an addiction, health issues, or family problems. Maybe you cheated on him, or thought he betrayed you. Are you different now? How have you changed and grown? Maybe you’re healthier now, or you see life differently. Maybe you went to counseling or renewed your relationship with God.
If you think you’ve changed significantly – or your life is different now – ask a trusted friend if she agrees. Have you really changed, or are you just fooling yourself? Has your ex changed…or is it time to let him go?
It takes courage, strength and wisdom to let go of someone you love. But the pain of releasing your grip is worth the freedom and joy you’ll find.
7. Your intuition is strong and clear
Do you have a strong feeling or gut instinct that you should tell your ex you miss him? This might be one of the best – and yet the most indescribable – reasons to contact him. Maybe you just know you belong together. Your heart has reasons that reason cannot know. If this is the case, then don’t worry about trying to figure out how to tell your ex you miss him. Just tell him the truth about how you feel.
You can’t go back and change what happened. But, you can move forward and create something new in your life. Maybe this will involve your ex…and maybe you need to move forward alone.
If you know it’s too late for you and your ex, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. It’s time to put the pain of the past behind you. Grow forward into the new season God has planned…it may be better than you could ever imagine or hope for.