“Why do my relationships always fall apart, fail, self-destruct?” is one of the most common relationship questions I get. That, and “How can I save my relationship from falling apart?” I have good news, and I have bad news…
The problem with this question is that there is no number one reason relationships fall apart. Why not? Because there’s no number one type of person, personality, couple, or relationship! If we were all created exactly the same, then figuring out how to stop your relationship from falling apart would be easy: just do what everyone else does. But since God created us all differently, we all have different ways to build and sustain healthy, happy relationships.
That’s the bad news. In other words, there isn’t one specific tip on how to stop your relationships from falling apart. But wait, there’s good news! And here’s part of it: you have more power than you realize. You CAN stop your relationships from failing, and there are ways to figure out why your love life falls apart more often than you change your socks. The rest of the good news is below, in the Bonus Tip at the end of this article…
3 Ways to Stop Your Relationship From Falling Apart
I originally wanted to call this article “how to stop sabotaging your relationships”, but I figured you wouldn’t search for that particular relationship problem. Why not? Because if your relationships keep failing because you’re sabotaging them, then you wouldn’t be searching for tips on how to stop sabotaging your relationship.
You know something is wrong — that’s why your relationships keep falling apart — but you don’t know what’s wrong, or why. Most importantly, you don’t know how to keep your relationships together.
You’ve come to the right place.
1. Identify the common denominator
What is the one consistent thing in all your relationships? The one variable that always stays the same? The only thing that doesn’t change, that shows up faithfully every single time you start a new relationship?
You. You’re the common denominator in all your relationships. I’m not saying you’re the reason your relationships keep falling apart, though. I’m not blaming you for all the relationship failures you’ve experienced. Nor am I saying you sabotage your relationships. You are part of every relationship you’ve been in. You know more about yourself than any other person alive, and you know more about how to stop your relationships from falling apart than I do. You are the expert on you. You may not feel like it, but you are.
Question for you: How much have you contributed to the failure of your past relationships? Be honest with yourself. You can be honest with me in the comments section below, but it’s better if you’re honest with yourself. This is the first step to learning how to stop your relationships from falling apart.
If you tend to chase men away, read 5 Signs You’re Emotionally Suffocating Your Partner – and How to Stop.
2. Look for relationship patterns
A “relationship pattern” is something that keeps happening over and over. This doesn’t necessarily mean you always sabotage your relationships by being emotionally distant, overly clingy, or downright destructive.
A relationship pattern can be as simple as choosing the same type of guy every time. A married man, perhaps, or your boss. Your married boss, maybe? If you find yourself attracted to the same type of men — and none of those men are available, connectable, or able to give you want you want and need — then you’re setting your relationships up to fail.
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So, you tell me: do you tend to pick the same type of boyfriend (or husband), over and over? That means that one way for you to stop your relationships from falling apart is to be more aware of the type of men you invite into your life. If you tend to feel insecure and desperate in your relationships, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship.
3. Pick one thing you want to change in your relationships
You want to build a healthy relationship and have a happy life with a man you love. The problem is you don’t know how. Should you change something about yourself, or accept yourself the way you are? Should you try to fix something about how you communicate and relation to your boyfriends (or husbands), or distract yourself with the internet, online shopping, or Facebook updates?
You say you don’t know how to stop your relationships from falling apart, but I don’t believe you. I think you DO know why your heart keeps getting broken. You have the answers within you. They may be deep down, but they’re there.
Actually, not knowing how to stop your relationships from always failing isn’t your biggest problem. The bigger problem is that you haven’t taken time to learn about yourself, how you relate to your boyfriends (or husbands), and how to identify what to change in response to them. This third tip on how to stop your relationships from falling apart involves your willingness to see one thing you can change about yourself, and start changing it. Maybe you need help choosing men to date. Maybe you need to let go of a past relationship, or learn how to love someone in healthy ways.
What is one thing you could strengthen in yourself, that will spill over into your relationships? This can be a surprisingly effective tip for saving your relationships from failing…and it’s guaranteed to make you a healthier, happier woman!
Bonus Tip: look upwards for wisdom and guidance
The healthier you are spiritually, the stronger you are emotionally. How’s your relationship with God? If you haven’t met Jesus, you’re missing out on a depth of love, compassion, forgiveness, and joy that is unimaginable! Jesus’ love and grace is powerful and peaceful. Not only will He help you create healthy relationships, He’ll show you if and when you’re sabotaging an important relationship in your life. And, He’ll show you how to stop your relationships from falling apart….but you have to meet Him first.
If your relationship has already fallen to pieces, read How to Cope When He Says He’s Not In Love With You.
How do you feel, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below. You can talk about God, or tell me why you think your relationships always fail.
Writing about your relationship experiences will help you see them in a different light, which will heal your heart and renew your mind. Writing has a powerful effect on your thoughts and feelings, and can help you make sense of things that are confusing or sad.
And, writing can be an effective tip on how to stop relationships from falling apart — especially if you accept that you are part of every relationship you’re in, see the relationship patterns that keep coming up, and willingly work towards changing one thing about yourself. This will help you create healthier relationships in your life.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.