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5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back After the Breakup

The breakup had to happen, yet it breaks your heart. You can’t stop wanting him back! These tips will help you move forward without your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, and inspire you to walk into a new season of life.

After a breakup or divorce, you can’t just merrily move on with your life. Unfortunately, it takes time and effort to learn how to stop wanting him back – even when you know the relationship wasn’t good for you. Your heart needs time to heal, and these tips will help you.

The Blossom Tips in this article are inspired by a reader’s comment. “I can’t stop thinking, hurting, and wanting my ex-boyfriend back,” says Indira in response to How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup. “This emotional state is paralyzing me. I feel like I am obsessed, I miss him, I can’t stop wanting to see signs that my ex wants me back. I tell myself this breakup was meant to be and we can’t be together. But even though my head knows our relationship is over, my heart wants to be with him. How do I stop wanting him back?”

My “She Blossoms” articles — especially the ones about healing your heart after a breakup — are divided into five different categories. This ensures I cover the whole spectrum: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips help you identify which works best for you.

5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back

One of the most important things to ask yourself is, “What usually works for me?”

For example, if you’re often comforted by your friendships, then you need to reach out to loved ones for support. If you’re more of a cerebral woman, then you’ll find it helpful to change your thinking about how to stop wanting him back after a breakup. If you’re a woman of faith, you’ll find healing and peace in your relationship with Jesus.

There is no one right tip on how to stop wanting an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back after a breakup. But, these ideas will help you find what might work for you…

1. Spirit – Set your heart on unfailing love

Sometimes a woman can fall into the trap of believing that a man — whether he’s a husband she’s been married to for 45 years or a new boyfriend she’s madly in love with — is the only purpose in life.

How to Stop Wanting Him Back After a BreakupSometimes, women set their hearts on men and relationships. They expect husbands and boyfriends to make them happy; they forget that husbands and boyfriends aren’t just prone to normal human weaknesses and failures, they’re also candidates for disease and death.

The healthiest tip on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup, divorce or even death is to set your heart on a love and peace that never fails. No human can offer the joy, freedom, peace and love of Jesus. If your heart is set on God’s love, then you’ll find it easier to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.

Note that I didn’t say faith makes loss or life easy! Just easier.

2. Heart – Accept the misty shadows of grief

This loss will always be with you. There is no “getting over a breakup” when it comes to losing love. You gave your heart to your boyfriend or husband, and now all you can think about is how much you miss him.

After losing or breaking up with someone you love, your heart will always feel the misty shadows of grief. You’ll always miss him — and this is normal, because you loved him! You gave him your heart, and your heart will never be the same. But, you will stop wanting him back if you focus on healing and moving forward. You will learn how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back in your life if you find the balance between grieving and healing.

3. Soul – Get it out of your head

Do you write in a journal? Get it all out. Spill your guts on the page, all those heartbreaking emotions and obsessive thoughts and crazy dreams of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband event hough you know it’s unhealthy or even impossible.

Write about how you feel and why you’re struggling with these feelings of wanting him back. If you’re more artistically inclined, get out your crayons or oil paints, glues and glitter guns. Creating something that represents your feelings will help you express those tangled emotions, which will help you heal. And with healing brings freedom from wanting him back after a breakup!

4. Body – Shock your system with a shower!

My most recent and interesting physical tip on how to stop wanting your ex back is to take a cold shower! The shock to your system will jolt you out of the pit of despair, the cold water will take your breath away, and the soap and shampoo will symbolize your journey into a new season of life.

Just try it. The next time you’re struggling with those overwhelming feelings (I want him back, I can’t go on without him), plan a physical gesture that will give you hope for a new beginning when you don’t want to be alone. If you’re like me and hate the idea of a cold shower, plan a different activity. It should be something that shocks your system, though. The shock will remind you that you are growing forward, and that you will stop wanting him back.

5. Brain – Analyze why you want him back

A cognitive tip on how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back is to analyze your feelings in writing. If you keep going round and round in your head, you won’t move forward. An intellectual approach is to learn how to stop wanting him back by answering these questions:

  • What do I miss most about him? About being a couple?
  • What would it feel like to stop wanting him back?
  • How have I coped with breakups in the past?
  • Why do I want him back so bad? What does he offer that I’m missing?
  • What am I not willing to do to change?
  • If I prayed about this, what would I say?

Feel free to share your answers in the comments section below. Sometimes it helps to know someone is actually reading your words. Writing for others can sharpen your thinking and clarify your sentences, which will help you see why you can’t seem to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.

One final tip on how to stop wanting him back…

How to Stop Wanting Him BackIf you’re obsessed with your ex, read Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts.

In this book, Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif offer proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help you get unstuck from disturbing thoughts, overcome the shame these thoughts can bring, and reduce your anxiety. While this book isn’t focused solely on “how to stop wanting him back”, it can change your life.

Your are not your thoughts. Don’t let them control you — especially if they’re creating anxiety, pain, depression and hopelessness in your life.

You’ve already started recovering from the pain of the breakup. Simply searching for tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup is a step towards healing! It’s time to reroot your faith in God and walk forward into a new season of life.

Here’s another article that may help: When You Miss Him Like Crazy.

What do you think about my tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.

May you Blossom into who God created you to be.


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40 thoughts on “5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back After the Breakup”

  1. I feel so blessed to have found these articles and yet so sad to read all of these posts- My heart breaks with all of you. The circumstances might start and progress differently but the outcome of being involved with a mm is all the same….it never ends well. It hurts to be with them and it’s painful without them.
    I married to a much older man who stopped having any sex with me….we finally found our way but I was broken from that I think . I met MM online so I was actively seeking a sexual relationship and didn’t want anything else (see me trying to play their game) ….so when i found a married man who only wanted the same as me I began a wild journey that led to the worse loss and pain I have experienced in many many years. He had a way of making me feel so sexy wanted and desired that it was intoxicating- I couldn’t get enough – he was so different then hubby ….creative adventurous and much more. I became addicted fasts and so was he …not once did feelings ever get expressed…he loved his wife kids and life and even said if I ever became too demanding it would be over so of course as I began to realize I loved him it was a buried feeling I suffered in silence- yes you become isolated in your feelings as you have no one to talk to. This lasted almost three years- there were so many times I tried to walk away but he wouldn’t allow that….but it was like this cycle of him backing off the daily messaging/attention and me feeling disconnected and then him working on that so to speak…so much more I could say here but you have all been through this …a week before Xmas out of the blue he said he needed to step back for personal/medical reasons and why he didn’t want to lose contact he needed to focus on that and it was stressing him out – of course I understood and wished him the best with the holidays etc but then I heard nothing (never had it been more then a few days at a time where we didn’t at least say hi) from him so mid January i messaged and the coldest most distant indifferent person answered – it was I told you I had to walk away because you did this or that …it felt like a punch in the stomach and worse..:it’s like somehow these charges had been trumped up against me…he was definitely done- I sent a couple more messages that same day- he responded to one but again coldly no answers just more of how he just couldn’t do this anymore – in any case that was almost a month ago- I have made no more contact but it’s been very hard to do that- I struggled daily with wanting to know why? How can he not miss me? How does he walk away so easily and without pain and here I sit- then I realized when someone doesn’t want you no reasons matter- I daydream he contacts me and regrets his decision – don’t let your mind go to these what if’s….they do not promote healing – I have to walk around with my pain deeply embedded as I don’t dare show that to anyone – stay strong ladies – one day at a time is all you. Can do – if anyone wants to message me directly for support please do candi.v@yahoo.com

    1. Hi ladies, I can never find where to start a new thread so I’m just replying to the last comment. Someone commented that I’m a role model and I just wanted to say that I really am not because my mm stopped speaking to me after I got angry and disgusted with him so he forced the NC situation… I do believe he was a giant pussy and I scared him when I stood up for myself… it had run its course… I did stand up for myself and I give myself credit there, but if he had left the door open the slightest bit I would have kept running back because I was addicted to that man and he had the control. But when we take the control back the situation changes and they run and try to protect themselves. They have no loyalty to us.. I don’t believe they have much loyalty to their wives but the wives are part of their image and their nice comfortable lives but really they’ve wronged their wives horribly for years. These men are really low, I was going to say dogs, but I love dogs. I don’t really know what they are. Sociopaths really.

  2. I reread these messages in hopes it will give me the strength I need to block him, to let him go but I can’t. I want to so bad because I know this relationship isn’t healthy and it’s not going anywhere. I’ve been with my mm for 13 years. He was my first boyfriend when we were just teenagers. We were each other’s first for everything. I moved away we got back together in our late teens and it didn’t work out again. 10 years later we run into each other and we pick up like it hadn’t been 10 years. Only thing different is he’s married and I’m divorced. We started only seeing each other every few weeks now we see each other almost everyday. We talk and text daily. He comes over after work almost everyday. He’s literally my best friend. We have tried breaking it off many times and we give in after 2 days. I know I deserve so much better. But I can’t imagine just letting go of him. He helps around my house as if he lived there. He’s with me and my kids for our birthdays. Comes over for dinner. He never stays the night of course. He’s only over for hours at a time. I divorced my husband 17 years ago and of those 17 yrs I’ve had my mm around 13 years. It’s like I’m single at least to the world I am but I’m not. Or am I? My kids have been around him the last year or so and some of my family members have met him. Having my family involved makes it so hard. They have expectations that we can’t fulfill. They want to know why we haven’t moved in together or when is the wedding. Those questions from my family kill me. Because I know it will never happen. He won’t leave and I know by him telling me he can’t leave his wife because of he kids is bull. I know if he truly wanted to be with me he would be, right? 13 years is so long I don’t know how I’ve done this to myself for so long. I told him I can’t do another holiday season and not be together. The holidays just kill me. I’m so strong but yet so weak to do what I know I need to do.

  3. In February of this year my father died and 2 days after I started chatting to a MM on a blogging site. We were both lonely and vulnerable and we began chatting continuously. He supported me through Dad’s death and I am grateful for that. We didn’t meet for 7 weeks after our first chat as he lived 3 hours away. It was obvious to both of us that the connection was based on regular conversation, emotional and occasionally physical intimacy.
    3 weeks ago his wife discovered the messages so it is over. I loved him very much and it has been hard, I’ve deleted photos and messages and he has blocked me on FB and the blogging site, so NC is a reality. I know I will get over this because I deserve better, but the emotional roller-coaster I’m on right now is very difficult. I’m sleeping, eating and exercising, but I have an analytical brain that won’t shut up about him. I know it wouldn’t have worked longterm but I’m impatient to get over him and find a good man.