The breakup had to happen, yet it breaks your heart. You can’t stop wanting him back! These tips will help you move forward without your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, and inspire you to walk into a new season of life.
After a breakup or divorce, you can’t just merrily move on with your life. Unfortunately, it takes time and effort to learn how to stop wanting him back – even when you know the relationship wasn’t good for you. Your heart needs time to heal, and these tips will help you.
The Blossom Tips in this article are inspired by a reader’s comment. “I can’t stop thinking, hurting, and wanting my ex-boyfriend back,” says Indira in response to How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup. “This emotional state is paralyzing me. I feel like I am obsessed, I miss him, I can’t stop wanting to see signs that my ex wants me back. I tell myself this breakup was meant to be and we can’t be together. But even though my head knows our relationship is over, my heart wants to be with him. How do I stop wanting him back?”
My “She Blossoms” articles — especially the ones about healing your heart after a breakup — are divided into five different categories. This ensures I cover the whole spectrum: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips help you identify which works best for you.
5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back
One of the most important things to ask yourself is, “What usually works for me?”
For example, if you’re often comforted by your friendships, then you need to reach out to loved ones for support. If you’re more of a cerebral woman, then you’ll find it helpful to change your thinking about how to stop wanting him back after a breakup. If you’re a woman of faith, you’ll find healing and peace in your relationship with Jesus.
There is no one right tip on how to stop wanting an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back after a breakup. But, these ideas will help you find what might work for you…
1. Spirit – Set your heart on unfailing love
Sometimes a woman can fall into the trap of believing that a man — whether he’s a husband she’s been married to for 45 years or a new boyfriend she’s madly in love with — is the only purpose in life.
Sometimes, women set their hearts on men and relationships. They expect husbands and boyfriends to make them happy; they forget that husbands and boyfriends aren’t just prone to normal human weaknesses and failures, they’re also candidates for disease and death.
The healthiest tip on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup, divorce or even death is to set your heart on a love and peace that never fails. No human can offer the joy, freedom, peace and love of Jesus. If your heart is set on God’s love, then you’ll find it easier to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.
Note that I didn’t say faith makes loss or life easy! Just easier.
2. Heart – Accept the misty shadows of grief
This loss will always be with you. There is no “getting over a breakup” when it comes to losing love. You gave your heart to your boyfriend or husband, and now all you can think about is how much you miss him.
After losing or breaking up with someone you love, your heart will always feel the misty shadows of grief. You’ll always miss him — and this is normal, because you loved him! You gave him your heart, and your heart will never be the same. But, you will stop wanting him back if you focus on healing and moving forward. You will learn how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back in your life if you find the balance between grieving and healing.
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3. Soul – Get it out of your head
Do you write in a journal? Get it all out. Spill your guts on the page, all those heartbreaking emotions and obsessive thoughts and crazy dreams of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband event hough you know it’s unhealthy or even impossible.
Write about how you feel and why you’re struggling with these feelings of wanting him back. If you’re more artistically inclined, get out your crayons or oil paints, glues and glitter guns. Creating something that represents your feelings will help you express those tangled emotions, which will help you heal. And with healing brings freedom from wanting him back after a breakup!
4. Body – Shock your system with a shower!
My most recent and interesting physical tip on how to stop wanting your ex back is to take a cold shower! The shock to your system will jolt you out of the pit of despair, the cold water will take your breath away, and the soap and shampoo will symbolize your journey into a new season of life.
Just try it. The next time you’re struggling with those overwhelming feelings (I want him back, I can’t go on without him), plan a physical gesture that will give you hope for a new beginning when you don’t want to be alone. If you’re like me and hate the idea of a cold shower, plan a different activity. It should be something that shocks your system, though. The shock will remind you that you are growing forward, and that you will stop wanting him back.
5. Brain – Analyze why you want him back
A cognitive tip on how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back is to analyze your feelings in writing. If you keep going round and round in your head, you won’t move forward. An intellectual approach is to learn how to stop wanting him back by answering these questions:
- What do I miss most about him? About being a couple?
- What would it feel like to stop wanting him back?
- How have I coped with breakups in the past?
- Why do I want him back so bad? What does he offer that I’m missing?
- What am I not willing to do to change?
- If I prayed about this, what would I say?
Feel free to share your answers in the comments section below. Sometimes it helps to know someone is actually reading your words. Writing for others can sharpen your thinking and clarify your sentences, which will help you see why you can’t seem to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.
One final tip on how to stop wanting him back…
If you’re obsessed with your ex, read Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts.
In this book, Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif offer proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help you get unstuck from disturbing thoughts, overcome the shame these thoughts can bring, and reduce your anxiety. While this book isn’t focused solely on “how to stop wanting him back”, it can change your life.
Your are not your thoughts. Don’t let them control you — especially if they’re creating anxiety, pain, depression and hopelessness in your life.
You’ve already started recovering from the pain of the breakup. Simply searching for tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup is a step towards healing! It’s time to reroot your faith in God and walk forward into a new season of life.
Here’s another article that may help: When You Miss Him Like Crazy.
What do you think about my tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
May you Blossom into who God created you to be.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.