5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back After the Breakup


The breakup had to happen, yet it breaks your heart. You can’t stop wanting him back! These tips will help you move forward without your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, and inspire you to walk into a new season of life.

After a breakup or divorce, you can’t just merrily move on with your life. Unfortunately, it takes time and effort to learn how to stop wanting him back – even when you know the relationship wasn’t good for you. Your heart needs time to heal, and these tips will help you.

The Blossom Tips in this article are inspired by a reader’s comment. “I can’t stop thinking, hurting, and wanting my ex-boyfriend back,” says Indira in response to How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup. “This emotional state is paralyzing me. I feel like I am obsessed, I miss him, I can’t stop wanting to see signs that my ex wants me back. I tell myself this breakup was meant to be and we can’t be together. But even though my head knows our relationship is over, my heart wants to be with him. How do I stop wanting him back?”







My “She Blossoms” articles — especially the ones about healing your heart after a breakup — are divided into five different categories. This ensures I cover the whole spectrum: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips help you identify which works best for you.

5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back

One of the most important things to ask yourself is, “What usually works for me?”

For example, if you’re often comforted by your friendships, then you need to reach out to loved ones for support. If you’re more of a cerebral woman, then you’ll find it helpful to change your thinking about how to stop wanting him back after a breakup. If you’re a woman of faith, you’ll find healing and peace in your relationship with Jesus.

There is no one right tip on how to stop wanting an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back after a breakup. But, these ideas will help you find what might work for you…

1. Spirit – Set your heart on unfailing love

Sometimes a woman can fall into the trap of believing that a man — whether he’s a husband she’s been married to for 45 years or a new boyfriend she’s madly in love with — is the only purpose in life.

How to Stop Wanting Him Back After a BreakupSometimes, women set their hearts on men and relationships. They expect husbands and boyfriends to make them happy; they forget that husbands and boyfriends aren’t just prone to normal human weaknesses and failures, they’re also candidates for disease and death.

The healthiest tip on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup, divorce or even death is to set your heart on a love and peace that never fails. No human can offer the joy, freedom, peace and love of Jesus. If your heart is set on God’s love, then you’ll find it easier to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.

Note that I didn’t say faith makes loss or life easy! Just easier.

2. Heart – Accept the misty shadows of grief

This loss will always be with you. There is no “getting over a breakup” when it comes to losing love. You gave your heart to your boyfriend or husband, and now all you can think about is how much you miss him.

After losing or breaking up with someone you love, your heart will always feel the misty shadows of grief. You’ll always miss him — and this is normal, because you loved him! You gave him your heart, and your heart will never be the same. But, you will stop wanting him back if you focus on healing and moving forward. You will learn how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back in your life if you find the balance between grieving and healing.



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3. Soul – Get it out of your head

Do you write in a journal? Get it all out. Spill your guts on the page, all those heartbreaking emotions and obsessive thoughts and crazy dreams of getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband event hough you know it’s unhealthy or even impossible.

Write about how you feel and why you’re struggling with these feelings of wanting him back. If you’re more artistically inclined, get out your crayons or oil paints, glues and glitter guns. Creating something that represents your feelings will help you express those tangled emotions, which will help you heal. And with healing brings freedom from wanting him back after a breakup!

4. Body – Shock your system with a shower!

My most recent and interesting physical tip on how to stop wanting your ex back is to take a cold shower! The shock to your system will jolt you out of the pit of despair, the cold water will take your breath away, and the soap and shampoo will symbolize your journey into a new season of life.

Just try it. The next time you’re struggling with those overwhelming feelings (I want him back, I can’t go on without him), plan a physical gesture that will give you hope for a new beginning when you don’t want to be alone. If you’re like me and hate the idea of a cold shower, plan a different activity. It should be something that shocks your system, though. The shock will remind you that you are growing forward, and that you will stop wanting him back.

5. Brain – Analyze why you want him back

A cognitive tip on how to stop wanting your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back is to analyze your feelings in writing. If you keep going round and round in your head, you won’t move forward. An intellectual approach is to learn how to stop wanting him back by answering these questions:

  • What do I miss most about him? About being a couple?
  • What would it feel like to stop wanting him back?
  • How have I coped with breakups in the past?
  • Why do I want him back so bad? What does he offer that I’m missing?
  • What am I not willing to do to change?
  • If I prayed about this, what would I say?

Feel free to share your answers in the comments section below. Sometimes it helps to know someone is actually reading your words. Writing for others can sharpen your thinking and clarify your sentences, which will help you see why you can’t seem to stop wanting your ex back after a breakup.

One final tip on how to stop wanting him back…

How to Stop Wanting Him BackIf you’re obsessed with your ex, read Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts.

In this book, Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif offer proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to help you get unstuck from disturbing thoughts, overcome the shame these thoughts can bring, and reduce your anxiety. While this book isn’t focused solely on “how to stop wanting him back”, it can change your life.

Your are not your thoughts. Don’t let them control you — especially if they’re creating anxiety, pain, depression and hopelessness in your life.

You’ve already started recovering from the pain of the breakup. Simply searching for tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup is a step towards healing! It’s time to reroot your faith in God and walk forward into a new season of life.

Here’s another article that may help: When You Miss Him Like Crazy.

What do you think about my tips on how to stop wanting him back after a breakup? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.

May you Blossom into who God created you to be.







Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books

growing forward book laurie pawlik she blossoms
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.








letting go book laurie pawlik she blossoms

How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.









miss him book laurie pawlik she blossoms
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.







xo


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12 thoughts on “5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back After the Breakup

  • No name

    I am a married woman who began having an affair with a married friend. In the beginning we were simply good friends. We had a lot in common (i.e. similar childhood experiences, similar problems with our fathers, etc). We would text regularly, but the messages never crossed the line. Then his wife saw a text in which I shared the excitement about an exam. She went batshit. She accused him of cheating and called me all sorts of names. She threatened to come to my job. I told my husband about it and showed him all the text messages we’d shared. At that time, there was nothing going on. I didn’t see him in that manner. I saw him as a friend only. I had nothing to hide. My husband felt that he was to blame, that he was trying to get in my pants. He said that all men only want that. That no man is capable of wanting a friendship with a woman unless sex is involved. I admitted that the amount of time communicating was too much, but I defended his intentions. Some time passed where we communicated less. My marriage was struggling a lot. I have always been a perfectionist. Everything in life must be perfect. My husband threw this event in my face for over a year. I say this not to justify, but just to clarify what transpired. We began communicating again as friends only, but now we had to do so in secret. Months passed. A year passed. Then I began noticing that my friend was somewhat freezing me out. I confronted him about this and he confessed that he had feelings for me and was attracted to me. He was always supportive of anything I did. Whether it was school, work, how I was as a mom. He never judged me. When he shared these feelings with me, I said that none of that mattered because nothing would change since we were both married. He asked how I felt toward him and I admitted for the first time that I felt an attraction too. We continued still as friends. Still no iffy messages between us. This went on for a month or two. Then certain messages began. Slowly. Messages that were personal in nature. Intimate information. We met up one day and we kissed. It felt like fire coarsing through me. I stopped the kissing when his hands began to roam. Time passed. But, now we had made physical contact. The messages intensified. One day we met up again. I don’t know what the intentions were on his behalf then, mine were not to have sex. But, it happened so quickly. That second time we kissed, things escalated so rapidly. Next thing I knew it happened. After a few weeks he said he needed to focus on his marriage. I decided to stop contact with him. I grieved. Cried. It felt like the first time when our spouses forbade us to be friends. Days passed. I felt at peace with it. He then contacted me. I ignored him. He kept calling me. He called my job. We have to work around each other at times. Finally I asked what he wanted. He said he wanted me as his best friend, his girl. That I would be his girl for life. That he loved to see me smile, loved making me laugh. I asked why he gave a shit, it wasn’t his place to do so. He said he didn’t know why, but he did. He said that we were better than to allow a small disagreement end our friendship. I was sucked back in. We both tried to avoid engaging in sex again, but still texted and spoke by phone regularly. Sex happened again. And again. It’s been three times now. We were in a place where we treated each other as a spouse. Sick I know. He’ll check in on me. See if I make it home okay and I do so as well. He recently confided in me that his wife expects too much from him because he never complains. He’s the breadwinner. He’s paying her student loans, etc. We both work in a high stress career. He says she doesn’t get it or understand what he’s seen. The fucked up part of it all is that we both advise each other to work on our marriages. In one sentence we say that. In the next we are talking about sex. Recently we were planning to meet up. He said he would let me know if he could get away. I asked later on in the day, and he said he couldn’t get away. It bothered me because I felt that he should’ve just said no from the beginning if it wouldn’t be possible. I expressed that to him. He said that he couldn’t get away from his family. That I should understand that since I’m married too. That he is already dealing with one problem, he didn’t need two. I was in the process of texting an apology to him, when he said maybe we should pump on the brakes for right now. I remained calm because I understand that his wife doesn’t stay calm. That happened this Friday. The entire weekend I’ve been grieving again. Feeling intense guilt. Self loathing. This isn’t me. I have always been a good person. With strong values. My father was a cheater. His father was a cheater. We are our fathers. I want to cut all ties. But, I’m afraid I will buckle. Part of me feels that I need him. With him I don’t feel judged. Since there was nearly a 2yr friendship prior to anything changing, it is incredibly tough for me. The other part feels like a monster. The other part feels like my soul will go to hell. Like a failure at being a decent human being. My husband doesn’t deserve this. We’ve had our struggles, but I know that he loves me selflessly. And here I am loving him selfishly. Cutting all ties isn’t an option because we will see each other at work occasionally. I know what I need to do, but I don’t know how to mister the strength to do so. The physical boundary was crossed in March, but the emotional connection has been there since our friendship became a secret. Part of me sees him for the selfish person he is, and the other part empathizes because I am a rotten person also.

  • CW

    Hello ladies…. Well I think it is finally over… 3 years down and still the same old song and boy were there alot of songs. Every song that comes onto the radio reminds me of him, of us. He has let me down for the last time and I have to move on. He will never leave his wife and I am tired of being second best. He was my true love my soul mate but I can’t and won’t stand for this hurt anymore. I still have to pluck up the courage to delete the messages and photos but I will and then will be able to heal fully.

  • Anita

    I am still struggling ! I am that wants the break. I feel he is only using me, when he has the time. After 15 yrs of this I have come to the point I don’t want this. I haven’t seen him in two months, I miss him. But I know things will not change and I don’t want this.

  • Linda

    First off, thank you for this platform!! I knew my story was not unique, but I didn’t anticipate how many of us share similar stories. I’ve wish I can send you all direct responses or words of encouragement but phew – it’s a lot! So instead, here I am sending virtual hugs and lots of energy to every single woman out there who fell in love, are still in love, are still with or are healing from being with a married man! Strength and solidarity, sisters!

    My story: I met this wonderful man last April through online dating. We both weren’t looking for a romantic relationship, just new friends & connections. He married his playmate, whom he’s known since they were 12 y/o. They started dating each other when they were 18 & got married in their late 20s. They have a 4 year old daughter & 1 year old twins. Same circle of friends since they were young & apart from my married man, some others also ended up marrying each other (yuuuupp!!).

    When we met, he was separated from his wife and lived in separate houses. They co-parented, some nights the twins would be with him or his daughter would be with him. He left because there was something lacking after many years of being together or he felt his feelings were no longer the same and he was tired of the fights they got into. He needed to figure things out and frankly, also wanted to know and experience the world outside of the same woman he’s been with since he was 18.

    Since we met, we just clicked. Two professionals with high paying jobs in high positions in our companies. Smart, level-headed, aware individuals. We were also both quite pragmatic. I entered into a relationship with him with my eyes wide open. I knew the risks and the possibility that he might go back to his wife. We both were just looking for fun and a friends with benefits (FWB) kind of thing. As our time together progressed, we discovered our intense attraction towards each other and the deep connection. Needless to say, we developed a deep and explosive relationship and in just a month’s time, we were the best of friends and talked about anything and everything…and the sex was great 🙂 Did I say we lived in different cities and therefore, didn’t have the pressure of worrying about people seeing us? Anyway….

    Last June, his son got very sick and this put a lot of pressure on the co-parenting, the going back-and-forth between houses and having to run to the other house in the middle of the night when his son had to be rushed to the hospital was just too much. So they agreed for him to move back in and have up the apartment he was renting. Our nightly conversations and meet-ups got disrupted. I didn’t mind his moving back in and took things in stride. As I said, my eyes were wide open and I wasn’t really looking for a romantic relationship or commitment even if we were already aware of how we were starting to feel towards each other (but didn’t dare say it out loud or articulate it). Then summer came and our time together was even more disrupted since they moved to cooler temperatures for the kids not to suffer and the house was smaller and he had no privacy.

    Since they were separated up until summer, the wife didn’t really exert any effort to save their relationship and didn’t have any initiative to try to win him back. Understandably, I can imagine how tired she was as well and perhaps also felt the distance. Note that I always sided with the wife when some arguments ensued between them. Yes, this was how FWBish we were. Anyway, a few weeks ago – my man said, hmmm surprisingly he has a better relationship with his wife and that they were fighting less and she’s more open with him again. I guess the summer holidays, the beach and their parents helping them more sort of alleviated their stress…et voila they started spending more time together and planned more “family” stuff together. This was the most inconvenient timing because we were getting even more closer and were planning our two weeks of a holiday together.

    This week, all of a sudden his mother-in-law hacked a plan to bring the two closer again and during one our supposedly night together, I received a message from him saying that he couldn’t make it because his wife showed up and wants to talk to him. I KNEW something would happen and so I told him…we started our relationship on trust and honesty, to make sure to let me know that next day if she is trying to get him back and if he…gave in. My heart and instinct knew they would end up finally having sex….

    ….and they did. He called me to tell me everything. How torn he was and how sad he was, etc. Even cried, etc etc etc. I was in pain. I didn’t expect to be this hurt especially since all throughout our relationship we were both clear. This was not supposed to happen – feelings didn’t factor in, just sex. But we’re higher beings with emotions so we did end up falling in love with each other – this doesn’t mean, however, that he wasn’t still loving his wife and kids.

    In the end, him giving in and having sex with her also made him happy for all the right reasons. But also sad and devastated because he also has learned to love me and didn’t want to lose me. Regardless of how painful it was that he is now back with the family and that he was now having sex with the rightful woman who has rightful claims over him….I immediately broke up with him.

    I suddenly find myself broken hearted with a man I’ve only known since April. And now we are both suffering from our broken relationship. But who am I kidding…he may be hurt and sad and crying for me but at the end of the day, there is also happiness that his family is now back together again.

    He had his fun and experience and adventure with him. Short lived and a surprising abrupt end to ours which left me and him reeling from the pain but now…he is back with them.

    And all I can do now is pick up the pieces of my aching heart and learn how not to yearn for him and want him. To not miss him and remember the time he wasn’t part of my life so that I can breathe well again and enjoy life. I’m still finding my footing here because this is the first time I actually fell in love in this manner with a married man. All I can hope for is to survive this and remind myself, this too will pass. Right now my heart bleeds and I’m facing it head on. I’m made of tougher material and want to also protect my own dignity and self-worth.

    My advice to anyone is to rip off the band-aid and do cold turkey. Cut ties. No contact. Move forward. Yes we love our married men, yes it will hurt and we will miss them so much so that the pull to go back to his arms is strong even if you will always be second or third…you, I…we must be strong and move forward. In the long run, eventually…it will pass and life will be sunny and light again. And perhaps new love will come…someone who will love you with no inhibitions, someone you can call yours and you his……

  • Anita

    I have read your article every time I feel sad about this breakup. It helps. But it is so very, very painful. What I read assures me that I am doing right. I have been trying to break this relationship for a long time. I finally wrote him, to tell him so. 15!yrs of this anguish of waiting is driving me mentally and physically sick.
    I am taking a trip and hope that this will help me.
    It’s so hard, but I know nothing will change

    • Josefina

      Anita.
      My heart is with you.
      I thought my 3 years with this man was long time but reading your story has shook me.
      15 years waiting !!. Of anguish and other feeling it is to much.
      Be strong you have given everything you have if he doesn’t realise then move away
      15 years is too long giving opportunity to change.
      Maybe changing the place and jobs would help. I Don’t know. But I can say only recover your life.
      Sending you a hug.

      • Anita

        Thank you so much. Every time I think of him, I get angry at him and at myself. I remember the anguish, the waiting, disappointments, my tears and how I went out of my way to pleaser him in everything. He use to bring me roses, beautiful bouquets.
        Last week, I went out and bought myself a variety of colored carnations. I thought, I don’t need his f……g Flowers.
        It is slowly getting easy. I have blocked his calls, I don’t want to see his picture when it rings. But I listen to his messages. “I love you, etc etc”
        Maybe he does, in his own way, but not that way.
        I don’t know how long he thought I was going to be around waiting for HIS time, HIS day , HIS hours.
        Our routine was, sex, sleep, dinner, (in my home)
        He bath, changed his underwear and after 5 hrs, go home. It angers me to think of this.
        It’s been awhile now, that I wanted to leave him.
        For my sanity, because I know it is wrong, Morally, spirituality, in every aspect.
        No one sees or accepts infidelity or adultery.
        So maybe, I will never have a man who embraces me,, maybe I will never have sex again. But, I had that pleasure, ….. nothing lasts forever.
        I have taken out of my room all his teddy bears. With “I love you”. Taken his slippers and bathrobe out, where I don’t have to see them.
        Soon, I will take some of his clothes out of the drawers and give them away.
        Thank you all for reading this. It helps…
        Can you believe, he wrote me an e mail telling me he can’t sleep at night and holds on to a pillow thinking of me and carreses his body .
        BULL S… ..! He has his wife next to him.
        Most likely he does think of me and ends up having sexy with his ugly wife. Because she is old and ugly.
        Stay there buddy.

  • Daisy

    I have been in love with my mm for 7 years. I would say that just about everything about us is perfect except our timing. We went to high school together, but didn’t know each other back then and reconnected several years ago through some high school friends’ events/parties. The attraction was intense and far deeper than anything I had ever felt before in my life. I knew immediately that he was special, and felt like I had met him before. It was love at first sight. He told me that he felt exactly the same thing for me. We started communicating, and things developed quickly. Right away we were in love, and began a beautiful affair. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t help loving my mm because no one had ever made me feel the way he made me feel.

    About a year and a half later, his wife found out about us. He decided he needed to break things off with me, and it was devastating.
    We ended up going virtually “no contact” for about 2 years, which about killed me. His marriage survived – but just barely. A large dynamic is that he “takes care” of his wife, and codependency seems to be keeping them together as well as the guilt involved with hurting their kids, the extended family, the friends, etc. (They have been married 23 years). I do not believe he stayed with her because he is in love with her although I believe he does love her on some level.

    The grief and trauma of losing him for two years was nearly unbearable for me, with the way things ended there was just no closure, and I wasn’t able to fully move on although I tried and just thought about him every day. After 2 years he contacted me again and we resumed our affair. I took it as proof of our true love that he came back and jumped back in full swing. This relationship has given me the highest highs and the lowest lows of my life. He is a wonderful writer, has written the most beautiful letters to me, he is passionate, handsome, and interesting and he makes me feel beautiful and special. Our sex life is unbelievable, but he is also a romantic and my best friend and we tell each other everything. We both believe that we loved each other before we met each other and that we are “split-aparts”. The time we spend together is precious to me and I live for the moments that I can see him. Although we make love all the time, we also spend time together that is not just having sex. We have traveled together, not a whole lot as that just isn’t practical and requires a lot of lying and planning, but we do. We meet up and talk and just hold one another, and we take walks together. We communicate nearly constantly.

    It is NOT an easy relationship and it is NOT a relationship I would recommend to anyone to get into. The instant he leaves me, I start to miss him and the crushing loneliness and depression sets in…. I spend most of my time alone, which includes eating meals, taking long drives, sitting in my room staring at my phone wondering when I will hear from him. I have even taken a trip to the beach by myself for the weekend, just me and ‘him’ on my phone. Holidays and weekends are the worst. We are in constant communication but it isn’t enough. I long for more time with him and to be able to take him to events, for us to travel together, sleep in the same bed at night (something we have only done 3 times in 7 years together). I long to post a photo of us together, to share with people in my real world my mm who is such a part of my internal world and my life. I feel like I am lying to everyone. I spend excessive amounts of time overthinking and worrying about what will happen to him or me and how either of us will know if something bad happens. I spend excessive amounts of time worrying about getting sick and dying and us not having our chance to be together. I do have friends but I don’t talk to most of my friends about him for fear of being criticized or judged. I feel like I have to hide a huge part of who I am and live my life in secrecy. I have become more introverted and prefer to hang out alone rather than be with people most of the time as a result of this relationship.

    Since we started seeing each other again, he has never told me that he will leave his wife. He has told me that he knows we belong together, but he just can not bring himself to leave her and hurt her that way. He has told me that he believes in his heart that we will end up together – he does not know how or when but we will. He says that he is in love with me, but he still loves his wife too, although he loves us in different ways. I do get angry with him that he can’t hurt her, yet somehow in all of this, it is okay for me to hurt. He doesn’t want me to hurt and has told me that he knows he isn’t good for me in this way, but we always come back to the same thing. It’s a pattern we’re in now and we have the same discussions about every month. At times I feel like he has some narcissistic traits, that he lacks empathy for my situation as well as his wife’s true situation as the entire thing is a house of cards built on lies, and everyone is being hurt and lied to in some way and realize how dysfunctional and toxic this entire thing is. I feel foolish and angry with myself and with him that I keep their codependent relationship going by loving him so well and fulfilling his needs to the point where he can avoid making changes in his life – changes that might bring us together. I want him to be authentic and live his life truthfully, but he just can’t do it. I am an honest person in every other area of my own life, and I hate hurting people, but this part of my life that doesn’t reflect those values. And I hate that.

    I have read about trauma bonding and i know that this has a lot to do with why I stay in this relationship. I just wish that it was easy for me to realize that there could be something better out there for me and someone who could give me everything. Instead, all I think about is how much I love him and that he gives me everything in those little moments of time. And I tell myself I would rather have a little bit of something with the right person than everything with the wrong person. I just can’t be with someone I don’t love. I can’t even talk to another man. I don’t know how he can be with two people at once. I can’t do it. I’ve also been faithful to him for almost two years now.
    He recently told me that he still has sex with his wife – ‘not that often’ as he says – but they still do. It was like a knife hitting me right in my heart when he told me that. I guess I knew they did but asking him and hearing his reply was like bringing the genie out of the bottle and it hurt so bad to think about that.

    Sometimes I feel like there is no hope… no way out of this for me. I truly love him and just want our chance, but I know what I am doing is wrong on so many levels. .

    • Alex

      Dear Daisy. I have no words to describe what I feel when I read your story. F*******!!!!!
      Half of what u write is basically what I would write about myself.
      I FEEL u fully.

  • Sasha t

    Hi. I really need some advice. I got involved with a mm last year and we are still current friends. I badly want to end it. I can’t believe I was so naive and gullible and didn’t think of how badly the situation could’ve turned out . Long story short , not only is this guy married with 2 kids but I can’t help but think he had a thing with one of our coworkers. I don’t know him that well.. but I know the look he gives me… I know how we interact and whenever I see him and our coworker interact it makes me sick bc it is the same way him and I interact. It truly makes me question my worth. But at the same time I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I love him deep Down. I want to tell him everything I feel but I want to end things none the less. It’s to the point where we don’t talk now for days. I only see glimpses of him at work and he still tries to sugar coat things and pretend like everything is ok. I usually play along although it kills me inside. I know he communicate with our other coworker regularly and that also makes me sick. I’ve done so much for him… more than I’ve done for anyone and it hurts that he won’t even acknowledge it. I feel like I’m just a sex object… I don’t know how to end things amicably. Help!!

  • Christine

    Dearest Blosso,
    I was reading this email thinking you know exactly how I feel. Why do I keep wanting my ex back when he doesn’t want me or love me.
    He broke up with me one year ago after 20 years together which was totally unexpected for me. He said he had a wonderful life with me but wants to experience new things in his life now and wants fireworks and doesn’t love me any more.
    Well he went overseas for 12 month keapt writing to on a almost weekly basis about his experiences.
    Silly enough I keapt hanging on thinking he will come back if things don’t work our.
    He did come back and it fealt like he was a different person. I so much wanted my love back but all I got is this man that just doesn’t care.
    Now why do I still feel so sad and heartbroken ? He likes to stay in touch but realy has no idea how much this is hurting me.
    He left again to find a new life and wife (which is like me but not me he says ) how can I make sense of this.
    My brain says let him go you deserve better than that but my thoughts are always with him.
    I just want to let him go
    I just don’t want to think about him all the time
    and most of all I like to get my sleep back and not dream and think about him with this new wife he may have found now.
    I have stopped writing to him and that’s sooo hard to.
    Oh dear now I have written a lot down and knowing that you will read that and understand means so much when your heart is broken.
    Thank you so much for your emails I’m so glad I get to read them and look forward to it.
    Love Christine x