After a breakup – or any type of relationship loss – you don’t just miss the person’s physical presence. You miss the feeling of having that relationship in your life. You miss the emotional stability, physical security, and familiarity of knowing your boyfriend or best friend was there.
You miss him or her, but you also miss the feeling of being part of another person’s life. When a relationship ends, you feel lonelier in the world. There’s one less person to call, text, or check in with. The loss of one relationship can change how you see the world — and your life. One less person in the world changes everything, even if it was a bad relationship that needed to end.
Here, you’ll find three practical tips on how to stop feeling lost without a relationship. Remember that what works for me — and other women — may not work for you. So, you need to experiment with different approaches until you find the key to filling the emptiness. Take heart, my friend, for you will get through this! You won’t feel lost forever, and you will soon find more bright days than dull ones. Trust me…this, too, will pass.
On my article about recovering from loss and surviving grief, a reader called Clara said:
“After my divorce, I felt so lot without a man in my life. I found that my only real reprieve from all the mental ruminating and negative thinking was to keep repeating my now favorite phrase: ‘Make a choice to let go of my negative thoughts.’”
Clara says she repeats this phrase to herself often during the day, and it helps her stop feeling lost. “This mantra helps me have a clearer, more empty mind for other things like my sons, my work, my art, etc. I need to have NEW thoughts so I can feel NEW things. Here’s another thought I repeat to myself: ‘I am a very pretty woman’ and ‘have so much to offer a man in a new relationship.’”
These thoughts lift her up and make her feel better. She found her old thought patterns made her feel really bad about herself, so she stopped thinking them! How’s that for an easy, practical way to stop feeling lost without a relationship?
How to Stop Feeling Lost Without a Relationship
Changing your thought patterns is a great way to overcoming feelings of loss when a relationship ends — especially if you find the thoughts that work for you. And what works for you depends on why you feel lost to begin with.
1. Identify the specific reason you feel so lost
If you’re dealing with a divorce after 55 years of marriage, you may feel lost because you’ve been doing life with your husband for five decades. If you lost a relationship with your first love, you feel lost because this is your first experience with a breakup, or a broken heart. If your loss surrounds a family rift or fight with your best friend, then you feel lost without a relationship that anchored your very identity.
What type of relationship did you lose? And, what feelings are you struggling with? One of the first ways to stop feeling so lost is to identify what you’re afraid of, and why you miss this person so much. Take time to write down your answers to these questions, in your own Blossom Journal or the comments section below. You may find comfort and healing in simply becoming more aware of the reasons you feel so lost.
2. Talk to someone about your loss
Who understands you? Reach out to someone you trust, someone who knows what it’s like to feel lost without a relationship. Share how you feel, and ask how she coped with feelings of loss and grief after a breakup, divorce, or death. Ask her how she emotionally detached from someone she really cared about.
If she shares what helped her cope after losing a relationship, try those ideas in your own life. It’s very possible that what worked for her — such as joining a new group, traveling overseas, re-igniting her spiritual relationship with God — will work for you. But you have to try it before you find out if it’ll help you stop feeling lost without a relationship in your life.
3. Know that you are not alone
I thought we’d be together forever, my sister and me. We always joked that we’d be old spinsters, sitting in our rocking chairs on a front porch somewhere in Saskatchewan, reminiscing about our favorite foster parents Barb and Keith. Barb only had one arm, yet she was the strongest, most capable woman I ever met. Like a real live Superwoman! Keith was the “King of the Sundaes” because he gave us unlimited access to vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles.
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When my sister unexpectedly cut me out of her life — without telling me why or what I did wrong — I was blindsided. We’d been through so much together! Letting her go felt impossible and scary. I felt like I was losing more than a sister, like a huge part of my own self was being ripped away. She had always been in my life; in fact, I couldn’t remember existing without her. So if she didn’t want to be in my life anymore…what did that say about me? It took years to work through my feelings of confusion, anxiety, and even self-hatred.
I didn’t think I’d ever learn how to stop feeling lost without her in my life…but I healed. I let her go, and I’ve learned so much from that experience. My “secret” for recovering from that loss is my relationship with Jesus, for He really does fill our lives with unlimited power, joy, and peace!
What do you think, how will you stop feeling lost without a relationship in your life? Feel free to comment below. Writing about your relationship — and how you want your future to unfold — is a great way to deal with loss in life.
If you’re coping with a breakup or divorce, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.