After a breakup – or any type of relationship loss – you don’t just miss the person’s presence. You miss the feeling of having that relationship in your life. You miss the emotional stability, physical security, and familiarity of knowing your boyfriend or best friend was there.
If you feel lost without a relationship, you’ve come to the right place. I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I do know what it’s like when your world crumbles, your heart breaks, and you know you’ll never be the same.
You miss him, but you also miss the feeling of being part of another person’s life. When a relationship ends, you feel alone in the world. There’s one less person to call, text, or check in with. The loss of one relationship can change how you see the everything and everyone. If you’re dealing with a breakup or divorce or death, how do you heal after losing the only man you ever loved?
Here, you’ll find three practical tips on how to stop feeling lost without a relationship. Remember that what works for me — and other women — may not work for you. So, you need to experiment with different approaches until you find the key to filling the emptiness. Take heart, my friend, for you will get through this! You won’t feel lost forever, and you will soon find more bright days than dull ones. Trust me…this, too, will pass.
3 Ways to Cope With Feeling Lost and Lonely
On my article about recovering from loss and surviving grief, a reader called Clara said: “After my divorce, I felt so lost without a man in my life. I found that my only real reprieve from all the mental ruminating and negative thinking was to keep repeating my now favorite phrase: ‘Make a choice to let go of my negative thoughts.’”
Clara says she repeats this phrase to herself often during the day, and it helps her stop feeling lost. “This mantra helps me have a clearer, more empty mind for other things like my sons, my work, my art, etc. I need to have NEW thoughts so I can feel NEW things. Here’s another thought I repeat to myself: ‘I am a very pretty woman’ and ‘have so much to offer a man in a new relationship.’”
These thoughts lift her up and make her feel better. She found her old thought patterns made her feel terrible, so she stopped thinking them! How’s that for a simple tip on how to stop feeling lost without a relationship?
Changing your thought patterns is a great way to stop feeling lost and lonely when a relationship ends — especially if you find the thoughts that work for you. And what works for you depends on why you feel lost to begin with.
1. Identify the specific reason you feel lost
If you’re dealing with a divorce after 55 years of marriage, you may feel lost because you’ve been doing life with your husband for five decades. If you lost a relationship with your first love, you feel lost because this is your first experience with a breakup, or a broken heart. If your loss surrounds a family rift or fight with your best friend, then you feel lost without a relationship that anchored your very identity.
What type of relationship did you lose? And, what feelings are you struggling with? One of the first ways to stop feeling so lost is to identify what you’re afraid of, and why you miss this person so much. Take time to write down your answers to these questions, in your own Blossom Journal or the comments section below. You may find comfort and healing in simply becoming more aware of the reasons you feel so lost.
2. Find the survivors in your life – women who were lost and found
Who “gets” you? Reach out to someone you trust, someone who knows what it’s like to feel lost without a relationship. Share how you feel, and ask how she coped with feelings of loss and grief after a breakup, divorce, or death. Ask her how she emotionally detached from someone she really cared about.
If she shares what helped her cope after losing a relationship, try those ideas in your own life. It’s very possible that what worked for her — such as joining a new group, traveling overseas, re-igniting her spiritual relationship with God — will work for you. But you have to try it before you find out if it’ll help you stop feeling lost without a relationship in your life.
3. Know that you are not alone
I thought we’d be together forever, my sister and me. We always joked that we’d be old spinsters, sitting in our rocking chairs on a front porch somewhere in Saskatchewan, reminiscing about our favorite foster parents Barb and Keith. Barb only had one arm, yet she was the strongest, most capable woman I ever met. Like a real live Superwoman! Keith was the “King of the Sundaes” because he gave us unlimited access to vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and rainbow sprinkles.
When my sister cut me out of her life — without telling me why or what I did wrong — I was blindsided. We’d been through so much together! Letting her go felt impossible and scary. I felt like I was losing more than a sister, like a huge part of my own self was being ripped away. She had always been in my life; in fact, I couldn’t remember existing without her. So if she didn’t want to be in my life anymore…what did that say about me? It took years to face and work through my feelings of confusion, anxiety, and even self-hatred.
I wrote Growing Forward When You Can’t Go Back to share how I healed and moved forward in my life. It is a bouquet of Blossom Tips — literally 50 creative ideas for healing and growing forward! A bright, beautiful future awaits you, filled with peace and love.
Your “I feel lost without a relationship” feelings will rise, but you do not have to let them drag you down. Reach for a Blossom Tip! It will meet you where you are every time. And remember that I didn’t think I’d ever learn how to stop feeling lost without her in my life…but I healed. I let her go, and I’ve never been happier.
If you want to focus on the future, read It’s Never Too Late to Find the Right Man.
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