Healing your heart after a breakup or death is the first stage of moving on. The second stage is preparing your heart for a new relationship. How do you take the risk of falling in love again after being hurt in the past?
Two She Blossoms readers recently asked for help getting healthy. They want to offer their whole hearts in a new relationship, but how? Here’s what Cynthia said:
“I especially like your articles that talk about how to get on with your life after divorce. For the first time in my life, I have not been in a relationship. My husband left two months ago and it was hard at first, but I am really learning a lot about myself. It wasn’t a good marriage but I held on because I was so afraid to be alone. Now, in time, I would like to be married and share my life with a loving man. I would love to date but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I want to be whole and healthy before I start dating. I don’t want to ignore my that longing to be with a special someone. How do I prepare my heart to fall in love again? Thank you for everything!”
I’m reading a book called I Can Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn. In the last chapter of the book, they offer valuable tips for preparing your heart to fall in love again. I sprinkled a few of their quotes and ideas through the Blossom Tips in this article…
5 Ways to Prepare Your Heart for a New Love Relationship
These five “Blossom Tips” are divided into categories, to help you focus on different areas of your life. I love writing about the whole woman: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain.
Choose the ideas that work best for you, and leave the rest for now. They’ll be here for you later 🙂
1. Spirit – Walk forward in trust and faith
If you’re a believer, you have nothing to fear about starting a new relationship! Your faith in Jesus will carry you through — if you trust in Him with 100% of your heart, mind, and soul. You can balance the wisdom of guarding your heart in a relationship with the excitement of falling in love with a new man.
First, be clear on what you’re afraid of. It’s normal and even healthy to be cautious because new relationships are scary. They can feel threatening because of the uncertainty and risk involved, and any change in life makes you vulnerable. You can walk through these fears — and prepare your heart to fall in love again — if you hold on to your relationship with God first. Make Him the center of your life, and your other relationships will fall into place.
2. Heart – Be curious about new relationships
Instead of approaching the dating scene with fear and trepidation, be curious. You’re starting a new adventure in your life! Adopt a childlike sense of wonder and curiosity. Keep your eyes open, your head up, and your brains active.
Part of being curious is not judging. Take time to get to know people before you decide to give your heart away. “Take time before you judge a possible partner,” write the authors of I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. “Don’t trust them straight away either. Find out a bit more. If you take your time, you’ll learn whether you are reacting to your own expectations or unconscious projections. This time around you will probably discover that some things you used to think important don’t matter so much.”
3. Soul – Get to know your own heart
Pascal said the heart has reasons that reason cannot know. Even more striking, the Bible says our hearts are untrustworthy and unreliable: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9.
I used to think we can trusts our hearts to make good decisions. Now, I know better. The truth is that our hearts are easily led astray by our desires, ambitions, and weaknesses. So, I don’t think trusting yourself is the best way to prepare your heart to fall in love again…but I do think you need to get to know your heart. If you know yourself, you’ll make wise decisions — especially in new relationships.
4. Body – Include trusted friends in your new relationship
The smartest way to prepare your heart to fall in love is by learning how to balance your inner intuition with your friends’ feedback. What do your instincts tell you about a particular man, or online dating website, or singles’ gathering? What do your wise friends say?
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Combine your intuition with feedback from people you trust. You don’t have to wait until you meet a new man before you start learning how to trust your intuition in a new relationship. Practice now with new friends, neighbors, group members. What does your intuition say about them? How does that compare with what they say and do? That’s how you develop and learn to trust yourself.
5. Brain – Decide what sort of relationship you want
This is the ideal time to prepare for a new relationship because you learned from the past. You have new information about yourself, men, and relationships. Your heart was broken, but it’s slowly starting to come to life again. Your interest in men was sluggish at first, but you’re starting to awaken to the possibility that your heart will fall in love again. Hallelujah!
What are you looking for in a relationship? Pause. Take a deep breath. Get out your pen and Blossom Journal, and list the Top 5 Things You Need in a Relationship. Reach for the stars, and use your smarts.
Questions to consider:
- What do you regret about your last relationship?
- What would you do different, if you could go back in time?
- How would you have prepared your heart back then?
- How do you need to prepare your heart to fall in love again, today?
Take time to think about the type of relationship you want in your life. This will help you focus and create what you want, instead of being caught up in emotions and chemistry that may not serve you well.
What do you think about my tips on preparing your heart to fall in love again? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.