Healing after a breakup isn’t easy even when you’re ready to let go – but when you’re still in love, moving on from a relationship feels impossible. Here you’ll find three creative ways to accept the breakup and start over, plus tips for Blossoming in a new season of your life.
You may not have the energy or motivation, but now is the perfect time to start something new in your life! When you’re at your lowest and saddest, you need something to occupy your mind and fill your heart. You don’t feel motivated or inspired at this moment, but I encourage you to take a step of faith. There are a variety of ways to step forward after the breakup that broke your heart…
Try something new and different in your life, and see where it takes you. Pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, and get off the “I’ll never move on because I’m still in love” train. Take a step towards healing, growth, and reconnection in your life.
Trust that even in the darkest moments of your life, a light is shining somewhere. Beauty, peace, love, and freedom from heartache is coming your way. “Look!” God says. “I am doing a new thing in your life! Do you not perceive it?”
Moving On From a Relationship When You’re Still in Love
I’m writing a book called Blossoming After Loss: Let Go of Someone You Love and Step Into a New Season. It’s inspired by my bestselling ebook, 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart.
My current chapter focuses on Eve and the snake in the Garden of Eden. Come, let’s see if her experience can help you learn how to move on when you’re still in love!
Let go of regrets and remorse
“Oh, the things we would all take back, if given the chance,” writes Carolyn Custis James in Lost Women of the Bible: Finding strength and significance through their stories. “Hasty decisions, rash words, closed doors, and estrangements we can’t seem to repair. Did Eve relive again and again that fateful moment when she bought the lie and bit into the fruit?”
We don’t know if Eve walked reluctantly and slowly out of the Garden of Eden — or if she fled out of guilt and shame. Perhaps she was relieved to leave the place she met the snake, stumbled, fell. Perhaps she wept because her eyes were wide open and she witnessed the width and depth of her loss. Perhaps Eve felt depressed and guilty, unable to get out from under the heavy clouds of regret and remorse.
Surrender to a new season of your life
Or…maybe Eve found a way to put it all behind her. She may have been in love with the garden still – and she may have thought she could never move on – but she had no choice. She and Adam created a new home outside the garden and started their own family. Maybe she was willing to humbly surrender to this new season in her life because she knew there was no other way. She couldn’t change her conversation with the snake or untaste the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So maybe she simply accepted this new season of life.
What is holding you back from moving on? Yes, you’re still in love…but are you in love with the person you lost, or are you in love with the idea of being in a relationship?
Don’t listen to the voice of loneliness, desperation, despair
If you feel like you’ll never recover from the breakup, perhaps you’ve allowed a snake to slither into your life. Oh, that snake! He doesn’t want you to heal and move forward in your life; he wants you to stay stuck in your grief, loss, and pain. And the lies he tells you! He plants thoughts of lifelong loneliness, hopelessness, rejection.
The snake loves to remind you of your anxieties and doubts, and he wants to talk about all things to be afraid of. He questions your beliefs about God and he tries to trap you in the wrong conclusions. He wants you to keep reliving the past, to worry about the future, and to forget about the hope you’ve been given.
Heed your inner “little biddy”
What advice would your 80 year-old self give you?
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Picture yourself at 80: you are joyful, wise, grounded, peaceful, accepting, and compassionate. You know who you are and you’re more connected to God than ever before. Your body has slowed down, sure, but you don’t mind because your spirit is alive! You know what it’s like to experience deep joy — and deep pain — and you know what it means to live fully.
You are lit from within. People wonder what’s up with you, an 80 year-old lady who is so happy and free! But you don’t concern yourself with what people think; you just adjust your favorite hat (the wide-brimmed one with the fuchsia flowers), kick up your cowboy boots, and keep moving.
You know your strengths, weaknesses, habits, personality, passions, failures, and successes. You are self-aware and insightful, wise and compassionate. You see yourself the way God does. You forgive, embrace, love, and care for yourself. You see the big picture of your life, and you know He really has been working all things together for your good the whole time. And, you know how to move on from a relationship when you’re still in love because you’re smart and strong.
Listen to the messages you’re getting from others
If you feel like you can’t move on from a relationship because you’re still in love, you may be listening to the wrong voices.
We get a million messages from a billion different voices every day: emails, family, friends, neighbors, television, advertisements shouting from gas pumps, Facebook updates, texts, deceptive messages. Internal messages from your own heart and head. God’s still small voice.
You may be getting good messages from helpful sources – and many messages are good. They encourage life, growth, love, grace, compassion, peace, patience. But some messages are not good because they make you feel like you’ll never learn how to heal your heart without relationship closure.
When you get a message, ask yourself: Does this idea help me Blossom? Is it uplifting, inspiring, encouraging? Does it glorify God and bring me closer to Him?
Test the things people tell you
What do your friends and family say about the breakup? If they’re not helping you move on from the relationship because they somehow feed your feelings of being “still in love”, then you might need to make a difficult decision. You may need to protect yourself from their influence.
“Test everything that is said,” Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22. “Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every kind of evil.” Take everything you hear to God. Every message, idea, thought, and plan — whether it’s a sermon from your pastor, a breakup tip from a book, or advice from a friend or family member. Sit down with your journal, and write about the message you hear. The only way to test everything is to – and hear His still small voice – is to make space for God to Blossom in your life.
Yes, you can move on from this relationship. You aren’t damaged goods, and your chance for love is not over. Trust that your heart will heal and you CAN pick up the pieces of your shattered heart!
Tell me, what is holding you back from moving on from this relationship? Are you in love with the idea of being in a relationship, or are you truly in love with this man? I welcome your comments below. I can’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share your thoughts and process your feelings.
For more help Blossoming, read When You Know It’s Over But You Can’t Say Goodbye.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.