When a relationship ends, some people quickly bounce back. Others take longer, and still others never pick up the pieces of their broken hearts. Feeling stuck and lonely is no way to live – or to Blossom into who you were created to be!
Why do some people heal faster than others? Maybe they know this easy way to start mending a heart that’s been broken. One of the best books I’ve ever read about healing after loss is I Can Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna.
“One reason why some people handle the end of a relationship better than others is because of the way they interpret the event,” writes McKenna in I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. “Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with people who have undergone terrible tragedies but whose perspectives gave them an amazing strength that enabled them to handle the pain. Equally I have seen people devastated by a relatively small challenge. It’s down to the framing the individual uses.”
No matter how successful, smart, or savvy you are, you know the pain of a broken heart. Most of us learn this pain in childhood after losing a best friend, beloved pet, or even a parent or sibling. You’re not alone if you feel like your heart has been broken one too many times, and if you’re beginning to believe mending it is impossible.
Our theme on She Blossoms this week is acceptance. It’s not easy to accept a loss or mend a broken heart, but this idea of “reframing” your experience may change how you feel. This, in turn, might be the key you need to keep walking through loss into a new season God has planned for you.
An Easy Way to Start Mending Your Broken Heart
The truth is you’ll never be the same after losing someone you love. Whether you’ve been touched by death, divorce, or disease, you had to say goodbye to a season of your life. And saying goodbye is never easy – even if you were prepared for the loss.
Your life will never be the same, but your broken heart can heal. This tip for mending a broken heart can apply to all types of loss, ranging from a breakup with a boyfriend and to the unexpected death of a husband. To keep things simple I’ll refer to loss as a “relationship breakup.”
Learn about the concept of “reframing” in life
“A photographer uses framing to tell you what is important in a picture,” writes Paul McKenna in I Can Mend Your Broken Heart.
“She chooses the proportions, the point of view, and the angles so your eye is drawn to the elements the photographer wants you to notice. The frames we use when we see things, think about things, and make pictures in our mind have a huge influence on the way we interpret our experiences.”
How you think about the breakup or loss has a huge impact on how quickly and easily your heart mends. For example, if you frame the breakup as the worst thing that could have ever happened to you, then you won’t heal quickly. If you tell yourself your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband was the only man you’ll ever love, then you’ll find yourself stuck in pain and grief.
If you has your broken heart will never mend, then it won’t.
Reframe your breakup
What if healing a broken heart could be as easy as changing the way you think about your breakup or loss?
“As you become better at the art of reframing, you give yourself more choices in life,” writes McKenna in I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. “The more choices you have, the more flexible you are…Being heartbroken can feel like having nothing worth doing and no means of changing anything, but that is because the frame you are using is too narrow and limiting. Learning to see yourself and the breakup or loss with a different frame is a wonderful liberation. And anything can be reframed.”
3 Steps to Mending a Broken Heart
- All your thoughts about your loss and how it feels to live with a broken heart.
- The benefits of minding your heart and moving on with your life.
- Three ways your breakup or loss changed your life in positive ways.
If you don’t have a private diary or Blossom Journal, feel free to write your thoughts in the comments section below. You’ll find that putting your ideas in writing – reframing your thoughts about the breakup and your future without him – will lift your mood. It may not be the most fun exercise you’ll ever do, but it is an easy way to start mending your broken heart.
In I Can Mend Your Broken Heart, Paul McKenna shares simple, highly effective techniques that will help you feel better fast and bring about lasting improvements to your emotional life.
You will also . . .
- Learn to stop jealousy and obsessive thoughts
- Feel calm and re-establish emotional equilibrium
- Change bad habits and eliminate destructive psychological patterns
- Develop your emotional intelligence
- Find out why a relationship didn’t work
- Regain self-confidence and open the door to new love
I recommend reading I Can Mend Your Broken Heart because of McKenna’s practical tips and insights into love, loss, and healing. It’s not just about mending a broken heart, it’s about living with more freedom, joy and peace.
Your thoughts and stories on this “easy way to start mending your broken heart” are welcome below! Is reframing a breakup or loss (especially a death of a spouse) as easy as it sounds? Do you think it actually help heal your heart?
I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
Need encouragement? Sign up for my weekly "Echoes of Joy" email - it's free, short, and energizing. Like me!