“I can’t live without him” is one of the most common comments on my She Blossoms blogs. These tips on how to live without him are practical and effective ways to let go of someone you love – whether your husband died or divorced you, or your boyfriend betrayed or broke up with you.
“My husband passed away two years ago,” says Natalie on How to Let Go of Someone You Love. “We were married over 36 years. I know he isn’t in pain but I still miss him and want him back. He was on dialysis for a year. He hated it, so I guess it is selfish to want him to go through that just to be here with me. I am a Christian but I have so many thoughts and pain in my heart even after two years. I feel like I lost everything. I just don’t know if I can live my life without him. He always protected me and made me feel special. I miss him so much. I don’t want another husband. I just don’t know who I am, what I’m supposed to be doing or how to live. I look fine on the outside but on the inside I am a mess.The Lord says He has plans for me, but what are they? I wish I knew. My life is a mess.”
Learning how to live your life without him (your husband or boyfriend) isn’t just about believing that God has a plan for your life. It’s more — and more exciting! — than that. Living without the man you love is about deciding to let go of the past, discover who you are today, and Blossom into the woman God created you to be.
But how do you let go of the past? I’m glad you asked!
3 Ways to Live Without Your Husband or Boyfriend
First, I’m sorry for your loss. You’re here because you’re grieving the end of your relationship or marriage…and I grieve with you. It’s hard, and it hurts. Give yourself time to acknowledge your pain and work through the grieving process…but don’t allow yourself to get trapped in your grief.
Second, one sentence that stood out to me in Natalie’s comment is: “I just don’t know if I can live my life without him.” Why did it stand out? Because that is what’s holding her back from learning how to live without her husband. That one thought is more powerful than she knows.
1. Stop thinking that you can’t live without him
I get hundreds of comments from readers, mostly from women who are struggling to accept life without their husbands or boyfriends. Their relationship ended or their marriage broke up, and they really believe they can’t live without the men they loved and lost.
This idea that you can’t live your life without him is the most destructive and unhealthy way to think after a breakup, death, or divorce. That single thought has the power to keep you chained to the past, stuck in your grief, and burdened under the belief that your life has no meaning anymore. It is a lie. The truth is that you CAN live without this man you loved and lost.
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You can live your life without your husband or boyfriend, and you will…but only if you choose to.
2. Start thinking how you CAN live your life without him
Of course you can learn how to live without the man you love! You are stronger than you think, more resilient than you believe, and healthier than you realize. You’re just allowing yourself to get sucked into the “but I don’t want to live without him” abyss of negativity and hopelessness. You’re following your emotions instead of using your mind to recreate your life.
How do you change your thoughts, so you can change your life? How do you heal and grow and Blossom into the woman God created you to be? By deciding that you need to accept that your husband died or your relationship with your boyfriend ended. It is over, it is finished. Stop fighting reality, because you’re just beating your head against a cement sidewalk. Instead, start moving towards the rich deep soil of a fresh start, a new season in your life. Accept the past, and look forward into your future.
Learning how to live your life without him is a process. It won’t happen overnight – just like seeds don’t sprout into flowers in the blink of an eye.
3. Explore different ways to Blossom in your life
Guess what? You were created for a reason! You have a purpose for being here in this world, even if your life feels purposeless right now. You are actually a work of God, His unique workmanship, part of His master plan for this world. If you Blossom into the woman God created you to be, you not only fulfill God’s purpose for your life…you give the world the gift of being truly you. And this is no small thing! This is huge! Exciting! Amazing!
“For we are God’s masterpiece,” writes Paul in Ephesians 2:10. “He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”
You don’t have to believe in God to learn how to live your life without your husband or boyfriend. In fact, maybe it’s better that you don’t believe, because then you have a whole new path to explore. A clean slate, as it were. A blank canvas, an empty garden plot, a fresh page on which to listen and write.
You are more unique and mysterious than a field of wildflowers. You are not an afterthought, and you didn’t just appear here for no reason. So what, do you think, holds you back from Blossoming into the woman God created you to be? What holds me back is fear of what people think. The older I get, the more I realize how much I want to control other people’s opinions of me. And this affects everything I do. Until, of course, I become aware of this tendency…and then it becomes part of Blossoming and becoming a new creation…and then it actually turns into a strength.
Tell me in the comments section below: what is one way you can start living your life without your husband or boyfriend? What makes you Blossom – what energizes you, brings you alive, helps you get out of bed in the morning? Do more of that, for it will help you enter into a fresh new season of your life.
And here’s a final question for you: before you lost your husband or boyfriend, what advice did you give women who were struggling to accept a breakup or let go of a man? How has your los changed your beliefs about grieving, letting go, and moving forward in life?
For more tips on living without him – and blossoming into who God create you to be – read When You Miss Him Like Crazy.