You thought you knew the man you married, but you didn’t find out who your husband really was until after the wedding. How do you live with – and love – a husband you wish you never married?
These 101 quick tips will help you fall in love with your husband, fix your marriage, and find true joy and happiness forever! Actually, I’m kidding — that’s not true 🙂 No marriage could be that easily fixed, no husband that easily loved, and no happiness that easily obtained. Learning how to live with a man you wish you never married is a process that takes time and effort, not to mention prayers and hope.
This article was inspired by a “She Blossoms” reader who says she pushed her husband into marrying her before he was ready. He was rebounding from his last relationship, and still hasn’t gotten over his ex-girlfriend. My reader asked for help living with her husband, who she wishes she never married…
Here’s my reader’s comment:
“My husband was never in love with me to begin with,” says Indira on When the Man You Married Changed – and Not for Better. “We got together a couple months after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and I knew he wasn’t over her. He was so hurt. I felt like our relationship was a rebound. It was me who has been so insistent and persuasive with getting married. He eventually just agreed. But he doesn’t love me the way he loved her. My husband never brings me to his family even though we are married now. His parents know about me but didn’t even come to our civil wedding. It breaks my hear I wish I never married him and I don’t know how to live with him.”
If you’re not married yet, don’t push your boyfriend into getting married! You may think you know him — and you may love him with all your heart — but you’ll regret rushing into marriage. If your boyfriend isn’t ready to marry you, give him time and space. If you push him into marriage, then you’ll be searching for tips on how to live with a husband you wish you never married. You’ll regret letting your emotions rule over reason.
How to Live with a Man You Wish You Never Married
My suggestions are based on my reader’s comments about her marriage. Your relationship won’t be the same, and neither will your solutions. To figure out what to do in your marriage, listen to the still small voice inside you — God’s voice, your intuition, that gut feeling.
Take small steps of faith, and do what you think is right for you, your family, and your marriage. My fourth suggestion for living with a man you regret marrying will be especially helpful, but the first three are important, too!
1. Figure out why you regret marrying your husband
Many couples get married without truly knowing what marriage is all about. And, many of us grew up with unhappily married parents, divorced couples, toxic co-parents, sexually confused or struggling couples, emotionally detached fathers, controlling mothers — so many unhealthy examples of marriage! I grew up with a single schizophrenic mother and no father; I had no idea what marriage was really like.
To learn how to live with a husband you wish you never married, you have to get to the root of the problem. Do you regret marrying him because you had unrealistic expectations of marriage, or because he’s unhealthy or even abusive? Are you bored with your relationship because the romance has faded, or are you coping with your own emotional health issues? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to love and marriage.
Take time to get to the root of your regret. This will help you figure out how to live with a man you wish you weren’t married to. It may even shed light on your next steps.
2. Accept your husband’s past relationships or marriages
Are your marriage regrets growing from your husband’s past marriage or relationship? Some wives don’t realize how deeply their husbands are attached to their ex-wives or ex-girlfriends until after the wedding.
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Here’s what my reader says about her husband’s past:
“I’m so insecure about my husband’s ex-girlfriend, she was so close to his family and I’m not,” says Indira. “My husband even paid for her school so she could continue her studies and pay her bills. I can see how in love with her my husband is. He posted so many pictures of her and him on his facebook page, tons of them together. He was so proud of her. How can I ever get over this feeling? He loves her more than he loved me. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and I’m scared I’m losing him. It affects me so much.”
3. Don’t compare yourself to your husband’s ex-wife or ex-girlfriend
Indira isn’t just unhappy with her husband, she wishes she never married him. She constantly compares herself to her husband’s ex-girlfriend…and she constant feels inadequate, unworthy, and unloved. This is making her question her ability to live with her husband, to love him, and to commit to their marriage.
She never mentioned what her husband says about their marriage. Maybe he really does love his ex-girlfriend more than he loves Indira. Or, maybe he tells Indira all the time how much he loves her, and how he doesn’t regret marrying her. Maybe she wishes she never married her husband for reasons that have nothing to do with him.
What about you — do you compare yourself to your husband’s ex-girlfriend or ex-wife? If his past is one of the reasons you wish you never married him, take time to think about your own identity as a woman, a wife, and a person outside your marriage. Know who you are, who God created you to be. This will help you settle your identity, which will stop those unhealthy, destructive comparisons with your husband’s ex-wife or ex-girlfriend.
4. Seek wise counsel
The best way to learn how to live with a husband you wish you never married is by talking to someone you trust. Get in-person help and support. Don’t ask strangers for advice on your marriage; they don’t know you, your husband, or your relationship. You may not need to talk to a marriage therapist or couples counselor — perhaps a wise and mature friend can help you untangle your relationship and emotions.
In Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?, Gary Thomas doesn’t just offer techniques to make a marriage happier.
This book contains practical tools that will help you live with a man you wish you never married – but more importantly, it’ll change you.
Whether your husband is delightful or difficult, he can become a doorway to a closer walk with God. Your marriage is the second most important relationship in your life. The first and most important relationship you could ever have is with Jesus. He’s not just part of your life here on earth, He’ll be with you through eternity.
Take time to rebuild your relationship with God. If you don’t know Jesus, open your heart to His call on your life. God may not immediately and miraculously heal your marriage, but He will fill you with the emotional, spiritual and physical strength you need to move forward in your life. With or without your husband.
If you’re starting to think you can’t live with your husband, read Is Your Marriage Over? 6 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore.
How are you? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.