5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated


Forgiving your boyfriend’s affair is easier if you can rebuild your trust in your relationship. Here are five signs you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you, plus tips on how to forgive.

These tips are inspired by a reader’s question about her boyfriend’s affair with his closest female friend. “He spent alot of time with her but I didn’t think anything of it because I trusted him,” says Miri on 10 Warning Signs of Bad Relationships. “He didn’t confess that he cheated on me, I found out by scanning through his text messages on his phone. She texted him that she loves him but she doesn’t want to keep cheating with him even thought she is single. My boyfriend swears he’ll never cheat on me again, that I can trust him, and that we will always be together. He said it was an accident and he was drunk. He loves his friend just as a friend. Part of me wants to walk away from this relationship but a bigger part wants to stay because I love him. How do I know if I can trust my boyfriend after he cheated on me?”

Nobody can tell you if you can trust your boyfriend, or that he’ll never cheat on you again. You need to listen to the still small voice inside you, and take a leap of faith. Maybe that leap of faith is trusting your boyfriend after he cheated…or maybe it’s letting him go. Only you can make that decision.





What is your intuition telling you? I know it’s confusing and scary, but you really have to lean in and listen. Deciding if you can trust your boyfriend after he betrayed you is one of the most difficult – and perhaps one of the most important – decisions you’ll ever make. You need to combine what your gut instincts are saying with what your boyfriend is telling you.

5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated

Here are five tips for trusting your boyfriend after an affair – or even “just” online chatting with other women. After all, cheating often begins with the five stages of flirting.

1. Your boyfriend is willing to work to win back your trust

Don’t allow yourself to get trapped into doing all the work to rebuild trust in your relationship. You won’t be able to figure out why your boyfriend cheated, or the truth about your future with him, or how to get your relationship back on track. Your boyfriend has to take responsibility for the affair. What does this mean? He has to admit that he cheated and be willing to work to make your relationship better.

Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated

5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated

It’s not your fault that your boyfriend cheated – it was either a really bad choice on his part, or a lack of moral character. If it was a bad choice, then you might be able to trust him again after he cheated. If he’s just a bad guy, then you shouldn’t trust him. He’ll cheat again.

The best and most important sign that will tell you if your boyfriend will cheat again is your own gut feeling. I know what you WANT to believe…but you have to trust your gut.

In After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Janis Spring offers proven strategies for surviving the crisis of an affair and rebuilding love relationship. Read this book, and you’ll learn if you should trust your boyfriend after he cheated. Ask him if he’s willing to read the book, too. That’s a huge sign of how trustworthy he is! (If he’s not willing to read about how to rebuild your relationship, then he’s not worth trusting again. In my opinion.).

2. He knows why he cheated on you

If he cheated because he wasn’t getting something from you or your relationship, then it may be easier to rebuild trust because you can change your relationship. It isn’t easy, but you can work together to rebuild trust after cheating. But, if he cheated because he was bored or it’s in his nature to roam, then you might not want to trust him again.

The reason he cheated may help you decide if you can trust him again. In How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure, I discuss how difficult it is to heal when something like an affair isn’t discussed. If your boyfriend doesn’t know why he cheated – or if he doesn’t care about talking about the affair – then it’s a sign you can’t fully trust him. He has to be self-aware enough to know what he was thinking. Knowing your boyfriend’s reasons for the affair will help you decide if you can trust him again. It will also help you heal your heart, whether or not your relationship continues.

3. You know what you need from your boyfriend

What do you need him to say or do? If your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you, maybe you need him to pay more attention to you. If he travels for work or spends a lot of time with his friends, you may need him to put you first more often. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to talk about his feelings, reasons for cheating, or your relationship, then you may need him to open up more.



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Before you can decide if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you, you need to figure out what you need from him. if you feel like you’ll never be able to trust him, maybe there’s nothing you need from your relationship. Maybe there’s nothing he can do to win your heart back.

4. Your boyfriend is willing to do anything to save your relationship

After you figure out what you need from him, ask him if he’s willing to give you what you need. Don’t hesitate or play mind games with him, and don’t hold back from being totally honest. You may have to be vulnerable here. You may have to be so honest it hurts. You may even have to trust him with your deepest fears and insecurities. If you can’t trust your boyfriend enough to tell him the truth about yourself, then you have a huge warning sign that you can’t trust him with your heart.

Do you need him to spend more time with you? Go to couples counseling with you — or get help from a marriage or relationship coach? Start individual therapy for himself, if he needs to work through his emotional issues? Read books about rebuilding trust after an affair (even if that affair was “just” talking to other girls online)?

If your boyfriend isn’t willing to work towards saving your relationship, then you should think twice about trusting him again. If you want to give him a second chance but you’re scared you can’t trust him, read How to Guard Your Heart in a Relationship.

5. He isn’t making you feel insecure or confused

Is your boyfriend trying to reassure you? Is he helping you trust and rely on him? Both men and women stay in bad relationships because they’re scared they’ll never be loved again. If your self-esteem or self-confidence is low, find ways to boost it without relying on your boyfriend or a love relationship.

Getting as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy as possible is more important that deciding if you should trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you! The healthier you are, the easier all your decisions in life will be — including your most important decisions about love and relationships.

Remember that trusting your boyfriend after he cheated doesn’t happen overnight. Rebuilding trust is a process that involves good and bad days – and good and bad discussions with your boyfriend! But, if you’re both willing to work on your relationship, you can rebuild trust and strengthen your love and commitment to one another.

Help surviving an affair

trusting boyfriend after cheating chump ladyThe Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity: How to Regain Your Sanity After You’ve Been Cheated On by Tracy Schorn is a fantastic way to come back to yourself. When your boyfriend cheats on you, you start to doubt yourself.

When you’re trying to read the signs you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you, you question your self-worth and lovability. Worrying that your boyfriend might cheat again is normal – and so is not being able to rebuild trust overnight. The Survival Guide to Infidelity will help you move forward and regain trust in yourself.

Follow your heart, but take your brains with you.

5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He CheatedBooks like The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by Gary Neuman are helpful because they give an objective perspective (which you and your boyfriend don’t necessarily have).

Gary Neuman is also the author of Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship. Neiman is a marriage counsellor who I first “met” on the Dr Oz show.

He and Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute discussed several ways to discern if someone is lying about cheating – and I describe their tips in 9 Ways to Tell if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating. It’s worth a read, even if you don’t think your boyfriend is lying.

I welcome your thoughts on these signs you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated. I can’t give you advice or tell you if he’ll cheat again, but if you write your thoughts, you may feel better. Writing really does help you process your emotions and clarify your thinking, which will help you make a better decision.

May you follow what your heart is telling you to do. May you listen to the still small voice despite the fear you feel, and second that you be true to yourself. I pray that you do what you need to do, and don’t be manipulated by your boyfriend or your own insecurities and fears.

xo







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145 thoughts on “5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated

  • Annyomonous

    I have been with my fiancée for 9 years and one day he decided to cheat on me with a girl who I thought was a friend of mine but wasn’t. I didn’t believe it until he kept coming home late and locking up his phone. Also another way I found out was he kept paying her phone bill and even his own best friend told me bout it. I still didn’t want to believe it until he decided to come home one night and tell me bout him and her and how he was going to leave me for her and I didn’t see it coming is what he told me . We stayed broken up for a week but kept in touch and than one night we got back together. But till this day I still wondee if I should trust him or not cause I still have flashbacks of all of it . Anyone got any advice that could help me ?

  • Michelle

    An amazing step dad and fiancé over the past 5 years. Every 6 -8 months he steps outside the relationship to sext with woman who live far away . Maybe ex girlfriends or friends from high school . Each time I catch him he apologized and things are great yuk around the 7/8 month mark . This has happened 5 times . He doesn’t know why he does it , he thinks maybe self esteem , they make him feel good about himself ? He truly is my best friend and we are together all the time and do not fight over anything other than that . Last month he sexted a girl from work , the went drinking and he had sex . I kicked him out and he is just sick . He says he loves me and the kids and wants very much the life we had . He says he is happy and our intimate life is great . He does not know why he does this . He is in therapy now and working on it . Says he doesn’t like who that guy is and needs to u detest do why he did it . Questions is ….. Am I crazy for considering getting back together with him .?

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Bettina,

    It sounds like you and your fiance have been through alot of things, both together and separately! You’ve weathered the storms of infidelity, drug use, truths and lies.

    But the storm hasn’t passed, yet, has it? You and he still have stuff to work through. It sounds like your fiance is dealing with shame and guilt about his past, and he hasn’t worked through his feelings yet. He hasn’t resolved what he did or gotten past the worst of it. That’s why he can’t tell you the truth about his cheating.

    I don’t know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated and can’t tell you the truth, but I did write an article about dealing with a man’s secret past and relationships

    6 Ways to Deal With Your Husband’s Past Secrets
    https://howloveblossoms.com/how-to-deal-with-husbands-past-secrets-lies/

    I think it’s important for you and your fiance to get help. You say you’re consumed by wanting to know the truth, and your fiance is in turmoil emotionally. You’re both struggling to deal with these issues, and I really believe the best way out is to talk it through with a counselor. You both need guidance and support from someone who can help you process your feelings and deal with the grief so you can start to heal emotionally and spiritually.

    What do you think? If your fiance won’t see a counselor, would you see one on your own? Take care of your emotional and spiritual health, Bettina. Take care of yourself.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Bettina

    I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years. He has done some unforgivable things like infidelity though out this relationship. He’s done some things he’s even ashamed to admit, he was also a drug user as was I.. I forgave him for the things he has done without knowing the truth.. But recently when I got clean I wanted to know the truth..

    I am so consumed by not knowing the truth that i search and search and investigate, trying to find any truth to the things he has done. I am miserable but feel I cannot be happy or trust him or move forward without knowing the whole truth. I can’t forgive the things I thought I once could. I love him but am miserable and resent him more and more. Everytime I try to ask him about the things I’ve found out about he just stays quite or denies it even though he knows I know the things he’s done. I know he don’t want to hurt me and he may be ashamed but I feel I cannot move forward without the truth and it needs to come from him.. I want him to take responsibility for his actions, admit his wrongs and come clean so I can have closure. .

    I know he loves me and he cries sometimes when we are lying in each others arms and when I ask him what’s wrong he just says he is sorry for ever hurting me.. So I know he feels guilt and sorrow but I feel like he is totally undermining the stuff he has done and disrespecting me by lying and i also fear he will never change.. If he is able to still lie right to my face about certain circumstances how can I ever trust him to tell the truth or never betray me again?

    HELP..
    MAYBE YOU CAN WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD DO OR EXPECT..
    THANK YOU!

  • Anonymous

    Hello!
    I’m a 22 year old,college student, Godfearing and faithful to my boyfriend. We been together for approximately 3 years. We have a lot of mutual friends and one of them is my good friend,we studied together in our first year. All was well.
    We are in our final year now.
    My boyfriend and most of his friends do the same course,we only shared the same modules in the first year and then moved on to specific ones.
    So,my boyfriend continued studying with his friends but they all became junkies and he had to opt to study our female friend, my very close friend.

    They studied together and I was absolutely fine with it. After some time things began to change in our relationship. He became less open with me and sort of distant. Then he would be perfectly fine and everything would be hunky dory.
    Then he stopped saying “I love you” first and their was a period when he didn’t call me “baby”.
    I thought it was just a rough patch and things went back to be slightly normal.

    In summary, our female friend just told me that he messaged her and told her that he is in with her. She showed me the messages. I am so hurt, I love him so much. I want him to tell me to face that he doesn’t love me anymore or whatever the reason he decided temotionally cheat on me for so many months.
    I love him I don’t know what to do… Its not the first time I have been cheated on by a guy, I really thought this was The Guy.
    Please help me!

  • Laurie

    Sometimes a cheating boyfriend is also emotionally and mentally abusive. We may not recognize the signs of abuse because we’re used to them, or because we don’t feel good enough about ourselves to admit the truth.

    If you don’t know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated, maybe it’s time to figure out if he’s actually abusive.

    Signs of an Abusive Relationship You Should Never Ignore
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/abusive-relationship-signs/

    I don’t know if your boyfriend can be trusted, but I believe that if you listen to the still small voice inside of you, you will make the right decision about your relationship.

  • urshula

    I need a serious help my man is cheating me, i am angry because i trusted him with my everything .i don’t have friends, family because of him .i recently found out that he is cheating on me .what must i do i trusted him and i Love him so dearly, what sucks is he is denies that he is cheating

    • Luciana

      Hi Ursula, hope this isn’t to late to reply. I know you are angry and dissapointed, just talk with him. Tell him u need him to be real to you. At least just telling what he did, and why. Then you need to think if u really want him. After all this time or nay. If u decide that u can forgive and forget then do it. If u don’t then maybe u weren’t meant to be. U are the only one that can know

  • Mrinalini

    Hello
    I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend 2years back.i was with him for 6months. We broke up because he was already in a relationship with a girl mostly a physical relationship. When I came to know about it I stopped replying to his calls and texts. But he never stopped, he continued calling me for about a year. Finally I picked his call up because I loved him with all of my heart even then. He says he loves me and he is sorry for what he has done. He is coming to meet me next month on my birthday travelling 3000 kms. But I don’t trust him. I think he will cheat me again. Is he serious this time or is still the same.

  • Yaneth

    Hi I’m 35 years old i was in a relationship with a 25 years old guy recently I found out he was living with a man that wants to be a girl but he was living with him / her because he was just come out of jail and he was using him / her for money and a place to stay what should I do I haven’t confront him I yet I know he don’t like man but he likes drugs and I’m not sure if he’s doing the same with me what should I do

  • Anon

    I don’t know why, but I’m still with my boyfriend after he cheated 7 times. We’ve been together 7 years and have a child together. I’ll admit he has changed, he’s what I wanted now but I just feel hate for him. I haven’t let him near me in two years, he makes my skin crawl and it sounds extreme but I wish he’d just die. It’s been four years since he last cheated but I can’t get over it. He refuses to let me end the relationship and just hangs around hoping I’ll get over it. I’ll never get over it, I can’t wait until my child is old enough that I can just disappear. Men are despicable and I will never let a man do this to me ever again.

  • Kathy

    My story !! Should I stay or go ??? 8 of our 12 months together He was talking sex and asking for a trist with an ex !!! I had a gut feeling something was up. I am 59 active fun I think I love him and he is very sorry I called her out and him They didn’t have sex only talked shit…I accidentally saw a email then name then all 120 plus emails …….He says he stopped he loves me ??????? Help

  • Christina

    I am glad to find this website and hopefully someone can give me some advise on what to do. I a 25 years old girl and hes 31 years old. We have been in relationship for 4 years. During these 4 years, we actually stay together for 2 years and we are apart because he lives in DC for his job and I live in NY for my job. When I go on visit him recently, we walk together to his apartment and a girl stand right in front of his apartment. She walks toward us and said that you know his my boyfriend and he was supposed to stay with me to see my parent in NY for Valentines day. I was shock when I heard it but I just went inside the apartment and they went to talk whatever they had to talk. When he came back, he told me that he was just the girl that he work for and she thought more and crazy abouIt him. The stupid me actually believe it and told him that we should call cops if she comes again. Next day I still wasnt in good mood, I want to see his text, his email but he refuses. He did finally sent me a picture of a email that this girl sent him which is quite lovely and explicit and talk about the magical nights……………….I was torn already but still thought about giving him a chance. I went to check on his phone when he went to bathroom, I saw the message from another girl that said I miss u , good morning darling , etc,etc So, he finally confess that these are the girls that he has been flirting with since a few months ago. He says that they only flirt together but never had anything together because he felt distant from me and flirting with girl boost his ego/ self esteem. At this point, I am shattered to find out that its not only one girl but multiple girls that he flirt with from work from past. He said he loves me and he only did it because I never said I loves him, I decide to take a break from this relationship but I dont know what to do. I dont know if I can continue with him, if I do how to build this trust again ? I dont know if I am capable of loving sb again

    • Viridiana

      Flirting is still cheating. If he told you that he did this because you didn’t tell him you loved him then that is plain stupid. He should’ve talked about it with you instead of talking to other girls. I get the feeling that he’s turning this on you and trying to make you feel like it’s your fault that he is cheating on you. It’s not your fault. He needs to accept his own consequences because if he lied to you, then think, what else has he lied to you about? I know this because I’ve been in the same situation. I know you love him, I know you’ve been with him for a long while, but know that it’s not worth it. Don’t waste your time. Also, don’t flirt with other guys and do the same, you don’t want to stoop down to his level.

  • terra

    my fiancé has been very dishonest and cheated on me in the past. It hurt me so bad because I really believed everything he had told me.i never had a reason to doubt him. When I found out about the cheating and lies and secrets it crushed my heart so bad. I never been hurt by a man so bad and I eventually separated from him for a couple of months. We talked and we still loved eachother so he promised me he would regain my trust and be more open with me. well for the most part he did and I have been treated like a queen but sometimes I still have my feelings of distrust and I check up on him and that makes him mad at me. how do I mentally let go of this scared feeling I have to let my guards back down totally? I know I am just fearful because I never let my guard down so much and when I did I went through a great deal of depression, something I never went thru with any man before. I couldn’t eat, sleep or function they way I needed to. I had to force myself to get out of bed and put on a happy face for my kids but I was devastated. Now he is just so wonderful to me and adores me so much and he does everything to show me what how much he loves me. I don’t want to lose him because he is a very good man. How do I let the fears go and totally trust him?

    • Ana B.

      It doesn’t sound like he is “a very good man.” He sounds like an ass and you should NEVER completely let your guard down, especially with someone who has already cheated on you. Thank God that you are not already married to this man. His cheating and the distress it’s caused you is taking away your time and energy from your kids. No man is worth that. Don’t believe whatever lies you’ve been hearing or telling yourself over the years. Recognize your own worth and refuse to let any man dictate how you will live and how you will feel about yourself. I know, I’m speaking from personal experience. Good luck to you!

  • HELP ME

    I don’t know what to do.
    My boyfriend and I have been together since 9/20/2014 and in that short period of time we have grown so close.
    On november 6th he broke up with me. I was an emotional wreck. He was too (which i dont understand) he was balling his eyes out saying he was sorry but I wasn’t the one for him and he didn’t want to hurt me by prolonging our relationship if he didn’t think it was going to work. I had no where to go, so his dad and step mom let me come stay with them until i could figure something out.
    We talked for hours and ended up getting back together. He told me he needed more space. His phone went off and i looked. I read messages between him and two of his friends

    him “Convince me to dump her”
    friend “she uses you for a place to live and is a complete bum”
    him “She’s taking forever”
    friend ” Just make her leave”
    him ” I am but she wont stop whining and she’s taking forever to pack up her shit”

    That was so hurtful to me. The messages are pinned in my mind now and i can never forget them. I woke him up because of my sobbing and he said i shouldn’t have gone through his phone. He says it was an invasion of his privacy. Keep in mind iv’e done it before. I have horrible trust issues and he never cared if i looked though his phone before.

    These were my rules if we were going to stay together
    New Job.
    No going out with the guys
    No hidden pass code on his phone and no deleting messages
    and if he wanted to go out he would have to bring me

    he said ok and has since gotten a new job and has kept up with all of my other stipulations. But here’s the thing. I have never been in a relationship where i haven’t been cheated on. And I don’t understand why. I give a relationship my all. I gave everything up for him. Everything i do is for him. And i was NEVER over controlling.

    He has never cheated on a girl before. I’m the first. His dad cheated on his mom when he was like 5 or 6. He had to watch his mom’s pain and suffering. He should know right from wrong and he should know not to cheat on anyone. But since then we have also moved back in together and everything has been kind of simmering down. I just don’t know how i will ever trust him. I love him to death and i think he is genuinely sorry and wont do it again. I need advice. Bad.

    • Ana B.

      You’re kidding me, right? Please re-read your own post. This man sounds like a child if he needs his “friends” to tell him to dump you! And, honestly, you are not helping the situation if “everything you do is for him.” Does that sound healthy? Such a one-sided relationship? Is that what you want? Come on! Why put yourself through this? Just thank Jesus that you don’t have kids with this man-child and get out! Living on your own is better than being with an emotional vampire. GET OUT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!

      – Someone’s who’s learned from her mistakes

  • Rachel

    This literally just happened 3 hours ago. I have been dating a guy for almost a year. We met in church of all places. At the time I wasn’t looking for anything because I had just gotten out of a situation 6 months prior and I was working on me. So we talked and instantly hit it off… From that day till now we talked every day. I let him prove himself instead of just jumping into something. He’s a great guy and had never given me reason to suspect anything. So for the past week I’ve been having the craziest dreams about him. The last dream I had he was cheating on me in the dream and it felt a little too real. He was out of town working so I didn’t want to bother him. So last night we were sleeping and I woke up suddenly and something told me to go through his phone. Now mind you I have never done this in a previous relationship but something in my gut said do it.

    So I do and what I found in still in shock of. I checked his Instagram and Facebook and he’s been messaging different women. Most don’t live in the same state but the things he was saying we’re hurtful to read. Things like I miss you and send me pics he even sent a few pics to a few women. Some of the pics that I have saved in my phone.

    The more I read the more the tears started to flow. I was just in shock. We have been talking marriage lately so now I’m thinking what we have is a lie.

    So I sit up in the bed because I can’t concentrate or think straight. He wakes up and asked what’s wrong.

    At first I didn’t say anything because I was still in shock but he kept pressing the issue saying I looked mad.

    So I told him I had a bad dream and in the dream you cheated on me. So then I asked have you ever cheated on me and he says no. So I ask again and he denies. So I told him what I saw in his phone and he says I just talk to them but I have never cheated on you.

    I don’t care if it wasn’t physical that’s cheating to me. So I pack up all my belongings and leave (this was 4am btw) so he’s trying to stop me from leaving. Telling me he’s sorry and not to leave mad like this. And then I started crying uncontrollably. And told him it’s over and slot of other words I won’t type out.

    On my way home he’s calling and texting me back to back trying to explain himself saying he’s sorry and he never cheated.

    I listened to all the voicemails when I got home and he was mad that I went through his phone which I understand but that doesn’t change the fact of what I saw.

    He called me for another hour before saying call me when you’re not mad I can’t live without you blah blah blah and I never cheated it was only online.

    I’ve been up since then because I haven’t been able to sleep. And crying every now and then. I don’t want to tell any of my friends so I’m typing here.

    I love him to death but this hurt me to my core and I don’t think I can ever trust him again….

    A part of me wants to ignore him forever the other part wants to curse him the other part wants to be with him…

    I don’t know what to do

  • Amber Holley

    My man of 3 years has addmited to cheating twice. I know he flirts with other girls a lot. The first time I found out he cheated I was going to leave he then begged me to stay and marry him. I love him and forgave him a year later as he is gaining the trust bavk he does it again and addmitted to it I wanted to leave but I didn’t because a few months before that I found text in his phone. That is when he told me he has a problem a sex addiction and he needs help he wants me to stay and help him get through it. I love him I am having a hard time with the whole thing I think he is still texting and flirting with other girls. I keep asking myself does heneed help or is it just an excuse. I want to work it out I want to stay I love him. There are children involved we are established. We havnt got married yet it was all plan for April but know has been postponed due to the situation. We start therapy next week unsure if such thing helps. I am sad and can’t get it out of my head. I sometimes have nightmares. He works midnights I HAVE A hard time sleeping sometimes. Also the little things that the kids or anyone else around me does has me angry all the time. I need advice on how to cope and get through this.

    • Becky

      Hey amber I don’t know what to say pet it difficult isn’t it my only advice I can give you is if there enough trust there for u move on and forgive him then do pet but if your having doubts about marrying and can’t trust him leave

  • Sheanna

    NEED ADVICE
    Back in 2012 I started dating a guy I met over the Internet. We had a unique long distance relationship. We were happy, but soon we started fighting a lot. I would always be the one to apologize and try to fix things. Soon, we started having an on again off again relationship. We fought like crazy. And soon enough, another girl came into the picture. Even though we were together, he kept talking about her, which really hurt me. I think he was purposely making me jealous. When we were off, they got together. Nothing serious happened, and eventually he hated her and went back to me. Then, when we were off yet again my friends and I had had enough. I was tired of getting hurt. My friends suspected he might have cheating, and so did I. I constantly asked and he always said he wasn’t. So, my friends asked for his email. I had his Facebook info and so I told them the password he could have used for his email and they got in. And they found out he was in fact cheating on me. They found multiple emails of sexts and nudes with multiple girls. There was one girl in particular he had been emailing ever since December. We started dating in November. I found out all of this in May. For the majority of our relationship he had been lying and cheating on me. When I found all this all, I of course wanted to confront him without him knowing we hacked his email.

    I’ve been with him on and off again (more off than on) since then. But recently, I’ve been having problems with family and friends and he’s been there for me. So, we got back together and now we are very serious. We’ve been together for a little over a week. I can tell he really loves me and this time is serious. In the past after he cheated when we were together it was kinda like a game. We both were using each other. But now we aren’t. But still, I think back to that time and it takes me over. I’m very insecure about our past. I’m trying so hard to trust him, and sometimes I do, but then I think about the past and I think about the future. I know he loves me and he’s expressed to me so many times how awful he feels about the past and how it was the worst thing he’s ever done and he beats himself up about it all the time. He knows I have problems trusting him. My fears and insecurities have overtaken my life and my relationship with him. I always bring up the past and bring up possible scenarios in the future about girls.

    What do I do to stop letting my fears control this relationship? How do I trust him again? I really do love him and I know he loves me. I hate to think about the possibility of him cheating again, But everybody tells me it’s likely he will or already is cheating again. I really hope this is not the case, however, and that he has changed. He talks about his future with me a lot, he’s going to a two year college, I’ll go to a four year. (we are seniors in high school right now) When he’s done with his two years, he’ll come over here and stay with me while I finish school. I can tell he’s very serious and invested in our relationship, I just need help getting over my trust issues…
    So sorry for the long comment. Any help is greatly appreciated.