Moving on after you lose the only man you’ve ever loved may be the hardest thing you ever do…and the most important. These tips for healing a broken heart are intended for relationship and marriage breakups, but they apply to different types of losses as well.
You’re not alone – no matter how you lot the only man you ever loved. Here’s what a “She Blossoms” reader says about healing after her fiancé left her, three kids, and a messy financial situation:
“I’m struggling to let go of my ex-fiancé who left me and three kids for his secretary,” says Jo on How to Trust God After a Heartbreaking Loss. “He had a baby with her and is getting married, all in the last four years. I have to pick up all the pieces he left behind, especially the kids and their hurt and sadness. He sees them when it suits him, even without a court order. He only pays minimal child support and sometimes I don’t even get that. I’m always broke and struggling financially, while he is off living the high life with his new family. I am heartbroken. We’ve been together for 14 years, since we were 15. I’ve never had anyone else. He’s the only man I ever loved. I miss him and hate him at the same time.”
Expect complicated and even confusing feelings after a relationship ends. You’ve lost a man who was a huge part of your life for years, even decades…and that is a loss you don’t quickly get over.
My tips for healing won’t solve all your problems or erase all your pain, but they’ll help you see you’re not alone.
How to Heal After Losing the Only Man You Ever Loved
These five “Blossom Tips” are broken up into five different categories, to offer you a holistic approach to healing after the end of a relationship. You’ll find healing tips for all aspects of your self: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain.
1. A source of secret spiritual strength
“We are part of a long line of people who have struggled with pain and self-doubt,” writes Joseph Warren Kniskern in When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce. “But, they held onto their faith despite overwhelming circumstances — and they are watching us in the arena now and cheering us on.”
How do you heal your spirit after losing the only man you ever loved? By gaining strength from others who have gone before you. You’ve experienced the pain of grief. Your relationship or marriage ended, and it was terrible. It’s not fair, and you shouldn’t have had to experience it! But it happened, and it’s time to accept that you lost him. He has moved on…and it’s time for you to move on, too.
2. Heart – Celebrate the signs of healing and growth
Pay attention to those little signs your heart is healing after a breakup — and nurture them!
For example, you may find yourself forgetting to be sad that you’ve lost the only man you’ve ever loved. You may accidentally laugh at something your kid said or did, or at a funny thought that popped into your head. Maybe you got a great night’s sleep, or savored a delicious fresh strawberry.
You are healing…but you may not notice those little signs of growth and Blossoming because you’re used to being sad. Depression, misery and even bitterness can become more familiar companions than lightness and joy. Instead of camping out in the pain of losing an important relationship, find a new place to dwell. Start by noticing what’s going right, and how you’re moving forward.
3. Soul – Face the tough questions
When was the last time you challenged yourself? You lost an important man in your life and you’re pulling yourself back together. You aren’t thriving yet, but you’re surviving. You’re searching for tips on how to heal your heart after losing the only man you’ve ever loved, or perhaps ever will love.
But does that mean your life is over? Does one man have that much power over your life? Is this really who you are — a woman whose whole existence revolves around the love of a man who is no longer able or willing to have a relationship with you?
4. Body – Take a deep breath
Physically, how are you doing? You’re probably out there jogging every morning, eating nutritious foods that fill you with life and energy, and getting a solid sleep most nights. You feel light and lean, fresh and energized!
No…I didn’t think so. Your physical health is directly connected to your emotional and spiritual health. If you’re searching for ways to heal your broken heart after you losing the only man you ever loved, then I suspect you’re not physically healthy. Am I wrong? I hope so. Let me know in the comments section below. If I’m right, read How to Heal Your Body After a Breakup.
5. Brain – Stop and think about your thoughts
How often do you tell yourself, “I’ll never heal” or “I lost the only man I’ll ever love”? And, how do you feel when those thoughts infuse your mind, heart and spirit?
You have control over what thoughts you choose to dwell on. If you’re allowing yourself to obsess about what your ex-fiance is doing or how your ex-husband is moving on with his life or why your ex-boyfriend rejected you, then you’ll stay stuck. You are choosing to keep yourself trapped in grief and loss because you are allowing yourself to think depressing, disheartening, disappointing thoughts.
“We have to move beyond allowing our suffering to make us vindictive, resentful and bitter,” writes Joseph Warren Kniskern in When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorce.
“We find renewed trust in ourselves and others. Although we feel deep loss over our spouses, we invest no further time and energy than is reasonably necessary. We do not enslave ourselves into chasing after an unwilling partner. Instead, we learn from our mistakes and shift our focus from the past to the future.”
What do you think about my tips for healing after losing the only man you’ve ever loved? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Remember: you have a source of wisdom and healing that is more powerful than all the forces in the world. The longer you avoid God, the more you’ll suffer. Jesus is the foundation of the peace, salvation and joy you need. Only He can give you the strength and courage you need to walk into the next season of life! With Him, you’ll learn how to heal after losing a man you loved with all your heart. With God, you’ll Blossom into who you were created to be.