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Getting Over Him When You Can’t Get Him Back

Getting over him feels impossible, and the truth is you’ll never be the same. A breakup changes you, right to the core of who you are. Breakups are especially painful when you want him back but can’t have him. But I have good news! You WILL heal, grow forward, and even blossom into who God created you to be…especially if you let yourself slowly and completely get over him.

How do I know you’ll blossom? Because you’re looking for tips on how to get over him after a breakup. If you were the type to stay stuck in breakup hell forever, you wouldn’t be searching for ways to heal.

You are a survivor. And not only will you get over him, you will create a life of meaning, joy, love and peace. You won’t just start over and live stronger – and you won’t want him back. You will become a stronger, healthier, wiser woman. And maybe you’ll come back here and offer your own advice and tips on how to slowly and completely get over him 🙂


This article was inspired by a reader who says breaking up with her boyfriend is the worst thing that ever happened to her. “Nothing compares to the hurt I feel, knowing that he is with another woman,” Darla says on How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You. “Does he even feel bad? Does he care that he is hurting me? I have so many emotions all at once, I can’t think straight! My heart is broken, and I need to know how to get over him.”

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you feel even feel worse. Maybe you feel like Hilary. “We’ve spoken every single day for the last 7 years and today is the first day I have had no contact from him at all. I feel like my heart has ripped out of my chest and been chewed on by a Doberman. Everything I do just makes me think of him. Every song on the radio, every thought in my head. I keep looking at my phone praying to see his name pop up but it hasn’t and I know it won’t. I know he’s with her which makes it worse that’s he’s moved on already. How can I get over him when I just want to get him back?”

Maybe now isn’t the time to focus on trying to get over him. Maybe now is the time to retreat, take good care of yourself, and grieve the end of your relationship. These tips will help you stop thinking about getting him back, and focus on slowly and completely getting over him.

3 Tips for Getting Over Him When You Can’t Get Him Back

Instead of rushing through the breakup and healing process, I’m encouraging you to get over him slowly and completely. Don’t rush ahead of yourself, or push your heart to heal. You’ll find yourself in a place you aren’t ready for. You might even find yourself in a relationship you aren’t ready for (if you tend to do this, read 5 Ways to Avoid Rebound Relationships. Remember that you can rebound into a relationship with your ex!).

I don’t know how you feel, but sometimes after a breakup I feel dumped, dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt. I feel like I’ll never be loved again, and that I’ll never get over him. I feel like I’ll never be happy or healthy again, like my is heart torn out and ripped to shreds. And I also know what it’s like to be torn between wanting to get him back and wanting to get over him.

These tips aren’t about getting him back. They’re better; they’ll help you slowly, completely get over him.

1. Tell yourself you will get over him, but it’ll take time

Getting Over Him When You Can’t Get Him Back
Getting Over Him When You Can’t Get Him Back

A lot of breakup advice offers tips on “how to get over him and move on” or even “heal from a breakup fast.” Ignore this advice for at least three months. Tell yourself that your broken heart WILL heal and you will feel happy again one day…but now is not the time to focus on getting over him. Instead of trying to heal, just let yourself grieve the end of your relationship. Accept that getting him back is out of the question.

You said goodbye to a man who is very important to you. This is a huge loss in your life, and it’ll take time for your body, heart, mind and soul to adjust to being alone. You are grieving a loss, just as if someone died. And the truth is that something did die in your life: your relationship.

Instead of trying to get over him or trying to get him back, allow your mind and heart to settle into a new reality. Your relationship is over, and you can’t change what happened. You may find it helpful to read 8 Signs He Stopped Loving You.

2. Give yourself permission to grieve your loss for as long as you need

Your boyfriend – or your husband, if you’re dealing with a divorce or separation – may have been the most important thing in your life. Maybe he was Number One, the relationship that mattered more than anything. Maybe he became bigger than your family, friends, hobbies, work, school and even God. If he was the most important thing in your life, you’ll naturally want to get him back! And you’ll need extra time to get over him.

If you’re recovering from a divorce or trial separation, read How Do You Face Your First Anniversary After a Divorce? You need time to get over him…but you’re also dealing with financial issues, family dynamics, custody arrangements, child support arguments, divorce lawyers, and much more. Ending a marriage involves far more than “just” learning how to get over him. It’s about facing so many firsts without your husband. And it hurts.

3. Remember that you will find a rich, happy, vibrant life!

You may have lost the most important relationship in your life, but getting him back isn’t the answer. Getting your self back is. You may have lost your boyfriend, your husband, or even the father of your beloved children…but you haven’t lost your life. It is devastating to break up with a man you love, and you will need time to learn how to get over him your way…but this is not the end for you.


Not only is this NOT the end for you, it is a new beginning. You can’t see it yet – or maybe you can! – but something died in your life so something fresh and new can be born. What will that fresh new thing be? You don’t know yet. And it’s not time to figure that out yet. Now is the time to get over him slowly and completely, to let your heart heal, and to turn your face up and meet God’s gaze.

Help Getting Over Him

How to Let Go of Someone You Love She Blossoms eBook

If you want to avoid the slow, steady grieving process of getting over him, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart.

It’s an ebook – available immediately – that will help you start moving forward with confidence and strength. You’ll feel the pain subside; your broken heart will start healing. You will get through this, and you will find happiness and hope. Just keep growing forward.

If you can’t him out of your head, read 5 Ways to Stop Wanting Him Back After the Breakup.

May you look beyond this breakup and see how valuable you truly are. You were created for a reason and you matter more than you know! May God blossom you into who He created you to be.


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