How do you get over an ex-boyfriend you work with? Work breakups are painful because seeing him doesn’t just make it harder to forget and move on, it reopens old wounds and stirs up painful thoughts and emotions.
Most breakup articles — mine included — encourage women to get a new job after breaking up with someone at work. But, a reader points out that this isn’t always possible…
“No contact after a breakup is so important for getting over someone,” says Tonya on How to Break Your Addiction to a Toxic Relationship. “But, no contact isn’t possible when you work with your ex. A lot of breakup advice suggested we should just get transferred to another department or get another job, but that’s not realistic for most people. How do you get over an ex when you have to see him every day at work?”
Here’s another reader’s experience with dating coworker:
“My relationship only lasted a few months, but it was very intense,” says Venice on How to Deal With a Difficult Breakup at Work. “I thought I was over him, but now he’s dating another co-worker in the office. This is making it hard for me to get over him even though I haven’t thought of him as my ex-boyfriend for weeks. The breakup was painful and seeing him with my co-worker is hard. He smiles and flirts with her like he used to do with me. It’s so hard.”
If you can’t quit your job, how do you get over an ex-boyfriend you see everyday? Some women have to collaborate with their ex’s at work, on different assignments or projects. A friend of mine actually had to travel to a work conference with her ex-boyfriend; she ended up finding a new job in a different city after that experience.
These tips for getting over an ex-boyfriend you see everyday at work will help you cope.
5 Ways to Get Over an Ex at Work
My articles — especially the ones on getting over loss and breakups — are broken up into five different categories. This offers a holistic approach to life, loss, and relationships. These “Blossom Tips” ensure I cover the whole spectrum: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. And, the separate categories help you identify which works best for you!
If you need specific work-related tips on how to communicate and act with your ex-boyfriend at work, let me know in the comments section below. These tips are about you, not him.
And, that’s one of the most important things to remember about getting over a breakup at work: stop obsessing about your ex-boyfriend. Start taking good care of yourself, getting healthy, and moving forward into a future that excites you! That is part of healing.
1. Spirit – Change how you see the breakup
The most important tip on how to get over an ex-boyfriend you see every day is acceptance. What are you resisting about the breakup? Maybe you wish you were back together, or that you’d never started dating a coworker in the first place. Maybe you can’t stop crying at work and you feel embarrassed about the whole situation. Maybe you’re resisting the breakup itself, and are asking for a second chance.
Practice acceptance. The sooner you allow the reality of the breakup to sink into your mind, soul, heart and spirit, the quicker you’ll heal. Accepting something as painful as a breakup is much easier if you open your heart to God, and allow His energy and strength to flood your spirit. He is always here, ready to comfort and heal you! And all He requires is your acceptance and trust.
Breaking up wasn’t something you wanted to experience, but it’s now part of your life. Take a deep breath, and accept the end of the relationship. It wasn’t for you. A new season of your life is on its way.
If you need help moving forward...
2. Heart – Change your work environment
Your emotions are affected by your setting. If you have to work with your ex-boyfriend, find ways to change your surroundings. This will help elevate you from the “same old” emotional responses you feel when you see your ex. You don’t need to redecorate your office after a work breakup; small changes can make a big difference!
What can you change about your workspace, office, or setting? Find at least one thing to change, and make that a symbol of how you will get over your ex. You might add something to your wall, such as an inspirational poster or picture. You might change the screensaver on your laptop, to remind you that you’re healing more every day. You might take something out of your office, and leave the space empty — or replace it with a symbol of healing and moving on with your life.
Read 8 Ways to Cheer Up Your Home After a Breakup for ideas.
3. Soul – Redefine yourself in fresh new ways
You may not be able to change your name, job title or even your basic work responsibilities, but you can change how you see yourself. Getting over an ex is the perfect time to assess who you are, who you were in the past, and who you want to become. You can redefine yourself without making dramatic work or life changes, because it’s all in how you see yourself.
“A healthy and successful uncoupling process involves creating a new identity for yourself,” writes a wise woman in How to Uncouple and Detach When a Relationship Ends. “You must redefine yourself in new and fresh (or old and fresh!) ways. Even if your primary source of self didn’t come from your relationship, you still need to change how you see yourself after the breakup.”
Who are you, now, after the breakup? Who do you want to become…and how will you Blossom into that woman?
4. Body – Make two small physical changes
If you make two small changes — one in your diet and one in your fitness plan — your body will rise to the challenge. This will lift your mood and attitude, which will give you more energy.
The more energy you have, the stronger you’ll feel. And if you feel strong, you’ll have the oomph you need to get over your ex-boyfriend even though you seen him everyday at work.
What’s one small exercise or fitness tip you’ve always been curious about? Maybe you see women running at 5:30 am, or you drive by the pool every day after work. Maybe your company has a fitness room or even yoga classes! Challenge your body in new, unexpected ways. Choose to prioritize your health, and your body will reward you with strength and energy.
5. Brain – Choose what thoughts you focus on
Time to get out of the “touchy-feely” zone, and tap into the smart rational part of your self. Learning how to get over an ex after a work breakup will require your brains, not just your spirit, heart and soul. You need to use your head. You need to leave your heart and soul at home — or in the bathroom at work — and use your brains when you’re interacting with your ex-boyfriend at work. Later, you can cry. At work, you be strong and level-headed.
Focus on what you’ve learned from this relationship and breakup. This experience has changed you in some way, hasn’t it? Maybe you learned why dating a coworker is a mistake, and how to avoid getting emotionally involved with men at work in the future. Maybe you learned how to trust your intuition before starting a new relationship, or how to recognize the warning signs of a bad relationship.
What have you learned about getting over an ex-boyfriend when you see him at work everyday? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do about working with an ex. It’s your turn to talk.
May your heart heal. May you find peace and joy — even at work. And, may you blossom into who God created you to be.