The emptiness that fills your heart and soul when you miss your ex boyfriend or husband can feel overwhelming. You are not alone; I wrote this article for a reader who says, “I miss my ex more than I ever believed possible.”
The good news is you can find a million ideas on how to fill the emptiness when you miss someone! The not-as-good news is that there is only one gospel truth, and you may not want to grasp it. Filling the emptiness means finding a new and more important purpose for your life – because when you miss your ex, you need to find a way to move forward into light, love, peace and joy.
Here’s what my reader said:
“I feel that I am perpetually in pain and sorrow because I miss my ex so much,” says Audrey on How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend. “I’m constantly reading articles about getting over a breakup in hope of finding relief…but finding none. Missing my him desperately, even at this moment. I just don’t know how to cope when your ex moves on. I am in probably a worse position because of my age (I’m in my 40s) and the fact that he decided he didn’t love me enough. It was hard for me to let him get close to me.
My relationship became long distance and I felt that my ex did not try hard enough. I tried to be more understanding and decided to give him more space. Until it got to the point that I was feeling so insecure and my instinct was telling me that something is not right. When I confronted him about it, he told me he wants to break up. He said his love for me cannot withstand the time and distance. How can I miss my ex so much even though he doesn’t love me enough to try harder? It crushed me because I really did believe that he loves me. His gentleness and warmth turned cold so suddenly.”
I’m glad she shared her thoughts on missing her ex boyfriend – both so you can see you’re not alone, and because it’s very healthy and healing to write about your experience. If you want to tell me what happened in your relationship and why you miss your ex, feel free to write your heart out below! Writing is a great way to fill the emptiness. I can’t offer advice, but you may find it comforting to write how you feel.
7 Ways to Fill the Emptiness When You Miss Your Ex
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds their wounds – healing their pain and comforting their sorrow. He counts the number of stars and knows them all by name.” – Psalm 147:3-4.
Are you ready to try something out of this world?
1. Listen for what your empty heart and soul needs
When you’re trying to fill the emptiness of missing your ex boyfriend or husband, you may find yourself going down the same road over and over. Maybe you’re addicted to salty Pringles or sweet chocolate chip cookies; maybe you drink too many martinis or shop Amazon too much. Maybe you’re into self-help books and spiritual healing – but nothing fills the emptiness in your heart and soul.
My reader said she’s read a dozen articles on what to do when you miss your ex; nothing seems to ease her pain or fill the brokenness. Nothing works, because she’s looking for help in the wrong places, from the wrong sources. The gospel truth – and the good news – is that nothing can fill your empty heart and soul the way God can. He knows your name, He knows the exact number of hairs on your head (and body!), and He knows exactly how empty and alone you feel.
Jesus knows you because He created you. He knows exactly what you’re going through, and His heart is broken for you.
2. Trust that all things are working together for your good
“And we know with great confidence that God – who is deeply concerned about us – causes all things to work together for good for those who love God,” writes Paul in Romans 8:28, “to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”
If you’re a believer, cling to the fact that your life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to. This breakup – and the resulting emptiness you feel in your heart and soul – may be the worst thing you’ve ever experienced…but what if it’s also the best thing that could happen in your life? Imagine that. Imagine one day feeling grateful and even happy that this relationship ended, because it opened the door for a better, more life-giving experience.
If you’re not a believer, stop for a moment. What would life be like if you actually believed in a God who loves you and wants the best for you? How would you feel if you trusted Jesus to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with you, to carry you through the deepest darkest times of your life, and to be there for you no matter what you’ve done?
3. Pay attention to what – or who – is trying to get your attention
Here’s what a reader called Sally said about her boyfriend on What to Do When He Doesn’t Have Time for You:
“My boyfriend is a workaholic and only sees me once every 2 weeks. It’s not enough time for me. My last boyfriend was the same way but he had a different job. I miss my ex but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. If your ex boyfriend doesn’t love you then you need to let him go. Stop thinking how much you miss him and get a life!!!”
Even if you can’t bring yourself to believe in Jesus, you might have a feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something. Maybe you’ve been fooling yourself into thinking you can find quick tips on how to fill the emptiness in your heart (when deep down you know there is nothing quick or easy about it). Maybe you’ve been listening to your ex boyfriends, who tell you you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
4. Decide what you want to create in your life
Your thoughts create life, or they create death. You have so much power over your mood, emotions, and way of living! It all boils down to what thoughts you choose to follow – and what you decide you want to create in your life.
Do you feel sad, lonely, and depressed because your I miss my ex boyfriend thoughts are erasing every ounce of joy, peace, and love in your life? Then it’s time to decide what you’d rather create in your life, and start focusing on those thoughts.
Do you feel rejected, betrayed, and lonely? Maybe emptiness in your heart and soul is your biggest concern – and you think it’s because you miss your ex boyfriend. The key to feeling and living a healthier, happier life is to allow yourself to admit how you really feel. Then, decide what feelings you want to follow. If you want to feel joy and peace instead of the emptiness you feel in your heart and soul, then you need to choose to focus on thoughts that increase those feelings.
It really is as simple as that – but it does take effort.
5. Find better ways to spend your energy, time, and life
You know how precious life is, and how fast time goes! Soon you will be 50, or 65, or 90 years old. You’ll regret wasting your life feeling empty. You’ll wish you had spent more time filling your heart and life with beauty, joy, peace, and freedom.
If you tend to cling to past relationships (which is what you’re doing if you’re searching for “I miss my ex” instead of “how to let go of the past and be filled with joy, peace, freedom, and light”), read 11 Ways to Stop Being the “Clingy Girlfriend” in a Relationship. Learn how to detach from unhealthy emotional attachments. Learn what it means to live in faith, joy, and freedom.
6. Keep your relationship with your ex boyfriend in perspective
Your ex boyfriend was one part of your life. He is not the reason you exist. Your ex boyfriend isn’t the foundation of your happiness or joy; no man should ever be the focus of all your time and attention. God did not create you to focus on a relationship, or to spend your time feeling sad and empty in your heart because of a breakup.
God put a dream in your heart, and He wants you to pursue that dream. And no – your ex boyfriend is NOT the dream God has put in your heart! No matter how wonderful and lovable he is, your boyfriend is not your purpose for living. Give yourself the gift of freedom by accepting God’s love and Jesus into your heart. Break free of the suffocating emptiness of focusing on your ex, and breathe deeply the fresh life of joy, forgiveness, and grace.
7. Learn how to let go – especially if you can’t stop thinking “I miss my ex”
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Tips and 75 Secrets for Healing Your Heart, I share the best tips for getting over a breakup. I wrote the ebook when I needed help getting over a huge loss in my life.
I once believed that time heals all wounds, but now I know the truth. Simply letting time pass doesn’t fill the emptiness of missing an ex boyfriend or husband. Rather, you need to take action as you journey towards healing and rebuilding your life. You need to make good and healthy choices, and do work that builds you up.
Learning how to miss someone, grieve, and get on with your life is a process. It won’t happen overnight, and there are no quick and easy tips. I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy to learn how to fill the emptiness when you miss your ex. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.
If you feel like your life has lost all meaning, I encourage you to find healthy ways to cope when you miss your boyfriend. Don’t allow your pain to swallow you, chew you up, and spit you out! Grieve your loss, and seek joy in your life. Remember that your feelings of loneliness and sadness will pass – and that God loves you more than you could ever believe possible.
What to Do Next
Give yourself advice when you feel empty because you miss your ex. First, write down how you feel and what you wish was happening in your life. Then, give yourself three pieces of advice. This is a good time to learn what fills the emptiness in your heart and soul. What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?
Refocus your thoughts. Instead of thinking “I miss my ex boyfriend, I miss him so much I feel so empty in my heart and soul, I’ll never get over him” over and over, pick one thing on my list above. Actually do it, don’t just gloss over it. Pray; open your heart to Jesus. Allow God’s abundant love to flow into your heart and soul. Just open yourself to His grace and forgiveness, and trust Him to heal and take care of you.
Tell me how you feel about filling the emptiness you feel. What do you think about what you’ve just read – what stands out to you? Are you mad, sad, lonely, or scared? Maybe irritated, or surprised?
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings of emptiness when you miss your ex boyfriend.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.
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