Here’s the best tip for coping with heartache after a break up – even if you regret it and wish you were back together: stop trying to convince yourself that you need to heal. Stop trying to mend your broken heart, stop talking about how you need to move on, and stop searching the internet for tips on how to cope with heartache after the break up!
Instead, replace those negative thoughts with the more “Blossomy” thoughts and emotions you want to experience. Why? Because every time you think about who you want to be and where you want to go, you will get one little inch closer.
Nobody Blossoms after a break up by focusing on her heartache! How many flowers – and healthy beautiful joy-filled women – try really hard to flourish and grow? None. How many willow trees and wildflowers thrive by trying harder to become who they want to be? You got it: none.
So how do wildflowers and willow trees – and beautiful healthy women – do it? They fill their minds, bodies, souls, and gardens with beautiful thoughts and experiences that create joy, peace, and love. Don’t worry if you’re not sure how to do this – I’m here to help you heal.
5 Ways to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up
Filling the emptiness when you miss your ex involves a balance of taking specific action steps and resting in God’s healing power. Healing when you miss someone you love isn’t just about distracting yourself so you move on, and it’s not just about waiting for the pain to pass.
Rather, coping with heartache after breaking up is about finding a healthy balance of “letting go” and “letting God.” And, finding that exact balance really does depend on you. Your personality, lifestyle, health, family situation, and natural resilience factors.
1. Know that this is a temporary season in your life
You’re heartbroken – and that’s natural. You may feel unworthy, unlovable, and unsure about your future. You may be obsessed with thoughts about your ex and the break up, and you may feel like you’ll never get over it. You may even believe that you’ll never find love again, never be happy again, and never feel good about life again.
Take heart, for those are lies! The truth is that the break up – this season of pain and suffering, hurt and brokenness – is only temporary. Your feelings of heartache won’t last forever, and the rawness of the break up will eventually heal. You will move on, you will love again, and you will Blossom into who God created you to be! This season, this break up, and this heartache that you’re coping with is only temporary. It will pass.
2. Hold on to your core identity – don’t let the break up change who you are
Who are you? Until you set and accept your core identity as a unique and beloved child of God, you won’t ever feel like you’re fully healed your heart. When I lost my sister, I thought I lost my identity. I didn’t have my own separate identity as Blossom – as a creative, vibrant, bright and joy-filled writer who was made for a specific purpose. I thought my identity was wrapped up in who my sister thought I was…and I was wrong.
So, I ask you again: who are you? How does God see you? Who do you want to become? Take time to write your answers to these questions in your private journal or the comments section below. Trust me: this is one of the best tips on how to cope with heartache after the break up! Why? Because it’ll help you let go and Blossom into who you were created to be.
3. Don’t prolong your heartache by blaming yourself
Your relationship ended. It didn’t work out for several reasons, and all of them were good ones. This break up had to happen because the relationship just wasn’t working out. It would’ve gotten worse and worse, and your pain would have been magnified. And, staying in this relationship may have caused other people more pain than you can imagine. After a break up, it can be easy to imagine how good life would be if you stayed together…but the truth is that you have no idea what the future would’ve been like. Believe that you are better off coping with the heartache of a break up instead of the pain of forcing a relationship to exist.
If you don’t focus on the next two tips for coping with heartache after the break up, you will prolong your healing. If you keep blaming yourself and beating yourself up for your failure, mistakes, or flaws then you’ll just stay stuck in the past. You won’t learn how to let go and heal, and you won’t Blossom into the woman God created you to be. Stop blaming yourself. Accept that this relationship simply wasn’t meant to be, and you are in God’s good and loving hands.
4. Fill your mind with thoughts that are true, healthy, beautiful, noble, and Blossomy
Do me a favor: tell me what thoughts stop you from coping with your heartache. For example, do you find yourself struggling with low self-esteem, insecurity, worthlessness, self-loathing? Or maybe you’re bitter and angry, or disappointed and frustrated because another relationship has failed in your life. Write your struggles in the comments section – all the bad, negative, toxic thoughts that you know are stopping you from learning how to cope with the breakup. Share what is prolonging your heartache.
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And now, the good part! Tell me three things that are true, good, and Blossomy in your life. Maybe it’s as little as a soft breeze, or as big as an unexpected phone call from an old friend. Maybe you actually experienced an hour – or a minute – of pure peace and joy. Maybe your heartache lifted a little when you looked at your kid or dog, or when you got a glimpse of the ocean or mountains. Maybe you remembered how much God has blessed you and you feel grateful for the good things in your life.
5. Learn a weird psychological strategy for distracting yourself
Here’s a more hardcore tip on how to cope with heartache after the break up. I thought a poet called Patrick made it up, but it turns out it’s from the Bible. Proverbs.
On 5 Quick Tips for Getting Past a Break Up – and Blossoming, I quoted author Patrick Lane on his experience overcoming addiction. He said that about sad things in the past – such as coping with a break up that is bringing heartache and pain – is like a dog returning to his own vomit.
Isn’t that gross?? But I love this analogy! I remind myself of it whenever I beat myself up for something I regret doing. I tell myself I’m not a dog and I picture myself going back to my own vomit…and I shudder and move on. This is a very practical, effective strategy on how to cope with heartache after the break up if you tend to be an obsessive or addictive thinker.
For more tips on coping with heartache after the break up, read 9 Ways to Find Your Life Purpose After a Sad Breakup.
How do you feel? Feel free to share your thoughts and story below. I can’t offer advice, but I know how healthy writing is! Get all those sad heartache-y feelings out of your mind and soul. Putting your emotions on paper or on the screen is a wonderful way to start Blossoming, living, and breathing again.
May you find joy and peace. May your life be filled with more hope than sadness, more love than heartache, and more peace than sadness. May you realize how much power you have to cope with heartache after a break up, and may you cling to the love and grace of the Lord God.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.