Letting Go > Breaking Up > How to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up

How to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up

Here’s the best tip for coping with heartache after a break up – even if you regret it and wish you were back together: stop trying to convince yourself that you need to heal. Stop trying to mend your broken heart, stop talking about how you need to move on, and stop searching the internet for tips on how to cope with heartache after the break up!

Instead, replace those negative thoughts with the more “Blossomy” thoughts and emotions you want to experience. Why? Because every time you think about who you want to be and where you want to go, you will get one little inch closer.

Nobody Blossoms after a break up by focusing on her heartache! How many flowers – and healthy beautiful joy-filled women – try really hard to flourish and grow? None. How many willow trees and wildflowers thrive by trying harder to become who they want to be? You got it: none.

So how do wildflowers and willow trees – and beautiful healthy women – do it? They fill their minds, bodies, souls, and gardens with beautiful thoughts and experiences that create joy, peace, and love. Don’t worry if you’re not sure how to do this – I’m here to help you heal.

5 Ways to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up

Filling the emptiness when you miss your ex involves a balance of taking specific action steps and resting in God’s healing power. Healing when you miss someone you love isn’t just about distracting yourself so you move on, and it’s not just about waiting for the pain to pass.

Rather, coping with heartache after breaking up is about finding a healthy balance of “letting go” and “letting God.” And, finding that exact balance really does depend on you. Your personality, lifestyle, health, family situation, and natural resilience factors.

1. Know that this is a temporary season in your life

You’re heartbroken – and that’s natural. You may feel unworthy, unlovable, and unsure about your future. You may be obsessed with thoughts about your ex and the break up, and you may feel like you’ll never get over it. You may even believe that you’ll never find love again, never be happy again, and never feel good about life again.

Take heart, for those are lies! The truth is that the break up – this season of pain and suffering, hurt and brokenness – is only temporary. Your feelings of heartache won’t last forever, and the rawness of the break up will eventually heal. You will move on, you will love again, and you will Blossom into who God created you to be! This season, this break up, and this heartache that you’re coping with is only temporary. It will pass.

2. Hold on to your core identity – don’t let the break up change who you are

Who are you? Until you set and accept your core identity as a unique and beloved child of God, you won’t ever feel like you’re fully healed your heart. When I lost my sister, I thought I lost my identity. I didn’t have my own separate identity as Blossom – as a creative, vibrant, bright and joy-filled writer who was made for a specific purpose. I thought my identity was wrapped up in who my sister thought I was…and I was wrong.

So, I ask you again: who are you? How does God see you? Who do you want to become? Take time to write your answers to these questions in your private journal or the comments section below. Trust me: this is one of the best tips on how to cope with heartache after the break up! Why? Because it’ll help you let go and Blossom into who you were created to be.

3. Don’t prolong your heartache by blaming yourself

Your relationship ended. It didn’t work out for several reasons, and all of them were good ones. This break up had to happen because the relationship just wasn’t working out. It would’ve gotten worse and worse, and your pain would have been magnified. And, staying in this relationship may have caused other people more pain than you can imagine. After a break up, it can be easy to imagine how good life would be if you stayed together…but the truth is that you have no idea what the future would’ve been like. Believe that you are better off coping with the heartache of a break up instead of the pain of forcing a relationship to exist.

If you don’t focus on the next two tips for coping with heartache after the break up, you will prolong your healing. If you keep blaming yourself and beating yourself up for your failure, mistakes, or flaws then you’ll just stay stuck in the past. You won’t learn how to let go and heal, and you won’t Blossom into the woman God created you to be. Stop blaming yourself. Accept that this relationship simply wasn’t meant to be, and you are in God’s good and loving hands.

4. Fill your mind with thoughts that are true, healthy, beautiful, noble, and Blossomy

Do me a favor: tell me what thoughts stop you from coping with your heartache. For example, do you find yourself struggling with low self-esteem, insecurity, worthlessness, self-loathing? Or maybe you’re bitter and angry, or disappointed and frustrated because another relationship has failed in your life. Write your struggles in the comments section – all the bad, negative, toxic thoughts that you know are stopping you from learning how to cope with the breakup. Share what is prolonging your heartache.

And now, the good part! Tell me three things that are true, good, and Blossomy in your life. Maybe it’s as little as a soft breeze, or as big as an unexpected phone call from an old friend. Maybe you actually experienced an hour – or a minute – of pure peace and joy. Maybe your heartache lifted a little when you looked at your kid or dog, or when you got a glimpse of the ocean or mountains. Maybe you remembered how much God has blessed you and you feel grateful for the good things in your life.

5. Learn a weird psychological strategy for distracting yourself

Here’s a more hardcore tip on how to cope with heartache after the break up. I thought a poet called Patrick made it up, but it turns out it’s from the Bible. Proverbs.

coping with heartache after the break up

How to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up

On 5 Quick Tips for Getting Past a Break Up – and Blossoming, I quoted author Patrick Lane on his experience overcoming addiction. He said that about sad things in the past – such as coping with a break up that is bringing heartache and pain – is like a dog returning to his own vomit.

Isn’t that gross?? But I love this analogy! I remind myself of it whenever I beat myself up for something I regret doing. I tell myself I’m not a dog and I picture myself going back to my own vomit…and I shudder and move on. This is a very practical, effective strategy on how to cope with heartache after the break up if you tend to be an obsessive or addictive thinker.

For more tips on coping with heartache after the break up, read 9 Ways to Find Your Life Purpose After a Sad Breakup.

How do you feel? Feel free to share your thoughts and story below. I can’t offer advice, but I know how healthy writing is! Get all those sad heartache-y feelings out of your mind and soul. Putting your emotions on paper or on the screen is a wonderful way to start Blossoming, living, and breathing again.

May you find joy and peace. May your life be filled with more hope than sadness, more love than heartache, and more peace than sadness. May you realize how much power you have to cope with heartache after a break up, and may you cling to the love and grace of the Lord God.


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5 thoughts on “How to Cope With Heartache After the Break Up”

  1. My marriage recently called off. There was love from both side. It’s been a month she moved on and I am still there and still trying to move on. I made the mistake and in a deep guilt , don’t know how to cope up with same . IAM not happy any more nor in peace.

  2. I recently just had a breakup and I’m still trying to move on. I don’t exactly feel bitter or angry towards my ex but I do feel extremely lonely since they were such a big part of my life. They were my best friend and not just partner. We liked the same things and we cared for eachother, I could always go to him whenever I had an issue and needed some advice or just someone to listen to me. But now that he’s gone everything is so lonesome, I don’t have anyone to share my same interests with anymore and not anyone to go to for help. I still have my loved ones in my life but they aren’t him. Everything is so different without him and I felt like I’ve lost someone important in my life. But I do know that I’ll eventually heal, I just need to give myself time, and I know that God is on my side and that he will help me through this. This breakup was an incredibly heart wrenching experience but I am glad to say that I’m learning so much about myself, and just how strong I am. I’m trying my best to keep positive thoughts and just give myself time to heal and fix myself.

  3. It has been so painful the last two days since i broke up with a married man. I chose to end it but I am grieving and can’t stop thinking of him. I am obsessively thinking about him – how is he feeling? What is he doing? How does he view things? Checking my phone constantly but not really hoping to hear from him but still thinking of what he would say. Very contradicting feelings but nevertheless they exist.
    My core self tells me it is over and it is the right decision but I blame myself , feel guilty of the sins I committed , basically in a state of self-loathing that seems to be ongoing during abd after the relationship. Not sure how long this will take but I hope I get over it soon.

  4. I broke up with the married man i was involved with for 2y . I never loved or wanted someone like this before . I m heart broken and grieving the loss . I wish things were different and i can t seem to let go of the hope that may be one day we ll be together . I m so unhappy and cry a lot . I m in my fifties and i thought i found the one but … I want to move on but a part of me is still holding on and doesnt want to let go . Wish i could see the light at the end of the tunnel

    1. In the same boat. Just posted my situation too. Very difficult time, and find little peace knowing I am not alone. No contact policy is ongoing and i plan to stick with it.