How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

You’re heartbroken and lost, and it seems like you’ll never learn how to cope when the man you love is getting married to someone else. Take heart, my friend. Know that you are not alone, and that you will survive this and be happy again one day! These tips will help you grieve and move on when someone you love is marrying another woman. If you don’t think you can let go – if you believe you’ll never be happy again – you need to start thinking differently.

“I know my boyfriend is scared of intimacy, he couldn’t commit to me even though I loved him more than life itself,” says LovelessinSeattle on When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love. “I accepted his fears, I know what it’s like to be scared of love. I loved him anyway….but he broke up with me six months ago. Now, he’s marrying someone else. The man I love is engaged and it has broken my heart. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I’m hollow inside now. How do you cope when your ex isn’t just scared of love, but he’s marrying someone else? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thank you, Loveless in Seattle.”

I was inspired to share my tips for moving on when you find out the guy you love is getting married by Loveless, and by this comment from a reader: “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”

The first word that comes to my mind is: acceptance. If you accept and surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, you will start the healing process.

The second word that comes to my mind is grief. Allow yourself to grieve your loss. Loving a man is giving him the most important part of yourself – your heart. Honor your grief by allowing yourself to process your loss and say good-bye to the dream of being with him.

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Different tips work for different women. For me, reading books about grief and coping with loss is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published. I feel like I’m not alone when I read how others coped with heartbreak, which is why I share several books at the end of this blog post.

Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by putting different pictures on your walls, buying different throw rugs and pillows, or even renovating your bedroom – can help you move on after a hard breakup.

The best way to heal is to find the balance between allowing yourself to grieve and distracting yourself from the pain of heartache.

Grieve the end of your relationship – and your dream of being with him

I am sorry for your loss. Saying good-bye to a relationship is hard. Finding out that the man you love is marrying another woman is painful. Thinking about your future without him is devastating. It’s all just so sad, and heartbreaking.

Give yourself time and space to work through your grief. Don’t push yourself to get over him, and don’t tell yourself that you should be healed by now.Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace and to pull the pieces of your heart back together one bit at a time. Know that your heart will heal and you will move on! Believe in yourself, in the healing power of your own body, mind, spirit, and soul. Have faith that even though this relationship didn’t work you, there is a special, handsome, loving guy out there who is waiting to love you. Trust that even though the man you love is marrying someone else, you won’t be alone forever.

Find ways to distract yourself from the past

Instead of dwelling on the mistaken belief that you’ll never stop loving the man you loved for so long, put your energy into something productive and good for you.

Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise schedule, or start planning your next vacation.

The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself. Learn healthy ways to take care of your body.

Pull yourself together, put your big girl panties on, and accept that the man you love is getting married to another woman. Hold your head high, and know that just because he’s not the one for you doesn’t mean you are less of a woman.

Accept that you and he were not meant to be together

I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Now that I’m 46 and happily married, I’ve long since realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures.

If you’re struggling to learn how to cope when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, no friends or family, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.

To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have. Surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, and you need to move on with your life. You are better off without him. Not because he’s a bad man, but simply because you weren’t meant to be together.

Prepare yourself for difficult moments, such as anniversaries and birthdays

You may never stop missing the man you loved, especially if you were together for a long time. Take heart, for you will learn to live without him! You’ll develop a “new normal”, a new way of living that doesn’t include him in your life. Your heartache will become manageable, and you will accept that the man you love has married another woman.

However, certain days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas holidays, even random special days can trigger strong emotions. You may feel your grief more acutely on holidays and other special times of the year – especially if you’re coping with the holidays for the first time without him. You may feel overwhelmed and lost in your pain.

Prepare yourself in advance to cope with special dates or holidays. It’s important to know that you may feel particularly overwhelmed or sad at certain times of the year, especially if this is the first time without him. The holidays in particular can bring up painful memories because of the traditions, family celebrations, even gift shopping and decorating – anything you and he used to do together. Sometimes just acknowledging it’s going to be difficult can provide you with the strength to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. You can’t expect to feel the same way about the holidays as you did when you and he were together.

Take time to think ahead about how you might feel, and what you are and are not capable of this year. It’s okay to withdraw from painful holiday plans, or change your normal birthday or New Year’s routine to protect your heart. Talk to your friends and family about what you feel you can and cannot do.

This is part of healthy grieving after a relationship ends. If you haven’t had much experience with grieving a breakup, read How to Recover From Loss and Survive Grief.

Spend time with people who make you feel good

Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything positive and life-giving! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.

And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?

Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely. They are your traveling companions, and it’s important to trust them.

Be kind to yourself

Don’t compare yourself to “the other woman” – and don’t beat yourself up for not being the woman you think your ex-boyfriend wanted.

The Man I Love is Marrying Another Woman

The Man I Love is Marrying Another Woman

Here’s one of my favorite tips for coping when the man you love is in love with someone you love, from the MindBodyGreen blog:

“Why when we break up with someone, do we tell ourselves, “Well, there’s another failed relationship?” Beating ourselves up when we are already down is a notion all too familiar to many of us and often we tend to beat ourselves up not just about the end of the relationship but about all of our “failures,” which leads us into a downward spiral of negativity. However, this, more than any other time, is the time to be kind to ourselves.” – from 7 Beautiful Things I Learned From My Last Breakup.

Surround yourself with beauty, life, and color

When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – I love it because it says “Hope” on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re alive and well!

The more beauty you see, the better your heart will feel. Add life-giving colors to your environment, such as splashes of burnt orange scarves or dashes of pretty sky blue dishes. Surround yourself with things that lift your heart but that don’t cost a lot of money. And don’t fall into the temptation to eat or drink yourself out of your misery, for you’ll just feel worse the morning after.

Take a deep breath. Know that you are loved, that God created you for a purpose, and that you won’t be alone forever. Believe that you are valuable and beautiful. Search for healthy tips on how to cope when the man you love is getting married. My suggestions below will help…

Coping When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

letting go of someone you loveI wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re coping with the idea that the man you love is marrying someone else. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone ElseIt’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.

You may also find The Best Breakup Songs for Letting Go of Someone You Love helpful. It’s not an ebook or print resource on how to cope when the man you love is marrying another woman – it’s a playlist of music and sad songs to help you heal.

“If you’re brave enough to say Goodbye, life will reward you with a Hello.” – Paul Coelho.

Your comments are welcome below. If you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please feel free to share with me. I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share your experience. You may find that writing your story is helpful – and your experience will help other women cope after losing a man they love.


Leave a Reply to Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

165 thoughts on “How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else”

  1. I just found out he is married now. I knew him for a while. He made me nervous and still does. I was very attracted to him. I know he liked me too because of the way he would look at me. There were times i thought i could read his mind and he could read mine. He kindda became my dream guy. I guess a lack of good communication parted us. Someone kept telling me for over a year about him and how this guy wanted to be with me. There were a lot of differences between us, so i know it is better this way. It is hard because he is a part of my dreams. Even though i am terribly sad now, i am actually happy for him that he found a happy girl who can take care of him and do for him the things i wouldn’t have been able to do.

  2. I love someone he also loved me for 3 years but he says that he can’t marry me as I am Divorced and doesn’t look like bachelor girl my as after delivery I lost my shape though I joined gym for him but still can’t do anything of my lose belly fat and stretch marks and due to this break up I have also put on weight. I want him to marry me as my son is very much attached to him and thinks that he is his father but he wants to get married to a girl not a woman though he is 6 years elder to me….
    I even thought of getting surgery to come to my previous shape but my financial condition is also not good as I am still studying so can’t afford it….
    I started hating my self…..
    Please help me if someone can….

    1. U are the source of ur own happiness. He never really loved u because if he did he wouldn’t care about the stretch marks and how you look. Please move on be happy, love yourself. There is someone out there waiting to accept you the way u are. Never change or hate yourself because of someone else. U are beautiful and the way u look is a trophy because u have the most important gift of life, which is ur child

  3. The love of my life, my boyfriend of 4 years, got married last June. I was devastated, I got sicker and sicker and I have had bad thoughts about my life. But I can’t lose him completely so I accepted that we could be friends. I love him so much. I don’t think I will be able to get over this pain. Every day, even when I don’t kill myself, the pain is killing me slowly.

  4. I am writing this personal heartbreak which I have suffered in three years. we are Muslims and men here are allowed to have four wives, anyhow its still considered taboo in our society usually men marry once. The love of my life married another woman of his parent’s choice. he told me about that 3 months before his wedding. moreover, he also said to me that I am madly in love with you. I am financially stable I can marry you also. we are never-ending this relation we are going to stay together forever… now recently he told me after year that his wife is expecting.i was already suffering from really rough time. I cannot leave him.thats my strory.

  5. same thing happened to me we were in relation for past 4yrs and his mother did not accept me because am from a lower caste now he is going to marry another women.His marriage date is 16 nov 2019 am literally crying from the day he said that his match was fixed.I dont no how i will overcome this food no sleep nothing i feel like i lost every thing in my life and i became alone.But for sure i can say i never forget him in my life let him marry that girl and live a happy life.Hope i will recover from this pain soon.

  6. Same story ladies,he got married without telling me he lost his wife two years down the line and he tried to marry twice after that but didn’t go through with it. Now he apologies and pleading. I was so hurt so I’m not sure what to do even now.

  7. Take heart. I too went through the same thing, the man i loved and who loved me back was forced to marry a lady chosen by his mother. It was either me or he gets disowned. I have come to terms with what happened, i lived a nightmare for months, i lost my health and doctors couldnt depict what was ailing me. But when i got up and decided to live for myself, i fought hard. Its painful, you feel deceived and alone. Its not a pain that will leave it will always be there. I decided to shut out every thing and every contact with him to make it easier for the both of us to move on with our lives.
    So dont lose hope, live your life, live for the sake of yourself and God will guide you.


  9. Its crazy how love hurts ,married my best friend of years ,we have a child ,started disconnecting ,seek marriage therapies & did intervention, he cried and said he thought he was done with the marriage & I lost it because I have a lot of pride (huge mistake) same day didnt even think about it & I left my house 😢
    Therapist said it back fire on him because it wasn’t what he really wanted ,he thought I was going to go home cry ,be together & things back to normal.. but she said I did what the guy usually dose packs up & the guys leaves…I was so hurt to hear them words from his mouth ,told my self ,what I did it’s call dignity and respect specially not feeling wanted.. Then thing turn for the worst ,we got divorce with in less then a year he was with some one & now moved 3 hours away with this person kids & grandkids. We don’t speak, he stop picking up our son only calls & last thing he told me was that he was going to erase me from his life & forget I excise.. The sad thing is that I lost my best friend ,can’t seem to move on ,I miss & love him .I pray every night for the Lord to help me remove him from my heart,everything we talk about doing together his done with this person ,posted on social media & it gets back to me.. I’m torn apart ,sad but I now I can’t stop my child keeps me busy but in back of my mind he is always there…

  10. Same thing happened to my friend,she given her life to him but he left her for another girl just saying that she is beautiful & he is getting married.My friend is totally dead even she is alive.I advised her not to react & acceptance to this reality.

  11. I’m in this situation now, but the other person. I met my perfect man almost ten years ago, but we were both dating other people and were both too afraid to risk losing our homes, partners, jobs, etc (the company was very much against workplace hookups). I moved away and lost contact for three years and decided to try and make things work with my on-off boyfriend. Then my crush randomly added me on social media and I accepted, but neither of us said anything. We practically ignored each other for a while and I still assumed he didn’t like me that much as he was now single but still didn’t say anything, so I stayed with my boyfriend. Four years later and my boyfriend asks me to marry him. I don’t feel the same way about him as I do my crush (I’ve never felt like that about anyone) and we aren’t as compatible, but I’m in my 40s now and we’ve been together 11 years and share a home so I figured I needed to settle down. So I said yes. That same day, my crush congratulates me and deletes me off social media (clearly in response to my getting engaged). Now I’m completely torn inside. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend, and I don’t want to risk losing him and my home if I’ve misread the situation and it’s just a stupid fantasy. Realistically, at my age I won’t find someone else. But I’m also still as in love with my crush as when I met him the first time all those years ago. I’m scared I’ll look back in 20, 30 years and realise I spent the last half of my life with the wrong person!

    1. I am in a similar situation myself… My boyfriend of almost two years is getting married in two months. …Our relationship started in Easter of 2017. And to date we are still together…….We are intouch/ with each other every day.. I was shocked to be surfing online and see that he’s engaged to be married.. We are grown adults and this is the last thing I had expected. Renting an apartment together was being discussed. I am right now lost for words. He’s out of town for the weekend and I plan on confronting him about come Monday.

  12. Thank you for sharing your storie it gives me hope that
    out there there is someone meant for me. I recently
    lost someone I love , he proposed to someone else
    on Christmas and I found out on the 26 . It’s not easy to
    to move on and get over it. But it’s great to know that am not alone . Thank you.

  13. We dated for 3years now got engaged last year December and he is getting married to someone else this December he didn’t even tell me he is getting married found out from his brother loved him so much and think I was lied to.

  14. Here I am,over a year later, going through this page again. Thinking back, when the man I loved got married to another woman last year, I was torn apart, I wasn’t able to function for months. I wasn’t eating, studying, going out…the world stopped for me. Pain was so bad to the point that it became unbearable and then…it started to ease up. Slowly, I went back to my old life, things was the same on the surface.
    They live close by and we have mutual friends so I see them often. They are expecting their first child together. And to be honest, pain is still here, deep down, and some days that pain is almost crippling and I can not get up in the morning….but I recover every time. Although I feel I will never be able to love again, I still have a hope that with time, things will start to look brighter. The point is…time does help. It sounds so cliche, I know, but…things we can not change…we can only learn how to live with them.

    1. I went through the same pain dear. He left me with three kids and later married her last year. It was not easy but I have picked up the pieces and accepted that it was never meant to be. Hang in there, it shall pass.

    2. Hi honey,
      I hope that I can look back like you are able to and feel great. Right now as I am typing this I feel betrayed, humiliated and crushed and add angry as hell into the mix. I am in my late 40’s and he is two years older than me. Our relationship started in Easter of 2017…We are grown adults, he is a grandfather and I am divorce for over a decade and have a teenage son. We met when he started working part-time at my workplace. Everything was ok and moving gradually and a vacancy opened up and he got the job and is employed full-time at the moment. We have lunch together most days. We even spoke today, when he called and asked for my assistance with a project. So you can imagine my surprise when I was surfing online and found out that he is getting married in May 2019. My heart sank to a new low…and I am here asking myself why? Why didn’t he just come out and tell me. Why string me along, telling me that I’m a good woman and he loves me and sees a future with me. Why…. Now I feel betrayed and used. And I now think he had not planned to tell me.

      Right now I am mad, lost for words. I can’t even cry …. it all seems so surreal. I plan to confront him tomorrow but I am now going back in my thoughts and checking where I could have missed some clue or possible signs. Yes I loved him and still love him.
      What do I do now, I not only feel lost for words but I feel lost, seriously

      1. Hi love, going through the same situation right now. The man I have been with for over a year was married on Feb 2019 and I found out just a week back. He didn’t intend on telling me anything about his marriage and I was with him the whole time. I have confronted him and now I am trying my best to move on with my life without him. Days are worst and sleep is far away…pain is inevitable. Maybe it’s for the best!
        My heart goes out to all those who has been through and are going through. This is the worst thing a person can do to their partner. I hope we all come out of this situation triumphantly. God Bless and Hugs!

  15. I ran across this article this evening and knew I needed to make a comment. As saddening as these stories are I feel comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who has suffered through this particular situation. I thought I found the man of my dreams last year April 19th 2017. He was everything I had ever looked for. We dated but it wasn’t official. A lot of drama passed and he moved away to Las Vegas. I thought he still liked me but his calls got farther apart and he only checked in every once in a while. I never want to blow up his phone because girls don’t ever want to feel “burdening” 🙄 I had this really intimate present for him for Christmas it was a book I made describing “Our story” and 41 photos of us and of me because one month before I told him I deleted al the pictures because it hurt so bad that he was gone and he sounded so devastated that I deleted our memories so I made the book and the photos I was gearing up to send it to him and I told him he would be expecting a present in the mail when he texts me asks me if I have sent it yet or not and I said no and he told me that he found someone else. I felt so overcome I basically chewed him out and blocked him on everything. He told me months before that he didn’t want to get married for a couple of years. I found out yesterday that he got married to a girl on August 11th I just happened upon his Facebook profile and it broke my heart. It was like being put through the break up all over again. I felt rejected and like there was something wrong with me. She’s not even a girl you would say is high maintenance or drop dead gorgeous she is just someone that made the right impression on him. I have been devastated I still have the present I never sent him because I haven’t been able to let go of my grief.

  16. What if the person i loved unconditionally and is marrying someone else but i have to face him every now and then he is a type of good family friend so in every occasion or any small and big parties i have to meet him . How to get over his feelings how to get over him ..since i tried a lot but can’t cope ..

  17. I was with Franz for 18 years. We were friends for 20 years. After much drama and many ups and downs, he asked me to marry him – I said yes. Then he asked my Dad for my hand in marriage.

    On the day I’m booking the venue for the wedding he went on a 4 hour phone call to someone else. For the entire night he was on the phone. In the morning when we usually talk while he is traveling to work he is in the phone. I literally passed out. I pissed myself. I pooped myself. To this day I do not speak fluently.

    We tried to get back on track but he would not come off the phone. It eventually broke us. I got mean and angry. Then I got composed.

    On our anniversary he asked to come back. I said yes. Less than 2 months later he was married. He lied about being with someone and the circumstance up to August 13, 2018. He was married on August 19.

    From the fall out to his getting married is a little over a year. I year he spent telling me my take on the situation is wrong. August 3, 2018, he is not in about relationship. They are stress. August 19, married.

    I have loved this man my entire life. He has hurt me for the entire time I loved him. And it took the 19th of August to get it. Let me tell you all something – it’s a pain you walk with like another hand or foot. Yup.

    There is no going back to the person before and the person you are after the experience may not be your favorite. One just accepts and lives. Lives.

    I find it strange that someone has the capacity to lie the way he does. Stranger yet is his claim that he is not lying.

    I wasted time, money, time. My emotions were abused. I don’t know who I was speaking to. He sounds strange. His voice sounds strange. It’s just all strange. But yet 18 years was spent with this stranger. Body fluids exchanged.

    There are some strange people alive. Some people for whom no adjective is appropriate. Almost gender neutral but really character neutral. He is neither evil or good – he’s just alive. Truth is I do not know him well enough to say.

    Some where in his world his actions pan out. Some where. It’s just for me to hear know and see and just say ah well.

    I’m so filled with anxiety. It’s truly a traumatic experience. Everything gets me jittery. Completely spazzed out at times.

    It irritates me that he hurt me this deeply to the extent that it affects day to day function. But sometimes there are unexpected victories.

    He won his bride. Mrs. Jackson is good. In time I will be fine. And I may just have the last laugh.

    I hope he is happy. He paid the hugest price for his happiness. My complete devastation. Marcia’s world is built on my pain. I hope it is stable.

    The pain doesn’t ever die. Neither does the love. True love is not conditional on the actions of characterless men.

    Be careful how you invest yourself. If you lose, what’s gone is everything. Take it from Dionne. She can barely identify what’s left.

  18. Hello. I have read many ladies experiences, it really painful in my own case we dated for 3 years and he engaged me last year july. We were in love with each other. Early this year he said his parent’s are not in support of him getting married to me so he said we should end our relationship we did so. After i month we ended our relationship i had he is getting married. Its really frustrating because i felt he lied to me. Now he has opened a wound that has already healed. I hate him and i am not sure if i could forgive him.

    1. Dear Jessy! My heart aches for you. I’m praying for you right now. I believe that God loves you and He will use your pain to bring something good into your life. I don’t know how He’s going to do that, but I choose to believe. I know your heart can be healed though it’s not an easy process. But you can be brave!

  19. Hi Teresa, I heard that words before it’s because we don’t have the same faith and the same color. He think they are the only creatures his words is more than enough to hate him. O do love him but when I remember this words you mention today I wish he will feel the pain himself. I feel very hurts that’s I find it very hard to forgive him.

  20. Thank you so much for this site. Am so glad I found all of you in the same page it’s enough to give me courage.
    I can’t help myself full of him 24/7. How to let go what to do am still very deeply hurts and broken. Lababa you said that words which I feel completely the same and me too I can’t let go…

    1. My heart goes out for all of you. Teresa I heard that words before from the one who pretend loves me so much. Its hurts a lot and that words is enough for me to hate him realizing that all his doing is just to take me forgranted. I wish he can feel what I feel the hurts and all my crying but one day he will have his turn to cry. He was hurts before but is not right to hurt others. I hope I can forgive him

  21. Thank you so much for this site am so glad that I found you all in the same page it gives me courage to move on please pray for me

  22. I feel am getting crazy months before his marriage I learn to know that its true that he is going to get married the painful thing is its not going to be me. He told me 5 months ago that his applying for work for both of us I just realise that he was already engage during that time with another woman. I confronted him he denied and asking me who told me, I ask if its true he just said it’s possible. When I force him to tell me if true he told me it’s really hurts me a lot when he told me that God made man and woman a partner. In my heart what am i? I realize I was just nothing. I trust him so much, I love him so much I care for him more than I care for myself. I thought deep inside me. Then he said it’s easy for us to separate because we don’t have sexual relationship I can’t believe what I hear. In my heart I want to die, I could not think of anything I just wish to die, for me I lost my very love friend its too much for me after more than 2 years loving him. I find it too hard to love man I just learn to love him after 4 years being friend. Amazingly I feel free. After the wedding friends send me their wedding photo I feel like dying. I don’t know what happen but I just feel the reality all now is true. Now its true

  23. I’m so so glad I found all you girls who are on the same page. I broke up with my first man because he said he had to focus on school and family. It turns out he said that so we can break up and he can be with the other girl he’s cheating on me with without feeling guilty. That’s when the suicidal tendencies came up. I never could’ve imagined that I could get over it but like 7 months later things became better. And then HE came along.. he was so different, so wise and so lonely like me. We are now together for 2 years and I still am physically weak from the love I have for him. I love him so much it hurts. But I have big dreams and goals for the future. And he told me a couple times that hes willing to be in an arranged marriage just for the sake of having a family (he’s still in his early twenties??) and his friend confirmed saying he wants to be in an arranged marriage and told me I should be happy for him when he does. He stopped mentioning it after we found out I had an ovarian tumour (thankfully removed) and my mental health was all over the place. Now I’m stuck in this relationship, knowing that we are most likely not end up together and I’m dreading for the day he tells me that we have to end this relationship so he can carry on spending the rest of his life with another woman. I’ve been crying myself to sleep all the time, I’m always picturing him being in bed with another woman. I don’t know how to end this relationship. I don’t think he does either. I wish that tumor just ate me up alive

  24. just found out on the 4th of March 2018. H got engaged to some lady last week during the Easter HOLIDAYS! Am broken..confused …am lost..Cant leave my job..would love to relocate.A part of me died with this.How do i face this betrayal?

  25. That would be nice. It’s still very hard on me. You would advise your friends differently but we fail to follow logical advice. All due to this emotion of love. You are free to message me at life_is_sweet25(at)
    An email from my younger days. We can connect there 🙂

  26. hello Preet! i know EXACTLY how you feel :'( same thing will be happening with me are so like me..we cant let go no matter what..we love deeply and we hurt deeply :'( i was wondering if we could talk to each or may be on the we are in the same situation..i live in scotland..

  27. Hello
    I didn’t think I’ve ever write this in a forum.
    I loved a man of a different faith for 5 years and he quickly got married last year. I always told him I wanted to marry him. He wanted to be with me too but his belief in his faith and expectations from his family and me of mine would never make it possible. I wanted to try regardless because I loved him very much.
    He didn’t tell me when he got engaged early last year. He just told me his cousin had introduced him to someone of his faith. He said he was beginning to talk to her on the phone but in fact he was actually engaged then. He would still message me inappropriately and in ways of love. I know he had a hard time himself moving forward and still loved me which is why he was still interacting in this way with me. I found out a couple months before that he was getting married in the summer. He shared that himself and it broke my heart. He was my first love, my first kiss, relationship and everything. The thought of him interacting with someone else and building a life nearly killed me. I wouldn’t eat. I lost so much weight, I lost any enjoyment in life. It’s been several months since he has been married now. My health isn’t the greatest still. It still some days hurts about the same the day I found out.
    The thing is while he was engaged he was still interacting with me inappropriately and he still told me he loved me. As he started to develop feelings for his now wife he became very frustrated with me and my emotions. I would call him crying and he would tell me to get out of his life and that I sounded so annoying crying. Asking me “do you know how annoying you sound right now.” “He would tell me to shut the f up.”
    He was frustrated and has a short fuse as it is. He would apologize because he wanted to help but couldn’t necessarily and would get frustrated with me. I wanted to remain friends and have never wanted to loose him so i tried to be more open to hearing things. Eventually he started using terms like financee describing her. Saying she met all his criteria which he didn’t want to get into and that he was happy. Told me about the trips he was going to go on and asked if I wanted to see a pic of her. I didn’t at the time and all of this was killing me more and more. However I didn’t want to loose his presence in my life. I wanted to show him we could still be friends. We said this wouldn’t be goodbye and that we would met eventually in the future.
    I found his wife’s Instagram. She is pretty and innocent. Doesn’t know he was cheating on her in a way. She moved from the US to Canada. This is how I found out that he was engaged well before. Shes very lively and has a large following. It makes me feel insecure. I feel old and stupid as she is 5 years younger than myself. I know its him taking the pics. He was always cheap with me. I can see what he has purchased for her and brought her to many beautiful places. I have has to remove app because it was affecting me sooo negatively. He looks happy and it kills me. I wonder if he still even thinks about me. Because if he could while he was engaged then he could while he is married. This is what i say to myself and its stupid.
    The only means of contact i have with him now is through email. I still message him. Intially started off very angry stating I know he had been lying to me. He responded by saying he understands what I’m saying but doesn’t want to talk about the past ever again. He said he will only message me if I interact positively and not regarding the past. At the same time I should expect to hear back from him. I feel like a child being scolded. I know it is valid to feel angry but I still want to have him in my life. As months have gone by he has now said he can’t keep in touch with any frequency or meet up. This has hurt me recently because we always said we would and that this wasn’t goodbye. I still do love him. I do want him to be happy. I just want to know that someday in the future we can meet. I message more than I should. I tell him I care for him. I tell him I want to know how he’s doing and I always want to stay connected as friends. I want him to be happy interacting with me.He hasn’t messaged me in a while. He said that it could take weeks until I hear back from him and to not take this offensively. That hes married. Writing this all out I know I need to give myself space and give him space. I just keep getting emotional because I keep messaging more than I should saying that I don’t ever want to loose him as a friend however I understand the need for space. Saying that I hope someday we will meet.
    My family doesn’t know how often I message him. I haven’t shared that with anyone. I think about him constantly when I should be more concerned about my health. He talked to me so negatively before he was about to get married saying, saying he didn’t think I was creative and how he thought we would never work. I know he was full of frustration but he hurt me with his words. I know him I i know he was creating distance and never meant to hurt me. I know him and he could completely have avoided even messaging me but he still did message back. But I’m scared I’m never going to hear from him now that he has been married for several months and his feelings of love have probably intensified even more for his wife. Some days I do good but this weekend for me was very painful. I use to prioritize my weekends for him. Knowing he has it off and is spending with his wife. It still hurts. I’ve gone on dates and tried interacting with people. Still very hard. Why can’t I be like him.
    I really miss him.

    1. Preet, you get one life. Just one life.

      When you fall in love with someone, you see their good qualities and accept their flaws. Every person have qualities and flaws. You started dating because you are finding your way out. Date, to know the other person not to find your ex in that or to compare your ex with him.
      First thing first, Open your heart out. Tell all the things to someone. Do not miss him, make your self numb for the emotions, whenever his thought comes into your mind, just smile and say I am good and something good is waiting for me.

      Trust me whatever happens, happens for good. Patience is the key. Wait for the right person. Trust me you are special, if you are single. YOU ARE SPECIAL. BELIEVE.

  28. Hi. I work at school and I met a parent. The vonnevtion was instnt
    We looked into each other’s eyes. We ended up not talking about his kid but just chatting. His wife passed fuom cancer about 3 years ago and my husband also passed from cancer last year. He took my number and text me about 15minutes after he left. He is engaged to be matried
    We talked gor 4 days straight and ecpressed out feelings. He even talked about wondering bout the wefding after meeting me. I decided yo stop contacting jim snd he stopped too. He called revently to ask something about school…i don’t btlieve he needed to call me vos his sister works at the school and she would have given him the info. Plus he should have emailed me rather called
    We talked asked how I was doing and what plans I have for the weekend. He said the weddong was now in october and no longer in may. I love him. It hurts andbim still focused on mot contacting him. I hope the pain will go away. Sometimes i wonder what he’s feeling but I don’t want to worry about that

  29. Loved man for 8 years he would travel 2 hrs to see me every week. I am married for 35 years. He suggested I check into divorce and I could retire with him in Hawaii. Couldn’t do it at that time because of young daighter. We continues to see each other. He gave me work I. His company. He said he was in love with me and we got along so well. 2015 his wife died and he dropped me to have someone close by in hide city so he would not be alone. We got back together 7 months later because he said he missed me. I helped him fix up his new house..painting..everything. Made dinners together etc…
    Feb Valentine’s Day of 2017 I was up helping him with his house..laughing..loving. Came home after 3 days. I made the choice to have my pastor over and told my husband of 35 years I had gone outside my marriage 3 times. Long story short..since feb 2017,,I have been on psychotic meds..mood stabilizers and ended up in mental ward for 3 months to try and get over the fact that my husband wanted to end 35 year marriage.. through the whole year I have been trying to get back I. Touch with him. He got back to me Jan 12018 and told me he was engaged and getting married. So I ended my marriage over a lie. He was never going to marry me.. I now at age 61 living alone in apament. I can barely breath

  30. I love him soo much it actually hurts…he’s not married yet. I live him and his says he loves me. His fiance’so mum is dying and he saying he can’t leave just now while this is going on. I don’t know what to do..I asked him today if he’s gonna leave but says he can’t just yet..How can I love someone soo much. .It hurts…a lot. .All the time..I actually think I’m going crazy sometimes..its bn almost a year since I met him..And I knew Instantly.. I’m 40 yrs old so it’s not that this is young love. I’ve nvr felt this way about someone..I find it really painful..quite a lot of the time I’m so unhappy about everything..I know I need to walk away

  31. We have been friends/seeing each other for over 5 years. I moved out of town but I would go home just about every weekend and he wanted to see me. Then I moved farther away for work and he always wanted to know when I was coming back in town so we could get together and do something. We would go out to the movies or watch movies at his house and spend time together. I found out he entered into a relationship last year and got engaged in Oct of this year through FB. He never said anything. We were just together before Christmas. He even commented next time he sees or holds me will be 2018. My heart is broken. He knew I loved him. I question myself. Why wasn’t I good enough to marry me? All this time and I didn’t even matter to him. What did I do wrong? What does she have that I don’t?

    1. I just recently went through the same kind of breakup. It leaves you devastated. I am seeking therapy to help me move on. It is not easy. It hurts to see their happy pictures on Facebook , when he wouldn’t even it puts. Last year at this time we were happy. He had his new gal in the wings while he was trying to get rid of me. Please try to move on and there are plenty of other women in the same place.

  32. I’ve accepted that we weren’t meant for forever. We were meant for a long time, but not forever. I accept that my life is probably a lot better with him as a friend than as a partner. I wouldn’t be in law school if we were still together. But why the hell did he have to wait until after we broke up to say the L word?! And now he’s marrying another woman. He’d known her 2 months before he proposed. We were together 7 years, and have known each other for 12+. I know him. Too much for my own good. He doesn’t love her, he just doesn’t want to be alone. She just wants to get married. The whole thing was basically an arranged marriage. But he’s marrying her because she can never leave him, their church wouldn’t allow it.

    What I have a hard time with is watching him make the biggest mistake of his life. I don’t care that we don’t get back together. I still love him, love just changes. He still loves me, and has told me as much. But he’s marrying a woman he barely knows. And then they’ll have a baby. And then there will be children in the mix. She doesn’t know that he has ADHD, or that he’s allergic to cleaning chemicals and mango, or that he has seasonal asthma, or that sometimes he just needs time to himself, but once in a while you need to get him out of his own head. Yet somehow, he’s OK with this. When asked about it, he feels like this is just something he has to do. THEN he hopes his future wife and I can be besties and hang out when they come to town. Like, WHAT? Like, HOW?!?! Am I supposed to walk her through the instruction Manual of how to deal with him? I deleted his number from my phone, yet he still called me. And I don’t have the strength not to accept his call, because I never want him to feel alone in this world.
    My problem is, how the hell do I deal with this?!Is it even possible to stay friends with him and his new wife when I can’t stand the thought of him under her? Of her having his kids? I don’t even hate her, I just wish that he’d at least have enough sense to know that 6 months of knowing someone without ever being alone with them, or even touching them, is not nearly enough time to get married. I just wish he’d think about this.

    And then there’s the guilt, the wonder that if I’m somehow responsible for this. Before his first date with her, he called me. We had a long conversation about various things. And then he told me he loved me. I let it linger in the air, because until now, I’d been the only one to say it to him. After two minutes, he continued ,” as a sister, of course!” And I told him ,”I know,” because (1) he”s already known how I feel about him, and (2) we’d been broken up for about two years, what good would it do now to bring up old hat? The thing is, I can’t help but wonder if he would still be walking down the aisle if I had said it back. Maybe he wouldn’t be with me, but maybe he wouldn’t have decided to propose to a woman he’d only known for two weeks.

    He gets married on Saturday.

    1. Oh God! You just recounted my story. It’s exactly same except that he is already married. He married on the 23rd december 2017 and did not tell me. We talked everyday and even on that day we talked and i had no clue he was getting married and even when he wrote me good night, i didn’t know, i couldn’t have dreamt that he was already married. He kept on talking to me normally for the next one week till i found out that my love of 7years was married to a church girl arranged by his brother! My heart my chest my waisted years. And all he keeps saying is “i am sorry baby” “you are my true love not her”. How do i survive this betrayal?

  33. There is no pain like the pain of losing a man you love! The heartache feels unbearable, the loss overwhelming. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I know the pain of a broken heart.

    You WILL get through this – and your pain will fade! Your heart will heal, and you’ll come out the other side. You aren’t alone. If you look up and around, you’ll see and feel the love of other people. And of God, if you can receive His grace. Reach up, reach out, and take comfort in those around you.

    I wrote this for you, and to help all women cope when the men they love are marrying others…

    How to Recreate Yourself When a Relationship Ends

    Be kind and good to yourself today.
    – Laurie

  34. Hi
    I’m dealing with the most horrendous pain my heart could ever go through the man I dated for two years is marrying someone else in three weeks , I found out about her because his parents found out about me they want him to be with her and the worse part of it all is he tells me he doesn’t have a choice I’m not naive I know he has a choice but he doesn’t like the other choice that’s why his going on with this I’m sitting in my room beating myself up thinking why the hell am I not good enough ………I can’t think of a reason to live anymore

    1. Pixie I hope you are okay right now. It’s hard be strong. Some days that’s asking for alot i know. Reach out if you need to talk 🙂

  35. It’s time to move on. The man you love is marrying someone else, and you have to face the truth. It’s time to accept it, and stop fighting reality. The more you resist the truth, the harder it’ll be to heal.
    Now, you must focus on healing. The past is over, and you can’t live back there. It is finished.
    What source of strength, courage, and freedom do you have to rely on?

  36. My boyfriend of six years is going to marry another woman it’s arranged please l just need to know he loves me so much but can’t marry me will he love her the same as me will he look for me in her lm going crazy l just want to know lm broken please reply .ive been to get help but nothing helps all he’s promises are broken l can’t let go .

    1. If he really loves you then he should have enough guts to tell his parents about you and should marry you. These boys are just ridiculous if they don’t want to marry girls why they have a relationship with them. I think if someone is in relationship with a person first he/she should have guts to tell their parents and should convince them, Second if the problem is so tremendous that they can’t tell their parents or convince their parents they shouldn’t get marry anyone else. They should remain bachelor for life. This is true love for me.

  37. I’ve been in a relationship for four years and it was beautiful. We were both divorcees and successfully managed to combine our families together. Like any relationship we had struggles but because of our love we pulled together even stronger.
    He soon had the desire to migrate to America and this desire strengthened over a few weeks. Then one day he said he was leaving and was going to do what ever was necessary to become a US citizen even if it meant marrying someone. I was completely crushed and heartbroken. Even though I knew this may be a meaningless union it still came as a complete shock that his level of morality would bring him to this idea. I am currently coping with this shift with moving and picking up the pieces, These books and words of encouragement were helpful.

    Still overcoming….. knowing that all will be okay someday….

  38. I met this guy online on a dating app after a break up with my ex. Background story about my ex. It was my freshman year in college when we first got together. He was my first love. The one who took my virginity. After getting deeply involved with him he tells me he has a girlfriend back in the islands but I shouldn’t be worried about her because he and I are here in the states and she not some someone he cares for. Their relationship was arraigned by their parents. So I shrugged it off and stayed in the relationship with him. Fast forward to 4 1/2 years later. He marries her brings her to the United States. They now have a baby and living happily ever after. To deal with my ex entering his wife to the states I decided in order for me to heal I needed someone else to distract me. That’s when I went on a dating app and met this guy. In the beginning of this new relationship he would spoil me by taking me to the fanciest restaurants, buy me nice shoes, we would go the movies, he would sleep over my house as I would sleep over his. Wake up and take me to breakfast. A lot of cute stuff that I wasn’t used to in my other relationship. So I fell for him. Deep. After two weeks of being together he told me he loved me. I really thought he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. 🤦🏾‍♀️ We had some infidelity issues. We talked about it and I though it was the end of it even though I didn’t trust him. A year and half later into the relationship I find he went on a trip to his country in May and got married on me while we were together. I find out in August on Facebook. I’m soo heartbroken 💔

  39. My ex that is marrying someone else moved on so fast .Before that we had a son then things got bad I still loved him. But when we broke up he got into a new relationship but we were still messing around up until a few months ago he never told me know her ive found out by other people now my son is 3 he put my son in the engagement that said on a shirt will you marry my daddy… And when I see this I was hurt I cried and there was a video of it all made it worse. I don’t do relationships based on how he treated me cause of what he did to me… But still loved him.. I ask myself why.. But I come to when I told him if it didnt work out with us. I would never love again. And it didn’t but it still hurts… Cause he’s been so good to this women but he was never to me

    1. This made me break down cause our situations are so similar. Except when we were still messing around after the break up, I became pregnant again 😢

  40. Dear Honey,

    Thank you for being here, Honey. It must’ve been so painful to see the man you love marry somebody else – especially since you guys have known each other for so long.

    I’m sorry your heart is broken for him, and I wish I knew how to erase the pain! Know that this will pass. The way you are feeling right now won’t last forever, and you will eventually move on and let go of him. Your heart will heal and you will feel better about your life. And you’ll be happy again! It hurts now, but this hurt will pass.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. In the meantime, here’s an article that may help you through some of the darkest times.

    3 Steps to Start Living by Faith and Healing Your Broken Heart


  41. The man I love just got married. And I have been there. I had to smile and everything while they seemed happy and in love. I loved him for years, we grew up together and knew each other for over 15 years now. And he said he loves me too. He said he always did. We were together on and off, few times, but we couldn’t remain in relationship, mainly because he felt weird because our parents are very close and we live in a small town. So, he cared about what others will say more than he cared about us, I guess. I knew that, and I said to myself that I was ready for everything but I guess I wasn’t really ready for this. Seeing him getting married to another woman felt like dying inside.And now, I don’t really know how to get over it. He is the only person I have ever loved, so….I don’t know how to move on.

  42. I pushed everybody away to avoid getting hurt again. Until he shows up, so sincere and loves me unconditionally. I can be myself around him and feel secure. Until he told his mother about me, being in different religion although I willing to convert but his mom rejected me. Not only that his mother arranges his marriage with a girl he don’t even know. He loves her mother so much he agrees to marry the girl. Leaving me all alone, lost and cries all the time.

  43. Hi i m going through a very tough time in my life. I met him through an online dating site. I m divorced and he was separated from his wife. We started talking and I kind of starting liking him since he sounded very genuine and mature. For 4-5 months while we were talking on and off he never offered to meet. The first time he offered, I refused. Finally I agreed. We got intimate.
    I started falling for him and fell in love. I was with him for two years but only met him 8 times. Now he’s marrying someone else. I love him but he vanished from my life.

    1. How true. I lost my boyfriend to my best friend. I never really suspected anything until I read the letters that he wrote her. The way he spoke to her in them were way more tender than they way he did in those that he sent me. He kept reminding me how love and passion were two different things. He wanted me to realise that his love had nothing to do with us having a future together. That he was only holding on to me because he felt sorry that I wasn’t with anyone else. One fateful day after we broke up my best friend called me on the phone and told me that they had been going out together. She sort of wanted my blessing and I gave it to her with a blank heart. Not that it mattered anymore. They both married other people now. It’s been 23 years and it still hurts as hell.

  44. He wrote: just to let you know that I am tying the knot. Me: taken a back, and said : Ok. I told him there is no obligation for an ex to congratulate him. However, I loved him as a man, as an ex love and as a brother. Henceforth told him I wish him well, I wish him enough. I know once a man has decided to get married, he has decided.

    It took a few days and almost a week for me to come to term. Supposed to meet up to pass him an item he asked me to purchase on behalf but I choose to mail it to him instead. I am honest to him that I might not be able to stay composed and might tears if i see him.

    He thank me and asked me to take good care of myself.

    After some thoughts, I have decided to cut ties and stop all communication with him. As much as I wanted him in my life as a good Friend, ideally but in reality I know I will get affected by him because every time he is in a relationship, for some reason he will still try his best to keep me close and it can be confusing. Struggled to be his best female friend.

    I am doing this for myself (not for him) to avoid discomfort. He can’t have the best of both worlds, I told him. A newly found love and an ex turned “best female Friend” who knows him so well for the past 17 years, and someone he is so comfortable with, with no hesitation to show his flaws … I choose to take my leave and exile.

  45. I agree with some of this article, but disagree with some of it also. I think the person you love the most,is the one you are afraid of losing; because if you are not, what’s the point in being with them?

    I’ve witnessed situations where individuals have let me go, and I’ve let them go, and we say, “I’ll always love you, because I care about your well-being and happiness;” which may be true, but do you really, deeply love that person? Would you choose them over anyone else? Probably not. “I don’t fear losing you, technically because I don’t really care if you are in my life.”

    However you find someone who sparks your soul, makes you happier than anyone else in the world, they standout to you; and you love them so much, losing them is painful. You do care if they are in your life. That’s true love in my opinion.

    With that being said, honesty trumps that. It’s ok to be afraid to lose someone, and still be honest with them; because it couples with trust and communication. “Yes, I’m afraid to lose you, yes I’m still going to be honest with you despite that, yes do I trust I can tell you, and yes we can talk about it.” I think there’s a lot that goes hand in hand with that.

    If someone purposely leaves you (breaking up, not passing away), you need to stop loving them. You can say, “I’ll never stop loving you,” and listen to sappy love songs; but over a very long time, fact of the matter is, you can’t truly give your love to anyone else until you let go of the person you’re continuing to say, “I love you,” in your heart. You’ll be tormented if you continue to love someone who left you, or wasn’t afraid of losing you. If they loved you, they wouldn’t be able to go without seeing your face, hearing your voice, asking for you input, or spending time with you. If you still think of them continuously, You haven’t let go of them and thre reason is simple you love them and trying your best to let go. but truth is how long are you going to let, how many times are you going to tell yourself that “it wasn’t meant to be” serious?. as i said i have been there done that all it leads is to he wasn’t mine like you know when yours is going to appear and you sure he is not going to leave you . you will get married and live happily ever after. it took long for me to realize that if i was going to be happy i had to change something or do something else to grab what made my life sparkle. am happy today because of this man BABA MUSA +27764463373 or he helped me to not accept defeat or believing that it was meant to be to make it be no matter what.
    don’t believe in accepting or let it go even though you don’t want.if you don’t go after what you want how will you get it?. i stopped being second in my life the moment i took the first position.

  46. I still don’t know how to cope when the man I love is getting married to another woman. I’m 35 years old, we were married for 10 years. I thought we were in love but he told me he’s been having an affair with his high school girlfriend. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and he’s so sorry, but he can’t be with me anymore. Your advice for coping when someone you love is marrying somebody else is good, but the truth is nothing takes the pain away.

  47. Thanks for the post and the good advice in it. Going through this right now. He was the one for me. I rarely let anybody in, I am a very guarded heart, and he was the closest I’ve ever been to feeling settled and truly loved and wanted. We were in harmony when together, despite living in different countries. A stupid stupid stupid disagreement caused us to stop communicating with each other for two whole years (!) and once we reconnected I found that he had suffered a few major life events that prompted him to quit his current life, move on, move countries (even further away) and find and marry someone else.

    We are back talking in recent days, close as always, but it’s a huge ball of emotions. We both thought we had abandoned each other and stubbornly refused to be the first to break the ice. I am wracked with guilt for not being in his life for two years and for my part in maintaining a wall of silence, I am devastated at my loss and angry at my stubbornness. But I am also equally happy for him that he has a new life that is better than the situation he was previously in, and feel some joy for him despite everything. I definitely accept his marriage, I harbour no resentment to his new partner, and I completely understand the way it all happened. But it is still a terrible position to be in and I am so very very stupid for bringing this upon myself and I find myself in tears at all times of the day and night as little things trigger my memories and make me think about what could’ve been. I am definitely grieving hard.

    The upside is that we both still recognise our special bond and we have agreed to remain close friends and never build a wall between us again. We recognise that we are soulmates but that fate has ultimately not put us together, and we must instead forge a new type of relationship within the boundaries of his marriage. I am blessed to have him still in some small way.

    No words can adequately describe the grief one feels in these situations – I feel like there has been a death of a loved one, and I have great difficulties sleeping at night without lying there recalling wonderful memories of adventures, living together for a short time, and our almost daily contact over three years prior to our foolish disagreement. I feel anxious, claustrophobic and completely heartbroken despite knowing that it was avoidable and largely my own fault. I have stupidly given away my chance of happiness in my old age without him at my side.

    My advice to anyone reading this who has a silly tiff with someone you care for, over relatively trivial matters in the grand scheme of life: do not let it snowball, resolve it straightaway, keep communicating, open your heart. Life is extremely short and if you don’t act decisively the opportunities slip quickly away. I will forever regret this period of my life, and I can only hope there is indeed something after this life so that I can meet him again on the other side and make the right decisions next time around.

  48. 25 years ago he and I started a beautiful friendship. Shortly after we have ourselves to each other for the first time. That night we made a pact to never say good bye no matter where life brought us and to always be best friends. Years go on and we did too, off and on that is. No matter what we kept our promise to each other. We saw each other thru every major life event. Over the years or love grow stronger and our friendship impenetrable. Then I joined the military and moved half a world away. When I came back, then he did it. The plan was for me to move to where he was once stationed and get married. Three months after that he called me drunk as a duck and told me he got someone pregnant. He didn’t know I was pregnant too. The sick and pain threw me into the wall and I lost the baby two weeks later. I told him nothing but that our years together could not be undone but any chance of us was done. I saw him the that horrible marriage he felt forced to enter and the divorce 5 years later. Still we lived in different states. Once we were around each other, everything came flooding back. But I stood my ground and refused his bed. That was my mistake. He went to someone else and so did I. Both of us have told our others that he and I will always be and they have to accept that if they want us. Which I know is not fair to anyone else in our life. It’s been another five years with our secret love and phone calls of us expressing that love. Just the other night, we saw each other. We broke down together and made love. We don’t know how to feel about it. We don’t feel guilty tho we should. He got re married the month before to the day. His first marriage he spent the night with me on the phone. The man shouldn’t be getting married to anyone but me. I on the other hand am 36 and never married cause I don’t want to marry anyone I can’t love fully. Now we are here again. As he got off the airplane to go meet his wife he’s on the phone with me after having me telling me he loves me and I him. But got married a month to soon. Now I went back to my other and am trying with all my might to love him as though he were my Austin. We still aren’t willing to let go of each other. What should I do? We are planning family group vacations mine with his. What the hell. I’m going that we will be able to just be the friend we’ve always been and learn to love our new lives and our families can be involved in our friendship and maybe that will make us faithful to more than ourselves. We can’t live without each other, we’ve tried. We tried real hard. So why aren’t we married. Why can’t we just be together. It’s been so very long. He’s my person, and I’m his. Why are we living separate lives loving each other and trying to live faithly to others. It makes no sense. Help! God please help me.

  49. “Have faith that even though this relationship didn’t work you, there is a special, handsome, loving guy out there who is waiting to love you. Trust that even though the man you love is marrying someone else, you won’t be alone forever.”

    Positive advice but unfortunately not so true specially nowadays. Maybe over 20 years ago men wanted to settle and get married but now most of them only want STR, flings and one night stands. There are hundreds of single women waiting for men too… the “Mr Right” is so rare now, many are looking for but can’t find them being alone. It’s better to find a good potential partner the faster you can.

  50. Dear jerica,

    I’m not quite sure if I understand what you’re asking. It sounds like you need to learn how to cope when the man you love is marrying somebody else… I guess I don’t understand what you should share with your family?

    Are you and your boyfriend cousins? Is that what you’re worried about telling your family? Are you and your boyfriend still in a relationship together?

  51. iam in love , we are together for 3 years,we ourself thought that we wrere the best couple, but now what hppnd? aftr 2 yyears ,my boyfrnd is getting married,the main reason is that we both r czns,, we didn’t said this to anyone, but we r well sure that if we said to our family it will be big disaster im totally mad with him, and I cant imagine without him so he said that we can leave each other nd start a new life, but he is oky with that ,but iam dumbed, nowadays his behavior also changed, each and evrydy j use to cry, whenever I try to forget him, his name will come in my head,i don’t know what to do!!
    any one can help me please, please say that whether I should share with my family or what? but he is not allowing that if we said to our family and they didn’t allow means it will be big shame and we cant look aftr each other in front of everyone, really I don’t know what to do

  52. I met him for six years he was older than me, with the age difference of 14yrs. I loved him so much. he real loved me too, giving me all what a woman need in life. he left me unexpectedly and married to my friend my church mate. its now 3yrs since they got married but still I sometimes think about him. it difficult for me to forget him. but I know he will never at by my side again

  53. If you keep telling yourself that you can’t survive or cope when the man you love is marrying someone else, then guess what? You won’t survive. You won’t be able to move forward in your life — and more importantly, you won’t be able to heal from the pain.

    It hurts. You gave your heart, your life, your time to him. You loved your boyfriend unconditionally and you wanted to spend your life with him. The fact that he’s moving on is heartbreaking. I understand. It’s awful.

    Grieve your loss. Keep breathing through the pain. Stop telling yourself that you’ll never survive or that you can’t forget your boyfriend. Instead, take a deep breath and look upwards. Look around you, at the people who love you and the beauty that exists in your life.

    What is one thing you can do today to take care of yourself, and help your heart heal?

  54. I was seeing a Bengali guy on and off for about 4 years. We never spoke about being serious but he knew I was truly madly deeply in love with him and would do anything for him. At one point I had a pregnancy scare and he told me if I was pregnant with his child to never speak to him again this broke me. But after a while he came back and I forgave without a word. I got back into the cycle of being at his beck and call whenever he wanted. Now don’t get me wrong he treated me like a queen when he was there on his terms but when he was gone he was ghost. One day A year ago I got really upset and had a outburst and told I’m how much it hurts that he won’t try to love me back and we hadn’t spoken since. But today I found out he got married four months ago. How could he marry her so easily and let me go so easily? Why was I so hard to love. I don’t know if my heart will ever stop burning

  55. I m in a relationship of 9 years. But now my boyfriend getting marriage on 16 jan under pressure of his parents but he says to Me that he loves me and he can not left me after his marriage. I love him a lot from the day when he told me that his marriage will be fix in Jan I didn’t sleep I cry everyday.i feel like dying.i can’t forget him. I love him very much but nowadays his behaviour change towards me. He did not call me like before.he started talking his fiance I think all the time about him. What can I do? I come out of this situation.

    1. Ruma I can understand ur situation and feeling… Ours is the same… Mine is 4 yrs n urs is 9… I told him about court marriage but he said no to that… Utlimately its his decision which was negative… I realized that if he cant stand for me now… He will never in future…I cry everyday… Its of no use because he is least interested to wipe my tears… He is busy talking to his fiancé…he never had the guts to tell his family about us… He did try 2-3 times… But they dint listen to him…i told him lets get married we both will fight the situation together I m ther with u… Still he couldn’t made the effort…I deleted his no. From my phone n blocked him on social networks too… But still I have the fear that I will run into him one day he will be with his wife.. That’s my worst nightmare… I m still waiting for a miracle which will never happen i knw it very well… I m trying everything to cope up with the situation… Just keep urself busy as much as u can…don’t check ur phone…(i miss the era of no cell phones..!!!) work hard… Hangout with ur family… Watch friends or other shows… Watever happens don’t give up on love… Someone better than him is waiting for u.. If he wants to stay with you he will…*karma is there*

  56. well its been 4 years… i knew that it was intercaste so he will marry someone else but i loved him…my family loved him…i did everything that i could… i just wanted one thing in return him to marry me… i m bengali he was punjabi… handsome, classy n everything was right… i knew everything… he used to vist me from delhi to calcuta …and used to stay at my place… we were meant to be togther… in first first few months he asked me to marry i said no.. because i was 19 n he was 24… after 4 years he told me “we cant get married because it’s intercaste… my mother will never accept you… ” i thought some miracle will happen he will go against his parents (after all he is marrying me not his parents we’re toghter for last 4 yrs) i have beeen already diagonised with depression …had enough of painkillers… i dont want to go back to that stage again… now also we’re together… his mother is arranging some gal to get him married… just one thing i expected that he will fight for our relationship…. now i am waiting for some miracle to happen… I know I’m stupid but i want him but its impossible….

  57. I fell in love with a boy when I was 13. I’ve loved him for over ten years despite forcing myself to move on in life. I’ve got three kids now and a husband but I can’t stand to learn that the guy I loved has recently married. The picture of him proposing is burned onto my heart and I wonder why God let my life unravel this way with pain and suffering? God blessed me in all things except this aspect of my life. But my life doesn’t even mean anything to me with even blessings. I wish I was dead, but my responsibilities keep me alive like a shell. Sucks.

  58. When the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to find a way to heal and move on. You have to let go of the past! You have no choice. If you try to get him back, if you contact him, you will feel terrible about yourself.

    He can’t be with you. You have to let him go.

    What “Letting Go of Someone You Love” Means

    Don’t keep torturing yourself by dwelling on the past! Move forward. Blossom in your life.

    I have a free weekly newsletter called SheBlossoms…I encourage and inspire women to grow healthy and strong, emotionally and spiritually. You may find it helpful, and you can sign up here:

    Be strong, and know that you CAN heal and be happy again.


  59. I am relieve somehow and I know applying No Contact Rule is workable when the man you love is marrying someone else.
    I have been in relationship for few years and when at time we were preparing to marry, he pregnant someone else.. It was terrible.
    Two years after, thinking God has answers my prayers, I met a guy who was employed with me in the same company. Like colleagues in the same office we gist and plan the day together for 3years. We became best friend with no relationship feelings because he was already having a girlfriend. After 3years been together, he was called by a multinational company for interview and later employed. We parted but we were still communicating very well.. When he came back from a training abroad… He declared his intention which was a struggling.
    We have different religious background, he was a deeper and I was a witness. We battle with this issue from all angles.. Both parents, tribe, religion and friends. It was really hard situation.. His parents refuse to accept me but my parents did. We battle with this issues good two extra years. We were very good as in good together. He was everything a woman will desire to be with. His understanding, his reasonings, care, generosity, kind, hospitality, so humble and respectful etc. He is good to be with. He loves me so much that I forget my past memories.. I also was there for him all the time. I love him very very much. When the issues persist among his family, he said to himself ” people think it won’t work out but he’s going prove them lie” he remembered a track in celine dion music…… Incredible….. That’s the name he called me. But Because of opposition from his family I decided to part to free him so that he can be happy with his family. It was a very hard decision.
    So we parted. We were both devastated and we both cried. Two days later, he called me and told me that I have scattered everything, he is planning to get married in the next 5moths and he was finalizing issues with her. To him he doesn’t want to bring me into a family that judge me so much and all he has ever look for is in me. That he is very sorry to put me into such situation again.
    1,2,3,4 days passed, I didn’t receive a call from him, for the first time we have stayed a whole day passes without text or call. I became scared and I called two good times he didn’t answer me. Later in the day, he called and told me he got engaged to the girl the next day I left.
    It was really terrible and horrible. I cried all night and day. It seems as if I was stamb at the back and since then he stop calling me or texting me.
    Right now I have lost trust in men and I don’t think I could ever give such to any man. I still love and miss him alot..
    I am applying the No Contact but is exhausting. I really do want to hear from him but he has refused to call… What do I do now?

  60. I m in worst phase f my married at 17.1st husband expired in one year f marriage giving a son. After 10yrs gap married sending time n Left as he is sadist after 2yrs f marriage. Knowing all this a colleague loved me. So I too love him more like nothing is imp to me than him in this world even my child. V are like husband n wife only.he is younger to me. Now his parents are looking for a girl for him. He is not able to leave me n not able to accept that girl. I m unable to take this up. He is saying he will b for me though he gets marry. I don’t understand how to react. I want to die. Y all happens to me only? Unable to care my child even with these thoughts. Suggest me what to do

  61. Trust that God knows what he is doing. There is a very good reason that your boyfriend is marrying someone else – and one day you’ll be so grateful! You will find another man, and you will love him in a whole different and beautiful way.

    Heal your heart. Work on letting him go. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy, and have faith that you were created to love someone…it’s just that you haven’t found the man you were meant to be with yet.

    But you will! In the meantime, read:

    How to Stop Thinking About Someone


  62. I’m in the same Youth Church for 3 years now. He was there from the beginning, he had a gf who cheated on him. He then was single for about 8 months. We started to conect (I’m very shy and don’t talk much) . He seemed to like me, he was jealous of me having a bf (was only online, Things didn’t work out in the end). But I didn’t like him in the same way.

    I went to another province for work but came back after a month. The first time we saw eachother again, there was something special .

    After a few months I went away again for about 3 months. After that I dreamed about him, I thought its just a sign that I should go back to that youth church. So I did.

    When I saw him again there was this unexplainable, strong, awesome feeling between us, like I’ve never felt before, I know he felt it too.
    But then I descovered he now has a girlfriend of 3 months. But he still gave signs that he loved me. So oneday I just had to tell him how I felt and ask how he feels or if he ever did like me. He answered he never liked me. But I could feel it wasn’t true. But I said he’s gf is nice, I hope they’ll be happy and wished them all the best.
    I woke up at 1 am to see he’s now engaged to her. Its now 3am and I can’t sleep. I still love him very much even though I know I should stop.

  63. Hi, im under same situtation i loved a guy very truely since five year and he is getting married on 23rd june im unable to forget him because he s very special to me and i cant imagine him with other girl i feel suffocated but he still everyday calls me in phone and msg me but im unable to talk to him as before and as soon as i here his voice my eyes start tear i feel like die in this situtation and im unable to concentrate on other things .

  64. Thank you for sharing your story – it takes so much courage to be honest about your life! Your story will help hundreds of women who are coping when the men they love are marring other women…you are not alone.

    There are no easy solutions or quick tips on how to move on after such a heartbreak. Acceptance and surrender to your boyfriend’s decision is the healthiest thing to do…and the hardest.

    7 Healthy Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love

    It’s time to move on, and start the healing process.

  65. Lonz, my bf and I are both from Ghana and same ethnic group. we started dating around 2011,but the relationshop continued to break up intermittently coz he is quick tempered and co I wasn’t giving in to his sexual desire. I wanted that to happen after marriage but he wouldn’t agree so becos of that we kept on hvg series of misunderstanding. all along I thought my refusal to.giv in to the desire was the cos of the break up only to realized that he was going out with girl whose father wasn’t in agreement to their relationship because he felt the guy wasn’t highly educated as in possessing of a degree just like his daughter hence he was playing hide and seek with me. he neither wanted to leave the girl.neither did he wants me to leave.
    iv been crying since yesterday mng till now, I don’t want to loose him cos I just can’t let go, is he seeing someone else or trying to get back to this ex. awww I felt my world crushing down plsssss and plssss I need yr help how do.I get him talk cos he has already told his God father abt me and asked I informed my mum to abt our plans of getting married. I can’t face the shame in front of my mum, and his God father if don’t get married pls help me out I can no.longer bear the pain

  66. I am too going through the exact same situation. I met him at work and have been together for 2 years knowing that it would never be possible to be together. Neither my parents nor his family would let us be together.Since we were living in a totally different country from our family we were able to be with each other. There were times where I felt my life was complete because he was there for me. Day and day out I feel like I needed him more than he would ever need me. Now for the sake of his mother he is getting married to the girl that she has picked out. Still he hangs around with me while we make the most of our last days together. Some days it doesn’t affect me as much but some days it hurts like no tomorrow. I cry and cry and cry and just don’t want to exist to feel this pain anymore. I feel like I gave my all to him that I will not be able to regain myself to be with someone again like I was with him. I don’t know why I just can’t see past him. I know that once he gets married and comes back to work so much would change. Change is something that affects me really badly and I am incapable to function. It is why I have even decided to leave my current work and move back to my hometown with my family. It kills and it will kill me whenever I will sit and remember him. I get this rage within me when I see him texting his fiance. I wish I could take him and just run away from the world. I just need strength to see this before me and smile for him. I didn’t know I had the ability to love someone this much and to care about someone to this level. I do wish that his life is easy going and he gets all the happiness in the world. I feel like i’m a dead soul on the inside. I am however going to start going to the gym to have an activity that I could look forward to besides work. I am so used to having him in my life constantly since I am currently living alone. I just wish we all could be happy in what gave us happiness and didn’t have to worry about these cultures and sects issues.

    1. I’m going through the same situation as you, the man I love is marrying someone else. he is going to marry the girl which his mother has decided on july 10th. we work in same office same team and same floor . when he got engaged and he used to text that girl every day in office, when ever i hear his ringtone or message tone, i feel like i am dying. he started avoiding me totally after the engagement .now when he returns after marriage, i dont know what should i do. i could not see the changes in him. help me with tips. should i leave my work and go to hometown, or how to behave that it doesn’t bother me or really how to come out of this.

  67. Like many of you I am totally suffering from a broken heart right now.

    I met the guy of my dreams back 12 years ago when I was only 19yrs. We had an awesome dating experience, but couldn’t go any further because he didn’t belong to my community and therefore I didn’t have permission to marry him. So after dating for 4 years I had to make the decision to leave him and not my community. We both knew it was against our wishes to do so.

    He told me at the time he’d always be there for me.

    I grieved for 2 years and then tried to replace him for 4 years and then realised I’d never gotten over him and contacted him again 7 months ago.

    It quickly became clear we still felt the same way for each other and he confided that no other girl has ever made him feel the way I feel. That he’d held on to all the memories and items from the time we had and had requested that the stuff I’d given him should go with him when he dies. He was also incredibly affectionate physically and I know he was actually holding back from how far he wanted to go.

    However he is now living with someone else. He talked, messaged and met me a bit and just last week he told me that we’ve got to stop because even though he wants me more than her, he just doesn’t want to devastate her. She has emotional issues and he’s helped to make her strong. He told me he was proud of me for being strong which I think is one reason he chose to leave me and not her.

    He also said he’s not going to leave her and he’s going to marry her – which completely killed my heart.

    I am just hurting so bad, and I can’t tell a soul because my community would be mad at me for even wanting him in the first place. So I’m barely getting any time to grieve or anyone to reach out to for support. Despite living with my family I can’t show them that I’m even upset.

    Although I look a strong person outwardly I do actually suffer a bit from depression and I’m just crippled with it currently.

    He’s also asked me not to hate him for what he’s done and promised he’d get in touch if his situation changed. I so want to cling on to dreams and pray that his situation does change because I know I’ll never find anyone like him in our community.

    While I don’t want to hate him, because he is the kindest person out and hates hurting people, I feel I can’t move on if I don’t. Whilst a part of me feels that maybe we weren’t meant to be together because our communities are different, I was still prepared to make the best of whatever the circumstances turned out to be. You might say it’s my fault because we had to part company before and that I should have returned to him earlier and now I so wish I had.

    Hoping that by pouring this out here it might help to give me some relief.

    1. Just because you are strong does not mean that you shouldn’t have your feelings considered. You are worthy of mire than being a back up plan for a man who does not place you first.

    2. Oh my gosh its like you are taking words out of my mouth.. Everything u have mentioned is my current situation.. Makes me feel like I’m not alone in thus, this post was really helpful

  68. Hi. I don’t usually do this. Let me admit that this is my first time reading articles like this.. This time I can say my life is currently down.. Here’s the case I met this man last year.. We became friends then soon lovers.. I envision everything with him,. marrying him and building a happy family with him is one of those.. About December last year he go back to our country to renew his passport.. (we’re both working in other countries by the way) The moment he’s in our country he had sex with his ex.. and I found out in social media. I was shock, I was in pain, I’m a girl and I couldn’t help it. I broke up with him.. He tried to win me back but that time my thinking is to love myself first and let time heals my heart. Coz that time I wasn’t sure if I can still trust him, and a relationship without trust is nothing.. He choose not to go back here and stay in our Hi. I don’t usually do this. Let me admit that this is my first time reading articles like this.. This time I can say my life is currently down.. Here’s the case I met this man last year.. We became friends then soon lovers.. I envision everything with him,. marrying him and building a happy family with him is one of those.. About December last year he go back to our country to renew his passport.. (we’re both working in other countries by the way) The moment he’s in our country he has sex with his ex.. and I found out in social media. I was shock, I was in pain, I’m a girl and I couldn’t help it. I broke up with him.. He tried to win me back but that time my thinking is to love myself first and let time heals my heart. Coz that time I wasn’t sure if I can still trust him, and a relationship without trust is nothing.. He choose not to go back here and stay in our country, Few days back, I go back to my country… and he make me feel that his love for me is more than enough.
    I and him was very happy. The same night he asked me something, he asked me if no matter what happen would I still love and accept him.. Well I said yes with confidence because I really do.. the next day he haven’t contact me at all and I was shocked with what I saw, He just get married.. yes he is.. A pregnant lady with a wedding gown and him with his tuxedo. technically he’s been with me the night and day before his marriage and I never knew it.. I never noticed it with his actions all the way.. I felt it unfair on my side.. he can always explains to me and we can decide what to do.. but he never did, all he did was show me that he loves me,. but if he does? why he marry someone else? Is it because she is carrying his son/daughter? but why he make me feel loved at all. why he did everything to make me happy? why even on the day of his wedding he was with me? a lot of questions are unanswered. I got more than millions of questions to him.. but does this questions even matters now.. He’s married. He is Married.. and there’s no way I can change that.. but I can’t help it. I feel like I’m dying.. I’m dying in pain and sadness.. I know what to do, but I dont know how to do it.. I dont know how to start, coz all I am doing now is staring their wedding pictures and cry…

    1. Hazel be strong..these situations are sentimentally killing for gals..boys never ever think about our feeling..Its very difficult to come out of it.We being really in love when they come next and give justification for our questions we just go in the flow.This is what happened with me also.But some stage we have to be strong and give them back and show them where they stand.It will take time ..yes ..still we can do it..Be brave..Be selfish..Start loving yourself..Life is beautiful..There is long way to go

    2. Hazel, I feel your pain. I went through the same thing almost similar. My ex bf and I met early 2011, but didn’t really became a couple until early 2012. Thongs were great, we lived together for almost 2 years until he was moved to TX for his job in March of 2015. He called and we talked almost everyday after he left. I went to see him twice and he came home to see me once. Last time I saw him was Sept on the week of my birthday last year. We had a fabulous time, and did a lot of fun things there. didn’t really notice anything, he was very affectionate like he always was, though I did notice he was quieter than usual, but he said he was just tired. I left and life went on until he stopped calling (last time he called was Nov 2). I texted him and he didn’t respond. I finally called and left him a message and when he finally texted me back , all he said was “I don’t want to talk”.

      To make a long story short , I found out that shortly before we started dating, he just came back from a trip to the Philippines and was recently engaged to a girl from there, which incidentally is also my birth country (what were the chances, right?). The girl finally came to the US early January, and they were married in March. He stopped calling and dumped me when he found out she was coming to the country. I mean how did I not know any of it? I felt so stupid and naive!

      It has been a struggle since. I still cry almost everyday and lost a lot of weight from not eating and sleeping, but I keep telling myself I need to let go and move on. I love him so much, and every time I think about the two of them together, I feel so bitter, jealous and hurt!

      Last week, I received a messenger attachment/message from someone I didn’t know, photos of them together (one of their wedding, one on Valentines day with her holding flowers, and the other one was during a vacation in CA with his family). There was no other message, but I knew right away who sent it. I did not respond because didn’t want to cause trouble. I have no idea how she found out about me. Today, I received another attachment that says: “A woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will never leave you!”. Meaning, even after finding out that he lied and cheated on her while they were engaged, it will not change a thing. She will stick by him no matter what. I am so tempted to respond, but what for? I am exhausted and tired of being tired. I prayed like I never prayed before, for HIM to take the pain away from my heart. I don’t know if I can ever forgive hm for deceiving (and using) me all those years. I am even having a hard time forgiving myself…..

  69. yes we have bn hurt, at some point in my life i contemplated suicide bt hey let us not make e devil win all he is dng is play tricks with our minds e lord wants us to be happy lets do that worship and worship all us broken hearted pple one day he will rember us jus lke he did Haggai,Hannah, Sarah even if he doesnt know at least we wld hv dne wat he wants us to bt with faith i know he will rmbr us for he says he shall not forsake us

      1. It’s not worth it. There’s a lot of pain now but it will subcide. I felt like that a few years back. It will get better. You have people who love you and knows your worth.

      2. Hi Rose,
        Just wanted to say God Is Good And that’s not the plan he has for your life. When my ex dumped me, I felt the same way. It was painful and took me a while to get over it but now I know how much God Loves me and nobody can take your joy! Ask God to get you through this and he will! Get on your knees and pray about it!
        I Love You!

      3. Now he is married..before 2 days he got married…still cnt stop thinking about him bcz its was 7 yrs of relationship..due to his family pressure he left me alone..i don’t knw hw to stop thinking abt him, evn my frndz are busy in their own life..n i feel so lonely..i luved him truely then why he left me alone..i m jst thinking may god give me i ll accept it happily.
        Its not easy to forget to whom i hv trust more then myself..all future plans n drmz evthng is broken.

      4. Hello rose…i dont normally post comment on online threads, however i just felt a need to do, somehow to let you know that GOD loves you! I feel your pain and understand what you’re going through. Reading your post was like reading my own story. there is no certain words that can make us feel totally better in this time..but it doesn’t mean this struggles and pain won’t end. Be strong rose, you and the rest of us here will be in my prayers… We will all overcome this painful battle by GODs grace in HIS own perfect time.
        Heres my email incase you need someone to talk to or to listen to you.?

  70. This is my current predicament. I met a guy a few months ago. And everything in my life felt perfect. He is literally the man I want and I finally thought he was my last bus stop. I’m ready to be his wife. But I recently found out he has been engaged to a girl for over a year now. This broke me. I wish I never found out. I spoke to him about it and he said he was tied down with pressure to marry her. He didn’t love her and he wasn’t happy. He said I was the best thing to ever happen to him and he kept saying how much he loves me. I don’t even know what to do with all of that. They are getting married in a month. He said I was supposed to be the reason he wasn’t going to go ahead with the marriage. I’m lost. I want to leave him. But I can’t. I fear I’ll loose my mind if I do. I’m afraid of what my life would be without him in it. I love him so much it’s hurting me. I wish I knew what to do. He had asked me to marry him. I had already started restructuring my life so I could be with him for ever. Now this. I don’t know what to do. I need help.

  71. Dear girls,stop playing with your live.Boys are too strong mentally to move one in their lives with some other girl. Here we girls believe them foolishly and boys do things which wil hurt us and cover up that in their parents names. Stop trusting such guys.when needed they will just leave you without a second thought. Plz beware and dont fall prey for all these.

  72. Hi mybf is getting married on 7 feb . I was in bad phase of my life when We met in 2013.. He made evry possible thing to make me feel special. He proposed me .. We came closer with the passing time and made love ..But now he is getting married to someone else .we still talks on phn ,whatsapp each other .. He wants to continue with me as it was before…m happy for him but deep down it’s killing me ..someone else will touch him, will take care of him ..with every passing minute m dying ..never had friends to share these things what I hd him only ..sometimes I feel like killing myself I also written his name on my b**b .. It’s becoming impossible for me to leave him..I wish I could do something to make him mine forever .. :'(

  73. help me too. same situation. hindu muslim case. the guy is muslim. we earlier knew things may not work between us but we promised each other we cnt marry we would have relationship for life and not get married. but now over past one year he was advicing me to move on not because he did not love me but because he wanted to see me settled. but i cud not do dat. its been seven years. for over a year his mom is in pain and sufferring and suddenly she asked him to get married as her wish. thinking that would make his mom better he agreed to it. its been a month that his marriage is fixed with a random girl. he did not accept the girl yet says m doing only for family. for his mom. but how can he not think of me once . i have been with him for 7 years now. i have been crying day and night. we also stay near by so meet. we have still not cut ties as he says he wants me to be in touch as he loves me. marriage is planned next year. what should i do? i tried talking to him to cancel it. marriage is for life. i will lose him or did i already? chosing any random girl over your love is justified? i havr a year. should i keep hope? i am unable to stay away from him or cut ties either.

    1. Hello Pari,
      I am in a similar situation. The guy is a Muslim we have been together for 8 years. He tried fighting at home to convince his father who did not agree. And my guy will never ho against his parents and religion. The sad part is we lived close to each other (same society) for 8 years and now is shifting to another city. Very soon his father will look for a girl for him. He is heart broken but will never go against his parents. Am I being a fool? We love each other but it looks like he can move on and I will still be here lonely and thinking about him.

  74. I have had 2failed marriages where my besties slept with my husbands. Total time married over 20 yrs. I was in the process of divorcing my 2nd husband when I decided 2make myself happy. Find a male friend who couldn’t slept with my “future” husband (whenever I found him). This guy was perfect (my soon 2be friend), he was extremely young and very taken. Needless to say he’s my best friend. But I’m nothing but a piece of A** 2him. I’ve never been in love til now. I got pregnant and aborted his baby because he didn’t want a child with me. He didn’t know me and his fiancé had been with him for 6yrs. He owed it to her to see things through with her. He liked me but could not love me but as just a friend. I’ve been in 2abusive marriages n this guy has been the nicest to me. Very kind; but I know this is also abuse. I feel sorry for him, make excuses for him and I hurt myself greatly. He’s bought her a new car, a new house and they are planning their wedding for next summer. They have also been planning to get pregnant. How do I stop myself from always being victimized. I have no friends and he was the closest person I was to.

  75. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to cope when the man you love is marrying another woman! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better.

    Giving advice isn’t my strength, so unfortunately I can’t tell you what you should do. However, I have written about this type of problem in the past. You might find this helpful:

    How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About

    And, here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community
    Phone Number: 800-969-NMHA (6642)

    National Alliance on Mental Illness – Provides support, information, and referrals
    Phone Number: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    National Sexual Assault Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

    National Suicide Prevention Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-273-TALK (8255)

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
    Phone Number: 800-826-3632

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.


  76. We meet 5 years ago. I was in a bad place and so was he. We started talking and it felt so right. He told me he had a gf that he was having problems with. I know that should have been my que to stop talking to him. I should have, I could have …. but he drew me closer and closer, until he was too close I could no longer see clearly. People started talking but we did not care. For 5 years I was the mistress. We both shared a secret that none of us were able to talk about. It felt so real when we were together but everything would scatter into smoke as soon as we are apart.
    He is getting married very soon and I am expected to be there during the wedding. I am suppose to do my hair, make up and put something nice to wear. I am expected to go and dance with him and his new wife. I am happy for him, but deep down I am hurting and it’s killing and destroying me … I do not know what to do.

    1. I met this guy at the beginning of the year. He is everything i need in a man and we started spending time together. He is a very beautiful man both inside and out. We were sneaking inside and out and we got so close that i couldnt detach myself from him. Sleeping with him was the worst mistake i made (he told me he was a virgin and i think i believe him). We spent most of our times getting more and more close and the sex was great. The sneaking around was great it felt naughty. He was new at this. He has only ever had one girl in his life (they met in 2009) he would tell me that he is detaching from her because of being attached to me. We’d spend hours talking on facetime. He live next door so he would come by and we’d sit and talk all night. I fell so madly in love with him i couldnt breathe the day we fight, i couldnt live through the day we do not talk. I knew the day would come because he told me about her and how he promised he would come back for her (she lives about 4000km away) but a few days ago he travelled there to propose to her. They are getting married. Im expected to smile and be happy while he walks away. I knew the day would come but i dont think i’ll be happy for a long time. So i understand your story. Such things we put ourselves through and the people who claim to love us do not protect us. Women are emotional and easily atteched.i expected him to protect me, to have walked away the moment he realised i was falling madly in love with him. Instead he fueled me and would make me believe he is happier when he is with me than when he thinks of her. Im in a situation. We go to the same church (where we have to see each other 5times a week so if he was to get married i’d have to be there, i’d have to love through the pain of seeing them seated next to each other all the 5days of the week). Is it even possible?

  77. Lucifer's pénélope

    Dear all,
    Where do I start with? I totally know that we all have faced such situations in our lives and that we have went through all the bads.
    I’ve been into a relationship with a guy for 5 years. It was initially an open relationship from his end to which I had accepted coz I really liked this guy. Let’s call it my first crush ever in 20 years of my life. After 2 years of us being together he for the first time said an “I love you” to me. I kept asking him if he loves me the same way as I loved him and he always said a “yes”. He started acting like a full fledged boyfriend of mine and got jealous and every small detailed act that a boyfriend would do. When asked he told me that he was my days past he started getting possessive of me and I liked it. There were few nights that he wqieI am the perfect girl to get married to etc..
    Undoubtedly he was an amazing guy that I ever met but he definitely was a liar.
    Suddenly one day he almost stops talking to me and everything of his fades in me. He was getting married he said. He tells me that it’s an arrange by his family and that he met this girl a week before when the fact was he knew her from past couple of months and spoke to each other. I still let go off that and continued to be with him till he was married.
    One fine day I go to his place as usual and I caught him with his ex girlfriend to which he’d told me that they weren’t even talking to each other. He lied! This lie of his led me to be suspecious and in some way I found out that he was with more 4 to 5 girls when he was with me(excluding his ex and n number of f**k buddies)
    I was shattered!!!
    I was completely inappropriated by him all these 5 years. Now the question rises how did yu not know that he had so many girls in his life? The answer is I TRUSTEd HIm , I DID! Never stopped , questioned or disallow him for anything. It started with being an open relationship then why he had to make it so serious if he wasn’t???
    This was that all..
    After that he got married.
    I’m still over it. I couldn’t move on yet but one day I’m sure I will. Coz that day I’m off of him and it’ll be his turn to regret and be shattered.

  78. We were together for 4 years. It was a perfect relationship. He is the best man a girl can have, i am sure about. Respected me a lot, loved me crazily. Wanted to marry me but my parents weren’t ready. He waited quite a long. But then his mother started to fall ill. He is 6 yrs elder to me. My parents wanted time and actually didn’t give him an answer for almost 1.5 yrs. He started to get a tough family pressure of getting Married. He then finally took a decision of moving on as he wasn’t getting any answer from my parents. I tried my best to convince them. Fought hundred times. And now, he’s getting married in the first week of December and I’m in such a bad phase. I cant sleep. I miss him so much. Her was the best thing happened to me. How do I handle this situation. I love him a lot but l feel helpless today. Really helpless. I wish l could change anything.

    1. Hi Shweta. I am in a similar situation. We are colleagues and in a relationship since 1 year. he got engaged in september and now getting married in feb. i have to see him everyday. the worst part is he is so damn normal even after the engagement that it kills me. we are still together. i cry my lungs out and he hasn’t been upset even for a minute. no feelings at all. how do i deal with it? he talks to his fiance since he HAS to. he keeps me away from her messages and all. we still get closer. he says he loves me but will love her from next month. i mean how heartless could he get and decide when to love her. he wants me to stay friends with him and attend his wedding. he is so damn normal and that is so unexpected and killing me. please help me

    2. Hi are you going now? I’m struggling at the moment with him getting married. Not coping…its jan now, so was wondering how you are coping post your ex’s wedding?

  79. I am stuck in this situation where i am in love with a guy who is 27 and i am 21. He is an amazing person and we hav spent some good time with eachother. Its been few months since we are together and yesterday he told me that he cant marry me because his parents would probably accept someone from the same caste and not me.
    he is very devoted to his family but still he wants to continue with me still not sure about the marriage.
    i am a vey emotional person and i get attatched very quickly.
    i dont know what to do i want to hold upon him i really want to be with him.
    he is very loving and respects me alot but whenever i am talkng about marriage he ignores me change the topic or just simply says “u knw baby i cant marry you”.. i feel so broken and aline sometimes. What should i do about it?

    1. If he doesn’t even wanna try, i would suggest you to leave him. Otherwise later you would be make it worse for you to move on. I am goin through the same these days. And u see, its 4.30 am and i cant sleep.

      1. Thanx shweta.. yes i also think you are right because in these past few days i hav tried my level best. I even changed myself and after my hours of crying he agreed upon talkng to his mother about me bt now he seems to be so cautious about everything.. he is not even saying that he loves me..
        i guess i should move on.. and suggest same for you..we are holding upon someone who dont want to be in connection anymore.. and when the person on the other end is strong enough to let us go then i think we should be strong enough to just let it go.. whats not ours can never be ours.. despite of repeated efforts when nothing seems to work i think we should leave it the way it is..
        So be strong.. this is not about giving up.. this is about starting a new chapter n staying happy because thats the most important thing.. tc.

        1. I do have the same story..after a long relationship of 5 yrs which was with full dedication and love, my bf is getting engaged with some1 else. He tried convincing his family so that they shud accept me but instead of understanding his feelings, his family forced him to get engaged. Now he have accepted evrything and is behaving very normal. We just have 2 options either to leave him completely or continue with him till he gets married. Friends please suggets me. Shud I leave him or continue with him as we both love each other. Specially its me who is not under control and always get the thot of committing suicide.
          I am feeling helpless and evn his situation is such dat he cannot do anything now. I cannot see him with some1 else..

  80. my marriage is fixed, it is in march 6th 2015 after 2 years relation, but the sad part is that he told me he do not want to be physical with me for a year aftr mrg as we had intimate rltn before and until he gains trust on me that I am a good girl, and had not hidden anything about my past relation or my x-bf, like if I have dated or a virgin yet, he also told me he do not like me anymore , just marrying just for deep rltn, he is vexed at me and I shl hv to stay with his parents most time, I am so much depressed, can not express my feelings and take any decision of breaking up as he is never telling that he wants to broke up.He is just behaving rudely so blame does nt come upon him as all marriage preparations are already taken.On the other side it is really hard to forget our romantics moments and tell no as he is not telling no for marriage.Since being a girl,my emotion is so strong.I have done from a reputed college and did not searched job in private since he told to not to do it,he now and then insults me I am not good looking as I am not fair and good in studies, he wants better girls and etc, please help me, can not take decisions…

    1. You need to break up and don’t marry him! He doesn’t respect you now, he will never respect you and it will only get worse. He will cheat on you too probably. You don’t deserve to be treated like that and insulted. Get out of the marriage NOW!!!

  81. My story is also similar where my guy getting married in few months.Actually we came together when I was going on a stress while getting legally separated from my hubby.I never thought these two years will bring me so close to him.But now when he has opted to marry other gal I feel I am lost completely.He still says till he gets married will be together.When I asked him to marry me he says he never promised me that he will marry me.Still I consider him my best friend and we r together.But don’t know how will face it once he gets married.Just few more months left for his marriage and completely getting myself lost.

    1. My situation is very similar. He is getting married first week in december. He wants to see me until then. But I knew he was engaged when we got together. It just happened, neither one of us meant to fall in love. Just curious, is he african? And was he already engaged when you got with him?

      1. Life teaches lessons to us. And time keep teaching how to come over all these hurdles. I went to meet my guy for the last time in the weekend. We spent one of our best time ever . just tried to have best time to cherish for my life time. In spite of controlling could not control my tears. Finally am out of control. Cried out to the core like never before. He was still there holding me in his arms. Consoling me will be there as a friend for ever. These boys never understand the sentiments of gal.he has called me for his marriage. Since he is our family friend even my uncle and cusines are planning to join for marriage. It’s in the first week of December. I am trying my best to be strong and come over this relationship even though it is very difficult to forget him even for a moment. I am planning to attend his marriage as well. Don’t know to what extent I can make my self strong to face all these things.

      2. Amanda he is Indian.We are of different cast.One of his reason when I asked why he cant marry me is how will I communicate with his family.He was not engaged when we both met.He is younger than me for eight years.He lied to me saying he is some three years younger to me which he doesn’t look like.And he always had in his mind that I still look younger than him.There were many reasons from his side not to marry me for which I was helpless.

        1. leave him, leave that guy for sure and stay away from him forever for two reasons.. 1) He is a liar, so you cannot trust him at all. 2) It looks like he never wanted to be with you, he just wants you to have some pleasure. I know it’s really hard you know what, I am also an Indian and I have faced similar situation.I too had crush on a guy 9 years older than me. We were good friends and it was impossible for me imagine my life without him. But then one day I came to know he is going to be married, and it was like a disaster to me. I was totally broken and thought I would never recover., but then I thought, what is the use of lamenting for someone who never cared for you, I started believing that it was him who do not deserves me.. And now I am totally recovered and Happy.. :).. Good luck Avni,.. just give yourself sometime, and I swear you will soon get a much better guy than him. 🙂

          1. Thanks Sarah.. For your good wishes and suggestions. I am recovered a lot now. Trying to keep my self busy with my work and higher studies. Life should go on.. With hopes of having better days with better and trust worthy person.

  82. To all the broken hearted girls! Move on! Dont think about him, hes not worth your time and energy. Be strong, Be happy and trust in Gods plan. Everything happens for a reason. Surround yourself around people who love you. And remember if it doesnt happen, it wasnt meant to be! Please take good care of yourselves and enjoy your life! Keep smiling 🙂

  83. Dea lilly i undrstnd d pain ur undergoin its very very difficult when the man you love is marrying someone else bt still u need 2 let it go ul gt a bttr guy fr u once trust is brokn it can nva b the same agn….. In your free tym read the bible which wil mak u feel mch bttr n closer 2 god….. Cling 2 him n he wil shw u d way….. Me n my bf hd a brkup cz of my fmly membrs n it took 8 mnths fr me 2 recovr frm it n i ws under medication i can jus say trust in d lord n he wil guide uu… Hop so ul recovr frm dis pain n agony soon
    Luv vinolia

  84. My first true love we dated for three years……we had awesome time of our lives but then two months ago he told me he was leaving soon …..warning me that he had to marry someone else to help his brother for papers……..I offered to do it but he like no to not get involve in it…..the lady is old women who 35 and he 23 ……she called me one day and texted me what I was for Douglas and I said his gf and he warned to not answer random texts ……she has him controlled…..when she found out the truth ……she changed his number…and when I found out the truth I was crying and dying still am in the inside…… recently he would email me but suddenly he stopped……I was gonna work where he was and I demand answers as to why he doing it and he just said u know what I told you….I was feeling bad in my first day of new job and he kept asking if I’m okay…..he offered me food….and gave me hug out of nowhere when our coworkers weren’t looking…..he also called me by our nickname when noone heard as and offered to help me with the trash….he also made me be later to wash trays just to see me I guess…then I quit that job recently bc I thought of it that it better to move on …….then his email stopped working ….I guess the lady found out….. I don’t even know if he really loved me or not…..I have doubts in my mind why would you hurt the person you loved the most???…..I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m alone…..I sometimes don’t want talk to anyone …..but it helps to relief the pain …. the pain of seeing someone with someone else …..also that women send me pictures and we three way called ……..and she threat him to came and he knows why……I just know that the lady is the issue to everything of our problems …….it hard to move on and realize they might have not loved you at all….:(:(:(

  85. the same problem, I am suffering from. After a cheating( my first love . I was cheated just for a bet) in college time, when I was in pain He(My hero) Took care of me. I was in dream-world. World’s happiest girl. I thought at last after a bad dream I found my hero with whom I was dying to spend my life. I did everything for him as much as I could do. after 3 years of relationship,Our wedding was almost fixed. Both families were happy . I was busy in my wedding’s shoppings,n suddenly he said ” i don’t love You, m in love with someone else. I want to marry her not you” I was shocked, speechless. I tried a lot to make him remember each n every good moment we spent. All the sorrows n laughter we shared. I msged that girl ,i reqsted her to leave him coz he was mine bt she also ignored. All the memories related with me were vanished from his mind. M just crying from these 3 months.nothing to do , that girl has taken my place. She is living my dream. M just crying , don’t want to live. It is very difficult to live without him. From that day he never ever try to contact me. M in depression now. Doctors told me to recover soon. What should I do? Plz help me.

    1. Hi Divya Mishra,

      It has been long you posted the comment here. I hope everthing must be fine by now and curious to know how you handled the situation to reach to the level of happiness at present?

  86. Hi
    I have been in relationship for past 6 years. Most of it in live in. I loved my man with my while heart. Did everything for him what a man would deserve from his wife. I am a Hindu and he is a christian. All of a sudden on Christmas this year he went home and said yes to a girl of his parents choice. He asked me to run away from my house. I did not agree for that coz I wanted to talk to his family and my family and take their blessings and running away would have meant taking his parents curse and living with it for the rest of my life. I told him that I would talk to both set of parents but he said he will have to face wrath of his entire family. Prior to this home visit everything was perfect between us. Our life was moving on very smoothly. No insecurities no complaints. He got engaged to that girl immediately the next month. I have been crying each day for the last 5 months each day now. We work in same office and I see him daily behaving as if their was never a thing between us nicely chatting and bluahing . I am told each time that I dint give him assurance that I’ll marry him thats why he did this. Where he never tried to persuade his parents. Dint let me do mine, neither even once said that he will talk to my parents. Rather said he never knew talking to my parents was ever an option. I am reminded that in any case he will.not marry me and it’s over. I am 27 and he is 32. I am in too much pain. No matter how much I try not to think about him I still do. I cry. I was united with him in flesh n soul and I don’t understand how did he move on so casually without any guilt. I need help girls. I have been depressed to an extent where I want to end my life. My colleagues at work told me to msg that girl on FB and tell her everything but if I do that its not going to bring him back to me and lord Jesus says we should forgive one another as he forgives us. If I do such thing in revenge same thing will happen to me. I am trying but no matter how much I try I still cry. I am tired of hoping and waiting and crying. I don’t want to die coz I know that will leave many people who love me behind me hurt. But its very difficult to see him.behave this way and still live with it. I don’t know what should I do. I prayed each day to Jesus to give h back to me but nothing in this world works against his will. I need your inputs ladies coz I have given more than what I could. But this guilt has burdened my heart so much that I have lost the zeal to live. I just keep on thinking about him each time. Will he be missing me. Will he be remembering me.

    1. We have the same story, the man I love is marrying someone else. I dont know how to cope up from this situation. Im a roman catholic and he is a muslim. He’s going to leave me soon back to egypt and He said his family fixed a marriage for him. Im loosing my mind. I dont know what to do too. We work in the same place i dont know how am i react when i see him back at work. I feel so helpless. May God strengthen us on this situation.

    2. Same story here, a little different. I am american, he is african from ghana. We work together. In july we started talking as friends. I knew he was getting married, it is an arranged marriage. He has never met the girl just talked on the phone. Even tho i knew he was getting married he invited me to his house on 4th of july, just as friends. One thing led to another. He told me he loved me and i fell hard for him. He says that if he wasn’t already engaged he would want to marry me. But if he breaks up with this girl his family will disown him and he will never be allowed to go back to his country again. He gets married in december, just 2 months from now. After he gets married the girl has to wait like 9 months before she can come here. He says he will still see me until she comes. He had been engaged to her almost a year before we started our thing, and i am the only girl that he has been with or even been in his apartment since he got engaged. He says he didn’t plan on being with anybody but something about me carried him away. I know it sounds like bs but he has been honest with me the whole time, he has never said he wasn’t going to get married, he has maintained the whole time that he has to get married but that doesn’t change the way he feels about me. But stupid me fell for him. It’s so hard cuz i have never loved anybody the way i love him. He is such a good guy, he treats me with respect, the way a man should. I dont know how i am goibg to be able to see him at work without breaking down. I love him so much. It takes everything in me not to break down every day, knowing in two months he will leave me and be with somebody else. Dont know what to do.

    3. Hi Neha,
      I can understand your pain dear..just keep in mind Everything happens for reason. God is with you. Just let him go.. He have cheated himself. Just live your life, there are so many frnds, who loves you, your parents, siblings are only responsible for your own happiness and yeah if u want to feel better then just call him and get married and go to hell.There are many deserving guys are waiting for you. You have to first love urself dear and forgive him. Actually i feel pity for those loosers who cheat there partners bcoz they are so confused with there own feelings. Its better u are saved on time or else it would have disaster after marriage. Infact Thanks god that u are saved. And yeah why do you want such man who cannot take stand for their girl.i knw its not easy to forget but you have to move on for yourself and for your loved ones. They cant see you in this way.

    4. Neha, your story is heartbreaking. You sound like a lovely girl, so believe me, you are his loss. He is not yours. You need to pull yourself out of this place of wishful thinking. The what if feeling is only going to make you feel worse and prevent you from moving on. It is my belief that no amount of praying is going to bring a man back to you if he is not the one for you, in the eyes of God. God will unite you with the right man, in the right time. Try to keep yourself as distracted as possible and realise that you deserve someone who has no doubts about you being the one for you. My relationship of over 8 years fell apart and I have tried really hard to focus on the fact that God knows what is best for me and my life is in the best hands. Stay strong love, and don’t try to twist fate. What is yours will always be yours.

      1. I have been in a relationship past 3 years the guy who I loved is a muslim n im a christian… I did all the possible things which made him happy.. helped him financially everythin…. Nw all of a sudden he ignored me N in his houz dey are lookin out for a girl 2 get him married… Nw he says tat he cant go against his mother .. Feelin so left out

  87. Hi all……
    I was in relationship with my boyfriend from past 8.5 years and then he got married to someone else…… After very first day of marriage he called me and told about this…… From that day we voboth are fighting….. The girlTheir went to her home after 3 days and now after 2 months she has come to know about all this….. Now she is also fighting about all this. …… Now my boyfriend has said that he will give divorce to her n marry me….. It’s been 2 months of his marriage….. I am really confused….

    1. Probably its too late to answer Priyanka(its also my sisters name :-)) but i would say once a cheater always a cheater . Sorry for what you had to go through but these douchebags are not worth our time. You might feel good that he is coming back to you but if he really loved you he would not do that in the first place and what if you did the same with him ? would he accept you after your divorce? There are many fishes in the pond. You have already wasted enough of your time in this and he he dint even think twice before moving with someone else. I have gone through something like that too..we lived in for 2 years while were studying in US and after we broke up i came back to india and it dint even take him a month to get engaged. thats how insensitive assholes we loved. But trust me sister its all for good.
      God Bless you
      Take care

  88. We kept our relationship a secret. It was hard.
    It wasn’t as hard when I was happily seeing him but when I was left unwanted, alone, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I met a friend. Her husband cheated on her and she was on the other side. Listening to her helped me from disturbing his marriage. I hung out with this friend until I realized that she was subconsciously placing me as the other women and herself as the victim whenever she saw me. She demanded update on my conversations and interactions with him. Even though I knew it was because she was partially concerned for my sadness and loss, she wanted to hear about the other side….the missing part from her story that she can’t get. She did say that she tried to befriend the actual ‘the other woman’ and told me that I am very different, but I can’t help feeling that she’s wanting information from me to gain insight, to control me. She does eventually tell me to do this or that and I follow her directions because I somehow indirectly feel bad towards her even though it’s not her husband that I want.

    I just wish that he felt bad for approaching me and disposing me as he pleased.

    He seems so happy all the time. I don’t see an ounce of regret or sadness from him.

    1. I am tired of hearing ‘it’s not time yet. ‘
      I waited eight years until this fool came along and ruined my life.
      How much longer do I need to wait?
      I am so tired of waiting.
      I do better in life when I am in a good relationship
      I know myself and that I will get over all of this once I meet someone better

      Question is how? When?

  89. When i was 26 i fall head over kills in Love with a man , i am now 57 , part of me will always care about him, i just got over him a few years ago… i finally got over him , only to find myself in love again with a another man ,we’v been friends for 6 years , we know everything about one another and we share so much in common , BUT ? he married another girl about 4 years ago… He didn’t want to merry her But he did, He said” he had promised her a year ago if she would quite using drugs , & prostituting ,he would marry her, Dumb promise , as he said… well they married , come to find out she ‘lied’ ,she NEVER stopped using ! He is very unhappy , needless to say,,, He told me he loves me and thinks i am the greatest woman in the world, amazing sweet and wonderful, one in a million, and if he wasn’t messed up with his current wife , he would marry me in a heart beat ! WHAT TO DO ?


  90. He acted as if he loved me, he totally made me get addicted and finally He is telling me to marry someone else. I said that guy how much I love him. He is my first love. He is all I need. I don’t know wat to do.. I feel so broken from the day he stopped speaking to me. I hate my life. I love him with all my heart. He never understands .

    1. I know it is easy to say… but forget him…. i lost my first love recently… but until i let go of the feeling i cannot really liberate myself from the pain…. the pain in ur heart kills u… tears are nothing but wasted over this… Dont be alone.. try and find the new you without him…. Every addiction needs a wearing off period… take it slow.. one day at a time… one hour at a time… wen u feel like crying just cry… but then make a hot cup of tea and try something new that u have never done before and practice to make sure you do it like a professional. This will give u a new aim everyday… it will keep you busy, occupied and it will also develop u. This is what i did. Mainly because i did not feel like talking to anyone… i felt like i had nothing left in my life that was me… everything in my life had him… still has to an extent… i am learning to live with that ghost… let go off that person forgive him so you don’t have to think about him… hating yourself or him… blaming yourself or anyone is only going to cause you more pain. LET GO… find the person in you whom you will love… and when you are out of all this then find another man whom you can connect and fall in love with. It will be beautiful sensible and true. All the best. I hope this really helps.

    2. Amy ? i was reading the last comment, and clearly the person has Never been IN LOVE … Believe me , you can NOT just forget the man you are in love with , honey you will always remember him, you learn to deal -with- it , so to say, the tears will stop in time, and the hurt will ease , i still remember my first love , i can smile now when i think of him 🙂 it takes time…. just work and care for your self ,and when you lease expect it , LOVE will find you ! comforting hugs ….

  91. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to cope when the man you love marries someone else! It’s so painful, to lose someone you love.

    May you find peace and healing in your life. Look for people, resources, and books to help you see how to find the purpose of your life. Find ways to bring meaning to your life – other than this relationship. You are valuable, unique, and wonderfully made! You will find someone to share your life with – and you will heal from this disappointing breakup.


  92. I started seeing a guy when my son was 4months old, he happens to be the 1st cousin of my sisters then boyfriend (now husband) we had known each other 5 years prior to us seeing each other, but I never entertained an idea of a relationship with him as he is 6 years older then me. We officially got together when I was 20, he was 26 & my son was 1.. My son doesn’t know his biological father as he was abusive & cheated on me & got another girl pregnant when I was pregnant.
    Entering this new relationship was like a breath of fresh air, he was completely different from my ex, our relationship was so strong because before anything else he was my best friend. We broke up after a year together. 5 months later we got back together. The next 17months were up & down.. He changed, he had the capacity to be a great boyfriend, then when we would get into a huge argument he would leave.. End of last year he convinced me things would be different.. I came into this year insecure because I felt like I was walking on egg shells because he was able to make me feel I was the cause of any issues 9/10. If I would say I wanted to leave he would call me a coward & that I should stay & sort things out instead of leaving the relationship. Beginning of this month we had a big blow up a couple days before my sisters wedding. I was maid of honour & he was a groomsmen, we saw each other but we didn’t speak. The day after we spoke & decided we were gonna make this work, start over & put past issues to bed. That same day I then heard he was seeing his ex fiancé, I asked him & he denied, the next day I asked again as I has heard more stuff, he denied that also, but got angry with me & told me I was “drama” & wanted nothing to do with me. I spoke to him a week&half after that.. He denied her again, but said he thought it was best if we drew a line under our relationship. I didn’t want to, but I had to respect his feelings. Only to hear this week that he proposed to his ex fiancé. This is the same fiancé that made him have trust issues with me over as she slept with his uncle & got pregnant for him & had an abortion. I was always willing to over compensate because I understood what it was like to not trust someone.
    So how did he go back to her & marry her after all I did?? How is it possible? How is it only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he loved me & wanted to marry me etc? He hasn’t even called/msgd me to explain, apologise or nothing. I feel so betrayed, broken, disgusted. I haven’t stopped crying. My son keeps asking for him, I feel so guilty. I don’t even want him back, I just feel like how am I supposed to move on!

  93. It was 30 long years since I made a huge mistake and chose another man over my ex. The other guy turned out to be abusive, heartless, domineering etc. My ex was a kind and gentle man. How could I have been so blind? At the time my parents didn’t welcome my ex because of him being biracial. My mother told me not to take a ring from him. Like a fool, I listened to her. She told me they would not pay for my wedding. I lost any respect I had for either of them right there and then. Two weeks after my mothers comment I was presented with a beautiful diamond ring and a promise to be loved for ever. I turned him down. To this day I have regretted my decision. I am in a good relationship now and not with Mr. Abusive. I went to visit the man I tossed into the fray’s mom. I loved her dearly. We got along wonderfully. She told me he had gotten married. She showed me pictures of his wedding. I almost threw up from being so heart sick. The man I loved now was someone else’s. It turned out his new bride was pregnant with his child. That’s why he married her. We tried to have a baby but I couldn’t conceive. She had my man and now about to have his child. God… What have I done. I sunk into a deep depression that lasted for months until I knew I had to move on and let him go from my mind. 30 years later I was cruising in Facebook and low and behold there he was. I would know his face anywhere. My heart skipped a beat… Well several…. I sent him a message and told him of my mothers passing. He responded. I almost fainted. He gave me his cell number and I contacted him. We made arrangements to meet up for coffee and chat about old times. I met up with him. I was so nervous I could hardly breath. One look into his gorgeous brown eyes and that was it. He hugged me and it felt so good to be in his arms again. We talked about old times, his mom who has recently passed
    on. He kissed me and sparks flew. It was like a lightning bolt of passion all over again. But he is married….!! To someone else.. He told me his marriage was miserable. He has two grown kids and is now a grandfather. I made arrangement to visit a friend and ended up spending the night with him in a hotel. I loved every minute of his touch, kisses and warmth. But come morning he left to join his family. I watched him drive away and felt cheap for what had happened. He’s not mine, but hers. I found a picture of him and his family. I was outraged when I saw his wife. She wasn’t pretty. He had the chance to come after me when I chose another man over him, but he didn’t. I wished he would have. He told me he never stopped loving me and told me he stayed with his wife for the kids. Bad choice… I have met up with him about 5 times now. No sleeping together just to talk. He told me he wants to eventually marry me. I want to believe his intensions are hoberable but I know he is another’s man. I want to end this before it becomes a full blown affair. I love his company but it’s not healthy for either of us. To much time has passed and we are different people now. I never had children. I’m glad in a way I did this because now I know. I have taken a few more glances at his family picture before I deleted it for good. I sent him a very nasty text telling him of how he could’t come after me, but could make a baby with her… Oh well…. My heart will mend, I hope…
    This is for all the gals who made a bad choice and lived to regret it…
    Love to all…….

    1. Linda, I have the same exact story as you. What a small world. I’m also currently experiencing that pain especially while looking at pictures of his wife.

  94. I still find myself having an affair with my ex after he left me to marry someother person.We never made love while dating.

  95. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Vicky,

    I know it seems like your world is falling apart because your boyfriend is marrying someone else. It is terrible, heartbreaking, so painfully sad. It is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You are in shock, and you’re grieving the loss of the man you love. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    But you have to accept reality. You can’t change his mind — and why do you want to? He wants to leave you and marry another woman. It’s wrong and sad, I hate that it’s happening to you, but you have to face the facts. You are stronger than this, better than this, and healthier than this! You WILL rise above this, you WILL heal, and you will find yourself in this mess of emotions and grief.

    My prayer for you – and for all women who are coping when the man they love is marrying another woman – is for strength and courage. May you dig deep into the bottom of your soul and find a resilience and hope you never thought possible. May you pull yourself together for your child’s sake, and for your own sake. You are a survivor – and you need to let this man go. Let him go. Take a deep breath, and accept that he is not meant for you. Know that there is a reason for this, even if you never learn why you’re not in this relationship.

    I pray for healing of your heart and soul. I pray that you find supportive friends, and that you don’t let this breakup ruin your life….or your child’s.


  96. I have the same problem as Rosie. Me and him we been together for over 5 years we have beautiful baby girll together which she looks just like him. We been livjng together since her birth, and yesterday he told me he will marry someone else and leave us. I cant cope with him leave in trying to do everything I can for him to stay. I cant live with tahr fact that hes gonna marry somebody else that he dont even know. Ill die if he marries her. I cant even think how hes gonna be with her, when they got married and they start living together and sleeping in the same bed, doing things that we use to do, that hes going to come home from work like he use to come to me. I cant live with thag i wont be able to hold him and say i love you or kiss him. It kills me inside, I been crying since yesterday Im really depressed my baby dosnt know whats going on with me. I have to stop him somehome please someone help me. I cant lose him I love him so much please :'(

    1. Honey, let him go. You will be better off without him. There is another wonderful man out there for you and your beautiful baby. If he can do this now, what would he do in the future? The man I loved married another woman also. You will get through this… I’m still trying…
      Dry your eyes my dear, take an aspirin for the head ache you are sure to have. Pack up his stuff, give it to him and embrace your new life..
      Love to you and your baby…

  97. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Rosie,

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to accept that the man you love is marrying another woman. Acceptance and surrender to his marriage will bring you peace. Peace will bring you joy, and joy will make you strong and happy!

    I also pray that you find the strength that I know is within you to let go of this man. May you hold on to your self-respect and dignity, and not engage in a relationship with him after he marries the other woman. May you respect his marriage, his wife, and his family. May you be courageous enough to let him go, strong enough to act in honorable ways, and smart enough to know that if you continue seeing him after he’s married, you will hate yourself.

    May you find healing. May you grieve the end of this relationship, and may you begin the process of letting go, healing, and moving on with your life. I pray that you find the help and resources you need in people, books, websites, and even support groups. You ARE strong enough to rise above this breakup and move forward in your life. You WILL find another man to love, if you accept that this man is marrying another woman and there is no room in his life for you. I pray for acceptance and healing.


  98. My boyfriend of three and half years is entering into an arranged marriage he’s family have organized and although he told me from the start that this was going to happen one day l went ahead and we both fell deeply inlove .Its been one week since he told me about the girl they have found he has also shown me a pic of her ,lm devasastated all l do is cry l can’t function and although this site is telling me to let go l can’t .He has promised me that we will still be together after his marriage .I have agreed but will he still love me like before when at night he’s in bed with her,will he think of me when she’s doing things for him that l did for him before will he compare his wife with me .Hes indian and so is she l know that he has done this for his family and religion and to not bring shame in marrying outside culture and not pick the girl of his choise he just agreed .There is an age difference between us of 18 years but l don’t care lm older it’s never bothered him even still.Can someone please tell me how to go after he marries and won’t be next to me and will he be thinking of me on his wedding night .Loving me so much and lying next to someone he hardly knows help .

    1. Hi sweetheart. I belong from india. I can heart your pain. Been in this phase in my life. Loved a guy. Though still loves him. He himself dragged me in relationship. Made me fall in love with him . And left me. He also promised he would keep contact. He won’t be able to forget me. But you know what. Just after his marriage he forgot everything. He wiped me off. Please stop expecting anything. May God bless you.

    2. Just reading what you have written has bought tears to me eyes…its hasnt been long since my Boyfriend for 2.5 years has just done that to me,
      We’ve known each other since we were 12 years of age and have both gone through so much in life.. We moved away from each other for 7 years, while I was abroad studying and the both of us have been in some long time relationships too with other peo-ple..My first relationship lasted 6 years with another guy – my first love you can say. During which we even got engaged and stayed engaged for 2 years.Eventually, things didnt work out for us, we both realised we wanted different things in our we parted ways.At the time, it felt like the end of the world for me.Only to later learn that it was what Life was all about.Now this friend of mine (who later became my boyfriend) was there for me through thick and thin, he helped me out of the misery i was going through and at the time we never would have imagined we’ would one day be a couple.
      Everytime I came home for the holidays, we just got closer and closer, our bond became stronger (still as a friend) and We always knew we had each other no matter which part of the world we were in. We both always had each other.
      During the last 6 months before returning from abroad, It just hit me one day – that I was In love with him. I was so sure about it. I knew he was the one for me.After all thats happend in our lives – he had to be the one for me.After returning back,I got a job in the same company as him…I was so excited because..all signs were directing me to just one thing…being closer to him!
      Finally the day came when he asked me out…I remember later we were in the cab going home and I just couldnt stop smiling.I was ecstatic!!!I couldnt believe what had just happened and I could see he felt the same way too.I felt God was doing all this for a real good and strong reason!- We were meant to be.
      Things just got better after that..we travelled and experienced soo many things together as a couple and in my mind and soul he was already my Husband.
      We both came from different religions but similar cultures.And there was always this fear that our parents would never allow us to be together. But then the irony was that, his brother had married a girl from another religion, which bought his family alot of shame and they lost their reputation in the soceity, while the same thing happend in my family, My sister married the love of her life who was also from a different religion and my parents had initially disowned her. Now both couples are fine, even though the parents still talk about it, they have finally come to terms with their kids and their other halves.
      After all these coincidences….I knew for sure that these were all signs from GOD!I had such a strong Faith in this relationship and tried to stay as strong as I could.I tried to be his pillar when he went weak.
      2 weeks ago, he travelled back home to visit his parents for a cultural festivity, prior to that his mother had been pressurizing him for marriage- to which he kept saying NO – since he wasnt ready.
      He had spoken to his parents about me earlier – a couple of time and they obviously never agreed to it,- saying that how could he do this to them especially after knowing waht the first son had done.
      He was visiting only for a week- litreally just 1 week.-and for some reason I kept stopping him from going at the time telling him it didnt feel right.
      As the week progressed, he updated me on what was going on in the house with his folks and hopw the pressure was coming along-I sat and prayed day and night and so did he…Finally, on a Thursday I called him when I got to work to ask him how he was doing, I had previously spoken to him that morning and he sounded just fine anjd kept telling me how his parents were ignoring what hes been saying to them and are still going ahead with this marriage deal, since they already found and confirmed a girl for him.In the last few days he prayed so hard that he left it up to God to decide …later that evening when I woke up and called him, I could sense something wasnt right…He finally broke the news to me that He had just gotten married!….My world came crashing down…I was numb…I fell to my feet in the middle of the street and burst out screaming!…(just typing it gives my goosebumps)….
      I shouted at him,, screamed..cried…did everything I could…I hadnt slept properly all week because of the stress and that night I just lay still and numb and staired at the ceiling…..I couldnt move…couldnt function…didnt end up going to work.. and just laid in silence…
      When he returned after a few days- I could tell from his face that he had been crying too..I hit him and yelled and screamed..everything I felt at the time.We both cried…we cried together…He now tells me that He will always love me…and he that when that (his marriage) happened he was numb!- how can someone be so numb to let all that happen ?? he did this to keep his parents reputation in the society? I have so many questions in my head and I cant even start to comprehend whats happened to me!
      I dont want to listen to anybody,nor do i want to talk anf get any advise at this stage.
      He wants to be there for me and now after these 2.5 years he tells me he has realised the value of my love for him!!!! where was this realization when we were together… what has become of my life….along with losing him..I have lost my dreams and hopes…my Faith that I had held on it — all came crashing down!
      And after all this …instead of hating him I was still able to tell him how much I love him!

  99. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here D, and sharing how you’re coping when the man you love is marrying another woman. It sounds like you went through a rough time with it, but you’re starting to accept that he isn’t the one for you.

    I pray for strength and hope, courage and faith as you move forward in your life. May you find healing and inspiration, and love and joy in ways you never expected! I wish you peace, and a renewed connection with both your own self and with God. Amen.


  100. I found this article to be very helpful. The guy I love is about to marry someone else in about 3 months. We are also very good friends so It is so painful to watch and I started to notice that I was starting to get crazy and stalk him with blasting him with all kinds of text messages and emails. I was driving him crazy. I realized my behavior was way out of line and stopped with the stalking text messages. I think the hurt and pain was making me do that. This article is right on and is helping me cope. I’m buying the book as well. I just need to come to grips that I was just not meant to be with him.

  101. Acceptance is the only way to cope when the man you’re in love with chooses to marry another woman. What else can you do, but trust that this was not the man for you. If he WAS the man for you, you’d be together.

  102. My bf of 5 yrs did the same thing to me. He offered me marriage but told him to wait as i hv to consider things since he’s a muslim & i’m catholic. When i decided that i was ready to be a muslim & was going to the mosque it was then that he married someonelse from his culture, ghana africa without telling me. He threw me out of his haus so his new wife can come in. I feel betrayed & hurting so badly & he still keeps on saying that it will be us in the end…how? I am filled w/anger, jealousy, pain etc…