How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else


You’re heartbroken and lost, and it seems like you’ll never learn how to cope when the man you love is getting married to someone else. Take heart, my friend. Know that you are not alone, and that you will survive this and be happy again one day! These tips will help you grieve and move on when someone you love is marrying another woman. If you don’t think you can let go – if you believe you’ll never be happy again – you need to start thinking differently.

“I know my boyfriend is scared of intimacy, he couldn’t commit to me even though I loved him more than life itself,” says LovelessinSeattle on When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love. “I accepted his fears, I know what it’s like to be scared of love. I loved him anyway….but he broke up with me six months ago. Now, he’s marrying someone else. The man I love is engaged and it has broken my heart. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I’m hollow inside now. How do you cope when your ex isn’t just scared of love, but he’s marrying someone else? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thank you, Loveless in Seattle.”

I was inspired to share my tips for moving on when you find out the guy you love is getting married by Loveless, and by this comment from a reader: “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”





The first word that comes to my mind is: acceptance. If you accept and surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, you will start the healing process.

The second word that comes to my mind is grief. Allow yourself to grieve your loss. Loving a man is giving him the most important part of yourself – your heart. Honor your grief by allowing yourself to process your loss and say good-bye to the dream of being with him.

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Different tips work for different women. For me, reading books about grief and coping with loss is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published. I feel like I’m not alone when I read how others coped with heartbreak, which is why I share several books at the end of this blog post.

Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by putting different pictures on your walls, buying different throw rugs and pillows, or even renovating your bedroom – can help you move on after a hard breakup.

The best way to heal is to find the balance between allowing yourself to grieve and distracting yourself from the pain of heartache.

Grieve the end of your relationship – and your dream of being with him

I am sorry for your loss. Saying good-bye to a relationship is hard. Finding out that the man you love is marrying another woman is painful. Thinking about your future without him is devastating. It’s all just so sad, and heartbreaking.

Give yourself time and space to work through your grief. Don’t push yourself to get over him, and don’t tell yourself that you should be healed by now.Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace and to pull the pieces of your heart back together one bit at a time. Know that your heart will heal and you will move on! Believe in yourself, in the healing power of your own body, mind, spirit, and soul. Have faith that even though this relationship didn’t work you, there is a special, handsome, loving guy out there who is waiting to love you. Trust that even though the man you love is marrying someone else, you won’t be alone forever.

Find ways to distract yourself from the past

Instead of dwelling on the mistaken belief that you’ll never stop loving the man you loved for so long, put your energy into something productive and good for you.

Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise schedule, or start planning your next vacation.

The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself. Learn healthy ways to take care of your body.



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Pull yourself together, put your big girl panties on, and accept that the man you love is getting married to another woman. Hold your head high, and know that just because he’s not the one for you doesn’t mean you are less of a woman.

Accept that you and he were not meant to be together

I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Now that I’m 46 and happily married, I’ve long since realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures.

If you’re struggling to learn how to cope when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, no friends or family, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.

To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have. Surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, and you need to move on with your life. You are better off without him. Not because he’s a bad man, but simply because you weren’t meant to be together.

Prepare yourself for difficult moments, such as anniversaries and birthdays

You may never stop missing the man you loved, especially if you were together for a long time. Take heart, for you will learn to live without him! You’ll develop a “new normal”, a new way of living that doesn’t include him in your life. Your heartache will become manageable, and you will accept that the man you love has married another woman.

However, certain days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas holidays, even random special days can trigger strong emotions. You may feel your grief more acutely on holidays and other special times of the year – especially if you’re coping with the holidays for the first time without him. You may feel overwhelmed and lost in your pain.

Prepare yourself in advance to cope with special dates or holidays. It’s important to know that you may feel particularly overwhelmed or sad at certain times of the year, especially if this is the first time without him. The holidays in particular can bring up painful memories because of the traditions, family celebrations, even gift shopping and decorating – anything you and he used to do together. Sometimes just acknowledging it’s going to be difficult can provide you with the strength to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. You can’t expect to feel the same way about the holidays as you did when you and he were together.

Take time to think ahead about how you might feel, and what you are and are not capable of this year. It’s okay to withdraw from painful holiday plans, or change your normal birthday or New Year’s routine to protect your heart. Talk to your friends and family about what you feel you can and cannot do.

This is part of healthy grieving after a relationship ends. If you haven’t had much experience with grieving a breakup, read How to Recover From Loss and Survive Grief.

Spend time with people who make you feel good

Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything positive and life-giving! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.

And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?

Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely. They are your traveling companions, and it’s important to trust them.

Be kind to yourself

Don’t compare yourself to “the other woman” – and don’t beat yourself up for not being the woman you think your ex-boyfriend wanted.

The Man I Love is Marrying Another Woman

The Man I Love is Marrying Another Woman

Here’s one of my favorite tips for coping when the man you love is in love with someone you love, from the MindBodyGreen blog:

“Why when we break up with someone, do we tell ourselves, “Well, there’s another failed relationship?” Beating ourselves up when we are already down is a notion all too familiar to many of us and often we tend to beat ourselves up not just about the end of the relationship but about all of our “failures,” which leads us into a downward spiral of negativity. However, this, more than any other time, is the time to be kind to ourselves.” – from 7 Beautiful Things I Learned From My Last Breakup.

Surround yourself with beauty, life, and color

When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – I love it because it says “Hope” on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re alive and well!

The more beauty you see, the better your heart will feel. Add life-giving colors to your environment, such as splashes of burnt orange scarves or dashes of pretty sky blue dishes. Surround yourself with things that lift your heart but that don’t cost a lot of money. And don’t fall into the temptation to eat or drink yourself out of your misery, for you’ll just feel worse the morning after.

Take a deep breath. Know that you are loved, that God created you for a purpose, and that you won’t be alone forever. Believe that you are valuable and beautiful. Search for healthy tips on how to cope when the man you love is getting married. My suggestions below will help…

Coping When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

letting go of someone you loveI wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re coping with the idea that the man you love is marrying someone else. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone ElseIt’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.

You may also find The Best Breakup Songs for Letting Go of Someone You Love helpful. It’s not an ebook or print resource on how to cope when the man you love is marrying another woman – it’s a playlist of music and sad songs to help you heal.

“If you’re brave enough to say Goodbye, life will reward you with a Hello.” – Paul Coelho.

Your comments are welcome below. If you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please feel free to share with me. I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share your experience. You may find that writing your story is helpful – and your experience will help other women cope after losing a man they love.

xo







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131 thoughts on “How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

  • Anne

    just found out on the 4th of March 2018. H got engaged to some lady last week during the Easter HOLIDAYS! Am broken..confused …am lost..Cant leave my job..would love to relocate.A part of me died with this.How do i face this betrayal?

  • Preet

    That would be nice. It’s still very hard on me. You would advise your friends differently but we fail to follow logical advice. All due to this emotion of love. You are free to message me at life_is_sweet25(at)hotmail.com.
    An email from my younger days. We can connect there 🙂

  • lababa( bobby)

    hello Preet! i know EXACTLY how you feel :'( same thing will be happening with me soon..you are so like me..we cant let go no matter what..we love deeply and we hurt deeply :'( i was wondering if we could talk to each other..chat or may be on the phone..as we are in the same situation..i live in scotland..

  • Preet

    Hello
    I didn’t think I’ve ever write this in a forum.
    I loved a man of a different faith for 5 years and he quickly got married last year. I always told him I wanted to marry him. He wanted to be with me too but his belief in his faith and expectations from his family and me of mine would never make it possible. I wanted to try regardless because I loved him very much.
    He didn’t tell me when he got engaged early last year. He just told me his cousin had introduced him to someone of his faith. He said he was beginning to talk to her on the phone but in fact he was actually engaged then. He would still message me inappropriately and in ways of love. I know he had a hard time himself moving forward and still loved me which is why he was still interacting in this way with me. I found out a couple months before that he was getting married in the summer. He shared that himself and it broke my heart. He was my first love, my first kiss, relationship and everything. The thought of him interacting with someone else and building a life nearly killed me. I wouldn’t eat. I lost so much weight, I lost any enjoyment in life. It’s been several months since he has been married now. My health isn’t the greatest still. It still some days hurts about the same the day I found out.
    The thing is while he was engaged he was still interacting with me inappropriately and he still told me he loved me. As he started to develop feelings for his now wife he became very frustrated with me and my emotions. I would call him crying and he would tell me to get out of his life and that I sounded so annoying crying. Asking me “do you know how annoying you sound right now.” “He would tell me to shut the f up.”
    He was frustrated and has a short fuse as it is. He would apologize because he wanted to help but couldn’t necessarily and would get frustrated with me. I wanted to remain friends and have never wanted to loose him so i tried to be more open to hearing things. Eventually he started using terms like financee describing her. Saying she met all his criteria which he didn’t want to get into and that he was happy. Told me about the trips he was going to go on and asked if I wanted to see a pic of her. I didn’t at the time and all of this was killing me more and more. However I didn’t want to loose his presence in my life. I wanted to show him we could still be friends. We said this wouldn’t be goodbye and that we would met eventually in the future.
    I found his wife’s Instagram. She is pretty and innocent. Doesn’t know he was cheating on her in a way. She moved from the US to Canada. This is how I found out that he was engaged well before. Shes very lively and has a large following. It makes me feel insecure. I feel old and stupid as she is 5 years younger than myself. I know its him taking the pics. He was always cheap with me. I can see what he has purchased for her and brought her to many beautiful places. I have has to remove app because it was affecting me sooo negatively. He looks happy and it kills me. I wonder if he still even thinks about me. Because if he could while he was engaged then he could while he is married. This is what i say to myself and its stupid.
    The only means of contact i have with him now is through email. I still message him. Intially started off very angry stating I know he had been lying to me. He responded by saying he understands what I’m saying but doesn’t want to talk about the past ever again. He said he will only message me if I interact positively and not regarding the past. At the same time I should expect to hear back from him. I feel like a child being scolded. I know it is valid to feel angry but I still want to have him in my life. As months have gone by he has now said he can’t keep in touch with any frequency or meet up. This has hurt me recently because we always said we would and that this wasn’t goodbye. I still do love him. I do want him to be happy. I just want to know that someday in the future we can meet. I message more than I should. I tell him I care for him. I tell him I want to know how he’s doing and I always want to stay connected as friends. I want him to be happy interacting with me.He hasn’t messaged me in a while. He said that it could take weeks until I hear back from him and to not take this offensively. That hes married. Writing this all out I know I need to give myself space and give him space. I just keep getting emotional because I keep messaging more than I should saying that I don’t ever want to loose him as a friend however I understand the need for space. Saying that I hope someday we will meet.
    My family doesn’t know how often I message him. I haven’t shared that with anyone. I think about him constantly when I should be more concerned about my health. He talked to me so negatively before he was about to get married saying, saying he didn’t think I was creative and how he thought we would never work. I know he was full of frustration but he hurt me with his words. I know him I i know he was creating distance and never meant to hurt me. I know him and he could completely have avoided even messaging me but he still did message back. But I’m scared I’m never going to hear from him now that he has been married for several months and his feelings of love have probably intensified even more for his wife. Some days I do good but this weekend for me was very painful. I use to prioritize my weekends for him. Knowing he has it off and is spending with his wife. It still hurts. I’ve gone on dates and tried interacting with people. Still very hard. Why can’t I be like him.
    I really miss him.

  • Ylla

    Hi. I work at school and I met a parent. The vonnevtion was instnt
    We looked into each other’s eyes. We ended up not talking about his kid but just chatting. His wife passed fuom cancer about 3 years ago and my husband also passed from cancer last year. He took my number and text me about 15minutes after he left. He is engaged to be matried
    We talked gor 4 days straight and ecpressed out feelings. He even talked about wondering bout the wefding after meeting me. I decided yo stop contacting jim snd he stopped too. He called revently to ask something about school…i don’t btlieve he needed to call me vos his sister works at the school and she would have given him the info. Plus he should have emailed me rather called
    We talked asked how I was doing and what plans I have for the weekend. He said the weddong was now in october and no longer in may. I love him. It hurts andbim still focused on mot contacting him. I hope the pain will go away. Sometimes i wonder what he’s feeling but I don’t want to worry about that

  • Cindy

    Loved man for 8 years he would travel 2 hrs to see me every week. I am married for 35 years. He suggested I check into divorce and I could retire with him in Hawaii. Couldn’t do it at that time because of young daighter. We continues to see each other. He gave me work I. His company. He said he was in love with me and we got along so well. 2015 his wife died and he dropped me to have someone close by in hide city so he would not be alone. We got back together 7 months later because he said he missed me. I helped him fix up his new house..painting..everything. Made dinners together etc…
    Feb Valentine’s Day of 2017 I was up helping him with his house..laughing..loving. Came home after 3 days. I made the choice to have my pastor over and told my husband of 35 years I had gone outside my marriage 3 times. Long story short..since feb 2017,,I have been on psychotic meds..mood stabilizers and ended up in mental ward for 3 months to try and get over the fact that my husband wanted to end 35 year marriage.. through the whole year I have been trying to get back I. Touch with him. He got back to me Jan 12018 and told me he was engaged and getting married. So I ended my marriage over a lie. He was never going to marry me.. I now at age 61 living alone in apament. I can barely breath

  • Natalie

    I love him soo much it actually hurts…he’s not married yet. I live him and his says he loves me. His fiance’so mum is dying and he saying he can’t leave just now while this is going on. I don’t know what to do..I asked him today if he’s gonna leave but says he can’t just yet..How can I love someone soo much. .It hurts…a lot. .All the time..I actually think I’m going crazy sometimes..its bn almost a year since I met him..And I knew Instantly.. I’m 40 yrs old so it’s not that this is young love. I’ve nvr felt this way about someone..I find it really painful..quite a lot of the time I’m so unhappy about everything..I know I need to walk away

  • Broken Hearted

    We have been friends/seeing each other for over 5 years. I moved out of town but I would go home just about every weekend and he wanted to see me. Then I moved farther away for work and he always wanted to know when I was coming back in town so we could get together and do something. We would go out to the movies or watch movies at his house and spend time together. I found out he entered into a relationship last year and got engaged in Oct of this year through FB. He never said anything. We were just together before Christmas. He even commented next time he sees or holds me will be 2018. My heart is broken. He knew I loved him. I question myself. Why wasn’t I good enough to marry me? All this time and I didn’t even matter to him. What did I do wrong? What does she have that I don’t?

    • Lori

      I just recently went through the same kind of breakup. It leaves you devastated. I am seeking therapy to help me move on. It is not easy. It hurts to see their happy pictures on Facebook , when he wouldn’t even it puts. Last year at this time we were happy. He had his new gal in the wings while he was trying to get rid of me. Please try to move on and there are plenty of other women in the same place.

  • Brielle

    I’ve accepted that we weren’t meant for forever. We were meant for a long time, but not forever. I accept that my life is probably a lot better with him as a friend than as a partner. I wouldn’t be in law school if we were still together. But why the hell did he have to wait until after we broke up to say the L word?! And now he’s marrying another woman. He’d known her 2 months before he proposed. We were together 7 years, and have known each other for 12+. I know him. Too much for my own good. He doesn’t love her, he just doesn’t want to be alone. She just wants to get married. The whole thing was basically an arranged marriage. But he’s marrying her because she can never leave him, their church wouldn’t allow it.

    What I have a hard time with is watching him make the biggest mistake of his life. I don’t care that we don’t get back together. I still love him, love just changes. He still loves me, and has told me as much. But he’s marrying a woman he barely knows. And then they’ll have a baby. And then there will be children in the mix. She doesn’t know that he has ADHD, or that he’s allergic to cleaning chemicals and mango, or that he has seasonal asthma, or that sometimes he just needs time to himself, but once in a while you need to get him out of his own head. Yet somehow, he’s OK with this. When asked about it, he feels like this is just something he has to do. THEN he hopes his future wife and I can be besties and hang out when they come to town. Like, WHAT? Like, HOW?!?! Am I supposed to walk her through the instruction Manual of how to deal with him? I deleted his number from my phone, yet he still called me. And I don’t have the strength not to accept his call, because I never want him to feel alone in this world.
    My problem is, how the hell do I deal with this?!Is it even possible to stay friends with him and his new wife when I can’t stand the thought of him under her? Of her having his kids? I don’t even hate her, I just wish that he’d at least have enough sense to know that 6 months of knowing someone without ever being alone with them, or even touching them, is not nearly enough time to get married. I just wish he’d think about this.

    And then there’s the guilt, the wonder that if I’m somehow responsible for this. Before his first date with her, he called me. We had a long conversation about various things. And then he told me he loved me. I let it linger in the air, because until now, I’d been the only one to say it to him. After two minutes, he continued ,” as a sister, of course!” And I told him ,”I know,” because (1) he”s already known how I feel about him, and (2) we’d been broken up for about two years, what good would it do now to bring up old hat? The thing is, I can’t help but wonder if he would still be walking down the aisle if I had said it back. Maybe he wouldn’t be with me, but maybe he wouldn’t have decided to propose to a woman he’d only known for two weeks.

    He gets married on Saturday.

    • Amalia

      Oh God! You just recounted my story. It’s exactly same except that he is already married. He married on the 23rd december 2017 and did not tell me. We talked everyday and even on that day we talked and i had no clue he was getting married and even when he wrote me good night, i didn’t know, i couldn’t have dreamt that he was already married. He kept on talking to me normally for the next one week till i found out that my love of 7years was married to a church girl arranged by his brother! My heart my chest my waisted years. And all he keeps saying is “i am sorry baby” “you are my true love not her”. How do i survive this betrayal?