Relationship Tips > Ex Relationships > How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance

How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance

The bad news is that you broke up. Maybe this is even the second or third breakup. But wait, I have good news! Convincing someone to give you a second chance may be easier than you think. A surprising number of breakups aren’t permanent because it is really hard to let go of someone you love (which is good news when you want to convince your ex to come back to you!).

These seven tips will help you convince someone to give you a second chance. Even more importantly, they’ll help you see if your relationship is indeed worth revisiting.

These tips for reconciling with your ex are inspired by a reader’s comment.  “I would do anything to get her back, anything,” says Terry on 3 Ways to Cope With an “On Again Off Again” Relationship. “I screwed up our relationship, I made mistakes that I regret so bad. Now I wish I could go back to the way things were. What do I do? How do I get her back? I just need to convince her to give me a second chance. I know I can prove my love and commitment if we get back together. Advice?”

Here’s a spiritual perspective that may not convince someone to give you a second chance, but may help you cope with the breakup: have faith that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you’ll get back together with your ex, and maybe not…but the relationship and the breakup happened for a reason.

Maybe your ex – and the mistakes you made – was meant to prepare you for a future relationship. Maybe your past relationship is meant to help you grow, mature, and become a better person. Is it possible that you’re better off learning how to find peace after a breakup?

If you’re sure that you want to convince your ex to take you back, here are a few tips for convincing her to give you a second chance.

7 Tips for Convincing Someone to Give You a Second Chance

One of the most important tips for reconciling is to give your ex time and space to breathe. The more you call, text, email, and contact her, the more she’ll pull away. The trick is finding the balance between wooing her romantically and giving her time to miss you. It takes careful thought when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back.

While you’re giving her space to breathe, use the time to get emotionally and spiritually healthy. The healthier you are, the more attractive you will be – and the happier you’ll be! A happy, healthy person is difficult to walk away from. We gravitate towards people who are grounded, centered, and whole.

Asking someone to give you a second chance isn’t about manipulating or convincing them to take you back. It’s about learning from the experience and becoming a better person.

1. Apologize for your role in the relationship and breakup

Apologizing for your actions and attitudes is a simple, powerful way to make up with your ex. You’re both in pain, you both may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step towards convincing someone to give you a second chance. Take it a step further by sharing what you actually learned from the breakup. Is your love stronger – and why? Are you more convinced than ever that you’re meant to be together? What do you regret about the breakup, and how can you use your newfound wisdom to convince your ex to take you back?

Here’s what I’d like to hear from my husband if we had an argument that led to a breakup: “I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. I wish with all my heart that I didn’t do “X”, but I did. I can promise you it will never happen again because I learned __________ from that experience.”


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2. Discuss the reason your relationship broke up

If you cheated on your ex by having an affair, your ex deserves answers. Share some details of how and why the affair happened – such as how it came about and why you know it’ll never happen again. Talk about ways you and your ex can ensure it doesn’t happen again. Pinpoint the reason for the breakup, and discuss ways to protect yourself from it happening again.

Don’t avoid the difficult discussions or painful moments. Do not brush her questions away, even if you feel painfully uncomfortable. One of the main things I hear from women is that men don’t want to talk about stuff. This tip for reconciling with your ex is one of the most important – and one of the most difficult. Be honest about how you feel and what you think. If you don’t know what to say, tell her that. If you don’t know how to convince her to give you a second chance, say so. Share what’s on your heart.

3. Change your lifestyle in obvious ways

Are you clear about why you broke up? If not, listen to what people are telling you. Were you working too much, spending too much money, or not around enough? After you figure out why you broke up, make changes in your life that solve that problem. For example: if you cheated on your ex, you can no longer do the things you did. Of course you can’t cheat again – but you also lost your freedom to go and do whatever you want. If you really want to convince your ex to give you a second chance, you have to accept new limits and boundaries. You can’t go out for drinks or dinner with women, or hide your computer or phone passwords from your wife or girlfriend. If you want to make up with your ex, your life has to be an open book..

How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance
How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance

You need to rebuild trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior. If you don’t know what this means, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling.

One of the biggest obstacles to getting back together with an ex is lack of communication. Sometimes, an ex simply doesn’t want to talk about the breakup or the relationship, and you’re forced to move on without further communication. If this describes your situation, you might find How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure helpful.

4. Talk about how your life is different now

How are your habits – and you yourself – different now? Share how your life, habits, and perspectives will be different after you make up with your ex. Ask your ex what changes she would like to see in your relationship.

When you’re trying to convince someone to take you back, talk about the changes you’ll both need to make. But, be very careful not to blame her for the relationship problems. If you want to save your relationship, you’ll both need to change in some way. You need to learn new ways to communicate and be together as a couple.

Make this part of your apology! When you’re figuring out how to convince someone to give you a second chance in a relationship, you have to be honest, real, and humble. Apologize for your part in the breakup; not only is saying “I’m sorry” good for your soul, research shows that apologies repair relationships and help to facilitate forgiveness.

5. Don’t just talk

Part of the reason it’s difficult to convince your ex to take you back is that talk is meaningless. You can talk until you have no words left, you can repeat yourself over and over, and you can write everything until you’ve used every letter of the alphabet a million times. It’s meaningless, useless – especially if you and your ex have had these problems before.

So, how do you convince your ex to take you back by going beyond talk? By going into counseling, reading books about relationships, and changing your habits to reflect your commitment to your ex. And, when you’re thinking about how to convince someone to give you a second chance, keep learning what she thinks about the breakup. Don’t assume you know why she’s mad or what you did wrong. Ask sincere questions about the breakup, and listen between the lines. Watch her face and body when she talks to you; look for nonverbal cues that show hurt, pain, or grief.

6. Listen carefully to your ex’s words

No matter how difficult it is, try to hear your ex’s thoughts and perspectives all the way to the end. Don’t try to convince her to think or feel a different way. Listen intently – without interrupting – until your ex has nothing else to say about you, your style of love, or your relationship. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Your shame and regret shouldn’t be the focus of attention when you’re trying to save your relationship.

Convincing someone to give you a second chance is about setting aside your own viewpoint and trying to see your relationship from your ex’s perspective. A counselor would be able to help you work through your emotional issues so you can be open and honest with your ex.

7. Make a sweet gesture of love and reconciliation

how to convince someone to give you a second chance

Sending flowers is a cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason. It works! Flowers are uplifting, beautiful, fresh sign of love and new beginnings. A fresh bouquet of sunflowers, roses or seasonal blossoms is a traditional way to say “I’m sorry” and ask someone you love for forgiveness.

One of the most traditional ways of convincing someone to get back together is flowers. A surprise bouquet of flowers at work or home is a romantic, thoughtful gesture. Flowers – and chocolate! – are classic ways to say sorry and convince someone to give you a chance to prove your love. An ex-boyfriend sent me flowers at work once, and I’ll never forget it. Flowers are inexpensive and easy, and will change how your ex sees you.

Building a better relationship doesn’t happen overnight, especially if a partner was betrayed physically or emotionally. Sometimes it takes weeks for wounds to heal; other times, they never do. Healing and reconnecting takes conscious effort – but it’s worth it if you really want to make up with your ex.

convince someone to give you a second chance

You might also consider reading When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.

This book will teach you how to resolve conflict, soothe angry feelings, and offer apologies that are fully accepted. You’ll also learn how to rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain, and restore your relationship.

If you combine the information you learn in When Sorry Isn’t Enough with a beautiful bouquet of “please give me a second chance” flowers, you have a better chance of convincing someone to give you a second chance in a relationship.

What do you think – will you try to convince your ex to give you a second chance? Your comments are welcome below! I don’t give advice, but you may find it helpful to share your story. You may even list the pros and cons of getting back together. It may seem like a good idea…but some ideas are best left alone.

If you want to get back with your ex because you don’t want to be alone, read What if You Never Find Your Soulmate?

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56 thoughts on “How to Convince Someone to Give You a Second Chance”

  1. I left a couple of months to go to Texas because my life wasn’t going well and my bf said we should break up because he can’t stand long distance relationships. so I accepted it and when I came back and I was kind of forced to stay here, we both still have feelings for each other and he told me he met someone. but here he is telling me how he loves me and missed me. I told him how I’ll never do it again. I didn’t tell anyone I left. especially my parents. I ran away to be with a friend and start fresh there. please help. He said he is doing wrong in leaving this girl buy I told him we had more good memoris together and we go to the same school, went to movies, each other’s houses, etc. I did my best and cried while telling him how sorry I am. I’ll never in my life leave him like that. Pease help me.

  2. My boyfriend of 2.5 yrs broke up with me out of the blue two days ago. We are both 27 years old, have both been in long term relationships before, and we thought very carefully about being together. Our relationship and our friendship is amazing, we he a connection like I never imagined possible. Only three weeks ago he was talking about having children together and our future.
    He has recently been through multiple stressful situations, to the point where he began to become depressed and was prescribed some medication. That was a few months ago. When I spoke to him on the phone two nights ago, he seemed sad, distant, and depressed. He said he is just living day to day, doesn’t want to see his friends, and doesn’t know how to feel about anything any more.
    I realise that I do take some responsibility in the break up, and I have apologised for the things I did, and I have begun counselling to get myself better.
    I am completely devastated by him saying we should just be friends. I am so scared that I will never get him back. He says that he still loves me and he will forever, which is why I am wondering if his medication or depression is to blame. A doctor prescribed him some meds (and gave him the wrong dosage) and neglected to follow up with him to see how he was doing.
    I desperately want to help, but he has asked for space, and I have no idea what to do….

  3. For a person to get a second chance, you must give the person space after you realize they no longer want to be bothered with you, give them 3-7 days, then you must find a way to get a face to face, because if she had real feelings for you there is still something left after 7 days, plus seeing you in person has a different effect on her, she’s still angry but seeing you makes her realize she miss you, pick a topic she will respond to, once she start talking listen look her straight in the eye the hold time, after she finish then u apologize short and brief, tell her you don”t know what you did to turn her off, but whatever is was your sorry, then say i miss you, and i believe you miss me, i just want to get back with my friend, remener you were friends before anything else..

    1. I like what was said here, and you’re right.I made mistakes with the guy I really enjoy being with and haven’t talked to him in 3 weeks. I want to talk to him and really made changes to make things right with him, I want a second chance to prove to him we are good for each other and I can make him happy. Any advice how to talk to him?We live in the same apt complex but I’m not sure what to do.Help please.

  4. Dear Waleed,

    You’re Christian, so you have an invaluable and vast source of wisdom and guidance at your disposal! Take a deep breath, and turn your heart to God. Spend time in prayers of gratitude for the beauty of relationships and for second chances that do sometimes come our way.

    And ask Him if you and your ex-girlfriend should get back together. Really listen to what the spirit tells you, for there are answers there.

    What is your impression of how to approach your girl? Do you think this relationship is still alive in some way, or do you need to let it go?

  5. I met my girl at dunkin donuts October 11th and we started dating on the 26th didn’t even know each other moved in and things fell we argued a lot because we worked together and only been a month and now we’ve broken up and i miss her deeply she and i are Christian and she dont have feelings or likes me anymore how can i win her back? Or give me another chance?

  6. Is convincing someone to give you a second chance a good idea? Take a week and really give it some thought. Listen. Pray. Ask for guidance, listen to the still small voice. Don’t rush back into a relationship that doesn’t make sense, just because you miss having a warm body beside you at night.

  7. Hi Laurie, Read lots of your great articles. Some more than once. Very helpful I am just past 3 months of getting over the ex who drank too much, then in the end after saying he was going to change, for himself, was a long time coming, etc. I listened and encouraged. He did not quit and cont. to get drunk on several occasions where I was present, maybe other nights when he did not see me. I was going to walk away after he told me one night when we were on vacation and he drank too much, and was in his own little world. When I asked him why he could not stop, he yelled at me and said “I am not going to change!” and said how am I bothering you? I did not answer not wanting to argue. Next day he said he has been changing and did not drink for a month (a month back) A couple weeks alter I was going to talk to him and say which is it, can you change or don’t want to? If want to keep drinking to his and our detriment then I could not cont. Was a busy week then I tried to suggest he talk to someone for support. Three days later he broke up with me. I know I got my answer but left me feeling rejected.
    Anyway, read lots of your stuff and purchased the e-book How to Let Go of Someone You Love. Read it then lost it. Or could have been the 75 things e-book. Anyway, I did not save it or know how to. Can you help me with that? Thanks for everything. Please right more on alcoholics, the different types (my guy did not drink in the day, only wine, but would not stop if the wine was flowing with friends or family). I did not see the extent of the problem as I did no grow up around drinkers, not have friends who are heavy drinkers, etc. Should have asked him earlier on what his drinking habits were, not just say I did not like it and expect him to stop. Think he hid when he was drinking in the evg. at home as often did not answer phone. Make excuse cell was in the car. Sending love and appreciation to you!