The bad news is that you broke up, but the good news is that many breakups aren’t permanent. Here are seven tips that will help you convince someone to give you a second chance.
These tips for reconciling with your ex are inspired by a reader’s email. “I would do anything to get her back, anything,” says Terry on How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. “I screwed up our relationship, I made mistakes that I regret so bad. Now I wish I could go back to the way things were. What do I do? How do I get her back? I just need to convince her to give me a second chance. I know I can prove my love and commitment if we get back together. Advice?”
Here’s a spiritual perspective that may not convince someone to give you a second chance, but may help you cope with the breakup: have faith that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you’ll get back together with your ex, and maybe not…but the relationship and the breakup happened for a reason.
Maybe your ex – and the mistakes you made – was meant to prepare you for a future relationship. Maybe your past relationship is meant to help you grow, mature, and become a better person. Is it possible that you’re better off learning how to find peace after a breakup?
If you’re sure that you want to convince your ex to take you back, here are a few tips for convincing her to give you a second chance.
7 Tips for Convincing Someone to Give You a Second Chance
One of the most important tips for reconciling is to give your ex time and space to breathe. The more you call, text, email, and contact her, the more she’ll pull away. The trick is finding the balance between wooing her romantically and giving her time to miss you. It takes careful thought when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back.
While you’re giving her space to breathe, use the time to get emotionally and spiritually healthy. The healthier you are, the more attractive you will be – and the happier you’ll be! A happy, healthy person is difficult to walk away from. We gravitate towards people who are grounded, centered, and whole.
Asking someone to give you a second chance isn’t about manipulating or convincing them to take you back. It’s about learning from the experience and becoming a better person.
1. Apologize for your role in the relationship and breakup
Apologizing for your actions and attitudes is a simple, powerful way to make up with your ex. You’re both in pain, you both may feel defensive, scared and confused – but a sincere apology without excuses or rationales is the first step towards convincing someone to give you a second chance. Take it a step further by sharing what you actually learned from the breakup. Is your love stronger – and why? Are you more convinced than ever that you’re meant to be together? What do you regret about the breakup, and how can you use your newfound wisdom to convince your ex to take you back?
Here’s what I’d like to hear from my husband if we had an argument that led to a breakup: “I’m really, really sorry that I hurt you. I wish with all my heart that I didn’t do “X”, but I did. I can promise you it will never happen again because I learned __________ from that experience.”
2. Discuss the reason your relationship broke up
If you had a physical or emotional affair, your ex deserves answers.
Share some details of how and why the affair happened – such as how it came about and why you know it’ll never happen again. Talk about ways you and your ex can ensure it doesn’t happen again. Pinpoint the reason for the breakup, and discuss ways to protect yourself from it happening again.
Don’t avoid the difficult discussions or painful moments. Do not brush her questions away, even if you feel painfully uncomfortable. One of the main things I hear from women is that men don’t want to talk about stuff. This tip for reconciling with your ex is one of the most important – and one of the most difficult. Be honest about how you feel and what you think. If you don’t know what to say, tell her that. If you don’t know how to convince her to give you a second chance, say so. Share what’s on your heart.
3. Change your lifestyle to prioritize getting your ex back
Are you clear about why you broke up? If not, listen to what people are telling you. Were you working too much, spending too much money, or not around enough? After you figure out why you broke up, make changes in your life that solve that problem. For example: if you cheated on your ex, you can no longer do the things you did. Of course you can’t cheat again – but you also lost your freedom to go and do whatever you want. If you really want to convince your ex to give you a second chance, you have to accept new limits and boundaries. You can’t go out for drinks or dinner with women, or hide your computer or phone passwords from your wife or girlfriend. If you want to make up with your ex, your life has to be an open book..
You need to rebuild trust by being open to reasonable requests regarding boundaries and behavior. If you don’t know what this means, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling.
One of the biggest obstacles to getting back together with an ex is lack of communication. Sometimes, an ex simply doesn’t want to talk about the breakup or the relationship, and you’re forced to move on without further communication. If this describes your situation, you might find How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure helpful.
4. Talk about how your lifestyle and relationship has changed
How are you different now? Share how your life, habits, and perspectives will be different after you make up with your ex. Ask your ex what changes she would like to see in your relationship.
When you’re trying to convince someone to take you back, talk about the changes you’ll both need to make. But, be very careful not to blame her for the relationship problems. If you want to save your relationship, you’ll both need to change in some way. You need to learn new ways to communicate and be together as a couple.
Make this part of your apology! When you’re figuring out how to convince someone to give you a second chance in a relationship, you have to be honest, real, and humble. Apologize for your part in the breakup; not only is saying “I’m sorry” good for your soul, research shows that apologies repair relationships and help to facilitate forgiveness.
5. Don’t just talk
Part of the reason it’s difficult to convince your ex to take you back is that talk is meaningless. You can talk until you have no words left, you can repeat yourself over and over, and you can write everything until you’ve used every letter of the alphabet a million times. It’s meaningless, useless – especially if you and your ex have had these problems before.
So, how do you convince your ex to take you back by going beyond talk? By going into counseling, reading books about relationships, and changing your habits to reflect your commitment to your ex. And, when you’re thinking about how to convince someone to give you a second chance, keep learning what she thinks about the breakup. Don’t assume you know why she’s mad or what you did wrong. Ask sincere questions about the breakup, and listen between the lines. Watch her face and body when she talks to you; look for nonverbal cues that show hurt, pain, or grief.
6. Listen carefully to your ex’s words
No matter how difficult it is, try to hear your ex’s thoughts and perspectives all the way to the end. Don’t try to convince her to think or feel a different way. Listen intently – without interrupting – until your ex has nothing else to say about you, your style of love, or your relationship. Put your feelings of guilt, remorse or pain aside. Your shame and regret shouldn’t be the focus of attention when you’re trying to save your relationship.
Convincing someone to give you a second chance is about setting aside your own viewpoint and trying to see your relationship from your ex’s perspective. A counselor would be able to help you work through your emotional issues so you can be open and honest with your ex.
7. Make a gesture of love and reconciliation
A fresh bouquet of sunflowers, alstroemeria, and snapdragon flowers is a classic way to say “I’m sorry” and ask someone you love for forgiveness.
One of the most traditional ways of convincing someone to get back together is flowers. A surprise bouquet of flowers at work or home is a romantic, thoughtful gesture. Flowers – and chocolate! – are classic ways to say sorry and convince someone to give you a chance to prove your love. An ex-boyfriend sent me flowers at work once, and I’ll never forget it. Flowers are inexpensive and easy, and will change how your ex sees you.
Building a better relationship doesn’t happen overnight, especially if a partner was betrayed physically or emotionally. Sometimes it takes weeks for wounds to heal; other times, they never do. Healing and reconnecting takes conscious effort – but it’s worth it if you really want to make up with your ex.
Read When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.
This book will help you:
- Cool down heated arguments
- Offer apologies that are fully accepted
- Rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain
- Restore and strengthen valuable relationships
- Trade in tired excuses for honesty, trust, and joy
If you combine the information you learn in When Sorry Isn’t Enough with a beautiful bouquet of “please give me a second chance” flowers, you have a better chance of convincing someone to give you a second chance in a relationship.
What do you think – will you try to convince your ex to give you a second chance? I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t give relationship advice, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.