Accepting the End of a Relationship You Wish Wasn’t Over

How do you accept a breakup that blindsided you? Even if you suspected your relationship was ending, you wanted to keep it alive. You were holding on with hope and faith. Now that it’s over, you’re having trouble moving on.

Learning how to accept the end of a relationship – especially one you wanted to keep alive – won’t be easy. But you’ll come through this brighter and better than before! Remember that you’re not alone, and you can find acceptance and peace even in the midst of heartache. Here’s what one of my She Blossoms readers says:

“Nine months after our breakup, I still think about my ex-boyfriend every day,” said Brenda in response to When You Miss Him Like Crazy. “But I feel good. I feel like myself again.Everyone’s process is different. Give yourself time. Take time to be sad. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship. Distract yourself. Refocus your thoughts to acceptance. Remember all the reasons the relationship ended and how unhappy you were.”

Our theme on She Blossoms this week is acceptance. Yesterday I wrote about accepting the truth about your relationship…and today we’ll look at the pain of letting go.

Accepting the end of a relationship is hard because you wanted to keep it alive. You had goals, dreams and plans for a future together. Even if you knew a breakup was coming, you hoped for a miracle. You thought love would win. You wished things would change.

Whether or not you expected the breakup, you will find healing and hope when you accept it. Acceptance brings healing and hope for the future.

Accepting the End of Your Relationship

God never turns our world upside down without changing us for the better. This Blossom Tip isn’t just for accepting a breakup you didn’t want, it’s for everything unexpected and unplanned in our lives.

Allow your world to be topsy turvy

Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship. You’re not just saying goodbye to a boyfriend or husband; you’re letting go of an important season of your life. You’re facing a new beginning, a new way of being in the world. You’re re-establishing your friendships and family relationships. Some may end, others may become stronger.

Right now your world is upside down. Let it be so. Accept the pain you feel that your relationship ended even though you wanted to keep it going. Allow your heart to be broken and your pain to flow through you. Now is the time to grieve.

Dedicate time every day to acceptance and surrender

How to Accept the End of a RelationshipYesterday I cried because I lost a man I love deeply. He’s an old guy, a grandpa to me, and he’s ready to die. He’s a Christian and I know Jesus will welcome him into heaven. I also know I’ll see my beloved old friend there, and we’ll recognize each other with joy!

But it hurts. I wept. While I was crying, I realized that my pain stemmed from the fact that I didn’t want Ralph to be dead. I wanted him to be alive, I wanted our relationship never to end, and I wanted to keep him in my life. But once I started to accept that he’s gone, I began to feel better. It didn’t happen quickly and I needed to grieve…but I felt better when I realized that with acceptance brings healing.

Cry. Allow the pain to go through you. Maybe you’ll need days, weeks, or even months of grieving the end of your relationship. That’s okay. It’s your process, and you can take as much time as you need.

Accept the fact that all endings bring new beginnings

Getting stuck and bitter is the danger of not accepting the end of a relationship you wanted to keep. You don’t want that to happen—and I don’t want that for you! Find ways to heal. Different things work for different people, but many of my She Blossoms readers share helpful tips in the comments section. Here’s one…

“Journal about your relationship and breakup,” says Melissa on What to Expect When Your Relationship Ends. “Write here. Meditate. Take walks in nature. Exercise. Remember that accepting the end of a relationship takes work. Put your energy towards healing and getting over him. You have to work at it to get over someone. Make time with friends to distract yourself.”

Give your broken heart to God, and He will heal it. He let your world be turned upside down, and if you let Him He will turn it right side up. Acceptance is one of the most powerful Blossom Tips I know, even if you’re struggling with the end of a relationship you really wanted to keep in your life. If you accept what you can’t change, you will heal and grow into a life you love.

What is the hardest part of accepting the end of your relationship? How can you move forward in one little way today?

Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.

xo

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14 thoughts on “Accepting the End of a Relationship You Wish Wasn’t Over”

  1. I’m having a very hard time detaching from my ex-husband. He cheated on me through 17 years of marriage. I developed non-hodgkins lymphomia last year and he started talking to women on the internet. I lost my hair and he called me names. I divorced him but since then we have tried to work it out but I caught him cheating on me again. Why can’t I get away from him? And why do I still love him even though my marriage has been ending for years? My heart and my spirit is broken and I can’t seem to find out why I feel this way.

  2. I have been with my Husband going on 11 years and this upcoming Sunday will be our 7 year marriage anniversary. We have an incredible 8 year old son and are expecting our second child. For years we have been in a vicious cycle of conflict. However, I still fought and hoped that we could grow. But this last year has been the most difficult. He works out of state a lot and we don’t spend a lot of time together. I used to drive 6-8 hours with my son just for a day or two with him. Since November 2019 he didn’t want us to come. We barely even speak and when he came home he didn’t want to be home. He started spending the nights away which sometimes turned to 2-3 days gone. I miss the companionship and conversation and the physical touch. It really does t help going through all this while being pregnant I feel so lonely and abandoned, rejected. He does come around sometimes and try but it’s hard for me to reconnect when he leaves me so much. A lot of financial responsibilities have been put in my shoulders solely. So I work full time while pregnant and take care of my son. We can’t even speak anymore all we do it argue and exchange some very hurtful words. I miss the man who used to love me. But I’m seeing that we just aren’t working out. We don’t talk for long periods of time. We don’t spend any time together, we don’t look at each other, we don’t comfort each other it’s really the end and no matter how hard I hold on it doesn’t get better it just gets worse. I’m terrified of what life is going to be like really separating for good. I’m afraid he will be happier without me, but he deserves that. When did we stop being friends, lovers, partners? And I don’t know why it’s so hard to let go. I fight for our family but it’s beyond broken, we have become enemies and the only positive thing between us is our children. I cry so often that it’s effecting me at work and home while I’m with my child. I started to seek help through the church and family. But I can’t bring myself to leave the house we shared yet. I will have to move out of state to have support of family and I’m terrified

    1. Hi Vanna
      I’m so sorry that u are going through this, especially in ur condition. I hope u are in a better head space, nd that God give u the strength to overcome all this. It shall pass❤❤

  3. Hi,

    I recently had a break up with a man who couldn’t commit. We met and we were both healing from our past relationships. He helped me a lot in getting over my ex who was emotionally abusive and I like to think I did him. But I started to get feelings for him and fell in love. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship so I left. He came back twice more but then finally kept saying he wasn’t ready and that every time we got together it made him realise that he needed to sort his life out and that he wasn’t sure of himself and that he didn’t know what he wanted. He told me that he loved me but that he didn’t want me or him to get hurt and that everything always end up in hurt. He said he has commitment issues and he has been very honest and I know a lot about his issues. But I couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t stay in limbo. So I managed painfully say goodbye. We bumped into each other and he told me some things which confused me about his feelings for me. Asked me for a hug goodbye. we haven’t spoken since. He lost a few jobs and had to move back into his parents while we were on and off. He said that he was going to be very busy with his new job and I just felt like he would probs my not have time for me and I haven’t heard from in in nearly 2 weeks now. I know I have to accept it and I’m trying really hard. I just can’t seem to get him out of my head.

  4. Thank you Laurie, I was initially reading for dating advice , which is very helpful to me. Then I read the article about accepting the loss of a relationship, as my husband died two and and a half years ago. I have done the things you describe such as giving my heart to God to heal, and He continues to bring healing to me in so many ways. He has provided so many opportunities within my church; choir, major theatrical productions, bible study groups, women’s events, Grief Share, good friendships, Good News Club teaching. I also joined our local square dance club which has opened up a whole new community of dear people and such fun dancing! I am in the world of on-line dating now, just trying to determine who and what is right for me. It is so much different now at 62 than it was back when I was single in my 20’s! I have a couple widow friends who are “stuck” in their grief, living in the past and miserable. Accepting the ‘unacceptable” is so hard, but God helps us do it, having grief of our loved one gone, and joy and hope in life and eternity at the same time. One of those things that surpass our understanding. God’s mighty hand is not too short for anything! Rejoice in this Christmas!

  5. Yeah my relationship is about to end up so i need help for that because it don’t know what to do now but my heart is broken already

  6. There was a moment when I realized that I more comfortable in the silence of being ghosted than any conversation that could take place now. That hurt a lot initially. It was like cold water being poured over my head while I was standing in a freezing shower. But that was the first time I actually heard reality speaking to me over my dreams. What would I say after all this silence? What would I really want to hear? Nothing would make this neglected time better.

  7. There is a guy that I love and I call him babe and stuff but he isn’t really my boyfriend either. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship and I don’t really know what to do or think about it.

  8. The hardest part of accepting that my marriage is over is the fact that I am still in love with him. I think about him all the time – even though I try not to. It is beyond hard. I feel no anger towards him, only sadness. But I am so sad that I often don’t know if i can go on. Every day is a struggle and I try everything I can to get better – but I’m still a mess. Together for 33 years – divorced for 2 years. Absolutely broken hearted. He was – and still is ‘the love of my life’ – yet he left me for another woman? What’s wrong with me?

    1. There nothing wrong with you. Your hurting ask me how I know I feel the same way it’s a hurt that no one in this world should ever ever have to feel the pain is in your being

    2. There is nothing wrong with loving a person been with for 33 years! He was the life of your life but take time to heal so that you can love the person of your future. You.

  9. Hello I was in a relationship with a man that know body at home Love or wanted.but when i was told that he was not good for me I wanted to prove them wrong yet I was killing my self slowly and I loved him and still do.he cheated on me,mad me pregnant and still he continued with cheating and treating me so bad in such a way that I used to say it will be ok.i fought for him and he ddnt realize what I was doing just to show him hw special he was to me.we had our good times and I remember telling my self that he will never see me again wen we celebrated his birthday I have spoken to my heart that it’s was the last of me and yes it was because wen I left in Jan I was deeply hurt and I left without looking back.i left him not because I didn’t love him anymore but because it was enough I had to stop hurting my self like I did

  10. 21 years of marriage and my husband just left one day while I was working. He sent me a text message that he moved out. I arrived home to an empty house, he had taken everything. I found out he had been cheating and lying for years, he had been living a whole other life. He did not work for years I had worked two jobs to support us due to his sore back… our divorce was final 4 months ago and I can’t accept that he is gone. I love him so much, I keep waiting to wake up from this long nightmare. I am only surviving not living. I work to pay all the bills that he left and he is enjoying life. How can I accept that I didn’t even know this man that I have loved for so long?

    1. Sending love. It’s so hard. Sometimes it’s hard to do another day. Or another hour. There are some good talks about acceptance by pastor rick warren on u tube. 9 months I still need help almost daily. Facing the fall of life alone is very challenging but do it. Exercise eat well go to church show up… try not to drink… haha I try fail again get up……