How do you accept a breakup that blindsided you? Even if you suspected your relationship was ending, you wanted to keep it alive. You were holding on with hope and faith. Now that it’s over, you’re having trouble moving on.
Learning how to accept the end of a relationship – especially one you wanted to keep alive – won’t be easy. But you’ll come through this brighter and better than before! Remember that you’re not alone, and you can find acceptance and peace even in the midst of heartache. Here’s what one of my She Blossoms readers says:
“Nine months after our breakup, I still think about my ex-boyfriend every day,” said Brenda in response to When You Miss Him Like Crazy. “But I feel good. I feel like myself again.Everyone’s process is different. Give yourself time. Take time to be sad. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship. Distract yourself. Refocus your thoughts to acceptance. Remember all the reasons the relationship ended and how unhappy you were.”
Our theme on She Blossoms this week is acceptance. Yesterday I wrote about accepting the truth about your relationship…and today we’ll look at the pain of letting go.
Accepting the end of a relationship is hard because you wanted to keep it alive. You had goals, dreams and plans for a future together. Even if you knew a breakup was coming, you hoped for a miracle. You thought love would win. You wished things would change.
Whether or not you expected the breakup, you will find healing and hope when you accept it. Acceptance brings healing and hope for the future.
Accepting the End of Your Relationship
God never turns our world upside down without changing us for the better. This Blossom Tip isn’t just for accepting a breakup you didn’t want, it’s for everything unexpected and unplanned in our lives.
Allow your world to be topsy turvy
Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship. You’re not just saying goodbye to a boyfriend or husband; you’re letting go of an important season of your life. You’re facing a new beginning, a new way of being in the world. You’re re-establishing your friendships and family relationships. Some may end, others may become stronger.
Right now your world is upside down. Let it be so. Accept the pain you feel that your relationship ended even though you wanted to keep it going. Allow your heart to be broken and your pain to flow through you. Now is the time to grieve.
Dedicate time every day to acceptance and surrender
Yesterday I cried because I lost a man I love deeply. He’s an old guy, a grandpa to me, and he’s ready to die. He’s a Christian and I know Jesus will welcome him into heaven. I also know I’ll see my beloved old friend there, and we’ll recognize each other with joy!
But it hurts. I wept. While I was crying, I realized that my pain stemmed from the fact that I didn’t want Ralph to be dead. I wanted him to be alive, I wanted our relationship never to end, and I wanted to keep him in my life. But once I started to accept that he’s gone, I began to feel better. It didn’t happen quickly and I needed to grieve…but I felt better when I realized that with acceptance brings healing.
Cry. Allow the pain to go through you. Maybe you’ll need days, weeks, or even months of grieving the end of your relationship. That’s okay. It’s your process, and you can take as much time as you need.
Accept the fact that all endings bring new beginnings
Getting stuck and bitter is the danger of not accepting the end of a relationship you wanted to keep. You don’t want that to happen—and I don’t want that for you! Find ways to heal. Different things work for different people, but many of my She Blossoms readers share helpful tips in the comments section. Here’s one…
“Journal about your relationship and breakup,” says Melissa on What to Expect When Your Relationship Ends. “Write here. Meditate. Take walks in nature. Exercise. Remember that accepting the end of a relationship takes work. Put your energy towards healing and getting over him. You have to work at it to get over someone. Make time with friends to distract yourself.”
Give your broken heart to God, and He will heal it. He let your world be turned upside down, and if you let Him He will turn it right side up. Acceptance is one of the most powerful Blossom Tips I know, even if you’re struggling with the end of a relationship you really wanted to keep in your life. If you accept what you can’t change, you will heal and grow into a life you love.
What is the hardest part of accepting the end of your relationship? How can you move forward in one little way today?
Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
Need encouragement? Sign up for my weekly "Echoes of Joy" email - it's free, short, and energizing. Like me!