Why does he only want to be friends when you know you’d be great together as a couple? You and he get along perfectly, you laugh and talk, your values and beliefs are aligned, your friends agree that you were meant to be together and everything is perfect — of course you want more than friendship!
But he just wants to be friends. It’s so disappointing. More than that, it’s heartbreaking. Maybe even a little humiliating. Certainly humbling!
You know you’d be so good in a relationship. Maybe you’re even soulmates, destined to spend the rest of your lives together. You feel comfortable and relaxed with him, like you belong together. You agree on pretty much everything, you never have to struggle to find things to talk about…and sometimes you even feel like you’re picking up on signs he wants to be more than friends with you. But your relationship isn’t going farther than friendship because that’s all he wants. How do you cope with the heartache?
“We weren’t officially in a relationship but we weren’t just friends,” says Lyndsey on How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend. “This might sound a little stalky but I knew all his habits because I watched everything he did. I feel like I know him better than he knows himself, and I know we’re meant to be more than friends. But he just wants to keep it casual for now, until he finishes his schooling. He doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now. So I’m waiting, and always searching for ways to cope with a love that isn’t ready yet.”
That’s one way to handle the disappointment of just being friends when you want more: wait until he’s ready for a relationship.
But I don’t think it’s the best way.
What to Do When He Just Wants to Be Friends
This is your chance to shine, to Blossom, to become who God created you to be! Don’t make the mistake of waiting for a guy — that “strategy” will backfire in a million different ways.
First, waiting for him to want more than friendship makes you seem desperate and needy. The last thing you want is to be the clingy girlfriend in a relationship!
Second, waiting for him to wake up and see how wonderful you are delays your own spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental health. You’ll spiral downwards because you’ll be focusing on him. Instead, you want to spiral upwards by growing health, tall, strong, and Blossomy.
Third, the more Blossomy you are, the more captivated he’ll be. But that’s not why you want to Blossom, my friend. You want to Blossom because you’ll be happier, healthier, and free-er when you grow into who God created you to be.
Start cultivating your gifts and strengths
Before you met this guy and started obsessing about what it’d be like to be more than friends, who were you? What was your work, your art, your skill, your driving passion, your curiosity? The sooner you reconnect to your original purpose – or find a new one – the happier and healthier you’ll be.
If you don’t have a driving passion or intense burning interest in anything, you’re normal. One hundred and ten percent normal! Most people don’t have a One Thing they love more than anything else. Most people enjoy many different things, but aren’t driven by a single motivating passion.
Instead of trying to find One Thing you’re passionate about, start following your curiosities and interests. Explore things you’ve wondered about: elephants, sushi, crocheting, race car driving, writing, performing oral surgery on ants. Stop obsessing about him just wanting to be friends, and start focusing on what you want out of this one wild and precious life you’ve been given!
What lifted your spirits when you were a girl?
Think back to when you were younger, carefree, and true to you. What brought you alive? What made you happy, light, and joyful? Maybe it was singing, talking to your best friend, playing with your kitten, planning a trip to your favorite library, picking courses for college, or painting with oils and acrylics.
You can’t force yourself to Blossom, but you can create an environment that nurtures healing and growth. Make a list of things that boost your self-esteem and recharge your batteries. Find ways to build on your strengths, and you’ll stop wishing he wanted to be more than friends. You’ll start feeling healthy and alive.
Reach upwards with your heart open wide
If your life feels meaningless and empty because one guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, then you’ve lost touch with God. You’ve forgotten that He created you for a reason and He loves you deeply.
You forgot what you learned about Jesus.
You won’t Blossom unless you nurture your spirit and feed your soul. The answer to your prayers for a relationship is coming to you…but you have to give yourself time to heal, grow, and become who God created you to be.
Spend your time the right way: pursuing courageous, creative ways to Blossom — and you won’t be so obsessed with his decision to just be friends with you. Explore different ways to refresh and revitalize your life.
See the stars, the mountains, the ocean, the beauty
“The easiest place to begin is nature,” writes Thomas Moore in A Religion of One’s Own. “Go outside at night, where there’s no lights, and just look up into the dark sky. Look at what’s going on up there, and notice what you feel. Notice what’s happening to you as you look, notice where your thoughts go and discover what ‘wonder’ means.”
The world is vast, and our lives are just a heartbeat. Take time to ponder the mystery and power of God. The more you learn about Him, the more you learn about you. Go to a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple service — learn more about your faith.
There is something in you – your spirit and soul – that is already reaching upwards. That’s what brought you here. You think you’re searching for ways to cope when a guy just wants to be friends, but the truth is you’re searching for God. Talking to Him may not lead to immediate miracles or give you exactly what you want, but it will take you one step closer to Blossoming. Why? How? Because the more you talk to Him, the more you hear His voice. Be quiet and listen.
How are you feeling? I know it’s hard to accept that a guy just wants to be friends — and you want so much more — but the sooner you let go of your expectations, the happier you’ll be.
If he doesn’t even want to pursue a friendship, read How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.