When He Just Wants to Be Friends, But You Want More

Why does he only want to be friends when you know you’d be great together as a couple? Your relationship is easy and fun, you laugh and talk, your friends agree you were meant to be together, everything is perfect…of course you want more than friendship!

You’re in love with him, but he just wants to be friends. He says he’s not ready for a relationship right now. You’re disappointed, even heartbroken.

Maybe you know you should stop wanting more than friendship, but you can’t. You feel like you’re soulmates, you belong together because you get along so well. Your friendship is comfortable and relaxed, you agree on almost everything, you never have to struggle to find things to talk about. Sometimes you even feel like you’re picking up on signs he wants to be more than friends with you. But when he says all he wants is friendship…what do you do?

You may see your own story in this reader’s experience:

“We weren’t officially in a relationship but we weren’t just friends,” says Lyndsey on Getting Over Him When You Can’t Get Him Back. “This might sound a little stalky but I knew all his habits because I watched everything he did. I feel like I know him better than he knows himself, and I know we’re meant to be more than friends. But he just wants to keep it casual for now, until he finishes his schooling. He say he isn’t ready for a relationship with anyone right now. So I’m waiting for him and searching for ways to make him fall in love with me.”

That’s one way to handle the disappointment of just being friends when you want more: wait until he’s ready for a relationship.

But I don’t think it’s the best way.

What to Do When He Just Wants to Be Friends

This is your chance to shine, to blossom, to become who God created you to be! Don’t make the mistake of waiting for a guy to change his mind. Waiting for him to want more than friendship puts you in a desperate, needy position. The last thing you want is to be the clingy girlfriend in a relationship.

He Just Wants to Be Friends You Want More
When He’s Not Ready for a Relationship

Waiting for a guy who isn’t ready for a relationship delays your own spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental health. You spiral downwards when you focus on how other people feel, think, see and act. Instead, you want to spiral upwards! Focus on getting emotionally strong, on building your relationship with God, and blossoming into who He created you to be.

The healthier and happier you are, the more attractive you’ll be to everyone. Including the man who says he’s not ready for a relationship. Accept the fact that he only wants to be friends right now. Jump into your life, passions, curiosities and ideas with both feet!

Grow your gifts and strengths

Before you met this guy and started obsessing about what it’d be like to be more than friends, who were you? What was your work, your art, your skill, your driving passion, your curiosity? The sooner you reconnect to your original purpose – or find a new one – the happier and healthier you’ll be.

You’re normal if you don’t have a passion for something (eg, becoming a doctor, writing a book, traveling to India). Many women don’t really know what they want, so they set their heart on a relationship. If the guy doesn’t want to be friends, then their love becomes an obsession. If the man isn’t ready for a relationship, all their time and attention is poured into trying to make him fall in love.

Listen to what he’s telling you: he just wants to be friends because he’s not ready for a relationship. He is telling you the truth! A relationship with him would be a disaster, and he knows it. Instead of setting your heart on a guy who just wants to be friends, start focusing on your own life. Be curious about yourself and the world. Where is your place? How do you fit in? Who are you? What is your relationship with God like?

What brought you alive before he came along?

Think back to when you were young, free, and yourself. What brought you alive? What made you happy, light, and joyful? Maybe it was singing, talking to your best friend, playing with your kitten, planning a trip to your favorite library, picking courses for college, or painting with oils and acrylics.

You can’t force yourself to blossom, but you can create an environment that nurtures healing and growth. Make a list of things that boost your self-esteem and recharge your batteries. Find ways to build on your strengths, and you’ll stop wishing he wanted to be more than friends. You’ll start feeling healthy and alive.

Reach upwards with your heart open wide

If your life feels meaningless and empty because one guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, then you’ve lost touch with God. You’ve forgotten that He created you for a reason and He loves you deeply. You forgot what you learned about Jesus.

You won’t blossom unless you nurture your spirit and feed your soul. The answer to your prayers for a relationship is coming to you…but you have to give yourself time to heal, grow, and become who God created you to be.

If you spend your time pursuing courageous, creative ways to grow and flourish your life, you won’t obsess about a guy who isn’t ready for a relationship. If you look up and meet God’s gaze, you’ll let go of a man who just wants to be friends. You’ll see and hear the roar of Something Greater.

How to see the world with fresh eyes

How do you start blossoming into who you were created to be? You learn how to see the world differently. “The easiest place to begin is nature,” writes Thomas Moore in A Religion of One’s Own. “Go outside at night, where there’s no lights, and just look up into the dark sky. Look at what’s going on up there, and notice what you feel. Notice what’s happening to you as you look, notice where your thoughts go and discover what ‘wonder’ means.”

The world is vast, and our lives are just a heartbeat. Take time to ponder the mystery and power of God. The more you learn about Him, the more you learn about you. Deepen your relationship with the Almighty Lord who created you, who loves you, and who wants you to flourish in the right relationship with the right man, at the right time.

There is something in you – your spirit and soul – that is already reaching upwards. That’s what brought you here. You think you’re searching for ways to cope when a guy just wants to be friends, but the truth is you’re searching for God. You’re searching for love, someone to share your life with and tell your stories to. You’re looking for someone to love…and he is coming to you. He’s not the guy who just wants to be friends. That man isn’t ready for a relationship. Release him, and pick up what belongs to you.

What do you think? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below. Tell your story. How are you doing?

If you’re tired of being single, read 6 Ideas for Women Who Are Tired of Being Alone.


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5 thoughts on “When He Just Wants to Be Friends, But You Want More”

  1. Dear Laurie,
    Thank you so much for writing this article. I was in a 3 year virtual relationship with someone who now only wants to be friends. You may think “virtual?” but I can assure you we had/have deep feelings for each other. We did plan to meet several times but each time I chickened out due to my lack of confidence. I noticed that in the last year he had been pulling away and not being as intimate or flirty with me. I recently asked him if we were ever going to be more than an online relationship, he reminded me that we did try to meet…then proceeded to tell me that he is never going to settle down and that he and I are good friends and if we push for anything more it will ruin our friendship.
    I feel that was just a polite way to let me down easy but it broke my heart anyway. I told him I needed a break to get my life together since I have been getting lazy.
    I went from talking to him many times a day (where he mostly initiated) to no times a day which is extremely painful for me.
    God has been an essential part of my life since I was a child and although I do not attend church very often, I do have a deep connection with him and pray daily. I had been studying the bible a lot more in recent months, something was pulling me to learn and/or maybe to prepare.
    I could not console the unbearable pain of my recent loss so I went online to search for some answers and comfort and found your article which I read probably 10 times. It helped me try to put things in perspective. I prayed really hard and I am going to do as I said and get my life together. It will be hard at first without him but I want to progress into a healthier and happier me. Wish me luck! Thank you again for your article.

  2. Hi,
    I don’t know how to share. But I met a guy and on our first date we slept together.
    After that, i felt strong emotions for him and then we met again and talked. He didn’t want a relationship but i have already developed a soft corner for him. Though he didn’t do anything special for me or he didn’t even move out of his comfort zone to treat me well. But still , i started loving him. We slept again on second date and on our third date too as he was going away for two weeks. I thought when he will be back we will meet and he perhaps will realize that I am the girl for him.
    But while he was away, he tried to tell me that he couldn’t feel the way I do and he has a hunch that our relationship will not work out like without even dating.
    I couldn’t agree to him and felt heart broken. I know it’s my mistake that I didn’t set the expectations right from the beginning.
    But, when i try to meet someone else now, I feel so lost and I still miss that guy. I don’t know why. But i feel that our relationship would hv worked out, if he had given a chance.
    I feel lost at my work too. I just feel to remove or delete that day from my life when i met him. I feel that his life is going normal and smooth and my life is in deep shit.. which he is not aware of or just don’t care.

  3. I recently met a man who I feel like is “the one”, but my friend liked him too. He talked to both of us but claimed he loved me and talked to me differently from my friend. He then told her that he sees her as a friend, then continued to talk to me. He however told me the same after a week, saying he feels the connection and feels like it’s the wrong time, so I should be patient and wait; meanwhile we will be friends. I confronted him saying I don’t want friendship and I won’t settle for less so we should end whatever was happening but I didn’t mean it, I really wanted to continue talking to him. However I felt like he wasn’t really interested in a relationship but he’s keeping me and my friend as possible options in the future.

    I’m confused

  4. Well I’ve been in this situation and I know this might sound weird but if a guy wants to be just friends it’s best for the guy to let the girl go she most likely doesn’t want to be just friends anyway I know I didn’t only I left him no choice but to let go I told him that I won’t let him treat me like an option anymore and he won’t because I think in this case a girl has to put herself first and his feelings second that way he knows I’m not interested in being his friend

  5. I’m really thankful to you for writing this. I cried while I was reading… I know I need to be strong but I just not feel lonely but I’m without friends and my mom is far… As you wrote this situation broke my heart, but reading you helps me 🙂