These nine signs you found your soulmate will help you hold onto a good relationship – or let go of an unhealthy one. Finding the love of your life happens quickly for some couples. For others, it takes a lifetime.
Before we find out if your boyfriend, husband or boss really is your soulmate, let’s look at the word for a second. Soulmate. According to the dictionary, it simply means “a person ideally suited to another”….but doesn’t it feel like soulmates mean so much more? Yes, probably because of the word “soul.” Soul goes deeper and farther than life partner, sweetheart, or even beloved.
What does the word “soulmate” mean to you? The word comes loaded with expectations, hopes, dreams, and even goals. Before you can find out if someone is your soulmate — the love of your life — you need to define what it means to you. That’ll help you recognize if you’ve indeed met your soulmate.
One more word about soulmates…I actually prefer the idea of “kindred spirits” rather than soulmates. To me a soulmate means there’s only one person in the world who is right for us, and I don’t believe that. This idea of “finding your soulmate” puts a lot of unnecessary and anxiety-inducing pressure on dating! Trying to find your soulmate also leads to the danger of allowing your identity and self-worth to be wrapped up in your boyfriend or husband.
So while I’m not a huge fan of finding your soulmate, I’ll stick with the word because I’m reading Alan Wolfelt’s helpful book about coping with the loss of the love of your life. It’s called When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning, and it actually inspired me to write this article.
9 Signs You Found Your Soulmate
Surprisingly, these nine characteristics of a “soulmate relationship” aren’t the exact opposite of my signs of a bad relationship. Unhealthy relationships are often related to what’s happening between the partners, while soulmate relationships are related to the personalities and identities of the couple.
Confusing? These signs you’ve met your soulmate will help you see what I mean…
1. You agree on what a soulmate is
If you and your boyfriend or husband disagree or even argue about what a soulmate is, then he may not be the love of your life. For example, if I don’t believe in soulmates but my husband does, then our fundamental outlook on relationships is different. We’re looking for two completely different things…and one of us is bound to be disappointed.
“Soulmates are by definition among the most closely bonded people in the world,” writes Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies. “The stronger the attachment and the more constant the day-to-day companionship in the relationship, the more soulmates’ self-identities tend to be bound up with one another’s…. many soulmates think less of themselves as individuals and more of themselves as part of a couple.”
2. You have similar values and beliefs
Soulmate relationships are built on a firm foundation of shared values and beliefs. Your values and beliefs are the most important things about you, because they affect how you think, act, and live.
Examples of shared values and beliefs:
- Our family is our priority.
- Our faith, religion, an/or spirituality is essential.
- We value spending time together with friends.
- We value volunteerism and giving back.
- We value sharing fun experiences.
- We value creating and maintaining a comfortable home.
Individuals have different values and beliefs; soulmates share the same ones. They may have different degrees of a specific value (eg, the husband volunteers, the wife values her family relationships) — but each person generally agrees on the most important stuff in life.
3. You’re best friends
“Soulmates almost always describe themselves as best friends,” writes Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies. “They genuinely like each other. They communicate. They talk regularly and share things big and small. They confide in one another. They are loyal to one another. They make joint decisions. They go through life’s ups and downs together as if on a bicycle built for two.”
You trust your best friend, right? You’re honest, you show up when you say you’re going to, and you forgive mistakes. You feel safe and secure in your relationship, like you’re at home in it. If you have a sense of peace about your relationship, you’ve met your soulmate.
If you doubt how your boyfriend or husband feels about you, read 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You.
4. You enjoy doing nothing together
For me, the biggest sign my husband was my soulmate was our ability to travel without fighting. Our backpacking adventures in Vietnam, Israel, Peru and other places were sometimes stressful and tiring. We can also take long road trips together, go camping, and spend long days at home just puttering. We can spend lots of time together, doing nothing or doing lots of things, and we’re happy.
How much time do you and your soulmate spend actually interacting? Watching movies, surfing Facebook, and playing video games don’t count. Do you cook or exercise together? Maybe you walk the dog, work, or volunteer together. Maybe you can just do nothing but read or snooze together.
5. You share your mundane life with your soulmate
“Soulmates’ love is not only deep, it is daily,” writes Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies. “Most soulmates live in the same household, and their lives revolve around one another. They enjoy sharing the rituals of their daily lives, and even when they part four separate activities – for work or for individual hobbies, for example – they tend to keep tabs on one another throughout the day with phone calls or texting.”
Do you communicate regularly with the love of your life? That’s one of the most important signs of a soulmate relationship. You’re not alone if you and he don’t communicate much; one of my most popular articles is 5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You.
6. You’re intimate with your soulmate
There are several different types of intimacy, such as physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social. The more — and stronger — levels of intimacy you share with your boyfriend or husband, the more likely you have a strong soulmate relationship.
Intimacy is unique for different couples, so don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Some couples are passionate and physically affectionate, while others are more emotionally bonded. Some couples enjoy the deep long-term intimacy that grows from years of trust, commitment, communication, and spiritual connection. How much do you know about the love of your life? The more you know, the more intimate you are.
7. You’re vulnerable with him
“Soulmates open themselves to one another,” writes Wolfelt. “Soulmates let down their guards and allow their partners to see them as they are, in all their glory and all their faults. Any initial insecurities, vanity, or posturing they may have brought to the relationship are usually dropped over time.”
You know you’ve found your soulmate when you can fart in front of him. You can be physically and emotionally vulnerable because you’re not concerned with your appearance, status, or being right. You’re concerned with love, truth, beauty, and connection.
8. You stick with your soulmate through the bad times
Perseverance! You stick through the worst of times. If you and the love of your life have been through the fires of hell together — or a backpacking trip through Vietnam — and are still in love, then you’re in soulmate heaven.
Soulmate relationships have weathered many storms: grief, loss, illness, job loss, financial problems, aging, legal troubles, relocation, crises of faith, child rearing, and the death of beloved family members. How long have you and your boyfriend or husband been together? The longer, the better! If you’ve only been dating or married for a few months or years, it’s too early to know if you’re soulmates. Soulmates stand the test of time, stress, and problems that destroy other relationships.
9. You value your soulmate, and feel valued in return
“Soulmates seem to appreciate their good fortune,” writes Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies. “They move through life together aware that not all relationships enjoy the ‘love of your life’ attributes. They feel lucky. They have a feeling of gratitude that permeates every interaction. They feel grateful for the relationship and privileged to be part of it.”
You’ve found your soulmate if you feel a sense of privilege and honor to be with him — and he feels the same way. He treats you with respect, gratitude, and love. He holds you in high esteem, and you do the same. Soulmates even honor one another after death.
If you’re struggling to cope with the loss of your soulmate, read How to Keep Going When You Lose Your Soulmate.
More About Soulmates
In Soul Mates by God – Let God Be Your Matchmaker, Brad and Nicole Tabian offer a practical – and life-transforming – dating guide that will show you how to cooperate with God to experience his best.
Are you single and wanting to be married? Do you wonder if you will ever find that special person with whom you can spend the rest of your life? Does God have an ideal soul mate in mind for you? Begin your adventure with God to discover his will for you.
If you’re sad, lonely, or upset because you haven’t found your soulmate — or you’re in an unhealthy relationship — know that this season of your life will pass. If you choose, you can make changes in your life! You can clean up the disappointing relationships and find the love of your life.
May you find hope and healing, love and joy. May you turn to Jesus for the love you’re seeking, and may you look up to God for the strength you need. May you move into your future with peace, grace, freedom and joy…and may you know that the only true soulmate you’ll ever need is Jesus.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.