What to Do When You Feel Unloved and Unwanted


Even if you’re married or in a good relationship, you’ll still struggle with feelings of being unloved and unwanted. It’s normal, because even the best man in the world can’t fill the emptiness – and neither can marriage, children, a good career, or money. That’s the bad news.

But wait, there’s good news! I have lots of ideas for coping when you feel like nobody loves or understands you. I was inspired to write this article by a reader who is struggling with feeling unloved and unwanted by her boyfriend. She gave him everything, and he still didn’t love her. 

“I revolved my entire life around my relationship,” said Nan on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore. “I gave my boyfriend all I had. I tried to fix him. So many bad things happened to him and I tried to be his rock, his strength. I wanted to show my boyfriend that I truly loved him. And he used my love to take advantage of me. He pushes me away, and I’m left feeling unloved and unwanted. What do I do?”









What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you read Nan’s comment? I was struck by how completely and fully she dedicated herself to her boyfriend. She committed her life to him because she loved him and wanted him to be happy. She tried to be everything to him…and yet she still felt unloved and unwanted in her relationship.

Nan is a loving, kind, compassionate woman who just wanted to love her boyfriend and be loved in return. There is nothing wrong with that! It’s normal and healthy to want to be in a good relationship or marriage.

The problem comes when you dedicate your whole life to a man, and you expect him to do the same. The problem comes when you expect more than a relationship can give. 

When You Feel Unloved and Unwanted

Every person’s relationship is different. Every woman’s needs and personalities are different. This means there is no single answer for what to do when you’re feeling unloved and unwanted by your boyfriend or husband – or if you’re in love with an emotionally unavailable man.

This what I do when I’m feeling unloved and unwanted. Give each tip some thought. Maybe write about it, or even pray about it. Take time to really reflect on why you feel unloved and unwanted by your boyfriend, and what you’ve done in the past to overcome those feelings. 

Remind yourself that a man can’t fill the emptiness in your heart

What to Do When You Feel Unloved and UnwantedWe were created with an aching emptiness in our heart, spirit, and soul. This emptiness is normal, it’s just part of being human. God created us to love and glorify Him, not to dedicated our lives to a person, relationship, family or career! We were created for a specific purpose, and it’s not to fix our boyfriends or serve our husbands or sacrifice our lives for our relationships. 

Boyfriends, husbands, and relationships are good and healthy parts of life. But they can’t be the reason we get up in the morning. Men are awesome and I love being married, but I don’t expect my husband to make me happy. I expect to feel unloved and unwanted because people are human. Husbands and boyfriends make mistakes, they say the wrong thing, they hurt and disappoint us…and they follow their hearts. And so do we.

Expect to experience times of feeling unloved and unwanted

Here’s more of Nan’s story:

“My boyfriend started to push me away. I knew it was coming because I was feeling unloved and unwanted for three years. He said he didn’t want a relationship and we never say goodbye in person because he was too busy. He didn’t have time for me, but he’s not too busy to be all over social media….I spend 90% of my days crying and wishing I was gone. I have a perfect son, I have a lot to be thankful for, I know that. But I can’t see through this.”

Feeling unlovable after a breakup is normal – we expect to be heartbroken and sad when we’re recovering from the loss of a relationship. But it hurts to feel unloved and unwanted in a relationship while it’s actually happening…but the truth is that even the best relationships and marriages involve times of feeling unloved, unwanted, and alone. If you’re aware of this difficult truth, you can prepare yourself to walk through the dry spells without losing yourself. 



Need encouragement? Get a beautiful FREE "She Blossoms" 2019 calendar when you sign up for my free weekly Blossom Tips!

One Blossom Tip a week. Short and sweet. You'll love it.

* indicates required



Fill your life with the love you were created to receive

I grew up feeling unloved and unwanted; my mom is schizophrenic, I didn’t meet my dad until I was almost 30 because he lives in Israel, and I was in and out of foster care for most of my childhood. I had to learn how to deal with feelings of being unloved and unwanted my whole life, not just with my boyfriends or husband.

And I dealt with it the wrong way. I was desperate for love, yet I didn’t know how to give or receive it. I felt unlovable and unworthy, yet I didn’t know how to heal or get emotionally healthy. I didn’t know what to do when I felt unloved, so I ate. It took me a long time to learn that I can’t find love in food – or even men.

For me, the only solution is Jesus. In fact it’s the only way any of us can experience true love and worthiness! We were created to glorify God, and no matter how good or healthy or long your relationship or marriage is, you will experience times of feeling unloved and unwanted. But those times will be fewer and less painful when you have a personal relationship with Jesus.

When You Feel Unloved and UnwantedWhen you feel unloved and unwanted, look up. How are you responding to God’s call on your heart? Are you putting all your time and energy into your relationship or marriage?

Maybe these feelings of being unloved and unwanted by your boyfriend are signs that it’s time to open your heart and mind to a bigger, better, more beautiful love. Maybe God is calling you into a greater, deeper, more amazing love that surpasses all the love you could ever hope to experience in a relationship.

Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below! Writing is one of the best ways to discover what you really think and feel. Take time to stop and listen to the still small voice, and you will start healing and moving forward.

I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.

With His love,

Laurie

P.S. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t just make you feel unloved and unwanted, he actually says he doesn’t love you, read How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You.

xo



Share your thoughts below - you won't be judged or criticized! I read every comment, but can't always respond personally.

If you need relationship help, get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage - and FREE advice, no strings attached.









My Books - She Blossoms

Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back - to help you walk through loss into a new season of life. I share glimpses into my life with a schizophrenic mother, living in foster homes, teaching in Africa, and coping with infertility. Woven through the book are practical, encouraging Blossom Tips to help you grow and flourish!





How to Let Go of Someone You Love She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

How to Let Go of Someone You Love - Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart After a Breakup. Do you feel like you'll never get over your broken heart? This ebook - available immediately - will help you heal. It's time to let go of what was, and embrace what will be.





When You Miss Him Like Crazy She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

When You Miss Him Like Crazy - 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup! You miss him desperately right now, but you won't always feel this way. This warm, comforting ebook will give you the tools, encouragement and strength you need to move through the pain and start blossoming - today!




Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

3 thoughts on “What to Do When You Feel Unloved and Unwanted

  • Emily

    Thank you for this, I especially needed to hear that we’re created for God today. I *know* this in my head, but my heart often feels like I only exist for the sake of others.

  • De'Anna

    I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband uses the silent treatment a lot. He always makes me feel like I’m screwing him over. Like if I use our savings for any reason. The last time I tried to talk with him he blew up. He said why should he care. The house is always dirty. The car is dirty. He shouldn’t have to lift a finger. I’m not a good house keeper. I do try but he is also a Huge slob so I give up…I’m tired of the silent treatment l’m tired of shutting down and trying to figure him out what do l do? I feel like he hates me. He more or less said he doesn’t love me anymore

  • Deloris Marshall

    WOW, it seems every post is about my life! Am I that broken that I really have all these issues? Yes I can relate because I have and am doing the same thing with my friend. I say “friend” because even though he told me almost a year ago that “I was to expensive for him and that we needed to just be friends.” I still find that I act like I am his girl friend and I still give him the best of me and I don’t get not even a fraction back. I am hoping he’ll see that I am a good catch and committed no matter what, well it’s backfiring BIG TIME. Now what to do because my heart says I need him but my intellect says I deserve better!!