Letting Go > Healing Broken Hearts > Coping With Shock and Sadness When Your Ex-Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend

Coping With Shock and Sadness When Your Ex-Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend

Your relationship is over and the breakup is behind you. Your heart may be mostly healed, your spirit mostly happy, and your self mostly peaceful. And yet, the news that your ex has a new girlfriend has shaken you to the core! Maybe you feel shocked and surprised, rejected and lonely. A man you loved is already in a new relationship, and you’re struggling with breakup feelings all over again.

“How can you move on when you can’t let go of the dream that defines who you are, who you were made to be?” asks Ann on Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken. “How do you fit in, when everyone in your universe is on a different lifeline? Where do you go to keep on going, just to get through the rest of time? Life is so long when it’s not working, especially when you see your ex boyfriend with a new girlfriend. The only thing that gives me comfort is this: no one gets to keep anything here. No one gets to keep their families, spouses, children, sense of belonging, ANYTHING in this life, we do not keep. It’s short, passing, and we all leave it at some point. I am not so different (less favored) than others. It’s all temporary.”

There is so much wisdom in Ann’s comment! Everything really is temporary, and all we can do is cherish what we have while we have it. That’s why gratitude is so important. Gratitude, and mindfully holding on to this moment. If you have a relationship with God, your faith may be a huge source of comfort, healing, and peace.

But that doesn’t help when this moment is filled with pain because your ex has a new girlfriend, does it?

My tips may help you learn how to cope with the grief and sadness you feel. Also – hold on to the fact that you aren’t alone. You aren’t walking this path by yourself…and one day, you will be happy again. You will find love and joy, peace and companionship with a new man.

This is what K says on How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Get on With Your Life: “What hurts me the most is the fact that he already replaced me. I just can’t stop thinking about what he and his girlfriend are doing. How do I get over this? I didn’t think he’d be in a new relationship so fast. I’m still getting over the fact that he’s my ex boyfriend, I can barely cope with that 🙁 ”

How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

Healing from a breakup – and learning how to cope when your ex has a new relationship – is different for everyone. What works for me (or your sister or best friend) may not work for you – especially if you’re surprised and devastated that your ex is already in a new relationship. You need to try different things to help yourself heal and move forward. These tips will help if you focus on grieving and healing – not staying stuck in the past…

The more surprised you are that your ex has a new girlfriend, the harder it may be for you to cope. If you’re completely shocked that he’s already in a new relationship, then you may have a more difficult time accepting it. On the other hand, if you knew he was a player – or if he cheated on you – then you may not be surprised that he’s already dating.

3 Ways to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

When you were in a relationship with your boyfriend, did he tell you how much he loved you? Did he swear he’d never leave you or fall in love with someone else? Then his new relationship is heartbreaking – and my heart goes out to you. But remember: you are stronger than you think, braver than you realize, and tougher than you know! You WILL survive this, and you will love again.

Let him go. Accept that this relationship is over – and remember that “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to try to put them back together.”

My first tip is the most important one, which is why I’ll probably repeat it at the end of this article. Sometimes we need to hear things more than once before they sink in! Also, it takes time and practice to learn ways to stop feeling hurt and stuck in the past, and heal emotionally.


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1. Take good care of your body and heart after a breakup

When you find out your ex is dating someone new, you may feel unworthy, unlovable, fat, dumb, ugly, and useless. You loved him so much – you can’t stop thinking about him – and he’s loving a new girlfriend. It hurts, and you need to accept your loss and grieve the pain.

The most important way to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to take care of yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind, and compassionate to yourself. Don’t take your pain out on yourself by overeating, drinking, drugging, shopping, cutting, sleeping around, or using other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Crying is good, and so is sleeping and eating healthy foods. Listen to your mom’s advice when you’re mending a broken heart. Be good and kind to your body, your mind, your spirit.

A practical tip on how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to learn How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.

2. Don’t let his new relationship change your self-image

Just because your ex has a new girlfriend – or he went on a few dates with a woman more attractive than you think you are – doesn’t change who you are. You are the same girl he fell in love with. You are smart, funny, interesting, creative, and beautiful. You are precious and unique. Your ex boyfriend’s choice to start a relationship with someone new is not a reflection on who you are.

My Ex Has a New Girlfriend

My Ex Has a New Girlfriend

It’s important that you don’t take your ex’s new relationship personally. It is not a reflection of you. Your ex boyfriend is doing what he needs to do, he’s making choices for his own reasons. His actions may have nothing to do with you, or they may have everything to do with you. You may never know what he’s thinking or feeling – so don’t take his new relationship personally.

Some people cope with a breakup by immediately jumping into a relationship with a new girlfriend, other guys take longer to heal. It’s possible that your ex boyfriend chose not to feel the pain of a broken heart, and is replacing you with a new girlfriend.

3. Take this breakup as a sign your relationship wasn’t meant to be

If your ex already has a new girlfriend, then he’s not the guy for you. He’s shallow-hearted, immature, and not ready for a committed, loving relationship with a woman. He got over you so fast because he falls in and out of “love” at the drop of a hat. Do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with a guy like that?

Resisting the loss of your relationship – your boyfriend, your husband – is more painful than simply accepting it. I know it really, really hurts that your ex already has a new girlfriend. My heart goes out to you. But you need to take it as a sign you weren’t meant to be with him, and find ways to move on with your life.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes on healing after a breakup: Accept that this story is part of your past. Don’t deny it – because when you deny your story, it defines you. But when you own your story, you get to write a brave new ending. You get to say it was horrible and I was in lots of pain …… and then I got help and this is how the story ends.

How will your story end? Not with you in pain, searching for tips on how to cope because your ex is in a relationship with a new girlfriend. This is your chance to write a better ending!

Help for Healing a Broken Heart

How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship ClosureI wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”

How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New GirlfriendIn It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life – for Good!, Lisa Steadman describes how fabulous moving on can be after a breakup. She says a breakup is not about being “broken”, but rather a chance to celebrate who you are. You can learn how to pick yourself up after a fall and move on. It’s about a breakup, not a breakdown.

You might try writing a breakup letter to help you heal. Put yourself in the role of wanting this breakup, needing to be free from the relationship, and genuinely wishing your ex the best of luck with his new girlfriend.

What do you think – how will you cope now that your ex has a new girlfriend? I welcome your comments below, but can’t offer advice or counseling. Feel free to share your story, though, because writing can bring insight and healing in your life.

If your relationship ended suddenly, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.

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146 thoughts on “Coping With Shock and Sadness When Your Ex-Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend”

  1. Hey

    I was with my ex on and off for 5 years. He had broken up with me 3 times. The first was a couple of weeks into our relationship he didn’t want to commit. We then got back together the next day. The second time was when I found out he meet up with a girl behind my back but apparently it was just to help her with a application. He deleted all texts from her on his phone etc. It then drove me crazy so I went out got a bit drunk and then bumped into old school friends. One of which decided to kiss me I pulled away immediately and then as soon as I got home I told him about it. He broke up with me. Then we got back together then he broke up with me again… after 2/3 months of me grovelling we got back together. We were great and it was always so romantic… I don’t know I felt something was missing he annoyed the life out of me but he was such a great guy I didn’t think I would find anyone that would compare. I then went away to a training camp and we were so good before it but something changed in myself when I was there. I then broke it off with him and was brutal about it. It’s like I didn’t have any regard for his feelings. He then got it into his head I had meet someone else while I was there. Tbh my head was turned yes but I didn’t act on it. Then he told me he had been on a few dates in which I told him I had as well one of which was at the training camp with me which confirmed his suspicions but I didn’t go on a date with him until after my training was finished. It was tit for tat trying to make each other jealous I thought by doing so he would fight for me grovel for me like I had for 2/3 months… he didn’t. I then told him I slept with someone else which I hadn’t and that was breaking point for us. A couple of weeks later I tried to get him back… we would meet up and talk and he would give me false hope saying he didn’t know if we could go back never said once that he had moved on or didn’t love me anymore. This carried on for 6 months… I grovelled something awful wrote him letters booked a night away all failed. He said it was the lying thst he couldn’t put up with which I get but he also lied to me. we had then meet up 3 weeks ago in which I got upset I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues and I guess he was worried about me which made me feel he still cared. He knew we were meeting up to try and see if we could salvage anything. I asked if he was talking to anyone in which he said he was content on doing his own thing. 1 week later he said he was talking to someone and he will decide where it goes. I panicked and thought aww fuck I’ve lost the best guy I’ve ever known for good. He then started to ignore my messages I then blocked him and one day I had a panic attack tried to call text he then messaged me asking what was wrong I told him and he said I said to him never to speak to him again which I replied and said I didn’t in they words your the one that picked someone else over me in which he replied not in they words. He was annoyed that I picked and choose when to speak to him. I then left him to cool down. Couple of days later I message him I’m saying that I was sorry and I loved him he never replied for 3 days it drove me insane. I then messaged him saying I was going to block him. He messaged me back saying he understood that that’s what I needed to do to get over him. That he was seeing someone else and that it’s best that we don’t message as it wouldn’t be fair on her for him to keep speaking to me. I was in shock! She meant that much to him after two weeks that he was willing to cut me out his life for good!!! He knew I was struggling I needed him he knew I was still madly in love with him and he was brutal. He then blocked me and it’s been 4 days and I still haven’t heard from him.

    A part of me is like he only kept me on a string waiting for something else to come along. He said it had been 6 months since we broke up in which I replied yes and we have been going back and forth as to whether or not we were going to get back together. He gave me false hope. I wish he had done this when I originally tried to get back with him. He told me time and time again he had picked her over me.

    How can you treat someone thst you were with for so long like that over something that’s so new!