You may feel surprised and heartbroken to find out that someone you loved is already in a new relationship. Here are three ways to cope when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend.
“How can you move on when you can’t let go of the dream that defines who you are, who you were made to be?” asks Ann on Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken. “How do you fit in, when everyone in your universe is on a different lifeline? Where do you go to keep on going, just to get through the rest of time? Life is so long when it’s not working, especially when you see your ex boyfriend with a new girlfriend. The only thing that gives me comfort is this: no one gets to keep anything here. No one gets to keep their families, spouses, children, sense of belonging, ANYTHING in this life, we do not keep. It’s short, passing, and we all leave it at some point. I am not so different (less favored) than others. It’s all temporary.”
There is so much wisdom in Ann’s comment! Everything really is temporary, and all we can do is cherish what we have while we have it. That’s why gratitude is so important. Gratitude, and mindfully holding on to this moment. If you have a relationship with God, your faith may be a huge source of comfort, healing, and peace.
But that doesn’t help when this moment is filled with pain because your ex has a new girlfriend, does it?
My tips may help you learn how to cope with the grief and sadness you feel. Also – hold on to the fact that you aren’t alone. You aren’t walking this path by yourself…and one day, you will be happy again. You will find love and joy, peace and companionship with a new man.
This is what K says on How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Get on With Your Life: “What hurts me the most is the fact that he already replaced me. I just can’t stop thinking about what he and his girlfriend are doing. How do I get over this? I didn’t think he’d be in a new relationship so fast. I’m still getting over the fact that he’s my ex boyfriend, I can barely cope with that 🙁 ”
Healing from a breakup – and learning how to cope when your ex has a new relationship – is different for everyone. What works for me (or your sister or best friend) may not work for you – especially if you’re surprised and devastated that your ex is already in a new relationship. You need to try different things to help yourself heal and move forward. These tips will help if you focus on grieving and healing – not staying stuck in the past…
The more surprised you are that your ex has a new girlfriend, the harder it may be for you to cope. If you’re completely shocked that he’s already in a new relationship, then you may have a more difficult time accepting it. On the other hand, if you knew he was a player – or if he cheated on you – then you may not be surprised that he’s already dating.
3 Ways to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend
When you were in a relationship with your boyfriend, did he tell you how much he loved you? Did he swear he’d never leave you or fall in love with someone else? Then his new relationship is heartbreaking – and my heart goes out to you. But remember: you are stronger than you think, braver than you realize, and tougher than you know! You WILL survive this, and you will love again.
Let him go. Accept that this relationship is over – and remember that “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to try to put them back together.”
My first tip is the most important one, which is why I’ll probably repeat it at the end of this article. Sometimes we need to hear things more than once before they sink in! Also, it takes time and practice to learn ways to stop feeling hurt and stuck in the past, and heal emotionally.
1. Take good care of your body and heart after a breakup
When you find out your ex is dating someone new, you may feel unworthy, unlovable, fat, dumb, ugly, and useless. You loved him so much – you can’t stop thinking about him – and he’s loving a new girlfriend. It hurts, and you need to accept your loss and grieve the pain.
The most important way to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to take care of yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind, and compassionate to yourself. Don’t take your pain out on yourself by overeating, drinking, drugging, shopping, cutting, sleeping around, or using other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Crying is good, and so is sleeping and eating healthy foods. Listen to your mom’s advice when you’re mending a broken heart. Be good and kind to your body, your mind, your spirit.
A practical tip on how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to learn How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.
2. Don’t let his new relationship change your self-image
Just because your ex has a new girlfriend – or he went on a few dates with a woman more attractive than you think you are – doesn’t change who you are. You are the same girl he fell in love with. You are smart, funny, interesting, creative, and beautiful. You are precious and unique. Your ex boyfriend’s choice to start a relationship with someone new is not a reflection on who you are.
It’s important that you don’t take your ex’s new relationship personally. It is not a reflection of you. Your ex boyfriend is doing what he needs to do, he’s making choices for his own reasons. His actions may have nothing to do with you, or they may have everything to do with you. You may never know what he’s thinking or feeling – so don’t take his new relationship personally.
Some people cope with a breakup by immediately jumping into a relationship with a new girlfriend, other guys take longer to heal. It’s possible that your ex boyfriend chose not to feel the pain of a broken heart, and is replacing you with a new girlfriend.
3. Take this breakup as a sign your relationship wasn’t meant to be
If your ex already has a new girlfriend, then he’s not the guy for you. He’s shallow-hearted, immature, and not ready for a committed, loving relationship with a woman. He got over you so fast because he falls in and out of “love” at the drop of a hat. Do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with a guy like that?
Resisting the loss of your relationship – your boyfriend, your husband – is more painful than simply accepting it. I know it really, really hurts that your ex already has a new girlfriend. My heart goes out to you. But you need to take it as a sign you weren’t meant to be with him, and find ways to move on with your life.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes on healing after a breakup: Accept that this story is part of your past. Don’t deny it – because when you deny your story, it defines you. But when you own your story, you get to write a brave new ending. You get to say it was horrible and I was in lots of pain …… and then I got help and this is how the story ends.
How will your story end? Not with you in pain, searching for tips on how to cope because your ex is in a relationship with a new girlfriend. This is your chance to write a better ending!
Help for Healing a Broken Heart
I wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.
Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”
In It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life – for Good!, Lisa Steadman describes how fabulous moving on can be after a breakup. She says a breakup is not about being “broken”, but rather a chance to celebrate who you are. You can learn how to pick yourself up after a fall and move on. It’s about a breakup, not a breakdown.
You might try writing a breakup letter to help you heal. Put yourself in the role of wanting this breakup, needing to be free from the relationship, and genuinely wishing your ex the best of luck with his new girlfriend.
What do you think – how will you cope now that your ex has a new girlfriend? I welcome your comments below, but can’t offer advice or counseling. Feel free to share your story, though, because writing can bring insight and healing in your life.
If your relationship ended suddenly, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.