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How to Know if You Can Trust Him After an Affair

Can you trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you? It depends. Here are five signs your boyfriend probably won’t cheat again, plus help forgiving an affair.

These tips are inspired by a reader’s question about her cheating boyfriend, and they apply to all girlfriends who have boyfriends who cheated on them. “My boyfriend and I have been together for three years,” says Liz on my article on how to know if your husband is lying about cheating. “I just found out he has been talking to three other girls on the internet. He says he won’t do it again but I am still not sure. I don’t know what to do anymore. What do I do?”

Deciding if you can trust your boyfriend after he betrayed you is one of the most difficult – and perhaps one of the most important – decisions you’ll ever make. Nobody can tell you if he’ll never cheat on you again. Even your boyfriend doesn’t know, especially if he isn’t willing to learn why he had an affair in the first place.

You need to listen to the still small voice inside you, and take a leap of faith. Maybe that leap of faith is trusting your boyfriend after he cheated…or maybe it’s letting him go. Only you can make that decision. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is this: would you encourage your sister or best friend to stay with him? If the answer is yes, then maybe you should give your boyfriend another chance to prove he loves you.

Here are a few things to think about when you’re trying to read the signs you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you…

How to Know if You Can Trust Him After an Affair

Here are five tips for trusting your boyfriend after an affair – or even “just” online chatting with other women. After all, cheating often begins with the five stages of flirting.

1. He can talk about why he cheated on you

If he cheated because he wasn’t getting something from you or your relationship, then it may be easier to rebuild trust because you can change your relationship. It isn’t easy, but you can work together to rebuild trust after cheating. But, if he cheated because he was bored or it’s in his nature to roam, then you might not want to trust him again.

The reason he cheated may help you decide if you can trust him again. In Emotional Disconnection in Marriage, I share reason men cheat: their wives make more money than they do. That may not be the reason your boyfriend cheated – but knowing his reasons may help you decide if you can trust him again.

2. Your boyfriend is willing to work to win back your trust

You can’t do all the work in figuring out why he had the affair, how he can overcome his tendency to cheat, and how to get your relationship back on track. Your boyfriend has to take responsibility for the affair. What does this mean? Admitting he cheated and working to make your relationship better.

5 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He CheatedBooks like The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It are helpful because they give an objective perspective (which you and your boyfriend don’t necessarily have).

It’s not your fault that your boyfriend cheated – it was either a really bad choice on his part, or a lack of moral character. If it was a bad choice, then you might be able to trust him again after he cheated. If he’s just a bad guy, then you shouldn’t trust him. He’ll cheat again. The best and most important sign that will tell you if your boyfriend will cheat again is your own gut feeling. I know what you WANT to believe…but you have to trust your gut.

In After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, Janis Spring offers proven strategies for surviving the crisis of an affair and rebuilding love relationship. Read this book, and you’ll learn if you should trust your boyfriend after he cheated. Ask him if he’s willing to read the book, too. That’s a huge sign of how trustworthy he is! (If he’s not willing to read about how to rebuild your relationship, then he’s not worth trusting again. In my opinion.).

3. You know what you need from him and your relationship

If your boyfriend travels for work or spends a lot of time with his friends, you may need him to put you first more often. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to talk about his feelings, reasons for cheating, or your relationship, then you may need him to open up more.

Before you can decide if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you, you need to figure out what you need from him. if you feel like you’ll never be able to trust him, maybe there’s nothing you need from your relationship. Maybe there’s nothing he can do to win your heart back. What do you need him to do and say? If you can get clear on that, you have a better chance of communicating it to him.

4. Your boyfriend is willing to do anything to save your relationship

After you figure out what you need from him, ask him clearly if he’s willing to give you what you need.

can you trust your boyfriend after cheating

How to Know if You Can Trust Him After an Affair

Will he spend more time with you? Go to couples therapy with you — or get help from a marriage or relationship coach? Start individual counseling for himself, if he needs to work through his emotional issues? Read books about rebuilding trust after an affair (even if that affair was “just” talking to other girls online)?

If your boyfriend isn’t willing to work towards saving your relationship, then you should think twice about trusting him again.

5. He isn’t playing on your fears or insecurities

Is your boyfriend trying to reassure you? Is he helping you trust and rely on him? Both men and women stay in bad relationships because they’re scared they’ll never be loved again. If your self-esteem or self-confidence is low, find ways to boost it without relying on your boyfriend or a love relationship.

Getting as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy as possible is more important that deciding if you should trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you! The healthier you are, the easier all your decisions in life will be — including your most important decisions about love and relationships.

And remember – trusting your boyfriend after he cheated doesn’t happen overnight. Rebuilding trust is a process that involves good and bad days – and good and bad discussions with your boyfriend! But, if you’re both willing to work on your relationship, you can rebuild trust and strengthen your love and commitment to one another.

Help surviving an affair

trusting boyfriend after cheating chump ladyThe Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity: How to Regain Your Sanity After You’ve Been Cheated On by Tracy Schorn is a fantastic way to come back to yourself. When your boyfriend cheats on you, you start to doubt yourself.

When you’re trying to read the signs you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you, you question your self-worth and lovability. Of course you’re scared he’ll cheat again! The Survival Guide to Infidelity will help you move forward and regain trust in yourself.

Gary Neuman is the author of Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship. Neiman is a marriage counsellor who I first “met” on the Dr Oz show. He and Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute discussed several ways to discern if someone is lying about cheating; they strongly encouraged women to focus on nonverbal behavior. A man can talk and talk and talk, but you need to pay attention to his body language to see the real truth about what he’s saying. Emotional Infidelity is worth a read, whether or not you decide to stay with your boyfriend.

I welcome your thoughts on how to trust your boyfriend after he cheated. I can’t give you advice or predict whether he’ll cheat again, but if you write your thoughts out, you may feel better.

May you follow what your heart is telling you to do. May you listen to the still small voice despite the fear you feel, and second that you be true to yourself. And, may you have the courage, strength, and energy to do what you need to do, and don’t be manipulated by your boyfriend or your own insecurities and fears.

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158 thoughts on “How to Know if You Can Trust Him After an Affair”

  1. It has been 4 months since my hubby admitted his emotional affairs with another woman from
    China. I had given him a chance to trust him
    again. But on the other hand knew that he still contact and shower concern for her. I must say he is trying very hard to love me much more than before. Spending more time with me. In fact he has been doting on me and never stop loving me.

    I love him just as much. One hand trying to trust him but the other always suspicious of his action
    behind my back. I feel insecure 😟

  2. My partner and I came into a relationship at 2010 and then a year later, 2011 was a big turnover as he became obsessed with our relation. He was so insecure that in between my final college exams he forcefully took me to his hometown to show me to his family as his future partner ( after many many months I came to know that it was out of anger that he had done that as his family was preparing Baarish arrange marriage). I had to suffer alot as my exam was terminated for my absence, and got scolding by my parents and families, I made it even worse when I fought with my teacher becoz although I applied for re-examination, they rejected my plea and thus my 2012 was a complete waste. I think I became depressed and lonely during those time he was still there with me but mostly he came to me in his weekends. Then on 2013 I got pregnant with our first child and that was when I went back to my home and…when I asked him of it, he said to abort it I felt devastated by hearing that but then i still had to defend myself from being toyed as I already had lost my carrier. So we got married when I informed it to my in-laws. He never took that as a serious matter, his priority was his goal and for two years I raise the child by doing part jobs etc.. even my in laws were not happy for me as I was their son’s choice and not theirs. It was very hard to live with them; my medical, my sickness or my food or clothes nothing mattered to them I only had their surname and a shelter to live in, my mom was always by my side I had to go ask for money to her in emergency this became so frustrating at times that I cried and became more depressed I started hating my husband from than and we hardly talked and he hardly came back home (he was preparing for civil service exams). We started having fights and it became fierce sometimes and than in 2016 he came back to stay with us we were less happy and in 2017 he got job in a private bank and he had to transfer during his probation that’s when he started cheating on me. He had intimate affair from Nov 2017 to March 2018 before I started living with him again. Sadly I found it at very late when I asked him he said he had broken up and wants to start with me. That was a total shock for me I wanted truth I checked his fb account and every social sites and then I found out in 2012 even when I was with him he was chatting with 3 girls on fb, I knew the two girls and I got a big blow. How did I waste my whole time with such a dick who said he loves my everytime and there he was always cheating on my back. This time for the first time he did it without a trace but I caught him in few of his mistakes, it totally broke my heart he told the truth that he was more into it and he made the move of sexual relationship and then he even paid that girl. I felt very ashamed of his deeds I felt like I had to be blamed for this. He said he wanted to continue our relationship and want rebuild our relationship but I Don’t feel like trusting him anymore. Through I said ok but I still get frustrated and depressed and disappointed, last night I was so angry that I started throwing things in anger and he barged in and slapped me, punched me and kicked me, he said when u said everything is ok why are making such nuisance..
    Is it ok, should I continue with him??? I asked him for your doing can’t I get frustrated even over petty things, I never fought with you but you came and started fighting with me. Is this normal! what should I do??
    I really am depressed and pretty messed up right now.

    1. Please get out of this relationship if you haven’t already. You deserve so much better. No one deserves that kind of treatment. He seems like a controlling and angry man who abuses you physically and emotionally.

  3. me and my partner have been together for 10 years two girls i thought we wer fine uptil lastyear we went to thailand in january and when we came back my partner who had always been in the house with started going out which was fine as he was going to a friends so i thought but then i new something was diffrent to before so i started questioning him and was told he didnt know what he wanted so i had my ideas sumthing wasnt right so i said i want u to go and he cudnt have went quick enough which was strange i cryed all night the next day he came to our home but couldnt look at me or even come in and i was broken knowing sumthing had gone on the night he left he sed he stayed at his mothers but she confirmed my fears when i asked her and i still begged him back later on that week he said he was going out to his friends knowing i was hysterical he still went so i had my ideas and got my dad to go check and his car was found on a street known to me for a whore who lived there he was caught red handed she didnt want nothing to do with him and i think he was gutted but i felt sorry for him mad i know he was willing to throw our relationship away and i stupidly begged him back again but i cant help thinking he will do it again i am so depresses and hurt and he says im mental i dont know wat to do anymore

  4. My boyfriend & i have been in a LDR for 1 year & 3 months. But awhile back i caught him cheating on me with this one girl he sent a nude to. She had sent me screenshots of the conversation nonetheless he says that he only did it due to temptation which actually bothers me considering that we were doing so good, or atleast i thought. But now i view him differently, to me he has become this opportunist who will probably take any chance if its handed to him. Most of our arguments are based upon my lack of trust issues and although he may think that my jealousy is irrational i feel like i have every right, especially since i analyze everything and put everything together. I’ve been wanting to leave him recently & start over with someone else but i really do love him. He just does and says things without thinking. I dont know what to do.

  5. Hi.. I am Annie. I have been with a guy for around 2 years. And I was quiet serious about him..the first 6months or the honeymoon phase was over the top. But gradually he lost interest in me and started to spend less and less time. He used to get irritated with me and I always use to doubt him cause of the rumours .I stayed living a false hope until I couldn’t see no more and we parted. It’s been 6months and suddenly he started to contact me. He used to call me hear my voice and say nothing. So I decided to end this and met him. It feels like he has been feeling guilty and says he still loves me and wants me back. He even told me the other 2 flings he had while I was gone. He told that he wasn’t going to contact me cause he knew he hurt me a lot but he just can’t keep away and wants a chance. So my question is are this words? Has he really changed or playing things up? Even if he has changed how can I forget that he betrayed me and my trust? What are the chances that he won’t get bored again and cheat? It’s really painful. I’m just tired to think about those things. Please help

  6. Hello,have been datig this guy for close to a year now.And few months ago i saw him texting another girl her asking of her bra size and all.i got mad and said is over.He had people to talk to me on his behalf.The second time i saw him text the same girl love messages and upon confronting him he said it was all a joke.He had people talk on his behalf again.He asked me what i wanted and i told him i dont want him having anything to do with that girl and that he should delete her number of which he did. This happened again for the third time and now the forth time i saw her number on his phone but according to him a friend needed his help to get something from the girl.Should i break up with him or keep him.

  7. My bf & I have been in a relationship for 1yr 2 months. 2 mnths back I went back to my hometown for good, or atleast that’s what he thought. Almost 1 mnth into the LDR, we had a huge fight which was for a silly reason. This included me saying “I’ll never get back together with u again”. That day he met up with a close friend of his & shared his problem. She was like “U’re so empty and hollow and u need sth in your life” which made my bf hold her hands & say things like he won’t cheat on her. The next day, she called him & asked him what they were & if he’s done with me. He said yes and started dating. The next day he realised that whatever he’s doing is wrong and called me up. We patched up. He went to say it was over between them, but returned back because he could not (My bf is very passive aggressive and he has a very soft qualities like he could not even complain when his roommate of 1 year kept bringing his gf over to his room to the point that he slept at reading room at times). He tried to tell her 6/7 times but couldn’t. So whenever she got mad and said things like “I won’t talk to you again”, he’d feel relieved and ignored her. But she’d call her the next day and it remained for 1 and half months. He was trying to fess up to me since day 1 by saying things like “I have become the worst person imaginable” over the course of this time. 1 week ago, he decided to ignore all her calls and uninstall WhatsApp so he can break up with her without having to confront her. 4 days back I met him and yesterday I went to some office with him for some work, I was going through his phone when I found out the text messages with her. I confronted him to which he got mad and won’t face me. Later, now he’s saying that he’s sorry and he’s been trying to but he couldn’t face me in that situation. He said he wanted confess it himself (he tried to and he couldn’t the last day). Now he’s asking me to take him back and that he’s do whatever it takes to gain my trust. I feel like I won’t trust him again. What should I do?

    PS He’s rather more emotional than practical which I accepted anyways. So he’s always ruled by his heart rather than brain.

  8. My boyfriend and i have been in a serious relationship for close to a year now…. from the start i didn’t trust him cos of his Bad boy aura… but i choose to take a leap of faith and trust and love him genuinely…. he has a baby mama that lived with him at some point, she kept harrasing me until he kicked her out… then he started flirting with girls, because his friends dared him to, he told me about it though… my gut kept telling me that something was going to happen, he keeps lying to me, and I just accept what he says. I can’t trust him after he cheated, and he sometimes talks to me harshly, he even hit me one day wen he was angry, 2 weeks ago i found out he invited a girl to his house and slept with her… he explained everything n apologized, he even proposed to me.. i forgave him.. but i can’t forget n am scared dat even if we get married he’ll still cheat. i don’t trust him anymore.. what do I do… do i leave or stay… i want to leave but i love him so much….

    1. He doesn’t sound mature enough to be in a loving relationship. Physical abuse is never ok and if you don’t find some self-worth he will continue to manipulate you. Why propose after cheating on someone? I suspect he doesn’t want to lose you. Sometimes you have be strong enough to understand that loving someone who is toxic is a form is of slow suffering. I pray you have the strength to do what’s best for you.

  9. Hi I just wanted an opinion on whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years and went through a really rough patch in our relationship a couple months ago. We took a break from one another and decided to get back together during the month of October last year. During that break he had sex with a girl once. He didn’t tell me until I had asked today because I got a feeling he was keeping something from me. He admitted to it when I asked and told me he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and he regretted the act after it was done. He states that he has not done anything since, has not spoken to the girl or has any form of contact with her at all. He wants to work things out with me and continue forward. We have talked about marriage and a future with one another for a long time but after finding this out I’m not sure if it’s worth to continue going on with the relationship

    1. If you’re having serious doubts about the relationship then I think you need to really question yourself what those doubts are about and see if there is anyway to overcome those with your partner. The trust that you had with your partner obviously isn’t going to come back overnight it’s something that you both have to be willing to work on with each other and having that open communication with each other is very important at this point. My biggest advice to you as I’ve gone through the same thing is to allow yourself to ask questions don’t feel like you can’t tell him about your doubts about the relationship because if you do keep that from him then that’s not gonna help you at all it’s not gonna help him at all. Since he was the one who commuted the act for him it is easier to maybe look past it as he understands his intentions like no one truly understands his intentions so that’s why he has to be able to acknowledge that you need to ask questions and you need to feel OK and if you don’t feel like you’re in a place where anything can be resolved then to continue on with the relationship could be harmful to both of you in the long run. Another point that should be made is if you had laid any ground rules about the break was seeing other people something you two were both allowed to do or was it just emotional break where you both just couldn’t handle The commitment needed for the relationship so you just decided to maybe take a break from talking every day or the emotional strain to come along with having a relationship. Since the lines may or may not have been drawn back it also led to the fact that he did sleep with someone else. This is a no way me blaming you for anything because it is not your fault, the biggest thing to remember that it’s never your fault. I would have to say that the fact he didn’t tell you speaks volumes in the sense yes he may have been trying to protect your feelings but also the fact he didn’t tell you means he didn’t respect you enough to tell you. In my own circumstance my boyfriend and tell me until five months after it occurred yeah it hurt but the fact he told me and I didn’t find out from someone elles really helped me come to terms with it. Like I said this is not an overnight solution there’s no such thing as an overnight solution want to comes to relationship so if you’re prepared to go for the long-haul and fix the issues that have occurred in a relationship then and you believe it still worth it then I say yeah they give her a try if you can but ultimately you want to do what’s best for both of you and having two people miserable in a relationship is it worth the hassle or the stress that comes with it. I hope this helped you and I hope that all goes well for you.

    2. I am in your boat, not sure how things are going with you guys now, it is March. The fact that he told you about the affair, didn’t want to hurt you and cut all ties with her speaks alot to me. He talked to you about it, it gives me some clarity that men can be honest and own up. It helps when you’re trying to trust him after an affair.

  10. Dear Taylor,

    Rebuilding trust with your boyfriend after he cheated on you is a long process. It’s also a daily practice – a daily choice that you have to make. You have to decide each day that yes, you choose to trust your boyfriend and forgive him even though he betrayed you.

    Some women can rebuild their trust…and others can’t. It depends on their personalities, backgrounds, upbringing. Lots of factors affect whether or not they can trust their boyfriends or husbands after an affair.

    Here’s an article that may help you:

    How to Trust Him After He Cheated on You

    And a question for you:

    What do you need from your boyfriend, in order for you to trust him again? What do you want him to say or do?

  11. Hello, so my BF of 2 years just told me that he has been cheating on me for. Few months. I have no reason not to believe him cause this hasn’t happened before. I contacted the girl thinking it was a good idea and she said that he wanted and all that. We have had lots of prior drama with her and she had a crush on my BF for a while too. Well my BF said that he only did it cause she threaten to tell everyone what was happening, when I told her that she said “that may have been true in the beginning but he initiated it later on” I told my BF that she said that and he called me in tears saying that everything she said was a lie and that he really f***** up and wants to try and rebuild our trust. He is really understanding of how I feel and I do truly love him. I just need some help

  12. Dear Anie,

    It sounds like you really love your boyfriend, but don’t know if you can forgive and trust him after he cheated on you.

    The most powerful source of wisdom and truth that still, small voice inside of you. Maybe it’s intuition, or God, or the Universe….whatever you call it, it really is the best source of advice you could ever ask for. You need to get quiet and listen to it, for that voice will tell you what you need to know. That voice will tell you what the next step is.

    I don’t have any answers for you, but here are some questions to help you work through the decision process. Coming up with your own answers has a much greater effect than me giving you advice – especially since I really don’t know enough about you or your situation to tell you what to do.

    How is this relationship affecting your behavior, thoughts and emotions?
    What would you experience if you gave this relationship up?
    Which path (staying in this relationship and learning how to trust your boyfriend after he cheated, or dealing with the loss and grief of a breakup) leads to more life, possibilities, and purpose?

    Go where the life is. Find ways to clear noise and clutter of unhealthy attachments, bad relationships, unhappy people. Listen to the still small voice of God – of divine wisdom and power! Be quiet so you can hear.

    Here’s another post that may interest you:

    7 Ways to Know If Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For

    Take care of yourself. Listen for that still small voice – for you are smarter, stronger, and braver than you know.


  13. hiii
    i am 24 year old ,,,me and my boyfriend in a relationship for 3 year long distance,,,everything was fine between except the thing that he sometimes tell me lie for thing like i will buy this for yo,,i will give you thi,,etc etc tthing,,,i never told him to give me any things,,, i thought he geniuly care for me based on these things,, i thought atleast he thinks about me,,,some how i really got frustated for his lies,,and sometimes we fought on this matter,,,and then i started to abuse him badly everytime and even i wanted to breakup with him bcoz of his lies and buttering nature,,,so everything betwwen us got bad,,,and even he was frustated with his from the six months,,and we stoped talking for one months,,with in this months he becames frnd with one girl and talked to her too much in long distance bcoz of frustation,,she took her to her room he had done oral sex with her with in just 20 days of our breakup,,,he even told that girl to be his girl friend,,but she rejected,, they talked for two months in long distance and he went to her city for just few hours then also he became physical just kisses and hugs only,, after that also he told that girl to accept his proposal for gf and he will even marry her,,then also she rejected his proposal and contined to be his frnd and talked to him..after one months i realized my love for him and decide to contact him,,(( within these months sometimes we contacted and fight on old matters and i always absues and even he didnt told me about that girl and somtime he sent me messages to again come back in his life ,,we will be together by improving my nature ,,he always told me,,,,one time he cried and want me to be in his life,,)).
    so then i decide to contact him after realizing my love for him,,,i asked him for his facebook
    id pasword ,,he gave me then i saw msgs of his one frnd indicating about that girl,,, so i
    asked him yov any other gf ,,then he told me the truth he was frustated came in contact with a girls and 2 times physical as i have alrady written above,,,he told me she is not giving him any thing and not even she is not ready to be his gf,,just as friend she is talking to him,,,he told me that he want me in again in his life because he loves me and he guilty for his mistakes that he done with in these 4 months,,, after telling me the truth ,,so i contacted with that girls about this matter,,she wannot his gf and made physical reltn not sex with him in her room just one time,,after all this my bf told me to be come again in his life and blocked that girl from all and stopped talking to her,,,he want to continue reltn with me now,,
    now my question is should i forgive my bf and give him one chance and continue our reltionship ???
    or should i left him and move on ?
    no bad cometns plzz
    need serious advice…

  14. Hello!
    I’m a 22 year old,college student, Godfearing and faithful to my boyfriend. We been together for approximately 3 years. We have a lot of mutual friends and one of them is my good friend,we studied together in our first year. All was well.
    We are in our final year now.
    My boyfriend and most of his friends do the same course,we only shared the same modules in the first year and then moved on to specific ones.
    So,my boyfriend continued studying with his friends but they all became junkies and he had to opt to study our female friend, my very close friend.

    They studied together and I was absolutely fine with it. After some time things began to change in our relationship. He became less open with me and sort of distant. Then he would be perfectly fine and everything would be hunky dory.
    Then he stopped saying “I love you” first and their was a period when he didn’t call me “baby”.
    I thought it was just a rough patch and things went back to be slightly normal.

    In summary, our female friend just told me that he messaged her and told her that he is in with her. She showed me the messages. I am so hurt, I love him so much. I want him to tell me to face that he doesn’t love me anymore or whatever the reason he decided temotionally cheat on me for so many months.
    I love him I don’t know what to do… Its not the first time I have been cheated on by a guy, I really thought this was The Guy.
    Please help me!

  15. Sometimes a cheating boyfriend is also emotionally and mentally abusive. We may not recognize the signs of abuse because we’re used to them, or because we don’t feel good enough about ourselves to admit the truth.

    If you don’t know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated, maybe it’s time to figure out if he’s actually abusive.

    Signs of an Abusive Relationship You Should Never Ignore

    I don’t know if your boyfriend can be trusted, but I believe that if you listen to the still small voice inside of you, you will make the right decision about your relationship.

  16. I need a serious help my man is cheating me, i am angry because i trusted him with my everything .i don’t have friends, family because of him .i recently found out that he is cheating on me .what must i do i trusted him and i Love him so dearly, what sucks is he is denies that he is cheating

    1. Hi Ursula, hope this isn’t to late to reply. I know you are angry and dissapointed, just talk with him. Tell him u need him to be real to you. At least just telling what he did, and why. Then you need to think if u really want him. After all this time or nay. If u decide that u can forgive and forget then do it. If u don’t then maybe u weren’t meant to be. U are the only one that can know

  17. Hello
    I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend 2years back.i was with him for 6months. We broke up because he was already in a relationship with a girl mostly a physical relationship. When I came to know about it I stopped replying to his calls and texts. But he never stopped, he continued calling me for about a year. Finally I picked his call up because I loved him with all of my heart even then. He says he loves me and he is sorry for what he has done. He is coming to meet me next month on my birthday travelling 3000 kms. But I don’t trust him. I think he will cheat me again. Is he serious this time or is still the same.

  18. Hi I’m 35 years old i was in a relationship with a 25 years old guy recently I found out he was living with a man that wants to be a girl but he was living with him / her because he was just come out of jail and he was using him / her for money and a place to stay what should I do I haven’t confront him I yet I know he don’t like man but he likes drugs and I’m not sure if he’s doing the same with me what should I do

  19. I don’t know why, but I’m still with my boyfriend after he cheated 7 times. We’ve been together 7 years and have a child together. I’ll admit he has changed, he’s what I wanted now but I just feel hate for him. I haven’t let him near me in two years, he makes my skin crawl and it sounds extreme but I wish he’d just die. It’s been four years since he last cheated but I can’t get over it. He refuses to let me end the relationship and just hangs around hoping I’ll get over it. I’ll never get over it, I can’t wait until my child is old enough that I can just disappear. Men are despicable and I will never let a man do this to me ever again.

  20. My story !! Should I stay or go ??? 8 of our 12 months together He was talking sex and asking for a trist with an ex !!! I had a gut feeling something was up. I am 59 active fun I think I love him and he is very sorry I called her out and him They didn’t have sex only talked…I accidentally saw a email then name then all 120 plus emails …….He says he stopped he loves me ??????? Help

  21. I am glad to find this website and hopefully someone can give me some advise on what to do. I a 25 years old girl and hes 31 years old. We have been in relationship for 4 years. During these 4 years, we actually stay together for 2 years and we are apart because he lives in DC for his job and I live in NY for my job. When I go on visit him recently, we walk together to his apartment and a girl stand right in front of his apartment. She walks toward us and said that you know his my boyfriend and he was supposed to stay with me to see my parent in NY for Valentines day. I was shock when I heard it but I just went inside the apartment and they went to talk whatever they had to talk. When he came back, he told me that he was just the girl that he work for and she thought more and crazy abouIt him. The stupid me actually believe it and told him that we should call cops if she comes again. Next day I still wasnt in good mood, I want to see his text, his email but he refuses. He did finally sent me a picture of a email that this girl sent him which is quite lovely and explicit and talk about the magical nights……………….I was torn already but still thought about giving him a chance. I went to check on his phone when he went to bathroom, I saw the message from another girl that said I miss u , good morning darling , etc,etc So, he finally confess that these are the girls that he has been flirting with since a few months ago. He says that they only flirt together but never had anything together because he felt distant from me and flirting with girl boost his ego/ self esteem. At this point, I am shattered to find out that its not only one girl but multiple girls that he flirt with from work from past. He said he loves me and he only did it because I never said I loves him, I decide to take a break from this relationship but I dont know what to do. I dont know if I can continue with him, if I do how to build this trust again ? I dont know if I am capable of loving sb again

    1. Why don’t you return the favor? Cheat back on him. Flirt with other guys and as a reason, it boosts your social circle.

    2. Flirting is still cheating. If he told you that he did this because you didn’t tell him you loved him then that is plain stupid. He should’ve talked about it with you instead of talking to other girls. I get the feeling that he’s turning this on you and trying to make you feel like it’s your fault that he is cheating on you. It’s not your fault. He needs to accept his own consequences because if he lied to you, then think, what else has he lied to you about? I know this because I’ve been in the same situation. I know you love him, I know you’ve been with him for a long while, but know that it’s not worth it. Don’t waste your time. Also, don’t flirt with other guys and do the same, you don’t want to stoop down to his level.

  22. my fiancé has been very dishonest and cheated on me in the past. It hurt me so bad because I really believed everything he had told me.i never had a reason to doubt him. When I found out about the cheating and lies and secrets it crushed my heart so bad. I never been hurt by a man so bad and I eventually separated from him for a couple of months. We talked and we still loved eachother so he promised me he would regain my trust and be more open with me. well for the most part he did and I have been treated like a queen but sometimes I still have my feelings of distrust and I check up on him and that makes him mad at me. how do I mentally let go of this scared feeling I have to let my guards back down totally? I know I am just fearful because I never let my guard down so much and when I did I went through a great deal of depression, something I never went thru with any man before. I couldn’t eat, sleep or function they way I needed to. I had to force myself to get out of bed and put on a happy face for my kids but I was devastated. Now he is just so wonderful to me and adores me so much and he does everything to show me what how much he loves me. I don’t want to lose him because he is a very good man. How do I let the fears go and totally trust him?

    1. It doesn’t sound like he is “a very good man.” He sounds like an ass and you should NEVER completely let your guard down, especially with someone who has already cheated on you. Thank God that you are not already married to this man. His cheating and the distress it’s caused you is taking away your time and energy from your kids. No man is worth that. Don’t believe whatever lies you’ve been hearing or telling yourself over the years. Recognize your own worth and refuse to let any man dictate how you will live and how you will feel about yourself. I know, I’m speaking from personal experience. Good luck to you!

  23. I don’t know what to do.
    My boyfriend and I have been together since 9/20/2014 and in that short period of time we have grown so close.
    On november 6th he broke up with me. I was an emotional wreck. He was too (which i dont understand) he was balling his eyes out saying he was sorry but I wasn’t the one for him and he didn’t want to hurt me by prolonging our relationship if he didn’t think it was going to work. I had no where to go, so his dad and step mom let me come stay with them until i could figure something out.
    We talked for hours and ended up getting back together. He told me he needed more space. His phone went off and i looked. I read messages between him and two of his friends

    him “Convince me to dump her”
    friend “she uses you for a place to live and is a complete bum”
    him “She’s taking forever”
    friend ” Just make her leave”
    him ” I am but she wont stop whining and she’s taking forever to pack up her stuff”

    That was so hurtful to me. The messages are pinned in my mind now and i can never forget them. I woke him up because of my sobbing and he said i shouldn’t have gone through his phone. He says it was an invasion of his privacy. Keep in mind iv’e done it before. I have horrible trust issues and he never cared if i looked though his phone before.

    These were my rules if we were going to stay together
    New Job.
    No going out with the guys
    No hidden pass code on his phone and no deleting messages
    and if he wanted to go out he would have to bring me

    he said ok and has since gotten a new job and has kept up with all of my other stipulations. But here’s the thing. I have never been in a relationship where i haven’t been cheated on. And I don’t understand why. I give a relationship my all. I gave everything up for him. Everything i do is for him. And i was NEVER over controlling.

    He has never cheated on a girl before. I’m the first. His dad cheated on his mom when he was like 5 or 6. He had to watch his mom’s pain and suffering. He should know right from wrong and he should know not to cheat on anyone. But since then we have also moved back in together and everything has been kind of simmering down. I just don’t know how i will ever trust him. I love him to death and i think he is genuinely sorry and wont do it again. I need advice. Bad.

    1. You’re kidding me, right? Please re-read your own post. This man sounds like a child if he needs his “friends” to tell him to dump you! And, honestly, you are not helping the situation if “everything you do is for him.” Does that sound healthy? Such a one-sided relationship? Is that what you want? Come on! Why put yourself through this? Just thank Jesus that you don’t have kids with this man-child and get out! Living on your own is better than being with an emotional vampire. GET OUT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!

      – Someone’s who’s learned from her mistakes

  24. This literally just happened 3 hours ago. I have been dating a guy for almost a year. We met in church of all places. At the time I wasn’t looking for anything because I had just gotten out of a situation 6 months prior and I was working on me. So we talked and instantly hit it off… From that day till now we talked every day. I let him prove himself instead of just jumping into something. He’s a great guy and had never given me reason to suspect anything. So for the past week I’ve been having the craziest dreams about him. The last dream I had he was cheating on me in the dream and it felt a little too real. He was out of town working so I didn’t want to bother him. So last night we were sleeping and I woke up suddenly and something told me to go through his phone. Now mind you I have never done this in a previous relationship but something in my gut said do it.

    So I do and what I found in still in shock of. I checked his Instagram and Facebook and he’s been messaging different women. Most don’t live in the same state but the things he was saying we’re hurtful to read. Things like I miss you and send me pics he even sent a few pics to a few women. Some of the pics that I have saved in my phone.

    The more I read the more the tears started to flow. I was just in shock. We have been talking marriage lately so now I’m thinking what we have is a lie.

    So I sit up in the bed because I can’t concentrate or think straight. He wakes up and asked what’s wrong.

    At first I didn’t say anything because I was still in shock but he kept pressing the issue saying I looked mad.

    So I told him I had a bad dream and in the dream you cheated on me. So then I asked have you ever cheated on me and he says no. So I ask again and he denies. So I told him what I saw in his phone and he says I just talk to them but I have never cheated on you.

    I don’t care if it wasn’t physical that’s cheating to me. So I pack up all my belongings and leave (this was 4am btw) so he’s trying to stop me from leaving. Telling me he’s sorry and not to leave mad like this. And then I started crying uncontrollably. And told him it’s over and slot of other words I won’t type out.

    On my way home he’s calling and texting me back to back trying to explain himself saying he’s sorry and he never cheated.

    I listened to all the voicemails when I got home and he was mad that I went through his phone which I understand but that doesn’t change the fact of what I saw.

    He called me for another hour before saying call me when you’re not mad I can’t live without you blah blah blah and I never cheated it was only online.

    I’ve been up since then because I haven’t been able to sleep. And crying every now and then. I don’t want to tell any of my friends so I’m typing here.

    I love him to death but this hurt me to my core and I don’t think I can ever trust him again….

    A part of me wants to ignore him forever the other part wants to curse him the other part wants to be with him…

    I don’t know what to do

  25. My man of 3 years has addmited to cheating twice. I know he flirts with other girls a lot. The first time I found out he cheated I was going to leave he then begged me to stay and marry him. I love him and forgave him a year later as he is gaining the trust bavk he does it again and addmitted to it I wanted to leave but I didn’t because a few months before that I found text in his phone. That is when he told me he has a problem a sex addiction and he needs help he wants me to stay and help him get through it. I love him I am having a hard time with the whole thing I think he is still texting and flirting with other girls. I keep asking myself does heneed help or is it just an excuse. I want to work it out I want to stay I love him. There are children involved we are established. We havnt got married yet it was all plan for April but know has been postponed due to the situation. We start therapy next week unsure if such thing helps. I am sad and can’t get it out of my head. I sometimes have nightmares. He works midnights I HAVE A hard time sleeping sometimes. Also the little things that the kids or anyone else around me does has me angry all the time. I need advice on how to cope and get through this.

    1. Hey amber I don’t know what to say pet it difficult isn’t it my only advice I can give you is if there enough trust there for u move on and forgive him then do pet but if your having doubts about marrying and can’t trust him leave

    Back in 2012 I started dating a guy I met over the Internet. We had a unique long distance relationship. We were happy, but soon we started fighting a lot. I would always be the one to apologize and try to fix things. Soon, we started having an on again off again relationship. We fought like crazy. And soon enough, another girl came into the picture. Even though we were together, he kept talking about her, which really hurt me. I think he was purposely making me jealous. When we were off, they got together. Nothing serious happened, and eventually he hated her and went back to me. Then, when we were off yet again my friends and I had had enough. I was tired of getting hurt. My friends suspected he might have cheating, and so did I. I constantly asked and he always said he wasn’t. So, my friends asked for his email. I had his Facebook info and so I told them the password he could have used for his email and they got in. And they found out he was in fact cheating on me. They found multiple emails of sexts and nudes with multiple girls. There was one girl in particular he had been emailing ever since December. We started dating in November. I found out all of this in May. For the majority of our relationship he had been lying and cheating on me. When I found all this all, I of course wanted to confront him without him knowing we hacked his email.

    I’ve been with him on and off again (more off than on) since then. But recently, I’ve been having problems with family and friends and he’s been there for me. So, we got back together and now we are very serious. We’ve been together for a little over a week. I can tell he really loves me and this time is serious. In the past after he cheated when we were together it was kinda like a game. We both were using each other. But now we aren’t. But still, I think back to that time and it takes me over. I’m very insecure about our past. I’m trying so hard to trust him, and sometimes I do, but then I think about the past and I think about the future. I know he loves me and he’s expressed to me so many times how awful he feels about the past and how it was the worst thing he’s ever done and he beats himself up about it all the time. He knows I have problems trusting him. My fears and insecurities have overtaken my life and my relationship with him. I always bring up the past and bring up possible scenarios in the future about girls.

    What do I do to stop letting my fears control this relationship? How do I trust him again? I really do love him and I know he loves me. I hate to think about the possibility of him cheating again, But everybody tells me it’s likely he will or already is cheating again. I really hope this is not the case, however, and that he has changed. He talks about his future with me a lot, he’s going to a two year college, I’ll go to a four year. (we are seniors in high school right now) When he’s done with his two years, he’ll come over here and stay with me while I finish school. I can tell he’s very serious and invested in our relationship, I just need help getting over my trust issues…
    So sorry for the long comment. Any help is greatly appreciated.

  27. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and for sharing from your heart. It sounds like you’re so unhappy in your relationship, and I wish you were happier and more peaceful.

    Is your boyfriend ready for a relationship? Read How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Has Commitment Issues.

    Maybe it’s not about trusting your boyfriend after he cheated….maybe it’s about feeling trapped in an unhealthy relationship with a man who doesn’t love or respect you the way you deserve.

    How can you take your power back?

    My prayer is that you find the strength, courage, and faith you need to take care of yourself. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and give yourself what you need your boyfriend to give you.

    Take care of yourself. Ask God to show you how He sees you, and ask Him to take care of you. Then, receive His goodness, love, and peace.

    Move forward in faith and power.

  28. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2months. We travel all the time. He give me a cp and money. But he was a super protective man. I can’t even wear what I want. I’m under on him . he can do what he wants to do. He even cheated on me. But I never think of that because he said its a chicks. Don’t ever fight with me about my chicks. I will leave you. So I never fight on him about that. We had a long distance relationship. I’m afraid losing him in my life . I always say sorry to him even if he was the only one who start the arguments. He promise me that he will never let go of me but trust me don’t fight with me about the girls. They are just a girl I don’t love them. You are the only one that I love he said. So I keep going onto that . I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want to die if he leave me. I stop on studying because he don’t want it. He don’t want me to talk to anyone. I stay only in my room. My mom and I never talk again until now. Because I say something to her really bad because he don’t like my boyfriend. And now my boyfriend never support me. And he wants to break up with me. Because his chicks(girls) find out that he has gf and it was me. Then the girl chat on me and I answer he. So my boyfriend breakup with me because I broke the rules. So I say sorry to him begging him not to live me. Because he is the only one that I have. I don’t have friends and family. . . please help me 🙁 I even don’t know what should I do. I never slept for 3 days. I never eat. I only drink water and alcohol. But I can’t sleep . Im thinking of him. I want to die . my boyfriend he’s a 25 years old and I’m 18. 🙁 I’m from Philippines so I’m so sorry for my english

    1. Bm get out and get some help. You are in a controlling and abusive relationship and have been isolated from people who will support you. Work on resuming goals that help you be more independent and less focussed on your partner to provide your needs. I wish you all the best.

  29. My bf havw I have been together 2 years it’s Ben a rough go but we both love eachother a lot in the beginning of our relationship it was me who lied about past relationships and when ppl would msg me on social media I woukd delete it now he thinks I did a lot more thrn thst but I get that he would think that because I lied about stupid stuff in the past . Since I have tried to br thr best person I dsleted social media to try to rebuild the trust. We fought earlier this year and I caught him talking to girls his excuse was we broke up for a few days so he did that and it didn’t matter ..now we got over that and things went well for about 6 months when recently I found him talking to some random girl on skype he said it was just a porn it it was nothing it wouldn’t happen again that really ate me up so when he left his computer on I snooped his email and found msgs from some girl I believed he worked with they were essentially harmless but could tell there was flirting although I couldn’t see any of his responses… since that we fought about it he assured me it was nothing blocked and deleted her and thrn he left for work again.. what is bothering me is right before he left he said he loved me and said please don’t try to get back at me . I said I’m not because I love him and I want more in this relationship I’m in 100 percent… 2 days later I am still being eaten up by that girl so I search him on Google and found a pof account.. I was able to get on because I guessed his password and there he was talking to girls flirting trying to get there numbers .. meanwhile I’m texting him asking who he’s talking to and he’s telling me no one even when I confronted him he still was on there … since we had a huge blow out I was broken he said he was sorry and he will be a goof bf to me and fix it he deleted everything . And wants me now to believe him when he says he not talking to anyone… I just don’t know how I can because he said that while he was talking to a random girl he looked me in the eye and said please don’t get back at me .. then did this to me. I want to trust him I want to be with him I love him hut when he’s at work I go mental just thinking he’s talking to another girl and I’ll never know. I’m bitter right now and trying to forgive and put it behind me but its like the little thing on my shoulder reminding me that it’s so easy for him to do it and I wouldn’t know.. how do I believe him or trust him again… I’m really struggling

  30. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years. We’ve had plenty of ups and downs but I would like to think more ups. We got engaged about two years ago but due to several unrelated situations we haven’t tied the knot. When we do have arguments they are never good and it feels like a constant struggle sometimes but one I’m willing to work through. He has a quick temper, but can forgive easily. I am more patient but hold a grudge.
    This past year I vowed to really listen to him, work through issues, forget the past, and think of the future. But it seemed like he was starting fights over petty issues and was really bitter. It was hard. I then started getting suspicious that he was flirting with another woman…I can’t remember what triggered it. I’ve always trusted him. One day he asked me to check his phone for something while he was in the shower and I saw texts to another woman that were inappropriate. I confronted right away and he laughed it off. I believed him. She is his assistant for a job he only has once a year in another state. I shouldn’t feel any jealousy but I did.

    One day I notice that he still has his Facebook up and I get this feeling that I just want to stop being jealous over this girl. So I take a glimpse at his fb messages to her expecting to see boring business. But what I find devastates me; multiple days of going out for lunch or dinner, repeated requests to her for a kiss or a show of private parts, and then later on wanting to make out.
    I flipped out. I didn’t wait to read the entire message. I was a mess of tears. I confronted him. His story was that she was obsessed with him and had low self esteem. That he didn’t know what to do. That she was suicidal and he only wanted to make her feel better about herself. That he’s sorry and will fire her. Nothing happened he says. I tell him I need time to think and he respects that.

    He finally admitted that he pursued her. He told me that they made out once LAST YEAR and continued to flirt. When he got up there he tried to continue but she didn’t return his affection. He thought I hated him; that I’ve never forgiven him for a major argument we had in our first year together that had resulted in him grabbing me and throwing me up against a wall. I have…and if the past eight years can prove anything he has never been violent toward me since. I would have left. But he can’t get over what he did and doesn’t think we belong together. He tried with her just because she was an easy target. Then he announces we’re finished and he’ll leave. I give him back the ring in this moment. He has a break down. I tell him I never hated him and I am upset that he hasn’t seen how much I’ve tried working on our relationship. We go back and forth until he decides he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to work at it. I tell him I’ve always wanted to work on it. We hug and go to sleep that night.

    The next day at work I can’t stop thinking. How do I move on? Have I really forgiven my boyfriend? What can he do to build back the trust we once had? Did he really only cheat the one time? Is he leaving anything out? I feel broken. I don’t know how to put the pieces back together.

    1. Hey it’s so hard chic I went threw something similar b4 I married my fella I thought been friends with an ex was OK until after he asked me marry him year later he told me he cheated on me twice I was so hurt as I kind off felt he only asked me cause he was scared off losing me so I forgave him!! I told him I’m trusting u months later I found out he was still contact with her and also found out he was texting other girls inappropriate I was so hurt I kept forgiving and forgiving truth is I dnt fink I’ll ever trust fully for a very long time as he kept saying sorry and this and that I just felt so hurt and betrayed this guy who is love off my life could do this to me !! I told me few months ago this is his last chance he slips up any way and are marriage is over I dnt have kids yet with him cause I want be able trust him first but listen love if u love this guy try make it work but dnt stand for him walk-in over u if u knw he up to know good dnt I mean dnt let him away with it life’s to short and you deserve better everyone tells me that men like that dnt deserves women like us who would give them the world there two in a relationship not 3 or 4 or so on only 2 I hope this kinda helps you pet its hard I know it is x

  31. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts – it takes alot of courage to talk about trusting your boyfriend after he cheated.

    I can’t give advice for specific situations, but a reader recently commented on my article called How to Get Over him ( http://whenlovebugsyou.com/how-to-get-over-him/ ) that she got back together with her boyfriend after he cheated. She regretted it, because she felt that her trust was broken for good. She couldn’t trust him again.

    But, I know a woman whose husband cheated on her with her best friend. They’ve now been married for 25 years, and she is glad she stayed in the marriage. She is happy that she and her husband worked things out together. They have three kids, though, and her husband re-committed himself to her and their marriage.

    There are no easy answers. You need to decide what is best for you, based on what you know about yourself, your boyfriend, and your past relationship.

    Can you trust him not to cheat on you again? Should you give him another chance? Write down all your thoughts when you ask this question. Write for at least 15 minutes, even past when you thought you were done writing.

    Deep down, you know what you want to do. It’s your job to dig until you find the answers in you.

    I wish you joy and peace, healing and forgiveness. May you make the right decision for you, and may you trust God for guidance and wisdom.


  32. I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Thus far, pretty much our whole relationship has been long distance. Even though it is hard, we’ve been managing the best we can. The long distance was supposed to end in January because my boyfriend was going to go to school in the same town as me. About a month ago, he found out he did not get into this school. He was devastated. He had already shown signs of depression, so this news just further caused his mental state to decline. In terms of our relationship this meant we would, yet again, have to go a whole year without living in the same town as each other. He started freaking out about whether or not we could still make the relationship work, because of how limited our time is with each other, and because it would be even longer until we were living near each other. I felt we would be fine, but he was not as confident. Even so, he decided he did not want to lose me. Last week he confessed to me that he cheated. About a week prior he was at a party, and got pretty drunk. A girl at the party was flirting with him, and made a move. He didn’t resist. They ended up having sex for about 5 minutes, and then he stopped it because he realized what he was doing and felt guilty. When he told me, I could tell he was so upset by his actions, and would do anything to take back what he did. He apologized in such a genuine way, and was distraught by how he had hurt me. As you can imagine, this was such devastating news for me. Up until this point, even despite our rough patch, we had a very strong, healthy, and happy relationship. Pretty much all of my friends and family are telling me to get over him, and forget him, however I am having such a hard time accepting that. I still love him, and even though I feel so unbelievably hurt and betrayed by what he did, part of me feels for the situation he is in. I’m not making excuses for him, because he I realize he has a lot of work to do in terms of how he deals with disappointment and feelings of depression. He struggles with standing up for himself, and avoiding problems. Despite those flaws I’m aware of, I can’t help but think about the option of forgiving him. Currently we have decided to take a break in order to give me time to process what happened. I guess I am just so confused as to whether this is a relationship that can be rebuilt, or something I just need to put behind me.

  33. Hi. I’ve been together with my bf for a yr and 8 months. He told me that he cheated on me 4 days ago. Before this even happened he had told me he couldn’t focus because Im over here at college on my 2nd yr and he’s not use to being away from me again. He told me he wanted a break because it was too much but we ended not taking one. Literally a week before this happened he had taken me out to an amusement park for my bday and we had amazing sex. I asked him why he cheated and he said that he was feeling really lonely but he also said that he wanted something new. And I assumed that ment he was bored of me and I wasnt interesting anymore and he disagreed with me and said thats not what he ment by new. He cried and apologized to me. He told me he felt guilty and messed up after he had done it and before when he had contacted the other woman to hookup. I want to forgive him but if I do it’ll be extremely hard to trust him again. Do you think it’s worth forgiving and trusting again? I feel as though I should. I don’t feel like he’s going to cheat on me again but I’m just scared. I really don’t know what to think.

    1. I feel for your situation because I am in a quite similar one. From what I have been hearing and reading about cheating, it all depends how your boyfriend handled the situation. Like did he tell you himself? Has he eliminated these other girls from his life? Has he assured you he wants to continue a life with you? These are all things to consider when asking yourself if it’s worth forgiving. If you foresee these same patterns repeating in the future, there is no need to put yourself through this again. However, if you genuinely believe he could never do something like that again, maybe it is worth entertaining the thought of forgiving him.

  34. My ex and i was in relation for 4years n v broke up coz I got hm cheating on me with his friend.. since thn he is after me to get back in relationship asking sorry n it’s have been 6 month tht he is still asking for apologist. But even my sisters N friends don’t want me to gt back to hm I’m confused n I still love hm plz help

    1. I was in the exact same situation, 4 years, he cheated with a friend, I ended the relationship, he tried for four months to get me to take him back. i did, against what everyone told me to do. Now, seven months later, i am regretting getting back with him. i still love him, but the trust is gone, I am constantly thinking he is chatting with other women, I had that gut feeling before and it was true, but he is so convincing/manipulative that I stay. I wished I would have just stayed strong and not let him work his way back into my life.

  35. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. About 6 months into our relationship, I went through his phone (no regrets) and found he’d been swapping pictures and organising hook ups online.

    When I confronted him, he was full of apologies and then admitted he’d slept with more than five guys in the duration of our relationship.

    He begged and pleaded for me to take him back, which I did eventually. And then, a month down the line I found the same type of emails in his computer. He turned the tables and made it seem like it was my fault. Then apologized the next day and said it would stop. I felt confused and brainwashed.

    Then, it happened again.
    and again.
    and again.

    At this point he would be screaming at me for “snooping” on him and invading his space. I even ended up saying sorry.

    Now, I am with a man who says he loves me. We are so good together as long as I dont mention his cheating. How long should I stay like this for? I obviously dont want to stay with this man but I feel happy some of the time. And the affection is something I will sorely miss.

  36. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now .. Something happened, so we decided to take a break. I found out that during the break, he’s talked to other females, but the one that’s bothered me the most is that he’s had one of them give him a sexual favor. The girl was willingly open to do it, even when she wasn’t his girlfriend. He says he wasn’t thinking of me at all & it was a way for him to try and forget about it, but it didn’t work. He’s definitely changed for me, in order for us to work out, but I don’t know how to feel anymore. The image always comes back to my head, & we have been doing so good .. What can I do to help us move forward?

    1. If you guys are doing well and he’s willing to help you move forward, the best thing to do is to write down exactly (in detail) how it makes you feel that he did that with her. For example, that every time you do a sexual favor for him you wonder if he is thinking of her.. or, every time we hear the name “XX” I think of her, and when you don’t acknowledge that, I get mad…

      Whatever it is, you are fully justified in thinking/feeling it. Now, you ask him to read it back to you. The best thing in the world for the both of you is for you to feel that he fully understands the pain that you feel.

      GOOD LUCK!

  37. Hello . Please help me . I and my boyfriend knew each other almost 2 years.
    We met and loved each other. But I always think he didn’t trust me. I always tell him everything . Coz I don’t want to hide anything to my boyfriend. He met and knew my family well. But I didn’t know his family well. Many times I asked him that I want to talk say hello to your father . Even last time his father came to visit him. It’s a good let he lets me closer .but he didn’t. He didn’t talk to me so much coz his father staying there. His Facebook is so private. He didn’t show anything. And then I figured out he still contact with his ex gf.he said only for get his money back. He will never want to live with her..that girl tried to contact me too. I just posted on my wall what do u want. And he got mad and told him that’s I am a crazy and will make me regret. Then I said I didn’t do anything wrong but he said he is tired of listening about her . and he blocked her on my fb. I gave him my password. But I figured that girl still post thing that missed and love him with her their friends too. I asked him but all he said that’s stupid of me and that girl. And what I tell him. He didn’t try to understand and just get mad. Last time when I have some trouble with money too and he said he will help me.i said no .when I need I will ask for help . But after many happen I tried to ask him money. Only want to know if he r truly care of me . and he ignored my msg. I trust him but so sad of I cannot understand his mind. He didn’t really opened it to me.he just said love me but his act is different. So I didn’t know what let keep our relationship better. I don’t test to him often like before coz he will read and forget it. And he is easy get mad if I say something . Then he also text me like morning. .etc no more. I said if I don’t have thing tell u .u won’t text me too? ? He said I didn’t text him too. And he used of it. But actually I wrote him a lot everyday but almost time he was busy and only response very short. He even doesn’t read it all well. And he just asked me am I flirting someone else . I said I am not that type of person. Why do u ask me that? I thought all time about him. And I realized I didn’t know him too much. He didn’t want to tell me . Only me tell him everything. I feel down to think of this relationship. But I love him truly. Please give me some advice let me can be stronger in my decide .
    Thank you

  38. I’ve been in a relationship from last 3 years. We met through a common friend. Initially, everything was superb. Then, things started changing. One day, I caught my boyfriend talking on a phone with a girl and coincidently that girl was my friend. Later, he told me not to have any contact with that girl as, she is not characterless and I agreed (as I love him from the chore of my heart). One day, a friend suggested her to be my friend on FB and I accepted the requested. We had some conversation and I accepted that yes, we are in a relationship and she started crying. Then, I read some objectionable texts in phone and he said that girl is forcing me to be with her because she likes me and I am not ready, again I agreed. Then, few months later, I caught my boyfriend in a Hotel with that girl and explanation was she was drunk and was not in a state to go back home and that’s why we are here. He is master in manipulating and I was convinced again. Later, my that friend told me they were in relationship but he told me not disclose else he will leave her and had sex with her a number of times. But I didn’t believe her and still, moved on with him (My biggest fault). Everything was normal for few months.

    This year, on his birthday he got a birthday cake and a bouquet from an anonymous person. He said might be it is from my ex who is now a good friend of mine. I felt bad but I didn’t say anything because it was his birthday. Next day, I sent a text to her to stop as this is over. and her reply was. It was never over sweetheart. We are still together but can’t talk much as I am in different country. She’s sent me some screenshots and all. Also, she told me that he was married before and divorced (I was completely unaware about it and he admitted it saying sorry )This time it was done from my side. He apologized a lot but I was not able to continue this relationship. When I found himself unable to convince me he committed suicide. I somehow saved his life and got back into that relationship. He was very nice for few months but then, I started becoming so aggressive. He slapped me twice. Since then, we are still together. I love him so much. He loved me too but can’t get rid of his habits. I can’t use his phone, his FB or anything as it is a matter of Privacy.

    Since, then I’ve never found any proof my boyfriend cheated on me. Now, my family want me to get settled down and so as me. I love him a lot but I don’t want to marry him as my gut is not allowing me to do so. Now, problem is if I tell him to quit I am afraid he will commit suicide again and even I’m so addictive of him. He is married twice and I’ve doubt might be the girl has a baby with him with whom he did contract marriage. Neither he never proved it nor I got any proof but yes, I have a doubt. Life has become complete hell. Heart wants to be with him at any cost and brain is asking to get rid of him. Please help me. I am really depressed!

  39. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years now and about 4 months ago I found out that the first weekend we started dating he got drunk and made out with this girl from our hometown. His texts were synced to the computer and I saw where he and his friends had gone out to a bar one night about 6 months ago and ran in to her and her friends there. They were texting later that night after they got home (drunk again) and he was asking if he could come over with beer to get advice about me or something at like 3 AM? Anyways, she said no because they had already messed up before. Which is how I found out that he cheated. I know it was a long time ago, and that it wasn’t sex or anything but it broke my heart. I never in a million years thought that he would cheat on me and I don’t know how to feel about it now. He said that he didn’t love me then the way that he does now, and that he regrets it more than anything. I just don’t understand why he was texting her again asking to come over a few months ago if this is true? He says that he will do absolutely anything to make this relationship work, and I really believe that he won’t do it again. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so distant and self conscious about myself now and I don’t know how to get past it. Help please!!

  40. My bf told me on Monday night tht he made out with his manager from his job 3 separate times and he’s confused outta his mind cause he doesnt know now what to do, He saids he still loves me alot and doesnt want to break up cause he doesnt want to but at the same time he was suppose to call me and he didnt, he doesnt text me or anything .

    I told him I wasnt mad people make mistakes and it happens. 3yrs together so its hard for us both, he had an argument a week ago and tht same night he got drunk and everyone else and did that. She wanted more and he said no that he could not do it cause I came into his mind and stopped.

    Now he’s avoiding her at work because he jus wants to be away from everything to think. I can understand that but I told him not to shut me out we use to talk bout everything together and he needs to not make a choice based on a kiss he had with just her. Im going to cali to see him and this summer and he wants to see me and I do too to sort this thing out.

    But I just dont understand why he wont talk to me and not distance himself just makes things worse. and I miss him like crazy. I still love him yes I do and Im willing to make it all work out he knows that I told him already. Anyone can help in how I can find a way for him to respond I know he needs to talk to someone bout this if not with me. What can I do??

  41. It’s very tiring when women who have been cheated on post baby say it is best to stay together for the sake of the child. I know no child would be thankful to
    have a doormat as a mother. Far better to have the strength and courage to raise a child solo while learning a host of skills as opposed to be a fretting stepford wife.

  42. I just found out a month ago my boyfriend cheated while i was pregnant. He was an financial advisor for a company and it was with one of his clients. He said due to the pressure of having a baby all of a sudden he was trying to get money together to support us. He went to her to sign some papers for his job and she said that she wouldnt unless he slepted with her. He did and kepted on because she blacked mailed him. I had a gut feeling and he would lie and say i was crazy and it just really tore my self esteem down. Even before i found out about this woman he would flirt with other women on social media. I feel like its BS because he couldve went a whole different route. He has a degree and we have a supportive family that wouldve helped us until we were stable. Im so hurt from this and dont know which way to go. Could you give me your opinion about it.

    1. Hey trese..
      I had a similar encounter with my ex. while I was pregnant, he would go out with friends and talk with girls. while i was wobbling around with his baby lol.. I found out he cheated on me like a week before I gave birth…. I forgave him , but of course I never forgot..I found out he cheated on me AGAIN not to long ago, and i called it quits.. The best advice i can give to you is to not give up just yet. since there is a baby involved.. But if its a continuous pattern, then yes you should move on.. Its very hard to build trust back, after your significant other has cheated on you…. you will only beat your self down if you continue to forgive him again and again.. Your blessing will come, and once you let go of this relationship. you may find your TRUE love, some one that will love you unconditionally and treat you like a queen…

  43. I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. I want him to go through his phone, through his email, put trackers on his phone, and restore his phone so I can see there were no others that I don’t know about. Is this healthy or is this a sign that I should just leave? I’m so lost, please help!

    1. That’s just a typical thing that all of girls would love to do.. but its not healthy at all!… If you want to make things work with him, then DO NOT do that. It will only cause problems in your relationship. You may find out he’s still cheating, or he may be faithful and lose trust towards you, for going behind his back.. But if hes a cheater, and have patterns of cheating your best bet will be to leave him alone,. Dont put that stress on your self to follow his every move.

  44. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    It takes courage and strength to talk about what you’re going through. Your honesty will help other girls who are searching for ways to know if they can trust their boyfriends after they cheated.

    May you find wisdom to see your relationship clearly, strength to do what’s best for you, and discipline to keep moving forward. I pray that you put your gut instincts above your need to be loved by your boyfriend, your desire to be in a relationship with him. I pray that you listen to that still small voice that is telling you what to do. May you reach out for God’s hand, and let Him guide you to a life of joy, peace, and freedom.

  45. I’ve been in a relationship for three years, he cheated on the first year I forgave him and we tried to move on, not so far when I found out he was trying to get girls on Craigslist, I found out through his email. He never had luck though, they never replied. I confronted him and he swears he never cheated again and that if he did that is because I am a shady person and he thought that I was doing things behind his back. I am at the point where I am tired and all I want is peace. He begs me not to leave and say’s he is willing to do whatever it takes to make this work, but I really don’t know If I want to stay or leave. I love him, but I can’t get over it and I always torture myself. He is a great human being, but as a partner he is not that great. I need some help, please!

    1. Hi gabby!

      I just broke up with my boyfriend on tuesday for the last and final time. I experienced what you are going through with Craigslist back in October 2014, caught him trying to have sex with girls. This time he was using back page and says he just wanted a massage and figured he would get a happy ending as well. Our relationship never changed after October, he was nice for a month and then back to himself which is shady and unaffectionate. Unfortunately we lived together and his reasoning for doing this, is because I was smothering him… Kind of hard not to when he was always shady and doing many things wrong. Just think before you take him back, I wish I would of left after the first time. My ex admitted to having severe mental problems from a bad childhood and agrees he needs to see a shrink. Good luck in your situation.

    2. When you live someone that much and they do not respect and cherish that love and most importantly return that love bck to you. Then they r taking advantage and manipulating you. They are immature little boys who are hiding in mens bodies. They want and need the ego boost and security of being loved so much but are incapable of loving back. So yhey say, do, and manipulate you which is easy because they know how deep ur feelings are. They bank on it to keep u around. In my opinion that is just plain evil self centered and selfish to not care that you are going to if not already hurting this person again. It wont be long until they find another like you and realize u r tiring of them or just get bored and hv someone else secured and they will break up. Everytime things don’t work out with the other person they will take another run at you to see if u will bite then they will do it again. In the meantime u hv wasted so much time and energy on worry, pain, tears, etc. That you are surely missing someone who is capable and truly will love you. Someone who has bn searching 4 a girl like u. Don’t waste ur time. Just went through it myself. The plot never changes, and tape keeps repeating the same words over and over again. The only thing that changes is the pain and heartaches get worst and u r left broken and void of any self esteem. I hate these type of people man or woman. Please move on and start setting higher standards through example for others. People hv become far to accepting of this f’d up behavior.

  46. I’m glad i found this site.I recently found out that my boyfriend for 8 months was flirting with lots of girls on a dating site. I told him about it and at first he denied it but then i told him that i’ve talked to one of the girls and she confirmed that she has been talking on him on skype, exchanging i love you’s with each other. He then confess that yes it was him and says he is not serious with her and i am the only one he wants, blah blah blah… I tried to break up with him and he agreed but I take back my word because i realized i cant do it…i love him so much and i dont want to lose him…now im starting to think of i did the right thing…i dnt know if i should still trust him…i asked him to change his relationship status on facebook so that the girls he’d been talking to knows that he already have a girlfriend, he changed his relationship status but set it to private and he’s the only one who can see it.. i have access to his facebook and i want to change it to public but im afraid of his reaction once he found out what i did. want to confront him about it but im afraid that he will get angry at me and break up with me…i dnt know what to do right now….please help.. thanks
    please excuse my english. 🙂

    1. lene i am with a similare type of guy he was doing the same thing guess what i went back now we live together and he hit me two weeks ago and im four months pregnant i know he cant be trusted i know it now his phone is locked again i know what i have to do and i think you do too lene get rid of him before its too late

  47. How do I get past this. Its been over a year since I found out. we’ve been together 13 year. Our relationship has improved. I just cant get over it. I think about it daily. I try to keep myself busy. I cant help but think hes done this before. With the way his behavior was when he was having the affair. Looks really familiar to behavior I’ve seen through out the relationship. Im just having a hard time moving forward. He is remorseful we have 3 kids. I just cant get it out of my head. He had sex with a 21 year old. He was 44 at the time. For 3 months he lied to me. He was planning to move her in after he found a way to move me and the kids out.Ive been through hell for the past year going through all the emotions please help me. Im a 35 year old I have a college degree and trying to get my life together. I have a full time job. Im a great person. Should I try to make this work or is it over. I think about the affair daily. Will I ever get past it?

    1. Hey Tara,

      Sorry to hear that. No one can tell you whether or not you should stay but the fact that he was going to let her take yours and the kids place is just bad. I would feel the same way you do and all though hard would most likely leave if he was willing to go to such an extent!!

  48. Hi I have have been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months. I have recently found out he has been exchanging explicit texts with a woman and when confronted he has admitted it went as far as her giving him oral. He is destroyed he has hurt me as far as I can tell begging for my forgiveness saying he will do whatever it takes to fix this. Our relationship hasn’t been easy my eldest son hasn’t accepted him in my life and that’s meant we haven’t been able to spend time together alone very much. He also works away a lot as well. I need to know if I should give this another go I love him so much right now my heart is broken

  49. im edelyn and i have a bf for almost 2 years now i live in phils and he is in australia…. 1 week ago he tells me that he been talking to someone online i ask him if he want to choose this girl he said he wont choose any of us but later before we end up talking on skype he still wants to talk to me….then the next morning before he went to work he told me i do love you edelyn i dont know why i started talking to her but dont worry i will tell her that i have you in my life so i believe him and until now we still together even we are far away from each other i just want to know and ask advice what to do thank and more power

  50. I have a long distance relationship with boyfriend and he cheated on me but he admitted it and afraid of losing me, he said he just did it because of the girl always tempting him but they don’t have a relationship just lust. Should I give him a chance?

    1. If he couldn’t respect u enough the first time what different would it make the second time know ur worth he would never learn if u keep forgiving and allowing him to do that

      1. Cece,
        I met a man back in 2011 online who is now my boyfriend of 4 years. He cheated on me with an ex 2 weeks before I moved out to his state; 6 states away from mine. I gave up a career and my whole life and comforts to live in, an impoverished state, and I supported him until his immaturity became too much and I had him move back into his parent’s basement. He has a pattern with flirting with women, despite my concern being discussed. He can’t seem to set healthy boundaries, although he has not physically cheated again, he does not understand what respect for a significant other entails. We have been together for 4 years and the relationship has improved, December was the last time he had questionable female friendships and was the last time I confronted him with his damaging text messages to a girl with my same first name lol…. He damaged my trust so badly that now I am thinking of breaking up with him for the last time. He doesn’t seem to understand how respect for a committed relationship works and what healthy boundaries are set in order to have friendships with the opposite sex. Now, the trust issues have resurfaced due to a female co worker of his that he won’t tell me a name for. He has met all of my friends but for some reason he never allowed me to meet his so called female friends that he had inappropriate interactions with in which I confronted him about. This relationship is damaged due to his behavior and patterns, I am not understanding why he won’t let me meet these friendly women, if that is what they are…..Friends. I want to be fair but I have to learn to trust or walk away… I urge you to think hard about relocating to be with this guy. I don’t want any woman or man in a relationship to ever feel the pain that I have tearing me up daily…Please be wise and think and make a pros and cons list…See for yourself if its worth it. I love my man but, the pain I experienced may have been just too much to have our relationship salvaged. After 4 years since he cheated we are still trying to repair our relationship. Don’t make the mistake I made.

  51. I know it may sound stupid but, me and my boyfriend have been dating for a month. One day, it was my friend’s birthday party and his friend also had one, so I said that it’s okay to not go to my friend’s birthday party and that he should go to his friend’s party instead. I decided to leave the party that I was at (because I was really tired) and went home. When I was already sleeping, my boyfriend suddenly sent me a text message, asking if I was still awake and if we could talk. I said yes and he called immediately. While on the phone, I was really happy to hear his voice and asked how the party was, when he suddenly said “I’m sorry.” I asked him why he was apologizing and he told me that he cheated on me. My boyfriend is a generous, loving (he makes me feel like the only girl in the world), and kind, but he also has family problems. The environment that he was raised in, his older sister basically raised him because his mom never pays attention to her children anymore. He just told me tht night, what he was truly feeling about his family and how jealous he is with my family because they are strict, but they pay attention to me and he also wants that kind of attention from his parents. Though, it may not seem much but he made out with this girl at the party who happens to also have a boyfriend. I really do love my boyfriend, but I don’t know what to do. We live kind of far away from each other so we meet once or twice every week, but every time he says that he loves me, he misses me, and that he needs me, it hurts me so much because I kind of want to break up with him, but I love him too much to do that. I don’t know if I should believe him or not, and just to put it out there, no, we haven’t had sex because it’s a really big thing for both of us. Please I need some advices because I want that trust again.

  52. This morning i found out my fiancé for almost 3 years told me he been cheating on me throughout z entire relationship. Wen i called n don’t get him it’s because he’s with dem. N when he told me hes going out of town to deal with business r visit family members it’s one of his other woman he went to see. He told me i was z only woman to ever slept in his bed but i know it wasn’t true. I always av dreams of it n tell him but he flires up on me. I av accepted soooo many things he did to me n i can’t hate him people will think am a fool but he had accepted my past which is worst that wat he did without judging me. N our baby girl which is 20 months today needs her daddy. He also told me he been talking to another girl a month now n he’s gonna tell her n everyone the true of wat he did to me n break it off with her. Just keep us in your prayers please. We love each other that’s one thing that’s real.

  53. I need help ppl me and my boyfriend has been dating For almost a year but hes been cheating on me and flirting with other girls and then i tell him why has he been cheating on me and he just tells me hes Sorry and that he diente wanna lose me that hes gonna change but idont know what to do anymore

    1. The only way he is going to change is if you put your foot down don’t just stand for the sorry word because if he do it again he will think in the back of his mind all I have to say is sorry and she will forgive me and forget. Men don’t cheat at all if he loves you just as much as you love him then he wouldn’t dare wanna cheat on you. We as women have to let these men know that if you cheat on me again then you will loose something good and sometimes that’s all it takes is for him to feel like he’s going to loose you to change good luck to you

  54. Hi. I’m Jade, 23 years old.
    I am desperately need advice about how should i do to my almost 4 years relationship. It begins when i start my internship as a dentist (I’m study dentistry) and he (my bf) hasn’t got a job yet. I’m clearly saying that I will wait him till he has his own income. From time to time, he become more and more sensitive. Just a little misunderstanding, can make us fight for 2 days. I admit, I’m guilty too, but he still ignoring me when i cry, asking him for forgive me. He is a very nice typical boy that any girl can fall for. Note that her previous gf once terror me for being with him. On my previous relationship, i am cheated on my ex that time, with my classmate. My bf know all of my story, he said that he really like me and want to be with me always, and i promise i would never did the same thing on him. Our relationship is already approved by both side of family. I am very close with his mother and little sister, in fact when we hang out together, his sister and his mother always beside me and my bf just walk behind us and not saying any word. I assume he like seeing me close with his mom and sister.
    When my 22 yo birthday, the week before we have a huge fight. He don’t call me for the entire week. It was midnight when he came to my house bring a bday cake, you know bday surprise with his niece and his little sister. Because i am so mad at him not contact me for days, i didn’t open my door and just leave him outside until the candle is run out. For 15 minutes i stay inside hearing him sing happy bday. I am shocked when i heard a car engine, i look outside and he isn’t there. He is leaving the cake and go back home just in few minutes, leaving me feeling guilty til i can’t fall asleep anymore. The next day i called him, apologize at him, and he accept it. I told him i was so wrong for not appreciate what his doing for my birthday surprise.
    Few days ago, accidentally i saw a photo with my boyfriend in it, wrapping his arm along a girl neck and taking picture in a flower garden, it’s so romantic. And you can guess, he cheated on me. For almost 1 year now. There are lots lots of picture of them hugging and kissing each other forehead.
    I am so shocked seeing all that picture, the girl even swearing at me in one of her fb statuses saying that i am a crazy dentist, need to go to the psychiatrist, not able to move on and bla bla.
    I ask him about her and he said they just friend and the girl suppose to be his older brother girlfriend. He saying it to me while crying. Yes. He is crying. And i just fall deeply into his tears and apologize him just in that time. The next day i called him and ask about the girl. And you know what? He said i don’t need to ask about that girl because she is nothing for him, and if i ask again he just want to break up with me. He said he is no longer good enough for me, and i should fond another man. Yeah. I am totally confused. The girl is keep posting those picture with him, she even respond a fb comment saying that they (she and my bf) should just get married because they look so good together, she said that just wait for the invitation. It’s crazy right? I am so lost now. I don’t understand why my boyfriend don’t wanna talk about that girl, and why on earth is she posting pictures on her fb profile that she is have relationship with him (she make a fake fb profile using my bf name picture).
    From the first time we met, my bf is a shy character, even til the last time we met he still treat me like I’m the only one for him. i still can’t understand why should he cheated on me with that girl.
    He said i am the best for her, he only loves me, he will try his best for me. He even said he is the most loyal bf in the world, and he would never ever cheat on me. I really do love him. A lot.
    Thank you before. I am look forward for anyone that can give me some reasonable advice.

    1. Okay listen he’s lying to you they can’t just be friends he’s playing both sides here she wouldn’t just be on Facebook come on now what do she have to gain and the signs are there honey. Why would he just break up with you just because you wanna know if he’s with that girl or not the best thing I can say is let him go he’s not good for you sometimes it’s okay to be single less bs for you because you can do bad by your self you have a career Hun let him go because the right one could be waiting for you everything you just said in your question was your answer and he’s not good a man with know job and two girls is good to him he may feel like he got the both of best worlds because of mind control telling you two what YALL wanna hear listen honey focus on you and your career drop that player and wait you will see better come alone. One thing about us women we are strong but weak when it comes to love. Good luck to you

  55. Hi All

    My husband has been flirting with a co-worker online and it makes me very uncomfortable. He has only known her for around a month but talks to her daily when he’s at home and supposed to be with the kids and I. He claims that she initiates all the contacts and that they are just friends but he initiates the contact too only he deletes the message so I can’t tell but reading the email trail it’s obvious that there were other messages that would have started the conversation.

    I know he’s not sleeping with her ….. Yet! but I really believe it’s only a matter of time. I was honest with him and told him that I’m not comfortable but he just doesn’t seem to care, instead he gives me a look of disappointment when I bring it up and makes he feel paranoid. He has always been a flirt and always has dozens of female friends and I have never stopped him. He has been out for meals and to the movies with these girls before but I am just not jealous by nature and this is kinda why we work.

    But this girl is different. I see her as a real problem. They talk about sex (in general, not with each other – not sure if this makes it better though) and how he is her type of guy (she likes black guys) and about keeping their conversations a secret from people at work – so they don’t get the ‘wrong impression’ apparently.

    He has had three online ‘relationships’ in the past six months where he definitely overstepped the mark and was receiving inappropriate pictures from a woman and they talked about sex a lot.

    I thought we’d gotten through that and maybe on some level its that that has made feel this way about his co-worker but I can’t shake the feeling that something will happen unless I intervene. I have asked him not to talk to her at night while I am asleep (as he started to do this often especially after he would claim he was too tired to spend quality time with me), not to talk about anything inappropriate and not to delete messages from their online conversations as after I confronted him about her, he would still speak to her and then delete the messages. He promised he would do this but within two days he broke his promise – twice!

    I would never ask him to stop speaking to her as that’s just not me but I think it’s only fair that whilst we are having these trust issues that he takes a break from her as we should be working on our marriage not speaking to co-workers every evening.

    Am I asking too much?

    1. You are absolutely NOT asking too much. And you shouldn’t be asking. You should be demanding that your husband treat you with more respect than he is. *YOU* are the prize. He should be fighting to keep you, not the other way around!

      After 21 years of marriage, my husband did the same thing to me. I bent over backwards to do nice things for this woman who needed his help because he was her friend. To repay me, she traded hours and hours of phone calls and thousands of texts with my husband. I had had an affair with a coworker much like your story above a decade before, so I knew it damn well would become physical if we didn’t nip it in the bud pronto. When I called him out on it, he promised to set boundaries with her, which he immediately ignored. He, too, refused to even put the friendship aside while we were in marriage counseling. I ended up spending over a week in the hospital because of suicide risk. Rather than end a friendship with someone he’d only known a few years, he threw away the precious partnership we built over a quarter of a century together. I hope it turns out to be the lay of a lifetime, because he lost BIGTIME when he lost me.

  56. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    The first way to know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated is your own gut feeling. If you’re hesitating or wondering if you should trust your boyfriend — or if you think he’ll cheat again — then that’s your answer! You can’t trust him.

    Your own peace of mind is most important. Don’t listen to what anyone else tells you. Listen to your gut instincts, and do what you think is best.

    Don’t be fooled by your heart or how much you love him. Instead, make a decision that would make your mom proud.

  57. My boyfriend cheated on me 1 month in our relationship and we broke up for a few months. I ended up getting close with someone else and we dated. It didn’t work out so my ex and I decided to get back together. He cheated on me with the mother of his children the first time. Then recently, on May 12th, he cheated on me with another woman. We were both at work but he got off earlier then me. We were arguing and I told him it was over I’m done with him (It wasn’t the first time I had said that). He got off work 2 hours earlier and went to this woman’s house and had sex with her. I text him and asked if he made it home. No response. I called and no answer. Then his number shows up and I answer, and I hear this woman’s voice asking me who the hell I am. My heart almost stopped. That hurt so bad. He ends up getting kicked out by her and he calls me saying he’s sorry etc SMH. We end up staying together. A few weeks later, the mother of his children starts blowing up his phone early in the morning. I wake him up like answer your phone. He goes outside with his phone and long story short, she came to his residence sayi uhng she was going to do this And do that. He comes in the house and he’s like I don’t deserve anything good. I’m lie what did you do?? He tells me before the most recent incident, he cheated with the kid’s mother before that. I lost my mind. We have been trying to work on things but I can’t stop bringing it up. I don’t know how to let this go. I keep breaking up with him but he just keeps saying I want you, don’t leave me, crying, etc. He tells me he wants me to get over it so we can move on. What should I do?

    1. DTMFA, because that last part is the hugest red flag of all time. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your needs or do anything to make you feel better and heal, he just wants you to get the hell over it already so you can get back to the more important business of making sure HIS needs get met. I say you should agree with him. “You’re right. We will move on. We’ll just be doing it in separate lives.”

  58. Dear author,

    I have a boyfriend for almost 2 years now. In his previous relationship, he cheated on the girl. In fact, when we met, he was still with the girl, but said reasons like the relationship was going sour even before we met. I admit to mildly flirting with him when he was still with his previous girlfriend, but he broke it off with her before officially pursuing me. Months later, I received word from my friend that my guy was being “overly-friendly” with her, and a guy friend of mine told me my guy chatted up a friend of his, and being too friendly with her. Months later, after we just had our first anniversary, we got into a fight. Two days later he had a one-night stand with a friend of his friends at a party. He told me two days after and begged for me to come back. So I did. Just this December we broke up again, and he told me he’d change, which I believe he did – in some aspects. But just now I’ve received word again that he was again being “overly-friendly” to a girl that’s a friend of our friends. Could he be cheating on me? He won’t ever let me see his facebook account, or his messages, and would get overly defensive about this. Saying stuff like me not having enough trust. Is it just me being paranoid, or is there something that’s really going on that I don’t know? I’d hate to think this, seeing as we’re about to celebrate our second year together, but I’ve always had this gut feeling, but I wonder if I’m right or wrong. I’d hate to snoop, since there’s a chance I’m wrong. So what can I do about this?

    1. I am sorry to say, but a blatant sign that a person should not be trusted is if they are secretive about their technology. if he has a lock on his phone, doesnt share his accounts or passwords, then he has something to hide. He has shown you over and over who he is, and that is a person who will cheat when he gets the chance or even when he gets bored of his relationships. I don’t like to generalize, but I think in this case the cliche rings true; once a cheater, always a cheater.

  59. Please help me pray.

    My boyfriend is a muslim and he already separated her wife but they still see each other becuase of the kids, i really felt that they are already done. It so happened i try to search her wife’s FB i dont know why somebody is guiding me to open one of the friend of his wife FB. Im really hurt coz i found to that FB account picture of him and how happy they are together as what he told me they are done of that girl and long time ago but all the post and pictures of the girl are very present and the time when we started they are still together. I talk to him ask about those what ived saw instead of he will explained to me his the one make angry and he told me why I do that to him. I really really love him and now i felt and i do believed the human instinct.

    Please i need your advise what im going to do coz i really really love him.

  60. I am really sad reading all those stories and it helps realizing I am not the only one.
    I am with my boyfriend for 2,5 years and before we were friends for a really really long time.
    End of the story: we broke up yesterday since he asked me if I can trust him ever again and I said probably not because he really hurt me and I just couldn’t forget. There were also other things..
    After a year being together I found out that he lied to me about meeting other girls mostly when I was working at weekends or wasn’t with him. I trusted him so much and never thought that he would lie to me and on this special evening when he was out and I just wanted to work on his computer I saw all this staff.. I was so shocked and it really broke my heart since I was madly and I am in love with him like with no other men before. I broke up then but after some time he called and texted me that he really regretted and wanted the relationship back. Back and forth we came together again and he really tried but still there were some situations that were strange for me and I still had my doubts about him. We were happy together and sharing a life, living in his apartment but still I found myself thinking bad of him even he tried hard. Now its over and I just feel so bad and miss him but maybe thats for the better because he really broke my trust which somehow is the base for a good relationship. I don’t know if I am to weak to overcome this or maybe we are not meant for each other or he doesn’t tried enough…. or I didn’t.. my thoughts are a mess and I have depression, I am unhappy and sad because I planned my future with him, and still think about the good memories. I am tired of arguing and being happy and sad the next moment. The relationship took so much energy out of me that I can’t be happy anymore and don’t know how to get trough this

  61. may god bless and uplift you sir pls i need you to advic me i hav been in a relationship for five years my guy loves me even more than i do luv him but he wount let go of sex not even for god sake i feel too much guilt nd unable to go close to god but he cantt just do without it .sometimes he act so strang asive he does nt want me again and many times he is an unconditional lover so because i know he luv me most time wen he start acting funny i just clung to him even wen i know he might be seein anoda woman bu at d end he still come down and be d darlin he use to be he ones dated a girl dat i knw but after somtim they broke up he told me it will neva happen again .recently he stats misbehaving again it seems he want to quit but we stil continue. i suspect him of a lady he called his friend butt he told me he is jst helpin her because she had a child nd d guy does nt care about her and she has no mother butt wen he found out that i know sometin is wrong he called me and told me dat dis lady ask him out but he did not accept and she is jeoulous of me dat is y she lied to him dat my sister told her i have some one i want to marry dat is y he almost broke up with me until wen i calld d suspected guy in his presenc and ask him not to call me again befor he knew dat lady was lying and he told me i woutc her again its me he love after two weeksd lady told my sis dat my guy asked her out and told her he does not lov me and he wil breakup but does not wanto b at fault dat i am a lier a cheet he does not trust me so hearin dis she accepted him and she even took in for him but aborted it stil he din break up with me my sister told me all i confront my guy i was heart broken he told me all are lies it because she want to destroy our relationship becaus he refuse her i persuaded him we went and c d lady and in his presenc she said all dose tins she told my sis ar true and she took in for him all he could say to her is but did i deny u she was willin to call a witness wen i turned my back and left eventually all dat my sis ttold me is true i told him i cant continue but i hav forrgiven him all his friend begged me he knelt down cryin an begin me for mor dan an hourf and wount even let me go he was deeply sory and he realy want to marry me but my big. problem is the time dis lady isued was exposd to me was d time i went on fastin and prayyer dat God shoud show me if. dis guy in question is God,s. wii for me or not and within 3days all dis happen is it datt god has. given me a. reason to break up or forgive him be caus losing me will mak his life miserabll he promise a new him i dont want to dis obey d voice of god. and dis guy truly luv me am confus i need your advic as soon as possible pls thanks

  62. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear samke,

    My prayer is that you find strength, courage, and healing. May you gain wisdom, and may you see your relationships clearly. Deep down, you know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you! You’ve been with him for so many years, and you know what type of man he is. He has shown himself to you. I pray that you find the courage to let him go, wisdom to know how to start healing your self-esteem, and support in friends and family and God. I pray for healing. May you grieve the end of your relationship – the death of the dreams you had for a life with this man – and may your heart start to feel joy again.

    I pray that you realize how lovable, valuable, unique, and wonderful you are. You deserve a man who will treat you with respect, honor, and honesty. I pray that you give this gift to yourself — the gift of freedom and short-term pain, so you can love and be happy and healthy in the long term.


  63. I have a problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 8years now .I am 24yr & he’s 26yrs.ever since he was cheating on me.when I caught him then he apologise for that.but I am not happy now because I can’t trust him m anymore I feel like an idiot in this relationship. He is a drunker so when he’s out with his friend I feel like he’s going to see his girlfriend out there.
    It happen that I want to let it go but m heart still love him.
    I don’t know if my my self esteem is
    Low or I’m desparate for love..every time when I try to trust him again he start doing thing that will make me not to trust him . he’s not answering my calls at night.
    Please help me with your prayer .

  64. me and the love of my life have now been together for two strong years. it wasnt fully strong at points though. two-three months into the relationship he went on his usual family vacation that i decided not to go to. He had a one night stand that i found out about because even though being with her was a one night stand, he kept in touch with her for a month. he stopped as soon as multiple things happened and he still now realizes how terrible of a mistake it was. no he isnt just telling me that either. he saw how bad it hurt and still hurts me and the guilt is so strong radiating off him. i just find it hard to completely get over it. i forgave and didnt forget like you are suspose to but i wish i could erase it. thats whats hard. i remind myself of it everyday and i still after two years made it better but am still not over it. im writing this to try and voice it out in hopes that it helps me move on that extra step. im tired of making my love feel guilty over the only mistake he made. i hate that it happened but i want to stop dwelling on the past and move forward with the love of my life and our lives together. we have so much to go through together and our growing lifes and family together. this issue is the last thing i need to be frustrating myself about. we WILL move forward after this. i WILL be stronger. WE WILL get over it TOGETHER and MOVE ON with our life together. WE love each other, WE both make and will make and made mistakes, but we WILL push through it and continue to only love each other. WE are the only important things in our relationship and it will get stronger with everyday i love him.

  65. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Joy,

    Your boyfriend is cheating on you. He wants a relationship with you, and with his other girlfriend. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself — being in a relationship with a boyfriend who loves other women? Of course this isn’t what you want! You can’t trust your boyfriend, and you need to accept that he’s a cheater. You deserve better, my friend.

    My prayer for all girlfriends who are in relationships with cheating boyfriends is for strength and courage. May you find enough self-love and self-respect to leave this relationship, and find a man who is faithful, loving, respectful, and kind. I pray that you become emotionally and spiritually healthy, so you can see through your boyfriend’s lies and do what’s best for you. May you be filled with encouragement, inspiration, and hope. You WILL find someone who will love and honor you – but first you need to break free from this toxic, unhealthy, destructive relationship.


  66. Me nd my boyfrnd have been dating 4 2yrs nd nw he is dating another gal nd he doesnt want to let me go nd dont want to tell d gal its over nd their relationship is jst 6mnt pls wat should i do i really need help

  67. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    How do you know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you? You take a leap of faith.

    But it’s more than that – your gut is telling you if you can trust him again. Deep down, you know if your boyfriend is trustworthy. That’s the easy part. The hard part is trusting your gut instincts instead of following your heart. Your heart wants to trust him, your heart wants your relationship to be romantic and right and good. Your heart wants your boyfriend back.

    But your heart ignores your gut, and your gut is always right.

  68. I’m in a relationship with my bf for 3 years and 2 months. Then he asked for space. In the length of 3 days space he asked for forgiveness saying he got emotionally attached to another girl and during his time thinking it out he realized he can’t live without me. I said I want a break up cause I’ve been loyal and faithful to him while he isn’t. He doesn’t want to break up and is sincerely asking me back. I gave him a second chance but then I talked to the girl and I found out he lied to me. He was the one confronting the girl not the other way around. I talked to him about it and asked for an official break up. He told me he didn’t tell the truth cause he wants me back and cant live without me and cause I wont forgive him when I found out. I broke up with him still. The next day he keeps asking me back saying that he made a mistake and that he now learned his lesson. He’s saying he wants to start again new with me. Should I give him another chance?

  69. I caught my boyfriend with another girl in his apartment recently it was on a saturday night after i spend the afternoon with him on the following thursday he asks me if i can help him with few thousands for his drivers drivers license upgrade i said yes not that i had that kind of money i just wanted a way to talk about our issues little did i know he planned that the money be deposited in his bank account i then told him that i wont be able to assist him it is a lot of money considering its january and he sent me an sms blaming me for not being able to assist him; how much he trusted i will give him the money that was five days after i caught him with other women and he has these funny status on whatsapp like ïts better to be a player than to love” we havent really talked about his cheating as i never gave him a chance i was angry, hurt dissapointed was not even taking his calls, he use to be so sweet we saw each other every day called each other couple of times in one day we were inseparable…i dont understand what went wrong its like he doesnt see anything wrong he blames me for a call i received from my ex-boyfriend that came in as a private number he doesnt understand that i did not know it was my ex calling since it was a private number he suffered a mild stroke after that and blamed me ever since.
    is there a change this relationship can be saved? at all

  70. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years …. Last year … Well was horrible
    I went to work and came home .. he was not working at the time … I started to notice little things start to change we were always madly in love then all the sudden he started being mea. and meaner and meaner and saying he wanted to be away from me and the whole nine yards … Which was very in like him we were together everyday before this and very happy… Then I went to go have a girls day a few weeks after my bday to finally see my best friend and get our nails done … He insisted he tag along… I said okay and got him a pedicure ( although it wasn’t I’m the budget due to tight on money because I was only working) he came got his feet done and was done well before us so he said he would go grab some smokes and drop by our mutual friends… He did and when he picked us back up he was late … Very late and we waited out side in winter … Then he returned and handed me my phone… It had died while he was using it… When I charged it the last thing he was on popped up… It was a dating site… With his login . I confronted him in tears… I was paying for his truck working a horrible job I hate to find this…I was devistated… He swore up and down it would never happen again logged in and let me look at the dating site … He had 6 girls going calling them baby his queens and begging to hangout and for pictures… It Igor me hard. I decided our two years was worth saving because we had been through a lot together and loved each other … Two days later I found it again… He swore it was the old one but admitted to asking girls dept more pictures and I deleted it with him now to make sure… I cried for days ( we were engaged ) … Then that Saturday was a family members wedding social I did not fe to up for it being heart broken but him and his mom made me go anyways so I put on a brave face got ready and off we went
    The party wasn’t overly fun so I went on my email to check up on work make sure I did everything paper work wise and email wise before the party. ( I worked Saturdays too sometimes Sundays if we needed it ) and I find his email open again with girls sending him naked pictures form in the city and them making plans to hang out … I couldn’t handle it I got up went to get my jacket and asked him for my bank card so I could taxi home … When I asked him calmly for my card he lost it he was not happy and not in the right mind I asked I’d we could talk out side of he really insisted on speaking he agreed but was yelling at me and freaking out saying I’m snoopy and its my fault and he would ha e stopped and this would t have happened ed if I hadn’t looked .. I went to go grab my coat finally I had enough and he pushed me we went home he was intoxicated swearing at his mom and me and everyone his mom called the cops on him and I left went to a near by family members while at my family members the email was still logged on… I saw that even after all that had happened and him even after his freak out and the cops came and begged me agai. To stay was asking these girls if they had a car and if they’d hang out to ight at two am … Really hard his brother stepped in and lost it on him… His mom bla.ed me for everything that happened….
    Long story short he hasn’t done anything wrong in 11 no the now … Seems to have changed and is trying but I’m having a hard time trusting him… I reread some of the mags between him and I and I can’t help it and it hurts he looked me straight in ten eye and swore to me each time and I found worse things the next day… Now I have a hard time trusting him … I re read it from time to time and it hurts just as much as it did then… I can’t even talk about what happened without tears… We were engaged… Idk should I seek help… Is this normal to ‘re read and not trust fully … Do I see a couples counselor or am I just really traumatized from this and need personal help ?

  71. You don’t trust him. You forgive him and move on…away from him. The people who ‘trust’ a cheater or a liar after proven evidence are called desperate. You can do better. Someone who values you in their life and is afraid to lose you will never jeopardize their relationship by cheating. They will have a real FEAR that it will ultimately be found out.

    Even through the rough times, they will stay clean with you because they truly want you in their future.

  72. I can’t offer personal advice on how to heal after your boyfriend cheated on you — or if you can trust him after he had an affair.

    If you feel stuck and worried about future relationships, I encourage you to talk to a counselor. Reach out to someone, and share what you’re going through. It’s a huge betrayal when your boyfriend cheats on you, and trust does not come easily after an affair. But his cheating doesn’t have to ruin your future relationships, or change your dream of finding the right man to love.

    Wishing you healing and happiness,

  73. Hi.. im 31 n my ex is 29 yrs old. V were in a long distance relationship for a total of 9 mths before he dumped me just 1 week before i transfered to live closer to him (im a doctor n i got posted far away from home to work- 2.5 hrs by flight, and by transfering back i gave up my chance to pursue my masters which was my ambition). 3 days after dumping me(reason given – too many family problems at home n he cant handle being in a rship at that point), he coupled up with another gal while telling me repeatedly he wasnt seeing anyone else. I knew he was hiding sthg n only found out abt this nekw gal 1 mth after our break up. She told me they met on new years eve whereby he told her tad hes single n has been frequently meeting,chatting n making out since january. The thing is, in march i found out that he had cheated on me with his ex 1.5 mth after we coupled up in november last year (1 week after our abortion) n once at the 5/6th mth. The thing is,when i confronted him, he blamed me for it accusing me of “keeping in touch with my ex” which i wasnt n hiding my past from him… it completely devastated me because up til then, i had always trusted him 100% because he had initially swept me off my feet pretending to be the perfect guy (i felt at times to be too good to be true) n swore he would NEVER cheat or could have sexual rships outside a rship or w/o feelings attached n spoke abt marriage very early on the rship. It was infact him who set a timeline for our wedding etc. Now after finding out from his ex abt his cheating, i went into total depression n worst blamed myself. Did a stupid thing by believing he made a mistake n took him back as he repeatedly swore n reassured me till the time he unceremoniously dumped me that he wasnt cheating on me, msging his ex or any other woman. I completely trusted him. The few times when i did get paranoid i questioned him, he acted sad n hurt n made me feel so bad n guilty till i decided to send him a set of cupcake delivered with personalised message saying “im sorry”. Retrospectively, beyond stupid i know 🙁 its been 6 mths since the break up n i still cant stop thinking abt him n missing the good times – the incredible chemistry we had, spontaneous moments on our hdays, i had never felt that comfortable with any of my previous exs till i had concluded tht v might be soulmates (n im a deep cynic who doesnt believe in tht concept). N none of my exs had treated me tad well before – he was initially the most caring, courteous , generous, absolutely loving n attentive, he flew down to see me 4 times (till February). But thgs started to change from december when he started being very jealous n insecure over little thgs like my exs pics in my fb which i was tagged with n even my male collegues who i was purely just friends with. He also started fighting with me eachtime i went out with my male frens (v rarely do go out because everybody are docs n extremely busy with conflicting schedules). In the end, i eventually stopped going out with my friends because eachtime after ANY form of fights, his only solution was to break up n give me the silent treatment for days. The habitual breaking up changed me from a very secure, emotionally independent , stable individual to a insecure, needy one with time. I clung on harder the more i felt that he was pulling away. I had become so accustomed to his constant attention, without it i felt dysfunctional. Before i met him, i was never was needy nor clingy or this emotionally dependent on any of my exs. Slowly, i found out from his sister,aunt n ex tht he had lied to me abt him purchasing the current house tjat hes living in with his parents n sister (it was solely bought by his father), his education level n his responsibility in taking care n bathing his dad whos paralysed after a stroke .

    Right after i found out about his new gf, i found out i was pregnant again n confronted him because i really couldn’t live with the guilt of having to do another abortion 🙁 he cold heartedly told me tad he didn’t love me n i cant force him to be in a rship because of my pregnancy. After alot of thinking, i decided to go through with the abortion n i told him, he offered no money nor emotional support. I got it done myself n still suffer from nightmares due to the guilt n trauma. Despite all this mistreatment, i still couldn’t accept the reality n succumbed to false hope n fell for his lies during the first 4 mths after the break up where he came to me n told me tht he made a mistake by breaking up with me so soon etc n actually engaged in sexual activity (i was under the impression tht he had broken up with his new gf but later found out tht he lied again). The new girls still with him despite knowing he cheated on her 3 times.

    I know this guys a pure scumbag. But during the course of the rship, i had fallen to love him unconditionally . Some days im ok knowing that im better off without him n i deserve much better but somedays i regress into guilt n self blame. Im being treated for severe depression with PTSD.

    I feel so awful n like such a loser because i should be hating this guy but i dont. Sometimes i wish he could realise his mistakes n come back. Till date, he never gave me a heartfelt apology, only callous ones to get me in the sack. My psychiatrist thinks that he is a classic narcissist n a sociopath (pathological liar, never his fault but always someone elses, no conscience, no guilt,no remorse etc) just as i had suspected since i found out a bulk abt his true colours n the real story abt thier rship n break up from his ex gf. Wat he had told me abt her was all lies (i confirmed this with his mum as they were close n abt to get married). He broke up with her giving the very same reason n soon after coupled up with me. According to her, when they met in november (the 1st time), he never told her abt me n the 2nd time, told her tad he had only dated me for 2 mths n it was a big mistake n tad he loves her n only hern wanted her back. At this point, he was messaging 3 ppl simultaneously – me, his ex n the new gal-his current gf (god knws how many more tht im unaware off).

    I do not know if my nightmares will ever stop n if i will ever get over him 🙁 at this point it feels like i will never succesfully move on. I have completely lost my ability to trust any man again n view them all with complete disdain n disgust. I feel like i might have caused him to stray due to sum little fights on my part, im not sure. According to him, fights are not normal in rships n he cant tolerate fights n he needs his gf or anyone infact to always be nice n in a good mood towards him. He always accusses me of being rude whenever i question him abt somethg that bothers me, instead of addressing the issue, he often walks away claiming i was “rude” when in actual fact i never raisrd my vouce nor did i use any disrespecting words etc. Im just so confused n i’ve completely lost touch with whats normal n wat isnt…

    sorry for the very lengthy story… n thank u for readingm i really would appreciate some advice.

    1. I totally feel you on everything. My fiance of 5 years was the only guy also that I’ve ever felt completely comfortable with. We clicked instantly and he pesued me aggressively until I caved. He was the one to move the relationship along quickly and too quickly at timea. He has 2 kids that I accepted as my own and a very pain in the a** ex baby mama who has tried her best to make me feel awful. She is really pretty but I am too and I think that bugged her so she would dress up big time everytime we met with the kids. I thought it was funny until I started seeing things that made me feel uncomfortable. 2 yrs in she threw in my face that he was in love with her and wrote her that he wanted to be with her. He had already told me this story so I thought no big deal but he left out the i want to be with u part and replaced it with I want my kids back. So this destroyed me but I got over it cuz he said he was trying to protect me. He was perfect the first 2 years absolutely wonderful and we were blissfully happy and had a very active sex life (4-5 times a day for at least the first year) things started changing after he went into a huge nasty custody battle and he became very rude and mean to me. Snapping at me for everything and blamING me for everything even things so ridiculous.
      Yesterday I found out I’m pregnant and recently before this i found out I have a septated uterus so it’s hard to get pregnant and keep full term. I don’t want to be with him but I cant get myself to leave cuz he’s still the man I met sometimes and rarely but that keeps me hanging on. I Dont want to abort the oreganancu becuz what if I can’t again. I’m so hurt by him and it’s weird he doesn’t care. He is a piece of crap and i know I can do better. I am very good looking and get guys hitting on me all the time and if I talk to a guy he flips out and accuses me of cheating which happened recently and it was a scary fight. It’s weird he expects an explanation from me and gets it and gets to kick me out of the house for talking to a guy while having a cig. And he gets away with asking for sex from all these nasty girls and his exes who know who I am and I know prob feel pretty good about themselves. I have become weak and i hate it but his kids are like mine now and our lives are so intertwined it’s hard to leave. I keep hoping he will change and go back to who I met but then again he was talking to his exes when i thought there was no way he could want another. So confused and sad and it seems I just let it go one day at a time pushing it to tomorrow. I’ll leave him tomorrow I’ll talk to him tomorrow but it never happens. And he always comes out looking like the man and I’m the crazy b and I’m not but he calls me it and I know everyone prob thinks it’s me cuz I’m usually in hysterics crying. Why do they do this to us. He had it made with me why did he want to fool around with another. It’s so annoying and my friend is going thru the same thing and it feels like all guys are like this. That u can never feel 100 percent secure in a relationship. So annoyed and know what I got to do but now that I’m pregnant it’s all messed up.

  74. Dear S,

    Thank you for being here – I am very sorry to hear your boyfriend cheated on you. It is devastating and heartbreaking. He lied to your face, he cheated on you on your birthday, and now he wants to just shrug it off as being drunk. It was meaningless to him.

    What would do if I were you? I would break up with him immediately. I wouldn’t trust my boyfriend after he cheated on me and lied about it — unless he went to relationship counseling with me. He would need to do something to prove he was trustworthy.

    There’s something about your boyfriend that tells me he will cheat again. I don’t know what it is, but I get the feeling that he isn’t someone you can trust.

    What do you think you should do?

    My prayer for you is that you learn that you are a valuable, beautiful, lovable woman who deserves a boyfriend who doesn’t cheat on you. There ARE men in the world who don’t cheat, and I pray that you are able to see how special and unique you are. May you have the courage to break up with your boyfriend, and the strength to rebuild your emotional spirit so you can recognize a man who will not cheat on you. May you find peace, love, and joy.


  75. I just found out my boyfriend of nearly 5 years cheated on me and i don’t know what to do.

    It all started a few months ago when i recieved a facebook message telling me my boyfriend slept with someone else (on the night of my birthday no less) i confronted him about this and he told me it was all a lie and he didn’t even know this girl. I trusted him 100% so i let it go and tried to forget about it. This was in May. Its now August and I went on facebook on my laptop and saw i had a message in my ‘other’ folder from the same girl. I asked him if he had anything to tell me and he said no. I turned the laptop round and told him to lok at it. The girl had sent me screenshots of a private message conversation of the two of them with him begging her not to say anything more. He finally cane clean and it has devasted me. I don’t know what to do. He says he still loves me and still wants to be in a relationship (we’ve recently been talking about marriage and kids) and i still love him. But i feel so hurt. I was cheated on in my previous relationship and he knew about this and so knew how much it would hurt me. He said he was drunk and cannot even remember the detail.

    What do i do now?


    1. Hey names rebecca I’m in same position my fella who am marrying soon decided tell me he was dirty texting another girl when I confronted him about it he deny it at start I knew he was liein it hurt like heck when he told me I was goin to leave him smthing stop me truth is I knw how much it kills me to say I hate what he did I’m willing give my fella second chance but that it he was warned slips up again and it over do if u love this guy give him second chance see were it goes if not let go 🙂

  76. Jenny, thanks for your comments! I see you wrote an article about trusting your boyfriend after he cheated, as well. I liked your tips. I don’t comment on Blogger blogs anymore, because there are so many problems with posting the comment. But I really liked your article 🙂

  77. Your article is very helpful for people who are going through such unfortunate incidents. When you said “Don’t let fear or insecurity trap you in a bad relationship,” I realized that insecurity only makes you unhappy, which makes your boyfriend unhappy, resulting in both sides unhappy.
    I recommend another article helpful for those who’re coping with trust issues. Insecurity is indeed hard to overcome.

  78. Why can’t you talk to your friends about trusting your boyfriend? If they’re warning you to be careful because he might cheat, then I think you need to listen to their advice. I don’t know you at all; your friends know you and him, and can give you better advice about trusting your boyfriend!

    What are they telling you?

  79. hey guys,
    am actually in a relationship wit a guy for almost 2 years.. everythin is goin good between us.. recently few of my frenz came up telling that my guy doent keep our sex life personal.. i spoke to him bou this ,but everytime he makes me feel comfortable by tellin that he loves me truely and he would never do such things even in his dream… but people around me keep warning me to be careful … i love him very truely, and he makes me feel even he does…. but i have no idea whatz cookin behind the screens.. am not in a postion to trust anyone, and i cant find any traces of he cheating me… i cant speak bou this to any of my frenz………. i seriously need a help as am going thru a rough patch…..plzzzzzzzzzz

  80. Dear Dorothy,

    It really is sickening when a father and partner cheats, isn’t it? Especially when he blames you.

    Trusting him again will take years. Will your boyfriend work hard to regain your trust? Is he fully committed to making your relationship work, and rebuilding it from the ground up?

    Does he want to marry you?

    I wrote this article for you:

    5 Signs Your Boyfriend Will Cheat on You Again

    I hope it helps. It won’t give you the hope you’re looking for, but it may help you see your relationship more clearly.

    I welcome your thoughts!


  81. I just found out that my boyfriend of almost 3 years cheated on me his past New Years. I found a video of him and some girl, I am so sickened. I I have a 7 month old with him, I know he cheated on me before when we just started talking and he has talked and flirted with other women, he is know to have a really long past with woman, he’ a FIREFIGHTER.
    He claims he did this because he was filling a void, he said iI didnt pay him enough attention when having sex or initiate it enough..NOW, we have sex pretty often and I thought it was really good, I know I am not as experianced, but come on…no reason to cheat…he doesnt even seem that apologetic, I hate this feeling of being betrayed… We are trying to work on our relatioship, and I KNOW I am probaly just asking for more heartache, but I wanna believe people can change and I am worth that change, especially since we have beautiful child with eachother… I guess I am just looking for hope.. Can people really change and we will I be able to trust him again…
    Should he let me see his cell phone if that would help me trust him??
    Please Help!

  82. Dear Jennifer,

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! I agree that if your relationship constantly keeps you guessing, then you definitely need to move on. No man is worth handing over your self-respect and dignity – no matter how persuasive or attractive he is.

    It’s super hard to let go of a man, but it’s more painful in the long run to hold on to him.


  83. I am feeling very sad reading all the posts. I recently discovered my long distance boyfriend of 2 years has kept accounts to various online dating sites and met two women in person. He said they only went out for dinner. At first I decided to forgive him and give the relationship a second chance but then I realized the relationship is never gonna be the same again. I was hesitant at what to do next. After reading all the posts on here I realize that I need to end the relationship!! Women, be kind to yourself. Don’t you want to live in peace? If the relationship keeps you constantly guessing then end it.

  84. Maybe it’s not a question of CAN you trust your boyfriend after he cheated, but Do You WANT to Trust Him? You relationship will never be the same; do you really want to continue the way things are?

    Will your relationship ever go back to normal? No. It’ll never be the same. But, it could be better and stronger. It just takes alot of work — especially on your boyfriend’s part — to rebuild trust.

  85. My bf and i have been together for 3 years. He cheated on me 2x the 1st year and 2x durinf my pregnancy and 2x this past year. He’s defensive about his phone and fb account. He claims the only reason he talks to his ex is because shes suicidal and he needs tto look out for her -_-. And he aaborted their child and is jealous of our child.

  86. The number one problem is not loving yourself. If you did you wouldnt stay. A man/woman who cheats does not love you. Please dont be fooled by more lies. People will always treat you the way you let them, so if he/she gets away with it this time he/she will do it again cos you have said “well it really hurt but Ill forgive you” etc Always forgive but never stay. The biggest way to help him/her is to leave. They then realise its unacceptable behaviour and you love yourself enough to deserve better. How can a person who cheats love you? They dont its that black and white. Not only that but they have zero respect for you. If there was jail terms set out for cheaters,how many do you think would cheat? A problem will always continue if you dont fix it properly. So love yourself I cant say it enough and you will get back someone who truely does love you. Love is a verb….. a verb is a doing word……. So cheating is not something that is doing you or your mind,body,soul any favours…..Good luck with your journey and remember nothing will change until you change the way you love yourself..

  87. Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. After we made our 1 year anniversary, a couple of months later, he cheated on me with a girl from school. He claims he only kissed her so I let it go. Then in the beginning of the year, like around march, right after our 2 year anniversary, he kissed one of his coworkers but claimed he didn’t cheat because she kissed him. Not even a month later, he had sex with an ex. He told me this in may. He claims he’ll never hurt me again but I’m not sure if it was the truth. This last month, I have been question my trust toward him. I’m not sure if I can trust him again. I’m so confused, can someone help me?

  88. Just a quick note from my previous comment. I am 30 and my boyfriend is 28. I feel like a different person now and when I am not with him, I’m always wondering who he’s talking to online. He always says how pretty I am but that girl he slept with is young(18) pretty and exotic I guess; When I freak out about it in front of him about it, he says it was the biggest mistake of his life, that he was insane and had loads of problems, etc. But i just don’t know how I can overcome all this, because it’s been a year now and I still feel so hurt and betrayed and I wonder how he could have done this to me. Loads of people said to me: if he did that, that means he doesn’t love you. I am just so confused.

  89. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years now. Last year in October, he cheated really badly on me, not that any cheating is good. In august 2011, he said he wanted to go to Mexico on holiday with his friends, and I was fine with it. At the time, I trusted him, I never thought he would cheat on me. I was depressed with my work situation, I had a lot of problems at work and was just a bit down overall, also we didn’t have the money to move in together when that’s all I wanted. He was leaving with his sister, I was living with my parents. He had lost his business that he was trying to build for 1 year.
    Basically it was a hard time for both of us moneywise, and he was just getting distant with me, and I thought it was because he was depressed. He saved up money to go on holiday with his friends. He went in october for 10 days. When he was over there, he called me once to tell me he is thinking about moving to Mexico, that I deserve someone that can offer me a house, etc.

    To cut the story short, about 2 weeks after he came back, he told me he had slept with a girl and now she was pregnant. I was devastated. He didn’t even told me the whole story then. He didn’t want to give me the name or anything else. I had to do research and found out that he had a hidden Facebook account, and it just broke my heart, he was in a relationship on facebook with that girl of 18 who already had a baby from a previous person before, really pretty. It made me feel like I was nothing. I talked to her and found out that he was talking to her on Facebook for the last 4 months and he never went to Mexico with his friends, he went to sleep with that girl. I was disgusted and IO never thought I could feel the way I felt at that time. I just wanted to die.

    When I decided to just leave him and never speak to him again, he decided it’s me he wanted!!! We went back together, but a year on and I still feel so horrible about it all. Apparently she had an abortion and they are not in contact anymore, but I can’t forgive. I have tried but it’s on my mind every single day. I see him in a different way now.I feel insecure and when I question him about things he’s doing, he says:” so you think I’m just a lier”. And it’s like yes because you have lied to me so much, no one has hurt me the way he’s hurt me. But I love him and he says he loves me. I went against the advice of everyone around me. My friends, my family said I should never go back with him.

    Everything seems fine in our relationship now, but I still feel like it’s happened yesterday. I don’t know how I am going to be ok again.
    Thanks for reading, and if anyone has been through a similar thing I would appreciate any advice.

  90. Me and my bf have been together about a year & 1/2 I’m 25 and he’s 33.. This is only my second serious relationship and he has been in many relationships.. He has many friends especially girls and he has said he’s had sex with most of his female friends.. he knows it makes me uncomfortable but he says trust so I have.. But little by little he stopped payin so much attention to me sex wasn’t happening as much and it was making me start to pay more attention.. went from once a week to once a month..now it’s been almost two months because just about two weeks ago I noticed when he would be online he wouldn’t check his messages on fb in front of me but if I left the room and came back he did.. so while he was at work I went onto his computer and looked for myself because all it said to me was he was hiding something.. I use to have a key to his house but after this mess I got my stuff out of his house and gave his key back..but were back together now trying to work on things.. But what I found was he was talking to a girl and messages from a year ago to her talking trash to her which he called just jokes saying he would like a shower with her..and more recent messages they were talking and she said oh I’m not hitting on you.. and he said whatever I still think about you and went on talking he wished she would have came along while he was still single.. First said they couldn’t hang out because he has a gf.. but they exchanged numbers and he said just txt me and so on..later invited her to see him but she messaged him saying she couldn’t make it and he said just txt me.. He Said I have nothing to worry about with this because if he wanted her he could have her she would do anything to be with him..but he thinks nothing more of her than a friend.. They had a one night stand as he said over 5-6 years ago but she means nothing to him.. and swears they don’t talk over then phone and so on and I asked but u were the one that kept saying txt me and he said he doesn’t think sheever did..I don’t believe this at all..who would? Were supposed to be making a fresh start so I even went as far as to message this girl on fb and apologize to her for reading the messages and she didn’t reply just sent me a friend request..Its just odd to me.. But that wasn’t the only one but the only one I talked to him about..the other was a girl he used to date brought her down herw to live with him and she left him for the guy she left for him.. but they were talking she wants to talk to him misses him..she lives states away still with somebody and has a child by the other guy.. at the end he said she could get him on yahoo I’m and she said she didn’t have his name on there anymore than he said don’t worry about it and last time I looked she said I thought you wanted to talk to me..he didn’t answer..then she said guess not 🙁 he didn’t answer last I looked.. she’s like the one that gor away.. I can’t stop myself from looking because he won’t be honest and just share what is going on.. If I get hit on I tell him I keep no secrets I told him that’s what I expect but it’s like he’s full of secrets 🙁 I love him so much but it makes me miserable to think I’m not his one and only..I don’t think he would ever physically cheat on me..I think he would leave me first but it’s so dishonest to have anything going on behind my back emotionally or physically..I’m so down and I put on a smile just for him because I want to make it work.. but I don’t know what to do anymore Now he simply just doesn’t go on fb in front of me he still wont check things in front of me..he said his last gf broke up with him because one of his female friends called and he walked out the room with the phone. something he’s always done.. so I dunno maybe its in his nature to be secretive or am I paying the proper attention.

  91. I been with my boyfriend for almost a month now. We are going to be one month on the 13th. We been friends for 2 years. So he ask me out. But few weeks ago, we were talking about “TRUST” cause he wanted to go out with his friends. So, he went with his friends but didn’t went home the next day. Days past & i was driving his car, i saw some of this “GIRL STUFF” in the car & i asked him. If he f**ked that girl. & He admitted to me that he did. What should i do? Should i trust him? Pls help me. I don’t know what to do.

  92. My boyfriend of 6 months and I just started our long distance relationship three weeks ago when I moved across state for school. Yesterday he called me to (very emotionally) tell me that he and his ex-girlfriend sent each other suggestive pictures two days before yesterday. He’d been trying to find a way to tell me, but couldn’t. After hours of talking, I discovered several things:

    1) It was non-sexual, at least on his part. He wasn’t masturbating to the pictures, and he didn’t send her any that he was exposing any more than his chest in.

    2) It wasn’t an act of wanting to be with her romantically or sexually. He has had a long history of depression, and the way we see it, it was an act of self-sabotage.

    3) He told her (when he saw her yesterday) that it was a mistake, that he was not going to have anything to do with her anymore, and that he was going to tell me about it. She asked him to keep her name out of it, and he refused, because we have a full disclosure policy with each other.

    I know things need to change, but I sincerely love him and I want to work things out. He’s very worried because he is afraid that I’m not taking the situation seriously enough, and doesn’t feel comfortable without some kind of “punishment;” however, I am just not that type of person. We both want to stay together, but I just don’t know what we need to do to improve from here.

    Could you please give me some insight?

  93. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend over 1 and a half year ago. i am 42 and he is nearly 40. We both met on a dating site but new one another when we were younger. I found out later in my relationship that he had been having regular sex with a few women at the start of our relationship. One by one they wrote to my by facebook and told me that theyd been seeing him. I understood that it was through the fact he wasnt interested in them any longer as our relationship deepend.
    However it was 3 women I had known about. 2 women were huge to a size 20+ and it questioned my body and self asteem. I started to loose weight even though at my largest I was a size 16. I have lost 2 and a half stone through the fact I felt I wasnt good enough and I blamed myself for his need for sexual encounters with those others.
    we havent long returned from a holiday abroad and 3 days before going his friend was ill with cancer and terminal. He confided in me that his friends cousin was another women he had also been having sex with at the begining of the relationship. I was devestated and my holiday was awful.
    We have come to a point to try once again. However previously he swore to me there was no more skeletons in the closett. but yes there was one more to come out yet again.
    I have tried to turn to god and pray to keep me sane and also to keep him faithful. but ontimes I feel like having an affair myself to know what it is like and I do feel he has completely changed my clean way of thinking into something as evil as him. I dont think I could honestly sleep with another man. He has destroyed my spirit and since I have been with him and known what he has done I am a wreck. I always check up on him, go through his phone or ring him up.
    All of it has been menatally cruel.

    My only answer to you is if you have the strength to leave then do it. Or you have to be very mentally strong and have a loving heart. make him realise what he could lose and keep your apearance, as he will be kept on his toes when other men eye you up!!!

  94. lheanne – i think it all depends on the severity that he cheated on you with and where you relationship was compared to where it is after he cheated. I personally stayed with my bf after he cheated on me but i still dont trust him and its killing me. Weve been together 2 years and he cheated about 3 months ago.

  95. My boyfriend and I will be datign for 2 years next month. He is enlisted in the army and went off one summer to training and came back and we were 100% okay. The next school year, he was a senior and he graduated from our high school. I am a year behind him. The day after graduation the Seniors all get together with friends and go to “senior week” together in a condo at the beach for 1 week. Well he went with his friends. 2 guys, himself, and 4 other girls. He made out with one of the girls 2 days in a row and his 3 best friends (2 guys and one of the girls) later on told me. The problem is, right after senior week he went off to another summer of individual traingin in the army. The day he got back i told him i knew and his friends all told me. He didnt deny it but when i asked he said he really didnt think his friends would tell me and he never planned on telling me. He just wanted to forget it. Now im in highschool and he is a freshman in college and his school is 1 hr away and he comes home every weekend. but its so hard to trust him especially since he hangs out with guys and girls.

  96. if staying with my bf after he cheats is not giving me peace of mind and always afraid that he will cheat again and always suspect that his still cheating you think it is still worth it to stay and pursue our relationship?thank you..looking forward for your response…

  97. I’ve been dating my boyfriend since i turned 21 (i just turned 24) but we have only officially been together 10 months. He was in the navy (just got out) all this time so due to deployments it took us so long to officially get together. I had a feeling that he was keeping something from me so one night that he slept over i looked through his phone. I saw Facebook messages that led to txts from his ex gf thats also in the navy. In the messages i read that they have hung out and exchanged pictures (nothing bad just pictures) for a while. they flirted back and forth and eventually i couldn’t take it so i woke him up. he said it was nothing. But in the messages I read that she left, I don’t where, but he felt the emotional need to chase her down to the airport. why do that if its nothing right?
    needless to say I kicked him out and through out the day we texted and I found out that he cheated because he wanted to know “what if” before he got out of the navy and that he cheated when he got out of the navy and he spent the night at her house after the fact. he does say nothing happened but at this point i don’t believe it. he also admitted that he spent more nights at her place.
    I love him so much and we made it through 3 deployments and now that he’s out of the navy i refuse to loose him. but every time i imagine him kissing her or sleeping with her anger fills my body. i don’t know what to do.

  98. hi
    ithought i was having a happy life with 2 daughters when i noticed changes in my husbands behaviour..i started investigating n found that he was having an affair with his colleague at the office for more than 2yrs (thats when i was busy with my second delivery ) who was about to b married and so quit from the office as well.he was very busy with this that he never had time for me r my kids for anything.and the day i confronted him with this was when i found he not only had an affair with this woman but was having relationships with many other women thru’ internet and messaging .the worst kind of talk reg sex which he has never even once spoken to me – a wife of 10yrs.i had the proof in his mobile and caught him redhanded,thats when i confronted him about the office affair as well.but he said he wasnt that kind of person i’m thinking n that the woman got married just 10days previously to this confrontation.i ofcourse knew the date of that wedding n was waiting hopefully that my husband would leave that freindship.but that woman was still trying to contact my husband even after her marriage.and would’nt answer my call when i called to blast her.but the others with whom my husband was having sex chattings had a piece of my mind the same day.my husband said he was sorry for what he had done n will not do it again.but i am not able to beleive him as he still lies to me about his whereabouts n i find that he is telling me lies.if i ask him about it he says – why cant you beleive me ? but how can i -when i know he is still lying to me.how can i beleive he doesnt hv contact with that woman again?am trying not to confront him even though i know he lied to me but am not able to stay quiet without asking as i think that he musnt think that he can fool me again.but i cannot stay away from him also as i dont want my kids to suffer the consequences and i even told him that .if it were not for the kids that i would have left him and gone forever.pls advise me on how can i build my trust on him.as we had a love marriage and he just broke my heart and trust on him to pieces.

  99. I just recently found out that my boyfriend of three years cheated on me nurmorus times before I moved 200 miles to live with him. I am devastated,I would have never thought he would have cheated on me. I dont know if I can trust him again. I want to save our relatioship I love him. He is a good man. I just scared he will do it again. He says hes sorry and he wants to fix everything but every guy I have had a serious relationship with has ended up cheating on me. I dont know if its me or the kind of guys I am attracted to. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to turn in to the “Btchy” girlfriend when he leaves the house with out me but I am very afriade I will. Thanks for listening!

  100. Iv been wit my bf for 2yrz nd 3mnths,we wre in college together bt had i had 2 drop awt bcz we hve a 4mnth old son.i recently found out hes cheatin on me nd has been flirtin wit a ton of grlz on nd off campus.ths breaks my heart bcz i love hm deeply nd he says he loves me to…he writes abwt us nd hw much he loves me nd seez a future wit me on social networks bt i still feel lyk hez up 2 no good…am i ungrateful or shud i jst leave hm???..help!!!

  101. Dear Exgirlfriend,

    Have you made a list of the reasons you should get back with your ex, and a list of the reasons you should move on?

    And, do you think you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you? Do you think he’s able to cope with life’s stresses and problems without cheating on you again?

    Only you can answer those questions….and I wrote this for you:

    Should I Take My Boyfriend Back?

    I hope it helps, and hope you return to let me know how you’re doing.


  102. Well, my boyfriend and I dated for a year and six months. I will admit that I wasn’t the best girlfriend starting out, because I still had feelings for my previous boyfriend. But my boyfriend was still super sweet and did anything for me. He grew on me. Well, a year into the relationship he went to Marine Bootcamp. He was still as sweet as can be. I still have letters from him that remind me how nice he once was. I waited for him the whole time he was gone and went with his grandparents to his graduation. He came home for 10 days. It went great. He went back for School of Infantry. I could tell things weren’t quite as good. But overlooked it. He came home and the first month he was home he was very distant. Didn’t want to hang out as much, barely text me, turned his phone off at night, and just over all didn’t care.
    The end of that month he and I went to a football game and I drove my car to his house and we took his car to the game. We watched for a while and I decided to go sit down, he said he would just stand and watch the game. Around half time I looked down and he was gone… I had to find a way to my car. He told me his mother was in a wreck(which she wasn’t). He was with a girl who was not pretty at all. I dont quite understand… I didn’t understand what had happened. Well it has been a year later and now he wants me back. Him and the other girl have conceived a child. He is not in a relationship with her. But of course he will always have the kid. But he is desperately wanting me back. I know it is sincere. But I dont know if I should allow myself to. He says the reason he did that was because of Marine bootcamp and what not. Just not used to his surroundings etc. But how could that cause him to do that to me? Helpppp!

  103. I found my fiance had an unusual email address not in his name. I became worried and hcked into it to find he’d been emailing people to hook up for sex. I confronted him and he said he never was actually going to go through with it. That he felt bad after emailing them, but that he wanted to find someone who would be happy around him because I seemed miserable at home. He deleted the email account in front of me. But I don’t know what to do. I love him and I know he loves me. I just want to know how to trust him and not hold this above him

  104. Dear saw it all,

    Yes, I think you should tell him that his girlfriend is cheating! He deserves better than this. And if you know, chances are other people know as well. Don’t let a nice guy be humiliated like this anymore.

    I wrote this article for you:

    What to Do If You Know Your Friend’s Boyfriend is Cheating

    I hope it helps. Let me know how it goes.


  105. Dear Annie,

    I can’t tell you if your boyfriend will cheat on you again, or if you can trust him. The only person who knows what you should do is YOU.

    You need to listen to your gut. If you feel insecure, if your boyfriend is lying to you or not showing you his phone, if he is calling you paranoid, if he accuses you of not trusting him…those are signs you can’t trust him.

    One of the best ways to know if you can trust your boyfriend after he cheated is if he is genuinely supportive and remorseful. If he turns things around to make you feel bad, then you can’t trust him.

    I wrote this article for you:

    Is It Better to Give Up on Your Relationship or Try to Make It Work?

    In that article, I tell you why I think you shouldn’t trust your boyfriend after he cheated on you.

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.


  106. A girl who use to be a friend of mine has a great boyfriend. They both played basketball at Northwestern and he is a really nice guy and he is a really good for her. But she has been cheating on him for a really really long time, like over a year I think. Its still going on! I think about it sometimes and I know he doesn’t deserve that and I want to do something about it. I have talked to her about it but she does not get the message. I really think Davide deserves to know because he so in love with a girl who is treating him like he is worthless behind his back. What should I do?

  107. Last week. My boyfriend of 1 year, came home with markings on his neck. At first he was trying to cover it up by saying his friends were wrestling and pinching his neck. But I grabbed his phone and went through it and saw this (ugly) girl texting him saying she had a nice time. When he was caught, naturally he was apologetic, saying she was nothing and he would never do it to me again. Well, I gave him this ONE chance. But it’s been hard to see him the same. I try, but I can’t 🙁

  108. I have been with the same guy for 1 year 8 months.
    Last month he called me telling me he is really sorry he cheated on me and broke up with me, a month later he calls saying he wants me back and the past month all he can do is think of me, so I took him back, I love him so much.. but I cant stop thinking about what he did to me he used to tell me everyday he loves me with all his heart we dident even talk to the opposite sex.. Is this bad, he cheated then broke up with me .. I just dont know if I can ever stop thinking about it.

  109. Im in a 2 years relationship with my boyfriend. And I found out he had been cheating on me with another girl for 8 months. I’v decided to forgive him and stay. To actually give him a chance to work this relationship out because I know it’s worth it. I’v been very insecure after since. Physically, emotionally. It’s affecting me real bad because this is the first time I’v been cheated on. He claims that he’s over her. But he’s been listening to sad songs, telling me friends who knew them had been trying to patch things up between them. He hangs out with people who are friends with that girl. How can i not be paranoid. Am i right? He still doesn’t let me take look at his phone once in a while. He goes out with his friends, doesnt tell me and make up a lie for it. His excuse for that is he knows I’l get paranoid and he doesn’t want me to. I don’t know if it’s just me or him. I have no idea what I should do. Please help.

  110. So I dated this guy my freshman year of college for about a year and a half. Everything was pretty amazing except for the last few months where we started arguing a lot, exams were coming up for me and he was getting promoted. He was in the airforce at the time. Anyways, we went to the beach with my parents and my best friend. At the beach we argued a lot and we ended it when we got back because I suspected he was going to my best friend for advice and possibly cheating. He started dating her for two years. He then started talking to me again and said hee had bought a ring the first time we dated. And that he didn’t feel anything for her.he drove all the way from ky to my college for my graduation to tell me that hes never stopped loving me and that he never should have done what he did…what do I do??

  111. Hi guys,

    My boyfriend and I has on and off relationship for more than 1 year now. He was the first one who broke up with me, i was so hurt coz at that moment i thought i cant live w/out him. His reasons is about his ex. Yes, I admit that I was the major reason why they broke up. But it is not really my fault, when he courted me for more than a year i really don’t have feelings for him… when I realized that I am inlove with him, they were together already. But they broke up in couple of months because of me.

    Now, her ex has a big impact on our on and off relationship. I am really mad to my so called boyfriend. they live on the same town where I myself live on miles miles away. And I had this feeling that my boyfriend is not honest with me, i have this attitude of having a hard time trusting again once they broke it. yes we communicated through call, text or chat and he visited me as often as he could. But i still dont trust him, i do not understand him as well because I admit at his age, he is still immature. When I was the one asking for space and told him we should not communicate/no contact rule. He refused to do so because he said he is afraid to lose me and he admitted his mistake. But i really don’t trust him anymore. He said he love me but why he kept on hurting my feelings??? But I hate myself more because I still love him despite of his dishonesty, i kept on hoping that he is telling the truth and end up getting back with him again. Please help!

  112. Hi . I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4yrs now a year ago we moved in together . I recently found out that his still talking to his so call ex and one morning went thru his phone and found private part pictures of her confronted him about it and he lied and said she is the one sending things to him and he doesn’t reply ( he thinks I’m 5yrs old) anyway he recently put a tracker on my phone saying its for safety reasons however he was tracking me so he could cheat. One even I had to go to class after work but my class got canceled so I tryed calling him telling I was on my way home he didn’t pick up and as I tryed parking the car I saw his ex walking out my house . And he lied again saying that his ex was her to apologies for something she had said about his child weeks ago. Oh and guess what I recently found out that I have staff missing in my house from dresses to perfume and I ask him about it he says he doesn’t knw the thing is none of my friend have been to my house in months so it had to be this girl. I don’t think he’ll ever change . So why can’t I let him go

  113. Hi, I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for two years and we have a baby who’s three months. He is like the best boyfriend anyone could ask for he would do anything for me and his baby.when we first started going out I kept talking toy ex boyfriend that I still liked for a while and he knew that he was really hurt but he said he loved me too much to leave me. When I got pregnant everything was perfect until I started bein a b**ch all the time because of the pregnancy mood swings. I was a b**ch and I know it..anyways there was this girl that always liked him and she would always try to flirt with him..and when I was about 7-8 months pregnant he started talking to her more and he ended up cheating on me..he says he really regrets it now..I feel like he does sometimes but I just can’t seem to trust him.what do u guys think.

  114. Confused & Pissed

    I’m kinda in the same boat; me and my bf have been together on and off again for almost 9 years. We just recently got back together after being broken up for a while 3 years ago; anywho in May I found out that he had a female friend who he had been talking to because he felt as if I wasn’t giving him the affection or attention he wanted due to me being miles away at school; but the girl came to me saying that she was pregnant by him. But before she told me that she also told me a couple days before that nothing went on between them and that they were only friends. I asked him and he said that she wasn’t pregnant because they didn’t mess around. So now I’m confused because both of them told me that nothing happened between them but she’s right steady telling me she’s pregnant and he needs to step up. Honestly I think she’s lying because everytime I turn around she’s out in the clubs and her family doesn’t even know. What do you think?


  115. You can be willing to trust your boyfriend after he cheated, but if he’s not willing to admit that he’s a cheater and that he has a problem, then it doesn’t matter if you can forgive him! He has to be willing to do his part – and that includes being faithful to you, and doing everything he can to make sure you trust him.

    If your boyfriend has cheated more than once, then he’ll probably keep cheating on you.

  116. WOW!!! Janice we are in the same bost… 🙁 BUT ive only benn wits my kids father for almost 4 years but Ive made up my mind Im done being played for a fool… Im done giving my all and getting nothing back!!! Im moving back to Florida with my family…

  117. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant. We had a great relationship until I got pregnant, he all of a sudden quit having sex with me and was a little bit distant and secretive. When I would try talking to him he would basically say that he didn’t want to have sex with me because the whole being pregnant weirded him out. It just kept nagging me and getting to me, and about a month ago while he ws sleeping, I went through his phone and found out he had been setting up craigslist ads and all sorts of crap to get pictures of other girls. Needless to say I was so devastated that I packed my stuff and left in the middle of the night. At first he said he did that to catch me going through his stuff, but when I caught him read handed a few days later, by posing as a girl responding to an ad, he then came clean. From everything I know and have reason to believe, he never met up with these girls or physically cheated on me, just got their pictures. I did some more snooping and found that he was doing this before we even got together, but also during the whole time. It really hurts me, but at the same time when I think about it, instead of him being addicted to porn, he’s addicted to real life pictures of other girls. they weren’t even explicit photos, just photos of them in their underwear. It’s been very weird for me and I don’t know that we are going to get back together, but I’m willing to get past his addiction. What do you think?

  118. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years. This past year has been very rough we went through a lot of difficult situations. Unfortunately the last few months i felt i was treating him unfairly and taking my frustrations out on him. The last two weeks things changed and i realized something was wrong. So i decided i needed the truth and i looked through his phone. I found text messages between him and a co-worker. they were going back and forth calling each other baby and sweetheart. i approached him about it and he was honest. he told me that he has been talking to her for two weeks and that they did go out to eat together once. He told me that he felt like he needed to have a connection again and he didn’t know how to get it from me. i apologized and told him that i was willing to stop being so angry and put everything in the past. I told him i wanted to work this out. i let him know that he also had to do his part so that i knew he wasn’t going to talk to her again. at least not like that.They work together so i realized that they are going to have communication whether i like it or not. He told me that he has since stopped talking to her and that he wants work it out and since i came to him and told him how i felt and i am wiling to work on it he no longer needs her. The last two days have been great we have been together like old times and i was starting to forget. However. today he told me that his friend invited him to a softball game tomorrow. And that she will be there. I was horrified and now i am at a loss. I want to believe him and i told him that he should be free to do what he wants i can’t keep him locked up. He assured me that he was not going to be with her but she will be there. So i told him that i am going to honor our agreement and trust him. this will give him a chance to prove himself. But in all honesty i am going crazy and part of me want just scream. How trust him and not make myself crazy every time he leaves the house? ….please help!!!

  119. 1. i was on facebook and i was looking though his ex girl-fiend’s pictures . he kept calling her beautiful and saying he doesn’t know if he wants me or her more and started saying he loves her. i went to talk to him and he said he didn’t but i know he did cause i read it for myself so i broke up with him. i loved him so much that i started dating him again the next day because i couldn’t live without him.

    2.he asked me if she could come over to his house like 3 months later and he promised me that he wouldn’t do anything. later that night i got a call from her saying that her was cheating on me. she also said that he kissed her, made-out with her, and some other sexual stuff. but i don’t know if that is true because she also hates me. so he ran away and i chased after him as fast as i could. i finally caught up with him and he started throwing so i felt kind bad. i promised him i wouldn’t let him go.

    3.i asked him if i could read his texts because i know he still talks to her. as i was looking though it he had a worried look on his face. i found a message from her saying, “i want to be kept prisoner in your bed.” i got really mad so i went home and started to text her myself. he promised me he wouldn’t text her again but he told me later that she said she was sorry so he started again.

    i am really scared because he wants to go to her birthday party tomorrow and he asked me if he could but i don’t know if they are gonna do anything.

    please respond a.s.a.p. thanks

  120. One day i was at track practice before basketball. well when i finished track and went to our team room one of my team mates told me the she saw one of the JV players kissing my boyfriend! i really love him and he has said sorry a million times and i wanna trust him again i just dont know if i can! I NEED HELP

  121. Ugh I am having the same problem...And it happened it SAN DIEGO!

    My BF was sent to San Diego for briefing before deployment. He stayed out all night and morning bar hopping with the other guys, Ended up at whiskey girls and hooters and many other clubs, Called me AT 4 AM and started rambling off about random nonsense then when I called around 10 the next night he was standing outside a club with a girl from his unit who he later took out to dinner. And he has a past of being promiscuous, Not to mention he use to live IN San Diego and knows his way around.

  122. Wow, Janice.
    Your relationship sounds like it’s getting you down.
    If your husband can treat you like that, and you sound like it’s been upsetting you for a while I definitely think you’re better off leaving him, or at least going on a break for a while to show him that you’re not going to stand for this behaviour. Stay with your family, or move out and do things to make yourself happy. Get your hair done, get a hobby, make new friends… meet someone else who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
    I can imagine if must be really difficult standing up to someone you love and you’ve been with for 10 years, but from what you say your relationship seems going the wrong way, maybe you should prioritise your children and your happiness.

  123. Been There, Done That

    Wow, Lost In San Diego! You are really going through a long-term period of suffering. No wonder you’re feeling anxious, who wouldn’t?!
    I think you know the truth inside yourself, but you want so deeply to believe what your husband tells you because it is what you would prefer to be the truth.
    I was in a long-term relationship with a perpetual cheater. He would become angry and tell me how I must be crazy when I confronted him with the inconsistencies in some of his stories. I hate to say, but I was right every time I felt something wrong was going on. I did not want to be right, I actually preferred to think perhaps I was jealous and insecure with trust issues.
    After some counseling, I realized I had no real trust issues other than not believing lies and having good intuition. Not believing lies does not mean you don’t trust, only that you have good judgement and intelligence.
    Nobody can tell you what to do or what is right, but you can count on the fact that your husband is going to remain the same person with the same behavior. Your decision will be to measure the inevitable hurts that ambush you occasionally compared to the good times and decide if they are worth it.
    Don’t let him change you and make it about you. It will only hurt your self-esteem and make you feel like you don’t deserve more. You do.

  124. Hello,

    I have been with my husband for ten years. We have four children together. Four years ago, my husband (who is in the Navy) went with a friend (also married), to San Diego and ended up going out with two single girls staying out until 4:30 a.m. The night he went out with them, I knew something was us because he started yawning at like 6:30 p.m. and told me he was going to go to bed. So, I said goodnight and let him go. Anyway he ended up coming home and eventually came out and told me what had happened, but denies anything happend and that he only went out as the D.D.???

    Okay so let me back up a few years. Before I met him I had been in another long term relationship with someone who also cheated on me. Not only did he cheat on me but he cheated on me with my best friend. So we ended up ending our relationship because it wasn’t the first time he had cheated.

    So back to my marriage. From the very start I was very suspicious of him. I didn’t trust him and caught him in a lie or two. However he lied to me about an important factor. I had a co-worker spot him picking up another girl at a barracks room every day. I confronted him about it and he lied. He continued the lie up until I told him that she had seen him everyday because he drives right past her house, and then back again. So he finally admitted to it.

    Anyway after this “Trip” to San Diego he said he didn’t want to loose me and wanted to go to marriage counseling. So we ended up going to marriage counseling for nine months. I have a problem with trust. I know that I do. I can’t help it though because of my past. Anyway that was a big thing I worked on outside of marriage counseling on my own with our marriage counselor. I worked on two of my biggest fears. 1. Learning to trust my husband, and 2. Learning to trust women again so that I could make friends.

    I didn’t realize it but after my ex and my best friend had betrayed my trust I realized with the help of our therapist that I didn’t trust women, and I tended to cling to older women as mother figures for many different reasons, one being because I wouldn’t have to be afraid my husband would cheat with them. So after nine months, I felt great! I felt like a different person and I had confidence in my marriage and my husband.

    Anyway to make the long story short, we eventually ended up moving to San Diego, and I ended up making friends with a girl whose husband works with mine. Her husband ended up deploying before mine and I promised him we would take care of her. So she decided she wanted to move up by us. So I allowed my husband to go help her get thing’s in order while I watched the kids and helped my best friend. So after a few months, I started wonder if something might be going on with the two of them. She was around a lot, and she needed his help a lot. There were times I saw them making intimate gestures towards each other and there was even a time that I thought I saw something going on in the kitchen but they must have heard me and quickly resumed whatever they had been doing in the kitchen.

    My husband was getting ready to deploy and we had all gone up to Oceanside for a halfway bash, and my husband and my best friend on two different occasions when the other wasn’t around, let me know they had feelings for each other. I HIT THE ROOF!!! I was an emotional wreck. My husband had been treating me like the crap on his shoe and now I know why.

    I asked both of them on many different occasions if something had happened. Both of them said no, and when I confronted my husband with my suspicions he told me I was being psycho again, and I was making it all up. I felt crazy. I felt like maybe I was loosing my mind.

    Well my husband deployed and the farewell was nothing but a party for me. I thought our marriage was over as I knew there was something he wasn’t telling me. I knew that I was normal, and not crazy. I had taken myself to see a psychiatrist thinking that something was wrong with me and maybe I was wanting to look into the situation more than what was really going on. He didn’t seem to think that anything was wrong with me, but that I was obviously anxious and prescribed me an anti-depressant and after seeing me for a couple of months an anti-anxiety. It helped a lot and I was able to cope for the rest of his deployment.

    So after my husband comes home, I had received a mistaken text from a guy friend who was texting his girlfriend telling her he loved her too. So that’s when my whole world fell in. My husband tells me that he and my best friend had carried on an affair before he left, and he had lied to me about it the whole time. He had make me think I was the crazy one. So once again I lost my best friend and my husband.

    My husband and I decided to try to work through it because we have four children involved, but I am back to my trust level -10 from where I was when we first started going to marriage counseling.

    So now here we are a year later and he has deployed and I have noticed some odd things happening again. He has started to treat me differently again and I feel as though he may be cheating again, but he refuses to say anything and continues to tell me that I am trying to find things that “aren’t,” there.

    I am in a total disarray. I feel like I am going crazy again. I don’t want to be this way, but I am being super suscpicious and I don’t trust him and continue to question him. Which I don’t want to do. However I just recently found an email and skype account that he says he know’s nothing about. He plays like he is dumb even though I am able to log into the skype account.

    Before he left he had taken my laptop with him TAD and when he brought it home a new program “windows messener live” was installed and his username automatically populated the messenger but I can’t figure out the password and he denies it.

    I feel like my life and my world are coming to an end. I don’t know if I should leave him or if I should stay with him and live with his constant betrayals until I have my degree and hand stand on my own two feet. I had a great job making a lot of money before we moved to San Diego but decided to go back to school.

    I know that by staying in a relationship where my husband is cheating on me even if my children don’t understand what is happening, they will grow up and feel as if it is okay for their spouse to walk all over them and lie to them, or with my boys they will feel like it is okay to treat women like property and try to brainwash them and make them feel like my husband makes me feel.

    I am lost, not to mention alone since my family lives more than two days away.

    How can I talk to my husband and try to get him to open up about what he is doing, and why is it that he keeps lying to me. I want to check out completely and try to make it work and live together with our children but go our seperate ways as far as our marriage goes. I feel that I am being drug around on a chain and I don’t think it’s fair.

    Thanks for listening;