At the beginning of your relationship, he texted all the time. Suddenly your boyfriend is texting you less. Has he lost interest, what does it mean, and what should you do?
Here’s what one frustrated girlfriend says: “My boyfriend used to text me and call me everyday before he had me,” says Jasmine on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “But he doesn’t text me anymore. I do all the calling and texting. When I complain about it, he says he is going through a lot now. He just lost his business and he is working as a waiter. He wants me to be understanding and he doesn’t have time for problems. Is it wrong for me to do all the calling, texting, and planning in the relationship? Will things will get better one day? He admits he should treat me better, but he is depressed. What should I do?”
It’s a bit scary when your boyfriend stops texting you. Even typing the words “my boyfriend never texts me” can lead to feelings of anxiety and worry about the future of your relationship. Texting is a sign of connection, love, and security…and when he texts less or stops texting you altogether, you might feel like the bottom has dropped out of your relationship. Below are five things you can do if your boyfriend has stopped texting you…
What to Do When He Texts You Less – Or is Not Texting At All
All relationships lose their sheen – that blush of first love (and sexual chemistry!) sorta fades away as time goes by. This is normal. Nobody can sustain the excitement and romance of a new relationship for very long, because life gets in the way. Work, school, goals, health, family responsibilities, and general life problems demand our time and attention.
So, the good news is that it’s normal for a boyfriend to be texting and calling less often. And, more good news is that you can have a strong, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship!
The bad news is that there is no “right or wrong” when it comes to love and relationships. If you don’t mind calling and texting your boyfriend all the time, then go for it. But don’t expect him to suddenly change and start calling and texting you. If you’re always reaching out to him, then he doesn’t need to reach out to you. But if you give him time and space to breathe, then he might just start calling and texting you again.
1. Ask yourself if you’re realistic about your relationship
Is it reasonable to expect your boyfriend to call or text every day? It depends on your lifestyles, future relationship plans, health, work situations, and stage of life. For instance, if your boyfriend is stressed and depressed because he lost his business and has to wait tables for a living, then maybe daily texts and phone calls are too much to ask. Maybe he needs time and space to sort out his life.
Some guys can only focus on one aspect of life at a time, especially when it comes to their careers. If their jobs are in turmoil and they’re worried about money, then their romantic relationships may take a back seat to their career.
If you’re worried about your relationship because your boyfriend is texting you less, read 10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship.
2. Don’t complain about that your boyfriend is texting you less
Be honest about how you feel. Tell him, “I feel scared and rejected when you don’t call or text me, because I worry you’re not interested in me anymore” – and then let it go. Instead of nagging or complaining about what he does wrong or how he isn’t making you happy, start appreciating what he does right. When he calls, tell him how happy you are to hear from him. When he texts, text him back with lightness, love, and freedom.
Try not to put constraints on him or demand his time, attention, and energy. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking he “should” do this or “should do that. Appreciate what he does well, and tell him when he makes you feel good about yourself or your relationship.
3. Create a fulfilling, exciting life for yourself
Are you a happy woman? Do you love life? Are you enthusiastic about your day, your job, your life, your place in this world? THAT’S the best way to respond when your boyfriend doesn’t text or call – start looking at your own level of happiness and life satisfaction.
Don’t rely on your boyfriend to make you happy – and don’t fool yourself into thinking your love will help him overcome depression or anxiety. The best way to pique your boyfriend’s interest and get him to call and text you again is to start loving your life!
If your life bores, frustrates, disappoints, or depresses you, then it’s time for a change. You need figure out what makes you happy, and start doing that. Your boyfriend is not your sole source of happiness – you need to create multiple levels of fulfillment. The best thing to do when your boyfriend is texting you less is to create a life you love.
4. Remember that happy women are very attractive girlfriends
If you’re enjoying your life and experiences, then your boyfriend will naturally gravitate towards you. He’ll want to spend time with you because he won’t feel pressured to make you happy. He won’t feel like it’s a chore to contact you – he’ll WANT to contact you because it makes him feel good to be in touch with you.
You don’t have to be a skinny magazine model to be a sexy, attractive, alluring girlfriend. The most attractive people are those who are happy and enthusiastic about life! The more you focus on what you need and want from your life – and the more you realize that you can’t change anyone but yourself – the more empowered you’ll feel. The more powerful you feel, the happier you’ll be.
5. Learn, grow, stretch, and find peace
Instead of nagging your boyfriend to text or call you every day, start focusing on what you can do to make your day brighter and happier. Your relationship will fall into place when you become happy and healthy.
If you’re worried about your relationship, read Men Who Can’t Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart. Steven Carter and Julia Sokol describe how to recognize the signs that a man is afraid of commitment, and how to avoid heartbreak. If your boyfriend can’t commit to you and your relationship, you need to know as soon as possible.
Get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as you can, so you can recognize what’s happening with your boyfriend. The healthier you are, the better you’ll be able to see what’s going on with him.
Maybe your boyfriend hasn’t lost interest; maybe he just isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If you’re wondering about his level of commitment, read How to Know if a Man is Emotionally Available for Love.
I welcome your thoughts on what to do when your boyfriend is texting you less. I can’t give relationship advice, but it might help you to share your experience. Often, writing brings clarity and insight – and it might help you see you’re not alone. Writing can help you put things in perspective.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.