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5 Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You

How to Respond When Your Boyfriend Texts Less

He texted all the time at the beginning of your relationship. Now, your boyfriend is sending fewer text messages – and they aren’t as loving, fun or sexy. Did your boyfriend lose interest? Why isn’t he sending as many text messages? Most importantly, what should you do?

“My boyfriend used to text me and call me everyday before he had me,” says Jasmine on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “But now he doesn’t text me anymore. I do all the calling and texting. When I complain about it, he says he is going through a lot now. He just lost his business and he is working as a waiter. He wants me to be understanding and he doesn’t have time for problems. Is it wrong for me to do all the calling, texting, and planning in the relationship? Will things will get better one day? My boyfriend admits he should text me more. What should I do?”

It’s scary when your boyfriend stops texting you because you don’t know what it means. And, you miss his messages! Thinking about the question “why did he stop texting me?” is even worse, because your imagination runs wild. And then you feel anxious and worried about your relationship.

You’re normal if you’re worried about his love for you. Texting is a sign of connection, love, and security…and when your boyfriend texts less or stops texting you altogether, you naturally feel scared. What if he lost interest in your relationship, or even stopped loving you?

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Texts Less – Or Isn’t Texting At All

Most relationships start strong and passionate, but the shine of first love and passion fades as time goes by. This is normal. No couple can sustain the excitement and romance of a new relationship for very long, because life gets in the way. Work, school, goals, health, family responsibilities, and general life problems demand our time and attention.

So, the good news is that it’s normal for a boyfriend to be texting and calling less often. I know this doesn’t make it easy or fun, but you can rest assured that it may not be a big deal that your boyfriend isn’t texting as much.

The most important thing to remember is that you can’t force your boyfriend to text more, nor will your boyfriend suddenly start texting messages you want to hear. Don’t try to change him; you’ll end up driving him away if you want him to be someone he’s not. My tips on how to respond to a “textless relationship” are about changing you and how you see your relationship…because you are the only person you can control.

1. Ask yourself if you’re expecting too much from your boyfriend

How to Respond When Your Boyfriend Texts Less
When Your Boyfriend Texts Less

You may not know why your boyfriend is texting less or how many messages he used to send you…but are you expecting too much from him? Is it reasonable to expect your boyfriend to call or text every day? It depends on your lifestyles, future relationship plans, health, work situations, and stage of life. For instance, if your boyfriend is stressed and depressed because he lost his business and has to wait tables for a living, then maybe daily texts and phone calls are too much to ask. Maybe he needs time and space to sort out his life.

Some men can only focus on one aspect of life at a time, especially when it comes to their careers. If their jobs are in turmoil and they’re worried about money, then their romantic relationships may take a back seat for now. It’s important to make sure you’re not emotionally smothering your boyfriend by expecting him to text more often than he can.

2. Don’t complain that your boyfriend is texting you less

Be honest once about how you feel. Tell him, “I feel scared and rejected when you don’t call or text me, because I worry you’re not interested in me anymore” – and then let it go. Instead of nagging or complaining about what he does wrong or how he isn’t making you happy, start appreciating what he does right. When he calls, tell him how happy you are to hear from him. When he texts, text him back with lightness, love, and freedom.

Try not to put constraints on your boyfriend or demand his time, attention, and energy. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking he “should” do this or “should do that. Appreciate what he does well, and tell him when he makes you feel good about yourself or your relationship.

3. Create a fulfilling, exciting life for yourself

This is the best way to respond when your boyfriend isn’t texting you, or texts less than he used to! Are you a happy woman? Do you love life? Are you enthusiastic about your day, your job, your life, your place in this world? THAT’S the best way to respond when your boyfriend doesn’t text or call – start looking at your own level of happiness and life satisfaction.

Don’t rely on your boyfriend to make you happy – and don’t fool yourself into thinking your love will help him overcome depression or anxiety. The best way to spark your boyfriend’s interest and get him to call and text you again is to start genuinely loving your life.

If your life bores, frustrates, disappoints, or depresses you, then it’s time for a change. You need figure out what makes you happy, and start doing that. Your boyfriend is not your sole source of happiness – you need to create multiple levels of fulfillment. The best thing to do when your boyfriend is texting you less is to create a life you love.

4. Remember that happy, healthy women are beautiful girlfriends

If you’re enjoying your life and experiences, then your boyfriend will naturally gravitate towards you. He’ll want to spend time with you because he won’t feel pressured to make you happy. He won’t feel like it’s a chore to contact you – he’ll WANT to contact you because it makes him feel good to be in touch with you.

Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You
When Your Boyfriend Stops Sending Text Messages

You don’t have to be a perfect cover model to be a beautiful, valuable, charming girlfriend. The most attractive people are those who are happy and enthusiastic about life! The more you focus on what you need and want from your life – and the more you realize that you can’t change anyone but yourself – the more empowered you’ll feel. The more powerful you feel, the happier you’ll be.

Also, remember that if you always contact your boyfriend, then he doesn’t need to reach out to you. But if you give him time and space to breathe, your boyfriend might start calling and texting you again. Give your boyfriend a chance to miss you. That may be all he needs to start texting you again.

5. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy

Instead of fixing your eyes on your relationship – or worrying that your boyfriend isn’t texting or calling you as often as he used to – focus on your own emotional and spiritual growth. For instance, are you happy and fulfilled in who you are? Do you even know who you are, as a child of God? Building a strong relationship with Jesus will fill you with a sense of peace, love and joy that no boyfriend can fill. If you’re emotionally and spiritually healthy, it won’t matter if your boyfriend doesn’t text every day, or all the time, or even once a week.

When you’re spiritually grounded, your relationships will fall into place. This doesn’t mean you’ll be happy with this boyfriend forever…it just means you’ll have the strength, joy and courage to face whatever comes your way. Even if your boyfriend never texts you again!

Help With Emotionally Detached or Distant Boyfriends

If you’re worried about your relationship, read Men Who Can’t Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart. Steven Carter and Julia Sokol describe how to recognize the signs that a man is afraid of commitment, and how to avoid heartbreak. If your boyfriend can’t commit to you and your relationship, you need to know as soon as possible.

Most importantly, get emotionally and spiritually healthy so you can recognize what’s happening with your boyfriend. The healthier you are, the better decisions you’ll make about your relationship. 

Feel free to share your thoughts about what to do when your boyfriend is texting you less. I can’t give relationship advice, but it might help you to share your experience. Often, writing brings clarity and insight – and it might help you see you’re not alone. Writing can help you put your relationship in perspective – and even help you decide if it’s time to break up with your boyfriend.

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89 thoughts on “5 Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You”

  1. So I’m currently feeling this now. And also my bf has told me before that he started to txt me less due to me being “overbearing ” at times. And well I thought things got better but now it’s like bam I’m stuck again. He rarely txts me back… So at the beginning then….
    Me (23) and my bf (23) have been dating for a good almost 5 yrs. Both of us live with our parents stil. But what really bugs me is the fact that when he feels good and ready he’ll txt me nonstop every day of the week. And then bam for a good month I’ll txt him good morning at like 8am.and then won’t get a response until 2pm.and then he says oh I was asleep. So I’m like okay I get it.its your day off why not… Well then he goes on to txt me once leave me like on read for a good 5hr or so and then maybe around 8ish at night he’ll send an I am fine. And then that’s it?! What the hell? I mean I guess this happened more when I started back into school and recently I haven’t been able to keep up with my own bills so I’ve been on him alot. But he said he would help and now he complains about how I shouldn’t have gotten this or that. So I’m thinking the reason he’s like this is because everytime he txts me he’s gets reminded that bam I gotta pay for her damn bills. Ugh and also I keep telling my self he’s not trying to cut connections with you. He’s just trying to have him time because he does at times work a good 60hr shift at his job. This week that just passed by he had it all off.

    Sometimes I think I shouldn’t txt him at all just to get back at him. But I do pray!i pray alot that my relationship works with this guy. This is just a small part of my relationship there is more but I don’t know how I’ll type all of this into here.

    Can someone please tell me what I should do!

  2. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he never messages me first to ask how I am anymore he never calls me first he wants me to call him every evening we use to talk for hours every evening and of lately he’s been very snappy at me and very critical, we had problems with his ex popping on scene and him talking to her I ask him is he speaking to her he says no he’s don’t want nothing to do with her he speaks about her in a bitter angry way. He says he’s happy with me but he seems very off now and when I call now in the evenings he claims to be on the phone to a college friend who he’s never mentioned before, he comes and stays with me so many days a week but yet I don’t know where he lives and never met his family yet he has mine. He says he wants relationship with me but he won’t be honest with me or even be intimate with me. When I talk to him about my feelings he dismisses them days I am causing drama and I’m complaining. When he comes to mine I treat him very well I am honest and open with him and yet he can’t be with me but claims he wants a relationship with me and wants a future with me. I’m confused.

  3. I have a bf I met through dating application. we are close for 2 months until we finally meet. For 2 months we chat almost every time and we like each other. And finally we meet. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. But after finally dating in real, our communication is not as smooth as before. He said he was busy. Really busy till he cant text me all the time. and actually he just text me very short everyday. it’s totally different as before we start dating. When I want to end our relationship, he always apologizes. and say I am sorry baby. I don’t want he feel like I am weird girlfriend. I want to try to understand him. but it happened for 2weeks already. what do u think?

  4. Armando Hernandez

    I think this happens with gay relationships too!! I’ve been with my boyfriend almost a year and a half and his cute texting or texting/call, in general, has definitely decreased. I got insecure and got into a few arguments (passive-aggressive tones) wondering why and he tells me he is really busy with school, homework, work, and trying to rest. The last argument made me realize that he isn’t lying to me and he had to tell me that he had to sacrifice his own alone time to spend time with me so I can stop being insecure. It hit me! I was looking too much into this relationship and not enough time on me. I accepted the situation and removed all unnecessary expectations and it feels great to not worry about those things. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!? He texted me this morning with a Good Morning and I miss you emoji. <3 (Semester is over) He doesn't want to take on the task to make you happy but to only add on to the happiness you create yourself. I feel less pressure and anxiety to do some much for us but to let US happen as we go along. Good Luck everyone and like Rupaul says, " If you can't love yourself, how in the heck can you love someone else!"

  5. Don’t Get lost in the honeymooning phase of a relationship. Do you remember the start of your relationship with your husband? How head over heels you were? It’s an irrational feeling thats going to happen with every man you meet throughout your life who you might be in to. Don’t make a lasting mistake off of a temporary emotion. I would suggest you read some Gary Chapman as well. He has given my relationship amazing help.

  6. Hi I’m in an overseas relationship. I have been in a sweet relationshi 4 months ago. We are near to finish 6 months now of been in a relationship. I want to say that this last month my bf become so weird. He stop texting me like usually. He said that he is busy with making money . And actually I respect that . But every time I send him something (pic, mssg…..) He take so much time to comment. And also sometimes he don’t text back at all until I do . I really don’t know what should I do with this problem… can i have a help😟

  7. Hi. Helppp. I am in a ldr with my boyfriend for five months now. I’m 23 and he’s 26. He is an accountant and it is busy season until April. We were good at the start but suddenly in the past 2 to three weeks, the texts and calls becoming less. I tried to reach out to him by saying how I really feel but it seems that he just read the message and has replied only ‘hey’ and ‘iloveyous’ like he does not want to talk about it and avoiding this by changing the topic. So I decided to do some research by myself and asked some friends about the work but not really convinced enough. It is because I still keep on worrying like why he does not reaching out to me and it is eating me up sometimes. So I decided to still convince myself to just be patient and understand his situation. Sorry but I am just really new to this kind of situation. I really love him.

    Maybe he was just pre-occupied and really busy with work? I just can’t help to overthink and became anxious when he does not reply. He is an independent person but all I want is just to be there for him. Maybe he is just tired and really stressed out? Or is this a sign of losing interest or not?

    For accountants out there or girlfriend of accountants, is this normal? How do you cope with this kind of situation? What should I do? Please convince me that it’ll be okay soon or is the relationship worth fighting for even though he is really busy at work? Thanksss.

  8. Hi. Helppp. I just want to share my experience wherein I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for three months now. He works as an accountant and it’s their busy season until April. I understand the culture of his work but I can’t help to overthink and become anxious when he does not reply to my messages. I somehow feel better reading your post regarding this but I want to be really convinced that this will be okay because I am new to this kind of relationship. I tried to reach out to him by saying how I really feel but it seems that he just read the message and has replied only ‘hi’ and ‘iloveyous’ and it seems like he is avoiding to think and cope with this kind of problem. Maybe he does not want to talk about it? So I decided to just be patient and understand his situation. Whenever he started texting and calling less, I’m the one initiating just to have a convo with him. With this, is it because he is really busy and pre-occupied by work? Or maybe he is tired and really stressed out? For accountants out there, is this normal? How do you cope in this kind of situation? I hope this will be okay soon. Thanksss

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