Your gut instincts or intuition can be a reliable source of information when you’re starting a new relationship. But how do you trust your intuition if you never learned how — or if you trusted your instincts in the past and made a huge mistake?
Recently I wrote a blog post called How to Trust Your Intuition After a Failed Relationship, about trusting your gut instincts after a painful breakup or divorce. Today, a reader asked about trusting her gut instincts when dating a new guy.
“I’ve been dating a man for about two years,” says Chantelle on How to Know if You Can Trust Someone in a New Relationship. “He’s my first serious relationship after my marriage fell apart five years ago. I’m attracted to him physically, but that’s it. Intellectually we don’t really have much to talk about. Emotionally I don’t think we are on the same page. I know this, but I don’t think he does. He thinks everything about our relationship is great. I’m very conflicted about this. I don’t think he’s my forever guy but I can’t seem to break it off. My intuition is telling me he’s not the best match, but I can’t seem to make a move.”
The Blossom Tip: When you’re in love — or even just tentatively starting a new relationship with a man — you’ll feel many different emotions. Fear, insecurity, hope, dread, confusion, clarity — they’re normal, natural, and even healthy. How so? They can prevent you from making a foolish mistake.
The problem is learning how to trust your intuition through the din of all those emotions! The solution is at your fingertips…
How to Trust Your Intuition When You’re Starting a New Relationship
My “She Blossoms” articles are broken up into five different categories, or Blossom Tips, to cover your spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. A sprinkle of everything, to help you flourish.
Maybe you need a little spiritual TLC (tender loving care)…if so, the first Blossom Tip will fire up your faith. Maybe you need emotional or psychological healing (Heart Blossoms), or creative fire (Soul Blossoms). Or maybe you need a kick in the behind! That’s the Body Blossoms tip, for a physical push. And finally…your smarty pants brain. Maybe you just need to stop and think, instead of relying on your gut instincts to tell you what to do when you’re starting a new relationship…
Let’s start with your spirit.
1. Spirit Blossoms – Shhh
Take a deep breath, and be still. Give God time to speak, guide, and lead you into the right conversations and decisions. When you’re starting a new relationship, your excited heart may overtake your rational brain. So, you need to bring your spirit into the mix.
Be silent. Listen for your intuition — for God’s still, small voice. Pay attention to those little inklings and nudges and notions that will lead you in the right direction. Learning how to trust your intuition when you’re starting a new relationship takes practice, but you won’t regret it. The more you heed your Creator’s lead, happier and healthier you’ll be.
2. Heart Blossoms – Watch for the red flags
One of the most common comments I get from readers is, “I saw the warning signs, but I ignored them because I love him!” Sometimes, readers even talk about how they stubbornly refused to listen to their own inner voice or intuition. They knew their boyfriends or husbands were cheating or lying, but they ignored the red flags because they were desperate for the relationship to work.
Part of trusting your intuition when you’re starting a new relationship is actually doing what it says. Don’t ignore that still small voice or shrug off the big red flags. Talk to a friend or even a relationship coach. Get help navigating the beginning of a new relationship, because that’s when you set the path for the future.
3. Soul Blossoms – Surprise yourself
Toss a few questions or unexpected possibilities his way, and watch how he responds. If, for example, you’ve been holding back on your love for Ethiopian food because you suspect he’s never tried it…cook him injera and chicken doro wat, and see how he responds. Get creative; don’t be afraid to surprise yourself — or him!
This is a great tip for learning how to trust your intuition when you’re starting a new relationship. Did you expect his reaction to your surprise, or were you astonished by his response? This will help you fine-tune that still small voice. Hone your Spidey senses by predicting his reaction and allowing yourself to be right or wrong.
4. Body Blossoms – Make friends with your body
How well do you trust your own body? Knowing if you can trust someone in a new relationship is related to trusting yourself.
For example, do you trust your body to sleep when you need sleep? Do you trust your stomach to tell you when you need to eat, or your back to tell you when it’s time to get up and stretch? If you aren’t friends with your body, then you won’t be on good terms with your spirit. And if you aren’t friends with your spirit, then you can’t trust your intuition when you’re starting a new relationship.
5. Brainy Blossoms – Practice concrete ways of trusting your intuition
Maybe the previous Blossom Tip taught you that you don’t trust your body. That sucks. But, it’s good that you know this about yourself! Now that you’re armed with solid information, you can actually do something about increasing your self-trust and intuition.
The “Soul Blossoms” tip is a great way to practice trusting your intuition — especially when you’re starting a new relationship. Another good “intuition test” is noticing someone’s facial expression, and asking her how she feels. If she looks anxious, for example, ask if she’s feeling nervous or worried about something. If she looks happy, ask if she’s feeling good. Be on the lookout for ways to test your intuition in all aspects of life. Then, you’re in a better position to trust yourself when you’re starting a new relationship.
How do you feel about trusting your intuition when you’re starting a new relationship: good, bad, or neutral?
Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, and would love to hear from you. And don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. You have a source of wisdom that goes far beyond me.
May you have strength and courage to walk into the next season of life…and Blossom into who God created you to be.
Are you unhappy in your relationship? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage and FREE relationship advice from Mort Fertel, founder of the Marriage Fitness Program.