10 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend
You can make conversation easy and interesting! The most important thing to remember when you’re wondering what to talk about with your girlfriend is to listen to everything she says – and ask questions about her life.
In What to Talk About With Your Boyfriend, I describe how before we got married my boyfriend (now my husband) would call me on the phone and then not say anything. My boyfriend didn’t know what to talk about, but he wanted to connect with me. It was sort of sweet and sort of frustrating. Sweet because I knew my boyfriend liked me, but frustrating because I had to do all the work and make all the conversation. Don’t put your girlfriend in that position – use my list of things to talk about, and you’ll find conversation easier than you expect…
Updated to add: I recently found a short but helpful video called “What You Should Talk About On a First Date, According to Research” on Business Insider. Since it’s only one minute long, here I’ll summarize the most important points.
- Share secrets. According to psychologist Arthur Erin of State University of New York, personal and emotional exchanges during dates promote feelings of connection.
- Talk about traveling – favorite holidays or dream destinations. Psychologist Richard Wiseman conducted a study and found that talking about traveling is more interesting and bond-forming than talking about movies. Plus, you’re more likely to get into an argument if you talk about movies. Only 9%percent of couples who talked about movies went on a second date, as opposed to 18% of couples who talked about travel.
- Choose controversial topics to talk about with your girlfriend, not dull topics. Politics, your most embarrassing moment, something you did that you’re not particularly proud of (although if you want to build a relationship with your girlfriend you might not want to spend too much time dwelling on things you’re ashamed of!).
According to Duke University professor Dan Ariely, talking about controversial topics make people happier with the interaction. And, if you talk about hot button issues, you’ll definitely get to know your girlfriend better!
Above all, show your girlfriend that you’re interested in her by talking about things that interest both of you, and by developing a sincere and genuine curiosity about her life. These conversation starters will not only give you lots of things to talk about with your girlfriend, they’ll make you a better listener. And that will make you a better boyfriend.
10 Things to Talk About With Your Girlfriend
Women like to talk. For most females, conversation comes naturally. Indeed, conversation is a requirement that must be met in order for women to feel happy in in their relationship! That’s why finding things to talk about with your girlfriend is crucial – even when you’ve been together (or even married) for years.
So, here’s a list of what to talk about with your girlfriend, whether you’re on the phone or in person.
1. Don’t talk. Ask your girlfriend about her, and listen
Of all the things to talk about with your girlfriend, the last topic should be you. Don’t talk endlessly about your video games, sports, work, school, or hobbies.
The key to being an excellent conversationalist is to LISTEN. Allow a few seconds of silence to pass after your girlfriend stops talking, or say “mmhmm” to show you’re listening. People respond well to moments of silence – it gives them a chance to collect their thoughts and continue talking.
You’ll find more things to talk about with your girlfriend if you:
- Are actually present when she is talking. Don’t daydream, don’t drift off off from conversations, and don’t interrupt with questions that aren’t related to what she’s talking about.
- Become a “whole body” listener. This means listening with your eyes (watch her nonverbal cues), your heart (pick up on those signals your heart is sending you when she talks), and your ears (the most traditional way to listen to your girlfriend).
- Show your girlfriend that you’re listening. This means nodding, saying “mmhmm”, and offering feedback such as “So, what I hear you saying is…”
Let your girlfriend know that you hear her. How? By focusing on the next nine things to talk about…
2. Ask what the best part of her day was
Sometimes I ask my husband what the best thing was about today; I love hearing what made him happy or gave him a good laugh! Ask your girlfriend what made her happy, or what brightened her day at work or school. Maybe you could even send her flowers or give her a gift – maybe YOU could be the best part of her day.
If your girlfriend says the best part of her day was lunch with the team, ask her questions about it. Here are some questions to get her to keep talking:
- Tell me more. What did you guys do after lunch?
- How interesting! Has that happened before?
- Along that same line, will you…?
- What do you mean by that?
- Can you give me an example?
One of the best ways to start a conversation – or change the subject – is to say, “I’ve always wanted to ask you…” This shows your girlfriend that you’re thinking about her when you’re not together.
3. Ask about the worst thing that happened to her today
This can be the most interesting of all things to talk about with your girlfriend, because it’ll give you a chance to learn more about what fires her up. She’ll talk about what annoys, frustrates, hurts, and even grieves her. This helps you get to know her more intimately, and gives you the chance to comfort and commiserate with her.
I know it sounds simple to focus on listening to your girlfriend and asking her questions, but trust me. We all love to talk about ourselves, and we believe we are the most interesting things to talk about. Your girlfriend loves to talk about herself, and if you’re truly interested in her then you’ll enjoy hearing what she has to say. You won’t just be filling the silence with these things to talk about – you’ll actually be learning more about her and improving your relationship.
If you haven’t been with your girlfriend for long, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.
4. Follow up with your girlfriend – what happened with “that thing”?
Did your girlfriend tell you about something that happened last week, month, or even year? Follow up on it – find out what happened. For example, if your girlfriend told you about a problem at work or school, ask her how it turned out.
You might say, “When you were talking about _____, I remembered what you told me about _____. Whatever happened with that?”
This is one of the most thoughtful things to talk about with your girlfriend. Why? Because it shows you actually remember what’s happening in her life. She will be so pleased and happy to tell you about how a situation was resolved – or if it’s still ongoing.
5. Ask what she wanted to be when she was 7
One of my favorite conversation starters is asking people about their childhood. Most of us love to talk about when we were kids – especially the happy memories of summer days or vacations or playing with friends.
If you’re looking for things to talk about with your girlfriend, don’t just ask, “What was your childhood like?” Instead, ask specific questions about her life as a kid. What did she want to be when she grew up? What was her favorite sport, game, or toy? Who was her best friend?
6. Start conversations about serious life topics
How often do you initiate serious conversations about your future as a couple, money, sex, family, home ownership, or work? I suspect women are more comfortable talking about these things…but we like men to start the conversation sometimes! If you and your girlfriend haven’t talked about your future yet, you might start asking questions.
If you think marriage is the next step for you and your girlfriend, read Premarital Questions – What You Need to Ask Before the Wedding. That will give you plenty of things to talk about with your girlfriend, believe me.
7. Talk to your girlfriend about lunch
One of my favorite things to talk about with anyone is food! Is your girlfriend a foodie – does she enjoy eating, cooking, baking, or even decorating platters of food? I don’t really like to cook, but I love talking about what I had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Never underestimate the power of talking to your girlfriend about mundane things, such as where she ate lunch and who she was with. It’s not what you talk about how you talk about it.
Also – don’t be a “conversation hog” and dominate everything you talk about. But, don’t expect your girlfriend to make all the conversation! Treat the conversation as a tennis match and be sure to return the ball with four and genuine interest.
8. Ask your girlfriend what her 3 favorite things to talk about are
First, think about your three most favorite topics of conversation. Mine are God (especially Jesus and Spirit), blogging, business, my dogs, personal growth, psychology, and food. I love talking about all sorts of things, which makes conversation with people of the same mind easy.
Then, ask your girlfriend what she loves to talk about. If she can’t think of anything right away, give her my list – or tell her your favorite things to talk about. Spend some time talking to your girlfriend about your and her favorite topics of conversation. This is important, and can tell you something very interesting about your relationship.
Do you and your girlfriend have trouble finding things to talk about? This exercise might be very revealing. If you and your girlfriend have totally different ideas about interesting things to talk about, then you know why conversation is a drag. You have little in common.
9. Talk about your spirituality
Now we’re getting into one of the most important things to talk about with your girlfriend: God. How spiritual are you? If you believe in Jesus, talk to her about your spiritual life. If you feel like you’ve been burned by God or you’re an atheist, talk about that.
And remember my first tip on this list of things to talk about with your girlfriend: LISTEN! Don’t just talk to her about your beliefs, values, and experiences with faith and religion. Ask her about her spiritual history. You might even share your spiritual autobiographies.
Don’t shy away from difficult conversations or spirited arguments that are healthy and open. Remember, “There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.” Michel de Montaigne.
10. When you talk to your girlfriend, don’t do anything else
I tend to multitask, and I know I don’t communicate well when I’m talking and driving and planning and thinking ahead. The LAST thing I do when I’m talking to anyone is scrolling through my iPhone or clicking around the internet on my laptop. This isn’t exactly something to talk about, but it’ll make your conversations with your girlfriend so much more meaningful.
Need help making conversation?
TableTopics – Questions to Start Great Conversations is the #1 best-selling conversation starter – and it will make make conversations with your girlfriend fun and lively. It contains 135 thought-provoking questions inspire the best kinds of conversation between couples, at dinner parties, family gatherings, or any time you want to break the ice. TableTopics is a fun way for family and friends to reconnect and discover more about themselves and each other.
Sample questions: What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Is it more important to be book smart or street smart? What do you love about your hometown? If you could have front row seats to any concert who would you like to see? Those questions will give you lots to talk about with your girlfriend.
For more conversation starters and ideas, read 10 Things to Talk About on Your First Date (even if it’s not your first date).
I welcome your thoughts on these things to talk about with your girlfriend. I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling, but it often helps to write about what you’re experiencing.
Remember that your conversations with your girlfriend will go smoothly if you focus on being sincerely interested in her. Connect with her on a heart and soul level, and you’ll never have to search for ideas on what to talk about with your girlfriend again.
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