8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You – and How to Blossom

Are you picking up on signals that his feelings for you have changed? These 8 signs he doesn’t love you will help you see how he really feels. You are worthy of being loved, you need to know if his feelings have changed, and you will cope with whatever unfolds in your life. Remember that you are not alone!

“I don’t think my husband loves me the way he used to,” says Miriam on How to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. “He hasn’t said he doesn’t love me, but I can see the signs he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. He never seems to want to spend time with me, he’d rather be at work than home with me and the kids, and he doesn’t listen when I talk. I know about the love languages but this is beyond that. This isn’t just my husband and I loving in different ways, it’s clear he doesn’t love me. I know you don’t give relationship advice but can you tell me some objective signs a man doesn’t love a woman? Thank you for your help.”

The sooner you recognize and accept that he doesn’t love you, the sooner you can start coping with whatever your future brings. This is your time to get emotionally and spiritually strong, prepare yourself for an exciting and fulfilling new relationship, and know that you will fall in love with someone who can give you the love you need, want, and deserve.

You deserve to be in a healthy, happy love relationship! Remember that we accept the love we think we deserve. Are you staying with a man who doesn’t love you because you believe you don’t deserve better? Are you allowing yourself to be with a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you because you think you’re not good or interesting enough? Sometimes we think we don’t deserve to be loved or treated with respect, and we let our boyfriends or husbands treat us badly.

Your first step is to see and accept the signs he doesn’t love you anymore. It hurts, but the truth will set you free. Your second step is to learn how to cope with change in your life – how to Blossom! Even if you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend or husband, something will change if you accept that he isn’t in love with you anymore.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You“Distance in a relationship can signal that trouble is being swept under the proverbial rug or that one person has checked out of the relationship,” writes Harriet Lerner in Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. “But distance doesn’t always mean that the state of your union is shaky. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be his way of trying to get through a difficult time.”

Before you read through these signs he doesn’t love you, remember that there is no one right way to show love in a relationship. Some men show love easily and obviously, while others are more guarded and quiet. Some couples are expressive; others value distance, time, and space in their relationship.

If you feel emotional distance in your relationship, it may not be a sign he doesn’t love you. Your boyfriend or husband may simply be less in touch with his or your feelings and emotions, and thus less likely to connect with you on an emotional level. Emotional and/or physical distance in a relationship can be a red flag, or even a sign of fear of intimacy.

That said, however, there is a difference between emotional styles and lack of love. That’s why you’re here, right? You suspect there is a lack of love in your relationship, and of course it bothers you.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

Your first step is to bravely consider these signs he’s not in love with you anymore. Then, think about my questions at the end of this article…

Relationship Help

Gain confidence by learning what men secretly want.

Turn your marriage around! Find the love and intimacy you once had.

Don’t be afraid of admitting that your boyfriend or husband  isn’t in love with you. Instead, be afraid of not being able to see the truth about your relationship! Be afraid of losing touch with yourself. Be afraid of not listening to the still small voice that will help you Blossom. Men come and go, but your relationship with God is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.

What’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life for yourself.

1. You’re searching for signs he doesn’t love you

You are the best judge of your relationship. You know your boyfriend or husband, you know your relationship, and you know when something isn’t right. If you’re searching for articles that will help you know if he’s in love with you, then he’s probably not loving you the way you want and need to be loved.

What brought you here – why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you anymore? If you’re scared or anxious about facing the truth about your relationship, you are not alone. It’s painful and heartbreaking to even consider the idea that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore. I know that pain, and it is shattering.

Take heart. You may know deep down that his love has died, or you may be listening to other voices that aren’t helpful. It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, but he doesn’t know how to show his love. Or, he can’t express love the way you receive love. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages to learn more about reading and deciphering the “signs he doesn’t love you.” It’s possible that your boyfriend or husband simply loves you differently than you want to be loved.

2. You don’t trust your boyfriend or husband

If your boyfriend or husband betrayed you – by lying or cheating on you – then you may wonder if he actually loves you.

signs he doesnt love you

signs of love

If you can’t forgive him, your intuition may be picking up on very real signs that he’ll cheat on you again. Your Spidey senses are tingling, and the still small voice is telling you that you shouldn’t trust him. Lack of trust is a warning sign that he doesn’t love you, and you need to pay attention before you suffer more heartache.

How do you Blossom if you’re in a rocky relationship? By trusting God to heal your spirit and heart. Jesus is the only source of true, deep, trustworthy love and peace. Trusting a man to fill your soul – or to “complete you” is setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s also setting your boyfriend or husband up to fail. A man will always disappoint you, because men are human. Like women, they succumb to weaknesses, temptations, selfishness, ego-driven decisions. Jesus is the only path to security, peace, grace, and joy.

If you don’t need to read the rest of my signs he doesn’t love you because you know the truth, read How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone.

3. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough

How do you feel when you’re around your boyfriend or husband? Do you feel heard, secure, cherished, and valued? How you feel when you’re with him is a huge sign he does or doesn’t love you. It’s not love if he makes you feel humiliated, unhappy, depressed, or terrible about yourself.

This sign he doesn’t love you can be complicated for women – like me – who are insecure. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, and it took me at least eight years of marriage to learn how to be secure in my identity in God. Knowing who I am in Christ is the single most important thing I did to improve my marriage, because I became free of fears, insecurities, and anxieties about my relationship with my husband.

The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the better all your relationships will be. Your peace, strength, and energy will not only help you Blossom – it affects everyone around you. If you end up with the painful truth that your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you anymore, you will be able to cope because you will be grounded. Whatever you are looking for won’t be found in your boyfriend, or a blog post listing signs he doesn’t love you, or even your own strength. Whatever you are looking for can only be found the the life and love of Jesus.

When you’re considering this sign he doesn’t love you (how your boyfriend or husband “makes” you feel), remain open to the possibility that your own insecurities and fears affect how you think others see you.

4. Your boyfriend or husband isolates you from your friends and family

This is a definite sign he doesn’t love you: he keeps you away from your loved ones. This is an unhealthy, dangerous routine of an abusive man. He says he loves you so much he can’t stand to share you with other people. He says your relationship is enough, that you and he don’t need anyone else.

Separation and isolation are not signs of love. They are signs of unhealthy relationships. If your boyfriend or husband wants to keep you away from people who love you, it’s one of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you.

Abusive men do everything they can to ensure their partners don’t spend time with friends or family. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want you to be with people who are important to you, then he isn’t loving you in a healthy way. It’s not just a sign he’s not in love with you, it’s a sign of a bad relationship. It’s a sign you need to reach out to people you love and talk about your relationship.

5. He dismisses your feelings, steals from you, degrades your body

Why are you searching for signs he doesn’t love you? Tell me below. What is he doing? Maybe your boyfriend borrows money from you without repaying (stealing). Maybe your husband tells you lies about where he’s spending his time, money, energy. Maybe your boyfriend or husband uses your physical body, intellectual property, or material possessions without giving anything in return.

signs he doesn't love you

signs He loves you

Listen to that still small voice. God is always here, talking to you. He is waiting for you, loving you, and hoping you will turn back to Him. Don’t walk away from His love – for it will never change and He will never give up on you. Be honest with yourself about how your boyfriend or husband is treating you – and how he feels about you. Hold on to the fact that you were created for a purpose. God loves you deeply and would never send you signs He doesn’t love you! His outpouring of love is always present, available, strong, steady, eternal. All you have to do is accept it, enjoy it, roll around in His love for you.

Pay attention to the signs your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you, and find ways to take care of yourself. Talk to your friends and family. Be honest about your relationship. It’s when you find out that he doesn’t love you that you need to surround yourself with the most love.

6. Your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about your dreams

If he doesn’t encourage you to set and pursue your goals, if he doesn’t support your wildest hopes and dreams for your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t love you. If your boyfriend or husband  doesn’t want you to succeed or move forward in your life, then he’s not loving you. He’s dragging you down.

Are you and he supporting each other spiritually, emotionally, professionally, socially, personally? Do you encourage each other to take healthy risks and become more of who you are? A crucial sign of a healthy, loving relationship is compatible life and relationship goals. If you and your boyfriend or husband are working towards something together – a purpose, a common life mission – then you increase your chances of joy and happiness as a couple.

7. He lies to you – a big sign he’s not in love with you

Maybe he’s not lying when he says he wants your relationship to be different…maybe he wants to change, but he can’t. Or maybe he really is telling you lies, and maybe you keep believing him because you’re scared to be alone.

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You – and How to Blossom

8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

I don’t know if he’s lying to you, but I think YOU know. Sometimes we know things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Why? Because we don’t want to be hurt, face rejection, deal with a breakup. It’s hard. You might be afraid to face the truth (even though you know deep down the truth will set you free).

I know that even though you’re scared, you’re brave. I know you’re courageous because you’re still here, reading the signs he doesn’t love you!

If your boyfriend or husband a bold-faced makes promises he never keeps, read When He Says He’ll Change – But Never Does.

8. Your boyfriend doesn’t listen to or respect you

Do you feel heard in your relationship? Does your boyfriend or husband listen when you talk, and communicate how he feels and what he thinks? This is the foundation of a healthy love relationship. Maybe this should be the first sign he loves you: your boyfriend or husband respects you, hears you, and values what you say, believe, and think.

If you suspect that he doesn’t love you, “Open a conversation about your concerns, without anger and blame and without anxiously pursuing your partner for more togetherness than he wants,” writes Dr Lerner in Marriage Rules. “You need to use both wisdom and intuition to know when you can’t comfortable live with the status quo. When you feel you can’t, it’s vital to speak up about your concerns.”

How are you feeling? Maybe you’re heartbroken and sad because you know your boyfriend or husband isn’t in love with you. Or, maybe you feel hopeful because you know he does love you! Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below. I won’t tell what you to do about a boyfriend or husband who doesn’t love you (because I don’t give advice), but you may feel happier if you share your story.

How to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

signs he doesn't love youIf you know deep in your heart that he isn’t in love with you and you need to move on, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote this ebook after losing my sister; I needed help letting go so I interviewed relationship counsellors and psychologists. I learned how to break free from the past and find peace in my life.

Don’t ignore the signs he doesn’t love you. Take a deep breath, look upwards, and believe that you are worth love. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how beautiful, smart, brave, and precious you are. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, and for clarity in your relationships.

Do you need to make changes in your relationship and your life, or are you content to stay where you are? If you’re content to stay where you are, then you might have to pretend you never saw these signs he doesn’t love you.

May you find love and healing in your relationship. More importantly, may you reach out for the joy and peace only God can bring! May you accept Jesus into your life and heart, and may your relationship with Him be the most important thing in your life. Hold on tight to Him, for He is the only thing that really matters in this world. 

Fix Your Marriage


56 Responses

  1. Sarah says:

    I swear I caught my boyfriend in lies, over and over. Even after I find out what I believe is true about something, my boyfriend will continue to deny everything to me. Everything. I confront him and he tells me it’s in my head and that I’m making up.
    He has convinced me that I am more crazy then I am convinced my boyfriend loves me.
    I’m not really sure if I’m just extremely insecure and crazy or if my gut is true. My boyfriend has not left me and I have gone crazy on him enough times I’d expect he has left me by now if he didn’t love me.
    I love my boyfriend so much. I think he is perfect man for me except either he is not or I’m extremely insecure. Anyways even after all we been through together…weather be for my Insecurities or maybe I’m right and he is just here because im a woman he has made home with. I can’t tell.
    My boyfriend shows me no sign of love except he is still here and we do have sex every day almost.
    Although I know several of his friends and they are not loyal to their wives. I can’t tell their wives. Maybe just like nobody will tell me?
    We have lived together over 3 years. If I snoop in his phone I always find something and each time he says either his friend borrowed his phone or he breaks it and denies what I have found. My boyfriend even accuses me of cheating on him.
    I love him so much I want it to be that I’m insecure and crazy.. soon I’ll leave. But I’m never happy because I always feel like I’m right, that my boyfriend doesn’t love me. I dont think I’m insane. I was never insecure in my past few relationships.
    Maybe it’s just because he has been married..although I think it’s his daughter that keeps us together (the idea another woman had him 7 years). I think maybe it’s just me so I should be extra loving to him for putting up with me instead of leaving me.
    But then again…he had lied to her for over 3 years about why she can’t visit him at home (because of me)
    What if his daughter finds out about me? It’s already been 3 years and she keeps asking to come to his house.
    She must be suspicious, like I am.
    This relationship is just killing me slowly. One day it’s going to catch me.

  2. Kenya says:

    I am only a 15 year old girl but I am wise and an old soul. Now my boyfriend is 17 going on 18 soon. We’ve been together for about 9 months and this is the longest most committed relationship I’ve ever been in.So what if you love him dearly and he loves you back but not the way you want him to? Like he’s logistical and creative but he’s not entirely romantic but I like romantic things? Another thing I have issues with is the way I love. I’d do anything for him ,like I walked on my injured hip just to spend time with him countless times but I feel like if his hip or legs hurt he would tell me that we should either hangout inside or just not at all. I read about the five love languages but I still don’t know the one I use. But I want to be loved by him the way I love him. If he died I would want to go with him, like with Romeo and Juliet. But he wouldn’t do the same for me. He loves me, he truly does and I love him. I don’t want this relationship to end. I won’t let it end. But what can I do when I sacrifice so much but he doesn’t? If your answer is to leave him I don’t need an answer but if you have advice that will help mine and his relationship I would love to hear it. Please and Thank you.

  3. J says:

    My hubby and were married 54 yrs you can not imagine how i felt when I started finding things in our car back seat, hairs bits of cloth etc, other signs he’s not in love with me. Women calling the house asking for different names it was the same voice or else they would hang up. The real deal happen when we were at a small store in an empty parking lot, a woman shouting at my husband calling him a cheap sos because she had worked hard for him and he never gave him a tip. I asked him abut, it he said i didn’t know they got tips …I was horrified. The real deal happened one day when were together in the car, he said he would take me home because he had to be at the gas station. A women came running up to the car, when she saw me she backed off … Shortly after that he became ill had to go in to the hospital he had contacted Hep C, became liver cancer and he passed.
    I was and am still over whelmed with grief anger resentment, as this happened so fast. It seemed my husband got what he deserved for being a cheater and not thinking of himself or me to at least use protection. My husband was a real selfish person, even the doctors were shocked. Now I live with resentment, anger, and grief. I will never trust a man again, it’s horrible to live like this.

  4. Vonya says:

    I met him in April of 2016. During the summer he would come over and stay when he had his kids on visits. I would cook and clean for them on top of having kids of my own. He never bought food. When it was time for his kids to go back to there mom’s, he would go back home to his parents basement. In September 2016 I found messages on his Facebook to several women. One he told he would always love her and another he asked to cuddle etc. He tried to lie his way out of it and even broke his phone on the pavement as if that would make it go away. I was shocked and hurt but somehow by October we were engaged and he completely moved in with me. At first it felt like bliss until I slowly started to realize that he doesn’t pay rent or bills and even though he works he only pays for his car payment and a few little things for our house hold needs. Whenever I mention bills he blames me and says I don’t show them to him, he also says I am the one who wanted him to move in. I started spying on him too, after the realization of what he had done when he messaged those females actually hit me. I have not found anything but it is draining my energy very badly. I feel like he is hiding something from me. Just yesterday we decided to give our relationship one more week. Not long after that I caught him in a lie. He insisted it did not matter because it was a little lie…But it mattered tho me, I cried. I don’t usually cry. Now my guts keep flip flopping and I am feeling the urge to kick him out even stronger now. I would really like some supportive feedback please.

    • Melissa says:

      I was in a similar situation for 10 years. Everything was my fault. Money, him cheating. It was my fault. I stayed, and every day like you, I looked for a message, a number, any sign that he was still messing around. I made myself sick over it. I isolated myself from friends and family because my anxiety was so bad and my mind so concentrated on his behavior. Every day I’d pray he would come home and tell me he was leaving so I didn’t have to feel the guilt of kicking him out, or of ending the relationship. Yet, at the same time, any sign of a threat he was leaving made me jump towards him too. Finally, I realized it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t what I wanted and got the courage to walk away. It hurts for a little while, but I am so much happier and more importantly, healthier, away from the situation. Mentally and physically. My boyfriend too always played the victim. Changing phone numbers when he was caught. Blaming me for lack of funds. It’s an abuse tactic. It keeps you on lock down because the hope is you believe you are doing him wrong. That’s the game they play. You will get out. It’s clearly not what you want. Say goodbye and know in your heart you did right by him. He will be fine. You will be much better. Good luck.

      • Yvonne says:

        Thank you Melissa… I am happy to know I am not alone. I made him leave today. He tried to argue and stall but I stood my ground. Later I got an email telling me my Facebook was logged into. It was from his laptop. I had to change my password and deactivate my Facebook again. I feel mixed emotions right now and I feel alone. I do however know that deep down I made the right choice. I am not perfect… I should not have invaded his privacy and checked for messages and such because I was afraid he was doing something behind my back again, but that is one of the reasons why I dumped him because I know that is unhealthy. Thank you for responding

    • Tracy says:

      Mine it about the same, Facebook same but he does the single sits. I found that when I was talking on his phone. Then his email, when I walk in the room and he is on the computer he flips screens very quick. Also has pic of naked woman. Just found a new pic of another on his phone. He texts and answers his phone in the middle of the night. Are those signs he’s not in love with me? What to do and what do I think….

  5. Sherry Tackett says:

    He always encouraged me, he loved me and my kids more than his own. He never hurt me he was always so excited to me he would come flying down the stairs with the biggest hugs and smiles. He respected every request I made. How could he not love me anymore? He ask me to marry him and I have spent my life loving him. He was my dream. My first boyfriend and I never let go. I spent weeks trying to find him before I married my only husband. I would think about him when I was sad and I had the dream that maybe someday somehow we would find each other and we did and it was so beautiful it was almost perfect but he has a troubled son and I was scared of the influence on my children and so was he. We didn’t trust him. So he decided to let his own son go but I stopped him bc I wanted to help him. But the kid was so evil and he set us up for terrible fight and 9 days before the wedding I told him I couldn’t live with his son and I couldn’t Marry him. I never thought he would let us go. I never said I don’t love you. I assumed we would just wait 4 years until his son was 18. But he left and he never spoke to me again. He doesn’t love me anymore. My daughter begged and begged to see him. I agreed after 3,months of begging but I couldn’t even speak when I saw him. And my mother wanted him gone and I don’t know what she did but it’s been almost two years and everyday gets harder. So I forgave him for leaving is like we never existed thinking I could get my self on track. It didn’t help. I cry out to god all the time and I beg him to help me but he doesn’t. I’m desperate. I have three beautiful children that are beyond amazing and I manage to pull off the show most days but not for the oldest he sees how sad I am and I have to stop this.

  6. Annie says:

    Hi Laurie and Mare. I just happened to found this blog and happy to read Lauries article. As its helpful. As like Mare, I ve just formally divorced after 25 years. Am not proud of it as we still have 2 dependant kids. But i am happier now. I just realized my Ex doesnt love me, and surprisingly when i divorced him, my big brother openly said he s happy for my decision as he s been watching over the years that my Ex is just using me. Used my possessions and took me for granted. Fyi i work and became backbone of the family. My earning was much way beyond him.And still he said bad thing about me, that i wasnt a good wife, dont respect husband and am a bad mother and not happy living with me. And yet i still blind untill i found out he had a relationship with his colleagues at office. So i made final decision. He refused,but i insisted. Its been 2 years since we broke up and he still asking us to get back until now and even uses my 9 years daughter to persuade me. I am now have a lighter feeling, happier, skinnier and feel more beautiful. I love my self more and had a chance of focusing on my heart’s health. Kids live with me and i can proof that i am a good mother. Something that i always be! I even finished my master degree (i remember when i decided took this degree he said i am so selfish and donot worth to take master degree).

    So Mare, i am not a conselour nor adviser, but may be you can get something from my experiences.

    Best of Love.

  7. Y says:

    I really need to leave my abusive boyfriend it’s the 8th year now, we both know it’s over, just one of us needs to do it!
    I’ve found your writing very helpful

  8. Laurie says:

    Dear Mare,

    It sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot together! So many ups and downs, good parts and bad parts of marriage, mistakes and even some successes. I’m glad that you went to counseling – I hope it helped you learn more about yourself and your husband.

    About you not feeling like your husband really loves you, I don’t know if it’s you or if it’s him or if it’s a combination of you both. I suspect it’s probably you and him together. There’s some sort of interaction or dynamics going on that isn’t easy to pinpoint. Not for me, and not for you.

    I hope this is something you and your counselor can talk about together, perhaps even with your husband. You did inspire me to write an article for women who not only feel unloved by their husbands, but also feel like they’re not good enough.

    Here’s the article:

    When You Don’t Feel Good Enough for Your Husband

    I don’t know if it will be helpful for you, but it’s what came to me when I was thinking about everything you wrote in your comment. Your marriage is far too complicated for me to make any comments on, but this article is what came to me when I was thinking about you.

    May you be blessed with wisdom and insight in your marriage, and in your life. I pray for healing and growth, unity and connection. May you find joy and peace in your life – a peace that surpasses all understanding.


  9. Mare says:

    I’m thankful for the stories I have just read through – makes me feel that my feelings are rational-which I have been told for years, they are not !
    I had been with my husband for 23 years, when we split up. We had a very toxic relationship ! There was no physical abuse but my husband made me feel like the ugliest, craziest, laziest, most unlovable woman on the planet. Despite years of intermittent therapy ( I was constantly seeking out help, counseling, praying, etc) nothing changed. My husband was a great provider, he wasn’t horrible as a friend, we seemed to “get along well living together as roommates) but he refused to hug me ( he would say he didn’t like hugging and I was being a jerk for demanding he hugged me), he was annoyed with my faith in God, ( said it pissed him off when I talked about God), annoyed or jealous of my time with street ministry or friends, and was always telling me I was nuts. His personality is kind of cold and aloof- he was always present but not really p, if that makes sense – like a robot in many ways. Even writing this all out now makes me shake my head that I let anyone make me feel so badly about who I am!!! So, we split up 3 years ago, he told me he didn’t care about our marriage and later told me he was dying inside. He dated a couple of women and soon came back, saying he really only wanted me. Even though I was a wreck emotionally, my heart had been broken many years before so the separation wasn’t that horrible so I looked like I had landed on my feet to him and I also lost a lot of weight and he loved that I was super skinny now too. I told him no for 2 years. We didn’t still see each other and had hours and hours of talking about what happened in our marriage and all the hurts. I was in counseling for about a year and to my surprise I felt that maybe I should give him another chance. He also had been doing some soul searching and had started going back to church. I honestly thought maybe God was going to restore our relationship.
    So, we have now been back together for 8 months. We “dated” for 5 months and then moved back in together. We have been doing pretty good for the most part and have been able to have discussions about how we feel and act silly work it out. BUT, I just don’t trust him. I don’t believe he really loves me. Our son, my friends don’t believe he has changed at all, and it doesn’t seem authentic – it’s like it is forced sort of. He says he is crazy about me but I don’t believe him-I’m currently hung up on the fact that he told me if we couldn’t have sex anymore he wouldn’t stay with me and I’m always afraid I’m going to gain weight so I asked him if he would leave me again if I got fat. He says all the right things but he left me before so I don’t believe him. I really believe he wants to be with me but I’m not sure why. He tries by sending me texts calling me beautiful but our first Christmas back together, he didn’t even try with my gift. He puts little to no effort in trying to make me feel loved or accepted. I have told him I feel like I can never measure up to what he wants but he is shocked why I feel like that. Please help me with this….is it me ??? I feel like I should just be alone and that I just cannot have relationships, although I did have a relationship while we were split up, that I felt very secure because the man was a bit obsessed with me lol

  10. Praying4ANewStart says:

    I love the fact that this article, the author & readers are using solutions surrounded by scriptures and praying for the Lord for a resolution.

    As of yesterday I ended a 7 year relationship that I feel I wasted my time in. I loaned thousands of dollars and was blatantly lied to that I’d be repaid only to be told now that I wasn’t going to be paid back anything. His cowardly comeback is that I’m ending the relationship based on money however as this article points out; anyone who clearly borrows money from you with a clear upfront promise to pay you back and they fail to do so, then they’ve stolen from you. I can’t be with someone who steals from me so I ended it. I also felt unheard and quite frankly unimportant. I wanted marriage and children in THAT order but because I don’t have children and he does I’m constantly fed lies about him allegedly wanting to get married, yet in 7 years it hasn’t happened. Then it shifted from wanting to have a family to him claiming I can be a “stepmother” to his already half grown children. Now (before I ended it yesterday) its him using the excuse “at first you didn’t want marriage or children, now you do”. True at first when I met him in my 20’s I wasn’t looking for marriage or children. However, I’ve gotten older and want to settle down and have a family now. But not with a thief or a liar. I’ve given chance after chance for him to clean up his mistakes but I now realize all along I’ve been used and its clear he was in the “relationship” (if it could be called that) as a matter of convenience of what I could do for him. It’s a tough pill to swallow but it is what it is. I was used and I don’t believe he ever loved me. I loaned him a LOT of money and see that I was used. He claims he didn’t use me however I not only remain unpaid but he now refuses to acknowledge the debt. Amazing how people get amnesia after you’ve helped them but we’re so humbling when they come to you for help. Smh. I’m now battling bitterness and anger primarily because it feels like I don’t even know who I’ve been with all this time. I can handle the fact that the relationship ended but the part about stealing from me has me angry in that there is now absolutely no effort to repay me. I’m not sure if I should be feeling this way however at this point the only thing that brings me comfort is knowing the FACT that you reap what you sow and he’s struggling without me. That sounds really mean but that’s where I’m at now. I don’t wish any bad on him but I sure don’t feel sorry for someone who borrowed thousands of dollars from me, promised to repay me then changed their mind (i.e. stole from me). I’m also questioning if I even believe in love anymore. This may sound contradictory especially because I DO realize that God is love, but this relationship really took a lot out of me. This is my first relationship and I honestly thought it would last and be my only. I was taught to help others just as God helps us. However I’ve clearly been taken advantage of. It’d be different if the money was gifted, however it was not with clear stipulations and promises for me to be repaid. But more than the money overall I feel betrayed that, loaning money was my sole purpose for him like I was never loved or meant anything than what I provided. IDK. Guess I’ll pray more on it but I sincerely hope that no one male or female ever encounters someone who uses them the way I was used. It’s a terrible feeling realizing that what you thought was real, was a facade.

  11. Laurie says:

    Hi Samuel,

    I’m glad you’re looking out for your sister! It sounds like she’s not paying attention to the signs her boyfriend doesn’t love her – or maybe she doesn’t care.

    You can’t change her, but you might send her this article:

    10 Smart and Strong Ways to Stop Being a Needy Girlfriend

    My advice is to be there for her. Set limits on how much time and energy you’ll spend listening to her sad breakup stories, but be her brother. She may change how she acts in relationships, or she may not…but you can’t force her to become healthier or happier in her love life.

    All you can do is be the brother who loves her. And set a good example for her by having healthy relationships in your own life!


  12. Samuel says:

    My sister keeps dating jerks who don’t love her. No matter what I say or do, she just falls in love with guys who treat her like crap and even abuse her. She’s smart, but she ignores all the “signs he doesn’t love you” on this blog and every woman’s magazine. She doesn’t respect herself and I’m left to pick up the pieces when she finally gets dumped by her latest boyfriend.

    What can I do, how can I help her see the signs a guy doesn’t love her? She deserves better but I don’t know how to convince her to choose better men to date. Do you have any advice for me?

  13. ANNA says:

    My husband and I met online 10 years ago. We had a phone relationship for almost 5 months before meeting and when we finally did it was like pure magic. We spent every waking moment together and people used to say that they could see the love for me in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s been over 10 years now and our kids have gotten older and out of the baby phase and we have more time to love each other but the stress of an accident and money have made him a different man.

    When we had our first real and emotional fight was when I was pregnant with our son and I had found a random charge for $100 on our credit card so I looked up the charge to see it was for a man’s site. That night after I confronted him he tried to lie to me and say he wasn’t watching it he was just listening to it. I explained how much it hurt me for him to watch it because of a previous relationship that was abusive and how it involved his addiction. He promised to never do that to me again. 6 years later we had a terrible accident and I was hurt and bed ridden for 3 months. After I was healed and starting to feel more like myself and I could focus my attention on my marriage I noticed that he was distant with me and didn’t look at me the same anymore. Of course I blamed my body so I worked out like crazy and starved myself for months til I lost weight and felt I looked better than I have in a long time. I waited days and days for him to notice me and he just wouldn’t.

    On his phone I could see everything, even the searches on Google for women. I realized he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved. When I confronted him he told me that he was only watching it because he would think of me but none of those girls turned him on. He told me that the reason he was watching women is because he was searching for a girl to give him the same feeling he used to have with me again. This kills me to hear that because I think of all the things I do and did. I remember being hurt in bed and feeling terrible because I couldn’t physically love him. I remember once I got better and how hard I tried to be sexy and tempting in the mornings and how none of that did the trick for him. Now I’m at a point of not knowing what to do and not knowing if he will ever look at me with love in his eyes ever again. I don’t want to fail my marriage and I don’t want our kids to be sad but I wake up every single day crying and go to bed every single night sad. I don’t want to hate the motherly body I have anymore. I won’t ever be as sexy as girls and if that is what he wants I don’t know what else to do. I think I might have actually gone insane. I want to leave my house without anxiety and feeling like he might see a girl he likes more than me and just leave. I’ve already isolated myself from all my family and friends because I don’t want to be honest about my marriage and embarrass myself and my family. I’m lost and heartbroken.

  14. Kiri says:

    After 33 years I fell in love for the first time in my life. He swept me from my feet the first couple of weeks but with time passing, efforts ceased. At the beginning I was determined to overlook his bad and sometimes rude behavior, because I was afraid, I wouldn’t find someone like him again. But his behavior helped me to decrease my respect for him, because I thought I deserved better treatment after everything I invested. I am a joyful giver and sometimes people use that. I want to stay a giver, because that is who I am and what makes me happy. Thatswhy I have to get rid of people who use it and treat me bad and invest even more in those who are worth it and love me back.

  15. shari says:

    How to know if I should stay? 16 years together. As long as I don’t expect intimacy, physical hugs, kisses, etc I don’ think too much about it. It seems like everyday he is tired after work. Then on the weekends he plays golf for 4 hours, watches tennis, golf, football, etc and then on Sunday plays tennis for 2 hours.They are find activities but I feel as if I am considered last.I feel sad and that I don’t matter. We occasionally have a few chores that need to be done by him (My health) but he feels like I ask too much.I’m independent and do things on my own, that is not a problem, but I feel like in many ways we are roommates with occasional benefits. How do I solve this problem?

  16. Christine says:

    Wow interesting feedback. Myself I’m 47 been with a guy for almost fivr years. Always a convenience..we broke up non officially for like six months and he had a relationship with a girl. He never ever told me had suspicions but never confronted him since I didn’t care. Well everything hit the fan.. . She broke up with him he lied saying the reason he was upset was his two daughters. Well a total lie.. it was all about her. He even wrote a letter to her and made me read it about his love for her. Well barf !!! But the absolutely worst part is I took him back.. it months too but I did but nke I’m done !! I was a strict convenience and that was alll. Haven’t heard from him now and I usually would by now. He’s washed his hands of the situation and so have I. But the worst part he is a coward he would never confront it.. I was the convenience when no one was. I am so sad about myself that I allowed this manipulating man to control me. They say life goes on and it does. Learned my lesson and need to let him go..

  17. Alex says:

    I just had a big fight with my bf. We fought over trivial problems. I tried to calm him down and explain but he just wouldn’t listen. The problem with us from the start is that we don’t communicate and we both have been hurt before. He is my first bf so I do not know how to maintain a health BGR but I have been mediating and try my best to be loving yet he just won’t change and had became an angry person. All I do is cry whenever I see him. I blame myself too for being an uncaring gf from the start. I don’t ever talk to him or rely on him and I guess it’s too late now.

    • Anita says:

      I met this guy some months back, one thing led to another and we started dating. He is kinda weird, doesn’t like taking calls, he isn’t very expressive and all. I didnt have a problem with that, until one day I asked him to define our relationship and then he said he couldn’t because defining it would complicate it. I got upset and left, he and begging and I let it go. Recent I travelled home to see my parents.all through the trip he didn’t call to find out if I was ok. When I got home it told him I felt hurt by his actions he apologised in a very off hand manner. And didn’t talk to me for two whole weeks. He later calls me up out of the blue to apologize I ignored him, he sent a text I didn’t respond. When I eventually was ready to talk. He told me ” there was no need to go back to the way things were cos he would continue to hurt me.its the way he is is and he can’t change that. And he can’t have me suffer for his short comings. I’m so broken right now. Should I just let go???

  18. Linnette Okon says:

    I met this guy online, we talked for awhile we got married a year later. I spent one week with him in his country. We always text,call,Facebook everything you can think of. He told me how much he love me, everything was nice. Now he doesn’t show any affection, doesn’t satisfy me, or buy me things or give me money or take me out. I don’t think he loves me anyore, he told me I should go to gym and workout, this is not how you should love someone.

  19. Laurie says:

    If you’re seeing signs your boyfriend doesn’t love you, then you know he’s not the perfect guy for you. If you’re unhappy in your relationship and he makes you cry…then you know he’s not the one for you.

    Here’s an article that may help you see your relationship more clearly:

    8 Signs of the Perfect Boyfriend for You

    Be strong. Take heart. Know that you WILL be happy again!! You will – but first you need to heal from this relationship.

  20. Z-O Bulos says:

    I felt bored and felt alone ,I cried and cried and cried..I search on how to overcome my boredom and loneliness and I read on the related searches the tips to know if he doesn’t love you so I try to open and read it and I just wanted to say thank you for the tips given.Yes I need to be loved and to loved,but honestly the reason I am crying and felt sad is because one of the reason that my boyfriend is far from me,let’s say we are far from each other. I ask myself if he really loves me and he really the perfect guy for me or not..please help me to find out..I wanted to assure that I am not wasting my time on him to cry every night?please do some advice.

  21. Unknown says:

    My boyfriend for almost 13 years has told me he is not in love with me anymore. We moved in together almost 3 years ago, and things were fine in the beginning of me there. Although in the past, he has cheated and had children and affairs with other women but each and every time I have forgiven him. We have a small child together, and now I am feeling so lost. I am practically begging him to change his mind. What is wrong with me??

  22. kim denson says:

    I am an intelligent and educated women and wife. I thought that he loved this and all the other parts. He just stopped like turning a light switch and for three years it is just horrible. I an ready to start again and need all the assistance I can locate. This is so sad, I felt he was my best friend for at least 13 of the 17 years together. I will always cherish the good times but time to move on for me. I can only let go and take care of me and our son. Please pray for us and know better things will return.

  23. Laurie says:

    If you need help coping with the signs he doesn’t love you anymore, you need to get specific! What kind of help do you need? Then, you need to take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and find the help you need to get through this.

    When I realized that my boyfriend never loved me, I grieved. I was heartbroken for a couple of months – I felt like I was going to die. But then one day I got tired of feeling sorry for myself! I just got sick and tired of feeling like a dishrag.

    Grieve your pain. Accept that he doesn’t love you anymore. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start becoming the woman you were created to be.

    You are deeply loved, and you were created for a purpose. Your job is to figure out what that purpose is.

    Here’s what I wrote today:

    5 Ideas for Creating a Better Life – And So She Blossoms

  24. Delia says:

    My husband and I have been married for 38 years now. He is a compulsive gambler. He racked up $80,000.00 of gambling debts. He filed for divorce 8 years ago but did not continue it. He wanted me to finish the divorce that he started because he does’nt have the money and too lazy to finish it. He has no knowledge and tolerance to go through the process. He wants people to do things for him and get money the easy way. I’m the breadwinner and more sense on the better things to do. He wanted $300,000.00 and use the money for gambling.I got mad and we continue to live together as married singles and I slowly separated our finances. He stopped working and applied for his own credit cards and used that for his gambling. I paid judgment lien on the house and transferred the deed to my name. Here’s the kicker. He was out of the country for 8 months and a few days before he came back I found out he was living with his mistress and he bought a small house in her name where they lived for 6 months. He was just fooled by this ugly woman and I gave him a choice to either stay and repair our marriage or go back and be out of our 3 kids and my life forever. He decided to stay and told that woman that it was a big mistake and he regretted what happened. He said sorry and that he loves us only to find out that he didn’t mean what he said. He’s a narcissist. I told him he can do whatever he wants if he would have an affair again because I do not have any control of what he would like to do and he can not hurt me and the kids any more financially. I told him to go but because he has no money so he sticks around for free food and lodging with me. This is my problem. I do not want him around but he has no place and money to go. His SS money he uses for gambling. I’m annoyed and irritated by his presence as he said he has no love for me and the kids because he lost love for himself when he had an affair. I need to learn how to cope with the situation I’m in now.Please help.

    • Michelle says:

      Ive been in a similar circumstances. You need strength and prayers. Ask God in the name of Jesus to give you strength in your weaknesses, this is what he says in Bible. God commands the husband like Jesus loves the church. If he’s not doing what God orders a husband to do than you need to find a way to get him out permanent. Develop new friendships so you won’t be lonely, go to church. Begin a prayer life, pray for him. Seek therapy for you and children if they need. By all means you are doing you and your children a disservice keeping it around cause he shared some good times and some DNA. Sounds like you have nostalgia, remembering his good in the past. I’m sorry but it’s over. He is not the same person who you married he has changed cause he was bitten by that homewrecker and gambling. Don’t wait around f him to change, you change too. Join a fitness group. Put kids in afternoon sports. He is just wasting whatever time you have left. He wants you to drown with him but don’t. BE STRONG! Save yourself and forget about him and move forward,God bless. Hope this helped?

  25. Li says:

    I love my man, but he has been so busy he hardly texts me.once, maybe twice a week, one sentence.we live in different cities.now we don’t even see each other anymore.
    it’s not a relationship anymore.he has been’super busy’ for 3 MONTHS now.
    i know i have disappointed him, and i have been messing up in my own , professional life and he doesn’t like that.and he has been an angel for a long time.very patient.but still, if he wants to break up with me…why won’t he just do that?i asked him , confronted, i said i want him happy and if for now being without me will make him happy, let’s break up.
    but he wont.he just keeps me in this weird limbo, i am scared, i’m unhappy, he is waiting for me to make positive changes in my life and i am, i try hard, but it goes slow, day by day.i can’t fix depression, unemplyment, eating disorder in days.it’s aprocess and i am working.i just want his support and he chose to throw himself into way too much work and pretend life and me dont exist.he’s acting like i will soon emerge the way i was when he met me – strong, sexy and full of potential.it hurts so much.he’s been helping me a lot, and i guess he finally snapped.he aslo lost his dear, oldest friend recently and has been awfully distant about it while i try to support him.but we were very close.now it’s like…hes ghosting me.and he is not a man who would ghost a woman he is with. he’s kind, respectful, and sweet.to everyone, not just me.
    i just want him back.i don’t know what to do.

    • Pink says:

      Leave him he’s dragging you down who does he think he is your sports coach! That you have to jump through hoops for him it sounds like your self esteem is pretty low anyway and I suspect it’s all the ridiculous tests he expects you to pass lol please stop trying to please him and start pleasing yourself you owe him nothing get out of this now take care

  26. Lydia says:

    I am so glad I found your blog, it has been a guide, encourager and inspirational information. As I make transitions for a new beginning as my Father in heaven called it, Life’s RESET. I have a fresh start to take what I have learn and start over with better decision choices. I hope and pray that I have learned and apply these new decisions to create a more peaceful and happy life. I watch my marriage fall apart as scramble for glue or anything to keep it together but I realize I was the only one who wanted the marriage since my husband divorced me long time ago emotionally, spiritually and physically. As family and friends deserted me and plus being a full-time caregiver to elderly mother, I pressed more into the bosom of my DADDY GOD by praying and reading the Word of GOD which created a beautiful relationship withHim. I would not have made it without Him. Once I accepted my marriage was over, I had to make plans to change my life to live for me and Daddy GOD. I am learning not to look back what I had but looking forward to a more loving and productive life. Loving Daddy GOD with all my heart and loving myself. I liked what you said, “Men come and go, but your relationship with God and yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend or husband loves you; what’s most important is whether or not you love yourself enough to pursue a better, happier, healthier life.”
    Hebrews 13:5-6 NKJV
    [5] “…For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ [6] So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

  27. realyn says:

    I meet this man 7 years ago way back when I was still high school.I did everything to make her my boyfriend but we have this complicated turn in our relationships because I really felt that he doesn’t loved me and he just courted me because he knew that I like him since from the start. When I graduated in college our communication was backed and we continued our relationship because I loved him even I knew that for the past few years we didn’t meet he became a young father..but now I really decided to end our relationship even it hurts me. I know this is the better decision I would ever made for myself I hope he’ll just realize.

  28. Ms. Ebuen says:

    My husband got angry with me yesterday bc he had gotten a friend request from a female (he gets lots of those), and I became friends with her even though I didn’t know her (but we had a few mutual friends). Anyway, that upset him. He said, “I don’t care about your social media, I don’t care who you friend request or not, and I don’t follow you!” Is that normal? Men really don’t care about who their significant other talks to? I really don’t know, he is my first and only boyfriend. I guess I’m stalking him, huh?

    • Michelle says:

      Sounds like hubby is interested in a little more that’s why he doesn’t want you following. What’s the big deal if it’s nothing. He sounds sneaky, watch him. Being emotional over you friending a woman is clearly an indication that he wants privacy. He should not be friends with other women on Facebook that can’t friend you. Do you have lots of fun men friends. If not find some really cute model guys and ask them to friend you lots of them and see his emotions. Men tend to usually one sided until it’s done back to them. If you do this never tell your secret unless he clean his act up. He sounds like he lives like he still single. No you are not stalking him unless you want a threesome other women should know you’re watching your man or they will play and try and take him away. Y are they Facebooking your husband first of all. Are they his client s or coworkers????

  29. Ms. Ebuen says:

    Oh wow, where do I begin. I have been married for almost 30 years now and I don’t know if I should finally leave my husband. Throughout the years I’ve caught my husband in little white lies but nothing that bothered me until I accidentally stumbled on an email he sent a young lady who wasn’t even 18 years old yet and he was 33 yrs old. In the email he was telling her that he was in high school and that they probably had mutual friends. He went on to tell her how beautiful her eyes were and how he would like to meet her. This email hurt me and surprised me because I would have never expected it! We weren’t having any problems, he showed me affection and I was showing my affections as well. Anyway, it hurt me because I didn’t even think our marriage was in trouble enough for him to go searching for someone else. That was in 2001 and I forgave and forgot. My trust in him was restored. Then in 2005 we got into an argument and he stormed out and went to a Gentlemen Club. I don’t know what he did there, but I forgave and forgot. Our relationship was pretty much tested in the following years because we lost our son to suicide the following year, he got out of the Army the year after that, and then the next following year my daughter left home (which was a huge lost for me as well). So then 10 months after my daughter left, my husband seeks out this 23 year old young lady (3 yrs younger than our daughter). I was oblivious to the relationship that was forming between my husband and this girl because he was taking me out everywhere. He was so nice to me, so I didn’t think anything was wrong …But boy was I wrong! Anyway, I found out about his affair accidentally when I called his job needing something and his boss said he was off that day. I even told his boss that he must have been mistaken because my husband was meeting with some inspectors. Well, I looked like the fool!!! My husband had been sending her love letter emails, buying her gifts and driving 60 miles to see her. Anyway, I was hurt again. This time this hurt was harder to repair, but I was doing my best to get over it until he lost my trust again the following year. This time he went on a website called IMVU and it was all virtual sex!!! He was on it for months and had gotten a bunch of ladies actual phone numbers and home addresses. He even bought a prepaid phone so I wouldn’t see any of their calls or texts to one another. I completely broke down! Again, he promised not to do this again and of course I forgave but this time I have a hard time forgetting. This brings me to today. I know it’s been 6 years since those incidence, but every now and then, I get terrified! I wish he would be more understanding when I tell him that I need some reassurance that we are ok …all he says is that was a long time ago and that he is trying. I know that he, but so I am I. Sometimes I wish he would just reassure me instead of getting mad and yelling. Maybe, it is me. Sometimes I don’t know why he just doesn’t leave. What do you think?

    • cills says:

      oh my goodness why dont you leave him??????????????? he sounds like a complete tool and he’s making a fool of you. Sorry you sound so lovely, far too good for this loser!!!!. Leave him and find yourself someone else….or better yet…..DONT!!!! divorce and travel the world. Do you really want to spend the rest of years tangled up with somebody who doesn’t respect you and who you can’t trust. I think you have wasted enough years of your life on him….time to move on and explore new horizons!!!! he really doesn’t deserve your loyalty. Once a cheater always a cheater i’m afraid….they will ALWAYS have it in them and it will keep coming up in some way or another as the years tick along until he will one day finally drop you on your ass, and then where will you be? start preparing to leave him now. Start working on yourself please, you need to think more highly of yourself….how dare he treat you this way, you deserve better. And then from there hopefully you can gain the strength to face a world without him. Best of luck

  30. Jemie says:

    My case is complicated. Am 37 years old. I join him while he was studying in Malaysia. I have never been married in my life, I was arranged for him by both parents. We have 2 children and We have been together for 9 years and situation in our relationship have escalated since then. No flowers, no cards, no vacation,no jokes, no friends, no enery at home most especially when he have a bad day, hardly go out without the permission of the boss. My my life is boring, I feel worthless, he made me do all the house cores alone. He’s always outdoor but we lack communication. I have tried my best to let him know how I feel many times and in a day we hardly talk for 5 minute except when he needs sex at bedtime only. He doesn’t listen or respect my feelings at all and I have cried river but everytime he put blames on me that am a bad wife. Every day is a challenge. He have no affection or emotional connections for me. Now that am read this article made me feel, he have me for his personal convenience so that I can do laundry, clean the house, cook food and have sex at anytime he want. My gut tells me to leave but have no substantial finance. However I have been saving. May God help me because I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Very difficult!

  31. Ms Jones says:

    I have never been married. I am 58 years old. My parents divorced and 3 of my 5 married siblings divorced.
    I truly believe that the right man has not come along for me, otherwise I would be married. I think I know who I am and why I expect from a man in a relationship. Reading these stories makes me certain that I have made the right choice. It is immpossible to have a successful marriage without both parties appreciating one another to the fullest and each knowing and trusting that the other feels the same. That has this far eluded me. So I have not yet been married.
    That said, I gave my last relationship all I had because I wanted so much for it to work out. After 4 years it ended very badly. He was unkind and I kept racking my brains wondering whatI had done wrong. I wish I could have turned the page sooner. I spent 3 plus years grieving over this, getting nowhere.
    I see very clearly now this man does not care for me. He may have at one time but when he told me he never wanted to speak to me again (I never understood why) he meant it. And he never has. Why I wasted so many tears over that guy I will never know. Thank goodness I did not marry him. He would have been a terrible husband.

  32. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Rejection is the most painful experience a human being can face. Being rejected by someone you love is even worse, because it directly affects how we feel about ourselves. The key to healing after realizing that someone doesn’t love us anymore is changing our self-identity to reflect who we are now, who we are becoming, and who we want to be.

    If you see your husband or boyfriend in these signs he doesn’t love you, take heart! Know that his feelings for you aren’t a reflection of who you are.

    Know that you WILL be loved again, if you can let this man go.

  33. Nicki says:

    Yes people get bored in marriage. However, I can respect someone a lot more if they will come to me and say, “Hey, I want to see other people” – ugh perhaps you would like a divorce first????

  34. Vanessa says:

    I was in a relationship with a guy for nearly a year. The red flags were there because he stole money from me on
    our first date. I forgave him because he was very apologetic and my Pastor told me everyone deserves a second chance. As time went on he began going to church with me, introduced me to his family, and professed his love for me. Despite all this, he constantly lied and used me for money and stole from me two more times. I bought him clothes, tvs, three cell phones, jewelry, gave him money and even bought him a car. All the while he cheated on me but I foolishly believed him when he told me he wasnt seeing other women. Nine months later and he is now living with his ex and their two children driving around in the car that I bought him. I am hurt, sad, depressed and yet he continues to try to convince me that he loves me. I want to move forward but am having a hard time doing so. After all the time, love, and effort I put into this relationship Im left feeling like a fool. I dont know how to move forward and let go of his betrayal and my hurt.

  35. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Jason, thank you for sharing your perspective of how your marriage ended! I really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

    Sometimes we don’t know what we have until it’s gone…and then it’s too late. I hope you and your wife are able to save your marriage and rebuild your life together.

  36. Jason Ellis says:

    As a husband who is losing his wife ( of 9 years) due to relationship neglect (mine), I painfully read these to see how my behavior may have been interpreted by my wife.

    The truth is, I have always loved my wife.. In fact, I love her more each year ( Think the song ‘then’ by Brad Paisley) . Our life isn’t perfect, and there are plenty of things to be sad/miserable about.. I didn’t realize the primary cause for her unhappiness was me. We would fight about “being ignored” or not being intimate enough, but it was just that. We have kids and bla bla bla, so our time together is limited. We would even joke that we are “working roommates”. *sometime* in the future we would finally reconnect and enjoy each other again (my hope/interpretation)

    It wasn’t until she came asking for a Divorce because her romantic feelings for me are gone did I realize what I had been doing wrong all of these years. It was different this time.. It wasn’t a fight, she wasn’t coming at me with Anger ( which puts me on defense) She was calmly, lovingly, and very matter of factly telling me that she no longer wants to be married. She gave me a handful of examples ~ including a Christmas Dinner she cooked and ate alone while I sat in the living room( she even took a picture from her plate, you can see my dumb head looking at a laptop through the kitchen).

    From that point on, my perspective changed.. I have been playing back the past several years since in my head, reeling in pain from each memory where she reached out, and I negligently, but unintentionally rejected her. In the blink of an eye, I went from “then” to “Red Light.”

    So here is my point, as I fight alone to save the relationship with the woman who is the center of my universe. I’m not even sure its relevant actually, but if she could see my heart, she would have never felt alone, or unloved one day in her life.

    I’m sure I have made her search for signs I don’t love her, and certainly did not make her feel cherished or ‘good enough’ <- that is probably my most egregious infraction. I've also certainly not listened and she perceived I do not respect her based on my behavior. Ive certainly never cheated, stole, or did anything to neglect her trust ~

    I don't have any good excuse why.. I compartmentalize everything in my life, then I attack the areas that "need work". She *understandably* perceives my lack of attention as apathy ~ grins and bears it, while being crushed inside, and cries when she is alone. My interpretation is everything is OK with marriage, moving on to things that need work. That obviously wasn't the case.

    If any of the above sounds like your man/situation, please sit him down (if you haven't already) and explain before its too late.

    I would give anything to go back in time and hold her when she needed it and it would actually matter.

    • Gianni says:

      I’m currently in the same situation. I mean reading your story sounds like I’m my husband is writing this, except I haven’t given him divorce papers yet. I just wanted to know if she really never tried to tell you. I mean I talk, argue, fight, etc (basically have tried everything) to make him understand how unhappy I am. I just think most men take women for granted and think they are never going to lose them. Many just believe we are punching bags that have no other place to be. The sad thing is that women usually put up with way more than we should. We try and make our marriage work until our husbands literally beat the love out of us and then we get to a point of no return. Most women are black or white, there isn’t much Grey area. We usually can’t pretend we don’t care. It’s probably why most poker players are men. It’s just such a sad reality that we never realize what we have till we lose it. It’s really sad that your marriage could have probably been saved. By the way I have the same pictures of my husband on the computer or phone while I’m all alone.

      • JE says:

        Hi Gianni,

        Yes, she did try and tell me, fight, etc – I’m 100% sure she tried every way she knew how to communicate with me. I would get angry/defensive because she was not accepting the way I love her and expecting her to…initiate? I guess for lack of a better word. Not even just sex, but affection etc if she is feeling down. Then when she did, I was always distracted with work or reading the internet or whatever.. I wasn’t happy, not with the marriage necessarily but in general. I could never figure out why I always felt alone + never got ‘recharged’ by spending time with my family. It was because when I was with my family, I was never there my brain was off doing other things.

        When she came at me, very matter of factly asking for divorce – she wasnt angry, she wasnt anything really. There were no emotions for me to ‘counter’, the gesture made me finally understand the gravity of the consequences of trying to put our relationship on ‘pause’. I was up most of the night thinking back in the past several years.. I could see how my actions in no way made sense to what was in my heart..

        I could also see I would talk to her the way I talk to myself (internal voice). I guess this is because she is so close to me, I didn’t even think about how I was communicating. For example, I would say things like “ambition really turns me on in a woman” when she was feeling bad about her appearance. My heart = she is the most beautiful and capable woman I know, what she heard = I must be talking about someone I work with ( She is a stay at home mom).

        I guess the blessing and curse in my case is that now that I understand the issue, it is so easy to fix.. In fact I am a much happier person doing it ( solved two problems). Curse is, as you mentioned Women are black or white, while our love is still intact ~ she has no interest in maintaining our marriage.

        In your case, maybe a talk with the seriousness but before the finality may help. I would move mountains if I could have a chance at our marriage again with this knowledge.

        Good luck

      • Edwinna says:

        This is so true. I saw that same picture in my head. I believe men marry, only for their wife to be like children. You really only have the rights of a child. Men teach their children how treat their spouses. He teaches the sons to take theirs wives for granted and theirs daughters to just live with it. It is a vicious cycle. Men marry for convenience not love.
        I asked my husband why did he marry me? He said, ” because I wanted a wife”. I thought to myself, is that all! There are other things I found out about him that I can no longer live with or have the strength to work on it or to fix it. Even the pain and hurt has really gone away. I just don’t feel anything now. I give myself one year to officially leave. I’ve been working toward my single life to be. I just need find myself again.

    • In a loveless married says:

      Your story has hit home. I’m the wife who-grins and bears it- In the lasted year, we don’t go anyplace hardly unless he want’s to go. This is only when he on Vacation. If not I usually get a attitude. We have no hobbies, we don’t watch T.V together.
      We sit in too different rooms. Trust Me ! I gave it my all. I’m not saying he hasn’t did things here and there. But in the lasted years were nothing more them roommates. If we are in the same room, its no more then 15-30 mins. Just other night he had said to me, I just don’t know what to say anymore. It did hit home, I wasn’t mad. I just felt dead inside because I knew I tried. I can’t do anymore

  37. lia says:

    I was married for a little over 9 years, and all those years I never felt the love that I deserve from my ex-husband. The reason why I stayed that long because I was hopeful that it will work out. I was divorced by him last June 2015. He made me feel I’m the one who have problems, which leaves me doubts if I’m capable of loving someone. Him and his sister made me think that I am worthless. I am very stupid to think things will get better. Trying to prove myself I was a good wife. I hope no ladies will be like me.

  38. Miranda says:

    Ive been in a toxic relationship for going on five years. I’m only 21years old, I haven’t had any friends because he doesn’t “trust me”. He has friends. I’m only allowed to talk to my family on holidays because he thinks I’m plotting to leave him. We have two beautiful children together and one on the way. He never helps me, he always ignores me, he pushes me away, yet I know I’m way out of his league I’m afraid to leave because of our family.. He says he loves me, but actions are stronger than words

    • elen says:

      @ miranda, after reading your comment, what popped out my mouth was “leave please”. he’s robbing you of your twenties. It happened to me too. now i’m 33 and trying to pick my life back. i have two kids for him and totally scared to have the third and 101% careful it doesn’t.
      I’m someone who loves life and i’ve decided i won’t give up my life for any man. it’s just not worth it. We all are in this world on different mission and for different purpose and have the right to our own lives. I need help especially financially to be able to cater for my kids and to get back on my feet and be that great woman. I know this help will come from God and he will send it fast.
      Best wishes.

  39. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen says:

    Dear Tiffany,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to cope when you know your boyfriend is cheating on you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and looking for signs he doesn’t love you. I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better.

    Giving advice isn’t my strength – I never feel comfortable telling people what to do. Plus, I believe you know better than anyone what your options are. That might be a good place to start, in fact. When you do make it through a day without falling apart, what sets it apart from the days that are bad?

    I can’t tell you what you should do, but I have recently written an article that might help:

    How to Survive a Loveless Marriage

    Another option is to reach out and talk to someone in person, so you can get the best possible help and support. Here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community
    Phone Number: 800-969-NMHA (6642)

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
    Phone Number: 800-826-3632

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.

    Please do come back anytime, and tell me how you’re doing.


  40. Tiffany says:

    I’m living with my boyfriend of 22 years and we have a older son together and I know he’s cheated on me and still is. I’ve tried to catch him for a year now but he’s just too sneaky. I don’t plan on leaving him. How do I live day to day and not fall apart everyday.

  41. Laurie says:

    I’m curious why you think most men cheat? I used to think that, too, but I now believe I’m wrong.

    I agree that it’s difficult to be married to the same person for decades, but if we’re taught that marriage is a choice that needs to be re-made every day, we can do it. Especially if we pick the right person to marry in the first place.

    These signs he doesn’t love you aren’t reasons to cheat, or even indications a man will cheat.

  42. Sienna says:

    Most men cheat and as our society changes, most women will too. The reasons are more than what’s listed above. People get bored; they want someone new and exciting, or at least someone who has other interests than their spouse. Marriage is an antiquated institution and it’s not possible in most instances to want to be with the same person for 30, 40 or more years. It just isn’t sexy. Not at all.

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