How to Get Revenge on Your Ex – Without Losing Your Soul
Your ex boyfriend has hurt you a thousand ways, and all you can think about is how to get revenge. These five tips for getting revenge on your ex are inspired by the parable of a princess warrior. She got even with those who hurt her, but she paid a huge price.
“Your tips on how to stop thinking about a breakup are good,” says Misha on How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex Boyfriend. “But I have one obstacle: my ex won’t leave me alone. He keeps trying to hurt me because I broke up with him, and he can’t accept it. He refuses to let me go in peace. The worst thing he did last night was call my mom in the middle of the night. When she hung up on him, he kept calling back. My mom isn’t in good health. She called the police, and they visited him because he threatened her. Now all I can think of is getting revenge on him. I think he’ll leave us alone now, which will make it easier…except now I just want to know how to get revenge my ex for harassing my mom! How do I let go of these black feelings???”
I love how Misha said it’s her “black feelings” that she needs to let go of. That’s exactly what is causing her to want to get revenge on her ex: dark, shadowy, painful black emotions that will grow and overcome her.
Revenge is a confession of pain. It’s a way to cope with rejection, anger, betrayal, and bitterness. But, getting revenge doesn’t heal your spirit. Learning how to get revenge on your ex-boyfriend won’t make you feel better about who you are or where you’re going. You need to focus on healing after the breakup, not wasting your time and energy on a guy who is destroying your spirit, heart, and life.
My tips for getting revenge on your ex – and healing your broken heart – are inspired by a parable of a princess warrior.
The Parable of the Princess Warrior
Once upon a time, there was a princess warrior who suffered defeat in a battle and the loss of everything she held dear. She swore she’d get revenge, and called upon the gods of vengeance. She was offered a sword that would make her invincible. The princess warrior would suffer defeat no more.
The only drawback was that the princess warrior would never be able to put down the sword. She would have to sleep and eat with the sword in her hand for the rest of her life.
Her pain and bitterness blinding her, the princess warrior agreed. She took up the sword. She felt a strange power flow through her, from the sword to her arm, her body, her soul. She felt invincible. The warning about never being able to put this sword down seemed insignificant. The princess warrior never wanted to put it down, she felt so powerful with the sword in her hand!
The princess warrior set off in pursuit of her enemies so she could get revenge. One by one she tracked them down, and as the gods had promised, she was never defeated. In fact, she grew stronger and ever more vengeful. No one could stand against her; everyone feared her. The princess warrior’s wrath became a legend of power and hatred.
She slowly awoke to an agony that was killing her spirit and soul. The princess warrior realized this was indeed no ordinary sword. In fact it was not a sword at all – it was a serpent. She had sought, invited, and indeed welcomed the serpent to take hold of her, to sink his loathsome fangs into her hand and soul.
The princess warrior’s victories belonged to the serpent. It wasn’t the princess warrior who was getting revenge on those who hurt her…it was the serpent consuming her and everyone in her path. With every battle, with every victory, with every passing day the serpent consumed more of the princess warrior.
She would do anything to put the sword down, but she never could. Eventually the serpent consumed her, and the princess warrior was no more.
How to Get Revenge on Your Ex
Does learning how to get revenge on your ex seem less significant now, after reading the parable of the princess warrior’s vengeance? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, these tips on getting revenge on your ex-boyfriend will help you settle the breakup in your own mind.
Get enough sleep
Sleeping well may seem like a weird tip for getting revenge, but it make sense when you know what the American Academy of Sleep Medicine was about sleeplessness, revenge, and aggression. The sleepier you are, the more likely you’ll keep thinking about how things could have been better.
If you’re tired, you’re more likely to believe that your ex’s bad behavior and poor choices were responsible for the breakup. If you’re sleepy, you’re prone to thinking about what could have been. You’re unhappy with your life. You’re obsessed with angry thoughts about how your ex could have done better. If you take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, you’re less likely to let the serpent and the sword consume you. Your ending will be much sweeter than the princess warrior’s.
Let go of your ex
Revenge is a way to stay connected. You’re searching for tips on how to get revenge on your ex-boyfriend because you don’t want to let go of him. You want him in your life, and you want him to be aware of how much he hurt you. You want him to know that he destroyed your life, that he is lower than dirt, and that he won’t get away with what he did to you. The problem with revenge, however, is that it keeps you connected to the darkest parts of yourself.
Getting revenge isn’t the answer, as we saw in the parable of the princess warrior. Revenge is the doorway to a darker, more bitter place that will destroy you.
Let karma do her job
Whether you call it revenge or justice or karma, your ex will get what’s coming to him. If he deserves to be punished, he will be punished. Don’t get in the way of the natural order of justice, or of karma. Let karma or God take care of the past, of the way things “should be.”
However, if your ex did anything illegal, I encourage you to talk to the police about pressing charges. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be walked on – nor does it mean your ex should get away with illegal or immoral actions. There is a huge difference between getting revenge on your ex because your feelings are hurt versus pressing charges against a man who harmed you.
Learn how to let go of someone you love
I wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.
Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”
Focus on getting your self back instead of getting revenge on your ex
Don’t let your ex steal your spirit, soul, and dreams! The more time and energy you spend thinking about how to get revenge, the less time and energy you have for healing, growing, and restoring your identity. Every second you spend plotting revenge on your ex-boyfriend is another second of your life that is gone forever. Revenge is the dark side. Learn from the princess warrior’s experience with the all-consuming nature of vengeance! Free yourself from the serpent that will destroy your life.
Heap on the “self care” after a breakup
When I was studying for my MSW (Master of Social Work) at UBC, we learned about the importance of self-care. Whether you’re coping with a bad breakup, picking yourself up after a divorce, helping your children heal after abuse, or reeling from the shock of a betrayal – you need to take care of yourself. Being kind to yourself – living well, pampering your body, healing your hurts – is one of the best “ways to get revenge” because it heals you and doesn’t hurt others.
A Spa-in-a-Basket is a lovely way to take care of yourself when you’re in pain. Let go of the ugly thoughts of getting revenge, and embrace the warmth and comfort of a healing bath, a foot soak, an aromatherapy candle. Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself – especially if your ex-boyfriend wasn’t good to you.
How you take care of yourself depends on your personality, lifestyle, income, and preferences. I take care of myself by leaning into God. I trust Him, and believe He loves me. My relationship with God has walked me through piles of problems, and my prayer for you is that you find ways to heal from the breakup without feeling the need to get revenge on your ex boyfriend.
If you want to get revenge on your ex because you didn’t experience a proper ending, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.
I welcome your thoughts on how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend or ex husband below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you (and other readers) if you shared your story. Writing can bring insight and clarity, and help you process difficult emotions.
She got revenge in a way that was almost cruel. She forgave them.
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