How to Get Revenge on Your Ex – Without Losing Your Soul

Your ex boyfriend has hurt you a thousand ways, and all you can think about is how to get revenge. These five tips for getting revenge on your ex are inspired by the parable of a princess warrior. She got even with those who hurt her, but she paid a huge price.

“Your tips on how to stop thinking about a breakup are good,” says Misha on How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex Boyfriend. “But I have one obstacle: my ex won’t leave me alone. He keeps trying to hurt me because I broke up with him, and he can’t accept it. He refuses to let me go in peace. The worst thing he did last night was call my mom in the middle of the night. When she hung up on him, he kept calling back. My mom isn’t in good health. She called the police, and they visited him because he threatened her. Now all I can think of is getting revenge on him. I think he’ll leave us alone now, which will make it easier…except now I just want to know how to get revenge my ex for harassing my mom! How do I let go of these black feelings???”

I love how Misha said it’s her “black feelings” that she needs to let go of. That’s exactly what is causing her to want to get revenge on her ex: dark, shadowy, painful black emotions that will grow and overcome her.

Revenge is a confession of pain. It’s a way to cope with rejection, anger, betrayal, and bitterness. But, getting revenge doesn’t heal your spirit. Learning how to get revenge on your ex-boyfriend won’t make you feel better about who you are or where you’re going. You need to focus on healing after the breakup, not wasting your time and energy on a guy who is destroying your spirit, heart, and life.

My tips for getting revenge on your ex – and healing your broken heart – are inspired by a parable of a princess warrior.

The Parable of the Princess Warrior

Once upon a time, there was a princess warrior who suffered defeat in a battle and the loss of everything she held dear. She swore she’d get revenge, and called upon the gods of vengeance. She was offered a sword that would make her invincible. The princess warrior would suffer defeat no more.

The only drawback was that the princess warrior would never be able to put down the sword. She would have to sleep and eat with the sword in her hand for the rest of her life.

Her pain and bitterness blinding her, the princess warrior agreed. She took up the sword. She felt a strange power flow through her, from the sword to her arm, her body, her soul. She felt invincible. The warning about never being able to put this sword down seemed insignificant. The princess warrior never wanted to put it down, she felt so powerful with the sword in her hand!

How to Get Revenge on My Ex Boyfriend

How to Get Revenge on Your Ex Boyfriend

The princess warrior set off in pursuit of her enemies so she could get revenge. One by one she tracked them down, and as the gods had promised, she was never defeated. In fact, she grew stronger and ever more vengeful. No one could stand against her; everyone feared her. The princess warrior’s wrath became a legend of power and hatred.

She slowly awoke to an agony that was killing her spirit and soul. The princess warrior realized this was indeed no ordinary sword. In fact it was not a sword at all – it was a serpent. She had sought, invited, and indeed welcomed the serpent to take hold of her, to sink his loathsome fangs into her hand and soul.

The princess warrior’s victories belonged to the serpent. It wasn’t the princess warrior who was getting revenge on those who hurt her…it was the serpent consuming her and everyone in her path. With every battle, with every victory, with every passing day the serpent consumed more of the princess warrior.

She would do anything to put the sword down, but she never could. Eventually the serpent consumed her, and the princess warrior was no more.

How to Get Revenge on Your Ex

Does learning how to get revenge on your ex seem less significant now, after reading the parable of the princess warrior’s vengeance? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, these tips on getting revenge on your ex-boyfriend will help you settle the breakup in your own mind.

Get enough sleep

Sleeping well may seem like a weird tip for getting revenge, but it make sense when you know what the American Academy of Sleep Medicine was about sleeplessness, revenge, and aggression. The sleepier you are, the more likely you’ll keep thinking about how things could have been better.

If you’re tired, you’re more likely to believe that your ex’s bad behavior and poor choices were responsible for the breakup. If you’re sleepy, you’re prone to thinking about what could have been. You’re unhappy with your life. You’re obsessed with angry thoughts about how your ex could have done better. If you take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, you’re less likely to let the serpent and the sword consume you. Your ending will be much sweeter than the princess warrior’s.

Marriage Help - Not Counseling

Fix Your Marriage

Let go of your ex

Revenge is a way to stay connected. You’re searching for tips on how to get revenge on your ex-boyfriend because you don’t want to let go of him. You want him in your life, and you want him to be aware of how much he hurt you. You want him to know that he destroyed your life, that he is lower than dirt, and that he won’t get away with what he did to you. The problem with revenge, however, is that it keeps you connected to the darkest parts of yourself.

Getting revenge isn’t the answer, as we saw in the parable of the princess warrior. Revenge is the doorway to a darker, more bitter place that will destroy you.

Let karma do her job

Whether you call it revenge or justice or karma, your ex will get what’s coming to him. If he deserves to be punished, he will be punished. Don’t get in the way of the natural order of justice, or of karma. Let karma or God take care of the past, of the way things “should be.”

However, if your ex did anything illegal, I encourage you to talk to the police about pressing charges. Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be walked on – nor does it mean your ex should get away with illegal or immoral actions. There is a huge difference between getting revenge on your ex because your feelings are hurt versus pressing charges against a man who harmed you.

Learn how to let go of someone you love

How to Get Revenge on Your Ex BoyfriendI wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.

Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”

Focus on getting your self back instead of getting revenge on your ex

Don’t let your ex steal your spirit, soul, and dreams! The more time and energy you spend thinking about how to get revenge, the less time and energy you have for healing, growing, and restoring your identity. Every second you spend plotting revenge on your ex-boyfriend is another second of your life that is gone forever. Revenge is the dark side. Learn from the princess warrior’s experience with the all-consuming nature of vengeance! Free yourself from the serpent that will destroy your life.

Heap on the “self care” after a breakup

When I was studying for my MSW (Master of Social Work) at UBC, we learned about the importance of self-care. Whether you’re coping with a bad breakup, picking yourself up after a divorce, helping your children heal after abuse, or reeling from the shock of a betrayal – you need to take care of yourself. Being kind to yourself – living well, pampering your body, healing your hurts – is one of the best “ways to get revenge” because it heals you and doesn’t hurt others.

Spa-in-a-Basket is a lovely way to take care of yourself when you’re in pain. Let go of the ugly thoughts of getting revenge, and embrace the warmth and comfort of a healing bath, a foot soak, an aromatherapy candle. Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself – especially if your ex-boyfriend wasn’t good to you.

How you take care of yourself depends on your personality, lifestyle, income, and preferences. I take care of myself by leaning into God. I trust Him, and believe He loves me. My relationship with God has walked me through piles of problems, and my prayer for you is that you find ways to heal from the breakup without feeling the need to get revenge on your ex boyfriend.

If you want to get revenge on your ex because you didn’t experience a proper ending, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.

I welcome your thoughts on how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend or ex husband below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you (and other readers) if you shared your story. Writing can bring insight and clarity, and help you process difficult emotions.

She got revenge in a way that was almost cruel. She forgave them.

Relationship Help

I can't offer advice, but you can:

Get FREE advice and a FREE marriage assessment with Mort Fertel.

Or maybe you regret the breakup? Text Your Ex Back .


Do you need encouragement and inspiration?

Sign up for my free weekly Blossom newsletter!

* indicates required

20 Responses

  1. Laurie says:

    Forgiving your ex for whatever he or she did to you is harder than learning how to get revenge. Forgiveness may actually be the hardest thing you can ever do….and the most free-ing. Forgiveness sets you free and cleanses your heart, while getting revenge on your ex blackens your soul.

    Sometimes the best way to ‘get’ revenge without actually harming anyone is to just write about it. Feel free to post your worst revenge stories here – your fantasies of revenge! Maybe writing them down will help dislodge the pain and grief that is weighing you down.

  2. Adam says:

    I want revenge but shes 1,000 Miles away. The best I could do was send my Music Festival Tickets and my Plane Tickets to her in the mail to remind her of the colossal shitstorm she put me through. My gf left me September 1st. I flew down to TX from CA to spend the week with her and the day I got there she broke up with me. She lied to me for almost a Month about me coming to see her. She stated everything was fine and that she and I were great! She broke up with me less than 12 Hours after I got there. Flew home hours later and missed the Music Festival we were supposed to go to. She got to go have fun and I flew home with a Broken Heart. And to top it off, her Ex was abusive and hit her. I did nothing of the sort. Took her to a Giants Game, to Pier 39, all around SF, took her on a Dinner Cruise, and sent her Flowers. She left me for being good to her. I hope Karma bites her in the Ass 10x harder for what she did to me.

  3. Cass says:

    I am sorry, but if losing my soul is what it takes then thats what it is, but I refuse to not massacre the soul of this narcissist. Currently, am unemployed, offered and interview and will be cancelling because it will interfere with the putting together of my plans. That’s how hell bent I am. I have been planning this for more than half of a year and the rship didn’t last 3 months. But this fool took my trust, my heart, a portion of innocence for no real reason other than his own ego. Too many times we talk about just be your best self and you would have won. That’s all dependent on what happened. Some rships just don’t work out. Others, and am speaking specifically about men now, others are planned way in advance, by these men the intention is to satisfy their own little ego and wants with no intention of ever considering a future with you. Yet they do and say all things to the contrary, u’d be surprised. And I do not care if it’s not ALL men. Spare me.

    I am sorry, but u donot get to do that and simply move forward. When am done, all that will remain is for him to commit suicide. The thing to any great revenge is to know your target’s greatest fear. With that knowledge, you become invincible. Note however that u guard your own fears or make sure no longer have any.

    • Samuel says:

      Totally with you about getting revenge on your ex.

      My ex ruined my life (sleeps with my friend, lied about me, destroyed my reputation, ejected me from my social circle) after she abandoned me while suffering a medical condition and calling me a child for having feelings about that. Revenge is the only thing I think about.

  4. Laurie says:

    There is a bigger, better way to get revenge on your ex: don’t continue to put your energy towards bitterness and anger!

    The happier you are, the healthier you strive to become, the less it matters what your ex did. If you live fully and purposefully, you will stop searching for tips on how to get revenge on your ex because it simply won’t matter.

    Focus on yourself, on growing stronger, healthier, and happier in your life!

    If you feel like you can’t let go, read:

    4 Ways to Get Out When You’re Stuck in a Rut

    You have to let go of the idea of getting revenge, and focus on creating a life you’re excited to greet every day.

  5. Ahmed says:

    Guys how about we exchange each other’s revenge. I will take revenge on your behalf from your ex and you will do the same on my behalf.

  6. Mishi says:

    I was feeling so dejected and my bf started treating me for granted after a relationship of 2 years..2 years back he proposed me and asked for my love care and attention I gave him everything.. Started loving this guy more than anything..tolerated his mood swings,abuses and rudeness still remained with him whenever he needed it a financial, emotional or physical need..he always asked me not to leave him despite of his bad and abusive behaviour as he cant afford to lose me today this same guy is ignoring me like as if I m nothing just a casual friend..he is not even answering my calls and messages..feeling like used for his needs..totally hurt do not know how to come out

  7. Woman says:

    I’m still very much hurt because he pretended he loved me, only to get a free stay at my house during his trip through my country. later, he dumped me and run away with a bitch he found out at a beach while he was still at my house.
    he didnt paid for a bread during his stay, later he laughed at my family and me cause we are poor. fast forward to this year, he’s happy with a girlfriend and an healthy 1 year old son, he’s succesful in his endeavors. crazy is that I wait for karma/justice takes place in his life. but unfortunately after 9 years [this was in 2oo7] he keeps smiling with the girlfriend [they are together since 2o11], and now with an healthy son. unfortunately

    I really can’t believe in justice, nor even in karma. this doesn’t exist. I am tired of waiting for those things happen in his life. Now, I found out the picture of his healthy son on his girlfirend’s FB profile. I took hs pictures, distorted them, phtoshop them to look unhealthy, and write lots of things under the pic. He will never know, I do it without his knowledge. Funny is that he thinks I like him, love him. but after 2o14, I was in his country and I ask for his help, he simply ignored me and wrote me lots of lame excuses to me. My rage got stronger.

    Now, I’ll reach him through this kid. If he ever find out those things i’m doing, I’ll simply say: you got what you deserve, fury! Yeah. I know karma doesn’t exist, and i’ll do it myself. I waited for 9 years, and nothing happened to his life. It breaks me seeing he’s succesful, happy with a lame dumb fitness teacher for pregnants and an healthy 1yo son. He loved kids. If he were a good person to my family and me after we helped him, I would not mind at all and I would wish him all the best. But he doesn’t even said a proper ‘thank you’ to my parents who disposed the house to him totally for free. He mocked at us. Unfair. Even while I was in his country, he simply gave me so much lame excuses to me. I feel sad. It’s unfair, I’m tired of waiting. And I’m still alone, while he’s happy with a family???!! How can be it? Karma/God/ justice exist? no, no at all.

  8. Sino says:

    Naomi September 22, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Naomi sounds just exactly like mine. This is a lady i took care of for 2yrs. Gave her 250$ wkly from my paycheck for 2 yrs. I deliberately took a break from her cus of her excessive demands in late 2013. Plus I bought her a car for her birthday of the same year. She messed up the car and that got me really upset and i cut communication intended to last for a week or 2 to relax. But unfortunately, it lasted for 8 months bcus each time she called, always demanded money. So i prevented her from coming to my place until I am comfortable to see her.

    8 months later i called her back but she came with 5 months pregnancy. I was not upset. All i asked for was: “Who is your husband?” She said “no one”. Who is your boyfriend, i asked? She said “no one”. SHe later said he;s just a friend in the hood and sex ‘just happened’. The my final question was you moved on?. SHe never answered till today. She would smile, she would tell me no to worry about it. So i let go and fell in love harder than we were. Took good care of her during and after pregnancy. Bought her baby stuff till baby turns 11 months (December 2015). August 2015 was a bombshell. I discovered her facebook page and read things beyond my imagination. She was actually in love with her baby daddy. All the shopping we did during and after her pregnancy was actually for her and her baby father.

    A place given to her by “good Samaritan” i:e mother-in-law, i paid for it without knowing. Story short, she made me pay for expensive stuff for her and her baby while she sleeps with the dude. I asked many times if she’s in a relationship with her baby father, she reluctantly said objected. Later told me she is not interested in relationship at all. That she;s still young and want to travel the world. I asked: arent you in one with your baby father?. She replied “this is a disaster one….i dont consider this a relationship”. I was happy that i still got a chance however, i paid close attention to her actions rather than words. Both contradict ALL the time. I just ignored all RED FLAGS bcus they arent posing threat to me yet untill December 20, 2015 when her baby father found out about our email communication and challenged her. I was not hiding my affairs with her but she actually hide me from her baby father. Anyways, she told me she loves me but she would severe communication for now to settle things with him cus she doesnt want problem. I asked but you said you arent in relationship with him that you only there for ur child’s sake?. I got no answer to that. On New Year’s Eve, she said to me for the first time what i already knew through her fb page that she loves her babydaddy even though he smokes weed all day and doesnt make him happy bcus he;s the one she has her daughter with. I was hurt but not as much as before. I spent my time and resources on this lady before and after she got pregnant and have baby. What hurts me harder was her threat on the same New Year’s Eve that her babyfahter would kill me. She repeated this many times on the phone and my heart breaks. That was the last time we talked. She would eventually call me back ofcourse becus she owes me money that I specifically considered a loan to rent a place.

    I wont take revenge cus i dont know how to do that and it is not in my best interest. But I am anticipating “exposing” her double life to her family and in-law on facebook. I a about to create fake fb account and friend with her family members and tag them in my posts and photos and videos. That’s my best bet for now. The ONLY reason I would do this is if she doesnt call me by end of January to pay up.

    • candy says:

      My heart is with you.i totally relate what you are going through, i was broken up with veey brutally n cheated on by ex-boyfriend,
      But i give myself hope that out here in this world there’s a guy who will treat me with respect and love

  9. Beverly says:

    Laurie, your article is absolutely wonderful! Great advice.

  10. Sarah Lund says:

    It’s normal to want revenge, but I’d make myself look like a loser, if I started shouting at an ex, using swear words. Shouting just makes you look like you’ve lost it. I don’t take part in battles with ex’s, or friends ex’s, for that matter. I just walk away, with class and style, with a smug smile on my face, knowing that there’s better quality men out there, who’ll treat me how I treat THEM. Asking for respect, surely isn’t asking much. In future, I won’t let my guard down so quickly. I think I just felt sorry for how his ex wife cheated on him, but even so, it doesn’t mean I had an obligation to take him on. He wants who he wants. I never promised him anything, so I have no right to ask him about his future relationships. His new love life is none of my business, and why would it be? I play no part in his future decisions. I just live and let live. Always remember to walk away with class and style. Hold your head up high. Don’t say a word to the ex. Show no mercy.

  11. Naomi says:

    He played me, used me, as a rebound, for play time and everything. I gave him everything I have, my love, care, everything he could ask for. I thought he’s okay. I thought we’re okay and then all of a sudden he stopped communicating with me and I ended up like this. I so wanna hurt him in every way that I know. I want the sweetest revenge I could ever think of. I thought he was different, he put on a good show indeed. Hell he’s worse than my previous partner. He left me hanging when he got what he want from me. I’m so full of anger and this pain is still inside me I just want to hurt him. Who has the right to hurt me/ us like that? He betrayed me and stole my heart. I want to get the best revenge ever. I feel so bad after getting the news that he’s with this another girl and that he left me just like that. I want him to suffer more than what I felt.

    • A says:

      I know exactly how u feel. Sounds like my story

    • Sarah says:

      Use your brain. What was his greatest fear, weakness? What has he ever told you that could ruin him? Think hard. Be as ruthless with him as he was with u. Outside of murder, get him and or everyone and thing he loves. Just think, there is something. Good luck.

  12. Tory Sama says:

    These are stupid ways to get revenge on your ex boyfriend. Id rather hire a big burly guy to beat the crap out of him! Or just do some witchcraft, make a voodoo doll out of him and stab his eys with needles!!! Anything than just let it go!!!

    • Sarah Lund says:

      I could get one of my big, gangster male friends, to beat him up, but then the ex’s family, would end up rallying round the daft idiot. And I prefer to leave toxic people as far away from me as possible. I’ve never met his family, which just goes to show how serious he really wasn’t, about being with me. It was that old faithful “I’ll look after you” trick that I fell for. Just cos I fell for it THAT time, doesn’t mean I’ll fall for it again. He called himself a gentleman. He couldn’t be more further removed from being an actual gentleman if he tried. What a joke. A gentleman means being with ONE woman for life, not telling a woman she means the whole world to him, while also saying and doing the same stuff to several other women. One day, he’ll meet his match, and I just hope he can live up to it.

  13. sauri thinarath says:

    I was very much hurt when he left me after taking my money to invest in his hotel and then run off with a tourist who stayed in his he is having a new life new family he did not have courage to even apologise. I trusted him and helped him I was badly hurt he has all the happiness while I am so miserabke

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *