How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else
You’re heartbroken and lost, and it seems like you’ll never learn how to cope when the man you love is getting married to someone else. Take heart, my friend. Know that you are not alone, and that you will survive this and be happy again one day! These tips will help you grieve and move on when someone you love is marrying another woman. If you don’t think you can let go – if you believe you’ll never be happy again – you need to start thinking differently.
“I know my boyfriend is scared of intimacy, he couldn’t commit to me even though I loved him more than life itself,” says LovelessinSeattle on When You’re in Love With Someone Scared of Love. “I accepted his fears, I know what it’s like to be scared of love. I loved him anyway….but he broke up with me six months ago. Now, he’s marrying someone else. The man I love is engaged and it has broken my heart. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I’m hollow inside now. How do you cope when your ex isn’t just scared of love, but he’s marrying someone else? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thank you, Loveless in Seattle.”
I was inspired to share my tips for moving on when you find out the guy you love is getting married by Loveless, and by this comment from a reader: “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”
The first word that comes to my mind is: acceptance. If you accept and surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, you will start the healing process.
The second word that comes to my mind is grief. Allow yourself to grieve your loss. Loving a man is giving him the most important part of yourself – your heart. Honor your grief by allowing yourself to process your loss and say good-bye to the dream of being with him.
How to Cope When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else
Different tips work for different women. For me, reading books about grief and coping with loss is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published. I feel like I’m not alone when I read how others coped with heartbreak, which is why I share several books at the end of this blog post.
Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by putting different pictures on your walls, buying different throw rugs and pillows, or even renovating your bedroom – can help you move on after a hard breakup.
The best way to heal is to find the balance between allowing yourself to grieve and distracting yourself from the pain of heartache.
Grieve the end of your relationship – and your dream of being with him
I really am sorry for your loss. Saying good-bye to a relationship is hard. Finding out that the man you love is marrying another woman is painful. Thinking about your future without him is devastating. It’s all just so sad, and heartbreaking.
Give yourself time and space to work through your grief. Don’t push yourself to get over him, and don’t tell yourself that you should be healed by now. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace and to pull the pieces of your heart back together one bit at a time. Know that your heart will heal and you will move on! Believe in yourself, in the healing power of your own body, mind, spirit, and soul. Have faith that even though this relationship didn’t work you, there is a special, handsome, loving guy out there who is waiting to love you. Trust that even though the man you love is marrying someone else, you won’t be alone forever.
Find ways to distract yourself from the past
Instead of dwelling on the mistaken belief that you’ll never stop loving the man you loved for so long, put your energy into something productive and good for you.
Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise schedule, or start planning your next vacation.
The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself. Learn healthy ways to take care of your body.
Pull yourself together, put your big girl panties on, and accept that the man you love is getting married to another woman. Hold your head high, and know that just because he’s not the one for you doesn’t mean you are less of a woman.
Accept that you and he were not meant to be together
I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.
Now that I’m 46 and happily married, I’ve long since realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures. If you’re struggling to learn how to cope when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, no friends or family, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.
To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have. Surrender to the fact that the man you love is marrying someone else, and you need to move on with your life. You are better off without him. Not because he’s a bad man, but simply because you weren’t meant to be together.
Prepare yourself for difficult moments, such as anniversaries and birthdays
You may never stop missing the man you loved, especially if you were together for a long time. Take heart, for you will learn to live without him! You’ll develop a “new normal”, a new way of living that doesn’t include him in your life. Your heartache will become manageable, and you will accept that the man you love has married another woman.
However, certain days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas holidays, even random special days can trigger strong emotions. You may feel your grief more acutely on holidays and other special times of the year – especially if you’re coping with the holidays for the first time without him. You may feel overwhelmed and lost in your pain.
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Prepare yourself in advance to cope with special dates or holidays. It’s important to know that you may feel particularly overwhelmed or sad at certain times of the year, especially if this is the first time without him. The holidays in particular can bring up painful memories because of the traditions, family celebrations, even gift shopping and decorating – anything you and he used to do together. Sometimes just acknowledging it’s going to be difficult can provide you with the strength to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. You can’t expect to feel the same way about the holidays as you did when you and he were together.
Take time to think ahead about how you might feel, and what you are and are not capable of this year. It’s okay to withdraw from painful holiday plans, or change your normal birthday or New Year’s routine to protect your heart. Talk to your friends and family about what you feel you can and cannot do.
This is part of healthy grieving after a relationship ends. If you haven’t had much experience with grieving a breakup, read How to Recover From Loss and Survive Grief.
Spend time with people who make you feel good
Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything positive and life-giving! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.
And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?
Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely. They are your traveling companions, and it’s important to trust them.
Be kind to yourself
Don’t compare yourself to “the other woman” – and don’t beat yourself up for not being the woman you think your ex-boyfriend wanted.
Here’s one of my favorite tips for coping when the man you love is in love with someone you love, from the MindBodyGreen blog:
“Why when we break up with someone, do we tell ourselves, “Well, there’s another failed relationship?” Beating ourselves up when we are already down is a notion all too familiar to many of us and often we tend to beat ourselves up not just about the end of the relationship but about all of our “failures,” which leads us into a downward spiral of negativity. However, this, more than any other time, is the time to be kind to ourselves.” – from 7 Beautiful Things I Learned From My Last Breakup.
Surround yourself with beauty, life, and color
When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – I love it because it says “Hope” on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re alive and well!
The more beauty you see, the better your heart will feel. Add life-giving colors to your environment, such as splashes of burnt orange scarves or dashes of pretty sky blue dishes. Surround yourself with things that lift your heart but that don’t cost a lot of money. And don’t fall into the temptation to eat or drink yourself out of your misery, for you’ll just feel worse the morning after.
Take a deep breath. Know that you are loved, that God created you for a purpose, and that you won’t be alone forever. Believe that you are valuable and beautiful. Search for healthy tips on how to cope when the man you love is getting married. My suggestions below will help…
Coping When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else
I wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re coping with the idea that the man you love is marrying someone else. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.
Here’s what a reader recently emailed me about Letting Go of Someone You Love: “I gobbled the book down. Great help in putting things in perspective and in taking positive thoughtful action. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences.”
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.
You may also find The Best Breakup Songs for Letting Go of Someone You Love helpful. It’s not an ebook or print resource on how to cope when the man you love is marrying another woman – it’s a playlist of music and sad songs to help you heal.
“If you’re brave enough to say Goodbye, life will reward you with a Hello.” – Paul Coelho.
Your comments are welcome below. If you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please feel free to share with me. I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share your experience. You may find that writing your story is helpful – and your experience will help other women cope after losing a man they love.