5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You 39


At the beginning of your relationship, he texted all the time. Suddenly your boyfriend is texting you less. Has he lost interest, what does it mean, and what should you do?


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Here’s what one frustrated girlfriend says: “My boyfriend used to text me and call me everyday before he had me,” says Jasmine on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “But he doesn’t text me anymore. I do all the calling and texting. When I complain about it, he says he is going through a lot now. He just lost his business and he is working as a waiter. He wants me to be understanding and he doesn’t have time for problems. Is it wrong for me to do all the calling, texting, and planning in the relationship? Will things will get better one day? He admits he should treat me better, but he is depressed. What should I do?”







It’s a bit scary when your boyfriend stops texting you. Even typing the words “my boyfriend never texts me” can lead to feelings of anxiety and worry about the future of your relationship. Texting is a sign of connection, love, and security…and when he texts less or stops texting you altogether, you might feel like the bottom has dropped out of your relationship. Below are five things you can do if your boyfriend has stopped texting you…

What to Do When He Texts You Less – Or is Not Texting At All

All relationships lose their sheen – that blush of first love (and sexual chemistry!) sorta fades away as time goes by. This is normal. Nobody can sustain the excitement and romance of a new relationship for very long, because life gets in the way. Work, school, goals, health, family responsibilities, and general life problems demand our time and attention.

When Your Boyfriend Lost Interest Stopped Texting

When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting

So, the good news is that it’s normal for a boyfriend to be texting and calling less often. And, more good news is that you can have a strong, healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship!

The bad news is that there is no “right or wrong” when it comes to love and relationships. If you don’t mind calling and texting your boyfriend all the time, then go for it. But don’t expect him to suddenly change and start calling and texting you. If you’re always reaching out to him, then he doesn’t need to reach out to you. But if you give him time and space to breathe, then he might just start calling and texting you again.

1. Ask yourself if you’re realistic about your relationship

Is it reasonable to expect your boyfriend to call or text every day? It depends on your lifestyles, future relationship plans, health, work situations, and stage of life. For instance, if your boyfriend is stressed and depressed because he lost his business and has to wait tables for a living, then maybe daily texts and phone calls are too much to ask. Maybe he needs time and space to sort out his life.

Some guys can only focus on one aspect of life at a time, especially when it comes to their careers. If their jobs are in turmoil and they’re worried about money, then their romantic relationships may take a back seat to their career.

If you’re worried about your relationship because your boyfriend is texting you less, read 10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship.


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2. Don’t complain about that your boyfriend is texting you less

Be honest about how you feel. Tell him, “I feel scared and rejected when you don’t call or text me, because I worry you’re not interested in me anymore” – and then let it go. Instead of nagging or complaining about what he does wrong or how he isn’t making you happy, start appreciating what he does right. When he calls, tell him how happy you are to hear from him. When he texts, text him back with lightness, love, and freedom.

Try not to put constraints on him or demand his time, attention, and energy. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking he “should” do this or “should do that. Appreciate what he does well, and tell him when he makes you feel good about yourself or your relationship.

3. Create a fulfilling, exciting life for yourself

Are you a happy woman? Do you love life? Are you enthusiastic about your day, your job, your life, your place in this world? THAT’S the best way to respond when your boyfriend doesn’t text or call – start looking at your own level of happiness and life satisfaction.

Don’t rely on your boyfriend to make you happy – and don’t fool yourself into thinking your love will help him overcome depression or anxiety. The best way to pique your boyfriend’s interest and get him to call and text you again is to start loving your life!

If your life bores, frustrates, disappoints, or depresses you, then it’s time for a change. You need figure out what makes you happy, and start doing that. Your boyfriend is not your sole source of happiness – you need to create multiple levels of fulfillment. The best thing to do when your boyfriend is texting you less is to create a life you love.

4. Remember that happy women are very attractive girlfriends

If you’re enjoying your life and experiences, then your boyfriend will naturally gravitate towards you. He’ll want to spend time with you because he won’t feel pressured to make you happy. He won’t feel like it’s a chore to contact you – he’ll WANT to contact you because it makes him feel good to be in touch with you.

You don’t have to be a skinny magazine model to be a sexy, attractive, alluring girlfriend. The most attractive people are those who are happy and enthusiastic about life! The more you focus on what you need and want from your life – and the more you realize that you can’t change anyone but yourself – the more empowered you’ll feel. The more powerful you feel, the happier you’ll be.

5. Learn, grow, stretch, and find peace

Instead of nagging your boyfriend to text or call you every day, start focusing on what you can do to make your day brighter and happier. Your relationship will fall into place when you become happy and healthy.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Texts You LessIf you’re worried about your relationship, read Men Who Can’t Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart. Steven Carter and Julia Sokol describe how to recognize the signs that a man is afraid of commitment, and how to avoid heartbreak. If your boyfriend can’t commit to you and your relationship, you need to know as soon as possible.

Get as emotionally and spiritually healthy as you can, so you can recognize what’s happening with your boyfriend. The healthier you are, the better you’ll be able to see what’s going on with him.

Maybe your boyfriend hasn’t lost interest; maybe he just isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If you’re wondering about his level of commitment, read How to Know if a Man is Emotionally Available for Love.

I welcome your thoughts on what to do when your boyfriend is texting you less. I can’t give relationship advice, but it might help you to share your experience. Often, writing brings clarity and insight – and it might help you see you’re not alone. Writing can help you put things in perspective.

xo


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39 thoughts on “5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You

  • Kat

    My “boyfriend” used to message me every day, then it dropped to once a week, now he disappears for months at a time, message for 5 minutes then disappear again for several months. I’ve been extremely ill lately as well, not once has he asked how I’m feeling, or shown any interest in my health, yet when he tells me he’s depressed I try to help him (as I’ve had depression since childhood) As much as I love him.. I just can’t do this anymore, sitting and waiting on him as I’m getting more and more sick.

  • Madeline Flood

    There’s this guy Im falling for, we’ve been talking for a while now . He use to text me,FaceTime me and call me . Now I barely even get a hello I’m scared and worried my boyfriend doesn’t want me anymore. It’s like right after we had sex he just stopped texting me and calling . He always has an excuse, he’s not cheating and he can be talkative in person. Any advice?

    • Lacey

      stick with your gut feeling when your boyfriend stops texting you and have a break and see if he puts in effort but dont tell him thats what you want! if he works for u then algood if not ull soon see!

    • Ellie

      I can totally relate to you! My bf just moved out to California we started out as a fling and now are in a “relationship”. I just recently told him how I felt about him not texting me and being distant. He told me he was focusing on his career and I tried to be understanding, he said he would work on it and did a great job until today I have no heard from him a day. I get tired reaching out to him, so I’m just tough-ing it out and letting him text me now, I know he’ll come around.

  • Kristian

    OK so i’m dating a guy online but he hardly ever talks to me use to be he text me everyday but now he just stopped texting talking to me and im like did i do something wrong or what? I love him but he doesn’t act like he loves me, I been through so many bf that either say they can’t date me or they want to wait until they graduate but at the end they never liked me for me and now this one he hardly talks to me. but see them being this way is making me a more stronger person knowing I don’t need a bf to feel like I am cared. The only person you can rely on is your family’s and your friends.

  • Linda

    When they stop texting us we feel like we have lost connection with them (and maybe in reality we have). The truth hurts. If they longed for us and was concerned about our day, it shouldn’t take much o their time to send a quick message to let us know that they are thinking of us….I believe that lack of effort is their way of saying they have one foot in the door and one out

  • JoJo

    When my boyfriend stopped calling and texting me, I realized to my surprise that I really didn’t care about him that much. He was more like a habit in my life, not really someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So when he stopped contacting me as much as he used to I was hurt at first, but then I was relieved. I had to figure out how to break up with him because I realized I didn’t love him anymore. I think he realized he didn’t love me anymore either, but he didn’t know how to break up with me. We need more articles about how to break up without ruining somebody’s life or self-esteem.

  • Laurie Post author

    Relationships – and boyfriends – can be so frustrating! And difficult to understand.

    Sometimes, as Freud said, a cigar is just a cigar. In a relationship this means that sometimes boyfriends stop texting not because anything is wrong or they love you less, but simply because they don’t like to text. Other times boyfriends stop texting because they aren’t interested in the relationship anymore.

    The good news is that a boyfriend not texting may just be a sign you have different “love languages.” Do you know what your love language is? This article will help:

    Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages
    http://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/express-love-languages-examples/

    On the other hand, when your boyfriend stops texting you it could be a sign of a more serious relationship problem. I don’t know what’s true in your relationship because I’m not in it, but this article may help you see the truth more clearly…

    8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You
    http://howloveblossoms.com/signs-he-doesnt-love-you/

    And here’s a question for you:
    What do you think is going on in your relationship? What is your gut telling you?

  • Zetty

    My boyfriend does’nt text me for a month now. We have been together for 5 years. Tonight, I ask him about it and he says that he just does’nt has the feeling to text me. Is this normal? Or should i just move on and find a person who can spend time with me?

  • Summer Jaramillo

    My boyfriend stop texting me and he go’s to a military school on the last day before he had to go back he stops talking to me I don’t know what happen the other dayou what I did or what I didn’t do

  • Melissa

    I met my bf at work we knew each other for a month until he gave his number to me. My bf lives an hour away from me he wakes up 3am Monday to Friday as maintenance worker. And can be off before 2 or after 2:30. He says he can only see me if off after 2:30. If before he has to go home to be with his mom. He’s 15 years older than me. He would always text me first everyday and ask if we can see each other until we had a chance we went out he asked to be his gf I said yes. the next week we went out had fun. But we still haven’t gone out on weekends when we don’t work weekends. We’ve been together for 3 weeks going to 1 month but 2 weeks ago he stopped texting first I’m the one always texting him and when I ask if we can go out on the weekend he has excuses all the time either family, work, or something. I think if he really did love me he would do his best and find time to see me or at least contact me. It’s hard not being able to see him if lucky I see him once a week for a bit at work most time don’t see him at all for whole week. but not the same because we have it as a secret to not lose our jobs. Am I overreacting or overthinking this relationship, what should I do? I want to talk to him in person but he never has time for me. Feels like he doesn’t contact me because I always do.

  • Lady T

    my boyfriend and I we’ve been together for 5 months @ first he would text me all day n call me several times a day ,we would talk non stop
    But now he doesn’t talk anymore I’m always the one who start the conservation or do the calling and he doesn’t keep the conversation going, my boyfriend takes long to reply or text me even when he’s online
    I’m feeling lonely n sometimes I feel as if I’m used,don’t knw wat to do

  • Laurie

    When your boyfriend stops texting you, it’s difficult to know if he’s just busy or if he’s gone cold. It’s especially difficult when he changes every day!

    But, there are often signs that he still loves you…and there are red flags that he doesn’t.

    Here’s an article that may help:

    5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is In Love With You
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/signs-he-loves-you/

    Trust your intuition. Listen to that still small voice inside you that is telling you what you want to know. (but do you want to hear it?)

  • Tamra

    My boyfriend totally runs hot and cold on me. One day he’s all lovey dovey and wants to hang out all day and night. The next day I can’t find him anywhere. I want to believe my boyfriend loves me but sometime I think he’s just using me because he’s bored or something. How do I know if he loves me? He’s never said it but that doesn’t mean anything.

  • Fedup1

    No one is ever to busy to call out of 24 hours. Doctor Phil says a healthy relationship has at least 17 min, equal to a break time at work. If you think your man is working 24 hours in a day, you are crazy. He has checked his cell several times during the day, so he could of easily dialed out to you. If a man cared for you and made you a priority he will call you every day. He will reserve time just for you, cause you are a priority. I bet you women who fall for that busy stuff, you see each other mostly when he says it’s a good day to. Ladies 70 percent of narcissist are men, and narcissist want every thing on their terms and will always say they busy when they just don’t want to speak to you certain days. Also. Him shooting you a brief 4 word text early morning don’t count. He is simply seeng if you are with someone in the morning. My x actually admitted that’s why he only called me late at night and early morning. I later found out he was cheating. Shortly after he begged for me back but I realize it was only until he found someone new. He has used me for my car, sex…etc. I decided to make sure he can never reach me again. After he get his things soon, he is blocked from every way contact. Ladies please don’t fall for the busy excuse. Every man who has said that to me, had other women on the side.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for your thoughts on what to do when your boyfriend lost interest and doesn’t call. I agree, it’s not possible to be happy all the time, and I definitely agree that being yourself and accepting yourself is crucial. Especially if your boyfriend has lost interest – because that’s when you really need to find yourself.

  • Zaki

    Not everyone is riding the Happy Train all the time. In fact, that’s not even normal or healthy. A full, rich life encompasses all experiences and emotions (which are only fleeting states of being), but not our true essence. We are allchasing something: happiness, money, the elusive psrtner. Be yourself. Accept ypyrself. And hopefully ypu will be blessed with someone who is thete for you throughout All of your life, happy, sad, challenged, grievong. In other words, a grown up actualized person. A life without games anf psychobabble. iI highly doubt one would pressure the man to always be happy. In fact, this very article does not. Accept Yourself and Others.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for sharing your experience of your boyfriend texting you less – it’s really helpful to hear how other girlfriends are coping. The best thing is to rebuild yourself, figure out who you are, and blossom into someone you admire and respect. Fall in love with yourself, and your boyfriend will fall in love with you.

    How can you take your power back, even if your boyfriend is texting you less?

  • Lenore

    I’m going through the same thing. This guy that I met online and in person twice was texting me every day. He and I both would reach out to each other equally. But, the last I heard from him was Sunday night when he called me and I wasn’t available to talk. He left a vm and I responded yesterday morning. He didn’t respond. So, I texted him again about 6 hours later. He texted back a smiley face. That’s been it since yesterday (Monday) at around noon. I don’t want to be the one to initiate again. We aren’t in a relationship and I’m not really sure what we are. He is flying to be with me in three weeks and I feel anxious about that. Not sure why since we have no problem communicating.

  • Melissa

    I don’t now what to do? we have long distance relationship n we be dating for 4 days I now its a few days but we text every day but today he text less n I text him first n I feel weird but I wait for him to text me we pain to see each other but I think we are not because he text me less n I’m not sure n I’m a teenager n he is a teenager we are the same age n the same grade. I don’t now what to do I miss texting him ?

  • sophia

    Okay so I have been dating a guy for about a month. We are in a long distance relationship. I met him online.Before we started dating I met him in person cause I didn’t want to risk not having a physical attraction towards him and him not having one towards me. We saw each other about 4 times and the last time was for only 10 minutes cause i was leaving to go back home but hey I’m not complaining… Its time with him. Anyways during these times he was a TOTAL gelntleman towards me and my family. He tells me sweet things ‘almost’ every day BUT since we started the relationship texting and calling has slowly gotten to no text or calls or its either i call him and its short or no call. With texting, snapchat etc. I am the first to send messages. it doesnt bother me some days but one day i would like to get a sweet goodmorning text without sending one first. I have allready brought this up with him and what he told me is that he wont do it again cause he doesnt want to lose me and to not think he is uninterested in me… but it still is happening. Should i ignore him? Stop texting him first? break up? or just deal with it? I thank you in advance 🙂

    • Lauren

      this is my problem/question exactly!! Me and him have seen each other pretty much every other weekend though… But, he has completely stopped communicating with me this last week (we were together this last weekend). I decided to not text or start a convo with him for a full 24 hours to see if he’ll say anything at all… If anyone or you have any advice or updates (especially on your situation) please let me know!

  • amy

    I need help i told my bf that i loved him.by texted and ever since that day i have not heard from him.i am.worried that was 1 days ago i am worried he has gone off me please help

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    If your boyfriend stops texting you, don’t wrap your life up in waiting for him! Build a life outside your relationship – a life of joy, fulfillment, and faith. Create the life of your dreams – but don’t let it revolve around a guy.

    Waiting for a boyfriend’s texts is so tempting. I know – I used to wait forever the phone to ring! But life can full of so much more. Your life is bigger than him. Go beyond, take leaps of faith, be inspired by the LIFE around you.

    Energy, peace, hope, and faith. May your life be bigger than waiting for your boyfriend to text you.

    • kaci

      this blog has helped me alot. Because I have been with my bf for over two I love him but I feel. Like I’m depending on him too much so today I’m taking a stand, I’m deleting the messages, his number and just forget about him. And focus on my own life.

  • Sally

    Same thing happen to me right now, I got my bf from POF he was like in love with me but after a month talking about future he said no we are not in the same page he went and came back and started loving me again, we got closed to each other we had one time sex and he was so pleased to have it more but just suddenly he hardly respond me and he is online always on Whatsapp, whenever I asked he said I am busy and I need to be understanding! Befor he was like its so nice always to see my messages but now I feel I am a bother to him!

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    My prayer for all girlfriends who in relationships with boyfriends who stopped texting is for patience and wisdom. May you build your relationship with your SELF, and gain confidence and insight into who YOU are. I pray that you stop relying on your boyfriend’s texts to tell you that you are beautiful, smart, valuable, and lovable.

    I pray that you find love and confidence within yourself, and that you barely even notice how often or little your boyfriend texts you, because you are so busy living a happy, fulfilling life! May you live in peace with the knowledge that your boyfriend will come back to you, if your relationship was meant to be.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

    • Munchkins

      Thank you 🙂 This is something that i ‘know’ to do, yet every now and then i fall into panic mode and just need something to pull me out of it, and the post (along with your comment) snapped me out of that desparate mindset. You’re absolutely right, we have to find happiness, love and validation within ourselves first and foremost then the rest will fall into place.

    • Magness

      Me and my boy friend hardly call and text each other. First of all he is busy and I know we both have our own lives. We both been dating for a little over 6 months. We like each other very much, and we want to achieve our dreams. It doesn’t bother me that we sometimes we don’t text all day, or we don’t call each other 4 or 5 days later. I have patience with him, and he does too. I don’t sit there and wait for his messages, and I’m sure he does the same. It’s just part of the relationship until we want to further things seriously. Trust when I know we are committed to each, all communication will go the next level. I love how things are going slowly and the way everything is falling into place.

  • Tamanna

    Same thing is happening to me right now.We are high school seniors,we should be busy with our studies this moment. Maybe he’s working hard,idk,’cause he’s not there when I text him.I text him A Lot.I know that I’m an obsessive, clingy type girl,a Huge drama queen who cries a lot for his bf not texting her back,a tired,frustrated chicken who always wants her bf’s love(read ”texts”) and feels down,doesn’t feel doing anything when he’s not there-but,I just can’t help it.I’m thinking about giving him space for a long time now,you know,not texting him that much.But,I just can’t do it.Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow… I know that’ll be right,but,let’s see.

  • Samantha Kirsten

    I read your article and everything you said clicked with me! You are so right, the fact that I feel so depressed and hopeless when my boyfriend is not texting me sweet things everyday like before means I need to find out how to be happy with myself. I am constantly asking him if he misses me and loves me, I know its frustrating to him because his life is his own too and I cant force him to say things to make me feel content.
    I will take your advice and work on me and do things that will be good for me such as my college and studies, and if my prince returns to my side than I’ll know he truly loves me and if not the right one will come in time!